我就是主宰 I am the system.
我统治人类 I consume humanity.
全部都要顺从我 There is no escape.
我抗议 Objection!
杰夫·翁格 司法英雄
*杰夫·翁格 司法英雄* * Jeff Winger, hero at law *
*最屌的律师* * Best lawyer you ever saw *
*自由的英雄 解放的卫士* * Hero to freedom, defender of liberty *
*林肯大厦南栋四十层* * South of the forty on Lincoln *
*免费停车就是杰夫君* * You park for free, Jeff!*
你是被起诉被压迫 甚至败诉的无辜民众吗 Are you a good person being sued, oppressed, or beaten?
我能帮你 I can help,
这是翁格的承诺 and that's the Winger guarantee.
请拨三个五 加... Call 555-her...
或许你该在特效上少烧点钱的 Maybe you should've spent less money on special effect
多谢建议 大导演兼重生男人 Thanks a lot, Francis Ford Repo Man.
Francis Ford 传奇导演 电影「重生男人」也是特效精彩 票房惨淡的作品
杰夫·翁格 Jeff Winger!
*司法败犬* * Loser at law *
*小商场里租门面* * Rented office in a mini mall *
淡定 我并无恶意 Relax, tango. I come in peace.
如我所见 我出卖过你 Way I see it, I screwed you.
你也耍了我 I got screwed back.
现在让咱们一笑泯恩仇 Now we can bygone the bygones,
我找到了多金新客户和施舍给你的肥差 Because I got a juicy new client and a bone to throw you.
你听说过州北那座倒塌的桥没 You hear about that bridge that collapsed upstate?
我才不会向你摇尾乞怜要这个案子 A human could've said that without salivating.
我代表是设计大桥的工程师马文·汉弗莱斯 I represent Marvin Humphries, the engineer who designed it.
他想要索赔 He wants to seek damages.
向谁索赔 他自己的笔吗 From what? His own pencil?
向那个授予他工程学位的 From the only school reckless enough
操蛋学校索赔 to give him a degree in Engineering.
那是所市立学校 City-funded school,
享用着政府的油水 deep government pockets.
也许你早就听过这所学校了 Maybe you've heard of it.
格林德尔社区大学 Greendale Community College.
顺带一提 Weird choice, by the way,
挂着这个学位证真是略显奇葩 the bachelor's degree on the wall.
就是说你打算要起诉我的母校 So you're gonna sue my old school
你还特意地跑来告诉我是吗 and you're bothering to tell me?
你有办法混进去 You have access there.
我需要马文的档案来证明 I need Marvin's records to prove
他接受的是不负责任的教育 that he was irresponsibly educated.
那你干吗不直接开张传票 Well, why don't you just subpoena?
没错 那他们就会毁灭证据 Right, so they can have a shredding party.
这就是你和格林德尔的不同 艾伦 See, that's the difference between you and Greendale, Alan.
他们才不会毁灭证据 They wouldn't shred evidence.
那是一个满是纯良之人的善良之地 It's a good place for good people.
它就是所野鸡大学 It's a diploma mill.
它把白痴教成了垮桥大师 It turns idiots into bridge-collapsers.
把杰夫·翁格教成了 And Jeff Winger into an attorney
自以为能助人为乐的律师 that thought he could help people?
杰夫 我曾见你证明一起纵火案的受害者 Jeff, I once saw you convince an arson victim
其实想让自己的房子烧得更彻底 that he liked his house better burned.
老天 看看这破学校都对你干了什么 God, look what that school did to you.
花光了你的钱 浪费了你四年的光阴 It took all your money. It took four years of your life.
最糟的是 And worst of all,
它磨掉了你翁格专属的手段 It took your Winger moves.
我那犀利的手段仍在 I still got my Winger moves.
证明给我看 把汉弗莱斯的档案拿来 Prove it. Get me Humphries' records.
搞不好下一次的肥差 Because the next bone you get thrown
会从仓库区某个老兄的拉链里掏出来哟 might be through a dude's zipper in the Warehouse District,
我可不敢保证是我赏赐给你的 and I can't guarantee you it'll be from me.
