委员会要加收保险费 Something for the committee to put on their radar: Insurance.
-怎么了 -学校缺钱 - What about it? - School needs some.
我可以帮忙站在街边吆喝 I can ask around on the street.
我擦 What the hell?
不愿站街边吆喝么 真高贵冷艳 Too cool for street insurance? Must be nice.
我姐问 在我孙子的生日派对上 My sister wants to know what I'm bringing
我会送什么生日礼物 to my grandson's birthday party.
我预感我们要赶紧制作一幅拼贴画 I'm sensing an emergency collage situation.
我没被邀请 No, I wasn't invited.
三年前我儿子有了孩子 My son had a kid three years ago.
就算是节假日 我都见不到他 I barely get to see him on major holidays.
他特么地以为他算老几啊 I mean, who in the hell does he think he is?
你不是参加了他的婚礼吗 You saw your son at his wedding.
那是弗里奥 我的基佬儿子 No, that's Furio. That's my gay son.
他我懂 但汉克是个傻木头 Him I get. Hank's a knob.
他没有任何兴趣爱好 He doesn't have any hobbies or interests.
他只会玩那个傻叉游戏 All he does is play that, what do you call that crap.
什么地下城 什么龙的 With the dungeons and the dragons?
-龙与地下城 -对 就它 - Dungeons & Dragons? - That's the crap.
我知道这个游戏 I know that game.
我们玩过啊 We play Dungeons & Dragons.
我们再玩一次 帮汉基修复与儿子的关系 Guys, let's play D&D to help Hickey reconnect with his son!
上次的经历不是告诉我们 Was everyone's takeaway from last time
这个游戏能改变大脑吗 that we can use D&D to reprogram brains?
大家没意识到有人差点自杀吗 Nobody feels that we almost caused a suicide?
我们是救人一命吧 We prevented one.
肥...非常优秀的尼尔很自卑 Fa...bulous Neil felt like a nobody,
多亏了我们 他坚持到现在 And thanks to us, he's still out there,
勤勤恳恳地扮演人肉背景 Doing this and that in the background.
令人叫座的续集很难拍 A satisfying sequel is difficult to pull off.
许多自以为是的天才都失败了 Many geniuses have defeated themselves through hubris,
因此 这是个机会 Making this a chance to prove
证明我比他们更出色 我加入 That I'm better than all of them. I'm in.
大家都赞成一起玩「龙与地下城」 All in favor of a game of Dungeons & Dragons
来帮助汉基与儿子和好 明晚好不好 to reunite hickey and his son tomorrow night?
赞成 Aye!
好吧 Well, okay.
虽说是临时通知 It's short notice, but, uh,
我应该也能来哦 I think it'll be good for me.
「龙与地下城」归来篇
废柴联盟
■
本字幕由人人影视字幕组翻译 禁止用作任何商业盈利行为
翻译：Nova 大卫熊
老爸 我只是有点好奇 So, dad, I'm just curious.
是什么原因促使花甲之年的你 Um, what is it about Dungeons & Dragons
翻译：青椒 大菜滚来滚去滚不粗去
突然开始玩「龙与地下城」 That suddenly leapt out at you at age 60?
时间轴：Poxle
[dungeon 又有地牢的意思]
因为...地下城 感觉挺不错 Um...dungeons. It'd be the dungeons.
校对：夕橙
我们开始吧 Let's begin.
血红色的太阳从崇山峻岭中升起 A blood-orange sunrise crests the peaks of rage mountain,
汝等八人抵达了动乱的加林多王国 as the eight of you arrive at the troubled realm of Galindor.
后期：鱼骨头
北面 有桥横跨峡谷之上 Ahead to the north, a bridged ravine.
总监：夕橙
穿过峡谷 有一座神秘的黑暗之塔 Beyond that, a mysterious black tower
传说那里住着邪恶的亡灵法师 where, rumor has it, an evil Necromancer dwells.
你们的目标是 Your goal:
登上高塔 杀死亡灵法师 Reach to the top of the tower and destroy the Necromancer,
从他的魔爪中拯救这个王国 freeing the realm from his evil magic.
这可真是角色扮演游戏的乐趣所在 Oh, that's just what I love about role-playing games,
什么都必须按部就班 Is being told exactly what to do.
我也觉得 Me too.
你要自我介绍 You should introduce yourselves.
我是... I am...
我去 约瑟夫·戈登·虎胆龙威 Oh, boy. Joseph Gordon Diehard.
你当真 Really.
里格斯·虎胆龙威爵士的儿子 Son of Sir Riggs Diehard.
我是里格斯·虎胆龙威爵士 Well, I'm Sir Riggs Diehard,
看来在游戏中 我还是你爹 So I guess I'm your dad in the game too.
