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前情提要
我一直沒機會跟你說 I didn't get a chance to tell you.
我很喜歡你的劇本 I loved your script.
才沒有 You did not.
你目前選角進展到哪里了 So, where are you with casting?
沒進展到哪 還不是多虧了你 In hell, thanks to you.
我現在只能在頭腦里幻想你的音容笑貌了 Now I can only hear your voice in my head.
繼續幻想 Well, keep hearing it,
他們目前把《冰球小子》挪到一個新的檔期 'cause they're trying "Pucks" On a new night,
如果還是沒有成效的話 and if it doesn't work...
我們輸給了一部 We lost to something
叫做《倉儲戰爭：德州篇》的東西 called "Storage Wars: Texas"?
情況不妙啊 大家 This is not good, people.
我們還輸給了《沼澤居民》 We also lost to "Swamp People."
我去 我忘了看《沼澤居民》 Oh, shit. I missed "Swamp People."
沒辦法 不過這還只是第一周呢 All right, but this is just the first week.
他們總得給觀眾一個認識我們的過程 They've got to give the audience a chance to find us.
他們一定會的吧 對不 They've got to, right?
《冰球小子》
第三季 第六集
戲里戲外
翻譯：NANA roaddog
時間軸：濃子
后期：斯人
總監：NANA
溫迪 Wendy!
干嗎 Yeah?
算了 Never mind.
你好 Hello?
請稍等 轉接卡羅 Hold for Carol.
時候到了 Here we go.
-你們好啊 -什么事 - Hey, there. - What's up?
這里是肖恩和貝佛利的辦公室 Sean and Beverly's office.
-我們接了 -我們接了 - We've got it! - We've got it!
真抱歉 Sorry about that.
我想你們肯定都看了收視報告 So, I'm sure you guys saw the ratings...
顯然不是我們所期望的數字 Obviously, not everything we were hoping for.
沒錯 不過你是說過 Right, but you did say
周六的期望值會比較低一些 expectations were lower on Saturdays.
但是比這高啊 But higher than this.
先別緊張 Now, don't freak out.
聽著不像好事 That's not chilling.
我們要把《冰球小子》撤下來 We're going to pull "Pucks" From the schedule.
什么 What?
暫時的 For now.
-才播出了一集 -我知道的 - After one viewing? - I know.
完全是我們的錯 It's totally our fault.
我們根本就不該把你們挪到周六 We never should have moved you to Saturday.
周六哪有人看電視啊 No one watches anything on Saturday.
不過好像大家都在看別的節目 And yet, they seem to be watching all the other shows.
可是沒有喜劇 But no comedies.
可能就是不想在周六看搞笑的吧 I guess people don't want to laugh on Saturday.
那《周六夜現場》又是咋回事 What about "Saturday Night Live"?
也不總是那么搞笑 It's not always funny.
要說我們是不是能把你們留在周六 Look, could we keep you on Saturdays?
當然可以 Absolutely.
但這個劇實在是很優秀 But these episodes are too good.
我們想保留下來 We want to save them for a time
留到觀眾愿意看的時間播出 when people will see them.
那又是什么時間呢 And when would that be?
也許夏季 Um, maybe in the summer.
到時候競爭少 There's a lot less competition.
-夏季 -夏季挺好的 - The summer? - The summer's great.
秋季收視率高 是集中播出新劇的時間
夏季就跟秋季是一樣一樣的 Summer's like the new fall.
夏季也有很多非常優秀的節目 There's tons of really terrific shows now in the summer.
那還是會有競爭的唄 So there will be competition.
有五百多家電視臺呢 Hey, that's the problem with over 500 channels...
總會有些亂七八糟的玩意兒上映 There's always some other shit on.
不過就現在來說 我們的玩意撤了 But as of now, our shit is off.
對 Right.
簡而言之 我們被砍了 So, in essence, we're canceled?
別這么說 Don't even go there.
你們還有最后三集要拍呢 You've still got those last three shows to shoot.
沒錯 所以這就是我們最后三集節目了 Right. So, they are our last three shows?
我怎么感覺像是在 I feel like I'm on
關于破案與庭審的長壽紀錄片
《法律與秩序》的法庭辯論上 the second half of "Law & Order" Here.
咣咣 "Chong! Chong!"
《法律與秩序》的聲音 That's the "Law & Order" Sound.
卡羅說沒有被砍 Carol says it's not canceled.
扯淡 It's bullshit.
謝謝 Thank you.
我沒發神經 你聽見她說的了 I'm not crazy. You heard her.
她說沒說會讓我們重新上映 Did she or did she not say they'd bring us back?
我覺得他們肯定會的 Oh, no, I'm sure they will.
對了 我告訴過你沒 By the way, did I tell you?
