别坐我椅子 不然小心律师执照被吊销 Hey, get out of my chair, or I'll have you disbarred.
等等 已经被吊销了 Oh, wait. That already happened.
-加什贤弟 -探戈老兄 - Cash. - Tango.
《怒虎狂龙/Tango & Cash》主角之一 警探
我新律所的老搭档 My old partner in my new firm.
好点了吗 Does it get any better?
除非你走 Not unless you leave.
我懂的 Still got it.
有只小小鸟告诉我 So a little birdie told me
你马上就要从少儿大学毕业了 you're graduating kiddie college.
你肯定很激动 就要得到那根棒棒糖了吧 You must be excited to get that lollipop.
别胡说 明明是大红花 Hey. It's a sticker.
我知道你很忙 就让我来说吧 Ha. I know you're busy, not, so allow me to whip it out.
过来和我一起干 Come work with me.
你会成为完全合伙人 有六位数的工资 You'll be a full partner, six figures,
高级办公室和三个秘书 corner office, three secretaries.
什么 钱不够 What's that? Not enough money?
那我加倍 搞定成交 I'll double it. Bam, done.
谈判顺利 吃午饭吗 That's how we negotiate. Lunch?
我还真是难以拒绝 Wow. I drive a hard bargain.
但马克 你不担心我有所生疏吗 But, Mark, aren't you worried I'm a little out of practice?
我最近参与过的案子是关于三明治和番薯的 The only cases I've tried lately are about sandwiches and yams.
得了吧 当你还不算是律师的时候 Please, you were a better lawyer
就已经比我认识的大部分律师 when you weren't a lawyer
要优秀得多了 than most lawyers I know.
你雄风犹在 It's still in you.
我得再想想 I'll give it some thought.
赶紧和我握手吧 傻瓜 就这么简单 Just shake my hand, idiot. It's simple.
我喜欢简单 I like simple.
看看你四周 翁格 Take a look around, Winger.
这就是你熟悉又陌生的生活 This is your new old life.
我不懂 I don't get it.
我们刚过完圣诞 外面就这么暖和了 We just had Christmas, and now it's warm outside.
肯定啊 傻瓜 Of course it is, dummy.
我们刚读完一个学年 We just finished fall-spring semester.
马上就要放假了 Bring on summer-winter.
我等不及了 I can't wait.
我最后一节电影学院课刚投完票 My final film school class is just called opinions.
最后安排了泰勒教授来上课 Professor Taylor is scheduled to teach,
但我进行了驳回 but I have a rebuttal.
真幸运 Lucky.
我转到法鉴专业的时间略晚 I transferred to forensics late
而且要上的课都很烂 and got the worst classes.
头骨碎片收集 高级高级分解 Skull Fragment Collection, Advanced Advanced Decomp,
而无知觉入门这课已经报满了 and Intro to Senselessness were all full.
我还剩一年的空调维修课 I still have a year of AC Repair left.
我已经通过了所有课程 I passed all my classes,
所以现在我就能边做瑜伽 So now I just do yoga
边看老师夸奖我机灵 while the teachers write down my wisdoms.
等等 杰夫通过了历史课 Wait a minute. Jeff passed History.
他要提早毕业了 He's graduating early.
关于这事 我完全没准备好 I'm totally unprepared to deal with this.
别 安妮 请不要 No, annie, please, don't...
真正式 都写在横幅上了 Well, it's official. It's on a banner.
毕业快乐 杰夫
恭喜你 杰夫瑞 Congratulations, jeffrey.
你费尽心思偷懒耍滑轻松搞到了学位 You worked hard not to work hard to earn that degree.
对 你修了这么多水课 Yeah, you took so many blow-off classes
和没意义的选修课 and pointless electives.
你最后到底主修什么 What did you end up majoring in?
教育学 Education.
你必须赢下来 对吧 You had to win, didn't you?
当我离终点线就差几英寸时 When I was inches from the finish line.
皮尔斯 你这么多学分 Pierce, you have so many credits,
有些老得都可以生小学分了 they have grand-credits.
你早就毕业了 Just graduate already.
毕业典礼是什么时候 When's the graduation ceremony?
别指望了 这可是社区大学 Never. It's community college.
