翻译: 菲菲 刘blahblah 阿五 AT
您好 南桥综合中学 有什么能帮您的 Southbridge Comprehensive. How can I help?
您好 我是Herbert Jones Hello. This is Herbert Jones,
我在英格兰及威尔士骨髓登记中心工作 and I work for the Bone Marrow Registry of England and Wales.
校对: 安宝与查理 查理与安宝
后期: 怪查理
想要联系之前在那边工作的一位老师 I am trying to get in contact with one of your former teachers,
Melodie Thomas女士 a Miss...Melodie Thomas.
压制: 怪查理
她似乎能和我们这的一名病人配型 It seems that she may be a potential match for one of our patients.
总监: 怪查理
对不起 我们不能泄露任何个人信息 Sorry, we can't give out any personal information.
哦 这样啊 没事 我相信我们病人会理解的 Oh. Well, that's fine. I'm sure our patient will understand...
在他们死透了的时候 when they're dead!
废柴舅舅
第三季 第五集
电波诚译
你觉得有什么礼物适合送给你妈妈 What do you think would be a nice present for your mum
在她结束化疗之后 when she finishes radiotherapy?
喂 Veronica在问你话 Hello? Veronica just asked you a que...
你能不能不要在餐桌上用电脑 Would you mind not using that at the breakfast table?
好像不能 我刚发现一个特划算的欧洲之旅 Actually, I would. I've found an amazing deal for my Euro trip.
要是不快点抢的话 马上就没了 And it's going to be gone in a couple of minutes unless we act now.
什么欧洲之旅 What Euro trip?
我的16岁生日礼物 The one for my 16th birthday.
我找到一个行程套餐 包括巴塞罗那 I've found a package that takes me to Barcelona,
罗马 雅典 伊斯坦布尔 慕尼黑 Rome, Athens, Istanbul, Munich
和斯德哥尔摩 那可有世界上最大的宜家 and Stockholm, home of the world's largest Ikea.
只要2500英镑 And it's only ￡2,500.
我能刷你的卡吗 Can I use your credit card?
- 我知道你的卡号 - 想都别想 - I already know the number. - Definitely not.
你个16岁的小孩一个人在欧洲游什么 What 16-year-old goes alone on a trip round Europe?
马拉拉16岁都得诺贝尔奖了 Malala won a Nobel prize when she was 16.
马拉拉 2014年诺贝尔和平奖得主 以争取妇女接受教育的权利而闻名
那是和平奖 他们谁都发 It was the Peace Prize. They give that to anyone.
如果你担心我一个人 If you don't want me to go alone,
我可以叫上Murray Thomas一起 I can always just ask Murray Thomas.
他睡觉呼吸骤停的毛病现在快好了 His crippling sleep apnoea has nearly cleared up now.
等你GCSE会考得了全优再说吧 You get straight As in your GCSEs, then we'll talk.
这不公平 That's not fair.
我受够传统形式教育了 我要丰富自己的人生 I'm bored of formal education. I'm trying to enrich myself.
如果你真这么坚持的话 If you feel that strongly about it,
那你也到了找个工作 自己挣钱旅游的年纪了 you're old enough to get a job and pay for the trip yourself.
工作 你要我去工作 A job? You want ME to get a job?
我 一个反叛的思想者 Me? A rebel thinker?
一双旧式淑女的纤纤素手 Hands of a Victorian lady?
看上去像是干体力活的人吗 Do I look like I'm built for hard labour?
我又不是要你下井挖矿 I'm not ordering you down the mines.
你活在什么时代啊 What century are you living in?
你可以 写写博客赚钱什么的 Why don't you just... blog for money or something?
哈 你觉得写作能赚钱 Ha! You think writing pays money?
你活在什么时代啊 What century are YOU living in?
你是怎么知道我信用卡号的 How do you know my credit card number?
- 天Andy - 怎么 你不就在尿尿么 - Jesus, Andy! - What? You're just peeing.
最好是好消息 This had better be good.
我的拼字游戏差点就要破纪录了 I was about to break my Wordament high score.
我不知道应该用哪把吉他来弹我写的歌 I can't decide which guitar to use for the song that I'm writing.
你听说过老黑吗 Have you ever heard of Old Black?
别告诉我你是这么叫Bruce的鸡鸡的 Don't tell me that's what you call Bruce's penis.
不 我叫它威尔史密斯二世 No, that's Will Smith II.
不 我说的是Neil Young的吉他 No, I'm talking about Neil Young's guitar.
Neil Young 创作型摇滚歌手 吉他手 钢琴家及导演
你什么时候知道Neil Young What do you know about Neil Young's...?
有天晚上 电视一直卡在BBC四台 The TV was stuck on BBC Four one night.
Neil拥有老黑得有40年了 Neil's had Old Black for, like, 40 years,
尽管她死沉死沉 还给了他背痛的毛病 even though she weighs a ton and gives him back pain.
那为什么Neil非得用老黑呢 Now, why would Neil put up with that
他完全能买得起世界上任何一把吉他 when he could buy any guitar in the world?
威尔史密斯二世 你讲真吗 Will Smith II? Seriously?
因为他对她十分忠诚 无论顺境逆境 It's because he's dedicated to her, for better or worse.
正是这样才造就了Neil成为现在的他 That is why Neil's the kind of guy he is.
他投入大量的时间来维系感情 He puts in the hours to make the relationship work.
你能想象我有朝一日 稳定下来 然后结婚吗 Can you see me settling down and getting married?
我们从父母那里学到了如何建立健康的感情 We learn how to form healthy relationships from our parents.
所以你的答案是肯定咯 That's a yes.
你完蛋了 好了 滚出去吧 You're screwed. Now, get out.
等下 你是躲在这吗 Hang on, are you hiding in here?
不 我只是在享受最后的宁静 No, I'm just enjoying my last moments of peace
在爸妈今晚从西班牙回来之前 before Mum and Dad arrive from Spain tonight.
你干嘛这么紧张 他们又不坏 What are you stressed about? They're not that bad.
是吗 你是他们爱子当然这么说 Oh, really, says the golden child?
而我呢 我可是那个时时刻刻要保持微笑的人 Meanwhile, I'm the one that has to smile
无论是在妈妈批评我发型 唠叨她的顺势疗法时 while Mum criticises my hair and goes on about homoeopathic cures,
还是在爸爸鼓吹他短暂的民谣歌手生涯时 and Dad boasts about his five seconds as a folk singer.
