翻译: 若琳 胡子君 meowu 藕霸闹海
*噢 亲爱的 我们如此厌恶* *Oh, darling, how we hate to go...*
校对: 祝贺张先生出道五周年 预祝张先生出道五十周年
喔 Oh!
最后这个音真是要我的命 That last note always fucks me.
后期: 怪查理
不 不 不 还好 挺不错的 听起来 呃 很真实 No, no, no, it's nice, it's nice. It sounds, er... It's human.
Marsh会喜欢的 你还好吗 Marsh is going to love this. You all right?
压制: 怪查理
其实 我有点口渴 Feeling a bit parched, actually.
总监: 怪查理
*他说我的出现让人眼睛酸痛 亲爱的 * *He says that I'm a sight to make eyes sore, darling.*
我还从来没有用马克杯喝过起泡酒呢 I've never drunk Prosecco out of a mug before.
我认为这种杯子更好地呈现出酒里的自然芬芳 I find it really brings out the earthy tones.
嗯 嗯 Mm, mm.
有没有人告诉过你 你是个完美的女人 Has anybody ever told you that you're the perfect woman?
你这么说只是为了让我聘请你来负责我的专辑吧 You're only saying that so I'll hire you for my album.
我是认真的 I'm serious.
回答我一个问题 我的专辑就交给你了 You can do my album if you answer one question.
为什么你的眼神看起来如此悲伤 Why do your eyes look so sad?
不过是 生而为人嘛 It's just, you know, life.
如果你是Diana Krall 让我当你的T Bone Burnett Now let me be the T Bone Burnett to your Diana Krall.
T Bone Burnett 美国音乐家 唱片制作人 曾为爵士女歌手Diana Krall制作专辑Glad Rag Doll
我为T Bone饥渴很久了 I always fancied getting T Boned.
我们出去稍微庆祝一下怎么样 制作人先生 What's say you and I go out and celebrate properly, Mr Producer?
一点儿仙尘就能让这个夜晚如梦似幻 A little fairy dust to get the night swirling.
可能不行 我在努力戒掉这些 I shouldn't, I'm trying to cut down.
你在害怕什么 老男人 What are you afraid of, old man?
老男人 我什么也不怕 Old man?! Nothing.
那就来试试 Go on, then.
好啊 有何不可呢 我一直都这样 Yeah, I mean, sure, why not? I do this all the time.
废柴舅舅
第三季 第三集
电波诚译
背景音乐 - Motorhead
我还活着 I'm alive.
你朋友的手机
寄件人:出租车司机
Andy舅舅 Andy舅舅 Uncle Andy? Uncle Andy?
她死了吗 你杀了她吗 Is she dead? Did you kill her?
这是不对的 但我会帮你一起把尸体藏好 I don't approve but I'll help you hide the body.
噢谢天谢地 没死 她是谁啊 Oh, thank Christ for that. Who is she?
Jasmine 昨天晚上我在帮她制作样片 Jasmine. I was helping produce a demo for her last night.
好了你过来是想要什么 色情杂志吗 Now, what do you want? More porn?
不是 我正准备去参观几所好的预科学校 No, I'm visiting potential schools for sixth form,
但是我想让他们认为我很时髦 有什么建议吗 but I want them to think I'm hip. Do you have any suggestions?
- 不要说时髦这个词 - 看看这个地方 - Don't say hip. - Look at this place.
我真不敢相信你住在这种环境里 I can't believe you live like this.
你是睡了一整天吗 Have you been sleeping all day?
还有你脸上那是什么东西 And what's that on your face?
面粉还是细白砂糖 Is that flour or is that caster sugar?
那不是面粉也不是糖 对不对 That's not flour or sugar, is it?
我简直不敢相信你竟然把A级毒品带进我们家 I can't believe you brought class A drugs into our house.
就一晚上 我又没有上瘾 It was just one night! I don't have a drugs problem.
真没有 I don't.
我知道这很难接受 I realise this is a lot to take in.
你还有什么问题吗 Do you have any more questions?
好的 如果你有任何问题 给我打电话 Well, if you think of anything, call me.
我是Andy 急需和你谈谈 差点吓死!!! 另外: 家里橙汁没有了 记得买点回来
希望你能考虑下我们 Errol I hope you'll consider us, Errol.
我们只录取极其优秀的申请人 We only take exceptional candidates
你的模拟初中会考分数是 and your mock GCSE results were...
噢 关于我的成绩 能不能帮我保密 Oh, um, about my results, can we keep that between us?
你可能看不太出来 You might find this hard to believe
但是我遭受过很严重的校园霸凌 but I've been bullied quite a lot.
我们和其他学校不一样 We're not like other schools.
在这里 学业优异的学生位于食物链的顶端 Students who show academic excellence are top of the pecking order here,
是最酷的孩子 the cool kids.
哦 你 你没在开玩笑啊 Oh you're...you're not joking.
啊 Emma Ah, Emma.
Errol Emma是我们的最优秀的学生之一 Errol, Emma's one of our star pupils
而且竖琴弹得很好 and quite the harpist.
今天她自愿带你去参观校园 She's volunteered to show you around today.
玻尔的原子模型啊 我喜欢这种复古的设计 Niels Bohr's atomic model. Love the retro design,
虽然他的粒子排列非常不准确 even if his particle configuration was wildly inaccurate.
下面是物理实验室 Down there's the physics lab,
我们前不久才有了电子显微镜 we've just got an electron microscope.
哇哦 真的吗 呃 Oh, wow, really? Mm...
切 随便啦 Pfft, whatever.
没错 那不是最好的电子显微镜 You're right, it's not top of the line.
询问 你的名字是来自Errol Flynn 那位潇洒的荧幕演员 Enquiry - are you named after Errol Flynn, the rakish screen actor
还是纪录片导演Errol Morris or Errol Morris the documentarian?
他拍的那部Robert McNamara的纪录片 His film about Robert McNamara
Robert McNamara 美国二战时期战地指挥官 肯尼迪及约翰逊政府的国防部长
真的让我深思军队和军火产业间的关系 really made me rethink the military industrial complex.
