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翻译：猪小糯 小虎 红豆包 NANA
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后期：Mortred 校对&总监：NANA
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我不是个好丈夫 I was not a good husband.
可我是个好爸爸 But I am a very good dad.
这么小的中指我还没见过呢 I've never actually seen a "fuck you" finger that tiny.
可爱吧 Pretty cute, huh?
他们俩是我这辈子最大的成就 They're the best thing I've ever done in my life.
他从什么时候开始管我叫贝琪了 What's all this business about him calling me Betsy?
我让他别这么叫的 Ohh, I told him not to do that.
我告诉他说这是你妈的名字 No, I said it was your mother's name,
你不喜欢别人这样叫 and you'd hate it.
你这简直就是给他机会整我啊 Heh! that's just like giving him a gift, isn't it?
你觉得她实际上多大 How old do you think she is actually?
无人知晓 No one knows.
但我有一个朋友跟她和威廉·夏特纳 But I've got a friend who did a pilot
在八十年代合作过一次节目 with her and william shatner back in the '80s.
我知道这太扯淡了 Mmm, I know. It's crazy, right?
那个女孩 That girl...
关于她的一切她自己心里清楚 Somewhere she's got a painting of herself,
简直不堪入目 and it's looking like all kinds of shit.
第四集
所有人就位 Everybody's ready.
摄影机启动 Camera rolling.
《冰球小子》试播 第十四场 第二遍 Pucks! pilot-- 14 delta, take two.
开拍 And action!
她对你就不感兴趣 She's just not interested in you.
你知道什么呀 You don't know that.
大家伙儿都知道 Everyone knows that.
看看她 多辣啊 Look at her. She's so hot.
我才十二岁 Uh... I'm 12.
跟我聊这个合适吗 Should we be having this conversation?
莱曼教练 请别出声 Shh! Coach Lyman, please.
看见了吗 You see there?
她用手指触唇的样子 The way she was touching her lips with her finger?
你敢说她对我没兴趣吗 And you're saying she's not interested? Ho ho ho!
她那是在嘘你 She was shushing you.
人家是图书管理员 She's a librarian.
管理员不就干这个的么 That's what they do.
管理员不光"干"这些 That's not all they do.
早说一次 十二岁 Again... 12.
还有 Besides...
我觉得她可能是同性恋 I think she might be gay.
什么 她才不是 你为什么 What? She's not-- why would you--
你知道同性恋什么呀 What do you even know about gay?
-我两个爸都是同性恋 -天啊 - My dads are gay. - Jesus.
两个都是吗 Both of them?
也太凑巧了吧 What are the odds of that?
停 非常好 And cut! That's great.
再来一遍 莫宁 这次 Let's go again. Morning, this time,
你能不能"嘘"得再性感点 can you make the shush a little sexier?
我想我能做到 Oh, I think I can do that.
我跟你提过我讨厌这个剧吗 Did I mention I hate this show?
我相信你就要提了 I believe it's come up.
这是你要的东西 Here's that thing you asked for.
挺神秘啊 That's mysterious.
-说什么呢 -搞什么呢 - What? - What?
有关莫宁的 It's about Morning.
她到底多大 How old she actually is.
我的天 你干嘛这么纠结那事 Oh, dear God. Why are you so obsessed with that?
我不是纠结 这事太疯了 I'm not obsessed. It's just mad.
我从听闻中得知 From everything we've heard,
她还演了林肯被枪击的那个戏 she was acting in that play when Lincoln was shot.
那又怎样 她看上去很棒 So? She looks great.
谁在乎她有多大年纪呢 Who cares how old she is?
对 你就一点都不好奇吗 Right. You're not the least bit curious?
不好奇 No, I'm not.
多大 So?
-不 你不感兴趣 -快告诉我 - No. You're not curious. - Oh, come on.
她 有点老 She's... old.
-多老 -老 - How old? - Old.
老得不像话 Ridiculously old.
她一定是在实验室里造出来的 She must've been made in a lab.
-让我看一眼 -不给 - Let me see. - No.
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
她比你都大 She's even older than you.
去你的 You fucker.
你也这么想的 是吧 That's what you're thinking, isn't it?
当然会这么想啊 Well... of course it is.
看看她 Look at her.
我都能当她妈了 I could be her mother.
除非在你很小的时候就有了她 Only if you had her very young.
别跟着我的话头走 Don't agree with me.
好吧好吧 All right, fine.