我的獨角獸現在拉的不是屎 是彩虹 My unicorn has been shitting rainbows.
那卡羅干嗎還那么說 Then why would Carol say it?
因為她是個騙子 Because she's a liar.
這個女的是我朋友沒錯 Yes, the woman is my friend,
不過這也不妨礙她 but that doesn't stop her
當一個滿嘴噴糞的大騙子 from being full of shit on a massive level.
她就是騙子里的喬丹 She's the Michael Jordan of liars.
真厲害 Hey, look at you
你這是看了二十年前的美國體壇數據庫吧 with the dated American sports references.
我覺得沒有道理啊 It just doesn't make sense.
如果這戲已經砍了 If it's really over,
他們干嗎還要花錢拍最后三集 why would they spend the money to shoot the last three?
我們當時拍了八集《喬伊傳》 Hey, we shot like eight episodes of "Joey"
后面根本沒播 they burned off.
他們只是不想扣扳機 真的 They hate pulling the trigger... I'm telling you.
現在雖然沒有人想給蓋上白布 Even though no one's willing to put a tag on the toe,
但這部戲已經掛了 this thing is dead.
他在嗎 Is he there?
馬特·勒布朗 Matt LeBlanc.
哥們 怎么樣 Hey, buddy. What's up?
你猜怎么的 Guess what...
他們要把《冰球小子》砍掉 they're pulling "Pucks" from the schedule.
我聽說了 Yeah, I heard.
問題解決了 So, problem solved...
現在我可以去拍NBC那部戲了 Now I can do the NBC thing.
怎么 What?
他們昨天已經選角了 They cast it yesterday.
你開什么玩笑 昨天 Are you shitting me? Yesterday?
選的誰 Who got it?
你們有沒有聽說過一個英國演員 Hey, you guys ever heard of
名字叫安東尼·博納·史密斯 some British actor Anthony Powner Smith?
虛構
當然 他可厲害了 Oh, sure. He's amazing.
我在倫敦西區看過他演《亨利五世》 I saw him do Henry V in the West End.
倫敦西區類似于美國百老匯
他一個人演了所有角色 He played all the parts.
沒有布景 沒有道具 No sets, no props...
就他 一個桶 和一只鳥籠 Just him, a bucket, and a birdcage...
簡直天才 genius.
他怎么了 What about him?
那個混蛋搶了安德魯·萊斯利的預播集里 That asshole took my part
我的角色 in Andrew Lesley's pilot.
-我去他大爺 -謝謝理解 - Bloody hell. - Thank you.
安德魯 萊斯利居然有幸 Andrew Lesley gets to work
能跟安東尼·博納·史密斯一起工作 with Anthony Powner Smith.
我是這意思嗎 Is that my point?
我覺得我不是這意思 I don't think that was my point.
我可真是受夠了這些英國鬼子 I am so sick of these British fucks
跑過來偷走我們的角色 coming over here and stealing our parts.
這合法嗎 How is that even legal, huh?
這事就應該 你們在你們國家演 It should be like, "Okay, you act in your country,
我們在我們國家演 and we'll act in ours."
他們可不管 But, no,
他們偷偷溜過來 說著像模像樣的美國腔 they sneak in here with their perfect American accents
就像施了魔法一樣 like some fucking magic trick,
根本就沒人知道 結果出了大事了 you know? And no one even knows till it's too late.
然后突然之間 你在談話節目看見他們 Then, suddenly, you see them on a talk show,
然后你才發現 我操 這家伙是英國人 and it's like, "Holy shit. That guy's English?!"
他們拍了我們的電視 They're on our TV shows.
演了我們的電影 They're in our movies.
我覺得 我覺得應該 There... there... there should be
舉行國會聽證會什么的 congressional hearings or something.
操這些英國人 呆在自己家別出來 Fucking British people! Stay the fuck home!
不要見怪 No offense!
我覺得我從沒想演一個角色想的這么厲害 I don't remember ever wanting a part this bad.
抱歉 是挺難受的 I'm sorry. It sucks.
我肯定能演好的 I could have been so good.
我知道說這話無濟于事 Well, I know it doesn't help,
不過還會有其他角色的 but there will be other parts.
不會像這個一樣了 Not like this.
你知道現在有另一部戲 You know the shit that's out there?
CBS請我去拍一部戲叫《四十操蛋》 CBS is offering me a show called "Fucked at Forty."
操蛋這詞都能說嗎 They can say "Fucked"?
會用標點符號蓋過去的 Well, it's got hash symbols and asterisks and stuff,
不過 如果我接了 although, if I take it,
他們可能會把標題改成《馬特》 they'll probably change the title to "Matt,"
因為所有人都知道馬特這倆字 'cause everyone knows "Matt"
就意味著四十操蛋 actually means "Fucked at Forty."
