翻译: 149 Sherry 扭头
校对: 诺兰的小女儿乖安宝 耶和华见证者怪查理
不给糖就捣乱 Trick or treat!
后期: 怪查理
Andy 你在这里干嘛 Andy, what are you doing here?
我不是说了 别不请自来了吗 I told you never to come without an invitation.
你好几个星期没给我打电话了 I haven't heard from you in a couple of weeks,
压制: 怪查理
所以我就想来给你个惊喜 突然袭击 好玩嘛 so I thought I'd surprise you and be spontaneous and fun-loving.
我丈夫在家 而且邻居家的窗帘开着 My husband's home. And the neighbour's blinds are open.
总监: 怪查理
这样的话 Oh, then in that case.
我能给您介绍些耶和华见证人的刊物吗 Can I interest you in some Jehovah's Witness literature?
Andy 我们该结束了 Andy, I think we're done.
你陷得越来越深了 You're getting too attached.
什么 才没有呢 你看 What? No, I'm not, see?
你给我发了你20张裸照 You sent me 20 naked selfies.
我知道 是为了要有那种手翻书的动画效果 I know, I was kind of going for that flip book approach, you know?
我爱我丈夫 我不想毁了我的婚姻 I love my husband. I don't want to ruin my marriage.
好吧 那 我们也可以只做普通朋友 OK. You know... We can just be friends.
你还想只做普通朋友 你没法跟女人做普通朋友的 You? Want to be friends? You can't be friends with women.
怎么不能 我爱女人 Why not? I love women.
我认识你虽然不久 I haven't known you long
不过我也知道你会毁了一切你爱的东西 but long enough to know that you break everything you love.
如果你真的爱女人 就该离开她们 If you really love women, you'll leave them alone.
废柴舅舅
第二季 第四集
电波诚译
Andy Andy?
- Shelley - 你还好吗 - Shelley? - You all right?
还好 我就是来 看些闲书 Yeah, I'm just doing some... Light reading.
在女性刊物里找吗 In the feminist book section?
是啊 算是我新的修炼 Yeah, it's part of my new, er, overhaul.
我还在吃枸杞呢 I'm eating goji berries now as well.
不错啊 最近怎么样 Good for you. How are things?
挺好 音乐搞得还不错 Yeah, good. I mean, the music stuff is picking up.
你呢 还做派对的活儿吗 How about you, you still doing party gigs?
不 我不干那个了 实在忍不了了 No, I quit. I couldn't stand it any more.
我去了一家唱片公司工作 I started working for a label.
现在是个MV总监了 I'm a music video commissioner now.
噢 加入敌方阵营了 Oh, you joined the enemy?
我能培养新歌手 看好多演出 I get to nurture new acts, see loads of gigs.
简直不能更开心了 Happiest I've ever been.
除了咱俩在一起那段日子对吧 Except for that time that me and you were together?
嗯 当然啦 Yeah. Of course.
之前 太对不起你了 Look, I... I'm sorry about...
Andy 没关系了 Andy, it's fine.
跟你约会那段日子对我来说很重要 Going out with you was an important part of my life.
我当时自己都看不起自己 I mean, my self-esteem was at an all time low
职业生涯一片黑暗 and my career was going nowhere.
不过 你知道的 总得遇到最低谷才会开始往上爬 But, you know, I had to hit rock bottom to pick myself up again.
呃 好 很高兴能帮上你的忙 Well, you know, glad that I could help.
你最近在约会吗 So, you seeing anyone?
嗯 叫Lyle 在一起一年了 Yeah. Lyle. For about a year now.
他喜欢蒙福之子 你肯定会讨厌他 你呢 He likes Mumford & Sons, you'd hate him. You?
蒙福之子 英国独立民谣乐队
没 没 没啊 Nah. No. No, no.
最近就想一个人静一静 Just taking time for myself, really.
过和尚一样的生活 Practically living like a monk.
- Errol怎么样了 - 他挺好的 还是那么怪 - How's Errol? - Yeah, he's good. You know, still weird.
有时间要不要一起吃个饭 Look, do you want to maybe, um, get a bite to eat some time?
就像普通朋友一样 You know, just as friends?
你想当普通朋友 You want to be just friends?
是啊 为什么不 你在跟蒙福之子约会 Yeah, why not? I mean, you're seeing Mumford & Sons
我也正坚守独身 and I've taken a vow of celibacy.
我没打诳语 I'm not monk-ing about.
好吧 有时间的话 Yeah, maybe some time.
那好 Yeah, sounds goo...
妈呀 Whoo!
呃 多久了 Um, er, how long?
八个月 你还是愿意做朋友的 对吧 Eight months. You're still happy being friends, right?
孩 好 当然愿意 Baby, maybe. Definitely.
很高兴见到你 Andy Nice seeing you, Andy.
背景音乐 - Bert Jansch
有人吗 Hello?
Andy 你在这干嘛 Andy, what are you doing here?
Shelley怀孕了 Shelley's pregnant.
恭喜她 但你不能就这么不请自来 Great, but you can't just come in out of the blue.
我给你钥匙是为了紧急事件的 I gave you the key for emergencies.
Shelley怀孕了 这就是个紧急事件 Shelley's knocked up, this is an emergency.
她看起来那么幸福 She looked so happy.
我从来没有让任何人那么幸福过 Errol在吗 I've never made anyone that happy. Is Errol in?
不在 他去拿学校万圣节派对要穿的服装了 Er, no, he's just, he's, er, he's getting his costume for the school Halloween party.
我就在这等他回来 I'll just crash here until he gets back.
不 你得走了 No! You should go.
你是不是有客人 Have you got someone here?
哈哈我倒是想呢 Yeah, right I wish.
