前情回顧
我不知道你會邀請她 I didn't know you'd invited her.
我請她是為了你 I brought her for you.
我都沒給你送點什么 And I didn't get you anything.
看來你們兩個真的很投緣 It just seemed lik you guys were really hitting it off,
所以我想給你倆一些空間 so I thought I'd give you some space--
你知道的 遠離那個 you know, away from-- ehhhh!
我為什么要擔心這個 Why am I even worrying about this?
我完全信任他 I completely trust him.
問題是 你信任那女的嗎 The question is, do you trust her?
你是一位非常棒 非常棒的編劇 You are a brilliant, brilliant writer.
真不敢相信能和你一起合作 I can't believe I get to work with you.
操我 Oh, yeah, fuck me!
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第六集
-她恨我 -誰 - She hates me. - Who?
不 她恨的是我 Nah, she's just hating me.
你不過是 順帶著被恨了 You're getting, like, the overflow.
-你這樣想 -是啊 - You think? - Yeah.
我才是她恨意綿綿的主角 I'm really the star of her hate.
你充其量也就是個配角 You're, at best, co-hated.
打算用你的怨念殺死她嗎 Trying to kill her with your mind?
不知道怎么回事 就是不管用 For some reason, it's not working.
我的天啊 現在她又拉到電視臺的 Oh, God. Now she's got what's-her-name
那個誰來恨我了 from the network hating me.
誰 她啊 Who? Oh, her.
她們還在盯嗎 Are they still staring?
別 別瞅那邊 Don't! Don't look.
你真他媽是個精神病 You're a fucking lunatic.
你今天吃了幾片減肥藥 How many diet pills did you take today?
我不吃減肥藥的 I don't take diet pills.
好吧 Okay.
昨晚我 Last night, I--
昨晚我看見肖恩對著她的色情錄像打手槍 Last night, I saw Sean wanking to a porn video of her.
我的老天 Oh, Jesus.
那東西網上還有嗎 Is that thing still online?
你知道這件事 You know about it?
開什么玩笑 Are you kidding?
默克以前叫我們看過 Merc used to make us watch it.
那能幫他助"性" It helped him.
你捉住他的時候 他說什么了 So, what did he say when you caught him?
他沒看見我 He didn't see me.
天啊 我還記得那段視頻 Oh, God. I remember that video.
她的腹肌驚艷極了 She has the most amazing abs.
真不知道她是怎么做到的 I don't know how she does it.
我每天都做無數個仰臥起坐 I do, like, a bajillion crunches a day,
看著跟沒做也差不多 and I still look like a "before" picture.
你還真是什么事都得往自己身上扯 You really can't not talk about you, can you?
我知道 那是個問題 I know. That's the problem.
我聽說你們兩個吸毒犯 Hello. I hear you two stoners
昨晚過得很銷魂啊 made quite a night of it last night.
聲明一下 Um... for the record,
我可不經常那樣 that is not something I make a habit of.
你包里有卷好的大麻煙卷 You had pre-rolled joints in your bag.
是啊 我包里還有衛生棉條呢 Yeah, well, I also have tampons in my bag.
但我每個月只用一次 But I only use them once a month.
怎么 What?
他喜歡假裝沒聽見 He likes to pretend that doesn't happen.
才不是呢 That's not true.
月經 Menstrual flow.
等等 等等 等等 Wait, wait, wait.
你們明天休息吧 You guys have a hiatus day tomorrow, right?
謝天謝地 Thank God!
有空吃個午餐嗎 Free for lunch?
那可真好 Oh, that'd be fun.
不是跟我吃 跟默克吃 Not with me. With Merc.
那就沒那么好了 That would be less fun.
去嘛 你們聊聊天 Oh, come on. You'll schmooze,
談談劇 you'll talk about the show,
贊贊這劇進行得多棒 you'll tell him how great it's going.
有什么問題嗎 Is there a problem?
不是劇本身有問題 Hmm, not a problem per se.
你說"本身"那意思 好像是說 The way you say "per se", it's like...
不是腫瘤本身有問題 "it's not a tumor per se."
有可能呢 默克對這個劇有點冷淡下來了 There's a chance Merc may have cooled on the show a little bit.
什么 五天前他還高興得快瘋了呢 What? Five days ago, he was over the moon.
那可是五天前 That was five days ago.
我們現在在拍很多試播劇 We're shooting a lot of pilots now.
閃閃惹人愛的新劇 Bright, shiny new things.
