大家好 我是杰夫 翁格先生 Hi everybody. I'm Jeff. Mr. Winger
这门课是「法律基础」 And this is Fundamental of Law.
有问题吗 Any questions?
红头发的 我不记名字 You, red hair. I'm not gonna learn names.
-有教学大纲吗 -有教学大纲吗 - Will there be a syllabus? - "Will there be a syllabus?"
这样的问题很好 继续 is good example of a question. Moving on.
-帽哥 -判分标准是怎样的 - Ski Cap. - how are we gonna be graded?
没有剧透哦 帽哥 Oh, no spoilers, Ski Cap.
-咱们还是自报名字吧 -戴夫 - Maybe we better do names. - Dave.
期末考试分数占多大比重 What percent of our grade will the final be?
拜托孩子们 比例 评分 大纲什么的 come on, guys, percentages, grades, that syllabus thing...
我们是人类 还是问答机器 Are we human beings or just question-and-answer machines?
我们是学生 你是老师 We're students. And you're a teacher.
对 我是老师 Yeah. I'm a teacher.
看到没 那个老师用眼神勾搭我 Did you see that? That teacher just leered at me.
-恶心 -瞧啊 - Ew. - Hey, look,
「混蛋之首」的大明星 It's the star of "Head of the ass."
闭嘴 伦纳德 耳环不错 Shut up, Leonard! Nice earring.
你活像「加州葡萄干」巡演经纪人 You look like the road manager for the California Raisins.
哪个教师跟学生这样说话啊 Whoa! What kind of teacher talks to a student like that?
-对吧 -对哦 - Right? - Yeah.
-新人吗 -对 杰夫·翁格 教法律 - Fresh meat, huh? - Yeah, Jeff Winger, Law.
巴兹·汉基 教犯罪学的 Buzz Hickey, Criminology.
办公室的一半归你 但到了春天 You can have that half of the office, but come spring,
那个角落会堆满成串的乳猪 that corner is stacked to the rafters with fetal pigs.
我不会待太久的 I won't be here that long.
这份工作是小插曲 This is sort of a temporary gig for me.
我懂的 I get it.
教书为了糊口 找到正经工作就走人 Teaching to make ends meet until a real job comes along,
-跟我一样 -那挺好 - yeah, me too. - Oh, cool.
-你教书有... -15年了 - How long have you been... - 15 years.
纪录还在刷新 15 years and counting.
还小插曲呢 "Temporary gig."
我喜欢你 Oh, I like you.
■
本字幕由人人影视字幕组翻译 禁止用作任何商业盈利行为
翻译：wdjmhs
翻译：夕橙
翻译：大卫熊
时间轴：Ans。
校对：夕橙
后期：鱼骨头
总监：夕橙
《废柴联盟》 第五季第二集
新桌子原来这么棒啊 阿布蒂 Oh, the new table turned out great, Abed.
马克桌二代
油漆好亮啊 Splendid varnishing.
马克桌二代 "Table mark II"?
我加的 还做了些定制升级 I added that, and a few custom upgrades.
可以语音激活 It's voice activated.
桌子 恢复桌子模式 Table, resume table mode.
桌子 关机 Table, power down.
等等 我杯子还在上边呢 Wait! I got a cup on there.
哟 老师好 Oh, teacher man!
-是翁格教授 -翁格先生 - It's professor Winger! - Mr. Winger.
别拿我当老师的事开涮啦 Please don't razz me about being a teacher.
教师是世界上最高尚的职业 Teaching is the most noble profession in the world.
对 去跟我办公室的同僚说吧 Yeah, tell that to the guy that shares my office.
他以鼓捣布谷鸟钟为乐 He fixes cuckoo clocks for fun.
怎么像是汉基先生 我的犯罪学教授 That sounds like Mr. Hickey, my criminology professor.
真心希望你当老师能比他强 I certainly hope you'll be a better teacher than him.
安妮 我不懂法律 Annie, I don't know law.
我是个冒牌律师 记得吗 I wasn't a real lawyer, remember?
