格林德尔社区大学出品
A.G.纳德尔[即阿布蒂]纪录片
昌癔症
名词 起源: 希腊语/汉语
1. 因突受创伤导致的完全失忆 而该次受创亦从记忆中消失
2. 另请参阅 "凯文氏病"
我叫凯文 反正他们是这么跟我说的 My name is Kevin, or so they tell me.
凯文 正在接受治疗的昌癔症患者
其实 他们告诉我 我的原名是本杰明·昌 Actually, they told me my birth name is Benjamin Chang,
但我对六个月之前的人生毫无记忆 but I can't remember anything before six months ago.
通过一片特殊闪亮的玻璃 But by using a special, shiny glass
其名为镜子 called a mirror,
我猜自己现在15岁 I've estimated that I'm 15 years old,
虽然这点我已无从得知了 although I have no way of knowing.
对于心理风景疗法的最前线来说 Changnesia is a fascinating and extremely rare disease
克丹医生 大格林德尔健康服务部 精神病医生
昌癔症是种神奇而及其罕见的疾病 on the forefront of the psychological landscape.
与普通失忆症相比 Compared with your garden variety amnesia,
昌癔症要复杂得多 Changnesia is immeasurably more complex.
怎样戴帽子
该病有着诸多各种看似不靠谱的症状 Its varied and seemingly random symptoms,
对传统药物和新型药物都有抗性 Its resistance to both traditional and new age medicine.
你好 我叫凯文 我有"昌癔症"
为何"昌癔症"会影响记忆 Why Changnesia affects the memory
却依然能造出如此生硬的双关语 but not the ability to make forced puns...
我们可以对以上所有问题进行研究 These are all things we can study
因为终于有人患上了该病 now that someone finally has it.
我第一次遇见昌 是聘请他 I first met Chang when I hired him
来格林德尔当西语老师 as a Spanish teacher at Greendale.
克拉格·派尔顿院长 院长学家
之后他又变成了坏学生 Then he became a disgraced student,
主修精神病音乐 psychopathic music major,
无家可归的通风管住户 homeless vent dweller,
保安 键盘吉他手 追求权力的军阀 Security guard, keytarist, power hungry warlord,
而现在 又成了凯文 and now, Kevin.
他现在这样真可怜 It's sad to see him like this.
一言难尽啦 Well, it's mixed.
他以前可是很恐怖的哦 He was pretty terrible before.
我正在研究一套颇有争议的理论 I'm developing a theory which some find controversial.
布雷塔·派利 基本算个心理医生
也许昌以前就是凯文 Perhaps Chang actually used to be Kevin,
发疯了 变成了昌 went crazy, and became Chang.
之后又在某个时刻 And then, at some point,
昌的脑袋被撞 从此不发疯了 Chang hit his head, went un-crazy,
这样他就又变回之前正常的凯文了 Thereby reverting back to regular old Kevin again.
根本就是胡扯 That makes no sense.
科学告诉我们 Science tells us
只有在最初是因为撞头发疯 hitting his head would only cure him
他才会因为撞头而被治愈 if hitting his head was the original cause.
我早说过 这理论颇有争议 Told you it was controversial.
在格林德尔 我们接受各式学生 Here at Greendale, we accept all students,
不管他们是谁 或者忘了自己是谁 whoever they may be or have forgotten they were.
但对于凯文康复治疗的援助 But assisting in Kevin's recovery
已经让学校的财政捉襟见肘 has put a financial strain on the school.
所以我们希望 That's why we are appealing
麦高芬神经医学研究所 to the Macguffin Neurological Institute
能给予四万美元的拨款 for this $40,000 grant,
好让我们继续与这可怕的疾病抗争 so we can continue to fight this terrible disease
并有望以后还清拍摄本纪录片的经费 and hopefully, one day, pay for this documentary.
怎么样 阿布蒂 会不会太低声下气了 How was that, Abed? That's too beggy?
不会 那样挺好 No, that was great.
但我可以换台新摄像机 But I could use a new camera,
它的变焦镜头更加平滑 with a smoother zoom.
行 Oh, okay.
一定要拍出我美好的一面 Well, just be sure to get my good side, okay?
这部纪录片要让人信服 This documentary needs to be convincing.
要成为人们在乎的那些梦想 This needs to be the hoop dreams of things people care about.
开机了吗 We rolling?
院长希望拍成一部宣传片 The dean wants a propaganda film,
但我想对此严重事态进行全方位调查 but I intend to explore all sides of this serious issue,
包括那些不把这当回事的人 including those who don't think it's a serious issue.