但你比她有魅力多了 But you're much more attractive than she is.
真事儿 她整个人都是整出来的 You are. She's all plastic.
那对咪咪 Those boobs.
真恶心 Yuck.
告诉你我喜欢真材实料 I'm telling you-- I like the real thing.
你倒是给我找个跟她年龄一样大的女的 Give me a woman who looks her age.
比她年轻五岁的 七岁 Five years younger than her age. Seven.
十岁 年轻十岁的 你简直就是胎儿 Ten. Ten years younger. You're a fetus.
走开 赶紧走开 Walk away. Just walk away.
屁咧 Bullshit!
我没说瞎话 No, not bullshit.
小肖 Hey, Seanie!
过来 帮我们解决一下问题 Come here, you gotta settle something for us.
快看你 多帅气 Hey, look at you, all spiffy.
我今天要出庭孩子的监护权聆讯 Yeah, I got that custody hearing today.
天啊 祝你好运 Oh, Jesus. Good luck with that.
我没事 只消跟法官来几句 Ah, no. I'll be fine. I'll just give the judge
"你好吗"就行了 a couple of "how you doing's".
我们会有那种流行语吗 Hey, are we gonna have catch phrases?
流行语 不 那个有点 Catch phrases. Oh, no, they're--
太庸俗了 they're awfully cheesy.
洛杉矶西岸的豪宅聚集地
你倒是问问我在马里布的房子是什么意见 Yeah? Tell that to my house in Malibu.
你到需要澄清什么 Ha ha! So, what is it you need settling?
好 你能不能告诉莫宁 Ah. Okay, would you please tell Morning
她不再扮演女同了 that she is not a lesbian anymore.
没错 你不演女同了 Right. You're not.
这并不影响试播 不过我们决定 It doesn't really affect the pilot, but we decided
如果想让这剧细水长流 that if this thing goes,
妮柯拉得喜欢男人 Nicola should be straight.
不是吧 No way.
这样你俩之间的故事 It just kind of gives us more room
才有更多空间发展创作下去 for stories with the two of you down the road.
很好 这女孩喜欢小弟弟 All right! My girl likes the dick!
他是怎么了 What was that?
他不会击掌 我试过 He can't high-five. I've tried.
-我会击掌 -不 - I can high-five. - No.
怎么说呢 我们是比较 Well, what can I say? We're more...
重视握手礼仪 firm handshake kind of people.
别想让他做出拳碰拳 Don't even try to get him to fist-bump.
-来试试 -不了 - Oh, come on! - No.
来试试 试试嘛 Come on, come on.
不 我做不到 No, I can't.
说真的 我会伤到你的 Seriously, I'll hurt you.
来嘛 来嘛 Yes, yes.
你的手将会和我的拳相遇 Your hand is gonna meet my fist.
我做这个动作的时候就好像需要 When I do it, I look like I need--
不 你没关系的 No, you're cool.
好吧 我们来做一下 我准备好了 Okay, all right. We'll do it. I'm ready, okay?
那么 And...
成了 Hey! Yes!
干得漂亮 Whoo! Good job!
怎么了 What?
没怎么 Nothing.
你又是那副表情 You have that look.
没表情啊 No look.
好吧 All right.
话说 So...
今天莫宁抱你的时候 When Morning was hugging you today...
你看看 There we go.
感觉她是25吗 Did she feel 25,
还是感觉到她皮囊之下的那个干瘪老太婆 or could you sense the withered crone beneath?
也许你该抱她一下 Maybe you should give her a hug.
让她除了你的恶毒眼神外还有个喜欢的东西 so she'd prefer that over your evil glare.
我没使恶毒的眼神啊 I don't have an evil glare.
扯淡 你看她 Oh, please. You look at her
《101斑点狗》中的邪恶女人
就像克鲁拉·德维尔看那些小狗似的 the way Cruella De Vil looked at those puppies.
才不是呢 总之你能交到 Not at all. Anyway, I think it's nice
一位巨乳友人非常之棒 you've made a new titsy friend.
很明显她很喜欢你 She's obviously quite fond of you.
不过是演员想要争取更多台词罢了 She's an actress who wants more lines.
也许她多抱你两下就有了呢 Maybe she can hug them out of you.
-我不要跟你吵 -我不怪你 - I'm not doing this. - I'm not blaming you.
她很美 她年轻 She's gorgeous, she's young.
她没那么年轻 她比你老 She's not that young. She's older than you.