我只是在想如果你們一起吃頓飯 I just think if you have lunch,
這樣就會給他一個機會 it'll give him a chance to remember
讓他想起來他對你們兩個有多么狂熱 how crazy he is about the two of you.
真的嗎 Seriously?
默克就是那種人 Merc's just one of those guys.
有時需要提醒他一下 Sometimes he needs to be reminded
他深愛著的人 of the people he loves.
又說到你了 Back on you?
那又怎么樣 Oh, so what?
你在這兒干嘛 Hey, what are you doing here?
你怎么通過門衛的 How'd you get past the guard at the gate?
我招手了啊 I waved.
可不是嘛 Of course you did.
貝佛利在家嗎 Is Beverly home?
-怎么了 -我得跟她談談 - Why? - I need to talk to her.
我昨晚都沒睡著 I couldn't sleep last night.
我感覺 不知為什么 她討厭我 I feel like, for some reason, she hates me.
她 她才不討厭你呢 She-- she doesn't hate you.
親愛的 別去忽悠一個大忽悠 Honey, don't bullshit a bullshitter.
其實 她不討厭你這個人 Look, um, she doesn't hate you... per se.
她只是有點嫉妒 She's just a little jealous.
嫉妒什么 Jealous of what?
她莫名其妙有些擔心 She has these, um, ridiculous concerns
我們之間會 that there might be a certain...
相互吸引 attraction between us.
-為什么 -我不知道 - Why? - I don't know.
她看見我們在一起 She sees us together on set.
-在干什么 -沒什么 我告訴她了啊 - Doing what? - Nothing. That's what I told her.
豈有此理 我得跟她談談 That's crazy. I'll talk to her.
另外 我可能犯了個錯 Also, I may not have helped the situation
跟她說了 那晚我們的 by telling her about our little...
那么一瞬間 uh, moment the other night.
你是在說笑嗎 Are you being funny?
我很難分清你是不是在說笑 什么溫情時刻 I can't tell when you're being funny. What moment?
在慈善晚會 當你 At the charity thing, when you...
請我載你回家的時候 asked me to drive you home.
那才不是什么"一瞬間"呢 That wasn't a moment.
當時是有那么一瞬間 It was a bit of a moment.
不 根本不是 No, not a moment.
我請你載我回家 I asked you to drive me home
是因為我喝得太多了 because I had too much to drink.
好吧 Okay.
臭小子 我叫你送我回家 Hey, smuggy. I wasn't asking you
不是那種"送我回家" to "drive me home" drive me home.
我有男朋友 我們同居呢 I have a boyfriend. We live together.
-你有男朋友 -是啊 - You do? - Uh, yeah.
再說就算我要玩點什么花樣 And even if I was looking for something else,
也不會跟我的監制玩 it wouldn't be with my executive producer.
誰在吃飯的地方拉屎啊 You don't shit where you eat.
那飯店里的廁所呢 What about toilets in restaurants?
你還真是分不出我是不是在說笑 Wow, you really can't tell when I'm being funny.
-不 -等一下 這真的是個壞主意 - No. - Wait! This is a bad, bad idea.
首先 你把她吵醒的話 First of all, you'd be waking her up,
她肯定得恨你 And then she'll definitely hate you.
更好的解決辦法是讓這事兒順其自然吧 A better plan might be-- we let this go.
不 有話得說明白 No, you've got to talk about stuff.
看 You see?
這是有很大的文化差異 Here we have a significant cultural divide.
我們英國人不認為非得把話說明白 Our people don't believe in talking about stuff.
我們更喜歡壓抑著事情 把它放爛了 We prefer suppressing the stuff and letting it fester.
這才是我們的作風 It's kind of our thing.
聽著 我了解我老婆 Listen, I know my wife.
不管你的想象中這談話會是怎么樣的 However well you imagine this conversation will go,
這都只能讓事情越來越糟 it will only make things worse.
聽著 我們還有一天的拍攝 Listen, we've got one more day of shooting.
再忍忍 大家都會冷靜下來的 Let's just get on with it, and everyone can calm down.
我不想丟工作 I don't want to lose my job.
你不會丟工作的 我會幫你搞定的 You won't lose your job. I'll see to that.
我保證 I promise.
好吧 Okay.
謝謝 Thank you.
這也不是 And that was also not a--
-不是"一瞬間" -不是"那么一瞬間" - Not a moment. - Not a moment.
好吧 Yeah. Okay.
你干嘛呢 What are you doing?
貝貝 你這是干嘛 Bev, what are you doing?
-別鬧了 -不 - Stop. - No.
-拜托 -不 - Please. - No!
