翻译: 台风中的小花 辣手摧花李翠花 冷酱
Andy King 十分感谢你抽出时间来接受我们的访谈 Andy King, thank you for taking the time to chat with us.
我很荣幸 Imogen 一直以来都是你们的读者和粉丝 Pleasure, Imogen. Long-time reader and fan.
校对: 外星安宝 亡魂查理
你度过了童话般梦幻的一年 You've had quite the fairy-tale year.
回顾一下 你曾经是街头艺人 I mean, one minute, you're busking,
你的唱片被一次次的拒绝 your demo's getting rejected and rejected.
后期: 亡魂查理
无意冒犯 但你就是一个失败者 A loser, if you don't mind me saying.
没错 事实就是事实 Hey, truth is truth.
然后你心血来潮得参加了歌曲比赛 And then, on a whim, you do this song contest.
压制: 亡魂查理
<末路英雄>这首歌被传送门唱片公司的Marsh Healy注意到 Last Place Hero gets noticed by Marsh Healy at Portal Records,
总监: 亡魂查理
接下来就是众所周知的 and the rest is history.
你在BBC2016之声榜单上名列第一 I mean, you topped the BBC Sound Of 2016 list,
你的专辑获得五星好评 your album's getting five-star reviews,
你被普遍认为是水星奖的有力竞争者 you're tipped for a Mercury nom' -
你一定感觉自己在做梦吧 I mean, you must feel like you're dreaming.
我认为这只是证明了 It just goes to show
如果你坚持做自己相信的音乐 that if you stick to making the music you believe in
并且不忘初心 and don't lose sight of your priorities,
那么自然有好结果 then good things can happen.
我以前跟Yusuf谈过 I was talking to Yusuf the other day...
- Yusuf是谁 - Yusuf Islam - Yusuf? - Yusuf Islam?
Cat Stevens 英国民谣唱作人 后皈依伊斯兰教 更名Yusuf Islam
你知道的 就是Cat Stevens You know, Cat Stevens.
我和Yusuf谈过艺术坚持 Anyway, me and Suf were chatting about artistic integrity
无论你是对着汹涌的人潮 and how it doesn't matter if you're playing to a packed-out crowd
还是对着一条聋了的狗 始终都是为了你自己 or a deaf dog, it's got to be for you, you know?
这话肯定会让我们的读者很有同感的 That is really going to resonate with our readers.
好了 最后我们要问你几个有点傻的问题 So, we like to throw in a couple of silly questions at the end,
就是活跃一下气氛 just for fun.
你对即将到来的父亲节有什么计划吗 So, what are your upcoming plans for Father's Day?
没有 真没有 我老爸住在西班牙 None, really. I mean, my old man, he lives in Spain.
我可能会给他打个电话 I'll probably give him a bell.
至少今年我不会向他要钱了 At least I won't be asking him for money this year!
实际上 我问的是你的儿子 Actually, I was talking about your son.
我 I...
我没有孩子 I don't have any children.
但是我的歌曲 我的歌曲就像我的孩子 But my songs... My songs are like children.
我还有个书呆子外甥 如果算上他的话 I've got a nerdy nephew, if that counts.
真的吗 但是我们的调查员找到了一年前出生证明 Really? Because our researcher found a birth certificate from over a year ago
证明你当爹了 proving that you fathered a child
孩子母亲是名誉扫地的议会律师Teresa Connor with Teresa Connor, the disgraced Parliamentary lawyer.
她最近经历了一场人尽皆知的糟糕离婚 Recently went through a messy public divorce.
想起来了吗 每日烂报上全都是她的新闻 Remember? It was all over the Daily Fail,
所以我们知道你有个孩子 so we know that you have a child,
没有良知的你从未联系过的小男孩 a little boy that you've never had the decency to contact.
你对此有什么想说的吗 Andy King What do you have to say to that, Andy King?
我们都在等着呢 Well, well... We're all waiting.
有好戏看了 This should be good.
废柴舅舅
第三季 第一集
电波诚译
背景音乐 - George Harrison
那是大家一起喝的橘子汁 That is communal orange juice.
你不能这样直接对嘴喝 You can't be putting your mouth all over it like that.
你说对了 我应该把舌头伸进去 You're right, I should probably stick a bit of tongue in too.
你非要每件事都讽刺一番吗 Does everything have to be an innuendo with you?
你没听说吗 我是讽刺届新晋冠军 Haven't you heard? I'm the innuendo champ.
我得打败一些十分呆板的对手 I had to BEAT OFF some pretty STIFF competition.
#爸爸的玩笑 Hashtag dad jokes.
这才不是爸爸的玩笑 我还没老到能当爹呢 It's not a dad joke. I'm not even old enough to be a dad.
准确来说 在生理上 我都已经可以当爹了 Even I'm old enough to be a dad, technically.
话说回来 你起这么早做什么 What are you doing up this early, anyway?
今天得去一个唱片公司面试 不是吗 Got an interview with a record company today, don't I?
哪个公司 吉尼斯世界吗 What one? Guinness Worlds?
其实是传送门唱片 Portal Records, actually.
他们算是大公司吧 老板是Marshall Healy They're sort of a big deal, run by Marshall Healy.
噢 Bruce和他用过的过滤器 Oh, Bruce and his old filters.
- 你还一直做噩梦吗 - 什么噩梦 - So, are you still having those nightmares? - What nightmares?
那些让你每天早上尖叫着醒来的噩梦 The ones that you wake up from every day, screaming?
那只是抽筋 我也许需要补充点钾 That's just cramp. I probably need more...potassium.
我需要你帮我签收一个包裹 Anyway, I need you to sign for a package
寄到家的时候我在外面 that's going to be delivered when I'm out.
不好意思 我这一天都得忙着读书 Sorry, I've blocked out my day for reading.
不能分心 No interruptions.
切 还读书嘞 Yeah, reading
那些噩梦跟Melody没关系是吗 Those nightmares haven't got anything to do with Melody, do they?
Melody是谁 我都几百年没想过她了 Melody? Haven't thought about her in ages.
那你为什么一直看她的Instagram Then why are you constantly checking her Instagram?
我上班要迟到了 Oh, I am so late for work.
你起的真早 是做噩梦了吗 You're up early. Is it the nightmares?
靠 我忘记拿手机了 Oh, shit, I forgot my phone.
