我不是個好丈夫 I was not a good husband.
可我是個好爸爸 But I am a very good dad.
這么小的中指我還沒見過呢 I've never actually seen a "fuck you" finger that tiny.
可愛吧 Pretty cute, huh?
他們倆是我這輩子最大的成就 They're the best thing I've ever done in my life.
他從什么時候開始管我叫貝琪了 What's all this business about him calling me Betsy?
我讓他別這么叫的 Ohh, I told him not to do that.
我告訴他說這是你媽的名字 No, I said it was your mother's name,
你不喜歡別人這樣叫 and you'd hate it.
你這簡直就是給他機會整我啊 Heh! that's just like giving him a gift, isn't it?
你覺得她實際上多大 How old do you think she is actually?
無人知曉 No one knows.
但我有一個朋友跟她和威廉·夏特納 But I've got a friend who did a pilot
在八十年代合作過一次節目 with her and william shatner back in the '80s.
我知道這太扯淡了 Mmm, I know. It's crazy, right?
那個女孩 That girl...
關于她的一切她自己心里清楚 Somewhere she's got a painting of herself,
簡直不堪入目 and it's looking like all kinds of shit.
第四集
所有人就位 Everybody's ready.
攝影機啟動 Camera rolling.
《冰球小子》試播 第十四場 第二遍 Pucks! pilot-- 14 delta, take two.
開拍 And action!
她對你就不感興趣 She's just not interested in you.
你知道什么呀 You don't know that.
大家伙兒都知道 Everyone knows that.
看看她 多辣啊 Look at her. She's so hot.
我才十二歲 Uh... I'm 12.
跟我聊這個合適嗎 Should we be having this conversation?
萊曼教練 請別出聲 Shh! Coach Lyman, please.
看見了嗎 You see there?
她用手指觸唇的樣子 The way she was touching her lips with her finger?
你敢說她對我沒興趣嗎 And you're saying she's not interested? Ho ho ho!
她那是在噓你 She was shushing you.
人家是圖書管理員 She's a librarian.
管理員不就干這個的么 That's what they do.
管理員不光"干"這些 That's not all they do.
早說一次 十二歲 Again... 12.
還有 Besides...
我覺得她可能是同性戀 I think she might be gay.
什么 她才不是 你為什么 What? She's not-- why would you--
你知道同性戀什么呀 What do you even know about gay?
-我兩個爸都是同性戀 -天啊 - My dads are gay. - Jesus.
兩個都是嗎 Both of them?
也太湊巧了吧 What are the odds of that?
停 非常好 And cut! That's great.
再來一遍 莫寧 這次 Let's go again. Morning, this time,
你能不能"噓"得再性感點 can you make the shush a little sexier?
我想我能做到 Oh, I think I can do that.
我跟你提過我討厭這個劇嗎 Did I mention I hate this show?
我相信你就要提了 I believe it's come up.
這是你要的東西 Here's that thing you asked for.
挺神秘啊 That's mysterious.
-說什么呢 -搞什么呢 - What? - What?
有關莫寧的 It's about Morning.
她到底多大 How old she actually is.
我的天 你干嘛這么糾結那事 Oh, dear God. Why are you so obsessed with that?
我不是糾結 這事太瘋了 I'm not obsessed. It's just mad.
我從聽聞中得知 From everything we've heard,
她還演了林肯被槍擊的那個戲 she was acting in that play when Lincoln was shot.
那又怎樣 她看上去很棒 So? She looks great.
誰在乎她有多大年紀呢 Who cares how old she is?
對 你就一點都不好奇嗎 Right. You're not the least bit curious?
不好奇 No, I'm not.
多大 So?
-不 你不感興趣 -快告訴我 - No. You're not curious. - Oh, come on.
她 有點老 She's... old.
-多老 -老 - How old? - Old.
老得不像話 Ridiculously old.
她一定是在實驗室里造出來的 She must've been made in a lab.
-讓我看一眼 -不給 - Let me see. - No.
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
她比你都大 She's even older than you.
去你的 You fucker.
你也這么想的 是吧 That's what you're thinking, isn't it?
當然會這么想啊 Well... of course it is.
看看她 Look at her.
我都能當她媽了 I could be her mother.
除非在你很小的時候就有了她 Only if you had her very young.
別跟著我的話頭走 Don't agree with me.
好吧好吧 All right, fine.
但你比她有魅力多了 But you're much more attractive than she is.
真事兒 她整個人都是整出來的 You are. She's all plastic.
那對咪咪 Those boobs.