我要回家 你留下 I'm going home. You stay.
你在這都樂不思蜀了 You're obviously flourishing here.
是因為我今天去沖浪了嗎 Is this because I went surfing today?
好吧 不是因為沖浪 Okay, obviously it's not because I went surfing.
貝貝 別這樣 跟我說嘛 Bev, come on, talk to me.
貝貝 貝貝 Bev. Bev!
聽著 我知道洛杉磯不討你喜歡 Look, I realize L.A. Hasn't exactly been your favorite--
跟洛杉磯沒關系 This isn't about L.A.
貝貝 拜托 Bev, come on.
正門開啟 Front door ajar.
等下 是因為那部劇嗎 Wait. Is it about the show?
只差一天拍攝 再一個禮拜的事 It's one more day of shooting, a week in post.
閃開 Move.
正門開啟 Front door ajar.
還有一周就完工了 One week. Then the work will be done,
到時我們就能一起昂首離開了 And we can both leave together, with our heads held high.
還昂首呢 Heads held high?
你沒見咱們的頭淪落到哪了嗎 Have you not seen our heads?
早滾到了路邊 被人當球踢了 It's all we can do to not kick them when we walk.
好了 聽著 我們是做了一些妥協 All right, look, we've made some compromises--
這跟那破劇壓根沒關系 This isn't about the fucking show.
正門開啟 Front door ajar.
好 那是因為什么 Then what is it about?
正門開啟 Front door ajar...
這賤人就不能閉嘴嗎 Does this bitch ever shut up?!
你知道是為什么 You know what this is about.
什么 What?
莫寧嗎 天吶 我跟你說了 Morning? Oh, my god! look, I'm telling you,
我對她一點感覺都沒有 I have no interest in her at all.
我那天晚上看到你對著她打手槍 I saw you wanking to her the other night.
什么 不可能 我什么時候 What? I--no, I-- how did--
我怎么誰了 我 How did? Who did? I--I--
正門開啟 Front door ajar...
好吧 All right!
我可能是小打了一槍 There may have been a little wanking!
可我倆之間什么事也沒有 But there is nothing between us.
-我看到你跟她在一起了 -什么 - I just saw you with her. - What?!
我剛才看到你跟她在一起 I saw you with her just now!
我看到你在我們家門前擁抱她 I saw you hugging her in front of our house!
她都不在這 她 She wasn't here! she--
根本就 她根本沒 There was--she wanted--
歐內斯托 Ernesto!
-歐內斯托 -咋了 - Ernesto! - What?
拜托把那東西關掉 Please turn that off!
抱歉 剛剛叫我干嗎 I'm sorry. Did you want me?
我想讓你關掉吹葉機 I want you to turn off the leaf-blower.
-我關了啊 -是 - I did. - Yeah.
現在是關了 但剛才 Now. But before--
喂 貝貝 Hey, Bev!
別走 等下 No! Bev! Wait!
貝貝 停車 Bev, stop!
你走錯邊了 You're on the wrong side!
不 肖恩 走錯的是你 No, Sean-- you're on the wrong side!
我不是說那個 That's not what I meant!
自動撥號 Automated dialing.
-打給鮑勃 -請說出指令 - Call Bob. - Command.
打給鮑勃 Call bob.
媽媽 撥號中 Dialing Mom.
不是媽 是鮑勃 No, not mom. Bob.
取消 Cancel.
-別打了 -喂 - Stop! - Hello?
喂 媽 我是馬特 Hey, ma. It's Matt.
沒事 就是跟您打個招呼 Nothing. Just calling to say hi.
不是吧 居然是你 Oh, come on! You?
你 你在這干嘛 What--what are you doing here?
-原來是我的車擋了您的道兒啊 -啥 - Uh, it was my car that got in your way. - What?
我來接肖恩去玩越野摩托車 I was coming to pick up Sean to go dirt biking.
天哪 Ohh, Jesus.
你還好吧 受傷了嗎 Are you okay? Are you hurt?
好 好像沒有吧 Am I-- I don't think so.
感覺哪里撞壞了嗎 Anything feel broken?
沒 Hmm, no.
還是先從車里出來 Why don't you try getting out of the car?
放松點 放松點 Easy, now. Easy, now.
感覺怎么樣 How does that feel?
還好吧 應該 Uh...all right, I think.
確定嗎 脖子沒事兒吧 You sure? Your neck?
后背呢 Your back?
感覺一下你的手 Feel your hands?
我應該是沒什么事 Uh, yeah, I think I'm okay.