我最近唯一的活动就是动感单车课 Yeah, the only action I'm getting is my spinning class.
"感受脂肪的燃烧" "加油骑" "Earn the burn", "Spin to win"...
好吧 我走 Fine, I'll go.
不 不 你还是留下吧 No! No. You should stay.
你饿了吗 Are you hungry?
- 亲爱的 怎么样 - 糟透了 - Hey, sweetie. How'd it go? - It was a nightmare.
我想扮成牛顿 但是他们没有那种假发了 I wanted to go as Isaac Newton but they ran out of baroque wigs.
天啊 这种痛苦真让我感同身受 Oh, no! I hate it when that happens.
如果我穿着这身 拿着<卫报> If I go wearing these clothes, holding a Guardian,
斯诺登将美国国安局的监听项目秘密文档披露给了<卫报>和<华盛顿邮报>
别人会觉得我是斯诺登吗 could I pass for Edward Snowden?
- 妈的 - 怎么了 - Oh, shit. - What?
Amy不干了 我们今晚派对少了个监护人 Amy's dropped out. We're a chaperone short for the party tonight.
就是一群书呆子 得要多少个监护人 It's just a bunch of geeky kids, how many chaperones do you need?
一军队 An army.
去年 在教职工休息室出现了烟雾弹 饮料里有泻药 Last year, there were smoke bombs in the faculty lounge, laxatives in the punch bowl,
太妃糖苹果上浇了辣椒油 chilli oil on the toffee apples,
还有意外怀孕什么的 an unplanned pregnancy...
听起来就是卡姆登普通的一个晚上 Sounds like an average night out in Camden.
卡姆登 伦敦中下阶级的购物娱乐场所 朋克文化发源地
不如你来当监护人吧 Why don't you chaperone then?
- 绝对不 - 妈 我喜欢Andy舅舅 - Hell, no. - Mum, I like Uncle Andy,
但我都觉得这主意太差了 and even I think that's a horrible idea.
拜托 你能应付小孩的 Come on, you can handle kids.
再说 Melodie也会在 Plus, Melodie will be there.
不 No.
不 她有主了 我也忙着呢 No, she's taken and I'm busy.
况且你是不会想让我去的 You don't want me there, anyway.
我总会把事情搅乱 I'll just balls things up like I normally do.
那有什么 我这种场合还总会情绪崩溃呢 Big deal. I always end up an emotional wreck at these things.
我也总装不了酷 And I always have a chance to look cool and blow it.
那我们今晚统一正常起来 怎么样 So what if we just decide to not do our usual shit tonight, guys?
这个家可以有一晚上在外面不丢人的 This family is capable of having one night out, without self-destructing.
我们只要做事 说话 思考前 多想想 We just have to think before we act or speak or think.
来不来 Who is with me?
操 好吧 Fuck it, I'm in.
只要我来选这个斯诺登穿什么衣服 As long as I get to choose Edward Snowden's costume.
- 好 - 啥 - Deal. - Wait, what?
你确定别人能懂 Are you sure people are going to get this?
我看起来不像一个低龄殡葬师吗 I don't just look like an underage mortician?
放松点 你看起来很酷 Relax. You look cool.
最好很酷 我要靠着这衣服送出我的初吻呢 I'd better. This costume has to get me my first kiss.
初吻 First kiss?!
不 那个 没问题 No, I mean, no biggy.
书呆子都爆发的晚 You know, nerds bloom late.
等你有自己的百万美元软件公司 Once you're there and have your own million-dollar software corporation,
女人们都会争着抢着要你 women'll be climbing over each other to get you.
我可等不了那么久 I can't wait that long, though.
研究表示男孩到一定年龄还没有经历这些事的话 Research shows that boys who don't hit certain social milestones
很有可能心理畸形变成杀人狂的 are more likely to become serial killers!
好吧 好吧 淡定点 All right, all right, calm down.
你想好和哪个女孩了吗 Have you even got a girl in mind?
Ruby 我觉得她对我有意思 Ruby. I think she's been flirting with me.
有一天我跟她借一根笔 The other day I asked her if I could borrow her pen
她真的借给我了呢 and she actually gave it to me.
哇 一整根笔呢 那单向乐队那事儿呢 Wow, not a whole pen! What about that One Direction thing?
噢她不在乎了 她现在喜欢蒙福之子了 Oh, she's moved on. She's into Mumford & Sons now.
你居然不借给我你的电子琴 I can't believe you wouldn't lend me a keyboard.
电子琴可不是道具 Keyboards aren't props.
但是我这又不是电子吉他猫 Yeah, but it's not Keytar Cat.
算了 至少我穿了节日装扮了 Whatevs, at least I'm wearing a costume.
- 我这也是装扮好吗 - 没人能懂的 - This is a costume. - No-one is going to get it.
有品位的人就能懂 People with taste will get it.
唯一能懂你的人就是那些诡异的网络宅 The only people that are going to get yours are weird, creepy internet geeks.
嘿 电子琴猫 Hey, Keyboard Cat!
电子琴猫 网上很火的一只弹电子琴的猫
你们俩看起来不错呀 Looking great, guys.
谢谢 Thanks.
你能猜出来我们扮的是什么吗 Can you guess what we've come as?
当然 特别之队是我最喜欢的乐队了 Course. The Specials are my all-time favourite band.
鲁迪小子万岁 Rudy rude boys forever!
- 我就说 - 多吓人的一群人 - See? - What a frightful bunch!
嗨 Vaughn女士 你看起来真美 Hi, Ms Vaughn. You look fab.
- 猜猜我扮的是什么 - 巫婆吗 - Can you guess what I am? - A witch?
我是神仙教母 I'm a Fairy God Mother.
