雪瑞 你和罗杰·埃伯特约过会吗 Shirley, did you ever date Roger Ebert?
第一个获得普利策批评奖的影评人
-你说什么 -没事 - Excuse me? - Nothing.
布雷塔 你有没有拍过自己的脚 Britta, did you ever take pictures of your feet
然后传到网上来赚钱 and post them on the internet for money?
切 木有 Sha-ha! No.
同学们 这次历史课期末考试会很难 Guys, this history final is going to be killer.
我们得好好学 We have to study.
康沃利斯教授又变得这么死板 It's no fair professor Cornwallis
真不公平 turned all hard-assed again.
皮尔斯真走运 Lucky Pierce.
捐了个肾给吉尔伯特 然后就脱离苦海了 Donating his kidney to Gilbert to get out of it.
我从没想过他会那么大方 I never thought he'd be that generous.
不过 他似乎挺失望 Although, he did seem disappointed
因为手术不包括上俄罗斯妹子 that the operation didn't involve sleeping with a Russian woman,
醒来后躺在满是冰块的浴缸里 then waking up in a bathtub full of ice.
同学们 Guys!
历史 History!
我在学习历史 I am studying history.
我在学习我们的历史 I'm studying our history.
-阿布蒂 -都闭嘴 - Abed! - Nobody bite.
我们说好了不准闲聊 We agreed no biting.
但是 杰夫 这可是毕业礼物 But, Jeff, it's a graduation gift.
表面上我们只是一群有着不同人生背景 You see, on the surface we seem like just a group of people
不太可能成为朋友的人 from diverse backgrounds who have become unlikely friends.
但根据我的研究 But according to my research,
我们有过很多交集 our paths have crossed many times.
我们注定要遇见彼此 We were destined to meet.
就像是超级英雄大组队 Like a team of superheroes.
而这就是我们的缘起故事 This is our origin story.
又...来...了 And here...We...Go.
阿布蒂 我们没有什么缘起故事 Abed, we don't have origin stories.
我们有正经日子过 We have lives.
至少 Well, at least...
就我一个人有 Yep, just me.
所以你是说我们之间的联系 So you're saying we're all connected
就像经典的法国电影三部曲 like the classic french film trilogy
《蓝》《白》《红》一样吗 Bleu, Blanc, Rouge?
不 比那个更容易 No, like something more accessible.
就像《惊心动魄》 Like Unbreakable.
阿布蒂 我知道这会让你失望 Abed, I know it's disappointing to you,
但我们都不是超级英雄 but we're not superheroes.
这是现实世界 而不是某本漫画书里的冒险 This is the real world, not some comic book adventure.
我做到了 我已经成功渗入了学校 I've done it. I've infiltrated the school.
我发现了其中的秘密 I've learned its secrets.
我取得了所有人的信任 I've gained everyone's trust.
现在 在我帝国覆灭一周年之际 And now, on the anniversary of my empire's destruction,
静待我的逆袭吧 Vengeance will be mine.
不 是我俩的逆袭 No, vengeance will be ours.
你能别这样了吗 吓死人了 Okay, can you stop that? It really creeps me out.
抱歉 只是我真的很喜欢这玩意 I'm sorry. Just really love this thing.
天猫 Skymall.
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《废柴联盟》 第四季第十二集
我一直努力调查清楚 I've been doing exhaustive research
我们各自人生的缘起 into origin of our lives.
只要找到最后一两块遗失的碎片 Once I find the last one or two missing pieces,
我就有证据证明 我们注定要遇见彼此 I'll have conclusive proof that we were all destined to meet.
这是我们怎样和彼此产生联系的 This is how we're all connected.
我称之为“命运碎片拼图” I call it the crazy quilt of destiny
主要是因为"命运织布机"已经被用过了 mainly because the loom of fate was already taken.
嘛 Really?
听着 我不管你剪贴簿里有什么花样 Look.I don't care what tricks or nonsense you have
或鬼东西 玛莎·斯图尔特[美国富商] in your scrapbook, Martha Stewart,
但你绝不可能让我相信 But there's no way you're gonna get me to believe
会有某股外力控制着我的命运 there's some outside force controlling my destiny.