我装不了多久的 I can't just pretend I'm teaching.
我不是「流言终结者」 I'm not Mythbusters.
有个两天的课程 There's a two-day course
叫做「尼古拉斯·凯奇: 好还是坏」 called "Nicolas Cage: good or bad."
我选了 我一直想了解这个 I'm signing up. I've always wanted to know.
尼古拉斯·凯奇是流行文化的最大谜团之一 Nicolas Cage is one of pop culture's greatest mysteries.
有门课专门讲尼古拉斯·凯奇 Oh, there's a course on Nicolas Cage,
而你跟理科老师提耶稣 but if you mention Jesus to your science teacher,
就会得到书面警告 you get a written warning.
耶稣可没演过70部电影 Well, Jesus wasn't in 70 movies.
我也选 凯奇课 听着不错 I'm in. Cage class, sounds fun.
杰夫 你没时间上这种没用的课 Jeff, you don't have time to take a blow-off class.
你得弄清楚要给你的学生 You need to figure out what you're gonna
-教什么内容 -谢谢 安妮 - teach your students. - Thanks, annie,
我差一点忘记自己是一名人民教师了 for one glorious second, I forgot I was a teacher.
瞧瞧咱的聪明先生 Oh! Look at Mr. Smarty Pants!
我好兴奋啊 I am so excited!
杰夫要帮我拯救这所学校 Jeff is gonna help me save the school.
也不是全靠他哦 我在学Excel制表 Not all by himself. I am learning Excel.
-杰夫 你会用Excel不 -不会 - Jeff, do you know Excel? - No.
你的长相说你会用 Well, it looks like you do.
耶 教课咯 Yay, teaching!
我就是喜剧学教授肖恩·加瑞提 I, as you know, am Dramatic professor Sean Garrity,
你们即将进行一段史诗般的讨论 and you are now embarking on an odyssey of discussion
一个令全世界不停发问的演员 about an actor who keeps the world asking:
尼古拉斯·凯奇 好还是坏 Nicolas Cage, good or bad?
请讲 年轻人 Yes, young man?
-那你不知道答案吗 -纳德尔先生 - So you don't know? - Mr. Nadir.
纳德尔先生把电视研究学的教授逼疯了 Mr. Nadir drove our TV studies professor out of his mind
因为他一直在证明「谁是老板」 by proving that there was an answer
是有答案的 to the question "Who's the boss?"
-是安杰拉 -我佩服您的头脑 纳德尔先生 - Angela. - I admire your brain, Mr. Nadir.
我并不佩服谢菲尔德教授 I did not admire professor Sheffield,
但我对你打包票 这问题没答案 but I promise you, this question has no answer.
你们的作业是周三前看完五部凯奇的电影 Your homework is to watch five Nicolas Cage films by Wednesday,
不要连续看 No marathons.
给自己些消化的时间 Space out your viewings.
就看五部呗 Five, that's it?
小心点 阿布蒂·纳德尔 Be careful, Abed nadir.
向我保证你会谨慎对待 Promise me you will be careful.
我根本不知道怎么做课程表 I have no idea how to make a curriculum.
当老师真是个天大的错误 Becoming a teacher was a huge mistake.
一点没错 Without a doubt.
这说明 我们也有某种特权 That said, there are certain perks.
借光 Excuse me.
我可不知道原来教师还能插队 I didn't know teachers could cut in line.
这食物让我感觉既温暖又恶心 I can actually experience this food warm and disgusting.
翁格 你干毛呢 Winger, what are you doing?
Lionel Richie 美国黑人摇滚歌星
这是排队买饭 不卖演唱会门票 This line is for food, not for Lionel Richie tickets.
这是我的地盘 This is my house.
你过来 Come here.
他的名字是翁格先生 This man's name is Mr. Winger,
翁格先生是老师 And Mr. Winger is a teacher.
明白什么意思吗 You know what that means?
就是你要把肉丸献给他 It means he gets your meatballs.
求求您 我只有这么多了 Ah, please. That's all I have.