Vaughn女士 这是我的弟弟Andy 他来当Amy的替补 Ms Vaughn, this is my brother Andy. He's filling in for Amy.
我最擅长替补了 If you need something filling in, then I'm your man.
军情五处主题真棒 I'm loving the whole MI5 thing.
<军情五处>是我最爱的剧了 Spooks is my favourite.
军情五处 BBC一部描述特工生涯的间谍剧
这是你们的监护人徽章 Here are your chaperone badges.
记住 今晚不能有任何岔子 Remember, we don't want any trouble tonight.
Foster先生 把手从饮料里拿出来 Mr Foster! Hands out of the punch bowl now!
男女生之间距离至少一英尺 Girls and boys need at least one foot between them.
可不能跟去年似的 We don't want a repeat of last year.
当然我是不用担心你啦 Errol Of course, I don't have to worry about you, Errol!
- 女婊 - Errol - Bitch. - Errol!
什么 我说女巫 What? I said witch.
唔提醒我了 我要喝点东西 Which reminds me that I need a drink.
呃 我们监护人来 组个队吧 So, I guess we should, er, partner up as, er, chaperone buddies?
啊 好主意 Oh, yeah. Good idea.
玩的开心 Have fun.
真可悲 他们还觉得自己挺隐晦 Pathetic. They think they're being subtle.
真是的 你什么时候发现的 Seriously. When did you find out?
- 一个月前 你呢 - 一样 - About a month. You? - Same.
我当时拿着Bruce手机玩游戏 你妈发短信过来说 I was playing Flappy Bird on Bruce's phone when your mum texted
"我需要肉棒注射" 呕 "I need my meat injection." Cringe.
所有大人都这么丢人还是只是我们父母 Are all adults as embarrassing as this or is it just our parents?
大人让什么事都变得恶心 Old people make everything gross.
希望我恋爱的时候不要那么恶心 Hope I'm not as gross as that if I ever fall in love.
是啊 Yeah.
对了 衣服挺酷的 Er, cool suit, by the way.
啥 噢 谢谢 What? Oh, er, thanks, yeah.
Andy舅舅喜欢的一个什么蠢电影里的 It's from some dumb movie that Uncle Andy's obsessed with.
有些卡裆 It's giving me a bit of a wedgie.
不许叫不许跑 里面呆着去 No screaming or running! And get back inside.
你说这节怎么就能把我们的小天使变成恶魔 What is there about this night that turns our little angels into devils?
可不是吗 我自己都想做些坏事呢 You tell me. I'm feeling a little bit devilish myself.
电子琴猫欲火焚身了吗 Is Keyboard Cat in heat?
你说呢 50年代的机器人先生想不想要换换油 Depends, does 1950s robot need me to change his oil?
不过说真的 你真的能脱掉这东西吗 Seriously, can you even get out of this thing?
你一会儿就能发现这其实是组合式的 You'll be pleased to know this costume is modular.
想得美 傻逼 Nice try, dipshit.
嘿 那是我爸的 Hey, that's my dad's!
那你告诉你爸 Well, you can tell your dad...
他选威士忌的品味太差了 That he has got shit taste in whisky.
你在这里干嘛 废柴 What are you even doing here, loser?
我搞完你妈没事干呗 Well, I got finished slamming your mum early,
嗯 对了 衣服不错 so, er, nice costume by the way.
恰到好处 你不觉得吗 Bit on the nose, don't you think?
你扮的什么 屎衣人吗 What're you supposed to be, A shit Men in Black?
- Jake Blues <福禄双霸天>里的 - 没听说过 - Jake Blues, The Blues Brothers? - Never heard of it.
福禄双霸天 一部充满音乐表演的无厘头喜剧
也对 毕竟不是皮克斯动画 Obviously. It's not a Pixar film.
真是个大傻屌 What a massive dick.
你爸就是这么说的 Yeah? That's what your dad said...
在你妈 When your mum...
告诉他我有多大的时候说的 Told him how big I was.
头放进去 好样的 Charlie Go on, get in there, that's it, Charlie!
只当普通朋友 你行的 Just friends, you can do this.
对 你行的 That's it, you can do it!
嘿 朋友 Hey, friend!
嘿 Andy 黑客帝国造型不错 Hey, Andy. Nice Matrix costume.
呃 谢谢 Oh, er, thank you.
你觉得我的怎么样 我自己做的 What do you think of mine? Made it myself.
看起来很美 It looks really well-made.
噢 呃 要接受我的苹果蛊惑吗 Oh, can I, er, can I tempt you?
噢 呃 Oh, um...
现在不行 Not right now.
<黑客帝国>里的角色是不吃东西的 记得吧 Er, Matrix men don't eat, remember.
嘿 小的们 怎么样 Hey kiddies, how's it shaking?
嘿 Ryan 这身<回到未来>的装扮不错啊 Hey, Ryan. That's a really good Back to the Future costume.
回到未来 美国科幻电影 共三部 Ryan打扮的是主角Marty的样子
你觉得呢 Do you think?
老实说 我一直在Marty和George McFly之间摇摆不定 I was sort of torn between Marty and George McFly, to be honest.
<回到未来>中的男主角和他父亲
"我是你的密度之人" "I'm your density."
为电影<回到未来>中George Mcfly的台词
我是说"命定之人" I mean, "Destiny."
哇 你太可爱了 Aw, you're so cute.
看紧他噢 Keep an eye on this one.
呃 Melodie说 你家收藏有很酷炫的唱片 So, um, Melodie said you've got a really sick discography at home.
Melodie跟你说她去过我家 Melodie mentioned that she'd been round my flat?
对啊 那天晚上你们玩得可嗨了 Yeah, the night you guys got really mashed up.
