瞧咱们 还是学习小组一家亲 Look at us, still together as a group even,
哪怕是从那什么地方 被踢出来两个月了 what, two months after being kicked out of you know where.
得感谢我想出这 Yeah, good thing I came up
"百家饭"的好点子 with this idea for potluck dinners.
皮尔斯 你就说了句"老子饿了" Pierce, all you said was, "I'm hungry."
人家福特创始人也只说了句"我要坐车" All Henry Ford said was, "I need a ride."
特洛伊 这是炖砂锅吗 Troy, is that a casserole?
这是速食迷你百吉饼加速食馅饼 It's bagel bites in a deconstructed hot pocket reduction
加袋装玉米片大杂烩 with a doritos glaze.
我想整点儿自己风格的东西 I just really want to make my food, you know.
有没有谁带的是健康食品 Did anybody bring anything that isn't poison?
我得吃天然有机食品 I need to eat natural, organic foods,
否则我就拿这宿醉没辙了 or I'm never gonna get rid of this hangover.
杰夫 你带了什么 Jeff, what'd you bring?
一包薄荷圈圈糖 Pack of lifesavers.
-抱歉 没电的电池 -阿布蒂呢 - Sorry. Dead battery. - Where's Abed?
有见到阿布蒂吗 Have you seen Abed?
他可能是出去给咱找些超赞的吃的 He's probably out getting something really cool for the dinner.
瞧 超赞 阿布蒂带来秀色可餐的警官 See? Cool. Abed brought delicious police.
阿布蒂 出什么事了 Abed, what happened?
再次逮到你们的朋友 Found your friend going through the dumpster
钻格林德尔行政楼外面的垃圾箱 outside the administration building in Greendale again.
这位长官应该学习下星际协议 This cadet could use a lesson in intergalactic protocol.
没事的 警官 It's okay, officer.
他只是模仿电视角色而已 He's just playing a character from tv.
是啊 我自己也经常看《时空探长》 Oh, yes, I'm very familiar with Inspector Spacetime.
不然你们以为我投身警界 You think a guy becomes a cop
是因为毕业舞会如梦似幻吗 because his prom night was a dream?
如果是动漫大会 我为这孩子死都行 If this were comic-con, I'd take a bullet for that kid.
可在现实世界里 But, here in the real world,
非法入侵可是犯罪 trespassing is a crime.
对不起了 警官 We're sorry, officer.
我们这位朋友现在处于非常时期 Our friend has been having a hard time
被格林德尔开除后 还没适应 adjusting to being expelled from Greendale.
绝不会有下次了 It won't happen again.
当然不会了 That's for sure.
我跟你们的前院长谈过了 I talked to your former dean.
我建议他提出诉讼 I recommended he press charges.
他说愿意缓缓 条件是和这家伙 He said he'd hold off on the condition that you set
约个时间 an appointment with this guy.
院长愿意支付看病的费用 He's offering to foot the bill for the consultation himself.
这是心理医生的电话 It's the number for a psychiatrist.
搞什么 才不去 阿布蒂不是疯子 What? No. Abed's not crazy.
-院长搞什么啊 -他不是真的院长 - What does the Dean get off? - He's not the real Dean.
他被外貌相同的人形替代了 He's been replaced by an identical life-form
替代目的相当邪恶 for some nefarious purpose.
雷吉 到时间位上来 Reggie, to the time booth.
我们没有足够的 空间 We haven't much... space.
我马上来 探长 I'll be right there, inspector.
走前再啰嗦下 你们真不该用这个 Hey, before I go, you really shouldn't be using this
抵住公寓大门 to prop open your building's door.
这可是古董耐火砖 This is an antique fire brick.
我觉得是内战前的 I'd say pre-civil war.
瞧这不均匀的橙色 还有背面的凸起 Note the uneven orange hue and the embossment on the back.
多么美丽的美国历史文物啊 What a nifty little piece of americana.
找对收藏家 能挣个五六十块呢 You could get 50, 60 bucks for it from the right collector.
我是《寻宝》节目粉 I watch a lot of antiques roadshow.