听着 我或许已经山穷水尽无家可归 Look, I might be broke, desperate, and nearly homeless,
但我内心深处还有一样东西 but I still got one thing deep down inside
它能给予我力量 就是它 that gives me power... that was it.
我曾经的全部身家 That was all I had.
■
本字幕由人人影视字幕组翻译 禁止用作任何商业盈利行为
翻译：进击的老涵
翻译：禁忌の夕橙橙
翻译：废柴Nova
翻译：废柴大菜
时间轴：aaaΒαο 木瓜一号
校对：夕橙
后期：鱼骨头
总监：夕橙
《废柴联盟》 第五季第一集
欢迎返校 「人类」同学们 Welcome back, human beings.
派尔顿院长祝你在格林德尔度过酷炫的一年 Dean Pelton here, wishing you another magic year at Greendale,
我校是全美排行第二的社区大学 Ranked America's number two community college
该排名由格林德尔社区大学网评定 by greendalecommunitycollege.com.
由于最近发生的桥梁垮塌 Regarding the recent tragedy surrounding
这样一件惨案 a certain collapsed bridge,
我校将在广场上进行默哀 We will be observing a moment of silence on the quad
辩论队夺冠
并以沉默来应对各家媒体 followed by four years of silence to the press.
我就说你肯定会回来的 I told you you'd be back.
闭嘴 伦纳德 我并不存在 Shut up, Leonard. I'm not here.
我只是你老年痴呆产生的幻象 I'm just a figment of your creeping dementia.
我要如何才能拿到某位毕业生的档案呢 How would I go about getting records for certain alumni?
你凭啥觉得一个陌生人 Why would you think a stranger
能轻描淡写走进来就拿走档案呢 could just walk in here and do that?
-你是 瑞塔 -朗达 - You're, uh, Rita. - Rhonda.
我一直后悔没有告诉你 I've always regretted not telling you
你真的好像我姑妈 how much you remind me of my aunt.
听起来不怎么样 It's more disarming than it sounds.
但其实我姑妈非常有魅力 I have a very attractive aunt.
朗达 你为什么穿着杰夫·翁格的 Rhonda, why are you wearing Jeff Winger's...
杰夫瑞 Jeffrey.
你是 来找你的小伙伴们的吗 Are you, uh, looking for your friends?
他们都不在这里了哦 They don't go here anymore.
也许你是来找寻 Maybe you're looking for something
一直摆在你面前的东西 调有点高 that was in front of you the whole time, just a pitch.
他要看档案 某位毕业生的 He's asking for records for a certain alumni.
关于马文·汉弗莱斯的案子 In the midst of all this Marvin Humphries business,
我怀疑它是老天的安排 I doubt this is a coincidence.
你是来解救我的 是吗 You're here to save me, aren't you?
没错 Yes.
我想我可以联系校友们组建一个委员会 I thought I might contact alumni to form a committee:
「拯救格林德尔委员会」 The Save Greendale Committee.
名称暂定如此 Working title.
杰夫瑞 人家要哭了 Jeffrey, I'm gonna cry.
-不要这样 -人家就要 - Please don't. - Request denied.
朗达会让你进档案室 Rhonda will let you in the records room.
其实就是你们以前的学习室 It's actually your old study room.
你和你的小伙伴们毕业以后 After you and your friends left,
它曾经关闭了一段时间 以免触景伤情 it was closed for sentimental reasons.
以及石棉的原因 但现在已经焕然一新 And asbestos reasons, but it's clean as a whistle now.
烦人的报道 "Harassment reports,"
有害垃圾引用 "Hazardous waste citations,"
疱疹 逗号 饮水机 "Herpes comma water fountains."
格林德尔社区大学 管理档案
拜托 汉弗莱斯的档案在哪 Come on. Where's Humphries?
我看到了你的价值所在 I see your value now.
-啥 阿布蒂 -我看到了你的价值 - Abed, why? - "I see your value now."
这是呼应我们第一季见面的那一刻 It's a callback to when we met first season.
我把年叫成「季」也是呼应 And me calling years "seasons" is a callback
我在第一季的讲话 还有... to my first season dialogue, and me calling...
