翻译: 胡子君 洞爷湖 Gabby橙
背景音乐 - Joy Division
校对: 珍宝安宝 废物查理
后期: 怪查理
压制: 怪查理
总监: 怪查理
身 份 证
废柴舅舅
第三季 第四集
电波诚译
下午
手术进行得还算顺利 这位已经基本脱离危险了 As smooth operations go, this one's up there.
- 你刚是不是给她注射了什么 - 局部麻醉剂而已 - Have you just given her anything? - Just put the local in.
她的血压变低了 血氧饱和度也在下降 She's dumped her pressure and her sats are dropping.
给我200毫克的肾上腺素和皮质醇 OK, give me adrenaline, hydrocortisone, 200 milligrams.
- 我要继续还是停止操作 - 停下 - Shall I carry on or stop? - Stop!
停下 Stop!
上午
这绝对是最棒的一天 This is officially the best day ever.
有舒服的病服 还有这些垃圾医院杂志 Comfy hospital gown, check. Trashy hospital mag, check.
要是这个床能震动的话 那我死而无憾了 If this bed had a vibrate button, I could die happy.
- 你这些话一点说服力也没有 - 好吧 - You're not convincing anyone. - Fine.
我好饿 讲真的 I'm starving. Seriously,
谁能坚持12小时不吃一点东西 who can go 12 hours without eating anything?
Andy 你能不能别走来走去的 Andy! Can you stop moving about?
他现在估计正惦记 He's probably thinking about
这栋楼里那些顶好的药吧 all the primo drugs that are in this building right now.
才没有 你要不说我根本没往那边想 I wasn't! Until you mentioned it.
而且事实上 我是在担心我姐姐 谢谢 And, actually, I was worried about my sister. Thank you.
你不用担心 You don't need to worry.
只是个肿瘤切除手术而已 不会有事的 It's just a lumpectomy. I'm going to be fine.
我知道你正在戒毒 And I get that you're detoxing,
但你就不能站着别动吗 这样让我很令人反胃诶 but can you stand still? Cos you're making me nauseous.
是"感到反胃" "令人反胃"是指你让其他人感到反胃 Nauseated. Nauseous means you're making other people nauseated.
随便啦 你知道我的意思就行 你怎么突然这么暴躁 Whatever. You know what I mean. And why are you being so snippy?
从他的毛衣来看 他是在走Robert Smith风格 Judging by his jumper, he's gone full Robert Smith.
Robert James Smith 英国作曲家 歌手
或者是他有女朋友了 Or maybe he has a girlfriend.
Sam 理智一点 Sam, be rational.
说说吧 宝贝 你怎么了 Come on, sweetie, what's up?
他们应该把病服设计成红色 They should make hospital gowns red.
那样至少和血的颜色相协调 That way, they can at least blend in with all the blood.
我有点后悔让你看<美国精神病人>了 I regret letting you watch American Psycho.
- 谁是 - 妈妈 - Who is it? - It's Mum.
她问你的手术做完了吗 She's asking if you've had your roots done,
原话是 and I quote,
"外科医生不会关心你" "The surgeon won't care about you
"除非你能照顾好自己" unless you care about yourself."
哇 年度好妈妈 Aww! Mum of the Year!
在医院停车最坑了 一天居然要50镑 Hospital parking is the worst. 50 quid for a day?
这价格在黑市上都能买到一个肾了 对了 你们还好吧 I could buy a black-market kidney for that. So! What's shaking?
我在看这个月哪些名人的分手又闹得满城风雨了 I am reading which celebs are in a messy break-up this month,
Andy在戒毒 Roly在生闷气 Andy's detoxing and Roly's sulking.
他没在生闷气 He's not sulking.
说到闷闷不乐的青少年 Tiff让我代她表达对你的爱 Speaking of sulky teens, Tiff sends her love.
哦 还有Claire Oh, and Claire.
- 你看起来真美 - 我之前怎么跟你说的 - You look so beautiful. - What did I tell you?
我没有伤感啊 I'm not being sentimental.
我是个冷静的人 I'm an emotional rock.
- 我穿了纸内裤哦 - 噢 - I'm wearing paper knickers. - Oh!
妈 现在说这个真的合适吗 Mum, is this really the time?
任何一个允许我合法注射药品的日子 Any day that I'm legally allowed to pump myself full of drugs
都是胜利 is a win.
真幸运 So lucky.
咋了 哦对 癌症是很糟啦 没错 What? Oh, yeah, cancer's terrible. Yeah.
嗨 Samantha 医生今天有五台手术 Hi, Samantha. So, the surgeon has five procedures today
你是名单上的第二个 and you are second on the list,
所以应该不用等太久 so you shouldn't have too long to wait.
你有什么问题吗 Do you have any questions?
这里的无线网密码是多少 What is the Wi-Fi password?
好吧 我试试"医院1234"好了 Fine, I'll just try "Hospital1234".
下午
大家都是怎么做到的 Oh, how do people do this?
- 坐着不动吗 - 不用嗑药就能控制压力 - Sit still? - Manage stress without drugs.
你以前又不是每时每刻都在嗑药 It's not like you were doing drugs all the time.
现在有什么区别 What's different now?
现在我已经是个真正的上瘾者了 Now, I am officially an addict,
而我一旦被告知不能拥有某样东西 and as soon as you tell me i can't have something,
只会让我更加渴望它 I want it even more.