其实我是因为我妈妈童年时期的一只猫得名的 I'm actually named after my mother's childhood cat,
这挺讽刺的 因为我其实对猫过敏 which is ironic because I'm actually allergic to cats...
坦白 我的竖琴并不是弹得特别好 Disclosure - I'm not that good a harpist,
我在全国比赛里只拿了第三名 I only came in third at the nationals.
你会什么乐器吗 Do you play any instruments?
当然 钢琴 吉他 键盘 还会敲点儿鼓 Yeah, piano, guitar, keyboard, a bit of drums.
我还是一个独立乐队的成员 已经签了唱片公司 I also play in an indie band. We were up for a label.
酷 我们学校甚至都不允许使用干冰 Cool. We're not even allowed to use dry ice at school productions
太多学生得了哮喘 gives too many students asthma.
哮喘 Asthma?
废物 Losers.
听着 Errol 我用十分的坦率真诚 Look, Errol, what I lack in social nuance
去弥补社交能力的不足 I make up for in blunt honesty.
你使我着迷 You fascinate me.
- 酷 - 如果你也有意的话 我认为你待会儿应该邀请我 - Cool. - If you're amenable, I think you should invite me over later
去继续我关于人类行为的调查 to continue my research on human behaviour.
谁知道接下来我们会在哪儿 某个温暖又好客的地方 Who knows where it might lead? Some place warm and inviting.
这倒是提醒我了 That reminds me,
去看看我们这儿可加热的奥运规模的游泳池 let me show you our heated, Olympic-size swimming pool.
这边走 This way.
如果您捡到手机 请回电话
很疯狂 对吧 我简直嗨翻天了 Crazy, right? I'm on cloud 11.
天杀的 这个大麻劲儿太大了 Goddamn, this is strong weed.
来 打个招呼 Here, say hi.
呃 嗨 Um, hi.
嗓音很性感对不对 我过会儿再打给你 小婊砸 Sexy voice, right? I'll call you later, slut!
那是谁啊 Who was that?
我妈 My mum.
哎 昨晚真是一生难忘 Mm, last night was one for the ages.
我再也不会质疑你派对的能力了 I'll never question your partying skills again.
我记不太清了 到底发生了什么 I'm a bit fuzzy - what happened, er, exactly?
你对着整个酒吧的人 唱了Adele的所有歌之后 Well, after you sang the Adele catalogue to the whole pub,
忽然单膝跪下 向我求婚 you got down on one knee and popped the Q.
但是你又没有钻石 But you didn't have a rock,
所以我的脚趾环就这样被戴上了你的手指 未婚夫 so that's how my toe ring ended up on your finger, fiance.
你不准备说些什么吗 Aren't you going to say something?
这大麻劲儿可真大 That is strong weed.
里面加了甲醛水溶液 Got formaldehyde in it.
我们接下来整个下午都依偎在一起 What's say we spend the rest of the afternoon snuggling
加上这些家伙的帮助 来计划计划婚礼 怎么样 and planning weds with a little help from these guys?
迷幻蘑菇 Serge Gainsbourg会这么说 Des champignons de magique, as Serge Gainsbourg would say.
Serge Gainsbourg 法国人 歌手 诗人 画家 钢琴师 作家
听起来棒呆了 That sounds amazing.
呃 你稍等片刻 我马上回来 Um, but you wait right here and I will be back.
你在这儿啊 你收到我的短信了吗 为什么不回信 There you are. Did you get my text? Why didn't you answer?
- 你知道发生了什么吗 - Andy 我们需要谈谈 - Do you know what's been going on? - Andy, we need to talk.
可不得谈谈吗 You're not kidding.
昨晚我给一个漂亮又糟糕的人写歌 I produced a track for a beautiful train wreck last night,
然后我们出门 毫无悬念地烂醉如泥 then we went out, got absolutely blitzed,
省略几千字 我莫名其妙订婚了 现在要怎么办 yadi yadi yada, I'm engaged, what do I do?
Andy我爱你 Andy, I love you,
但是我现在没有办法处理你典型的烂摊子 but I can't deal with your typical shit storm right now.
典型 这哪里典型了 Typical?! In what way is this typical?
- 嘿 伙计们 - 买这么几大袋东西来干嘛 - Hey, guys. - What are those bags for?
记得吗 和妈妈还有Luca约好一起吃晚餐 Dinner with mum and Luca, remember?
Tiff去车站接他们了 Tiff's meeting them at the station.
我要做我擅长的墨西哥辣味牛肉酱 I'm making my famous chilli con carne.
- Andy怎么啦 - 我意外订婚了 - What's up, Andy? - I got accidentally engaged.
干得好 几天前我在皮卡迪里地铁线上做白日梦 Good one. I was day dreaming the other day on the Piccadilly Line,
一直到卡克福斯特站才醒 ended up in Cockfosters.
- 说到卡克(鸡巴) - 你学校参观的怎么样 Roly - Speaking of cocks.... - How was your school visit, Roly?
我交了新朋友 她过会儿会来 I've made a new friend, she's coming over later.
我觉得她喜欢我 我不知道该做些什么 I think she likes me, I don't know what to do.
噢 我们现在没有时间 Oh, we haven't got time for
担心你幻想出来的女朋友了 Roly your imaginary girlfriends right now Roly.
我意外地订婚了 I've got accidentally engaged.
喔 典型的你 Oh, typical.
Bruce 我能和你说几句话吗 Bruce, can I speak to you for a minute?
别担心 我会做不辣的辣酱给孩子们 Don't worry, I'm making a non-spicy chilli for the kids,
但是说实话 but frankly,
我觉得他们的年纪已经可以吃这些刺激食物了 I think they're old enough to eat the hard stuff.
不是这个 It's not that.
哦 我一直告诉我妈我们的婚姻状况不关她事 Oh, I keep telling my mum our marriage status is none of her beeswax,
但是她就是那种传统的人 你懂吗 but she's old school, you know?
觉得没有婚礼仪式就要下地狱 Fire and brimstone.
不是 我今天早上去看了医生 别被吓坏了 No, I went to the doctor's this morning, and don't freak out...
噢我的天 你怀孕了 Oh, my God, you're pregnant.
