阿布蒂 你干嘛呢 Abed, what are you doing?
赚外快中 Freelancing.
你不是本市间谍吧 You're not a spy for the city, are you?
他们一直在发我教室的视频 They've been sending footage of my classroom
然后说我不比那些努力工作的老师差 and pronounced me no worse than the teachers that work hard.
我不能告诉你我在为谁工作 I can't tell you who I'm working for.
是个惊喜 It's a surprise.
好吧 那就别碍事 Well, don't get in the way.
你知道规则的 杰夫 You know the rules, Jeff.
你尽快无视我 就能尽快把我当空气 The sooner you ignore me, the sooner I stop being a factor.
好了 大伙 All right, people.
昨天 Yesterday
我在黑板上写了「法律」这词 I wrote the word law on the board.
这次 别擦 This time, don't erase it,
兴许明天就能多讲点 and maybe tomorrow we'll get even further.
现在要放我之前跟加瑞特说的 Now, I'm told Garrett has
能多赚学分的报告 prepared a presentation for extra credit.
顺便跟大伙都说一下 By the way, everyone in class
班里每个人都会有额外的学分 gets the credit because I'm not sure how
因为我也不知道这玩意到底该不该整 much I should encourage this.
整吧 加瑞特 Go ahead, Garrett.
谢谢 Thank you.
我的报告主题是 婚姻法 My presentation is about Marriage Law.
这是我 加瑞特 This is me, Garrett.
你们班里的我 I'm in your class.
这是史黛西 This is Stacy.
她也在班里 She is in our class as well.
这就是我想要的 This is what I want.
加瑞特 Oh, Garrett.
史黛西 你愿意嫁给我吗 Stacy, will you marry me?
愿意 加瑞特 我愿意 Yes, yes, Garrett, yes, I will!
加瑞特 Oh, Garrett!
我跟加瑞特已经交往了 Garrett and I have been seeing each other for
十六个月零两周又四天 16 months, two weeks, and four days.
我们在学校里的小卖店「铅笔等等」认识的 We met at the school store, Pencils and Such.
他说他就是为了「等等」去的 He said he was there for the Such.
我记得我当时汗流如注 气喘如牛 I remember I was sweating a lot, and breathing heavy, and
心脏马上就要跳出我的胸膛了 my heart felt like it was going to burst in my chest.
可我见到史黛西的那天 But the day I met Stacy,
以上症状皆有缓解 most of those symptoms actually declined.
你有完没完了 Are you quite done?
完了 Yeah.
加瑞特想把求婚记录下来 Garrett wanted the proposal recorded.
因为他家人可能需要看个证据 He thought his family might wanna see proof.
那你现在还拍什么 So now what are you shooting?
你表情有些诡异 You had a strange look on your face.
■
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你现在还懂看表情了 Oh, you're noticing faces now?
你不是还得靠闻头发 Aren't you still smelling hair
-才能分出谁是弗兰谁是安妮吗 -是的 - to tell Frankie from Annie? - Yeah.
正式宣布 Well, it's official.
哥要滚床单了 I'm getting laid.
翻 译 A Song of 菜 and 宏
翻 译 蓝色DayDay恋
翻 译 那年冬天蓬蓬裙
翻 译 胡林的儿子章鱼
时 间 轴 一代女皇姜姜
后 期 鱼的骨头哪有那么可爱
顾 问 Greydale骨科
废柴联盟 第六季 第十二集
校对/总监 紫式部夕橙
你在干嘛了啦 What are you doing?
别闹啦 Stop.
别闹了啦 Hey, stop.
你再不把那个蠢东东拿开 If you don't put that silly thing away,
人家发誓 再也不爱你了啦 I swear, I'm gonna stop loving you.
真是够了呢 Oh, that's it.
生日快乐 Happy birthday.
你俩作什么幺蛾子呢 What are you two doing?
我们在拍安妮的「思念爱人」片段 We're doing Annie's Missing Lover footage.
就电影里那种 You, you know in movies where
男主的老婆或女友死了或者失踪了 the hero's wife or girlfriend is dead or missing,
然后男主就坐在黑漆漆的地方 and so he sits in the dark
看着她的家庭录像 and he watches her in a home movie, or-
或者全息图 or a hologram.
或者全息图 一遍一遍的看 Or a hologram over and over,
她永远那么美丽 柔情爱意 and she's always beautiful and full of love,
一副傻白甜的样子 almost to the point of being stupid.
我们现在拍的视频就是 We're making footage like
以备我被绑架或者谋杀之需 that for me in case I get kidnapped or murdered.
超健康啊 同志们 Oh, super healthy, guys.
卫生部来电 The Health Department called.
他们啥都不想召回 They don't want anything back.
布雷塔 别看镜头 Britta, don't look at the camera.
