翻译: Olivia Sherry 加一 小清欣
背景音乐为 - Franz Schubert
校对: 脑残画家乖安宝 神经诗人怪查理
后期: 怪查理
蛮爽的 This is nice.
还用你说 You're telling me.
压制: 怪查理
上次这么舒服还是在娘胎里 I don't think I've been this relaxed since the womb.
总监: 怪查理
不过那可能是因为我妈怀我的时候在酗酒 But then, that might have been fetal alcohol syndrome.
你真可爱 You're very cute.
是爷们的那种可爱 对吧 就像Chuck Norris那样的 As in manly cute? Yeah? As in Chuck Norris cute?
Chuck Norris 空手道世界冠军 美国动作片演员
你最好的一点 The best thing about you
就是知道怎样保持随意的关系 is that you know how to keep things casual.
找到一个自知无法建立长期感情的男人 It's so refreshing to find a guy
真是太难得了 who knows he's not built for relationships.
喂 Hello?
什么 What?!
废柴舅舅
第二季 第二集
电波诚译
好吧 你现在有什么可说的 Well? What have you got to say for yourself?
- 对不起 - 对 你应该道歉 - Sorry? - Yeah, you should be.
考试作弊是一码事 I mean, cheating in a test is one thing,
但是你居然被抓到了 简直太丢脸 but getting caught, that is just embarrassing.
但是 我并没有真的作弊 我只是在假装作弊 Well, I didn't actually cheat. I was pretending.
可悲但令人好奇 说来我听听 Pathetically intriguing,I'll bite.
我想如果我被抓到作弊 别人可能会觉得我很酷 I figured if I got caught cheating, people might think I'm cool.
- 别人 - 好吧 主要是一个人 Willow - People? - Well, a person. Willow.
她是舞蹈队的女孩 She's in a dance crew!
兄弟 你没机会的 你太保守了 Not a chance, mate. You're too uptight.
保守 我可在国际象棋比赛里用了王翼弃兵开局呢 Uptight? I've opened a chess match using the King's gambit.
王翼弃兵 理念为白方在开局时就攻击对方的中心兵
摸摸地板 Touch the floor.
整个手掌摸下去 Full palm.
现在摸你自己的脸 Now, touch your face.
看见了吧 根本没事 我得走了 See. It's no problem. I have to go.
Melodie(旋律) Melodie?
- 我就说我听见音乐声了 - Andy 嗨 最近怎么样 - I thought I heard music. - Andy, hi. How've you been?
挺好的 嗯 我正在进行5:2饮食法 Been good, yeah. I've been on the, er... 5:2 diet.
5:2饮食法是指一星期五天可以正常吃饭 剩余不连续的两天里控制卡路里摄入
没想到还能被你认出来 你也该试试 I'm surprised you recognised me. You should try it.
不是说你该减肥了 你 你身材很好 Not that you need to... You, you look fine.
- 你最近还好吗 - 挺好的 胖但快乐着 - How've you been? - Yeah, I'm good. Fat, but good.
是啊 说起来上一次 Yeah. You know about the last time...
噢天啊 别提了 都是过去的事了 Oh, God, no! Forget about it. It's all in the past.
对不起 我朝你吹了防狼口哨 I'm sorry I blew my rape whistle at you.
太傻了 我已经没有随身带它了 It was so stupid. I don't have it any more so...
- 噢真的吗 - 嗯 换成防狼小刀了 - Oh, really? - Yeah, now I just carry a rape knife.
所以 我们还是朋友吧 So... friends?
这个嘛 不 我不知道 讲真 Yeah... No, I, I don't know.
你到底有几个女性朋友 Andy I mean, how many female friends do you actually have, Andy?
这个嘛 Um...
- 你在这呢 - 噢 Ryan - There you are! - Oh, Ryan!
这是Andy Andy 这是Ryan 我的同事 This is Andy. Andy, this is Ryan, my... colleague.
- Andy是Errol的叔叔 - Errol是个好孩子 - Andy is Errol's uncle. - Errol's a great kid.
像少年版的霍金 Like a little Stephen Hawking.
主要是声音上像 It is his voice.
我喜欢你的T恤 I like your T-shirt.
- 我是Costello的狂热粉 - 最喜欢的专辑 - I'm a massive Costello fan. - Favourite album?
Elvis Costello 上世纪英国朋克浪潮时出现的摇滚歌手以及歌曲创作者
- "This Year's Model" - 最喜欢的合作 - This Year's Model. - Favourite collaboration?
1998年和Burt Bacharach合作的 Painted From Memory with...
Burt Bacharach 美国著名流行音乐作曲家
"Painted From Memory" .. Burt Bacharach in '98.
也许我应该让你俩单独聊聊 Maybe I should leave you two alone together?
噢 嘿 Errol 咋样啊 小伙子 Oh, hey, Errol. What's up, dude?
噢 你好 Sardon老师 刚去洗手了 Oh, hello Mr Sardson. Just washed my hands.
真棒 好吧 见到你很高兴 Andy Brilliant. Um, well, it was great meeting you, Andy.
Thomas老师和这个小丑Ryan在一起多久了 So how long has Ms Thomas been dating that Ryan clown?
有一段时间了 他们俩挺配的 A while. He and Ms Thomas seem good together.
这什么意思 What's that supposed to mean?
Sardon老师人很好 他历史教的也很好 Mr Sardson's a good guy. He's a great history teacher.
就是那种很适合当男朋友的人 He just seems like good boyfriend material.
我也很适合当男朋友好吧 I'm good boyfriend material.
你觉得"测速"这个词很好笑 You think 'To Let' signs are hilarious
因为拼写读音很像"厕所" because they almost spell 'Toilet'.
不过确实是这样啊 Well, they do, don't they!
你谈过最久的感情是哪段 What's the longest relationship you've ever had?
我嘛 是个追求品质而非数量的人 More of a quality-over-quantity kind of guy.
你有什么品质了 承诺恐惧症吗 What quality is that then? Commitment-a-phobia?
好了 酷的精髓就在于"三觉" OK, so coolness is all about the three S's.
视觉 听觉 很屌的感觉 Sight, sound and you've got swagger,
懂吗 咱们从视觉开始 right? Let's start with sight.
