翻译: 思齐 皮皮 大美丽
闹钟歌曲为Whitesnake的
校对: 少女Amber 怪查理
后期: 怪查理
压制: 怪查理
早 Morning.
嘿 大明星 睡得好吗 Hey there, rock star. You sleep well?
像尸体一样 Yeah, Like a corpse.
不敢相信我上了Andy King的床 I can't believe I'm in Andy King's bed.
我也是 在他回来前赶紧走吧 Me neither. Let's get out of here before he comes back.
呃 别吓到 Er, no big deal,
我觉得最后一次套套好像漏了 but I think the condom MAYBE broke that last time.
什么 你吃了避孕药的对吧 What?! Please tell me you're on the pill.
开玩笑呢 别担心 我不是什么变态控制狂 I'm kidding! Don't worry, I'm not some kind of Fatal Attraction.
你饿了吗 You hungry?
- 嗯 像饿狼一样 - 我给你做点东西吃吧 - Yeah, like the wolf. - Why don't I make us something?
哈 你穿着我的Alice Cooper体恤 Huh, you're wearing my Alice Cooper T-shirt!
Alice Cooper 美国歌手 惊悚摇滚始祖
是啊 地上找到的 你不介意吧 Yeah, I found it on the floor. Hope it's OK.
女友特权嘛 不是说我是你女朋友 Girlfriend's prerogative. Not that I'm your girlfriend.
我是说 我是个女的 也是你朋友 但愿是 I mean, I am a girl, and your friend, hopefully...
天哪 Oh, God.
废柴舅舅
第一季 第四集
- 嗨 我叫Sam 是成瘾者 - 你好 Sam - Hi, I'm Sam and I'm an addict. - Hi, Sam.
我以为我控制住了 I thought I had it under control.
电波诚译
我感觉自己像Grace Kelly I felt like Grace Kelly,
Grace Kelly 美国电影演员 奥斯卡影后 摩纳哥亲王兰尼埃三世之王妃
不过其实看上去更像穿着高街女装的Russell Brand but I looked more like Russell Brand in a River Island jumper.
Russell Brand 英国喜剧男演员 歌手 多次被曝吸毒
我戒瘾一年多了 I've been clean now for a little over a year.
现在 我在慢慢增强勇气告诉我儿子究竟发生了什么 At the moment, I'm building up the courage to tell my son what really...really happened.
但我非常感激 But I'm very thankful
他有个那么爱他照顾他的爸爸 that he has such a loving and present father,
虽然我有点嫉妒他们待在一起 even if I get a bit jealous of the time they spend together.
但我尝试着告诉自己 I try and tell myself that...
爱不是竞争 Love is not a competition.
噢 是我的 好吧 Ooh. Is that...? Yeah.
从没想过我会这么说 毒瘾已经没有了 The cravings have gone, which I never thought I'd say.
我是说 有时候我和我前夫说话 I mean, sometimes when I speak to my ex,
真的很想再吸点 I could just kill for a line!
但我知道我得专注于现在 But I know I just have to focus on the present.
最重要的是活在当下 无论 It's really just about staying in the moment, no matter what...
呃 对不起 Er, sorry.
傻逼来电
我得接一下 I should get this.
我的吉他怎么了 What's wrong with my guitar?
我修了修 降E弦完全跑调了 I fixed it. The lower E string was really out of tune.
这 这是D音 It was...It was in drop D.
我一直把我的吉他调成D音 为了速弹 I always keep my axe in drop D, for shredding.
噢 对不起 我应该先问的 Oh. Sorry, I should've asked first.
我觉得你是说先"吻"再调 I think you mean...AXED first.
没事的 别担心了 It's fine, don't worry about it.
哇 太贴心了 非常感谢 Wow, that's lovely. Thank you very much.
你不吃吗 Are you not eating?
不 我不饿 我喜欢看着你吃 No, I'm not hungry. But I like watching you eat.
就像把我的一部分放进你身体里一样 Like putting a tiny piece of myself inside you.
靠 我得准备出门了 Shit! I'd better get ready.
两个小时后要给一个成年礼唱歌 I'm singing at a Bar Mitzvah in two hours.
生命不息 梦想不止 对吧 Living the dream, right?
- 干嘛 - 中午请你吃饭 - What? - I'm taking you out for lunch.
我其实已经在吃了 I'm already eating, actually.
你什么时候会因为吃过饭就拒绝再吃 When's that ever stopped you?
Ben刚刚邀请我去他妈妈家 Ben just invited me to his mother's.
他有什么大事要公布 He's got some big announcement,
但我不能一个人进蝎子窝 but I'm not going into the scorpion's nest alone.
如果我能装几个小时正常人 If I can pretend I'm normal for a couple of hours,
说不定他会放弃抚养权呢 he might drop the custody case.
我需要你在那儿防止我闯祸 I need you there to keep me out of trouble.
你是不是忘了你在和谁讲话 Are you forgetting who you're even talking to?
门铃响了 回聊 Doorbell. Got to go.
你必须去 You're coming.
什么味儿 What's that smell?
闻着像烤豆子和性 It's like baked beans and sex.
是我新买的除臭剂 性感豆子 That's my new deodorant... Sexy Beans.
听着 我没空 你赶紧走吧 Look, I'm not free and you can't be here right now...
噢 嗨 Oh. Hi.
呃 Shelly 这是我姐姐 Sam Uh, Shelly, this is my sister, Sam.
Shelly只是来帮我个忙 Shelly's just here... helping me out with that thing...
随叫随到 如果还需要帮忙 你知道我的号码 Any time. If that problem happens again, you know who to call.
我知道 谢谢你 我有你的名片 Yes, I do, thank you very much. I have your business card.