你好 杰夫 Hey, Jeff.
你在干嘛 What are you doing?
拍摄关于昌癔症的纪录片 Making a documentary on Changnesia.
搞毛啊 You gotta be kidding me.
很好 漂亮 Got it. Beautiful.
保险起见 我们再拍一组 All right, let's get one more for safety.
杰夫 回第一个站位 Jeff, back to one.
杰夫 Jeff?
■
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翻译：尼克白 米粒
翻译：大卫熊 废咔柴
时间轴：Poxle Jessie
校对：安能摧眉折腰事权贵
后期：鱼骨头
总监：I would rather be a gay
《废柴联盟》 第四季第六集
我来向你们展示一下 I'm telling you what she just found
名牌闪光笔的意义所在 for the name brand glitter.
瞧 廉价闪光笔 昂贵闪光笔 Look, cheap glitter, expensive glitter.
这就是金钱的力量 Money talks, people.
你们听说了吗 Guys, did you hear?
《冰激凌史》课又有人得了心脏病 The history of ice cream class had another heart attack.
再来三个 我们就能上这门课了 Three more, and we're all in.
很好 Yes.
麦高芬医学研究所是啥 What's the Macguffin Institute?
好吧 我来告诉他 Fine. I'll tell him.
但总有一天 你们都会变得又老又迟缓 But one day, you'll all be old and slow
变得屡战屡败 and lose at things,
等到了那天 And when that day comes,
我也记不得这会儿发生的事情了 I won't remember what I'm doing now.
麦高芬医学研究所周五要来格林德尔 The Macguffin Institute is coming to Greendale on Friday
因为他们可能会给学校一笔资金 because they might give the school money
以研究"昌癔症" to study Changnesia.
"昌癔症"才不是什么病 这是个圈套 Changnesia isn't a disease. It's a con.
你们真打算帮这疯子吗 You're seriously helping this lunatic?
他把院长关在地牢 He kept the dean in a dungeon.
试图干掉我们 He tried to kill us.
他在娘胎里就吃掉了胞弟 He ate his twin in utero.
那是昌干的 现在他是凯文 That was Chang. This is Kevin.
他们都是一个人 傻瓜 They're the same, idiot.
你怎么知道 How would you know?
你有和他一起待过吗 杰夫 Have you ever even spent any time with him, Jeff?
我一开始也很难接受凯文 I was reluctant to accept Kevin at first, too,
安妮·埃迪生
但他真的是太可爱了 but he's just so sweet.
实验室搭档
这个世界对他来说是如此新鲜 The world is brand new to him.
他对每件事物都会发出惊叹 He approaches everything with the wonderment
就像小孩或者卡通片里的外星人那样 of a small child or a cartoon alien.
这玩意儿把东西都变小了 This makes things smaller.
不 不 是变大了 No, no... bigger.
对 变大了 Oh, bigger.
那你们就继续沉浸在这场骗局中吧 Well, enjoy your collective delusion.
我去买份三明治 I'm going to go get a sandwich,
和"昌癔症"不同 这是真实存在的 which, unlike Changnesia, is real.
杰夫 杰夫 等等等等 Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
我们想知道你对于 We want to know how you feel
麦高芬来本校考察的看法 about the Macguffin people visiting.
我得拍下来 I need it on camera.
-太二了 -什么太二了 - It's stupid. - What's stupid?
这一切 The whole thing.
完整说一遍给我听 Okay, put it together for me.
"这一切都太二了" 多谢了 伙计 "The whole thing is stupid." All right, thanks, buddy.
我会剪到一起的 I'll cut it together.
-雪莉 -嗯 - Shirley. - Hmm?
你不会真以为昌成了凯文吧 You don't seriously think Chang is Kevin, do you?
不 我相信圣主让昌洗心革"昌" No, I believe the good lord made chang chang.
凯文就是一个选择 Kevin is a choice.
谢谢 Thank you.
我真的很担心小组其他人 I'm seriously worried about the rest of the group.
他们不仅被他和善的伪装所欺骗 Not only have they drunk the Kevin kool-aid,
凯文出自美剧《办公室》 长相憨厚 神似美国kool-aid公司的吉祥物
而且现在还在自习室 they're in the study room right now,
做横幅 争论闪光笔什么的 making banners, debating glitter...
我很愿意一直谈论这个话题 Well, I'd love to keep talking about this,
但我得去工作了 but I gotta get to work.
不 雪莉 你得帮我阻止这一切 No, Shirley, you've got to help me stop this.