好 看镜头 Okay, look at the camera.
今天是加瑞特的婚礼 Today's Garrett's wedding.
在此介绍一下 加瑞特 For those who don't know, Garrett,
这个人其实我们也不太了解 he's a guy we don't really know,
虽然我们当了六年同学了 that we've known for like six years at school,
他还是那个长相清奇的人 the funny-looking guy.
布雷塔 毒舌了 Britta, mean!
抱歉 Sorry!
长相反常的人 The eccentric-looking guy.
这是怎么了 What's happening?
怎么这么怪 Everything's going wrong.
就那个人 That guy.
你还记得我们说要打扫吗 Remember when we said we were cleaning?
记得 可是别忘了阿布蒂在拍纪录片 Yeah. But remember about Abed's documentary?
这个纪录片就是拍我们在干嘛 The documentary is about what we're doing.
我们在打扫 And we're cleaning.
对 可如果我们俩都打扫去了 Yeah, but if we're both cleaning
就没人来解释为什么了 then there's nobody to explain why.
她不懂拍电影 She doesn't understand filmmaking.
我是住过纽约的人 I lived in New York.
我们再谈点啥 What else should we talk about?
我们贡献出了自己的公寓 We volunteered our apartment
给我们的朋友当一个临时集结地 as a staging area where our friends
让他们能准备妥当 彼此督促守时 can get ready and keep each other on time.
要了解我们的朋友 你得知道 The thing to understand about our friends
「朋友」这个标签已经不足以形容了 is that friends isn't an adequate label.
我们是紧密团结的组合 We're an intensely, intimately bonded crew.
天啊 不要 不 God. Oh, I can't, no!
不 No!
你是想要闪亮前卫还是经典樱桃红 Do you want flashy forward, or cherry and classic?
有黑的吗 Do you have black?
这就表示没有 That's a no.
那声恼人的叹气表示 That beleaguered sigh means,
不行 我不能涂黑指甲 no, I can't have black nails.
别看镜头 Don't look at the camera.
你当然能看 You absolutely can,
等我们的尸体腐烂了就都能看了 and we all will when our bodies decompose.
此梗源自美剧「办公室」中该角色的招牌动作
请别学吉姆那样调戏镜头 Please don't Jim the camera like that.
调戏镜头 Jim the camera?
-黑色打从... -根本不算颜色 - The color black hasn't had - It's not a color.
89年以后跟死亡和前卫就没关系了 Anything to do with death or edginess since '89!
我是说它缺色彩 I mean, absence of color.
我的会计都会涂黑色指甲油 My accountant has black nails!
你的啥 Your what?!
别咬着这个不放 Don't jump on that,
我的会计 这是一种修辞方式 my accountant, it's a figure of speech.
这是一种说话方式 叫胡编乱造 It's a form of speech called making things up.
阿布蒂 你能去开门吗 Abed, can you get that?
我可以拍你去开门 I can film you getting it.
开着呢 It's open!
是吗 Is it?
不知道 试试呗 I don't know, let's see.
-弗兰 -姐妹儿 - Frankie. - Hi girl.
听你们的 我没有穿着婚宴礼服来 So, I didn't, put on my wedding clothes, like you said.
这样我们就可以一起打扮 享受闺蜜之乐 So we can get dressed together and be girls together.
一定会很好玩的 This is gonna be fun.
安妮和布雷塔说让我过来 Annie and Britta told me to come over and
跟她们一起梳洗打扮 好去加瑞特的婚礼 get ready with them for Garrett's wedding.
我没拒绝 I didn't say no.
这种要求谁会拒绝呢 Who says no to something like that?
肯定是那种冷酷扫兴不合群的人 A cold, off-putting incompatible person.
是那种能把去朋友家过夜变成石刑现场的人 The kind of person that turns a sleepover into a stoning.
我真的被人 扔了石头 I had rocks, thrown at me.
圣经中那种炽热粗糙 Biblical, igneous, jagged,
可憎尖锐的忍者石 hateful, pointy, ninja rocks,
不会再重蹈覆辙了 and that's not gonna happen again.
你最近忙什么呢 What have you been up to?
你好像已经问过一遍了 I think you already asked that.
你回答了吗 Did you answer?
我没回答吗 Didn't I?
-我好像说了 -我记得你好像没说 - I think I did. - I don't think you did.
那不是我的做派啊 Well, that's not like me.
可能你比较紧张吧 Well, maybe you're nervous.
不紧张啊 No, no.
那就当你已经回答过了 我们给忘了吧 Well, why don't we just say that if you did answer, we forgot
我们再问一遍 so we're asking again.
我最近在工作 Oh, I have been working.
而且更加关注自己的个人事务 And I've been tending to my personal affairs.