-是嗎 -是啊 - Yeah? - Yeah, yeah.
那就好 Okay, good.
誰他媽的像你這樣開車的 Then who the fuck drives like that?!
你過線的都不是一點點 You weren't even a little over the line.
你整個都過來了 You were right there,
完全在我這邊的車道上 all the way over on my side--
你這破車真他媽的蠢 Your whole fucking car full of stupid!
我肯定是搞混了 國家 I must've confused my...countries.
真的 Seriously?
-通常都是肖恩來開車的 -是嗎 - Sean does most of the driving. - Oh, really?
所以你還一次都沒死過是吧 Is that how you keep your death count so low?
我很抱歉 I'm sorry!
-是肖恩 -然后呢 - It's Sean. - So?
我不想跟他說話 I'm not speaking to him.
你要真想教育他的話 開車的時候帶著他 Maybe really teach him a lesson-- take him for a drive.
上蒼啊 Christ.
抱歉 Sorry.
肖恩 Sean.
別接 Don't.
喂 Hello?
-馬特 我是肖恩 -嗨 - Matt, it's Sean. - Hey.
對不起 我知道你可能已經往這邊來了 I'm sorry. I know you're probably already on your way here,
但我不得不取消 but I have to cancel.
是嗎 發生什么事了 Oh, yeah? What's happening?
貝貝和我有些口角 Uh, Bev and I had a bit of a fight.
你開玩笑呢吧 You're kidding.
她那么幽默又好相處 She's usually so fun and easygoing.
不 這次很糟 這次真的很糟 No, this is bad. This is really bad.
-她打包離開了 -真糟 - She packed a bag and took off. - Shit.
你不知道她在哪嗎 And you don't know where she is?
在回倫敦的路上吧 我想 On her way back to London, I think.
她一直不接電話 She's not answering her phone.
好吧 All right. Uh...
有事隨時通知我 Let me know what happens,
-我們晚些再說 -好 - and we'll talk later. - Okay.
謝謝 Thank you.
然后 就在前方 And, just up ahead,
我們能看到飾演布里吉特·瓊斯的演員 we have the home of Bridget Jones herself--
電影《BJ單身日記》女主角
芮妮·齊薇格小姐的家 Miss Renee Zellweger.
你們這幫家伙今天行大運了 Whoa-oh-oh! You guys are in luck today.
往左看一眼 那是《老友記》里的喬伊 Take a look on your left. It's TV's Joey--
馬特·勒布朗 Matt Leblanc! Ha ha!
嗨 馬特 馬特 Hey, Matt! Matt!
你好嗎[模仿老友記中喬伊語氣] How you doin'?
你好嗎 How you doin'?
不怎么好 Ha ha. Not so good.
愛死你那頭灰發了 Ouch. Loving the gray hair.
-非常醒目 -謝了 - Very distinguished. - Thanks.
那 老友們什么時候重聚首啊 So, when's that Friends reunion gonna happen?
不是今天 Not today.
你呢 有沒有想過回來工作 How about you? You ever gonna work again?
快了 Soon.
是你朋友嗎 Your friend or anybody?
-不是 -不是 - No. - No.
好吧 我們得走了 All right. We gotta get going.
再見 馬特 See you, Matt.
馬特·勒布朗啊 大伙 Matt Leblanc, everybody.
-拜 -拜拜了 - Bye! - Bye-bye, now!
真讓人不爽 That was unpleasant.
是啊 我得離開這兒 Yeah. I gotta get out of here.
我們不用打給警察什么的嗎 Don't we have to call the police or--
不 不 我給助理打個電話 No, no, I'll call my assistant.
她會處理一切的 She'll take care of everyth--
-天啊 -咋了 - Jesus. - What.
你在流血 You're bleeding.
貝貝 又是我 Hi, Bev. It's me again.
我不知道你在哪兒 Um, I don't know where you are.
可能你已經上飛機了 我不清楚 Maybe you're on a plane already. I don't know.
我要去和默克吃那頓該死的午飯了 I'm about to have that bloody lunch with Merc,
盡力拯救我們那部愚蠢的戲 try and save our stupid show.
雖然說 我現在都想不通為什么 Although, right now I have no idea why.
但是求你 求你了 聽到留言的話 But please, please-- when you get this,
給我回話 please call me.
我和莫寧之間什么事都沒有 There is nothing between me and Morning.
當然 打飛機那事兒除外 Except, of course, for the wanking.
這事實在不太好意思 I'm not very proud of that.
