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翻译：J小糯 小虎y 安然若雪 迷你黑 echocherry 时间轴：NANA
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后期：Mortred 校对&总监：NANA
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前情回顾
我不知道你会邀请她 I didn't know you'd invited her.
我请她是为了你 I brought her for you.
我都没给你送点什么 And I didn't get you anything.
看来你们两个真的很投缘 It just seemed lik you guys were really hitting it off,
所以我想给你俩一些空间 so I thought I'd give you some space--
你知道的 远离那个 you know, away from-- ehhhh!
我为什么要担心这个 Why am I even worrying about this?
我完全信任他 I completely trust him.
问题是 你信任那女的吗 The question is, do you trust her?
你是一位非常棒 非常棒的编剧 You are a brilliant, brilliant writer.
真不敢相信能和你一起合作 I can't believe I get to work with you.
操我 Oh, yeah, fuck me!
第六集
-她恨我 -谁 - She hates me. - Who?
不 她恨的是我 Nah, she's just hating me.
你不过是 顺带着被恨了 You're getting, like, the overflow.
-你这样想 -是啊 - You think? - Yeah.
我才是她恨意绵绵的主角 I'm really the star of her hate.
你充其量也就是个配角 You're, at best, co-hated.
打算用你的怨念杀死她吗 Trying to kill her with your mind?
不知道怎么回事 就是不管用 For some reason, it's not working.
我的天啊 现在她又拉到电视台的 Oh, God. Now she's got what's-her-name
那个谁来恨我了 from the network hating me.
谁 她啊 Who? Oh, her.
她们还在盯吗 Are they still staring?
别 别瞅那边 Don't! Don't look.
你真他妈是个精神病 You're a fucking lunatic.
你今天吃了几片减肥药 How many diet pills did you take today?
我不吃减肥药的 I don't take diet pills.
好吧 Okay.
昨晚我 Last night, I--
昨晚我看见肖恩对着她的色情录像打手枪 Last night, I saw Sean wanking to a porn video of her.
我的老天 Oh, Jesus.
那东西网上还有吗 Is that thing still online?
你知道这件事 You know about it?
开什么玩笑 Are you kidding?
默克以前叫我们看过 Merc used to make us watch it.
那能帮他助"性" It helped him.
你捉住他的时候 他说什么了 So, what did he say when you caught him?
他没看见我 He didn't see me.
天啊 我还记得那段视频 Oh, God. I remember that video.
她的腹肌惊艳极了 She has the most amazing abs.
真不知道她是怎么做到的 I don't know how she does it.
我每天都做无数个仰卧起坐 I do, like, a bajillion crunches a day,
看着跟没做也差不多 and I still look like a "before" picture.
你还真是什么事都得往自己身上扯 You really can't not talk about you, can you?
我知道 那是个问题 I know. That's the problem.
我听说你们两个吸毒犯 Hello. I hear you two stoners
昨晚过得很销魂啊 made quite a night of it last night.
声明一下 Um... for the record,
我可不经常那样 that is not something I make a habit of.
你包里有卷好的大麻烟卷 You had pre-rolled joints in your bag.
是啊 我包里还有卫生棉条呢 Yeah, well, I also have tampons in my bag.
但我每个月只用一次 But I only use them once a month.
怎么 What?
他喜欢假装没听见 He likes to pretend that doesn't happen.
才不是呢 That's not true.
月经 Menstrual flow.
等等 等等 等等 Wait, wait, wait.
你们明天休息吧 You guys have a hiatus day tomorrow, right?
谢天谢地 Thank God!
有空吃个午餐吗 Free for lunch?
那可真好 Oh, that'd be fun.
不是跟我吃 跟默克吃 Not with me. With Merc.
那就没那么好了 That would be less fun.
去嘛 你们聊聊天 Oh, come on. You'll schmooze,
谈谈剧 you'll talk about the show,
赞赞这剧进行得多棒 you'll tell him how great it's going.
有什么问题吗 Is there a problem?
不是剧本身有问题 Hmm, not a problem per se.
你说"本身"那意思 好像是说 The way you say "per se", it's like...
不是肿瘤本身有问题 "it's not a tumor per se."
有可能呢 默克对这个剧有点冷淡下来了 There's a chance Merc may have cooled on the show a little bit.
什么 五天前他还高兴得快疯了呢 What? Five days ago, he was over the moon.
那可是五天前 That was five days ago.
我们现在在拍很多试播剧 We're shooting a lot of pilots now.