对 没错 我存了不少酒 但我今天没喝 And, yes, I've stocked up on booze, and, no, I haven't had any,
并且 我不会告诉你酒都藏在哪儿了 and, no, I'm not going to tell you where it is.
- 你这人真没意思 - 我知道 - You're no fun. - I know,
但这个家总要有个成熟点的人 but someone's got to be the adult in this family.
噢 天 他们来早了 快出去 Oh! God, they're early! Get out.
走 妈的 Go. Shit.
啊 看看这是谁啊 Ah! Look who's here.
我的超级巨星啊 It's my rock star.
能给你头号粉丝一个吻吗 Can you spare a kiss for your number-one fan?
或者你更想在我咪咪上签名 Or you can sign my tits if you prefer.
就不能两个都选吗 Why do I have to choose?
觉得我晒得美不美 What do you think of my tan, eh?
美得很 It's nice.
全身都晒了 Full coverage.
是啊 邻居也观赏到了"全景" 对吧 Jane Yeah. The neighbours enjoyed the full view, didn't they, Jane?
看看这张脸 Look at that face.
我要是有这样一张脸 我都不出门 If I had a mug like that, I'd never leave the house.
就赤裸裸站在镜子前 全天宠爱自己 I'd just stand naked in the mirror, loving myself all day.
宠爱自己对你来说 Loving yourself has never
从来都不是问题 对吧 Neville really been your problem, has it, Neville?
噢 这是我的抗癌斗士 Oh! And here's my cancer warrior.
嚯嚯 你们俩好啊 姑娘们 她们看上去真挺 Honk-honk! Hello, girls! They're looking perky.
嗯 放疗可能会导致 Yeah, well, the radiation therapy can cause...
什么放疗 你癌症才是早期 Radiation! You only had stage two.
搞那些乌七八糟的干嘛 Why are you bothering with that rubbish?
它只会害你的癌细胞继续扩散的 It'll just give you more cancer down the line.
这话竟然从一个抽无过滤嘴烟的人嘴里说出来 Says the woman who smokes unfiltered cigarettes.
我把这从顺势疗法里删掉了 I offset it with homoeopathy.
说起来 我还给你带了点萤石片剂 Speaking of, I've brought you some fluoride-of-lime tablets.
我保证 你才不需要什么放疗呢 I promise, you don't need any more of this radioactive mess.
- 这就是医疗产业榨你的钱呢 - 真好 - It's just the medical industry trying to make money out of you. - Great
你的发根现在怎么样了 Now, what's going on with your roots?
你们提前回来了啊 So, you guys are early.
你妈妈说我们该给你俩一个惊喜 Your mother thought we should surprise you.
所以 So...
惊讶吧 Surprise!
Brian一直很细心地照顾我们 And Brian's been looking after us lovely.
他百利酒调的一绝 He pours a mean Baileys.
- 妈 他叫Bruce - 叫Brian也没关系 - Mum, it's Bruce. - Brian's cool, though.
我才不是救世主呢 I'm not the Messiah.
我一直是个淘气的小男孩 I've been a very naughty boy!
巨蟒的台词 Monty Python.
巨蟒 英国六人喜剧团体 其喜剧风格影响巨大
Bruce 你知道吗 我有次给Billy Bragg暖过场 Bruce, did you know that I once opened for Billy Bragg?
你们好啊 Oh, hello there.
快叫警察 Someone call the police
这里有个英俊得犯法的年轻人 there's an illegally handsome young man on the premises.
还有Errol And Errol!
你什么时候长这么大了 When did you get so big?
噢 如果我再年轻个30岁 Oh, if I was 30 years younger...
天哪 妈 这是你外孙啊 Jesus, Mum, he's your grandson.
噢 你真不会开玩笑 Sammy Oh, you're so uptight, Sammy.
让我来看看这纹身 Now, let's have a look at this tattoo.
别担心 等你再大一点 Don't worry, when you get a bit older
能改成更酷一点的 "日本武士"之类的 you can change it to something cool. Like "Samurai".
对了 我给你带了点礼品 Ooh, I bought you a pressie.
谢谢 Thank you.
我以为你们会晚点回来 I thought you were coming later.
我们等不及告诉大家这个重大消息了 We couldn't wait to give everyone the big news.
我们要离婚了 We're getting divorced.
Brian 能帮我把酒杯加满吗 Could I get a top-up, Brian?
离婚 Divorced?!
你知道这意味着什么吗 Oh, do you know what this means?
知道 他们中的一个要睡在Tiff的房里 Yeah, one of them's going to be sleeping in Tiff's room,
另一个要睡在我房里 one of them's going to be sleeping in my room.
我不想搬到你这个细菌培养皿似的公寓里 I can't sleep in your Petri dish of a flat.
不 如果他们离婚了 No. If they're getting divorced,
我还有多大机会能开始一段正常的感情生活 what chance do I have of being in a healthy relationship?
他们基本上可以算是我唯一的榜样了 They're literally my only role models.
放轻松 Relax.
离婚是福 两个家长都争求你的注意 Divorce is a gift. Two parents fighting for attention,
两个卧室 两个生日 两次圣诞 two bedrooms, two birthdays, two Christmases,
两倍愧疚 twice the guilt.
我可是离婚专家 I'm an expert on divorce.
我能教你得到任何想要的东西 I can teach you to get whatever you want.
我想我爸妈不离婚 I want my mum and dad to stay married,
我一定要让他们在一起 and I'm going to keep them together,
如果成功了 那以后我自己的感情也不会有问题 and if I can do that, then I can make any relationship work.
我很抱歉 宝贝 我记得我父母分手的时候 I'm sorry, sweetie. I remember when my folks split up.
和姜汁辣妹离开辣妹组合是同一周 Same week Ginger left the Spice Girls.
- 黑暗的日子啊 - 我才不在乎他们离婚 - Dark times. - I don't care about them divorcing.
- 他们早就该离了 - 那你不开心什么 - They should have done that years ago. - Then what is it?
我以为我生病以后 和我妈的关系能有所改善 I thought that being sick would change things with Mum.
但Andy一直是杰克 我就像玛吉一样活在阴影下 But Andy's always going to be the Jake to my Maggie.
- 什么 - 玛吉·吉伦哈尔 - What? - Maggie Gyllenhaal.
玛吉·吉伦哈尔 美国女演员 作品<秘书> <疯狂的心>等 与杰克·吉伦哈尔为姐弟关系
她更年长也更酷 She's older and cooler but
但是杰克吸引了所有人的注意 就因为他是个男孩子 Jake gets all the attention because he's a boy.
