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本字幕由人人影视字幕组翻译 禁止用作任何商业盈利行为
稍后会有免费咸饼干和全价苏打水供应 Please stay for complimentary saltines and full-price sodas.
不过请先欣赏伯纳德家男孩的优美演唱 But first, the dulcet tones of the Bennett boys.
*你曾来到这里* * When you were here before *
歌曲名 「Creep」
*无法正视你的双眼* * Couldn't look you in the eye *
*你宛如天使* * You're just like an angel *
*你的肌肤让我哭泣* * Your skin makes me cry *
兄弟 有免费饼干吃 Bro, free crackers.
你想一辈子开储物柜吗 Want to spend your life opening lockers?
别冲我吼了行不行 You don't have to raise your voice!
我已经尽力加速了 I'm going as fast as I can!
*你像羽毛般轻盈* * You float like a feather *
现在我又得处理这些文件夹了 Oh, great, now I have these folders to deal with!
*在这美丽的世界* * In a beautiful world *
还有铅笔 And too, pencil?
真是喝凉水都塞牙 When it rains, it pours.
*希望自己更特别* * I wish I was special *
投菊大盗来了 Ass Crack Bandit!
「投菊大盗袭入校园」
翻译 青椒
「恶作剧者将硬币投入学生裤子后面」
「投硬币者再度出手」
翻译 宁馨儿
「又有三位学生惨遭毒手」
翻译 大卫熊 夕橙橙
院长否认投菊大盗的存在
「温泉便溺者被捕」 恶心 变态 滚
校对 夕橙橙
「投菊案排除温泉便溺者」
人类以4比21惨败 第七局出现投菊事件 比赛遭破坏
时间轴 Poxle
「一年后: 投菊大盗已成迷」 周三是校园投菊事件纪念日
后期 鱼骨头
仍然逍遥法外
总监 夕橙
第五季第三集
废柴联盟
安静点 Let's settle down!
各位 目前... Guys, what is known...
目前已知情况是 昨天午时左右 What's known is that around noon yesterday,
某不明身份的学生将一枚硬币 an unidentified student dropped a coin
投进了另一名学生的 臀部股沟 in another student's, you know, upper buttock fold.
你问 Yes, yes.
我是格温·雷利 来自「格林德尔公报」 Gwen Ridley, Greendale Gazette.
请问这次事件是不是投菊大盗的回归 Is this the return of the Ass Crack Bandit?
雷利 所谓的投菊大盗 如果存在的话 Okay, that person, Gwen, if he ever existed,
早在一年多以前就不再活动了 stopped being active over a year ago.
你说 Yeah.
我叫提姆·布瑞格 来自「格林德尔镜报」 Tim Briggs, Greendale Mirror.
据说事件发生后 Is it true that after the attack,
您收到了投菊大盗的来信 是否属实 you received a letter from the Ass Crack Bandit?
我没这么说过 提姆 I never said that, Tim,
还有 公报什么时候和镜报分开了 and when did we split the Gazette from the Mirror?
你们到底要拍多少照片 And how many photographs do you people need?
劳尔·洛佩兹 「格林德尔新闻南美版」 Raul Lopez, Las Noticias Hispanicas de Greendale.
此事对足球有影响吗 Will this affect soccer?
事发一小时后 我们的确收到一封信 We did, in fact, receive a letter an hour after the incident
里面写了一些鲜为人知的细节 including details not known to the public
比如加瑞特的内衣品牌 about the brand of Garrett's underwear.
他穿「恒适」 Hanes his ways.
「我是投菊大盗 "I am the Ass Crack Bandit.
人类做银行比小猪储钱罐强 "Humans make better banks than piggies.
我一在商店拿到零钱 "Whenever I get more change at the store,
就迫不及待地投进你的菊花 "I can't wait to drop it down your butts.
我会去银行换很多零钱 "I think I will go to the bank and get so much change
把我所有钱都换成零钱 "and take all my dollars and make them into change
全部投入菊花深处」 and drop it all down there."
他应该叫「啰里啰嗦大盗」 He should be called "The Run-on Sentence bandit."
从现在开始 我们将进入四级戒备 From this moment, people, we are at Defcon 4...