你得有张很酷的脸 You need to have a cool face.
就像你在吸着一个柠檬 却忽然觉得有点好笑 Like you're sucking on a lemon but you find it slightly amusing.
我说 你看着像中风了似的 I mean, you look like you're having a stroke.
好吧 我们接着谈听觉 Fine, we'll move on to sound.
酷酷的声音可以让任何事听起来很棒 看我示范 A cool voice can pretty much make anything sound amazing. Observe.
我刚刚把热水壶修好 I've just had my boiler fixed.
你看了昨天晚上的<倒计时>吗 Did you see that episode of Countdown last night?
倒计时 英国一档关于字谜和数谜的挑战节目
好吧 最后是很屌的感觉 OK, last up is swagger.
走路要这样 好像腿上中过子弹 所以有点小跛 Got to walk like you've got a tiny little limp from an old shrapnel injury
但是却毫不在乎的样子 but you don't care.
试试 Go on.
我说的是中子弹 不是炮弹 I said shrapnel, not cannon ball.
算了 如果你实在无法掌握这三觉 All right, fine if you can't master the three S's,
- 你还有一个选择 - 用买买买赢得芳心吗 - you've got one more option. - Buy my way to the top?
散发危险气质 Be dangerous.
- 把这个放口袋里去 - 你在叫我偷东西 - Stick those in your pocket. - You want me to steal?
不 偷东西是不对的 No. Stealing is wrong.
我想让你顺手牵羊 这样才像坏男孩 I want you to shoplift. Shoplifting is badass.
放进包里 Put them in your pocket.
嘿 你们不准备付钱吗 Hello? Are you going to pay for that?
快跑啊 Leg it!
呃 不用找了 Em... Keep the change.
你觉得哪个ID更酷 "野性Errol"还是"我靠Roly" What do you think's cooler? @FeralErrol or @HolyRoly?
"Errol69"怎么样 How about @Errol69?
我又不是1969年生的 I wasn't born in 1969.
你怎么忽然想玩社交网络了 Why do you suddenly care about social networking?
因为这样Willow可能会注意到我啊 Cos then Willow might notice me.
现在她只在我帮她写作业的时候 才和我说话 I mean, at the moment she only talks to me when I do her homework.
哇 哇 等下 Whoa. Whoa. Back up.
酷小子才不会帮别人做作业呢 Cool people don't do other people's homework.
但是她付我钱啊 我在存钱准备买显微镜 Yeah, but she pays me. And I'm saving up for a microscope.
你知道你需要什么吗 You know what you need?
一个能引起全校讨论的账号 An account that gets the whole school talking.
大家喜欢争议 People love controversy.
你是说那种"谁把可回收瓶子放进普通垃圾箱里了"的争议吗 You mean like who's been putting recyclable bottles in the ordinary rubbish bin?
- 我觉得是Spencer Bennett - 不是 我是说 - I think it's Spencer Bennett. - No. I mean
谁和谁约会啦 学生打架啦 老师们的恋爱史啦 这种有料的 who's dating who. Student fights, faculty romances. The juice.
你是说八卦吗 这不行 我会惹上麻烦的 You mean gossip? I can't do that. I'll get in trouble.
这就是为什么你需要一个假名 That's why you're going to have a pseudonym.
介绍你认识 Welcome to...
"三重麻烦69" .. TripleTrouble69.
全名
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匿名的话要怎么让Willow知道我很酷啊 How's being anonymous going to prove to Willow that I'm cool?
因为你要先成为超级英雄 Cos you can't have the big reveal
然后才能酷炫地揭露身份啊 until you have the superhero identity.
在Peter Parker成为蜘蛛侠之前可没人搭理他 Nobody gave a toss about Peter Parker before he was Spider-Man.
还是不行 太冒险了 I can't do it. It's too risky.
- 你好 妈妈 - 别和我来这套 - Hi, Mum. - Don't you "Hi, Mum" Me.
你在想什么啊 居然在考试的时候作弊 What were you thinking - cheating on a test?!
这太不像你了 That is so unlike you.
你又不了解我 也许我很危险呢 You don't know me. Maybe I'm dangerous.
也许我是蜘蛛侠呢 Maybe I'm Spider-Man.
蜘蛛侠才不会把还有两天才到期的面包扔掉 Spider-Man doesn't throw bread out two days before the best by date.
霉菌是不能小看的 Mould is nothing to be trifled with.
别的家长是怎么对付这种情况的 But how would other parents handle this situation?
- 让我回屋里反省 - 去屋里反省 别想看电视 - Send me to my room? - Go to your room now! And no TV!
那大学挑战赛怎么办 已经到半决赛了 But what about University Challenge?! It's the semifinals.
好吧 可以看大学挑战赛 不过别的就别想了 Fine, University Challenge. But that is it!
你觉得我有承诺恐惧症吗 Do you think I've got commitment-a-phobia?
不 你只是不擅长处理感情 No. You're just shit at relationships.
我可是这屋里唯一还有感情可处理的人 I'm the only one here that's in a relationship.
怎么 和那个熟女吗 我以为就是一时之欢呢 What? With the cougar? I thought it was a fling.
她在公共场合和你牵过手吗 Has she held your hand in public yet?
这有什么关系 What's that got to do with it?
我猜你们一个礼拜就得分 听着 I give it a week. Now, listen to this.
Ben想让我见见他的女朋友Veronica Ben wants me to meet his girlfriend, Veronica,
据他所说 是"看在Roly的份上 多多联系沟通" to "Open the channels of communication for Roly's sake."
我为什么要和一个完全陌生的人谈我儿子啊 Why do I need to communicate with a complete stranger about my son?
又不是她把我儿子从子宫里挤出来的 She didn't squeeze him out of her vagina?
她也没有母乳喂养他三年 She didn't breast feed him for three years.
要是你的客户呢 你会怎么说 What would you say to a client?
我会说 用良好的心态应对这种状况 I would say, "Go into the situation with an open mind,
把之前和Ben的问题先放下 and leave your baggage with Ben at the door."
听上去不错 Sounds good.
去他的吧 我就安静地坐那 在心里骂那个小婊砸 Fuck that. I'm going to sit there quietly and judge the bitch.
等等 Errol被母乳喂养到三岁吗 Hang on, Errol was breast-fed till he was three?