另外 今晚去拿车时最好有个伴儿 Anyway, walk to your cars in pairs tonight.
强奸案上升了8% Rape's up 8%.
六十刀 $60?
你好 有钱佬 特洛伊想加入 Hello? Rich people, Troy's joining you.
好的 我等着 Yes, I'll hold.
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翻译 独醉
时间轴 独醉
校对 奴婢夕橙愚钝
后期 鱼骨头
总监 夕橙
《废柴联盟》 第三季第十九集
阿布蒂 Abed.
我是海迪医生 I'm Dr. Heidi.
今晚咱俩聊聊 We're going to have a little chat tonight,
就你和我 怎么样 you and I. How does that sound?
我不用看心理医生 I don't need therapy.
这是很标准的正常反应 Well, that's a perfectly normal response.
我同意海迪医生的诊断 I concur with Dr. Heidi's diagnosis.
我还没得出任何诊断 I haven't diagnosed anything yet.
我是心理专业的 我挺你 小哥 Psych major. Got your back, brah.
我得说 没想到 I have to say, I didn't expect
会有这么多人来 to see so many of you.
阿布蒂不愿单独去见任何类型的医生 Abed won't go to any kind of doctor on his own.
我们去年逮到他想自己切扁桃体 We caught him last year trying to remove his own tonsils.
这里还是交给我吧 Well, why don't you let me take it from here?
你得理解阿布蒂 You have to understand about Abed.
他通常是萌版怪异 He's usually, you know, adorable weird,
就像《莫克与明蒂》里的外星人 Like Mork from Ork, but,
罗宾·威廉姆斯扮演
自从我们被开除后 since we got expelled,
就变成渗人型怪异了 he's been creepy weird,
一如现在的罗宾·威廉姆斯 like present-day Robin Williams.
-我没疯 -阿布蒂 - I'm not crazy. - Well, Abed,
我不是治疯病的 I don't deal in crazy.
我是送健康的 I deal in health.
阿布蒂发疯并需要你们盯着 有多久了 So how long has Abed needed a crazy amount of help?
这些行为是从你们被开除后开始的吗 All of this behavior started after you were expelled?
以前也有不少 There may have been a ramp-up.
没事的 兄弟 It's okay, buddy.
再坚持几分钟 Just a few more minutes,
春天前都没事了[调整夏令时] and we're good until spring, okay?
可这根本说不通 But it doesn't make any sense.
这样想 Think of it this way.
今年的时间晚了一个钟头 We get the hour back later in the year.
是啊 Yeah.
我昨晚租了《高楼大劫案》 I rent Tower Heist last night,
我不会剧透哈 不过告诉你 and I won't spoil the ending, but let me tell you,
还挺紧张刺激欢快的 it was quite the hilarious thrill ride.
那个布莱特·拉特纳 That Brett Ratner,
真是喜剧动作冒险电影大师 he's a master at comedic action-adventure.
叙事高手 A master at storytelling.
他就是一代电影宗师 He's just a master at making movies in general.
我觉得吧 他就是新的斯皮尔伯格 I'm gonna say it. He's the new Spielberg.
我得走了 借过 I have to go. Excuse me.
你是个坏人 你是个坏人 You're a bad person. You're a bad person.
还够时间吃个三明治 Time enough at last to eat a sandwich.
即使他知道这个三明治 Though even he knew that this sandwich
更像是最后一个 而不是第一个 was nearer his last sandwich than his first.
阿布蒂 我这儿吃饭呢 Abed, I'm trying to eat.
他如此说 略显苍老 He said, oldly,
他那脆弱的骨骼尽力支撑着满是皱纹的皮肤 his brittle bones straining to support the weight of his wrinkly skin.
别给我加旁白 Stop narrating me.
他向着空气呵斥 He shouted to no one,
一无所有的孤独老人 just a man alone in time with nothing
只有吞拿鱼沙拉的残羹冷炙带来的小小安慰 but the cold squishiness of tuna salad to comfort him.
我收回之前的话 I take it back.