阿布蒂 我知道问这个会扫你的兴 Abed, I know what makes you off-putting,
不过为啥你会在这 but why are you here?
院长告诉了我「拯救格林德尔委员会」的事 The dean called me about the Save Greendale Committee.
-能算我一个么 -这个...我 - Can I join? - Well, I...
糟了 他还给谁打电话了 Oh, no. Who else did he call?
只有我 然后我告诉了大家 Just me. I called everyone else.
杰夫瑞 Jeffery!
杰夫 Jeff!
酷不酷 Is that cool?
真是酷毙了 It's the coolest.
杰夫 如果你想救格林德尔 Jeff, if you wanted to save Greendale,
怎么不先给我们打电话呢 why didn't you call us first?
你们不是刚从这魔窟里解放出来嘛 Well, you guys just got sprung from this joint,
我觉得你们都要开始找工作什么的 And I figured you had careers to get started.
-是啊 努力工作 -对哦 - Yeah, working hard. - Ah, yes.
他们对我们的家做了什么啊 What have they done to our home?
桌子也烧毁了 The table's buried.
我来搬 I got it.
这里是我们成为一家人的地方 This is where we became a family.
杰夫让我们成了一家人 Jeff made us a family.
我们可以重演这里 We could repilot it.
就像「实习医生风云」第九季那样 This could be like Scrubs Season Nine,
翻新重组 从头再来 A revamp, a do-over.
杰夫可以回格林德尔当老师 Jeff could come back to Greendale as a teacher.
我是不会当老师的 阿布蒂 I'm not gonna be a teacher, Abed.
太逊了 That's lame.
来来来 Come on.
坐在你的椅子上 Sit in your chair.
这样就圆满了 Complete the table.
我们想帮你拯救格林德尔 We want to help you save Greendale.
对 Yeah!
格林德尔 格林德尔 Greendale! Greendale!
格林德尔 Greendale!
我去一下洗手间 I got to go to the bathroom.
给他一点空间 Mm, give him space.
重新试映总是紧张万分的 Repiloting can be intense.
有新人出现 New people show up.
常驻换角色 甚至走人 Regulars shift roles or even fall away.
「实习医生风云」第九季 Season Nine of Scrubs,
扎克·布拉夫就演了前六集 Zach Braff was only in the first six episodes.
这混账王八蛋 That son of a bitch.
「实习医生风云」把他捧红的好不好 After everything Scrubs did for him?
不好意思 I'm sorry.
正在制作梦想板 Vision boarding.
做梦想板啦 嗨 杰夫瑞 Okay, vision boarding! Oh, hi, Jeffrey.
院长 我得警告你一下 Dean, I have to warn you about something,
因为我应该这么做 because it's the right thing to do.
但首先 为什么你的桌子上有个大空箱子 But first, why is there a big empty box on your desk.
上面还写着「汉弗莱斯」 That says "Humphries" on it?
好啦 媒体一直在说汉弗莱斯的事 Okay, the press has been calling about Humphries,
我不想因为他在这上过学的事 And I didn't want any details about his enrollment here
而把媒体引到我们身上 to be spun against us,
现在这事就不存在了 So now there are no details.
那是他的毕业作品 That was his thesis.
起诉我啊你 Okay! So sue me!
这又不是哈佛大学 杰夫瑞 This ain't Harvard, Jeffrey.
我的任务就是 Okay, my job is to give
每年发出去一定数量的学位 a certain number of degrees per year,
不然学校就要关门大吉了 Or we could get shut down.
关门的坏处是... And that would be bad because...
坏处当然是我没工作了 Ah, because then I wouldn't have a job.
还有格林德尔好地方 好人都来上学堂 And, you know, Greendale is a good place for good people.
那些招生广告语什么的 That whole spiel, huh?
是啊 Yeah.
招生广告什么的 That whole spiel.
翁帅 用好消息抽打我吧 Wingblade. Shock me by impressing me.
-他把汉弗莱斯都粉碎了 -什么 - He shredded Humphries. - What?
我都告诉你了 你怎么办事的 I told you! How could you let this happen?
先生请你离开我们门房的桌子 Sir, I have to ask you to leave the concierge desk.
杰夫 我只有这个案子了 Jeff, this case was all I had.