你最好全部吃完 今晚你会需要力气的 You better finish that. You're going to need your strength.
咱们今晚不滚床单怎么样 我们可以聊聊天 What if we don't tonight? You know, we could just talk.
说正经的 赶快吃完 Seriously, eat it up.
你10点半之前就得从我家离开 我明天有早班 I need you out the house by 10:30. I have an early start.
那么大的房子 就你一个人 不寂寞吗 Don't you get lonely, in that big house all by yourself?
我有很多伴侣 都是短期而已 I have plenty of friends to keep me company, in the short term.
就是随便问问 你想要什么样的人作为长期呢 Just curious, what qualities are you looking for in the long term?
一个懂得聆听的人 拥有非常得体的幽默感 Well, a good listener. Funny without trying too hard.
有音乐品味 但是听口水歌也没问题 Great taste in music, but not afraid of the cheesy stuff.
比如 他可以听潮湿乐队的歌而不冷嘲热讽 Like, he could listen to Wet Wet Wet without being cynical.
来自苏格兰的著名乐队 以抒情摇滚为主打
对伴侣忠诚 会关心人 博览群书 He's loyal, caring, well-read
而且能给孩子树立好榜样 and a good role model for kids.
当然还要事业有成能赚钱 And independently wealthy.
- 你干嘛呢 - 付钱啊 - What are you doing? - Paying?
别傻了 这又不是约会 Don't be silly. It's not like this was a date.
Tiffany 你觉得我酷吗 Tiffany, do you think I'm cool?
酷 Yes.
- 真的吗 - 假的 - Really? - No.
呃 嗨 Willow Er... Hi, Willow.
你的声音是怎么回事 What's up with your voice?
感冒而已 过得咋样 It's just a cold. How's it hanging?
不错 小子 作业带了吗 All good, little man. Have you got the homework?
当然 呃 大伙计 Sure do, yeah, er... A big man.
我故意拼错了几个词 为了配合你的阅读障碍症 I added a few extra misspellings to account for your dyslexia.
你怎么知道我有阅读障碍 How do you know I'm dyslexic?
你发的推特啊 Your tweets.
噢 给你讲个笑话 Oh, you'll like this joke.
- 阅读障碍的僵尸吃什么 - 什么 - What do dyslexic zombies eat? - What?
"子脑"啊 Brians!
呃 好吧 随便吧 Um... Yeah, anyway, um...
我来是想说 我的作业服务要结束了 I just came to say that my homework services will be coming to an end,
真遗憾啊 但是 我们可以继续在推特上互动 unfortunately, but um... we can still hang on Twitter.
我的账号是"野性Errol" My handle's @TheFeralErrol.
别担心 我不会咬人的 Don't worry, I won't bite.
Tammy刚发了推特说Isles老师太老了 他拉的都是化石 Tammy just tweeted that Mr Isles is so old he shits fossils!
Tammy太好笑了 Tammy is jokes!
对啊 他那么老 他的屁和宇宙残留辐射一个成分 Yeah, he's so old that his farts are made of background radiation.
他要是爆出个屁 So when he makes a big bang,
那还真是来自大爆炸时期呢 it's actually from the Big Bang.
Samantha Samantha?
不能输 不能输 Don't let her win. Don't let her win.
嗨 我是Veronica Hi, I'm Veronica.
真高兴见到你 So good to meet you.
快 请坐 Please, sit down.
你喜欢我叫你Sam还是Samantha Do you prefer if I call you Sam or Samantha?
Samantha就好 Samantha's good.
我喜欢你的上衣 I love your top.
哦 谢谢 普莱玛尼的打折货 Oh, thanks. Primarni sale.
我超爱这牌子 都很便宜 I love them! They're so cheap.
噢 天呐 我不是说你廉价 Oh, God. I don't mean that you're cheap.
我是说 我的袜子都是从一元店买的 I mean, I get all my socks from the Pound Store
我完全没资格评论 so I'm in no position to judge.
没事 我喜欢的衣服跟喜欢的男人一样 It's fine. I like my clothes like I like my men
都是残次品 slightly damaged.
Ben说过你很幽默 你是心理治疗师 对吧 Ben said you were funny. And you're a therapist, right?
一定很有意思吧 That must be so interesting.
对 我喜欢疯子 所以才会嫁给Ben啊 Yeah, I love crazy people. That's why I married Ben!
如果我的前任让我去见他女朋友 Look, if my ex asked me to meet his girlfriend,
我肯定不能冷静面对 I don't think I'd be cool with it.
我只是想跟你说 But I just wanted to tell you that
我并不是要取代你的地位 I'm not here to step on your authority
也没打算让Roly叫我妈妈 or try and get Roly to call me Mum.
你为他做了那么多 根本不需要我帮忙 I mean, you've done such a great job with him, you don't need my help.
如果你不愿意 我们甚至不必成为朋友 And we don't even have to be friends, if you don't want.
不过 如果你愿意当然很好 Also if you do, that's fine too.
我只是 But I just...
我只是想跟你打个招呼 真的 嗨 just wanted to say hi, really. So, hi.
怎么样 我觉得还是对着镜子练习时好一些 How was that? I think I did better in the mirror.
噢 谢天谢地 你是正常人 Oh, thank God, you're normal.
女士们 准备好点餐了吗 Are you ladies ready to order?
你想吃什么 Samantha 我请客 What would you like, Samantha? It's on me.
噢 拜托 叫我Sam就好 Oh, please, call me Sam.
＋ 发送好友请求
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- 不管是啥 答案都是"不" - 什么 - Whatever it is, the answer's no. - What?
你是我宝贝弟弟啊 You're my baby brother,
- 我就不能为了闲聊打给你吗 - 好吧 - can't I call you for a casual chat? - Fine.
- 跟Ben的未来前妻喝咖啡怎么样 - 很好 - How did your coffee go with Ben's future ex? - Great.
我邀了他们俩明天来参加我的派对 I've invited them both to a party at mine tomorrow.
你干嘛这么做 Why would you do that?
因为Ben让我跟她见面 是想让我输掉 Because Ben asked me to meet her so I would fail.
但是现在 我要变成他的噩梦 But now, I'll be his worst 'nightmare.
