翻译: 御姐Kimuu 截蜜 月饼
校对: 少女Amber 怪查理
咋了 我忙着呢 What? I'm busy.
后期: 怪查理
我要死了 I'm dying.
操 Shit.
被查出脑瘤了吗 What is it, a brain tumour?
压制: 怪查理
毕竟你当年嗑过不少药 I mean, you did do a lot of drugs.
不是啦 是羞耻致死 No! I'm dying of shame!
Roly Roly...
看到我做那个了 Caught me doing things to myself.
什么 剃腿毛吗 What, like shaving your legs?
- 再往上一点 - 剃腋毛 - Higher up. - Armpits?
自慰 Andy 他看到我在自慰 Masturbating, Andy! He caught me masturbating!
- 我操 - 是啊 - Oh, shit. - I know.
我告诉他 我只是做噩梦了 I told him I was just having a bad dream.
就像那次我看到你在浴室做肥皂三明治 It's like that time I caught you in the shower making a soap sandwich.
我是在清洁下体好吗 I was washing my privates!
用两块肥皂夹着吗 With two bars?
你到底找我干嘛 Why are you calling?
我不知道他到底看到了多少 I don't know how much he saw
现在我们各在各的房间 but now I'm in my room and he's in his room
然后又正好是期中假期 and it's half-term
我不知道应该把他寄放在那里 so I don't have anywhere to send him.
把他扔到电影院什么的就好啦 Just send him to the cinema or something.
让他一个人吗 By himself?
说不定能碰上发糖的好心路人 Maybe he'll meet a nice man with a big bag of sweets.
操 我得挂了 拜拜 Oh, shit, I've got to go, bye!
饶命啊大人 Please don't kill me!
你为什么要在我的酒吧外面偷窥我的女儿 Why are you doing outside my club stalking my daughter?
切 我才没有在偷窥呢 Pfff, I'm not... I'm not stalking.
我只是 车在这里抛锚了 I'm just... This is where my car broke down.
是吗 发动引擎看看 Really? Try starting the engine.
这个嘛 Yeah...
哇 谢谢你 Wow, thank you.
我觉得我已经把话讲得很明白了 I thought I made it very clear
如果你再见她 后果会是如何 what would happen if I saw you again.
我不是来见Gwen的 瞅 I'm not here to see Gwen. Look.
你想在乐队之争上演出 You want to play in the Battle of the Bands.
还是"我的"乐队之争 "My" battle of the bands?
没门 No chance.
为什么 我也算是个杰出音乐家啊 Why not? I'm a good musician.
虽然你没听过 但是真的很赞 You haven't heard me but I'm good.
你肯定觉得这一切都是为了Gwen I know you think this is all about Gwen
但是并非如此 我只是希望能让人另眼相看 but it's not. I'm just looking for someone to give me a break.
我能给你点颜色好好看看 Oh, I'll give you a break.
我发誓不和Gwen讲话 I swear I won't talk to Gwen.
甚至不会看她一眼 我只是想来演出而已 I won't even look at her. I just want to perform.
在一个基佬酒吧里 In a gay club?
我看<断背山>看哭了 I cried during Brokeback Mountain.
<断背山> 讲述美国西部两个男人之间情爱与性爱的电影
这是乐队之争 It's called 'Battle of the Bands.'
可你只有一个人 You don't even have a band.
如果我能在三天内组成一个乐队 Well, if I can get a band together in the next three days,
你让我参加吗 will you let me play?
如果你有个乐队的话 我会考虑看看 IF you can get a band, I'll see.
谢谢你 Pearson先生 Thanks, Mr Pearson.
我叫Val The name's Val.
好了 你可以滚了 Now, fuck off.
好的先生 不对 女士 Val Yes, sir. Ma'am. Val.
还有 谢谢你修好了我的车 And thank you for fixing the car.
- 真是帮了大忙 - 快滚吧 - What a load off. - Fuck off.
废柴舅舅
第一季 第三集
你好 我想要预约明天的一间练习室 Hello. I would like to book a rehearsal room for tomorrow, please,
电波诚译
我要组个乐队 for I am starting a band.
小房间3点到5点还有空 The small room's available three till five.
太好了 Excellent.
请帮我预定在Andy King的名下 Can you just put it under 'Andy King', please?
- 一共30镑 - 30镑 - That'll be £30 on the day. - £30?!
你要我帮你取消预约吗 Do you want me to cross you off?
不 我要你预定着 No. I want you to cross me on.
因为小爷会一分不少的付给你 Because £30 is what I'm going to be paying.
明日乐队面试
寻鼓手贝斯手伴奏吉他手和键盘手
伦敦乐队成员选拔 详情回复咨询 感谢
又怎么了 What?!
明天能帮我照看Roly吗 Can you watch Roly tomorrow?
不行 我忙得要死 No, I'm mega busy.
一天都要给我的新乐队招人 Got auditions all day for my new band.
太好了 他可喜欢音乐了 Great. He loves music.
你记不记得 他还弹钢琴呢 Remember? He's taking piano.