只有你还没疯 You're the only sane person left.
欢迎来到雪莉三明治店 Welcome to Shirley's sandwiches,
这里的食物特别"凯"口美"文" where the food is Kevin-ly.
你雇了昌 You hired Chang?
客人们都爱凯文 The customers love Kevin.
雪瑞·伯纳德
我想是因为他是个很好的倾听者 I think it's because he's a good listener.
女商人
大部分词语对他来说都很新鲜 Most words are new to him,
所以显得特别讨人喜欢 so it's all still fascinating.
我叫凯文 请问你是 I'm Kevin. And you are?
打死不叫你凯文 Not calling you Kevin.
你好 "打死不叫你凯文" Hi, not calling you Kevin.
你要点什么 What are you having?
什么都不要 None of this.
行了 听着 Okay. Uh, listen.
我不在乎他叫什么名字 I don't care what he calls himself,
他工作很努力 He's a hard worker.
人无完人 杰夫瑞 We're all broken people, Jeffrey.
我们都该拥有一次改过的机会 We all deserve a second chance.
就像我给了安德烈第二次机会那样 Like how I gave Andre a second chance.
我不是忘了 我只是原谅他了 It doesn't mean I forgot. I just forgave.
昌可不是和脱衣舞娘上床而已 Chang didn't sleep with a stripper.
他是想杀了我们 He tried to kill us.
怎么就没人记得这茬了 Why does everyone keep forgetting about that?
但他最后没杀 But he didn't.
你不也曾是个冒牌律师吗 And you used to be a sleazy lawyer.
格林德尔没有给你第二次机会的话会怎样 What if Greendale never gave you a second chance?
雪瑞的话确实发人深省 What Shirley said really made me think.
我所有的朋友都相信这家伙 I mean, all my friends believe this guy.
要是我不信的话说明了什么 What does it say about me that I don't?
请进 Yes?
原来是扫兴王翁格 Ugh, and cue wet blanket Winger
一定是来告诉我我们是在浪费时间 to tell us that we're all wasting our time.
你猜错了 Actually, no.
我和雪瑞进行了一次很有意义的谈话 I had a really good conversation with Shirley,
我觉得之前自己的行为太混蛋了 and I realized I've been acting like a jerk.
如果不晚的话 If it's not too late,
有什么能帮得上的话我很乐意帮忙 I'd love to help out in any way I can.
杰夫瑞 太让人惊讶了 Jeffrey, that's amazing.
我就知道你会想通的 I knew you'd come around.
好 阿布蒂 给我俩来个追镜镜头 All right, Abed, get us in panning singles.
你能不能把"谈话"一词改成"仪式" And can you say "Powwow" Instead of "Conversation"?
那样才像你会说的话嘛 好了 开拍 It just sounds more you. All right, action.
好吧 你要从门口进来吗 Okay, you going to make an entrance?
很好 Great.
这说明了什么 What does it say?
说明我的朋友们都太好骗了 It says I have gullible friends
无论是谁都相信 who will believe anybody,
我要让自己成为那个"谁" and I need to make that anybody me.
我要在全校面前揭穿昌的诡计 By exposing Chang in front of the whole school.
很像弗德里曼[美国经济学家]经典纪录片呢 Much like the classic documentary capturing the Friedman's,
只不过我的片子有个出人意料的转折 My story just took a completely unexpected turn.
杰夫 如果你希望一切顺利 Jeff, if you want this done right,
我得给加勒特去搞个稳定架 I'm going to need a steadicam for Garrett.
演艺圈的心酸 That's showbiz.
杰夫的加入让我们很开心 We were all pretty happy when Jeff came around.
他对阿布蒂的纪录片变得超有热情 He became really gung-ho about Abed's documentary,
满脑子都是怎么打动 and had a lot of great ideas
麦高芬医学研究所的金点子 About how to impress the Macguffin people.
所以应该由皮尔斯来主持欢迎会 And that's why Pierce should host the reception.
他们有共同语言 He speaks their language.
总算有人说出像样的话了 Finally, somebody's making some sense.
我有一个黑人版文西斯先生[腹语玩偶] I've got a blackface Senor Wences bit
我上过玩偶表演班 I've been workshopping.
很好 Perfect.
安妮 我们要搞清楚 Annie, we need to find out
凯文来格林德尔之前遭遇了什么 what happened to Kevin before he showed up at Greendale.
在这几个月里他到底 What hellish experiences did he overcome
有什么可怕的经历 during those missing months?
你觉得你的法鉴知识能搞定 Do you think you can use your forensic knowhow
这调查吗 to do some investigating?
