翻译: Sherry 149 FENGYUDEER
这有一个 "斯托克纽因顿一家夜店的门童职位" Here's one - "Door attendant for a nightclub in Stoke Newington."
这和音乐有关 That's music related.
校对: 睡不醒黑の乖安宝 达尔文灰の怪查理
站在斯托克的某个大门前 跟音乐其实没太大关系吧 Standing in a doorway in Stokey isn't REALLY music related, is it?
好吧 那这个咋样 "伊灵一家钢琴工厂的搬运工职位" All right. How about, "A mover at a piano factory in Ealing"?
后期: 怪查理
你看 Suzan 尽管我四肢发达 Look, Suzan, despite my brawny physic,
压制: 怪查理
可让你出乎意料的是 我不是做苦力的那块料 you might be surprised to learn I'm not much of pack mule.
我的腰间盘很突出 I have a bulging lumbar.
总监: 怪查理
并没有听起来这么下流 That's not as dirty as it sounds.
我放弃 King先生 这都好几周了 I give up, Mr King. We've been at this for weeks
我没找到任何一个符合你要求的工作 and I haven't found a single job up to your standards.
战斗机飞行员怎么样 How about fighter pilot?
该句为<壮志凌云>中Tom Cruise饰演角色的台词
"我有一种需求 我需要" "I feel the need, the need for..."
一份不要求长期训练和资格证书的工作 A job that doesn't take years of training and qualifications.
你有没有从事过与音乐无关的工作 Have you had any employment outside of music?
我十几岁的时候 曾在电影院工作过六个月 When I was a teenager I worked in a cinema for six months.
直到发生了玉米片事件 That was until the nacho incident.
卫生安全部门在液体奶酪里发现了一些东西 Health and safety found some swimmers in the liquid cheese.
不是我干的 但我担了责任 谁让我是个注重团队精神的人呢 It wasn't me, but I took the bullet cos I'm a team player.
然后 就是去年在地毯兄弟的工作了 And then I've just been working at Carpet Brothers for the last year.
直到我故意让老板解雇我 That was until I got myself intentionally fired.
- 你为什么这么做 - 当然是为了遣散费咯 - And why would you do that? - Severance, duh!
等等 咱俩的话是保密的吧 Wait, this is confidential right?
就像医患条款那样 This is like a doctor-patient thing?
废柴舅舅
第二季 第五集
电波诚译
你好 方解石先生 Hello, Mr Calcite.
你今天看起来很帅噢 Looking very handsome today.
玛瑙石
天河石
紫水晶
天使石
黑电气石
方解石
红玉髓
黄水晶
萤石
绿砂金石
混合
欧泊石
孔雀铜
石英石
石英和碧玉
红碧玉
透石膏
绿泥石
金刚砂
方钠石
谁动了我的矿石 Who's touched my minerals?
- 怎么啦 - 嗨 Roly - What's up sailor? - Hi, Roly.
他们本来是按照字母表的顺序排好的 They were all organised alphabetically
可是现在 猫眼石在萤石的位置 这是蓄意伤害 and now opal's in fluorite's place. It's mayhem!
你确定不是你自己摆错了吗 Are you sure you didn't move them by mistake?
摆错了 我 会犯错 Mistake? Me? Mistake?
我 呃 可能是我在打扫卫生的时候不小心碰到了 I, um, might have moved them accidentally while I was cleaning.
你打扫了我的房间 You cleaned my room?
亲爱的 让我们俩聊一下好吗 Sweetheart, would you give us a minute?
- Roly 听着 - 她还要待多久 - Roly, listen... - How long is she staying?
Roly 你得面对现实 她和我们一起生活 Roly, you have to face it, she's living with us now.
而且 请不要再用"她"称呼她了 And please stop calling her "She".
Veronica只是想帮忙而已 Veronica's only trying to help.
好吧 三周前我在卫生间看到了 Well, I found Helpful Veronica's super-plus tampons
热心的Veronica的超大号卫生棉条 in the bathroom three weeks ago.
所以呢 So...?
所以 据我推算 她正在排卵期 So by my calculations, she's ovulating.
因此 我强烈建议你们采取一些避孕措施 Therefore, I highly suggest that you use a prophylactic.
我们可不想要什么错误 We wouldn't want any mistakes.
Andy 我们得谈谈 Andy, we need to talk.
George 现在不行 我跟柏林那边有个电话会议 George, I can't talk now. Got a conference call with Berlin.
你晚了快三个月了 You're nearly three months late.
那我越来越胖 还有早上晨吐都说得通了吧 That explains the bloating and the morning sickness.
第一孕期哈 First trimesters, eh?
快交房租 Andy I want my rent, Andy.
我教你吉他 用来抵房租咋样 How about I pay you in guitar lessons?
我讨厌吉他 Hate guitar.
好吧 那这个呢 Fine. How about this, then?
你在用毒品收买我吗 Are you bribing me with drugs?
看情况吧 管用吗 That depends - is it working?
好吧 但是你要尽快给我钱 不然就滚蛋 Fine. But I want my money ASAP or you're out.
酷 Cool stuff.
- 啥事 - Andy 我是Ben - Yep? - Hey, Andy. It's Ben.
要死 Roly是不是跟你说了在商店里顺手牵羊的事 Shit. Did Roly tell you about the shoplifting?
- 是他让我干的 - 什么顺手牵羊 - He made me do it. - What shoplifting?
骗到你啦 Gotcha!
- 有什么事吗 - 你看看 - How can I help? - Listen,
这周末你能不能照看Roly can you take care of Roly this weekend?