宝宝 你帮我拿一下好吗 就在我床边 Munchkin, can you get it for me? It's by the bed.
我都15岁了 妈妈 I'm 15 now, Mum.
为什么还要帮你拿东西 Why do I still have to get your things?
你出生的时候 我没来得及打麻药 When you were born, there wasn't time for an epidural,
所以你欠我一辈子 so you owe me forever.
你能替我跟Roly聊聊吗 Can you fix Roly for me?
他现在情绪很不好 我现在也没空安慰他 He's in a shit mood and I can't handle him right now
因为Bruce很想要个孩子 我完全吓坏了 because Bruce has baby fever and it is freaking me out.
我懂你意思 你是个有傻儿子的职业辣妈 I hear you. You're a professional milf with a gawky teen.
你没有时间换尿布和拍嗝 You haven't got time for nappies and burping.
看看教皇 I mean, look at the Pope.
如果他背着小Bjorn在肩膀上 He wouldn't be Poping if
他也没时间去布教啥的 he had a baby Bjorn slung over his shoulder.
有些人就是命中注定有更崇高的使命 Some people have a higher calling.
就是这么说啊 我的事业才起步 Exactly. My career's just taking off.
我终于有时间去练瑜伽 参加读书俱乐部了 I'm finally free for yoga and book club.
而且你们已经有两个小屁孩了 Plus, you've already got two rotten kids between you.
- 为什么他还想要孩子 - 因为这周末就是父亲节 - Why does he want more? - With Father's Day this weekend,
我认为这对他来说很沉重 I guess it's weighing on him
因为他没有一个亲生的孩子 that he doesn't have any biological children
来延续他的基因 to propagate his seed.
男人们的自尊心啊 是吧 Men and their egos, right?
我的广告曲要出现在广播里了 My jingle's about to come on the radio.
*快来选购 地毯超市* *Come on down to the carpet superstore*
*买漂亮地毯 遮丑陋地板* *Buy a new rug and cover your ugly floor*
*选择不封顶 打折永不停* *The selection's tops and the deals don't stop*
*超级大奖 都在这里* *Jackpot for moths We've got the lot*
*勿去别地 价格最低* *There ain't no others You get the druthers*
*快来选购* *Come on down to*
*地毯兄弟* *Carpet Brothers.*
你听到我用"最低"跟"兄弟"押韵了吗 Did you see how I rhymed druthers with brothers?
噢 你真是天才 Oh, genius.
所以现在这些电台广告曲在给你赚钱 So, now that you're getting paid for these radio spots,
你的家庭音乐工作室也做起来了 and your home studio is up and running,
我猜我终于能开始收点房租了 对吧 I guess I'm finally going to start seeing some rent money, right?
对 快了 Right. Well, almost.
我还在还欠Val的钱 一旦还清之后 I am still paying back Val, but as soon as I've done that...
谢谢亲爱的 你能布置一下桌子准备早餐吗 Ah. Thanks, sweetie. Can you set the table for breakfast?
早啊大家 嘿Roly Morning, gang. Hey, Roly,
你听说过这个新的抗生素吗 have you heard about this new antibiotic thing?
在泥土里发现的 Discovered in dirt.
是Teixobactin 这是旧新闻了 Teixobactin. That's old news.
Teixobactin 从缅因州泥土中发现的一种未检测到抗药性的新型抗生素
Errol 你没有帮Bruce摆餐具 Errol, you didn't set Bruce a place.
没事 我就拿个苹果就行了 Oh, it's... It's cool. I'm going to just grab an apple anyway.
我要出门了 谢谢你的午餐 I'll leave you guys to it. Thanks for my lunch.
- 再见 - Andy 你起的好早啊 - Bye. - Andy, you're up early.
做噩梦了吗 Nightmares?
我需要你在我外出的时候帮我签收包裹 I need you to sign for a package while I'm out.
没问题 我要去花园里建棚屋 Sure thing. I'm going to be in the garden, building the shed,
但我能听到门铃 but I should hear the doorbell.
Roly 想不想帮我建那个男人小窝 Roly, want to come help me build the man cave?
谢谢 我还是不去参与你那个特定性别的小窝建造了 I think I'll give your gender-specific cave a miss, thanks.
你知道的 Tiff这周末要来过父亲节 Hey, you know, Tiff's here for Father's Day weekend.
你想和我们一起去波兰面包节吗 Fancy coming to the Polish bakery festival?
- 热乎乎的面包总是越多越好的 - 我对小麦过敏 - You can never have too many hot buns. - I have a wheat allergy.
噢 傻了 Bruce Duh! Nice one, Bruce
如果你改变想法 想来看看个人小窝 Well, if you change your mind re the person cave,
你知道在哪找我 you know where to find me.
你能对他好点吗 Will you cut him some slack?
他又不想当你爸爸 他在试着做你的朋友 He's not trying to be your dad, he's trying to be your mate.
什么 一个成年人要和我做朋友 有点吓人吧 What, a grown man trying to be mates? That's a bit creepy.
这都是因为他睡了你妈妈吧 Is this because he's banging your mum?
别把恋母情节往我身上套 Don't go all Oedipal on me.
我能想到很多与弗洛伊德无关的理由 I can think of plenty of non-Freudian reasons.
所以你丝毫不会介意 So, you'd be absolutely fine
我罗列出所有他们最喜欢的性交姿势吧 if I listed all of their favourite sexual positions?
我信仰科学 I'm a scientist.
那试试看 有传教士式 后入式 骑乘式 后骑式 Let's see, there's missionary, doggy, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl,
叉勺式 就是勺子和叉子的结合体 sporking - that's a spooning/forking combo -
[抱着] 和 [插着]
蜷虎式 钻天式 crouching tiger, squat-thruster,
胡桃夹式 手推车式 大力士式 nut-buster, wheelbarrow, the piledriver...
我觉得我得去看书了 I think I'm going to get to my reading now.
对 朋友 看书 Yeah, mate. "Reading."
Marsh King先生找你 Marsh? Mr King for you.
嗯 Hm.
音乐 Music.
我爱音乐 Love it.
写歌 Songwriting.
- 对 - 写歌的 - Yep. - Songwriters.
- 对 - 商业 - Yes. - Commerce.
有什么好笑的 What's funny?
你写的那首和鸟有关的歌 That song you did with the bird.