他们停产卷形"小脆枝"的时候我都疯了 I went mental when they discontinued curry Twiglets.
- 那你以前是怎么应对压力的 - 没有以前 - So how did you manage stress before? - There was no before.
我11岁就开始吸大麻了 I had my first spliff when I was 11.
别这样看我 我那时候长得比较成熟 Don't look at me like that. I looked old for my age.
- 而且我的家庭生活也不稳定 - 难道我有吗 - And I didn't have a stable home life. - And I do?
这倒是 Fair enough.
我知道 我知道 我得找到 I know, I know. I've got to find...
一种更好的方式来过滤自己的情绪 a better way to filter my feelings,
但我他妈又不是鱼缸 对吧 but I'm not a fucking fish tank, am I?
你才开始戒毒一周而已 Well, you've only been clean about a week.
你为什么不试试想些其他的事情呢 Why don't you just try thinking about something else?
比如Melodie Like Melodie.
那个离开我的人吗 是啊 这肯定有帮助 The one that got away? Yeah, that'll help
- 她进去多久了 - 40分钟 - How long's she been in there? - 40 minutes.
感觉绝对不只这么长啊 Definitely feels longer.
- 她就是这么说的 - 别偷学我的台词 - That's what she said. - Don't steal my act.
你怎么这么冷静 How are you so calm?
我是相信科学的人 情绪在医院里没有立足之地 I'm a man of science. Feelings have no place in a hospital.
说了什么 What is it?
她已经进手术室了
"保持手臂 我们是屎 亲亲" "Stay arm, we're shit, kiss-kiss".
不管了 Whatever.
好吧 我想到个好玩的游戏来打发时间 Right... Here's something fun that'll keep us busy.
Frank舅舅教我的 Uncle Frank taught me this.
如果你直视了这枚硬币 它就归你 If you stare directly at it, then the coin is yours.
你拿着硬币的时候 要想办法让我去看它 And when you've got it, you've got to get me to stare at it.
然后我再拿回硬币 Then I get it back.
要求硬币得放在腰部以下的位置 The trick is to hold it underneath the waist
一天结束之后 谁拿着硬币谁就输了 and whoever's got the coin at the end of the day is the loser.
你说这个游戏有意思的时候 When you said this game was going to be fun,
内心潜台词是不是这个游戏很蠢且毫无意义 did you really mean it was going to be pointless and stupid?
啊 卧槽 我脚抽筋了 Ahhh, shit! I've got cramp in my foot.
现在是谁蠢了 蠢蛋 Who's stupid now, stupid?
输了会怎么样 What happens to the loser?
我一个朋友扮成了一个避孕套去街上 A friend of mine had to go out in public dressed as a condom.
怎么会有人愿意做这事 Why would anyone do that?
因为他是个以狂野著称的人 Because he has a reputation for being a wild and crazy guy,
这就是名声附带的负担 and that's its own burden.
你要不要告诉我 Are you going to tell me
妈妈去手术室之前和你说了什么 what my mum said before she went to surgery?
你要不要告诉我你的手腕怎么了 Are you going to tell me what happened to your wrist?
哦 Oh.
那个是 呃 That was, er...
那是个阅读意外 That was just a reading accident.
翻书的时候太快 Sprained it while...
不小心扭伤了 turning a page too fast.
噢 卧槽 我裤子上怎么沾了血 Oh, shit, how did I get blood on my jeans?
你个 Oh, you...
我觉得我开始喜欢这个游戏了 I think I'm going to enjoy this game.
- 喂 Errol 你喜欢我这双鞋吗 - 我才不会上当 - Oi, Errol. Do you like my shoes? - Not falling for it.
这地板上有个好搞笑的图案啊 你看到了吗 The floor's got a funny pattern on it, hasn't it?
下午
我之前觉得坐在轮椅上会很尴尬 I thought being in a wheelchair would be embarrassing,
不过我还是慢慢适应了 but I could get used to this.
Andy 别一紧张就咬你的指甲 Andy, stop chewing your feelings.
我去做手术的时候你们打算干什么 So, what are you guys going to do while I'm gone?
哦 你知道的 就是去戳戳尸体 Oh, you know, we're going to poke corpses
然后再和他们来个自拍啥的 and take some selfies with corpses.
我开玩笑的 I'm kidding!
我们不会自拍的 We're not going to take any selfies.
好了 别太想我了 All right, don't miss me too much.
Bruce Bruce.
我 我没哭 I'm... I'm not crying.
我超冷静 I'm the rock.
消除情绪跟玩儿似的 I crush feelings for fun.
Andy 过来 有件事我要告诉你 过来 Andy, come here. There's something I need to tell you. Come on.
- 上蝙蝠战车吧 罗宾 - 妈妈 - To the Batmobile, Robin. - Mum...
祝你好运 Break a leg.
背景音乐 - Joy Division
昨 晚
关小点声 Turn that down!
- 你为什么要这样做 - 让我能安静思考啊 - What did you do that for? - So I can hear myself think.
你怎么听起新秩序的歌了 And what are you doing listening to New Order?
是快乐分裂的歌 Joy Division.
他们是同一个乐队 They're the same band,
他们的音乐就是给那些矫揉造作的颓废文青听的 and they're for pretentious art school burn-outs.
- 这是你的唱片 - 你这都是穿的什么东西 - It's your record. - What on earth are you wearing?