所以说我不想跟你吵呢 That's why I didn't want to do this!
好吧 再问一个关于她的问题 All right, one more question about her,
我就息事宁人 then I'll let it go.
-如果我死了 -我才不玩这个游戏呢 - If I were dead... - I'm not playing this game.
就玩一把 来嘛 Please, one round.
谢天谢地 Oh, thank God.
喂 Hello?
贝琪 小肖在吗 Hey, Betsy. Is Seanie there?
喂 Hello?
你能帮我个大忙吗 Hey, can you do me a big favor?
你能来接我一下吗 Can you come and pick me up?
怎么了 你在哪 What's going on? Where are you?
怎么了 他在哪 What's going on? Where is he?
对 我的天啊 Right. Oh, my God.
什么 怎么就你的天了 What? "Oh, my God" what?
-我很抱歉 -啥啊 - I am so sorry. - What?
他就坐在那儿等着吗 And he's just sitting out there waiting?
谁 坐在哪 Who? Who's sitting where?
圣克拉里塔在哪 Where's Santa Clarita?
你为什么把那个写下来 Why are you writing that down?
你不是要去圣克拉里塔吧 You're not going to Santa Clarita!
-我现在就出发 -你要去圣克拉里塔了 - I'm leaving now. - You're going to Santa Clarita.
马特失去了监护权 Matt lost his custody hearing.
我的老天 Ohh, my God.
-怪不得你说我的天了 -没错 - Oh, that was your "Oh, my God". - Right.
他现在就在法庭外的酒吧 Now he's at this bar by the courthouse,
有个狗仔在外面等着他 and there's some paparazzi guy outside,
想要拍到马特 waiting for him so he can take pictures
醉酒开车 of Matt driving home drunk.
他想让我去接他 He wants me to pick him up.
真遗憾他失去了孩子的抚养权 Oh, I'm sorry he lost his children.
不过他就不能打个车吗 But can't he take a cab?
亲爱的 我知道 Darling. I know.
可现在都11点钟了 But it's 11 o'clock.
他就不能打电话叫朋友去接他么 Doesn't he have any friends he can call to pick him up?
我就是他的朋友啊 I'm his friend.
我是啊 I am!
你才认识他几分钟啊 You've known him five minutes.
这不重要 关键是我们已经建立了友谊 That doesn't matter. There was bonding.
-我们一拍即合 -还一拍即合 - We bonded. - You bonded?
不好意思 世界上这么多人 Excuse me. Of all the people in the world,
他为什么偏偏打电话让我去接他呢 who did he call to come pick him up?
我知道 这让我觉得可悲 I know. That makes me sad.
你只是妒忌 因为你 You're just jealous because you
在这一个朋友也没有 haven't made any friends out here.
-才不是呢 -好吧 谁啊 - That's not true. - All right, who?
-艾琳 -艾琳是谁 - Irene. - Who's Irene?
帮我们记剧本的小姑娘啊 The girl who takes our script notes.
她叫诺琳 Noreen.
谁在乎啊 Oh, who cares?
她字儿都写不对 还偷我口香糖 She can't spell, and she nicks my mints.
她自以为我不知道 可是我看见了 She thinks I don't see her, but I do.
用你的恶魔眼神狠狠瞪她 Give her the evil glare.
不是瞪着我 瞪着她 Not me. Her.
不管怎么说 我的真朋友马特 Anyway, my actual friend Matt
听起来真的很沮丧 sounded really depressed,
他需要我的帮助 所以我得去 and he wants my help, so I'm going.
好吧 我跟你一块儿去 Fine, then I'm coming with you.
不 你不用这样 Oh, no, you don't have to do that.
我可不想让你一个人去 I don't want you to go alone.
再说你自己肯定找不着这个圣克拉里塔 Besides, you'll never find this Santa Clarita on your own.
我有那什么导航系统 I've got the navigation thingy.
洛杉矶东部 距贝佛利山四十分钟车程
上周 它把我们带到了帕萨迪纳 Uh, last week, it sent us to Pasadena.
是啊 我们玩的很开心 Yeah, we had fun.
可我们本来不是要去那的啊 But we didn't want to go there.
你的路线已经被规划好了 Your route is being calculated.
在下一个出口右转 Turn right at the next exit.
我们还在自家车道上呢 We're still in the driveway,
你个满嘴胡说八道的傻逼 You lying sack of shit!
你确定是这里吗 Are you sure this is the place?
看起来是啊 Looks like it.