但她在<秘书>里演技绝了 But she killed it in Secretary.
可不是嘛 啊 I know! Argh!
当我没说过 我是个治疗师 Just forget it. I'm a therapist,
我不能掉入任何从前的情绪陷阱里 I'm not going to fall into any old traps.
- 这才是我的Sam - 但这不公平 - That's my Sam. - But it's not fair!
我才是得了癌症的啊 I'm the one with cancer!
他们起码得更宝贝我点儿啊 They should baby me at least a little bit.
还有妈妈叫你Brian来表明她的消极抵抗 And that passive-aggressive shit with Mum calling you Brian!
她从来没有这么对Ben She never would have done that with Ben!
我知道 不要担心 我会让她喜欢上我的 I know. Don't worry. I'll set her straight.
Brian 开瓶器在哪啊 Brian, where's the bottle opener?
冰箱旁边 最上边的那个抽屉 Top drawer, next to the fridge.
我们应该把门锁上 We should get a lock on the door.
不能再让那些白痴闯进来胡说八道些什么了 I can't have more idiots barging in and saying stupid shit.
我要挽救老爸老妈的婚姻 谁和我一起 I'm stopping Mum and Dad from getting a divorce! Who's with me?
背景歌曲 - The 1975
我不明白 离婚的单身派对有什么意义 I don't get it. What is the point in a divorce stag do?
逆反心理学而已 Simple reverse psychology.
一旦我们让老爸意识到单身有多么糟糕 Once we remind Dad how shit it is being single,
他就不会和老妈离婚了 he'll run straight back to Mum.
当你忙着丢掉生命赐予你的珍贵礼物时 While you're throwing away the gift of a lifetime,
我要去操纵爸爸和Bruce听从我的意愿 I'll be twisting Dad and Bruce to my will.
离婚万岁 Go, divorce!
是啊 老爸 Yeah, Dad,
没什么比"不稳的棍"和"沉重的球"更能表明你恢复单身了 nothing says recently single like slippery wood and heavy balls.
不要伤心 老家伙 我们会陪你一起度过难关的 Don't worry, old-timer! We'll get through this together.
你没有必要安慰我 儿子 You don't have to cheer me up, son.
我们才没有在安慰你 We're NOT cheering you up.
我们只是在庆祝你的人生新篇章 We're celebrating your new life.
单身是我人生中第二伟大成就 仅次于有一次 Being single is my second-greatest achievement next to the time
我差这么一点点就能用舌头舔到自己乳头了 I came this close to touching a tit with my tongue.
- 我闻到威士忌了吗 - Ben 快过来 - Can I smell whisky? - Ben, get over here,
你这个没用的保守党傻逼 you useless Tory twat!
我也想你了 你这个左翼老酒鬼 I missed you, too, you big lefty drunk!
嘿 我也来抱一个 你这个 社会主义醉汉 Hey, where's my hug, you...socialist alky?
经典玩笑话啊 Bruce 大家一起去找乐子吧 Classic bants there, Bruce The fun's already begun.
去我妈的 对吧 Mum who? Am I right?
喔 喔 滚开 Oh. Oooh. Get off.
滚 喔 Get... Oh!
<惊魂记>吗 Psycho?
不是 呃 No... Er...
喔 喔 不乖 快滚开 Ooh. Ooh. Naughty. Get away.
<五十度灰>吗 Fifty Shades Of Grey?
- <荒野猎人> - 答对了 - The Revenant? - Yes!
Ben的新老婆挺有激情啊 Ben's new wife's energetic.
噢 我们还没结婚呢 Oh, we're not married,
但是我们已经订婚了 快两年了 but we have been engaged for...almost two years.
好了 Tiff 下一个你来 All right, Tiff, you're up next.
- 谁是Tiff - 是我 我是Bruce的前继女 - Who's Tiff? - Me. I'm Bruce's ex-stepdaughter.
- 谁又是Bruce - Brian的前继女 - Who's Bruce? - BRIAN'S ex-stepdaughter.
噢 你干嘛不早说啊 Oh, well, why didn't you say so?
脱衣舞男什么时候过来啊 What time does the stripper get here?
不是说了嘛 没有脱衣舞男 Mum, I keep telling you, there is no stripper.
Andy要在的话 一定会给我找一个 Andy would have got me a stripper.
但Andy没在这里 而且今天是女生之夜 Well, Andy's not here, and tonight is about sisterhood.
我们才不需要男人来认可我们呢 We don't need a man to validate us.
我们要庆祝单身和女性力量 We are celebrating singledom and girl power.
谁还需要男人啊 对吧 Who needs men, right?
这个即将要离婚 This soon-to-be divorcee who
并且39年没有混过情场的人 她需要男人 hasn't been on the market for 39 years, that's who.
来嘛 Jane 你的人生需要体验一下"你演我猜" Come on, Jane, you just need some charades in your life.
谢邀 但我拒绝 I'll give it a pass, thanks.
听起来某人是输不起啊 Sounds like somebody's afraid of losing.
我喜欢失去 I love losing.
我失去过两次处女之身 I lost my virginity twice.
一次是前面 一次是后 Once in the V-hole and once in the A...
下一杯马上就来 Another drink coming right up.
我知道 后面的洞 I got it. A-hole.
你一定会爱上单身的 You're going to love being single.
再也不用放下马桶圈了 Goodbye, putting down the toilet seat.
也再不需要和别人挤一张床 拥抱在线约会吧 Goodbye, sharing the bed. Hello, online dating.
我们会让你右划的速度 We're going to have you swiping right
比你开口说"纯粹约炮 一位速来"还要快的 faster than you can say, "Meaningless shag for one, please."
没有比用你的鸡鸡来玩俄罗斯轮盘更刺激的事情了 Nothing beats the thrill of playing Russian roulette with your penis.
你知道么 50岁以上群体患性病的增长速度是最快的 You know, the over-50s have the fastest-growing rate of STDs.
有点意思哦 Interesting.
其实 Jane在床上几乎不占地方 Actually, Jane never took up much room in bed.
我膝盖不太好 更喜欢坐下来撒尿 And with my knees, I prefer to piss sitting down.
而且我也从来不喜欢约炮 And I was never one for meaningless sex.
可能是因为我这人骨子里比较传统吧 I guess I'm just a bit old-fashioned.
离婚虽然不好 但是在线约会才是最烂的 Divorce is bad, but online dating's the worst.
- 你们之间到底怎么了 - 我们就是 - What happened, anyway? - We just...