衣服啊 不然你觉得是什么 Clothes. What does it look like?
我看像万圣节提前来了 Like Halloween's come early.
- 你要去哪 - 出去 - Where are you going? - Out.
不行 你不准出去 Oh, no, you're not.
Veronica马上来了 我们要点外卖吃 Veronica will be here any minute. We're going to order takeaway.
- 我不饿 - 这事没有商量的余地 你明天要早起 - I'm not hungry. - I'm not negotiating. You have to be up early.
- 你的衣服让你看起来又矮又胖 - 你说什么 - Your clothes make you look dumpy. - Excuse me?
你总是穿这些Fred Perry的衬衣 You always wear your Fred Perry shirts like
好像自己是个现代青年 但你根本不是 you're still a young mod, but you're not.
你就是个丧气的中年男人 You're just a sad middle-aged
想要留在曾经的黄金岁月里 man trying to hang on to his glory days.
真可悲 Pathetic.
- 晚上玩得愉快 - 不用等我了 - Enjoy your night out. - Don't wait up.
下午
你在这里啊 她还没出来呢 There you are! She's still in theatre.
你在干什么 What are you doing?
你说我看起来像在干什么 What does it look like I'm doing?
我在把我的肺变成干肉条 I'm turning my lungs to jerky.
给我吸一口 Give me a puff.
- 不行 - 是因为烟也算毒品吗 - No way. - Is that because cigarettes are a drug?
我知道你的意思 I see what you're doing.
如果烟是毒品的话 我已经开始戒毒 If cigarettes are a drug and I've given up drugs,
那我也应该戒烟 then I should give up cigarettes.
你错了 Well, you're wrong.
烟不算毒品 They're not drugs.
如果不是毒品 那就给我吸一口 If they're not drugs, then give me a puff.
好吧 这是毒品 但是你连烟都不让我抽的话 Fine. They're drugs. But if you take these away from me,
我就什么也没有了 那我就真完蛋了 then I'll have nothing, and then I'll go full Kanye.
不要夺走我仅剩的救命稻草 Don't ruin the only thing I've got left to live for.
这跟你没关系 跟我想要什么有关 This isn't about you. This is about what I want.
只要一口 我就闭嘴 对你来说很划算的 And surely my silence is worth a puff.
- 你过敏症状 - 我有吸入器 - You're allergic. - I've got my inhaler.
- 你妈妈会杀了我的 - 只要她不知道就不会发火 - Your mum would kill me. - What she doesn't know won't kill her.
好吧 我让你吸一口 Fine, I'll give you a puff.
不过首先你得猜一下我的鞋是多少码 But first, you've got to guess what my shoe size is.
你还有很多要学呢 年轻的学徒 You have got a lot to learn, young padawan.
昨 晚
身份证 Id.
我大脑垂体发育有问题 I have a pituitary condition.
下午
呃 Um...
今天天气不错啊 Lovely weather we're having.
我不清楚 我已经一个月没出去过了 I wouldn't know. I haven't been outside in a month.
- 哦 - 你继续 尽管问 - Oh. - Go on, just ask me.
问什么 Ask what?
- 我为什么来医院 - 你为什么来的 - What I'm here for. - What are you here for?
肛门漂白 Anal bleaching.
还有白血病 我这算是买一送一了 And leukaemia. I got a two-for-one deal.
- 我不该笑的 那太黑暗了 - 我知道 - I shouldn't be laughing, that was quite dark. - I know.
所以我才要漂白它 That's why I'm getting it bleached.
- 你为什么来这儿 - 我妈妈要切除肿瘤 - What are you in for? - My mum's having a lump removed.
- 真糟糕 - 我知道 - That sucks. - I know.
我是说对我来说糟糕 No, it sucks for me.
我还希望你是来住院的新病人 I was hoping you were a new inpatient.
- 癌症病房里没什么可看的人 - 谢谢 - Cancer ward's got pretty slim pickings. - Thanks.
- 谢什么 - 谢谢你没说一切都会好起来的 - For what? - For not saying everything's going to be OK.
相信我 要说白血病教会你什么的话 Trust me, if there's one thing leukaemia teaches you,
那就是 这一切都不会好转的 it's that everything is not going to be OK.
任何说这种话的人都是在骗你 And anyone that says that is full of crap.
你知道当你快死的时候人们会变得多么讨厌吗 Do you know how annoying people are when you're dying?
就好像我不能悲伤 It's like I can't be sad
因为他们不想让自己陷入悲伤 because they won't let themselves be sad.
他们总是表现得积极正面 乐观向上 And they're always going on about positive visualisation
摆出一副"我是多么鼓舞人心"的面孔 and what an inspiration I am to everyone.
呃 Hurgh.
我甚至不觉得自己还在意死亡了 I don't even think I mind dying that much.
再也不了 Any more.
但是我告诉你 真正让我抓狂的是 But I'll tell you what really grinds my gears.
我永远也无法看到下一部<星球大战> I'm not going to be around for the next Star Wars
或者<权力的游戏>小说最后一部了 or the last Game Of Thrones book.
天啊 我愿意付出一切 God, I'd give anything for
让大家停止可怜我 停止说那些话 someone to stop pitying me and tell it like it is.
你的帽子跟你这身很不搭 Your hat clashes with your robe.
拜托 你能做得更好 Come on, you can do better than that.