我要成为Veronica的好朋友 我就赢了 I am going to become Veronica's' best friend. I win.
所以你明天要来参加我的派对 So you'll be coming to my party tomorrow.
- 我就知道 没门 - 噢 拜托了嘛 - I knew it! No way. - Oh, come on!
我需要尽可能多的人出席 不然我就不酷了 I need as many people as possible or I won't look cool.
你可以带上你那位熟女 You can bring your cougar...
有电话进来 我挂了 Other call. I've got to go.
嗨 小淫娃 Hey, sexy.
呃 Andy舅舅 Er... Uncle Andy?
噢 我天 你好 Oh, God, hello.
你想干啥 What do you want?
我刚发了推特 I just tweeted,
"为什么男厕小便池里的芳香球总是蓝色的" "Why are the cubes in men's urinals always blue?"
"#性别歧视" "Hashtag sexist?"
很有意思吧 更别说其中还蕴含着辛辣的社会评论 And that is funny. Not to mention a biting social commentary.
可是没有一个人转发 But it got zero retweets!
连Murry Thomas上传的他的瞎子猫放屁都有人点赞 Even Murray Thomas gets a couple of favourites when he posts clips of his blind cat farting.
没人喜欢你 你还想说啥 Nobody likes you. What's your point?
我准备好成为蜘蛛侠了 I'm ready to be Spider-Man.
背景歌曲为 - Ramones
校长看起来像邓布利多的丑妹妹#南桥中学
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Risedale老师躲在女厕所里哭
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你觉得Sardson老师真的背着Thomas老师偷吃吗 Do you think it's true? About Mr Sardson cheating on Ms Thomas?
不知道 谁在乎啊 Don't know. Who cares?
大家都在谈论这个 Everyone's talking about it.
你觉得"三重麻烦69"是谁 Who do you think TripleTrouble69 is?
我猜是Spencer Bennett I think it's Spencer Bennett.
呃 我不知道 我觉得这小子可能比Spencer更酷 Well, I don't know. I think maybe this chap might be even cooler than Spencer.
或是更蠢 Or dumber.
不好意思 Look, excuse me.
嗨 Willow 你觉得"三重麻烦"那家伙怎么样 Hi, Willow. What do you think of that um... TripleTrouble guy?
很疯狂 是吧 Crazy stuff, right?
对 不管是谁写的 那家伙肯定是个牛人 Yeah. Whoever wrote all that shiz is a ledge.
没错 他绝对是个"牛人" Yes, he's definitely a 'ledge'...
嘿 你为什么跟那个Tiffany坐一起 Hey, why do you sit with that Tiffany girl?
不觉得她有点怪吗 Ain't she a bit... weird?
噢 好戏来了 Oh, here we go.
如果你只是拿本书 我可以在车里等你 I could have waited in the car if you're just coming up for a book.
这是个派对吗 Is this a party?
噢 是啊 我看像 Oh, yeah. I guess it is.
不会待太久的 This'll only take a sec.
啊 我怀念住在这里的日子 Ah, I miss living here.
你原来住这儿 You lived here?
现在只是借给我姐姐还有她孩子 直到他们能够自立 Just loaning it to my sister and her kid until they get back on their feet.
说实在的 对我而言 这里空间太大 If I'm honest, it was more space than I needed.
一名地毯兄弟的前职员是怎么买得起两套房子的呢 And how exactly does an ex-Carpet Brothers employee afford two flats?
几年前 我吃烤肉的时候吃出来个脚趾 Well, I found a toe in a kebab I had a couple of years ago
然后我把所有赔偿金都投到房产上了 and I poured all the settlement money into property.
至于地毯兄弟嘛 And as for Carpet Brothers,
我就那一天在那工作 为了帮个朋友 I was only working that day cos I was helping out a mate.
我怎么一点都不知道 How didn't I know this?
- 你没问过啊 - 你们来啦 - You never asked. - There you are!
嗨 Sam Teresa 这是Sam 我姐姐 Hi, Sam. Teresa, this is Sam, my sister.
- 很高兴认识你 - 这房子不错啊 - It's a pleasure to meet you. - This place is great.
Andy搬走的时候肯定不是这个样 I'm sure that's not how Andy left it.
呃 对 不不 Er... Yeah, no, no.
我们请了装修公司 We had to get the old makeover police in.
可以借用一下洗手间吗 Do you mind if I use your loo?
- 噢 在那边 - 谢谢 - Yeah, sure, it's just there. - Thank you.
哇 我操 她很有气质啊 祝你留得住她 Phwoar. Fuck me. She's classy. Good luck keeping that one.
今晚让我看起来像是男朋友那块料就行了 Yeah, just make me look like boyfriend material for tonight.
- 这些小丑都是谁啊 - 我翻遍了我的脸书 - Who are these jokers? - I went through my Facebook
请了最酷的那些人 得让Veronica印象深刻 and I invited all the coolest people I know to impress Veronica.
那你是怎么混进来的 How did you make the cut?
嗷 Ow!
嗨 Rolio Iglesias Hey, Rolio Iglesias.
由Julio Iglesias名字改动而来 西班牙著名情歌歌手
有用诶 "三重麻烦69"已经有500个粉丝了 It worked! TripleTrouble69 has 500 followers.
而且Willow完全被我玩弄于鼓掌之间 And Willow's eating out of the palm of my hand.
感觉我好像引发了Sardson老师和Thomas老师的争吵 I think I might have caused a fight between Mr Sardson and Ms Thomas though.
捏造假的小道消息 我是不是该感到羞愧 Should I feel bad about making up fake gossip?
- 不 - 太好了 - Nah. - Good!
我正准备发新推特说教我体育的Hamish老师 Because I'm about to tweet that Mr Hamish, my gym teacher,
一直从女厕所偷月经棉条 has been stealing Tampax from the girls loo.
报他说我是"气虚男"的旧仇 That should teach him for calling me wheezy.
干得好 听着 我带了女朋友来 Nice work. Listen, I've got my girlfriend here
你得告诉她 我是个多么好的舅舅 and I need you to tell her what a great uncle I am.
- 好的 我可以撒谎 - 你在这儿啊 - Sure. I can lie. - There you are.
嘿 Teresa 这是我的外甥 Errol Hey, Teresa! This is my nephew, Errol.