真惡心 Yuck.
告訴你我喜歡真材實料 I'm telling you-- I like the real thing.
你倒是給我找個跟她年齡一樣大的女的 Give me a woman who looks her age.
比她年輕五歲的 七歲 Five years younger than her age. Seven.
十歲 年輕十歲的 你簡直就是胎兒 Ten. Ten years younger. You're a fetus.
走開 趕緊走開 Walk away. Just walk away.
屁咧 Bullshit!
我沒說瞎話 No, not bullshit.
小肖 Hey, Seanie!
過來 幫我們解決一下問題 Come here, you gotta settle something for us.
快看你 多帥氣 Hey, look at you, all spiffy.
我今天要出庭孩子的監護權聆訊 Yeah, I got that custody hearing today.
天啊 祝你好運 Oh, Jesus. Good luck with that.
我沒事 只消跟法官來幾句 Ah, no. I'll be fine. I'll just give the judge
"你好嗎"就行了 a couple of "how you doing's".
我們會有那種流行語嗎 Hey, are we gonna have catch phrases?
流行語 不 那個有點 Catch phrases. Oh, no, they're--
太庸俗了 they're awfully cheesy.
洛杉磯西岸的豪宅聚集地
你倒是問問我在馬里布的房子是什么意見 Yeah? Tell that to my house in Malibu.
你到需要澄清什么 Ha ha! So, what is it you need settling?
好 你能不能告訴莫寧 Ah. Okay, would you please tell Morning
她不再扮演女同了 that she is not a lesbian anymore.
沒錯 你不演女同了 Right. You're not.
這并不影響試播 不過我們決定 It doesn't really affect the pilot, but we decided
如果想讓這劇細水長流 that if this thing goes,
妮柯拉得喜歡男人 Nicola should be straight.
不是吧 No way.
這樣你倆之間的故事 It just kind of gives us more room
才有更多空間發展創作下去 for stories with the two of you down the road.
很好 這女孩喜歡小弟弟 All right! My girl likes the dick!
他是怎么了 What was that?
他不會擊掌 我試過 He can't high-five. I've tried.
-我會擊掌 -不 - I can high-five. - No.
怎么說呢 我們是比較 Well, what can I say? We're more...
重視握手禮儀 firm handshake kind of people.
別想讓他做出拳碰拳 Don't even try to get him to fist-bump.
-來試試 -不了 - Oh, come on! - No.
來試試 試試嘛 Come on, come on.
不 我做不到 No, I can't.
說真的 我會傷到你的 Seriously, I'll hurt you.
來嘛 來嘛 Yes, yes.
你的手將會和我的拳相遇 Your hand is gonna meet my fist.
我做這個動作的時候就好像需要 When I do it, I look like I need--
不 你沒關系的 No, you're cool.
好吧 我們來做一下 我準備好了 Okay, all right. We'll do it. I'm ready, okay?
那么 And...
成了 Hey! Yes!
干得漂亮 Whoo! Good job!
怎么了 What?
沒怎么 Nothing.
你又是那副表情 You have that look.
沒表情啊 No look.
好吧 All right.
話說 So...
今天莫寧抱你的時候 When Morning was hugging you today...
你看看 There we go.
感覺她是25嗎 Did she feel 25,
還是感覺到她皮囊之下的那個干癟老太婆 or could you sense the withered crone beneath?
也許你該抱她一下 Maybe you should give her a hug.
讓她除了你的惡毒眼神外還有個喜歡的東西 so she'd prefer that over your evil glare.
我沒使惡毒的眼神啊 I don't have an evil glare.
扯淡 你看她 Oh, please. You look at her
《101斑點狗》中的邪惡女人
就像克魯拉·德維爾看那些小狗似的 the way Cruella De Vil looked at those puppies.
才不是呢 總之你能交到 Not at all. Anyway, I think it's nice
一位巨乳友人非常之棒 you've made a new titsy friend.
很明顯她很喜歡你 She's obviously quite fond of you.
不過是演員想要爭取更多臺詞罷了 She's an actress who wants more lines.
也許她多抱你兩下就有了呢 Maybe she can hug them out of you.
-我不要跟你吵 -我不怪你 - I'm not doing this. - I'm not blaming you.
她很美 她年輕 She's gorgeous, she's young.
她沒那么年輕 她比你老 She's not that young. She's older than you.
所以說我不想跟你吵呢 That's why I didn't want to do this!
好吧 再問一個關于她的問題 All right, one more question about her,
我就息事寧人 then I'll let it go.