我觉得你用那种独特的措辞 And I think you used that particular phrasing
是因为我知道你看过《星球大战》 because I know you've seen Star Wars.
大家都看过《星球大战》 Everybody's seen Star Wars.
没错 但你第一次看是在1982年 Yes, but you first saw it when it was re-released in 1982
下午4点15在格林德尔女神影院的重播 at the Greendale Palladium at 4:15 in the afternoon.
那是你和你爸度过的最美好的时光 And it was the best time you ever had with your father.
你是怎么知道的 How did you know that?
你在钱包里留着这张票根 You keep this ticket stub in your wallet.
阿布蒂 你不可以 Abed, you can't...
快还我 Give it back!
我们的故事发生在迷失时代的遥远迷雾中 Our story begins in the distant mists of a lost era:
2008年 2008.
与此同时 2008年
我知道你们都想知道我是怎么做到的 I know you're all wondering how I do it.
我是怎样做到三好学生 课外活动 How do I balance straight As, extracurriculars,
每周五晚的以色列民族舞 and Israeli folk dancing every Friday night?
这不过是简单的组织能力 It's a simple matter of organization,
奉献和 dedication, and...
继续来 and we're back!
那我就喝你的奶昔 Then I drink your milkshake.
电影《血色将至》经典台词
这句话永不过时 Ah, that will never get old.
记得去看我在朱诺网的个人主页 You guys gotta see my Juno.
你好 特洛伊 Hey, Troy.
我听说你代数没考好 So I heard you weren't doing that great in Algebra,
如果你想找人辅导数学 and you know, if you need a tutor for math,
我很乐意帮忙 I'd be happy to help.
已经有大学录我去打橄榄球了 I'm being recruited by colleges to play football.
我没空学数学 I don't have time for math.
对我来说 只有统计数据才有意义 The only thing that matters to me are statistics.
那也算数学的一种 That's also a type of math.
但我们都知道我和特洛伊读同一所高中 But we already knew I went to high school with Troy,
但他对我根本没印象 and it's not like he even remembered I existed.
对 我完全不记得她 Yeah, I don't remember her at all.
我们还是换个话题吧 We should probably drop this.
等等 皮尔斯在表上的什么地方 Wait, where's Pierce on this chart?
他对学习小组的贡献已经为人所知 His contribution to the group has already been noted.
皮尔斯·霍桑 格林德尔NPC 避无可避 Pierce Hawthorne. Fixture at Greendale. Unavoidable.
-这是个哭脸吗 -我不知道 - Hey, is that a sad face? - I wouldn't know.
你得继续看 给 比如这个 You have to look deeper. Here. Take this, for example.
这是我在感恩节时 It's a receipt I found in the back
在雪瑞放袜子的抽屉后面发现的收据 of Shirley's sock drawer on Thanksgiving.
你为了漫画书什么的还进过我房间 You went in my bedroom for some comic book thing?
不 当时是我脚太冷 给 Oh, no, my feet were cold. Ah, here.
你最好把它们洗洗 You should probably wash those.
发现收据纯属运气 Discovering the receipt was dumb luck,
但这证明我们同一天 but it proves that we were at the mall
都去过商场 on the exact same day.
雪瑞 你还记得你在爱情小屋 Shirley, do remember what you bought for $54
花了54刀吗 at the love hut?
什么 不记得 What? Hmm? No.
我对今晚很兴奋 亲爱的 So excited about tonight, honey.
对 我们好久没有 Uh-huh. It's been too long
抛下孩子 自己享受成人时光了 since we had adult time without the kids.
我也给你准备了一份周年纪念惊喜 Well, I may have an anniversary surprise for you too.
我在公共场合 不过 Well, I'm in public, but, uh...
你懂的吧 You know you gonna get it, right?
你懂的 You gonna get it!
这么说我们那天都在商场 So we were at the mall on the same day.
《惊心动魄》 Unbreakable.
送信了 Mail call.
没关系的 今天不用了 That's all right. Won't be needing it today.