我敢说你从来没有读过Kierkegaard的书 I bet you've never read any Kierkegaard,
Kierkegaard 丹麦哲学家、神学家及作家 存在主义之父
假如你读了 你也不会明白 and if you did, you wouldn't understand it.
你在逗我吗 Are you kidding me?
我敢说关于你最有趣的事就是 I bet the most interesting thing about you
你命在旦夕 is that you're dying.
讲的好 Nicely done.
聊得还好吗 我们出去走走 小姑娘 All right? Let's hit the road, young lady.
很高兴和你聊天 Nice talking to you.
下辈子再见 See you in the next life.
祝愿你能活着看到下一部<星球大战> Here's hoping you make it to the next Star Wars.
但对于<权力的游戏>就别抱太大的希望了 Don't hold your breath for Game Of Thrones.
呀 去你的 Yeah, screw you, too.
你去哪了 Where've you been?
这样说吧 我从来没有想过我能在医院撸出来 Let's just say I never thought I'd have a wank in a hospital.
下午
听着 她会没事的 Look, she's going to be all right.
明白吗 我们只需要保持积极想法 All right? We just need to... think positive.
这也是你妈妈想要看到的 说个笑话怎么样 Yeah? That's what your mum would want. How about a joke?
- 咚咚咚 有人吗 - 是谁 - Knock, knock. - Who's there?
- 耶稣 - 耶稣是谁 - Jesus. - Jesus who?
不要这样嘛 你听到我说话了 Come on! You've heard of me.
耶稣 我希望我嗑嗨了 Jesus, I wish I was high.
也许我应该去健身房 Maybe I'll join a gym.
你不需要健身 你需要一个拥抱 You don't need a gym. You need a hug.
来吧 Come here.
来嘛 Come here.
哦 好吧 Cool. Well...
我就把拥抱放在这边 需要的话自取 I'll just set this over here for whenever you want it.
对了 我们应该给Sam从自动贩卖机那弄点好吃的 I know. We should get Sam a snack from the vending machine,
怎么样 她醒来之后肯定会很饿的 All right? She's going to be starving when she wakes up.
麦提莎是她的最爱 Maltesers are her favourite.
我非常确信是牛奶巧克力 Pretty sure it's Dairy Milk.
两位 我很肯定是玉米脆条 Guys, I'm pretty sure it's Wotsits.
从什么时候开始 Since when?
从以前她一饿就吃这个开始 Since she used to eat them every time she had the munchies,
而且我认识她的时间比你俩都长 and since I've known her longer than both of you.
我和她还曾是脐带相连的关系呢 I was connected to her with an umbilical cord.
我和她还睡 Well, I've had se...
睡过呢 所以 sex with her, so...
- 她最喜欢的颜色是什么 - 紫色 - 绿色 - What's her favourite colour? - Purple. - Green.
- 是大海泡沫色 - 大海泡沫色是什么 - It's sea foam. - What's sea foam?
- 淡薄荷绿 - 什么 也就是绿色咯 - It's pastel mint. - What, you mean green?!
- Roly 你的手腕怎么了 - 没事 - Roly, what happened to your wrist? - Nothing.
下午
Sam刚进手术室 Sam just went into surgery.
我相信她会没事的 Andy说这只是常规手术 I'm sure she'll be fine. Andy said it was routine.
不管怎样 也许我应该回个电话 Maybe I should call back anyway.
他们手头的事已经够多了 They've got enough going on.
可是 我还是应该回复点什么 对吧 I should write something back, though, right?
- 是的 - 哦 我真讨厌发短信 - Definitely. - Ohh, I hate texting.
这简直是最肤浅的交流方式 It's such a shallow way to communicate.
那我回"我们都为她祈祷"怎么样 Right, how about, "We're all praying for her"?
- 有点压抑 - 嗯 - Nah, bit grim. - Mm.
那么"即使只剩下一个畸形乳头 我仍然愿意和你睡"呢 How about, "Even with a dodgy tit, I still would"?
我也愿意 Yeah, so would I.
但是她弟弟来读这个短信 But her brother's reading the text.
- 算了 就这样吧 不回了 - 不行不行 - Do you know what? I'm going to leave it. - No, no, no.
你必须说点什么 就算只是 You have to say something, even if it's just...
"亲亲" "Kiss-kiss."
就算Andy的嘴是乳头组成的 我也不会亲他的 I wouldn't kiss-kiss Andy if his lips were made of tits.
- Mike - 怎么了 老板 - Mike... - Yes, boss?
家里老朋友在医院做肿瘤切除手术 Family friend's in hospital having surgery on a tumour.
我应该给她弟弟发什么信息呢 What should I text her brother?
互联网抱抱 Internet hugs?!
互联网抱抱 这 Internet hugs? Euch!
难怪我是为你的身体付钱而不是你的嘴 No wonder I pay you for your body and not your mouth.
你可以用表情符号 像哭丧的脸和弯曲肱二头肌 You could do emojis, like a frowny face and a bicep curl.
意思是"我很担心 保持坚强" That means, "I'm worried, stay strong."
有没有一个表情代表 Is there an emoji for,
"不知道说什么好 发个破表情意思意思" "I couldn't think of something to say, "So I'm sending you a bullshit emoji"?
- 思考的脸 大便脸 - 让我来吧 - 不 - Thinking face, poo face. - Here, just let me do it. - No, no...