<末路英雄> Last Place Hero, right?
在流行音乐里 还不完全算垃圾 Wasn't total shit, for pop crap.
谢谢你 Thank you.
呃 我其他的歌呢 And, and... And my other stuff?
抓住我的囊 Hold my sack.
这个沙袋 The bag.
NTL 你听过吗 NTL. Heard of them?
国家火车线吗 National Train Line?
非生者 一个少年乐队 Not The Living - boyband.
去年签了他们 正在规划单曲专辑 Signed them last year. The single's charting,
但是我需要一首专辑主打歌 but I need hits for the album.
作曲者需要对流行音乐 Songwriters with an ear for
十分了解 catchy pop crap.
呃 谢谢 但是我通常都是自创自唱 Er... Thanks, but I'm more of a writer/performer.
<末路英雄>是你最棒的歌 你就没有自己唱 Last Place Hero's your best song. You don't sing on it.
嗯 我那天感冒了 Yeah, I had the flu that day.
应该打好疫苗针 Should have got the jab.
我没法包装你 Look, I can't package you.
你的年龄 外表 Your age, all this.
但这样浪费掉你的天赋很可惜 Be a shame to waste what you've got.
你在幕后还是有点用处的 可以赚些钱 You could be useful behind the board, make some money.
你有孩子吗 You got kids?
- 没 - 好吧 - No. - Well...
你将来会有的 所以为何不考虑一下我说的呢 You might do one day. So, why don't you think about what I said?
我去 Roly Shit! Roly...
- 一起来做吗 - 不 - Come to join the party? - No.
在看轻松的休闲书吗 Doing some light reading, then?
- 死亡之谜 - 听起来 - The Death Conundrum. - Sounds...
挺有意思 有什么很酷的句子吗 ..Fun. Any cool quotes?
"生命是死亡肛门的嘴" "Life is the mouth of death's anus."
我听见你和我妈妈在谈论再生一个孩子 I hear you and Mum have been talking about having another kid.
- 她告诉你的吗 - 不 是你刚刚说的 - So, she told you, then? - No, you just did.
你的浏览记录暴露了你 Your internet history was rather illuminating.
壮阳药 小学学区 精子增强剂 Aphrodisiacs, primary school catchments, sperm enhancers -
隐藏得不是很巧妙 Bruce not very subtle, Bruce.
你知道人口正在以指数方式增长 Are you aware that the population is growing exponentially,
但同时地球资源却在减少吗 with dwindling resources?
很快我们将会居住在网络贫民窟里 Soon, we'll be living in a cyber slum,
被划分为毫无价值的一类人 being sorted into naff personality groups
就像Tiff一直在读的反乌托邦小说一样 like one of those dystopian novels Tiff's always reading.
我们只是随便想想 We're just toying with the idea.
说到随便想想 Speaking of toying,
在你的浏览记录里还有一些有趣的购买链接 there were some interesting purchase links in your history too.
袖珍炫目是什么 妈妈知道你有这个东西吗 What is a Pocket Dazzler? And does Mum know you have one?
好了 Roly 和你聊这个真的有点让我觉得不舒服 OK, Roly, I'm not really too comfortable talking to you about...
聊得很愉快 Good chatting.
我很努力和Bruce相处了 所以别指责我不肯尝试了 Oh, I reached out to Bruce. No-one can say I didn't try.
- 面试怎么样 - 他们想让我写歌当制作人 - How was the interview? - They want me to write and produce.
那不错 Oh, great.
给一个少年乐队写 For a boyband.
- 哦 - 是吧 - Oh... - Exactly.
- 我不会答应的 - 别跟钱过不去 - I'm not doing it. - Money's money.
很多受人尊敬的音乐家 Plenty of respectable artists,
像Ed Sheeran 也为少年乐队写过歌 and Ed Sheeran, write for boybands.
就为了钱吗 Just for a pay cheque?
那才不是生活 只是苟且生存 I mean, that's not living, that's surviving.
但是还有别的事让你烦心 对吧 There's something else, though, isn't there?
你的屁股里塞进了什么吗 Have you lost something up your bum?
哦不 我看过那种令人尴尬的身体照出的X光片 Oh, no. I've seen those X-rays on Embarrassing Bodies.
是记号笔吗 还是电池 Was it a Sharpie? A battery?
是5号电池吗 别告诉我是个9V电池 Was it an AA? Please, don't tell me it was a nine-volt.
你还记得你14岁的生日吗 Do you remember your 14th birthday?
喔 你是说我爸爸宣布 Oh, you mean when my father announced
他要和Veronica结婚 that he was marrying Veronica,
我妈妈宣布她要和Bruce同居的那个生日吗 and my mother announced she was moving in with Bruce?
是的 我也有些坏消息 Well, I had some bad news too.
你被赶出你的公寓 Melody搬到了纽约 You got kicked out of your flat and Melody moved to New York.
- 更糟 - 难道她搬到了斯肯索普 - Worse. - She moved to Scunthorpe?
斯肯索普 英格兰东北部一座小城市
Teresa怀孕了 准确说是曾经怀孕 Teresa's pregnant. Well, she was.
大概是一年半前的事了 But that was, like, a year and a half ago.
所以那个孩子就是 十二个月加六个月 So what's that? That's 12 months plus six months...
- 等会 - 再减去九个月 - 你是说 - Wait a minute. - Minus nine months. - You mean...?
- 九个月大了 - 你当爸爸了 - Nine months old. - You're a father?
不 当然不是了 No! Of course not.
好吧 可能是 Well, maybe.
她也没做亲子鉴定什么的啊 I mean, it's not like she had a paternity test or anything,
所以也可能是别人的 so it could be anyone's,
比如送信的 送奶的 超市送快递的 you know. Postman, milkman, Ocado.
就算是我的 但实际不是 Even if it is mine, which it's not,
她都没有问过我想不想要这个孩子 she never even asked me if I wanted to keep it.
- 这并不是你能决定的 对吧 - 对啊 显而易见 - It's not really your call, is it? - No, obviously,
但是至少让我知情也不错啊 but it would've been nice to at least have been kept in the loop.
- 即使这孩子绝对不是你的 - 没错 - With the child that's definitely not yours? - Right.
是男孩还是女孩 Is it a boy or a girl?