-这么巧 太好了 -好棒 - Oh, my God, so cool. - Oh, it's nice.
-这就是缘分 -天呐 - Isn't that weird? - Oh, boy.
我说 这不会是那种所谓的 Guys, I don't suppose that this is some sort
刻意人为的「冒险游戏」吧 of contrived paint-by-numbers adventure
其真实目的是为了强迫我 that's designed to force an emotional bond
和不通人情的父亲恢复父子关系 between me and my emotionally stunted father, is it?
-当然不是 -我们才不会这样 - No way, Jose. - We wouldn't do that to you.
-怎么会 -就是 - Man. - What?
我有个主意 I got an idea.
为何不打乱这个安排 Why don't we just sort of reshuffle these...
然后重新分配角色 and just redistribute them...
-不...-要把次序打乱 - No, I don't... - And just mix 'em up a bit.
这样好吗 阿布蒂 我们要... Is this right, Abed? Should we...
游戏重新开始 And here we go.
大家好 Hello, everyone.
我是特里斯坦·钢铁之心 I am Tristram Steelheart.
我是个手拿权杖的牧师 I'm a holy Cleric with a mace
而且我的名字很土 and a dumb name.
我是小纳金斯 是窃贼 I'm Tiny Nuggins, a, uh, a thief,
下面的乱码我看不懂 and the rest is gibberish.
各位好 我是游侠「纤维瘤」 Greetings, I am Fibrosis the Ranger.
我叫面包丁 是个半兽人德鲁伊 I'm Crouton, the half-orc druid.
德鲁伊 上帝保佑面包丁 Druid? Oh, Crouton.
我怎么又是一柱擎天赫克托 Hector the Well-endowed? Again?
你的巧合还不够诡异呢 You think that's a weird coincidence?
我是个名叫「小粪球」的巨魔 I'm a Troll named Dingleberry.
从小我妈就这么叫我 That's my mom's nickname for me.
我是汉基的角色 里格斯·虎胆龙威爵士 Well, I'm who Hickey was, Sir Riggs Diehard.
我正是约瑟夫·戈登 I am Joseph Gordon,
里格斯之子 son of Riggs.
我守护「虎胆龙威之剑」 I protect the Blade of Diehard,
威力无穷的祖传宝剑 a family sword whose power knows no equal.
在我们族中 首领持剑柄 In our clan, the leader carries the hilt,
其长子持剑刃 his eldest heir, the blade,
因为我们相信 对抗邪恶的最强武器 for we believe man's greatest weapon against evil
就是情感纽... is the bond bet...
就是父子之情 is the bond between a father and son.
你们打算如何行动 What would you guys like to do?
我们要穿过吊桥 We should cross the bridge
向黑暗之塔进发 And head for the black tower.
-好不 好不 -好耶 - Huzzah? Huzzah? - Huzzah.
其实 我不确定是否要过桥 Yeah, I don't know if I'm gonna head across the bridge, actually.
我还不知道别的地方有什么 I mean, what else is out there?
南方 东方 西方有些什么呢 What's south or east or west?
你觉得怎样 阿齐兹 How about it, Aziz?
要是我朝南面走得太多 If I walk too far south,
我会从你的「地图」上掉下去么 Do I fall off your graph paper there?
你可以向南走 You can head south.
我为周边地区设计了一些细节 I've generated some details about the surrounding area.
拜托 汉克 You know, for God's sakes, Hank,
这才开始了五秒钟 it's been five seconds.
你能别这样么 Can you not do this?
你说呢 Hey, you tell me.
-我们是不是输了 -没有 - Are we losing? - No.
这不是比赛 It's not a competition.
我们赢的是乐趣 The only winner is fun.
我们很开心 We're having fun!
我走向特里斯坦 边走边笑 I go to Tristram, and I'm laughing,
我把他扛起 and I pick him up,
我扛着他走过吊桥 真好玩 and I carry him to the bridge. It's fun!
一柱擎天赫克托试图举起你 Hector the well endowed is trying to lift you.
我对他进行「肉欲之火」攻击 I cast Torvin's Flesh of Fire.
特里斯坦念起了咒语 Tristram murmurs an incantation.
他的身体被白色火焰环绕 His body becomes wreathed in white-hot flame,
赫克托被烧伤 Burning Hector for...
造成六点伤害 Six damage.
-喂 -抱歉赫克托 我这是正当防卫 - Hey! - Well, Hector, that's called self-defense.
特里斯坦的「肉欲之火」使得吊桥着火 Tristram's Flesh of Fire spell has caught the bridge on fire.