如果四级是最高级 if that's the highest defcon,
而且级数越高越严重的话 and if high defcons are worse than low ones.
你们还记得心理学教授邓肯吧 Ah, you all remember psychology professor Duncan.
兄弟你好啊 去哪玩儿了 Hey, buddy. Where'd you go?
我妈生病 我去照顾了 I was taking care of my sick mother.
她还活着 不过我尽孝了 She's still alive, but I've put in my time.
布雷塔 Britta.
皮尔斯 真不错 Oh, Pierce, good for you.
我原来就觉得那个发型显得很懦夫 I always thought that hairpiece was a bit cowardly.
邓肯会帮助我们 Duncan is going to help us
建立一份嫌疑人「剖绘」 work up something called a "Profile,"
这样就可以找到这名学生了 so we can root this student out.
声明一下 For the record,
这种事两年前我也有试过哦 I tried to get something done about this two years ago.
这次跟你无关 安妮 这次事关学校 This is not about you, Annie. This is about the school.
格林德尔面临着巨大的舆论压力 This is the biggest P.R. crisis to hit Greendale
上一次是示威抗议 弄混了南北朝鲜 since we held that rally protesting the wrong Korea.
杰夫瑞 你有什么打算 Jeffrey, how can you help?
我会纵观全局 I'll take a look at the whole picture,
看看有没有相似的线索 see if any pieces match up.
双色水果奖励 Double fruit bonus.
哇哦 奇异果连击 Crikey! Kiwi combo, mate.
我在学校地图上 I took a map of the campus and
标出了投菊大盗出手的所有地点 pinpointed all the locations of the Ass Crack Bandit strikes.
你无法处理水果 You can't handle the fruit.
大盗最猖狂的时候 During the bandit's most daring spree,
连续袭击了三名学生 he cracked three people in a row.
今天 我试着跑遍了这三个地方 Today, I sprinted between all three sites.
我最快的记录是二十分钟 My quickest time was 20 minutes.
而大盗十分钟就做到了 The A.C.B. did it in 10.
所以他的腿很长 So he's got long legs.
也许他还抄了近道 而我不知道 I think he has something I don't...a shortcut.
教员休息室 The faculty lounge.
你觉得那个大盗是老师 You think the bandit's a teacher?
校长肯定不会帮我进行调查的 The Dean's not gonna help me pursue this.
我需要帮助 I need help.
你被菠萝惩罚了 笨蛋 Pineapple penalty, fool!
讨厌 不公平歧视人嘛 No! Unfair and racist.
不行 安妮 Look, no way, Annie.
教职工已经很讨厌我了 Look, the faculty already hates me,
而我的工资都是校长发的 and the Dean signs my paychecks.
可这件事很重要 But this is important!
我向你保证 这事儿不重要 I can assure you that's not true.
水果水果 水果水果 Fruit, fruit, fruit, fruit, fruit!
收集种子啊 废物 Collect the seeds, sucka!
听到声音后 请留言 After the tone, please leave a message.
阿布蒂 实验进行得有点晚 Hey, Abed. Lab ran late.
安妮会给我们准备什么晚饭呢 What'd Annie get us for dinner?
但愿别又是沙拉了 I hope it's not salad again.
我宁愿去趟肉店 I'd rather just stop at the meat store.
好 回头聊 All right. Talk to you later.
你好呀 Well, hello.
递水披毛毯什么的拜托能消停会儿吗 Will you stop with the cups and the blankets?
我这安慰受害者呢 电影里都这么演的 This is how they comfort victims in movies.
够了 我特此声明校园里禁用零钱 Okay, I am hereby banning change from this campus.
你真觉得这样有用吗 You really think that's an effective...
你那两分钱也是零钱 Well, guess what, your two cents is change,
现在不能用了 and it's banned.
有发现 Got something.
小弗 给我拿个袋子来 Frankie, somebody get me a bag.
给我 Oh, give me that.
我的大作 还望喜欢 "I hope you enjoyed my work again.
你们阻止不了我的 你们能怎么做呢 You can't stop me, because what are you gonna do,
舍菊缉盗吗 not have butts?".
院长 我觉得是老师干的 Dean, I think it's a teacher.