别那副表情 Andy 她什么都跟我说 Don't look so stricken, Andy, she tells me everything.
她还跟我说 你是她认识的人中最有音乐品味的 Said that you have the best music taste out of any guy she'd ever met.
噢 显然比不上你啊 Oh, aside from you, obviously.
当然 Obviously.
不过 最要紧的的是 咱俩讨厌同样的乐队 But what is most important is that we hate the same bands.
蒙福之子 Mumford&Sons.
我要用我的念力摧毁他们 I made them break up using just my psychic powers.
还好吧 All right?
没事 Yeah.
我看到Alfie往上面吐口水了 I saw Alfie spit on those.
我们应该融入他们 We should go and mingle.
- 想跟我一起去找Ruby聊天吗 - 不要 - Do you want to come and talk to Ruby with me? - No.
走吧 你们可以谈些小女生的事 Come on. You two can talk about girl things.
我讨厌小女生的事 I hate girl things.
业余时间我喜欢搞点音乐 I love jamming in my spare time
不过音乐事业这东西 就是玩闹 but the music career thing, just a bit of a lark.
教学才是我真正的使命 Teaching is my true calling.
就像<火线>第四季里的Pryzbylewski Like Pryzbylewski in, er, season 4 of The Wire.
剧情类美剧 剧中角色Pryzbylewsk原本是警探 在第四季中成为一名数学老师
虽然我是直男 但是此刻已深深爱上你了 I'm so heterosexually attracted to you right now.
要没有那位老姑娘 If it wasn't for the old lady friend...
她是个不错的女生 She's a good one.
她是我的真命天女 She's THE one.
我这一辈子 从没如此确定过 Never been more certain of anything in my whole life.
呃 Sardson老师 有人在男厕所扔了个臭气弹 Oh, Mr Sardson, someone let off a stink bomb in the boys loo.
好吧 使命召唤 Well, duty calls.
背景音乐 - Donovan
不说声再见就走吗 Are you leaving without saying goodbye, then?
嘿 是啊 Hey. Yeah.
呃 我不是很享受这个派对 Er, I'm not feeling so hot.
大概是我的"母体系统"出故障了 Must be a glitch in the Matrix or something
不过 很高兴见到你 but, um... It was really nice seeing you.
而且 你看起来很幸福 And... you look really happy.
打扰一下 Thomas老师 Thomas老师 Excuse me, Ms Thomas, Ms Thomas.
有个女生下楼梯滑倒了 A girl just slipped down the stairs,
她好像摔伤脚踝了 I think she's broken her ankle!
噢 天呐 Andy 过来帮下忙吧 Oh, God. Andy, will you come help?
呃 好 Er, yep.
事情很顺利 Everything seems in order.
她就在那边 She's just in there.
她在哪儿呢 Where is she?
哎呦喂 这不是"白雪公公"和"屎衣人"吗 Well, well, if it ain't Snore White and Men in Crap.
噢 我操 Oh, shit.
好好享受你们的夜晚吧 女士们 Enjoy your all-night lez-off, ladies.
Alfie 住手 Alfie, no!
Alfie Foster 你有大麻烦了 Alfie Foster, you are in deep shit!
- 嗨 Ruby - 噢 你们好 - Hi, Ruby. - Oh, hey, guys.
裙子不错 Nice dress.
鬼套装挺酷 我也喜欢你的衣服 Errol Cool ghost costume. I like yours too, Errol.
这裤子卡着他裆了 It's giving him a wedgie.
她开玩笑呢 She's joking.
女生谈话 Girl talk!
那个 Ruby 你来例假了吗 So, Ruby, have you started your period yet?
- 呃 - 哈哈 - Er... - Ha-ha...
几周前 有天我还跑出去帮我妈买卫生棉条呢 No, I had to go out and buy my mum some tampons the other week.
那个收银员估计觉得我是个男孩气的女同 Yeah, I think the cashier thought I was some sort of boyish lesbian.
你知道吗 古埃及的时候就有卫生棉条了 You know tampons have been around since ancient Egypt?
他们把例假称为"法老的诅咒" They used to call periods "The Pharaoh's curse."
很疯狂 对吧 Crazy stuff, right?
女士们 Ladies?!
嘿 Rubes 我们偷了Vaughn老师的钥匙 Hey, Rubes, we stole Ms Vaughn's keys
准备去教师办公室玩天堂七分钟 and we're going to the staff room to play Seven Minutes In Heaven,
你要去吗 want to come?
天堂七分钟是什么 What's Seven Minutes In Heaven?
在壁橱里玩的接吻游戏 It's a kissing game you play in a cupboard.
你可以带上你的朋友 You can bring your friends too.
Errol和Tiffany怎么样 What about Errol and Tiffany?
E傻和T胖 他俩就算了吧 Air-hole and Tuf-fanny? I don't think so.
要么带上我所有的朋友 要么我们谁都不去 It's either me and ALL my friends, or none of us at all.
来人啊 Someone help!
谁设计的这个门啊 Josef Fritzl吗 Who designed this door, Josef Fritzl?!
Josef Fritzl 奥地利囚女乱伦案中的兽父 将女儿囚于地下室长达24年
要死的 我手机没有信号 你的呢 Shit, I haven't got any bars, have you?
没有 Alfie最好因此被开除 No. Alfie'd better get expelled for this.
没错 可是他爸爸是董事会的 Yeah, well, his dad's on the board of governors.
动不了他啊 He's untouchable.
好吧 起码不是我的错 Well, at least it's not my fault.
怎么会是你的错呢 Why would it be your fault?
没什么 It doesn't matter.
等Ryan发现我不见了 就会来找我们的 Well, Ryan'll come looking for us once he sees I'm missing.