渐行渐远了 ..Grew apart.
还有机会挽救吗 Is it too late to fix it?
他为啥要挽救啊 Why would he want to fix it?
你比我想象中的坚强多了 You're taking this much better than I thought, son.
你老妈还以为你肯定会大崩溃 Your mum had this mad idea you'd have a meltdown
然后把整件事又扯到自己身上呢 and make it about you.
我只想看到老爸开心就好 I just want to see my old man happy.
只要你捱过光棍时期这种铺天盖地毁灭灵魂的孤独 And once you get over the soul-crushing loneliness of bachelorhood,
未来一切都是光明了 it's all guns and roses.
现在你可以想去哪就去哪了 不像我 You're now free to go wherever you like. Unlike me.
- 爸爸说我年纪太小不能去欧洲 - 我可没这么说 - Dad thinks I'm too young to see Europe. - I didn't say that.
有点无情啊 我年轻时倒想多出去看看 That's a bit harsh. I wish I'd travelled more when I was young.
可惜一旦到滑铁卢以北的地方我就会开始流鼻血 I used to get nosebleeds just going north of Waterloo.
看见没 Bruce懂我 See? Bruce gets it.
好了 说回老爸的伟大新生活 Anyway, back to Dad's great new life...
咱俩可以一起去约会 We can go out on double dates.
父子齐心 其利断金 Father and son on the pull.
如果这还不能让你回心转意 那我就不知道什么可以了 If that doesn't get you running back to Jane, I don't know what will.
嗯哼 Hmm.
你在想什么呢 Penny for your thoughts?
喔 她就不能做一个正常的母亲吗 Oh, why can't she just be a normal mother?
我懂你的意思 I know exactly what you mean.
我18岁生日的时候 妈妈给我买了一辆保时捷 For my 18th birthday, Mummy bought me a Porsche
可我只想要一辆路虎揽胜 when all I wanted was a Range Rover.
- 我真不应该答应这件事 - 答应什么 - I never should have agreed to this. - Agreed to what?
Andy想让我为老妈举办 Andy wanted me to throw mum
一个超级无聊的离婚女性聚会 a divorce hen do but make it extra boring
这样老妈就会回心转意 so she'd go running back to Dad,
这真是有史以来最傻逼的主意 which is the dumbest idea ever,
我居然还认为这是加深我们母女二人感情的好机会 but I thought it would be a chance for us to bond.
算了 我是一名治疗师 It's fine. I'm a therapist.
我知道在他人身上寻求自我价值是不会有好结果的 I know that looking to other people for self-worth is a losing battle.
等一下 你邀请我是因为我很无聊吗 Wait, did you invite me because I'm boring?
当然不是 No.
听着 如果你想给Andy一点颜色看看 Look, if you want to show Andy who's boss,
你就该顺着你妈的心愿来 you should give her exactly what she wants.
如果她想要男人 那就给她一群 If she wants men, make it rain men.
- 嘿 各位 - Val - Hello, boys! - Val!
Andy之前已经给我介绍了各位 我认识Roly Andy's warned me who everyone is. Roly I know.
你一定是Ben 那个混蛋前姐夫 You must be Ben, the prick ex-brother-in-law.
Andy背后只叫我混蛋吗 Andy's only calling me a prick?
看来某人有所收敛啊 Someone's losing their edge.
你肯定是很傻很天真的Bruce And you must be sweet, gullible Bruce.
难以置信 你居然说我傻 I can't believe you said I was gullible.
- 不是他说的 - 噢 知道你的意思了 - He didn't. - I see what you did there.
这个又老又壮的灰熊是哪位 And who's this big old grizzly bear?
我是Neville Andy的老爸 I'm Neville, Andy's dad.
乖乖 他从来没跟我提起过你 He failed to mention you, my dear.
有些人是无法形容的 见了才知道 Some things speak for themselves.
我是Val 你儿子和我女儿有过一段简短且不愉快的交往 I'm Val. Your son dated my daughter for a brief, horrific time.
- 说啥呢 谁短了 - 她可不这么说的 - Hey, it wasn't brief. - That's not what she said.
- Errol - 说的好 - Errol! - Nice one.
- 老爸 Val已经离婚了 - 噢 - Dad, Val here is divorced. - Oh.
再也没有比他更合适的人选来告诉你重返幸福生活的 There's nobody better to tell you about the long painful road...
刻骨铭心的漫长之路 back to happiness.
第一条准则 "不要听你孩子的话" "Don't listen to your children" Is rule number one.
- 不错的球包(傻缺) - 彼此彼此 - Nice ball bag. - Takes one to know one.
你不是想要男人吗 尽情看吧 You wanted men... Voila.
我们来这真的好吗 Is it OK us being here?
我的好朋友Craig说一群女人来基佬俱乐部是很讨人厌的 My best friend Craig says it's quite annoying when hen dos rock up at gay clubs.
对啊 就像我说自己饿了 你却给我上过蜡的水果 Yeah, it's like I said I was hungry and you brought me waxed fruit.
- 噢 我天 Sam - Gwen 嗨 - Oh, my God, Sam. - Gwen, hi. - Hi.
这是Veronica Tiffany 我老妈Jane This is Veronica, Tiffany and my mum, Jane.
我勒个去 你是Andy的老妈 Holy shit. You're Andy's mum.
我一直以为他是个孤儿 I always thought he was an orphan.
- 为什么这么认为 - 他从来没跟我提过他的父母 - Why would you think that? - He never spoke about his parents.
总之 欢迎来到"清醒星期六" Anyway, welcome to Sober Saturday.
- "清醒星期六" - 一年一度的盛会 - Sober Saturday? - A once-a-year event.
全部收入捐给匿名戒酒会 All money goes to AA,
而且Casper调的纯真玛丽鸡尾酒超棒 and Casper makes a mean Virgin Mary.
太好啦 Yum!
Andy从来没有提及过我们的父母吗 So, you said Andy never mentioned our parents?
我现在有点头疼 我觉得我们还是走吧 Actually, I'm getting a headache. Maybe we should go?
- 噢 不 不 一定要留下来 - 对 我们留下来吧 - Oh, no, no, no, stay, please. - Yeah, let's stay.
Gwen可以给我们讲讲Andy的精彩故事 Gwen can tell us all her best Andy stories.
估计讲不了很长时间 That shouldn't take long.
谁想要见识一下真正的全中是什么样子 Who is ready to see what a real strike looks like?
你已经展示了什么叫风情万种 Well, you've already shown us a knockout.
