翻译: Sherry FENGYUDEER 可爱多
你最近怎么样 So... How are you doing?
不错 共同监护权还挺好的 Yeah. Shared custody isn't that bad, really.
校对: 脑残画家乖安宝 神经诗人怪查理
爸爸妈妈的心情也好很多了 Mum and Dad are in better moods now.
后期: 怪查理
噢 我还做了新的日程表 Oh, I made a new schedule.
好吧 Oh, yeah.
压制: 怪查理
很开心见到你 It's good seeing you.
是嘛 Yeah.
总监: 怪查理
背景音乐为英国民谣天才Jake Bugg的
随你便 Whatever...
废柴舅舅
第二季 第一集
电波诚译
一 年 后
总有一天 我会真的死掉 One of these days I'm going to be dead for real,
而你根本无法正确应对 and you won't respond appropriately!
你甚至没来检测我的生命迹象 You didn't even check my vitals.
你听过狼来了的故事吗 Have you ever heard of the boy who cried wolf?
他只是想让村里人时刻警惕狼群的袭击 He was preparing his village for imminent wolf attacks.
就因为他们没防备 一个小孩被狼撕碎了 As a result of gross negligence, a child was torn limb-from-limb!
你不觉得都是他自找的嘛 He had it coming though, didn't he?
噢 要死啦 搞什么 Oh, shit! Come on!
我玩够游戏了 I'm tired of playing video games.
可咱俩一直都这样啊 But that's what we do.
你过来找我 然后我们一起打游戏 You come over here and we play games.
这就是我们的日常啊 That's our thing.
没错 是过去一年的日常 Yeah, for the last year.
今年不能换点新鲜的吗 Can't we try a new "Thing?"
填字游戏怎么样 How about puzzles?
去他妈的填字 快点 打开嘛 Oh, fuck puzzles. Go on, switch it back on.
没劲 我回爸爸那里了 I'm bored, I'm going to Dad's.
等等 好吧 对不起 Wait, look, I'm sorry.
我只是被那份烂工作搞的很心烦 I'm just cranky 'cause of my shit job.
那你为什么不辞职 Why don't you just quit?
不能辞 辞职拿不到遣散费 I can't quit. If I quit I don't get severance.
我想让老板炒了我 I've tried getting fired.
我把整个走道上摆的地毯的标签 I relabelled the whole aisle of carpets
全换成了"婴儿屎棕色" 没一个人发现 "Baby shit brown", and nobody noticed.
我也很抱歉 限制令什么的实在是 I'm sorry too. This whole restraining order's just really...
如骨鲠在喉 Getting on your tits?
总是偷偷摸摸的 都害我起疹子了 All this sneaking around has given me a rash.
我戒了咖啡 所以肯定不是咖啡因造成的 I've cut out caffeine so I know it's not that.
我们为什么不让你爸把限制令撤掉呢 Well, why don't we ask your dad to drop the restraining order?
他现在肯定没那么生气了 I'm sure he's cooled down by now.
你想得美 Oh, you think?
有一次我跟他说我不喜欢他做的饭 Once I told him I didn't like his cooking
他气得一周没和我说话 and he didn't talk to me for a week!
好吧 那我们就这样 Fine. Then I guess we'll have to
守着这个秘密过完余生吧 keep this secret for the rest of our lives.
把电源打开 打盘游戏冷静一下 Switch it back on and let's have a game!
我有更好的主意 I've got a better idea.
咱们写首歌吧 Let's write a song!
我刚才好像在哪看到有填字游戏 I think I did see a puzzle round here somewhere.
来吧 你上次正经写出曲子是什么时候 Come on. When was the last time you wrote a really cracking tune?
自从上次唱片公司那首歌之后 咱俩就没再合作过 We haven't done anything together since, since Rage Records.
对 我正在让灵感慢慢渗透我的大脑 Yeah. I'm just kind of letting some ideas percolate at the moment.
不是吧 你是说 你这一年一首歌都没写过吗 No. Are you telling me you haven't written a song in a year?
- 你遇到创作瓶颈了 - 我才没有瓶颈 - You've got writer's block! - I don't have writer's block!
- 这没什么 海明威也遇到过瓶颈 - 是吗 - It's OK. Hemmingway had writer's block. - Really?
- 他怎么解决的 - 他饮弹自尽了 - What did he do about it? - He shot himself.
Andy Andy?!
要死 是我妈妈 怎么办啊 Shit! It's Mum. What are we going to do?
告诉她吧 她不会有意见的 Let's tell her. She'll be cool.
可是如果我爸发现她知情不报 Yeah, but if Dad finds out that she knew
他不会原谅她的 he'll never forgive her.
- 好吧 从窗户爬出去 - 呃 才不要 - Fine. Climb out the window then. - Er, no.
我要去警察局告发你 I'm reporting you to the police.
- 为什么 - 因为你是个不尽职的弟弟 - Why? - For being a neglectful brother.
明天我就要见我第一个客户了 I have my first client tomorrow.
怎么会有人让我当他们的治疗师 Why would anyone let ME be their therapist?!
他们知道我的黑历史吗 I mean, do they know my history?
而且 你看 看 And, look, look...
我天生一张婊子脸 I have bitchy resting face.
我可做不到 听那些疯子们的操蛋问题 I can't listen to crazy people's fucked-up problems
还保持面不改色 and keep my bitchy face neutral.
对 赶紧的 跟我讲点骇人听闻 Right, quick, just tell me something horrible.
没人知道的事 Something nobody knows.
前几天我碾死了一只鸽子 I ran over a pigeon the other day.
再黑暗点 Darker.
我在地铁站的厕所撸了一管 I had a wank in a Tube station toilet.
