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翻译：红豆包 Juno_Juanno 里外黑 NANA
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时间轴：痒小熊 校对：NANA
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后期：青春的老头子 总监：NANA
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前情回顾
我很喜欢你们的剧 I love your show.
超爱 说真的 I love it. Seriously,
我简直想跟它上床 I want to have sex with your show.
知道我的幻想是什么吗 You know what my fantasy is?
明早醒来 I wake up tomorrow
在我的电视台播你们的剧 and I've got your show on my network.
什么意思 让我们去洛杉矶吗 What, us come to L.A.?
有什么难的 你们已经写出了剧本 How hard can it be? You've already written the scripts.
已经很完美了 It's perfect the way it is.
一天也就工作二十分钟 You work 20 minutes a day,
剩下的时间 the rest of the time,
随便你们在泳池里乱搞 you can screw in the pool.
听到没 还会有游泳池呢 You hear that? We'd get a pool.
我们讨论一下演职人员吧 Let's talk about casting.
朱利安已经答应我们的邀请 Well, we already have Julian
将再次出演莱曼这个角色 committed to recreate the role of Lyman.
所以重头已经搞定了 So, that's half the battle right there.
默克爱看这部剧 朱利安就是绝对主角 Merc loves the show, Julian is the show.
其实吧 There is a chance
默克他有可能没看过你们的剧 Merc may not have actually seen your show.
-什么 -我不是说他没看过 - What? - I'm not saying that he hasn't seen it.
-那他看过没 -没 - Has he seen it? - No.
我们刚发现 We just found out
有一名演员可以参演 that there is an actor available...
巨星 huge star...
他准备返回电视界 and he's ready to come back to TV.
真的吗 谁 Really? Who?
马特·勒布朗 Matt Leblanc.
第二集
马特·勒布朗 Matt Leblanc?
没错 Right.
马特·勒布朗 Matt Leblanc...
来演莱曼 To play Lyman?
我说过那是另一种思路 Well...I said it's a different way to go.
一名博学的 For the erudite,
口舌如簧的 verbally dexterous headmaster
上层寄宿男校的校长 of an elite boys' academy,
你建议 you're suggesting...
由乔伊来演 Joey?
他可能是不太适合 Look, he's probably wrong for it.
可能 Probably?
-他很有趣 -是挺有趣的 - He is very funny. - He really is.
我甚至很喜欢他演的那部猴子电影 I even liked him in that monkey movie.
什么猴子电影 What monkey movie?
拜托了 见个面 Please, just take the meeting...
出于礼貌 as a courtesy.
就当为了默克 他真的想挖马特 For Merc. He really wants to get Matt
来我们电视台 over here to the network,
目前为止这是唯一一个 and so far, this is the only project
他有兴趣做的项目 he's interested in doing.
马特·勒布朗想参与我们的剧吗 Matt Leblanc wants to do our show?
你开玩笑吗 Are you kidding?
求之不得 Dying to.
他在英国拍电影时看了你们的剧 He saw it when he was in England, shooting a movie.
超级粉丝 Huge fan.
-是吗 -那又怎样 - Really? - So what?
怎么样 我能告诉默克你们愿意见面吗 So? Can I tell Merc you'll take the meeting?
一顿饭而已 出于礼貌 It's one lunch... you know, as a courtesy.
好的 好的 我们会见面的 Yeah, fine, fine. We'll... we'll take the meeting.
太棒了 还有 Awesome. Also...
默克想让我传达一个小小的邀请 Merc wanted me to pass on a little invitation.
他将于周六晚上在他家 He's having a dinner party
举办一场晚宴 at his house on Saturday night,
他很希望你们二位莅临 and he'd love you guys to come.
出于礼貌 As a courtesy.
这可是大件事 It's a very big deal.
我从来没去过他家 I've never been to his house.
我开车路过过 I've driven past it.
请转告默克我们很乐意出席 Please tell Merc we would love to come.
迫不及待 We can't wait.
回吻你们 Aww. Kisses to you, too.
-你开什么玩笑 -怎么了 - You're kidding. - What?
怎么了 她搞得你都语无伦次了 What? She almost tripped over your tongue.
你真喜欢那种类型 You really like that?
是的 Yes.
-很明显是假的 -是啊 - They're so obviously fake. - Yes?
这样都没关系吗 That doesn't bother you?
又不是干了什么坏事 She's not hurting anybody.
他们问我们是否有资金 They're asking if we have the financing?
让他去死 告诉他们我们正在找其他地方 Screw that. Tell them we're looking at another location,
如果周五前还没歇业 and if we're not closed by the end of today,
整件事就免谈了 the whole thing is off the table.