我要穿走你的t恤 如果你想要回去 I'm taking your T-shirt. If you want it back,
最好打给我 还有 我爱角色扮演 you better call, P.s. I love role play.
- 很高兴见到你 - 我也是 - Nice meeting you. - Nice meeting you.
我以为你有女朋友 Roly和我提过Gwen I thought you HAD a girlfriend. Roly was telling me about Gwen?
Shelly不是我女朋友 Shelly's not my girlfriend.
她只是一个过来打招呼的女生 She just a girl that comes round and says hello...
张开双腿打招呼吗 With her vagina.
拜托 没人比我更懂那种羞愧的步伐了 Please, I know the walk of shame. I invented it.
前一分钟你醉得不省人事 One minute you're blackout drunk,
下一秒 你睡在巴西银行家旁 the next thing, you're waking up next to some Brazilian banker
在假日酒店豪华套房里醒来 in his Holiday Inn executive suite.
顺便说下 没听上去那么宽敞 Which, by the way, is not as roomy as it sounds.
现在 你是和我一起去Ben家 还是我告诉Gwen你的狂野性爱 Now, are you coming or am I telling Gwen about your sexcapades?
- 你都没她的号码 - 这不就是了 - You haven't even got her number. - Oh, there we go.
找到了 还放在最爱分组里呢 甜蜜哟 Here it is. Under favourites. Bless.
还给我 还给我 Sam 把我手机还给我 Give it back. Give it back. Sam... Give me back my phone!
- 你去不去 在响铃了 在响了 - 快挂掉 - Are you coming? It's ringing, it's ringing! - Hang up!
等等 Wait.
靠操他妈烂鸡巴混蛋傻逼蠢货婊子 Shit fuck dick balls crap cock arse motherfucker bitch pussy rimjob.
- 好了吗 - 嗯 - Good? - Yup.
嗨 小可爱 Hi, munchkin!
他来这儿干嘛 What's he doing here?
我是来传话的 I've come to give you the news.
你是领养的 You're adopted.
呼 如释重负啊 Phew, what a load off!
你好啊 陌生人 还有Andy Hello, stranger! Andy.
抱歉没提前告诉你 他非要跟来 Sorry I didn't warn you he was coming. He just insisted.
如果麻烦我可以走 I can go, if it's too much trouble.
不 留下吧 我们都是一家人 No. Stay. We're all family here.
你今天最好别惹事 You better not fuck today up for me.
爸爸 我是领养的吗 Dad, am I adopted?
怎么会 你从哪听来的蠢话 No. Where did you hear that rubbish?
都怪碳酸饮料 毁了孩子的大脑 Fizzy drinks. Shrinking kids' brains.
就像瓶装的梅毒 Like syphilis in a can. isn't it?
没错 它们就是毒药 Couldn't agree more. They're toxic.
Rex 嘿 Rex, hey!
很高兴见到你 老兄 嘿 Sammy Good to see you, Ands, my man. Hey, Sammy.
Rex 很高兴见到你 Rex. Good to see you.
我以为你在哪儿拯救世界呢 I thought you were saving the world somewhere?
是啊 卢旺达 我从微笑行动请了两周假 Yeah, yeah, Rwanda, yeah. I'm on leave from OpSmile for two weeks.
微笑行动 为唇腭裂儿童提供免费医疗的慈善机构
正好和家里人聚聚 Just long enough to catch up with the fam.
你们休息下 我去告诉老妈你们来了 You guys get comfy. I'll tell Mum you're here.
你们绝对猜不到Rex叔叔从非洲给我带了什么 You'll never guess what Uncle Rex got me from Africa.
- 防蚊帐篷 - 手链 - A malaria tent? - A bracelet.
- 真有男子汉气概 - 很漂亮 宝贝 - Masculine. - It's beautiful, darling.
临上飞机前在免税店买的吗 我也干过 Last-minute gift from Duty Free? I've been there.
事实上 是一个小姑娘在我治好她的唇裂后给我做的 No, actually, a little girl made it for me after I fixed her cleft palate.
最大的回报就是看着他第一次面对镜子然后说 It's so rewarding, watching them look in the mirror for the first time and hear them say,
"那才是我 我现在的样子" "That's me. You know, that's what I look like now."
噢对了 提醒我了 Errol 我也给你带了礼物 Yeah. Actually, that reminds me. I got you a gift too, Errol.
找到了 拿着 There it is, There you go.
呃 谢谢 Er, thanks.
不用谢 记着 You're welcome. And remember,
那不是随便一包拆了的口香糖 that's not any old opened pack of gum.
是一个年迈的流浪汉在我给他买了瓶啤酒后给我的 I got that from an old homeless guy after I bought him a beer.
好啊 各位 Hello, everyone.
嗨 Joan Hi, Joan.
这不是我最喜欢的前儿媳妇吗 If it isn't my favourite ex-daughter-in-law.
我是你唯一一个前儿媳妇 I'm your ONLY ex-daughter-in-law.
Errol有没有和你说 他一个人摆好了整个餐桌 Did Errol tell you, he set up the dining table all by himself?
做了名牌和所有别的东西 Made the name cards and everything.
妈妈 你坐在爸爸旁边 Mum, you're sitting next to Dad.
噢 太好了 Oh, that's great.
Andy 真是太惊喜了 Andy, what a lovely surprise.
就像那次你把脸摔进婚礼蛋糕里一样 Like that time you fell face first into the wedding cake.
我不记得那晚的事了 我烂醉如泥 I can't remember anything about that night. I was wasted.
是啊 我们记得 Yes. We remember.
说到这个 大家想喝点什么 Speaking of, what would everyone like to drink?
Sam 我知道你想要一杯上好的白葡萄酒是吧 I know you love a good glass of white, don't you, Sam?