闪闪惹人爱的新剧 Bright, shiny new things.
我只是在想如果你们一起吃顿饭 I just think if you have lunch,
这样就会给他一个机会 it'll give him a chance to remember
让他想起来他对你们两个有多么狂热 how crazy he is about the two of you.
真的吗 Seriously?
默克就是那种人 Merc's just one of those guys.
有时需要提醒他一下 Sometimes he needs to be reminded
他深爱着的人 of the people he loves.
又说到你了 Back on you?
那又怎么样 Oh, so what?
你在这儿干嘛 Hey, what are you doing here?
你怎么通过门卫的 How'd you get past the guard at the gate?
我招手了啊 I waved.
可不是嘛 Of course you did.
贝佛利在家吗 Is Beverly home?
-怎么了 -我得跟她谈谈 - Why? - I need to talk to her.
我昨晚都没睡着 I couldn't sleep last night.
我感觉 不知为什么 她讨厌我 I feel like, for some reason, she hates me.
她 她才不讨厌你呢 She-- she doesn't hate you.
亲爱的 别去忽悠一个大忽悠 Honey, don't bullshit a bullshitter.
其实 她不讨厌你这个人 Look, um, she doesn't hate you... per se.
她只是有点嫉妒 She's just a little jealous.
嫉妒什么 Jealous of what?
她莫名其妙有些担心 She has these, um, ridiculous concerns
我们之间会 that there might be a certain...
相互吸引 attraction between us.
-为什么 -我不知道 - Why? - I don't know.
她看见我们在一起 She sees us together on set.
-在干什么 -没什么 我告诉她了啊 - Doing what? - Nothing. That's what I told her.
岂有此理 我得跟她谈谈 That's crazy. I'll talk to her.
另外 我可能犯了个错 Also, I may not have helped the situation
跟她说了 那晚我们的 by telling her about our little...
那么一瞬间 uh, moment the other night.
你是在说笑吗 Are you being funny?
我很难分清你是不是在说笑 什么温情时刻 I can't tell when you're being funny. What moment?
在慈善晚会 当你 At the charity thing, when you...
请我载你回家的时候 asked me to drive you home.
那才不是什么"一瞬间"呢 That wasn't a moment.
当时是有那么一瞬间 It was a bit of a moment.
不 根本不是 No, not a moment.
我请你载我回家 I asked you to drive me home
是因为我喝得太多了 because I had too much to drink.
好吧 Okay.
臭小子 我叫你送我回家 Hey, smuggy. I wasn't asking you
不是那种"送我回家" to "drive me home" drive me home.
我有男朋友 我们同居呢 I have a boyfriend. We live together.
-你有男朋友 -是啊 - You do? - Uh, yeah.
再说就算我要玩点什么花样 And even if I was looking for something else,
也不会跟我的监制玩 it wouldn't be with my executive producer.
谁在吃饭的地方拉屎啊 You don't shit where you eat.
那饭店里的厕所呢 What about toilets in restaurants?
你还真是分不出我是不是在说笑 Wow, you really can't tell when I'm being funny.
-不 -等一下 这真的是个坏主意 - No. - Wait! This is a bad, bad idea.
首先 你把她吵醒的话 First of all, you'd be waking her up,
她肯定得恨你 And then she'll definitely hate you.
更好的解决办法是让这事儿顺其自然吧 A better plan might be-- we let this go.
不 有话得说明白 No, you've got to talk about stuff.
看 You see?
这是有很大的文化差异 Here we have a significant cultural divide.
我们英国人不认为非得把话说明白 Our people don't believe in talking about stuff.
我们更喜欢压抑着事情 把它放烂了 We prefer suppressing the stuff and letting it fester.
这才是我们的作风 It's kind of our thing.
听着 我了解我老婆 Listen, I know my wife.
不管你的想象中这谈话会是怎么样的 However well you imagine this conversation will go,
这都只能让事情越来越糟 it will only make things worse.
听着 我们还有一天的拍摄 Listen, we've got one more day of shooting.
再忍忍 大家都会冷静下来的 Let's just get on with it, and everyone can calm down.
我不想丢工作 I don't want to lose my job.
你不会丢工作的 我会帮你搞定的 You won't lose your job. I'll see to that.
我保证 I promise.
好吧 Okay.
谢谢 Thank you.
这也不是 And that was also not a--
-不是"一瞬间" -不是"那么一瞬间" - Not a moment. - Not a moment.
好吧 Yeah. Okay.
你干嘛呢 What are you doing?