要调查吗 Investigating?
小菜一碟 Obvi.
我能帮忙吗 Can I help?
要是你想学艺的话 If you're willing to learn,
来吧 搭档 sure, partner.
"大当"[当成名字了] "Partner".
我喜欢 I like that.
我要叫你"花丽安" I'm going to call you "Houlihan."
"大当"和"花丽安" "Partner"and "Houlihan".
好了 Okay.
邮递员在这儿发现了凯文 The postman found Kevin here.
他说他当时浑身湿透 还一股鱼腥气 He said he was soaking wet and smelled like fish.
我知道线索不太多 I know it's not a lot to go on...
其实信息量已经很大了 Um, it's almost too much to go on.
苏利文的鳟鱼塘离这儿不到四百米 Look, Sullivan's trout farm is just 1/4 mile away.
搞清楚咱是干什么的 翁格 Who do you think you're dealing with, Winger?
不知道 花丽安 线索有点少 I don't know, Houlihan. Seems sort of thin.
在调查过程中 In an investigation,
一个人必须要和另一个唱反调 one dude always has to go opposite the other dude.
特洛伊·巴恩斯
搭档
才能把事情搞定 That's how they get things done.
好吧 你们俩能搞定的 Well, you guys can work it out.
当然 我们会的 Yeah, we will.
才怪 我们不行 No, we won't.
-布雷塔 雪瑞 -叫到我了 - Britta, Shirley... - Oh, that's me.
你们拿着这台摄像机 I want you to take this camera
跟踪拍摄昌日常的一举一动 And follow Chang around for his day-to-day.
深入"昌癔症"患者的生活 Really get into the life of a functioning Changnesiac.
走进他的住所 工作地 储物柜 I want you to go inside his home, work, pod.
关于他的一切 Just get everything.
那对我蒸蒸日上的事业可是绝佳的广告啊 Ooh, that's great advertising for my growing business.
好吧 我来拍 有我高超的摄影技巧 Okay, I'll do it. And with my photography skills...
杰夫 谢谢你 Jeff, thank you.
院长告诉我你要来帮我的时候 When the dean told me you were going to help me,
我简直不敢相信 I couldn't believe it.
你这样冷酷又聪明的律师 A cool, smart lawyer like yourself
居然会对我这无名小卒伸出援手 reaching out to a little nobody like me?
我从没告诉过你我曾经是律师 I never told you I was a lawyer.
你是没说 No, you didn't.
是雪瑞说的 记得吗 Shirley said it, remember?
你说 你居然雇了昌 You said, "You hired Chang?"
我说 我是凯文 请问你是 And I said, "I'm Kevin, and you are?"
你说 打死不叫你凯文 And you said, "Not calling you Kevin,"
我说 你好 打死不叫你凯文 And I said, "Hi, not calling you Kevin.
你要点什么 What are you having?"
你说 什么都不要 And you said, "None of this."
然后雪瑞说 我不在乎他叫什么名字 And then Shirley said, "I don't care what he calls himself.
他工作很努力 He's a hard worker.
人无完人 We're all broken people,
我们都该拥有一次改过的机会 and we all deserve a second chance.
就像我给了安德烈第二次机会那样 Like how I gave Andre a second chance.
我不是忘了 我只是原谅他了 Doesn't mean I forgot. I just forgave."
你说 昌可不是和脱衣舞娘上床而已 And you said, "Chang didn't sleep with a stripper.
他是想杀了我们 He tried to kill us.
怎么就没人记得这茬了 Why does everyone keep forgetting all that?"
然后雪瑞说 但他最后没杀 And then Shirley said, "But he didn't.
你不也曾是个冒牌律师吗 And you used to be a sleazy lawyer."
她的原话 Her words.
你的记忆力可真不赖 That's quite a memory you have.
我的短期记忆变好了 Well, my short term memory has actually improved.
医生说这是一种... My doctor calls it a, um...
副作用 side effect.
这招高啊 昌 Well played, Chang.
杰夫·翁格
怀疑论者
对决正式开始 The chess match has begun.
啥 What...
我居然是中国人 I'm Chinese?
趁这会咱们都在等凯文 要不要拍点片段 Do you want to get some footage while we're waiting for Kevin?
也许可以拍一下 我家烘焙的美味面包 Maybe we could take some shots of my delicious bread baking,
或者是雪瑞三明治新推出的 or the affordable prices on our new
超实惠菜单上的超实惠价格 Shirley's sandwiches super saver menu.