我们交些论文之类的 他们就让我们过了 You just send in some papers and they stop charging you.
它有自己的运转方式 It's moving, in its own way.
就这样吗 So this is it?
一条横幅和特洛伊忘带的汽水 A banner and some soda Troy forgot to bring?
不要 No.
就毕业典礼而言 相当无聊 但很低调 As far as graduations go, it's boring but grounded.
我希望不止如此 I was hoping for more.
至少能让我们陪你一起去院长办公室吗 Can we at least walk with you to the dean's office?
什么 现在吗 不行 What, now? No.
我刚刚 我准备下周或者其它时候 I was just...I was going to mail it in next week,
再交材料 or, you know, whenever.
别傻了 Don't be silly.
我们以学习小组开始 We started as a study group,
就该以学习小组结束 We'll finish as a study group.
人人为我 而我们都可以抛弃一个人 All for one, and one dude we can all leave behind.
大家快跑 Everybody, go quickly.
跑 Go.
跑 跑 跑 Go, go, go, go, go, go.
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翻译：尼克白 米粒
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《废柴联盟》 第四季第十三集[本季完] 感谢与你一路相伴 再见
好了 翁格先生 以及布雷塔 All right, Mr. Winger. Et al. Britta.
大家情绪都逐渐高涨起来了 Emotions are running high,
我就言简意赅点好了 So I will keep this tight and short.
你向来如此 You always do.
我看到你有所有必需的书面材料 I see you have all the necessary paperwork.
[从裤裆到裤脚的长度尺寸]
必需 你还管我要裤长证明呢 Necessary? You asked for proof of inseam.
杰夫瑞 Ah, Jeffrey.
我会怀念咱俩那欢乐无比 I'm going to miss our playful,
"房已开好"的小玩笑的 "Get a room already" banter.
-院长 -要不我待会再来 - Oh, dean. - I can come back.
不 我可以的 No, I can do this.
只要签上老约翰·院长超人的大名 Just need to sign the old John Dean-cock
你就毕业了 and you will be graduated.
就这样吗 So this is it?
我还希望能更隆重点呢 I, uh...I expected a little more pageantry.
请说 I'm listening.
安妮说的对 Annie's right.
我们应该举办派对庆祝这一时刻 We should throw a party to mark the occasion.
一个小型的 A small one.
最小的 The teensiest.
就三五好友 小蛋糕 Just close friends, a small cake...
或者再来点花 拱门 maybe some flowers, an archway...
弦乐四重奏 A string quartet.
他可以穿上正装 Ooh, he could wear a suit.
听着开始有点像婚礼了 Starting to sound like a wedding.
才不是婚礼呢 Not a wedding.
只不过是你普通低调的毕业证书签发仪式 Just your average, low-key diploma signing,
我在此诚挚地邀请你们明天下午过来参加 to which you're all cordially invited tomorrow afternoon.
明天 Tomorrow?
这么短的时候够准备一整套婚礼吗 Is that enough time to plan a whole wedding?
-当然 -我去拿书 - Absolutely. - I'll get my book.
听着 我不能参加大型派对 Listen, I can't do a big party.
这太过了 It's too much.
我知道这是怎么回事了 Oh, I see what's going on here.
你不敢毕业了 This is about you getting cold feet about graduating.
我从大一注册时起 I've been looking forward to graduation
就一直盼着毕业 since freshman registration.
我已经在我老搭档的律所里 I already got a job lined up
找了份工作 at my old partner's firm.
那让他们也来吃蛋糕吧 Well, then, let them eat cake.
只是 我担心学习小组不能 It's just, I'm worried that the group might not be able
接受这事 你懂的 就情感上来说 to handle it, you know, emotionally.
大家都希望你能毕业 杰夫 Everyone wants you to graduate, Jeff.
阿布蒂呢 Well, what about Abed?
我是说 我离开的压力可能会让他失控 I mean, the stress of me leaving might send him spiraling.
得了吧 多给他点信任 Come on, give him some more credit.
他自从对我的疗法敞开心扉之后 情况大有改观 He's really progressed since he opened up to my therapizing.