Andy Andy?
抱歉 我去看看地狱是不是冻上了 Sorry, I was just checking to see if hell had frozen over.
我也不敢相信我说了这些 I can't believe I'm asking this either.
还有 不要告诉Sam 呃 And don't tell Sam this. Um...
他和Veronica有些初期磨合的问题 He's having a few teething problems with Veronica.
他应该听听其他人的意见 He could use some outside perspective.
懂吗 你可以用"酷舅舅"那一套 You know, you could do your "Cool uncle" Thing.
你是想把你儿子的问题推给酷舅舅Andy So, you're pawning off your kid's problems on cool Uncle Andy?
- 算了 这主意不好 - 别 别别别 Ben Ben - Forget it. This was a bad idea. - No, no, no, no! No, Ben, Ben.
我答应了 不过有个条件 I'll do it...on one condition.
我不会付你钱的 I'm not paying you.
我不是想让你付我钱 I don't want you to pay me!
但是你能帮我付房租吗 But will you pay my rent?
我付晚餐 现在来接他吧 I'll pay for dinner. Now, come pick him up.
而且 Andy 记住 不要告诉Sam And, Andy, remember - don't tell Sam.
一言为定 You have my word.
Ben让我这周末照看Errol Ben's making me look after Errol this weekend
因为他和Veronica有矛盾 cos he can't stop fighting with Ver-on-ica!
- 喂 - 妈妈给你打电话了吗 - Hello? - Has Mum called you yet?
没有 她没有要来看我们吧 No. She's not going to visit, is she?
我是不是得备好珊布卡酒还有骆驼烟 Do I have to stock up on Sambuca and unfiltered Camels?
不是 是Frank舅舅快不行了 肺癌晚期 No. Uncle Frank's dying. Stage 4. It's in his lungs.
嗯 Huh.
奇怪 我一点都不在意 Oddly... I don't give a shit.
谢天谢地 有人陪我了 我还以为自己没有人性呢 Thank God it's not just me. I thought I was a horrible person.
- 他在医院吗 - 没有 他在自己的小屋里 - Is he in hospital? - No. He's at his cabin.
显然他不剩多少时日了 He's got days, apparently.
- 你不会打算要去看他吧 - 当然不去 - You're not planning on visiting him, are you? - Fuck no.
我打算好好写论文呢 I'm supposed to be working on my dissertation.
不过 到目前为止 我花了三个小时 But so far, I have spent three hours
弄我拼趣主页上的虚拟马厩 on my Pinterest page for my imaginary horse sanctuary.
那个可怜的混蛋孤零零地去死吧 That miserable bastard can die alone.
我六岁的时候 他就教我给他卷大麻烟了 He taught me how to skin joints for him when I was six.
小手总能卷出特别好的烟 Tiny hands make great special smokes.
你还记得吗 以前他总是叫你猪头 Do you remember how he used to call you shit brains?
- 有吗 - "猪头" - No? - "Shit brains!"
我发誓 如果他的遗嘱有留给我们什么 我不会要的 I swear, if he left us anything in his will, I wouldn't take it.
我可不想要他的臭钱 I don't want his blood money.
这个臭钱具体金额是多少 How much blood money are we talking about exactly?
我听说他的脱衣舞俱乐部烧毁之后 I remember hearing he made a few hundred grand in insurance
保险公司赔了几十万 after his strip club burnt down.
那么 你今天有什么安排 So, what are you doing today?
快进来 Get in!
她动了我的矿石 She touched my minerals!
接下来就会发现 她开始用我的过塑机和印花机了 The next thing you know, she'll be using my laminator or my embosser!
老爸到底是看上她哪一点 What does Dad see in her?
等一下 咱们这是去哪 我以为要去你家的 Wait, where are we going? I thought we were going to your place.
- 我们去拜访Frank舅舅 - 谁 - We're going to visit Uncle Frank. - Who?
我和你妈妈的舅舅 知道吧 就是你外婆Jane的兄弟 Me and your mum's Uncle. You know, your Grandma Jane's brother.
噢 我一直都不知道我有个舅姥爷 Oh. I never knew I had a great uncle.
相信我 他不是什么好人 Trust me, he's not that great.
他因为偷透析机而进了监狱 之后大家就渐渐淡忘他了 He dropped off the map when he went to prison for stealing dialysis machines.
我猜他是想卖一台给奥萨马·本·拉登 I think he tried to sell one to Osama Bin Laden.
太好了 他肯定知道怎么对付Veronica Well, this is great! He'll know how to handle Veronica.
我一直想寻找一位年长的智者作我的导师 I've been looking for a wise old mentor.
我以为我就是你的导师 I thought I was your mentor!
我说了"智者" 没听到吗 I said "Wise", didn't I?
祝你好运吧 他讨厌小孩 Yeah. Good luck with that. He hates kids.
以前我们一起玩躲猫猫时 When we were played hide-and-seek,
他让我藏到滚筒烘干机里 he'd make me hide in the tumble dryer.
那你为什么还去拜访他 Why are we going to visit him, then?
因为我拖欠租金 而他快要咽气了 Because I'm late on my rent and he's about to croak and...
我得看看我在不在他的遗嘱里 I need to check if I'm in his will.
你占一个将死之人的便宜 太恶心了 You're taking advantage of a dying man? That's disgusting.
滚筒烘干机喂 Tumble dryer! Yeah?
要是我告诉你 他曾偷了我的矿石 What would you say if I told you that he used to steal my minerals,
并且磨碎了当早餐吸掉 你是什么反应 grind them up and snort them for breakfast?