就算他没来 管理员也肯定会来开门的 And if not, the caretaker will definitely unlock the door...
- 不错 - 早上5点来开 - That's good. - .. at 5am.
我操 Fuck him.
现在呢 我快渴死了 And now I'm dying of thirst.
好吧 虽然不是水 不过也能解渴 Well, it's not water but it's wet.
那么 应该尽快告诉孩子们 对吧 So, should probably tell the kids soon, right?
当然 我只是在等合适的时机 Totally. Yeah, I'm just waiting for the right time.
Errol最近正跟他爸爸闹别扭 Errol's been annoyed with his dad lately
而我 很享受唱红脸的感觉 and I'm enjoying being the good guy for once.
我只希望Claire发现之后 不要杀了你 I just hope Claire doesn't try to murder you when she finds out.
为什么 你俩正在办离婚呢 她先出轨的 Why would she? You're getting a divorce, she cheated on you.
是啊 可她的思维不太正常 Yeah. Her brain doesn't work like that.
我们在一起的时候 When we were together,
她不准我的脸书有任何女性好友 I wasn't allowed any female Facebook friends.
- 我去 - 没错 - Shit. - Exactly.
不 我是说Claire在那边 No. It's Claire.
- 我要坦白几件事 - 呃 说吧 - I have a confession. - Er, shoot.
不是Claire甩了我 是我离开了她 Claire didn't leave me. I left her.
- 好吧 - 现在她想让我回心转意 - OK... - And now she's trying to win me back.
什么 你怎么不跟她说咱俩在一起了 What? Why don't you just tell her we're together!
Claire 你看起来不错啊 Claire! You look great.
看看这个强壮的机器人 And look at this hunky robot.
噢 你擦了我最爱的古龙水 Ooh, you wear my favourite cologne.
像童子军一样 时刻准备着 Like a Boy Scout, always prepared.
嘿 Claire 你的装扮棒极了 Hey, Claire. That costume's fab.
什么装扮 What costume?
开玩笑的 Kidding!
<霹雳娇娃>曾是我和Bruce最爱玩的角色扮演 Charlie's Angels used to be mine and Bruce's favourite role play.
你过得怎么样 Sam 好久不见了 Anyway, how are you, Sam? It's been too long.
对啊 上次见面我还没长出这些胡子呢 Yeah. I probably didn't have these whiskers then.
其实 你有胡子 Actually, you did.
不过说真的 如果你想去美容院 Seriously though, if you want to pop in the salon,
我们能立即脱毛 we'll wax that right off.
你还干着那个心理医生的工作呢 So, you still doing that psychology stuff?
我总是觉得Bruce应该去看看 I always thought Bruce should go to therapy.
抱歉 我们能 Sorry, can we not...
噢 放松点 只是跟Sam聊聊 Oh, relax. It's only Sam.
她又不是你女朋友 It's not like she's your girlfriend.
有谁看到我的钥匙了吗 Has anyone seen my keys?
有谁看到Melodie了吗 Anyone seen Melodie?
说起来 Andy和Errol跑哪儿去了 Actually, where's Andy and Errol?
Bruce 咱们女儿呢 Bruce. Where's our daughter?
你转这个瓶子 不管把谁 So, you spin the bottle and whoever...
谁被 Whomever.
把谁指到 Whoever it lands on,
你们就进碗橱 在里面待上7分钟 you go in the cupboard with for seven minutes.
如果指到了同性 就再转一次 If it lands on someone of the same sex, you spin again.
这是歧视同性恋 That's homophobic.
然后 我在他老爸的宾利车上刻了个大鸡巴 And then, I scratched a massive dick into his dad's Bentley.
你瞎扯的 That never happened.
我对撒旦发誓 是真事儿 No, I swear to Satan, it happened.
不然你说Alfie为啥那么讨厌我 Why do you think Alfie hates me so much?
因为他是个傻逼 Because he's a cock.
我不该说我学生的坏话 I'm not supposed to badmouth my students.
- 你可以赖在威士忌身上 - 没错 - You can just blame it on the whisky. - Yeah.
我记得那天是我 自从毕业之后 I remember that was the day that
头一回再次见到Shelley I first saw Shelley again, since school.
今天我又碰见她了 她怀孕了 I saw her today. She's pregnant.
你听起来不怎么开心啊 You don't sound too thrilled.
我从不是谁的美好结局 你懂吧 我就像是爵士乐 I'm never anyone's happy ending. You know, I'm a bit like jazz.
起初你觉得挺不错 可到了最后 You think it's a good idea at the time and then, in the end,
都是以失望和混乱告终 it's just disappointing and messy.
是啊 你躲过了我这一劫啊 Yeah, you dodged a bullet with me.
躲过一劫 Dodged a bullet?
是啊 你看 因为 Well, you know, cos...
没什么了 .. it doesn't matter.
不过 你遇到你的白马王子了 对吧 But you've met your Prince Charming, haven't you?
Ryan超好的 Yeah. Ryan's amazing.
他就像是精选专辑 对吧 He's like a greatest hits album, isn't he?
你俩在一起一定很幸福 I'm sure you'll be very happy together.
怎么听起来像是损我呢 Why does that feel like an insult?
你知道吗 You know it's...
Ryan和我不见得 It's not like Ryan and I are...
会结婚或什么的 Married or anything.
现在你开始说醉话了 Now, that is the whisky talking.
我可能是个坏小子 I might be a bad person
但那并不意味着我要做坏事 所以呢 but that doesn't mean I have to make bad decisions, so...
我要把这个拿走 然后坐到那边去 I'm gonna take this, and I'm gonna sit over there.
到你了 Rubes It's your turn, Rubes.
指的是两人中间 再转一次 It's between two people. Do over.