我们也可以了解一下 Or we could get to know
做三明治的老板雪瑞 the Shirley behind the sandwiches.
来 把摄像机给我 Here, give me that camera.
好吧 Oh. Okay.
小心点儿 这可是阿布蒂的摄像机 Be careful, now. It's Abed's camera.
-知道了 -小心啊 - All right. - Watch it.
停止拍摄按钮在哪 Oh, where is the stop button on this?
-在这呢 -好了 - Oh, here it is. - Okay.
要听听我的构思吗 You want to hear my pitch?
一位坚强而独立的女性 A strong, independent woman,
开创了自己的一番事业 starting her own business.
一位"女企业家" 你觉得如何 An "Entrepreneu-her", if you will.
能叫女商人吗 Or maybe a businesswoman?
好啊 没问题 真传统 Okay, fine. Think inside the box.
准备好了吗 All right. Are you ready?
开拍 Action.
卡 太棒了 Cut. Oh! Beautiful.
你不觉得这首歌太过吗 You don't think the song was too much?
开什么玩笑 就靠这歌出戏呢 Are you kidding me? It made the scene.
知道吗 You know what?
我想搞点更好的灯光来配合气氛 I want to get some better lighting up in this noise.
我们去找阿布蒂吧 Let's go hit up Abed.
我没跟别人说过这事 布雷塔 I never told anybody that story, Britta.
美极了 Oh, it was beautiful.
我死了三分钟 I was dead for three minutes.
三分钟 Three minutes?
整整三分钟 他们都以为我死了 Three whole minutes. They thought I was gone.
皮尔斯 Pierce.
准备得怎么样了 How's your act coming?
黑人文西斯先生吗 Blackface Senor Wences?
你觉得准备得怎么样 How do you think it's coming?
即便发生了"我没能揭穿昌"这种不可能事件 In the unlikely event I fail to expose Chang,
我确信皮尔斯绝对能让我们拿不到拨款 I'm pretty confident Pierce will make sure we don't get a grant.
你在讲什么 白鬼 What you talkin' about, honkey?
这表演不能更完美了 Wow, that bit could not get any more perfect.
等一等 Wait a minute.
我还没给你介绍我的亚裔妻子呢 I haven't introduced you to my Asian wife yet.
我太天真了 I was wrong.
-就是这 -才不是 - This is the place. - No, it's not.
加瑞 他来了 站起来 Garrett, here he comes. Get up.
起不来 太沉了 I can't. It's too heavy!
加瑞 赶紧的 Garrett, now. Now.
打扰一下 苏利文先生 Excuse me, Mr. Sullivan.
这位是花丽安 我是她搭档 大当 This is Houlihan. I'm her partner, Partner.
-不对 我是大当 -你才不是 - Wait, I'm Partner. - No, you're not.
我们想问几个问题 We'd like to ask you a couple of questions.
你们是谁 鳟鱼警察吗 What are you, the trout police?
如果是的话 Because if you are,
你们有义务告诉我 否则这就是诱捕 you're legally bound to tell me, or else it's entrapment.
我们不是鳟鱼警察 We're not the trout police.
你见过这个人吗 Have you seen this man?
有天早上 我看见有东西从鳟鱼塘爬出来 One morning, I see something coming out of the trout tank,
一开始我挺害怕 and at first, I was scared,
因为大部分鳟鱼只见过我这张脸 Because, uh, I'm the last face that a lot of trout ever see.
我不是说鳟鱼好记仇 I'm not saying that the trout are a vengeful breed,
但如果真记仇 but if they were, I...
我肯定是它们的头号公敌 I'd probably be public enemy number one.
从鱼塘里出来的 就是这个人咯 So the figure that emerged, it was that man?
是的 当我发现爬出来的 Yeah, and I was pretty relieved
不是鳟鱼精 只是个亚裔裸男后 when I found out it was a naked Asian guy,
我松了一口气 and not an angry trout.
那是什么时候 And when was this?
应该是六月份 Oh, it must have been around June.
我之所以记得是因为我的乳草过敏症 I remember because my milkweed allergies
发作得很厉害 were acting up something fierce.
我给了他衣服 I gave him some clothes,
在第二天早上就送他上路了 and sent him on his way the next morning.
之后他怎样我就不知道了 I don't know what happened to him after that.
苏利文先生 你这有多少员工 Mr. Sullivan, how many employees do you have here?
员工 Employees?
以为我这里是鳟鱼世界吗 What do I look like, Trout World?
没有员工 就我一个人 No employees. Heh, just me.
和我的狗 And my dog.