他不会惹麻烦 拜托了 He won't be any trouble. Oh, please?
我有个约会 I have a date.
你要和谁去约会啊 Who are you going on a date with?
一个在网上认识的男人 Some guy I met online.
网上 Online?
你死定了 说真的 It's your funeral. I mean, literally.
他会杀了你 然后把尸体塞进后车厢 After he kills you and stuffs you in his boot.
那你指望我怎样 What do you want me to do?
我都35岁了 还在戒毒恢复阶段 I'm 35, I'm in recovery,
我不能去酒吧 还带着一个娃 I can't do bars and I have a kid.
所以没错 我在网上约了个男人 So, yes, I met a guy on the internet
祈求我不会被先奸后杀 and hopefully I won't get raped and murdered.
现在 能不能请你照顾一下Roly Now, may I please leave Roly with you tomorrow?
谢谢 Thank you.
- 你不会还在睡觉吧 - 没 - You weren't still sleeping, were you? - No.
你为什么梳包包头 Why is your hair in a bun?
你喜欢吗 Do you like it?
我觉得这样看起来比较聪明 I think it makes me look smarter.
你觉得呢 What do you think?
我觉得你需要个大点的包包(胸部) I think you're going to need a bigger bun.
嗷 靠 Ah! Shit.
听着 你能和Roly谈谈吗 Listen, will you talk to Roly for me?
他最近怪怪的 He's being a bit weird.
我觉得可能和自慰事件有关 I think it's probably about the lady wank.
说的时候记得委婉一点 Be subtle about it, though.
亲爱的 再见 Bye, treasure!
你房子真恶心 This place is disgusting.
无所谓 你最近为什么怪怪的 Whatever. Why are you being weird?
我才没有怪怪的 I'm not being weird.
别碰那个 Don't touch that.
是因为你看到你老妈在 算了 Is it because you saw your mum...never mind.
- 那些也不准碰 - 那是谁 - Don't touch those. - Who's that?
我们出门透透气怎样 How about a breath of fresh air?
我要冻死了 能回去了吗 I'm freezing. Can we go?
我要在这里赚试唱房间的30镑租金 I'm trying to make 30 quid to pay for the audition space.
30镑 30 quid!
我们要在这里站到死了 We're going to be here forever!
你为什么想到要组乐队 Why are you starting a band anyway?
因为这个 Cos of this.
- 乐队之争 - 是啊 - "Battle of the Bands?" - Yeah.
一等奖是在基吧当一个月驻唱乐队 First prize is one month as the house band at Cox.
知道这意味着什么吗 And do you know what that means?
能和Gwen相处一个月呢 That means one month with Gwen.
你为什么还想着她 她都不喜欢你 Why do you want to get back with her? She doesn't even like you.
这叫原始性冲动 It's called sexual tension.
等你恋爱的时候就懂了 Maybe one day when you're in love you'll understand.
把你的外套给我 Give me your jacket.
- 为啥 - 给我就是了 - Why? - Just give it.
拿着 Hold that.
谢谢你 Tyler Thank you, Tyler.
我们会再联络你的 We'll be in touch.
我觉得他还不错 I thought he was good.
是啊 他是不错 嘴唇也很性感 Yeah, he was amazing, with beautiful lips.
我才不要这样的人进我的乐队 I'm not having that in my band.
后面肯定还有更合适的人 Someone else will come along.
希望是个眼睛长歪的驼背男 Hopefully a humpback with a dodgy eye.
知道了 I know!
噢 对不起 Oh, sorry.
你这是从哪学的 Where did you learn to play like that?
我也不知道 就上过几节课 I don't know. I've had a few lessons.
你妈提过 Your mum said.
我还以为你和其他小孩一样渣呢 I figured you were going to be shit like all the other little kids.
你还会弹别的吗 Can you play anything else?
-Cold Play
Errol 你要加入我乐队吗 Errol, how would you like to be in my band?
我需要是眼睛长歪的驼背男吗 Would I need a humpback and a dodgy eye?
不用 仔细想想吧 No. Think about it,
我可以是Jim Morrison 然后你是Ray Manzarek I could be Jim Morrison to your Ray Manzarek.
Jim Morrison 大门乐队主唱 Ray Manzarek 大门乐队键盘手
- 谁 - 大门乐队里那个呆呆的键盘手 - Who? - He was the nerdy keyboardist in The Doors.
大门乐队 1965年于洛杉矶成立的美国摇滚乐队
我不要当那个呆呆的 I don't want to be the nerdy one.
你会错意了 I think you're missing the point.
乐队每个成员都睡妞无数 EVERYBODY got laid in The Doors.
小妞们最喜欢音乐家了 Chicks love musicians.
真的吗 Really?
怎样才能知道一个女生喜不喜欢你 How do you know if a girl likes you?
我觉得啊 你只要 I think you've just got to, you know...
你干嘛突然问起关于女生的话题 Why are you asking about girls all of a sudden?
没理由 No reason.
你坠入情网了 难怪最近怪怪的 You're in love. That's why you've been acting so weird lately!