*天堂里短短七分* *Seven minutes in heaven*
*地狱中漫漫一生* *Or a lifetime in hell*
*在天堂的七分 我最亲爱的人* *Seven minutes in heaven, darling*
*此刻下结论还太早* *It's too early to tell*
*一 二 三 四 五 六 七* *One, two, three, four, five, six, seven*
*整整七分钟时间 与你天堂游一番* *Got seven whole minutes just to take you to heaven*
*你我之间的魔力 究竟是何搞不清* *Was there something between us, if there was, what was it?*
*困在这壁橱中 不在那衣柜里* *Trapped in a cupboard but I'm not in a closet*
*呼吸开始困难 气息越来越喘* *Breathing so hard, going faster and faster*
*也许是那灰尘 引发我的哮喘* *But it might be the dust, it's affecting my asthma*
*时间飞速流逝 心情愈发慌张* *Time's running out at a rate that's alarming*
*你是童话里的公主 妈的我是白马王子* *You're my fairytale princess, I'm your Prince Fucking Charming*
*一圈一圈一圈 瓶子不停地转* *Round, round, round, goes the spin of the bottle*
*请你速度放缓 让我喘息正常* *Better slow down, don't give it full throttle*
*我喜喜喜欢你 我超超超爱你* *I like, like you so hard, I like, like you to bits*
*你就像是天使 带着胸部降临* *You look like an angel, an angel with tits*
*我曾年复一年 帮你完成作业* *I've helped you with homework for terms and terms*
*我就是想吻你 细菌都不在意* *I wanted to kiss you, to hell with the germs*
*想引你直上云霄 直到你说还想要* *Want to take you heaven till you're begging for more*
*我有整整七分 四分就已足够* *I got seven whole minutes but I'll only need four*
*我不懂你为何 不愿顺其自然* *I don't know why you wouldn't want this to be anything that it could be*
*请告诉我你为何 偏要结束这一切* *I don't know why you would want this to end*
*天堂里的七分钟* *Seven minutes in heaven*
*噢 噢 没错* *Oh, oh, yeah*
*天堂里的七分钟* *Seven minutes in heaven*
*噢 噢 没错* *Oh, oh, yeah*
*天堂里的七分钟* *Seven minutes in heaven*
*噢 噢 没错* *Oh, oh, yeah*
*天堂里的七分钟* *Seven minutes in heaven*
*噢 噢 没错* *Oh, oh, yeah*
- 再转一次 - 不 - Spin again. - No!
你定的规矩 Alfie You made the rules, Alfie.
走吧 Errol Come on, Errol.
Melodie Melodie?
Tiff Tiff?
呃 你跟Errol的妈妈在一起多久了 So, er, how long have you been with Errol's mum?
哇哦 谁说我和Errol的妈在一起了 Wow, wow, who says I'm with Errol's mum?
拜托 又不难发现 Come on, it doesn't take a rocket scientist.
再加上我看到你们一起从储物间出来了 Plus, I saw you guys coming out of the broom cupboard together.
拜托别告诉我前妻 Please don't tell my ex.
放松 这又不是我的事 Relax, it's none of my business.
不过出于好奇 作为一个结过婚的男人 Out of curiosity though, as a formerly married man,
你是怎么 求婚的 how did you, um, propose?
其实是Claire向我求婚的 Claire proposed to me, actually.
富勒姆对斯托克城的中场 Half-time at the Fulham-Stoke match.
均为英国足球俱乐部
投射在两万名观众面前的大屏幕上 Projected on the big screen in front of 20,000 fans.
那肯定是超美好的一天 It must've been a great day.
是的 我们二比零赢了 Yeah, it was. We won 2-0.
Tiff Tiff?!
我喜欢好的衣柜 Love a good closet.
这就像在电梯里 It's like being in a lift
但是没有那些液压风险因素 but without all of the hydraulic risk factors.
我不能吻你 Errol I can't kiss you, Errol.
不 当然不 我也不推荐 No, definitely, no. I'd, er, recommend against.
只是想搞清楚一下 为什么我们不能接吻 Just to be clear though, why aren't we kissing?
我只是想确认一下现状 I just want to be on the same page.
你是有另外喜欢的男生了吗 Is there another boy you fancy?
不 是Tiffany No. It's Tiffany.
你喜欢Tiffany You fancy Tiffany?
哇 好吧 这我倒是没料到 Wow, OK. I didn't see that coming.
现在我明白了你喜欢单向乐队只是一种过度补偿而已 Now I see how the One direction thing was just an overcompensation.
不 Tiffany喜欢你 我怕她会打我 No, Tiffany fancies you and I'm afraid she'll beat me up.
不 不可能 No, that's crazy.
Rubes E傻的口臭已经把你熏倒了吗 Rubes? Is Air-hole's breath knocking you out already?
走开 Alfie Go away, Alfie!
听着 如果Tiffany没有喜欢上你的话 Look, if Tiffany didn't have a crush on you,
为什么她一直跟着你 why does she follow you everywhere?
她是我的保镖 She's my bodyguard.
我在课上看见过她看你的样子 I've seen the way she looks at you in class.
她只是在留意有没有狙击手 She's just keeping an eye out for snipers.
听着 如果我们接吻了 我们不用告诉任何人 Look, if we kiss, we don't have to tell anyone.
你在生我的气吗 Are you angry with me?
不是 No.
是 Yes.
人们看到我都觉得我是什么无辜的小 People look at me and all they see some innocent little...
波丽安娜 Pollyanna.
儿童小说<波丽安娜>中乐观善良的女主角
穿上这衣服更像了 Well, the costume's not helping.