-如果我死了 -我才不玩這個游戲呢 - If I were dead... - I'm not playing this game.
就玩一把 來嘛 Please, one round.
謝天謝地 Oh, thank God.
喂 Hello?
貝琪 小肖在嗎 Hey, Betsy. Is Seanie there?
喂 Hello?
你能幫我個大忙嗎 Hey, can you do me a big favor?
你能來接我一下嗎 Can you come and pick me up?
怎么了 你在哪 What's going on? Where are you?
怎么了 他在哪 What's going on? Where is he?
對 我的天啊 Right. Oh, my God.
什么 怎么就你的天了 What? "Oh, my God" what?
-我很抱歉 -啥啊 - I am so sorry. - What?
他就坐在那兒等著嗎 And he's just sitting out there waiting?
誰 坐在哪 Who? Who's sitting where?
圣克拉里塔在哪 Where's Santa Clarita?
你為什么把那個寫下來 Why are you writing that down?
你不是要去圣克拉里塔吧 You're not going to Santa Clarita!
-我現在就出發 -你要去圣克拉里塔了 - I'm leaving now. - You're going to Santa Clarita.
馬特失去了監護權 Matt lost his custody hearing.
我的老天 Ohh, my God.
-怪不得你說我的天了 -沒錯 - Oh, that was your "Oh, my God". - Right.
他現在就在法庭外的酒吧 Now he's at this bar by the courthouse,
有個狗仔在外面等著他 and there's some paparazzi guy outside,
想要拍到馬特 waiting for him so he can take pictures
醉酒開車 of Matt driving home drunk.
他想讓我去接他 He wants me to pick him up.
真遺憾他失去了孩子的撫養權 Oh, I'm sorry he lost his children.
不過他就不能打個車嗎 But can't he take a cab?
親愛的 我知道 Darling. I know.
可現在都11點鐘了 But it's 11 o'clock.
他就不能打電話叫朋友去接他么 Doesn't he have any friends he can call to pick him up?
我就是他的朋友啊 I'm his friend.
我是啊 I am!
你才認識他幾分鐘啊 You've known him five minutes.
這不重要 關鍵是我們已經建立了友誼 That doesn't matter. There was bonding.
-我們一拍即合 -還一拍即合 - We bonded. - You bonded?
不好意思 世界上這么多人 Excuse me. Of all the people in the world,
他為什么偏偏打電話讓我去接他呢 who did he call to come pick him up?
我知道 這讓我覺得可悲 I know. That makes me sad.
你只是妒忌 因為你 You're just jealous because you
在這一個朋友也沒有 haven't made any friends out here.
-才不是呢 -好吧 誰啊 - That's not true. - All right, who?
-艾琳 -艾琳是誰 - Irene. - Who's Irene?
幫我們記劇本的小姑娘啊 The girl who takes our script notes.
她叫諾琳 Noreen.
誰在乎啊 Oh, who cares?
她字兒都寫不對 還偷我口香糖 She can't spell, and she nicks my mints.
她自以為我不知道 可是我看見了 She thinks I don't see her, but I do.
用你的惡魔眼神狠狠瞪她 Give her the evil glare.
本字幕由YYeTs人人影視翻譯制作 更多字幕下載 請登陸 www.YYeTs.com
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不是瞪著我 瞪著她 Not me. Her.
不管怎么說 我的真朋友馬特 Anyway, my actual friend Matt
翻譯：豬小糯 小虎 紅豆包 NANA
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聽起來真的很沮喪 sounded really depressed,
他需要我的幫助 所以我得去 and he wants my help, so I'm going.
好吧 我跟你一塊兒去 Fine, then I'm coming with you.
后期：Mortred 校對&總監：NANA
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不 你不用這樣 Oh, no, you don't have to do that.
我可不想讓你一個人去 I don't want you to go alone.
再說你自己肯定找不著這個圣克拉里塔 Besides, you'll never find this Santa Clarita on your own.
我有那什么導航系統 I've got the navigation thingy.
洛杉磯東部 距貝佛利山四十分鐘車程
上周 它把我們帶到了帕薩迪納 Uh, last week, it sent us to Pasadena.
是啊 我們玩的很開心 Yeah, we had fun.
可我們本來不是要去那的啊 But we didn't want to go there.
你的路線已經被規劃好了 Your route is being calculated.
在下一個出口右轉 Turn right at the next exit.
我們還在自家車道上呢 We're still in the driveway,
你個滿嘴胡說八道的傻逼 You lying sack of shit!
你確定是這里嗎 Are you sure this is the place?