再见 抱歉 Bye. Sorry.
我打算买一家餐馆 I'm trying to buy a restaurant.
-我叫贝佛利 这是肖恩 -嗨 - I'm Beverly. This is Sean. - Hey.
我来这干吗 So...I'm here why?
谈谈我们的剧 Er, well, to talk about our show.
什么剧 What show?
太好了 Brilliant.
你最近有在英国拍电影吗 Did... did you recently shoot a movie in England?
没有 No.
那么 你并没有很迷了 So, you're not a huge fan?
迷英国 Of England? Ehh...
不 不 我们 No, no. Of us.
你们的 不是 Oh, you? No.
倒还不算太尴尬 Well, this isn't at all awkward.
我问你们个问题 Let me ask you something.
你们愿意去一家 Would you go to a restaurant
自己卷寿司的餐馆吗 where you roll your own sushi?
当然不愿意 Absolutely not.
看 这正是我所担心的 See, that's what I'm afraid of.
等一下 Oh. One sec.
你们不会相信的 You won't believe this.
现在他们又打算为厨房设备 Now they're trying to add an extra charge
额外要价 for the kitchen equipment.
他们可以去 "Well, they can go...
滚他妈的 "Fuck...
一边去 "Themselves."
太酷了 我只输入了两个字母 This is so cool. I just type in "f-u",
就自动出来"他妈的"这个词 and it knows I mean "fuck".
科技 Science...
带给我们的礼物 The gifts you've given us.
你们是在拍个什么剧 So, you guys have some sort of show?
是一部喜剧 在英国已经播出四年了 Yes, it's a comedy. It's been on in the U.K. for four years.
怪不得有口音 That explains the accents.
接着说 Go on.
要不你先发完短信 Do you want to finish that before we...
不用 不用 我听着呢 你们是英国人 No, no, I'm with you. You're English,
在拍一部什么剧 you have some sort of show.
是的 这部戏是关于一个 Well, yeah. It's about a headmaster
上层预备学校的校长 of an elite prep school...
和他的学生们 and his relationship with the students
以及形形色色的老师们之间关系 and the various teachers.
是《历史男孩》吧 So, it's History Boys.
什么 《历史男孩》 What? History Boys.
你看过《历史男孩》 You've seen History Boys.
亚伦·班奈编剧的 没错 The Alan Bennett play... Yeah.
我们的剧和《历史男孩》一点也不像 Our show is nothing like History Boys.
那部戏以文法学校为背景 Theirs was set in a grammar school.
我们的剧发生在寄宿学校 Ours takes place at a boarding school.
他们讲的是关于一个历史老师 Theirs was about a history teacher.
我们讲的是一个校长和几个老师的故事 Ours is about a headmaster and several other teachers.
好吧 好吧 那就是《历史男孩》遇上了 Ok, ok. So, it's History Boys meets...
你所说的非《历史男孩》 you saying it's not History Boys.
-它不是《历史男孩》 -好吧 - It's not History Boys. - All right.
我收回我说的话 它不是《历史男孩》 I take it back. It's not History Boys.
那它叫什么 What's it called?
《莱曼校长和孩子们》 Lyman's boys.
我们先起的名字 We had the name first.
怎么 你们想让我来演那个老胖子的角色 And so, what... you want me for the old fat guy's part?
谢了 Thanks.
-我们没想让你演 -再说一次 谢了 - We don't want you. - Again, thanks.
她的意思是 What she means is, um...
电视台建议你来演 The network suggested you.
我们压根没想到 It would never have occurred to us.
这完全是另一种思路 It's such a different way to go.
但我们 But we are...
是你的超级粉丝 huge admirers...
嗨 Yo.
不 那意思是滚一边去 No, that was supposed to say "fuck".
我为什么会说你自己一边玩去 Why would I say, "go fun yourself"?
不 No.
不 不 不 不 No, no, no, no.
不 No.
不 不 No. No.
不 不 N-o. No.
不 No-o-o.
不 No.
嗨 Yo.
-他们很爱你 -谁们 -They loved you. -Who?
那对英国夫妇 The British people.
他们很喜欢我 They loved me?
卡罗·兰斯刚从台里打来电话 Carol Rance just called from the network.
她说他们很爱你 要你加入 She said they loved you and they want you.
很好 That's good.
非常好 It's very good.
-我不知道 -什么 - I don't know. - What?
我还不一定爱不爱他们呢 I don't know that I love them.
你可以试着喜欢上他们 Well, maybe you can learn to love them.
默克·拉皮多斯很想促成这事儿 Merc Lapidus really wants this to happen.