我知道你觉得自己是怀才不遇的受难艺术家 Andy I know you think you're this tortured artist, Andy,
我也不是什么圣人 but I'm no angel.
我睡过已婚男人 I've slept with a married man.
我睡过已婚女人 I've slept with a married woman.
你现在只是挑起了我的性致而已 Now you're just turning me on.
我被关进过一次疯人院 I was sectioned once.
好吧性致减了 继续 OK, that's less sexy. Go on.
我有过进食问题 有 现在还有 I had food issues... Have, I have food issues.
有五年无法正常进食 Couldn't keep a meal down for five years.
有一次我在一小时内吃了三十个巧克力条 I ate 30 Crunchie bars in an hour, once,
我现在看到它们还是会不能克制地流汗 and I still can't see one without breaking a sweat.
官方诊断是自残性暴食症 Bulimia with self-harm was the official diagnosis.
Ryan知道这些吗 Does Ryan know all this?
我不想把他拉进这个烂摊子里 I don't want to pull him down into the darkness.
但你和我 我们已经身处其中了 Andy But you and me, we already live there, Andy.
所以你并不是在保护我不被大灰狼伤害 So you're not protecting me from the big bad wolf.
在遇见你之前我就早已毁了自己的生活了 I was ruining my own life long before I met you.
是超大装巧克力条还是普通装 Were they fun size Crunchies or the regular ones?
Tiff Tiff?!
Roly Roly?!
Sam 我能问你点事吗 Sam, can I ask you something?
是我额头上的皱纹吗 我知道我应该去打肉毒杆菌 Is it the lines on my forehead? Yeah, I know I should get Botox.
但我就是 我讨厌针头 But I'm just, I hate needles.
所以我从不静脉注射海洛因 That's why I never mainlined heroin.
不是皱纹的事 但是我可以给你弄到优惠 It's not the lines but I can get you a good price on those.
作为一个心理医生 我说的一切都是保密的 对吧 As a therapist, anything I say is confidential, right?
对 对 当然 对 Yeah, yeah. Absolutely, yeah.
你觉得我可怕吗 Do you think I'm scary?
你吗 You?
不 No.
不吗 只是有时候 No? It's just that sometimes
我觉得我和Bruce结束 I think things ended with me and Bruce
是因为我太强势了 because I was overpowering.
我以为是因为你出轨了 I thought they ended because you cheated on him?
我们可以花整晚来讨论应该怪谁 We could be all night figuring out who's to blame,
只是他身上有些不一样的东西 it's just that there's something different about him.
闪光点 如果我之前不懂 A glow. If I didn't know any better...
- Clair 我只想说 - 我觉得他想和我复合 - Claire, I just want to say... - I think he wants me back.
- 什么 - 很明显 - Pardon? - It's obvious.
而且我知道Tiff不喜欢两个房子换着住 And I know Tiff hates living between two houses.
看看你儿子现在的样子 你觉得呢 I mean, look how it's damaged your boy. What do you think?
我们应该再试一次吗 Should we give it another go?
- 呃 - 你们俩在这儿呢 - Erm... - There you two are!
我觉得我知道孩子们可能在哪儿了 I think I know where the children might be.
你们还剩一分钟 You've got a minute left.
或许我们应该提前出去 Maybe we should just come out early.
也算是败得有勇气 There's valour in defeat.
-等等 - 够了 我要进来了 - Wait. - 'That's it. I'm coming in.'
别打扰他们 Alfie Leave them alone, Alfie.
你不介意你男朋友和学校最漂亮的 Don't you mind your boyfriend's in there with the
女生一起在那里面吗 prettiest girl in school?
- 闭嘴 你只是嫉妒了 - 放开我 T胖 - Shut up, you're just jealous. - Get off me, Tuf-fanny!
这湿湿的感觉 What's that...
是什么 .. wet feeling?
不是我 我发誓 It's not me, I swear!
噢不 Oh, no.
我觉得我刚迎来了我的第一次 I think I just got my first...
法老的诅咒 .. Pharaoh's curse.
等等 你的第一次 你是说你 你从没 Wait, your first? You mean you've... You've never...
所以你 迎来了第一次月经 So you've, er, had your first period.
呃 恭喜 Erm, congratulations.
你是个女人了 别慌 You're a woman. Don't freak out.
这 有些女生就会来的比较晚 It, er, happens late for some girls.
我们还是可以接吻的 对吧 We can still kiss, though, can't we?
我必须得走了 I have to go!
- 啊 - Ruby等等 - Argh! - Ruby, wait!
什么情况 群交吗 What's going on? Is this an orgy?!
出去 Get out!
Roly 这是怎么回事 Roly, what is going on here?
你有什么好在乎的 你光顾着和Bruce搞在一起了 What do you care? You're too busy with Bruce to understand!
Bruce 他在说什么 Bruce? What's he talking about?
Sam和Bruce睡过了 Sam and Bruce are shagging.
孩子的想象力啊 Kids' imaginations!
听着 Claire 我能解释 事情就是 Listen, Claire, I can explain everything. The thing is...
我要跑了 that I'm going to run.
Ryan要求婚了 Ryan's going to propose.
- 你怎么知道 - 我能感觉到 - How do you know? - I can just feel it.
就像你吃了十二包麦提莎 Like when you eat 12 packets of Maltesers
然后你知道自己要生病了一样 and you know you're going to be sick.
你吃过十二包麦提莎 You've eaten 12 packets of Maltesers?
我的最高记录是十八包 18's my record.
是我看<吸血鬼猎人巴菲>的时候达到的 That's what I get for watching the Buffy box set.
Ryan真的是个不错的男人 You could do a lot worse than Ryan.
是啊我知道 Yeah, I know.
Ryan很善良 而且 Ryan's nice and...
优秀 风趣 Good, fun...