加大油门上吧 Well, I'd say step on it.
从没见过快要死掉的人 Never seen a dying person before.
别担心 Don't worry.
试着想象他戴着一个小丑的鼻子 Just try and imagine him with a clown's nose.
你让我想象一个快死掉的小丑吗 You want me to imagine a dying clown?
有人吗 Hello?
Frank舅舅 Uncle Frank?
他死了吗 Is he dead?
不知道 去探探他的脉搏 I don't know. Check his pulse.
呃 我连生鸡肉都不碰 Ew, I don't touch raw chicken.
我才不要碰某个死人 I'm not going to touch some dead guy.
他不是某个死人 他是Frank He's not some dead guy, he's Frank.
拿出点敬意 去探探你那死舅姥爷的脉搏 Now, show some respect and check your dead uncle's pulse.
你是谁 Who are you?
- 你好 Frank 我是你的外甥Andy - 我没有外甥 - Hello, Frank. It's your nephew, Andy. - I haven't got a nephew.
<大志杂志> 起源于伦敦的街头杂志 主要由无家可归者和贫困失业者在街头进行售卖
就算我有 他也不会是这副<大志杂志>推销员的样子 And if I did, he wouldn't look like a Big Issue seller.
现在 我数三下 Now, I'm going to count to three
你和这个瘦小妞最好在我数到二的时候滚开 and you and the skinny girl better be gone by two.
一 One...
这是Errol Sam的儿子 This is Errol, Sam's son.
你的家很漂亮 You have a lovely home.
二 Two...
我不能死 我还年轻 我还没见过日食呢 I'm too young to die! I haven't seen a solar eclipse.
- 嘣 - 啊 - BANG! - Argh!
耍你的 猪头 Got you, shit brains!
没装子弹 It's not loaded.
以为我会忘记我姐姐的废柴儿子吗 Think I can't remember my own sister's loser kid?
你们自便 Make yourself at home.
你们要喝什么 威士忌 波本 Can I get you anything? Whisky? Bourbon?
一杯上好的甘菊茶怎么样 How about a nice chamomile, perhaps?
就当他不存在 Just pretend he's not here.
你来干嘛 猪头 Why are you here, shit brains?
- 听说你快死了 - 我才没有 - I heard you were dying. - I'm not dying.
好牛排和感冒药能解决任何问题 Nothing a good steak and a Lemsip won't sort out.
我就是来看看能不能帮上什么忙 Just came to see if I could do anything to help?
我都15年没见过你了 你能帮上什么忙 I haven't seen you for 15 years. How are you going to help?
我是名出色的护理员 I'm a great caregiver.
我曾照看过一水槽海猴子 他们活了将近一年呢 I once kept a whole tank of sea monkeys alive for almost a year.
就当他不存在 Just pretend he isn't here.
你不是应该待在医院吗 Frank舅姥爷 Shouldn't you be in a hospital, Uncle Frank?
那些混蛋 他们才不想治好你 Those pricks, they don't want to cure you.
他们就想让你苟延残喘地活着 They want to keep you nice and sick
这样你就能源源不断地给制药公司送钱 so you can line the drug companies' pockets.
而且 我因为骚扰护士被赶出来了 Plus, I was banned - groping a nurse.
那要国民医保体系干嘛 是吧 What is the NHS coming to, eh?
那是Rasputin 最凶恶的斗鸡 That's Rasputin, the meanest fighting cock you've ever seen.
50场战斗 从未败过 50 fights, undefeated.
噢 他是我的生命之光 Oh, he's the light of my life.
不管怎样 谢谢你们突然来访 Anyway. Nice of you to pop in.
你俩现在就走吧 <古董巡展秀>快开始了 You can both piss off now. Antiques Roadshow's about to start.
好吧 好吧 我们走 All right, fine. We'll leave.
那这些都要浪费了 真可惜啊 It's just a shame to let all these go to waste.
也许你们能在这帮忙干点什么 There might be a little something you can do round the house.
不 No!
等我们干完了 这些就归你 You can have these when we're finished.
首先 有什么要帮忙的 First, how can I help?
- 你可以刷碗 - Errol 大人在说话呢 - You could do the dishes. - Errol, adults are talking.
小孩说的对 洗碗去吧 Kid's right. Do my dishes.
等弄完了咱去看电影吧 Frank舅舅 Why don't we go to the cinema after this, Uncle Frank?
- 人们都说大笑是最好的良药 - 闭嘴 - They say laughter is the best medicine. - Shut up.
正在鉴定这个瓷夜壶值多少钱呢 Trying to find out how much this porcelain chamber pot's worth.
你的身体状况还能吸烟吗 Frank舅姥爷 Should you be smoking in your condition, Uncle Frank?
那是他的肺 他想怎样就怎样 They're his lungs. He can do what he likes.
知道你让我想起谁了吗 Do you know who you remind me of?
年轻的Brian Cox吗 物理学家 不是那个演员 A young Brian Cox? The physicist, not the actor.
他是名副其实的Cox(混蛋) He's a cox, all right.
你让我想到了Helmet Harry You remind me of Helmet Harry.
我们一起在福克兰群岛待过 We was in the Falklands together.
他瘦瘦的 像只得了厌食症的火烈鸟 He was built like an anorexic flamingo and all.
我不知道你在福克兰群岛待过 Frank舅舅 I didn't know you were in the Falklands, Uncle Frank.