那是马特的车 There's Matt's car.
那个是 And there's, uh...
嗨 Hello.
你把她带来了 Ohh! you brought her!
我们花了一个小时开车到这来 And suddenly the hour to get here
突然就变得很值得 seems totally worth it.
好吧 既然你们都来了 搬个椅子过来吧 Ah, well, you're here. Pull up a chair.
你们想来点儿啥 What are you guys having?
呃 不了 我们不- Uh, well, no, we're not--
我觉得我们还是不- I don't think we'll--
别 别 别看她 看我 No, no. Hey, don't look at her. Look at me.
来嘛 就喝一杯 Come on, one drink.
就一杯 One drink!
这儿很棒的 This place is great.
那边有个独眼龙 There's this guy over there with only one eye.
他在给我炫耀他能这样 He was showing me. He can go like this...
让他的假眼飞越一个房间 ...and make the fake one shoot across the room.
太疯狂了 你得看看 It's insane. You gotta see it.
我记得你说的可是他很沮丧 I thought you said he was depressed.
他要真沮丧我才能想通 It would really help me if he was depressed.
来嘛 就喝一杯 Come on, one drink.
贝琪 Betsy...
-贝琪 -贝佛利 - Be-e-etsy. - Beverly.
咱们明早7点都得到录音棚 Look, we all have to be on set by 7 o'clock tomorrow morning.
所以咱们暂时把喝一杯的事儿放下怎么样 So, what do you say we take a rain check on the drinks...
还有那个 会飞出来的眼球 And the... shooting eyeball?
好吧 Awww! All right.
我们只要想办法 We just have to figure out
避开外面那个鸟人就好了 how to get past that prick outside.
他怎么会知道你在这里的 How did he even know you were here?
我不知道他怎么做到的 I don't know how he does it.
那个家伙就像我的仇人一样 That guy is, like, my nemesis.
你还有仇人呢 Heh. You have a nemesis?
我怎么就不能有仇人 Why can't I have a nemesis?
我通常能和那些家伙相处得很好 I usually get along good with those guys.
但是这家伙 But that one--whew!
大概10或者12年前 About 10, 12 years ago,
我从一个俱乐部里出来 I was coming out of some club,
我完全喝高了 I was totally hammered.
是么 那得什么样啊 Really? What must that be like?
你可以在车上等我们 Or you could wait in the car.
总之 他在我面前嚣张至极 Anyway, he got all in my face
开始胡说八道 and started saying stuff,
最后我一拳冲他的相机打了过去 and I ended up smashing his camera.
还有 他的头 And, uh, his head
也许也被我打着了 may have been involved in the smashing.
苍天啊 Oh, my god.
自从那以后 Ever since then,
只要我一倒霉 if any kind of shit happens to me,
那家伙就会在一边等着 that guy's there, just waiting.
我不知道他怎么做到的 I don't know how he does it.
我觉得我就像虎克船长 It's like I'm Captain Hook,
均是童话《彼得潘》中角色
他就像鳄鱼 and he's the crocodile
带着滴答响的钟跟着我 following me with the ticking clock.
什么 What?
没什么 我只是没想到 Nothing. I just don't expect you
你会用彼得潘里的比喻 to come out with the Peter Pan references.
是啊 我他妈的满脑子都是怪念头 Oh, yeah, I'm fuckin' full of whimsy!
还有 我小的时候在百老汇干过三年 Also, as a kid, I did three years on Broadway
扮演彼得潘里迷失的男孩之一 as one of the lost boys in Peter Pan, with...
和山迪·邓肯一起 Sandy Duncan.
不是吧 You did not!
-你飞了吗 -飞了 - Did you get to fly? - I flew!
我咋就这么高兴 Oh! ho ho! why does that make me so happy?
山迪也是个独眼龙 Hey! Sandy's only got one eye, too!
这是个疯狂的独眼龙之日啊 It's crazy one-eye day!
要小塞米·达维斯也在这该多好 If only Sammy Davis, Jr. were here!
那该多棒啊 How awesome would that be?
好吧 我们能不能走了 Right, so... us leaving.
好吧 这样吧 马特从后门溜出去 Ok, how about Matt slips out the back door
溜到我们的车里 and gets into our car,
我们去试试分散那鳄鱼的注意力 and we try and distract the crocodile?
-怎么分散他注意力 -不知道 - Distract him how? - I don't know.
我们请他给我们拍照 We'll ask him to take our picture.