吊桥的绳索从中间断裂 The rope supports in the middle snap,
桥身开始扭曲 causing the bridge to twist.
数字代表敏捷值 以此判断你们是否生还 I'm rolling dexterity checks to see if you all hold on.
阿布蒂 要以大局为重 Abed, considering the bigger picture,
你或许低估了 You think it might be possible you miscalculated
吊桥的承受质量 the strength of the bridge, hmm?
说得对 桥是在第三纪元 Good point. It would've been constructed
由哥布林建造的 in the Third Age by Goblins,
他们用的材料是原始铁锚 and they used primitive iron anchors.
绳索从两岸的岩石坡中扯出 The ropes are yanked from the rocky slopes
你们都跌进峡谷 on both sides, and you all plummet into the ravine below.
阿布蒂 Abed!
你们跌进冰冷汹涌的枯骨河中 You plunge into the icy, raging waters of Skull River.
你脑袋进水了吗 You know, what's your problem?
-你才脑袋进水呢 -你没有邀请我 - What's your problem? - You didn't invite me
-参加塞巴斯蒂安的生日派对 -我就知道 - to Sebastian's birthday. - Ah, ha, ha, I knew it!
哪有儿子不让爷爷见孙子的 Who hoards a man's grandson?
他不是你孙子 他是我儿子 He's not your grandson. He's my son.
我没有邀请你 是因为 And I didn't invite you to the birthday party
我想享受那个派对 'cause I wanted to enjoy it.
父子之间 You know, fathers and sons,
难免有很多隔阂 there is a lot of power between them.
-是的 -打住 - Yeah... - Stop it.
曾经一度很长时间 And I spent a long time
隔阂让我与父亲形同陌路 我很后悔 letting that power push me away from my dad, and I regret it.
你们之间的问题 So what's ever between you guys
只有你们共同努力才能解决 will only get fixed when you're together.
-他们不在一起 -阿布蒂 别帮倒忙 - They're not together. - Abed, you're not helping.
帮了忙我就不是称职的地下城主了 I'd be a pretty bad Dungeon Master if I was.
杰夫 汉基 安妮 雪瑞 Jeff, Hickey, Annie, and Shirley,
你们被冲上了枯骨河的左岸 you've been washed down the left fork of the Skull River,
其他人上了右岸 the others to the right.
父亲 Father!
如果想要继续 我需要汉克 If you're going to continue, I need Hank,
布雷塔 昌和院长到另一个房间 Britta, Chang, and Dean Pelton to go into a different room.
用不着继续了 Yeah, we're not going to continue.
感谢大家 Thank you very much, guys.
-真是太棒了 -等等 - This was just awesome. - Yeah, wait, wait, wait.
我会继续跟你玩这游戏 I'll play your dragon game with you.
但咱们加点筹码 But let's make it interesting.
如果我比你先杀了那个「恋尸狂」 If I kill the necrophile before you do,
我就可以去孙子的生日派对 I come to my grandson's birthday.
我们像男人一样解决问题 We'll settle it like men.
玩这游戏的人勉强算是男人吧 Or whatever you call the guys that play this.
好 Okay.
如果我先杀了亡灵法师 But if I kill the Necromancer before you do,
那你在圣诞节 感恩节都不能去 then you don't go to Christmas or Thanksgiving
蕾切尔姑姑家 at Aunt Rachel's.
你从没去过 You don't even go to that.
是的 但你不去我就会去 Yeah, but I will if you don't.
-行 可以 -好 - Okay, fine. - Okay.
真正的游戏就此开始 Let the real game begin.
我会找到你的 I will find you!
我想你们会帮我打败他 Well, I'm assuming you guys can help me beat him,
因为如果输了 我会冲每人来一记钻心拳 because if we lose, I'm gonna punch each of you in the heart.
你们在泥泞的河畔醒来 You awaken on a muddy riverbank,
周围是危险重重 叫天天不应 surrounded by treacherous, God-forsaken,
也没有滑索的丛林 non-zipline vacation jungle.
我生了火 I build a fire
找了个大木桩 and construct a crude wooden rack
烘干我的靴子和雄伟的兜裆布 to dry my boots and oversized codpiece.
好的 我可以用马肉弄点 All right, and I can make some s'mores
肉塔饼干 out of horse meat and s'more horse meat.
生火 马肉饼干 去他的 Build a fire? Horse s'mores? Screw this.
河向东流 我向西走 The river runs east. I head west.
小纳金斯跳进丛林 Tiny Nuggins scampers into the jungle.
伙计 尼亚加拉的丛林我都没进去 Hey, pal, I didn't scamper in the jungles of Nicaragua,
现在更是休想 and I'm not gonna do it now.