老爸 Dad...
你知道Val是个男的吧 ..You realise Val's a man?
扩展一下你的思维嘛 儿子 Expand your mind, son.
Val就是一个性感尤物 Val is a sexual being.
我才不管身体的哪一边被满足 I don't care which side of the pommel horse they land on
只要某人得到满足就行 as long as somebody's getting pommelled.
该我请大家了 过来帮我一下 Roly It's my round. Come and help, Roly.
一次吧台之旅 A trip to the bar.
虽然不是欧洲之旅 但也是一个好的开始 It's no trip around Europe, but it's a start.
今天晚上表现神勇啊 Roly You're on a streak tonight, Roly.
- 你到底在搞什么啊 - 呃 这个叫保龄球 - What are you playing at? - Er, it's called bowling.
我是说Roly的旅行 I'm talking about Roly's trip.
- 别插手 - 为什么 - Keep...out. - Why?
开阔一下你的眼界又没有坏处 Never hurts to broaden your horizons.
我本来打算给他500买一台新的笔记本电脑 You know, I was going to give him 500 for a new laptop,
但是如果他打算花在旅行上 我没有任何意见 but if he wants to spend it on a trip, I'm cool with that.
我警告你 别给他钱 I'm warning you, do not give him that money.
我的钱 我爱给谁给谁 It's my money. I can do what I like.
Bruce 我刚开始对你有好感了 Bruce, I was starting to like you.
闭上你的臭嘴 Ben Shut the fuck up, Ben.
什么 What?
<谋杀绿脚趾>啊 Big Lebowski.
里面的台词 "闭上你的臭嘴 Donny" You know. "Shut the fuck up, Donny."
我去看看酒吧那里需不需帮助 I'm going to see if they need a hand at the bar.
噢 噢 噢 好球 Oh, oh, oh, strike!
简直 教科书一般的球技 And that...is how it's done.
别再和我爸调情了 Stop flirting with my dad.
我带你来这是想让你告诉我爸离婚有多糟 I brought you here so you could show him how shit divorce is,
而不是向兔子杰西卡一样挑逗地走来走去 not slink around like Jessica Rabbit.
兔子杰西卡 <谁陷害了兔子罗杰>中罗杰的性感妻子
相信我 我调情的时候比这骚多了 Trust me, if I was flirting you'd know about it.
哦 还有 我的气质更偏库伊拉那一类的女孩 Oh, and FYI, I'm more of a Cruella de Vil kind of girl.
库伊拉 迪士尼经典动画<101忠狗>的反派角色 以刻薄恶毒闻名
别烦他就行 我正试着拯救我父母的婚姻呢 Just leave him alone. I'm trying to save my parents' marriage.
噢 这样啊 Oh, I get it.
穿高跟鞋的男人总是会当小三啊 It's the guy in heels who's always the home-wrecker.
- 听着 我不是说 - 如果你想看看我调情是什么样子 - Look, that's not what... - If you want to see flirting,
我就让你好好看看 I'll show you flirting.
谁想来一杯滑乳头鸡尾酒 Who wants a Slippery Nipple?
我这有俩 I've got two right here.
反正 Anyway,
Andy就开始给我发短信 求我和他约会 Andy starts texting, begging me for a date.
我不同意 直到他给我发了一张 I say no, until eventually he sends me pictures of...
他的闪亮大屌的照片 写着 "喜欢吗" his pejazzled dong spelling, "You likey?"
我也没有被折服 但是我兴致上来了 I wasn't impressed. But I was horny.
接下来的部分 如他们所说 网上可以找到 And the rest, as they say, is internet history.
- "闪亮"是怎么回事 - 就是把人造钻石镶到那 - What's "Pejazzled"? - It's where you diamante your d...
听到了吗 妈妈 Did you hear that, Mum?
您的宝贝Andy简直是性爱毒虫啊 Sounds like your precious Andy is a little bit of a sex pest.
Andy只不过是有艺术气息 反正不是遗传我的 Andy's just artistic. Lord knows he didn't get it from me.
咱们家里的女人都没有创造性 Creativity skips the women in this family.
哇 我和Ben的第一次约会他带我去了寿司餐馆 Wow, Ben just took me to a Yo! Sushi for our first date.
真的吗 他和Sam的第一次约会是去巴黎看演唱会 Really? He took Sam to a concert in Paris on theirs.
嗯 不过是缪斯的演唱会 不算的 Oh, yeah, but it was Muse, so it doesn't count.
不知道男孩们现在在做什么 Wonder what the boys are up to.
Andy一定在教他们玩些有意思的喝酒游戏 I bet Andy's teaching them some hilarious drinking games.
妈妈 你知道Andy现在戒酒了吧 Mum, you do know that Andy is sober now?
噢 他真是勇敢 Aww. That's so brave of him.
我戒瘾的时候你都没说过我勇敢 You never said it was brave when I went clean.
因为你是遗传我的 戒瘾这种事不会成功的 Cos you take after my side and the Abbotts never stay clean long.
看看你舅舅Frank就知道了 希望他腐烂的灵魂可以安息 I mean, look at your Uncle Frank, God rest his rotten soul.
这没什么不好意思的 但听好了 你不会成功的 There's no shame, but you mark my words, you're not done.
她五岁的时候我就抓到她吸食果子露了 Caught her snorting sherbet when she was five.
噢 又要去偷偷吸点粉了 Ooh, off to powder her nose!
我得把Val弄出去 I need to get Val out of here.
可是他让外公很高兴啊 He's putting such a smile on Grandad's face.
我担心的可不是他的笑脸 It's not his face I'm worried about.
还有 别再折磨你爸和Bruce了 Also, stop messing your dad and Bruce about.
你就是嫉妒我会玩离婚游戏 You're jealous that I know how to play the divorce game.
请看木偶大师出手 我是杰佩托 Behold the puppet master. I am Geppetto.
得了吧 你完全就是个匹诺曹 Trust me, you're Pinocchio all day.
赶紧帮我把Val整出去 Now, help me get rid of Val
要不我就向你爸和Bruce告状 or I'm telling your dad and Bruce.
他们不会信你的 Like they'd ever believe you.
等等 等等 我有个好计划 Wait, wait, wait, wait. I have a cunning plan.
Sam 你还好吗 Sam, are you all right?
嗯 还好还好 就是那些古龙水太辣眼睛了 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just all the cologne making my eyes water.
都怪Jean Paul Gaultier Bloody Jean Paul Gaultier.
来吧 Come here.