-你说什么 -我有证据显示 - I beg your what? - I have evidence that shows...
我也有证据表明我没在听 Yeah, and I have evidence that shows I'm not listening.
证据一 证据二 啦啦啦 Exhibit "A," Exhibit "B." La la la la la la.
如果你为了政治罔顾正义 This is never gonna end
这件事永远不会完的 if you keep choosing politics over justice.
想闹事吗 Okay, you want to make trouble?
去帕克兄弟公司 你被开除了 Go to Parker Brothers. You're out.
淡定 Take it easy.
还淡定 特洛伊就是这么 Taking it easy is how Troy ended up
菊花沟里被投了硬币 with a quarter of a buck in his crack.
安妮 没人让你做这些 Annie, nobody's asking you to do this...
杰夫 这破学校你还不清楚吗 Jeff, come on! You know how this school works.
如果我们不出手 这事就永远没完 We do it, or it doesn't get done.
投硬币的家伙都了解 The men on our coins understood that.
也许投菊大盗要告诉我们的就是 Maybe the Ass Crack Bandit's point
我们让自己的价值也滑向深渊了 is that we're letting our values slide.
也许他不过是自助洗衣店的兄弟会成员 Or maybe he's a frat boy coming from the laundromat.
重点是 「谁在乎丫的」 The important question is "Who cares?"
听着 Look,
要我帮忙就直接说 let me know what you need from me...
要低调 必须低调 on the down low. Way down low.
不许鬼叫 ...and no squealing.
你还是叫吧 Okay, squeal.
我是真相帝尼尔 Real Neil here,
投菊大盗兴风作浪之第五天 five days into the return of the Ass Crack Bandit.
血淋淋的现实啊 It's alive!
自上次之后 Since we last spoke,
又有三名受害人被投菊 three more victims have caught the quarter,
此痛绵绵无绝期啊 with no end in sight.
安全裤 一百块一件 Safety pants, 100 bucks a pop.
三明治全场五刀 All sandwiches $5.
抱歉不找零 要怪就怪投菊大盗 Sorry, no change. Blame the bandit.
这首主题曲的大众传播速度 Here's a song that's been shooting up the request line
比硬币滑落的速度还快 faster than coins are dropping.
*你说是25分币 其实是投菊之币* * It said quarter to five, but it was quarter to ass *
*你以为你的菊花很安全* * You thought your plumbing was safe *
*可你的裤子让菊门开了一半* * But your jeans were half-mast *
*又一枚硬币投入菊瓣* * Another coin down the drain *
*如今再也没人找零钱* * Now, that's some change that won't last*
投菊大盗犯罪行为的本质表明 The nature of the Ass Crack Bandit's crimes
他要么气疯了要么爱疯了 would suggest that he's angry or just fell in love.
他应该恨透或者爱极了硬币 We know that he hates money or loves it
也可能对硬币无感 只是恨透或爱极了菊花 or doesn't care about money and hates butts or loves them.
阿布蒂 你有异能 Abed, you're special.
能不能站到犯罪现场 Can't you just stand at the scene of the crime
还原一下案发场景 and see what happened?
我看到一个男人 I see a man...
利用社交障碍为作案手法 using a social disorder as a procedural device.
等等 还有一个男人 Wait, wait, wait, I see another man.
到处都是轻微孤僻的超级警探 Mildly autistic super detectives everywhere.
有线电视 广播网络 Basic cable, broadcast networks.
好痛 痛苦的文字 Pain. Painful writing.
好心疼 It hurts.
够了 汉基 你怎么样 Okay, ooh, la la. Hickey, what have you got?
胃灼痛 对我抓捕罪犯没什么帮助 Heartburn. It doesn't help me catch criminals.
我本来不想采取严厉措施的 Okay. I didn't want to take drastic measures,
但我还是鼓捣出来点小玩意 but I've cooked up a little something.
昌 Chang?
大盗先生 来放硬币吧 You better put a quarter in that crack, Mr. Bandit.
汉基教授请吧 Professor Hickey.
抓到你啦 Gotcha!
不错吧 觉得怎么样 whoa! Ha, what do you think?
我觉得对每次成本只有25分的犯罪行为来说 I think this is spending too much money on a crime
你的投入过高 that nets you 25 cents a pop.