滚吧 Get outta here.
这地方就是动物园 Place is a zoo.
门道就是 你要让别的狒狒知道 The trick is, you gotta show the other baboons
你的屁股更红更大 you got a bigger, redder ass.
去休息室吧 Let's hit the lounge.
伙计们 这位是新人 翁格 Everybody, this is the new guy, Winger.
他不知道该如何做课程表 He's having trouble planning his curriculum.
搞毛啊 What?
你只需知道这些 Here's all you need to know:
分组 互相评分 Break into groups, grade each other's papers,
然后欣赏七碟装的「行星地球」 and please enjoy the seven-disc edition of Planet Earth.
翁格先生在这里吗 Is there a Mr. Winger in here?
杰夫瑞 我们得挤点时间出来学Excel Jeffrey, we need to carve out some time to learn Excel.
你们知道Excel吗 我在学 Do you guys know Excel? I'm learning.
你懂规矩的 派尔顿 You know the rules, Pelton.
扔下工资条 马上滚蛋 Drop the checks and move on.
杰夫瑞 Oh. Jeffrey,
我要启动电脑然后下载教程 I'm gonna boot up my computer and download the tutor...
-这也可以吗 -工会规定 - What was that about? - Union rules.
管理层与狗不得进入员工休息室 Management's not allowed in the faculty lounge.
这个我会习惯的 I could get used to this.
尼古拉斯·凯奇好奇怪哦 Nicolas cage is so weird.
他貌似害怕闻那朵花 I mean, he seemed scared to smell that flower
但却愿意被枪击 but happy to get shot.
他是个复杂的演员 He's a complex performer.
演了「勇闯夺命岛」「空中监狱」和「变脸」 He'll give you The Rock, Con Air, then Face Off,
你以为了解他了 他又去演了「风语者」 and you think you understand, but then Windtalkers,
「第一夫人的保镖 」 「异教徒」 Guarding Tess, The Wicker Man.
他祈求大家不要去看 但你欲罢不能 He begs you to stop watching, but you can't.
这个选择很蹊跷 That was an odd choice.
这个蹊跷是褒义还是贬义 Would you say it was odd good or odd bad?
也许他在好电影里演得好 Maybe he's just good in good movies
然后瞎演几部烂片挣点白粉钱 and then acts crazy in crap to make drug money.
但他到底是不是好演员 每个演员都有定论 But is he good, or is he bad? Every actor is something.
小罗伯特·唐尼好 吉姆·贝鲁西不好 Robert Downey Jr., good, Jim Belushi, bad.
尚格·云顿 正面角色演得差 Van Damme, the good kind of bad,
强尼·德普 反派演得好 Johnny Depp, the bad kind of good.
就这么个范围 凯奇也在其中 There's a spectrum, and Cage is on it.
我只需把他找出来就行 I just have to find him.
我去问问杰夫 I'm gonna go check on Jeff.
-喂 -杰夫 旧课程进行得如何呀 - Hello. - hey, Jeff, how's the old curriculum going?
棒极了 我国青年都已经洗好脑了 Great. Consider our nation's youth pre-inspired.
要续杯吗 翁格 Want a refill, Winger?
-是汉基吗 -对啊 - Is that Hickey? - Yeah.
我俩一起研究「教学捣肛」呢 We're working on syllabuses.
咱们去储物柜里拉粑粑去 Hey, let's turd some lockers!
挂了哈 为师去干正经事了 Gotta go! Teacher thing!
是教学大纲啦 It's "Syllabi."
古特曼 搞疯狂科学去呀 Guterman. Droppin' mad science?
伊莱恩 小心使用「牛津逗号」啦 Ooh, Elaine, take it easy on the Oxford commas.
慢慢走 别跑 先生们 这又不是跑道 Hey, walk, don't run, Mister! This isn't a racetrack!
好了 危险游戏 咱们先分组 Okay, Dangerous Minds, let's break into groups,
讨论第一章 如果你们够幸运 Discuss Chapter One, and if you are lucky,
咱们没准儿再看会儿「行星地球」 we might sneak in a little Planet Earth.