其實我明天不用非得去參加那個會議 You know, I don't have to go to this conference tomorrow.
我可以取消的 I could cancel.
別 別別 No, no, no, no.
我無論如何都會很糟心的 I'll still feel like shit, no matter what.
何必讓你那些難民受苦 Why should your refugees have to suffer?
老天 Oh, Christ.
怎么 What?
ABC有一部預播集不愿意見我 This ABC pilot won't see me
因為我在拍這部垃圾 'cause I was on this piece of shit.
操他的《冰球小子》 Fucking "Pucks."
哥們 冷靜點 Dude, chill.
怎么 你不著急 What? You're not freaking out?
不急 我會接到新戲的 No. I'll get something.
我其實已經有在給好幾部戲試鏡了 I've actually been reading for a bunch of stuff.
真的 他們會讓你參加 Seriously? They're letting you come in?
是啊 Yeah.
有適合我演的嗎 還是只能黑人演 Anything I'd be good for, or just black stuff?
怎么 What?
這是種族歧視嗎 這怎么就種族歧視了 Is that racist? H-how is that racist?
這個喬治·克魯尼的笑話能行嗎 Does this George Clooney joke work?
如果它的最終目標是讓人發笑 If its ultimate goal is to make people laugh,
那么不行 then, no.
-有更好的嗎 -沒有 - Got anything better? - Nope.
-能試試嗎 -不能 - Shall we try? - Nope.
我懂了 I see.
我很抱歉 I'm sorry.
沒有人會看這幾集劇 誰還在乎 No one's ever gonna see these shows. Who cares?
我在乎 你的搭檔 I care, your partner...
我 me.
如果這里邊任何一集能播出 If there's even a ghost of a chance
哪怕只有一點點機會 that one of them actually gets on,
我都不希望它拍得太臭 then I want to make sure it's not a stinking turd.
親愛的 那也得有人聞才行啊 Darling, if no one is there to smell it...
那你的計劃又是什么 And your plan is to what,just...
織出個美好未來 knit your way through it?
等這部劇都被遺忘幾十年了 Long after this show is forgotten,
至少圍巾還在 there will still be this scarf.
你們有時間嗎 If you guys got a sec,
我想介紹一下我的小妹 I want you to meet my little sister.
-你好啊 -你好 - Oh, hello. - Hey.
她從紐約過來玩 She's visiting from New York.
道恩 這倆是我老板 肖恩和貝佛利 Dawn, these are my bosses, Sean and Beverly.
肖恩和貝佛利 這是道恩 Sean and Beverly, Dawn.
-你們好 -早晨和黎明 - Hi. - Morning and Dawn...
莫寧和道恩意譯即為早晨和黎明
看來你們的父母想了很多啊 Clearly, your parents had a whole range of idea.
我猜你也是個演員吧 I'm guessing you're an actress, too.
-還好 不是 -不是的 - No, thank God. - Oh, God, no.
她是設計師 She's a designer.
平面設計師 Graphic design.
那也是個設計師 That's still a designer.
我差點也從事平面設計了 Oh, I almost went into graphic design.
我以前喜歡畫畫 I loved to draw.
買了一堆馬克筆 Had my markers.
給戲劇畫了不少海報 I did all the posters for the plays.
挺好 我們都用電腦的 Yeah, yeah. We do everything on computers.
現在都是數字化的了 It's all digital now.
對 沒錯 Yeah, right.
差點忘了 我老了 I almost forgot... I'm old.
你織毛線不 Do you knit?
那是誰 Who's that?
莫寧的小妹 道恩 Uh, Morning's little sister, Dawn.
腦子里隱隱浮現出一個“黎明破曉”的笑話 Boy, there's a "crack of dawn" joke there somewhere.
又可理解為“道恩的屁溝”
如果有人能想出來 Well, if anyone can find it...
想出來了 Found it.
我們遇到麻煩了 Uh, we have a problem.
-那就找肖恩 -謝謝啊 - Then you want Sean. - Thank you.
我們沒有斯透克了 We don't have Stoke.
那派個人去找啊 Well, then, someone should get him.
不是 我的意思是 我們就沒有斯透克了 No, I-I mean, we don't have stoke, period.
他離開了 He left.
離開這棟樓 還是這個星球了 What, the building? The planet?
這部戲 The show.
你什么意思 他辭了 What... what are you saying? He quit?
我們剛剛接到他經紀人的電話 We just got a call from his manager.
他 他得重拍邁克爾·貝的戲 He's... he's got reshoots on that Michael Bay thing,
然后我們這邊反正也差不多砍掉了 and since we're pretty much canceled...
我們還沒有砍掉 We're not canceled.