我不想出现在你的小说里 I don't want to be in your novel.
皮尔斯·霍桑几乎丧失了对现实的掌控力 Pierce Hawthorne had nearly lost his grip on reality.
最近 他开始觉得他是小说人物 Lately, he'd begun to think he was in a novel.
开拍 And action.
阿布蒂 你搞毛啊 Abed, what the hell are you doing?
停 可以了 再拍一条备用 Cut. We got it. One more for safety.
阿布蒂 现在是早上四点半 Abed, it's 4:30 in the morning,
你跑到我的卧室里了 and you're in my bedroom.
这条不错 好的 Use that. Okay.
开拍 And action.
可差不多就是这些了 But that's almost completely nearly all of it.
如果阿布蒂如你们描述的一样不正常 If Abed is as sick as you all say,
-那我只能...-别急 - then I have no-- - Wait a minute.
这屋里没人有权诊断他人"不正常" Nobody in this room gets to define sick.
我有权 I do.
我是心理医生 I'm a psychiatrist.
是医生就行 Any kind of doctor can really.
-真的吗 -是的 - Really? - Yes.
如果阿布蒂不正常 Well, if Abed's sick,
-那我们没一个是正常的 -就是 - Then we're all sick. - Yeah.
你不能通过几个逗乐的故事 You can't determine a person's sanity
来判定他人是否神智清楚 from a few amusing stories.
-正是 -没错 - Exactly. - That's right.
要我说 阿布蒂的神智比我们都清楚 I mean, if anything, Abed's more sane than any of us.
-是啊 -那个... - Yeah. - Well...
他当然是 I mean, he's certainly
我们几个中最疯狂的 the craziest one of us,
但是 我们都有点疯里来晕里去 but, you know, we're all kind of crazy-town banana pants.
说说这个"疯里来晕里去"吧 Talk to me about crazy-town banana pants.
意思就是说 今年对所有人来说都不容易 Look, we're just saying it's been a crazy year for everybody.
咱们这几个 谁没有 Who among us hasn't had the odd banana
疯来晕去的时候 in his or her pants, right?
我有 I have.
迷幻药的药力会持续多久 How long does peyote last?
替朋友问的 Just asking for a friend.
特洛伊 阿布蒂 安妮的早间秀 Troy and Abed and Annie in the morning
你在做什么 What are you doing?
没什么 Nothing.
没你个大头 Nothing my ass.
这些摄像机是搞什么飞机的 What are all these cameras doing here?
外套给你 Here, take my coat.
谢谢 Thank you.
你真好 That's so sweet.
穿着的时候不要饮食 Just don't eat anything or drink anything,
不要流汗 胳膊肘放平 and no sweating or bending at the elbows,
有靠背的椅子不能坐 如果脱下来 and no chairs with backrests, and if you take it off,
只能用木质衣架悬挂 wooden hangers only.
你现在应该暖和了 对吧 You're probably warm now, right?
好消息 伙计们 Good news, guys.
我一贫如洗了 I spent all my money.
特洛伊 你不能开这个进来 Troy, you can't bring that in here.
当然可以 这可是全地形车 傻妹子 Yes, I can. It's all-terrain, dummy.
我给咱们小组做了些饼干 I made a plate of cookies for the study group,
但全被我的儿子吃了 but my boys ate them,
既然他们拿了你们的东西 so since they took something of yours,
就得给点东西你们 you all get something of theirs.
伊莱贾喜欢这个 给你布雷塔 Elijah loves this, Britta.
这个给你 杰夫 这给你 特洛伊 There you go, Jeff. There you go, Troy.
空手道冠军赛 第二名 Karate championship, second place!
我现在所向无敌了 Now I'll be unstoppable.
你称为的精神错乱 So you see what you call insanity
我们称为团结一致 we call solidarity.
抱歉 I'm sorry.
刚跟他讲完这事儿 We just finished telling him about it,
你就又抓又捏的 and you grab it and squeeze it?
都说了抱歉了 I said I was sorry.