贝贝 你这是干嘛 Bev, what are you doing?
-别闹了 -不 - Stop. - No.
-拜托 -不 - Please. - No!
我要回家 你留下 I'm going home. You stay.
你在这都乐不思蜀了 You're obviously flourishing here.
是因为我今天去冲浪了吗 Is this because I went surfing today?
好吧 不是因为冲浪 Okay, obviously it's not because I went surfing.
贝贝 别这样 跟我说嘛 Bev, come on, talk to me.
贝贝 贝贝 Bev. Bev!
听着 我知道洛杉矶不讨你喜欢 Look, I realize L.A. Hasn't exactly been your favorite--
跟洛杉矶没关系 This isn't about L.A.
贝贝 拜托 Bev, come on.
正门开启 Front door ajar.
等下 是因为那部剧吗 Wait. Is it about the show?
只差一天拍摄 再一个礼拜的事 It's one more day of shooting, a week in post.
闪开 Move.
正门开启 Front door ajar.
还有一周就完工了 One week. Then the work will be done,
到时我们就能一起昂首离开了 And we can both leave together, with our heads held high.
还昂首呢 Heads held high?
你没见咱们的头沦落到哪了吗 Have you not seen our heads?
早滚到了路边 被人当球踢了 It's all we can do to not kick them when we walk.
好了 听着 我们是做了一些妥协 All right, look, we've made some compromises--
这跟那破剧压根没关系 This isn't about the fucking show.
正门开启 Front door ajar.
好 那是因为什么 Then what is it about?
正门开启 Front door ajar...
这贱人就不能闭嘴吗 Does this bitch ever shut up?!
你知道是为什么 You know what this is about.
什么 What?
莫宁吗 天呐 我跟你说了 Morning? Oh, my god! look, I'm telling you,
我对她一点感觉都没有 I have no interest in her at all.
我那天晚上看到你对着她打手枪 I saw you wanking to her the other night.
什么 不可能 我什么时候 What? I--no, I-- how did--
我怎么谁了 我 How did? Who did? I--I--
正门开启 Front door ajar...
好吧 All right!
我可能是小打了一枪 There may have been a little wanking!
可我俩之间什么事也没有 But there is nothing between us.
-我看到你跟她在一起了 -什么 - I just saw you with her. - What?!
我刚才看到你跟她在一起 I saw you with her just now!
我看到你在我们家门前拥抱她 I saw you hugging her in front of our house!
她都不在这 她 She wasn't here! she--
根本就 她根本没 There was--she wanted--
欧内斯托 Ernesto!
-欧内斯托 -咋了 - Ernesto! - What?
拜托把那东西关掉 Please turn that off!
抱歉 刚刚叫我干吗 I'm sorry. Did you want me?
我想让你关掉吹叶机 I want you to turn off the leaf-blower.
-我关了啊 -是 - I did. - Yeah.
现在是关了 但刚才 Now. But before--
喂 贝贝 Hey, Bev!
别走 等下 No! Bev! Wait!
贝贝 停车 Bev, stop!
你走错边了 You're on the wrong side!
不 肖恩 走错的是你 No, Sean-- you're on the wrong side!
我不是说那个 That's not what I meant!
自动拨号 Automated dialing.
-打给鲍勃 -请说出指令 - Call Bob. - Command.
打给鲍勃 Call bob.
妈妈 拨号中 Dialing Mom.
不是妈 是鲍勃 No, not mom. Bob.
取消 Cancel.
-别打了 -喂 - Stop! - Hello?
喂 妈 我是马特 Hey, ma. It's Matt.
没事 就是跟您打个招呼 Nothing. Just calling to say hi.
不是吧 居然是你 Oh, come on! You?
你 你在这干嘛 What--what are you doing here?
-原来是我的车挡了您的道儿啊 -啥 - Uh, it was my car that got in your way. - What?
我来接肖恩去玩越野摩托车 I was coming to pick up Sean to go dirt biking.
天哪 Ohh, Jesus.
你还好吧 受伤了吗 Are you okay? Are you hurt?
好 好像没有吧 Am I-- I don't think so.
感觉哪里撞坏了吗 Anything feel broken?
没 Hmm, no.
还是先从车里出来 Why don't you try getting out of the car?
放松点 放松点 Easy, now. Easy, now.
感觉怎么样 How does that feel?
还好吧 应该 Uh...all right, I think.
确定吗 脖子没事儿吧 You sure? Your neck?
后背呢 Your back?
感觉一下你的手 Feel your hands?