對 不過他說是砍掉了 Right. Well, he says we are.
太讓人抓狂了 That's insane.
我們還要拍一幕有他的鏡頭呢 We're about to shoot a scene with him.
打給他的經紀人 Get me the manager.
他在嗎 Is he there?
我這里是《冰球小子》的肖恩·林肯 I've got Sean Lincoln from "Pucks."
好的 稍等 Yeah. Hang on.
你好 Yeah. Hello.
并不是很好 Uh, not so good, actually.
我們剛聽說斯透克的消息 We just heard about Stoke.
怎么回事 what the fuck?
這是絕對不可接受的 No, that is absolutely unacceptable.
他這會應該到現場 還要拍一幕戲 He's supposed to be here, shooting a scene right now.
行了吧 邁克爾·貝的電影誰不知道啊 Oh, please, it's a Michael Bay movie.
他的角色讓一個開罐器來演都行 His part could be played by a can opener.
相信我 我們會告你的 Oh, believe me... we will sue you.
我們會的 Oh, yes, we will.
我們會的 Yes, we will.
其他的 其他那些男孩呢 Where are... where are the other boys?
同志們 Guys?
你能相信嗎 Do you believe this?
我能 Yes, I do.
你們知不知道斯透克離開劇組了 Did you guys know that Stoke had left the show?
大概知道 kind of.
我們以為你們知道的 We thought you knew.
不知道 Uh, no.
那我們該怎么辦 So, what are we supposed to do?
-我們可以分掉他的臺詞 -什么 - We could just split up his lines. - What?
就把他的部分劃分給我們 You know, just divide his stuff between us.
不行 這樣根本行不通 No! It... it wouldn't make any sense.
你覺得我們寫的臺詞 Do you think we just write lines
任何人都能念嗎 that anyone can say,
就這么隨便嗎 that it's that random?
不行 他的臺詞得用他的聲音說出來 No, his lines are in his voice,
你們的臺詞得 它 它 and your lines are... it... it...
這里邊有內在的邏輯 我們不能 There's an internal logic to... we can't!
根本 根本 這 It's... it just... it...
你猜怎么的 You know what?
就這樣辦 Do it.
真的 Really?
你們把臺詞分掉 沒關系的 Yeah, split 'em up. It'll be fine.
那誰說哪句啊 So, uh, w-who should say what?
沒有關系 你們決定 Doesn't matter. Your call.
我了個去 那我們能往上加東西嗎 Holy shit. Can we add some stuff?
當然可以 隨便加 Absolutely. Add away.
來點毛線 Wool?
你最好還是不要動那幾個布朗尼 Uh, you might want to steer clear of the brownies.
從第一次對臺詞的時候就已經在這兒了 They've been here since the first table read.
惡心 Yikes.
可能已經開始長新的布朗尼了 Probably growing other brownies by now.
謝謝通知 Yeah. Good to know.
還有 這邊的工作人員 Oh, also, the crew...
不是很注重衛生 not so much with the hygiene.
最好只碰有包裝的東西 I'd stick to anything wrapped.
好的 Okay.
我的莫寧的妹妹道恩 I'm Morning's sister Dawn, by the way.
我是馬特 Hey. I'm Matt.
開什么玩笑 還能有人不知道嗎 No kidding. Like someone wouldn't know that.
什么 What?
抱歉 I'm sorry.
我也不是說以前沒遇到過名人 God, it's not like I've never met anyone famous.
可是 你是喬伊 It's just... it's Joey.
是啊 Right.
我小時候 對你可著迷了 When I was a kid, I was totally obsessed with you.
真的 Really?
偷偷告訴你 Just between us,
我今天到這兒來的唯一原因是想見你 the only reason why I came today was to meet you.
別告訴某些人我說過這句話啊 Don't tell certain other people I said that.
別擔心 Ah, not to worry.
跟你見面就相當于是 Meeting you is kind of like
我提前給自己送的生日禮物 an early birthday present to myself.
那么 祝你生日快樂 Ah, well, Happy Birthday.
-什么時候 -周四 - When is it? - Thursday.
滿多少歲 How old are you gonna be?
19 19.
說吧 Say it.
別了 Nah, come on.
要的 說啊 拜托了 Yes, say it. Come on, please.
-真的 -是啊 - Seriously? - Yes.
等我到的時候說 Say it right when I'm coming.
不行 No.
行的 說吧 Yes! Come on!
沒可能 Not gonna happen.
說吧 拜托了 我馬上到了 Say it. Come on, I'm really close.
-別想了 -說吧 - Forget it. - Say it!
現在說 Say it now!
現在 Now!
你好啊 How you doin'?
看 See?
像這樣漠不關心 不是好受點嗎 Isn't this better... not giving a shit?