你还记得去年 他一直在说 Do you remember last year, when he wouldn't stop
"最黑暗的平行时空"什么的吗 talking about that "Darkest timeline" thing?
我变独臂大侠的那次 The one where I lost my arm?
皮尔斯死了 安妮疯了 And Pierce died, and Annie went insane,
他说都怪你扔了什么骰子 and he blamed it all on you throwing some dice.
他已经有几个月没提起过了 He has not brought that up in months.
你说得对 布雷塔 You're right, Britta.
我要给阿布蒂一个机会 I just need to give Abed a chance.
那就这么定了 Then it's settled.
我们六个人下学期一起上天文学 The six of us will take astronomy next semester.
你们现在是准备把我甩开了吗 So now you're leaving me out.
遗弃的是杰夫 No, we're leaving Jeff out.
现在我连被遗弃的权利都被剥夺了吗 So I'm not even the one who gets left out anymore.
就知道杰夫 杰夫 Everything's Jeff, Jeff...
杰夫 Jeff.
这里有人吗 This seat taken?
大家是不是很期待狂欢派对啊 So everyone still excited about the big shindig?
那是 Totally.
我有点担心婚礼和毕业礼混搭会奇怪 I was worried about the wedding-graduation mash up,
不过女生们很喜欢 but it's testing really well with women.
那就好 Oh, well, that's a load off.
那我们就先决定一下 Hey, we should probably figure out
饮料谁来负责 who's bringing the soda now, right?
别又忘带了 Just so there's not another hang up.
我带了 喝完了嘛 I brought it. I-I just drank it all.
没关系 我来搞定 It's okay. I've got it covered.
不行 不行 你都负责那么多事了 No, no, no. You've already done so much.
而且我想到一个好玩的办法 Besides, I think I have a fun and fair way
来决定谁负责带饮料 to decide which of the six of us will bring the soda.
掷骰子 We'll roll for it.
没有具体数字 It didn't land on a number.
应该没什么吧 That probably means nothing.
也可能玄机很大 Or it means everything.
希望不要 Let's hope not.
这样吧 我带饮料 You know what, I'll bring the soda.
别担心 我肯定不会忘的 Don't worry, I'll make sure there aren't any more hang-ups.
能别抓着一个把柄不放吗 Must I bear this cross forever?
我还以为会更精彩呢 I was hoping for more.
凯瑟琳 Catherine?
别告诉我你把蛋糕砸了 Do not even tell me you dropped that cake.
寄生虫 Parasites.
怎么了 Hey. What's going on?
感觉你不太想毕业的样子 Why are you trying to avoid graduating?
我也不知道怎么了 I wish I knew.
我觉得你是怕了 I think it's because you're scared
怕跟老伙计去重操旧业 to take this law job with your old partner.
但也不能因为这个就不毕业了啊 But don't let that stop you from graduating.
不管你要不要重操旧业 Take the job, don't take the job.
我们这帮朋友都在 Either way, your friends are always going
都会支持你的 to be here to support you.
真好 Good to know.
毕业典礼见 See you at graduation.
还好意思说我们黑化 And they call us the worst.
你走得够慢的 Took you long enough.
你全裸穿越就牛逼吗 Hey, nobody said you had to travel naked.
带了好东西呢 Oh. You brought the good one.
你拿着 我撸袖子 You hold that, I'll do the sleeve.
咔哒一声就好了 好了 Wait for the click. There...
很好 Ah. Good.
中指很灵活嘛 Middle finger works great now.
情况比想象中要糟糕 It's worse than I thought.
杰夫跟他们混太久变矬了 离不开格林德尔 They made lame Jeff too lame to leave Greendale.
他必须接下那个工作 He's got to take that job.
怎么能让他听我们的呢 But how do we make him do that?
挑动整个学习小组对他倒戈相向 By turning the study group against him
然后他就会冲出这个烂泥坑 so he'll run screaming from this rancid cocoon
投向无限的黑暗世界 into the welcoming arms of darkness.
这个道理很难懂吗 How hard is that to understand?
很好懂 It's not.
我就是喜欢你把我当小孩的说话语气 I just like when you talk down to me like a child.
杰夫 Oh! Jeff.