但每次都是凯文送信 But Kevin always takes the mail.
今天的信件很重要 Well, today's mail's kind of important.
今天是我递交格林德尔续租文件的日子 It's the day that I send in Greendale's lease renewal.
续租 Lease re-new-al?
是很重要的文件 It's a critical document.
格林德尔是阿拉巴霍族转租过来的 See, Greendale sublets our land from the Arapaho nation.
要是忘记续租 一眨眼 Miss a renewal and faster than you can say "Wounded knee,"
我们这里就要变成赌场或者中型音乐厅了 we turn into a casino and midsize concert venue.
所以你认为我只能发发琐碎邮件咯 So you only trust me with busywork?
不是 我不是这个意思 Oh, no, that's not...
凯文 Kevin, ah...
这种可怜兮兮的眼神让我如何招架 I cannot resist those puppy dog eyes.
给 Here.
正好腾出空去女装店逛逛 Ah! Now, I have time to hit the seamstress.
既然这样 女士们先生们 Guess all I have to say is "Ladies and gentlemen,
格林德尔赌场度假村恭请史蒂夫·温伍德上场 Greendale Resort and Casino presents Steve Winwood."
史蒂夫·温伍德 摇滚歌手
好的 就差最后一环 Okay, I just need to find the one last smoking gun,
马上就完工了 and I think this might be it.
我从一份《格林德尔共产工人报》上剪下来的 I found it in a copy of the Greendale Communist Worker.
眼熟吗 Look familiar?
我的天 Oh, my God.
这是我跟我的无政府主义精英们在法庭里 This is me and my anarchist collective at the courthouse.
朋克示威者无节操的胜利
当时我们自称无政府娘子军 We called ourselves the an-her-chists.
你们有没有发现杰夫也在照片里 Did you guys know that Jeff's in that photo?
什么 What!
杰夫 好小子 Jeff. My man.
恭喜你搞定案件 Congrats on getting your case thrown out.
辩词太有风范了 Your argument was a masterpiece.
很有创意 I mean, it was definitely creative.
才这个评价 Creative?
他居然让法官相信你黑灯瞎火 He convinced a judge to forgive five years back taxes
下体猛蹭国旗 by getting him to agree
不是跳脱衣舞而是搞什么非盈利表演 that you humping an American flag to back in black
就这样 was not stripping
你五年没交税的事就一笔勾销了 but actually not-for-profit performance art.
我折服了 Blew me away.
快 跟上 Come on, let's go!
女人的身体女人做主
谢谢你 Thank you.
感谢你代表女人辩出心声 Thank you for defending a woman's right
女人的身体自己做主 to use her body however she chooses.
说实话 你们这项权利对我很重要 I can honestly say that right is very important to me.
不好意思 翁格先生 能跟我们说 Excuse me, Mr. Winger, can we get a...
-你真是英雄 -你好 - You're a hero. - Hi.
伙计们 Guys!
一定要铭记这一刻 We have got to capitalize on this momentum.
现在我们无政府娘子军 It is time an-her-chists finally takes a stand
该向动物权益进发了 on animals rights.
这附近一栋办公楼里有个医学实验室 There is a medical lab in an office building nearby.
要我说咱们下周就闯进去 Next week, I say we break in there...
其实吧 我们干过这票就想金盆洗手了 Actually, we were thinking this is our last hurrah.
可这才是第一票而已 But this was our first hurrah.
-才刚起步 -布雷塔 我们玩够了 - We're just getting going. - Britta, we're done.
我前两天吃了一个汉堡 I had a hamburger the other day,
突然就感到周身不那么冷冰冰了 and suddenly I'm not cold all the time.
行 走吧 没你们我照干 Fine. Go. I don't need you.
无政府主义者没了组织还能干啥啊 What's an anarchist to do without her organization?
杰夫瑞 你怎么能这样 Jeffrey, how could you?
谁让我口才好呢 Well, I was a really good lawyer.
咪咪就是那个跟安德烈搞婚外情的脱衣舞女 Mysti is the stripper that Andre cheated on me with,
你居然给她辩护 and you defended her.