他们准备好了一卡车钱送到你家 They got a money truck ready to drive up to your house.
多大的卡车 How big a truck?
很大很大 老多轮子了 Oh, it's a big truck. Lots of wheels.
你说这钱 能够我开家新餐馆吗 Are we talking, like, new restaurant money?
这钱都够开连锁餐馆了 We're talking chain of restaurants money.
很不错嘛 Nice truck.
不过你知道那个角色吗 But have you heard the part?
一个什么私立学校的肥佬校长 This fat old headmaster of some private school?
他们会换掉那个角色的 So, they'll change the part,
他们会换成别的 they'll make it something else
你想要的角色 whatever you want.
这可是马特·勒布朗的戏 Come on, it's the Matt Leblanc show.
再跟我说说关于那一卡车钱 Tell me more about the money truck.
就是一辆卡车 装满了钱 It's a truck... and it's full of money!
直接开到我家 Right up to the house?
你都不用走到信箱那 You won't even have to go to the mailbox.
华莱士 你认识我们的 Wallace, you know us.
我们每天都要来这一套 We go through this everyday.
你怎么能记不得呢 How can you not remember?
今早离开时我们还向你挥手呢 We waved to you when we left this morning.
谁都挥 Everybody waves.
-叫什么 -林肯 - Name? - Lincoln.
-林肯 -林肯 肯定的肯 - Lincoln. - Lincoln. With an "L".
就跟林肯轿车 纽约的林肯隧道 Like the car, the tunnel in New York,
还有你们那位死翘翘的总统一个名字 your dead president.
我瞅瞅 I'll check.
喂 Hello?
我们拉到了马特·勒布朗 We got Matt Leblanc.
-什么 -你能相信吗 - What?! - Can you believe it?
不 你说过那不过是出于礼貌而已 No! You... you... you said it was a courtesy.
是啊 不过他答应了 It was. But he said yes.
不是他出于礼貌 而是我们 Not his courtesy... our courtesy!
不管是谁的 我们高兴得都快疯了 Either way, we're over the moon here.
最好的部分是什么呢 And the best part?
默克又对这部戏燃起了激情 Merc's excited about the show again.
他什么时候对这戏没激情了 When did he stop being excited about the show?
没啊 Never.
谢谢 Thank you.
我的天啊 那是罗斯科的画 Bloody hell. That's a Rothko.
他在房子里挂了一幅罗斯科的画 He has a Rothko in his house.
你知道那幅画值多少钱吗 Do you realize what that's worth?
这里有些女人好瘦啊 Some of these women are so thin.
不 亲爱的 告诉我 No, darling, tell me...
一幅罗斯科的画值多少钱 what is a Rothko worth?
我说真的 No, seriously.
你看那个女的 Look at that one.
我的胳膊比她的肥 My arm weighs more than she does.
别看我的胳膊 Don't look at my arms!
你俩晚上好啊 Top of the evening to you, blokes!
你好 Hello.
非常感谢邀请我们 Thank you so much for having us.
-你家很漂亮 -艺术品 很惊艳 - Your home is beautiful. - The art. Amazing.
都是杰米打理的 Oh, well, that's all Jamie.
我只管付钱 I-I just pay for it.
你们见过我的妻子了吗 Hey. Have you guys met my wife yet?
打扰一下 Excuse us.
这位是杰米 This is Jamie.
宝贝 这就是那两位英国编剧 Honey, these are those English writers,
肖恩和贝佛利 Sean and Beverly...
-林肯 -我知道 - Lincoln. - I know!
幸会 So nice to meet you.
欢迎来到洛杉矶 Welcome to L.A.
怎么样 准备好打道回府了吗 So, are you ready to go back to England yet?
-没啊 -快了 -Hardly. -In a heartbeat.
有什么需要的话 Well, if there's anything you need,
就给我打电话 please, call me.
不是洛杉矶式的"打电话给我" And not like an L.A. "call me".
我说真的 让这家伙把我的号码给你们 I mean it. Make sure this one gives you my number.
谢谢 你真体贴 Thank you. That's so sweet.
亚瑟和玛德琳来了 Woo. Arthur and Madelyn just got here.
失陪一下 Oh, would you excuse me for a moment?
-她真迷人 -她可棒了 - She's lovely. - She's the best...
还很瞎 and blind.
对 Uh... yes.
-两年了 -真的吗 - Two years now. - Really?
我们当时在夏威夷 We were in Hawaii.
她吃了坏掉的鱼 She ate some kind of bad fish.