不 不 不 Oh, no, no.
-我现在看着像坨屎 -她说啥 - I look like shit. - What'd she say?
她说她看着像屎一样 She said she looked like shit.
-不好意思 我没听见 -你想干啥 - I'm sorry, I didn't-- - What are you doing?
你这是穿着睡衣吗 Are you wearing your pajamas?
我没意识到我们要来这么个高雅的地方 I didn't realize we'd be going somewhere this elegant.
我们能不能 Can we please...
好吧 我们走 Fine, all right, let's do this thing.
看得我肝疼 My liver hurts from that.
打扰一下 你好 拿相机的先生 Excuse me. Hello. Gentleman with the camera.
你介不介意到这来 Would you mind very much coming over here
-帮我们照张相 -啥 - and taking our picture? - What?
我刚刚在这向我女朋友求婚了 I just proposed to my girlfriend here,
我们实在是非常非常想 and it would mean everything to us
给这一刻留个纪念 to have a memento of the occasion.
你刚刚求婚了 You proposed just now?
我知道 你敢相信吗 I know. Can you believe it?
在这个可怕的社区里一个糟糕的酒吧里 In this horrible bar, in this awful neighborhood.
我可一点都没想到 I so didn't see it coming.
我想给她来个惊喜 I wanted to throw her off the scent.
是啊 我被他糊弄了 Oh, was I thrown.
你意下如何 就一张照片 What do you say? Just one picture?
我不-- I don't--
求你了 Oh, please.
我们给多少报酬都行 一百美元 We'll pay anything. $100.
二百 三百 200. 300.
-一百吧 -多少都行 一百 - 100? - Yeah, anything. 100.
我可以把它寄给你 I guess I could mail it to you.
-太好了 -太棒了 - Great! - That'd be brilliant.
这样我永远不会忘记这个奇妙的夜晚了 Just so I'll never forget this magical night.
好 站好了 Ok, stand right there.
哪个是你们的车 Which one's your car?
操 Ohh, fuck!
至少他没拍到你 Well, at least he didn't get any pictures
酒后驾车 of you driving drunk.
该死的狗仔 Fucking paparazzi.
什么样的小孩会说 What kind of kid says,
我长大了以后 "when I grow up,
想成为狗娘养的混蛋 "i want to be a scumbag asshole
拿着个相机 坐在那 "with a camera, who just sits around,
等着抓拍名人们打他保姆的镜头 "hoping to catch some celebrity hitting their nanny,
或者和一个变性妓女口交 "or getting a blowjob from a tranny hooker"?
如果名人们既不和保姆搞到一起 Maybe if the celebrities didn't hit their nannies
又不与变性妓女口交 or get tranny hooker blow jobs,
那么那狗娘养的就要丢饭碗了 then the scumbag assholes would be out of a job.
她为什么跟来了 Why is she here?
不行 No.
-这是辆敞篷车 -就是不行 - It's a convertible. - No!
下一个出口右拐 Turn right at the next exit.
134号大道向东 Route 134 east.
我们根本都不在134号附近 We're nowhere near the 134.
-导航仪坏了 -那就把它关掉 - It's broken. - So, turn it off.
我们不会关 We don't know how.
目前为止 我在这车里可不怎么开心 So far, I'm not having fun in this car.
一直开到日落大道 Just stay on this till we get to Sunset
然后我会告诉你们去哪 and, uh, I'll tell you where to go from there.
对抚养权的事我感到很抱歉 I'm sorry about the custody business.
是啊 Yeah.
全是瞎扯淡 Such bullshit.
发生什么事了 What happened?
我被玩了 就是这么回事 I got fucked, is what happened.
知道了 I see.
我们有个约定 We had this rule
如果孩子们在 that I wouldn't have girls over to the house
我就不能带女的回家 if the kids were there.
还有 孩子们在哪 Also, the nanny had to be there
必须有保姆在场 whenever they were, blah, blah, blah.
不管怎样 Whatever.
总之 一天晚上 他们睡着了 Anyway, one night, they were asleep--
他们已经睡着了 They were asleep!
然后 And--
我不知道 I don't know.
你带女孩回家了 You had a girl over?
没有 没那么过分 No. I didn't even do that.
那是保姆喽 The nanny?
她本来就在家里 She was already in the house!
这不算数 That shouldn't count!
下个路口左转上桥 Turn next left onto the bridge.
那东西真是个白痴 That thing's an idiot.