有问题吗 Any questions?
就几句 Just a few.
原来她在你班上哟 Ahh, she in your class, yo!
那么我想 应该... So I guess, just...
阅读第一章 Read Chapter One.
背诵「联邦民事诉讼程序法」 And memorize the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure.
下课 Class dismissed.
别那么着急 杰夫 Not so fast, Jeff.
我想你也知道为什么我要留你的堂 I assume you know why I'm keeping you after class.
不知道 Not really.
帽哥和白戴夫也犯了不少错啊 Ski Cap and White Dave got lots of stuff wrong too.
你可是老师啊 杰夫 You're the teacher, Jeff.
你也没必要反复强调吧 You don't have to rub it in.
今天我看到这一切真是让人脸红 What I saw today was embarrassing.
你上课迟到 很显然你完全不知道... You were late, you clearly had no idea...
喂 Hey!
你完全不晓得什么叫「侵权法改革」 You had no idea what tort reform meant,
当我要你解释一下「第六条修正案」时 And when I asked you to explain the Sixth Amendment,
-你辩的是第五条 -我知道我的权利 - You pled the Fifth! - I know my rights.
你不知道 这就是问题所在 No, you don't. That's the problem.
给 我收集了一些资料 Here. I gathered some materials.
明天一早 上课之前 Tomorrow morning, before class,
我需要确定你有足够的知识可以教人 I need to verify that you know enough to teach.
你居然要考我 你是坏人 You're gonna quiz me? You're the worst.
我希望特洛伊在我课堂上而不是你 I wish Troy was in my class instead of you!
我恨她 恨她恨她恨她 I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her,
我恨她 恨她恨她恨她 I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her.
等下 我警告过你要区分好彼此的世界 Hey, wait, I warned you to separate these worlds.
她是优等生 咱们才是老大 She's lead, we're chalk.
应该把她踢出去 She needs to be taken out.
踢出你的课堂 我是指给她减分 Of your class. I say minus her.
-减分 -给她个A减 - Minus her? - Give her A-minuses.
肯定让她抓狂 然后弃课 It'll drive her nuts, she'll drop.
她会来跟我闹 她会告我的状 She'll call me on it. She'll report me.
老师从来都不用解释为啥给减分 Teachers don't have to explain minuses.
不然你以为为什么要发明教师这个职业 Why do you think we invented 'em?
-她是我朋友 -切 - She's my friend. - Eh.
你喜欢伦纳德的肉丸子不 You like the Leonard meatballs?
里面加了很特别的料 They added something special.
伦纳德的肉 It's Leonard.
我跟你开玩笑呢 Come on, I'm just messing with you.
搞定了没 把我的耳环还回来 You done with your bit? I'd like my earring back.
是吧 Yeah?
去捡呀 你个人渣 Go get your earring, you piece of human garbage.
「变脸」
天哪 Oh, my God.
嘿 我得出一个规律 Okay, hey, I have a working theory,
在没听完全部内容之前不要随便反应 And don't react until you've heard the whole thing.
如果你仔细看「蛇眼」的第七分钟 If you watch closely, at the seven-minute mark in Snake Eyes,
你会注意到当外星人胳膊出现时是不可能 You'll notice the moment where an alien arm could've come up and...
阿布蒂 这样不值得 Abed, this isn't worth it.
也许尼古拉斯·凯奇只是 疯了而已 Maybe Nicolas Cage is just... crazy.
所有演员都是疯子 安妮 有些疯得好 All actors are crazy, Annie. Some crazy actors are good,
有些疯得坏 没有人两个都没有 some are bad, but none of them are neither.
也没有人两个都是 所以哪一种是... There's no such thing as both, so which one is...
尼古拉斯·凯奇 嗷嗷 Nicolas Cage, huh? Oh! Oh!
好了 分成小组 Okay, so break into groups,
然后呢 你们互相考对方 and then, you guys quiz each other.