雪瑞 我 Shirley, I...
要不是你把那个小三救出来 If you hadn't gotten that homewrecker off,
安德烈也不会碰到她 Andre never would've met her.
杰夫终结了雪瑞的婚姻 Jeff ends Shirley's marriage.
你们看 我就说是我们命运中注定相聚 See? I told you we were always destined to meet.
我只知道雪瑞和杰夫去过同一家餐厅 I knew Shirley and Jeff went to the same restaurant,
没想到你们还另有交锋 but I had no idea their paths crossed again,
不错 很有意思 This is good. This is really great.
这缺的一环又连上了 We're really filling in some plot holes here.
很好 太好了 This is good stuff. It's really good.
怎么了 Have I missed something?
什么少一环多一环 你在说的是我的人生 These aren't plot holes, Abed. This is my life.
但就是这一环一环 But this kinda connection
更说明我们的缘分不浅 only makes our origin story more compelling.
多有意思啊 Like how awesome it is
就像《蜘蛛侠》里本叔叔被杀掉那个桥段 when uncle Ben is murdered in Spider-man.
我的婚姻差点终结 My marriage almost ended.
要不是杰夫 If it weren't for Jeff,
那个荡妇就应该在坐牢 that jezebel would've been in jail
而不是在我的罗兰爱思床单上打滚 instead of between my Laura Ashley sheets.
这关我什么事 Hey, this is not my fault.
再说了 那个案子也害我不浅 And by the way, the case didn't work out too great for me either.
本来应该让我的事业更上一层楼 It was supposed to make my career,
结果却搞得我遭人暗算 but it put a target on my back.
迈克尔·菲尔普斯 真的假的 Michael Phelps, really?
都不会影响他换气吗 And it doesn't affect his breathing?
不会 Nope.
咪咪 我跟杰夫单独聊一下 Mysti, can I talk to Jeff for a moment?
那我就去 上个厕所[又有吸粉的意思] I will go, uh, powder my nose.
真的是上厕所 For real.
是这样 Listen.
事务所里出了一点谣言 There's this rumor going around the firm
说你没有本科学位证 that you never received an undergraduate degree.
-开什么玩笑 -我知道 - That's ridiculous. - I know.
很显然是有人嫉妒你这颗新星了 I mean, some jag is obviously jealous of your rising star.
不过这件事情搞清楚以前 But the fact is, until this is settled,
恐怕你不能执业了 the bar isn't gonna let you practice.
你自己编的瞎话被人拆穿了 So you got caught in your own lie?
跟我差点破裂的家庭相比 I almost lost my family.
这有什么可比性吗 How does your little tragedy even compare?
关键是害得我要来这念书 Because I had to go to school here.
阿布蒂 不许记下来 Abed, do not write that down.
又不是我让安德烈去偷腥的 It's not like I made Andre cheat.
我觉得大家互相有牵连挺好的 Well, I happen to think it's cool that we're all connected,
就算有时候牵扯得不那么愉快 even if some of it's in bad ways.
你看我连安妮毁掉我的高中生活 I mean, I'm finally willing to forgive Annie
这种事我也放下了 for ruining high school.
什么 我毁了你的高中生活 Wait, I ruined your time in high school?
千真万确 Yeah, you did.
-你们是在倒灌金汤吗 -对 - You guys doing keg stands? - Yeah!
那玩意儿是个人都会 Anyone can do a keg stand.
我来个筋斗灌金汤 I'm gonna do a keg flip.
大家都看着哈 Hey, everybody, look at this.
我踢球的膝盖哟 为什么 My football knee! Why!
给来点爆米花呗 Can I have some corn nuts?
不要哇 不要 Wah! No! Nooooo!
那跟我有什么关系 That had nothing to do with me.
而且你自己也承认了是假摔 And you already admitted that you faked that injury
因为你承受不了橄榄球特招的压力 because you couldn't take the pressure Of those football recruiters.
是因为你一席话我才假摔的 I faked my injury because of what you said to me.
因为我的一席话 Because of what I said?
你都不记得有我这个同学 You didn't even remember that I went to school with you.