你还不知道你的老二跟蛋蛋是挨在一起的呢 You didn't know your dick was attached to your balls.
话说回来 他总是让他的头盔保持一尘不染 Anyway, he was obsessed with keeping his helmet spotless.
如果头盔上沾了什么东西 If he got anything on his helmet,
Harry一定得这么给它擦干净了 尽管子弹呼啸而过 Harry'd be polishing away like that, bullets whistling by.
然后他怎么样了 What happened to him?
脑袋被射中了 头盔正擦一半呢 Got his head shot off, didn't he? Mid-polish.
不过葬礼不错 Great funeral, though.
喔 他妈妈也好好地擦了擦我的"头盔"呢 Ooh. His mum gave my helmet a little bit of a polish and all, son.
不错啊 Frank 你个坏小子 Nice one, Frank, you ledge.
来 我给你看看他们从我屁股里取出来的弹片 Here, have a look at the shrapnel they pulled out of my arse.
呃 好啊 I'd, er, love to.
你在干嘛啊 What are you doing?!
从老一辈那里长知识啊 I'm learning about the older generation.
就像历史频道 It's like the History Channel,
但是少了些希特勒 多了些脏话 but with less Hitler and more swearing.
问Frank我在不在他的遗嘱上 Ask Frank if I'm in his will.
不不 我们好多共同点呢 我们都喜欢收藏古董 No. No, we've got too much in common. We both love antiques.
- 你就喜欢收集罐装屁 - 我去 就那么一次而已 - You like collecting farts in a jar. - Jesus, that was once!
你自己问他 直接点 You ask him. Just be up front with him.
我觉得他会回应简单粗暴的大实话的 I think he responds to blunt honesty.
- 我不能问他那个 - 你怕他 是吧 - I can't ask him that. - You're terrified of him, aren't you?
- 嘁 怎么会 - 喂 - Yeah, right. - Oi!
快滚进来 Errol Get your arse in here, Errol.
问他 Ask him.
这小玩意儿差一英寸就把我弄瘫痪了 This little bastard was an inch away from paralysing me.
酷 Cool.
这是什么种类的矿石 What type of mineral is that?
肾结石 That's a kidney stone.
感觉就像把陨石从弯曲的吸管里挤出去 It was like passing a meteor through a bendy straw.
拿着 这是你的了 Here. It's yours.
你不是应该把这个写在你的遗嘱里 Shouldn't you leave it in your will
留给帝国战争博物馆之类的吗 to the Imperial War Museum or something?
我才不会写什么遗嘱 I'd never write a will.
人生中有两种东西不能信任 猫和银行 Two things in this life you never trust - cats and banks.
所以我把我的钱都埋在花园里 That's why I buried all my money out in the garden.
那你怎么记得你埋在哪儿了 How do you remember where you put it?
我有个地图 就像独脚海盗西尔弗一样 I got a map... like Long John Silver.
独脚海盗西尔弗 冒险小说<金银岛>里的反派海盗头子
那是谁 Who's that?
不知道 I don't know.
买相框附送的 Came with the frame.
呃 只是在找厕所 Um, just looking for the bathroom.
- 嗨 有客人呀 - Janice - Hello? Oh, you've got company? - Janice.
这是我的猪头外甥 这是我的 This is my shit-brained nephew and this is my...
曾外甥 Errol my great-nephew, Errol.
嗨孩子们 Frank 我给你带了牧羊人派 Hi, there boys. Frank, I brought you some shepherd's pie.
噢 我喜欢派 Oh! I love pie.
Janice和她老公在隔壁有家牧羊场 Janice runs the sheep farm next door with her husband.
我做饭 他做体力活 I do the cooking, he does the humping and lumping.
别小看自己呀 Janice 你也做很多"体力活"呢 Don't sell yourself short, Janice. You do plenty of humping.
噢 Frank Oh, Frank!
噢 Frank 噢 Oh, Frank! Ohh!
噢 Frank 噢 'Ooh! Frank! Ooh!'
噢 Frank 'Oh, Frank!'
这是我听过最恶心的噪音了 That's the most disturbing noise I've ever heard -
我可听过狐狸交配的 and I've heard foxes mate.
我们得找到那地图 We need to find that map.
你打算偷吗 不应该这样对Frank So, now you want to steal? Frank doesn't deserve that.
你有没有想过 也许他不是讨厌小孩 Did it never occur to you that maybe he doesn't hate kids?
他只是讨厌你 Maybe he just hates you?
就给我放个哨 Just keep a look out for me.
怎么了 What is it?
- 你没回应我的糖果粉碎传奇邀请 - 啥 - You haven't responded to my Candy Crush invite. - What?
你接受了我的邀请我才能解锁下一关 I can't unlock the next level until you accept my invite.
我发誓玩完这关就开始写论文 I swear I will start on my dissertation right after that.
噢 我爱牧羊人派 Oh! I love that shepherd's pie!
她在房子里想干什么都行 She can do what she likes anywhere else in the house,
但是别进我的房间 别碰我的矿石 but just stay out of my room and keep your claws off my minerals.
你知道你该做什么吗 You know what you want to do?
- 别跟个书呆子似的 - 给她写一封措辞严厉的信 - Get a life? - Write her a stern letter.
把她头发剃光 Shave her hair off.
啊 你是在 比喻什么吗 What? You mean, like, metaphorically?
用剪刀剃刀什么都行 Use scissors or a razor or whatever you've got.
在监狱里一个家伙想和我搞 我就是这么干的 That's what I did when a bloke tried it on with me in the nick.