我就知道一旦我停止洗热水浴这就会发生 I knew it would happen once I stopped taking the hot baths!
那就像 就像是 我在融化我自己的精子 It's like, it's like I was melting all my little Bruces.
你真是太棒了 You are amazing.
别慌 我会申请长期的陪产假 And don't panic, I'm going to take loads of paternity leave.
- 你激动吗 - 当然 - Are you excited? - Yeah.
我不能和她一直这样 如果我健康饮食 经常健身 I can't keep up with her. Maybe if I eat right, hit the gym,
这种生活我可能还能持续二十年 I can make this work for 20 years at least.
54岁死也还不算坏 对吧 54's not a bad age to die, right?
你就从来没有长过教训吗 Have you not learnt anything?
这就是你嗑硬性毒品的后果 This is what happens when you do hard drugs.
就告诉她你犯了个错误 也许她就会放下 Just tell her that you made a mistake, maybe she'd be relieved.
放下我这样的抢手货吗 Relieved? I'm a catch!
你是个三十多岁还住在姐姐家地下室的巨婴 You're a mid-thirties man baby living in his sister's basement.
你好大胆子 那才不是地下室 明明是花园公寓 How dare you? It's not a basement, it's a garden flat.
我也不是巨婴 我是个 And I'm not a man baby, I'm a...
巨型青少年 a man-dolescent.
行行 但是拜托你 如果你真的爱这个家 All right, fine. But please, if you really love this family,
向我保证你不会再碰硬性毒品了 just promise me you won't do any more hard drugs.
好吧 我保证 话说你跟你的女孩之间咋回事 OK, fine, I promise. Now, what's the deal with your girl?
噢 没什么 她只是来这里坐坐 Oh, nothing, she's just coming round.
没什么大不了的 我跟女孩子相处完全不慌 But it's no biggie, I can hang with a girl without panicking.
哦 天哪 她来了 Oh, God, she's here!
Emma Emma?
哦 嗨Diane 嗨Luca 嗨Tiff Oh. Hi, Diane, hi, Luca, hi, Tiff.
Errol 我是怎么跟你说的 叫我Didi奶奶就好了 Errol, what have I told you? Please call me Grandma Didi.
我们可是一家人 We're family!
尽管Bruce和你妈妈还不愿意举办仪式 Even though Bruce and your mother refuse to make it official,
我们还是能假装一下的 we can still pretend.
别理她 她的一个建议被<罪案观察>采纳了 Ignore her. One of her tips came through on Crime Watch,
罪案观察 BBC电视节目 通过重现未破解的重大案件向观众征集线索以协助破案
她现在还在自我沉醉呢 she's still drunk on the power.
对了 你开始以为来的是谁 Who did you think was at the door, anyway?
本地议员 Local MP.
嘿 Didi奶奶来了 Hey, it's Grandma Didi!
是Diane Bruce告诉我你还是没有去教堂 It's Diane. Bruce tells me you're still not going to church.
严格来说没有 Not technically,
不过我倒是赞颂了几声圣玛丽 你最近咋样 Luca but I've hailed a few Marys. What's up, Luca?
就快结束我在圣马丁学院的最后一年了 About to finish my final year at St Martin's.
马上就是MFA了 MFA, here we come.
[艺术硕士]
你知道MFA代表什么吗 母亲的恐惧现实化 Do you know what MFA stands for? Mother's Fears Actualised.
他永远不可能赚够钱搬出去 找到老婆 He'll never make enough money to move out and find a wife
除非他能找到份真正的工作 unless he gets a real job.
Bruce从来不觉得自己的涂鸦了不起 Bruce never took his doodles seriously,
瞧瞧他现在什么样 look where he is.
离婚 并且生活在罪恶中 Divorced and living in sin.
至少他还能找到女朋友一起生活在罪恶中 Well, at least he's got a girlfriend to live in sin with.
你是个俊俏的孩子 Luca You're a handsome boy, Luca,
你只需要去展现自己 you just need to put yourself out there.
你把标准拔得太高了 妈妈 You've set the bar too high, Mum,
没有哪个女孩能比得上你 no girl can ever compete with you.
过来 小帅哥 Come here, handsome!
嗨 Hi.
你好 Samantha 我注意到你那根手指上没戒指 Hello, Samantha. I see no ring on that finger.
妈 你说过你会克制一下的 Mum, you said you would behave.
我就随口说说 可怜的Tiffany眼巴巴地等着当伴娘呢 I'm just saying, poor Tiffany's dying to be a bridesmaid.
什么 What?
嘿 Luca Hey, Luca,
我从不曾拥有过的又有才又可爱的弟弟 最近如何 how's the talented and lovely brother I never had?
我去开 I'll get it!
Emma Emma?
瞧瞧谁来了 Look who I found.
嘿 Jasmine Hey, Jasmine!
我以为你会当个落跑新娘呢 I thought you'd done a runaway bride.
Andy 你要不要和我介绍一下你的家人 Andy, are you going to introduce me to the fam?
这是我姐姐Sam 她的男朋友Bruce Well, that's my sister, Sam, boyfriend, Bruce,
男友的母亲 男友的弟弟 boyfriend's mother, boyfriend's brother,
男友的前继女 然后 嗯 boyfriend's ex-stepdaughter, and, yeah,
以上就是值得介绍的几位 I think that's everyone worth mentioning.
我叫Errol 他的外甥 I'm Errol, his nephew.
嗨 我叫Jasmine 我是Andy的未婚妻 Hi. I'm Jasmine and I'm Andy's fiancee.
你希望我叫你Jasmine 还是Jas舅妈呢 Would you prefer if I called you Jasmine or Auntie Jas?
你喜欢怎么叫我都行 You can call me whatever you like.
看见年轻人对彼此做出承诺真是美好的事情 It's nice to see young people committing to each other.
我觉得你住在姐姐的地下室很不错 I think it's sweet you live in your sister's basement.
是花园公寓 It's a garden flat.
你好 我是Emma Errol的朋友 Hi, I'm Emma, Errol's friend.
找错地方了 Wrong house.
这位由我来接待 Tiff 非常感谢 I've got this one, Tiff, thank you very much.