但是除了各種自慰以外 沒有 But other than some garden-variety masturbation, there's no--
咋了 咋了 你們這兒不做那事嗎 What? What? You don't do that here?
疼死了 Ow! That hurts!
就有點小擦傷 Oh, it's just a little scrape.
別這么孩子氣 Don't be such a baby.
我才沒有孩子氣 我剛經歷了車禍 I'm not a baby. I just had a car crash.
不 你是引起了一場車禍 No, you caused a car crash.
血止住了 Not even bleeding anymore.
好了 沒事了 There, done.
謝謝 Thank you.
-你想不想喝一杯 -中午都還沒到呢 - You want a drink? - It's not even noon.
你剛經歷了車禍 You just had a car crash.
請給我威士忌 純的 Whiskey, please-- straight.
這就對了 There you go.
你家挺漂亮 You have a lovely home.
謝謝 Thanks.
你居然有品位 You have taste.
-別少見多怪 -好吧 - Don't sound so shocked. - Well...
肖恩說你打算回倫敦 Sean said something about you going back to London?
對 我本來是這么打算的 Right. That's where I was heading
但你以那高超的駕駛技術撞到了我 when you came at me with your proper driving skills.
那可挺糟糕 我們還沒拍完呢 That kind of sucks. We're not even done shooting,
你就要登機離開了嗎 and you're just taking off?
對不起 我知道這樣不大專業 I'm sorry. I realize it's not very professional.
但說實話 這部劇沒了我也不會更糟了 But, really, the show can't get any worse without me.
你在說什么 這部劇很好 What are you talking about? The show's good.
-不 -啥 - Uh, no. - What?
-它不好 -它很好 - It's not good. - It's good.
還是那句話 And yet...
它不好 It's not.
閉嘴吧 Heh. Shut up.
好吧 All right.
它哪里不好了 What's not good about it?
它不夠有趣 不夠詼諧 It's not funny enough. It's not smart enough.
沒什么獨一無二的特別之處 There's nothing unique or special.
它就是部平庸之作 It's just profoundly mediocre.
你是在說我們的劇嗎 You're talking about our show?
我知道 令人震驚 I know, it's shocking
叫《冰球小子》的這部劇不夠好 Something called pucks! isn't good.
好吧 那是你的觀點 Yeah, well, that's your opinion.
不光是我的 Not just mine.
肖恩正在和默克吃午餐 Sean's having lunch with Merc right now
設法挽回這部劇 to try and salvage it,
但我非常懷疑他已經回天乏術了 which I doubt very much he'll be able to do.
你是認真的嗎 Are you serious?
天啊 這 這部戲真的不好嗎 God! It's-- it's really not good?
的確如此 It's really not.
我想我說的夠清楚了 I thought I was clear.
這一切是怎么發生的 How did this happen, huh?
你在英國拍的時候明明很棒的 When you did it over there, it was great.
什么 What--
你真的要問我嗎 You're actually asking me that?
你可能得找個清潔公司來 You might want to call a cleaning company,
因為我的頭被你氣炸的時候 because there could be a lot of bits about
可是會一地狼藉 when my head explodes!
-為啥 -為啥 為啥 -Why? - Why? Why?
這部劇的英國版 The show we did over there
講的是一個機智文雅的校長 was about a witty, urbane headmaster,
陷入了一場與中年拉拉的無望愛戀 hopelessly in love with a middle-aged lesbian.
這一部則是把詼諧換成了性感 This show is pretty much Joey as a hockey coach,
簡直就是冰球教練版的喬伊 exchanging banter with a little hottie.
而我們都知道最后他會抱得美人歸 We all know he'll eventually get into the sack.
恐怕不是 Not precisely...
同一部劇 the same show.
如果你不想那么拍 那就不應該那樣拍 If you didn't like it that way, you shouldn't have done it.
再一次 Again...
怎么 What?!
不應該那樣拍 Shouldn't have done it?
說的像我們有得選似的 As if we ever had a choice!
天啊 你簡直無人能敵 God, you are an unstoppable force.
這個劇是你要拍的 This is the show you wanted.
是你把角色改成了冰球教練 You made him a hockey coach.
你把她變成了異性戀 You made her straight.
這個劇被改得亂七八糟面目全非 Every shitty change we've had to make
都是因為你 is because of you.
沒錯 朋友 Oh, yes, my friend.
撞車都怪你 You caused this car wreck.
還是我 Me again.
我也不知道為什么 I don't know why.
你應該不會是在收集未接來電吧 Unless you're waiting for a certain number of calls.
好 31次了 就接吧 "Right. 31. I think I'll pick up now."