我不知道 自从你的派对之后我俩就再没谈过 I don't know. I haven't talked to her since your party.
一年半了你都没和她谈过你的孩子吗 You haven't spoken to her about your child in a year and a half?
她不回复我的短信 She wouldn't answer any of my texts
在我拒接她的来电两个月之后 after I ignored her calls for two months.
你现在得去看看那个孩子 You've got to go and see that baby now.
不去 他们一会儿就要来给我送包裹了 No! They're coming to deliver the package later,
我不能再错过了 and I'm not missing it a second time.
你已经错过了世界上最重要的包裹 You've already missed the most important package there is.
我考虑一下 Let me think about it.
Bruce今天给你做了什么好吃的 Oh, what's Bruce made you today?
夹了牛肉和布里奶酪的黑麦面包 It's bresaola and brie on rye.
你真是找了个好男人 You've hit the jackpot there.
Stan连芭比贝尔芝士都没给我剥过一片 Stan's never even peeled me a Babybel.
我觉得他就是想把我养肥 I think he's just fattening me up
到世界末日的时候就不缺粮食了 你要来点吗 for the apocalypse so he's got someone to eat. Do you want some?
- 我有好多呢 - 我很想 - I've got loads. - I'd love to.
但是我现在不能吃软干酪 I can't eat soft cheese at the moment.
为什么 你怀孕了吗 Why, are you knocked up?
我本来应该再保密一周的 I'm not supposed to say anything for another week,
但是 没错 我怀孕了 but... Yeah, I'm preggers.
是我听错了吗 Is my hearing acting up?
- Martha 你怀孕了吗 - 没错 - Are you pregnant, Martha? - Guilty as charged.
珍惜这段时光 孩子小的时候是最棒的 Remember this time. Best is when they're little.
没门 我不会上当的 No way, I'm not falling for it.
拜托 就来一下房子里 Please, just come up to the house.
我有东西要给你看 I need to show you something.
我说过了 我的包裹不来我是不会动的 I told you, I'm not moving till my package arrives.
我们可以在门上贴个标语 We can put a sign on the door.
我保证 只占用两分钟的时间 It'll only take two minutes, I promise,
你肯定会超爱的 and it's something you love.
如果是塞雷娜·威廉姆斯劈叉的照片 If it's that photo of Serena Williams doing the splits,
我早就看过了 then I'm way ahead of you.
Shell 你在这干嘛呢 Shell... What are you doing here?
放松 Errol跟我解释了一切 Relax. Errol explained everything.
你在写一首关于为人父母的歌 需要做一些调研 You're writing a song about parenthood and you needed research.
- 我觉得很棒 - 是 是这样 - I think it's cool. - Yeah, yeah, it is.
这是你的孩子吗 So, is that your baby?
不 是我在超市捡到的 No, I found him in Waitrose.
想啥呢 当然是我的孩子 Yes, it's my baby.
他叫Ethan 十八个月大了 This is Ethan. He's 18 months.
为什么大家不直接说一岁半呢 Why don't people just say a year and a half?
我是说 你们不会说我正好 I mean, you don't catch me going I'm...
- 412个月 - 412个月大了 - 412 months. - 412 months.
是啊 我从前也很愤世嫉俗 Yeah, I was a cynic too.
我是说 白天工作就和小孩在一起 I mean, after being a children's entertainer,
下班后就再也不想看见小孩了 I never wanted to see another kid again,
但是那种原始本能控制了我 but this primal instinct takes over.
- 这很适合你 你看起来很好 - 谢谢 - It obviously suits you. You look great. - Thanks.
你还记得我从前有多疯狂吗 Do you remember how crazy I was before?
我 我不敢回这个问题 I'm... I'm scared to answer that question.
哈哈 我本来以为我产后会完全失去理智 Ha-ha I just mean I thought I'd go proper bonkers postnatal,
但是孩子反倒平衡了我的情绪 but it's actually balanced me out.
或者说 相比我自己 Or maybe I have something
还有更大的问题让我焦虑 你懂吗 bigger to worry about than myself, you know?
不要误解 他每天就是呕吐和拉屎 I mean, don't get me wrong, he's a puke and shit machine,
他出生的时候 and when he came out,
几乎把我的阴道撕成两半 但是 he practically ripped my vagina in two, but...
别 别担心 它现在恢复了 No, don't worry, it's... it's fine now.
那就好 那就好 Good, good.
你觉得一个好父亲应该有哪些品质 What qualities would you say make a great father?
当然要耐心 先人后己 Someone who's patient, prioritises others' needs before his own,
养家护家 愿意半夜起床喂奶 a provider, a protector, and willing to do late-night feeds.
如果他忘记喂孩子呢 And what if he forgets to feed the baby?
- 他不会忘的 - 那么 - He doesn't forget. - Well,
如果他和他的朋友在酒吧呢 what if he is in the pub with his mates?
你没有朋友 You don't have any mates.
那么 如果是上厕所呢 Well, what about going to the bathroom?
把你的孩子看成你的手机 你去哪他就去哪 Think of your baby like an iPhone. It goes everywhere you go.
我会尽量不把他落在出租车后座上的 I'll try not to lose him down the back seat of a cab.
要是我正在进行音乐创作 而孩子却一直哭 What if I am writing some music, baby won't stop crying,
我就给他喂了一片夜间感冒药呢 so I slip him a little night-time cold medicine?
嘣 一秒入睡 烦恼拜拜 Boom! Out like a light, takes the edge off things.
喔 幸好你不是一个爸爸 Oh, it's a good job you're not a dad.
我可以当爸爸啊 孩子们都喜欢我 I could be a dad. Kids love me.
该死 是我老板 Shit, it's my boss.
- 给 抱着他 - 我不行 我刚吃过午饭 - Here, take him. - I shouldn't, I've just had lunch.
这又不是游泳 吃了饭后还要等两个小时 It's not like swimming. You don't have to wait two hours.
顺便说一句 那是谣言 That's a myth, by the way.
和他说话 Well, talk to him.
呃 Erm...
嗨 我叫Andy Hello. My name's Andy.
你叫什么 What's your name?
咋 你就打算盯着我奶头看吗 What, are you just going to stare at my tits?
- 注意措辞 - 他又听不懂 - Language. - He can't understand.
嘿 想说什么就说什么 对吧 Hey, you can say anything you want, can't you?