嘭 产生了毒性作用 Boom! Has a toxic reaction,
她昏迷了两个星期 goes into a coma for two weeks.
当她醒过来的时候 瞎了 When she comes out of it... blind.
-我的天啊 -真可怕 - Oh, my god. - That's horrifying.
是啊 那次度假可不愉快 Yeah, that was not a good vacation.
而且那段时间几乎每天下雨 Plus, it rained practically everyday.
我们去的是考艾岛 所以雨水繁多 Well, Kauai. That's why it's so lush.
考艾岛: 夏威夷群岛之第四大岛
当然 Yes, well...
对于一个失去视力不久的人来说 for... for someone who's only been... sightless for a short time,
她看来还挺行的 she seems amazingly capable.
她非常努力 She's worked so hard.
我简直很崇拜她 She's my hero.
我是说 她会摔倒 I mean... she falls down...
很多次 a lot.
出于某种原因 她今晚倒是没有摔倒 For some reason, she's not doing it tonight,
但你真应该看看她的小腿 but you should see her shins.
青一块紫一块的 Bruises... sheesh!
我要想帮她一把 Whenever I offer to help her,
她就会说 不 我必须自己来 she's like, "No, I have to do it myself."
我就会说 那得费多少事啊 I'm like, "But it's gonna take so much longer that way."
但她非得自己来 But she's gotta do it.
出个门得花上八辈子时间 It takes us forever to get out of the house.
不过呢 Well, on the other hand,
她购物也少了 she shops less.
看那景色 Look at that view.
-嗨 小朋友们 -嗨 卡罗 - Hi, kids! - Hi, Carol.
玩得开心吗 So, having fun?
肯定的 Absolutely.
看起来不错哎 Ooh, those look good.
我们在烘焙奶油蛋卷上放些神户牛肉 We have a kobe beef on a toasted brioche,
顶上再加上香脆薯条 topped with crispy potato
最后挤上辣根鲜浓奶油 and a horseradish cream fraiche.
我可无法抗拒 Mmm, saying no to that.
我不要了 Oh, um, you know, I'm... I'm fine.
别啊 Oh, come on.
某些特定时刻 我会说 去他的 At a certain point, I said screw it.
我永远也不会像她们那样 I'm never gonna look like them.
我是说 我也不想看上去像她们那样 I mean, I don't want to look like them.
人生苦短 Life's too short.
真谢谢你 Oh. Thank you.
真好吃 Mmm. Yum.
那么 Mmm. So...
你们跟马特打招呼了吗 have you guys said hi to Matt yet?
天啊 他在这吗 Oh, Christ. He's here?
就在外面花园里 你们应该去打个招呼 Yeah, out in the garden. You should go say hello.
为什么 Why?
也许因为他是这部剧的主角 Maybe because he's the star of our show?
什么 -你说了出来 What? -When you say it,
我就不得不相信它是真的了 it makes it real.
别啊 他会很棒的 Oh, come on. He's gonna be great.
快出去套套近乎 Now, get out there and make nice.
这事怎么也得做啊 Come on. You gotta do it.
来这里又不是来玩的 No one's here to have fun.
天啊 Oh, god.
友好点 Be nice.
-你先说 -好 - You speak first, then. - Ok.
失陪一下 是你们俩啊 Excuse me. Hey, it's you guys!
-你好啊先生 -马特 - Hello, sir. - Matt.
你知道我最近几天在忙什么吗 You know what I've been doing the last few days?
发短信 Texting?
在看你们的电视剧 Watching tapes of your show.
-精彩之至 -真的 - It's fantastic! - Really?
跟你不知道似的 天啊 Like you don't know. Oh, my god.
真的很好笑 So funny.
还很机智 老天 我爱死它了 And smart. Jesus, I love it!
-你认真的 -是啊 - You're serious? - Uh... yeah!
这完全不是《历史男孩》嘛 And it's totally not History Boys.
谢谢 Thank you.
我喜欢剧本 I love the writing,
还有角色 the characters.
美版的也要像英版那样做 And we've got to do it like you did it over there...
用普通小孩来演 而不是演员 casting real kids, not TV kids.
这的确是重点 That's the key.
重点就是这个啊 That is the key.
还有那图书管理员 Oh, and the librarian?
-妮柯拉 -没错 - Nicola. - Yeah.
闪亮的角色 Great part.
谁来演你们定了吗 You guys have anyone in mind yet?
还没 台里给我们发了一份名单 No. The network has sent us a list.
列了那些他们认为响当当的名字 People they're really excited about.
-谁啊 -我们都不认识 - Like who? - We didn't know any of them.