我不记得有没有提过米亚 Mia, I don't know if I mentioned.
她也是我的一个妹妹 One of my sisters as well, you know,
另外一个妹妹去世了 one of them is deceased,
还有一个嘛 and the other is
智力有障碍 mentally retarded.
内裤大袭击 Panty raid.
大学男生突袭女生宿舍抢夺女生衬裤为战利品
我说「干了」 你们说「赶紧」 When I say drink, you say now.
-干了 -赶紧 - Drink. - Now.
我说「干了」 你们说「赶紧」 When I say drink, you say now.
-干了 -赶紧 - Drink. - Now.
亲们咱现在还磨蹭什么呢 Hey what are you guys doing?
我们得走啦 婚礼还有40分钟开始啦 We gotta go. The wedding starts in like 40 minutes.
时间是骗你哒 We batted the time.
怎么样 我们就算到你要迟到 We lied to you cause we knew you'd be late.
所以我们在时间上骗你啦 So we lied to you about the time.
耶耶 Yeah!
我们要的并不是完美之人组建多么完美的团队 You don't need perfect people to make a perfect team.
我们要的是能互补缺点的一群人 You need people whose flaws feed into each other.
就是你说的什么来着 It's what do you call it?
-依存共生 -协同作用 - Co-dependence. - Synergy.
比如说 有些布雷塔讨厌做的事 For instance, there might be something Britta hates doing,
安妮却喜欢 but Annie loves doing.
又或者有些安妮不喜欢做的事 Or there might be something that Annie hates doing,
但她却一直在做 but she does it anyways,
因为她真正喜欢的其实是感觉自己很有用 because what she really loves is to feel useful.
你刚好解释了依存共生的含义 You literally just defined co-dependence.
敬「协同作用」 Here's to synergy.
真有默契 Oh, look at you.
好帮手 You little helper.
好了 Okay,
加瑞特 你愿意 do you Garrett take
曾出演「闪灵」男主角
娶杰克·尼科尔森做你的合法妻子吗 Jack Nicholson to be your lawfully wedded wife?
我愿意 I do.
我愿意 强尼 I do, Johnny.
我们发明了一个新游戏 We invented a new game.
「名人与加瑞特结婚大作战」 Celebrity Garrett Marriage.
娶克里斯蒂安·斯莱特做你的合法妻子 Christian Slater to be your lawfully wedded wife.
好莱坞男星
我愿意 I do.
切 Boo.
只有尼科尔森好吗 There's only Nicholson.
来听他说嘛 Yeah, well, listen to him.
我们真是填补时间空白的天才 We were genius to pad the time margin.
因为我们又多出来三个小时来玩这个游戏 Because now we have, like, three more hours to play the game.
好 加瑞特 你愿意 Okay. Do you, Garrett,
娶奥布瑞·普拉扎为妻吗 take Aubrey Plaza to be your wife?
「公园与游憩」常驻配角
我愿意 I do.
等等 Wait.
你说又多了三个小时是什么意思 What do you mean, three more hours?
怎么可能 How is that even possible?
等等 婚礼是几点来着 What, what time is the wedding?
现在几点啦 Wait, what time is it now?
我们迟到啦 We're late.
所有人到车里集合 Gather everyone to the car.
-怎么回事 -对 - What? - Yeah.
我们一起开车去 We'll drive together.
我们才不一起开车去 We are not driving together.
我什么都安排好啦 It's already been settled.
哪有什么安排好 Nothing was settled.
搞什么 What?
他们留人家一个人在这里啦 They left me home alone.
人家一个人在家 I'm home alone.
也不算啦 Well, not really.
你还在这里搞什么鬼 What the hell you doing?
快点 快点走走走走走 C'mon, let's go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
-好呀好呀 -苍天 - Okay. - Geez.
阿布蒂 你也快出来 Abed, you too.
快点啊 Come on.
哦 好 Oh, yeah.
我们在此见证加瑞特和史黛西的结合 We are here to witness the union of Garrett and Stacy
以...那个 in the eyes of,
以你们随便选的哪种力量的眼睛来见证 well in the eyes of whatever power you choose.
我个人认为选哪种信仰这事儿吧 Personally, I find the notion of choosing
没有什么限制的必要 to be needlessly limited.
如果我能够消化所有的信仰矛盾呢 What if I'm capable of total contradiction?
如果我能够完美支配我所选的 What if science and religion were mine
科学和宗教呢 to wield as I choose?
如果我就是上帝呢 What if I'm God?
我很有可能并非上帝 但是 It is likely that I am not, but
我觉得这种可能性 I think it's totally out of line
如果不提一下显然是说不过去的 to take that possibility off of the table.
现在 你们的誓言都已经写好了对吧 Now, I understand that vows have been written.