我没有怪怪的 I'm not being weird!
是哪个女生呢 你这个小变态 Who is she, you little pervert?
- 她叫Ruby - Ruby - Her name's Ruby. - Ruby.
你和那个小姑娘约过会了吗 And have you asked the little jewel out on a date?
她不认识我 She doesn't know I exist.
这样吧 你加入我的乐队 Well, then, why don't you join my band
我帮你获得她的芳心 and then I can help you win the girl?
成交吗 Do we have a deal?
摇一下就好了 Just shake once.
嘿 约会怎么样了 Hey! How was the big date?
这个嘛 Wellllll....
你在陌生人面前有什么羞于启齿的秘密吗 What's something you'd be embarrassed to tell a stranger?
我不知道怎么在洗碗机里放刀具 I never know which way to put the cutlery in the dishwasher.
正面朝上比较干净 Facing up gets it cleaner
但是刀刃朝上 感觉好危险啊 but it seems really dangerous with the knives up like that.
你呢 What about you?
我喜欢女人在我身上拉屎 I like when ladies poo on me.
他有点无聊 He was a bit boring.
很好 其实呢 我这周都挺有空的 Great! Listen, I've got some free time this week.
干脆这几天都让他住我这吧 Why don't you leave him with me for a couple of days?
你再去多约会几个人 Go on some more dates
去茫茫人海中寻找你的真爱 and try and find that Mr Right that you've been looking for.
你为什么突然这么好 Why are you being nice?
Sam 一直都是你在支持我 Sam! You've always been there for me.
让我也帮你一次 Let me do this for you.
是啊 你应该好好歇歇 Yeah, you deserve some time to yourself.
你最近压力有点大 You've been under a lot of stress lately.
快看 丛林里最凶残的动物 There you have it, the most dangerous animal in the jungle.
女人 The female human.
一分钟可以让你爽上云霄 One minute she can take you to the heights of ecstasy,
再一分钟可以让你痛不欲生 and the next she can shatter your soul with a single glance.
变态 Pervert!
早上好 女士们 Morning, ladies!
说说你的那个Ruby吧 So tell me about this Ruby.
10分里面给她几分 What is she out of 10?
满分 She's a 10!
听着 All right,
你一定要牢记3分定律 不要越界 now bear in mind you've got to stay within a three point spread.
打个比方吧 For instance,
2分是不可能约得到8分的 a two can never go out with an eight.
- 那是自讨没趣 - 那我几分 - That would be suicide. - So, what am I?
呃 你虽然瘦了吧唧的 Well, you're skinny
不过发型还可以 五官还算端正 but you've got nice hair and no hideous deformities.
勉强能得个6.5分吧 So, I'm going to go out on a limb and give you a 6 1/2.
如果再稍微改造一下 But I reckon, with a bit of styling,
- 也许能得个7分 - 那你呢 - we can probably get you up to a 7. - What are you?
有些人是不需评分的 Some people are immune to the whole scoring system altogether.
例如身缠万贯的混球 运动健将 才华横溢的音乐家 Mega rich bastards, athletes, talented musicians.
包括你面前这位 Present company included.
现在来说笑话的部分 女人都喜欢听笑话 Now, jokes. Women love good jokes.
比如 为什么金发女郎要穿内裤 For instance, why do blondes wear knickers?
- 为什么 - 防止冻到脚踝 - Why? - To keep their ankles warm.
- 听不懂 - 相信我 很好笑的 - I don't get it. - Trust me, it's hilarious.
那你讲个笑话吧 Now, what jokes have you got?
- 绝对最小值是什么 - 不知道 是什么 - What's the bare minimum? - I don't know, what's the bare minimum?
一只熊("绝对"与"熊"同音) One bear.
笑话方面要加紧练习 We'll work on the jokes.
好了 再来练习怎么约女生出去 Right, now let's practise asking a girl out.
我当女生 你来约我 I'll be a girl. You ask me out.
呃 你好 Erm...hi.
"呃 你好" 不是吧 "Erm...hi"? Seriously?
开场白是你跟女生交谈之中最关键的部分 Your opening line is the most important thing you'll ever say to a girl.
如果想不到什么有意思的 If you can't think of anything funny,
夸她两句 给她买杯饮料 give her a compliment, buy her a drink.
展现你的迷人魅力 保持神秘 Be charming. Be charismatic. Be mysterious.
我不能就做我自己吗 Can't I just be myself?
不行 你疯了吗 永远不要展现自我 No! Are you crazy? Never be yourself.
再来一遍 Now try again.
打扰一下 你有非常漂亮的 Excuse me. You have very nice...
- 鬓角 - 不行 好了 算了 - Sideburns. - No! OK, fine, OK.
这样吧 我们交换 你当女孩 我当男的 Right, we'll swap back over. You be the girl. I'll be the man.
你好 我叫Andy 你呢 Hello, my name's Andy. What's your name?
小女子名叫Penelope Jenkins My name's Penelope Jenkins.
你好 Penelope 你眼睛真漂亮 Hello, Penelope. You've got very nice eyes.