不不 这个没花钱 Ah, no, no. This was free.
你这是承认你有一个假屁股 Then I think you just admitted you already owned a fake butt.
「拿菊花比帽子 我即疯菊花 "I am the mad hatter, if hats were butts.
既不左也不右 稳稳当当居中央 I am neither left nor right. I am the space between.
我看呐 你们就像行军中的蚂蚁 To me, you're all like ants
游行中的怪胎」 marching to class, freaks on parade."
搞什么比喻啊 蚂蚁没有屁股的好吗 I mean, why mix metaphors? Ants don't have butts.
等等 Wait a minute.
-蚂蚁有屁股的 -不是说这个 - Ants do have butts. - No.
这是戴夫的歌词 These are Dave lyrics.
-哪个戴夫 -戴夫·马修斯 - Dave? - Dave Matthews.
死忠粉都叫他戴夫 Hard-core fans call him Dave.
抱歉 我活在90年代 Oh, excuse me for being alive in the '90s
我有两个耳朵一颗心 and having two ears connected to a heart.
行了 我们要做的就是列个名单 Okay, so all we need to do is assemble a list
看看学校老师中谁是戴夫·马修斯的粉丝 of which Greendale teachers are Dave Matthews fans.
这就开工吧 Guess we better get to work.
此处模仿电影「七宗罪」 背影音乐 巴赫 「G弦上的咏叹调」
朋友搜索 戴夫·马修斯乐队
您有8位朋友喜欢戴夫·马修斯乐队
搞定 Done.
「七宗罪」中摩根·弗里曼伴着音乐 在图书馆找了一宿
还以为你要找上一会呢 Thought that would take longer.
请大家支持院长的新安全措施 So please approve the Dean's new security measure
「特洛伊法规」 called "Troy's Law,"
因为在厕所装摄像头 because a camera in the bathroom...
总好过菊花沟中夹硬币 is better than a quarter in your butt.
我们现在都清楚了 As we've seen, the Ass Crack Bandit
只要坚持「三小」就一定能战胜投菊大盗 can be defeated by using the three "B"s:
小皮带 小内裤和小伙伴 很好 belts, briefs, and buddies. Good.
独自一人容易受害 The bandit always gets his victims when they're alone.
朋友弯腰你也跟着弯 Bend over with friends over.
人多力量大 There's safety in numbers.
我被投菊了啦 I got cracked!
他在座位下面 He's under the bleachers!
大家别慌 Everyone remain calm, please!
别乱 All right, free-for-all!
你去哪儿了 Where you been?
我盘问了古特曼 我们可以排除他的嫌疑了 I questioned Guterman. We can cross him off.
第一起投菊事件发生时 At the time of the first cracking,
他正在给格林德尔科学舞会当监督人 he was chaperoning Greendale's science dance.
出席的那个学生可以为他担保作证 The student that attended can vouch for him.
我查了普林顿夫人 I checked out Mrs. Plimpton.
完美的不在场证明 她死了 Airtight alibi. She's dead.
名单上的下一位是这个 Next on my list is this one.
巴布里茨 我们要破案了 我感觉得到 Bublitz. We're close, I can feel it.
这加长油条在我的真嘴里尝起来不错呢 This extra long churro tastes good in my real mouth.
找我有事吗 May I help you?
如果可以的话 希望问你几个问题 We'd like to ask you a few questions if that's okay.
他逃跑了 He's bolting!
他在那 He's there!
如果你们要没收这个 要知道 If you're going to confiscate this, know one thing.
这是一种温和的大麻 特别适合弹吉他时用 It's a mild, kind sativa, perfect for playing guitar.
又有一起 There's been another...
搞虾米 What the hell?
毁坏教室 Destroying classrooms?
背着我调查老师 Secretly investigating teachers behind my back?
总有人得行动起来 调查全体教员 Someone has to investigate the faculty,
可你就像单细胞生物一样 没种 but you're like a single-celled organism...no nerve.
安妮 你被停课了 Annie, you're suspended.
你不能这么做 You can't do that!
我做什么用不着你告诉我 Don't tell me what I can't do.