史黛西 当我第一次看到你 Stacy, when I first saw you,
注视着你 让我飘飘欲仙 looking at you made me feel good.
抚摸着你 更让我欲仙欲死 Touching you, felt better
了解你 让我意识到没了你 and knowing you made me realize that without you,
我就不完整了 I, I am incomplete.
虽然我知道我看上去相当完整健全 I know I look pretty complete.
某人嘲笑的点错了好不好 Somebody over there laughed at that the wrong way.
最新美剧下载 www.ZiMuZu.tv
你就是我的身体 我的心灵 You are my body and my soul.
你就是我最喜欢的电子游戏 You are my favorite video game.
赶上了 快来 Yes. Come on.
亲们快快快 Guys, guys guys.
所有人都在看着我们 Everybody's looking at us.
你嘘的声音比我说话声还大 Your SHH was louder than what I said.
欢迎 Welcome!
后面的朋友 欢迎你们的光临 Everyone back there, you're welcome.
快来加入我们吧 Please join us.
他们任何人都有可能是上帝呢 Any of those people could be God.
好 快过去 Okay. Over there.
好了 Yes.
加瑞特 自从你我相遇 Garrett, since we met
你给我感觉是那样熟悉 you have felt so familiar.
我喜欢跟你一起做三明治 I love making sandwiches with you.
喜欢跟你一起折毛巾 I love folding towels with you.
还有在晚上给你拿止痛药 I love giving you your pain killers, at the end of the day.
你说的不算什么誓言 Well that, those aren't really vows.
只是把你喜欢我的事情列了个单子好吧 That's a list of things you love about me, yeah.
-不好意思 -没关系 - I'm so sorry. - It's okay.
加瑞特 你愿意娶史黛西为你的合法妻子吗 Garrett, do you take Stacy to be your lawfully wedded wife.
我愿意 I do.
史黛西 你愿意嫁给加瑞特 Stacy, do you take Garrett
让他成为你的合法丈夫吗 to be your lawfully wedded husband,
永世成为夫妻 to have and to hold and to honor.
是的 我愿意 Yes I do.
先生们 女士们 加瑞·兰伯特夫妇 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. And Mrs. Garrett Lambert,
加瑞特 你可以亲吻加瑞特夫人了 Garrett you may kiss Mrs. Garrett.
派对在哪里 Where the party at?
好啦 我们来忍受一下吧 Okay, let's endure this.
我们今天过得是不是特别棒啊 Are we nailing today, or what?
谁能想到巴瑞的婚礼 Who would have thought Barrett's wedding
会成为我们人生中最好玩的一天 would be the best day of our lives.
肯定不是加瑞特 因为他不叫巴瑞特 Definitely not Garrett, since his name's not Barrett.
哎哟喂 说错名字啦 Whoopsie. We say a wrong a name.
你种族歧视 Racist.
你才种族歧视 Oh, no. You a racist.
这个人是种族歧视 That guy's a racist.
从这个人到这个人 全是种族歧视 From here to there is racist.
玩得高兴吗 Having a good time?
相当的 Oh, yes.
您是加瑞特的妈妈 Are you Garrett's mom?
当然是啦 I sure am.
我觉得你们可以后退一步 I think you guys could maybe take a step back,
好好审视 认清大局 gain a little perspective,
这样你们就不会破坏我们整个夜晚 so you don't wreck the whole night
影响到那些真正的好客人了 for some really wonderful people.
你们是在念婚礼誓词的时候踩过树丛来的 You came to a wedding in the middle of the vows through a bush.
我不是菲尔医生 I'm not Dr. Phil, but,
但我也不希望我儿子去自杀 I don't want my son to kill himself,
所以请自觉一下吧 so, do what you gotta do!
好了 Yeah.
我了个去 Holy crap.
我们都干了些什么啊 What have we done?
这下好了 我们被将了一军 Okay, we just got checked.
而且我们活该 And it was pretty deserved.
但我们也不会傻站在这里黯然舔舐伤口 But, we're not just gonna stand here and lick our wounds either.
杰夫说的没错 Jeff is right.
那个絮絮叨叨 笑里藏刀的女士说的也没错 And that chipper passive aggressive lady, she's right, too.
所以咱们就此散开 So, let's spread out and...
成为史上最棒的婚礼嘉宾 Be the best wedding guests, anyone has ever seen!
-没错 -好 - Yes. - Yeah.
想都不想 直接行动 I'm not gonna over think it, I'm just gonna try it.
-好 -好好 - Okay. - Yes. Yes.
万岁 Mazeltov.
一个陌生人走到我们这个骄傲的小组面前 So, a stranger walked over to our very proud group
把我们的自尊碾碎成渣渣 and smashed our pride into pieces with a hammer,
感觉真是场悲剧啊 which definitely felt like a disaster.