等等 回来 我跟着他 Wait, come back! I follow him.
-我也是 -小纳金斯 - Me too. - Tiny Nuggins,
如果休息一下 我们会恢复体力 if we rest, we'll regain our strength.
还会失去我的家人 And lose my family.
等我在游戏里死掉的时候我再假装睡觉吧 I'll imaginary sleep when I'm imaginary dead.
穿过远处的树丛 Through the brush in the distance,
你们发现了六只巡逻的大哥布林 you notice a patrol of half a dozen Hobgoblins.
大哥布林 Hobgoblins?
体型更大更强壮 桌游中 Larger, stronger, and worth more
比普通哥布林更值钱 in scrabble than regular goblins.
-都趴下 -我冲他打一记钻心拳 - Everybody, get down. - I punch him in the heart.
什么 What?
我打了他一记钻心拳 继续跑 Well, I punch him in the heart, and I keep running.
游戏里没有女人吧 There are no women with them, are there?
我有底线的 I got class.
你向他们冲过去 他们发现了你 You charge toward them, alerting them to your presence,
你攻击了距离最近的一个 and you attack the nearest one in the chest.
-没打中 跌倒了 -什么 - You miss and fall down. - What?
大哥布林拿着矛向纳金斯冲去 The Hobgoblins are heading toward Nuggins with spears.
哦不 Oh, no!
我向他们施了缠绕咒 Uh, I cast entangle on them.
德鲁伊面包丁挥动手臂 Crouton the Druid waves her arms,
令野草 藤条和树枝缠住大哥布林的四肢 causing grass, vines, and branches to entangle the limbs of...
四只被制服 four Hobgoblins.
两只没有被缠到的大哥布林向面包丁射箭 The two free Hobgoblins fire arrows at Crouton.
一箭射中她的肩膀 One pierces her shoulder...
一箭射中她的胸膛 The other her chest.
我向他们射箭 I fire an arrow at them.
射中 Hit.
大哥布林见势不妙 Ah, these Hobgoblins don't like their odds.
逃进树丛 They bolt into the jungle.
算你们识趣 Yeah, you better run.
回去换个名字吧 别只是 Go find a name that's not just
在别的种族名字前加个「大」字 another creature's name plus "Hob."
-面包丁 -我在 - Crouton? - I'm here.
她摔进枯骨河时 受了重伤 She was badly wounded from her fall in the Skull River,
再中箭已让她无法承受 and the arrows were just too much.
很抱歉 I'm sorry.
这就完啦 她这就死啦 That's it? Is she dead?
是的 死了 汉基 Yes, that's it, Hickey.
我死了 不过没关系 I'm dead. But it's okay.
我是你这边的 I'm on your side.
所有我才会死 Which is why I'm dead.
虽然我死了 但是要记得 And I may be gone, but just remember
每当风在树林中吹过 whenever the wind whispers through the woods,
我是被你害死的 you got me killed.
听我说 年轻人 Now, you listen to me, young man.
我这辈子打过上千次钻心拳 I've punched about a thousand hearts in my life.
我从未失手过 I never, never missed.
你有试过作为一个三英尺的半身人 Have you ever been a 3-foot-tall halfling
越过两英尺高的藤蔓 running through 2-foot-high vines,
海扁七英尺高的怪兽吗 trying to punch a 7-foot monster?
我去看看其他人 I'm gonna go check on the others.
你还是仔细看看你的角色吧 You might want to check your character.
把这游戏当真点 Or just kind of generally take this game seriously.
你儿子很当真 Your son does.
我们稍作休整 I take a moment of silence
为死去的战友面包丁默哀 to mourn my fallen comrade, Crouton...
然后拿走她的装备 before rifling through her belongings.
有我父亲的消息吗 What news of my father?
我不知道其他人在哪里 You have no way of knowing where the others are.
-该死 -你们继续沿着 - Damn it. - You're still traveling north
霍桑山狭窄的悬崖向北前行 along the narrow cliff edges of the Hawthorne mountains.
我掷骰子看看遇到谁 Okay, I'll roll for any encounters.
我想给「纤维瘤」施疗伤咒 I'd like to cast a healing spell on Fibrosis.
谢谢 Thank you.
但我不会帮忙把你爸打败的 But I'm not gonna help you kick your dad out of your life.
我认为这样的竞争不健康 I don't think this competition is healthy,
我认为你刚刚那样做很逊 and I don't think what you did back there was cool.
你认为儿子生日派对 Look, you think I'm the bad guy
我没邀请他 我就成了坏人 because I didn't invite him to my son's birthday.
但你知道我过生日时他在哪儿吗 But you know where he was for most of my birthdays?