爸 让我来吧 我想到了 Dad, let me do it. I've got an idea.
- 不给 - 爸 给我 - 完蛋了 - No, no... - Dad, give it to me! - Oh, shit.
怎么了 What?
发出去了 It sent.
下午
你有没有想过以后要个孩子 Do you think you'll ever have kids?
我不知道 Dunno.
社会结构被打破 Society's broken.
我们甚至不能保证选举制度的正确 We can't even get the electoral system right.
你呢 你认为你会吗 What about you? Do you think you'll ever do it?
投票 不会 Vote? No.
我是说 我还在可口可乐和百事可乐之间摇摆不定呢 I mean, I'm still on the fence between Coke and Pepsi.
不 我是在说要孩子的事 No, I mean have a baby.
尤其是在经过Teresa那一系列乌龙之后 Especially after the whole Teresa thing.
呃 Uh...
我想 对我失望的人已经够多了 I think I've got enough people disappointed in me
不用再多牵连无辜了 without creating new ones.
如果你是和Melodie有了孩子呢 What if it was with Melodie?
我想到了 I've got it.
这样如何 How about...
硬币游戏的输家 the loser of the coin game
发誓接下来一周都不说话 gets to take a vow of silence for a week?
抱歉 打扰一下 Sorry, excuse me.
我是Marcum医生 你们是Samantha King的亲属吗 I'm Dr Marcum. Are you Samantha King's family?
- 是的 - 整个过程非常顺利 - Yeah. - Everything went fine with the procedure.
她的身体也并无排斥反应 She tolerated the general really well.
但是在手术快结束时 她对医生缝合伤口注射的 But when they were finishing up, she had an allergic reaction
局部麻醉剂产生了过敏反应 to the local anaesthetic they used to close the incision
目前陷入了过敏性休克状态 and she went into anaphylactic shock.
好啊 Sally Hi, Sally.
有任何消息我会通知你们的 I'll keep you posted.
她看起来真平和 She looks so peaceful.
平和个屁 这里面窄得要死 Well, I'm not. It's cramped as hell in this thing.
六个月前
你不觉得对于Frank舅舅来说 这个有点太花哨了吗 Don't you think this looks a bit bling for Uncle Frank?
那边的纸板盒才100镑 That cardboard box over there's only 100 quid.
我觉得这些环保的选择可能更适合他吧 I'm sure all the green options are probably more his speed, anyway.
他应该很讨厌这个 He'd probably hate this one.
这就是当他私生子们突然冒出 That's what he gets for dying without a will while
而他却没有留下遗嘱就死去所应得的报应 illegitimate kids pop out of woodwork
一直以来 我不得不为他放在冷冻库的那具愚蠢身体买单 and I'm left paying for his stupid body to sit in a freezer
就因为没人愿意支付他的丧葬费用 for ages because no-one will fork out for the burial costs.
不 就选这个 我要笑到最后 No. This way, I get the last laugh.
你死了我会记得的 I'll remember that when you die.
谁说我会比你早死 我特别健康 Who says I'm dying before you? I am way healthier.
正是如此 由于戏剧化的讽刺性 你会比我先死 You're going to die first, cos that's how dramatic irony works,
然后Roly就能二十四小时和我在一起 and then Roly can live with me full-time.
我还有个爹 记得吗 I still have a dad, remember?
假如他们都死了 What if they both die,
比如直升机坠毁 或者遇到其他什么事 like, together, in a helicopter crash or something?
我两个已经离婚的父母 What are my two divorced parents
一起在直升机里干嘛 doing in a helicopter ride together?
他们正准备去偏远的热带小岛看我个人演唱会 They're coming to my private concert on a remote tropical island.
你乘水上飞机先到岛上了 You arrived earlier by seaplane.
那么 我会告诉他们不要来 Well, I'll tell them not to go, then.
你不能因为你的傻逼热带演唱会就害死我妈妈 You're not killing my mum with your stupid tropical concert.
我想怎么杀了她 就怎么杀了她 I'll kill her however I want to kill her.
你们俩 放轻松点 我不会去Andy编出来的演唱会 Boys! Relax. I'm not going to go to Andy's made-up concert
也不会乘坐任何直升机 and I'm not going to get in any helicopters.
长时间内你是无法摆脱我的 You're not getting rid of me for a long time.
你好 需要帮忙吗 Hi, can I help you?
这个棺材多少钱呢 Oh, how much is this coffin?
750镑 ￡750.
那我们要那个纸板盒 We'll take the cardboard box.
下午
很抱歉 目前没有最新消息 Look, I'm sorry, I don't have an update for you.
- 这也太过分了 她是我妻子 - 是前妻 - This is unacceptable. She's my wife. - Ex-wife.
我知道对你们来说很难接受 我明白 你好啊 Kim I know this is difficult for you, I understand that... Hey, Kim.
听好了 小子 我今天情绪十分脆弱 Listen, mate, I'm feeling really tender today,
我先道歉 如果这看起来很无礼 so apologies if this comes across as rude,
但是我希望你赶紧动起来 but I want you to go and find out
马上搞清楚我姐到底怎么了 what is going on with my sister
不然我将无法控制我情绪 拜托了 right now or I am going to lose it, please!
好的 我会尽力而为 OK, I'll...I'll see what I can do.
我要咖啡 I need a coffee.
我去确保一下他喝的是脱咖啡因的 I'd better make sure he gets a decaf.
