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本字幕由人人影视字幕组翻译 禁止用作任何商业盈利行为
翻译&校对&总监：NANA
时间轴：浓子
后期：斯人
第三季 第九集
戏里戏外
前情提要
刚跟NBC通过电话 Just got off with nbc.
你猜咋的 Guess what.
你不用试镜了 You don't have to audition.
不是开玩笑吧 No shit?
你只需要过去见个面 You just have to go in and meet.
我不用读剧本吧 And I don't have to read?
你不用读剧本 And you don't have to read.
那好 All right.
我觉得是时候停药了 I'm thinking it's time to stop taking the meds.
你如果现在停药 绝对是个错误 It would be a huge mistake to stop now.
我怎么强调都不为过 I cannot stress this enough.
这个剧本不会给你 This script isn't going to you.
也不会给福克斯 It isn't going to fox.
它要去的地方只能是我们带回家的箱子 The only place it's going is in our suitcase home.
好吧 Okay.
不许背着我们去撺掇这事 You don't pursue it behind our backs.
结束了 It's over.
我的天 Oh, my god.
这个人发现了一个冠军 This one found a winner.
我昨晚读了 I read it last night.
我都不想拍试播集 I don't want to even shoot a pilot.
我想直接开拍一季 I want to go straight to series.
最快什么时候能开始 How soon can they start?
大家好啊 Hey, kids.
好 Hello.
这可真是个惊喜 This is a nice surprise.
这里就是变出魔术的地方 So, this is where the magic happens.
曾经是 Happened.
没错 right.
都没人愿意看我们的把戏 Apparently, nobody wanted to see our tricks.
对了 趁着你们在 Anyway, while I've got you --
请不要抓狂 And don't bite my head off...
最好别是我想的那个事 This better not be going where I think it's going.
我只想跟你们谈一谈 I just want to have a conversation.
是吗 Right.
那上一次的谈话呢 And what happened to the conversation
上次说好我们绝对不会 where we agreed we would never,
再有这一次的谈话 ever have this conversation?
那是在卡斯特看你们剧本之前 That was before Castor saw your script.
他“看”了 Oh. He "Saw" It!
我发誓 我没拿给他看 I swear! I didn't show it to him!
你这种话一般都是撒谎 That's the octave you usually lie in.
真的 Honest.
他在我桌子上乱翻 He was snooping around my desk.
然后他看见了 He saw it and read it,
然后你猜怎么着 and -- hello! --
他喜欢死了 He loved it.
真的 Really?
喜欢死了 Loved it.
我给他看了那么多东西 Of all the things I've shown him,
这是唯一一部他想拍的 It's the only one he wants to do.
那确实是你给他看的 So you did show it to him.
那又怎么了 Oh, so what?
我没办法 I had to!
我的工作都快丢了 My job is on the line!
他什么都看不上 He hates everything.
可你这个 Your thing?
他根本都不想拍试播集 He doesn't even want to shoot a pilot.
他想直接就开拍一整季 He wants to go straight to series.
我感觉听上去不错啊 I like the sound of that.
我不觉得 I don't.
这意思不过是说我们能跨过地狱边缘 That just means we get to skip limbo
直接进入地狱而已 and go straight to hell.
行 那要不这样 Okay. How about this?
要不我们把剧本从你们那买过来 What if we just buy the show from you?
我们请别人来运作 We'll hire someone else to run it.
你们完全不用到场 You won't even have to be here.
不 不行 这是我们的剧 No. No, no. It's our show.
如果有人要运作这部戏 那得是我俩 If anyone's gonna run it, it'll be us.
你知道我是会很高兴的 Well, you know I'd love that.
少说废话 Forget it!
我们要回家 We're going home.
去干什么 To do what?
你回去了以后打算干什么 What are you gonna do when you get there?
去努力再上一部戏 Try to get another show on?
就算你弄上了 你也就拍个 And even if you do, you'll make,
六集的剧目 何况压根就没人看 what, six episodes of something no one will ever see?
英国嘛[英国电视剧一季六集] Well, England.
是的呀 Exactly.
那怎么办 我们就该 So, are just supposed
忘掉过去十个月这场大灾难 to ignore the disaster of the last 10 months?