-不许抽烟 -该死 忘了 - No! - Oh, shit. Right.
总之 So, anyway...
一个儿子醒了 正好撞见 One of the boys woke up and walked in on us.
天哪 Oh, my god!
他又没看到 He didn't see anything...
太多 Much.
但他告诉戴安了 But he told Diane.
她大发雷霆 And she went nuts.
这就是整件事情的原委 It was a whole thing.
戴安是你的 And Diane is your...
前妻 Ex-wife!
对不起 我没跟上剧情 Sorry. I haven't seen this show before.
她那个老鼠脸律师 So, then her rat-faced lawyer
今天在法庭上提起了此事 brings it up in court today.
现在我只能隔周周末 Now I only get to see my kids
见一次我的孩子们 every other weekend.
就因为和保姆上了床 Every other weekend,
每隔一周才能看他们一次 just for screwing the nanny?
她又没漂亮到那种程度 She's not even that hot!
你没在法庭上提这点吗 Did you mention that in court?
这可是很好的申辩呢 'cause it's a really good argument.
你觉得他们该把我的孩子们带走吗 You think they should've taken my kids away?
不 No.
我只是觉得你是不是该把冲动控制住 I just think you might've contained your libido long enough
直到孩子们不在家 till your children were out of the house.
到少我还有冲动 At least I have a libido.
好了 好了 All right, all right.
我只和她上过一次床 I only screwed her once.
只被抓住过一次 You only got caught once.
很明显你的冲动是强到 Clearly you have enough of a compulsion
你老婆还得定个规矩 that your wife had to make rules about it.
我没有冲动 I don't have a compulsion.
没有 当然没有 No, of course not.
与保姆乱搞明显是个考虑成熟的决定 It was an informed decision to shag the nanny,
是个善始善终的牛逼计划 a brilliant plan that could only end well, obviously.
我告诉你 Hey, you know what?
好了 好了 别再说了 All right, all right, that's enough!
你们俩谁再多说一句 One more word out of either of you
我立马开车调头回去 and I'm gonna turn this car around.
-去哪 回酒吧吗 -上帝帮帮我们吧 - And go where? Back to the bar? - God help us.
-我乐意回酒吧去 -我们不回酒吧 - I'd go back to the bar. - We're not going back to the bar.
凭什么你事事做主 Who made you the boss of everything?
真他妈的 Oh, bloody hell.
等等 慢点开 Wait, slow down.
就在那 就那 That's it there-- right there.
明天见 See you tomorrow.
不用客气 You're welcome.
至少他酒醒了 Well, at least he sobered up.
他在干什么 What's he doing?
你确定这是他家吗 Are you sure this is his house?
我不知道 I don't know.
-他不是住在马里布吗 -是啊 - Doesn't he live in Malibu? - Yeah.
我方向感很差 Well, I'm no shitty navigation system,
但这里绝对不是马里布 but this isn't Malibu.
也许周末住马里布 Maybe Malibu's just for weekends,
平常住在别处 and he lives somewhere else.
-是吗 -不知道 - Does he? - I don't know.
你们还真是相当好的朋友 You really are good friends.
马特 你钥匙丢了吗 Er, Matt, did you lose your key?
这是你家吗 Is this even your house?
我买的 I paid for it.
天啊 Oh, Jesus.
我想见见孩子们 I want to see the boys.
你知道几点了吗 You know what time it is?
你醉到什么程度了 How drunk are you?
我很好 I'm fine.
-是啊 -真的 - Yeah, right. - I am!
好什么好 和在当娜的洗礼上一个德兴 Fine, like you were at Donna's christening?
我还参加过当娜的洗礼 I was at Donna's christening?
你叫她小胖杂种 You called her a little fat fuck.
你知道她那样子 Well... have you seen her?
天哪 你真是醉大发了 Ohh, god, you are so hammered.
你不是开车来的吧 Hope you didn't drive here.
我们带他来的 Uh, no, that was us.
很抱歉 他告诉我们这是他的家 We're so sorry. He told us this was his house.
我们居然傻乎乎地信了 Like fools, we believed him.
你倒挺有意思的 You're fancy.
可不是吗 Tell me about it.
这是戴安 This is Diane.
这两位是肖恩和贝琪 This is Sean and Betsy.
-贝佛利 -贝琪 - Beverly. - Betsy.
-贝佛利 -我他妈才不在乎呢 - It's Beverly. - Who the fuck cares?
我回去睡觉了 I'm going back to bed.