作为一个小组 在这样的不幸中 And so as a group, do you always indulge Abed
你们总是包庇阿布蒂吗 in these little misadventures?
你收回这话 Take that back.
咱们的冒险很爷们儿 Our adventures are very manly.
我得说对心理健康来说 I have to say there's nothing more important
没什么比团队支持更重要了 to mental health than a support system.
假设这个团队 And assuming that this group is,
对阿布蒂来说 是一个支持团队 for Abed, said support system,
我觉得我已经听到了确诊 I think I've heard everything I need to hear
所需要的一切信息 in order to make a decision.
我认为阿布蒂应该入院[也有致力的意思] I think that Abed should be committed.
你是说致力于模仿表演吗 You mean committed to his character work, right?
因为他已经投入了 Because he already is.
[《广告狂人》主演]
阿布蒂 给他来个唐·德雷柏[《广告狂人》主演] Abed, show him your Don Draper.
香烟 Cigarettes.
不 我是说病院[也有制度的意思] No, I mean an institution.
你是说婚姻制度吧 You mean like marriage?
我是说精神病院 I mean a mental institution.
哈 我也这意思 Ah. So do I.
拜托来个人帮我搞搞气氛吧 Will someone please help me lighten the mood?
求你了 心理医生先生 Please, Mr. Dr. Psychiatrist, sir,
求你别把我最好的朋友送进疯子监狱 please don't send my best friend to crazy people jail.
别慌 他没这权力 Relax. He doesn't have the right.
阿布蒂没有危险性 Abed's not dangerous.
他只是独一无二罢了 就像雪花 Yeah, he's just unique, like a snowflake
别人搞混《星战》和《星际》时 他才会生气 who gets bent out of shape when you mix Star Sars and Space Treks.
或者弄错连环杀人犯的特点时 Or a serial killer's signature.
姐可是心理学专业的 I'm a psych major.
他对格林德尔社区大学的持续迷念 His continued obsession with Greendale Community College
显示病情有加重的可能 suggests the potential for escalation.
坦白说 你们讲的这些事 And, frankly, these stories you've been telling me
-麻烦大了 -你有麻烦 - are very troubling. - You're troubled?
这些事我一点也不记得 I don't remember any of those things happening.
这仨什么时候住一起的 Since when do these three live together?
阿布蒂对格林德尔的迷恋并不代表他疯了 Look, Abed's obsession with Greendale doesn't make him crazy.
如果你也在那里上学 If you had gone to school there,
你一样会迷恋那里 you'd be obsessed with it too.
那地方乱得有水平 It was a messed-up place.
-我们居然有储物柜 -就是 - We had lockers. - Yeah.
我们是幸存者 We're survivors.
瓦系罗宾森教授[婴儿讲话有些音发为w] My name is pwofussa wobinswin.
婴儿语言学
谁准备好学习了吖 Who's weady to wearn?
院长 这可不是同意给招聘会 Dean, this is not the way to agree on parking
停车位的好办法 这简直是无视人道 for the job fair! It's inhumane.
你有更好的主意吗 布雷塔 You have a better idea, Britta?
是的 多了去了 Yes. Thousands of them.
薇琪上皇后3 Vicki to queen 3.
嘶 Neigh.
憋气高级课程
今天就到这里 That's all for today.
好好看看第四章 Read chapter four.
好吧 就当没看见了 Okay, we're just gonna ignore that.
一万次冲水幸运儿
-香蕉 -可以 - Bananas? - Yes.
哪些东西可以油炸
-吐司 -可以 - Toast? - Yes.
-泡泡糖 -可以 - Bubble gum? - Yes.
-煎饼 -可以 - Pancakes? - Yes.
-薯条 -出去 - Fries? - Get out.
出去啊 Get out.
每年都有一个混蛋 There's one every year.
我不允许哗众取宠 I will not tolerate clowning.
-车钥匙 -行啊 - Car keys? - Yes.
最后一次上厕所了 咱得临时抱佛脚 Okay, last bathroom break. We've got to cram for...
