翻译: Khur 胡子君 洞爷湖
点兵点 Eeny, meeny, miny...
将 ..Moe.
校对: 精灵集市小贩安宝 魔法森林地主查理
将 呃 Melodie Mel. Odie. Melodie.
你好 Andy Hi, Andy.
后期: 怪查理
废柴舅舅
第三季 第六集
电波诚译
- Melodie来了 - 那你跑过来干嘛 - Melodie's in my flat. - What the hell are you doing up here?
压制: 怪查理
我不知道要和她说什么 I don't know what to say to her.
- 为你做的错事道歉啊 - 是喔 但是 - Apologise to her for your wrongs. - Yeah, but...
- 那样一点也不酷 - 无论你要做什么 - that's not cool. - Whatever you decide,
总监: 怪查理
能不能别在这儿耽误我的时间 can you do it in your own time?
我还得赶作业呢 I've got to catch up with my homework.
什么作业 现在不是暑假吗 Homework? It's summer!
我报了一个奇幻写作班 I'm taking a fantasy writing class.
- 呆子 - 我报这个不是为了好玩 - Nerd. - I'm not taking it for pleasure.
是因为你说我写的东西都太平实了 I'm taking it cos you tell me that everything I write is very literal.
- 还是呆子 - 至少我知道要和Melodie聊什么 - Nerd. - At least I'd know what to say to Melodie.
Melodie Melodie!
干净毛巾用完了 I ran out of fresh towels.
想喝点酒吗 Would you like a drink?
- 不了 谢谢 - 这样也好 - No, thanks. - It's just as well.
我已经戒酒了 I've given up drinking.
你戒酒了 You've given up drinking?
是啊 再也没有社交润滑剂了 Yeah. No social lubricant.
说起来 你是怎么找到我新住址的 So, how did you find my new digs?
Gwen Pearson和Shelley Asher Gwen Pearson and Shelley Asher.
我们仨在同一个脸书私密讨论组里 We're in a secret FaceBook group.
你和我两位前任在同一个脸书私密讨论组 You're in a secret Facebook group with two of my exes?
是啊 Yep.
对了 这个花园公寓很漂亮 Nice garden flat, by the way.
谢谢 Thanks.
我刚给我妈买了一模一样的地毯 I just bought my mum this exact same rug.
- 在地毯兄弟买的么 - 是的 很不错的地方 - Carpet Brothers? - Yes. Oh, good spot.
我给他们写的宣传歌 I wrote the jingle for them.
"选择不封顶 打折永不停 "The selection's tops and the deals don't stop.
超级大奖 都在这里" Shagpiles for miles, we've got the lot."
没听过 这些是为了写下一首广告曲吗 Haven't heard of it. Are these for your next jingle?
我在给一个少年乐队写歌 I'm writing a song for a boyband.
你 给少年乐队写歌 You? A boyband?
我不得不召唤出内心深处那个小女孩 I've had to commune with my inner teen girl.
- 我老板倒像是妖魔化身 - 听起来很吓人 - My boss is a bit of an ogre, though. - Sounds scary.
抱歉我刚才说了"润滑剂" I'm sorry about saying "Lubricant" Earlier.
一定是顺口滑出来了 It must have just...slipped out.
那么 您光临寒舍有何贵干 So why are you darkening my doorstep?
我都回来好几天了 I was in town for a couple of days.
很好 Cool.
- 见到你真好 Andy - 我也是 - It's nice to see you, Andy. - You, too.
等等 我说谎了 Wait, I'm... I lied.
- 见到我不好么 - 不是 见到你很好 - It's not nice to see me? - No...yes, it is.
我是说 I mean...
其实我之前在伦敦待了两个月 I've been in London for two months,
为了续签我的签证(名同VISA卡) getting my visa renewed.
听我说一句 如果这耽误你这么长时间 I've got to tell you, if it's taking you that long,
你也许该考虑改用万事达信用卡 you should probably consider MasterCard.
现在你的签证已经办下来了吗 And now that you've got your visa?
马上准备回纽约了 Heading back to New York.
你还在干出版那些事吗 Are you still... doing all that book stuff?
我现在是助理编辑 I'm an assistant editor.
青少年小说 Young-adult fiction.
主要讲当代刚成年人关心的那些事 Mostly contemporary coming-of-age stuff,
LGBT啦 饮食失调之类的 LGBT issues, eating disorders...
- 那你肯定很了解 - 是的 - You know lots about that. - Yeah.
- 因为你也有饮食失调的毛病 - 是的 是的 - Cos you've got an eating disorder. - Yes, yeah.
- 听着 Melodie - Andy 我得说 - Look, Melodie... - Andy, I need to say...
抱歉 助理编辑优先 Sorry. Assistant editors first.
你能明白那种 当你想要重新拾起曾经丢下的东西 You know when you want to pick something up where you've left off,
但是 but...
由于等了太久都不知道如何重新开始的心情吗 you've waited so long that you don't know how to begin again?
如果你说的是我的街舞竞技生涯 If this is about my competitive street-dancing career,
我已经退出舞坛了 I've hung up my kicks for good.
Andy 你能不能正经一点 Andy, will you be serious for one minute?
抱歉 我的治疗师说这是一种转移防御机制 Sorry. My therapist says it's a deflection technique.
你去看医生了 那很棒诶 You're seeing a therapist? That's great.
其实就是我姐姐 不过她给我家人折扣价 I mean, it's my sister. But she gives me family rates.
这又是一个玩笑 抱歉 That was another joke, I'm sorry.
你不知道我见到你有多开心 You don't know how good it is to see you.
是吗 Yeah?
那你为什么不把手机还给我 Then why didn't you return my phone?
你一直都知道手机在我这吗 You knew I had it this whole time?
其实是在Gwen和Shelley确认了你的地址之后才知道的 Well, not until Gwen and Shelley confirmed your address.
出租车司机给我的时候就是这样的 The cabbie returned it to me like that.