典礼之前就看到典礼的样子 It's bad luck to see the graduation
这不吉利哦 before the graduation.
我想跟你说几句 I had to talk to you.
今天这种日子会让人情绪万千 Today is bringing up so many emotions.
一时消化不了 It's a lot to take in.
不会是被我刺激得太紧张了吧 I'm not making you feel nervous about graduating, am I?
你确实刺激到我了 Well, you are making me feel something.
不过跟毕业无关 And it's not about graduating.
你让我欲火焚身 I'm saying I'm hot for you.
我吗 Me?
是真的吗 Is this for real?
你看跳动的心脏是真的吗 Is my beating heart for real?
安妮哟 Oh, Annie.
我不知道是不是因为这些漂亮的装束 I don't know if it's the beautiful decorations,
还是这鲜花装点的拱门 or the impending floral archway,
但我就是感觉到一切都那么和谐 but there's something about this that feels so right.
我会永远铭记这一刻的你 It's the perfect moment to remember you by.
铭记 Remember me by?
我又不走 I'm not going anywhere.
对 你哪儿也去不了 Exactly. You're going nowhere.
我就要重回美好社会 过上律师生活了 I'm about to return to my cool, adult, lawyer life,
你呢 还是深陷这破泥潭 假扮高中萝莉 and you're going to be stuck here, playing high school.
你干嘛要这么说 Why are you saying this?
让你看清事实 So you face the facts.
一旦毕业 我就再也不回来了 Once I graduate, I'm gone.
翁格 裸奔庆祝最后一天 Winger, streaking on your last day of school?
够狠 Respect.
那我还得找个伴参加你的毕业典礼 Oh, so I got the save the date for your graduation.
你说我是带一个去呢 还是现把一个呢 Should I bring a date, or try to hook up there?
我不会参加你的破毕业典礼了 混蛋 I'm not going to your stupid graduation, jerk.
你居然对我说出那样的话 I can't believe you said those things to me.
什么话 What things?
别跟我装傻 你要走就走吧 Don't play dumb. You want to leave? Leave.
谁管你 See if I care.
你干嘛了 What did you do?
我毫不知情啊 I have no earthly idea.
你看 Look up there.
-阿布蒂 -黑化杰夫 - Hello, Abed. - Hello, evil Jeff.
什么 你怎么 What? How did you...
虽然我对面部表情研究不深 I may not be good with facial expressions,
但黑化双生人我还是认得的 but I know an evil doppelganger when I see one.
而且你走一步胳膊就响一声 Plus your arm makes a noise every time you move it.
闭嘴 Silence.
你是来杀杰夫的吗 Are you here to kill Jeff?
你们这帮白化人真是白痴 Oh, you non-evils are so naive.
我是来救杰夫的 I'm here to save Jeff
把他从学习小组的泥潭里拽出来 from the smothering teat of his study group.
是彩蛋枪吗 Is that a paintball gun?
想得美 You wish.
帅耶 Cool.
有点凉 Wait. Cold.
我怎么跑到院长办公室来了 How did I get to the dean's office?
给我让开 小鬼 Out of my chair, monkey.
黑暗空间 The darkest timeline.
安妮 Annie.
好吧 我们从头说起 怎么回事 Um, okay, let's start with "Huh?"
杰夫 对不起 我瞎说的 Jeff, I'm sorry. I made it all up.
你要毕业了我特别难受 I've been so upset about you graduating
然后情绪上就有点发狂了 that I've gone a little crazy, emotionally.
那就好 我还以为是我疯了呢 Oh, good. I thought I was losing my mind.
对不起啦 抱抱好不好 Make it up to you with a hug?
三明治早餐篮太有才了 This breakfast sandwich cart is such a great idea.
雪瑞的长远眼光可不是盖的 It's never too early for Shirley...
你们这帮孩子宿醉过后肯定会饿 to make a boatload off of hung over college kids.
说到好点子 听我的 Speaking of great idea having, hear me out.
这个就叫"特洛伊木马"怎么样 It's called "The Troy-Jan horse."
有面包 生菜 火腿 培根 巧克力 It goes bread, lettuce, ham, ham, bacon, chocolate...
怎么样呀 毕业生 Oh, how you doing, the graduate?