*奶头 屁股 屌 鸡巴 轻轻进入梦乡* *Tits and bums and dicks and pricks gently down the stream...*
不如你试试和他玩躲猫猫吧 Why don't you try playing peekaboo?
- 小孩子们都喜欢玩那个游戏 对吧 - 是吗 太空人 - That's a game children love, isn't it? - Oh, do they, spaceman?
我来给你做个示范 Let me show you how it's done.
躲猫猫 躲猫猫 Peekaboo. Peekaboo.
- 躲猫猫 - 你做的不对 不是那样的 - Peekaboo. - You're not doing it right, you know that?
应该是这样 躲猫猫 It's more like...peekaboo!
- 喔 - 发生什么了 - Oh... - What's going on?
嘘嘘嘘 没事的 Ssh, it's OK.
这儿发生了什么 What's going on in here?
嘿嘿嘿 这个小家伙是谁 Hey-hey-hey, who's this little fella?
- 他叫Ethan - Ethan - It's Ethan. - Ethan?
非 生 者
和小孩相处的事到此为止 别折腾了 I'm done with the baby stuff, so don't even try.
我不是来说这个的 你又错过包裹了 That's not why I'm here. No, you missed your package again.
什么 我整个下午都在等啊 What? But I've waited in all afternoon.
没关系 我们可以去仓库取 It's all right, we can collect it from the depot.
我不知道 这个地方看上去一点也不像 I don't get it, this doesn't even look like the sort of place
- 会有仓库的样子 - Andy - where there would even be a depot. - Andy!
- 该死 那是Tom 我的大学同学 - 是的 我知道 - Shit, that's Tom. I went to uni with him. - Yeah, I know.
我想 从一位父亲那里学习一些育儿经验或许会不错 I thought it might be good to get the dad perspective from up here.
所以我通过你的Facebook联系了一位老朋友 So I used your Facebook to contact an old friend.
你怎么知道我的密码 How did you even get my password?
密码是"密码1234" Password 1234.
恐怕不需要密码机来破解 Hardly requires the Enigma machine.
- 那这个呢 - 后期处理 - What about this? - Photoshop.
你这个小恶魔 这是我最后一次 You horrible little Gollum, that is the last time I ever...
嘿 Tom Hey, Tom!
- 老朋友 - 安迪大帝 - Old friend! - King Andy.
来抱一个 陛下 Bring it in, my liege.
见到你真好 兄弟 It's great seeing you, man.
Errol 我都不敢相信你已经长这么大了 And, Errol, I can't believe how big you've got.
我记得你出生那天 I remember the day you were born.
我和你舅舅翘了课 好家伙 庆祝了一番 Me and your uncle bunked off lectures and, boy, did we celebrate!
你们庆祝我的出生 You celebrated when I was born?
没错 不过 从前<倒计时>播出的时候 我们也会庆祝 Yeah, but, I mean, we used to celebrate when Countdown was on.
倒计时 英国一个包含猜词和字谜的电视节目
每听到一个元音抽一口大麻 One bong rip for every vowel.
- 美好的时光啊 - 我们之间发生了什么 - Good times. - What happened to us?
你和Nancy在一起了 Well, you got with Nancy,
结婚然后做了分手演讲 got married and then came the break-up speech.
什么分手演讲 What break-up speech?
哥们儿带你去酒吧吃午餐 给你看了B超扫描图 You know, mate takes you to a pub lunch, shows you the scan,
你装作很开心的样子 然后告诉我"听我说 兄弟" you pretend to be happy and then comes the speech, "Look, man,
"我保证 这个孩子不会影响我们的关系" "I promise you this baby ain't going to come between us.
"我们还会继续一起玩 喝到酩酊大醉 一起看演出" "We're still going to hang out and get wasted and go to gigs,
"我不会成为那种无聊爸爸 就是一个孩子而已" "I'm not going to be one of them lame-o dads, it's just a baby."
然后他们就再也不会联系你 And then you never hear from them again.
是喔 不好意思 Yeah, sorry about that.
你不知道养个孩子要操心多少事 You don't realise how much work it's going to be.
生活里别的东西就那么 慢慢淡出了 Everything else just...drops away.
- 但是你知道吗 - 什么 - But do you know what? - What?
这很值得 因为孩子赋予你的人生不可想象的意义 It's worth it, because kids give your life unimaginable meaning?
- 差不多 - 看吧 Andy舅舅 - Pretty much. - See, Uncle Andy?
- 你有可能很适合当爸爸呢 - 没错 - It might suit you. - Exactly.
你不会因为成为一个爸爸就失去你的酷 You don't lose your cool card just because you become a dad.
你看基思·理查兹 贝克汉姆 奥巴马 Look at Keith Richards, Beckham, Obama.
但是你知道最棒的部分是什么吗 But you know the greatest part?
就像是亲自培养你最好的朋友 It's like growing your own best friend,
你可以教他们任何东西 you can teach them anything.
Bailey 过来 Bailey? Over here.
- 谁是传奇 - 爸爸 - Who's a ledge? - Dad is!
污点乐队和绿洲乐队 哪个更好 Who's better? Blur or Oasis?
两个都很烂 They both suck!
- 你最喜欢的游戏是什么 - 侠盗猎车手啊 笨呐 - What's your favourite game? - Grand Theft Auto, duh!
好姑娘 来击个掌 Attagirl. Bring it in.
你试试 什么都可以问她 You have a go, ask her anything.
你最喜欢吃什么 What's your favourite food?
咖喱和啤酒啊 还用问 Curry and a pint, obvs.
你对英国脱欧有什么看法 What do you think about Brexit?
- 爸爸 - 稍息 大兵 去吧 - Dad? - At ease, soldier. Off you go.
看到没 小孩子棒极了 See? Kids are awesome.
如果你有孩子 我们就能经常在一起玩了 If you had one, we could hang out all the time,
就像从前一样 just like the old days.
关于这个 我实际上 Yeah, about that, I actually...
该死 我得走了 Bailey得去上普通话课 Shit, I've got to jet, Bailey's got her Mandarin class.
噢 这样她长大了以后就能去中国经商了 机智 Oh, so she can do business in China, when she's older? Clever.
不是 是为了让她能在没有字幕的情况下 No, it's so she can watch Bruce Lee movies
也能看李小龙的电影 without the subtitles.