我玩完了 I am screwed!
老婆跑了 女朋友把我甩了 My wife left. My girlfriend dumped me.
她俩还是姐妹 现在全家都在生我的气 And they're sisters, so now the whole family's pissed.
闭嘴 Shut up.
准备所有集体诉讼的文本材料 Bring me all the paperwork for filing a class action:
意向书 合约所有材料 Letters of intent, engagement, everything.
多准备几份 Multiple copies.
翁格 你把客户搞丢了 Winger, you just lost our client!
对 Yeah.
但我可以找来五位新客户 But I can create five new ones.
灰太多了 把这个拿下来 It's so dusty. Let's get this off the table.
这就是翁格的承诺 And that's the Winger guarantee.
或许我们可以募集资金 Okay, maybe we should bring a fund raising ideas
没有烘焙售卖 that aren't bake sales.....
也不能把人类关进笼子 or opening a zoo where the humans are in cages
让动物参观的动物园 and the animals come to visit.
你怎么了杰夫 像是吓到了 Are you okay, jeff? You left kind of freaked out.
那个 Well...
我总是在想学校有麻烦是因为 I can't stop thinking this school might be in trouble
那个塌桥男 because of this bridge-collapsing guy.
他只是桥建的不好 He's the one making bad bridges.
就像我的比喻差 却怨猫头鹰一样 That's like me blaming owls for how much I suck at analogies.
有时候学生会在法庭上 声称 Sometimes a student will claim, in court,
是学校把他们的生活给毁了 That their school ruined their life,
他们就胜诉 And they'll win.
你们想拯救格林德尔 You want to save Greendale?
-让它成为胜诉证明 -怎么做 - Make it litigation-proof. - How?
像敌人一样思考 Think like the enemy.
格林德尔是怎么糟蹋你的 安妮 How did Greendale damage you, Annie?
没有的事 我爱医务管理 It didn't. I love Hospital Administration.
-那是你的工作吗 -现在还不是 - Is that your job? - Well...Not yet.
但我帮管医院要用的物品 But I administer things to hospitals,
比如这个 Like these.
笔 Pen?
未来星 "Futurza"?
他们是制药界的新星 They're a rising star in pharmaceuticals.
他们发明了纤维肌痛 They invented fibromyalgia
又发明了纤维肌痛的治疗方法 and the cure for fibromyalgia.
你现在卖药去了 真讽刺 You push drugs now? That's ironic.
我卖的是笔 布雷塔 I push pens, Britta.
说到讽刺 心理治疗市场如何 Speaking of irony, how's the therapy market?
萧条到家没 Depressed?
过安息日
我在休假 I'm on sabbatical.
你是犹太人 You're Jewish?
我在亲身实践研究酗酒者心理状态 I'm doing hands-on research about the psychology of alcoholism.
你在当酒保 是不是 You're a bartender, aren't you?
基本等同于当今的心理学家 Which is basically like a modern-day therapist.
尤其是有人跟我说起谋杀 If somebody tells me about a murder,
我不能泄露出去的 I can't tell anyone.
酒保你都当不好 Wow, you're even bad at bartending.
那你呢 What about you?
阿布蒂正研究下一个 Abed's working on the next
价值十亿的社交媒体App billion-dollar social media App.
等到开始赚钱 我只需要告他就可以了 And when it takes off, all I got to do is sue him.
万无一失 It's fool-proof.
你现在开始编程了 阿布蒂 You're programming now, Abed?
怎么没找一个与你四年电影学位有关的工作 Didn't get any work with your four-year film degree?
有个工作 商业广告导演 One job, directing a commercial.
钱还没拿到 Still haven't been paid.
我明天给你支票 I'll cut you a check tomorrow,
先说清楚 是你不干了 But just so we're clear, you quit.
创作分歧 Creative differences.
我让你把电话号码加到画面里去 I asked you to put the phone number on the screen.
我不喜欢那个号码 I didn't like the number.
555 太植入了 555? It's derivative.
那是我公司的号码 It's the number of my business.
听着就假 It sounds fake.
怎么所有电话开头都是555 How can every number start with 555?
只有一万组号码 Are there only 10,000 numbers?