有几个叫希瑟的 几个叫詹妮弗的 A couple of Heathers, a bunch of Jennifers,
还有个叫度西库的 Somebody Dushku.
反正只要你们认为不合适的 Yeah, well, don't let them force you
就别让他们来演 To cast anyone you don't want.
-行 -我说真的 - All right. - I mean it.
如果他们想来硬的 就让我来唱白脸 If they start pushing you around, let me be the bad guy.
-真的吗 -当然了 - Really? - Oh, yeah, yeah.
这帮人耍你们容易 It's a lot harder for them to fuck with me
想耍我就难了 Than fuck with you.
再说 我跟默克的关系也不是一两天了 Besides, merc and I go way back.
他还在NBC体育频道时候我们就很熟了 I've known him since he ran NBC sports
还帮我联系湖人的啦啦队女孩 And used to get me laker girls.
哇 谢谢分享 Wow. Good to know.
饰妮柯拉的演员一定得精挑细选 Yeah, we gotta get someone great for nicola.
必须是个聪明的女强人 She's got to be strong and smart
-还要优雅 -是 - And classy. - Right.
还要漂亮 And also beautiful...
不过得显得真实 But, like, in a real way.
她能演吗 She can't act, can she?
啥 那个 我不行 What... that's... I don't... ha ha!
看她 多优雅 That's her... classy.
夏敦诶酒呛到鼻子里去了 I believe I have chardonnay up my nose.
晚餐已准备完毕 Dinner is being served.
太好了 Oh, thank god.
真是没想到啊 Well, who saw that coming?
他居然那么有魅力 怎么会这样 He's actually charming. How did that happen?
简直就是变魔术 It's like a magic trick.
他好像比那天高了点 Does he seem taller than the other day?
就是 还聪明了点 Yes, and smarter.
我根本不知道他竟然还这么聪明 I had no idea he was so smart.
但他还是不适合那个角色 He's still wrong for the part.
完全不适合 但他的头发可真好 He's totally wrong. But he has such nice hair.
我特地多买了个行李箱 I brought an extra suitcase
里面全放着玩具 Filled with nothing but toys.
带到孤儿院里打开给孩子们看了之后 When we got to the orphanage and opened it,
他们都呆坐在那儿 很迷茫 The children just sat there, uncertain.
一位修女告诉我们说 One of the nuns told us that some of these children
有些孩子根本从来就没见过玩具 had never actually seen a toy,
拥有玩具的孩子当然更是少之又少 Much less had one of their own.
所以会让你更加珍惜 It just makes you appreciate so much.
那包玩具里 有一只娃娃 One of the things I brought was a doll
是我送给侄女的圣诞礼物 That I'd given my niece for christmas.
她只玩了一次 She just played with it once
就丢在一旁再也不看了 And had gotten bored with it.
我把这个娃娃递给了一个小女孩 I handed it to this little girl,
她把娃娃紧紧地抱在胸口 And she clutched it to her chest
告诉修女说 今天是她一生中最美好的一天 And told one of the nuns it was the best day of her life.
这件事发生在多哥 Oh! and that was Togo.
然后我们又去了赞比亚 I mean, then we were off to Zambia.
那里的孩子真苦 The children there... ohh.
你们有孩子吗 You guys have kids?
没 你呢 No. Do you?
两个男孩 Two boys.
我不知道你还结婚了 Oh. Didn't realize you were married.
现在没了 Heh heh. Not anymore.
你还挺高兴啊 He said, vehemently.
那段婚姻经历可不咋地 It was not one of the good ones.
-是吗 -嗯 - No? - No.
我们根本就不应该结婚 We never should've done it.
我们两个根本就是 We were totally wrong for each other, like...
水火不容 Oil and water?
其实呢 是水跟火的好朋友上床了 More like oil and something that sleeps with oil's best friend.
天呐 Oh, my god.
我根本想不明白 女人干嘛要做这种事 I don't understand how women do that.
她有两个孩子呢 With two children...
不不不 是我 No, no, no, no. It was me.
我睡了她的好朋友 I slept with her best friend.
我可不是个好丈夫 I was not a good husband.
显然不是 Heh. Apparently not.
但我是个很好的爸爸 But I am a very good dad.
大的是艾登 小的是迈克尔 That's aiden, and the little one's michael.
他们真漂亮 Oh, they're gorgeous.
看上去很贴心啊 They seem very sweet.
这俩可是能把人逼疯的 They can drive you crazy.
千万别去问他们恐龙是怎么叫的 Don't ever ask them what a dinosaur sounds like,
特别是在车里时 Especially if you're in a car.
真是太棒了 But, you know, they're pretty amazing.