看起來是啊 Looks like it.
那是馬特的車 There's Matt's car.
那個是 And there's, uh...
嗨 Hello.
你把她帶來了 Ohh! you brought her!
我們花了一個小時開車到這來 And suddenly the hour to get here
突然就變得很值得 seems totally worth it.
好吧 既然你們都來了 搬個椅子過來吧 Ah, well, you're here. Pull up a chair.
你們想來點兒啥 What are you guys having?
呃 不了 我們不- Uh, well, no, we're not--
我覺得我們還是不- I don't think we'll--
別 別 別看她 看我 No, no. Hey, don't look at her. Look at me.
來嘛 就喝一杯 Come on, one drink.
就一杯 One drink!
這兒很棒的 This place is great.
那邊有個獨眼龍 There's this guy over there with only one eye.
他在給我炫耀他能這樣 He was showing me. He can go like this...
讓他的假眼飛越一個房間 ...and make the fake one shoot across the room.
太瘋狂了 你得看看 It's insane. You gotta see it.
我記得你說的可是他很沮喪 I thought you said he was depressed.
他要真沮喪我才能想通 It would really help me if he was depressed.
來嘛 就喝一杯 Come on, one drink.
貝琪 Betsy...
-貝琪 -貝佛利 - Be-e-etsy. - Beverly.
咱們明早7點都得到錄音棚 Look, we all have to be on set by 7 o'clock tomorrow morning.
所以咱們暫時把喝一杯的事兒放下怎么樣 So, what do you say we take a rain check on the drinks...
還有那個 會飛出來的眼球 And the... shooting eyeball?
好吧 Awww! All right.
我們只要想辦法 We just have to figure out
避開外面那個鳥人就好了 how to get past that prick outside.
他怎么會知道你在這里的 How did he even know you were here?
我不知道他怎么做到的 I don't know how he does it.
那個家伙就像我的仇人一樣 That guy is, like, my nemesis.
你還有仇人呢 Heh. You have a nemesis?
我怎么就不能有仇人 Why can't I have a nemesis?
我通常能和那些家伙相處得很好 I usually get along good with those guys.
但是這家伙 But that one--whew!
大概10或者12年前 About 10, 12 years ago,
我從一個俱樂部里出來 I was coming out of some club,
我完全喝高了 I was totally hammered.
是么 那得什么樣啊 Really? What must that be like?
你可以在車上等我們 Or you could wait in the car.
總之 他在我面前囂張至極 Anyway, he got all in my face
開始胡說八道 and started saying stuff,
最后我一拳沖他的相機打了過去 and I ended up smashing his camera.
還有 他的頭 And, uh, his head
也許也被我打著了 may have been involved in the smashing.
蒼天啊 Oh, my god.
自從那以后 Ever since then,
只要我一倒霉 if any kind of shit happens to me,
那家伙就會在一邊等著 that guy's there, just waiting.
我不知道他怎么做到的 I don't know how he does it.
我覺得我就像虎克船長 It's like I'm Captain Hook,
均是童話《彼得潘》中角色
他就像鱷魚 and he's the crocodile
帶著滴答響的鐘跟著我 following me with the ticking clock.
什么 What?
沒什么 我只是沒想到 Nothing. I just don't expect you
你會用彼得潘里的比喻 to come out with the Peter Pan references.
是啊 我他媽的滿腦子都是怪念頭 Oh, yeah, I'm fuckin' full of whimsy!
還有 我小的時候在百老匯干過三年 Also, as a kid, I did three years on Broadway
扮演彼得潘里迷失的男孩之一 as one of the lost boys in Peter Pan, with...
和山迪·鄧肯一起 Sandy Duncan.
不是吧 You did not!
-你飛了嗎 -飛了 - Did you get to fly? - I flew!
我咋就這么高興 Oh! ho ho! why does that make me so happy?
山迪也是個獨眼龍 Hey! Sandy's only got one eye, too!
這是個瘋狂的獨眼龍之日啊 It's crazy one-eye day!
要小塞米·達維斯也在這該多好 If only Sammy Davis, Jr. were here!
那該多棒啊 How awesome would that be?
好吧 我們能不能走了 Right, so... us leaving.
好吧 這樣吧 馬特從后門溜出去 Ok, how about Matt slips out the back door
溜到我們的車里 and gets into our car,
我們去試試分散那鱷魚的注意力 and we try and distract the crocodile?
-怎么分散他注意力 -不知道 - Distract him how? - I don't know.