我得准时回家看<新闻之夜> I need to be home in time for Newsnight.
我们直接去你房间吧 Shall we go straight to your room?
大家 这是Emma Emma 这是大家 Guys, Emma, Emma, guys.
听着 Jas 我有些话要说出来 Look, Jas, I've got something I need to say.
我觉得我们应该结束这段关系 I think we should break it off.
- 什么 - 我们俩昨晚都嗑得神志不清 - What? - We were both wasted last night.
我并不了解你 你也不了解我 I don't really know you, you don't really know me
都是磕嗨了乱说的 it was the drugs talking.
是 但是这些也意味着我们是命中注定的 Yes, and they were telling us that we were meant to be.
你看过<真实罗曼史>吗 Have you seen True Romance?
和我们一样 只是没有Christopher Walken追杀我们 We're like that, only Christopher Walken's not chasing us.
向你求婚将会成为我最伟大的成就之一 Proposing to you will go down as one of my greatest achievements,
包括在Coco站在Eric Clapton旁边小便 没错 including taking a piss next to Eric Clapton at Coco and, yes,
Eric Clapton 英国音乐人 歌手及作曲人
他的那玩意就像吉他琴颈 it was like a guitar neck.
你是认真的吗 You mean it?
长得差不多都快拖到地上了 It was practically dragging on the floor.
不 我是指我们订婚的事 No, I mean the part about our engagement.
- 你是不是还很嗨 - 一点也没有 - You're not still high? - No way.
丢人 Shame!
赶紧用我从经纪人那拿的氯硝安定嗨一下吧 Let's fix up with some klonopin I got off my manager.
第一次接受圣餐 First communion.
你要接电话吗 You going to answer that?
可能只是个电话推销员 It's probably just a telemarketer.
这是谁的手机 Whose phone is this?
是我死去的Frank叔叔的骚手机 That's my dead Uncle Frank's prossy phone,
他对成年婴儿有奇怪的癖好 he had an adult baby fetish.
我都不知道我为什么要留着它 I don't know why I keep hold of it, really.
Claire怎么样了 So, how's Claire?
妈 如果我一直问你有关爸爸的事你是什么感受 Mum, how would you feel if I kept asking you about Dad?
这不同 你知道我对那个尼日利亚恶魔是什么感觉 That's different, you know how I feel about the Nigerian devil.
你应该知道Luca和我都算半个尼日利亚人吧 You do realise Luca and I are half Nigerian, right?
你不算 你只有不乖的时候才是尼日利亚人 You don't count, you're only Nigerian when you misbehave.
讲真的 你们打算什么时候结婚 Seriously now, so when are you getting married?
妈 Mum!
Sam和我要有孩子了 Sam and I are having a baby.
你为我们感到开心吗 Are you happy for us?
我当然开心 Of course I'm happy!
我第一个有血亲关系的孙子 My first biological grandchild.
现在你还有九个月的时间把这件事拨乱反正 Now, you have nine months to make it right.
这样真好 我真希望自己有个姐姐 This is nice. I wish I had a sister,
这样我们就可以开睡衣派对了 then we could've done slumber parties.
Bruce从来就只会嚷嚷着要玩战锤桌游 all Bruce ever wanted to do was play Warhammer.
对了 抱歉 你刚刚想要告诉我什么 Anyway, sorry, what did you want to tell me?
是这样 我有个大消息 OK, I have some big news.
我也有 我遇到了一个人 是涂鸦艺术家 叫Sasha So do I. I've met someone, graffiti artist, Sasha,
长得像南亚德雷克 looks like a South Asian Drake
但他下面大得堪称南亚法斯宾德 but he's hung like a South Asian Fassbender.
你说我妈要是发现我是同性恋会说什么 What do you think my mum would say if she found out I was gay?
- 抱歉 你的消息是什么 - 是这样 - Sorry, what's your news? - OK, um...
你说得对 去他的 我终究是要告诉她的 You're right, fuck it, I'm finally going to tell her.
如果她跟我断绝关系 我可以过来跟你们一起住 If she disowns me I can just come and live with you guys.
我不确定这算个好主意 I'm not sure that's a good idea.
什么不是个好主意 What's not a good idea?
运动胸罩 Sports bras,
穿起来就像要把两个甜瓜塞进零钱包似的 it's like trying to stuff two melons into a coin purse.
在这一点上我完全同意你 I think I actually agree with you on that one.
Luca 能让我们俩单独聊聊吗 Luca, can you give us a minute, please?
Diane 我知道你要问 Diane, I know you're going to ask
Bruce和我打算什么时候结婚 when Bruce and I are getting married...
没关系 不着急 It's all right, no rush.
我只是希望你们在精神上能够按正确的步骤走 I just want you to take the right steps spiritually...
为了你们仨 For all of you.
这是猫眼石 老朋友了但也是个好朋友 This is opal, an oldie but a goodie.
哦 我最近才收藏了这位美人 这是天青石 Oh, I've just collected this beaut. This is lapis lazuli.
有没有褐闪石 What about cummingtonite?
[今晚高潮]
什么 Huh?
那个矿石 褐闪石 The mineral, cummingtonite,
以麻省的卡明顿命名的 named after Cummington in Massachusetts
那是它在1824年首次被发现的地方 where it was first discovered in 1824.
哦 我知道那个 我还没收集到那个 Oh, I knew that. No, I haven't got that one.
Errol 我在谷歌搜了你的生日 Errol, I've Googled your birth date
确认我只比你大五个月 and determined I'm only five months older,
这是在可以接受的差距范围内 which is an acceptable spread,
- 你同意吧 - 嗯 是的 - I'd hope you'd agree? - Um, yeah.
我不想随便乱猜你的性取向 I don't want to presume to know your orientation,
所以我能问问你的金赛量表指数是多少吗 so may I ask where you fall on the Kinsey Scale?
0代表完全的异性恋 Zero being entirely heterosexual
6代表完全的同性恋 and six being entirely homosexual.
可能是1 但是如果我严格审视自己的话可能是2 Maybe a one, but if I really interrogate myself maybe a two.
有意思 Interesting.