然后我开始慢慢拾捡我们的尊严碎片 Then, I started to pick up the pieces of our pride,
奇怪的是 and weirdly enough,
我拾起的第一片就是我自己的 全找回来了 the first piece I picked up was my own pride, all of it.
感觉就好像团队整体和团队成员两者之间 It's almost like groups and people in groups,
是永远无法同时获得完整的 can never be complete at the same time.
说得通吗 Does that make any sense?
不懂吗 No?
那就是你的问题了 Well, that's your problem.
我爱你 阿布蒂 I love you, Abed.
我知道如何成为一个好的婚礼嘉宾吗 Do I know how to be a good wedding guest?
我当然知道 Yes, I do.
问题是 我知道得太多了 A little too well, that's the problem.
我叫埃尔罗伊·珀塔斯奈克 My name is Elroy Patashnik,
2006到2009年间 and from 2006 to 2009,
我染上了给白人加油打气的瘾 I was addicted to encouraging white people.
好吧 All right!
你可真懂怎么盛肉丸 Now there's a man who knows his meatballs.
-谢谢 -一开始只是为了生存 - Thank you. - It started as simple survival.
我一个黑人 在90年代的科技行业里打拼 The tech industry in the 90s, this face, this voice,
白人们要么会帮你 那么就排挤你 they're either gonna help you or hold you back.
所以就给他们鼓鼓劲呗 何必反着来 So, you tap the gas, because well, why tap the brake?
你真懂行 你太懂行了 Oh, you know, you know what you're doing.
没人比他更懂行了 This man knows exactly what he's doing.
我掌握了骗人的秘诀 I learned the cheat code.
白人喜欢听好话 White people like encouragement.
才不管说的是什么呢 It really doesn't matter what for.
这才是装酒的杯子嘛 Now, that's a container for liquid.
我没有背叛过谁 I never felt like a sellout.
从不假笑 从不说假话 I never laugh at anything unfunny, never said anything untrue.
这话听着可能带点种族歧视 The thing is, and this will sound racist,
白人不仅自己垂头丧气 white people are very discouraged,
还非常喜欢互相吐槽 and very discouraging to each other.
亲爱的 你把肉酱弄得到处都是 Sweetie, you, you're getting meatball juice
可就没放进盘子里 everywhere but your plate.
总比你弄的芦笋好多了 I think I'm going better than you are, with your asparagus.
这样盛肉丸就对了 Oh, now that's the way to handle meatballs.
还有你啊 And look at you.
芦笋夹得真好呢 Working that asparagus.
所以一旦你跟他们说 So, the day you start telling them,
你现在做得就很好 hey, just do what you're doing!
-我爱你 -我也爱你 - I love you. - I love you.
你就成了大英雄 You feel like a superhero.
危险是什么呢 But, what's the danger?
我为什么金盆洗手了 Why'd I stop?
就像其他那些能让你感到开心的事一样 You know, same as anything else that makes you feel good.
如果不见好就收 If you don't put a lid on it.
*看这裤子啊* * Oh, look at these pants. *
*就一直穿着吧* * He should keep on wearing *
*一直穿着吧* * keep on wearing his pants *
就收不住了 There's no lid.
今天史黛西九十岁的姑婆也来了 Stacy has a 90 year old Meemaw here.
我把她推到舞池附近了 I pushed her around the dance floor.
我觉得她挺喜欢的 I think she liked it.
不 那是波丽 No, that's Polly.
不 波丽姨婆是加瑞特家的 No, Great Aunt Polly is Garrett's side.
我还没见过她 I haven't met her.
天啊 她不会是看到我推了姑婆 Oh my God, do you think she saw me pushing Meemaw,
所以觉得我这个人是不是有毛病 and now she's wondering what's wrong with her?
我马上回来 I'll be right back.
安妮 等你吃完蛋糕 Annie, the world will still need you
世界还是依然会需要你的 after you finish your cake.
我是不是很坏 Am I that bad?
我们心里住着同一条恶龙 We have the same dragon.
到头来 你要么杀了它 Eventually you will slay it,
要么驯服它 或者将其溶解在胃里 or train it, or dissolve in its stomach.
它的名字就叫做「助人为乐」 Its name is Helping Others.
如果驯服了它 能给它起个更炫酷的名字吗 If I train it, can I give it a cooler name?
驯服了它 你想做什么都可以了 If you train it, you can do anything you want.
杀了它的话 我就不知道了 If you slay it, I don't know.
估计一条叫「以我为尊」的龙就会出现了吧 I guess you get a new dragon named Yourself.
你就成了杰夫·翁格了 And then you'd be Jeff Winger.
是啊 那货才是无可救药呢 Yeah, that guy needs help!