他來了 All right, he's here.
我的老天 他居然跟服務生抱抱 I swear to god-- he's hugging a waiter now.
他來了 我先掛斷 Here he comes. I've got to go.
求你了 先生 我還要一點兒 Please, sir, I want some more.
狄更斯作品《霧都孤兒》中著名的乞飯臺詞
演小奧利弗啊 Ohh, a little Oliver. Ha ha!
這才叫吃午飯 Wouldn't be lunch without it.
你的賢妻呢 Where's milady?
我的賢妻吐了一個早晨 Uh, milady has been throwing up all morning.
急性腸胃炎 Stomach flu.
她原本想來的 不過 She wanted to come, but...
說說吧 戲拍得怎么樣 So, talk to me. How's it going?
非常不錯 Well, uh, the show's going very well.
我跟貝貝都想讓你親眼過目呢 Bev and I can't wait for you to see it.
我真的不是自賣自夸 I don't want to oversell it,
保證你絕對滿意 but I think you'll be rather pleased.
很好嘛 That's great.
馬特跟孩子們的表演 The stuff between Matt and the boys
那是相當默契 is extraordinary.
我必須承認 你的主意很不錯 I have to say-- you were so right
讓他飾演一個冰球教練 to champion the idea of him being a hockey coach.
真的嗎 進行得很不錯 Really? That's working?
當然了 Oh, absolutely, yeah.
馬特的肢體語言也很搞笑 Um, Matt's found a lot of physical humor.
他真是個天才 He really is genius.
當然 無需我多言 Well, I don't have to tell you that.
請他出山是你的主意 It was your idea to cast him.
你覺得他能演罪犯嗎 Can you see him playing a con man?
-啥 -罪犯 - What? - A con man.
就是那種一個小時的 In, like, a one-hour kind of a--
搞笑劇情片 Well, a light comedy-drama?
他應該不錯吧 Uh-- he'd be good, right?
跟斯塔莫斯比呢 As good as Stamos?
《急診室》的約翰·斯塔莫斯嗎 John stamos from ER?
他應該比斯塔莫斯更好吧 He's better than stamos, right?
呃 大概吧 Well, I suppose he would--
他在我們的劇里表現很好 我能問問 He's very good in our show. May I ask--
你稍等 Hang on a second.
給我過來 你個牛B男 Come here, you talented fuck!
兄弟 你好嗎 Hey, man, how you doing?
-試播集拿下了沒 -拿下了 - You get that pilot? - Yeah, I got it.
是嗎 我說的吧 You did? What'd I tell you?
這部戲對我來說太關鍵了 必須成功 I really needed this one to work.
我知道 I know.
現在補救還來得及嗎 Is it too late to fix it?
我們可以照著原劇本拍 We could go back to the original script.
-是嗎 -重新招募演員 - Yeah? - And recast.
你真能傷人 You're mean.
沒錯 I am mean.
現在我怎么辦 What do I do now?
你會有其他機會的 You'll find something else.
他們給我送來一個劇本 要我演一個罪犯 They sent me this script about a con man.
簡直就是一坨屎 It's a total piece of crap.
我干嗎去演那種東西 It's, like, why would I want to do that...
明明已經在演我們這部爛劇了 when we're doing our own piece of crap already?
是啊 Yeah.
你還能笑 You laugh.
你還能逃回家安逸 At least you get to go home after this.
我無處可逃 I don't have any other countries.
是啊 Right.
但問題是 The question is...
回家將要面對什么呢 What am I going back to?
是不是會離婚 And will I be married when I'm there?
你說什么啊 What are you talking about?
肖恩跟莫寧事我知道了 I know about Sean and Morning.
肖恩他根本沒 Sean's not doing--
你就省省吧 我知道你肯定幫他 Don't even bother. I know you're on his side.
你嘴里冒出來的鬼話我一句都不信 I can't believe anything you say.
隨你便 All righty.
在來這兒拍戲之前 You know, of all the horrible things I imagined
我預想過一些糟糕的情況 About doing a tv show here...
但這件事我還是沒料到 I never saw this one coming.
嗯 這座城市很嗨 Yeah. It's a fun town.
我早知我會變成公敵 And you just know I'm gonna come off as the villain.
你 為什么 You? Why?
我也不知道 就是這樣 I don't know. Somehow.
因為肖恩很有魅力 Because it's Sean, and he's wonderful
大家都喜歡他 And charming, and everyone loves him.
所以在別人眼里 我就是個賤人 So, I always come off like the bitch.