他在一个与「不在场」押韵的地方 Little place that rhymes with "Not there."
时代广场吗 Times square?
你们四个听到了不详的尖叫声 The four of you hear an ominous screeching.
然后你们看到了 Moving upward into view,
三只巨大的白色蜘蛛 长着鹰翼 three huge, white arachnids with eagle wings.
是飞蛛 Sky spiders.
我拔出了剑 I draw my sword...
吼道 「给我退后 八腿怪物 And I cry out, "Back, eight-legged demons!
否则我会用剑削掉你们的腿 "I will not scoop you up with a catalogue
今日之内 了结你们」 and let you outside on this day!"
收起剑吧 约瑟夫·戈登 Stay your blade, Joseph Gordon.
我们惧怕飞蛛 飞蛛也惧怕我们 Sky spiders are as frightened of us as we are of them.
再说 天空里的蚊子多亏它们清理 Plus they eat all the sky mosquitoes.
我施用怪兽对话咒语 I cast speak with monsters,
我说 「你好 and I say, "Hello.
你看起来不错」 You're looking well."
为首的蜘蛛弯下了一半膝盖 The lead spider bends four knees
扭动着它多毛的产卵器 and twitches its hairy ovipositor,
开始缓慢地收回了 rhythmically secreting and retracting
之前放出的一大坨...蛛丝 a giant droplet...or drop... of silk.
-好恶心 -纤维瘤 作为一名游侠 - Oh. - Fibrosis, as a ranger,
你看懂了飞蛛的这个动作 you recognize this as the arachnid's signal
代表着顺从 of submission.
是吗 真不错 特里斯坦 Oh. Nice work, Tristram.
牛逼 那只飞蛛完全对你服服帖帖了 Damn, you made that sky spider your bitch, yo!
你们尾随着大哥布林到了这间小屋 You've tracked the Hobgoblins to this shack.
有一名守卫在门口「哥守」 One guard hob-guards the door.
就是看守的意思 That's what they call guarding.
-行动 -狙击手向守卫射箭 - Go. - Sniper arrow on the guard.
成功击中 守卫被拿下 It strikes true. The guard drops.
我移动到门口 勘察是否有陷阱 I move to the doorway. Detect traps.
-没有陷阱 -进入 - None detected. - I enter.
-转向左侧 -右侧 - Left flank. - Right!
有只大哥布林 面朝东 One Hobgoblin, facing east.
-背刺 -双重伤害 - Backstab. - Double damage.
重大伤害 它死了 Critical hit. He's dead.
北面的门后传来脚步声 Footsteps behind the door to the north.
我搭好了两支箭 I notch two arrows.
我爬上了墙 要翻过去 I climb the walls to get above the door.
有两只哥布林从北面袭来 Five goblins enter from the north.
-射箭 -两支箭均命中目标 - I fire. - Both arrows hit.
-横斩 -杀死一只 - Cleave! - You kill one
另一只负伤 and wound another.
我跳在了最后一只身上 进行击打 I drop on the last one and grapple.
-你抓住了它 -这只为祭奠面包丁的亡魂 - You got ahold of him. - This one is for Crouton.
他奄奄一息地说道 With his dying breath, he utters...
「黑暗之王 会杀死你们」 "The Dark Lord will kill you all."
等等 这玩意儿会说话 Wait, these things can talk?
留两只活口 我想试个办法 I want two taken alive. I want to try something.
你好 Hi.
我是小纳金斯 I'm Tiny Nuggins.
我把我的匕首放在这里 I'm gonna put my dagger down right here,
我们可以聊聊吗 so we can just talk.
垃圾人类 Human trash.
这样吧 我直接跟你说 Yeah, look, I'm gonna give it to you straight.
我们在找一名亡灵法师 We're looking for a Necromancer.
两只哥布林的帮忙有点多余了 We don't need two goblins to find him.
所以你觉得你和你的朋友 谁更有用呢 So between you and your friend, who do you think's the most useful?
你的朋友可真能说 Man, your friend sure can talk.
-少来 他绝不会背叛我 -是吗 - Liar. He'll never turn. - Oh, yeah,
因为你们哥布林都很忠诚是吗 because of that famous goblin loyalty.
你们并肩战斗 与子同袍 I could never drive a wedge between you
我压根就离间不了是吗 and some guy from work.
他结婚的时候我可是伴郎 Uh, I was best man at that guy's wedding.
你朋友说你结婚了 Your friend says you just got married.
祝贺你 虽然饭菜太糟烂了 Congratulations. Too bad about the food.
你们就等着腐烂在... I hope your flesh rots in...