所有人都出去 Everybody out!
- 说吧 怎么了 - 只是 我妈简直是个怪物 - Seriously, what's up? - Oh, it's just...my mother is a monster!
- 怎么回事 - Sam想杀了她妈妈 - What's going on? - Sam wants to kill her mum.
她觉得Andy是仅次于盒装葡萄酒的最好的事 She thinks that Andy's the best thing since boxed wine.
我知道这种感觉 我爸今晚把酒吧给我管 I know the feeling. The only reason Dad put me in charge tonight
因为今天是"清醒星期六" 他知道没多少人会来 is cos it's Sober Saturday and he knew it would be dead.
我16岁之前妈妈一直让我骑小马 Mummy made me ride a pony until I was 16,
尽管我12岁的时候就可以骑成年马了 even though I was clearly ready for a full-size horse at 12.
你想要什么 What do you want?
我一定要有什么要求吗 Who says I want anything?
我就不能打给我最爱的女性朋友吗 Can't a guy just call his favourite gal pal?
- 我挂了啊 - 别 等一下 - I'm hanging up now. - 'No, wait.'
我有个事要求你 I need a favour.
你能不能打给Val Can you call Val
告诉他俱乐部出事了 and say there's a problem down the club
让他赶紧回去 and he needs to come back immediately?
我爸第一次让我一个人管理俱乐部 On the first night my dad's ever left me fully in charge
你就想让我告诉他 我干不好 you want me to tell him I can't take the heat
只是为了可以把你从困境里解救出来吗 just so I can help YOU get out of a stupid situation you got yourself into?
- 我就知道你懂我 - 可以是可以 - I knew you'd understand. - I'll do it,
不过你要让你妈对Sam好一点 if you tell your mum she needs to treat Sam better
还要告诉她 你是个坏儿子 and that you're a shit son.
成交 Fine.
等会 你怎么知道我有个妈妈 Wait, how do you know I've got a mum?
傻逼 Wanker!
你来得正好 看我"猛击"这些球瓶 You're just in time to see me pound the pins.
我来给你"搭把手" I'll give you a hand with your stroke.
过来 Come here.
抱歉了 兄弟 希望我的喷嚏没有影响到你 Sorry, mate. Hope my sneeze didn't throw you off.
没关系 No worries.
嘿 Roly 你旅行的钱我出了 所有费用都包了 Hey, Roly, I'm going to pay for your trip. The whole shebang.
- 真的吗 - 不 不行 - Really? - No. No.
我 我来出 I'll... I'll pay for it.
我有个主意 Roly I have an idea. Roly,
你来选你想让谁来给旅行付钱吧 why don't you pick who YOU want to pay for it?
喂 Oh. Hello.
- 这根本不用比啊 - Roly - Well, this shouldn't be a contest - Roly?
哦 到我了 Oh, it's my go.
嗯 好 我马上就去 Yeah, yeah, I'll be right there.
我得走了 各位 基吧有点安全问题 Got to go, guys. Security issue at Cox.
真可惜 That's a shame
我们可以和你一起去 We could come with you.
我确定Val一个人就能搞定 I'm sure Val probably needs to deal with this alone.
我同意外公说的 如果我们分开了 I'm with Grandad. It wouldn't be a proper divorce stag do
还算哪门子的离婚单身派对 if we all split up, would it?
告诉她你的感受 Just let her know how you feel.
对 我们挺你 Sam Yeah, we've got your back, Sam.
好吧 死马当活马医了 All right, here goes nothing.
噢 不是吧卧槽 Oh, hell, no!
噢 嘿 宝贝 Oh, hey, babe.
看 我找到了这里的唯一一个异性恋 Look, I've found the only straight one.
我在给他传灵气 I'm giving him a little reiki.
把你的手从我男友身上拿开 You get your hands off my boyfriend!
冷静 宝贝 我只是为了小费而表现得友好而已 Calm down, babe. I'm just being friendly for tips.
我猜你的技巧一定很"友好" I bet your tip's plenty friendly.
宝贝 那是Andy的妈 Babe, she's Andy's mum!
呕 什么 恶心 Urgh, what?! Urgh!
我以为Andy是孤儿 I thought Andy was an orphan.
你们怎么都这么说 Why do people keep saying that?
- 妈 我有件事要跟你说 - 出什么事了 Gwen - Mum, there's something I need to say. - What's going on?
哦 那个 是Andy让我把你骗过来的 Oh, yeah, ooh...Andy made me lie to get you here.
我的这部分我已经完成了 Now I've done my part of the deal,
我想他有话对你说 Jane I think he has something to say to you, Jane.
呃 我 Er... The...
我先告诉你 The thing that I wanted to say...
那个 呃 Errol一直在把Bruce和Ben当傻瓜玩 is that...um...Errol has been playing Bruce and Ben off like mugs
好让他俩给他的欧洲之旅付钱 to get them to pay for his Euro trip.
没 没有 N-No...
- 才不是 这 这听起来像我做的事吗 - 很像 - No. Does...does that sound like me? - Pretty much, yeah.
妈妈和Andy还打算上演 Well, Mum and Andy are doing
世界上最烂的<天生一对>戏码呢 the world's shittest Parent Trap.
- 骗子 - Bruce 我告诉过你别趟这浑水 - Liar! - Bruce, I told you not to get involved.
他不是你的孩子 He's not your kid.
Ben 我们都是共同抚养他的 Ben, we're all co-parenting here.
而且我俩第一次约会 你怎么没带我去巴黎 And why didn't you take ME to Paris on our first date?
你是不是想临阵脱逃了 Have you got cold feet?
什么 What?
我们 等会再谈好吗 Can we...talk about this later?
我不敢相信你就是Andy的妈 I can't believe you're Andy's mum.
我还以为他是个 I always thought he was a...
你要是说"孤儿" 我就踢死你 女士 If you say "Orphan" I swear I'll shank you, lady.
- 别这样和Val说话 要不然 - 要不然呢 - Don't you talk to Val like that, or... - Or what?
你才没有坚持到底的勇气呢 You haven't got the guts to follow through.
你们知道谁的随球动作最漂亮吗 费德勒 You know who's got a lovely follow-through? Roger Federer.
这个坚持到底怎么样啊 How's this for follow-through?
哦 来真的吗 Oh, yeah?
啊 所有人都停下来 我的狗眼要瞎了 Argh! Can everyone just stop before my eyes start bleeding?!
我为你做了那么多 After all I did for you...