但只要男子体操播出就会跳到3 But it jumps to a three whenever men's gymnastics is on.
只有我觉得这房间有点闷吗 Is it me or is it a bit stuffy in here?
我可能会对理解社会性暗示不太在行 I may be failing to pick up social cues,
如果我做的太过了你要告诉我 you'll let me know if I'm being too forward.
哦 没有那个意思 Oh, it's not that.
根据你在乐队的这一事实 我推测 And I'm presuming, based on the fact that you're in a band,
你不是处男 you're not a virgin.
不是 No.
太好了 我的前戏应该可以派上用场 Great, my foreplay could use work.
我也会交给你的巧手一些自由发挥的主动权 I'll leave the opening move in your capable hands.
我得先刷刷牙 I should brush my teeth first.
你在Tiff的房间里干什么 What were you doing in Tiff's room?
与酷炫的Jas舅妈共筑爱巢 Impromptu love nest with Auntie Jiz Jas.
- 哦 - 你在里面干什么 - Oh... - Well, what have you been doing?
用Jeremy Corbyn的趣事让女孩无聊得要死吗 Boring girls to death with fun facts about Jeremy Corbyn?
Jeremy Corbyn 英国工党领袖 有收集下水道井盖的爱好
观察井盖才不无聊 Manhole spotting is not boring.
嗯 我有一个你可以观察的"孔" Yeah, I've got a manhole you can spot.
说出来感觉怪怪的 That came out wrong.
我觉得Emma对我的性经验有些误会 I think Emma has the wrong idea about my sexual experience.
怎么会 How?
一看就知道你接触过的唯一阴道就是把你排出来的那个 You've clearly not touched a vagina since one spat you out.
呵呵 你那段充满谎言的婚姻终止了没 Well, have you broken off your sham marriage yet?
没完全终止吧 Not exactly.
事实上我们似乎重新确认了我们的誓言 We've sort of reaffirmed our vows, actually.
这次我特别有感觉 I'm really feeling this one.
你是个蠢货 You're an idiot.
你并不想结婚 你只是害怕孤独死去 You don't want to get married, you're just afraid of dying alone.
你现在嗑药嗑嗨了吗 Are you high right now?
只是为了给Jas留下深刻印象假装的 Just pretending to be high to impress Jas.
哦 那真棒 Oh, that's cool.
谢谢 Thanks.
天哪 你的确嗑药嗑嗨了 Oh, my God, you ARE high.
严格讲我是嗨的反义词 因为我服用了镇定剂 Technically I'm low because I'm on downers.
我没有对毒品上瘾 I haven't got a drugs problem.
那就好 我也没有 Good, me neither.
你不能进去 Oh, you can't go in there,
未来的Andy King夫人正在里面呢 it's currently occupied with the future Mrs Andy King.
- 但你仍然爱着Melodie - 我 我没有 - But you're still in love with Melodie. - I'm-I'm not.
你明显爱着她 大家都知道她是你今生挚爱 You clearly are, everybody knows she's the love of your life.
她是个朋友 She's a friend.
对 一个你想和她一起抵押贷款的朋友 Yeah, a friend you want a mortgage with.
好笑的是你 我信用太低了根本没资格贷款 Joke's on you because, my credit rating's too low to qualify.
而且别在这儿跟我生气 And don't be angry with me
你就是嫉妒Errol的新对象 just because you're jealous of Errol's new piece.
请滚出我的房间 Out of my room, please.
哇 这真令人意外 Well, that was surprising.
是啊 我从没听Tiff说"请"这个字 I know, I've never heard Tiff say please.
嘿 宝贝 Hey, sweetie.
你跟你妈说我怀孕了吗 Did you tell your mum I was pregnant?
我吗 没有 Me? No.
好吧 我说了 但只是因为我太激动了 Yes, I did, but only because I'm so psyched.
你不能撇下我自己去公布重大的消息 You can't make big announcements without me,
我们应该是个团队 we're supposed to be a team.
所以我们为什么不正式组队呢 So why don't we make this team official?
Sam 我是否有这个荣幸 Sam, would you do me the honour...?
你这是在一锅辣酱旁跟我求婚吗 Are you seriously proposing to me over a pot of chilli?
不是 No.
那就好 我觉得你听了我要跟你说的 你就 Good, because I think when you hear what I have to say you'll...
Bruce 我能请你帮个忙吗 Bruce, can I get your help with something, please?
呃 其实现在不太方便 Actually, now's not a good time.
算了 现在太方便了 没事 Do you know what? It's a great time, it's fine.
你擅长修东西 You're good with gadgets
你能不能帮忙修个可能掉进了鱼缸的手机 how would you go about fixing a phone that may have fallen into a fish bowl?
买个新手机 Buy a new phone.
这辣酱闻着真香 That chilli smells amazing.
秘诀是 加入含80%可可的黑巧克力 The secret - 80% dark chocolate.
我会把这个秘密带进坟墓的 I'll take it to my grave.
Andy 可以和你说件事吗 Andy, can I have a word?
我去看看 确保我妈没有翻我们的橱柜 I'll go check my mum's not going through our cupboards.
你准备好让咱俩进入下一阶段了吗 Are you ready to take things to the next level?
肛门塞吗 Butt plugs?
不 我知道你是这个意思 听着 我不认为 No, I knew that's what you meant. Oh, listen I don't think...
Andy Andy?
你在干什么 What are you doing?
看 看着这锅辣酱 Ke-keeping an eye on the chilli.
能过来说句话吗 Can I have a word?
你能做到 你能做到 You can do this, you can do this.
- 你能做什么 - 哦 呃 - You can do what? - Oh, um...
我房间里有只蜘蛛 There's a spider in my room.
需要我杀了它吗 Do you want me to kill it?
不用 我正在培养勇气自己去杀它 No, I'm building up the courage to do it myself.
你在干什么 What are you doing?
我也在培养勇气 I'm also building up the courage.
你打算告诉Diane见鬼去吗 Are you going to tell Diane to shove it?
- 我可不想错过这个 - 不是 - Because I don't want to miss that. - No.
我正在鼓起勇气说 I'm building up the courage to say...
我很为你骄傲 ..I'm so proud of you.