至于你 下周周末再见 You, I'll see next weekend.
别 等等 我 No, wait. I--
我现在很想见他们 I really want to see them now.
你听到法官是怎么判的了 You heard what the judge said.
是的 我听到了 Yeah, I heard what he said.
可 拜托 But come on.
你今天都赢了 You won today.
就让我这一步吧 Just give me this.
他们睡下了 They're asleep.
我不会把他们吵醒 I'm not gonna wake them.
我保证 我只是想看看他们 I promise. I just want to look at them.
我今晚很想见见 I need that tonight.
好吗 Ok?
拜托了 Come on.
就这一次 别这么事儿逼 Just once, don't be a cunt?
好吧 All right.
就这一次 Just this once.
谢谢 Thanks.
如果你吵醒他们 我就拧断你胳膊 If you wake them, I'll break your fuckin' arms.
来看看我的孩子们 Come see my boys.
如果我们以后处于这类僵局 If we're ever at some sort of impasse,
而你想说服我 and you want to win me over,
最好别用那种语言 I would avoid using the phrase,
就这一次 别像个事儿逼 "just once, don't be a cunt."
我懂的 I think I knew that.
他们多帅气 Aren't they gorgeous?
的确是 They really are.
我喜欢小的 I like the small one.
大的那个 The big one-- ehh.
我想那么说 I thought that might be a moment
显得比较幽默 for a little humor.
显然不是 Clearly not.
他们叫什么来着 What are their names again?
长子叫艾登 The older one's Aiden.
小儿子叫迈克尔 The little monster is Michael.
你看见那奖品了吗 You see that trophy?
艾登在学校的才艺比赛上得的 Aiden just won his school talent contest.
全学校 The whole school.
是啊 Yeah.
他很喜欢玩砌杯子 He does this thing where he stacks cups.
杯子 Cups?
听起来很傻 但你该亲眼看看 I know, it sounds stupid. But you should see him do it.
他动作很快 压根看不清杯子的影 He's so fast, the cups are like a fuckin' blur.
他赢过了全校同学 And he won over everyone in the school?
是啊 Yeah.
当然了 别家的孩子 Also, the other kids--
没什么天赋 Not so talented.
天啊 Jesus.
什么 What?
每隔一个礼拜 Every other weekend?
我真是个混蛋 I'm such an asshole.
戴安看起来人不错 Diane seems nice.
我觉得你们俩做夫妻挺合适的 I can really see you two as a couple.
你还想让我更郁闷点吗 You trying to make me more depressed?
抱歉 Sorry.
见到这些孩子真棒 It was great to finally see the boys.
是啊 他们醒着的时候 Yeah, they're even more fun
才更好玩呢 when they're awake.
他们真是很可爱 Well, they're definitely cuties.
当然 Sure.
现在我得回家去看着他们空荡荡的房间 Now I gotta go home and look at their empty rooms.
老天 Christ.
房子现在太他妈安静了 The house gets so fuckin' quiet.
你今晚到我们家来住吧 Why don't you stay at our place tonight?
真的吗 你说真的 Seriously? You mean that?
看样子是了 Apparently so.
好啊 Ok.
谁能想到呢 Well, who saw that coming?
我只想说 I just want to say, you know...
谢谢 Thanks.
不止 不止是为了收留我 还有 Not--not just for the room, but...
今晚来接我 for coming out to get me tonight.
不客气 You're welcome.
喂 就谢她啊 我呢 Hello. Just her? What about me?
我知道你会来的 I knew you'd come.
可我真没料到 But I wasn't expecting...
贝佛利也来了 Beverly.
抱歉 Oh, sorry.
他们这么快就长大了 Oh, they grow up so fast.
你做了件很漂亮的事 That was a nice thing you did there.
我知道 I know.
我想他会很感激的 I think he really appreciated it.
他吐我身上了 He vomited on me.
就一点 Just a little.
我很高兴 Well, I'm just happy
他能看到你慷慨无私 he got to see how generous...
又美好的一面 and wonderful...
还很性感 And sexy...
我再说一次 I repeat--
吐我身上了 Vomited on me.
最后那句不算吧 Yeah, well, maybe not the last part.
我想这事会让你们俩的关系 I think this will really make the difference
有所改观的 between the two of you.
那就太好了 That'd be nice.
我累坏了 I'm so tired. Hmm.
站着都能睡着了 I could fall asleep right here.
要不还是先冲个澡 Maybe a quick shower first.