你算哪根葱 What do you think you are,
玩「Cosmo」七月刊小测试吗 Cosmo's July quiz?
她是想帮你 She was trying to help you.
我问你俩一个问题 Let me ask you two something.
问过这个问题的算上我都有五十个人了 Let me be, like, the 50th person at this school to ask,
你们什么情况 What is this, huh?
-你们这是搞什么猫腻呢 -什么 - What is this creepy business? - What?
我觉得你俩扮可爱联手破案 I think you two like to partner up on cutesy capers
是想在黑暗中大手拉小手 so you can hold hands in the dark
在半推半就的情节中释放你们的欲望 and address your urges in semi-acceptable scenarios.
嘿 过界了哦 Whoa, not cool!
你过界了 你一点都不专业 You not cool! You unprofessional!
我要惩罚你 杰弗瑞 I'm punishing you, Jeffrey.
下周开始 Starting next week,
你要开始担任水球队的教练 you are the new coach of the water polo team.
-什么 -没错 - What? - That's right.
每天清晨 在水里 Every morning, in the water...
克拉格·派尔顿 院长及水球队助理教练 Craig Pelton, Dean and assistant water polo coach.
什么 What?
我是投菊大盗 This is the Ass Crack Bandit.
你认为你能抓住我 真是很好笑 I find it funny that you ever thought you could catch me.
太有趣了 请继续 Oh, that's very interesting. Please continue.
我很享受我们之间的猫鼠游戏 I've enjoyed our game of cat and mouse.
你的两个小帮手差点抓到我 也挺好玩的 It's funny how close your two little helpers came to catching me.
我喜欢看他们绕圈跑 I liked watching them run in circles.
尽管有时我在想 Although sometimes I wonder,
他们来追踪我 是不是在找借口厮混 are they chasing me as an excuse to get near each other?
我是说 赶紧开个房吧 I mean, get a room already.
我们是朋友 We're friends!
要不你告诉我们你在哪 咱们讨论一下 Why don't you tell us where you are, and we'll discuss it?
我前来 改天换地 I am the bringer of change.
我一出手 投满天下之菊 I am the filler of cracks.
太有趣了 我还是四健会成员呢 Oh, that's very interesting. I myself was in 4H.
朗达 追查来电 Trace the call, Rhonda!
这代表追查来电 This means trace the call!
看看分机号 Look at the extension.
594 好吧 594. Okay.
追查 Tracing...
追查 Tracing.
找到了 马厩 我们还有马厩哦 Got it, the stables! We have stables?
我们走 Let's go.
-好吓人 -还好啦 - Creepy. - I don't know.
加上装饰桌巾和足浴 Add some doilies and a foot bath,
这就是我妈妈家 and this is my mom's house.
驾 驾 Mush! Mush!
驾 驾 Mush! Yah! Mush!
跑啊 驾 No, run. Mush!
星霸 Starburns?
自从为了逃脱贩毒指控而假死 Since faking his death to escape meth charges,
亚历山大·星霸·奥斯本就一直住在马厩 Alex "Starburns" Osbourne has been living in the stables,
吃垃圾果腹 试图建造一架喵喵车 eating garbage, and trying to build a cat car.
他承认把硬币放入 He's also confessed to dropping coins
暴露的菊花沟中 结案 down exposed butt cracks. Case closed.
-击掌 -好啊 - High five? - Sure.
-不 -美国式击掌 抱歉 - No. - Oh, American high five. Sorry.
太多痛苦 So much pain.
但现在是治愈时刻 But now it's time to heal!
所有人都被邀请参加 You're all invited to the official
今晚在食堂举行的「喜获投菊大盗」舞会 "We caught the Ass Crack Bandit" dance tonight in the cafeteria!
杰夫 Jeff!
不可能是星霸干的 There's no way Starburns did it.
无辜的人是不会认罪的 Innocent people don't confess.
你开什么玩笑 Are you kidding me?
你知道是老师干的 你知道这说不通 You knew it was a teacher. You know that doesn't add up.
也许我是错的 Maybe I was wrong.
也许关于咱俩 院长说得对 Or maybe the dean was right about us.
什么 不 What? No.
安妮 我接了这案子 是因为我想帮你 Annie, I took this case because I wanted to help you.