我们好不容易才爬出这个坑 We finally got out of this one.
我才不要再回去那该死的片场 I am not going back into the burning building.
我不管 I don't care.
你们爱咋咋地 Let the fucking cat die.
你怎么想 Where are you?
我也不知道 I don't know.
也许换一部戏就会不一样 Maybe it could be different with a different show.
我感觉就像在集市上玩套圈 I think it's like tossing those rings at the fun fair.
每次你都觉得你一定会套中 Each time, you're so sure you'll get it.
是啊 Right.
不过 相信我 But, believe me,
你一定不会带回家一只毛绒长颈鹿的 You're not gonna walk away with a stuffed giraffe here.
你只能默默离开 You just have to walk away.
我想要一只长颈鹿 I want a giraffe.
我知道你想要的 I know you do.
在这个城里 And in this town,
如果你能赢回来一只长颈鹿 if you can win a giraffe...
对 不过这个城 Right, but this town --
对我俩没什么好处 It's no good for us.
差点把我俩搭上了 It nearly did us in.
这倒是真话 That is true.
我们好不容易才能回到一个很好的关系 We've worked so hard to get back to a good place.
我们现在关系真的很好 And it's a very good place.
我们在家会好得多 We do so much better at home.
我同意 I agree.
谢谢你 Thank you.
那是长颈鹿吗 Is that a giraffe?
有可能 It just may be.
我一直想打给你 I've been trying to get you.
完蛋 我电话关机了 Oh, shoot. My phone was off.
为什么 Why?
我在做脱毛 I was getting waxed.
如果电话响了 会吓到帮我做脱毛的人 If it rings, it startles her,
然后就 and then -- blgggh!
怎么回事 What's going on?
卡斯特召集了一个大会议 Castor called a big meeting.
什么时候 For when?
-二十分钟之前 -什么 - 20 minutes ago. - What?!
完全是临时召开的 It was totally last minute.
所有人都到了 艾略特也在 Everyone's already in there, even Elliot.
艾略特也在 Elliot's here?!
我的老天 Jesus christ!
但不止是我们 But it's not just us.
所有公共电视台都 All network tv is --
真抱歉 So sorry.
我不知道要开会 I didn't know.
请继续 Keep going.
我说到哪了 Where was I?
所有公共台电视台都 Uh, "All network tv is..."
对 Right.
要挂了 ...Dying.
公共台要挂了 Network tv is dying.
每一年 我们的收视率都在降低 Every year, our ratings get lower.
有线台在杀死我们 Cable is killing us.
互联网也在杀死我们 The internet is killing us.
我们砍掉的节目 收视率都不可思议的低 We're canceling shows at an unprecedented rate.
情况又如何呢 And what do we do?
我们火都快烧到眉毛了 却还安稳地坐着 We sit around with our heads up our asses saying,
互相问“我什么也没闻到 你呢” "I don't smell anything. Do you?"
我们播出的节目完全中规中矩 又陈腐不堪 We put out a product that's predictable and stale,
我们还不明白为什么没有人在看 And we wonder why no one's watching.
你把情况说的这么糟糕 搞的我们这么郁闷 So now that you've depressed the shit out of us,
你的解决办法又是什么呢 what would you do?
对 Okay.
我们得要看大局 We need to look at the big picture.
我们要做出勇敢的改变 We need to make bold moves,
改变陈规 change the paradigm.
现在最火的东西是什么 What's the hottest thing right now?
卡戴珊姐妹 Kardashians.
僵尸 Zombies!
挺接近的 Close.
我们为什么会对僵尸着迷 Why are we so obsessed with zombies?
他们很可怕 They're scary.
对 Right!
为什么 Why?
因为他们是僵尸 'cause they're zombies?
他们很可怕 是因为他们不可预测 They're scary 'cause they're unpredictable!
对 Yes!
你永远也不知道他们什么时候会发动攻击 You never know when they're going to attack.
这就是我想要的 That's what I want.
你想做一部僵尸剧 You want to do a zombie show?
实际上倒是有一些 You know, there are actually
很不错的僵尸剧本 a couple of really strong zombie scripts.