還是需要有個習慣過程的 Might take some getting used to.
所以我準備了酒 That's what the wine is for.
我們會沒事的 You know, we're gonna be fine.
我知道 I know.
我們會回家 我們會拍新戲 We'll go home. We'll come up with new shows.
你可以給新戲做海報 You could make the posters.
沒錯 Exactly.
真希望這整件事不是像這么倒霉催的 Oh, I just wish it hadn't been such a fucking disaster.
并沒有 It wasn't a...
沒錯 對 你說得對 Yeah, right. Yeah, no, you're right.
現在回家 I mean, going home now,
看見大家伙 seeing everyone,
想想當初我們離開的時候 especially after the way we left...
“我們去好萊塢了 再見了傻逼們” "Off to Hollywood! See you, suckers!"
是不是后悔那封群發的郵件了 Kind of regretting that mass e-mail?
有那么點 Little bit.
我們可以先別回家 You know, we don't have to go straight home.
是吧 We do not.
我們可以去旅行 We could travel around a bit.
沒錯 “旅行的失敗者” Absolutely. "The Traveling Failures."
我們又不用拉橫幅 Well, we don't need a banner.
天吶 太奇怪了 God, this is so weird.
我記得我七歲的時候在電視上看你 I remember watching you when I was like 7...
而現在我躺在這里抓著你的老二 And now I'm laying here with your dick in my hand.
生活多奇妙 Yeah, life's funny.
不過 握的有點緊 By the way, a little grippy.
-這樣好點嗎 -好多了 - Better? - Yeah.
實際上 我該回片場了 Actually, I should be getting back to the stage.
完了 我也是 Oh, shit. Me too.
我媽估計要慌了 My mother's probably freaking out.
你媽 什么意思 你媽媽 Your mother? What... what do you mean, your mother?
我說了"媽媽"嗎 Did I say "mother"?
真奇怪 我是說 姐姐 Weird. I meant, um, sister.
好吧 我糊涂了 Well, I'm totally confused.
沒事 別管了 無所謂的 Yeah, just forget it. It's so stupid.
什么啊 What?
好吧 但你發誓你不會告訴任何人 Okay, but you have to swear that you won't tell anybody ever.
好的 我誰都不說 All right. I won't tell anybody.
要發誓 Swear.
好吧 我發誓 是什么 Fine. I swear. What?
她對大家說她是我姐姐 She just tells people she's my sister.
-誰說 -我那個神經老媽 - Who? - My nutjob mother.
她就怕大家發現 She's afraid people will figure out
她已經有一千億歲了 she's like a kajillion years old.
挫爆了 It's really lame.
等等 莫寧不是你姐姐嗎 W-w-wait a minute. Morning's not your sister?
對 Yeah.
她是你媽媽 She's your mother?
把我老二放開 立馬的 Definitely let go of my dick.
我們是不是該回去開工了 We should probably get back to work.
非得回去嗎 這樣多好啊 Ohh, do we have to? This is so nice.
別墨跡啦 Oh, come on, now.
那些折疊椅可不會自己排好 Those deck chairs aren't gonna rearrange themselves.
真不好意思打擾你們 I am so, so sorry to bother you.
你們是肖恩和貝佛利·林肯夫婦嗎 You're Sean and Beverly Lincoln, right?
可能吧 Maybe.
艾琳·杰菲 我是WME的一名經紀人 Eileen Jaffee. I'm an agent at WME.
美國著名老牌經紀公司
我走之前一定得告訴你們 And I could not leave without telling you
我超喜歡你們作品的 I'm such a huge fan of your work.
這樣的話 我們絕對是肖恩和貝佛利·林肯 In that case, we are definitely Sean and Beverly Lincoln.
天吶 我愛死你們的作品了 Oh, my God! I just love your writing.
真的嗎 Really?
這有什么好驚訝的 Don't sound so surprised.
主要是我們不習慣別人夸《冰球小子》 Well, we're not used to getting a lot of praise for "Pucks."
不 不是《冰球小子》 Oh. No, not "Pucks."
是《萊曼校長和孩子們》 "Lyman's boys."
-是嗎 -太好了 謝謝 - Really? - How nice. Thank you.
我在倫敦分公司做了一年半的負責人 I ran our London office for 18 months,
就只看了這一部劇 and it was the only thing I watched.
星期六晚上我都不會約人去玩 Saturday nights, I didn't even make plans.
當然 我那時剛離婚 Of course, I was also just divorced
壓根沒有生活 and had no life,
但我還是超愛 but, still, I loved,
超超超愛你們的劇 loved,loved your show.
我也超超超愛你 Oh, I think I love, love you.
他們在這邊讓你們做的工作實在太糟糕了 It's so awful what they made you to do it here.
一定很折磨人吧 That can't have been fun.