我們請他給我們拍照 We'll ask him to take our picture.
不 不 不 Oh, no, no.
-我現在看著像坨屎 -她說啥 - I look like shit. - What'd she say?
她說她看著像屎一樣 She said she looked like shit.
-不好意思 我沒聽見 -你想干啥 - I'm sorry, I didn't-- - What are you doing?
你這是穿著睡衣嗎 Are you wearing your pajamas?
我沒意識到我們要來這么個高雅的地方 I didn't realize we'd be going somewhere this elegant.
我們能不能 Can we please...
好吧 我們走 Fine, all right, let's do this thing.
看得我肝疼 My liver hurts from that.
打擾一下 你好 拿相機的先生 Excuse me. Hello. Gentleman with the camera.
你介不介意到這來 Would you mind very much coming over here
-幫我們照張相 -啥 - and taking our picture? - What?
我剛剛在這向我女朋友求婚了 I just proposed to my girlfriend here,
我們實在是非常非常想 and it would mean everything to us
給這一刻留個紀念 to have a memento of the occasion.
你剛剛求婚了 You proposed just now?
我知道 你敢相信嗎 I know. Can you believe it?
在這個可怕的社區里一個糟糕的酒吧里 In this horrible bar, in this awful neighborhood.
我可一點都沒想到 I so didn't see it coming.
我想給她來個驚喜 I wanted to throw her off the scent.
是啊 我被他糊弄了 Oh, was I thrown.
你意下如何 就一張照片 What do you say? Just one picture?
我不-- I don't--
求你了 Oh, please.
我們給多少報酬都行 一百美元 We'll pay anything. $100.
二百 三百 200. 300.
-一百吧 -多少都行 一百 - 100? - Yeah, anything. 100.
我可以把它寄給你 I guess I could mail it to you.
-太好了 -太棒了 - Great! - That'd be brilliant.
這樣我永遠不會忘記這個奇妙的夜晚了 Just so I'll never forget this magical night.
好 站好了 Ok, stand right there.
哪個是你們的車 Which one's your car?
操 Ohh, fuck!
至少他沒拍到你 Well, at least he didn't get any pictures
酒后駕車 of you driving drunk.
該死的狗仔 Fucking paparazzi.
什么樣的小孩會說 What kind of kid says,
我長大了以后 "when I grow up,
想成為狗娘養的混蛋 "i want to be a scumbag asshole
拿著個相機 坐在那 "with a camera, who just sits around,
等著抓拍名人們打他保姆的鏡頭 "hoping to catch some celebrity hitting their nanny,
或者和一個變性妓女口交 "or getting a blowjob from a tranny hooker"?
如果名人們既不和保姆搞到一起 Maybe if the celebrities didn't hit their nannies
又不與變性妓女口交 or get tranny hooker blow jobs,
那么那狗娘養的就要丟飯碗了 then the scumbag assholes would be out of a job.
她為什么跟來了 Why is she here?
不行 No.
-這是輛敞篷車 -就是不行 - It's a convertible. - No!
下一個出口右拐 Turn right at the next exit.
134號大道向東 Route 134 east.
我們根本都不在134號附近 We're nowhere near the 134.
-導航儀壞了 -那就把它關掉 - It's broken. - So, turn it off.
我們不會關 We don't know how.
目前為止 我在這車里可不怎么開心 So far, I'm not having fun in this car.
一直開到日落大道 Just stay on this till we get to Sunset
然后我會告訴你們去哪 and, uh, I'll tell you where to go from there.
對撫養權的事我感到很抱歉 I'm sorry about the custody business.
是啊 Yeah.
全是瞎扯淡 Such bullshit.
發生什么事了 What happened?
我被玩了 就是這么回事 I got fucked, is what happened.
知道了 I see.
我們有個約定 We had this rule
如果孩子們在 that I wouldn't have girls over to the house
我就不能帶女的回家 if the kids were there.
還有 孩子們在哪 Also, the nanny had to be there
必須有保姆在場 whenever they were, blah, blah, blah.
不管怎樣 Whatever.
總之 一天晚上 他們睡著了 Anyway, one night, they were asleep--
他們已經睡著了 They were asleep!
然后 And--
我不知道 I don't know.
你帶女孩回家了 You had a girl over?
沒有 沒那么過分 No. I didn't even do that.
那是保姆嘍 The nanny?
她本來就在家里 She was already in the house!
這不算數 That shouldn't count!
下個路口左轉上橋 Turn next left onto the bridge.
那東西真是個白癡 That thing's an idiot.