我应该是没什么事 Uh, yeah, I think I'm okay.
-是吗 -是啊 - Yeah? - Yeah, yeah.
那就好 Okay, good.
谁他妈的像你这样开车的 Then who the fuck drives like that?!
你过线的都不是一点点 You weren't even a little over the line.
你整个都过来了 You were right there,
完全在我这边的车道上 all the way over on my side--
你这破车真他妈的蠢 Your whole fucking car full of stupid!
我肯定是搞混了 国家 I must've confused my...countries.
真的 Seriously?
-通常都是肖恩来开车的 -是吗 - Sean does most of the driving. - Oh, really?
所以你还一次都没死过是吧 Is that how you keep your death count so low?
我很抱歉 I'm sorry!
-是肖恩 -然后呢 - It's Sean. - So?
我不想跟他说话 I'm not speaking to him.
你要真想教育他的话 开车的时候带着他 Maybe really teach him a lesson-- take him for a drive.
上苍啊 Christ.
抱歉 Sorry.
肖恩 Sean.
别接 Don't.
喂 Hello?
-马特 我是肖恩 -嗨 - Matt, it's Sean. - Hey.
对不起 我知道你可能已经往这边来了 I'm sorry. I know you're probably already on your way here,
但我不得不取消 but I have to cancel.
是吗 发生什么事了 Oh, yeah? What's happening?
贝贝和我有些口角 Uh, Bev and I had a bit of a fight.
你开玩笑呢吧 You're kidding.
她那么幽默又好相处 She's usually so fun and easygoing.
不 这次很糟 这次真的很糟 No, this is bad. This is really bad.
-她打包离开了 -真糟 - She packed a bag and took off. - Shit.
你不知道她在哪吗 And you don't know where she is?
在回伦敦的路上吧 我想 On her way back to London, I think.
她一直不接电话 She's not answering her phone.
好吧 All right. Uh...
有事随时通知我 Let me know what happens,
-我们晚些再说 -好 - and we'll talk later. - Okay.
谢谢 Thank you.
然后 就在前方 And, just up ahead,
我们能看到饰演布里吉特·琼斯的演员 we have the home of Bridget Jones herself--
电影《BJ单身日记》女主角
芮妮·齐薇格小姐的家 Miss Renee Zellweger.
你们这帮家伙今天行大运了 Whoa-oh-oh! You guys are in luck today.
往左看一眼 那是《老友记》里的乔伊 Take a look on your left. It's TV's Joey--
马特·勒布朗 Matt Leblanc! Ha ha!
嗨 马特 马特 Hey, Matt! Matt!
你好吗[模仿老友记中乔伊语气] How you doin'?
你好吗 How you doin'?
不怎么好 Ha ha. Not so good.
爱死你那头灰发了 Ouch. Loving the gray hair.
-非常醒目 -谢了 - Very distinguished. - Thanks.
那 老友们什么时候重聚首啊 So, when's that Friends reunion gonna happen?
不是今天 Not today.
你呢 有没有想过回来工作 How about you? You ever gonna work again?
快了 Soon.
是你朋友吗 Your friend or anybody?
-不是 -不是 - No. - No.
好吧 我们得走了 All right. We gotta get going.
再见 马特 See you, Matt.
马特·勒布朗啊 大伙 Matt Leblanc, everybody.
-拜 -拜拜了 - Bye! - Bye-bye, now!
真让人不爽 That was unpleasant.
是啊 我得离开这儿 Yeah. I gotta get out of here.
我们不用打给警察什么的吗 Don't we have to call the police or--
不 不 我给助理打个电话 No, no, I'll call my assistant.
她会处理一切的 She'll take care of everyth--
-天啊 -咋了 - Jesus. - What.
你在流血 You're bleeding.
贝贝 又是我 Hi, Bev. It's me again.
我不知道你在哪儿 Um, I don't know where you are.
可能你已经上飞机了 我不清楚 Maybe you're on a plane already. I don't know.
我要去和默克吃那顿该死的午饭了 I'm about to have that bloody lunch with Merc,
尽力拯救我们那部愚蠢的戏 try and save our stupid show.
虽然说 我现在都想不通为什么 Although, right now I have no idea why.
但是求你 求你了 听到留言的话 But please, please-- when you get this,
给我回话 please call me.
我和莫宁之间什么事都没有 There is nothing between me and Morning.
当然 打飞机那事儿除外 Except, of course, for the wanking.
这事实在不太好意思 I'm not very proud of that.