来 让我补偿你 Look, I'll make it up to you.
Andy 你疯了吗 Andy! Are you crazy?
还用说 当然了 我一直都这个德行 Duh! Obviously! I mean, that's sort of my thing.
我不好意思还你手机是因为 I was too embarrassed to return it to you because then
我怕你就知道 you'd know that
我知道你回来了 I knew that you were back in town.
而你肯定是不想见到我 You clearly didn't want to see me,
要不怎么会一直不联系我 otherwise you'd have got in contact.
不是这样的 That's not what happened.
我每天都在想要不要联系你 I thought about getting in contact every day,
但是 我的生活很复杂 but...my life's complicated.
你手机里那个男的 The guy on the phone...
那是我的编辑 也是我的朋友 He's my editor. And a friend.
我们本想进一步发展的 但 We tried to be something more, but...
什么 But?
他知道我一直爱着别人 He knows I'm in love with someone else.
你说的 是我想的那个意思吗 Are you saying what I think you're saying?
你都一年多没和我说过话了 You haven't spoken to me in over a year!
你也没跟我说话啊 You haven't spoken to me either.
我需要你来迈出下一步 I needed you to make the next move,
Andy 总不能由我主动吧 Andy. It couldn't have been me.
哦 天啊 算了吧 我根本就不该来的 Oh, God, forget it. I shouldn't have come.
这太自私了 It was selfish.
我只想弄清楚事情可能会发展成什么样 I just needed to see how this was going to play out,
但现在看来这只是个幻想 一个幼稚的梦 but it was a fantasy, it's just a childish dream.
你走那天 我去找你了 I was coming for you, that day you left.
我都在路上了 然后 I was on my way and...
发生了一些事情 something happened...
我就停下了 ..And I froze.
我不想再去追逐你了 I'm done chasing you.
我也受够了总是梦见你 I'm done dreaming about you.
你想和真实的我在一起 还是不想 Do you want to be with me, the real me, or not?
不想 Not?
我不认识"不想" I've never heard of her.
Melodie 等等 Melodie, wait.
你睡不着吗 Can't you sleep?
是压力太大了吗 Are you feeling stressed?
事实上 我是来灵感了 Feeling inspired, actually.
给那个恶魔写歌 Feeding the ogre.
那就别让我打扰你了 Well, don't let me disturb you.
别走 Don't go!
你是我的缪斯 You're my muse.
所以 So...
在你的幻想里 现在发生了什么 in your fantasy, what happens now?
咱们可以录下来 如果你想的话 We could go for the record, if that's what you want.
不 No!
我的意思是 I meant...
我们之间会怎么样 what happens to us,
明天 还有 接下来的日子 tomorrow and...and the day after that?
我们应该以一顿完美的早餐开始 不过事先警告 We should start with a nice breakfast. Fair warning, though
我是个糟糕的厨师 I am a shit cook.
我住的短租公寓旁边的咖啡馆早餐很好吃 Well, the cafe next to my Airbnb makes a delicious breakfast.
然后呢 And then?
然后 我们可以去动物园 Then we could go to the zoo.
你怎么知道我喜欢动物呢 How did you know I loved animals?
我知道你喜欢熊啊 Well, I knew that you fancied bears.
闭嘴 Shut up!
然后呢 And then?
然后 我们去热带地区旅行 And then...we could take a trip somewhere tropical
并熟练掌握如何在吊床上做爱 and master the art of hammock sex.
再然后呢 And then?
然后 我们可以回到伦敦 And then we would come back to London
然后共度余生 and we could spend the rest of our lives together.
听起来像做梦一样 That sounds like a dream.
你的工作怎么办 纽约怎么办 What about your job? And New York?
我们会找到办法的 We'll work it out.
我爱你 公主 I love you, princess.
背景音乐 - Petula Clark
早安 公主 Morning, princess.
睡得怎么样 How did you sleep?
我快饿死了 像Marvin Berry一样 I am starving, like Marvin Berry.
幻想很美好 爱你的M
哦 不 Oh, no.
- 哦不不不不不不 - *忘掉所有烦恼* - Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - *Forget all your troubles*
- *忘掉所有牵挂 快去* - 操 - *Forget all your cares so go* - Fuck!
"他说道 难道他们的性福时光不足以促成这段姻缘吗" "..He said. Hadn't their sexy times clinched the deal?"
"或许是他说错话了" "Perhaps he'd said something wrong."
"或许是他呼噜声太大" "Perhaps he snored too loudly."
"或许他缺乏自省来意识到这些" "Perhaps he lacked the introspection to know."
"又或许他没有充分聆听他天才外甥的建议" "Perhaps he didn't listen to his genius nephew enough."
- Errol - "或许他没有" - Errol. - "Perhaps he didn't..."
Errol 你知不知道 这是奇幻写作课 Errol! You do understand this is a fantasy writing class?
这个故事里有很多奇幻的元素啊 There are many fantastical elements to this story
- 连我都很难相信呢 - 或许是吧 - that even I find hard to believe. - Be that as it may,
但是当我们谈论"奇幻" 我们说的是一种体裁 when we say "Fantasy", we mean the genre fantasy
女巫啊 龙啊 魔法 神话什么的 witches, dragons, magic, mythology.
大家肯定都厌烦了<权力的游戏>那种风格吧 Surely we're all bored of the whole Game Of Thrones aesthetic.
- 没有 - 只不过现在 - No. - It's just, at the moment,
你写的东西有些过于平实了 your writing is a little bit too literal.
比如说呢 里面有一个小角色名字叫Errol For example, one of your minor characters is named Errol...
小角色 不 他是主演还差不多 Minor?! No, he's more of a co-lead.
你是否相信自己能够用不同的风格体裁 Do you feel you have the ability to tell the same story,
来讲述相同的故事 but change the genre?
知道吗Errol 我一般不接受你这个年纪的人来上课的 You see, Errol, I don't normally allow people your age into my class,
但是你看起来比你的年龄要成熟 but you seemed mature beyond your years.