谢谢 这是遗传我妈的 Thank you. I got them from my mother.
她是个俄罗斯芭蕾女伶 She was a Russian ballerina.
跟我讲讲你喜欢的三样东西吧 Penelope Tell me three things you like, Penelope.
我喜欢寿司 狐蝠 乘长途车 I like sushi, fruit bats and long car rides.
你希望醒来时心里没有悔意 Do you like waking up with zero regrets
身边有个懂得如何抱你的男人吗 and a man that knows how to hold you?
- 你有用过这样的台词吗 - 我对Gwen说过 - You've used that line? - I used it on Gwen.
效果不错呢 That worked out well
嗨 Ruby 你眼睛真漂亮 你愿意跟我约会吗 Hi, Ruby, you have nice eyes. Will you go out with me?
嘿 Errol 你怎么来了 Oh, hey, Errol. What are you doing here?
我 呃 I...erm...
眼睛很漂亮 ..Have nice eyes?
什么 What?
惨不忍睹 哈 That bad, huh?
我们要报名 乐队在此 Sign us up. This is my band.
- 你们只有两个人 - 那又怎样 - There's only two of you. - So?
在我的字典里 两个人就能算乐队 Anything more than one is a band in my book.
我们又不是按照你的字典来算 We're not reading from your book, are we?
两个人是双人组合 不算乐队 Two people's a duo - it's not a band.
你知道谁要反对你吗 You know who'd care to disagree?
白线条乐队 黑键乐队 The White Stripes, The Black Keys,
均是由两人组成的乐队
- 宣告者乐队 红心乐队 - 红心乐团有五个人 - The Proclaimers, Heart... - Heart's a five-piece.
红心乐团经历了不少组员变动 其中两姐妹为主要成员
杀戮乐队 自杀乐队 西蒙和加芬克尔乐队 The Kills, Suicide, Simon and Garfunkel.
安东尼与德克兰乐队 还有我最爱的 卡朋特兄妹 Ant and Dec! And of course my personal favourite, The Carpenters.
你不是也喜欢卡朋特兄妹吗 You love The Carpenters, don't you Val?
好吧 可你乐队中有个未成年的 Yes, OK. But one of your band members is a minor.
传单上可没说未成年人不能参加 The flyer doesn't say anything about minors.
- 而且他又不是来找基佬炮友的 对吧 - 当然 - It's not like he's cruising for gay hook-ups, are you? - No.
如果你因为他的年龄 就不让他参加 If you don't let him perform, based solely on his age,
你知道那是什么吗 那是 do you know what that is? That is...
- 年龄歧视 - 年龄歧视 - Age discrimination. - Age discrimination.
而且歧视 呵呵 And discrimination Val... Well...
- 事态严重哦 - 天哪 他在这干嘛 爸 - that's bad. - Oh, my God! What is he doing here?Dad!
我来搞定 宝贝 你去吃饭吧 I've got this, baby. You go get lunch.
他威逼利诱你了吗 小家伙 So, has he talked you into this, little man?
不是 先生 女士 是我想进乐队吸引小女生 No, sir...miss. I just wanted to be in a band to impress chicks.
我像你这么大的时候也加入了乐队 I was in a band when I was your age.
我也是为了吸引小女生 I also did it to impress chicks.
你有想要吸引哪个特别的女孩吗 Is there a special girl you're trying to impress?
- Ruby - 噢 Ruby 名字真好听 - Ruby. - Ahh, Ruby. That's a pretty name.
你有试过为她写首歌吗 Have you tried writing her a song?
*当你浮现脑海 就会透不过气* *When I think about you You make my chest feel all tight*
*只能摇吸入器 补充我的勇气* *I have to shake my inhaler Suck with all of my might*
*远处看见了你 对我熟视无睹* *I see you walk down the hall I don't think you see me*
*科学课上分心 脑中全都是你* *I cannot focus in science You give me ADHD*
*心跳极速飙升 成绩一落千丈* *I feel my temperature rise I see my grades start to drop*
*昔日名列前茅 而今跌至谷底* *I'm near the bottom of class I used to be near the top*
*你让我心不适 你让我嘴起疹* *You make me sick in my mouth You make me come out in hives*
*让我坐立难安 得松开我的领带带带* *You put my stomach in knots I have to loosen my tie, tie, tie*
*我不喜欢你 我超喜欢你* *I don't like you I like, like you*
*放学陪你回家 护送芳心一路* *I'll walk you home after school I'll walk you right to your house
*想要偷一个吻 但不落在娇唇* *I'd like to give you a kiss But not a kiss on the mouth*
*想要带你约会 体育馆外相会* *I'll take you out on a date I'll meet you out by the gym*
*而且我得承认 这歌是他写的* *And I should probably say This song was written by him*
*我会替你排队 我会帮你作弊* *I'll save you space in the queue I'll give you answers in maths*
*带你去动物园 请你坐我旁边* *I'll take you out to the zoo Will you sit by me in class?*
*一切你说了算 一切你拿主意* *It's everything that you say It's everything that you do*
*我不止爱你一点 我爱爱爱爱你* *I don't just like you a bit I like, like, like you, you, you.*
恭喜你长大成人了 面色苍白的小朋友 Today, you have become a man, my pale little friend,
而我离回到Gwen身边又近了一步 and I am one step closer to going back out with Gwen.