阿布蒂你不干了 Abed, you quit?
你说你是被炒了 You said you got fired.
咱们的房租 你已经两个月没交了 You haven't paid in our apartment for two months.
你怎么没卖给他点药 Well, why don't you sell him a pill
治治他 好放弃梦想 That will help him give up on his dreams?
放松剂不是治疗放弃梦想的 Relaxabrex doesn't make you give up on your dreams.
那是副作用 That's a side effect.
至少我卖的药不会让我的肚脐眼 At least the drugs I sell don't get slurped
发出咕噜咕噜的声音 out of my belly button.
因为那是周二肚皮日 That's only on Tummy Tuesdays!
-那就对了 -对不起 - Oh, it's okay... - oh, I'm sorry...
安德烈又离开我了 Andre left again.
和上次不一样 It's...it's not like last time.
他和家人在一起 He's staying with family.
带走了儿子们 He took the boys.
也带走了狗 He took the dog.
还有录像机 He took the D.V.R.
166集的「识骨寻踪」 都带走了 166 episodes of Bones just gone.
这次是我的错 It was my fault this time.
我背叛了他 I cheated on him
因为雪瑞三明治 With Shirley's Sandwiches.
我砸钱扩张 I threw the money into expanding.
没想到会失败 I just didn't think I could fail.
好了 Okay.
你们要知道 Well, just so you know,
这种事情可以被别人用来 This is the sort of stuff that someone could use
作为对学校不利的证词 to make a claim against a school.
我又要去洗手间了 I have to go to the bathroom again.
我去的时候 While I'm gone,
你们想想我说的话 I want you to think about what I said.
当做练习了 As an exercise.
你们会不会觉得怪怪的 没有了那谁 Do you guys feel weird about doing this without...
磁态态 Magnitude?
你要的东西都在这 That's everything you asked for.
你忽悠谁呢 Who are you flipping?
我的朋友们 My friends,
现在是拯救格林德尔委员会 Who are now the Save Greendale Committee,
我创办的 which I created.
翁格作风 Classic Winger.
我都忘了当坏人扮好人是什么感觉了 I forgot what it was like to be good at being bad.
赶快结案回到爸爸怀抱 乖 So just close the deal and bring it home to daddy, eh?
抱歉艾伦 爸爸换人了 Oh, sorry, Alan. Change of daddies.
接下来交给我 I'll take it from here.
不不 这是我的案子 No, no, but it's my case.
汉弗莱斯曾经是你的案子 Humphries was your case.
杰夫 Jeff...
-你吓到人家了 -那就对了 - You're scaring me. - Good.
你这样的人就应该吓一吓 Guys like you should be more scared.
你这个拥有信托基金 美黑喷雾 You trust-funded, body-sprayed,
伊莱·罗斯DVD的人 Eli-Roth-dvd owner...
你这个业余怪兽 艾伦 You're an amateur monster, Alan,
你一脚踩进了真怪兽的墓穴 And you stomp in the grave of a real monster
那怪兽自愿一直被埋没 who was willing to stay buried,
因为真怪兽有羞耻感 because real monsters have shame,
因为他们想... Because they wish that...
你还不值得用独白 You're not worth the monologue.
-领带给我 -干嘛 - Give me your tie. - What?
不给你独白了 领带给我 No monologue for you. Give me your tie.
这是为你逼的我来这上学 That's for making me go to this school.
这是为了过去四年发生的事 That's for making the last four years happen.
现在我得让这些事都没发生 And now I get to make them un-happen
为我 为了我唯一关心的人们 For me and the only people I care about.
我让丈夫失望了 让孩子们也失望了 I failed my husband. I failed my kids.
也让「识骨寻踪」失望了 I've failed Bones.
我帮助挑起了小安妮 I'm helping to hook a whole new battle
在安非他命上的新战争 of little Annies on adderall.
我花了好多时间在电脑上 I've been spending so much time with computers,
你的眼泪对我来说都是1和0 Your tears are just ones and zeroes to me.
你原来可是真人版的霍曼贺卡呢 Yeah, you were a real Hallmark Card before.
我比你们都伤心 I'm much sadder than the rest of you.