我們能坐得住都是奇跡了 It's a wonder we can sit at all.
你們當時還有另外一個在傳看的劇本吧 You also had a script that was going around back then.
大家都在談論那個 It's all anyone talked about.
真的嗎 哪一個 Really? Which one?
我得說是《我們的反面》 Uh, I want to say "The opposite of us."
你還記得名字 You remember the title?
開什么玩笑 我現在還能背出臺詞 Are you kidding? I can still quote lines from it.
-那就請背吧 -還是不要吧 - Please do. - Please don't.
那劇本怎么樣了 Whatever happened with that?
沒怎么 Nothing.
真的嗎 Seriously?
我們這邊也是有蠢貨的 Oh, we have idiots on our side of the pond, too.
天吶 我真想再讀一遍 God. I'd love to read it again.
你們這邊還會有備份嗎 You don't have a copy, do you?
你的心意我們領了 Uh, uh... that's very sweet,
不過我們得說 but just so you know,
我們不準備再在美國拍戲了 we're not looking to do another show here.
天吶 不不不 Oh, God. No, no, no.
只是我看而已 純粹私欲 Just for me, purely selfish.
我可以電郵給你 I could e-mail it to you.
真是太感謝了 這么好的待遇 I would love that. What a treat!
大中午的喝酒 在慶祝什么呀 So, bottle of wine at lunch... what are we celebrating?
我們本不該說的 We're not supposed to say,
不過 我們的劇被撤檔了 but, um, they pulled our show from the schedule.
是啊 我上周聽說了 Yeah. I heard last week.
真的嗎 他們剛剛才通知我們 Really? They just told us.
這我也聽說了 I heard that, too.
妮娜 你看到我妹妹了嗎 Hey, Nina, have you seen my little sister?
抱歉 沒有 Sorry, no.
你知道杜魯門那屆的副總統是誰嗎 Do you know who was Truman's Vice President...
七個字母的 Seven letters?
天吶 你覺得我有多老啊 Jesus. How fucking old do you think I am?
巴克利 Barkley.
謝謝 Thank you.
我勒個去 Holy shit.
這可不是你想看到的 Yeah, that's not what you want.
看來你倆遇上了 So, you two met.
我一點都不該害怕啊 That's not terrifying at all.
這不關你的事 姐姐 It's none of your business, sis.
你們去哪了 Where have you been?
-哪也沒去 -哪也沒去 - Nowhere. - Nowhere?
那怎么可能 How was that?
別著急 我們兜了個風而已 Relax. We just went for a ride.
去哪兜的 Oh. Where?
不知道 附近吧 I don't know. Around.
你們去附近兜了個風 You went for a ride around.
你們有沒有去"扯淡大街" Did you happen to take bullshit street
或者"你他媽耍我大道" or are you fucking kidding me Avenue?!
好了 我們得談談 Right. We need to talk.
好吧 回見了兩位 Okay. See you guys later.
不 是我們 No, you.
你 給我進去 You... go inside.
你剛才是對我翻白眼了嗎 Did you just roll your eyes at me?
起碼我還能翻起來 At least I can roll my eyes.
好吧 All right, look...
-你跟我妹妹上床了嗎 -沒有 - Did you fuck my sister? - No.
一派胡言 You are such a liar.
我發誓 我沒有操你妹妹 I swear, I did not fuck your sister.
天吶 Oh, my God.
怎么了 What?
她告訴你了 She told you?
大概是 Kind of.
可你還是操她了 And you still fucked her?
不不不 No, no, no.
我操她的時候 以為她是你妹 I fucked her when I thought she was your sister.
那也不行 Still not okay!
但總比你女兒好吧 你得承認 But better than your daughter, you got to admit.
就這一次而已 Look, it was a one-time thing.
什么也不算 It meant nothing.
什么媽媽想聽到這句話啊 What mother doesn't want to hear that?
她又不是十六歲了 Hey, you know, it's not like she's 16.
不是吧 Right?
所以 她是成人了 So, okay, she's an adult.
有能力決定自己的行為 She's able to make her own decisions.
那她也是我孩子啊 She is still my kid.
我知道 I get that.
我一發現這事情 Look, the minute I found out,
立馬就停手了 that was it... done, over.
我保證 不會再跟她見面的 I promise. I'm not gonna see her again.
電話都不會打 I'm not even gonna call her.
所以基本上 你想當她是個屁 So, basically, you're gonna treat her like shit.
那你說你想我怎么辦 Look, tell me what you want, huh?
再操她一次 Want me to fuck her again?
那我就再操一次 I'll fuck her again.
都聽你的 媽媽 Totally your call, mom.
你們好呀 Hello.
怎么了 What's going on?
沒什么 Nothing.