怎么啦 不喜欢喝牛奶吗 等等 让我猜猜 What's the matter? You don't like your milk? Wait, let me guess.
你有乳糖不耐症是吧 You're lactose intolerant?
不 呃 我是有 可不是因为这个 No. I mean, yeah, but it's not that.
我就是不知道 要跟她聊些什么 It's just...what am I going to talk to her about?
放轻松 不用刻意去聊什么 Relax. You don't need to talk to her about anything.
就随便问几个问题 没事的 Just ask her lots of questions, and you'll be fine.
你会在旁边帮我的 对吧 You'll be there to help, right?
我才不要给一个12岁男孩当泡妞搭档 I hadn't really planned on wingmanning a 12-year-old.
什么 你一定得在旁边 我自己不行的 What? No, no, You have to be there. I can't do it on my own.
你行的 相信我 你自己可以的 Yeah, you can. You don't need me.
你不来的话 我就退出乐队 If you don't come, I'll quit the band.
好啦 你说了算 小鬼头 Fine. You win, brat.
我受够了 不玩了 太可怕了 That's it. I'm done. It's a horror show out there.
我宁愿被活活烧死也不去约会了 I'd rather burn alive than go on another date.
刚刚那个原本挺好的 结果他老婆来了 The last one was going great until his wife shows up.
- 原来他们是摇摆人(交换性伴侣者) - 什么 - Turns out they're swingers. - What are they?
就是像杂技演员那样的 宝贝 They're like acrobats, darling.
对啊 而且很喜欢和别的杂技演员耍 Yeah, that really like playing with lots of other acrobats.
答应我 永远别长大 别结婚 Just promise me that you'll never grow up and never get married.
- 爱情是魔鬼 - 呃 好吧 - Relationships are evil. - Erm...OK.
你们今天都干嘛了 So what did you two get up to today?
我们组了支乐队 我和Roly We formed a band. Me and Roly.
- 不会吧 - 真的 我们处女秀就在明晚 - Shut up! - No, we did. Our first gig is tomorrow night.
- 不可能 - 很可能 - No way! - Way!
不不 说真的 不行 明晚Roly要陪他爸爸 No, no, seriously. No way. Roly's with his dad tomorrow night.
周末轮到他了 It's his weekend.
门没锁 It's open!
嘿 Andy 你饿了吗 Hey, Andy. You hungry?
- 不饿 还行 - 吃点吧 我做得太多了 - Nah...I'm all right. - Come on, I've made way too much.
不了 我在减肥 Nah, I'm...on a diet.
是吗 我手上可拿着把刀 Yeah? And I'm holding a big fuck-off knife.
味道真好 This is really good.
谢谢 Thanks, man.
公寓也很漂亮 是吧 Nice apartment, too, innit?
嗯 听Sam说你最近在照看Roly Yeah. So, Sam tells me you've been helping out with Roly.
是啊 偶尔帮帮 Yeah, here and there.
老实说 我这样和她争抚养权 她是不是恨死我了 Be honest, does she hate my guts with the whole custody thing?
- 没有 - 说吧 我能承受得了 - Nah. - Come on, I can take it.
没错 她恨你恨到骨子里了 Yeah, she hates your fucking guts.
我不怪她 其实我还挺为她骄傲的 I can't blame her. You know, I'm actually proud of her.
改过自新 重回校园 Getting herself clean, going back to uni.
完全开始了新生活 She's really turned her life around.
- 你觉得Roly怎么样 - 嗯 挺好的 - How do you find Roly? - Yeah, good.
他就是个小花花公子 Little ladies' man is what he is.
每周都和我聊学校里不同的女生 深得我真传 Every week, he's telling me about some new girl at school. Gets it from his old man.
- 是啊 - 千万别离婚 Andy - Yeah. - Don't ever get divorced, Andy.
会让人变得丑陋 我是说 你让我干嘛都行 It turns people ugly. I mean, I can eat a lot of shit,
可以一说到我儿子 只有四个字 but when it comes to my boy, it's all about two words.
- 花生过敏 - 绝不妥协 - Peanut allergy. - No compromise.
我绝对不会在他的问题上妥协 绝不 I will never compromise with him. Ever.
可你要知道 我并不想伤害Sam But I want you to know, I'm not out to hurt Sam.
我一心只为Rolster好 I'm just want to do what's right for the Rolster.
- 你明白吗 - 当然 当然 - You do understand that, don't you? - Yeah, yeah. Definitely, yeah.
- 很好 我能问你个问题吗 - 当然 - Good. Now, can I ask you something? - Yes.
你他妈的来这里干嘛 What the fuck are you doing here?!
没记错的话 我们从来都算不上好朋友 I don't know if you remember, but we were never exactly mates.