那这是干嘛 Then what is this?
纯友谊握肩 It's platonic shoulder holding.
看 Look.
你好 伦纳德 你怎么样 Leonard, hello, how are you?
不过是个将硬币投进菊花沟的家伙 杰夫 It's a guy who puts quarters down butt cracks, Jeff.
忘了这事吧 Let's just let it go.
我们能做得更好 We can do better.
零钱也是钱啊 Change is money!
你们是百万富翁吗 What are you guys, millionaires?
T恤热卖 菊被投 花未碎 T-shirts here! Cracked but not broken, huh?
谁想买 T恤啦 Who's in? T-shirts!
T恤啦 一件20元 T-shirts here! 20 bucks.
-邓肯教授 -什么事 - Professor Duncan? - Yeah?
-不去舞会吗 -等会去 - Not going to the dance? - I'll go later.
事实上 你介意待会来叫我吗 Oh, actually, would you mind coming and getting me
等布雷塔喝醉之后 when Britta's drunk?
作为布雷塔的朋友 我想给你个忠告 Listen, as Britta's friend, I should give you this ad...
对头 我最爱的曲子来了 Yes! That is my jam right there.
你是戴夫·马修斯的脑残粉 Dave Matthews fan?
显然你不是 Obviously you're not.
真爱粉都叫他戴夫 Real fans call him Dave.
嘣嘣嘣 Bum bum bum
我以前听过这首歌耶 翁格 谁唱的 I've heard this song before. Hey, Winger, who is this?
你说什么 你不知道是谁唱的吗 What are you talking about? You don't know who this is?
我只记得是90年代的歌 I Remember it from the '90s.
咿嚎 咿嚎 咿嚎 * Hee haw haw haw hee haw haw *
-是戴夫 -[戴维]·李·罗斯吗 - it's Dave. - Lee Roth?
你不是投菊大盗 You're not the Ass Crack Bandit.
嘘 小点声 我跟院长做了交易 Shh! Keep it down, huh? I made a deal with the dean.
他说只要我认罪 He said as long as I confessed,
他就不管我搞冰毒的事儿 he'd let me slide on the meth stuff,
他还要给我的马厩添个取暖器呢 And then he'd buy me a space heater for my stable.
那你为什么要给院长打电话 假扮... Yeah, but why call the dean and pretend that...
我没给院长打电话啊 I didn't call no dean.
我谁都不找 也没人找我 I don't call nobody don't call me.
我有幸去过一次后台 见了所有乐队成员 I got to go backstage once and meet the whole band,
所有成员 除了戴夫 Everyone...except Dave.
网上有一套照片 如果你去... There's a whole album of photos online if you go to...
你八成登陆不上 You actually wouldn't be able to access it.
我用的是古老的 英国版「脸书」 I use an older, British form of facebook
叫「面轴」 called "Mug-scroll."
-我想我该走了 -别急呀 留步 - I guess I should be going. - No, no, stay.
咱们这不刚刚熟悉彼此嘛 We're just getting to know each other.
还是不了 我有事... I really shouldn't, I have a...
哎哟喂 Oopsie.
你不准备捡起来吗 Aren't you going to pick those up?
捡啊 Yes.
只需 弯下柳腰一伸手... Just...reach down with your hand and...
拜 Bye.
我是投菊大盗 This is the Ass Crack Bandit.
你认为你能抓住我 真是很好笑 I find it funny that you ever thought you could catch me.
杰夫 Jeff.
是邓肯 It's Duncan.
安妮 Annie?
杰夫 Jeff?
很好 Very nice.
喵了个咪的 Oh, bloody hell,
按英国标准 我的鞋带开了 my shoe is untied by British standards.
系好鞋带 Here we go.
一只小兔兔 两只小兔兔 One bunny, two bunnies.
快找布雷塔啦 Oh! Get Britta!
安妮 邓肯也被投菊了 Annie! Did Duncan get cracked?
大盗呢 你看见他了吗 Where's the Bandit? Do you see him?
-在那儿呢 -快追 逮住他 - Over there! - Come on, let's get him!
雪瑞 你干吗呢 Shirley, what are you doing?
找你们呢 Looking for you.