你会给自己的龙起什么名 What would you name your dragon?
我们需要一长串的龙名 I think we need a list of dragon names.
-对 -然后我们得帮你摆脱杰夫 - Yeah! - And then we need to get you away from Jeff.
这才是我想说的 但我干嘛多管闲事 Is what I wanted to say, but how is that my business?
拍完后你不会放给别人看吧 You don't show these to people when you finish them?
-不会 -太好了 - No. - Okay, good.
那你为什么拍呢 So then why do you make them, again?
这让我感到轻松 It relaxes me.
就像织毛衣一样 但没那么多规矩 It's like knitting with less discipline.
喷火公主 Princess Firebreath.
幽禁爵士 Sir Pent.
瑞秋·针尾雀博士 Doctor Rachel Spinetail.
荷莉·灼热吐息 Holly Hotbreath.
龙爪吉米[吉米·法伦谐音] Jimmy Talon.
克里斯蒂安鳞[克里斯蒂安·贝尔谐音] Christian Scale.
这里我用了几个名人名字的谐音 I got into a bit of a celebrity pun barrel here.
龙甲卡森[卡森·戴利谐音] Carson Scaley.
裘德爪[裘德·洛谐音] Jude Claw.
阿里安娜·大冒险[阿里安娜·赫芬顿谐音] Ariana Puffington.
这是你们最大的冰块了吗 Are these your biggest ice cubes?
你才放肆 No, you're boisterous!
我弟弟呢 Where's my brother!?
关于我朋友加瑞特 我有话要说 I've gotta thing to say about my friend Garrett!
我们重新成为婚礼嘉宾后 There has been a plot twist
剧情出现了转折 in the story of our comeback as wedding guests.
加瑞特的哥哥伯恩斯 Garrett's older brother Bones
在这个周末又犯病了 has relapsed during his weekend pass
因此无法做伴郎致辞了 and will be unable to do the best man toast.
扶稳了 You got him?
所以我找到加瑞特的妈妈 So, I took Garrett's mom's side
告诉她 由于我们今天的所作所为 and told her after our behavior today,
这是我所能做的最起码的补偿了 it was the least I could do for them.
我不会像以前那样做翁格洗脑演讲 And I'm not gonna Winger speech it,
这次会有相当实在的内容 this is a thing of substance.
我们汇集了在场所有人的内部消息 We pooled all the inside info based on all the mingling,
我的致辞将是一枚饱含着无私精神的火箭 and this toast is rocket fueled selflessness.
如果你们觉得这场婚礼又是我们的 And this wedding is gonna regret the day
一次自我展示秀 就大错特错了 it thought we'd make it about us.
因为我们将成为史上第一队 Because we're about to be the first guests
把致辞说得震惊全场的婚礼嘉宾 in history to out-toast the entire wedding party.
天啊 我爱死我的工作了 God, I love my job!
等等 这不是我的工作 Wait, this isn't my job.
天啊 我爱死我自己了 God, I love myself!
那是史黛西的 That was Stacy's
第一次 first time!
但不会是最后一次 对吧 加瑞特 But it's not gonna be her last time, right Garrett?
好多典型致辞失误啊 So many classic toast errors.
赶紧给她灭灭火吧 A fire hydrant could follow this.
我非常爱你 一定不要放弃画画 I love you so much, and please, keep painting.
别因为加瑞特就不再画画了 Don't let Garrett, don't paint.
别让加瑞特阻止你画画 Don't let Garrett keep you from painting.
我说完了 Okay, I'm done.
史黛西的朋友安迪 大家给她送上掌声 Okay, Stacy's friend Andi, everybody.
接下来上场的是替补伴郎 Next up we have a replacement best man,
加瑞特在格林德尔的朋友 杰夫瑞·翁格 Garrett's friend from Greendale College, Jeffrey Winger.
关于这对新人我有很多话可以说 There's a lot of things I can say about this couple.
他们都是我在格林德尔的学生 They're both in my class at Greendale,
像其他学生一样 上到六月就分了 and like all my students, I give them till about June.
不会啦 你俩一定会白头偕老的 No, you guys'll be fine forever,
只要史黛西别让安迪帮忙看小孩 as long as Stacy never lets Andi babysit.
也别让她靠近小孩子 Or go near a child.
或是同住在一个城镇互相伤害 Or be in the same town as a pair of scissors.
这姑娘就是个悲剧 This girl's a wreck.
他太刻薄了 He's being too mean.
不 他把握住了全场的氛围 No, he's reading the room.
安迪是扫把星 大家都想看她笑话 Andi was a bummer, they needed this.
生活就是两个人的生命交织到一起 Life's about two people merging their lives,
这也意味着 but that means
今晚两家人就要成为一家人了 two families are leaving here tonight as one.