至于为什么 等会就能想出来了 I will figure out why later.
杰夫 结案陈词 Jeff, full disclosure:
我们的生活比之前在这里时更糟糕 Our lives are worse than the day we got here.
这是个你自己独立完成的 Well, that is a serious allegation
严重的指控 to arrive at all by yourselves.
-真的吗 -真的 - Are you sure? - Yes.
我们集体作出了决定 And we've come to a decision as a group,
请你不要就此下判断 and please don't judge us for suggesting it.
无论如何我都是支持你的 Hey, I'll back you up no matter what.
我们决定在格林德尔重读 We decided to re-enroll at Greendale.
什么 你们疯了 What? Are you nuts?
格林德尔 格林德尔 Greendale! Greendale!
你们小点声好不好 You guys want to keep it down?
-昌 -凯文 - Chang? - Kevin?
昌 我不搞健忘症那东西了 Chang. I've dropped the amnesia thing,
认罪伏法 蹲了监狱 Copped to my crimes, and went to jail.
现在是监外工作 Now I'm on work release.
-什么工作 -数学老师 - Working as what? - Math teacher.
下一项 解释下睡衣怎么回事 Next, explain the pajamas.
现在是软禁在家的监外工作 Well, I'm on work release from house arrest,
但我无家可归 But I don't have a home.
看到这个了 See this?
我得待在这玩意儿的100码范围以内 This won't let me travel 100 yards from this,
而它的电线只有30码长 and this only has a 30-yard cord,
所以我的活动范围是... So I can only travel...
管他的 你们自己算吧 Whatever. You do the math.
你刚还说你是教数学的 You said you teach math.
没错 我教数学 你们做数学 Exactly; I teach it. You do it.
他的昌癔症竟然是装的 Chang was faking his changnesia?
他们明知这家伙曾试图烧了学校 They seriously rehired a teacher
竟重新聘请了他 They fired for trying to burn down the school?
他先是假冒西语老师 After being rehired as a security guard
然后被重新聘为保安 after being fired for impersonating a teacher.
连我都觉得这太疯狂了 That's insane, and I'm Abed.
何止是疯狂 根本就是不负责任 Worse than insane. Irresponsible.
-简直罪恶 -我不信鬼[罪恶] - Evil. - I don't believe in evil.
咱们学校以前肯定遭受过心灵创伤 But this school clearly got a finger up its butt as a child.
这地方会毁人前途 This place ruins lives.
即便如此 If that were true,
我们又能做些什么呢 then what could we possibly do about it?
干得漂亮 翁格 Make 'em dance, Winger.
杰夫 与你「相爱相杀」的律师基友来干吗 Ew, Jeff, what's your evil old legal nemesis doing here?
相爱相杀 Nemesis?
不 我们又是合作伙伴了 No, we were partners again.
直到我失去利用价值 Until I lost my usefulness.
虽说我不是好人 I may be evil,
但你们的「好朋友」可比我坏得多 but your friend here is so much more dangerous.
说说你是如何在半小时内 Tell 'em how it took you 30 minutes
说服他们想起诉自己的学校 to make them think they wanted to sue their own school.
我说漏嘴了 I did it.
骚瑞啦 Sorry.
剩下的残局就交给你收拾了 Anyway, I'll leave you to pick up these pieces.
我顺道去买点可卡因 I'm gonna go score some blow.
这儿的体育老师正好是毒品贩子 My dealer's a gym teacher here.
你骗了我们 You lied to us?
我从不骗你们 I never lied to you.
我教会了你们真正的人生道理 I showed you the right truth.
布雷塔 我们刚认识时 Britta, when we met,
你是个折衷派无政府主义者 you were an eclectic anarchist.
想想你是怎么堕落成组里的脑残的 How did you become the group's airhead?
谢谢你全家 Thank you?
雪瑞 你从一位摆脱婚姻枷锁的独立女性 - And, Shirley, you've gone from an independent divorcee
努力奋斗靠自己 striking out on her own
变成了只会等老公电话的破产厨子 to a bankrupt fry cook hoping for a call from her husband.
特洛伊 你的存在感已经被 Troy, your entire identity has been consumed
你俩的基情耗尽了 By your relationship with another man.