- 是我看错了么 - 你要成熟吗 - Was I mistaken? - You want mature?
我为了不偏颇 同时看<卫报>和<每日邮报> I read the Guardian and the Daily Mail, just for balance.
卫报一直保留激进左翼的政治立场 每日邮报观点偏右
好啊 那么 惊艳我吧 Well, then. Surprise me.
很久很久以前 Ye Olden Times.
正是文艺复兴 It's the Renaissance,
与中世纪的过渡时期 plus the Medieval period,
还残留着黑暗时代的一点余晖 with a splash of the Dark Ages.
在一个古老的乡间旅店 马厩主正在享受 In a quaint country inn, the stable master was enjoying
一顿富含纤维的早餐 a fibre-rich breakfast
突然 住在地窖里的白痴马夫打破了他的宁静 when his quietude was interrupted by the idiot stableboy who lived in the cellar.
Melodie公主昨夜驾临了我的卧室 The Princess Melodie was in my bedchamber last night!
卑微的马夫说道 Said the lowly stableboy.
你是不是又跌进蜂蜜酒桶里喝醉了 Did you fall into the vat of mead again?
我几个月来都滴酒未沾 I haven't touched a drop in months.
公主确确实实睡在我的床上 The princess did sleep in my bed.
老板 你相信我的吧 Innkeeper, you believe me!
千真万确 我相信你的床上躺着一个女孩 Forsooth, I believe there were a maid in your bed,
不过如果她和你一起过夜 肯定不是公主 but if she spent the night, 'tweren't no princess.
我说的是真话 她后来离开了 只留下这张纸条 I speak truth! She hath fled and left only this note.
马夫小子 你嘴里时时刻刻都是这些 Stableboy, how are we meant to believe you
不着边际的幻想 让我们如何相信你 when you tell such fantastical lies all the time?
这是老板的妻子 但实际上是一位男性 This was the innkeeper's wife, who was in fact a man.
吃屎去吧 性别歧视者们 'Take that, sexists.'
我什么时候说过谎 When have I ever lied?
有一次你说自己的羊被一条龙吃了 What about the time you said a dragon ate your goat?
你根本就没有羊 You don't even have a goat.
因为被龙吃了啊 Because a dragon ate it!
有一次 你说水中女仙诅咒你拥有无法抗拒的魅惑 Or when you said a water nymph cursed you with incurable allure.
嘿 看看我这张俊俏脸蛋 Hello! Have you seen me?
还有一次 你说有个食人魔逼你给他歌曲 Or that time you said an ogre forced you to pay him in songs
作为不吃掉你的代价 to keep him from eating you.
最后这个是真的 That last one is true.
只是因为看你人蠢 还和我是血亲 It's only because you're simple and my blood
我才让你在此居住 你从不交租金 that I let you abide here. You don't pay rent
而且是整个基督教世界最差劲的马夫了 and you're the worst stableboy in Christendom.
我本质是个吟游诗人 I am a balladeer at heart.
等等 他说的是真话 Wait. He speaks the truth.
每一个词的拼写都正确 Every word is correctly spelt.
一个智障马夫是不可能写出来的 No halfwit stableboy could have written this.
谢谢 但是她走了 我不知道为什么 Thanks. But she's fled, and I know not why.
因为你在床上不行吗 Was it the sex?
或许是因为你脑袋不好使 Maybe because you're soft in the head
还住在地窖里 and live in a cellar?
那是个花园居所 而且这些她都知道 It's a garden abode! And she knew all that.
现在我必须找到她 向她袒露我的真爱 And now I must find her and profess my true love.
你就不能给她打电话吗 Can't you just ring her mobile?
我是说 I mean...
飞鸽传书给她 send a messenger pigeon?
我的信鸽已不复存在了 My pigeon is no more.
为了讨她欢心 我活活踩死了鸽子 I stamped on it to death to...impress her.
你为什么总是蠢得如此令人发指 Must you be such a dunce?
或许我是一面明镜 Maybe I am a mirror
你此刻凝视着的是自己愚钝的倒影 and you are staring at your own dunce-y reflection.
- 闭嘴 - 不 你闭嘴 - Shut up. - No, you shut up.
- 闭嘴 - 你闭嘴 - Shut up. - You shut up.
- 小子们 - 怎么 - Boys! - Yes?
你俩都闭嘴 去清理马厩 You both shut up and muck out the stables.
那里已经积满马粪 They're full of horseshit.
- 但我的追寻怎么办 - 去清理马粪 - But my quest! - But the horseshit.
- 那可是真爱啊 - 去清粪 - But true love! - But the shit.
我稍后就去 I'll do it later!
但首先 马厩主 But first, Stable Master,
请陪我一同去寻找公主 并迎娶她做我的妻子 come with me to find the princess and make her my wife,
- 至死方休 - 呃 我并无此意 - or die trying. - Hmm. I'll pass.
我稍后将参加一个民间文学研讨会 I have a folklore workshop anon,
灵感女神尚未降临 and I'm yet to be visited by my muse.
或许我们的冒险会启发你 Maybe our adventure will inspire.
祈求你了 我需要你的IQ支持 Please. I need your IQ.
啊没错 我令人惊叹的探寻能力 Ah, yes. My Impressive Questing.
若你们需要启迪 可以去拜访神使 If it's enlightenment you seek, you should visit the Oracle.
或是智者 Or the Wise Man.
哪个离这更近 Which is closer?
于是他的真爱之旅就此展开 And so the quest began.
他们买好了沿途所需粮食 这过程虽无趣却很现实 They bought supplies, which wasn't interesting, but realistic,
随后他们便启程去拜访 and then they went to consult...
传说中的神使 'the Oracle.'
那些呻吟声是怎么回事 What's all that moaning?
是不是 Is it...
是不是叫床声 Is it sex noises?
噢 你为何总是满口淫秽之语 Oh, must you always?
这是神使 It's the Oracle...
发出的叫床声 making sex noises.