翁格先生 这是对宝贵时间的最好利用吗 Mr. Winger, is that really the best use of our time?
看来你在这里的价值也不过是... Seems like the value of having you here is...
我觉得我作为老师的价值就是教你们如何学习 I think my value as a teacher is to teach you how to learn.
我觉得你说的是我们应该自己教自己 I think you're telling us we should teach ourselves.
如果我告诉你该怎么想 你是学不到东西的 I don't think you're gonna learn if I tell you how to think.
我觉得如果你告诉我们你的想法 I think if you tell us what you think,
我们会学习到的 then we'll learn that.
我觉得你们应该分成小组 I thought you should break into groups,
如果你学不到的话 那你的推理就不能成立 but you failed to learn that, so your theory's invalid.
够拽哦 Ooh, snap.
分成小组 Break into groups.
翁格先生 你是怎么做到的 Mr. Winger, how did you do that?
-什么 -你跟安妮·埃迪生辩论吵赢了耶 - Do what? - You won an argument against Annie Edison.
不要跟安妮吵架 加瑞 You don't argue with Annie, Garrett,
你让她自己跟自己吵 直到她输掉就好 you let her argue with herself until she loses.
-你不用吵都能赢 -没错 帽哥 - You can win by not arguing? - Yeah, Ski Cap.
想吵架的就已经先输掉了 Anyone that tries to argue has already lost,
因为他们选择了一场要输的辩论 because they pick an argument to lose.
所以说 我从来不输官司 I mean, that's why I never lost a case.
公诉人会自己打败自己 因为他们... Prosecutors beat themselves, because they d...here.
因为他们画了个圈 Because they draw a circle
框住一些叫做「真相」的东西 around something called "The truth,"
他们声称圆圈之外的都是谎言 And they say that everything outside it is a lie.
安妮 Annie.
别哭了 你是对的 Don't cry, you were right.
我真的挺喜欢教书 I actually might enjoy teaching.
我哭不是因为你 I'm not crying because of you.
我从汉基教授那里得了这个 I got this from Professor Hickey.
搞什么鬼 他给了你一只死耗子 What the hell? He gave you a dead rat?
不是 这是我的证人恐吓作业 No, this is my witness intimidation project.
下一个就是你
他给了我这个 He gave me this.
A减 A-minus.
我想是我的课业太多了 I guess I overextended my schedule.
抱歉了 杰夫 我得退掉你的课了 I'm sorry, Jeff. I have to drop your class.
好 谈谈对尼古拉斯·凯奇的感想吧 Okay, thoughts on Nicolas Cage.
我觉得他是个天才 I think he's a genius.
我是说 他一直能拍片总是有原因的 I mean, he keeps getting hired for some reason,
而且绝不是因为他的头发 and it's not because of his hair.
我可不晓得 如果我能三十年拍七十部电影 I don't know, if I was in 70 films over 30 years,
而且每部我说话的音量都不一样 and I spent each one talking at random volumes,
没准儿我能赢个奥斯卡的吧 I might accidentally win an Oscar.
我觉得我们对流行文化的观点是灌输我们 I think our opinions about pop culture are fed to us
机器设计的东西 将人类自主权定罪 by machines designed to criminalize human autonomy.
说得好 Good one.
上帝啊 Dear god.
-阿布蒂 -别 退后 - Abed. - No, stand back.
给他一点空间 Give him space.
尼古拉斯·凯奇 好还是坏 Nicolas Cage, good or bad.
当然是个挑战 但并非无解 A challenge, certainly, but not unsolvable,
因为所有演员都有不同的价值 Because all actors have distinct values,
而我则利用这一点寻找答案 which I use to find answers.
阿布蒂 你对尼古拉斯·凯奇做了多少... Abed, how much Nicolas Cage did you...
够了 Enough!
我看了很多 足够找到答案了 I watched enough to find... the answers.
因为这是我的现实 Because this... this is my reality,
这是我的认识 而我的人生 this is how I learned to be, and my being
绝不允许尼古拉斯... doesn't allow for Nicolas...