他们俩是我这辈子最大的成就 They're the best thing I've ever done in my life.
不管怎样 Anyway...
马克·威尔森的画 It's a mark wilson.
我知道 这是他的早期作品 No, I know. But an early one.
后来他把一切都画成了棕色 Before he decided the only color was brown.
了不起的收藏吧 Amazing collection, huh?
太棒了 Oh, brilliant.
你真该看看 You should see...
在他的主卧室里 In the master bedroom,
有一幅内维尔森的画 there is a nevelson that...
简直就是博物馆级别的 It should be in a museum.
-真的吗 -嗯 - Really? - Mm.
-他卧室能进吗 -应该不能 - Are we allowed up there? - Probably not.
你可不可以别告诉其他人 Would you mind not mentioning to anyone
我去过他卧室 That I've been in the master bedroom?
当然 All right.
我只是避免让其他人 I just wouldn't want anyone
产生误会 to get the wrong impression.
没错 Absolutely.
"她跟老板睡觉了" "she's sleeping with her boss."
我可不想让别人觉得我是这种女人 Wouldn't want to be that girl.
特别是她老婆还瞎了 Especially since his wife is blind.
没错 Right. Ha!
这样的话我简直就是 Because that would make me...
-禽兽啊 -是的 - A monster. - Yes.
即使是在她眼睛还没坏的时候 Even if it started before she went...
-那也不行 -没错 - Still not good. - Right.
我在给他们拍照 And here they're pretending
他们都假装不知道的样子 They don't know I'm taking their picture.
但你看 两人都在对我竖中指呢 But look... they're both giving me the finger.
应该是他们老爸教的吧 I assume their father taught them that.
还不会说话的时候就学会了 Before they could even talk.
这么小的中指我还没见过呢 I've never actually seen a "fuck you" finger that tiny.
可爱吧 Pretty cute, huh?
这也正是我对于我们这事所期待的 That's one of the things I'm looking forward to with our thing...
跟孩子们一块工作 working with kids.
那些非主流孩子们 Talk to me three weeks in.
他们简直就是一群带着经纪人的小野兽 They're like sticky animals with agents.
我真的是非常荣幸 I gotta say, I'm so excited.
那个角色太棒了 It's an awesome part.
谢谢 Thank you.
我从没演过这样的角色 I've never played anyone like him.
我想也是 I'm sure.
老实说吧 是不是他们把我强塞进这部剧 Be honest. Did the network force me down your throats?
肖恩不会承认的 Sean would tell you no.
因为肖恩会说谎 Sean would be lying.
这个角色不适合我对吧 I'm totally wrong for it, aren't I?
一百二十分的不适合 Spectacularly wrong.
我就知道 我被耍了 I knew it. I'm so screwed.
其实吧 If it helps,
我们全都被耍了 We're screwed with you.
没人喜欢自己一个人被耍的 Hey, no one likes to be screwed alone.
那 我们怎么办 So, what do we do?
我也不知道啊 Uh, I'm not sure. It's just...
你扮演一个学校的校长 You as the headmaster of a school...
是啊 I know.
很明显 你是相当有智慧的人 I mean, you're obviously very intelligent.
是吗 Really?
刚才肖恩还跟我说 Sean and I were just saying
你很聪明呢 How smart you are.
哇 我很少收到这样的评价啊 Wow. That's a conversation that doesn't happen a lot.
但这个角色的话 But for this role...
那如果我不当校长呢 Well, what if I wasn't the headmaster?
我能不能演学校里的其他角色 What if I was someone else at the school?
那个 Um, that...
这样的话 对剧本的影响还是挺大的 That would change the show considerably.
求你了 帮我一把吧 Come on, you gotta help me here.
我真的希望这部剧能火 I kind of need this to be a hit.
或者至少能成为脱口秀上的一个笑点 Or at least something you can't make fun of on a talk show.
也许吧 Um...perhaps.
很好 也许就很好 Good. Perhaps is good.
也许 你可以当 Perhaps, uh, you could be...
我也不知道 一个历史教授 I don't know... A history professor
对军队征战很有激情 with a passion for military campaigns.
或者一名教练 一名教练 Or a coach. A... A coach.
摔跤教练那样的 Like a wrestling coach?
把孩子摔来摔去的 Throwing the kids around.
看 Well, um, see,
那样整部戏就完全不一样了 that would be a very different kind of show.
最好是比较有深度一点的 There's a level of sophistication.
好吧 好吧 Hmm. Right. Ok, uh...
曲棍球怎么样 What about lacrosse?
这样就有你所说的那种深度了吧 That's got your whole sophisticated thing going there, huh?