我知道他有所隐瞒 I knew he was hiding something.
六月份产量陡增 A spike in production in June,
还刚好是在乳草过敏季节 at the peak of milkweed allergy season?
这鳟鱼渔场闻起来有些东西 不对劲 Something on this trout farm was starting to smell...wrong.
问题是 我没办法让他老实交代 The problem was, I didn't have any way to make him talk.
真没法子吗 Or did I?
看起来这里没什么问题 Well, looks like everything checks out here.
对吧 特洛伊 Right, Troy?
不 花丽安 这里的问题大了 No, Houlihan, I don't think anything checks out here.
别乱来 大当 No, don't fly off the handle, Partner.
我就要乱来 花丽安 Oh, I will fly off the handle, Houlihan.
你们在乱扯什么鬼玩意儿 What the hell are you talking about?
抱歉 苏利文先生 I'm sorry, Mr. Sullivan.
很显然 你毫无隐瞒 Clearly, you have nothing to hide.
你隐瞒了什么 What are you hiding?
好吧 Fine!
被你发现了 You got me.
我让那亚裔男当免费劳力 分文不给 I've been using that Asian guy as unpaid, manual labor
使了他三个月我才送他去镇里 for three months before I drove him into town.
但那是他要我做的 But he wanted me to!
我们是朋友 We were friends,
我以尊重和庄严的态度对待他 and I treated him with respect and dignity.
大当和花丽安 Partner and Houlihan.
闭嘴 凯文 Shut up, Kevin!
大当和花丽安 Partner and Houlihan.
我不明白 I don't understand.
他为什么要当免费劳力 Why would he work for no money?
他不知道钱是什么 Because he doesn't know about money.
凯文都不晓得劳动法是什么 Kevin doesn't know about labor laws,
不晓得一周40工时 or 40-hour work weeks, or that
也不晓得那人给他起了狗名 that dude named him after a dog.
小时候 我有只猫叫特洛伊 Growing up, I had a cat named Troy,
有只鸟叫特洛伊 有只仓鼠叫特洛伊 a bird named Troy, and a hamster named Troy.
他们都比我大 They were all older than me.
天啊 Oh, my God.
我认为凯文的奋斗史 I think Kevin's struggle
显得更性感 更有拨款相了 just got a lot sexier, grant-wise.
这太糟了 This is horrible.
糟透了 It was horrible.
他们本应该带回来关键证据 They were supposed to come back with a smoking gun,
结果他们只带回来迫害人权的证据 and all they found was a little human rights abuse.
正常情况下 那挺糟糕的 Which, normally, is terrible.
你现在相信凯文了吗 So do you believe Kevin now?
没有 我要你所有的录像 No. I want all your footage.
昌肯定会露馅 I know Chang slipped up.
他没聪明到一直装傻的程度 He's not smart enough to play dumb all the time.
雪莉和布雷塔的镜头呢 What about Shirley and Britta's footage?
都是用不上的垃圾 It's unusable crap.
我不在乎 我都要 I don't care. I want it all.
你的渴望程度会强烈到给我租个稳定架吗 Do you want it bad enough to rent me a crane?
要不再我买一首超贵的歌曲使用权吗 And maybe license me an expensive song?
是的 随便啦 Yeah, whatever.
*一只小蜘蛛* *The itsy-bitsy spider*
*爬上了水龙头* *Went up the water spout*
说是用不上的垃圾都算赞扬了 Unusable crap is generous.
就这么持续了12个小时 It goes on like this for another 12 hours.
我都没毅力全看完 I couldn't even get through it all,
要知道我可是看过《生命之树》的人 And I sat through The Tree of Life.
等下 那是什么 Wait, right there. What's that?
你个狡猾狡猾地 现形吧 Oh, come on, you slippery snake, slip up.
我看不会 Doubtful.
独处的时候 他多半只会练习微笑皱眉 When he's alone, he mostly just practices smiling and frowning.
大家不都那样嘛 We've all done it.
他在给谁打电话 Who's he calling?
问得好 Good question.
找出对方是谁 We figure that out,
我们就能找到关键证据 we've got our smoking gun.
-多亏了布雷塔 -别破坏气氛 - And all thanks to Britta. - Don't ruin this.
舞台已经搭好 迎接血雨腥风的大结局 The stage was set for a climatic final set piece.
了解昌癔症
麦高芬考察团来到学校 MacGuffin people were on campus.
而杰夫则准备好了一场好戏 And Jeff had prepared quite the presentation.
你闭嘴 You shut up.