你有没有看到谁从这儿跑过去 Did you see someone come this way?
杰夫 安妮 皮尔斯死了 Jeff, Annie, Pierce is dead.
今晚的庆功会因一则悲伤的消息而中止 Tonight's celebration was cut short by some tragic news.
皮尔斯·霍桑 学龄14年的格林德尔学生 Pierce Hawthorne, 14-year Greendale student,
企业家 心脏病发假扮专家 Entrepreneur, and expert heart attack faker
与世长辞 这次是真的 has passed away, for real this time.
皮尔斯最近被严禁进入校园 Pierce had been recently banned from campus,
但这不包括我们的心 but not from our hearts.
他将在众多前妻 He's survived by many ex-wives
以及格林德尔 我们这些朋友心中长存 and all of us here at Greendale that called him friend.
如果你在听的话 皮尔斯 If you're listening, Pierce,
你曾是「龙与地下城」的废柴玩家 you were a hell of a D&D player.
而这次 你该升级了 It's time to level up.
下一位则是「放屁博士」 Up next on the dial is Dr. Farts.
不敢相信皮尔斯就这么走了 I can't believe Pierce is gone.
是啊 人生莫测 Yeah. Life is weird.
人生就是一个容器 装满了各种零碎 It's a container for all this little stuff,
而你却深陷其中 and you get caught up in it.
然后 这个容器突然就... And then, the container just...
那个走廊是个死胡同 That hallway led to a dead end.
我们本可能抓到他的 We might've had him.
我该回家了 一直没睡觉 I should get home. Haven't slept.
这个案子又变悬案了 The case goes cold again.
别担心 我有感觉他一定会回来的 Don't worry. I got a feeling he'll be back.
或者是女的她 Or her.
*一次25分钱 他掳走我们的灵魂* * 25 at a time he's taking our souls *
「进入投菊大盗的内心」
*政府能奈我何 我们孤立无援* * Government men can't help, we're all alone *
*你是否感到嗖嗖凉风* * Are you feeling the breeze? *
*你是否勒紧了裤腰带* * Did you pull your belt tight? *
*你知道何为错 你也知道何为对* * You know that it's wrong, you know that it's right *
警方结束开膛手杰克一案 无人被捕 嫌疑人仍逍遥法外
*阴影之外 硬币落入* * Out of the shadows down the coin goes *
*为什么 为什么你要这样想呢* * Why, oh, why do you suppose? *
*只有大盗才明白* * Only the Bandit knows *
*喔哦哦哦 呜喔哦哦哦* * Whoa oh oh oh oh whoa oh oh oh *
*投 投投 投菊大盗* * A-s-s C-r-a-c-k Bandit *
*喔哦哦哦* * Whoa oh oh oh *
*呜喔哦哦哦* * Oh whoa oh oh oh *
*投 投投 投菊大盗简直受不了* * A-s-s c-r-a-c-k can't stand it *
直至今日 再也没有发生投菊事件
亚历克斯·星霸·奥斯本撤回自己的认罪
格林德尔官方立场表示奥斯本就是投菊大盗
目前所有调查均已终止
我们的世界深受气候变化的威胁 You know, climate change is threatening our world,
现在解决方案来啦 but there is a solution:
喵喵车 the cat car,
世界上第一辆动物拉车 The world's first animal-powered vehicle.
我最初的原型是以饥饿为动力 My original prototype was hunger-based.
但有时呢 喵喵们不饿 But sometimes, cats aren't hungry.
所以我的新型号是「前喵后汪」系统 My new model will use a rear-fixed dog system.
不过汪星人耗钱哪 需要您的钱哪 But dogs cost money, your money.
为本项目捐钱 你将成为投资人 By donating to this project, you'll be like an investor,
不过我的盈利还是我的 except without taking all my profits.
捐五块 你会得到一封感谢信 Donate $5, and you get a thank-you email.
捐五十 赠您一件T恤 $50 gets you a T-shirt.
捐一百 您将获得一件T恤 100 gets you a T-shirt and
外加一封感谢信 a thank-you email.
坐上喵喵车 All aboard the cat car,
就是为我国的全球变暖问题献上一份力 and all aboard helping our nation's global warming.