你好 Errol外甥 你怎么没去外面参加派对 Hello, nephew Errol. How come you're not out enjoying the party?
我不喜欢派对 告诉我 你会买彩票吗 Teresa I don't like parties. Tell me, do you play the lottery, Teresa?
当奖金累积了很多的时候 会买 Sometimes, when there's a rollover.
嗯 那你肯定知道中奖概率是 1400万分之一 Hmm. Then you'll know the odds of winning are about one in 14 million.
世界人口超过了70亿 The world population is over seven billion.
Andy舅舅是那70亿分之一 And Uncle Andy is one in seven billion.
所以 就像连中了500次彩票 So that's like winning the lottery 500 times.
"中奖的可能就是你噢" "It could be you."
谢了 雨人 Thanks for that, Rain Man.
- 等我长大了 我想像Andy舅舅一样 - 哇 - When I grow up, I want to be just like Uncle Andy. - Whoa.
这个咱们得好好听听 Let's have a listen to this.
我是说 他忠诚 可靠 对陌生人很友好 I mean, he's loyal, dependable, great with strangers...
好吧 听起来他是一条很棒的拉布拉多犬 Well, sounds like he'd make an excellent Labrador.
好吧 更不用说 他的幽默和音乐才能 Well, not to mention funny and musically talented
和不携带任何传染病 and free of any communicable diseases.
我自己都不相信 I can't believe it either.
如果没有Andy舅舅 我就活不到今天了 I wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for Uncle Andy.
那次我嗑药过量 When I took that drugs overdose...
嘿 咱们去派对上玩玩吧 Hey, let's get to the party!
噢 你们来了 Oh, hi, guys!
Ben Veronica 这是我弟弟Andy和他的新朋友Teresa Ben, Veronica, this my brother Andy's new friend, Teresa.
别担心 我们不会因此看不起你的 Don't worry, we won't hold it against you.
衬衫不错 Andy Nice shirt, Andy.
它附带癫痫警告吗 Does it come with a seizure warning?
真好笑 过来拥抱一下 大家伙 What a joker. Come here for a hug, big guy.
顺着我的话说 Just go along with what I say.
你上次答应我一起去打高尔夫球还作数吗 So are you still on for that round of golf that you promised me?
- 什么 - 你什么时候喜欢上高 - What? - Since when did you like gol...?
Andy就像老虎伍兹 Andy's like Tiger Woods.
什么 一样有性瘾吗 What, you mean like he's a sex addict?
- 我喜欢你的裙子 - 噢 谢谢 - I love your dress. - Oh, thank you.
这是我第一次婚姻里唯一值得留下的东西 It's the only thing from my first marriage worth keeping.
我不知道你还离过婚 I didn't know you were divorced?
- 你又没问过 - 好吧 至少你的前任还给你买了条裙子 - You never asked. - Well, at least your ex bought you a dress.
有一次圣诞节 Ben给我买了一套螺丝刀 For Christmas once, Ben bought me a screwdriver set.
是用来给Roly做小床的 That was to build Roly's cot with.
你可真过分 让一个怀着孕的女人做小床 Shame on you, Ben. Making a pregnant woman build a cot.
噢 我发誓如果你不给她戴上戒指 我会 Oh! I swear, if you don't put a ring on this one, I will.
能给我立个字据吗 Can I get that in writing?
噢 谢谢 Oh, thank you!
很高兴见到你 Andy 久仰大名了 It's so great to finally meet you, Andy.
Ben给我讲了很多你的故事 Ben has told me so many stories.
我最喜欢的是 My favourite is the one
在巴塞罗那你扮成套套 在他的单身聚会上被逮捕了 when you got arrested at his stag do in Barcelona dressed as a condom.
我力挺计划生育 I'm all about family planning.
你是做什么的 Teresa So what do you do, Teresa?
噢 挺无聊的 我是个议会律师 Oh, it's really quite boring. I'm a parliamentary lawyer.
唔 Oooh...
真酷 So cool.
是的 呃 我 Yeah. Um... I...
我和Liam Gallagher拥吻过 I snogged Liam Gallagher once!
Liam Gallagher 英摇代表绿洲乐队主唱
呃 至少我觉得有99.999%的可能性是他 Well, I, like, I think I'm 99.999% sure that it's...
- 嘿 Rolster - 嗨 Roly - Hey, Rolster. - Hi, Roly.
Andy舅舅 我有一个音乐项目需要你的帮助 Um... Uncle Andy, I need your help with a music project.
身为孩子的榜样啊 没办法 Life of a role model, eh?
- 我们出了点状况 - 还用你说 - We have a situation. - You're telling me.
Teresa是个离过婚的议会律师 Teresa's a divorced parliamentary lawyer!
我还在用印着希曼的被套 And I still have a He-Man duvet cover.
宇宙的巨人希曼 美国动画片主角 由埃坦尼亚的王子变身而来
我处理不了这种成年人的事 I can't handle this adult shit.
你在妄自菲薄 你值得被爱 You're having a low self-esteem attack. You're worth loving.
- 只要不断地这样告诉自己就行 - 好吧 我值得被爱 - Just keep telling yourself that. - Ok. I'm worth loving,
- 我 - 别现在说 Willow刚给我发了私信 - I'm... - Not now! Willow's just PM'd me.
她说"你真有趣 你是谁啊 亲亲" 她说了"亲亲" She says, "You're proper jokes. Who are you? X." She put an X.
我再也不擦我的屏幕了 我要告诉她我是谁吗 I'm never going to wash my screen again. Do I tell her it's me?
别 什么都别写 装酷就行 No. Don't write anything. Just play it cool.
"你想知道吗 宝贝"怎么样 How about, "Wouldn't you like to know, babes?"
或者 "宝贝小蛋糕" 这样更洋气一点 Or - "Babycakes?" That's a bit more urban.
宝贝小蛋糕一点也不洋气 是诡异才对 Babycakes isn't urban, it's weird.
我该做点什么才能给Teresa留个好印象 Now. What can I do to impress Teresa?
她只是从家人方面了解到你有多好 Well, she's only heard how great you are from family.
如果能再从朋友那里了解到这一点 也许会更好 So it might mean more to hear it from a friend.