那句是假话 I may have lied about that too.
伙计们 毕业班颁奖礼开始了 Hey, guys, it's time to do senior class superlatives!
第一个奖项是 最帅奖 Okay, the first award is "Most handsome."
得主是 And the winner is...
特洛伊·巴恩斯 Troy Barnes.
猜也是 Of course it is.
最受欢迎奖 "Most popular."
特洛伊·巴恩斯 Troy Barnes.
别这样 你们太好了 No! You guys are awesome.
"最佳微笑" "Best Smile."
牙白微笑才美 Ha ha, gotta keep 'em white.
"最佳舞姿" "最佳整蛊专家" "Best Moves." "Best practical joker."
"最酷储物柜" "Coolest Locker."
现在 颁发今晚最后一个奖项 And now, the last award of the night.
"最有可能成功奖" "Most Likely to Succeed."
这奖肯定是我的 Okay, this has to go to me,
因为我最有可能成功 Because I am most likely to succeed.
这是个事实 这人人都知道 It's just a fact. You guys know.
得奖者是 And the winner is...
特洛伊·巴恩斯 Troy Barnes.
没搞错吧 You have got to be kidding me!
特洛伊·巴恩斯 最有可能成功 Troy Barnes, most likely to succeed?
我是年级第一名 学生会主席 I'm the damn valedictorian and head of student council
学园传道会主席 and president of campus crusade for Christ.
我还是犹太人 And I'm Jewish!
你不过是无脑的机器人 And you are just some mindless robot.
人家告诉你往哪你就往哪跑 You just go wherever they tell you to run.
抱歉 I'm sorry.
你在我的学校上学吗 Do you go to my school?
噼里啪啦砰 Pop! Pop!
你中伤了我 伤害程度比 Your words cut me more than hundreds of
成百上千的非钢化玻璃碎片还深 non-tempered glass shards could.
我做了六次整容手术 I had six different reconstructive surgeries.
我经历了退学 I went through withdrawal.
不想笑的时候我得挤出笑容 I had to smile when I didn't feel like smiling.
笑得脸疼 That hurts my face.
我们能别关联过去了吗 Can we all just stop dredging up the past?
你的命运网只做了一件事 The only thing your fate web thing does
那就是指出我们的快乐有多脆弱 is point out how fragile our happiness is.
如果杰夫没有为那女人辩护 If only Jeff hadn't defended that woman,
如果安德烈没有在我离开餐馆后去见她 if only Andre hadn't met her after I left the restaurant,
如果我没去商场接孩子们 if only I didn't have to pick up my kids at the mall, I...
等等 Wait.
什么时候 哪家商场 When? Which mall?
老天 Oh, my God.
天啊 Oh, my God.
美元剧院外
你们要看哪部电影 What movie you guys gonna see?
《星战前传1：魅影危机》 老片子 The Phantom Menace. It's kind of old.
你们为什么想看这部 And why do you wanna see it?
因为我们喜欢《星球大战》 Because we like Star Wars.
如果你们喜欢《星球大战》 Okay, if you like Star Wars,
为什么会想杀死它 然后在它坟墓上尿尿呢 why do you wanna murder it and urinate on its grave?
前传非常坑爹 The prequels are terrible.
我是说 难道楚巴卡不会演着演着 I mean, seriously, wouldn't Chewbacca, at some point,
冒出一句"尤达 我认识那家伙"吗 go, "Hey, Yoda, I know that guy"?
他拿着双光剑 He has double light sabers.
太蠢了 你们太蠢了 That's stupid. You're both stupid.
那你为什么要看这部电影呢 Well, why are you here to see the movie?
我不看 I'm not.
我四处在放映这片的地方警告别人 I go wherever it plays to warn people.
我警告过你们了 You've been warned.
陌生人跟他说了什么 Stranger said what to him?
好 我过去接你们 Okay, fine. I'll come get you.
抱歉 宝贝 我去去就回 I'm sorry, baby, I'll be back as soon as I can.
站在那 别动 Okay, just stand there, okay?
不可能 This can't be.