是不是超酷 Bailey How cool is that? Bailey?
我们改日再叙 Let's do this again.
- 不是 - 也是 - It is not! - It is, too!
我的身体我做主 It's my body, my choice.
我知道 亲爱的 我就是不想看着 I know, sweetie, I just don't want to see you
你犯下无法挽回的大错 make a big mistake that you can't take back.
这会影响你一生的 It's for life.
Gwen 你怀孕了吗 Gwen? Are you up the duff?
别犯傻 Don't be stupid. I'm
我要再纹一个纹身 但是爸爸说不可以 getting another tattoo, but Dad says I can't.
我不是说你不可以 我是说不要纹一个那么蠢的 I didn't say you couldn't, I said don't get a shit one.
才不蠢呢 It's not shit!
下个月他们要背包徒步穿过亚洲 They are backpacking across Asia next month.
她想在她的脖子上 纹一个泰语的"我爱Casper" She wants to get "I love Casper" Tattooed on her neck in Thai.
感谢你们 Thank you!
看到了吗 简直蠢透了 See? It's a dumb idea.
更别提文化挪用问题了 Not to mention cultural appropriation.
是啊 拜托 Gwen Yeah, come on, Gwen,
你知道的 他们总给喝醉的英国人纹脏话 you know they always tattoo rando swearwords on drunk Brits.
你还有脸说我 You're one to talk,
纹了"你愿意和我约会吗 Dolores"的这位朋友 "Will you go out with me, Dolores?"
虽然我很喜欢Casper 要是你俩分手了呢 And as much as I love Casper, what happens if you break up?
需要我提醒你 Need I remind you...
谁会在乎它长不长久 Who cares if it lasts?
我是在记录自己的人生 I am watermarking my life.
你们都只是因为自己没有爱情而嫉妒我 You're all just jealous you're not in love.
永远别要孩子 Never have kids.
好吧 这是150镑 还剩600 Right, so, that's 150, which leaves 600 remaining.
烂广告曲还真能赚钱 Oh, shit jingles are really paying off.
你的认可对我意义重大 Your approval means a lot.
你觉得她在纹身这个事上会听你的吗 Do you think she'll listen to you on the whole tattoo thing?
她有听过我的话吗 没关系 Does she ever? It's OK,
我会存一点钱当激光清除术基金 I'll squirrel a little into a fund for laser removal
她以后会给我个感激之吻 and she'll kiss me
再赞美我是天才的 and call me a genius.
我可以问你个事吗 Can I ask you something?
你曾经有准备好做一个父亲吗 Did you know you were ready to be a dad?
我当时发誓我绝不会为人父 I swore I would never be one.
我不想要任何人去继承我父亲的基因 I didn't want anyone to inherit my dad's genes.
当Stella告诉我她怀孕了 When Stella told me she was pregnant,
我求她打掉 但是当Gwen降临的时候 I begged her to get rid of it, but when Gwen arrived...
你就意识到她是你人生中最美好的错误 You realised she was the greatest mistake of your life?
不是 那是真正的噩梦的开始 No, that's when the real nightmare began.
在孩子出生前 Before they're born,
你只需要祈祷孩子手脚健全 you're just praying for ten fingers and toes.
一切由上天决定 一旦他们出生了 一切就由你决定 It's up to the gods. But once they're out, it's up to you.
而每个决定都很重要 Every decision counts.
名字取得不好 他们在学校就会被嘲笑 Give them the wrong name, they're the school joke.
玛丽 多毛玛丽 Mary? Hairy Mary.
伊丽莎白 Elizabeth?
精液莎白 Jizzy Lizzie.
就像在飓风到来的前夕 It's like you're being given a lit candle
你却手持着一支蜡烛 and there's a hurricane coming.
每一次你确信自己造成了无法弥补的伤害时 Every moment you're convinced you're causing irreparable damage,
而真相其实是 and the truth is...
确实如此 ..You are.
当他们长大到可以开车 可以约会 And then, when they're old enough to drive, to date,
可以离家了 你只能徒劳地担忧 to leave home, all you do is worry.
她使我的生活充满意义和恐惧 She fills my life with meaning and terror.
持续不断的付出是诅咒 It's the curse that keeps giving.
你知道我最大的愿望是什么吗 And you know the best I can hope for?
- 抱孙子吗 - 比她死得早 - Grandkids? - That I die before her.
不过我一点也不为此后悔 Still, I wouldn't trade it for a second.
噢对了 如果我告诉她 你说服我同意那个纹身 Oh, if I tell her you talked me into that tattoo,
为了和你作对 她恐怕就不会去纹了 she definitely won't get it done, just to spite you.
我真是绝顶聪明 I'm brilliant.
你在里面和Val聊了什么 So, what did you and Val chat about?
化妆小技巧啥的 Make-up tips and stuff.
听着 我觉得最好还是别管Teresa和那个孩子 Listen, I think it's best I leave Teresa and the baby alone,
他们没有我会过得更好 they're better off without me.
Andy舅舅 如果你这么做的话 Uncle Andy, if you don't do this now,
总有一天那孩子会走到你门口说 老爸 the kid's going to turn up at your doorstep someday like, "Dad,
我生命中缺失父亲角色 留下了永久的精神创伤 "I never knew you, and now I'm really mental."
我不能要孩子 我身无分文 I can't have a kid, I haven't got any money.
你已经有一个孩子了 You already have a baby.
而且有人要给你一份好工作 And you were offered a good job.
- 不可能 我不会卖自己的歌 - 你在给电台写广告曲 - No way, I'm not selling out. - You make radio jingles.
你给你讨厌的人制作样带 And you produce demos for people you loathe.
还有什么能比这更惨 This can't be any worse.
你睡着都可以写出流行曲调 如果顺利的话 You can write pop tunes in your sleep, and if it all goes well,
有朝一日可能会有出唱片的机会 then you'll have a platform to go solo.
Seasick Steve直到六十多岁 Seasick Steve didn't release his first album
才发行了他的第一张专辑 until he was in his sixties
- 那你知道那之前他都干啥去了吗 - 嗑药 - and do you know what he did before that? - Drugs?
他写歌 当制作人 He wrote and produced.
就像Kanye和Carole King Just like Kanye and Carole King.
好吧 我会做的 Fine, I'll do it.