我汤不热的小号被你发现了 You found my Clive Own Tumblr.
不懈努力的优等生安妮又变成了什么样子呢 And what happened to Annie the unstoppable go-getter?
去年发生了一起煤气泄漏嘛 Well, there was that gas leak last year.
别都怪在煤气泄漏上 Oh, don't blame it all on the gas leak year.
在这四年里 This was a four-year process.
我们的生活从现实的人生 We went in one end as real people
退化成乱七八糟的二次元世界了 And out the other end as mixed-up cartoons.
-酷啊 -酷你妹 - Cool. - Sure.
说这话的某人曾在学校里 This coming from the guy who's had
精神崩溃过几次来着 how many psychotic breaks on campus?
要算上去年的煤气泄漏那次吗 Are we including the gas leak year?
你们报考这所学校时都曾踌躇满志 You all came here with a chance to be something,
现在这些志向都去哪儿了 and you all had that taken away from you.
你们需要补偿 Get something back.
要求学校赔偿损失吧 Seek damages.
在这儿签字 Sign here.
但你是我们的英雄啊 But you're our hero.
-在广告里... -广告是骗人的 - I mean, in the commercial. - The commercial was a lie.
-机器人大战是假的吗 -没错 - You staged a robot fight? - Yeah.
在现实中 机器人赢了 In real life, the robot wins.
特洛伊 Troy?
既然杰夫没变化 那他就是对的 If Jeff didn't change, then Jeff is right.
已经结案了 咱们分点钱吧 Case closed. Let's make some money.
好吧 既然这是杰夫做出的决定 Okay, Jeff, if this is what you really want to do.
我签字就是了 I'll sign.
做出决定的人是你自己 The choice to make is yours.
不 是你 No, it's yours.
这所学校的未来就交给你了 We're putting Greendale in your hands.
我们都必须发表两句感言吗 Do we all have to say something?
-你签字就是了 -好吧 - No, you can just sign it. - Okay.
是你把我们凝聚在一起的 You brought us together.
通过谎言 With lies.
你所做的不仅仅是骗人那么简单 But what you do is above lying, remember?
你教会我们真正的道理 You show us the right truth.
你们不会后悔的 You won't regret this.
我想把这张桌子拿到后面烧了 I'd like to take the study room table in back and burn it.
为什么要烧了它 Burn it? Why?
就好比我永远不会把「时光大盗」还给租赁店 The same reason I never returned Time Bandits to Blockbuster.
「时光大盗」 1981年的喜剧电影 Blockbuster为知名DVD租赁公司 已破产
没有人能配得上它 Nobody else deserves it.
天哪 Jesus!
你好像迷路了 Looks as if you've lost your way.
皮尔斯 Pierce?
继续这么走 你会错过在中央花园 Continue on this path, and you might miss your last chance
由皮尔斯·霍桑博物馆举办的 to see the Pierce Hawthorne Museum of Gender Sensitivity
「性别意识与性交能力」展览最终场 And Sexual Potency on the central quad.
依照法院指令 此次展览与我的全息影像 The museum and this hologram were donated in compliance
均为无偿赞助 详情我不便多说 with a court order I'm not allowed to discuss.
只能说 有些女人真是夸不起啊 Let's just say some women can't take a compliment.
难以置信 Unbelievable.
法院允许我发表以下言论 What I am allowed to discuss is Greendale,
关于格林德尔 and I'll say this:
请你不要背叛它 Don't turn your back on it.
就听我一句劝吧 虽说法院不许我去学校 Take it from a man with no legal right to be there.
这个学校是个特别的地方 You're in a special place.
或者说 很烂的地方 A crappy place, sure,
但它给了废柴们一线机会 But only because it gives crappy people a chance
理清头绪的地方 to sort themselves out.
刚才的话是不是太基情了 Did I sound gay at the end?
我能重新录一段吗 Do you want to do another take?
-杰夫瑞 我还没穿衣服呢 -我知道 - Jeffrey, I'm not decent. - I know.
这五份签名来自五个 These are the signatures of the five people
依旧关心这所烂学校的疯狂学生 that are crazy enough to care about this toilet.