打扰下 先生 我们可以... Excuse me, sir, can we get to our--
省点力气 鲁弗斯 Slow your bones, Rufus.
明天还得赶远路呢 We got a long road tomorrow.
欢迎 Welcome...
来到梯子课 to ladders.
有意思 Interesting.
想看看咱们的意见是否一致 Just wanted to see if we got the same thing.
听起来 格林德尔对在座各位影响不小 It sounds as though this Greendale had quite an effect on all of you.
如果你们想心理健康 You should all definitely stop dwelling on it
就应该离开 if you want to be healthy.
拜托 还是有好事的 Well, come on, it wasn't all bad.
我在学校比他们待得都久 我挺好啊 I was there longer than anybody, and I'm fine.
你好吗 How are you?
为什么问 三点半 Why do you ask? 3:30.
皮尔斯在日落综合症 What Pierce was saying
发病前 所说的是真的 before he started sundowning is true.
我们不能把疯狂的责任推给格林德尔 We can't just pass the crazy buck to Greendale.
那学校其实挺不错的 It could be a good place too.
这没有关系 That really doesn't matter.
说的对 我们拥有 Yeah, we have a lot of memories
不少关于格林德尔的回忆 of Greendale being in our corner.
院长驾到浪里格浪 我只是过来 Dean-a-ling. I just wanted to drop by
告诉大家 我们应该火辣的撤离 and tell you we ought to be hot-stepping it out
欣欣然并井然有序地前往停车场 to the parking lot in a brisk, but orderly fashion.
-消防演习吗 -不 真着火了 - Is there a fire drill? - No, sir, there's an actual fire.
我还没公开宣布 就想 I wanted you guys to be the first to know
让你们先撤 before I tell everyone else.
我知道 这时候不该照顾最得宠的 I know. It's not right to play favorites,
但纠结感情也是不应该的 but it is no more right to sit on your feelings,
没你们我真不知如何是好 and I don't know what I'd do without you guys.
着火啦 着火啦 学校着火啦 Okay, fire, fire! There's a fire!
达西 你感冒了 Darcy, you've got a cold.
-我很好 -你病了 回家去 - I feel fine. - You're sick. Go home!
快滚 快滚 Get out of here. Get out of here.
给我滚 给我滚 Get out of here. Get out of here!
居然来晚了连披萨都没得吃 I can't believe we got here too late for pizza.
最惨的披萨日 Worst pizza day ever.
见鬼 Oh, darn it.
叫我拿这些垃圾怎么办 What am I gonna do with all this garbage?
是我 院长 Psst, it's me, the Dean.
我为你们留了最后的六块披萨 I pulled the last six pieces of pizza for you.
继续整垃圾咯 Back to garbage detail.
今天有些同学过生日 We have a few students with birthdays today,
可为什么要让他们与众不同呢 but, hey, why single them out?
那些没有庆祝任何事件的同学又如何呢 What about the students who aren't celebrating anything at all?
难道他们就不特别吗 Are they any less special?
特洛伊和杰夫瑞 Troy and Jeffrey
安妮和布雷塔 and Annie and Britta
雪瑞和皮尔斯 and Shirley and Pierce
阿布蒂和杰夫瑞 and Abed and Jeffrey
全世界最特别的学生啊 just a few of the most special students in the world.
妈的 没子弹了 Damn it. Out of slugs.
下次老子会堵死你们 Next time, I'll put you square,
你个逊到爆的麦吉利卡迪 you pickle-sucking MacGillicuddy.
为什么要救我 院长 Why did you save me, Dean?
我知道彩弹大战对你来说有多重要 阿布蒂 I know how important paintball is to you, Abed.
我要你赢 I wanted you to win.
已经不重要了 It's not important anymore.
我现在才明白 I get it now.
只是浮云而已 It just feels forced.
好好享受你赢得的奖品 You just enjoy your prize--
在格林德尔艺术中心 Free tickets to...
免费观看《芝加哥》 To see Chicago at the Greendale civic center...
跟乔治·温迪特和 With George Wendt and...
史黛芬妮·鲍尔一起 Stefanie Powers.