你们好吗 伙伴们 我听到了你的声音 Andy What's up, guys? I thought I heard your voice, Andy.
真正的派对是在这里吗 哇喔 哇喔 Is this is where the real party's at? Whoop! Whoop!
对了 谢谢你邀请了我们 真的很大度 Thanks for inviting us, by the way. It's very cool of you.
我以为我让你见Veronica的时候你会生气 I thought you would flip when I asked you to meet Veronica.
我为什么要生气 她很不错 我们可是成年人 Why would I flip? She's great. We're adults.
我们完全可以成为朋友 I don't see why we can't all be friends.
你这样说我很高兴 我真的需要你的认可 I'm so glad you said that. I really wanted your approval.
尤其是现在我们住在了一起 Especially now we're moving in together.
噢 我喜欢吃脆脆棒 你还记得呢 Oh, I love Twiglets. You remembered.
咱们走吧 我饥渴难耐而且我也受不了这些寒暄了 We're going. I'm in heat and I can't take any more small talk.
马上 In a second.
但是首先我要给你介绍我的一位老朋友 Bruce But first, I would like to introduce you to my old friend, Bruce.
其实没有那么老 Well, not that old, really.
Bruce也离婚了 Bruce is also divorced.
噢 真遗憾 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
我很高兴能在他伤心的时候陪着他 I'm just glad I could be there for him.
噢 是的 我真不知道如果没有Andy我会怎样 Oh, yes, I don't know where I'd be without Andy.
- 他是我坚实的后盾 - 朋友不正是如此吗 - He's my rock. - What are friends for?
谁都需要一个借以哭泣的肩膀 Everybody needs a shoulder to cry on.
是的 但是其实我不怎么爱哭 Yeah, I'm not really much of a crier.
不 他哭起来像个痛失双亲的海豹宝宝 所以 No, well, he cries like an orphaned seal pup, so...
Bruce 我真高兴你过来了 Bruce! I'm so glad you could make it.
这不是Bruce嘛 There he is! Bruce.
从上次孩子们的足球练习赛后就没见过你了 I've been missing you at kids' footy practice.
这是Veronica 我的女友 This is Veronica, my significant other.
Bruce的继女和Roly在同一所学校上学 Bruce's step-daughter goes to the same school as Roly.
好吧 前继女 你要坚强啊 朋友 Well, ex step-daughter. Hang in there, mate.
我们还保持着联系 We're still in contact.
Sam 这些是给你的 Sam. These are for you.
噢 哇 巧克力 我最喜欢了 Oh, wow! Chocolate. My favourite.
你最好拿出来和我们分享 Well, you'd better share some of those.
噢 那你得和我在泥地里摔跤才行 Oh, you'll have to mud wrestle me for them.
噢 太谢谢你了 Bruce 真贴心 Oh, thank you so much, Bruce, that's so sweet.
你好 你的腹部硬的像石头 Hello... Your stomach is rock hard.
- 你在健身吗 - 都是哭出来的 - Have you been working out? - That's just from all the crying.
我猜我天生不容易不长肉 I guess I naturally have trouble putting on weight.
嘿 你要喝杯什么饮料吗 Hey, listen, can I get you a drink?
你有蔓越橘汁吗 Do you have any cranberry juice?
为了你 我什么都去做 For you, I've got it all.
私信 - 来自Willow
你真有趣 你是谁啊 亲亲
私信 - 来自Willow
你真有趣 你是谁啊 亲亲
你想知道吗 宝贝小蛋糕
私信 - 来自Willow
你真有趣 你是谁啊 亲亲
你想知道吗
宝贝小蛋糕
你想知道吗 亲爱的
我爱你 我爱你 我爱你!!!
私信 - 来自Willow
你真有趣 你是谁啊 亲亲
我爱你 我爱你 我爱你!!!
你猜啊 宝贝小蛋糕
私信 - 来自Willow
你真有趣 你是谁啊 亲亲
你猜啊 宝贝小蛋糕
Spencer Bennet吗
私信 - 来自Willow
你真有趣 你是谁啊 亲亲
你猜啊 宝贝小蛋糕
Spencer Bennet吗
比他酷多了;-)
私信 - 来自Willow
你真有趣 你是谁啊 亲亲
你猜啊 宝贝小蛋糕
Spencer Bennet吗
比他酷多了;-)
这个真相对你来说价值多少
你猜啊 宝贝小蛋糕
Spencer Bennet吗
比他酷多了;-)
这个真相对你来说价值多少
一个吻;P
所以我就把鞋子脱给他们 然后光脚走回家了 And so, I gave them my shoes and I walked home.
拿枪抵着你就为了抢你的鞋子 这有什么好笑 What's so funny about being mugged at gunpoint for your shoes?
是他讲的方式太搞笑了 亲爱的 It is the way he told it, sweetie.
实际上 真的是很搞笑 Actually, it was pretty funny.
我猜离婚真的能影响人的思维方式 I guess getting divorced really puts perspective on things.
Bruce 你的蔓越橘汁怎么样 Bruce, how's your cranberry?
- 味道不错 - 我能尝尝吗 你不介意吧 - Er... delicious. - Can I try some, do you mind?
我再去拿点 等我 I'm going to get some more, wait there.
我马上就回来 I'll be right back.
你在和Bruce搞什么鬼啊 What the fuck is going on with Bruce?
没什么啊 我就是友好待人而已 Nothing. I'm just being friendly.
连Stevie Wonder都能看出来你在挑逗他 Even Stevie Wonder can see that you're cock teasing him.
Stevie Wonder 美国黑人歌手 作曲家 盲人
好吧 就算是那又能怎样 Fine. So what if I am?
能得到一点男性的注意感觉很不错 It's nice to get a bit of male attention.
而且 Ben已经邀请Veronica搬进来和他一起住了 And um... Ben has asked Veronica to move in with him.
你为什么要在意这些 Ben是个混蛋 Why do you care? Ben's an arsehole.
是的 但是他本来是我的混蛋 Yeah, but he was my arsehole first!
Bruce可是个朋友 如果你不是认真的 就别祸害他了 Bruce is a mate. If you're not serious, don't mess with his head.
你好意思讲这个 You're one to talk.