呕吐物 The vomit?
早 Morning.
嗨 贝琪 Hey, Betsy.
喝点茶不 Do you want some tea?
不 Ugh. No.
有咖啡吗 Any coffee?
抱歉没有 只有茶 Sorry, no. Just tea.
-不是吧 没咖啡 -没有 - Seriously? No coffee? - No.
-这整栋房子里都没有咖啡 -没 - In the whole house? No coffee? - No.
我家又不住咖啡园 没咖啡咋了 It's not like Colombia not having coffee.
-早安 弗洛琳达 -早安 女士 - Morning, Florinda. - Morning, miss.
乔伊 Joey!
嘿 你好啊 Uh, hey. Hola.
上帝啊 真是你[西语] Dios mio. Eres tu. Ohh!
你好吗[模仿老友记中乔伊语气] How you doin', eh?
学的不错 不错 Heh. Good one, good one.
这人让人头疼吗[西语] Esa es un dolor de cabeza?
太让人伤脑筋了 Ohh. Un gran dolor de cabeza.
无可救药 Es imposible.
弗洛琳达做这个 弗洛琳达做那个 Florinda has esto, florinda has lo otro.
似曾相似吧 Ooh. Recuerdo, eh?
是啊 当然当然 Si, claro, claro.
什么 你们刚刚说什么了 What? What did you just say?
没什么 Nothing.
早上好罢了 Just, uh...good morning.
大家好啊 Hello, all.
一大早的怎么了 What, did something happen already?
又开始了 And we're off.
开始这尴尬的寂静 Let the awkward silence begin.
我还以为那样能打破紧张局势 I thought that would break the tension,
不过显然是 but clearly it just...
火上浇油了 shines a light on it.
这是肯德拉 Heh. This is Kendra. Hi.
-你好 -你好 - Hello. - Hello.
我半夜醒来 I woke up in the middle of the night,
睡不着了 totally awake.
你俩睡得死死的 You guys were out cold.
对了 这家伙还打呼 This one snores, by the way.
你进了我们房间 You were in our room?
我真的很无聊 反正 I was really bored. Anyways,
我打给了肯德拉 I called Kendra.
你这可真是一点都不冲动 That's not compulsive at all.
有咖啡吗 Is there any coffee?
没 只有茶 No. Just tea.
你们是怎么认识马特的 So, how do you guys know Matt?
我们正在合作一部试拍的电视剧 We're making a TV pilot with him.
-有意思 -你呢 - Cool. - And you?
我们是在江巴沙冰认识的 We met at Jamba Juice.
江巴沙冰 Jamba Juice?
江巴沙冰 Jamba juice.
不知道 江巴沙冰 No? Jamba juice?
江巴沙冰 Jamba juice.
拜托让他们别再说江巴沙冰了 Please make them stop saying "Jamba Juice".
我猜应该是某种沙冰店 I assume it's some sort of juice place.
对 真不敢相信 Right. I can't believe
你们从没听说过江巴沙冰 you guys have never heard of Jamba Juice.
刚刚可连续听了十五遍 Not until the last 15 times.
随便吧 我刚刚在说什么呢 Anyway--what was I talking about?
没什么 Nothing.
我知道了 我当时 Oh. I know. So, I was getting
正在点抗氧化沙冰 one of those antioxidant smoothies
外加超有效的乳清蛋白 with a whey protein super-boost,
这家伙走进来听见我点餐 and this guy walks in and hears me ordering,
他当时说 真恶心 and he's, like, "uh, gross."
而我就说 你尝试过吗 And I'm, like, "uh, have you even tried it?"
他说 我没必要尝试 And he goes, "I don't need to try it."
我就说 拜托 我想有这个必要 So I say, "uh, hello? I think you do."
然后 我让他尝了尝 Anyway, I made him taste it,
再然后 很快地 and, before you know it-- blah, blah, blah,
多谢你 Thank you very much--
某人就爱上了一款新饮料 Someone's got a new favorite drink.
我们时不时会上次床 We fuck once in a while.
好 我想我们应该 Right. I think we should be
去摄影棚了 getting to the studio.
亲爱的 你该去收拾好了 Darling, you should get ready.
马特 裤子 Matt, pants.
肯德拉 很高兴认识你 And, Kendra, it was very nice meeting you.
很高兴认识你 Oh. You, too.
开始工作吧 Let's get on with the day.
有人看见我的狗了吗 Uh...has anyone seen my dog?