烂片 Lame!
好吧 Okay.
不错 That was great,
没必要说得这么具体哈 but you really didn't need to go into it.
知道我想到什么吗 You know what occurs to me?
格林德尔美好回忆的共同点 What all those great Greendale memories have in common?
我出场次数太少? I was barely in them?
都是关于派尔顿院长的回忆 They were all about Dean Pelton.
这就是过去两个月 That's what I've been trying to make
我想让你们明白的 you guys understand for the last two months.
我一直说 我们不是被真正的院长开除的 I keep telling you, we weren't expelled by the real Dean.
不可能是他 他爱我们 It couldn't have been him. He loved us.
也许我们太专注于走出格林德尔的阴影 Maybe we've been so concerned with moving past Greendale,
我们陷在否认阶段出不来了 We've been living in denial.
的确 面对现实吧 It's true. I mean, let's face it.
格林德尔没有逼疯我们 We weren't driven crazy by Greendale.
疯狂迷恋学校的并不是阿布蒂 And Abed's not the crazy one for obsessing about it.
阿布蒂 对不起 我们没有支持你 Abed, we're sorry. We haven't been supporting you,
我们没有诚实地对待自己 And we haven't been honest with ourselves.
海迪医生 学校发生了一些可疑的事 Dr. Heidi, something weird is going on with that school.
阿布蒂不需要在这里 Abed doesn't need to be here.
学校需要我们 We need to be there.
但根本就没有学校 But there is no there.
这是问题所在 所以我们得回去 That's the problem. That's why we have to go back.
你们不可能回到格林德尔 No, you can't go back to Greendale.
为什么 不利于健康吗 Why? Because it isn't healthy?
因为学校根本不存在 'cause it doesn't exist.
我停车的地方计时收费啊 I parked by a meter.
你们停车的地方呢 Any of y'all park by a meter?
等下 你说什么 Wait, what?
格林德尔不存在是什么意思 What do you mean Greendale doesn't exist?
是有个地方叫格林德尔 Well, there is a place called Greendale,
你们都在那里度过了三年 and you all spent three years there,
但不是社区大学 but it was not a community college.
格林德尔精神病院
你们共享的这些回忆 These memories that you people have been sharing
是共享精神错乱 are a shared psychosis.
你们一起住院 You were patients there together,
一起出院 现在我警觉到 you were released together, and I am alarmed to see
你们一起发病了 that you are now relapsing together.
绝对不可能 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
这不是真的 This is not real.
你在撒谎 You're lying.
在头脑里寻找真实的记忆 Search your mind for the real memories.
试试寻找你们屏蔽的心灵伤痕 Try to look past the trauma you've been blocking out.
-什么心灵伤痕 -你们都是 - What trauma? - You all came
在生活破碎后来到社区大学的 to this community college after your lives had fractured.
磕药成瘾 律师事业失败 Pill addiction, failed legal career,
离婚 痛失奖学金 broken marriage, lost scholarship,
-老迈 -够了 我不想听我的 - old-- - Enough! I don't want to hear mine.
如果我们要虚构 And, if we were going to fabricate a delusion,
为什么要虚构社区大学 why would we fabricate a community college?
是啊 这所无以伦比的社区大学 Ah, yes, this fantastical community college
发生的所有事情都如此荒唐 where everything that happens is unbelievably ridiculous
而且都发生在你们团队周围 and it all revolves around you as a group.
和其他人得精神病的原因一样 派利小姐 The same reason anyone plunges into psychosis, Miss Perry.
精神的和谐替代了 It was a mentally-compatible alternative
残酷的现实 to your grim reality.
我们发现的秘密蹦床太爽了 Can you believe the secret trampoline we found?
就是啊 感觉太好了 I know. It's so great.
为格林德尔而战 For greendale!
装弹 Charge!
快点 伦纳德 Come on, leonard.
婴儿潮世代圣诞老人 Baby boomer santa
感谢你的赐予 Thank you for everything
不必客气 不必客气 You're welcome, you're welcome
给予盛世而已 for everything in the world
-泰瑞 够了 -你等不必拘礼 - Terry, stop it. - You're welcome, hey.