但是除了各种自慰以外 没有 But other than some garden-variety masturbation, there's no--
咋了 咋了 你们这儿不做那事吗 What? What? You don't do that here?
疼死了 Ow! That hurts!
就有点小擦伤 Oh, it's just a little scrape.
别这么孩子气 Don't be such a baby.
我才没有孩子气 我刚经历了车祸 I'm not a baby. I just had a car crash.
不 你是引起了一场车祸 No, you caused a car crash.
血止住了 Not even bleeding anymore.
好了 没事了 There, done.
谢谢 Thank you.
-你想不想喝一杯 -中午都还没到呢 - You want a drink? - It's not even noon.
你刚经历了车祸 You just had a car crash.
请给我威士忌 纯的 Whiskey, please-- straight.
这就对了 There you go.
你家挺漂亮 You have a lovely home.
谢谢 Thanks.
你居然有品位 You have taste.
-别少见多怪 -好吧 - Don't sound so shocked. - Well...
肖恩说你打算回伦敦 Sean said something about you going back to London?
对 我本来是这么打算的 Right. That's where I was heading
但你以那高超的驾驶技术撞到了我 when you came at me with your proper driving skills.
那可挺糟糕 我们还没拍完呢 That kind of sucks. We're not even done shooting,
你就要登机离开了吗 and you're just taking off?
对不起 我知道这样不大专业 I'm sorry. I realize it's not very professional.
但说实话 这部剧没了我也不会更糟了 But, really, the show can't get any worse without me.
你在说什么 这部剧很好 What are you talking about? The show's good.
-不 -啥 - Uh, no. - What?
-它不好 -它很好 - It's not good. - It's good.
还是那句话 And yet...
它不好 It's not.
闭嘴吧 Heh. Shut up.
好吧 All right.
它哪里不好了 What's not good about it?
它不够有趣 不够诙谐 It's not funny enough. It's not smart enough.
没什么独一无二的特别之处 There's nothing unique or special.
它就是部平庸之作 It's just profoundly mediocre.
你是在说我们的剧吗 You're talking about our show?
我知道 令人震惊 I know, it's shocking
叫《冰球小子》的这部剧不够好 Something called pucks! isn't good.
好吧 那是你的观点 Yeah, well, that's your opinion.
不光是我的 Not just mine.
肖恩正在和默克吃午餐 Sean's having lunch with Merc right now
设法挽回这部剧 to try and salvage it,
但我非常怀疑他已经回天乏术了 which I doubt very much he'll be able to do.
你是认真的吗 Are you serious?
天啊 这 这部戏真的不好吗 God! It's-- it's really not good?
的确如此 It's really not.
我想我说的够清楚了 I thought I was clear.
这一切是怎么发生的 How did this happen, huh?
你在英国拍的时候明明很棒的 When you did it over there, it was great.
什么 What--
你真的要问我吗 You're actually asking me that?
你可能得找个清洁公司来 You might want to call a cleaning company,
因为我的头被你气炸的时候 because there could be a lot of bits about
可是会一地狼藉 when my head explodes!
-为啥 -为啥 为啥 -Why? - Why? Why?
这部剧的英国版 The show we did over there
讲的是一个机智文雅的校长 was about a witty, urbane headmaster,
陷入了一场与中年拉拉的无望爱恋 hopelessly in love with a middle-aged lesbian.
这一部则是把诙谐换成了性感 This show is pretty much Joey as a hockey coach,
简直就是冰球教练版的乔伊 exchanging banter with a little hottie.
而我们都知道最后他会抱得美人归 We all know he'll eventually get into the sack.
恐怕不是 Not precisely...
同一部剧 the same show.
如果你不想那么拍 那就不应该那样拍 If you didn't like it that way, you shouldn't have done it.
再一次 Again...
怎么 What?!
不应该那样拍 Shouldn't have done it?
说的像我们有得选似的 As if we ever had a choice!
天啊 你简直无人能敌 God, you are an unstoppable force.
这个剧是你要拍的 This is the show you wanted.
是你把角色改成了冰球教练 You made him a hockey coach.
你把她变成了异性恋 You made her straight.
这个剧被改得乱七八糟面目全非 Every shitty change we've had to make
都是因为你 is because of you.
没错 朋友 Oh, yes, my friend.
撞车都怪你 You caused this car wreck.
还是我 Me again.
我也不知道为什么 I don't know why.
你应该不会是在收集未接来电吧 Unless you're waiting for a certain number of calls.