-不許抽煙 -該死 忘了 - No! - Oh, shit. Right.
總之 So, anyway...
一個兒子醒了 正好撞見 One of the boys woke up and walked in on us.
天哪 Oh, my god!
他又沒看到 He didn't see anything...
太多 Much.
但他告訴戴安了 But he told Diane.
她大發雷霆 And she went nuts.
這就是整件事情的原委 It was a whole thing.
戴安是你的 And Diane is your...
前妻 Ex-wife!
對不起 我沒跟上劇情 Sorry. I haven't seen this show before.
她那個老鼠臉律師 So, then her rat-faced lawyer
今天在法庭上提起了此事 brings it up in court today.
現在我只能隔周周末 Now I only get to see my kids
見一次我的孩子們 every other weekend.
就因為和保姆上了床 Every other weekend,
每隔一周才能看他們一次 just for screwing the nanny?
她又沒漂亮到那種程度 She's not even that hot!
你沒在法庭上提這點嗎 Did you mention that in court?
這可是很好的申辯呢 'cause it's a really good argument.
你覺得他們該把我的孩子們帶走嗎 You think they should've taken my kids away?
不 No.
我只是覺得你是不是該把沖動控制住 I just think you might've contained your libido long enough
直到孩子們不在家 till your children were out of the house.
到少我還有沖動 At least I have a libido.
好了 好了 All right, all right.
我只和她上過一次床 I only screwed her once.
只被抓住過一次 You only got caught once.
很明顯你的沖動是強到 Clearly you have enough of a compulsion
你老婆還得定個規矩 that your wife had to make rules about it.
我沒有沖動 I don't have a compulsion.
沒有 當然沒有 No, of course not.
與保姆亂搞明顯是個考慮成熟的決定 It was an informed decision to shag the nanny,
是個善始善終的牛逼計劃 a brilliant plan that could only end well, obviously.
我告訴你 Hey, you know what?
好了 好了 別再說了 All right, all right, that's enough!
你們倆誰再多說一句 One more word out of either of you
我立馬開車調頭回去 and I'm gonna turn this car around.
-去哪 回酒吧嗎 -上帝幫幫我們吧 - And go where? Back to the bar? - God help us.
-我樂意回酒吧去 -我們不回酒吧 - I'd go back to the bar. - We're not going back to the bar.
憑什么你事事做主 Who made you the boss of everything?
真他媽的 Oh, bloody hell.
等等 慢點開 Wait, slow down.
就在那 就那 That's it there-- right there.
明天見 See you tomorrow.
不用客氣 You're welcome.
至少他酒醒了 Well, at least he sobered up.
他在干什么 What's he doing?
你確定這是他家嗎 Are you sure this is his house?
我不知道 I don't know.
-他不是住在馬里布嗎 -是啊 - Doesn't he live in Malibu? - Yeah.
我方向感很差 Well, I'm no shitty navigation system,
但這里絕對不是馬里布 but this isn't Malibu.
也許周末住馬里布 Maybe Malibu's just for weekends,
平常住在別處 and he lives somewhere else.
-是嗎 -不知道 - Does he? - I don't know.
你們還真是相當好的朋友 You really are good friends.
馬特 你鑰匙丟了嗎 Er, Matt, did you lose your key?
這是你家嗎 Is this even your house?
我買的 I paid for it.
天啊 Oh, Jesus.
我想見見孩子們 I want to see the boys.
你知道幾點了嗎 You know what time it is?
你醉到什么程度了 How drunk are you?
我很好 I'm fine.
-是啊 -真的 - Yeah, right. - I am!
好什么好 和在當娜的洗禮上一個德興 Fine, like you were at Donna's christening?
我還參加過當娜的洗禮 I was at Donna's christening?
你叫她小胖雜種 You called her a little fat fuck.
你知道她那樣子 Well... have you seen her?
天哪 你真是醉大發了 Ohh, god, you are so hammered.
你不是開車來的吧 Hope you didn't drive here.
我們帶他來的 Uh, no, that was us.
很抱歉 他告訴我們這是他的家 We're so sorry. He told us this was his house.
我們居然傻乎乎地信了 Like fools, we believed him.
你倒挺有意思的 You're fancy.
可不是嗎 Tell me about it.
這是戴安 This is Diane.
這兩位是肖恩和貝琪 This is Sean and Betsy.
-貝佛利 -貝琪 - Beverly. - Betsy.
-貝佛利 -我他媽才不在乎呢 - It's Beverly. - Who the fuck cares?
我回去睡覺了 I'm going back to bed.