但是我爱你 But I love you.
滚去厨房 You get yourself in the kitchen,
给我做玉米煎饼 and make me a burrito.
好了 谢谢 Oh, okay, yay! Oh, thank you.
感谢你 皮尔斯·霍桑 我帮你找个妹子 Okay, thank you, Pierce Hawthorne i'll pay you a woman.
感谢你特别的包含了俏皮的种族笑话 for your special blend of playful racial humor.
[杰罗丁·费拉罗：美国女政治家]
还有对杰罗丁·费拉罗的诚实见解的表演 And genuine thoughts on Geraldine Ferraro.
真是个可爱的老家伙 He's an old teddy bear.
现在杰夫·翁格要做演讲了 And now, I believe Jeff Winger has a presentation.
耶 Yay.
谢谢 我必须承认 Thank you. I must confess,
就在刚刚 我还在怀疑 I was just a short while ago quite skeptical
昌癔症的真实性 about Changnesia.
但通过朋友的帮助 But, with the help of my friends,
我们对这个新发现的可怕而真实的疾病 we have uncovered a lot about this terrible, newly-discovered,
有了许多了解 completely real disease.
我想你们也会像我一样觉得大开眼界 I think you'll find it as eye-opening as I did.
等着看我们的发现吧 Wait till you see what we found.
凯文被人贩子拐卖了 Kevin was a victim of human trafficking.
我们今晚的目的是帮助凯文 Our purpose here tonight is to help cure Kevin
治好他的昌癔症 of his Changnesia.
在他那段号称被抹去的过去中 Who better to job his memory
没人比这个特别的人更能唤起他的记忆了 than someone special from his allegedly erased past.
请掌声欢迎 So please welcome to the stage
前任本·昌夫人 艾丽珊德拉上台 the former Mrs. Ben Chang, Alessandra.
艾丽珊德拉 请上来吧 Alessandra, come on up.
谢谢 Thank you.
本 Ben...
你记得我吗 Do you remember me?
抱歉 I'm sorry.
我不记得 I don't.
承认吧 凯文 Admit it, Kevin.
你记得她的 You remember her.
这是你从未停止过爱恋的女人 This is the woman you never stopped loving.
放投影 Hit the lights!
你太爱她了 You love her so much,
以至于你不停地给她打电话 you called her over and over and over again,
即使你不知道她是谁 even though you don't know her
也不知道怎么用电话 or how to use a phone
甚至连数都不识 or what a number is.
到底怎么回事 What's going on here?
你说让我来 是为了帮助他 You told me I was here to help him.
我们确实是来帮他的 Oh, we are here to help him, all right.
我们来帮他承认 We are here to help him admit
他一直是在装疯卖傻 that he has been faking this whole time.
你从哪拿到的电话号码 昌 Where'd you get the number, Chang?
我从通风口捡到的 I found it in the vents!
555-0190 It's 555-0190.
那是我见过最美的东西 And it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.
但我总是挂断 因为 But I always hung up, because...
我不知道电话那端的人 I didn't know if the person on the other end
在知道打电话的人是昌后 would ever want to talk to Kevin...
是否还愿意跟凯文说话 after knowing Chang.
你看起来很和善 You seem so nice.
如果我们确实曾是夫妻 If we were really married,
我希望我能记得 哪怕只是一会儿 I wish I could remember for even one moment
我有多么幸运 how lucky I was.
本 Oh, Ben.
杰夫瑞 你在干吗 Jeffrey, what are you doing?
如果他不记得她 Look, if he doesn't remember her,
这对他就不会有影响 then this wouldn't bother him.
我的逻辑滴水不漏 My logic is flawless!
你对此有意见吗 Doesn't that bother you?
你分明就有意见 That bothers you!
事态变得很糟糕 Things got so ugly,
我曾犹豫过要不要让你们看这段 I hesitate to even show you this footage.
不过你们可以看到我对此的反应 But I will let you see me reacting to it.
真相也许令你们无法忍受 That'll probably be more than you can handle.
其实也没那么糟啦 Actually, it's not that bad,
不过这样更加戏剧化 but this keeps the story moving.
艾丽珊德拉 Hey, Alessandra,
他的上任女友是条烧焦的假模特腿 his last girlfriend was a charred mannequin leg!
杰夫瑞 你是疯了吗 Jeffrey! Have you lost your mind?
你从没相信过凯文吗 You never believed Kevin?
你只是假装相信 好利用我们 You were just lying to manipulate us
帮你伤害他 into helping you hurt him?