你真应该听听昨夜公主的叫床声 You should have heard the princess's sex noises last night.
此事可否不要再提 Can we not?
我们听见你们的声音了 We can hear you!
我们是神使 We are the Oracle.
但你们有三个啊 But there's three of you.
对 我们代表了三个不同的方面 是吧 Yeah, we're the three aspects, innit?
母亲 处女 和丑妇 The mother, the maiden and the crone.
等等 等等 等等 稍等片刻 Wait, wait, wait, hold up.
为什么总是我当丑妇 Why do I always have to be the crone?
你才是最老的那个 You're the oldest!
我美貌永驻 这可不一样 I'm timeless. It's different.
为什么她可以当处女 Why does she get to be the maiden?
我知道你怎么算也不是处女了 I know for a fact you ain't no maiden.
你也不是啊 Neither are you!
别吵了 我们都知道 你俩都很淫荡 Stop whingeing! We get it! You're both sluts.
但是总得有人来当丑妇 But someone had to be the crone.
但是我也可以很漂亮 我的骨架生得很美啊 But I could be pretty. I've got good bone structure.
婊子闭嘴 Bitches, be quiet.
这两个愚蠢的马夫显然有话要说 These idiot stableboys obviously have something they want to say.
事实上 我是马厩主 I'm a stable master, actually.
没人在乎 Nobody cares.
我们听闻 你们可为我们的旅途指路 We hear you can guide our quest.
是的 但首先你们必须猜对一个谜语 Yes, but first, you must answer a riddle.
我虽轻似鸿毛 I am light as a feather...
但即便是巨人 But even a giant...
也无法抓住我 Can't hold me.
那个巨人是女人 通常都是这个答案 The giant's a woman. That's always the twist.
- 你的呼吸 - 我刷过牙了 - Your breath. - I brushed my teeth.
- 不 那就是答案 呼吸 - 我就说出得太简单了吧 - No, that's the answer. Breath. - I told you it was too easy.
- 那下次你来出谜题 - 婊子闭嘴 - You pick the riddle next time! - Beckies, shush.
你的疑问是什么 What is your query?
你们知道我怎么才能找到Melodie公主吗 Do you know where I can find the Princess Melodie?
- 她逃走了吗 - 是因为房事不和吗 - She make a runner? - Was it the sex?
- 不 房事非常 - 在我们找寻答案时请稍等 - No! The sex was... - Please hold while we buffer your query.
*Melodie* *Melodie*
*噢 嗯* *Oh, mmm…*
好了 能别搞这一套了吗 Yeah, can we move this along?
- 好吧 我们不知道她在哪 - 等一下 - Yeah, we don't know where she is, mate. - Hang on!
我认识你 你不是与公主在一个秘密团体里吗 I know you. Aren't you in a secret group with the princess?
她跟你说了我们的"Andy是傻屌"脸书讨论组吗 She told you about our "Andy's a dick" Facebook group?
很有意思 Errol Very funny, Errol,
- 但是这个细节还是有点不符合时代特征 - 好吧 - but that detail might be a bit too anachronistic. - Fine.
她跟你说了我们在面孔之书上的 She told you about our "Stableboy is a horse's phallus" Group
"马夫是个马阴茎"小组吗 on the Book of Faces?
噢 我恨死面孔之书了 Oh, I hate the Book of Faces.
只要你看见了一个婴儿的木版画 You've seen one woodcut of somebody's baby,
- 就相当于看过全部了 - 等等 - you've seen them all! - Hang on.
这个小组存在的目的 The entire purpose of this group
- 就是将我比作一个马阴茎吗 - 我能加入吗 - is to compare me to a horse's phallus? - Can I join?
更重要的是 你能不能利用这个小组找到她的去处 More importantly, can you use this group to find out where she is?
待我考虑一下 不行 Let me think about that. No.
这对你来说就是个玩笑 是吧 This is all a joke to you, isn't it?
但这关乎我的实际生活 But this is my actual life.
这不是儿戏 It's not a game.
我未来全部的幸福都系于能否找到公主了 My entire future happiness relies on me finding my princess.
你呢 辣妈 You, sexy mum,
你觉得你能帮我找到她吗 do you think you can help me find her?
为什么所有人都来向我咨询建议 Why is everyone always asking me for advice?
我也有自己的困扰 I've got my own problems.
问我吧 我比看起来要聪明 Ask me! I'm smarter than I look.
也比听起来聪明 And sound.
不用了 I'm good.
她有没有说过她最近都去了哪些地方 Did she say anything about where she'd been recently?
她只说了曾经为母亲大人 Only that she'd bought a rug for her lady mother
在地毯洞穴买了小地毯 from the Den of Carpets.
这样 如果他们运送了小地毯 So, if they delivered the rug
那么他们就应该知道她母亲大人的居所 then they'd know where her lady mother abides,
而这样一来 她母亲大人 and thusly her lady mother
也许就知道她的女儿 也就是公主的所在之处 might know where her daughter, the princess, is.
我他妈棒死了 I'm fucking good.
这确实是个有用的建议 That was actually very useful.
你想听我弹曼陀铃吗 Do you want to hear me play the mandolin?
不用了 谢谢 再见 We're all right, thanks. Cheers.
倘若走到绝路 便去求助智者 If all else fails, ask for the Wise Men!
者 者 者 者 者 Men, men, men, men, men...
欢迎来到地毯洞穴 Welcome to the Den of Carpets.
这些是魔毯吗 Are they magic carpets?
- 喔 - 算是吧 - Oh. - In a way.
从某种意义上来说 所有的地毯都充满魔力 In the way that all carpets are magical
因为它们为我们带来美感和舒适 because they give us so much beauty and comfort.
我知道 人人都想得到魔毯 I know. Everyone's expecting magic carpets.
其实这样很不利于我们行业发展 It's actually been quite bad for business.
对了 你们今天要来找什么 By the by, what are you looking for today?
我们正在一场追寻的旅途中 We are on a quest.