你以前怎么叫我的来着 What did you used to call me?
Ben吧 就叫Ben啊 Ben? Just...Ben.
是啊 当着我面当然这么叫 Yeah, that's what you called me to my face.
可背着我呢 But what did you call me behind my back?
Ben...Ben...Ben... Ben...Ben...Ben...
- 弯鸡巴 - 弯鸡巴 就是这个 - Bendy dick. - Bendy dick. That's right.
你姐那个大嘴巴 Your sister and her big mouth.
我敢打赌她没说过原因 I bet she never told you why it bends?
我八岁时参加自行车越野赛时出了意外 I was in a BMX accident when I was eight.
弯鸡巴的名人多了去了 比尔克林顿也是啊 And loads of famous people have got bendy dicks. Bill Clinton!
曾经领导自由世界的人 他的也是弯的 He was the leader of the free world, he's got a bendy dick.
乔治克鲁尼的也许也是弯的 George Clooney probably has a bendy dick.
你肯定无事不登三宝殿 有屁快放 You must have some serious shit to say to me to turn up like this out of nowhere.
我想问 明天晚上 I just wanted to ask if I
我能带Errol去看演唱会吗 could take Errol to a concert tomorrow night?
我凭什么让你这么做 周五晚是我的 Why would I let you do that? Friday's my night.
我知道 "绝不妥协" 可他真的想去 I know, "No compromise", but he really wants to go.
我也是发自内心地为他着想 就和你一样 I'm just trying to look out for the little guy, just like you.
好吧 如果你亲吻我的脚 我就让他去 OK. I'll let you take Errol to the concert if you kiss my feet,
还要夸我有美丽的大屌 and say I have a beautiful dick.
我没开玩笑 I'm totally serious.
如果把我的儿子带走 If taking my son away from
对你那么重要 你得证明一下 me is this important to you, I have to see it.
两只脚 Both feet.
现在说吧 Now say it.
- 听不见 - 你有根美丽大屌 - Can't hear you. - You have a beautiful dick!
- 有什么好笑的 - 你来之前Errol给我打电话了 - What's so funny? - Errol called before you came.
我已经同意他去了 I already gave permission.
我 喜欢你的领带 I...like your tie.
噢 谢谢 这不是夹上去的 Oh, thanks. Yeah, it's not a clip-on.
Ruby 你喜欢听音乐吗 So, Ruby, do you like listening to music?
- 爱听 - 你喜欢什么类型的乐队 - Yeah. - What sort of bands do you like?
不知道 单向乐队那种吧 I don't know, like One Direction.
单向乐队 英国男子偶像组合
不会吧 那可是Errol最喜欢的乐队 是不是 Errol No way. That's Errol's favourite band, isn't it, Errol?
- 真的吗 - 呃 是的 - Really? - Erm...yeah.
你最喜欢哪个成员 我最喜欢Zayn Who's your favourite member? Mine's Zayn.
- 是啊 我也是 - 不是吧 - Yeah, me too. - No way!
我有他们所有的单曲 'And I have all their singles.'
还注册了他们的粉丝俱乐部 I've signed up for their fan club,
但是跟我的好朋友Clara一样 已经好久没去了 but I haven't been in it as long as my friend, Clara.
她一直在说从开始就爱上他们了 She's always on about how she's loved them since X Factor.
X音素 英国歌唱选秀节目 单向乐队为第七季比赛季军
- 你最喜欢哪首歌 - 那首 哒哒哒哒哒 - What's your favourite song? - It's...erm... Dah-dah-dat-dah-duh...
噢对 那是我第三喜欢的歌 Oh, yeah! Little Things. That's my third favourite.
你们找位子吧 我一会回来 我请客 You guys sit down. I'll be right back. My treat.
家庭套餐免费卡 在这吃 麻烦了 One free Family Feast to stay in, por favor.
- 噢 你好 - 噢 嗨 - Oh, hello. - Oh, hi.
- 你是Errol的老师 Melodie - 记性真好 - You are Errol's teacher, Melodie. - Good memory.
我从不忘记好听的名字 I never forget a pretty name.
- 你在这做什么 - 噢 我就住在转角那 - What are you doing in here? - Oh, I just live around the corner.
你不该告诉我 我没准是个跟踪狂 No, you shouldn't have told me that. Could be a stalker.
我不是跟踪狂 I'm not a stalker.
不过所有跟踪狂都这么说 That's the sort of thing a stalker would say.
我还是闭嘴吧 I'm going to stop talking now.
谁知道呢 也许是我跟踪你呢 You never know, cos I could be stalking you.
我喜欢跟踪狂 I would like a stalker.
因为我没养狗 所以没准能跟我做个伴 Because I don't own a dog, so I could use the company.
你来这干什么 What are you doing here?
我护送Errol来他的第一次约会 I am chaperoning Errol on his first date.
哦 他在跟Ruby约会吗 Oh, he's on a date with Ruby?
他穿了西服 真是个小绅士 He's wearing a suit. He's such a little gentleman.