我就是顺便来发两张毕业典礼的逐客令 Just stopping by to hand out some un-vites to my graduation.
一张给你 绝望的主妇 Here's one for the desperate housewife
整天琢磨着你那没希望的小生意 who spends more time with her pathetic business
也不陪家人 than with her family.
一张给你 And you.
如果你给三明治起名叫"特洛伊木马" If you call a sandwich a "Troy-jan horse,"
大家会以为里面有马肉 people are going to think there's horse in it.
擦 我的梦想 Oh, my dreams.
随你们吧 废柴们 后会无期 Whatever, losers. See you never.
阿布蒂在哪 Where's Abed?
有人在吗 Is anyone here?
你好 阿布蒂 欢迎来到我们的家 Hello, Abed. Welcome to our home.
-你好 黑化阿布蒂 -叫阿布蒂就行 - Hello, evil Abed. - It's just Abed now.
我们相遇后 我放弃了我的邪恶念头 After we met, I abandoned my evil goal
专注于把自己平行空间变得好起来 to focus on brightening my own timeline instead.
-你一个人住吗 -是的 - Do you live here alone? - Yes.
黑化特洛伊在我改变主意后搬走了 Evil Troy moved out when I gave up the cause.
他现在只听令与黑化杰夫 Now he only listens to evil Jeff,
从反派的角度说 杰夫现在全面接手了 who sort of took over this year, villain-wise.
杰夫离开格林德尔 又成了恶棍律师 Jeff left Greendale and became a scummy lawyer again,
可是他越邪恶 but the more evil he got,
便越对好杰夫的存在 the more he became tortured by the idea
感到念念不安 that there's still a good Jeff out there, being good somewhere.
所以他逼我教会他 That's why he forced me to show him
穿越平行时空的方法 how to travel between timelines.
天啊 太酷了 My god. This is so cool.
是啊 你无法想象 I know. You have no idea
我苦等了多久告诉你这个消息 how long I've been waiting to talk to you about it.
感觉就像《超人3》混搭那集《星际迷航》 Kind of a superman III meets that Star Trek episode
再混搭《暗侠》第三季 meets season three of The Cape.
-《暗侠》被砍了 -这里没有 - The Cape was cancelled. - Not here.
他们转到有线台重整旗鼓 超赞 They retooled it for cable, and it's awesome.
想看吗 Want to see it?
非常想 Desperately.
但是我得回到我的平行空间 阻止黑化杰夫 But I need to get back to my timeline and stop evil Jeff.
所以我才来找唯一能帮我的人 我 So I came to the only person who could help me...me.
我会把你送回去 阿布蒂 I'll get you home, Abed.
但首先 你需要点补给 But first, you'll need some supplies.
大家都迟到了啊 Everyone must be running late.
给 杰夫 你毕业了 Here, Jeffrey. You're graduated.
那么你那珍贵的文凭 滚蛋吧 Take your precious diploma and just go.
我真不敢相信你在我办公室 I cannot believe the hurtful things
说的那些伤人的话 you said to me in my office.
我告诉你 I'll have you know
在生活中追求华丽 that wanting a little pageantry in your life
既不是犯罪也不是生活方式 isn't a crime or a lifestyle choice.
安妮 绝对发生怪事了 Okay, Annie, something definitely weird is happening.
没人来 院长还生我气了 No one's here, the Dean is mad at me,
他从来不生我气的 and he is never mad at me, and...
眼前就是第三个理由 a third reason.
恭喜你 杰夫 Congratulations, Jeff.
别担心学习小组 Don't worry about the study group.
等会再跟他们解决恩怨 You can talk to them later.
我们何不去一个更隐蔽 Why don't you and I go celebrate
有美酒的地方庆祝呢 someplace private and boozy?
安妮 你为什么搞得 Annie, why are you acting like
跟Lifetime电影里的情妇一样 a mistress in a Lifetime movie?
你真幽默 You're funny.
甜心 你刚刚拉下了你的手机 Oh, sweetheart, you dropped your phone earlier.
有个叫马克的人给你留了语音留言 You've got a voicemail from a guy named Mark?
你应该给他回电 You should call him.
现在不行 Not now.