草泥马的凯奇 Freaking Cage, okay?
嗷耶 Oh, yeah!
耶 嗷嗷 Yeah! Oh! Oh!
我是一只猫 我是一只性感猫咪 Oh, I'm a cat. I'm a sexy cat.
阿布蒂 Abed?
想点安心的东西 比如 Think of something safe like
荷莉·亨特或唐·钱德勒 Holly Hunter, or Don Cheadle!
阿布蒂 阿布蒂 Abed? Abed!
太赞了 That was brilliant.
你给安妮打了个A减 You gave Annie A-minus?
你怎么这样 你想什么呢 How could you? What were you thinking?
-你在画花生吗 -这是鸭子 - Are you drawing a peanut? - It's a duck,
而且这不管你的事 and it's none of your concern, actually.
你是要画漫画吗 Are you trying to cartoon?
正努力取得成功 说你的事儿吧 Trying and succeeding. State your business.
我想知道是什么样的怪物 I want to know what kind of monster
会给自己班上最好的学生减分 minuses the best student in his class.
我是怪物 I'm a monster?
我是栖息在雨水沟巢穴的黑水河开膛手 I was in the storm drain lair of the Black River Ripper.
我目睹了人类的头脑用在头脑以外的事物上 I have seen human heads used for things other than heads,
所以最好别叫我怪物 so you best not be calling me a monster.
好吧 你是个糟糕的老师 Okay, you're a bad teacher.
她不再纠缠你 多亏了我 I got her off your back.
我明明应对得很好 I was handling it.
不像你 我知道怎么鼓励我的学生 Unlike you, I know how to engage my students.
我是说我或许不喜欢教书 I mean, I may not love teaching,
但我今天确实糊弄得不错 but I did fool around with it today,
也许我还会再糊弄几次 and I may hook up with it again a few more times
即使我可能会在圣诞节前撂挑子 even if I do dump it right before Christmas.
-我们不是为他们而工作的 -也许是 - We do not work for them. - Maybe we do.
那不算是辩护 That does not count as an argument.
是啊 画鸭子还不算画漫画呢 Yeah, well, drawing ducks doesn't count as cartooning!
就一只鸭子 他叫吉姆 It's one duck, his name is Jim,
出版商们很感兴趣 and publishers are interested!
埃迪生小姐 好消息 Miss Edison, good news.
我跟汉基教授谈过 I talked to Professor Hickey and
原来你的作业得了A it turns out your project was an "A."
你走后门帮我改成绩 You used your connections to change my grade?
不 得了A减其实代表你得了A No, an A-minus means you actually earned an "A,"
但是老师不喜欢你 but your teacher doesn't like you.
-这是教师队伍的小秘密 -什么 - It's a secret faculty thing. - What?
-你在开玩笑吗 -怎么连你都这样 - Are you kidding? - Et tu, Brute?
我用对了吗 Am I using that right?
我辛辛苦苦学习了五年 I've been busting my butt for five years,
成绩却要看几个老废柴的脸色 and the whole thing comes down
和他们可怜的不安全感 to a few old losers' petty insecurities?
-完全是寡头政治 -怎么连你都这样 - Oligarchy! - Et tu, Brute!
我们得去告诉大家 We've got to tell people!
A减B减什么的 都是编出来的 Minuses are made up!
造反搞起来 It's riot time! Yeah!
把他们的头颅拿来 Bring me their heads!
噼里啪啦砰砰 Pop pop!
阿布蒂 在学校找不到你 我有点担心 Abed? I couldn't find you at school, so I got worried.
你把你的电影都扔掉了 你干什么啊 You're throwing away all your little movies, why?
它们没有价值了 They have no value anymore.
如果你在寻找信仰 Well, if you're looking for something to believe in,
我可以为你引见一位瘦瘦的希伯来杂工 I know a skinny, little Hebrew handyman you could meet.
我不会成为基督徒的 雪莉 I'm not going to become Christian, Shirley,
或是一个更好的穆斯林教徒 Or a better Muslim.