当时隔壁间有个流浪汉在哭 There was a homeless man crying in the cubicle next to mine.
那也阻挡不了我 更诡异的是 That didn't stop me. In a weird way,
我觉得那让我更性奋了 if anything, I think it helped.
- 我现在表情如何 - 看着跟便秘了似的 - How am I doing? - You look constipated.
我完蛋了 你的故事是瞎编的 对吧 God I'm screwed. That story didn't really happen did it?
对 那鸽子好着呢 No, the pigeon's fine.
什么声音 What was that?
呃 我约了女孩来家里 叫Lola Er, I have a girl over. Lola.
看来某人的干涸期要一炮结束了 Looks like someone's dry spell ended with a "Bang."
让她出来呗 跟姐姐见见面 Get her out here. Let's meet the old gal.
算了 她很内向 No! She's very shy.
这是Roly的书包吧 Is this Roly's bag?
对 是这样 我太想他了 Yes. I mean, I miss him
所以去买了个和他一样的书包 and I went out and I bought a bag that's exactly like his.
每当我感到孤单的时候 我就看着这包 So whenever I'm feeling lonely I can just look at it
假装他就在这里 and imagine he's here.
这真是我听过最悲伤的事了 过来 That is the saddest thing I've ever heard. Come here.
希望能让你好受点 我知道他也很想你 If it makes it any easier, I know he misses you too.
好了 跟Lola玩得开心 Right. Have fun with Lola.
回见 Bye.
明天见 Lola See you tomorrow, Lola.
再见啦 地铁撸管男 Until next time, Tube wanker.
不 我觉得你穿着一点都不显胖 No, I don't think you look fat in it at all.
- 就算有肉也是长在该长的地方 - 爸爸 你在家吗 - Well, only in the good parts... - Dad, are you home?
噢 亲爱的 我得挂了 Errol回来了 Oh, sweetie, I'd better go, Errol's home.
不 我更爱你 更爱你 拜 No, I love you more. Love you more. Bye.
抱歉 回来有点晚 Sorry I was a bit late.
我只是待在学校把作业写完了 I was just finishing off my homework at school.
- 苦命学生狗嘛 - 养成习惯了啊 - No rest for the wicked. - This has become a habit.
如果你不在家里写作业 What's the point in calling it "Homework"
那叫它"家庭作业"的意义何在呢 if you're not doing it at home?
好梗 爸爸 Good one, Dad!
呃 爸爸 能问你点事吗 Erm, Dad, can I ask you something?
是说鸡肉吗 Is it the chicken?
抱歉 我知道你对微波炉辐射的看法 Sorry, I know your feelings on microwave radiation,
- 可是我没时间用烤箱做 - 没事 - I didn't have time to cook it in the oven. - No, no, no.
- 挺好的 不用担心这个 - 那就好 - It's fine. Don't worry about it. - Good.
那你想问什么 Now, what did you want to ask?
呃 能把盐递给我吗 谢谢 Erm, can you pass the salt, please?
*我在这 房间中* *Here I am, in a room*
*此处是 我住处* *That's where I live*
*隔壁有佳人 芳名芭芭拉* *Next door lives a woman named Barbara*
*她爱美味的 卡巴烤肉啦* *She likes a good doner kebabera.*
喔 嗷啊 Oh! Oh, argh!
需要纸巾吗 Would you like a tissue?
嘘 Shh...
对 Yeah...
你好 Belle 请进 Ah, hello, Belle, do come in.
坐吧 Just take a seat.
很好 嗯 Brilliant. Hmm...
我从你妈妈那里听说了一些事 So I've got a little history from your mum,
但现在只有我们俩 我很愿意听你自己说说 but this is your space, so I'd love to hear, hear from you.
我知道饮食失调症很糟心 I know that eating disorders can be very challenging.
- 我没有饮食失调症 - 好吧 吃饭不规律 - I don't have an eating disorder. - Well, disordered eating, behaviour.
对食物情感复杂 Complex feelings towards food
还有羞愧 希望我们可以克服这些 and shame which, hopefully, we can work on through these...
- 我没有饮食失调症 - 问题 你没 - I don't have an eating disorder. - .. sessions. You do not...
你没有饮食失调症 You do not have an eating disorder.
Andy Andy?
你在干嘛呢 What are you doing?
乳酪色胖屁股
如果你想解雇我 我理解 I understand if you want to fire me.
为什么解雇你 这很搞笑啊 Why would I fire you? That, that is like totally hilarious.
你应该多改点 顾客们肯定喜欢 You should do more of these. Customers'll love it.
"胖屁股" "Rich Butt."
没有抓痕也不臭就好 Just as well it isn't scratch and sniff!
- 不错 - 嗨 你好 - It's good. - Hi, there. Hi.
我和我老婆 我们在找适合家庭录音室的地毯 Er, me and my wife, we're looking for some carpet for our home recording studio.
我们想要CBGB和All Saints的混合风格 We're thinking a sort of CBGBs meets like All Saints vibe so...
CBGB 纽约传奇朋克摇滚俱乐部 All Saints 英国流行音乐女子组合
等一下 我认识你 对吧 Hang on, don't I know you?
不 不 我从没见过你 No. No, I've never seen you before.
你想找什么颜色 What colour are you looking for?
容我为你推荐一下乳酪色 Can I interest you in a rich buttermilk?
噢 我想起来了 Oh, I've got it!
你是那个在我咖啡店门口卖艺的家伙 You're that guy who was busking outside my coffee bar.
不是我 抱歉 我没啥音乐细胞 Not me. Sorry. Haven't got a musical bone in my body.
相信我 伙计 那家伙也是 Trust me, mate, neither did this guy.