好 31次了 就接吧 "Right. 31. I think I'll pick up now."
他来了 All right, he's here.
我的老天 他居然跟服务生抱抱 I swear to god-- he's hugging a waiter now.
他来了 我先挂断 Here he comes. I've got to go.
求你了 先生 我还要一点儿 Please, sir, I want some more.
演小奥利弗啊 Ohh, a little Oliver. Ha ha!
狄更斯作品《雾都孤儿》中著名的乞饭台词
这才叫吃午饭 Wouldn't be lunch without it.
你的贤妻呢 Where's milady?
我的贤妻吐了一个早晨 Uh, milady has been throwing up all morning.
急性肠胃炎 Stomach flu.
她原本想来的 不过 She wanted to come, but...
说说吧 戏拍得怎么样 So, talk to me. How's it going?
非常不错 Well, uh, the show's going very well.
我跟贝贝都想让你亲眼过目呢 Bev and I can't wait for you to see it.
我真的不是自卖自夸 I don't want to oversell it,
保证你绝对满意 but I think you'll be rather pleased.
很好嘛 That's great.
马特跟孩子们的表演 The stuff between Matt and the boys
那是相当默契 is extraordinary.
我必须承认 你的主意很不错 I have to say-- you were so right
让他饰演一个冰球教练 to champion the idea of him being a hockey coach.
真的吗 进行得很不错 Really? That's working?
当然了 Oh, absolutely, yeah.
马特的肢体语言也很搞笑 Um, Matt's found a lot of physical humor.
他真是个天才 He really is genius.
当然 无需我多言 Well, I don't have to tell you that.
请他出山是你的主意 It was your idea to cast him.
你觉得他能演罪犯吗 Can you see him playing a con man?
-啥 -罪犯 - What? - A con man.
就是那种一个小时的 In, like, a one-hour kind of a--
搞笑剧情片 Well, a light comedy-drama?
他应该不错吧 Uh-- he'd be good, right?
跟斯塔莫斯比呢 As good as Stamos?
《急诊室》的约翰·斯塔莫斯吗 John stamos from ER?
他应该比斯塔莫斯更好吧 He's better than stamos, right?
呃 大概吧 Well, I suppose he would--
他在我们的剧里表现很好 我能问问 He's very good in our show. May I ask--
你稍等 Hang on a second.
给我过来 你个牛B男 Come here, you talented fuck!
兄弟 你好吗 Hey, man, how you doing?
-试播集拿下了没 -拿下了 - You get that pilot? - Yeah, I got it.
是吗 我说的吧 You did? What'd I tell you?
这部戏对我来说太关键了 必须成功 I really needed this one to work.
我知道 I know.
现在补救还来得及吗 Is it too late to fix it?
我们可以照着原剧本拍 We could go back to the original script.
-是吗 -重新招募演员 - Yeah? - And recast.
你真能伤人 You're mean.
没错 I am mean.
现在我怎么办 What do I do now?
你会有其他机会的 You'll find something else.
他们给我送来一个剧本 要我演一个罪犯 They sent me this script about a con man.
简直就是一坨屎 It's a total piece of crap.
我干吗去演那种东西 It's, like, why would I want to do that...
明明已经在演我们这部烂剧了 when we're doing our own piece of crap already?
是啊 Yeah.
你还能笑 You laugh.
你还能逃回家安逸 At least you get to go home after this.
我无处可逃 I don't have any other countries.
是啊 Right.
但问题是 The question is...
回家将要面对什么呢 What am I going back to?
是不是会离婚 And will I be married when I'm there?
你说什么啊 What are you talking about?
肖恩跟莫宁事我知道了 I know about Sean and Morning.
肖恩他根本没 Sean's not doing--
你就省省吧 我知道你肯定帮他 Don't even bother. I know you're on his side.
你嘴里冒出来的鬼话我一句都不信 I can't believe anything you say.
随你便 All righty.
在来这儿拍戏之前 You know, of all the horrible things I imagined
我预想过一些糟糕的情况 About doing a tv show here...
但这件事我还是没料到 I never saw this one coming.
嗯 这座城市很嗨 Yeah. It's a fun town.
我早知我会变成公敌 And you just know I'm gonna come off as the villain.
你 为什么 You? Why?
我也不知道 就是这样 I don't know. Somehow.
因为肖恩很有魅力 Because it's Sean, and he's wonderful
大家都喜欢他 And charming, and everyone loves him.
所以在别人眼里 我就是个贱人 So, I always come off like the bitch.