这是我的宗教信仰 This was my religion.
我以为人类的意义在这其中 I thought the meaning of people was somewhere in here.
然后我看透了尼古拉斯·凯奇 Then I looked inside Nicolas Cage
发现了一个秘密 and I found a secret.
人类随机而无意义 People are random and pointless.
在我的宗教信仰中 well, in my religion,
最重要的事是你不会了解每一件小事 the whole point is that you can't understand every little thing,
有个词就是给人类的 and you know, there's a word for people
提醒他们你们不是上帝 who remind you that you're not God,
诚邀你们再努力一点 and invite you to try a little harder.
先知 救世主 功夫熊猫 Prophets, Messiahs, Fung Fu pandas.
-尼古拉斯·凯奇是耶稣吗 -不 - So Nicolas Cage is Jesus? - uh, no,
但他行事的确诡异 but he clearly works in mysterious ways,
也许那就是他的工作所在 and maybe that's just his job.
所以影评人可以叫他天才或是白痴 And that's why critics can call him a genius or an idiot
不管怎样都是对的 and be right no matter what.
有人觉得是魔鬼 有人觉得是天使 A demon to some and an angel to others,
就像修道士 like a cenobite.
什么 你是说修道士吗 Excuse me, did you say cenobite?
是啊 修道士 「猛鬼追魂」里那个 Yeah, you know, cenobite, like from Hellraiser.
你喜欢「猛鬼追魂」 你知道猛鬼追魂这词 You like hellraiser? You know the word "Hellraiser"?
我觉得太空针头鬼有点扯淡 I thought Pinhead in space was a bit of a letdown,
但是我挺喜欢的 but I'm in for the ride.
起来吧 格林德尔 Rise up, Greendale!
你们的老师一直都在欺骗你们 Your teachers have been lying to you!
你们本应该拿到稍高学分的 You deserve slightly higher grades!
稍高学分 稍高学分 Slightly higher grades! Slightly higher grades!
全世界都在看着我们 The whole world is watching this!
-噢耶 -等等 - Yeah! - oh, Wait.
我没有流量了 I'm out of data minutes.
在下个月第一天 全世界都会看着我们 The whole world will be watching this on the first of next month!
稍高学分 稍高学分 Slightly higher grades! Slightly higher grades!
-杰夫瑞 做点什么 -稍高学分 - Jeffrey, do something! - Slightly higher grades.
转移注意力大法 上衣脱掉 Distract them. Take your shirt off!
-来 我帮你 -稍高学分 - Here. - Slightly higher grades!
-稍高学分 -所有人 - Slightly higher grades! - Everybody,
冷静下来 听我说 Calm down! Just listen!
你们认为哈佛的学生和老师 Do you think the students and teachers at Harvard
会这样拼命大吵大闹吗 are at each other's throats?
不会 因为他们都很有钱 No, because they're all rich.
我们也有共同点 We all have something in common too.
我们都很逊 都是穷光蛋 We all suck. We're all broke.
我们一整周吃恶心的肉丸餐 We all just went through an entire week
连眼都不眨一下的 of meatball lunches without even blinking.
我的错 Oh, that's on me.
我弄表格时一不小心把午餐单搞成重复的了 I converted the lunch menu to a spreadsheet.
学校的老师之所以来到这里 The teachers here are teachers here
是因为他们做了错事 跟学生一样 because they did something wrong, same as the students.
所以我们还在站成一队吧 听我的没错 So get on the same team, because, take it from me,
因为离开的那些人也好不到哪去 those of us that get to leave aren't going anywhere.
-下去吧 -你烂透了 - Boo! - No, you suck!
杰弗瑞 还是用我想出的脱衣绝技吧 Jeffrey, go with my "Take off your shirt" plan!
我能指出你们在一起嘘我吗 May I point out that you're doing this together?
它基于横排竖排什么的 It's all based on rows and columns of cells.
所以才叫做「Excel」 I think that's why the call it "Excel."