给了你39年的时光 让你不再满街晃 Gave you 39 years, got you off the street,
甚至为你放弃歌唱事业 最终你还是要离开我 gave up my singing career for you, and now you're leaving me?
什么事业 Career?!
你在罢工纠察线和工人俱乐部唱歌 You've played to picket lines
就为了那些脆猪皮片 and working men's clubs for pork scratchings.
你根本不是真正的民谣歌手 You were never a real folk singer,
你 就是个迪斯科爱好者 you...disco lover!
我放弃了自己的童年去嫁给你 I gave up my childhood to be your wife.
所以我作为那片儿唯一一个 So it was my fault I was the only guy on the estate
敢于娶怀孕的青少年的人 也错了吗 stand-up enough to marry the pregnant teenager?
我都不知道那孩子是不是我的 到现在也不知道 Didn't even know if it was mine. Still don't!
那孩子 指的是我吗 And by "It", do you mean me?
把话说开了吧 你和你弟弟长的一点都不像 Let's face it, you hardly look like your brother,
你浑身上下也没一个地方像我 and you don't look a thing like me.
Sam 这不是真的 我们有相似的眼睛和 Sam, it's not true. We've got the same eyes and...
发根 ..Roots.
所以你才这样对待我吗 So that's why you treat me like shit?
因为我是你的错误 我 Because I'm the mistake? Me?
你觉得有你们这种父母 我的成长容易吗 Do you think it was easy growing up with parents like you?
你们总是大吵大闹 喝酒成瘾 Always screaming and drinking
把我们丢给精神不正常的亲属 几天不管我们 and dumping us on mental relatives and leaving us alone for days?
这能怪我吗 Can you blame me?
你就跟<驱魔人>里面的那个小女孩似的 You were like raising that girl from The Exorcist.
和你相比 瑟曦·兰尼斯特都算贤妻良母 You make Cersei Lannister look like Mary Berry!
我能有一点成就简直就是奇迹了 It's a miracle that I've done anything with my life.
的确 之前我有过一点成瘾问题 OK, I had a little addiction problem back there,
谁让你们俩就是我的楷模呢 but look at my role models.
但是尽管如此 我有了儿子 But still, I had a son,
拿到了硕士学位 I got my master's,
我还在和癌症斗争 I am fighting cancer,
我之前差点死在手术台上 但你始终偏爱Andy and I nearly died on an operating table, but you still favour Andy!
一个三十几岁还住在姐姐地下室的单身音乐人 The single... 30-something musician who lives in my fucking basement!
是花园公寓啦 Garden flat.
你总当我是一团糟 You've always treated me like the fuck-up,
明明他才是一团糟 他跟你一模一样 but it's him, Mum, it's always been him. He's just like you.
噢 厉害了 Oh... Shit!
Sam Sam...
我们该回家了 I think we should go home.
你别插手 Brian You stay out of this, Brian.
他叫Bruce 妈 是他妈的Bruce It's Bruce, Mum! It's fucking Bruce!
我是玛吉·吉伦哈尔 And I'm Maggie Gyllenhaal!
你不配拥有玛吉 And you don't deserve Maggie.
所以你只有杰克 So you get Jake.
好吧 要不我请大家喝点酒吧 Right... How about a round of shots on the house?
但今天不是"清醒星期六"吗 But it's Sober Saturday.
我们收到举报说这儿有人闹事 We've had a report of an incident.
总算有人来拯救我于水火了 Finally! Something that can get my mind off this palaver.
让我好好瞧瞧你 帅小伙子 Let's see what you're working with, hot stuff.
能不能让我们单独待会儿 Can you give us a minute?
妈 刚才我说的那些话 Mum, there's some things...some
不是故意想要伤害你 things that I said, I didn't mean...
没关系的 Don't worry.
我已经忘记了 Already forgotten.
- 妈 - 我真的没关系 - Mum. - I mean it. I'm fine.
你讲话确实难听 You've got a mouth on you.
这点像我 You get it from me.
又是那个表情 There's that look.
- 什么表情 - 你知道的 - What look? - You know.
那种一眼看穿我的表情 The look that sees right through me.
你说的没错 我是个糟糕的妈 You're right. I'm a shit mum.
怀你的时候我还是个孩子 我也一直没有长大 I was a child when I had you and I...I never caught up.
你对于父母的期待值远高于Andy And you had much higher parenting expectations than Andy.
我时刻关注他 是因为他总是表现得很无助 I only shower him with attention cos he always acts so helpless.
就像一只搜救犬 He's like a rescue dog.
吃吃喝喝 玩玩自己的蛋就很开心了 Happy to be fed and have his balls within reach.
我也想说我会改变 但我做不到 I'd like to say I can change, but I don't think I can.
我没有你那么坚强 I don't have your strength.
我没指望你改变 I'm not expecting you to change.
我只 我只希望你在乎我 I just... I just want to know that you care.
你觉得我不在乎你得癌症吗 You think I don't care about your cancer?
尽管问你爸 我都快崩溃了 Your dad will tell you, it's destroying me.
我才是该得病的那一个 I'm the one who should be sick.
老天 我在日光浴浴床上还抽着烟 Jesus, I smoke while I'm on the sunbed!
你是我的骄傲 I'm proud of you.
我会爱你直到最后一刻 I love you to death.
对癌症病人说这话不太好吧 Maybe not the best choice of words for a cancer patient.
不过还是谢谢你 But thanks.
所以 我生父是谁 So...who is my father?
Nevile吧 It's Neville.
应该是 Probably.
我希望是他 Well, I hope it is.
因为其他人都很糟糕 Cos the other options ain't good.
爸爸 Bruce 我为之前的举止道歉 Dad, Bruce, I'm... sorry for the way I behaved.
爸妈离婚后 After the divorce,
我意识到人人都希望我能开心 I realised everyone just wanted to keep me happy,
所以我利用了这一点 so I took advantage of that.
我准备好接受惩罚了 And now I'm ready for my punishment.
你觉得呢 Bruce What do you think, Bruce?
噢 你可以打扫Andy的公寓 Oh, you could clean Andy's flat.
哈哈 别逗了 Veronica Ha-ha, funny one, Veronica!
没有啊 我觉得是个好主意 Actually, that's a great idea.
求你们了 别的都可以 就这一样不行 No. Please. Anything but that.
老爸 你觉得这公平嘛 Dad, does that sound fair to you?
我又故技重施了 是吧 I'm doing it again, aren't I?
抱歉刚才亲了你 Val Sorry I kissed you, Val.