我今晚差一点就说服他们起诉学校了 And tonight, I almost got them to sue it.
以此为戒吧 Heed the warning!
这院长可不好当 杰夫瑞 It's not easy being dean, Jeffrey!
那你就别当了 Then stop being the dean!
那我会失去存在感的啊 It's my whole ideantity!
院长的工作就是我存在的证明啊 I mean, wah, see what I did there? That's proof!
省省吧你 Get your crap together.
你的职责不是教书育人 Your job is not to hand out degrees.
而是把这所学校弄得一团糟 Your job is to make this a toilet
这样学生们也不会发了疯地来保护它 that people don't have to be crazy to care about.
你可以留下来帮我一起拯救学校 But you could stay here and help me save the school.
你付我多少钱 For how much money?
钱我是付不起 I-I can't offer you any money.
但我能给你份工作 I could offer you a job.
你当我是奴隶么 You just described slavery.
我是说 预算里没有「拯救学校」这一款项 I mean, there's nothing in the budget for school saver,
但我能聘用你做... But I could hire you as...
我顶你个肺 阿布蒂 Screw you, Abed.
要不是因为这样做有助于我开启人生新篇章 I'd be depressed right now if these samples from work
我肯定早犯抑郁症了 weren't giving me a new outlook on life.
如果你们感兴趣 If you're interested in learning more,
跟你的医生咨询可不可以服用欢乐剂 Ask your doctor if Joyvatrex is right for you.
亲爱的 Oh, honey.
如果要起诉学校 我能做关键证人吗 If we sue Greendale, can I be a surprise witness?
等等 别告诉我 Wait. Don't tell me.
等一下 Stop!
我们不该起诉学校 We shouldn't sue the school.
拜托 你又来 Ohh. Come on!
你是想从精神上打击我们是么 Are you trying to give us emotional whiplash?
如果你们觉得还有「壮志未酬」 Look, if you feel there's more work to be done on yourselves,
这个糟糕的学校 then as crappy as this place is,
能帮你们完成梦想 It's a place that you can do it.
你得到了在这儿教书的机会是么 You got a job teaching here, didn't you?
求别问 I don't want to talk about it.
那我想继续研究法医学 Well, then, I'm getting back into forensic science.
这是我真正的梦想 我不该放弃的 That was my actual dream. It's my fault I bailed on it.
一纸文凭并不说明我是合格的导演 A film degree doesn't make me a filmmaker.
我还要学如何与人打交道 I need to learn how to work with other people.
-我想了解真正的自我 -我会帮你 - I need to figure out who I am. - I'll help you.
从我的脑袋里出去 Get out of my brain.
我要学会如何经商 I need to learn how to really run a business
要符合我自己的标准 而非格林德尔的 by my own standards, not Greendale's.
我想取得四年制的心理学学位 I'm gonna get a four-year Psych degree,
接着读研 然后成为真正的心理学家 then a master's, and become a real psychologist.
其实换个专业也不错嘛 Or you could find another major.
成为真正的心理学家 A real psychologist.
-读英语吧 -心理学 - How about English? - Psychology.
好吧 关键是 All right, what's important is,
不论如何 No matter what,
我们会想办法说服布雷塔另谋出路 we'll be trying to talk Britta into doing something different
齐心协力 together.
燃烧吧 绝望 Burn, hopelessness.
着火啦 It's a fire...
在这里 小小的成功也是至关重要的... Little victories count for a lot around here...
即使你一开始就没有求胜之心 Even if you never asked to win in the first place.
人生得意须尽欢 And you have to enjoy those nice moments while you can.
看 每集结束时他都会以画外音做总结 See, he does a voice-over wrap-up at the end of every episode.
-是嘛 -酷啊 - Wow. - Cool.
因为在这儿 欢乐不会持续太久 Because around here, they never last very long.
再来一次 要更有老师范儿 Once more. More teachery.
我想撞豆腐自尽 I want to kill myself.
就是这种感觉 Use that.
你是好人吗 Are you a good person?
没错 我与你不同 Yes, unlike you.
我能保证... I can guarantee...
我一定会打败你... the Winger beaten you...
再也不会了 Not any more.