他只是站在那 扯着嗓子喊 He just stood there shouting
"一人幸免" "One survivor!"
是"无人幸免" It was, "No Survivors!"
所以说 就是你嘛 So, it was you!
看来你找了份正经工作 See you've got yourself a real job.
我还在继续音乐之路 Well, I'm still doing music.
噢 Oh!
你不可能全都兼顾的 Well, you can't win 'em all!
你最近在做什么了不起的事呢 Well, what are you doing lately that's so great?
没什么 除了又开两家咖啡馆分店 Nothing. Apart from opening two more branches of the coffee bar.
我的乐队录制了第一张唱片 My band just recorded our first album,
再过不久 索尼就要发行了 Sony's putting that out later this month.
还在筹备给新单曲拍摄MV的事宜 About to start shooting the music video for our new single.
这个你会喜欢 And you'll like this...
<卫报>选了我们的迷你专辑作为一周精选 The Guardian chose our EP as their Pick of the Week.
我记得介绍写的是"白热化" I believe the quote was, "White hot".
"如果冲撞乐队和卡萨比安乐队生个孩子" "If The Clash and Kasabian made a baby..."
冲撞乐队 前朋克时期具有开创意义的英国乐队 卡萨比安乐队 英国著名摇滚乐队
也就这样了 你怎么样 But that's it, what about you?
*扎你 戳你 你是世界第一混蛋* *Prick you, prick. You're a prick, prick, prick!*
*糊你一脸鸡巴 看你摆出屌样* *Got a prick for a face and a face for a prick!*
*吐你 呕你 你个傻逼让我恶心* *Sick, sick well you make me sick.*
*愿你滚得远远 因为人家怕怕* *I wish you'd go away 'cause I find you intimidating...*
狗屁 Shit!
我做不到 I couldn't do it.
他太脆弱了 He's just too vulnerable,
就像垃圾桶里的弃婴似的 like one of those babies you find in bins.
我陷入创作瓶颈了 I've got writer's block.
你听到我刚才说的话了吗 Were you listening to what I was just saying?
是 他是个弃婴 现在帮我写歌 Yeah, he's a bin baby. Now help me write a song.
除非你帮我跟爸爸讲 Not until you help me speak to Dad.
我们写首相关的歌吧 I know, let's write a song about it.
这主意好 That's a great idea!
*限制令* *Restraining order!*
*限制我的幸福 贱人* *Don't take away my happiness you bitch*
怎么 太过了吗 What? Too much?
我可以改成"大人" 不咋地但也押韵 I mean I could say, "Witch". It's not as good but it rhymes.
- 也许我该给我爸写封信 - 小妞才写信 - Maybe I should just write a letter. - Letters are for pussies.
俗话说"言辞恳切之信 蕴含万钧之力" They say, "A great letter has the strength of 1,000 punches."
那是丫头片子说的 Yeah, a pussy said that.
一起出现在这种公共场所 Aren't you worried about being out in public like this,
你不怕别人看到我们吗 someone could see us?
这个社区没事 Not in this neighbourhood.
遇到熟人的几率实在是 I mean the chances of seeing someone...
操 是Bruce 躲下面 Shit, it's Bruce. Get down.
- 嗨 - Andy - Hey! - Andy?
Bruce 你跑这来干什么 Bruce, what are you doing in these parts?
才搬到这里 Just moved around the corner.
在附近转转 收集餐馆的菜单 Going around collecting the local menus.
你怎么搬到这儿来了 Why do you want to move round here?
怎么 你老婆把你扫地出门还是咋的啦 What's the matter, your wife kicked you out or something?
其实吧 就是这样 Actually, yeah.
我和Claire正在办离婚 Me and Claire's getting a divorce.
这年头 大家都离婚 到处都是 Everyone's getting divorced these days. They're everywhere.
就跟三月临近复活节时吉百利的奶油彩蛋似的 They're like Cadbury's Creme Eggs in March.
你过得怎么样 How's it going with you?
不错 正在写新歌呢 Yeah. Cranking out the hits.
Errol的事 真为你难过 Sorry about the whole Errol thing.
没啥的 小屁孩只会妨碍我 Not fussed really. Kid was cramping my style.
嗷 Ugh!
痔疮犯了 Haemorrhoids.
有人陪你啊 You have company?
我是来跟Lola相亲的 她一直在厕所里不出来 Blind date. Lola. She's been in the toilet for ages.
不过她说第一天是姨妈最汹涌的时候 But she says the first day is her heaviest flow.
那就不打扰你们了 对了 帮我跟Sam问好 Better leave you to it. Oh, and say, "Hi" To Sam for me.
好的 Yep.
Tiffany说她妈妈跟一个男理发师出轨了 Tiffany said her mum cheated on him with a male hairdresser.
真伤人 就像一个素食者偷了你的热狗一样 Ouch! That's like a vegan stealing your hot dog.
我点的是荷包蛋 不是炒蛋 Oh, I ordered poached eggs, not scrambled.
炒蛋没有明显的边界 Scrambled eggs don't have definitive borders.
- 那就说出来啊 - 算了 没事的 - Then say something. - No, it's fine.
如果你现在不捍卫自己 Look, if you don't speak up for yourself now,
你就一辈子都要忍气吞声 you'll never speak up for yourself.
就会变得和隐形人一样 没人在乎 I know what will it be, you're just going to be invisible.
我不介意变成隐形人啊 I don't mind being invisible.
那样我就能神不知鬼不觉地溜进科学博物馆 I could sneak into the Science Museum without anyone noticing.
你能隐身之后就打算干这事儿 That's what you'd do with invisibility?
是啊 怎么了 那你会做什么 Yeah. What, what would you do?
这不重要 It doesn't matter.