别误会 我不是那种会拒绝免费口活的人 I mean, I'm not one to turn down a free Billy Joel, don't get me wrong,
但是那人实在太丑了 he was too ugly for radio.
你就像真人版<肖申克的救赎>啊 是吧 You're like a real-life Shawshank Redemption, aren't you.
- 那他之后放弃了吗 - 没 - Did he leave you alone after that? - Nah!
被他打了个半死 在监狱医院里待了三个月 Got beaten to a pulp, spent three months in the prison hospital.
现在还屎都拉不干净 Still can't shit right.
但是我为自己反抗了 But I stood up for myself.
满上 Fill it up.
给孩子也满上 And don't forget the kid.
噢 他不喝酒 Oh. He doesn't drink.
不不 我想来点 No, no. I'll have a little.
你还记得上次吗 你爸妈会杀了我的 Not after what happened last time. Your folks would kill me.
发生什么了 你喝大了 What happened? You go on a bender?
不 他 No, he...
不重要 就是不能喝酒 Doesn't matter, the answer's no.
看起来你需要续杯 Frank叔叔 You look like you could do with a refill, Uncle Frank.
要我去给你再拿一瓶吗 Shall I get you another bottle?
这是你一天说的最靠谱的话了 猪头 That's the best idea you've had all day, shit brains.
猪头拯救大家 Shit brains to the rescue.
所以 那女孩是谁 So, who's the girl, then?
什么女孩 Girl?
你说那是相框附送的 但是他们不会附送宝丽来照片 You said it came with the frame but they don't put Polaroids in frames.
啧啧 Uh-huh.
那是Maggie 我女儿 That's Maggie, my daughter.
你经常见她吗 Do you see her much?
不 从她小时候起就没见过她了 No. I ain't seen her since she was little.
不过我最近查了查 Did a little bit of digging recently, though,
发现她在绍森德医院工作 是个妇产科护士 and turns out she works in Southend Hospital. She's a maternity nurse.
我奔波了一辈子 结果她就在离我40分钟车程的地方工作 I spent all my life running. Turns out she works 40 minutes away.
造化弄人啊 孩子 Somebody up there's got a sick sense of humour, kid.
喂 怎么那么慢 猪头 Oi! What's keeping you, shit brains?
您需要整瓶服务吗 先生 Would you like bottle service at your table, sir?
看情况 等你找完地图再说 Depends... when you've done looking for my map.
等会儿 我和Frank舅姥爷刚刚开始联络起感情 Wait! Me and Uncle Frank were just starting to bond.
他正教我怎么对付Veronica He was teaching me how to deal with Veronica,
- 也许也会教我人生哲理呢 - 人生哲理就是 - and maybe even the meaning of life! - The meaning of life is
别被一个吸纯氧正嗨着的精神病犯人弄死 don't get killed by a psychotic criminal who's high on pure oxygen.
等等 你不能酒后驾车 Wait, you can't drink and drive.
你就瞧好了 Watch me.
噢 不不不不不 不不不 拜托 Oh, no, no, no, no. No, no, no! Come on!
这么早就走吗 Leaving so soon?
我正要把速冻披萨拿出来热一热 I was about to pop a frozen pizza into the oven.
好吧 谢谢 再见 All right, then. Thanks. Bye.
他们明天才能来修车 They can't fix the car till tomorrow.
你要问吗 Are you going to ask?
问什么 Ask what?
你们能不能在这过夜 If you can stay the night.
我们能吗 Well, can we?
嗯 Yeah.
但是如果你们谁动了我的典藏黄片集 But if either of you touch my vintage porn collection,
我就把你们的奶头切下来 I'll cut your tits off.
沙发拖出来就是床 This sofa pulls down into a bed.
别在意垫子上的污渍 Don't worry about the stain on the mattress.
一点"牧羊人派"而已 Little bit of shepherd's pie.
噢不 Oh, no.
我注定贫穷一生 I am destined to live a life of poverty.
我永远也买不起属于自己的V型电吉他 I will never be able to afford my own Flying V guitar,
手工制靴子和坐浴盆了 handmade boots, my own bidet.
你只需要交房租而已 You just need to pay your rent.
向Frank借点钱怎么样 Why don't you ask Frank for a loan?
Frank才不会借我钱 Frank's not going to give me a loan!
他以前从来没为我做过任何事 干嘛现在开始 He's never done anything nice for me. Why would he start now?
那你为他做过什么吗 Well, have you ever done anything nice for him?
呼 Ahh.
没什么比得上刚起床第一泡尿了 孩子们 Nothing quite like the first piss of the day, lads.
你们怎么看起来那么开心 What are you two looking so happy about?
你们没找到我藏的致幻蘑菇吧 You ain't found my stash of magic mushrooms, have you?
没 但是我们邀请了个神奇的人来哟 No. But we have invited someone magical over.
- 谁 - 鼓声起 - Who? - Drum roll...
Maggie Maggie!
我觉得他只是需要点时间消化这消息 I think he just needs some time to process.
嗨 你怎么了 Hello? What are you doing up?
我刚刚买了一个超级营养榨取器 也叫"超级营养家" I just bought a superfood nutrition extractor, aka the NutriBullet.
- 啥 - 其实就是个榨汁机 但是特别好用 - What? - OK, it's basically just a juicer but it's amazing
而且特别容易清洗 这点特别好 and it's so easy to clean, which is great
当我开始写论文的时候 就没时间刷碗了 cause when I'm working on my dissertation, i won't have time for the dishes.
我操 Motherfucker!