这可是大事 That's a big deal.
我和我的朋友今晚虽是局外人 Now my friends and I came here tonight as outsiders,
但多亏了某人的善意提醒 but thanks to some good advice,
我们得以了解这两个并无亲缘的家族 we spent the night learning about these two clans of outsiders.
我们了解到加瑞特的叔叔托尼是摄影师 We learned that Garrett's uncle Tony is a photographer.
但是托尼叔叔 But Uncle Tony,
你知不知道史黛西的朋友劳伦斯是制售相框的 did you know that Stacy's friend Lawrence makes and sells frames?
你们该互相了解了解 谈谈生意 Yeah, look each other up, get some business going.
还有 加瑞特的邻居道恩喜欢古董车 Oh, and Garrett's neighbor Dawn loves vintage cars.
史黛西的按摩师苏珊是跟她父亲一起来的 Stacy's chiropractor Susan brought her dad,
你猜怎么着 and guess what?
她父亲上世纪60年代在汽车制造厂上班 Her dad worked in an automobile factory in the 60s.
我知道 只有婚礼上的大恶人 Yeah, I know, these are the kind of things you learn
才能了解这样的八卦 being the biggest jerks at a wedding.
我还有一个猛料要爆 Here's another golden nugget in the gravel.
你们中有人已经和加瑞特的 Some of you have worked the dance floor
美丽姨婆 波丽跳过舞了吧 with Garrett's divine Great Aunt Polly,
老太太芳龄九十 90 years young.
而你们也有人和史黛西的姑婆聊过天 And some of you chatted with Stacy's Meemaw,
老太太也正值九十妙龄 also 90 years young.
我不知道今晚之前她们两位是否见过 Now, I don't know if they've even met before tonight,
但我们知道的是 but we did learn
两位都出生在同一座城市 that both of them were born in the same town.
怀俄明州的谢里登 Sheridan, Wyoming.
加瑞特 史黛西 Now Garrett and Stacy,
你们把两位老人家请出来吧 would you mind getting them both out here?
很好 美得很 All right. Yeah!
我知道波丽姨婆在这里 I know Aunt Polly's here.
她多美啊 Isn't she beautiful?
很好 有谁看见姑婆啦 Okay. Who has got eyes on Meemaw?
她就是姑婆 This is Meemaw.
这就是姑婆啊 Oh, this is Meemaw!
我感觉真是冒傻气 Okay, I feel like an idiot.
真是不好意思 I'm so, so sorry.
加瑞特 波丽姨婆在哪呢 Garrett, where's Aunt Polly?
好吧 Okay.
这个我有点糊涂了 I, now I don't feel as stupid
是有人说谎了呢 because either someone here is lying,
还是两家人比我想象的还亲啊 or this family's a lot closer than we thought.
瞧瞧这个人 And now, this is a man
有情人终成兄妹啊 that knows how to marry his cousin.
要不是我总是这么心肠过热 None of this would have happened
也就不会有这么一出了 if I wasn't always trying to help.
其实要不是我这么热心 Actually, none of this would have happened
帮你解决心肠太热的问题也就不会有这样的事了 if I hadn't tried helping you with your helpfulness.
别拿这一套折磨自己了 Oh, don't torture yourself with that logic.
要是希特勒没出生 我们也不会见面了 None of us would have met if Hitler hadn't been born.
这样布雷塔的论点里也不会自带糟心比喻了 Also none of Britta's arguments would have a default analogy.
你说什么 Excuse me?
他是说你开口闭口希特勒 He's saying you go to the Hitler well a lot.
你是希特勒吗 你个希特勒 What are you, Hitler, Hitler?
好了布雷塔 今天我们都是烂人 Okay, Britta, we're all the worst right now,
你今天省省口舌吧 take a day off.
我省了啊 I did.
今天我们联手毁了结婚典礼 Between us ruining the ceremony
结果分开后又各自搅了人家的招待喜宴 and ruining the reception when we were all just individual people,
我可算不上是最烂的 I wasn't the worst.
我和你们在一起的时候才最不上道 I'm only the worst with you guys.
-我也是 -我也是 - Well, me too. - Me too.
我没遇见你们的时候可是个好院长 I was a good dean before you guys.
有本事你们反驳啊 You can't disprove it.
我被你们害得旧病复发了 I relapsed because of you guys.
-什么 -不是什么大病 - What? - Oh it's not a big deal.
关于白人的二三事 White people problems.
我喜欢你们这群人 I like this group.
我和你们在一起时状态最好了 I'm at my best when I'm with you guys.
那就都说明白了 Well, that clinches it.
各自打车 Separate cabs.
还在这里的各位 我们不会切蛋糕跳舞了 For those still with us, we won't be cutting the cake or dancing.