沒你個大頭鬼 混蛋 Nothing to you, asshole.
她不該被你這么對待 She doesn't deserve this.
她根本都不在演藝圈 She's not even in the business.
我 I, uh...
我和她女兒中午去吃了點東西 I kind of had a little lunch thing with her daughter.
-什么 -等等 "女兒" - What? - Wait. You said "daughter."
你是說"妹妹"吧 You mean "sister."
不 女兒 Nope, daughter.
-不是妹妹嗎 -是女兒 - Not sister? - Daughter.
妹妹 女兒 妹妹 女兒 "Sister, daughter. Sister, daughter.
-妹妹 女兒 -求你別現眼了 - She's my sister and..." - I'm begging you.
所以她說是她妹妹的那個姑娘 So that girl she said was her sister...
不是妹妹 Isn't.
-那就是你 -對 - And that's who you... - Yeah.
天吶 你睡了莫寧的女兒 Jesus! You slept with Morning's daughter?
別看我啊 Hey, hey, don't look at me.
她還和她哥睡了呢 She slept with her brother.
沒錯 This is true.
抱歉 我記得沒錯的話 Excuse me.As I recall,
你搞的就是她本人 you had the woman herself.
也沒錯 Also true.
伙計 我們是在開發她全家啊 Man, we are just plowing through that family.
溫迪 Wendy?
你在嗎 You there?
不在嗎 No?
溫迪 Wendy?
溫迪 Wendy...
你個吃白飯的婊子 You incompetent cunt?
肖恩和貝佛利辦公室 Sean and Beverly's office.
天吶 Oh, Jesus.
艾琳·杰菲在一號線 Eileen Jaffee on one.
非常感謝 做得好 Thank you so much. Well done.
你好 Hello?
肖恩 我是艾琳 Sean, it's Eileen.
你收到劇本了嗎 Oh, did you get the script?
天吶 比我印象中還要精彩 Oh, my God. It's even better than I remembered.
謝謝 Oh, thank you.
貝貝正在樓下片場呢 Bev's down on stage,
但我一定會告訴她的 but I'll definitely tell her.
一定哦 Please do.
而且 別生我氣 Also, don't be mad at me.
好吧 All right.
我剛才在和福克斯的金·薩利開會 I was just at a meeting with Kim Sally over at Fox.
-你認識金嗎 -不認識 - Have you met Kim? - No.
你會喜歡她的 You'd love her.
總之 Anyway,
她在抱怨自己看了一堆爛劇本 she was bitching about all the crap she's been reading,
然后問我有沒有讀到什么喜歡的 and she asked if I've read anything I liked.
所以 我告訴她我喜歡的那本不能給她看 So, I told her the only thing I liked she can't have.
結果 她非看不可了 Well, of course, now she has to see it.
你介意我給她看下嗎 Do you mind if I show it to her?
那個 Well...
就像我們之前說的 as we told you,
我們不準備 we're not interested in ...
再拍新劇了 pursuing anything new.
當然 Absolutely.
我知道的 I hear you.
我會跟她說明白的 I'll make it very clear,
即使她喜歡 也不能拿給她拍 even if she loves it, she can't have it.
好吧 Um, all right.
那看看也無妨 I can't see the harm.
你要先跟貝佛利通個氣嗎 Do you need to clear it with Beverly first?
不 不 No, no.
只要我們說好 不會對那個本子打主意 Um, not if we're all on the same page that nothing can happen.
我保證 You have my word.
很好 Great.
太棒了 我會告訴你她的反應的 Wonderful. I'll let you know what she says.
好的 Okay.
你好啊 Hello.
你看到肖恩了嗎 You haven't seen Sean, have you?
沒有 Nope.
可能回辦公室了吧 Probably back at the office.
另外 你妹妹看起來挺可愛的 Your sister seems lovely, by the way.
怎么了 What?
那個混蛋告訴你了 是不是 That asshole told you, didn't he?
什么混蛋 我 What asshole? I...
是的 他告訴我們了 Yes, he told us.
我就知道 I knew it.
所以她是你女兒 So she's your daughter.
多好呀 That's wonderful.
是啊 像今天這樣 真是不能再好 Yeah, on days like today, it's fucking joyous.
-來一根嗎 -不了 我 - Want one? - Oh, no, I just...
-你的劇剛被砍了 -謝謝 - Your show just got canceled. - Thank you.
那... So, um,
我能問下嗎 may I ask...
她是什么時候變成你妹妹的 when did she become your "sister"?
剛出生就是了 Oh, right out of the cooch.
相信我 這玩意兒晚了就換不過來了 Believe me... that is not something you can switch up later.
我也覺得 I would think not.
為了事業著想 合情合理 Careerwise, it just made sense.