那是谁 Who was that?
Frank Frank.
- 你带Roly去见Frank舅舅了 - Sam - You took Roly to meet Uncle Frank!? - Sam...
Sam Sam?
等等 Frank Wait, Frank!
操 Frank Shit, Frank!
你们最好现在给Maggie打电话取消 You better contact Maggie right now and un-invite her.
对不起 我们只是想 I'm sorry, we just thought...
你们 谁允许你们思考的 猪头 You? Who gave you permission to think, shit brains?
- 好好 我这就给她打电话 - 太晚了 - OK, OK! I'll phone her! - It's too late.
嗨 Hi, there.
我是你表弟Andy 这是我外甥Errol I'm you're cousin Andy. This is my nephew Errol.
- 对 他名字很蠢 - 旅途如何 - Yes, it's a stupid name. - How was the drive?
一直在高速上 Just a trip down the motorway.
- 幸好有4号电台 - 噢我超喜欢4号电台 - Thank God for Radio 4. - Oh, I love Radio 4.
特别是<女性时刻> Especially Woman's Hour.
你听希拉里克林顿那期了吗 Did you hear the episode with Hillary Clinton?
想喝点什么吗 Would you like a drink?
没有甘菊茶 There's no chamomile.
呃 不用了 谢谢 我不 Um... I'm all right, thanks. I don't...
嗨 Hi.
这是怎么回事 What's going on?
你告诉我他死了 你需要我来认尸 You told me he was dead and you needed me to identify the body?
你说我死了 You said I was dead?
他说你在浴缸里扔了个收音机 He said you dropped a radio in the bath.
收音机 那怎么能有用 A radio? That'd never work.
呃 在假设里是有用的 Well, it could work. Hypothetically.
- 我待不下去 - 别 Maggie 等等 - I can't do this. - No, no, Maggie, wait!
"亲爱的Maggie 八岁生日快乐 "Dear Maggie, happy eighth birthday.
很抱歉今天不能来看你 "I'm sorry I can't visit this year.
我知道我保证过 但是突然出了急事" "I know I promised, but something's come up."
你从哪找到的 还给我 Where'd you get that? You give that back.
"我收到了你的贺卡 知道你想我 "I got your cards and I know you miss me,
但是你爱的东西 并不一定对你有好处 "But just cause you love a thing don't make it good for you.
比如闻胶水 祝你一生幸福 爱你的Frank" "Like sniffing glue. Have a nice life. Love, Frank."
你从来没寄出去 是吧 Frank But you never posted this letter, did you, Frank?
你没有权利翻我的东西 You had no right to go through my stuff.
Frank 住手 Frank, stop.
你见过Frank的典藏黄片集吗 Have you seen Frank's vintage porn collection?
或者他的鸡 Or his cock?
听我说 Maggie 那并不是针对你的 就那失联的事 Look, Maggie, it was nothing against you, the whole losing touch thing.
失联 你这么叫它吗 Losing touch? Is that what you call it?
我觉得那叫抛弃 Frank I think that's called deserting, Frank.
差不多差不多 Pot-ae-to, pot-a-to.
没有我对你更好 You were better off without me.
你把我留给了一个疯婆子 You left me with a crazy person.
是你抛弃了我们 我妈却责怪我 知道吗 Mum blamed me for you abandoning us. And you know what?
如果你时不时打个电话问候我们 这一切也都能接受了 The whole thing would have been almost bearable with a phone call once in a while.
替Frank说句话 这里根本接收不到信号 In Frank's defence, there is hardly any reception up here.
是啊 我只有一格信号 Yeah, I mean, I've only got one bar.
你这辈子都在逃避你应负的责任 You've avoided responsibility your whole life
现在只因为你奄奄一息了 我就要原谅你吗 and now I'm supposed to forgive you because you're dying?
我一直跟别人说你早都死了 I've been telling people you were dead for years.
这样我儿子问起来也好说 Makes it easier when my son asks questions.
你都有儿子了 You have a son?
Frank外公 这个称呼不错噢 Grandpa Frank. That's got a nice ring to it.
我不能这么做 I can't do this.
你们这些人在期待什么啊 What did you guys think was going to happen?
我和Frank会弥补分开的时光 Frank and I would make up for lost time
然后我轻轻耳语"我爱你 爸爸"吗 and I'd whisper, "I love you, Daddy"?
你不想的话可以不耳语的 You don't have to whisper if you don't want to.
好了 重来一遍 All right, let's start over!
Frank 不如你先说"你好 Maggie" Frank, how about you say, "Hello, Maggie,
"很高兴啊 咱们好几年没见了" "It's nice to see you after all these years."
Maggie 然后你再说 "Frank" And Maggie, how about you say, "Frank..."
- 你个垃圾货 我削死你 - Sam - You piece of shit, I'll kill you! - Sam?
你没权利把Roly带来 You had no right bringing Roly here!
我不想让他见到Frank舅舅 I never wanted him to meet Uncle Frank.
- 你咋这么快就到了 - 超速飙车来的 - How did you get here so quickly? - I speeded.
- 不要啊妈妈 - 不要个屁 赶紧上车 - Mum, no! - Yes. Errol, get in the car now!
抱歉 你是哪位 Sorry, who are you?
我是跟Frank好久没联系的女儿Maggie I'm Frank's estranged daughter, Maggie.
我是跟Frank好久没联系的外甥女Sam 你好 I'm Frank's estranged niece, Sam. Hi.
我做什么惹毛你了 What did I do to piss you off?