即使我杀不死蜘蛛吗 Even if I don't kill the spider?
尤其是这样 Especially then.
你回来了 准备好继续前戏了吗 There you are. Are you ready to resume foreplay?
呃 Um...
你知道Jeremy Corbyn从2009到2010年 Did you know that Jeremy Corbyn claimed the least expenses
都在为国会议员申请最低消费吗 for any MP from 2009 to 2010?
你知道他 呃 Did you know that he, er,
他是奶酪议会党团的成员吗 he's a member of the All Party Parliamentary Group for Cheese?
还有你知道他有一块地 而且 呃 And did you know that he has an allotment and he, er,
他用长在自己地里的水果做果酱吗 he makes jam with the... the fruit that he grows on it?
我知道啊 I did know.
嗨 你在这干嘛呢 Oh, hi, what are you doing here?
这是我的房间 你干嘛呢 It's my room. What are you doing?
哦我在 我在找可以藏起来的地方 Oh, I was... I was looking for somewhere to hide.
- Diane让你不高兴了 - 哦不 不是Diane的事 - Did Diane upset you? - Oh, no, no, it's not Diane.
我有 I have...
我有 哎 I have, erm,
"U Can't Touch This"这首歌在脑海里挥之不去 can't touch this, stuck in my head.
好吧 或许听听电台一频道能好点 Well, maybe listening to Radio 1 will help.
你是个好女孩 Tiff You're a good girl, Tiff.
你最好别告诉别人我这么好 You'd better not tell anyone I'm nice.
什么事儿 What's up?
我想了很久 我需要你去告诉我妈我是同性恋 OK I've been thinking and I need you to tell my mum I'm gay.
喔 为什么是我 Ah! Why me?
想想看 你最合适 Think about it, it's perfect -
你住在你姐姐的地下室里 you live in your sister's basement...
是花园公寓 Garden flat.
而且你大部分时间都是嗑嗨了的状态 ..And you're high most of the time.
不 我没有 根本不是 No, I'm not, not at all.
我不是在批判你 Andy 我就像你 我们都是艺术家 I'm not judging, Andy. I'm like you, we're both artists,
艺术家该团结在一起 artists stick together.
就是 你看起来并不在乎人们怎么看你 It's just, you don't seem to care what people think of you
我很佩服这一点 and I admire that.
- 谢了 - 而且如果我妈反应很激烈 - Thank you. - And if Mum reacts badly,
你可以告诉她你逗她玩呢 她会信的 you can just tell her you made it up and she'll believe you.
你是认真地告诉我 她现在还不知道这事儿吗 Are you seriously telling me that she doesn't already know?
这话什么意思 What's that supposed to mean?
因为 你看 Because, you know...
饭好了 Food's ready!
你能解开我的胸罩吗 我总是解不开这个 Can you unfasten my bra? I always have trouble with this one.
呃 当然了 我过去解过那么多胸罩 Er, sure, of course. I've unfastened so many bras in my time,
次数多得我都记不清了 I can't remember all of the times, um...
太多了 以至于她们都叫我胸罩德·皮特 So many they call me BRAd Pitt.
有时候还叫我胸罩德利·库伯 还有 呃 Sometimes BRAdley Cooper and, er,
胸罩纳德·施瓦辛格 胸罩道夫·希特勒 BRAnold Schwarzenegger, BRAdolf Hitler.
嗷 你有安全套吗 Ow. Do you have any condoms?
我有吗 我比F1赛车还费橡胶 Do I? I burn through rubber faster than a Formula One car.
Errol 吃饭了 Errol! Food!
呃 也许我们该为"大赛"去加点油 Oh, um, maybe we should fuel up for the big race.
不是说 呃 这是个比赛 是吗 Not that it's, er, it's a race, is it?
呃 还是得稳扎稳打 对吧 Um, slow and steady, right?
孩子们 我们准备了碎乳酪 酸奶油和香菜 We have grated cheese, sour cream and coriander, children.
这个对你来说可能有点陌生 因为它是绿蔬 Now, this may not be familiar to you because it's green.
这些食物看起来美味到升天啊 This food looks out of this world.
别吃 No!
怎么了 哪儿不对吗 What, is there something wrong?
呃 呃 没有 我就是觉得我们应该进行饭前祷告 Er, er... No, I just think that maybe we should all say grace.
如果你想要讨好我 Andy 这样挺有用的 If you're trying to get in my good books, Andy, it's working.
敬爱的上帝啊 感谢您赐予的陪伴和食物 Dear God, thank you for the great company and this food.
我觉得它闻起来太香了不应该被吃掉 I'd say it smells too good to eat.
也许我们应该拍照传到Instagram上 然后让它保持原状 Maybe we should just take Instagram pics and leave it at that.
- 或者我们可以吃掉它 - 阿门 - Or we could chow down. - Amen.
Roly 你没有什么事情要说吗 Er, Roly, haven't you got something to say?
噢 我正在读一本非常棒的书 Oh, well, I have been reading a very good book called
叫<杂食者的困境> The Omnivore's Dilemma.
Luca 你不是要宣布什么吗 Luca, have you got an announcement to make?
我挺好啊 I'm good.
在墨西哥 香菜被叫做芫荽 In Mexico, coriander is referred to as cilantro.
真好吃 我们在婚礼上应该用美式墨西哥菜 This is yum. We should do Tex Mex for the wedding.
没人想再吃羊排了 对吗 Andy No-one wants another rack of lamb, right, Andy?
羊排听着挺好的 Lamb sounds good.
那 Andy 谁做你的伴郎呢 So, Andy, who's going to be your best man?
考虑到他没有任何成年朋友 Considering he doesn't have any adult friends
很可能是我 it'll probably be me.
我挺乐意写伴郎致辞的 I'd love to write a best man's speech,
玩世不恭却温暖人心 something debauched yet heart-warming.
而且我已经想好单身派对安排了 And I've got an idea for the stag do.
四个字 纸型手工 Three words - papier-mache workshop.
Andy 你不饿吗 Andy, aren't you hungry?
Sam 你都没动你那份 Sam, you've not touched any of yours.