也许你就是个贱人 Maybe you are a bitch.
我倾向于认为自己很正直 I'd like to think I just have integrity.
是啊 大家都评论说 Yeah. That's why people always say,
"这个娘们真他妈的正直" "she's such a fuckin' woman with integrity."
大家真的叫我贱人吗 Do people really call me a bitch?
没 Nah.
可能只有我 Probably just me.
狗日的菲达奶酪 Fuckin' feta cheese.
突然间满世界都是这种奶酪 是吧 Suddenly it's everywhere, you know what I mean?
实在吃腻了 Enough with the feta.
是啊 这种奶酪可以称作 Yes, I suppose it is one of your more...
街头奶酪 Ubiquitous cheeses.
怎么了 What?
我老婆来了 My wife just walked in.
你想过去吗 Oh. Do you want to go over?
不 早上我就见过她了 Nah, I saw her this morning.
-招呼也不去打吗 -不 - You don't want to at least say hello? - Nah.
只要我说话别太大声 If I don't talk too loud,
她都不知道我在这儿 She'll never know I'm here.
老婆是瞎子就这点好 That's one of the perks.
对了 说起老婆 Hey, speaking of wives--
你的贤妻 Does, uh-- does yours know
知不知道 你跟莫宁的事 About the thing with you and Morning Randolph?
什么 What?
你跟莫宁那事 The thing with you and Morning.
我 呃 没有 Me and--no. With--with--
你 你听谁说的 Where-- where'd you hear that?
谁 谁 谁 Where--where--where--
爱八卦的人告诉我的 A little birdie told me.
林肯夫妇是谁 Who are the Lincolns?
别他妈玩你的手机了 Put down the fucking Blackberry.
不玩了 林肯夫妇是谁 It's down. Who are the Lincolns?
肖恩和贝佛利 英国来的那一对 Sean and Beverly. The English couple.
我干嘛要去跟他们吃午饭 And I'm having lunch with them why?
因为你喜欢他们 You like them.
我喜欢他们的口音 I like their accents.
会很开心的 It'll be nice.
他们很有趣 They're interesting.
他们有趣在哪 Tell me one thing
说出一条 that's interesting about them,
我就跟他们吃饭 and I'll have lunch with them.
他可能和莫宁·兰道夫有一腿 He may be screwing Morning Randolph.
要不就去文森提餐厅吧 Maybe we'll go to Vincenti.
慢点 我快了 Ooh, slow down. I'm close.
我向你保证 什么也没有 I assure you, there is nothing--
我和莫宁之间什么也没有 nothing going on between me and Morning.
有的话我也不会责怪你的 Hey, I wouldn't blame you if there was.
我也曾是她的入幕之宾 I've been to that rodeo.
告诉你 那匹野马可是会踢人的 Let me tell you, that bronco can buck.
-什么 你和莫宁 -是啊 - What, you and Morning? - Oh, yeah.
很久以前了 那时她的咪咪还是真的 Years ago. She still had her real tits.
伙计 那记忆啊 Man, do I remember it.
你看到她的视频了 是吗 Heh. You've seen her video, right?
是 我 Yeah, I--
是啊 我看过了 Yeah, I believe I have.
从亲身经验来说 天啊 Well, in person-- oh, my god.
她的表现 She does stuff--
我的小弟弟当时给我发了感谢信 my dick was sending me thank-you notes.
"我和蛋蛋只想说 非常感谢[西语]" "Me and the balls just want to say muchas gracias."
所以他们是西班牙裔了 So, they're Spanish.
我能给你个小建议吗 But can I give you a little advice?
我无法告诉你怎样写作 I can't tell you how to write.
我甚至不能告诉你怎样运作一档电视节目 I couldn't even tell you what makes a TV show work.
-谢谢 -但是我可以跟你说说这个 - Good to know. - But I can tell you this.
和莫宁的事 不要玩火 This thing with Morning-- don't do it.
我没想要跟她有什么 Oh, I have no intention of doing it.
是是是 听我说 那不值得 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen to me. It's not worth it.
你和 What you have with--
贝佛利 Beverly.
我知道 I know.
你和贝佛利的感情 What you have with Beverly
是那么珍贵少有 is so precious and so rare.
就像我和 It's like what I have
那位迷人的女士一样 with that amazing woman over there.
要出轨可太容易了 It'd be so easy to cheat on her.
显而易见吧 Well...obviously.
没错 Right.
-但是我永远都不会那样做 -好吧 - But I would never do it. - Okay.