噢 Joan 你知道我不能 Oh, Joan, you know I can't...
等得及尝尝你的白葡萄酒了 太好了 ..Wait to try...some of your white. That would be lovely.
Ben 能借一步说话吗 关于学费的事 Ben, can I have a quick word? It's about school fees.
既然是两两配对 Errol 能借一步开个乐队会议吗 Since everyone's pairing up, how about a quick band meeting, Errol?
拜托 就是个简单的问题 你选谁 C'mon, it's a simple question, who do you choose?
你们距离都一样 And you're the same distance away?
是啊 房子着火了 Yes. The house is on fire.
我们都在屋里 我们离你距离一样远 We're both inside, we're both the exact same distance from you
而你只能救一个人 and you can only save one of us.
你选谁 救我还是Rex Who do you pick? Is it me or is it Rex?
Rex是个医生 所以如果我救他的时候受伤了 Well, Rex is a doctor, so if I get hurt saving him...
不会吧 你不是真的要选那个天杀的超级医生吧 Come on, you're not seriously going to pick Jesus Christ, Super Surgeon?
为什么 你嫉妒了 Why? Are you jealous?
切 嫉妒那个小丑 怎么可能 Pfft. Of that clown? Please.
现在 我们都晕过去了 Now, we're both unconscious,
所以我们的技能不在考虑范围内 你选谁 so our skills don't come into play this time. Who do you pick?
- 你要我选个最爱出来 - 才不是 - You want me to pick a favourite? - No...
我只是想让你告诉我 No, I just want you to tell me
你不想谁被活活烧死 which one of your uncles you don't want see burning to death.
假设而已 Hypothetically.
你觉得爸爸是要和妈妈复合吗 Do you think Mum and Dad are getting back together?
我觉得爸爸想公布的就是这事 I think that's what Dad's announcement is.
先选我再告诉你 Pick an uncle and I'll tell you.
好吧 我会选 但我得想想 OK, I'll pick one, but I need time to think about it.
- 你说过你会告诉她的 - 我会啊 只是还没说 - You said you were going to tell her. - I am, I just...haven't yet.
都一年了 她迟早会发现我进了康复中心 It's been a year. She's going to find out I was in rehab at some point.
不然她觉得我那三个月失踪到哪儿去了 Where does she think I disappeared to for there months?
我可能告诉她 我们分居之后你去西班牙陪父母了 I might have told her you went to stay with your parents in Spain
化解分手的悲痛 to regroup after the separation.
- 你真的有很严重的诚信问题 - 我很诚实 - You have terrible honesty issues. - I'm honest,
但如果我妈发现你嗑药 她就会发现我也嗑药 It's just...if Mum finds out you did drugs then she'll find out i did them too,
我不能这样对她 and I just...I can't do that to her.
她连我抽烟都不知道 She doesn't even know I smoke cigarettes.
你能不能就帮忙演一演 拜托 为了Roly Can't you just play along, please, for Roly?
好吧 那你要宣布什么大事 Fine. So, what's this big news?
午餐后我才会说 I'm not telling till after lunch.
- 你是不是要放弃抚养权了 - 呃 不是 - Are you dropping the custody case? - Um...no.
你是不是要死了 是不是你蛋蛋上那个奇怪的肿块 Are you dying? Is it that weird lump on your ball?
什么 不是 什么奇怪的肿块 What? No. What weird lump?
你真像防暴犬一样嗅觉灵敏 You're like one of those bomb sniffing dogs.
呃 有啤酒吗 Ehh, have you got any beer?
谢谢 Cheers.
你知道吗 你可能不记得婚礼那天了 但我记得 You know, you might not remember the wedding, but I do.
除了心碎地看着我儿子犯下他人生最大的错误之外 And aside from the heartbreak of watching my son make the biggest mistake of his life,
算得上是我最享受的夜晚之一 it was one of the more enjoyable nights I've had.
是啊 乐队不错 是吧 Yeah, the band were good, weren't they?
我不是在说乐队 I'm not talking about the band.
Errol很幸运 有高大的叔叔和舅舅照看他保护他 Errol's a lucky boy. Two strapping uncles looking out for him, Keep him on his toes.
你们俩在说什么呢 What are you two gossiping about?
你让人惊叹的厨艺 Your amazing cooking.
Rex要做羊肉原汁配焗土豆 Rex is making spring lamb au jus with potatoes dauphinoise.
我发誓 如果他没当儿童外科医生 I swear, if he hadn't become a paediatric surgeon,
现在就是米其林星级大厨了 he'd be a Michelin star chef by now.
这没什么了 No, no, It's nothing.
秘诀就是要用小火慢慢烤 The secret is you've just got to slow roast it for ages on an achingly low temp
直到肉从骨头上化下来 until the meat just melts off the bone.
你简直是太完美了 You are just too perfect.
肯定是其他客人来了 That'll be the others.
"你简直是太完美了" "You're just too perfect."
Andy 嘿 Andy! Hey.
Bruce 你在这干嘛 Bruce? What are you doing here?
我们的孩子在一个足球队里 你们两个是怎么 Our kids play on the same football team. How do you two...?
- 搏击俱乐部 - 兄弟 忘了第一条规则吗 - Fight club. - Mate! First rule.
出自影片<搏击俱乐部> 第一条规则是 别和任何人谈起搏击俱乐部
小心这个家伙 她铲起球来就像John Terry Watch out for this one, she tackles like John Terry.
英格兰足球运动员 曾陷种族歧视丑闻
希望她不像John Terry那样种族歧视 Let's hope she isn't racist like John Terry.
- 我是听说的 - Meyer夫人 这是送给你的 - Allegedly. - Mrs Meyer, these are for you.