-我们来个回顾集吧 -来个瓶装集 - Let's do a clip show. - Bottle episode.
剧组经费不多时 一集尽量只拍一个场景并只用常规演员 本剧有几集瓶装集的经典
-别忘了回顾集 -哈里森·福特 - Don't forget the clip show. - Harrison Ford.
-记得我们去露营吗 -记得 - Remember when we went camping? - Yes.
记得我们油漆育儿室吗 Remember when we painted the nursery?
-记得 -记得当我们在 Yes. - Remember when we remembered
育儿室时记得去露营吗 going camping while we were in the nursery?
我是百万富翁 我是发明家 I'm a millionaire, I'm an inventor,
我是传奇 I'm a legend,
我上了艾萨·凯特[27年出生的歌手] and I had sex with Eartha Kitt.
太可怜了 It's sad.
-要增加药的锂含量吗 -不到时候 - Should we increase their lithium? - Not yet.
我想看看没收其中 I want to see what happens
一人的笔 会有何后果 if we confiscate one of their pens.
这 不可能 It's not possible.
你们说是以西班牙语学习小组开始的 You say you started as a spanish study group.
你们有谁会说西班牙语吗 Do any of you speak spanish?
消防员的吊带裤夹让我很饥渴
你们在格林德尔上了三年学了 And you've attended Greendale for three years,
但社区大学不是只有两年吗 but don't community colleges end after two?
大家都这样说 Everyone's always saying that.
其实上社区大学的平均年限是 The average community college student attends school
五到七年 five to seven years.
许多社区大学都有四年的文凭 Many offer four-year degrees.
在你们的幻想里 是这样 In your mind, they do.
幻想而已 In your mind.
你们彼此分享幻觉 就像以前90年代 And you shared this delusion with each other, like that time
大家都一窝蜂地沉迷摇摆舞一样 all those people got into swing dance music back in the '90s.
然后你们出院了 And then you were released,
可能是医保没钱了 probably because your insurance ran out.
但官方版本是 你们现在 But the official story is that you're now fit
又融入社会了 to live within society again.
只是你们得 接受真相 You just have to accept the truth.
等等 Wait.
有没有搞错啊 狗屁不通 Give me a break. That made no sense.
是我 Yeah, it's me.
我觉得他们信了 No, I think they bought it.
结尾处来了点即兴 I had to do a little riffing at the end,
但我很有说服力 but I was pretty convincing.
如果你们觉得我是在溜窗而出 Well, if it looks like I'm sneaking out the window,
那只是你们严重精神病的病症而已 it's just a symptom of your deepening psychosis.
-别打我 -格林德尔不存在 - Don't hurt me. - Greendale doesn't exist?
你觉得我们会信多久 How long did you think we'd buy that?
我背着如假包换的格林德尔背包 I'm literally carrying a Greendale backpack.
我手机里有上千张学校的照片 I have, like, 1,000 pictures of the campus on my phone.
我天天见到我孩子 I have children I see every day.
我绝对没有被关起来过 I have definitely not been locked up.
抓住他 Get him.
你为什么要撒谎 让我们觉得自己疯了 Why would you lie to make us think we were crazy?
因为 埃迪生小姐 Because, Ms. Edison,
格林德尔是炼狱 Greendale is purgatory,
而我是恶魔 and I am the devil.
-什么 -我就知道 - What? - I knew it.
别让他搞得你顿悟什么的 Stop letting him make you realize stuff.
这句谎话太烂了 These aren't even good lies.
好吧 我不得不瞎掰一些 All right, fine, I had to come up with something.
-你们太接近了 -接近什么 - You were getting too close. - Close to what?
接近真相 这印度小子是对的 To the truth. The Indian kid was right.
-他是阿拉伯人 -还有波兰血统 - He's arabic. - Also Polish.
随便啦 我是个假心理医生 Whatever. I'm a fake psychiatrist,
又不是假的人类学家 not a fake ethnologist.