也許你就是個賤人 Maybe you are a bitch.
我傾向于認為自己很正直 I'd like to think I just have integrity.
是啊 大家都評論說 Yeah. That's why people always say,
"這個娘們真他媽的正直" "she's such a fuckin' woman with integrity."
大家真的叫我賤人嗎 Do people really call me a bitch?
沒 Nah.
可能只有我 Probably just me.
狗日的菲達奶酪 Fuckin' feta cheese.
突然間滿世界都是這種奶酪 是吧 Suddenly it's everywhere, you know what I mean?
實在吃膩了 Enough with the feta.
是啊 這種奶酪可以稱作 Yes, I suppose it is one of your more...
街頭奶酪 Ubiquitous cheeses.
怎么了 What?
我老婆來了 My wife just walked in.
你想過去嗎 Oh. Do you want to go over?
不 早上我就見過她了 Nah, I saw her this morning.
-招呼也不去打嗎 -不 - You don't want to at least say hello? - Nah.
只要我說話別太大聲 If I don't talk too loud,
她都不知道我在這兒 She'll never know I'm here.
老婆是瞎子就這點好 That's one of the perks.
對了 說起老婆 Hey, speaking of wives--
你的賢妻 Does, uh-- does yours know
知不知道 你跟莫寧的事 About the thing with you and Morning Randolph?
什么 What?
你跟莫寧那事 The thing with you and Morning.
我 呃 沒有 Me and--no. With--with--
你 你聽誰說的 Where-- where'd you hear that?
誰 誰 誰 Where--where--where--
愛八卦的人告訴我的 A little birdie told me.
林肯夫婦是誰 Who are the Lincolns?
別他媽玩你的手機了 Put down the fucking Blackberry.
不玩了 林肯夫婦是誰 It's down. Who are the Lincolns?
肖恩和貝佛利 英國來的那一對 Sean and Beverly. The English couple.
我干嘛要去跟他們吃午飯 And I'm having lunch with them why?
因為你喜歡他們 You like them.
我喜歡他們的口音 I like their accents.
會很開心的 It'll be nice.
他們很有趣 They're interesting.
他們有趣在哪 Tell me one thing
說出一條 that's interesting about them,
我就跟他們吃飯 and I'll have lunch with them.
他可能和莫寧·蘭道夫有一腿 He may be screwing Morning Randolph.
要不就去文森提餐廳吧 Maybe we'll go to Vincenti.
慢點 我快了 Ooh, slow down. I'm close.
我向你保證 什么也沒有 I assure you, there is nothing--
我和莫寧之間什么也沒有 nothing going on between me and Morning.
有的話我也不會責怪你的 Hey, I wouldn't blame you if there was.
我也曾是她的入幕之賓 I've been to that rodeo.
告訴你 那匹野馬可是會踢人的 Let me tell you, that bronco can buck.
-什么 你和莫寧 -是啊 - What, you and Morning? - Oh, yeah.
很久以前了 那時她的咪咪還是真的 Years ago. She still had her real tits.
伙計 那記憶啊 Man, do I remember it.
你看到她的視頻了 是嗎 Heh. You've seen her video, right?
是 我 Yeah, I--
是啊 我看過了 Yeah, I believe I have.
從親身經驗來說 天啊 Well, in person-- oh, my god.
她的表現 She does stuff--
我的小弟弟當時給我發了感謝信 my dick was sending me thank-you notes.
"我和蛋蛋只想說 非常感謝[西語]" "Me and the balls just want to say muchas gracias."
所以他們是西班牙裔了 So, they're Spanish.
我能給你個小建議嗎 But can I give you a little advice?
我無法告訴你怎樣寫作 I can't tell you how to write.
我甚至不能告訴你怎樣運作一檔電視節目 I couldn't even tell you what makes a TV show work.
-謝謝 -但是我可以跟你說說這個 - Good to know. - But I can tell you this.
和莫寧的事 不要玩火 This thing with Morning-- don't do it.
我沒想要跟她有什么 Oh, I have no intention of doing it.
是是是 聽我說 那不值得 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen to me. It's not worth it.
你和 What you have with--
貝佛利 Beverly.
我知道 I know.
你和貝佛利的感情 What you have with Beverly
是那么珍貴少有 is so precious and so rare.
就像我和 It's like what I have
那位迷人的女士一樣 with that amazing woman over there.
要出軌可太容易了 It'd be so easy to cheat on her.
顯而易見吧 Well...obviously.
沒錯 Right.
-但是我永遠都不會那樣做 -好吧 - But I would never do it. - Okay.