- 真美 你从哪弄来的 - 乐购超市 - Oh, they're lovely. Where did you get them? - Tesco.
嗨 Bruce Claire最近还好吧 Hey, Bruce. How's Claire?
很好 在忙美容院的事呢 整天工作 Great. Busy managing the salon. Work, work, work.
她给Tiff美甲了 给她看看 Tiff She did Tiff's nails. Show her, Tiff.
- 哇 真好看 - 你喜欢吗 Errol - Wow. Those are fab. - Do you like them, Errol?
指甲油会让我起疹子 Mum's nail polish gives me a rash.
Bruce 这是我弟弟Rex 他刚从非洲回来看我们 Bruce, this is my brother, Rex. He's visiting from Africa.
真好 我爸是尼日利亚人 伊博族 Oh, cool. My dad's Nigerian. Igbo.
你好吗 Kedu ka imere?
- 是的 - Rex叔叔 你刚说的什么 - Yes. - What did you say, Uncle Rex?
我用伊博语问他还好吗 I asked how he was doing, in Igbo.
"进到我的浴缸来" Errol 这句法语是什么意思 "Entres dans mon Jacuzzi." What's that in French, Errol?
- 到我浴缸里来 - 别羡慕我 - Get in my Jacuzzi? - You're welcome.
Sam 过来帮我把花放到花瓶里 Sam, would you help me put these in water?
过来小鬼头们 我和你们说我帮母狮接生的故事 Come on, kids, I'll tell you about how I helped a lioness give birth.
剧透 他是那个父亲 Spoiler alert - he's the father.
我都不知道你和Ben是朋友 I didn't know you were mates with Ben.
也不算吧 Er, no, we're not really.
他邀请Tiff过来陪Errol的 He invited Tiff so Errol would have company.
我发誓如果知道你和Sam在这 我绝对不会来的 I swear I wouldn't have come if I knew you and Sam were here.
我真心不想介入他们的抚养权争夺中 I mean, with the custody thing. I hate picking sides.
但如果你必须表个态 你会站在Sam这边 对吧 Yeah, but if you had to, you'd pick Sam, right?
- 她总是说她多么喜欢你 - 真的吗 - She's always talking about how much she likes you. - Really?
假的 但也不一定啦 No. But you know, she could have been.
- 我比Rex要酷 对吧 - 当然 - Now, I'm cooler than Rex, aren't I? - Yeah, definitely.
如果你们是一个男孩团体 他就是Gary Barlow If you were a boy band, he'd be like Gary Barlow.
两人皆为英国组合Take That成员
大家都尊重他 但Robbie才是最快活的 He gets all the respect, but Robbie's having ALL the fun.
但大家也同样尊重Robbie的 对吧 But people still respect Robbie as well, right?
- 当然了 - 那就好 - Yeah, sure. - Yeah
我问你 跟前亲家上床算不算乱伦 Now tell me this - is it incest if you had sex with your ex-GILF-in-law?
GILF是Grandmother I'd Like to Fuck的简写 指风韵犹存的高龄妇女
啥 What?
没什么 Never mind.
Errol是不是很棒 Isn't Errol doing well?
是啊 他有没有告诉你 他做的家谱得了A I know. Did he tell you he got an A on his family tree project?
太好了 Brilliant.
你俩分开后我真的很担心他 You know, I was so worried about him after the separation.
特别是你在西班牙纵情作乐那阵儿 Especially while you were in Spain, living it up.
还好有Ben收拾残局 Thank goodness Ben was around to pick up the pieces.
你怎么一口都没喝呢 You still haven't touched your wine.
我留着吃饭的时候喝 I'm just...saving it for the meal.
Sam 我们是朋友吗 Sam, are we friends?
当然是啊 Of course. Yes.
那就好 Oh, good.
我很怕我们会像伊丽莎白女王和戴安娜王妃一样 I was afraid we had a sort of Queen Liz and Diana sort of thing going on.
- 那结局不怎么好 - 是啊 那谁是查尔斯王子 - We know how that ended. - Right, so who's Charles?
家庭就是查尔斯王子 Well, the family is Charles.
我们都是为了查尔斯王子好 不是吗 And we all want what's best for Charles, don't we?
虽然你在Errol最需要你的时候跑到西班牙去了 I mean, just because you ran off to Spain when Errol needed you most,
并不意味着你没有心系家庭 doesn't mean that your heart isn't in the right place.
我相信你一定有你的苦衷 I'm sure you had your reasons.
来 这一杯敬查尔斯王子 Here, let's make a toast... to Charles.
我刚想起来 我最近在吃抗生素 Actually, I just remembered. I'm on antibiotics.
- 所以我不能喝酒 - 就一口又不会死 - So I shouldn't really be drinking. - Just one sip won't kill you.
快点 喝完 不然很不礼貌 Come on, drink up, or I'll feel insulted.
这是葡萄汁 This is grape juice.
你以为我真会让瘾君子喝酒吗 你太不坚定了 Like I'd give wine to an addict! That was too easy.
你都无法戒瘾 怎么来抚养Errol How can you be trusted with Errol's custody when you can't even stay on the wagon?
你知道我在康复中心 So you knew I was in rehab?
我朋友的女儿有厌食症 A friend of mine spotted you
她在常去的那家诊所看到你了 in the same clinic as her anorexic daughter.
不要告诉Ben我知道了 他喜欢自以为有秘密的感觉 Don't tell Ben I know. He likes to think he has secrets.
我去外面呼吸下新鲜空气 Just going to go and put change in the meter.
Errol 你支持哪个球队 Who do you support, Errol?
他支持枪迷(阿森纳球迷) 跟我和他叔叔一样 He's a Gooner, like his uncle and me.