你和我 You and me.
咱们是最后的好男人 We're the last of the good guys.
我们得坚持下去 We gotta stay strong.
我们欠自己的 We owe it to ourselves,
也欠那些非凡而漂亮的女人们 and we owe it to those remarkable, beautiful women.
可你都不想过去打个招呼 But you don't want to go over and say hello?
反正回家还会见的 Ah, I'll see her at home.
你有遭遇过劈腿吗 Have you ever been cheated on?
没有 No.
那太不公平了 Well, that seems massively unfair.
通常我是那个背叛别人的人 Well, I'm usually the one doin' the doin'.
是因为你那巨大的老二吗 Is it the gigantic dick?
它的需求超出一个女人 Does it demand more than one woman?
大概是你不想惹怒它 I assume you don't want to make it cross.
我们的婚姻咨询师说 Our marriage counselor said
我有种破坏自己幸福的需求 I have a need to sabotage my happiness.
我更喜欢你的老二理论 But I like your dick thing better.
我觉得你是只喜欢老二理论吧 I think you just like your dick thing.
我还是不敢相信你把它掏出来 I still can't believe you took it out
给我老公看 谁会这么做啊 and showed it to my husband. Who does that?
我想说 反正不会是老二很小的人 I want to say... not guys with little dicks?
他可受了创伤 Well, he was traumatized.
做了不少噩梦 梦里有 He had nightmares about...
庞大的猎肠犬和下流的香蕉 enormous dachshunds and rogue bananas.
罪有应得 混蛋 Served him right, the bastard.
他怎么能这样对我 How could he do this to me?
我知道 男人嘛 I know. Men.
不 我是真的在问你 No, I'm actually asking you.
他怎么能这么做 我不明白 How could he do it? I don't understand.
你可能会明白 你是专家 You might know. You're the expert.
你爱你的妻子吗 Did you love your wife?
是啊 Yeah.
我爱她 I loved her.
然后呢 So?
你怎么能就那样丢掉了 How could you just chuck that away?
你是怎么想的 What were you thinking?
我没有 Um...I wasn't.
心理医生还说我没有能力 The shrink also said I have an inability
评估自己所作所为带来的后果 to appreciate the consequences of my actions.
你可真是乱七八糟 不是吗 You're just a mess, aren't you?
是啊 Oh, yeah.
你应感到自豪 You should be proud.
你把我老公调教的很好 You taught my husband well.
你在其中起了多大作用 How much of this was your doing?
我在什么中起了多大作用 How much of what was my doing?
马特 我是在想 Matt, I'm just thinking--
你去参加强奸慈善活动的那晚 the night you went to that rape thing,
你有两张多余的票 you had two extra tickets,
可你邀请了肖恩和她 不是我 but you took Sean and her, not me.
你那是要干吗 What were you up to there?
我不知道 I don't know.
我想我更喜欢她 Ow. I guess I liked her better.
她可不会踢我 She didn't kick me.
一派胡言 Bollocks.
你到底有什么企图 What the hell were you trying to do?
好吧 Hey! okay!
我只是想给他找点乐子 I just wanted him to have a little fun.
我那时候觉得你很没意思 Uhh! That was back when I didn't think you were fun.
你个流氓 是你撮合他们的 You bloody prick. You set them up.
-放手 -好吧 - Let go. - Okay.
你保证不再踢我 If you promise to stop kicking me.
我保证 I promise.
你是这所有糟糕的事情的罪魁祸首 You are responsible for every terrible thing
-该死的 停下来 -从我来这就开始了 - Damn it. Stop that! - That's happened to me since I got here.
你毁了我的剧 毁了我的婚姻 You destroyed my show, you destroyed my marriage!
好吧 Okay.
好 你想发泄吗 Okay, you want to let it out?
好吧 发泄吧 Fine, let it out.
发泄吧 Yeah, let it out!
好了 停止发泄 Okay, stop letting it out.
打够了吧 Enough letting it out!
没有 No!
那是 Is that a--
不是 No.
是的 就是 Yes, it is.
我能感觉到 I can feel it.
可能就一半 Maybe a semi.
那只是一半 That's just a semi?
我在各种水平上震惊了 I'm horrified on so many levels.
在别的水平上呢 And... on the other levels?
你真恶心 You're disgusting.
那当然 Sure.
如果你想让我停下来 If you want me to stop...
就说停 say stop.
停 Stop.
天啊 Oh, my god.
刚才还真的只是一半 That really was just a semi.