-我不关心 -好吧 - I don't care. - Mm-kay,
我知道认为我们能 Now, I know it's unrealistic to think that
完全制止暴动很不现实 we can eliminate riots completely,
但是我经过鼓捣数字 but I have been crunching the numbers,
我认为我们能降低到40% and I believe we can reduce them by 40%.
希望他们不会因为你敢于梦想 Let's hope the man doesn't target you
-而把你作为目标 -这是我的计划 - for dreaming this big. - Here's my plan.
还记得你假装成立「拯救格林德尔」委员会吗 You know that "Save Greendale" Committee you pretended to form?
我们需要一个真正的 We need one of those for real.
我要组成一个学生/教师同盟 你来统领 I want a student/teacher alliance, with you in charge.
-我投票将我自己除名 -你都凑不够法定人数 - I vote myself out. - You don't have a quorum.
别忘了 如果我炒了你 你可能会饿死 And don't forget, if I fire you, you're likely starve and die,
你懂的 so you know.
要我帮你切肉丸吗 Do you want me to cut your meatball?
听着 有两件事我不擅长 All right, look, there are two things I don't do well,
道歉和画鸭舌头 Apologies and drawing duck bills.
我没搞清状况 I lost perspective.
学生不是敌人 Students aren't the enemy,
怎么说呢 也许舌头画得有点尖 And, I don't know, maybe my bills are a little pointy.
但我是根据它们嘴画的 Maybe I'm basing them on beaks.
给安妮道歉 Apologize to Annie.
道了 我给了她A I did, I gave her an "A."
我不知道还能怎么弥补 I don't know how else to make it right.
我不知道 我辞职算了 Oh. I guess, I don't know, I quit.
我有更好的主意 I got a better idea.
作为「拯救格林德尔」 As our first order of business
学生/教师委员会会议的第一个议题 for the student/teacher Save Greendale committee,
我们在此禁止院长再次出席 We hereby ban the Dean from attending future meetings.
-好样的 -第二项议题 - Yeah. - Our second order of business:
-午餐 -噢耶 - Lunch. - Yeah.
我在为我挖的避难所试吃口粮 I'm taste-testing rations for the shelter I'm digging.
你是世界上最酷的人吗 Are you the coolest person in the world?
恐怕不是 I doubt it.
我想声明 I would like to address the fact that
委员会没有亚裔代表 there are no Asian-americans represented here.
我们可以找昌 We can get Chang.
不必轻易做决定 我就是那么一说 No need to rush into anything, I just wanted to address it.
谁想吃坚果 Anybody want some nuts?
我很孤独 因为他不学Excel
我要死了 因为他不学Excel
就像在运河上抽烟的水手
但今天不会学Excel
我的思绪如此法式
-安静 杰夫好像来了 -肯定特好玩 - Quiet, I think Jeff's coming. - This is gonna be hilarious.
是的 接药房 谢谢 Yeah, pharmacy please.
我是巴兹·汉基 Yeah, this is Buzz Hickey.
你们好像给错药了 I think you gave me the wrong medication.
我通常会拿到立普妥[降血脂药] I usually get lipitor.
说我的保险不能报销这药是什么意思 What do you mean my insurance won't cover it anymore?
通用药对我的身体不起作用 My body doesn't respond well to the generic stuff.
我问你个问题 女士 你自己掏钱消费吗 Let me ask you a question, lady, can you pay out of pocket?
我是个教育工作者 女士 I'm an educator, ma'am,
就靠教师工资过活 living on a teacher's salary!
不 抱歉 你叫什么 No, I-I'm sorry. What's your name?
莉亚 你听我说 莉亚 Leia, well, let me tell you something, Leia,
我每晚都会尖叫着醒来 I wake up every night screaming.
生活不公平 但那只是... Life is unfair, but it's the only thing we g...
好吧 我稍后再打过来 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'll call back later.
妈 我是巴兹 我有话直说 Mom, it's Buzz. I'm gonna say this as fast as I can.
我们没钱把爸爸跟其他家人葬在一起 We can't afford to bury dad with the rest of the family.