我得找到大伙 问清楚 I have to find the others and figure this out.
该死 我们要被他甩了 Crap. We're losing him.
-什么 -怎么 - What? - What?
你是谁 Who are you?
你是我 You are me?
-怎么可能 -怎么可能 - But how? - But how?
别寒暄了 Enough of the pleasantries.
我从最黑暗的平行空间赶来 I've come from the darkest timeline
确保你接下律师的工作 to make sure you take that job.
这对我们的未来至关重要 It's essential to our future.
你想要 就接下 你个白痴 You want it, idiot, so take it.
不行 I can't.
我在这里待了四年 I've spent almost four years here,
成长 改变 制作立体模型 growing and changing and making dioramas.
我不是以前的我了 I'm not that guy anymore.
你错了 You're wrong.
格林德尔或许削减了你嗜杀的霸气 Greendale may have dulled your killer instinct,
但相信我 那霸气仍在你体内 but trust me, it's still in you.
是时候离开这里 重新夺回自己的生活了 It's time to leave this place and reclaim your proper life.
不 我不会抛下学习小组的 No. Not without my study group.
看看谁变成Lifetime电视电影主角了 Now who's in a Lifetime movie?
那我会想出别的办法除掉你 Then I'll be rid of you another way.
友谊万岁 Friendship!
好凉 Cold.
狡猾的办法没起效 Well, the subtle approach failed.
下一步怎么办 慢慢地解释 What's next? Explain it slowly.
需要帮忙吗 Need some help?
联手踏平这里吧 Let's burn this mother down.
杰夫现在可能正在庆贺毕业呢 Jeff must be graduating about now
不知道有没有人去捧场 I wonder if anyone's there.
他肯定不在乎 Doubt he cares.
皮尔斯都不肯回我的短信 Pierce won't even respond to my texts.
我在想杰夫对他说了多恶毒的话 I wonder what terrible things Jeff said about him.
我大致猜得到 I've got some guesses.
等我说完 Let me finish.
我知道这很疯狂 Look, I know this may sound crazy,
也有点过于投机取巧 and more than a little convenient,
但对你们恶语相向的人 不是我 but whatever I said to you, it wasn't me.
是黑化杰夫 It was evil Jeff.
得了吧 Come on.
掷骰子的时候发生了一些事 Something happened when I rolled that dice.
坏事 Something terrible.
只有书呆子才会明白的事 Something only nerds can understand.
你们得相信我 You have to believe me.
他们要找咱们麻烦 They're coming for us.
不 No.
我们要去找他们麻烦 We're coming for them.
阿布蒂 你去哪儿了 Abed, where have you been?
最黑暗的平行空间 The darkest timeline.
你们从来都不相信我 所以这次 You guys never believe me, so this time,
我带了证据 假院长 I brought proof, the doppeldeaner.
阿布蒂带我来是想证明 Abed brought me here to prove to all of you...
其实 我发现这个彩弹传送枪 Actually, I figured that these paintball warping guns
就可以说服你们 would convince you.
大伙听好了 Listen up, people.
我们现在面对一场空间内大作战 We've got an inter-dimensional battle on our hands.
我们的黑化体想要挑起战争 Our evil counterparts are waging a war,
定是拼个你死我活 and it's either us or us.
好吧 All right.
联手搞死这帮黑化烂仔帮 Let's light up these dark suckers.
都警惕点 Okay, everyone. Stay sharp.
看到自己 杀无赦 If you see yourself, warp on sight.
我想把自己传送到一个不加奶泥石流鸡尾酒世界 I'd like to warp myself to a dairy-free mudslide.
雪莉 没奶那叫沃特加 That's just vodka, Shirley.
我知道 I know what it is.
皮尔斯 Pierce?
我们以为你死了 We thought you were dead.
当然没有 Hell, no.
中枪后 我通过假死 After I got shot, I faked my death
给你们上一课 to teach you all a lesson.
什么课 Lesson about what?
谁还记得 一年多前的事了 Who can remember? It was more than a year ago.
然而 你们又一次 And yet, here you all are,
密谋侵略 不带上我 planning an invasion without me.
都说过了 我们以为你死了 Again, we thought you were dead.