等等 饭菜怎么了 Wait. What about the food?
他似乎不喜欢你婚宴上的致辞 Oh, I guess he didn't like your wedding toast.
格巴克说的吗 Golbak said that?
克朗并不支持你跟丽萨在一起 格巴克 Klang doesn't approve of you and Lisa, Golbak,
我寻思着他这样 and I don't get the sense
应该跟你俩的感情没什么关系 it's because of his feelings for you.
其实 想象一下丽萨 You know, I think about Lisa,
坐在暗牙峡谷的山洞里 sitting in that hole in Darktooth Canyon
身边有两只小崽子 with little Framrok and Griknog
在狼皮地毯上滚来滚去 rolling about on the wolf pelts.
你悄悄跟我说一句 Come on, between you and me,
你觉得哪个崽子是你亲生的 which one do you think is yours?
不 No!
我知道那座塔在哪里 I know where the tower is.
兄弟的竞速
海洋的姐妹
雷电的山脉
我心中的
条条大道
飞蛛载着你们飞翔 The sky spiders have flown you
飞到了尽可能远的地方 as far as their complex religion allows.
它们将你们放下 并用复杂的跳跃动作 They set you down and express through intricate prancing
指明了塔的方向 directions to the tower.
太棒了 Yes.
父亲 原谅我 Father, forgive me.
我已经离你太远 I have traveled so far from you.
自从枯骨河将我们分开 已过去多少游戏日 How many game days since the skull river ripped us apart?
现实生活中 距离我上次去厕所多久了 How many real hours since I've gone pee?
我们要寻找亡灵法师 为何呢 We seek this Necromancer. Why?
为何 Why?
只为了所谓的梦想 梦想皆尘土 Our reasons are dreams, our dreams, dust.
我将思念之语寄托于燕子 I send word on wings of sparrows,
但愿它们能寻到你 in hopes they might find you.
阿布蒂说希望极为渺茫 Abed says the odds are near impossible.
但我心足矣 That's enough for me.
如果你收到了我的信 Should you receive this message,
我知道重聚的方法了 I know of a way to reunite.
我的角色属性栏中写着 According to my character sheet,
如果我擦拭祖传宝剑的剑刃 if I rub the blade of our magic family sword
与此同时你也在摩挲剑柄 while you rub the hilt,
就会有两束光芒 照亮我俩之间的路 twin beacons of light will reveal our locations to each other.
每晚我一边想你 一边拭剑不止 Each night, I will think of you and rub,
祈祷着命运 praying for the night fate
能让我们同摩挲 共擦拭 will find us rubbing together.
儿 约瑟夫·戈登·虎胆龙威敬上 Your son, joseph Gordon Diehard.
发生了一件很奇怪的事 Something strange has happened.
一只燕子落在了里格斯·虎胆龙威的肩上 A sparrow lands on Riggs Diehard's shoulder.
它带来了一封信 It carries a note.
阿布蒂 我...摩挲剑柄 Abed, I... rub my sword's hilt?
你所站之处发出一束光芒 A beam of light shoots out from your location,
虎胆龙威之剑柄要找寻剑刃了 as the hilt of Diehard seeks its blade.
这束光芒不断前行 在北边树林里 The beam arcs and meets an equal beam
与另一束光芒相遇 in the woods to the north.
他们就在那里吗 Is that where the others are?
没错 他们离塔同样仅十英里远 Yes, 10 miles away, same as you.
所以我们到达塔时... So we'll be arriving at the tower...
他们也会在明早同时抵达 At the same time tomorrow morning.
竞赛开始了 This began as a race.
结局也许是殊死之战 But it may end in war.
你们谁有牙签吗 Does anybody have a toothpick?
有粒玉米嵌在了我的牙里 I got a piece of popcorn stuck in my tooth.
你懂的 用口香糖总是粘不到 You know, it's, like, right under the gum,
我已经努力了好久 快十五分钟了 and, you know, I've been trying, like, for 15 minutes
又是用牙齿 又是用舌头的 with, you know, my tooth and, like, with my tongue
甚至还用上了手指 总是差一点 and with my finger, and I'm always one tooth off,
总是够不到... and I just can't seem to...
诶呀 够到了 好了 Oh, hello, there we go. Anyway.
结局也许是殊死之战 But it may end in war.
我们经历了这么多 Maybe after all we've been through,
不如游戏就此终止吧 we should just call this thing off.
你觉得我们能做主吗 What, you think that's up to us?
你也看到了他跟我说话的样子 You've seen the way he talks to me.
他根本不希望亲生父亲参与他的生活 He doesn't want his own father in his life.
为了赢他会不择手段 哪怕是伤害你们 He'll do anything to win, and that includes attacking you.