有安全感 Safe.
安全感挺好 Safe is good.
但我不想要安全感 But I don't want to be safe.
我想要 I want to be...
刺激 thrilled.
只要再一次 Just once more...
在我被永远禁锢之前 .. before I'm locked away for good.
呐 There.
看到没 See?
一切如故 Nothing ruined.
Melodie Melodie?
Ryan Ryan...
我知道了 是<落水狗>对吧 Got it! Reservoir Dogs!
落水狗 美国著名导演昆汀的经典处女作
Ryan 事情不是看起来这样的 Ryan, it's not what it looks like!
噢真的吗 因为看起来你们俩很像是在热吻 Oh, really? Cos it looked a lot like you two were sucking face.
我们不是在接吻 We weren't kissing,
Alfie把我们锁在储物间里 Alfie locked us in the storeroom
然后水果糖卡在我喉咙了 and then I got a Skittle stuck down my throat.
是橙色的吗 天呐我可讨厌那些家伙了 Was it an orange one? God, I hate those guys.
你一定觉得我很蠢吧 Andy You must think I'm stupid, Andy?
我不是没看见你们俩之间的火花 It's not like I didn't know there was a spark between you two
但我以为你不会那么下作 but I thought you were cooler than that.
你怎么能这样呢老兄 How could you, man?
而且还穿成我最喜欢的电影的角色 And dressed as a character from my all-time favourite film.
告诉你 我永远不会再看<福禄双霸天> You know, I'm never going to be able to watch Blues Brothers again.
太好了 Yes!
终于 有人看出来了 Finally, somebody gets... It...
Bruce 你在睡这个瘦骨如柴的贱人吗 Bruce, are you slamming this bony bitch?
嘿 噢 你觉得我瘦吗 Hey! Aww, do you think I'm bony?
我是开玩笑的 他们没有真的在一起 I was joking. They're not really together.
- 他们有 - 你他妈是谁 - Yes, they are. - Who the fuck are you?
Claire 你他妈是谁 Claire. Who the fuck are you?
我是Sam的弟弟 I'm Sam's brother.
等等 你是Bruce的前任 Claire Hang on, you're Bruce's ex, Claire?
而且你觉得他们俩在一起 And you think them two are together?
我觉得如果我姐姐在和Bruce上床的话我会知道的 I think I would know if my sister was shacking up with Bruce.
是真的 It's true.
抱歉我没有更早告诉你 Claire Sorry I didn't tell you sooner, Claire.
但现在所有事情都公开了 But now that everything's out in the open,
希望我们能像成年人一样处理这件事 hopefully we can handle this like adults.
- 是啊 - 是啊 - Yeah. - Yeah.
停战 Truce?
来啊 来啊 Yeah, yeah?
不 你敢 我刚染完发根 Don't! You wouldn't dare. I've just had my roots done!
这里发生了什么事 What on earth is going here?!
嗨 Tiff Hi, Tiff.
嘿 Hey.
我很感激你之前为我出头 I appreciate you sticking up for me before.
尤其是考虑到 Especially considering...
什么 What?
我只是想说谢谢 I just wanted to say thanks.
不用谢 You're welcome.
我还没说谢谢你呢 Haven't said thank you yet.
不管我多努力地做正确的事 No matter how hard I try doing things right,
最后总是有鸡蛋在我脸上 I always end up with egg on my face.
或者蛋糕在头发里 Or cupcake in your hair.
是我的错 It's my fault.
我应该诚实对待Claire的 I should have been honest with Claire.
我想我只是个故障的机器人 I guess I'm just a malfunctioning robot.
那就应该有人来把你修好 Somebody should probably give you a service then.
你说得对 You're right,
不然我们可能就会有大灾难喵 otherwise we might have a CAT-atsrophe on our hands.
- 噢 - 是吧 - Ow! - Yeah?!
Bruce 可以给我们点时间吗 Bruce, can you give us a minute?
听着 Claire 我只想说 我这方面呢 Look, Claire. I just want to say, for my part,
是我没有好好处理事情 很抱歉 I didn't handle the situation well and I'm really sorry.
是啊 在这之后我真的也需要 Yeah. I really need to step back
退一步然后好好审视一下自己 and take a good long look at myself after this too.
真的吗 Really?
假的 No.
小心点 贱人 Watch your back, bitch.
既然你早就知道你妈和Bruce的事 So, if you knew about your mum and Bruce...
为什么不告诉我 .. why didn't you tell me?
我觉得你会因为你和Bruce变得尴尬而崩溃 I figured you'd have a meltdown about it being weird between you and Bruce,
然后又扯到自己身上 and make it all about yourself.
你得到初吻了吗 Did you have your first kiss?
绅士从不多言 A gentleman never tells.
是啊 但福禄双霸天不藏着秘密的 对吧 Yeah, but Blues Brothers don't keep secrets, do they?
那好吧 All right, then.
你爱Melodie吗 Do you love Melodie?
你知道吗 You know...
下一年 我们应该扮成<捉鬼敢死队> .. next year, we should come as Ghostbusters.
太好了 又是一部我没听过的电影 Great. Another film I haven't heard of.
那里面的服装也会卡着裆吗 Are the costumes for that wedgie-inducing as well?
不 超级宽松舒适的 Nah. Super baggy and comfortable.
当然 我是Bill Murray Naturally, I'll be Bill Murray.
以下四人均为电影演员
你显然就会是Harold Ramis You'll be Harold Ramis, obviously.
而Bruce就得是Ernie Hudson了 And Bruce is going to have to be Ernie Hudson.
而Tiff就不得不当Aykroyd了 And Tiff is just going to have to live with being Aykroyd.
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背景音乐 - Warren Zevon