听着 如果你都不敢告诉服务员他上错菜了 Look, if you don't tell that waiter that he got your order wrong,
那更不可能有勇气去对抗你爸爸了 then how do you expect to stand up to your dad?
不好意思 Excuse me.
嗨 呃 Jeremy Hi, er, Jeremy.
呃 我点的是荷包蛋 但上的是炒蛋 Erm, I ordered poached eggs, these appear to be scrambled.
- 我帮你换一份 - 不用了 Jeremy - I'll get 'em changed. - No, Jeremy,
你没抓住重点 you're missing the point.
如果我点菜的时候你认真听了 If you'd been listening when I ordered,
我们就不用这么麻烦了 we wouldn't find ourselves in this mess.
在很多文化中 能提供良好的服务是一门艺术 The craft of good service is an art in many cultures.
Jeremy 你有可能成为一名艺术家 You could be an artist, Jeremy.
所以请对你的工作怀揣点自豪感 好吗 So how about you take a little pride in your job, hm?
抱歉 先生 Sorry, sir.
不要道歉 要改善 Don't be sorry. Be better.
怎么样 How was that?
忽然觉得写信的主意挺好的 Maybe you should just write a litter.
这怎么能有帮助 How's this going to help?
你得净化你的头脑和身体 好让自信回归 You need to detox your mind and body to get your confidence back.
我自信得很 前几天我还骑自行车来着 I'm confident! I went on a Boris bike the other day.
你知道边骑车边拗造型有多难吗 Do you know how hard it is to look cool on those things?
你的想象力被困住了 我们要释放它 Your imagination's in a rut and we're going to free it.
那不就是喝酒的意义吗 That's what alcohol's for!
高反式脂肪酸 高钠盐 高糖 High in trans-fat. High in sodium. High in sugar.
你一周锻炼几次 How often do you get exercise per week?
拜托 我的身体自己能运作好 Please, this body takes care of itself.
无锻炼 Zero exercise...
别别 别扔烟啊 No, no, not the cigarettes.
说一个抽烟的好处 Name one good thing about smoking?
让我看起来很帅 It makes me look cool?
高糖 高 High in sugar. High in...
我就是很嗨(高) I was just high.
排便规律吗 Do you get regular bowel movements?
排便跟这些有啥关系啊 What's that got to do with anything?!
排便不规律 Irregular BMs.
你最后一次跟女人亲热是什么时候 When was the last time you were intimate with a lady?
绅士才不会说这个 Now, a gentleman never tells.
8个月23天前 行了吧 Eight months and 23 days, all right?
就这么多问题了 That completes the questionnaire.
我会给你准备一份饮食锻炼养生法 I'll prepare a food and exercise regimen for you.
与此同时 戒烟戒酒 And in the meantime, no drinking or smoking,
戒快餐 戒任何形式的性行为 fast food or any sexual activity of any kind.
这能让你精神集中 It keeps the mind focused.
我集中得很 现在来打电游吧 I'm focused. Now let's play video games?
- 你干嘛啦 - 清除干扰源 - What are you doing? - Eliminating distractions.
别没收我的游戏机 我需要它 Don't take my PlayStation, I need it!
要它做什么 For what?
陪我 Company.
不要啊 No!
爸爸 你是个好人 但是我觉得 Look, Dad, you're a great guy but I think
是时候你该废话少说 然后撤掉限制令了 it's about time that you cut the crap and drop the restraining order.
抱歉我说了"废话" 只是 I'm sorry I said "Crap" It's just...
我 我有点激动了 I'm, well, I'm a bit worked up.
排练棒棒哒 Good dry run.
- 咋啦 - 她整整一小时都没跟我说话 - What?! - She didn't speak to me for an hour!
肯定是我脸太臭了 还是我的嗓音太尖了 It must be my face, or is it my voice, is it too high?
我抽起烟来声音好听一些 你觉得呢 Oh, I sounded better when I was smoking. What do you think?
我写不出歌来 我大脑一片空白 I can't write a song. I'm empty inside.
这还用你说 I could have told you that.
真是帮了我大忙啊 专业治疗师 Big help, Miss professional therapist.
你知道你需要什么吗 You know what you need?
十二步疗法中的第九步 Step nine of the 12 step programme,
和被你伤害过的人和好 making amends with all the people you've wronged.
为啥要做这个 And why would I do that?
因为你的潜意识已经被内疚淹没 Because your subconscious is overwhelmed with the burden of guilt
然后影响了你的才华涌出 and it's blocking your creative flow.
你说的对 You're right.
你的嗓音确实很讨厌 Your voice is annoying.
但是你爱我 But you love me.
还冲撞乐队和卡萨比安呢 Clash and Kasabian!
打扰了 请问能帮个忙吗 Excuse me. I was wondering if you could help?
没看老子正忙呢吗 Can't you see I'm busy!
Andy 到我办公室来 Andy. My office. Now.
我想说 I just want to say
不管你做出什么决定 我都尊重你 I totally respect you for what you're about to do.
我准备好了 来吧 I'm ready. Give it to me.
Andy 刚才你的首创行为让我很震惊 Andy, that was a totally shocking display of initiative.
那些老傻逼瞎逛了三周都没买东西 Those craggy arseholes have been window shopping for three weeks.
你向他们展现了我们只接待认真客人的理念 You just showed them that we only deal with serious customers.
Andy 我想给你升职 Andy, I'd like to offer you a promotion.
你愿意当兄弟地毯的初级经理吗 How would you like to be Carpet Brothers' new Junior Manager?
- 呃 - 我知道你在想什么 - Er... - I know what you're thinking.
"我很乐意 Roopesh "That's very nice, Roopesh,
但薪酬方面有何改善呢" but how does that translate money-wise?"