你们那群在他队里的朋友 And you best believe that your little friends
最好祈祷他们能全身而退 in there are drinking up his kool-aid.
他这人觉得孙子就像奖杯 This is a man who thinks of grandchildren like trophies.
因此他对成功势在必得 Which is why he'll play to win.
所以我不会允许他赢 And why I can't let him.
平身 勇敢美丽的小粪球 Rise, brave, sweet Dingleberry.
平身 Rise.
两队皆到达黑暗之塔 Both parties have arrived at the black tower.
同志们好 Hi, guys.
-父亲 -约瑟夫·戈登 - Father. - Joseph Gordon.
我们来了 特里斯坦·钢铁之心也来了 We are here, so Tristram Steelheart,
飞蛛之王 足可以手刃亡灵法师 Lord of the Sky Spiders, can slay the Necromancer.
尔等没问题 亦或需要流血之争 You guys cool, or are we gonna have to get red?
小纳金斯 水生哥布林尚要拼死战斗 Tiny Nuggins, waterboarder of Goblins,
因享天伦之乐之权利 will do the slaying, because every man has
乃世人皆有之 the right to hang out with his grandson.
奈何尔等寡不敌众 Too bad you're outnumbered.
并非如此 No, they're not.
和我没关系 I'm not part of this.
吾乃约瑟夫·戈登·虎胆龙威 今日来此 I'm Joseph Gordon Diehard, and I am only here
只为拥抱我父 现在就要抱抱 to hug my father, which I now do.
小心有诈 It's a trick.
我才不会让他抱 I'm not letting him hug me.
我要抱父亲 I hug my father.
他的裤子里有火药 He has gunpowder in his pants.
我取剑 退后 I draw my sword. Stay back!
-弓箭取出 -我也取 - I draw an arrow. - So do I.
-巨魔怒吼 -杰夫 是否放下宝剑 -Troll sound! - Jeff, do you lower your sword?
-不放 -院长你要不要... - No! - Dean, are you...
-拥抱父亲 -你被刺穿 - I hug my father! - You're impaled.
值了 Worth it.
老天爷啊 Good Lord.
弑儿者 Son slayer!
-我攻击杰夫 -射昌一箭 - I attack Jeff! - Arrow at Chang!
-射安妮一箭 -我冲向大门 - Arrow at Annie! - I head for the door.
同上 So do I!
尝尝虎胆龙威之剑刃吧 Taste the blade of Diehard!
-跑走找掩护 -我将蛇变成绳索 - I run for cover. - I turn a snake into a rope.
-两箭射向安妮 -刺矛刺矛 - Fire two arrows at Annie. - Spear, spear.
-我 -三点伤害 - I take the kid. I pop him. - Three damage.
闪电球 闪电球 闪电球 Lightning bolt, lightning bolt, lightning bolt.
治愈中度伤口 Cure moderate wounds!
我喷向所有人 I spray all over them.
我把布雷塔的脸按进泥坑 I hold Britta's face in a puddle.
-七点伤害 -左劈右砍 左劈右砍 - Seven damage. - cleave, cleave, cleave!
我射出两箭 I fire two arrows.
小粪球 粉碎 Dingleberry smash!
加三 魔力眼神 Plus three, Demonic Eye Look.
扔向他们 And shove it up them!
然后 我在耳后放一个 After that, I put one right behind the ear.
里格斯先生 交出你的角色卡 Sir Riggs, hand in your character sheet.
里格斯·虎胆龙威爵士 力量 14 敏捷 13 体质 14 智力 9 感知 8 魅力 14
一柱擎天赫克托 力量 19 敏捷 12 体质 17 智力 9 感知 8 魅力 10
游侠纤维瘤 力量 14 敏捷 16 体质 7 智力 9 感知 11 魅力 10
巨魔小粪球 力量 13 敏捷 14 体质 11 智力 7 感知 5 魅力 12
塔上最高层 一扇门 Top floor of the tower, one door.
我打开它 I open it.
我朝他发射火焰攻击 I cast flame strike on him.
-你已经扔过了 -狼牙棒 - You cast that already. - Mace.
-好 没砸中 -唉 - Okay. Missed. - Ah.
我朝他甩飞刀 I hit him with a throwing dagger.
-你的刀都用光了 -啊 什么... - You used all your knives. - ah, what...
你们就不能出点力... Will one of you guys take care...
啥 都死光了 我继续 What? You're all dead? I keep going.
-我跟着 -你到达亡灵法师的工作室 - I follow. - You've reached the Necromancer's workshop.