你以前说你支持热刺 就像你妈和我一样 You said you were a Spurs fan, like your mum and me.
什么 我都喜欢 没有"最爱"一说 What? I like them both. I couldn't possibly pick a favourite.
你不能同时支持热刺和阿森纳 You can't like Tottenham AND Arsenal!
这就像支持纳粹的同时又支持法国反抗军 That's like rooting for the Nazis and the French Resistance.
阿森纳的法国球员更多 Arsenal have more French players,
所以热刺是纳粹咯 doesn't that make Spurs the Nazis?
但热刺有很多犹太球迷 Spurs have a lot of Jewish fans, though.
就是 可没有犹太纳粹吧 Yeah, not many Jewish Nazis, are there?
你什么时候关心起足球了 Andy Since when do you care about football, Andy?
你应该支持富勒姆 就像我和Tiff一样 You should support Fulham, like me and Tiff.
支持富勒姆绝对天下太平 他们是中立的 Nobody gets hurt when you support Fulham. They're Switzerland.
说到足球 这是我驻扎在索马里的时候 Oh, that reminds me. This is a football field
帮他们搭建的一个足球场 I helped build when I was stationed in Somalia.
干得好啊 连草皮都没有 Nice job There's not even any grass on it.
我知道 不过孩子们不介意 Yeah I know, but the kids don't mind.
那里以前是乱坟岗 It used to be a mass grave.
你猜猜 现在叫什么 Can you guess what it's called now?
"无草足球场" "No grass field"?
叫"Errol球场" It's called Errolfield.
不错啊老弟 Nice touch, bro.
酷毙了 Very cool.
灰蒙蒙的球场看得我有点口渴 Looking at that dusty field makes me feel thirsty.
Andy舅舅 我想喝杯苹果汁 Uncle Andy, I'd really like an apple juice.
你腿断了吗 Your legs aren't broken.
Errol 你可以喝我的 我没有碰到杯口 You can have my drink, Errol. I didn't touch the sides.
谢谢 但我就想喝苹果汁 那是我的 最爱 Thanks, but I really just want some apple juice. It's my...favourite.
我去给你倒 I'll get you one, mate.
还是我来吧 霸王龙 I got this one, T-Rex.
噢 真随性呢 Oh, help yourself.
就像在婚礼上那样 You certainly did at the wedding.
呃 Sam去哪了 Um...where's Sam?
不清楚 你去西班牙找找看 Not sure. Have you tried Spain?
殿下 您的苹果汁 His highness's apple juice.
我不渴了 Not thirsty any more.
Bruce 如果你和Tiff感兴趣的话就一起来吧 Bruce, if you and Tiff are interested,
我和Rex下个周末打算带Errol露营 Rex and I are taking Errol camping next weekend.
我要教这个小家伙野外哪些植物是可食用的 I'm going to teach this little guy all about edible plants.
Rex叔叔让植物学变得有意思多了 Uncle Rex makes botany really fun.
植物学是我的 最爱 Botany's my...FAVOURITE.
我有次在泰式牛肉沙拉里吃了兰花 I ate an orchid on a Thai beef salad once.
挺有意思的 It was interesting.
呵 我上周教你什么了 Yeah, well, what did I teach you last week?
如何清除搜索记录 How to delete my search history?
对 那可是终生受益的生存技能呢 Bingo. And that is a skill for life.
中场休息了 谁想来场三人制足球赛 Right, half-time. Who's up for a game of three-a-side?
老爸 Dad.
Bruce Bruce.
太好了 Yes!
你选Andy吧 我好久没踢球了 You should pick Andy. I haven't played in ages.
- 生疏了 - 呃 - Rusty. - Uncle...
Rex Rex.
那就Andy了 Andy, I guess.
背景音乐为Peter Bjorn and John的
他太厉害了 He's amazing.
听说西汉姆以前想签他 Heard West Ham tried signing him,
西汉姆 英格兰传统足球俱乐部
但他一心只想做医生 but he just wanted to be a doctor.
这样的话 Well, then...
如他所愿 送他去医院吧 It's time to send him back to the hospital.
背景音乐为Black Sabbath的
快快快 拿下他 Go, go, go! Take him!
噢 操 Oh, shit...
我真的真的很抱歉 I'm really, really sorry.
没关系 It's fine.
我相信你会想办法补偿我的 I'm sure you can find a way of making it up to me.
你干嘛那样踢球啊 What were you doing kicking the ball like that, anyway?
失误了 It was a mis-kick.
Bruce 你觉得那脚球是失误吗 Bruce, did that look like a mis-kick to you?
我没看到 我的隐形眼镜掉了 I didn't see. My contact fell out.
但你戴着框架眼镜呢 But you're wearing your glasses.
我妈妈呢 Where's Mum?
妈妈 Mum?
也许她跑了 Maybe she ran away.
为什么这么说 Why would you say that?
我爸就跑了 我亲爸 That's what my dad did - my real dad.
他就是个没用的混蛋 He was a worthless fart-hole.
我妈说的 That's what my mum says.
你觉得你以后会结婚吗 Do you think you'll ever get married?
会 当然会了 Oh, yeah, definitely! Yeah.
我要生很多小孩 I want loads of kids.
如果我有女儿 就给她取名Scout If I have a girl, I'm going to call her Scout,
<杀死一只知更鸟>里面的名字 like in To Kill A Mockingbird.
如果我有儿子 就给他取名Spock If I have a boy, I'm going to call him Spock.
但我不想要丈夫 我要用捐赠的精子受孕 I don't want a husband, though. I'm going to get a sperm donor.
- 那是什么 - 我也不太清楚 - What's that? - I'm not really sure.
在上听说的 I heard about it on Jeremy Kyle.
英国日间脱口秀节目
你和女生接过吻吗 Have you ever kissed a girl on the mouth?