重点是你们的院长被本·昌绑架了 The point is your Dean was kidnapped by ben chang
用赝品代替了 and replaced with a double.
-我受雇让你们别碍事 -昌绑架了院长 - I was hired to keep you off the scent. - Chang kidnapped the Dean?
对他来说 这举动都太疯狂了 Even for him, that's insane.
是吗 好好想想 Is it? Think about it.
哇 爽得老子没法说 Whoo! I said hot damn!
昌 Chang...
你在做什么 What are you doing?
我在预言犯罪 I'm predicting future crimes.
我感冒了 Now I'm sick.
瞧 你说了会这样 See, you said that would happen.
你就是先知 You are a pre-cog!
再来 Again.
你太软弱了 You're weak.
伙计们 Uh, guys,
咱们闪回昌的疯狂轶事时 while we were remembering Chang is crazy,
假医生溜了 the fake doctor sneaked away.
-什么 -妈的 - What? - Oh, crap!
这是唯一为我们正名的机会 There goes our only chance of clearing our names.
伙计们 别想我们自己了 You guys, forget about us.
院长被绑架了 The Dean has been kidnapped.
他现在正在某处 孤单寒冷 He's out there somewhere, alone and cold
最有可能在将就凑合做一件 and most likely trying to cobble together
性感的帕蒂·赫斯特的戏服 a sexy patty hearst costume.
电影《帕蒂·赫斯特》 富家女被绑架
布雷塔说的对 什么 Britta's right. Wait, what?
我们得拯救院长 We need to rescue the Dean.
我们得回到学校 We need to get back to that school.
而且我们绝对不需要再来场彩弹大战 And we definitely never need to do another paintball.
-是啊 -瞧 看心理医生还是管用的 - Yeah. - See, therapy does work.
我们都痊愈了 We're cured.
看来学习小组有两下子嘛 Sounds like the study group has
准备铲除假院长了 gotten wise to operation doppel-deaner.
-是时候进入第二阶段了 -是什么 - It's time for phase two. - What's phase two?
我跟你们一样是胡诌计划好吗 醒目点 Hey, I'm making up the same plan you are. come on.
快想 快想 快点想 Pitches, pitches, pitches.
多谢 梅根 Ah, thank you, Megan.
特洛伊和阿布蒂早间秀 Troy and Abed in the morning
晚间特别篇 Nights.
欢迎回来 夜猫子们 Welcome back, all you night owls.
特洛伊 接进电话吧 Troy, why don't we open up the phone lines?
聊聊吧 寂寞的心 Talk to us, lonely hearts.
杰夫·翁某来电 We got Jeff W. Calling.
喂 Hello?
你好啊 杰夫 有什么烦恼事 Hey, Jeff, what's your question?
-你谁啊 -问得好 - Who is this? - Great question.
-就是咱们 -伙计 现在是凌晨三点 - We're us. - You guys, it's 3:00 in the morning.
我这儿睡觉呢 I'm trying to sleep.
很遗憾听到这个 杰夫 I'm sorry to hear that, Jeff.
你别挂电话 听咱们开导就好 Why don't you stay on the line and we'll get your information.
我们会给你帮助的 Yeah, we'll get you the help you need.
下一位打进来的是安妮·埃某 Our next caller's Annie E.
想说什么 安妮 What's on your mind tonight, Annie?
伙计 听了很久 Hey, guys, long time,
第一次打来 爱你们的节目哦 first time, love the show.
太谢谢了 有什么要帮忙的 Aw, appreciate ya. How can we help?
你们可以闭嘴 然后去睡觉 You can shut up and go to sleep.
帅哥美女们 节目差不多了 Well, Jacks and Jills, that's about all the time
-就到这里 -下次节目前 - We have tonight. - Yeah, until next time,
愿你们都是美梦 may your dreams be sweet
而且恶梦只是怪兽 and your nightmares be "Spooky monster" scary
并非奶奶去世 and not "Grandma died" scary.
特洛伊和阿布蒂的早间秀 Troy and Abed in the morning
晚间特别篇 Nights.