听着 我能帮你们打败废柴学习小组 Listen, I-I can help you guys beat the lame study group.
告诉我你们的规则就行 Just tell me how this works.
好吧 Fine.
很复杂 但简单说 It's complicated, but basically,
第一个射杀自己的人获胜 the first person to shoot themselves wins.
我赢了 Winner.
自行了断了 Well, that bow tied itself.
该死 我染发剂蹭到衣服上了 Dang, I got hair dye on my coat.
该死 扩散了 Dang, it's spreading.
该死的 布雷塔 Damn it, Britta.
你也冲自己开枪了吗 Did you shoot yourself too?
每次都是 Every time.
别这么跟她说话 Don't talk to her like that.
每次都是 Every time.
我们到了 分散开 We're here. Scatter.
帮帮忙 Get help.
你藏不了一辈子的 傻安妮 Can't hide forever, lame Annie.
快让我把你打中吧 Just let me shoot you.
你会爱上黑暗时空的 You'll love the darkest timeline.
我们跟杰夫睡在一起呢 We're sleeping with Jeff there.
什么 真的吗 What? We are?
每晚都是 All the time.
他可喜欢了 And he loves it.
没人跟杰夫睡觉 Nobody sleeps with Jeff.
我也不行 Not even me.
我一直在数子弹 I've been counting bullets.
我们有人打光了 One of us is out.
-是你吗 -是的 - Is it you? - Yes.
你干嘛告诉我 Why would you tell me that?
本想恐吓你来着 To sound intimidating.
差点就成功了 Oh! Almost worked.
牛叉 Ballin'.
好的 只剩邪恶杰夫了 Okay. Only evil Jeff is left.
你必须把他拿下 You've got to take him out.
为什么满足他的要求 Why don't I just give him what he wants?
什么 你不能现在放弃 What? You can't give up now.
-为什么不 -因为这不是现实 - Why not? - Because it's not real.
看看四周 杰夫 Look around, Jeff.
你没发现自动贩卖机里 Haven't you noticed the vending machines
摆的都是肉和煮鸡蛋吗 are full of meats and hard-boiled eggs?
还有人肉背景们 Or that all the background students
个个都是辣妹 are attractive women?
你好呀 Hi.
发现了 Yeah.
这是你脑中臆想出的世界 This is a world you've created in your own mind.
真正的战争在你心中 The real battle is within.
你害怕毕业 因为你觉得 You're afraid to graduate because you think
你被格林德尔改造了太多 Greendale has changed you too much.
你甚至有些希望邪恶杰夫能赢 So part of you wants evil Jeff to win,
因为这样你就能回去 because then you could go backwards
假装你还是四年前的那个自己 and pretend you're the same guy you were four years ago.
但你不是了 你更坚强了 But you're not. You're stronger.
你比过去优秀 你有了朋友 You're better. You have friends.
应该说 你有了家人 No, screw that. You have a family.
等等 Wait.
如果这都在我脑中 If this is all in my mind,
那我并不需要跟他真打 then I don't really need to fight him.
别在这件事上跟我耍逻辑 Don't logic this one away from me.
我们终于让彩弹战重振江湖了 We finally figured out a way to make paintball cool again.
帅哥 Hey, handsome.
转念一想 On second thought,
掷什么筛子啊 who needs to roll a dime?
谁在乎饮料的事 And who cares if we have soda?
只要你们跟我在一起 As long as you guys are with me,
我就毕业无憾了 I have everything I need to graduate.
是啊 别管饮料了 Yeah. Forget soda.
朋友们 格林德尔人们 人类们 Friends, Greendalians, human beings,
我们聚集在这里 we are gathered here today to honor
为了见证这神圣而永恒的 that sacred and eternal bond
学生与院长间的结合 between a student and his dean.
无论时间 距离 还是筛选人的电话 Neither time nor distance nor screening one's calls
都不能阻断这上天注定的姻缘 could ever sever what nature herself has ordained.
当两个男人牵手 When two men are drawn...
我来说吧 克拉格 I'll take it from here, Craig.
好吧 我说的也差不多了 Fair enough. I was reaching.
三年半之前 我来到格林德尔时 Three and a half years ago, when I came to Greendale,
认识了六个非常重要的人 I met six very important people.