你根本没和他说过几句话 You barely speak to him
还搞得让Teresa感觉你俩熬着夜互给对方涂脚指甲油 and you're making Teresa think you stay up all night painting each other's toenails!
- 我们也许就是这样 你可不知道 - 去你的 - We might do. You don't know. - Ggrr!
尽管他提出了那么多反卖淫法案 And despite all his suggested anti-prostitution bills,
你们觉得是谁花了大部分的特殊开支 who do you think spends the most on out-of-town expenses?
好了 我们得在军情五处给我下禁言令之前离开了 Well, we should get going before MI5 slap a gag order on me.
- 噢 但是你才来不久 - Oh, but you just got here.
我知道 但是我想赶在我儿子前面回家 I know, but I want to get home before my son does.
噢 你有个儿子 多大了 Oh, you have a son. How old?
很不幸 还没大到可以搬出去住 Not quite old enough to move out, unfortunately.
Andy 你能帮我拿一下外套吗 不要忘了你的书 Andy, will you get my coat? And don't forget your book.
- 什么书 - 是儿童彩色画册吗 - What book? - Is it a colouring book?
不是 Errol要把我的<战争与和平>还给我 No, er... Errol's returning my copy of War And Peace to me.
我喜欢俄国文学 I love Russian lit.
噢 是吗 那是谁写的 Oh, yeah? Who wrote it?
如果你不知道的话 Ben If you don't know that, Ben,
我才不会告诉你 I'm not going to tell you.
她有一个很大的儿子 She's got an old son.
我可不想和一个儿子都那么大了的人交往 I can't be with someone that's got an old son.
你为什么穿的像个傻屌 Why are you dressed like a bell-end?
我一直在和Willow发消息 I've been exchanging messages with Willow.
我要在Skype视频时对她揭露身份 I'll reveal my identity to her on Skype.
虽然你之前让我别回她 I know you told me not to reply,
可是她太吸引人了 我控制不了自己 but she was just so engaging. I couldn't help myself.
人们都说大脑是最伟大的爱情器官 And they say the brain is the greatest love organ.
反正我从来没撸过我的大脑 Well, I've never chaffed my brain.
听我说 感情总是混乱的 Listen, relationships are messy.
最终归宿也是不可控的 You can't help who you end up with,
无论是那个娇小的都市街舞者还是议会律师 whether it's a pint-sized urban street dancer or a parliamentary lawyer.
这是一个美丽的谜 就像质数 It's all a beautiful mystery. Like prime numbers.
现在 用全新的面貌走出去 Now, go out there and embrace the new you.
变成那个不畏重任 直面人生的男人 The you that isn't afraid of life's responsibilities
像交配季逆流而上的三文鱼 前进吧 but tackles them head-on like a salmon swimming upstream for mating season.
三文鱼难道不是交配之后就死了 Don't salmon die after mating?
总比被灰熊吃掉要强 Well, it's better than being eaten by a grizzly bear.
所有人 注意一下 Everyone, can I have your attention?
我有些话要对你说 I've got something I need to say to you.
这房子不是我的 This flat isn't mine.
我不是土豪也从来没读过提奥托尔斯泰 I'm not independently wealthy and I've never read any Theo Tolstoy.
是列夫托尔斯泰 Leo Tolstoy.
我不在乎你有个成年儿子 I don't care that you've got an adult son
也不在乎你高大上的工作 and I don't care that you've got a big important job.
我只是想让你知道 I just want you to know
Andy做好准备开始一段成熟的感情了 that Andy's ready for a grown-up relationship.
*从每一个指尖* *I feel it in my fingers*
歌曲为潮湿乐队的 电影<四个婚礼和一个葬礼>经典插曲
*到每一个脚趾* *I feel it in my toes*
*爱萦绕你身旁* *Love is all around you...*
谢谢 我觉得副歌部分可能唱不上去 Thanks. I don't think I could have survived the chorus.
我不傻Andy 我知道你在说谎 我是个律师 I'm not an idiot, Andy, I knew you were lying. I am a lawyer.
那你之前为什么不说 Well, then, why didn't you say something?
已经很久没人这么花心思追我了 很贴心 It's been a while since anyone's made the effort and it was sweet.
当然我还很享受男人羞辱自己的样子 And, of course, I like when men humiliate themselves.
你简直分分钟更性感 Well, you get sexier by the minute.
抱歉Andy 我不能这么做 I'm sorry, Andy. I can't do this.
但是你牵了我的手 总有点意义吧 But you held my hand? That means something.
是 Yes.
那是在暗示你我想走了 It means I was trying to get you to leave.
我知道我们就像粉笔和奶酪一样截然不同 Look. I know we're like chalk and cheese,
但是为什么不能在一起呢 but why can't we be together?
我结婚了 I'm married.
不 你已经离了 No. You're divorced.
和第一任丈夫离了 和第二任还结着呢 Yes. From my first husband. I'm still married to my second.
尽管他常年不在家 Even if he is away most of the time.
那你的戒指呢 But where's your ring?
我喜欢我现在的生活 井然有序 Look, I like my life the way it is. It's tidy.
没人受伤 通常没有 Nobody gets hurt. Usually.
我只想找个炮友 就是这样 I want a fling, that's it.
如果你还想要更多 只能找别人了 If you're looking for something more, you need to look elsewhere.
但如果你能接受 But if you can handle
和一个熟女毫无羁绊地翻云覆雨 barn-storming sex with a powerful, older woman, no strings attached
偶尔附送高级晚餐和旅行 那么 and the occasional all expenses paid meal or trips, then...
我就是你要找的人 I'm your gal.
所以你的决定是什么 So what's it going to be?
- Sam 你没事吧 - 没事 没事 - Sam, you all right? - Yeah, yeah.
只是一听潮湿乐队就有点悲伤 I just get a little sad whenever I hear Wet Wet Wet.
天啦 九十年代真是太讨厌了 God, the '90s sucked!
你确定不是我说了什么吧 Are you sure it's nothing that I've said?
我没让你难过或者 I haven't upset you or...?
你怎么会让我难过 How could you upset me?
你是这世界上最他妈好的人 You're the nicest fucking person in the world.
我就知道 你讨厌我 I knew it. You do hate me.
不 我不讨厌你 No. I don't hate you.