你和我 You and me.
咱們是最后的好男人 We're the last of the good guys.
我們得堅持下去 We gotta stay strong.
我們欠自己的 We owe it to ourselves,
也欠那些非凡而漂亮的女人們 and we owe it to those remarkable, beautiful women.
可你都不想過去打個招呼 But you don't want to go over and say hello?
反正回家還會見的 Ah, I'll see her at home.
你有遭遇過劈腿嗎 Have you ever been cheated on?
沒有 No.
那太不公平了 Well, that seems massively unfair.
通常我是那個背叛別人的人 Well, I'm usually the one doin' the doin'.
是因為你那巨大的老二嗎 Is it the gigantic dick?
它的需求超出一個女人 Does it demand more than one woman?
大概是你不想惹怒它 I assume you don't want to make it cross.
我們的婚姻咨詢師說 Our marriage counselor said
我有種破壞自己幸福的需求 I have a need to sabotage my happiness.
我更喜歡你的老二理論 But I like your dick thing better.
我覺得你是只喜歡老二理論吧 I think you just like your dick thing.
我還是不敢相信你把它掏出來 I still can't believe you took it out
給我老公看 誰會這么做啊 and showed it to my husband. Who does that?
我想說 反正不會是老二很小的人 I want to say... not guys with little dicks?
他可受了創傷 Well, he was traumatized.
做了不少噩夢 夢里有 He had nightmares about...
龐大的獵腸犬和下流的香蕉 enormous dachshunds and rogue bananas.
罪有應得 混蛋 Served him right, the bastard.
他怎么能這樣對我 How could he do this to me?
我知道 男人嘛 I know. Men.
不 我是真的在問你 No, I'm actually asking you.
他怎么能這么做 我不明白 How could he do it? I don't understand.
你可能會明白 你是專家 You might know. You're the expert.
你愛你的妻子嗎 Did you love your wife?
是啊 Yeah.
我愛她 I loved her.
然后呢 So?
你怎么能就那樣丟掉了 How could you just chuck that away?
你是怎么想的 What were you thinking?
我沒有 Um...I wasn't.
心理醫生還說我沒有能力 The shrink also said I have an inability
評估自己所作所為帶來的后果 to appreciate the consequences of my actions.
你可真是亂七八糟 不是嗎 You're just a mess, aren't you?
是啊 Oh, yeah.
你應感到自豪 You should be proud.
你把我老公調教的很好 You taught my husband well.
你在其中起了多大作用 How much of this was your doing?
我在什么中起了多大作用 How much of what was my doing?
馬特 我是在想 Matt, I'm just thinking--
你去參加強奸慈善活動的那晚 the night you went to that rape thing,
你有兩張多余的票 you had two extra tickets,
可你邀請了肖恩和她 不是我 but you took Sean and her, not me.
你那是要干嗎 What were you up to there?
我不知道 I don't know.
我想我更喜歡她 Ow. I guess I liked her better.
她可不會踢我 She didn't kick me.
一派胡言 Bollocks.
你到底有什么企圖 What the hell were you trying to do?
好吧 Hey! okay!
我只是想給他找點樂子 I just wanted him to have a little fun.
我那時候覺得你很沒意思 Uhh! That was back when I didn't think you were fun.
你個流氓 是你撮合他們的 You bloody prick. You set them up.
-放手 -好吧 - Let go. - Okay.
你保證不再踢我 If you promise to stop kicking me.
我保證 I promise.
你是這所有糟糕的事情的罪魁禍首 You are responsible for every terrible thing
-該死的 停下來 -從我來這就開始了 - Damn it. Stop that! - That's happened to me since I got here.
你毀了我的劇 毀了我的婚姻 You destroyed my show, you destroyed my marriage!
好吧 Okay.
好 你想發泄嗎 Okay, you want to let it out?
好吧 發泄吧 Fine, let it out.
發泄吧 Yeah, let it out!
好了 停止發泄 Okay, stop letting it out.
打夠了吧 Enough letting it out!
沒有 No!
那是 Is that a--
不是 No.
是的 就是 Yes, it is.
我能感覺到 I can feel it.
可能就一半 Maybe a semi.
那只是一半 That's just a semi?
我在各種水平上震驚了 I'm horrified on so many levels.
在別的水平上呢 And... on the other levels?
你真惡心 You're disgusting.
那當然 Sure.
如果你想讓我停下來 If you want me to stop...
就說停 say stop.
停 Stop.
天啊 Oh, my god.
剛才還真的只是一半 That really was just a semi.