没事 看到Andy那个表情也值了 It's OK. It was worth it just for the look on Andy's face.
不过要是你再不经我允许亲上来 But if you ever try that again without my consent,
我就拿生锈的铁皮盖切了你的前列腺 I will cut your prostate out with a rusty tin lid.
这会儿你更性感了 You get sexier by the minute.
我怎么可能维持好任何一段感情 How am I ever supposed to make a relationship work
如果连我自己的家庭都保不住 if I can't even keep my own family together?
闭嘴吧你 Oh, shut up.
- 你笑什么 - 每回你叫我闭嘴 - Why are you smiling? - Every time you tell me to shut up
都意味着你要传授人生智慧 it means you're just about to lay down some serious wisdom on me
拯救一切 and fix everything.
我不是你的救星 Andy I'm not your fairy godmother, Andy.
你是大人了 You're a big boy.
做你自己的救星吧 Fix your own life.
做我自己的救星吗 Fix my own life?
是啊 Yeah.
说得好 Val Nice one, Val.
Andy 对不起 之前那些戳心的话 Andy, I am so sorry. I didn't mean those...
我不是故意的 horrible things I said.
确实戳心 但我也不怪你 Of course you did. I don't blame you.
我只是生老妈的气 发了一通牢骚 I was just angry with Mum and it spilled over.
玛吉·吉伦哈尔有那么好么 我唬谁呢 Maggie Gyllenhaal is consistent, but who am I kidding?
她从来没演过像<夜行者>这么好的作品 She's never done anything as good as Nightcrawler.
不过呢 On the other hand...
玛吉不必为<波斯王子>道歉啦 Maggie doesn't need to apologise for Prince Of Persia.
或者<泡沫男孩> Or Bubble Boy.
不管怎么说 我还是想让爸跟我做个亲子鉴定 Still, I think I am going to ask Dad to take a paternity test with me,
你懂的 以防万一 you know, just so we know...
别废话好吗 不要去做那个 Shut up! All right? You're not doing it.
鉴定的结果根本不重要 It doesn't matter what the test says.
你是我姐 他是你老爸 You're my sister, he's your father.
不需要亲子鉴定来证明这一切 You don't need a test to prove...
我爱你 杰克 I love you, Jake.
我也爱你 玛吉 Right back at you, Maggie.
这不会很尴尬吗 Isn't it weird,
发生了这些事以后你和老爸还要一起回去 you and dad travelling back together after everything?
是啊 要过好几个月我们才能分开 No. It'll be months before we can move out.
这么多年攒下的唱片和性爱玩具得慢慢分一分 39 years' worth of CDs and sex toys won't separate themselves.
谁知道到时候会发生什么呢 Who knows? A lot can happen in that time.
唯一可以确定的是 One thing's for sure
我们这个家庭比"牛逼"更扛"草" this family can take a bigger pounding than a rhino vag.
拿着 别告诉你姐姐 Here you go. Don't tell your sister.
妈 我不是小孩子了 Mum, I'm not a boy any more.
我看熟女毛片 不是因为我爱看 You know, when I watch milf porn, it's not a fetish,
只是做这个年纪该做的事 it's just age-appropriate.
只要我还贪恋额外的关心 我就是个糟糕的儿子 And as much as I love all the special attention, I am a bad son.
我从不给你打电话 也不给你过生日 I never call, I never send birthday cards.
Sam才是那个好孩子 Sam's the good one.
哇噢 Whoa!
这回就算了 I'll forgive you just this once.
但我觉得你不应该再对我这么上心了 But...I think that you should stop taking it easy on me.
我放弃的那些感情都是因为你和老爸 The reason I give up on relationships is because you and Dad...
你们从不放手让我争取任何事 you never made me work for anything.
我希望你们跟我说实话 I want you to tell it like it is.
好吧 Ok.
你有天赋 但你的音乐太弱了 You're talented, but your music's soft.
你得开始染发了 因为你头发快要变白了 You need to start dyeing your hair, cos you're going grey.
还有不要把自己的问题怪罪到别人身上 And stop blaming other people for your problems...
妈 行了 留点以后再说吧 Mum, got it! Save some for later!
当我知道你妈怀孕的时候 You know, when I found out your mum was pregnant,
我不想像我爸一样逃避 I didn't want to run away like my father did.
而且我知道她的生命里没有什么好男人 And I could see she didn't have any decent men in her life, so...
所以我留下了 ..I stayed.
后来你出世了 But then you were born.
我看着你 粉粉的 笑嘻嘻的 And I saw you there, all pink and smiling.
头顶上的那缕头发像小鸭子的茸毛一样 That wisp of hair like duckling fluff on the top of your head.
我陷入爱了 And I fell in love.
我爱你们俩 With both of you.
你在我心里一直是最特别的小女孩 You know, you'll always be my special girl.
我爱你 爸 I love you, Dad.
我也爱你 甜心 I love you, too, sweetie.
我这个年纪不适合拿零花钱了吧 I'm a bit old for pocket money.
你妈让我给你的 让你好好打理发根 Your mum wanted me to give you this to get your roots done.
- 不是吧 - 拿着 - Oh! - Take it,
不然她会没完没了的 or I'll never hear the end of it.
再见 我的小帅哥 Bye, handsome.
需要钱的话给外婆打电话 And if you ever need money, you call your Grandma Jane.
谢谢 但从现在开始 我想试着自食其力了 Thank you. But I'm going to start to trying to earn things on my own from now.
如果行不通的话 And if that doesn't work out,
我就去众筹 I'll just start a crowdfunding page.
照顾好我的孩子 Bruce You take care of my baby, Bruce.
向你保证 Jenny I promise I will...Jenny.
我叫Jane好吗 It's Jane!
我知道 I know.
我学东西很快 I'm a quick learner,
善于解决问题 I'm an excellent problem-solver
也擅长交际 and quite the people person.
最重要的是 我非常会说谎 But most importantly, I'm a very good liar.
你被录用了 You're hired.
欢迎加入"地毯兄弟" Welcome to Carpet Brothers.
各位女士 'Ladies...'
我们之前过得很开心 I've had a lot of fun with all of you.
但我只能在你们中间选择一位 But I need to pick just one of you.
也只有一种方法来做出抉择了 And there's only one way to make such an important decision.
点兵点将 Eeny, meeny, miny, moe
点到哪个 Catch a tiger by the toe
就是我的 If it hollers, let it go
点兵点 Eeny, meeny, miny...
将 ..Moe.
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背景音乐 - Chvrches