他看着像耶和华见证人 I think he looks like a Jehovah's Witness.
耶和华见证人 一个独立的国际性宗教团体
好了 一份在这吃的家庭套餐 一份带走的家庭套餐 OK, one Family Feast to eat in. One Family Feast to take away.
你买的家庭套餐 你有客人吗 You're having a Family Feast? Are you expecting company?
是啊 难道我是回公寓 Yeah. It's not like I'm going back to my flat
跟两只猫一起吃炸鸡吗 and eat a pile of fried chicken alone with my two cats.
那也太可悲了 That would be sad.
见到你很高兴 Well, it was good seeing you.
为什么不过来打个招呼呢 Why don't you come over and say hello?
Errol一定很高兴看见你 I'm sure Errol would love to see you.
看看我发现了谁 Look who I found!
嗨 Thomas小姐 Oh, hi, Miss Thomas.
嗨 同学们 这期中假过的高兴吗 Hi, guys. Are you enjoying your half term?
我已经把你布置的假期读物看完了 I've already done the holiday reading you gave us.
Errol和我建了一个乐队 Errol and I have formed a band.
酷 你们表演哪种音乐的 Oh, cool. What kind of music do you play?
- 最棒的那种 - 我是键盘手 - The awesome kind. - I play the keyboards.
就像Louis Just like Louis!
我们今晚在基吧有个演出 你真该来看看 We've got a gig tonight at Cox. You should come along.
那不是基佬俱乐部么 Isn't that a gay club?
我在的时候就不是了 Not when I'm there.
你真的认识单向乐队里的Harry吗 Is it true you know Harry from One Direction?
Errol说你教他吉他 Errol said you taught him guitar.
没错 他会的都是我教的 Yes, that's true. I taught him everything he knows.
好吧 不得不承认 我有点喜欢他 Well, I have to admit, I have a bit of crush on him.
脏老婆子 Dirty old lady.
你既不老也不脏 我是说 她很老 Not that you're old...or dirty... I mean, she's old.
- 你很干净 - 噢 我真的该走了 - You're quite clean. Oh, I really should get going.
- 年轻干净的女士 - 看见你们真高兴 - Clean young lady! - It was good seeing you all.
- 你今晚会来看演出吗 - 再看吧 - Are you going to come to that gig tonight? - I'll try.
我可能有点事 但是 也许吧 也许去 I might have a thing but...maybe. Yeah. Maybe.
拜 Tohmas小姐 她真漂亮 Bye, Miss Thomas. She's pretty.
是啊 我给她打七分 Yeah, I'd give her a seven.
我很高兴你约我出来 I'm really glad you asked me out.
- 真的吗 - 是啊 - Really? - Yeah!
现在终于有人能和我聊单向乐队了 Now, I have someone to talk about One Direction with.
就像多个闺蜜一样 It's like having another girlfriend.
闺蜜 你什么意思 Girlfriend? What do you mean?
你是我认识的男孩里唯一喜欢单向乐队的 You're the only boy I know who likes One Direction.
- 我一直想要个男同闺蜜 - 等等 我不是同性恋 - I've always wanted a gay friend. - Wait a minute, I'm not gay.
没关系的 我不介意 我喜欢Alan Carr It's OK. I don't mind. I love Alan Carr.
Alan Carr 英国喜剧演员 电视主持人 已出柜
你不懂 You don't understand.
我说自己喜欢单向乐队是因为你喜欢 I only said I liked One Direction because you like them.
但实际上 我讨厌他们 我觉得他们挺烂的 But really, I hate them. I think they're awful
他们的音乐也很烂 and I think their music's awful.
所以 什么时候再约会呢 So, when's the second date?
再也没约会了 她以为我是同性恋 Never. She thought I was gay!
你告诉她我喜欢单向乐队 You told her I like One Direction,
然后她以为我是同性恋 and then she thought I was gay.
所以我告诉她我讨厌单向乐队 现在她讨厌我 So, I told her I hate One Direction and now she hates me!
她不会觉得我也是同性恋吧 Does she think I'M gay?
谁在乎 都怪你 Who cares? This is all your fault!
怪我 我一开始就不想来陪你参加小屁孩约会的 My fault? I didn't want to come out on your stupid toddler date in the first place.
你被甩了又不是我的问题 It's not my problem you struck out.
够了 我退出乐队 That's it! I quit the band.
- 嘿 白痴 - Errol不见了 - 什么 - Hey, shithead. - I lost Errol. - What?
他刚跑出去了 我到处开车找他 He just ran off. I've been driving around everywhere looking for him,
但是没找着他 but I can't find him.
他没准被绑架了 And someone's probably kidnapped him
新闻说不定还会报道 and it'll be all over the news,
然后他们会登我的照片 and they'll use a photo of me,
所有人看到都会说 and people will see that photo and they'll say,
"没错 绝对是这个舅舅干的 看他这副样子" "Yeah, he definitely did it, the uncle definitely did it. Just look at him."
但是我没杀他 我没有 But I didn't kill him, I didn't do that.
Andy 闭嘴 Errol回家了 Andy, shut up. Errol's here.