但是有一个条件 On one condition.
不好意思 Marsh 我拦不住他们 Sorry, Marsh, I tried to stop them.
我接受你的工作 I'll take the gig.
- 嗯 - 不过他有条件 - OK. - He has conditions, though.
- 你是谁 - 他就是我的条件 - Who are you? - He's my condition.
其实他是我的外甥 Well, he's my nephew.
也是我的共同创作人 没有他我写不了那些流行歌 He's my co-writer. I can't do the pop crap without him.
- 你会唱歌吗 - 不 不堪入耳 - Can you sing? - No, he's rubbish.
这样 我们成交吗 So, have we got a deal?
好啊 没问题 Sure, OK.
你怎么改变主意了 What brought you round?
你觉得会是个男孩还是女孩 Do you think it'll be a boy or a girl?
男孩可以穿粉色 女孩也可以穿蓝色 Boys can wear pink. Girls can wear blue.
只有战胜父权制社会 We'll only be free once
对于男性刻板印象的要求 we finally defeat the hegemonic patriarchy
我们才能真正地实现自由 of enforced masculinity.
好吧 那就红色吧 Uh-huh. Red it is.
我觉得我还是喜欢小男孩多一点 I think I'd love a little pal.
我们可以一起玩 We'll just chill out,
在爸爸看儿童台喝醉的时候 吃吃面包干啥的 eating rusks while Daddy gets buzzed watching CBeebies.
看儿童台不是咱俩的专属活动吗 But CBeebies is our thing.
听着 我想要你知道 Look, man, I want you to know
没有什么能改变我们的关系 that nothing is going to come between us,
我们还是可以跟以前一样一起出去玩 we'll still hang out like we always do.
一切如常 只是多了个孩子而已 Nothing's going to change, it's just a baby.
是 是啊 我也许会是个很好的表哥 Yeah, yeah. I could probably be a great first cousin,
我可以教他们准备显微镜载玻片 I could teach them how to prepare a microscope slide
处理电灯泡的合适方法 and the proper way to dispose of light bulbs.
还有莫扎特的全名 And Mozart's full name,
约翰内斯·克里索斯托穆斯·沃尔夫冈·阿玛多伊斯·莫扎特 Johannes Chrysostomus Wolfgangus Theophilus Mozart.
家庭是最重要的 It's all about family.
如果我们打开心扉 就有足够的爱给每一个人 If we all open up our hearts, there's enough love for everyone.
我得走了 I've got to go.
到家里再见了 I'll see you at the house.
祝你好运 Good luck.
您需要包装一下吗 Do you want this gift-wrapped?
- 这是送给朋友的新生儿吗 - 不 这是给 - Is it for a friend's shower? - No, it's for...
我的孩子的 ..MY baby.
*或许 宝贝* *Maybe, baby*
*你会像刀锋一样伤人* *You're gonna cut like a knife*
*或许 宝贝* *Maybe, baby*
*你会照亮我的人生* *You're gonna light up my life*
*或许你是我的儿子 或许你是我的女儿* *Maybe you'll be my son or you'll be my daughter*
*世上暴风骤雨 人间冷暖无常 我将护你一生* *I'll protect you through hail, rains, winds, fog and high water*
*我们携手并肩 共同走这一程* *If you just take my hand, we can walk through this land*
*我会和你一起 在沙子里筑梦* *And I'll help you to build all your dreams in sand*
*有时你是阳光* *Sometimes, sunshine*
*使我生活明亮* *You're gonna brighten my days*
*叫醒我 摇晃我* *Wake me, shake me*
*我因你的光芒温暖* *I'm gonna bask in your rays*
*你是我的宝宝 我是你的爸爸* *You'll be my kid and I'll be your dad*
*每次悲伤流泪 为你擦干眼泪* *Come dry your eyes every time you are sad*
*无条件的信任 盲目跟从追随* *You'll follow me blindly and obey my command*
*用你的小手 递我的啤酒* *You'll fetch me my beers with your small baby hand*
*他们可以把我关入牢笼 扔掉钥匙* *They can lock me away and throw away the key*
*如果爱是犯罪 那我承认有罪* *Cos if love is a crime then I'm pleading guilty*
*即使流星撞地 天崩地裂* *When the meteors strike and the land turns to dust*
*我仍然爱你 我的孩子* *I'll still love you, my child*
*请相信我的爱* *On my love you can trust*
*我将永远在你身后 爱也永不停歇* *I'll be one step behind cos my love never stops*
*你是我脑中的唯一* *You'll be right on my mind*
*也是我心中的第一* *Kid, I think you are tops*
*或许 宝贝* *Maybe, baby*
*你会照亮我的人生* *You're gonna light up my life.*
嗨 Hi.
等等 我知道你现在 Wait! I know I'm probably
最不想见的人就是我 the last person you want to see right now.
你以为你莫名其妙消失了一年后 You think you can just waltz up here,
可以就这样出现吗 after disappearing for over a year?
我打了无数遍电话 I called and called.
我那时候无法承担责任 I couldn't handle the responsibility.
又懦弱又自私 I was cowardly and selfish.
我知道我有很多补偿要做 不过 And I know I've got a lot of making up to do, but...
我已经弄清自己的内心了 ..I've sorted out my priorities.
我准备好当我们孩子的父亲了 I'm ready to be a father to our child.
还有 别担心 我不会要求尝你的母乳的 And, don't worry, I won't ask to try your breast milk.
除非你坚持要给 Unless you insist.
我想分担一半责任 I want to do this 50/50.
我甚至找到了一份好工作 I've even got myself a sell-out job.
我还可以教孩子如何变酷 如何弹吉他 And I can teach the kid to be cool and teach it the guitar
还有弹空气吉他 然后你可以教他 and the air guitar and you can teach the kid to be,
那些 高雅的事儿 让他进贵族学校 you know, classy and put it in the posh school.
他们也会交一些朋友 比如叫Sebastian And they can have friends with names like Sebastian and...
或者Raspberry and Raspberry.
我没有奢望我们还能在一起 And I'm not expecting us to be a couple,
不过我会支持你 but I'll be there for you,
无论你需要什么 无论你们俩需要什么 you know, whatever you need. Whatever you both need.
我没要那个孩子 I got rid of it.
你的意思是 You mean...
你把孩子送去给别人领养了 ..You put it up for adoption?