人类嘴唇上有上千种不同类型的细菌 The human mouth has over 1,000 different types of bacteria.
那就是没有咯 So, is that a "No"?
呃 Er...
闭上眼睛 Oh, just close your eyes.
你们两个在我的卧室干什么 What are you two doing in my bedroom?
绝对不是在接吻 We're not kissing on the mouth.
不 你先挂 No, you hang up first.
不 你先挂嘛 No, you hang up first!
听着 关于你妈的脸 Look, about your mum's face.
真的是个意外(灾难) Um... It was an accident.
不是说她 她很美 不是让人性致盎然那种 Not her face - she's got a beautiful face. Not in a sexy way.
- 她那个年纪 - 你找到Sam了吗 - For her age... - Did you find Sam?
- 还没 - 她一贯如此 - Not yet. - This is typical.
我们离婚前 每次大吵一架后她都会这么消失 When we were in marrige, she'd always disappear like this after a big fight.
她总是疑神疑鬼 以为我在外面有女人 She was always paranoid I was cheating on her.
- 那你在外面有女人吗 - 时有时无 - Were you cheating on her? - Not always.
- 刚才那通电话 - 不用解释 - Look, about that call... - You don't need to explain.
不 我想解释 No, I want to.
我在和别人约会 See...I've been seeing someone else.
所以我把大家都请过来了 That's why I invited everyone here.
其他人 不包括你 Everyone else, not you.
我希望我宣布这个消息的时候 I wanted Errol to have as many people around him as possible
大家都在Errol身旁支持他 for support, when I break the news.
你觉得他能接受吗 Do you think he'll be all right?
当然了 他很坚强的 Yeah, sure. He's a tough kid.
只要他带着吸入器 As long as he's got his inhaler.
有人吗 Y'ello!
呃 你还好吧 Er... Are you all right?
嗯 我没事 就是眼睛里进了点沙子 Yeah! Yeah, I'm great. Just got some dust in my eyes.
- 我去告诉他们找到你了 - 先别 等一下 - I should probably tell the others I found you... - No, just...wait.
给我一分钟 Just give me a minute.
我和Ben以前经常在Joan给Errol换尿布的时候 Ben and I used to come up here and smoke a joint
跑到这上边来偷偷抽大麻 while Joan was changing Errol's nappies.
你肯定觉得我很傻 You must think I'm really stupid
像Anne Frank一样躲在阁楼上 hiding in an attic like... Anne Frank or something.
Ann Frank <安妮日记>作者 二战期间躲在阁楼上写下自己的经历
有时候我告诉Claire说我去买牛奶 Sometimes I tell Claire I'm going out to buy milk
但实际上我只是去星巴克画漫画 but I'm really going to Starbucks to work on my comics.
- 你还会画漫画 - 嗯 只是网络漫画 - You draw comics? - Well, webcomics.
而且我也不会画画 And I can't actually draw,
更像是用指尖去完成一种诙谐的文风 it's more stick figures with witty writing.
尝试性的诙谐文风 ATTEMPTED witty writing.
我知道 "成熟点吧 Bruce" Yeah, I know, "Grow up, Bruce."
- Claire也认为这很蠢 - 这不蠢 很好啊 - Claire thinks it's stupid too. - It's not stupid. It's sweet.
- 我只是不知道你原来还这么书呆 - 真的吗 - I just didn't know you were so... nerdy. - Really?!
我是说 看看我样子 I mean, come on, look at me.
- 我想你是对的 - 谢谢 - I guess you're right! - Thanks
我不是一个好妈妈 对吧 I am a terrible mother, aren't I?
什么 怎么可能 你是一个很棒的妈妈 What? No. You're a great mum.
我注意过Roly看你的眼神 I see the way Roly looks at you.
那只是他犯懒的眼神 That's just his lazy eye.
但是你看起来一副信心满满的样子 But you look like you know what you're doing.
有什么诀窍吗 What's your secret?
说实话吗 压力大的时候 Honestly? When things get too much...
我就捂着一个枕头大声咆哮 I have a special pillow I scream into.
- 多久咆哮一次 - 也不是很频繁 - How often do you need the pillow? - Not often.
一天就十来次吧 About ten times a day.
如果你手头没有一个枕头的话 And if you don't have a pillow to hand,
那就用你的胳膊 you can use your arm.
就像这样 Like so...
啊 Nngh!
啊 Nnnnghh!
- 喔 - 哇噢 好点了吗 - Ooh...! - Wow! Better?
- 吼得有点大脑缺氧 - 是啊 我知道 - I feel a little bit light-headed. - Yeah, I know, right?
哎 也就这样了 Oh...this is it.
我余生都得是一个单亲妈妈了 I'm going to be a single mum for the rest of my life.
最后沦落成Joan那样 一个刻薄恶毒的老女人 I'm going to end up like Joan. Some nasty, mean, bitchy cow
百年没尝过男人的滋味了 who hasn't had a willy up her in about a century
别担心 你还能尝到男人的滋味 Don't worry, you'll get a willy up you.
不过说真的 我觉得你会遇到合适的人的 But seriously, I... I think you'll find someone.
你看啊 你聪明风趣有魅力 You know, you're smart, funny, attractive...
- 还很擅长玩躲猫猫 - 可你还是找到我了呀 - You're great at hide and seek. - You found me.
那是因为我特别擅长找人啊 Well, I'm an excellent seeker.
找到她了 Found her!
你到底在上面干嘛呢 What on earth are you doing up here?
你脸上怎么了 What happened to your face?
什么味儿 What's that smell?
该死 Shit!
烤焦了 It's ruined.
那有谁想吃咖喱吗 Who's up for curry, then?