不会吧 你想不起来吗 Really? Nothing comes to mind?
怎么 因为我揍过你吗 What? I hit you once?
哇 呃 Wow! Huh.
Frank 真有你的啊 You are a piece of work, Frank.
祝你好死 Good luck with the dying.
- 很高兴和你见面 - 再见 - Nice to meet you. - Bye.
谁想来点茶 Who wants some tea?
你们这群白痴没来之前一切都好着呢 It was all fine till you idiots showed up.
你以为我不知道你为什么在这儿吗 You think I don't know why you're here?
根本没有地图 There is no map.
你想要钱是吗 You want some money?
那就不要躲避现实 走出家门 勤劳致富吧 Then stop avoiding a hard day's work and go out and earn it.
躲避 Avoiding?
你才是那个躲在森林小木屋里的大脚怪呢 You're the one that's hiding in a cabin in the woods like Bigfoot.
面对现实吧 你要死了 Face it Frank, you're going to die.
知道吗 You know what?
有了你这样的人 才让我希望癌症能传染 It's people like you, make me wish that cancer was contagious.
你看什么呢你 What are you looking at, you?
你没见过禽兽吗 小屁孩 You never seen a monster before, son?
- 你不是禽兽 - 你知道个鬼 - You're not a monster. - What would you know?
你都忙着操心你那些宝贝矿石呢 You're too busy worrying about your precious minerals!
它们不过是破石头 They're just rocks!
你想知道怎么对付你爸的女朋友是吗 You want to know how to handle your dad's girlfriend?
自己挣钱买石头去 你个小怨夫 Get some rocks of your own, you whiny little shit!
- 全都滚出去 - 枪都没子弹好吗 - Now, you get out. - It's not even loaded.
滚 Get out!
我绝对饶不了他 He can't get away with this.
别去 Sam No, Sam!
在这儿待着 Stay here.
几个月前 胸口开始疼 Chest pains started a couple of months ago.
我以为是旧伤复发 I thought it was an old fighting injury acting up.
接着开始咳嗽 Then came the cough.
肺就像一堆烂泥 Lungs like a puddle of mud.
我想不管不顾 直到 I tried putting it off until, uh...
直到我在赛马场晕倒了 till I passed out at the race track.
醒来发现我在医院打点滴 Woke up in hospital shot through with needles.
医生说我最多只能活一个星期了 Doctors said I have a week to live, tops.
现在一个星期过去了 That was a week ago.
你不是因为骚扰护士而被赶出来了吗 I thought you were banned for groping a nurse?
不是的 我那么说只是为了面子 No, that's just me building up my rep, kid.
他们求我留下 但我想享受我最后的时光 They begged me to stay, but I wanted to enjoy my last few hours.
直到你们出现了 That was before you lot showed up.
Frank 医院有最好的止痛药 Look, Frank, the hospital has grade-A pain meds...
如果你想回去 就不用这么孤单了 If you went back, you wouldn't have to be alone.
我们会陪着你的 直到 We could keep you company, you know, until...
那不是我的活法 No, that's not my speed.
而且 Plus...
医院没有好吃的牧羊人派 they don't have lovely shepherd's pie in the hospital.
你们走之前 可以帮我做一件事 Look, there's one thing you can do for me before you go.
你给自己挖了坟 You dug your own grave.
不然还有谁会挖呢 Who else was going to do it?
还挺恐怖的 是吧 It's a bit morbid, isn't it?
当然恐怖了 这他妈是自掘坟墓啊 Of course it's morbid, it's a fucking grave.
议会肯定不会批准的 I bet the Council won't approve of this.
好了 谁先来 别说什么矫情的啊 Right. Who's first up? And... and no sugar-coating.
呃 Um...
世界上有4000多种官方认可的矿石 There are over 4,000 different types of officially recognised minerals.
有人会问 "Errol 你最爱哪一种矿石" Some people may ask, "Errol, what's your favourite type of mineral?"
压根儿没人问过 Nobody ever asks that.
重点不是我最爱的矿石是什么 The point isn't what my favourite type of mineral is -
顺便说下 是蓝晶石 kyanite, by the way -
每种矿石的质地如何 这才是最重要的 it's about how each mineral has its own qualities.
让我说什么矿石最能代表Frank舅姥爷 And if I had to say which mineral best represents Uncle Frank,
我会说 朱砂 I'd say... cinnabar.
朱砂因鲜艳的红色出名 也被称为龙之血 Known for its vibrant red colour. Also known as dragon's blood.
不过 朱砂也被称为汞硫化物 Unfortunately, cinnabar, aka mercury sulphide,
是世界上最有毒性的矿石 is the most toxic mineral on earth.
我将这样铭记Frank舅姥爷 And that's how I'll remember Uncle Frank,
他吸引你 as someone who caught the eye
但和他相处久了 他会害死你 but if you stayed with him too long, he'd kill you.
嗯 Hm.
Samantha Samantha?
我不会说我想让Frank舅舅下地狱 I'm not saying I want Uncle Frank to go to hell,
就让他去他痛恨的地方 just somewhere he'd really hate,
比如充满了参加校园远足的小朋友的水族馆 like an aquarium filled with hundreds of kids on a school trip
让他永远待在那里 for all eternity.
我会想念他 I'm going to miss him,
就像你想念你吐了之后 the way you miss that feeling just after you've thrown up when you...
虽然还是有点恶心 但是 when you still feel sick but...
但最难熬的结束了的那种安心的感觉 .. but you're relieved the worst is over.
嗯 Mm.