我超爱的 追寻什么 戒指还是宝剑 I love a quest! What's it for? Like, a ring or a sword
或者是一块施了魔法的樱桃果酱馅饼 or an enchanted cherry Bakewell?
是真爱 True love.
- 噢 真好 - 是Melodie公主 - Oh, bless. - It's the Princess Melodie.
她对我表明了爱意之后 就逃走了 She professed her love...and then fled.
噢天哪 是那方面的问题吗 Oh, God. Was it that?
我听说她在此处有停留 I heard tell that she stopped by
为她母亲大人选购小地毯 to purchase a rug for her lady mother.
此事 呃 乃是秘密 'Tis, um, a secret.
你不会指望我泄露一个秘密 对吧 You wouldn't want me to divulge a secret, would you?
- 继续说 - 不 我不能说 - Oh, go on. - No, I couldn't possibly.
- 你可以的 - 我不能说 - Yes, you could. - No, I couldn't.
不 停下 停下 你这个恶魔 No, stop that! No, you're evil!
你真是个怕痒的家伙 Oh, you're ticklish!
你再继续挠我 我就要嘘嘘了 I'm going to wee if you keep going!
停下 我要尿裤子了 No... I'm gonna piss myself!
好吧 我屈服在这非人的折磨下了 Fine. You tortured it out of me.
公主殿下的确选购了一个小地毯 My lady did purchase a rug.
并吩咐我们送至抛弃屯村里的一个小屋 She had it delivered to a cottage in the village of Dumpton.
那里距离此地有数里格之遥 But that's leagues away.
- 我们永远也到不了 - 用老办法当然到不了 - We'll never make it. - Not the old-fashioned way.
- 但用我的魔法 - 毯子 - 毯子 - But using my magic... - Carpet? - Carpet?
橱柜 你们一会儿就到 就在那边 ..Cupboard, you'll be there in a jiff. It's just over here.
- 倘若走到绝路 便去求助智者 - 谢了 - If all else fails, just ask the Wise Man. - Cheers.
抱歉 Errol Sorry, Errol,
但就算对我而言 挠痒那段也听起来有点奇怪 but the tickling seems a little bit odd, even for me.
我喜欢 I liked it.
有时候最真实的事情往往是最不合理的 Siobhan Sometimes the truest things are the least probable, Siobhan.
有道理 还有谁有疑问或者要评价的吗 Fair enough. Anyone got any questions or comments?
这是个大团圆结局吗 Is there a happy ending?
我现在还不想透露剧情 Doris I'd like to keep this spoiler free for now, Doris.
会不会有接吻情节 再来点轻微的窒息 Will there be any kissing? Maybe with some light choking?
- 待定 - 我希望这个马厩主快死 - TBD. - I hope the stable master dies.
他没什么同情心 He's not very sympathetic.
生活本来就没什么同情可谈 Jane Life isn't very sympathetic, Jane.
嗯 对了 你说过会有食人魔和精灵什么的出现 Um, yes. You said there'd be ogres and elves and whatnot?
耐心点 Dave Patience, Dave.
- 是这边 - 你怎么知道的 - It's this way. - How do you know?
因为在整个旅途中 我们的银幕方向 Because our screen direction's
始终都是从左至右的 been left to right this entire quest.
看 是公主母亲的小屋 Look! It's the lady mother's cottage.
你 不是公主的母亲 You're...not the lady mother.
把你们身后的门关上 好吗 Close the door behind you, yeah?
- 这不是 - Shelley公主吗 精灵王后 - Isn't that... - Princess Shelley? The Elf Queen?
- 正是 - 又是公主又是王后 - Yeah. - Princess...Queen?
不要深究 马夫小子 很高兴再见到你 Don't think too hard on it. Stableboy, good to see you again.
你是怎么认识精灵王后的 How do you know the Elf Queen?
我们曾经在一起过 谈得很认真的 We used to date. It was quite serious.
没那么认真 It wasn't that serious.
很认真的 It was pretty serious.
马夫 我在此 Stableboy, i'm here
是为了阻止你犯下大错 to stop you from making a horrible mistake.
什么错 What?
遵从我的内心 相信真爱吗 Following my heart? Believing in true love?
我以为我的问题是太自私悲观了 I thought my problem was being too cynical.
不 你是个无可救药的浪漫主义者 No, you're a hopeless romantic.
你只是从来不坚持到底 You have no follow-through.
你享受陷入爱情的感觉 You love the idea of being in love,
但你生活在幻想中 but you live in a fantasy.
你为什么总在逼走真爱之后 才想起要去追寻呢 Why must you only pursue true love after you've driven it away?
好吧 我是有自毁倾向 All right, I self-sabotage.
我不懂真的爱情是什么样的 I don't know what real love feels like
于是擅自猜测应该是伤人的 so I assume it's supposed to hurt.
你是打算帮我 还是不帮 Now, will you help us, or not?
谁是"不帮" Who's Not?
开玩笑啦 J/k!
听着 我不知道她在哪 但是 Look, I don't know where she is, but...
梦想 dreams...
可以成真 can come true.
看着我 宝贝儿 我与你同在 Look at me, babe. I'm with you.
你知道 你必须时时保持希望 You know you've got to have hope.
- 你也应该让自己变得强大 - 就这些 - You know you've got to be strong. - That's it?
- 一通废话 - 这些话唱出来的时候更动听 - That's rubbish. - It sounds much better when you sing it.
或者去找智者吧 我不管 Or seek the Wise Man. I don't care.
现在都给我滚 我要睡美容觉 Now, fuck off. I need my beauty sleep.
马夫 我真心希望你能找到你的公主 Stableboy, I really hope you find your princess.
- 谢谢 马厩主 - 但是你难道不担心 - Thanks, Stable Master. - But aren't you worried
如果你过上永远幸福快乐的日子 if you live happily ever after,
这会影响到你的歌谣创作吗 it'll affect your balladeering?