昨 晚
不 当然 我通常不会这么打电话 No, of course, I wouldn't normally call like this,
尤其是在晚上 在你要 you know, especially the night before you have...
呃 那啥之前 Um... You know..
呃 我们吵架了 Er, we...we had a row.
吵架 关于什么 Row? About what?
我甚至不知道原因 我认为他只是 I don't even know. I think he's just...
在抗拒我 pushing back.
我多希望他能像小时候一样再次崇拜我 I wish he could worship me again like he did when he was little.
你认为我的衬衫是不是太紧了 Do you think my shirts are too tight?
没有 也许只有Fred Perry那些 No... Well... Well, maybe just the Fred Perry ones.
我只穿Fred Perry啊 I only wear Fred Perry ones.
- 谢谢你的来电 - 等等 Sam - Well, thanks for the call. - No, wait, Sam...
- 还有些事 - 是的 你的牛仔裤有点卡裆 - There's something else. - Yes, your jeans are a bit crotchy.
不 我知道你明天做的只是常规手术 No, um... Look, I know tomorrow's only routine,
但是我还是想说 but I just wanted to say that, um...
我会想你的 还有 I'll be thinking of you and...
我 I...
你好 Roly Hey! Roly!
- 你回来了 - 是的 - 真酷 - You're back. - Yeah. - Cool.
我只是 I'm just, er...
在点披萨 ..Ordering pizza.
- 能加芝士棒吗 谢谢 - 什么 - Can we have mozzarella sticks, please? - What?
我以为你与Veronica吃了外卖 I thought you had takeaway with Veronica.
吃点宵夜 Midnight...snack.
是 我会付现金 Yes, I'll...I'll pay cash.
等等 Errol Wait, Errol...
真可悲 Pathetic.
下午
- 这是什么 - 一个能够让我安静思考的绝佳地点 - What is this? - A great room to come to think in peace.
直到你跟着我进来 Until you followed me in.
有感情的人难道总是这么痛苦吗 Does feeling everything always hurt this much?
我无从得知 Well, I wouldn't know.
你在和信奉科学的人说话 忘了吗 You're talking to a man of science, remember?
- 我基本上就是个有意识的机器人 - 好吧 机器人 - I'm basically a sentient robot. - All right, robot,
你愿意告诉我你的手腕到底怎么了吗 do you want to tell me what really happened to your wrist?
真的很尴尬 It's embarrassing, really.
我昨晚去一个演唱会 I went to a concert last night and, er...
拿着假身份证和其他一些东西 got fake ID and everything, and then they...
进场地之前 他们要在我手腕做标记 stamped my wrist to get into the venue.
一切都很顺利 直到 It was all going great until...
突然间我手腕开始肿胀起大片水泡 suddenly my wrist began to swell up into a blistered mess.
我对印章过敏 你不会想看的 相信我 I was allergic to the stamp. You don't want to see it, trust me.
没有我的时候你就做这么酷炫的事 That's what you get for doing cool shit without me.
已经得到教训了 Lesson learned.
嘿 你好啊 Hi there.
- 哦 我们刚要走 - 你们不需要离开 - Oh, we're just leaving. - You don't need to leave.
有什么想和我谈谈的吗 Is there anything you want to talk about?
没有 我们很好 谢谢 No, we're good, thanks. You
确定没有人需要我替他祈祷一下 sure there isn't someone you want me to pray for?
- 你是在笑吗 - Errol 别这样 - Are you having a laugh? - Errol...don't.
你觉得你的那些祷告 You're offering prayer up
真的会有帮助吗 like it's something real that's going to help.
祈祷只是冥想 Praying is just thinking.
是虔诚面具下的不作为 It's inaction wrapped in piety.
是你能为一个人所做的最无用的事情 It's the least you can do for a person.
我祈求你现在就闭嘴 I'm praying for you to shut up right now.
我觉得祈祷是一种很好的方法 I find prayer is a good way
去思考那些我们需要感激的事 to take stock of the things we're grateful for
然后给我们 祈祷者 一种透彻的感觉 and gives us, the prayer, a sense of perspective
还可以帮助我们处理感情 and can help us to process feelings
通过寻求比我们强大的神的帮助 by asking a divine something-greater-than-ourselves for help.
就好像神秘梅格 只是不用付每分钟1.5镑的钱 Like Mystic Meg, only not ￡1.50 a minute.
神秘梅格 英国占星家 自称能通灵预测未来
Richard Dawkins说妄想就是人们去相信一些 Richard Dawkins says a delusion is something people believe in
Richard Dawkins 英国演化生物学家 著名无神论拥护者
根本没有依据的事物 despite a total lack of evidence.
对此你有什么想说的 What do you have to say to that?
虽然我从未见过海底 但我知道它就在那里 That I've never seen the ocean floor, but I know it's there.
那是因为我们有科学证据和照片 That's because we have scientific evidence and photos
还有Jacques Cousteau的纪录片可以证明 and Jacques Cousteau documentaries.
Jacques Cousteau 法国海军军官 探险家 生态学家
我并没有要改变你的想法 I'm not here to change your mind.
我只是想说 这又有什么坏处呢 I'm only saying...what's the harm?
坏处 The harm...