是流产 Andy 我做了流产手术 An abortion, Andy. I had an abortion.
就因为我没有打电话吗 Because I didn't call?
你 You...
你不要孩子是因为我吗 You got rid of it cos of me?
是因为我自己 Because of me.
我快绝经了 在吃药 注射激素 我还抽烟喝酒 I'm perimenopausal, I'm on statins and HRT, I smoke, I drink.
B超扫描显示胎儿不正常 The scans found abnormalities.
这样也好 It's just as well.
我觉得我们俩都没准备好迎接这个孩子 I don't think either of us was really up to it,
不是吗 were we?
我太老了 你也太 I'm too old and you're too...
你懂的 ..You know.
你要进来坐坐喝杯茶吗 Would you like to come in for a tea?
我可能得走了 I should probably get going.
这个袋子里是什么 What's in the bag?
没什么 Nothing.
很高兴见到你 Teresa It's good to see you, Teresa.
Bruce 你在家吗 Bruce, are you home?
我已经准备好和你一起建那个男人小窝了 I'm ready to work on the man cave now.
- 噢 嗨 Roly - 你已经完成了吗 - Oh. Hey, Roly. - You finished it already?
嗯 这位建筑大师给了我一点帮助 Well, I had some help from the master builder here.
- 你认为如何 - 干得好 Gibson - What do you think? - Nice job, Gibson.
我们还专门为你加了个标志 We added a special touch, just for you.
中性小窝
我要去照张相 I'm going to go get a picture.
- 不是应该是你来帮Bruce吗 - 是啊 - Weren't you meant to be helping Bruce? - Yeah.
他当初刚搬来跟我妈住一起时 You know, I thought he was a dork
我以为他就是个呆子 when he first moved in with my mum.
那现在呢 And what about now?
现在嘛 他还是个呆子 不过是我的呆子 I mean, he's still a dork, but he's my dork.
好消息 我找到了自拍杆 Good thing I've got my selfie stick.
*或许 宝贝* *Maybe, baby*
*你会像刀锋一样伤人* *You're gonna cut like a knife...*
你好呀 这位人父先生 Well, hello there, Mr Dad.
- 怎么样 - 她没有留下那个孩子 - How did it go? - She never had the baby.
喔 那太糟了 Oh, that sucks.
你逗我吗 这是个好消息 Are you kidding? It's amazing news.
要我说 这可是躲过一劫 I mean, I dodged a bullet there.
你能想象我成为一个父亲吗 Can you imagine me being a dad?
一个父亲能做这种事吗 Can a dad do this?
可能这样最好吧 Probably for the best, yeah.
你的包裹到了 Your package arrived.
你不打算告诉我那里面是什么吗 Are you going to tell me what's in it, then?
- 我只是在囤一些琴拨 - 琴拨 - I was just stocking up on plectrums. - Plectrum?
真是闻所未闻呢 I hardly knew him!
- 说得好 - 嗯 - Good one. - Mm.
- 你想一起看儿童台吗 - 等下吧 - Do you want to watch some CBeebies? - Maybe later.
也好 Just as well,
因为我要先赶下阅读 because I've got some reading to catch up on, anyway.
我和这个小笨蛋一起
噢 谢天谢地 你已经购完物了 Oh, thank Christ, you've done the shopping.
- 你买了橙汁吗 - 是的 我给你买了你的 - Did you get the OJ? - Yeah, and I got you your own,
这样你就不用偷喝我们的了 傻逼 so you can stop stealing ours, shithead.
Roly还好吗 你有跟他谈Bruce吗 How was Roly? Did you talk about Bruce?
是的 我们聊了所有父亲的事情 Yeah, we covered the whole dad thing.
我决定准备试着要个孩子了 So, I think I am going to try for a baby.
那你的事业和读书俱乐部呢 What about the career and the book club?
去他的读书俱乐部 最近大家都在看狼厅 Screw book club, we're reading Wolf Hall.
但那已经拍成电视剧了 But that's already a TV show!
是啊 我也是这么说的 I know, that's what I said.
反正呢 我就是非常想和Bruce一起 Anyway, I'd just really like to raise a little grub
养一个属于我俩的孩子 with Bruce that's ours.
这听起来不会很疯吧 You don't think I'm crazy, do you?
不 我们这里需要一些新鲜血液 No, we need some fresh blood in this clan.
你留下来吃晚饭吗 我们吃意式肉酱面 Are you staying for dinner? We're having spag bol.
不了 我还有工作要做 No, I've got work to do.
大孩小孩们 晚饭好了 Everyone, dinner's ready!
嘿 Tiff 这周过的怎么样 Hey, Tiff, how was your week?
妈妈开始说想养条狗 Mum started talking about getting a dog.
难道你不想要个小狗狗吗 Wouldn't you like a pooch?
我们家已经够乱了 There's enough crazy in this family
不用再多牵连一个无辜的生命 without bringing an innocent life into it.
嘿 Bruce 你知道在波兰面包节上 Hey, Bruce, you know there's a gluten-free section
有片无麸质食品区域么 at the Polish bakery festival?
- 下次我们去那儿一定得看看 - 我们 - We should definitely check it out when we go. - We?
我是说 好啊 I mean, yeah.
嘿 你知道有超过500种酵母吗 Hey, did you know there are over 500 species of yeast
不过每一种身上 but within a single species,
都有成千上万种基因截然不同的菌株 there can be literally thousands of genetically distinct strains?
- 那很酷啊 - 两个呆子 - That's pretty cool. - Dorks.
背景音乐 - Cat Stevens
*还未到做出改变的时刻* *It's not time to make a change*
*放松点吧 无须紧张* *Just relax, take it easy*
*过分年轻 是你的错* *You're still young, that's your fault*
*前路很长 天涯尚远* *There's so much you have to know*
*找个女孩 安定下来* *Find a girl, settle down*
*若你愿意 走入婚堂* *If you want you can marry*
*我已逐渐老去* *Look at me, I am old*
*内心依然快乐* *But I'm happy*
*我也曾像你这般年少* *I was once like you are now*
*我也知道 当你发现前方的奇妙* *And I know that it's not easy*
*要安定下来 并非易事* *To be calm when you've found something going on...*
电波字幕组 欢迎您的加入 官方网站:www.dbfansub.com 新浪微博:@电波字幕组