你的创作不都取材于悲惨境遇吗 Don't you write from a place of abject misery?
我是食人魔 供奉歌曲给我 I'm an ogre! Feed me songs!
哦 看来你在食人魔的事上没有撒谎 Oh, so you weren't lying about the ogre.
- 我干嘛要在这事上撒谎 - 因为你撒谎成性 - Why would I lie about that? - Because you lie a lot.
- 你确实如此 撒谎成性 - 好吧 我尽量改正 - You do! You lie a lot. - Fine. I'll work on it.
很好 但我如果先杀了你 你就没机会了 Good. But you won't get a chance if I kill you first.
能不能改天 我正在寻找真爱的旅途当中 Can we take a rain check? I'm on a quest.
你觉得我他妈会关心你的破旅途吗 Do you think I give a flying toss about your quest?
你明知道你今天要给我写首歌 You knew you promised me a song for today!
- 给我一首歌 不然就去死 - 呃 - A song, or death! - Er...
*我还太年轻 请手下留情* *I'm too young to die Please don't eat me*
*我还太年轻 请手下留情* *I'm too young to die Please don't eat me...*
这歌太烂了 That's a shit song!
都不值得我在吃了你之前人道杀死你 I won't even kill you before I eat you, for that!
等等 我有一首歌 一首关于 Wait! I have a song. A real song.
真爱的真歌 Of true love.
继续 我听着 Go on, I'm listening.
*迷失在* *Lost*
*缺少爱情与拥抱以及希望的土地上* *In a land without love, hugs and hope*
*漂泊在* *Set adrift*
*缺少裤子与袜子以及肥皂的航程里* *On a voyage without pants and socks and soap*
*当我们在雨雪里不断追寻* *As we quest through the sleet and the snow*
*而地狱的火焰也肆虐燃烧* *And the hellfire burns below*
*迷失在* *Lost*
*啊啊* *Ah-ah*
*没有爱的土地上* *In a land without love*
*恶魔和鬼怪精子般喷发* *Monsters and demons erupting like semen*
*无声穿梭于夜晚的裂缝* *They snuck through the cracks in the nigh-I-ight*
*他们猛撞开门 我刚掷出四点* *They smashed open the door and I've just rolled a four*
*死神如今到来 将要取你生命* *Now they're coming to take you ali-I-ive*
*信赖同伴前行 共同诅咒谴责* *With my trusty companion we'll curse and we'll damn them*
*我们上天入地 我们不断追寻* *We're questing by land and by sea *
*心上人不知去向 面容却宛然如昨* *Where she is, I can't tell But her face rings a bell*
*是你 是你 我的Melodie* *Yes, it's thee, my Melodie *
*Melodie 我的Melodie* *Melodie, my Melodie*
*我们天造地设般配无比* *She was so in tune with me*
*Melodie 我的Melodie* *Melodie, my Melodie*
*她的一切叫我难以忘记* *I feel her coming over me*
*我的Melodie到处寻我 我的Melodie在呼唤* *My Melodie goes round and round My Melodie doth ring*
*我的Melodie在我唇上 我的Melodie在歌唱* *My Melodie was on my lips My Melodie doth sing*
*我的Melodie柔软甜美 我的Melodie能做到* *My Melodie is soft and sweet My Melodie will do*
*我的Melodie心灵手巧 我的Melodie最真实* *My Melodie is fiddly My Melodie is true*
*她是我的Melodie 她是我的Melodie* *She's my Melodie She's my Melodie*
*她是我的Melodie * *She's my Melodie*
*她是我的Melodie 我的Melodie* * She's my Melodie My Melodie-ee-ee.*
嗯 歌词烂的一坨屎 但是调子还行 Hmm. The lyrics are shit, but the tune is passable.
不算太好 但你躲过一劫了 Not good, but good enough not to eat you.
只限今天 Today.
直到我们再"遇见" Until we meat again.
"吃掉" M-e-a-t.
明白了吗 Get it?
是的 我们明白了 Yeah. We get it.
这是双关 "遇见"和"吃掉" It's a pun. "Meat" And "Meet".
- 因为我将 - 吃我们 - Because I will... - Eat us, yes.
我知道你在想什么 你在想 I know what you're thinking. You're thinking...
在食人魔里我不算矮 Well, I'm not short for an ogre.
我们有多种形态尺寸 We come in all shapes and sizes.
不要忘记 我超凶的 Thing to remember is, I am scary.
嗷 歌啊 Raar! Songs!
他们不停告诉我们要寻找智者 They keep telling us to seek the Wise Man.
也许是时候找这个人了 Maybe it's time we did.
我很乐意帮忙 I'd love to, but I'm going
但是我的奇幻写作课马上要迟到了 to be late for my fantasy writing class.
- 你的什么 - 你听到我说的 - Your what? - You heard me.
- 民间文学研讨会 - 别变成呆子 - Folklore workshop. - Don't be a nerd.
离开你我完成不了 我需要你 你是我的僚机啊 I can't do this without you. I need you. You're my wingman.
我不是你的僚机 我顶多是你的副驾驶员 I'm not your wingman. I'm your co-pilot, at the least.
- 什么是副驾驶员 - 就是飞机上的另一个驾驶员 - What's a co-pilot? - It's the other pilot of the plane.
我不能对你解释这些不合时代的事 我要迟到了 I can't be explaining anachronisms to you. I'm going to be late.
你的日程难道比我的一生挚爱更重要吗 Your schedule is more important than the love of my life?
你的爱情总是不断破裂 Your love life is perpetually broken,
就算我迟到也无法补救 and making me late is not going to fix it.
那你走吧 你看我是不是在乎 Well, then, go! See if I care!
很好 我会走的 All right, then, I will.
好 反正我都不需要你的帮助 Good! I don't need your help anyway!
任何人都不要求助 Or anybody!
这就是全部的故事了 That's all I've got.
可是这个故事并没有完结啊 No, but the story's not over yet!
你不能就这样放弃公主 You can't just give up on the princess like that.