我搞不懂我为什么要看心理医生 I don't see why I have to go to a therapist.
因为在那女人跟影院抱怨了三个小时后 Because after that woman chewed them out for three hours,
影院对你申请了禁令 the theater got a restraining order against you.
进来吧 Yalla.
医生 顺便说一句 Hey, doc. By the way,
有人把你的处方本偷走了 Someone just stole your prescription pad.
我是想解放你 I'm trying to liberate you!
你是商场的疯子 You're the crazy man at the mall!
我吸毒被捕都是因为你 You're the one who got me busted for drugs!
你跟他们各自交集居然都没来找我 You were out there somewhere and you weren't looking for me?
公平地讲 安妮 In fairness, Annie,
撞碎玻璃门 就是变相表明自己吸毒了 running through a glass door might've been the drug tip-off.
长久以来 我都在想 All this time, I wondered what it was
是什么使我们凑到一起 that brought our group together.
但是我忘了所有英雄都需要的东西 But I forgot one thing all heroes need.
他们需要一个敌人 They need an enemy.
蝙蝠侠有小丑 Batman has the Joker,
正义联盟有末日军团 The Justice League has the Legion of Doom,
这个学习小组 有我 and this study group... has me.
我是超级反派 我怎么就没看出来呢 I'm the supervillain. Why didn't I see it before?
我无情无义 极度理性 比所有人都聪明 I'm emotionless, logical, smarter than everybody else.
我试过锯掉杰夫的胳膊 I tried sawing off Jeff's arm.
你怎么总这么说 Why do you keep saying that?
我得走了 跟我待在一起不安全 I should go. It's not safe to be around me.
我也是坏人 I'm just as bad.
我搞不定猴子 I couldn't handle the monkey,
于是拿它换了大麻饼干 so I traded it in for a glaucoma brownie,
尽管我知道如果它咬了人 even though I knew if it bit someone,
会使人变得疯狂 it would make them a teensy bit psychotic.
布雷塔说的对 Britta's right.
我们都干过错事 We've all made some bad decisions.
如果你真想知道坏人是谁 And if you really wanna know who the villain is here,
其实是我 it's me.
老天 我以为你身上不可能 Yeesh, I didn't think it was possible
涂上更多的亮片了 to put more glitter on.
还不断从你身上往下掉 跟"小乒乓"似的 It's coming off of you like Pig-pen.
《花生漫画》中的角色
闪闪惹人爱啦 Well, some people seem to like it.
那个有妇之夫刚刚把电话号码给我了 This married guy just gave me his phone number.
他妻子在结婚周年纪念日那天抛弃了他哦 Can you believe his wife left him on their anniversary?
你会联系他吗 You gonna call him?
他刚赢了一笔钱 I mean, he did just win a bunch of money.
我不知道 I don't know though.
你不知道 你又没结婚 You don't know what? You're not married.
生活嘛 想要什么就去拿 You gotta grab what you want in this life.
这样才行 That's the way it works.
有人刚刚夺走了我最重要的东西 Someone just took something important from me.
你知道吗 And you know what?
我敬佩他 I admire him for it.
好吧 我去跟他聊聊 All right, I mean, I guess I'll go talk to him.
去吧 我要去喝醉一场 You do that. And I'm gonna go get
醉到"在别人草坪上便便"那种程度 "Crap On Other People's Lawns" drunk.
以此纪念你我这难忘的夜晚 To a memorable evening for both of us.
也许你恰巧影响了我们 Maybe you coincidentally affected some of us.
但是我启动了痛苦的齿轮 But I actively endorsed pain.
我才是那个坏人 而 I was the bad guy, and...
但我想我现在已经洗心革面了 I'd like to think I'm not that guy anymore.
我还有一件不堪回首的记忆 Also, and I hate to bring this up,
你有次让我尿裤子了 you did once make me pee myself.
我们扯平了 Well, I guess we're even then.
我回家学习去了 I might finish studying at home.
十分钟前 Just ten minutes ago,
我会为尿裤子那事激动万分的 I would've been so excited about that peeing thing.