一小时加两镑五怎么样 Well, how does 2.50 extra an hour sound?
厚脸皮啊 好吧给你加三镑 All right, 3pounds , cheeky.
不过不能再高了 行吗 But, you know, I can't go any higher. Do we have a deal, Andy?
- 呃 好 - 太好了 - Er, yes? - Great.
这笔送货单就交给你当庆祝了 初级经理 There's a delivery for you to celebrate, Mr Junior Manager!
- 有人吗 - 我在楼上 直接上来吧 - Hello...? - I'm upstairs. Go straight through.
"戒酒" "No alcohol."
"戒烟" "No smoking."
你还真是不把自己当外人啊 By all means, help yourself.
噢 嗨 我是来给Connaught太太送货的 Oh, erm... Hi, I've got a delivery for Mrs Connaught.
你想放在哪里 Where do you want this?
我看见你偷我的烟了 I saw you pilfer my cigarettes.
我不是偷 我是在帮助你 I wasn't pilfering, you know, I was helping.
每吸一根烟会少活15分钟 You know, each one of them is 15 minutes off your life.
我帮你多活了1小时呢 I've just saved you an hour.
那可是两集<衰姐们>的时间 That's two episodes of Girls
衰姐们 HBO剧集 讲述四个住在纽约的女孩的故事
或者一集<质询时间> 随你选 or one episode of Question Time. Take your pick.
质询时间 英国一档政府官员回答群众提问的节目
我应该给你上司打电话开除你 I should call your boss right now and have you sacked.
不过我不爱告密 I'm not a snitch, though.
这真丑陋不堪 That is hideous.
是啊 你能签 Yeah. I mean, if you could just sign...
你觉得我会签收吗 What makes you think I'm signing that?
你不要地毯了吗 You don't want the rug?
你觉得我多大 说实话 How old do you think I am? Be honest.
- 52吗 - 诚实过头了 - 52? - Less honest.
- 43吗 - 45岁 - 43? - 45.
你觉得老女人有魅力吗 Do you find older women attractive...
- Andy - 呃 - Andy? - Erm...
"戒性行为" 'No sexual activity!'
有时候吧 Sometimes.
我觉得邋遢蓝领送货男也很有吸引力 I feel the same about slovenly blue-collar delivery men.
你经常在家等送货吗 Do you get a lot of deliveries?
我可是奥凯多年度最佳顾客 Let's just say I was voted Ocado's Customer of the Year.
奥凯多 英国著名B2C零售商
现在我要上楼洗个澡 Now. I'm going upstairs to run a bath.
你来吗 Are you coming?
禁止性行为 No sex!
*老女人 老女人 老女人* *Older lady, Older lady, Older lady*
*她风韵犹存* *She like gravy.*
*老老老老老女人* *Older-older-older-older-older lady.*
*老老老女人* *Older-older-older lady!*
靠 Shit!
有必要这样吗 Is this really necessary?
显然 除非我跟我伤害过的人"和好" Well, apparently I can't write another song
否则我就再也写不出歌了 until I, "Make amends" With the people I've hurt.
这是第九步啊 You're doing step nine, aren't you?
跳过前八步直接进行第九步有用吗 It only works if you've done steps one through eight?
还是值得一试 It's worth a try.
做好准备 Now prepare yourself.
里面会有些愤怒的成年人 There's going to be some pretty angry adults in there
还会爆粗口 and there may be some bad language.
见到我很高兴 这他妈什么意思 What do you fucking mean, it's nice to see me?
太久没见了 我真有点想你了 It's been so long, I almost missed you.
只是有点 你搞出来的那些破事还挺有意思的 Almost. You brought an entertaining chaos to my life.
好笑 Good one.
废话少说 赶紧进入你抓住我的蛋蛋 Now skip to the part where you grab me by the balls
然后威胁要撕碎它们的环节吧 and threaten to tear my nuts off.
然后塞进菊花里 And use them as suppositories!
就是 举个例子 I mean, for example.
抱歉 我不感兴趣 Sorry. I just can't be arsed.
能帮我递一下闪光片吗 Could you pass me the glitter please?
噢Gwen 给点回应吧 Oh, Gwen? Give me something.
- 骂我无耻混蛋 - 或者臭屌丝 - Call me a useless prick... - Or an odious troglodyte?
Andy 爸爸是对的 我都差不多一年没你的消息了 Dad's right, Andy. I've barely heard from you in about, a year,
除了你更新的状态 apart from your status updates.
- 兄弟地毯真的有那么烂吗 - 没错 - Is Carpet Brothers really that much of a shithole? - Yes!
你一定心里对我有气的吧 You've got to be furious with me about something.
我是世界上最差劲的男朋友 I was the worst boyfriend in the world.
别抬举自己了 Don't flatter yourself.
听着 已经过去那么久了 我都放下了 Look, it's been a while and I've cooled off.
更何况我们还是有过美好时光的 Plus, we had some fun times.
噢 拜托不要在我最需要别人揍我的时候 Oh, please don't tell me on the one day that I need it
玩什么原谅放下的戏吗 nobody wants to take a swing at me.
噢哥们 我很乐意揍你一顿 Oh, mate, I'll gladly do the job.
噢 你还在啊 Oh! You're still around?
- 他在这干啥 - 我们聊得很愉快 - What's he doing here? - We're having a nice chat.
不要让你那漂亮的小脑袋为我们操心了 Don't worry your pretty, little head about it.
是啊 毕竟脑容量有限 别累着了 Yeah, we wouldn't want to tax that brain cell.
你确定要挑衅吗 You sure you want to start this?
他们让你在储藏室干活啊 I see they've got you working the store room.