你漏掉了布雷塔 Ooh. Burn on Britta.
好吧 七个人 Sorry, seven.
与这些人相遇 改变了我的人生 And meeting these people changed my life.
没错 Yep.
抱歉 我不知从何说起 I'm sorry. I-I don't know what to say.
-是啊 -随便吧 - Yeah, okay. - Whatever.
我曾习惯于做一个 I'm so used to being the guy
巧舌如簧逃脱是非的人 who can talk his way out of anything,
但如果不愿逃脱 又能如何巧舌 but what do you say when you don't want a way out?
你们为我做的一切无以言表 What you all have done for me is indescribable.
难以置信 It's unbelievable.
我对你们的爱无法丈量 And my love for you is immeasurable,
哪怕分成七分亦是如此 even when you split it seven ways.
说得好 杰夫瑞 Well said, Jeffrey.
如果在场有人不同意 If anyone here should have just cause
杰夫瑞·托比亚斯·翁格毕业 why Jeffrey Tobias Winger should not be graduated,
请现在提出 或永缄其口 speak now or forever...
皮尔斯 Pierce.
你不用这么做 You don't have to do this.
我准备好毕业了 I'm ready to graduate.
是吗 Yeah?
那我准备好先毕业了 Well, I'm ready to graduate first.
看起来相当合理啊 Seems oddly appropriate.
恭喜了 皮尔斯 Congratulations, Pierce.
真棒 Perfect.
杰夫瑞·翁格的下一步人生怎么走 So what's next for Jeffrey Winger?
我也许会去本地的小律所上班 I'm thinking I might look into some small local firms.
用我的大口才帮助小人物 I'm going to use my big mouth to help the little guy.
另外如果我就在城里上班 Plus, if I stay in town,
还能随时回来看看 I can pop by any time I want.
来解决一下小组内部 You know, just to settle any group arguments
关于谁更想我的争论 about who misses me the most.
你怎么看 What do you think?
-敬杰夫 -敬杰夫瑞 - To Jeff. - To Jeffrey.
特洛伊和阿布蒂早间秀 Troy and Abed in the morning.
欢迎回来 Welcome back.
今天的节目精彩多多 马上开始 We've got a jam-packed show, so let's get started.
今天一如往常 Today, as always,
我们再次请到了 we'll be visited once again
格林德尔的王 至尊上主 by Greendale's king and supreme lord master,
昌院长 Dean Chang.
看起来他今天要谈谈瓜果的问题 Looks like he'll be talking about squash this time.
我好激动啊 Oh, I'm super excited for that.
并不是因为我必须激动 And not only because it's mandatory.
但首先 让我们翻转时空地图 But first, we'll take a spin around the timeline map
看看宇宙中的平行时空内 and find out what's happening in the universes
正发生着什么 that parallel ours.
谢谢我们 Thanks, us.
我正站在第五时空 I'm standing here in timeline five,
这里的一切都很正常 where things are pretty much normal.
正常 Normal?
特洛伊 内罗毕人民正在水深火热中 Troy, people are on fire in Nairobi.
你管这叫正常 You call that normal?
自从给我们的孩子取了非洲名字后 I've become much more conscious of world issues
我对世界争端变得异常敏感起来 since Troy and I decided to give our baby an African name.
对不对呀 楚巴卡 Isn't that right, Chewbacca?
楚巴卡是《星球大战》电影里的巨形毛怪
意思是"悬赏猎人" It means, "he who hunts bounties."
交给你们 Back to you.
听起来内罗毕那边挺热闹啊 Wow, it sounds like things are really heating up in Nairobi.
再热闹也比不上现场观众的热情 That's nothing compared to the fire in our studio audience.
傻蛋们 Hey, idiots.
我说了多少遍了 How many times have I told you,
这节目根本不存在 the show doesn't really exist.
没人看 No one's watching.
是啊 我们知道 Duh-doy. We know.
我们只是图一乐呵 Yeah, we're just messing around.
中午见 邪恶杰夫 See you at lunch, evil Jeff.
中午见 See you at lunch.
特洛伊和阿布蒂早间秀 Troy and Abed in the morning.