你看到他的床和几瓶黏糊糊的东西 You see his bed, some bottles of goop,
还有其他的一些零零碎碎 some other necromancing crap,
但是亡灵法师不在 but no Necromancer.
我找 再找 I search. I search.
我能找吗 你不会从背后捅我吧 Can I search, or are you gonna stab me in the back?
我是窃贼不是小人 Hey, I am a thief, not a wuss.
我也找 I search too.
你找到了一扇暗门 You find a secret door.
很简单 因为它是开着 It's easy because it's already open.
里面有梯子 一直向下延伸 It leads to a ladder, which goes straight down
尽头是一扇开着的门 通往塔后 to another open door on the back of the tower.
哎呀我去 Ah, man.
干的好 非常好 Way to go. That's great.
他跑了 He just got away.
你不能信口雌黄说他跑了 Hey, you can't just say he's gone.
你欠我们一个解决 You owe us an ending.
我什么都不欠 I owe you nothing.
我是地下城主 I am a Dungeon Master.
我创造出无穷尽的世界 I create a boundless world,
并以规则约束之 and I bind it by rules.
桥上太重 就会垮塌 Too heavy for a bridge? It breaks.
遭到攻击 就有伤害 Get hit? Take damage.
在别人家门口花一小时 Spend an hour outside someone's front door,
争着要杀他 fighting over who gets to kill him?
他就从后门逃跑 He leaves through the back.
他在外面 He's out there somewhere.
如果你们可以齐心协力 也许可以找到 You might find him, if you get your crap together.
同志们 Hey, guys.
听听我们鬼魂的意见吧 Take it from a bunch of ghosts.
这哪叫生活 This is no kind of life.
你们需要新鲜空气和冰镇酸奶 You need fresh air and frozen yogurt.
我请客 It's on me.
抱抱吧 Hug it out.
-不是 -还抱抱 - Oh, see... - Hug it out?
-真恶心 -谁说话这么恶心 - Gag me. - Who even uses that phrase?
-你脑子进水了吧 -好 - Are you out of your mind? - All right,
我爬下梯子 要找到这个人 I'm climbing down the ladder. I'm gonna find this guy.
我留在那搜索工作室 I stay and search the workshop.
有没有可以治疗我的东西 Does he have any stuff there that can heal me?
你找到了一些药剂 You do find some potions.
我喝半瓶 okay, well, I-I get half of that.
不好意思 你下梯子走了 Excuse me, you just went down the ladder.
我也能听见啊 我能听到在上面翻吧 Well, I can hear you... can I hear him looting upstairs?
我动作很轻就不会 Not if I move about silently.
好好 如果我听到了 Fine. Fine. If I heal you,
能分我点药剂吗 Can we divide the potions?
好 但我决定谁喝哪个 Okay. But I decide who gets what.
好 但我们要小心有诈 All right, fine, but we've gotta be wary of traps.
我才不要听你的 I don't have to do a damn thing that you tell me to do.
-怎么回事 -嘘 - What's going on? - Shh.
你是不是傻掉了 你可算了吧 You outta your mind? Oh, you give me a break.
你到底想不想抓到亡灵法师 Do you wanna get the Necromancer or not?
-我快忍你到头了 -你到底... - I'm so up to here with you. - Do you want...
他们这是喜欢对方了吗 Do they like each other now?
你开玩笑呢 Are you kidding me?
他们都没法共处一室 They can't stand being in the same room.
也受不了彼此分开 I also don't think they can handle being apart.
我想他们找到了 And I think they just found a way
可以一举两得的方法 to avoid doing either.
这就是父子之间最好的相处 And that's the best most fathers and sons can do.
我好为你骄傲哦 You've made me so proud today.
谁知道哪有卖真剑的 Does anyone know where we can buy a real sword?
杰夫瑞 Jeffrey.
你还在悲痛室的入口 You're still at the entrance to the chamber of grief.
轮到你了 痒先生 Your move, Mr. Tickles.
你成功的给蛙古拉的杯子里倒了茶 You successfully pour more tea into Count Frogula's cup.
给希拉里·克林喵一分 That puts it at Hillary Rodham Kitten.
好 你想递松饼 Okay, you attempt to pass crumpets.
失败 You fail.
各位 我有点不高兴 Okay, guys, I'm getting a little frustrated.
你们看下自己的技能表 If you'd just take a look at your inventories,
就会发现... You'll see that...
阿布蒂 你玩完了吗 Abed, are you almost done?
没有毛绒玩具我睡不着 I can't sleep without my stuffies.
好 等下 Fine. Hold on.
一只哥布林发现了你们并将你们全部秒杀 Oh, a goblin notices you and murders you all.
你们都死了 全还给你 You're dead. They're all yours.