怎么了 动物试验不缺牲口吗 What's the matter? Animal testing not hiring?
Andy只是过来为他之前做的蠢事道歉的 Andy, just popped by to apologise for all of his stupid behaviour.
我可没说蠢 Well, I never said stupid.
- 这还用你说 - 怎么没和我道歉 - Oh, it's a given. - So where's my apology?
我知道你就是那个在我乐队 I know you were the one who wrote
的视频主页留言"Casper鸡鸡超小"的家伙 "Casper has a Lego piece dick" On my band's YouTube page.
喂 你最好别在网上欺负我男朋友 Hey, you'd better not be cyberbullying my boyfriend.
不是我啊 I never wrote that!
是吗 还有谁的网名是"Andy世界第一屌"吗 Really? Someone else has the username Andyisthedogsbollocks82?
我和他说了不要直接跳到第九步 Well, I told him he shouldn't have skipped steps one to eight.
有什么你愿意和我说的吗 Belles 什么都行 Is there anything you'd like to share today, Belles? Anything?
这是属于你的时间 This is your time.
只想说我妈逼我来真是太贱了 Just that my mum's a bitch for making me come here.
那么 你觉得她为什么让你来这呢 And why, why do you think she wants you to come here?
会不会是因为她真的很担心你呢 Do you think she might be worried about you?
你真的想听我说 You really want to get into this?
好吧 All right...
我不吃东西 I don't eat
是因为这是唯一一件我妈没法逼我做的事 because food is the one thing my mother can't control.
她不关心我这些问题 She's not interested in my problems,
所以她只想把我扔给你 so she wants to farm them off on you
等我回家时就治好变乖了 and have me come home all fixed.
她不想要我变好 只想要我听话 She doesn't want me better, she just wants me obedient.
父母真是操蛋啊 是吧 Fucking parents, right?
只能听进你说他们想听的话 Only listen when you tell them what they want to hear.
很好 Belle This is great, Belle.
我希望能帮你找个更健康的方法解决这一切 And I want to help you find a healthy way to process this
而不是伤害自己的身体 that doesn't involve you harming your body.
你连正式的心理医生都算不上 对不 You're not even a real therapist, are you?
你还是个实习生 想攒实习时间而已 You're one of those trainees, trying to get their hours in.
跟我的这一小时你感觉如何 How's this hour going for you?
- 这不是你的错 - 什么 - It's not your fault. - Excuse me?
这不是你的错 It's not your fault.
你是在用<心灵捕手>的台词吗 Are you Good Will Hunting me?
时间到了 That's us.
进展不错 That was good.
- 他没准忙着呢 - 他只是在家报税 - He's probably busy. - He's at home doing his taxes.
对啊 永远都别插手一个男人和他的税单 Exactly. Never get between a man and his taxes.
税什么的我都算好了 他就是填填文件 I did all the calculations, he's doing the paperwork.
猴子都能做的 来吧 拜托了 你答应过的 A monkey could do it. Come on, please. You promised.
喂 Hello?
- 喂 你是谁 - Andy 是你吗 - Er, Yes. Who is this? - Andy? Is that you?
- 我是Ben - Ben 请问你是哪位Ben - It's Ben. - Ben? Which Ben am I talking to?
你的前姐夫 Ben Your ex-brother-in-law, Ben.
那个Ben啊 你好 Yeah, that Ben. Hi!
- 找我什么事 - 是你给我打的电话 - Erm... How can I help you? - You called me?
噢 是 对的 是我打的 Oh, yeah. That's right. I did.
我就是想问你一下 Yeah, I just wanted to ask you,
你报税还顺利不 how are you getting along with your taxes?
你怎么知道我在报税 How do you know I'm doing my taxes?
因为2004年我在格拉斯顿堡喝过迷幻药 Because I took acid at Glastonbury in 2004
自那以后我一直有点通灵的能力 再见 and ever since then i've been a little bit psychic. Bye!
好了 你不能再说我们没试过了 Well, you can't say we didn't try.
- 我觉得有首歌要呼之欲出了 - 不 给他打回去 - I feel a song coming along. - No, call him back.
把吉他还给我 我这不是瞎闹 Give me back my axe. I am not messing around.
你会一直有创作瓶颈 除非你让他取消限制令 You'll have writer's block until you tell him to drop the restraining order.
才不会 看好了 I do not. Check this out.
*创作瓶颈 创作瓶颈 大爷看你是否皮紧* *Writer's block, writer's block i'm going to come and do your lock*
*创作瓶颈 创作瓶颈 给爷舔舔爷的大* *Writer's block, writer's block you can suck my big fat...*
我烂爆了 I'm shit!
我对她说了<心灵捕手>的台词 I Good Will Hunting-ed her.
我接受过所有训练 I've had all this training
结果就顶多想起Ben Affleck和Matt Damon写的烂台词 and the best I could do was a cheesy line by Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.
Ben Affleck和Matt Damon <心灵捕手>的编剧
- 听说台词其实不是他们写的 - 我要抽烟 - I heard they didn't write that. - I need a cigarette.
- 我以为你戒了 - 我不戒了 烟在哪儿 - I thought you quit. - I'm unquitting. Where are they?
- 我没有 - 骗子 我知道你藏在哪儿 - I don't have any. - Liar. I know where you hide them.
- Andy 让开 - 你绝对想不到我之前遇到谁了 - Andy, move. - You'll never guess who I bumped into the other day?
- Bruce 他向你问好 - 真不错 快让开 - Bruce. He says, "Hello." - That's great. Get out of the way.
- 不行 Lola在浴室里面 - 我听不到水声 - I can't! Lola's in the shower. - I can't hear any water.