我不介意吃有点烤焦的 I don't mind it a little well-done.
Rex叔叔 你为什么把温度调那么高 Uncle Rex, why did you set it so high?
我没有啊 I...didn't.
铛铛铛 Duhn-duhn-duhnnn.
- 那看来我们该报警了 - 是你干的 - We'd better call Scotland Yard, then. - You did this!
喂 Rex 冷静一下 Whoa, Rex, slow down.
Andy这辈子从来没碰过烤箱 -Andy's never touched an oven in his life.
- 他连个泡面都煮不好的 - 是啊 - He can barely cook a Pot Noodle. - Yeah.
我为什么要毁了自己的午餐 Why would I want to ruin my own lunch?
谁知道呢 你倒是说啊 你一整天都在攻击我 I don't know. You tell me. You've been jabbing at me all day.
我上辈子欠你的还是怎么了 What, did I piss you off in a past life or something?
"噢 天之骄子从不会犯错误" "Oh, the golden boy never does anything wrong."
"噢 快看我 我是世上最好的外科医生" "Oh, look at me, I'm the world's best surgeon."
"噢 快看我 我是世上最好的厨子" "Oh, look at me, I'm the world's best chef."
"噢 快看我 我是世上最好的叔叔" "Oh, look at me, I'm the world's best uncle!"
是啊 至少我愿意花时间陪Roly啊 Well, at least I've put my time in with Roly.
你这过去十年干嘛了 Where've you been this last decade?!
请不要为我吵架了 Please stop fighting over me.
Errol 你别管这事 Stay out of this, Errol!
你简直是人形台风 能别把啥事都毁了吗 You are like a one-man typhoon. Is there anything you can't ruin?
别纠结了 亲 Oh, get over it, love.
很抱歉我睡了你却再没给你打电话 I'm sorry I shagged you and then never called.
你有病吧 Have you lost your mind?!
我们从没睡过 We never shagged.
呃 想想啊 婚礼的时候 Er, hello? The wedding.
我们是在一起抽麻烟 你个白痴 We shared a joint at the wedding, you idiot.
什么是麻烟 What's a joint?
就是大麻卷成的香烟 It's a marijuana cigarette.
- 你从哪知道的 - - Where did you learn that? - Jeremy Kyle.
等等 你一直指责我去康复中心 可你自己也是个瘾君子 So, wait, you're judging me for going to rehab, while you're the pothead?
我就试过一次 还是十二年前了 I tried it once, 12 years ago.
不能因为这就说我是Keith Richards That hardly makes me Keith Richards.
Keith Richards 滚石乐队吉他手 以毒瘾 酒精瘾和性瘾闻名
我在瓜达拉哈拉试过一次迷幻剂 I tried peyote once in Guadalajara.
了不起啊 我还在哈克尼区试过两次冰毒呢 Big deal, I did meth twice in Hackney.
好吧 其实是两次半 一言难尽 Well, two and a half times. It's complicated.
等等 妈妈 你知道Sam去康复中心的事情 Mum, wait, you knew Sam went to rehab?
我当然知道了 亲爱的 我是你妈啊 Of course I did, darling, I'm your mother.
那又怎样 每个人都去康复中心 这是新潮流 Anyway, everyone's in rehab, it's the new black.
什么是康复中心 What's rehab?
瘾君子的旅馆 Hotel for druggies.
但是 妈妈 我以为你当时是生病了 But, Mum, I thought you were sick.
我是生病了 小家伙 等会我再给你解释 I was, munchkin. I'll explain everything later.
你为什么不告诉我呢 我当时很需要你的鼓励啊 Why didn't you say you knew? I could have used your support.
因为她喜欢深藏不露 Because she loves keeping secrets.
她肯定也知道你在哥伦比亚吸可卡的事情 I'm sure she knows you did all the coke in Colombia too.
这是真的吗 That isn't true, is it?
- Ben - 可口可乐有什么问题吗 - Ben? - What's wrong with Coca-cola?
他们说的是可卡因 They're talking about cocaine.
- 天哪 Tiff - 又是从上学来的吗 - Jesus, Tiff! - Jeremy Kyle?
是<英国疯狂汽车秀> Top Gear.
这全是你的错 This is your fault!
我就知道你会搞砸一切的 I knew you'd find a way of screwing this day up!
我的错 又不是我把大家都邀请到这 My fault? I'm not the one that invited everyone here
来听你的隆重宣告的 to make a big announcement.
相信我 伙计 没有人关心你的床事 Trust me, mate, no-one cares that you're getting laid.
他这话什么意思 What's he talking about?
好吧 我不想以这样的方式让你们知道 但是 呃 Well, I didn't want everyone to find out like this, but, um...
我有女朋友了 I've been seeing someone.
她叫Veronica Her name's Veronica.
- 她会过来吗 - 今天不会 - Is she joining us? - Not today,
但是我想让大家有个心理准备 but I wanted to prepare everyone for the idea.
免得到时候大惊小怪 To avoid any dramas.
所以你是在情感上麻痹我们吗 真是你的典型作风 So you're emotionally fluffing us? That is so typical of you.
也太自我膨胀了 Your ego is so inflated
非得把所有事都弄得很盛大一样 you have to make a major event out of everything!
好吧 抱歉我以为这事情很重要 Well, excuse me if I thought this was important.
你忘了是你先离开我的吗 You're the one who left me, remember?
- 我想让咱俩走下去的 - 你当时要把我逼疯了 - I wanted to work things out. - You were driving me crazy!
我老婆给我戴绿帽子了 My wife's cheating on me!
- Errol Errol 你还好吧 - 噢 天哪 - Errol? Errol, are you all right? - Oh, my God!
他哮喘犯了 肯定是因为烟味 It's his asthma. It's the smoke.