- 真爱还没找到呢 - 好吧 我并没有完成这个故事 - What about true love? - Fine. I didn't finish the story.
我舅舅早上把我叫出来 我们找了一整天 My uncle pulled me away in the morning and we searched all day
- 然后我就来上课了 - Errol - and then I had to come here. - Errol,
当我们说"写你所知道的事"并不只意味着 when we say, "Write what you know," It doesn't just mean,
"写确切发生的事" "Write exactly what happened."
我有将一个同性恋脱衣舞俱乐部改写成巫婆的洞穴 I turned a gay strip club into a witches' cave.
- 那地毯商店呢 - 那就是一个地毯商店 - And the carpet store? - That was a carpet store.
除了没有魔法地毯 But there was no magic carpet.
我们必须乘坐地铁朱必利线 We had to take the Jubilee line
去到她妈妈在史丹摩的住宅 out to her mum's house in Stanmore.
- 呃 那真的好远啊 - 她根本不在家 - Ugh. That is really far. - She wasn't even home!
整段与Shelley的对话只是角色扮演 The whole conversation with Shelley was just a role-play
为了在回来的路上找点乐子 to keep us entertained for the way back.
那么现在真实世界的经历已经结束 So now the real-life experience is over,
接下来我们去哪儿 where do we go from here?
- 我不知道 - 难以预料是否让你恐惧 - I don't know. - Does that scare you, not knowing?
我喜欢有条有理 感觉很安心 I like structure. It's comforting.
Errol 并没有所谓的错误答案 Errol, there is no wrong answer.
只需发挥你的想象力 Just use your imagination.
这个马夫在荒野游荡徘徊 The stableboy wandered alone in the wilderness.
他的胡子开始变得很长 还散发着臭味 His beard began to grow very long and smelly,
但我们再见他之时 他简单地修剪了胡子 but he trimmed it conveniently before we next saw him.
他到处寻找智者 He searched high and low for the Wise Man.
他将自己的生活置于极度危险境地 He put his life in great peril -
好吧 是一点点危险 well, a little bit of peril -
直到最后 until finally...
他偶然发现一个寺庙 he came across a temple...
但是大门紧锁 but it was shut.
他不停地砰砰敲打门 大叫大嚷想要进去 He banged and screamed to come inside.
放我进去 Please!
无人回应 这里被魔法咒语守护着 No word. It was warded with magic charms.
一切都是徒劳 All was lost.
直到最后 他用尽全身所有力气 Until finally, he mustered every last ounce of strength
使劲撞开门 and barged the doors.
- 你 你就是智者 - 是的 - You! You're the Wise Man! - Yes.
自始至终都是我 It was me all along.
不过我知道你不会听我的话 Only I knew you wouldn't listen to me.
那好 解释清楚 OK. Explain.
噢 你好 Thomas小姐 Oh, hello, Miss Thomas.
哦 好啊 Oh, hi!
Errol 其实 你并不需要这么叫我 Errol. You know, you don't need to call me that.
我已经不再是你的老师了 I'm not your teacher any more.
抱歉 Thomas小姐 我的意思是Melodie I'm sorry, Miss Thomas. I mean, Melodie.
Andy舅舅起床了吗 So is Uncle Andy awake?
- 呃 - 哦 我明白了 - Er... - Oh. I see.
这样对我们都好 It's better this way.
如果你这么认为的话 If you say so.
我想也许你还太小不能理解 I think maybe you're too young to understand.
类似这样的事让我根本不想长大 Stuff like this makes me not want to grow up.
嗯 保持这份心境 Yeah. Hold on to that feeling.
某天你将会失去它的 Some day you'll miss it.
告诉Andy 我很抱歉 Tell Andy...I'm sorry.
你为什么不一开始就告诉我 Why didn't you tell me from the start?
你必须走完这场旅程 You had to go through the journey
才能真正地成长为一个男人 to be the man that would come out the other side.
你害怕告诉我 You were scared to tell me.
是的 你不能维持一段感情 Yeah. You can't keep a relationship
因为当别人靠近你 你就远远推开 because you pull away when they get close
而当别人想要离去 你却死死抱住不放 and then you cling on when they want to leave.
我成功跟你维持友谊了 不是吗 Managed to stay friends with you, didn't I.
兄弟重于娼婊 这两者不一样 Bros before hos. That's different.
并没有不同 Dave 而且那叫性工作者 不叫娼婊 It's not different, Dave. And they're sex workers, not hos.
你就是那个傻瓜马夫吧 You're the idiot stableboy?
我去过儿童爱畜动物园一次 I went to a petting zoo once.
- 我想象中应该是更年轻一点 - 发色更浅一些 - I imagined someone younger. - More blond.
- 我代入了我自己 - 那你想得没错啊 - I imagined myself! - You were pretty bang-on, then.
Roly 我需要你的帮助 Roly, I do need your help.
我走进死胡同了 I've hit a...bit of a dead end.
我们还在上课 We're still in class.
这不是问题 That doesn't have to be a problem.
她注销了她的脸书 Well, she's closed down her Facebook.
一周没有更新推特了 No new tweets in a week.
她的Instagram昨天有更新 Her Insta was active yesterday.
每天早晨 在同一个地方喝咖啡吃丹麦酥 Every morning, coffee and Danish from the same place.
她提到过短租公寓旁边的一家咖啡厅 She mentioned a cafe by her Airbnb.
我知道那个咖啡厅 我的一个受虐者在那里上班 I know that cafe. One of my submissives works there.
- 接下来怎么办 - 如果我们去查过去两个月 - What's going on? - So if we check Airbnbs local to that cafe
在那家咖啡馆附近被订的短租公寓 that have been booked for the last two months...
输入时间 谷歌定位坐标 And input the time and geo-stamps into this
到我开发的非跟踪类软件应用里 totally not stalking-related app that I've developed,
我们就能准确查明这姑娘的位置 we can pinpoint my lady's location.
见证奇迹 Presto.