至于你 下周周末再見 You, I'll see next weekend.
別 等等 我 No, wait. I--
我現在很想見他們 I really want to see them now.
你聽到法官是怎么判的了 You heard what the judge said.
是的 我聽到了 Yeah, I heard what he said.
可 拜托 But come on.
你今天都贏了 You won today.
就讓我這一步吧 Just give me this.
他們睡下了 They're asleep.
我不會把他們吵醒 I'm not gonna wake them.
我保證 我只是想看看他們 I promise. I just want to look at them.
我今晚很想見見 I need that tonight.
好嗎 Ok?
拜托了 Come on.
就這一次 別這么事兒逼 Just once, don't be a cunt?
好吧 All right.
就這一次 Just this once.
謝謝 Thanks.
如果你吵醒他們 我就擰斷你胳膊 If you wake them, I'll break your fuckin' arms.
來看看我的孩子們 Come see my boys.
如果我們以后處于這類僵局 If we're ever at some sort of impasse,
而你想說服我 and you want to win me over,
最好別用那種語言 I would avoid using the phrase,
就這一次 別像個事兒逼 "just once, don't be a cunt."
我懂的 I think I knew that.
他們多帥氣 Aren't they gorgeous?
的確是 They really are.
我喜歡小的 I like the small one.
大的那個 The big one-- ehh.
我想那么說 I thought that might be a moment
顯得比較幽默 for a little humor.
顯然不是 Clearly not.
他們叫什么來著 What are their names again?
長子叫艾登 The older one's Aiden.
小兒子叫邁克爾 The little monster is Michael.
你看見那獎品了嗎 You see that trophy?
艾登在學校的才藝比賽上得的 Aiden just won his school talent contest.
全學校 The whole school.
是啊 Yeah.
他很喜歡玩砌杯子 He does this thing where he stacks cups.
杯子 Cups?
聽起來很傻 但你該親眼看看 I know, it sounds stupid. But you should see him do it.
他動作很快 壓根看不清杯子的影 He's so fast, the cups are like a fuckin' blur.
他贏過了全校同學 And he won over everyone in the school?
是啊 Yeah.
當然了 別家的孩子 Also, the other kids--
沒什么天賦 Not so talented.
天啊 Jesus.
什么 What?
每隔一個禮拜 Every other weekend?
我真是個混蛋 I'm such an asshole.
戴安看起來人不錯 Diane seems nice.
我覺得你們倆做夫妻挺合適的 I can really see you two as a couple.
你還想讓我更郁悶點嗎 You trying to make me more depressed?
抱歉 Sorry.
見到這些孩子真棒 It was great to finally see the boys.
是啊 他們醒著的時候 Yeah, they're even more fun
才更好玩呢 when they're awake.
他們真是很可愛 Well, they're definitely cuties.
當然 Sure.
現在我得回家去看著他們空蕩蕩的房間 Now I gotta go home and look at their empty rooms.
老天 Christ.
房子現在太他媽安靜了 The house gets so fuckin' quiet.
你今晚到我們家來住吧 Why don't you stay at our place tonight?
真的嗎 你說真的 Seriously? You mean that?
看樣子是了 Apparently so.
好啊 Ok.
誰能想到呢 Well, who saw that coming?
我只想說 I just want to say, you know...
謝謝 Thanks.
不止 不止是為了收留我 還有 Not--not just for the room, but...
今晚來接我 for coming out to get me tonight.
不客氣 You're welcome.
喂 就謝她啊 我呢 Hello. Just her? What about me?
我知道你會來的 I knew you'd come.
可我真沒料到 But I wasn't expecting...
貝佛利也來了 Beverly.
抱歉 Oh, sorry.
他們這么快就長大了 Oh, they grow up so fast.
你做了件很漂亮的事 That was a nice thing you did there.
我知道 I know.
我想他會很感激的 I think he really appreciated it.
他吐我身上了 He vomited on me.
就一點 Just a little.
我很高興 Well, I'm just happy
他能看到你慷慨無私 he got to see how generous...
又美好的一面 and wonderful...
還很性感 And sexy...
我再說一次 I repeat--
吐我身上了 Vomited on me.
最后那句不算吧 Yeah, well, maybe not the last part.
我想這事會讓你們倆的關系 I think this will really make the difference
有所改觀的 between the two of you.
那就太好了 That'd be nice.
我累壞了 I'm so tired. Hmm.
站著都能睡著了 I could fall asleep right here.
要不還是先沖個澡 Maybe a quick shower first.