嘭 Bam!
我去跟肖恩谈谈 看他怎么想 Let me talk to Sean, see what he thinks.
好的 总之无论如何 Great. And, hey, at the end of the day,
就照着你们的意思来 毕竟是你们的剧 it's whatever you guys want. It's your show.
谢谢 Thank you.
你开玩笑吧 谢谢你 Are you kidding? Thank you.
说到孩子 我刚看了一部纪录片 Hey, speaking of kids, I just saw this documentary...
我刚跟人进行了特别有意思的谈话 I just had an interesting conversation.
不过我答应了不说出去 Which I agreed not to share.
你们在聊什么呢 So, what are you talking about here?
马特正打算告诉我 Oh, Matt was about to tell me
关于那纪录片的事 about this documentary.
是关于一些得了抽动秽语综合症的孩子 Oh, yeah. It's about these kids with tourette's syndrome.
以多发性抽动, 爆发性发声和伴随秽语性语言为特征
你们真得看看 太搞笑了 You gotta see it. It's so funny.
-搞笑 -我的天哪 - Funny? - Oh, my god.
抽动秽语综合症的孩子 Children with tourette's?
我知道 我笑得很愧疚 I know. I felt guilty laughing,
不过说真的 But I'm telling you.
他们采访了一个小女孩 特别可爱 They were interviewing this one little girl... so cute...
然后突然间 她就开始 操 And all of a sudden, she's, like, "shit! shit!
操 操 "shit! shit!"
你觉得那很有趣 And you found that funny?
我说了我感到很愧疚的 Hey, I said I felt guilty.
拜托 小孩说脏话哎 But come on... little kids cursing?
-不好笑 -我得相信你是在开玩笑 -No? -I need to believe you're joking.
没有 Uh, no.
我们还是换个话题吧 What do you say we find another topic?
-你是没看见 -我没必要看 - You haven't seen it. - I don't need to see it.
抽动秽语综合症是很可怕的病症 Tourette's is a horrible affliction.
可不止是说脏话 那些人遭受着 It's not just swearing. These people suffer
冲动性的脸部和声带抽搐 from compulsive facial and vocal tics.
无药可治 And there's no cure.
那看来你比她有趣多了 So, I guess you're the fun one.
我问你一个问题 Let me ask you a question.
卡罗和默克有一腿 Carol's having an affair with Merc.
谁是卡罗 Who's Carol?
如果你的儿子得了呢 What if one of your sons had it?
如果你自己的孩子被迫 What if your own child was compelled
说出那些可怕的词句 to say these terrible things?
你还会觉得有趣吗 Would it be funny then?
那得看他说什么了 It depends on what he was saying.
-你刚刚笑了 -没 - Did you just laugh? - No.
你有 你笑了 You did, you laughed.
真没有 我发誓 I didn't, I swear.
-抱歉 -什么 - Excuse me? - What?
-什么 -那玩意 - What? - That thing.
什么玩意 What thing?
挥鞭子 That whippy thing.
你是暗示我在对我丈夫挥鞭 Are you implying that my husband is whipped?
我不知道 你有吗 I don't know. Is he?
好吧 这可不是我想换的那个话题 Right. This is not the other topic I was looking for.
你说 挥鞭 When you say "whipped",
到底挥的是哪种鞭子 what type of "whipped" are we talking about exactly?
-你太幼稚了 -不过是想弄明白 - You're an infant. - Just trying to clarify.
你想让我说温顺吗 Are you trying to get me to say the word "pussy"?
我可以说温顺 温顺 温顺 温顺 I can say "pussy". Pussy. Pussy. Pussy! pussy!
我想参与谈话 I want to be in this conversation.
谢谢你过来 很高兴再次见到你 Thank you for coming. It was lovely to see you again.
拜拜 谢谢你 Bye, thank you.
谢谢你能过来 Thank you so much for coming.
-你处理得可很好 -你能相信吗 - You handled that well. - Could you believe him?
挥鞭 你可没挨我的鞭子 你有吗 Whipped! you're not whipped. Are you whipped?!
你问那个问题的时候 That may not be the tone you want
最好别用那种语气 when you're asking me that question.
你没有挨我的鞭子吧 You're not whipped, are you?
没有 亲爱的 我就是被你吓唬了一下 No, darling. I'm merely browbeaten
有点妻管严而已 and henpecked.
天啊 我真想早点离开这 Oh, god, I just want to get out of here.
狰狞 狰狞的夜晚 Hideous, hideous night.
有人在吗 Oh, is someone there?
是肖恩和贝佛利 It's sean and beverly.