我知道还有一个COS辛普森的家伙 And I believe there was a guy in a Homer Simpson costume
本来会给我个惊喜 that was gonna surprise me.
也用不着了 That won't be necessary!
安全驾驶 多谢光临 Drive safe, and thank you for coming.
-你打算干什么去 -昌 - What are you going to do? - Chang!
各回各家 We're going home.
-那这婚还结吗 -昌 - Are you gonna stay married? - Chang!
我们咨询过律师了 We consulted with a lawyer, and
本州和表亲结婚是合法的 it is legal in this state to marry your cousin.
但是和家里人谈过之后 But after talking to our family,
我们觉得婚约必须得废除 we feel an annulment is warranted.
啥 不行 搞什么鬼 What no, screw that.
昌 别 Chang. No.
昌 给我回来 Chang, get back here.
你们死一边去 Hey, screw you guys.
你们两家太拧巴了 No, this family is so screwed up,
你们以为你们是两家人 you thought you were two different families.
结果成了一家人 Now that you know you're not,
等不及想走了 但你们想让他怎么办 you can't wait to leave, and you want this guy to do what?
忘了他的爱吗 Forget he's in love?
就为了你们 For you?
你们想让他就为了你们认命吗 You want him to take one for this crappy team?
让他把话说完 Let him finish.
没人打断我 先生 They were letting me finish, sir.
我知道 我讽刺你呢 I know, I was being sarcastic.
你们知道吗 Okay, you know?
加瑞特 有谁比史黛西更爱你 Garrett, who loves you here more than Stacy?
没有人 Nobody.
史黛西 加瑞特是你的表哥能怨你吗 Stacy, is it your fault Garrett's your cousin?
不能 No.
在座各位有谁打算继续破坏他们的心情 Is anyone here going to make less fun of these two
而不是无条件支持他们的决定 or be better friends to them no matter what they do?
-没人 -没人 - No. - No.
你一个人单挑世界 是赢不了的 It's you against the world, and you will not win.
但是你的路 你自己来走 But, you get to make your moves.
别人替不了 Not them.
史黛西 Stacy,
你愿意成为我的合法近亲妻子吗 will you be my legally incestuous wife?
愿意 Yes.
大家都留下来吃蛋糕 想走的都去死吧 Everyone stay and eat cake, or go to hell.
我成功抢戏啦 This is about me.
我也没想到我能成功 但我成功了 I didn't think I could do it, but I did.
笑一个 笑一个 Smile. Smile.
加瑞特 朝这儿看 Garrett, look up.
调戏镜头过份了啊 So much Jimming.
这集「废柴联盟」多精彩啊 Wow, what an episode of Community.
大家好 我是本集责任编剧布里格斯·哈顿 Hi, I'm Briggs Hatton credited author of this weeks episode.
各位也许注意到本集特别强调了乱伦的话题 You might have noticed an emphasis on the topic of incest,
这并非意外 well that's no accident.
两年来 For the past two years,
在担任「废柴联盟」编剧助理之余 when not serving as writer's assistant on Community,
此君确实就是本剧的编剧助理
我也在网上研究乱伦的话题 I've been researching incest on the internet.
我的发现令我震惊不已 What I found, surprised me.
你们知不知道表亲繁育的后代 Did you know that first cousins can have children
先天残疾或罹患遗传病的风险并不是非常高 without great risk of birth defect or genetic disease?
这个结论直接引用自 That's a quote directly
2002年4月4日的「纽约时报」 from the New York Times, April 4, 2002.
表兄妹生育后代几无风险
但尽管得出了这一科学事实 But despite this scientific fact,
各州近亲结婚的法律仍混乱不一 老旧过时 State Laws on incest remain inconsistent and woefully outdated.
我可以在内布拉斯加州和我表妹爱爱 I mean I, I can make love to my cousin in Nebraska,
但如果我带着她去南达科他州 but if I take her on a date in South Dakota,
我就有可能坐15年牢 I'm looking at 15 years prison time.
我告诉过「废柴联盟」的编剧们 I told the Community writers,
这个话题值得关注 attention must be paid.
他们说想写这个话题 我必须答应一个条件 They said they'd allow me to address it on one condition.
在这集结尾 At the end of the episode,
我必须作为本集责任编剧亲自出镜 I must appear and identify myself as a writer.
我不是在教育各位该怎么看待近亲结婚 Look, I'm not trying to tell you how to feel about incest,
我只是想告诉各位 I'm just letting you know,
这个话题还有许多不为人知的深刻内容 there's more to it than you've been told.
我是布里格斯·哈顿 I'm Briggs Hatton,
「废柴联盟」第六季乱伦集的编剧 就是我 and I wrote the Community Season Six, Incest Episode.
晚安 Good night.
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你看懂了没 Did you get any of that?