就是世上没有上帝 is there is no God and
我们都是孑然一身 任何事情都没有意义 we're all alone and everything is meaningless,
或者世上存在上帝 他赐予人们癌症 or there is a God and he gives people cancer
而且只在人们苦苦祈祷许久的时候 and only takes it away when
才把癌症带走 说明他是个十足的混蛋 people pray hard enough, meaning he's a total wanker.
Roly 等等 Roly, wait.
下午
- 他们都准备好了 - 好的 - They're ready for you. - All right,
- 去看看那些男巫了 - 等等 - let's go see the wizard. - Wait.
哦 不是吧 不要尤克里里 Oh, no. Not a ukulele.
这就是他们所说的"触底反弹"曲 It's what they call in recovery "Rock-bottom".
*我的狗身上有跳蚤* *My dog has fleas*
*好像瓶中一只小船* *Like a ship in a bottle*
*我并不期待它改变* *I don't want it to change*
*尽管他总惹毛我 还带着个怪小孩* *Even though he pissed me off And led the kid a-strange*
*因为当我一团糟 只有他来提醒我* *Cos who is gonna tell me When I am full of shit?*
*既让我痛苦不堪 又信任我当保姆* *And who will make me miserable And make me babysit?*
*如果你敢先走 留我一人在此* *So if you fucking die on me And leave me on my own*
*我会一路追随 让你无路可逃* *I promise I will hunt you down You'll have nowhere to turn*
*不是因为我想你 只是受不了混乱* *It's not that I would miss you Just I couldn't stand the fuss*
*不要让我办葬礼 我们一起才最好* *Don't make me plan a funeral We're better off as us*
*尤克里里歌很烦 癌症却更让我恼* *I hate cancer More than ukulele songs*
*它们又糟又可怕 还让我心乱如麻* *They're horrific, annoying And worst of all*
*它们矫情不得了 整天只知道吵闹* *They're twee as fuck And won't shut up*
*它们在我乳头上 叮叮当当地舞蹈* *They jingle jangle on my tits*
*我痛恨他们 毁我于一旦* *I hate them and they fuck me off*
*我想将它们 碎尸成万段* *I wanna smash them all to bits*
*尤克里里歌很烦 癌症却更让我恼* *I hate cancer More than ukulele songs*
*它们又糟又可怕 还让我心乱如麻* *They're annoying and hipster And worst of all*
*它们矫情不得了 整天只知道吵闹* *They're twee as fuck And won't shut up*
*它们在我乳头上 叮叮当当地舞蹈* *They jingle jangle on my tits*
*我痛恨他们 毁我于一旦* *I hate them and they fuck me off*
*我想将它们 碎尸成万段* *I wanna smash them all to bits*
*癌症比尤克里里还让我恼* *I hate cancer More than ukulele songs*
*它们又糟又可怕 还让我心乱如麻* *They're annoying and hipster And worst of all*
*它们矫情不得了 整天只知道吵闹* *They're twee as fuck And won't shut up*
*它们在我乳头上 叮叮当当地舞蹈* *They jingle jangle on my tits*
*我痛恨他们 毁我于一旦* *I hate them and they fuck me off*
*我想将它们 碎尸成万段* *I wanna smash them all to bits.*
下午
- 给我根烟 - Roly - Give me a cigarette. - Roly!
求求你 我只是需要一些东西 Please, I just need something
来将我的注意力从我临死的妈妈身上转移走 to take my mind off my dying mum.
你要这样吗 Is this how it is now?
遵循家庭传统 吸毒然后自残 Following a family tradition of gateway drugs and self-harm?
- 自残 - 这样你就好受了吗 - Self-harm? - Did it make you feel better?
我是不会让你伤害自己的 I'm not going to let you hurt yourself.
那我来伤害你呢 How about I hurt you, then?
Roly 冷静点 Roly! Calm down.
不要叫我冷静 我一直都很冷静 Don't tell me to calm down. I'm always the calm one.
我什么时候才能放任一次情绪 When do I get to lose my shit?
- 嗷 靠 - 来呀 打我呀 - Ow! Shit! - Come on, hit me.
我是不会打你的 你个火柴棒 I'm not going to hit you, you human swizzle stick.
再打一次的话 Roly 我发誓 One more time, Roly, I swear.
- 怎样 - 你今天别逼我 - Or what? - Don't push me today.
我现在感觉很平和 I am feeling tender.
我说了我今天要走温柔路线 I said I was feeling tender.
昨 晚
到你了 You're up.
你确定纹这个吗 You're sure about this?
我可以付现金 I can pay in cash.
好吧 Fine.
希望她能和你长长久久 Hope she's a keeper.
但愿如此 So do I.
顺便告诉你 那两个汉字 By the way, that Chinese symbol,
不是"美丽"的意思 that doesn't mean "Beauty".
是指"灾难" That means "Disaster".
我早就该告诉她我爱她 I should have told her I loved her.
我原本有数不清的机会 但我搞砸了 I had loads of opportunities, but I blew it.
我对她说的最后一句话是"祝你好运" The last thing I ever said to her was... "Break a leg."
可能她听我说的最后一个字就是"运"了 The last word she might ever hear from me is "Leg".
总比"冷静"好 It's better than "Phlegm".
是啊 Yeah.
但是最遗憾的是我没有告诉她 But what's worse is that I didn't say it to her,
因为我觉得那不吉利 because I thought it would be bad luck.
- 不吉利 - 对 - Bad luck? - Yeah.