嘔吐物 The vomit?
早 Morning.
嗨 貝琪 Hey, Betsy.
喝點茶不 Do you want some tea?
不 Ugh. No.
有咖啡嗎 Any coffee?
抱歉沒有 只有茶 Sorry, no. Just tea.
-不是吧 沒咖啡 -沒有 - Seriously? No coffee? - No.
-這整棟房子里都沒有咖啡 -沒 - In the whole house? No coffee? - No.
我家又不住咖啡園 沒咖啡咋了 It's not like Colombia not having coffee.
-早安 弗洛琳達 -早安 女士 - Morning, Florinda. - Morning, miss.
喬伊 Joey!
嘿 你好啊 Uh, hey. Hola.
上帝啊 真是你[西語] Dios mio. Eres tu. Ohh!
你好嗎[模仿老友記中喬伊語氣] How you doin', eh?
學的不錯 不錯 Heh. Good one, good one.
這人讓人頭疼嗎[西語] Esa es un dolor de cabeza?
太讓人傷腦筋了 Ohh. Un gran dolor de cabeza.
無可救藥 Es imposible.
弗洛琳達做這個 弗洛琳達做那個 Florinda has esto, florinda has lo otro.
似曾相似吧 Ooh. Recuerdo, eh?
是啊 當然當然 Si, claro, claro.
什么 你們剛剛說什么了 What? What did you just say?
沒什么 Nothing.
早上好罷了 Just, uh...good morning.
大家好啊 Hello, all.
一大早的怎么了 What, did something happen already?
又開始了 And we're off.
開始這尷尬的寂靜 Let the awkward silence begin.
我還以為那樣能打破緊張局勢 I thought that would break the tension,
不過顯然是 but clearly it just...
火上澆油了 shines a light on it.
這是肯德拉 Heh. This is Kendra. Hi.
-你好 -你好 - Hello. - Hello.
我半夜醒來 I woke up in the middle of the night,
睡不著了 totally awake.
你倆睡得死死的 You guys were out cold.
對了 這家伙還打呼 This one snores, by the way.
你進了我們房間 You were in our room?
我真的很無聊 反正 I was really bored. Anyways,
我打給了肯德拉 I called Kendra.
你這可真是一點都不沖動 That's not compulsive at all.
有咖啡嗎 Is there any coffee?
沒 只有茶 No. Just tea.
你們是怎么認識馬特的 So, how do you guys know Matt?
我們正在合作一部試拍的電視劇 We're making a TV pilot with him.
-有意思 -你呢 - Cool. - And you?
我們是在江巴沙冰認識的 We met at Jamba Juice.
江巴沙冰 Jamba Juice?
江巴沙冰 Jamba juice.
不知道 江巴沙冰 No? Jamba juice?
江巴沙冰 Jamba juice.
拜托讓他們別再說江巴沙冰了 Please make them stop saying "Jamba Juice".
我猜應該是某種沙冰店 I assume it's some sort of juice place.
對 真不敢相信 Right. I can't believe
你們從沒聽說過江巴沙冰 you guys have never heard of Jamba Juice.
剛剛可連續聽了十五遍 Not until the last 15 times.
隨便吧 我剛剛在說什么呢 Anyway--what was I talking about?
沒什么 Nothing.
我知道了 我當時 Oh. I know. So, I was getting
正在點抗氧化沙冰 one of those antioxidant smoothies
外加超有效的乳清蛋白 with a whey protein super-boost,
這家伙走進來聽見我點餐 and this guy walks in and hears me ordering,
他當時說 真惡心 and he's, like, "uh, gross."
而我就說 你嘗試過嗎 And I'm, like, "uh, have you even tried it?"
他說 我沒必要嘗試 And he goes, "I don't need to try it."
我就說 拜托 我想有這個必要 So I say, "uh, hello? I think you do."
然后 我讓他嘗了嘗 Anyway, I made him taste it,
再然后 很快地 and, before you know it-- blah, blah, blah,
多謝你 Thank you very much--
某人就愛上了一款新飲料 Someone's got a new favorite drink.
我們時不時會上次床 We fuck once in a while.
好 我想我們應該 Right. I think we should be
去攝影棚了 getting to the studio.
親愛的 你該去收拾好了 Darling, you should get ready.
馬特 褲子 Matt, pants.
肯德拉 很高興認識你 And, Kendra, it was very nice meeting you.
很高興認識你 Oh. You, too.
開始工作吧 Let's get on with the day.
有人看見我的狗了嗎 Uh...has anyone seen my dog?