简直厉害得惊人 Dave That is incredibly helpful, Dave.
- Roly 我希望你能专心点 - 干得好 - Roly, I hope you're paying attention. - Good work.
现在去完成这个故事吧 Now go and finish that story.
可能还是性生活不和谐导致的 It was probably the sex.
喂 你好 Hello?
- Thomas小姐 - 是 - 'Miss Thomas?' - Ooh.
- 呃 Melodie - Errol - 'Er, Melodie.' - Er, Errol.
- 你怎么知道 - 从你的短租公寓房东那打听的 - How did you get...? - 'Your Airbnb landlord.'
他真的很轻信别人 看窗外 He's really gullible. Look out your window.
*Melodie我的姑娘 看看你干了什么* *Melodie, girl, look what you've done*
*曾经当着众人 偷走我的心* *You stole my heart in front of everyone*
*如今收拾行囊 留我在原地* *And now you've packed your bags and you're on the run*
*能否留下来 好好谈一谈* *Won't you stay and talk this over?*
*Melodie 我的Melodie* *Melodie, my Melodie*
*我为你书写旋律* *I've written you a medley*
*天堂里的七小时* *Seven hours in heaven*
*现在全变成碎片* *Now it's all torn apart*
*天堂里的七小时 亲爱的* *Seven hours in heaven, darling*
*从始至终都是你* *It was you from the start*
*我不喜欢你* *I don't like you*
*我超喜欢你* *I li-like you*
*我的Melodie* *My Melodie*
*噢 我喜欢你* *Oh, I like you-ou-ou*
*我不喜欢你* *I don't like you.*
*我超喜欢你* *I like-like you.*
我想我欠你一个解释 I suppose I owe you an explanation.
- 如果是关于昨晚床上 - 不 不关床事 - If it's the sex... - No, it wasn't the sex.
昨晚很棒 The sex was great.
我需要考验自己是否已经准备好 I needed to test myself to see if I was ready.
结果发现并没有 I wasn't.
如果是关于承诺 太多或者不够 If it's the commitment level, you know, too much, or not enough,
那么我就是刻度盘 then I'm a dial.
你能将旋钮转到任何适合你的方向 You can turn the knob in any direction that suits you.
这不是老二的笑话 That's not a dick joke.
除非你 喜欢它 Unless you...liked it.
不是承诺的问题 It's not the commitment level.
就是时机不对 It's the timing.
你和我现在不合适 It's me and you, now.
Andy Andy.
我爱你 I love you.
不要惊慌 这不是求婚 是许诺 Don't panic it's not a proposal, it's a promise,
成为那个你醒来想要在枕边看见的人 to be the kind of person that you want to wake up with.
我想 我终于厌倦了搞砸一切事情 I think I've finally got bored of fucking stuff up.
关心其他人 真的感觉很棒 It actually feels good to... care about other people.
是的 我感到非常内疚将你置于这种境地 And, yes, I'm guilty of putting you on a pedestal, but...
但我知道你并不是那种完美得遥不可及的公主 ..I know now that you're not some perfect, unobtainable princess.
你是 You're...
你就像另一个我 You're just like me.
事实上 你可能更疯狂 In fact, you might actually be crazier.
我想要看看两个疯狂的人在一起会如何 I want to see how all that crazy mixes.
你愿意吗 What do you say?
暂停一下 Pause.
暂停什么 Pause?
我明早就要回纽约了 I'm going back to New York tomorrow.
但是我会时不时回英国这边处理事情 But I'll be in and out of our UK office.
还有 我们并没有开始约会 And, no, we're not going to date.
我们也不会成为炮友 We won't be friends with benefits.
我想和你做真正的朋友 I want to be real friends.
还有 也许偶尔我们会酒后失态 And, yes, maybe occasionally we'll probably sleep together,
又睡到一起去 when we fall off the wagon.
我们也不会像以前那样失去联系 And we're not going to lose touch like we did before.
答应我 Promise me.
我们都要遵守这些规矩 We both have to be good about it.
- 好的 - 那么之后我们可能会在一起 - OK. - And then maybe we'll get together.
但也可能你会遇到一个更适合你的人 But maybe you'll find someone else who's perfect for you
而我会找到我的白马王子 and I'll find another right person for me,
我们中有一个生了孩子 或者养了狗和鹦鹉 and one of us has kids, or a dog and a budgie,
我们慢慢变老 然后我离婚 and we grow old, and I get divorced,
或者你另一半去世 or your partner dies,
到我们的迟暮之年 and then, in the twilight of our years,
当所有干扰都消失 我们的身心也趋于平静 when the buzzing has stopped in both of our hearts and our heads,
那时候 then...
属于我们的时刻可能就到了 Well, then it'll be our time.
但是如果我的伴侣没有去世呢 But what if my partner doesn't die?
还有你也没有离婚 And you don't get divorced?
那我们就彼此错过吗 And we miss our boat?
那也很棒 Then that'll be great too.
Andy 一个故事并不只有一种圆满结局 A story doesn't just have to have one happy ending, Andy.
像<惊险岔路口>那样吗 Like a Choose Your Own Adventure.
<惊险岔路口> 儿童系列书籍 一种分支情节游戏书
我们在一起喝醉的频率大概是怎样的 How occasionally will we be falling off the wagon?
坏消息吗 Bad news?
不好不坏 Just...news.
我明白为什么你不告诉我看到她离开了 I get why you didn't tell me you saw her leave now.
我只是不想夺走你的希望 I just didn't want to steal your hope.
那我能和你挑战吃咖喱肉吗 Can I finally challenge you to try a vindaloo?
当然 我准备好去冒险了 Yeah. I'm up for an adventure.
最棒的冒险即将高潮迭起了 The best adventures are yet to come.
"高潮迭起" 明白了吗 C-U-M. Get it?
我知道 Yeah. I get it.
呜呼 Yoo-hoo!
我就知道 I knew it!
去死吧 俩蠢货 Suck it, dildos!
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