杰夫瑞 我相信你 信任你 Jeffrey, I trusted you and believed in you
还曾幻想跟你喝含羞草鸡尾酒一起庆祝 and fantasized about celebrating over Mimosas with you!
院长 如果这是你为治愈昌癔症 Dean, if this is the sort of uphill battle
所面临的严峻挑战 you're facing in the fight against Changnesia,
你一定需要一切可能得到的帮助 well, then, you're gonna need all the help you can get.
我代表麦高芬神经医学研究所 On behalf of the MacGuffin Neurological Institute,
给予拨款 grant granted.
所以我确实帮了忙 So...I guess I did help.
只不过不是以我想象的方式 Just not in the way I wanted to.
但往好的方面看 But, on the bright side,
这是我人生中被记录得最完美的败笔 this is the most well-documented failure of my life.
麦高芬神经医学研究所 资金获得者
谢谢 Thank you.
为了努力让凯文成为贱人 By trying to make Kevin a pariah,
我却变得比最贱时的昌 I accidentally became more Chang
还要贱上三分的人 than Chang at his Changiest.
真逗啊 That's funny.
不过我没贱到想杀人 Well, I didn't try to kill anyone.
虽然貌似没人在乎 Which no one seems to care about.
不过你懂我意思啦 But you know what I'm saying.
我能坐这吗 Can I sit here?
你确定愿意被别人看到跟我一起吗 You sure you want to be seen with me?
你现在人气很旺 要维护名誉啊 You have a brand-new reputation to uphold.
我喜欢你 I like you.
真的吗 Really?
在我对你...不管你是谁吧... Even after everything I did to...
做过那些事之后 whoever you are?
好吧 我明白了 Okay, I get it.
昌癔症很难理解 Changnesia's hard to understand.
至少大家都是这么跟我说的 At least, that's what people tell me.
反正我是啥都不懂 Now, I don't know a thing about it,
显然这也是症状之一 which apparently is one of the symptoms,
确实很让人泄气 and it's so frustrating.
我知道昌是个大坏蛋 Look, I know Chang was a bad guy.
也许你所做的一切他都罪有应得 So he probably deserved everything you did to him.
但你不是个坏人 But you're not a bad guy.
你只是犯了错误 You just made a mistake.
如果你愿意 我希望跟你重新开始 And I'm willing to start over fresh if you are.
你好 Hi.
我叫凯文 My name's Kevin.
我并不是说我相信了他 I'm not saying I believe him.
但我现在了解了 But I have got an idea of
成为昌这种烂人是什么感受 what it feels like to be Chang.
迫切地想摆脱这个恶名 Wanting to leave that name behind
是任何人都会做出的明智抉择 is the sanest decision anyone can make.
你好 Hi.
我是杰夫 I'm Jeff.
导演 阿布蒂·纳德尔 制片 阿布蒂·纳德尔 执行制片 杰夫·翁格 编剧 阿布蒂·纳德尔 剪辑 阿布蒂·纳德尔 补充摄影 加瑞·桑德·兰伯特 结尾字幕 阿布蒂·纳德尔 声效 阿布蒂·纳德尔 混音师 阿布蒂·纳德尔
谢谢 Thanks.
这手法「废柴」几乎每集结尾都用
很多导演会用上升镜头来带出情感 A lot of filmmakers use crane shots to elicit emotion.
到底怎么回事 阿布蒂 What the heck, Abed?
你一直都知道杰夫瑞的计划吗 You knew what Jeffrey was planning to do the whole time?
你干嘛不拍个纪录片 Why can't you ever make a documentary
专门讲你准备拍成纪录片的事呢 about the thing you plan to make a documentary about?
不要审查他嘛 Don't censor him!
审查制度 Censorship.
这就是纪录片正题 This is the documentary.
阿布蒂 你一定要教我用摄影机 Abed, you gotta teach me how to use that camera.
大家 我很抱歉 Guys...I'm sorry.
我搞砸了 I really screwed up.
希望你们能原谅我 I hope you can forgive me.
早就忘记啦 Already forgotten.
凯文 Kevin...
你们笑什么 What are we laughing about?
凯文啊 Oh, Kevin.
-太萌啦 -说得妙 - Adorable. - Good job.
我不懂耶 I don't get it.
喂 是我 Hi, it's me.
他们终于都相信了 They all finally bought it.
下饵 收线 翁格上钩 Hook, line, and Winger.
我会耐心等待您进一步指示 I patiently await your further instructions.
昌 完毕 Chang out.
我干吗扔掉啊 傻啊我 Why did I do that? Man...