哦 是 我就是觉得有点恶心 Oh, yeah, I'm just feeling a bit nauseous.
我怀Luca的时候害喜得厉害 I had terrible nausea when I was pregnant with Luca.
Bruce 你往里面放的什么蘑菇 Bruce, what kind of mushrooms did you use in this?
很好吃 They're delicious.
- 我没放蘑菇 - 妈妈 你怀孕了吗 - I didn't use any mushrooms. - Mum, are you pregnant?
- Luca是同性恋 - 什么 我不是 - Luca's gay! - What? No, I'm not.
Andy 替别人出柜是很粗鲁的行为 Andy, it's gauche to out people.
同性恋不是贬义词 我妈妈就是同性恋 Gay's not pejorative, my mum's a gay.
我开玩笑呢 不是真的 I'm joking, it's not true.
当然是真的 明摆着的 Of course it's true, it's obvious.
你说明摆着是什么意思 What do you mean, obvious?
作为一个男孩 你对汀布莱克也太感兴趣了 You were much too interested in Justin Timberlake as a boy.
没关系啦 你是从尼日利亚那部分血统遗传的这个 It's all right, you get it from the Nigerian side.
如果你早知道 If you knew,
为什么还总唠叨着让我找个好姑娘 why were you always talking about me meeting a nice girl?
因为我以为这样可以逼你出柜 Because I thought it would push you to admit you were gay.
- 我是处男 - 我不想结婚 - I'm a virgin. - I don't want to get married.
你们都给我闭嘴 Just shut up, all of you!
别激动 Samantha 怀孕时情绪波动是很正常的 Calm down, Samantha, mood swings are normal in your condition.
我没有怀孕 I'm not pregnant.
我得了癌症 I have cancer.
操 Fuck!
还有谁有大事要宣布吗 Anyone else have a bomb they'd like to drop?
辣酱里面可能有致幻蘑菇 There may be psychotropic mushrooms in the chilli.
Sam 等等 Sam, wait!
听着 Andy 你挺带感的 但 Look Andy, you're exciting, but...
这一切对我来说太混乱了 it's all just a bit too messy for me.
你的真命天女就在这世界上 The right person's out there,
你只需要好好过你的人生 you've just got to get your life together.
行 好的 Sure, cool.
留着戒指吧 祝你姐姐好运 Keep the ring. Good vibes to your sis.
我该走了 我的社交极限到了 I should go, my social cup is full.
抱歉我没有告诉你 Sorry I didn't tell you that...
处男没有什么可耻的 There's no shame in being a virgin.
不然你觉得为什么吸血鬼小说 Why do you think vampire novels
和圣经里的故事总是关于处男处女 and fairy tales in the Bible are always on about them?
别着急 期待下次跟你见面 No rush. I look forward to seeing you again.
你觉得你妈去哪了 Where do you think your mum went?
Sammy 见到你真高兴 Sammy, you are a sight for sore eyes.
我真是个白痴 I'm such an idiot. I think
我觉得她好几个小时以来都在试图告诉我 I think she's been trying to tell me for hours.
我们有麻烦了 We've got a situation.
噢 妈 你快来摸摸这地毯 Oh, Mum, you have to feel this rug.
就像独角兽的毛一样 It's like a unicorn's fur!
地毯兄弟给我打了7折 30% discount from Carpet Brothers.
我爱这地毯 I love it.
我爱你 我爱你 我美丽的基佬儿子 I love you. I love you, my beautiful gay son.
我爱你比爱耶稣还多 I love you more than Jesus.
我爱你比爱碧昂斯还多 I love you more than Beyonce.
嘘 Luca 不要亵渎神明 Shh. Luca, blasphemy.
也许他们把蘑菇都吃了 Maybe they got all the mushrooms.
癌症是吗 The big C, eh?
如果你需要的话 我认识一个很棒的肿瘤专家 I know a great oncologist if you need one.
谢谢 Thanks
这是早晚的事 It was just a matter of time,
我完全就是"然后她死了"那种人 I'm such a "And then she died" Type.
别这么病态 听着 我为你骄傲 Don't be so morbid. Look, I'm proud of you,
来我这儿是对的 coming over here was the right thing to do.
抽屉里有杯垫 Coaster, drawer.
我刚刚才开始享受我的生活 I was actually starting to enjoy my life.
对未来的30年充满希望 I was feeling really optimistic about the next 30 years.
你还没死呢 Well, you're not dead yet.
让爽上天医生带走你的痛苦吧 You let Dr Feel Good take the pain away.
我不想吸过量 I don't want to OD.
这是和苯二氮混合过的 像标度盘一样平稳 It's cut with benzo, balanced like a bank scale.
我会引导你的 相信我 I'll pace you, trust me.
嘿 Roly 怎么了 Hey, Roly, what's up?
噢 嗨 爸爸 你 Oh, hi, Dad, did...?
嘿 Ben 是我Andy Sam跑了 Hey, Ben, it's Andy. Sam ran away.
Andy 问问Ben他讨厌我吗 Andy, ask Ben if he hates me.
请帮帮我们 你讨厌Bruce吗 Help us, please. Do you hate Bruce?
不啊 你们为什么不能自己找 No, and why can't you do it yourself?
我们吃蘑菇嗨了 We're on mushrooms.
但是Roly没事 But Roly's all right.
天啊 这次她又为了什么跑的 Jesus Christ, why did she run away this time?
她得了癌症 She's got cancer.
草 Shit.
操 我为什么要戒毒 Fuck, why did I ever stop?
这才是我的Sammy That's my Sammy.
别紧张 好吗 没事的 Look, just chill, OK? It's cool.
这下我们都聚齐了 And the gang's all back together.
先生们 脱鞋 Gents, shoes.
我们不会久留的 We're not staying.
Sam 跟我们走 Sam, you're coming with us.
是的 哇哦 等等 我们在日本吗 Yeah. WHOA, wait, are we in Japan?
你们俩是嗑嗨了吗 Are you two high?
不是 他们吃了致幻剂 严格来说他们产生幻觉了 No, they're on psychedelics, So technically they're tripping.
等等 你们怎么找到我的 Wait, hang on, how did you find me here?