Lola 你好 我是Sam Andy的姐姐 我能进来一下吗 Lola? Hi! It's Sam, Andy's sister. Can I come in please?
不行 抱歉 我没穿衣服 我露胸露点露全了 No! Sorry. I'm naked. I've boobs and everything.
她是波兰人 有点保守 Polish. Bit of a prude.
你把浴帘拉上就行 我进来了 Just use the shower curtain then. I'm coming in.
- Sam - 哈 我就知道 - Sam - Ha! I knew it.
妈妈 住手 Mum! No!
Errol 收拾好东西上车去 Errol, get your things and get in the car.
马上 Now!
Sam Sam...
啊 Sam Ugh! Sam!
天哪 Errol Jesus, Errol.
你不能随着自己的性子去无视你爸爸的决定 You can't go undermining every decision that your dad makes that you don't agree with.
Andy可能会因为这个惹上大麻烦的 Andy could get in a lot of trouble over this.
至于你爸 他只是想保护你 用他自己的方法 And your dad, he's just trying to protect you, in his own way.
他只是希望你平安 He just wants you to be safe
安宁 听话 and quiet and obedient
还有 .. and...
噢 要死 Oh, shit!
这不是新上任的初级经理吗 你的制服呢 Well, if it isn't our new Junior Manager. Where's your uniform?
等等 你这是在搞周五随意着装吗 好主意 Oh wait, you're starting casual Fridays? That's a brilliant idea.
Roopesh 我很感激你为我所做的一切 Roopesh, I appreciate everything you've tried to do for me.
但是我真的不适合在这工作 It's just that something's not quite working out here.
是职工自动贩卖机的原因吗 Is this about the employee vending machine?
我保证一定修好 最近事情有点乱 I promise, I'll get that fixed. It's just been mayhem.
不 不是那个 是因为我想辞 No. It's not that. It's just that I qui...
- 能稍等我一下吗 - 好的 - Can you give me a minute? - Yeah.
不是我的主意 他自己来的 怎么也赶不走 It wasn't my idea. He just started coming over and I couldn't get rid of him.
Andy 闭嘴 好了 这事儿我们这么办 Andy. Shut up. Right. Here's how we're going to do this.
我会假装对你们的事情一无所知 I'm going to pretend like I know nothing about your arrangement
而且永不再提起这件事 and we are never going to speak of this again
但是你要向我保证 but you have to promise me something.
- 永远别被Ben发现 清楚没 - 清楚了 - Ben must never find out about this. Understood? - Yeah.
- 好的 - 很好 - Yes. - Good.
- 这颜色真的叫坚果(蛋蛋)奶油色 - 真的 - Is that really called Nut Cream? - Yeah.
- Ben在那儿 - 什么 - Ben's here. - What?
- 躲起来 - 天呐 - Hide! - Oh, Jesus.
Ben 好久不见 我来给你介绍个超正的波斯货吧 Ben! Long time no see. Can I interest you in a fine Persian?
是地毯 不是波斯妞儿 A rug, not a person.
- 你一定觉得我是个彻头彻尾的傻瓜 - 呃 开玩笑的 - You must think I'm a total fucking idiot. - Er, it's a joke.
拜托 不能贩卖人口的 那是违法的 Hello, you can't sell people, that is illegal.
又称为非法交易 Also known as trafficking.
你知道我在报税的唯一途径 The only way you could have known I was doing my taxes
就是Errol告诉你的 was if Errol told you.
或者 Errol告诉了Sam 然后Sam告诉了我 Or, if Errol told Sam and Sam told me.
她是我姐 我们会聊天的 She is my sister. We do talk.
- 你挥什么手 - 没事 - What are you waving at? - Nothing.
我染上了不停挥手综合征 I've got that restless arm syndrome.
可别让我去拍卖会呀 Don't let me near an auction!
爸爸 很高兴在这看到你 Oh, Dad. Fancy seeing you here.
恭喜了 Andy 你现在是正式犯法了 Congratulations, Andy. You're now officially breaking the law.
- 我要报警 - 别 别 爸爸 等一下 - I'm calling the police. - No, no, no, Dad, please wait!
Ben 我们有事好商量 Ben, listen, we can talk about this.
我待会马上来收拾你们两个 I'll deal with you two in a minute.
没事 我走了 No. It's fine. I'm walking away.
200米 真的走了 200 metres. Officially walking...
- 我说了住手 - Errol - I said stop! - Errol!
怎样 你老是问我在干啥 What? You're always asking me how I'm doing.
既然你这么好奇啊 我 If you're so curious, I've been...
我过去一年每天放学都去见Andy舅舅 I've been seeing Uncle Andy every day after school for the last year.
因为只有在他面前 Because he's the only person
我才会觉得不必时刻强颜欢笑 I feel I don't have to pretend to be happy around all the time!
我不需要你假装 你可以告诉我你的感受 I don't make you pretend. You can tell me your feelings.
我的感受 好 限制令蠢透了 My feelings? OK. The restraining order is stupid.
Andy舅舅是我的家人 Uncle Andy's in this family
你不能限制我见我的家人 and you can't stop me from seeing someone in my family.
我已经13岁了 见不见是我的选择 而不是你的 I'm 13 now. It should be MY choice, not yours!
- 但是毒品 - 那是意外 对他的处罚也够了 - But the drugs... - Were an accident and he's been punished enough.
你都不在场 你怎么能知道 And you weren't there, so how would you even know?
他会这样 The reason he's here
还不是因为你们俩当初没时间关心我 is because you two didn't have the time for me in the first place.
这还真是头一遭 Well, this is a first.
这才算正常 他终于敢向你表达怒火了 This is normal. He's finally processing his anger towards you.
向我 你们就是这样想我的 Towards me?! Is that what you guys think of me as?