我想拍部前传 结果把大家都惹生气了 I want to make a prequel, and I ruined for everyone.
我想这事可能发生在任何人身上 I guess it could happen to anyone.
我应该给乔治·卢卡斯写封道歉信 I should probably write George Lucas a note of apology.
没这么严重 Okay, let's not get crazy.
你什么都没毁掉 And you didn't ruin anything.
我能坐这里吗 May I sit here?
雪瑞 你来这干吗 Shirley, what are you doing here?
想喝酸奶了 Oh, just wanted some yogurt.
而且我也知道你早已洗心革面了 And I do know you're not that person anymore.
你确定 因为我特擅长伪装 Are you sure? 'Cause I was awfully good at it.
大家都是善恶双生嘛 Well, we all do bad things every now and again.
我还把一个脱衣舞娘的脑袋摁到点唱机里了呢 I mean, I put a stripper's head through a jukebox.
你们怎么在这儿 What are you guys doing here?
我想是大家都很想喝酸奶吧 I guess we all really wanted yogurt.
知道最诡异的是什么吗 You know what's weird?
我就是在这里决定要来格林德尔上学的 This is where I first decided to go to Greendale.
等下 真的吗 Wait, really?
我也是在这里决定要来格林德尔上学的 This is where I was when I first decided to go to Greendale.
开什么玩笑 You're kidding me.
昌先生 我知道您跟我一样 Senor Chang, I know you're as disappointed as I am
对格林德尔的学生水准大失所望 in the caliber of students we have at Greendale.
但商场提供了一份全新的关于白天醒着的 But the mall offers a whole new valuable demographic
顾客统计信息 of people awake during the daytime.
好吧 我去酸奶吧那边派传单 All right, I'll pass flyers at Yogurtsburgh.
自助酸奶 Self-serve yogurt.
那些笨蛋已经掌握了一门销售技能了呢 Those douses already know one marketable skill.
好啦 本 Okay, Ben...
这标签还留着呢好吧 But it still has the tags on!
不过是弄丢了收据 So I lost the receipt.
又不是我自己要穿 It's not like I even got to wear it,
因为我丈夫是个没品的渣男 because my husband's a tasteless man slut.
搞毛 喂 乱丢垃圾啊 What... hey, littering!
最好别唤醒我体内的某种冲动哦 This better not awaken anything in me.
今天真是要命了 God, this day...
我以为把那女人的脑袋摁到点唱机里 I thought pushing that woman's head through a jukebox
会让我感觉爽一点 其实我只是 would make me feel better, but I'm just...
没了54块钱 Out of $54...
外加一个婚姻 and a marriage.
水晶头骨是外星人 Crystal skull was aliens,
这电影真挺赞的 so it's a pretty great film.
体育很烂? 头脑也残? 那就来格林德尔吧!
你们看这个了没 You guys seen this?
伙计们 跟你们同在项目里共事真是太棒了 Guys, working the program with you has been so great.
我感觉我的人生终于重回正轨了 I feel like I'm finally ready to get my life back on track.
最后一次机会 只要走过去 Last chance. Just walk over there right now
跟电影院经理认个错 and apologize to the theater manager.
迷地原虫 Midichlorians.
迷地原虫 Midichlorians!
算你狠 Fine.
那就不许你去电影学院了 Then you're not going to film school!
请问你们有素食冻酸奶吗 Hi! Do you have any vegan froyo?
你知道冻酸奶的定义吗 Do you even know what froyo is?
好吧 那你们招人不 Fine. Do you have a job application?
那个怪胎一次眼都没眨过 That weird guy hasn't blinked once.
对哦 Oh, yeah.
真够白痴的 What a dweeb.
是啊 真够白痴的 Yeah, what a dweeb.
射得真准啊 Oh, nice shot, man!
请问你是在格林德尔工作吗 Hey, do you work at Greendale?
工作 别给它贴金了 Work? That's putting it charitably.
格林德尔社区大学真是彻底的笑话 Greendale Community College is a total joke.
他们还给一只猴子颁发过学位呢 They'd give a degree to a monkey.