Roly是不是在我手机上装追踪软件了 Did Roly put a tracking app on my phone?
你以前经常开玩笑说 You always joked
如果你快死了 你会疯狂嗑药 if you were dying you'd go on a massive drugs binge.
药 你是说对抗癌症的药 是吗 妈妈 Drugs? You mean drugs to fight cancer, right? Mum?
能不能来个人把我儿子从这儿带走 Can somebody please take my son out of here?
我们是想救你 这是一个戒毒劝诫 We're trying to save you. This is an intervention.
天啊 你也太相互依赖了吧 God, you are so co-dependent!
你觉得我是需要被拯救的那个人吗 Do you think I'm the one that needs saving?
你最近有没有照过镜子 Have you looked in the mirror lately?
Sam 我们爱你 We love you, Sam.
不要像<魔域仙踪>里那匹马一样放弃 Don't give up like that horse in The Never Ending Story.
最后一个机会 否则我就锁定手机了 请联系我 Melodie
快看 手机没坏 Look, it's not broken!
我拆除炸弹了 I diffused the bomb.
我们能小声一点吗 这是幢高级公寓楼 Can we just keep it down a bit? This is a nice building.
抱歉 Eclipse 我们对你的邻居来说太令人尴尬了是吗 Oh sorry, Eclipse, are we too embarrassing for your neighbours?
Eclipse Eclipse?
什么 所以他就是那个Eclipse What, so he's THE Eclipse,
那个介绍我爸妈认识的毒品贩子 the dealer who introduced Mum and Dad?
介绍他们认识 Introduced them?
我怎么记得 是你爸从我身边偷走了你妈 The way I remember it, your dad stole her from me.
他真名叫Cyril 我们大学的时候是室友 His real name's Cyril, we were flatmates at uni.
你为什么会知道那件事 噢 当然了 Andy说的 How do you even know that story? Oh, course, Andy.
这堵墙一直在这儿吗 Has this wall always been here?
- 走吧 Sam - 滚开 伙计 - Come on, Sam. - Back off, mate.
别叫我"伙计" 你给一个生病的女人毒品 Don't you "Mate" Me, you gave a sick woman drugs.
我是个医生 她跟我一起嗑药比和任何人都要安全 I'm a doctor, she's safer using with me than anyone else.
行啊 如果你真是个好医生 Well, if you're such a great doctor,
为什么你的窗帘里有地精 why are there gnomes in your drapes?
不 你一看他们就会躲起来 No, they hide when you look.
你们能不能全都给我滚 快滚 Can you all just get out of here now? Go!
如果你不跟我们走 妈妈 我就把这些全吸了 If you don't come with us, Mum, I'm going to take all this.
不 No.
这样还算相互依赖了吗 How's that for co-dependence?
Sam 你是我的英雄 如果你都照顾不好自己 Sam, you're my hero, and if you don't take care of yourself
那谁来收拾我的烂摊子 then who's going to clean up my mess?
现在的一切对我来说都很艰难 Everything's so intense for me right now.
我失去了一个孩子 失去了我心爱的姑娘 I lost a baby and there's a girl that I love
我像个傻逼一样住在你的地下室里 and I'm living in your basement like a troll.
我觉得你是唯一一个 And I think that you're the only person
明白我的内心有多丑陋的人 that really gets how ugly I am inside.
而且你是我姐姐 姐弟们总是互相帮助 And you're my sister and sisters stick together.
人人都会得癌症 就连Patrick Swayze也得了 Everybody gets cancer, even Patrick Swayze,
但是他与之抗争 所以现在他没事了 and he fought it and he's fine now.
不是的 Swayze死了 No, Swayze's dead.
Swayze不能死啊 Not Swayze!
噢 天啊 Oh, God.
Andy 我的天 Andy, oh, my God.
我觉得我同时处于<星际穿越>和<盗梦空间>的世界里 I feel like I'm living Interstellar and Inception simultaneously.
- 那应该是苯二氮的原因 - 需要我叫救护车吗 - That'll be the benzo. - Should I call an ambulance?
不用了 他应该只是惊恐发作了 No, he's probably just having a panic attack.
天啊 Andy 只有你能比癌症还抢戏 Jesus, Andy, only you could upstage cancer.
他只需要喝水和大量休息 He just needs water and plenty of rest.
现在 你们能不能带上你们的鞋离开 Now, will you all please leave with your shoes?
噢 去你妈的 Cyril Oh, fuck you, Cyril.
去我妈的 你已经欠我300镑了 Oh, fuck me? How about you owe me 300
你弟弟刚才吸了一盎司毒品 for the eight ball your brother just snorted?
随便吧 Eclipse 你还欠着我的<我与长指甲>没还呢 Whatever, Eclipse, you have my Withnail And I DVD from, like,
都7年了 我觉得我们扯平了 seven years ago, I think we're even now.
抱歉我吸了所有毒品 Roly I'm sorry I took all the drugs, Roly.
我是为了救你 I did it to save you.
其实你可以直接把它们倒在地上 You could've just thrown them on the floor.
噢 Oh.
我觉得我有麻烦了 I think I've got a problem.
别担心 Andy 我在呢 姐弟要互相帮助 Don't worry, Andy, I'm here. Sisters stick together.
嗨 我叫Sam 我是个瘾君子 Hi, I'm Sam and I'm an addict.
你好 Sam Hi, Sam.
我最近有些改变人生的坏消息 而我 I got some bad news recently, life-changing, and I...
我没有好好应对 我 呃 I didn't handle it well. I, um...
我忘记了怎样寻求帮助 所以我复吸了 I forgot how to ask for help and I fell off the wagon.
好消息是 我的家人介入劝诫了我 The good news is that my family intervened,
我知道并不是每个人都如此幸运 and I know that not everyone's that lucky.
我感觉 I'm feeling...
我今天感觉乐观多了 I'm feeling a lot more optimistic today,
而且我知道我能战胜这一切 and I know that I can get through this.
谢谢 Thanks.
你们好 呃 我是Andy Hi. Um, I'm Andy.
你好 Andy Hi, Andy.
而且 And...
我是个瘾君子 ..I'm an addict.
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背景音乐 - The Kinks