他刚坐公交回来了 He got home a few minutes ago. He took the bus.
他把自己锁在浴室了 He's locked himself in the bathroom.
嘿 伙计 Hey, mate?
Errol 我知道你生我的气 Errol, I know you're mad at me.
是我活该 好了吗 I deserve it, all right?
我罪有应得 I get it.
只不过 It's just...
我是说 我又能有多了解女孩呢 I mean...what do I know about girls?
看看我 我的感情生活简直是重灾区 Look at me. My love life's a nuclear disaster zone.
我很抱歉把你和Ruby的事搞砸了 I'm sorry I messed things up between you and Ruby.
我真的想帮你的 因为 I just really wanted things to work out for you because...
乐队真的需要你 ..I really need you in this band.
我应该告诉你做你自己就好 I should have just told you to be yourself. I mean...
如果你找到对的女孩 if you're with the right girl,
那才是最重要的 that's all that really counts.
是Ruby错过了你 Ruby's the one that's missing out.
操他妈的单向乐队 操 Fuck One Direction. Fuck 'em.
- 喂 - 你在哪 一个小时后就轮到你了 - Hello? - Where are you? You're on in an hour.
我们去不成了 对不起 We're not going to make it. Sorry.
没用的胖逼 Useless, fat twat.
你还没告诉我发生了什么呢 You still not going to tell me what happened?
我跟你舅舅Andy从小打到大 You know, me and your Uncle Andy used to fight all the time.
现在也打 但不像以前那样 We still do, but not like we used to.
我记得有段时间他走华丽范儿 I remember one time he was going through a glam phase,
然后没问我就穿了我的打底裤 and he borrowed my stirrup leggings without asking.
他那时比现在瘦多了 He was a lot thinner back then.
后来我在一堆脏衣服里发现的 裤裆都撑裂了 Anyway, I found them in the laundry with massive split up the bum.
- 他还死不承认 - 那你怎么办了 - He wouldn't admit to it. - So, what did you do?
我在他的石玫瑰T恤上剪了两个露乳头的洞 I cut nipple holes in his Stone Roses T-shirt,
石玫瑰 一支于1984年在曼彻斯特成立的英伦另类摇滚乐队
但那不是重点 but that's not the point.
重点是我原谅了他 The point is that I forgave him,
因为我们总会搞砸一些事情 because, eventually, we all screw up
那时候 我们会希望能得到别人的原谅 and we can only hope there'll be someone there to forgive us when it's our turn.
嗨 我是Sam 你姐姐 这是Roly 你外甥 Hi, I'm Sam, I'm your sister. This is Roly, he's your nephew.
见到你真高兴 It's really nice to meet you.
- 噢 我去 手真是柔滑细嫩 - 你们来干嘛 - Ooh! Holy shit, those are soft hands. - What are you doing here?
我们不是有个演出吗 Don't we have a gig to get to?
很高兴你能那么说 Well, I'm glad you said that,
因为我已经算出这个乐队需要的绝对最少人数值了 because I've figured out the bare minimum we need to make this band work.
是多少 What's that?
两只熊 Two bears.
好啊 美女 All right, gorgeous?
- Andy - Shelly 你怎么来了 - Andy! - Shelly? You're here?
我看见你网上发的消息 我才不会错过呢 I saw your post online. I wouldn't miss it for the world.
一会有空喝一杯吗 Do you have time for a drink later?
有啊 当然 Yeah, definitely.
他们是不是美爆了 Weren't they fabulous?!
最后一支乐队叫 Now our final band is called...
真的么 Really?
最大熊值 The Bear Maximum!
谢谢 这首歌是关于一个女孩的 Thanks. This song is about a girl.
*当你浮现脑海 裤子瞬间紧绷* *When I think about you You make my pants go all tight*
*心中挥之不去 整夜奚落不停* *You're crawling round in my head You taunt me all through the night
*看你走进房间 令我双膝发软* *I see you walk in the room You make me weak at the knees*
*很久没有亲热 为你付出一切* *I've not had sex in a while I'll do whatever you please*
*我的体温上升 感到下巴惊掉* *I feel my temperature rise I feel my jaw start to drop*
*我已头脑疯狂 赐我心上一枪* *You drive me out of my mind Oh, please just give me a shot...*
他们还不错 They're actually pretty good.
*为你跪倒在地 只能祈求不已* *You've got me down on my knees You've got me begging for more...*
- 你不会让他们赢的吧 - 想都别想 - You're not going to let them win, are you? - Not a chance.
*现在敲我心门* *Now come and knock down my door*
*我不喜欢你 我疯狂爱你* *I don't like you I love, love you*
*当你护花使者 守护芳心一路* *I'll take you home after work I'll take you up to your house*
*我想要偷个吻 但不落在娇唇* *And then I'll give you a kiss But not a kiss on the mouth*
*领你奔向高处 未曾到达之地* *I'll take you higher and higher To places you've never been*
*我想你能猜出 这首歌由他作* *And you can probably tell this song was written by him.*
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