尹恩·邓肯教授还在格林德尔教心理学吗 Hey, does Ian Duncan still teach psychogy at Greendale?
-那个英国酒鬼 -就是他 - That drunken Limey? - That's the one.
他有终身教职 He's got tenure.
也许拿学位没有我想的那么难 Maybe getting my degree won't be as hard as I thought.
先生 您干吗呢 Sir, what are you doing?
能帮帮忙吗 Can we get some help out here?
有个老头把机器弄坏了 还假装心脏病发作 Some old guy broke the machine and is faking a heart attack.
等一下 Oh, wait.
白痴 Ah, stupid.
酷酷酷 Cool, cool, cool.
等下 所以那个老头真的是皮尔斯 Wait, so was that old guy really Pierce?
无从得知 因为这种事他才不想记得呢 We'll never know, because he'll never ever remember.
我们这群人能够连续两次在同一时间 What are the chances of all of us
出现在同一地点 这种几率有多大啊 ending up at the same place at the same time twice?
阿布蒂 太神奇了 Abed, it's amazing.
没错 2008年是微酸冻酸奶的 I mean, yes, 2008 was the height
一个销售高峰 of the slightly sour frozen yogurt craze, but...
但这仍然无法解释 That still doesn't explain it.
也许我们真的是注定命中相遇 Maybe we really were all meant to be together.
我不敢确定是否真弄懂了 但也许不用懂 I'm not sure I understand it, but maybe we don't have to.
我觉得咱们大家走过的种种道路 What I do know is that the ways our paths crossed,
包括那些糟糕的路 都引导着我们相聚 even when they were bad, all led us to this point.
而且我对别的方式也没什么期待 And I wouldn't have it any other way.
所以你的意思是说 So what you're saying
我们相互之间都是对方死于非命的本叔叔 is that we're all each other's uncle Ben's murder.
我们都是蜘蛛侠 And we're all spider-men.
对 Yeah.
就当我说的是这句话吧 Let's say I'm saying that.
我觉得大家都知道这是谁的旨意吧 Mm, I think we know whose will this really is.
嗯 我觉得我知道 Yeah, I think I do.
我马上回来 I'll be right back.
喂 Hello?
阿布蒂 Hey, Abed.
我正练普拉提操呢 Just doing some pilates.
-我正在找你 -什么 - I was looking for you. - Wha...I...
我们发现你才是大家来格林德尔的原因 We discovered you're the reason we all went to Greendale.
你连起了我们所有人的故事 You linked all of our stories.
就像《宇宙魔方》召集复仇者一样 Like how Cosmic Cube assembled the avengers.
还有和迪士尼的40亿美元的合作 That, and the 4-billion-dollar deal with Disney.
结果表明你一直是我们其中的一员 Turns out you were always one of us.
所以我过来问问你要不要喝点冻酸奶 So I came to see if you wanted to get some frozen yogurt.
真的咩 Really?
真是 That's...
这些我真是从来都没想到过 That's all I ever wanted.
但是太迟了 But it's too late.
我还意识到了另外一件事 Here's another thing I realized.
因为你 我们不得不在格林德尔重塑人生 Because of you we got to reinvent ourselves at Greendale.
所有人的机会都是平等的 你觉得呢 Everyone should have the same chance, don't you think...
-昌 -我不是昌 - Chang? - It's not Chang.
我是凯文 It's Kevin.
你知道多久了 How long have you known?
知道什么 Known what?
只有你自己知道自己是谁 Only you know who you really are.
还有 你可能有试验性猴子狂热症 Also, you may have experimental monkey fever.
一起走吧 You coming?
好 Yeah.
我们能先去一下邮局吗 Actually, can we stop at the post office first?
我要帮院长寄几封信 I have something to mail for the dean.
机密信息 我不想说太多 It's confidential and I don't wanna talk about it,
不要问我 so stop interrogating me.
我退出 I'm out.
你陷得太深退不出了 You're too in to be out.
还想再添杯吗 我请客 You want some refills? On me, huh?
添杯哦 要吗 Refills? You want some?
圆满大结局
果真如此吗
该实施B计划了 Time for plan "B".