我去拿它的吸入器 在我钱包里呢 I'll get his inhaler, it's in my bag.
好 Errol 你现在需要慢慢地深呼吸 OK, Errol, I need you to take deep, slow breaths for me.
行吗 伙计 深呼吸 OK, mate? Breathe...
这没用 It's not working!
我觉得这不是哮喘 应该是恐慌发作了 I don't think it's his asthma. I think it's a panic attack.
Errol 我需要你试着去想一些轻松的事 Errol, I need you to try and think of something relaxing.
*当你一路奔向厕所* *When you're going to the loo*
*裤子沾上可疑黄色* *And your pants are full of poo*
*腹泻君 腹泻君* *Diarrhoea, diarrhoea*
*当你向上攀爬梯子* *When you're climbing up a ladder*
*控制不住难耐便意* *And you're feeling something splatter*
*腹泻君 腹泻君* *Diarrhoea, diarrhoea*
*当你的胃开始抽搐* *When your stomach starts to hurt*
*迫切需要排除毒素* *And you need to squirt some dirt*
*腹泻君 腹泻君* *Diarrhoea, diarrhoea*
*当你悠悠坐在高山* *When you're sitting on a mountain*
*马上就要一泻千里* *And your bum becomes a fountain...*
*腹泻君 腹泻君* *Diarrhoea, diarrhoea*
*当你驾驶汽车飞驰* *When you're driving in your car*
*一眼仍然望不到家* *And your house is just too far*
*腹泻君 腹泻君* *Diarrhoea, diarrhoea*
Joan 我知道你认为我现在糟透了 Joan, I know you think I'm a mess,
而且有时候会崩溃 但我是个好妈妈 and I have my moments, but I am a good mum.
我知道 I know.
很抱歉之前发生的一切 And I'm sorry for earlier.
我有时候会太肆意 变成疯子母亲 I can get a bit "Mommy Dearest" When I'm let out of my cage.
我和Ben应该在第一时间向你坦白 Ben and I should have been straight with you from the start.
为了Roly 我们应该开诚布公的交流 We all really need to communicate better. For Roly's sake.
因为我想和你做朋友 Joan Because I would like to be friends, Joan.
亲爱的 我们不用成为朋友 We don't have to be friends, darling.
我们是家人 We're family!
再来点葡萄汁吗 More grape juice?
嘿 很抱歉我毁了你的烤肉 Look, um, I'm sorry I ruined your roast.
只是 你有那么酷的经历 It's just with all your cool stories and...
还有Roly对我的崇拜 The way Roly looks up to me?
不 只是嫉妒你的传奇故事而已 No, actually, just your cool stories.
- 你不知道吧 我有时也很嫉妒你 - 是吗 为什么 - You know I sometimes get jealous of you, right? - Really, why?
你能逗他开心 而且你们在音乐上很有默契 You make him laugh and you've got that whole music connection...
我一点音乐天赋都没有 I've got no musical talent whatsoever.
是啊 你是对的 Yeah, you're right.
我真是个了不起的舅舅啊 I suppose I am an unbelievably cool uncle.
是啊 Yeah.
是啊 有时英俊又聪明没啥了不起的 Yeah, I mean, sometimes being handsome and super intelligent isn't everything.
怎么样了 How did it go?
他需要点时间消化一下 He's going to need time to process.
他说要见一下他的叔叔和舅舅 He's asked to see his uncles.
你不知道我还有个纹身吧 Did you know I've got a tattoo?
我本来想给你看的 但是 I'd show it you, but it's in a...
位置比较尴尬 hard to reach place.
猜猜是什么纹身 Can you guess what it says?
"咪咪"两个字 而且乳头在口字旁里 "Boobs", with nipples inside the Os?
我倒是想呢 其实是"愿意和我一起约会吗 Dolores" I wish. No, it says, "Will you go out with me, Dolores?"
她是我大学认识的一个女生 She was a girl at uni.
我以为她会被我的献身精神所感动呢 I thought she'd be won over by my, um... dedication.
那她怎么说的 What did she say?
她在我把裤子提起来后 当着我的面嘲笑我 Well, she laughed in my face. After I pulled my trousers back up.
重点是 纹身一直都在 Point is, that thing is going nowhere.
就像我们一样 Just like us.
虽然 你爸爸会开始和其他人约会 And, sure, your dad might be seeing a new bird,
但他还是你的爸爸 你妈也还是你妈 but he's still your dad, and your mum's still your mum,
不知出于什么原因 他们都很爱你 and they both love you. For some weird reason.
你Andy舅舅想说的是 What your Uncle Andy's trying to say is,
如果你需要倾诉 你知道该打给谁 if you ever need anyone to talk to, you know who to call.
- 当然是我啦 - 当然是我啦 - Me. - Me.
你确定针头是消过毒的吗 Did you make sure the needle was sterilised?
因为纹身可能会让你染上肝炎的 Because you know you can catch hepatitis from a tattoo.
别担心那个了 Yeah, don't worry about that.
我把它消过毒 烤过火 煮过水 I had it bleached, burnt and boiled.
谢谢你俩 Thanks, guys.
做得好 兄弟 Nice job, man.
是啊 Yeah.
我绝对是他的最爱 I'm definitely his favourite.
呃 Mm...
- 奶奶 - 怎么了 宝贝 - Gingin? - Yes, darling?
之前你说过爸爸妈妈的婚礼是十二年前 Earlier you said Mum and Dad's wedding was 12 years ago,
但是我已经十二岁半了 but I'm 12 and a half.
这怎么可能呢 How does that work?
噢 印度脆饼 Ooh, poppadoms!
歌曲为 I Am Kloot的
*若没有你* *Who am I*
*我会如何* *Without you?*
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