我那時還演凱莉呢 I was still Kelly.
凱莉 Kelly?
凱莉 Kelly.
凱莉 Kelly?
凱莉啊 凱莉 Kelly. Kelly.
《凱莉女孩》里的 On "Kelly girl."
虛構
好吧 All right.
沒有人會想看到凱莉當媽 And no one wanted to think of Kelly as a mom.
是啊 No.
我是在劇集的空檔期生的 I had the baby over a hiatus.
就跟大家說 I just told everyone
我又去隆胸了 that I went off to get my tits done again.
他們都信了 They totally bought it.
你這反正有基礎 Well, clearly, you'd already laid the groundwork.
對 Exactly.
等我回來的時候 And when I came back...
大家好 這是我妹妹 hello... I had a little sister.
再說 我的奶也變得超級大 Plus, obviously, my boobs were ginormous.
對 Right.
那 父親是誰 And, uh, the father?
一夜情而已 一個演員 He was a one-time thing... this actor.
你不認識的 You wouldn't know him.
長得像是窮人版的比爾·貝克比 He was like a poor man's Bill Bixby.
-誰 -比爾·貝克比 - Who? - Bill Bixby.
比爾·貝克比 Bill Bixby.
美國演員 1934年出生 1993年去世
比爾 Bill...
-我們還是別再來一次了 -好的 - Let's not do this again. - All right.
那 是你一個人把她養大的 So, uh, you brought her up on your own?
是的 媽媽該做的我都做了 Oh, yeah, I did all the mom shit...
做萬圣節服裝 made the Halloween costumes
從沒錯過她的足球訓練 and never missed a soccer practice.
是嗎 Really?
我天天都擔心的要死 And I worried my ass off.
只剩擔心了 That's all you do is worry.
擔心他們會得病 You worry they'll get sick.
擔心他們會受傷 You worry they'll get hurt.
擔心學車出意外 You worry when they learn to drive.
無法想象 I can't even imagine.
知道我唯一沒擔心過什么嗎 You know the one thing I never worried about...
她去跟馬特·勒布朗睡覺 her fucking Matt LeBlanc!
真的嗎 我覺得每個媽媽 Really? I would think that's something
都該擔心這件事 all mothers should worry about.
有人嗎 Hello?
馬特 Matt?
親愛的 Honey?
在這里 In here.
你好啊 你怎么回來了 Hey. What are you doing back?
我以為你周末還有會呢 I thought the conference thing was through the weekend.
是有 It is.
你昨晚聽起來太傷心了 You just seemed so sad last night.
我不想讓你一個人待著 I didn't want you to be on your own.
我現在好多了 Well, I'm better now.
怎么了 What?
怎么 怎么回事 What's... what's the matter?
我們也不是現在非得做 Uh, you know, we don't have to do this now.
你餓了嗎 You hungry?
冰箱里有好多中餐 I-I got a ton of Chinese in the fridge,
-或者我們可以出去 -別 - or we could go out, or... - Don't.
別什么 我怎么了 Don't what? What am I doing?
我知道偷吃是什么味道 I know what cheating smells like.
什么 偷吃 What? Cheating?
你在 在說什么 What... what are you... what?
瘋了吧 That's crazy.
我知道你有特異功能 Look, I know you got your special skills
什么都能聞到 with your superhuman X-Men nose,
但你完全錯了 太扯了 太 but you're so wrong, way off base, way...
求你了 我不想跟你扯這個 Please, I don't want to play this game.
太瘋狂了吧 Well, t-this is nuts.
你回來的時候還好好的 You come in here all fee-fi-fo-fumming.
我不知道你以為自己聞到了什么 I don't know what you think you're smelling,
但這 這 but it's... it's...
你一開始就知道 You knew from the beginning
我要求的只有兩件事 there were only two things I asked...
對我好 還有不要偷吃 be nice and don't cheat.
我對你挺好的啊 I was nice!
我走了 I'm going.
好吧 好吧 是我混蛋 Okay, okay. I fucked up.
可你也知道我心情多糟糕 You know how depressed I was.
那你就去吃甜點 So you eat a cheesecake.
你不能拿我們的關系冒險 You don't drive us off a cliff!
我知道 真抱歉 是我蠢 I know. I'm sorry. It was stupid.
好吧 這個女孩 Okay, this... this girl...
我發誓 她什么都不是 I swear, she meant nothing... nothing.
我今天才認識她 I met her today.
真了不起 It's amazing.
你怎么會不知道自己在越描越黑 How do you not know that you're making things worse?
等等 別這樣 Hang on. Don't do this.
-別過來 -求你了 - Stop. - Come on.
不 結束了 No. No more.
不 別動 No, stay.
我受夠了 I'm done.
什么 What?
是啊 Oh, yeah.