该你了 猪头 You're up, shit brains.
Frank舅舅 Uncle Frank...
在满是废柴的家庭里 你是最废的那一个 In a family of black sheep, you were by far the blackest.
这话从我嘴里说出来 其实是对你的褒奖 And, coming from me, that is high praise indeed.
我承认 我来只是想看你能不能帮我付房租 And I confess, I only came here to see if you could pay my rent.
但我学到了一点 生活不要为房租所困 But I learned something - life isn't all about rent.
而是要开枪 还有看谈话节目 It's about shooting guns and watching panel shows.
爱情的意义被高估了 Relationships are overrated, anyway.
就算你狂嗑药 又有谁在乎呢 Who cares if you take loads of drugs?
人们只是嫉妒 你比他们过得好 People are just jealous you're having a better time than them.
我想说的是 I guess what I'm trying to say is...
你永远无法弥补你做的那些错事 you caused a trail of destruction that can never be fixed.
但至少这是真正的你 But at least you did it your way...
你个磨人的王八蛋 you miserable prick.
还有 别叫我猪头了 简直打击我自信 PS - stop calling me shit brains, it doesn't help my confidence.
谢了 猪头 Thank you, shit brains.
该我了 It's my turn.
Frank 你这个死烂人 Frank, you dead piece of shit.
看看你一生中做过的事儿 Look at all the things you've done in your life,
抢劫牧师 like when you mugged a priest.
卖死人牙齿给俄罗斯人 Or when you tried to sell dead people's teeth to the Russians.
还有和淫娃Carla的那一夜 Or that night you spent with Dirty Carla.
我们在汽车后座干柴烈火 Ooh. She made the back of a Skoda
感觉就像在豪华酒店一样爽歪歪 feel like a night in the Dorchester.
如果说从这些事情中学到了什么 But if there is anything to learn from all this,
那就是不要混嗑可卡因和海洛因 it's don't mix coke and heroin -
不然就会让你的胸烧得慌 it makes your chest feel like it's bursting
又塌陷的感觉 and caving in at the same time.
还有 呃 And, uh...
对不起 .. I'm sorry.
为我曾做的一切 For everything.
记住 在生活嘲笑你之前 And remember - always take the piss out of life...
你要先学会嘲笑生活 .. before life takes the piss out of you.
呃 呃 Frank舅姥爷 和你见面很愉快 Well, it was, er, really interesting coming to meet you, Uncle Frank,
我会采取你的建议 and, um, I'll take your advice
坚守我的基本原则 and stay firm with my ground rules.
我代表家人 On behalf of the family,
谢谢您在福克兰岛服役 thank you for your service in the Falklands.
什么 他就没去过福克兰啊 What are you talking about? He was never in the Falklands.
- 中弹那事儿呢 - 是我的赌注人干的 - What about the shrapnel? - I got that off my bookie
他想在汽车里把我炸飞来着 after he tried to blow me up in a Ford Granada.
但还是很酷 我们下次再来看你 That's still pretty cool. Maybe we can visit again.
- 我会自己带洋甘菊 - 好主意 - I'll bring my own chamomile next time. - Sounds good.
你有兴趣的话 If you're interested,
我想采访一下你 做我论文素材 I'd love to interview you for my dissertation.
关于什么的 What's it about?
反社会型人格障碍 Antisocial Personality Disorder.
再见 Frank Bye, Frank.
我说到做到 Deal's a deal.
猪头 你还挺有用的 Well, you do have your uses, shit brains.
没错 癌症男 That I do, cancer man.
那个 Look...
抱歉我想骗你的钱 I'm sorry I tried to rip you off.
换我也会这么做 孩子 Nothing I wouldn't have done, kid.
也许我们继承了差不多的基因 Maybe you are a chip off the old block, eh?
是我一直在躲的姑娘 A girl I've been avoiding.
你喜欢她吗 You fancy her?
一言难尽 It's complicated.
有啥建议吗 Any pearls?
别第一次就肛交 她们不喜欢这样 Don't try anal on the first date. They don't like it.
牢记在心 I'll keep that in mind.
- 这是什么 - 地图 - What's that? - It's the map.
我死后 你把这个给Maggie I want you to give it to Maggie when I kick it.
能帮我这个忙吗 Will you do that for me?
好 一言为定 Yeah, you have my word.
别偷看 No peeking.
别担心 我会留给你有价值的东西 And don't worry - I'll leave you something valuable...
我的珍藏毛片 .. my porn collection.
再见了 Frank舅舅 Bye, Uncle Frank.
再见 猪 Bye, shit b...
Andy Andy.
快滚吧 <寻宝买卖>快开演了 Go on, fuck off. Bargain Hunt's about to start.
Melodie 都一个月了 说点什么吧 么么哒
我爱
*我并不相信 会干涉生活的上帝* *I don't believe in an interventionist God*
背景歌曲 Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds -
*但是亲爱的 我知道你存在信仰* *But I know, darling, that you do*
*但若我相信 我会屈膝恳求* *But if I did I would kneel down and ask Him*
*求他别干涉 你的任何决定* *Not to intervene when it came to you*
*不要触碰你的秀发 让你保持原本模样* *Not to touch a hair on your head Leave you as you are*
*若他要为你指引方向 请将你引向我的怀里* *If He felt He had to direct you Then direct you into my arms*
*噢上帝 请引向我的怀里* *Into my arms, O Lord*
骗到你了 猪头
*噢上帝 请引向我的怀里* *Into my arms, O Lord*
*请引向我的怀里* *Into my arms*
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