恐怕我们得走了 I'm afraid we have to go.
我们过得挺愉快 We had a wonderful time.
别担心 会越来越好的 Don't worry. It gets easier.
我们 我们得走了 对吧 Arr! we... we be goin' now, are we?
我们现在变成了海盗 很好 And now we're pirates. Very good.
马特跟我说了关于他角色的改动 Matt's been telling me about the changes for his character.
-什么 -听完再说 - What? - Wait till you hear.
改动 Uh, changes?
说他不再扮演校长了 Yeah, how he's not gonna be a headmaster anymore.
怎么的 How's that?
我很喜欢他扮演教练 I love that he's a coach.
-教练 -曲棍球教练 - A coach? - A lacrosse coach.
-大爱 -这样更能说得通 - Love it! - That's much more relatable.
可都是贝佛利的点子 Hey, hey, it was Beverly's idea.
真的吗 我没说过教练啊 Really? I never said "coach".
她是说没法想象我扮演校长 Well, she said she couldn't see me as a headmaster.
是吗 Did she?
-你也说过的 -那是对你 - You said it, too. - To you.
校长是个什么意思啊 What is a headmaster, anyway?
大家知道吗 很可能不知道 Do people even know? Probably not.
我们并没有承诺什么 We didn't commit to anything.
承诺吧 太完美了 Well, commit to it. It's perfect.
我同意 她太聪明了 I agree. She's so smart.
我就是对曲棍球不太确定 I'm just not sure about lacrosse.
-是不是有点太曲棍了 -我懂你的意思 - Is it too lacrossey? - I know what you mean.
冰球怎么样 How about hockey?
冰球不错 Hockey works.
我们可以命名为《冰球小子》 我会看的 We could call it Pucks! I'd watch.
先别急着量身做制服 Before we start measuring for uniforms,
稍等一下 can we all take a breath?
这比起你们之前的剧可好太多了 This is so much better than your old show.
你怎么知道 你就没看过我们的剧 How would you know? You've never even seen our show.
我看过你们的剧 I've seen your show.
我当然看过你们的剧了 Of course I've seen your show.
谁说我没看过你们的剧来着 Who told you I haven't seen your show?
我 我不 I... I don't...
你告诉他们我没看过他们的剧 Did you tell them I haven't seen their show?
我 Uh, I...
不 卡罗没那么说 Uh, no. Carol didn't say it.
我 I...
我不过是开个玩笑 I was just trying to make a joke.
玩笑罢了 It was a joke.
你 没看过我们的剧 You...haven't seen our show!
真是 That's...
我不懂 I don't get it.
他比较有趣 He's the funny one.
今晚真棒 What a great night.
也许下一次我们可以找人来挨枪子 Maybe next time you can shoot someone.
首先 First of all,
我没有告诉他他可以演教练 I did not tell him he could play a coach.
-你有没有告诉他他不能演呢 -没 - Did you tell him that he couldn't play a coach? - No.
你有没有提到那样会把整部剧给改变了 Did you mention it would change the show completely?
那样我们就得把所有剧本全部删掉重来 That we'd have to throw out all our scripts?
他说会让我们来决定 He said he would let it be our decision.
他很可能会这么做 And he very well might have
如果不是你在那部破纪录片的问题上 if you hadn't completely antagonized him
跟他起冲突的话 over that bloody documentary.
那我该怎么办 附和他吗 What was I supposed to do... just go along with him?
一部关于受病痛折磨的孩子的片子 真好笑 "oh, a film about afflicted children... hilarious!"
是的 只管附和 Yes! You go along.
我们只用干这些事了 That's what the rest of us do.
我们只管附和 We go along.
因为我们知道 如果你不附和 Because we know that if you don't go along,
你最后就会要写一部叫做《冰球小子》的剧本 You end up writing a show called Pucks!
我说 就这么一次 I mean, just once,
你就不能别把事情搞得那么复杂吗 could you not make everything harder?
-晚上好 -你们是来找 - Evening. - And you're here to see?
哦不 不不不 今晚别这样 华莱士 Oh, no. No, no, no. Not tonight, Wallace.
别跟我们扯那一套 Don't pull that shit with us.
把那操他娘的臭杂种 Now, open the motherfucking, bloody bastard,
滚他奶奶的祖宗 pain in the arse, dick-cheese-stinking,
又脏又恶心又操蛋 dirty, shitty, wanking, fucking,
你奶奶个熊的 bloody, fucking, bastard,
操他妈的奶奶的大门给我打开 fucking stupid cunt of a fucking gate!
抽动秽语综合症 Tourette's.