这不就是在人死前 It's exactly the sort of thing
你要对他们说的话吗 you say to someone before they die, isn't it?
我觉得要是我说了 众神会嘲笑我们的 And I thought if I said it, the gods might laugh at us.
还自诩相信科学啊你 Man of science, eh?
但是 But...
我没有说 她现在却要死了 I didn't say it and now she's dying anyway,
所以又有什么意义呢 so what's the point?
你知道你妈妈 You know what your mum
在她进手术室之前和我说了什么吗 said to me just before she went into surgery?
没事儿 你不用非得 It's OK, you don't have to...
她说 "如果发生了什么事 She said, "If anything happens..."
告诉Roly "Tell Roly..."
我知道" "I know."
下午
干杯 Cheers.
我欣赏你 Bruce 你是个好人 你曾让Sam快乐 I like you, Bruce. You're a good guy. You made Sam happy.
- 曾让 - 让 你让Sam快乐 我也不知道我为什么那样说 - Made? - Make. Make Sam happy. Don't know why I said that.
我也不知道失去了她我该怎么办 I just don't know what I'd do without her.
Veronica很好 但是 Veronica's great, but...
Sam是我孩子的母亲 Sam is...the mother of my child.
哦 是 没错 Oh, no. Yeah, obviously.
- 我的一生挚爱 - 是我的 一生挚爱 - Love of my life. - Well, love of...my life.
啊 没错 当然 Oh, yeah. Obviously.
哦 不是吧 Oh, no.
你要哭惨了吗 Are you about to ugly cry?
才不是 No!
不是 我可是铁血男儿 No. I'm a bloody rock.
下午
你可以直接告诉我关于纹身的事 You know you could have just told me about the tattoo.
我想有一点自己的秘密 I wanted something for myself.
你懂得 自己的控制权 You know, take control.
而且 你是个大嘴巴 And, plus, you're shit at keeping secrets.
有道理 Fair point.
听着 我很抱歉 Look, I'm sorry.
我知道你现在不好受 I know you're going through a hard time at the moment.
我却没法控制好我的情绪 And I just let my feelings get away from me.
没事儿 It's OK.
但是如果你有事 那也没关系 But if you're not OK, that's OK, too.
我不好 I'm not OK.
我很不好 I'm really not OK.
- 你在干什么 - 祈祷 - What are you doing? - Praying.
你懂的 以防万一 You know... Just in case.
- 不好意思 打扰你们了吗 - 没有 - Sorry, am I interrupting? - No.
呃 我们只是在 Um... We were just...
- 呃 有新消息吗 - 是的 - Er, have you got any news? - Yes.
她正在恢复 你们一会儿就能去看她 She's in recovery and you can see her soon.
- 嗨 Anna - 滚 James - Hi, Anna. - Fuck off, James.
给你 There you go.
如果你真想来一根 最好是我给你的 If you're going to try one, I'd prefer it to be one of mine.
要不然下次吧 Maybe another time.
也行 Yeah.
Melodie 哦 Melodie. Oh.
- 听不懂 - 对不起 我以为 - Non capisco. - Sorry, I thought...
没什么 Never mind.
感觉怎么样 How are you feeling?
噢 感觉像被剪刀手爱德华剪了一样 Oh, like I've been felt up by Edward Scissorhands.
你把我们吓得不轻 You gave us quite a scare.
妈妈 Mum...
我爱你 I love you.
我也爱你 I love you, too.
- 你饿了吗 - 你觉得呢 - Are you hungry? - What do you think?
我已经禁食18个小时了 I've been fasting for 18 hours.
这有个自动售卖机 There's a vending machine.
来点你的最爱 吉百利牛奶巧克力 怎么样 How about your favourite? Dairy Milk.
它们什么时候成我的最爱了 Since when are they my favourite?
- 麦提莎怎么样 - 不 不想吃 - How about Maltesers? - Nah, not in the mood.
- 玉米脆条 - 只有嗨的时候才觉得好吃 - Wotsits. - Only taste good when you're high.
- 鲨鱼脆脆 - 答对了 - Crunchie! - Bingo.
Roly 你的手腕怎么了 Roly, what happened to your wrist?
哦 他试着切自己来着 Oh, he tried cutting himself...
请告诉我那是个贴纸 Please tell me that's a stick-on.
你还未成年 你是怎么 You're underage, how did you even...?
- 我搞到一张假身份证 - 你有大麻烦了 年轻人 - I got a fake ID. - You are in so much trouble, young man.
怎么不是我的全名 And what was wrong with my whole name?
你开玩笑吗 这刚好在骨头上哎 Are you joking? It's right on the bone.
中途我昏倒了 他们只好停下了了 I passed out halfway through and they had to stop.
所以它只有一半 That's why it's off-centre.
接下来的日子里这玩意会让你抓狂的 That'll drive you crazy for the rest of your life.
等妈妈完全好了我就去把剩下的也纹上去 I'll get it finished when Mum gets the all clear.
不 不准纹 这是你的主意吗 Andy No. No more tattoos. Was this your idea, Andy?
我倒是想 这个小纹身完全是他自己的主意 I wish. This little scamp was irresponsible all by himself.
- Andy舅舅 你以前也有过纹身 - 有啊 - Uncle Andy, you've had tattoos before... - Yeah.
这看起来像感染了吗 ..Does this look infected?
我靠 Shit.
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背景音乐 - The Wombats