这种感觉就像有人穿了你的旧胸罩 Oh, it's like someone else wearing your old... bra.
我是说 当然 它有几个地方已经破了 I mean, sure, it had some holes in it
而且钢圈变形 总是戳到腋窝 但毕竟是自己的 and the wire, like, dug into your pits, but it was yours.
而且想找到一个好胸罩真的太难了 And it's really hard to find a good bra.
我真希望你能喜欢我 I just really wanted you to like me.
我以为我们可以做朋友 I thought we could be friends.
你在跟我的前任约会 所以会有点难 Well, you're dating my ex, so that's going to be a bit tricky.
但我能看出Ben是世界上最幸运的男人 But I can see that Ben is the luckiest man in the world
能和你在一起 该死的混蛋 to have you. Fucking bastard.
我能问你点事吗 Can I ask you something?
可以问吧 Yeah, sure.
你知道他左边的蛋上 那个包 You know his left ball, that lump...
- 噢那个 没事儿 一直都有 - 噢 太好了 - Oh, yeah, no, it's always been like that. - Oh, phew.
对了 Ben告诉了我那个好消息 Um... by the way, Ben told me the big news.
- 真的吗 - 嗯 - He did? - Hmm.
噢 我以为戒指备好之前要保密呢 Oh. I thought we were going to keep it a secret until the ring was ready.
- 什么 - 是啊 他没挑戒指就来求婚 - What? - Yeah, he proposed before having a ring picked out.
你知道他做事情多冲动 I mean, you know how impulsive he can be.
噢 天啊 Oh, God.
我真是太抱歉了 I am SO sorry.
不要告诉他我告诉了你 Oh, don't tell him that I told you.
求你也不要告诉Errol And please don't tell Errol.
我知道他想等时机成熟了再公布 Because I know that he wants to break the news to him when the time's right.
噢天哪 现在你肯定讨厌我了 Oh, God, now you must definitely hate me.
不 不 No. No.
不 我兴奋得说不出话 No. I'm freaking pumped!
你真的这样想 You really mean that?
真的 你会让他成为一个非常非常开心的胸罩 Definitely. You are going to make him a very, very happy bra.
再次工作的感觉怎么样 So, how is it being back in the workforce?
还行 有一点无聊 All right. A little bit tedious.
你知道 常言说得好 Well, you know what they say
有意思的话就不叫工作了 if it was supposed to be fun, they wouldn't call it work!
不准和Sam上床 Don't fuck Sam.
准备好走了吗 Are we ready to go?
是 我这里都处理好了 Yup. I think we're all sorted here.
Bruce 一起走吗 Bruce? You coming?
好 我跟他们一起走了 Yes. I'm going to go with them.
噢 好吧 Oh, all right, OK.
再见 Bye!
呃 Errol Uh... Errol?
是 Willow 是我 Yes, Willow. It's me.
我知道你肯定在想 Now, I know you're thinking, you must be thinking,
"三重麻烦69"那么酷 怎么可能和Errol是一个人 "How can TripleTrouble69 and Errol both be the same person, when he's so cool?"
我告诉你吧 Willow 因为我本来就很酷 Well, I'll tell you. Because, Willow, I am cool.
你只是以前没有发现 You just couldn't see it before.
现在你知道我的秘密了 我们在一起会更酷的 But now that you know my secret, we can be cool together.
Willow 你愿意跟我约会吗 Willow, will you go out with me?
哇哦 Errol 你真是个疯狂的小子 Wow. Errol. You're a crazy little man.
佩服 但抱歉 我只跟会跳舞的帅哥约会 Respect. But I'm sorry, I only go with fit dancers.
我能跳舞 我会很多舞步 I can dance. I've got the moves.
真的吗 让我看看 Yeah? Let's see 'em.
背景音乐为 - P-Money
这段发到网上肯定会很赞的 This will make a great Vine.
谢谢你逗笑了我们 小子 Thanks for the lolz, man.
感谢你们的到来 Thanks for coming.
背景音乐为 - The Kinks
我能坐这儿吗 Can I sit here?
随你便 Do what you like.
- 你看了吗 - 看了 - Have you seen it? - Yep.
有多糟 How bad is it?
"我是三重麻烦69" 'I am TripleTrouble69.
"我会很多舞步" 'I've got the moves.
"我们在一起会更酷的" 'We can be cool together.'
呃 Tiff Um... Tiff...
很抱歉 我之前太混蛋了 I'm sorry that I acted like an idiot.
你是我最好的朋友 我 You're my best friend. And I...
我发誓再也不会不理你 I swear I'll never blank you again.
好 Ok.
嘿 Errol Hey, Errol.
我不管别人怎么说 我觉得你跳得很可爱 I don't care what anyone says. I think your dancing was cute.
谢谢 Ruby Thanks, Ruby.
"请Errol Meyer立刻前往校长办公室" 'Would Errol Meyer report 'to the Head Teacher's office, immediately?'
哇哦 Whoa...
他们怎么罚你了 So, what's the damage?
放学后留校两周 Detention for two weeks
并且向账号上提到的每个老师同学道歉 and an apology to every teacher and student I mentioned.
也不都是坏事儿 It's not all bad though, um,
Willow和她的小伙伴给我的舞步起了个名 Willow and her crew have named a dance move after me.
三重麻烦舞 其实挺酷的 The TripleTrouble. It's quite cool, actually.
事实是 酷就像疱疹 Fact is cool is like herpes.
有就是有 没有就是没有 You've either got it or you haven't.
你和Teresa怎么样了 How's it going with Teresa?
很好啊 Yeah, great.
她完全理解我不是谈恋爱的料 She totally gets the fact that I'm not a relationship kind of guy.
尽管她苦苦哀求 我也直走没回头 I mean, she begged, sure, but I stood my ground.
我就像潜行的雄狮 永远在寻找下一个猎物 I'm like a lion on the prowl. Always hunting for my next meal.
你知道一般都是由母狮子捕猎吧 You know that the female lion does most of the hunting, right?
Melodie Thomas 接受了你的好友申请
噢 Andy舅舅 看我拿了什么 Oh, Uncle Andy. Look what I got.
做得好 三重麻烦 Nice work, TripleTrouble.
喂 Hey!
快跑啊 Leg it!
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