唱黑脸的 Bad cop?
我去 Dammit.
好吧 Fine.
我会撤销限制令 I'll lift the restraining order.
但是你要是再让我儿子有什么危险 But if you ever endanger my son again...
- 懂得 你会杀了我 - 不 - Oh, yeah, you'll kill me. - No.
我就搬到别的国家去 而且带走Errol I'll move out of the country. And I'll take Errol with me.
我们接着试试写首歌吧 So how about we take another crack at this song then?
我觉得不可能 兄弟 I don't think that's going to happen, mate.
我觉得写歌的日子已经都过去了 I believe my song-writing days are behind me.
这 It's...
这不是你的错 It's not your fault.
- 啥 - 这不是你的错 - What? - It's not your fault.
你又来<心灵捕手> Are you Good Will Hunting me?
听着 Andy 这不是你的错 Listen to me, Andy. It's not your fault.
没用的 Sam That's not going to work, Sam.
这不是你的错 It's not your fault.
- Sam 够了 - 看着我 这不是你的错 - Sam, stop it. - Look at me. It's not your fault.
这不是你的错 It's not your fault.
但是这确实是我的错 But it is, it is my fault.
照顾他是我的责任 但是我搞砸了 He was my responsibility and I fucked up.
- 他差点 - 是 但是他没事了 他很好 - And he almost... - Yeah, but he didn't, and he's fine.
这事你就随它去吧 原谅自己 大步向前 And you have to let go of this, and forgive yourself, and move on.
不然你永远无法重新创作的 Or you're never going to write again.
我不行 I can't.
- Andy舅舅 - 怎么了 - Uncle Andy? - Yeah?
我原谅你了 I forgive you.
*我的感觉 最近有点怪* *Lately I've been feeling strange*
*我的内心 改变已然在* *something deep inside me changed*
*我的基因 被重新编排* *My DNA was rearranged*
*我的人生 也曾有阴霾* *I've been down and out*
*去他妈的 爷荣耀归来* *But holy fuck I'm back again*
*就像凤凰 浴火后重生* *Just like the phoenix from the flames*
*又像耶稣 又像那谁谁* *Or Jesus Christ or Whatshisname*
*一度迷失 又找回自我* *I was lost but now I'm found*
*爷回来了 他回来了* *I'm back He's back!*
*吸取教训 他回来了* *Consider my lessons learned He's back!*
*浪子回头 如假包换 他回来了* *The prodigal son's returned! He's really back!*
*重新建起 烧毁的桥梁* *Re-building the bridges I burned!*
*烧毁 烧毁* *Burned! Burned!*
*爷回来了 要重塑名声* *I'm back to save my reputation*
*从那炼狱 来拯救苍生* *Save you all from your damnation*
*现在开始 操蛋的欢庆* *Start the fucking celebration*
*曾见圣光 他王者归来* *I've seen the holy light! He's back!*
*在爷面前 人人都鞠躬* *Everybody bow before me*
*千人簇拥 更万人景仰* *Gather round and all adore me*
*助我恢复 昔日的荣光* *Restore me to my former glory*
*复兴就在眼前* *The resurrection's nigh!*
*爷回来了 他真回来了* *I'm back! He's fuckin' back!*
*重新感觉 真实的自我* *I'm feeling myself again*
*哎呀我靠 他回来了* *Thank fuck, he's back!*
*放下痛苦 给自我解脱* *Relieving myself of pain*
*哎呀我靠 他真回来了* *Holy shit, he's back!*
*脚踏火焰 冉冉地升起* *And rising above the flames!*
*火焰 火焰* *Flame! Flames!*
*爷回来了 我靠 他回来了 他回来了* *I'm back! Sweet shit, he's back, he's back*
*所有祈祷 终于被回应* *Your prayers have been answered at last!*
*我去 他回来了 他回来了* *Hot piss, he's back, he's back*
*如拉撒路 重生后归来* *Returning like Lazarus*
*鸟大如他 终绚烂归来* *Big Dick is back, he's back*
*你们快来 亲吻我屁屁* *You'd better start kissing my ass*
*屁屁 屁屁* *Ass! Ass!*
*屁屁 屁屁 屁屁 屁屁 屁屁* *Ass! Ass, ass, ass, ass!*
*爷回来了* *I'm baaaack!*
你被解雇了 You're fired!
- 你在这儿干嘛 - 我写了首歌 - What are you doing here? - I've written a song.
把游戏机还给我 Give me back my PlayStation.
除非你先写完整张唱片 Not until you write a whole album.
别逼着我当着这么多好人面前杀了你 Don't make me kill you in front of all these nice people.
我们之间的限制令才刚撤销 We've only just had the restraining order lifted.
这是啥 What's this?
我给你准备的饮食锻炼养生计划 It's a food and exercise regimen I've prepared for you.
我的创作瓶颈已经没了 要这个干嘛 Well, I haven't got writer's block any more. So why would I need this?
你会更健康 对异性更有吸引力 You'll be healthier and more attractive to the opposite sex.
- 枸杞 - 对 它们是强效的抗氧化剂 - Goji berries? - Yeah. They're a potent antioxidant.
腰果咖喱鸡也是呀 你关心我做唱片干啥 So's a chicken korma. Why do you care if I write an album?
我才不关心 只是自从上次勇敢面对爸爸之后 I don't. It's just since I stood up to Dad,
我发现了真实的自己 I've discovered something about myself.
坦诚待人吗 Honesty is the best policy?
我喜欢指挥人 I like telling people what to do.
背景音乐 - Nico
噢 爷回来了 Oh, I'm back.
说起来 枸杞尝起来是啥味道 So what do these Goji berries taste like then?
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