不是 天哪 我不是说我们做僵尸剧 No! Christ! I'm not saying we do zombies.
我是说我们要变成僵尸 I'm saying we become zombies.
好吧 All righty.
我们要不可预测 让人惊醒 要危险 We need to be unexpected, startling, dangerous!
你觉得我们应该怎么做到呢 And how do you propose we do that?
好的 All right.
第一件要做的事 Start by throwing away
就是丢掉“什么时候” the "When."
“节目什么时候播” 不重要 "When's the show on?" Doesn't matter.
我们生活的世界 We're living in a world where your tv
电视变成了电脑 is becoming your computer
电脑又变成了ipad is becoming your ipad
ipad又变成了手机 is becoming your phone.
节目什么时候播 根本无关紧要 When the show's on is irrelevant.
你不会问 You don't go,
那个视频什么时候播 "When's that youtube video on?"
视频随时都可以播 It's just on.
所以 忘掉时间 So, forget the when.
忘掉晚间 忘掉时间段 Forget "Nights" And "Time slots"
忘掉引子 and "Lead-ins."
那大家应该怎么知道什么时候 So, how are people supposed to know when --
忘掉什么时候 Forget the when!
什么 什么时候 What -- what when?
我的意思是 What I mean is,
他们该怎么知道在播什么节目呢 how will they know what's on?
他们不知道 They won't.
这就是魅力所在 That's the beauty!
我们一定要逃出时间表的窠臼 We've got to escape the tyranny of the schedule.
完全把这些丢掉 Get rid of all of it!
天 Jesus.
没想到还有这一出 Didn't see that coming.
从现在开始 From now on,
我们随时随地播放随便什么节目 we program anything at any time.
喜剧 正剧 真人秀 Comedy, drama, reality
全他妈混杂起来 - mix it the fuck up.
也许有一天 Maybe one night,
四个小时全播放蜜蜂 four hours all about bees!
-蜜蜂 -蜜蜂 - Bees? - Bees!
第二天 大家就会说 The next day, people will be all,
你看了关于蜜蜂的那个玩意了吗 "Did you see that fucking thing about the bees?"
酷毙了 The sheer balls of it!
给我解释一下 Uh, help me out here.
这些蜜蜂做什么呢 What are the bees doing?
是有趣的蜜蜂吗 Are they funny bees?
是杀人蜂吗 Are they killer bees?
还是说有什么才艺 Do they have a talent?
我不知道 谁他妈在乎 I don't know. Who gives a shit?
他们是蜜蜂 他们就做蜜蜂会做的事 They're bees.They'll do whatever bees do.
重点是 The point is,
大家会打开我们电视台 people are gonna tune in to find out
来看我们下一步会做什么 what the hell we're doing next.
让你忍不住不看 It's total water cooler.
还有 所有节目都现场直播 Oh! And everything's live.
蜜蜂还直播 The bees are live?
说不准呢 那他妈该有多带劲 Maybe! How fucking great would that be?
大家 我们一定得丢掉规矩 People, we got to throw away the rules.
谁说得先播完一个节目 Like, who says one show has to end
才能再播另一个 Before another one can start?
你怎么 等等 什么玩意 How do you -- wait. What now?
比如说 我们正在播一个厨艺节目 Okay, say you're in the middle of some cooking show.
一个女的在做菜 This woman's cooking and cooking,
然后突然之间 And all of a sudden,
我们某一部戏里的坏人 The bad guy from one of our dramas
跑进来拿着一把枪 把她挟持了 runs in with a fucking gun and holds her fucking hostage!
与此同时 她根本不知道到底发生什么了 Meanwhile, she has no idea what the fuck is happening!
这个厨艺节目的女的不知道 The actual woman from the cooking show doesn't know?
对 她完全不知道状况 Right! She's like, "Aah! What the fuck is happening?!"
然后人们开始发微博 And people are tweeting and twittering --
你一定得看 快打开电视 打开电视 "You got to watch this! Turn it on! Turn it on!"
然后戏里的警察跑出来了 Then, one of the cops from the drama
跑到现场把他射杀 runs in and shoots him
我是说 正儿八经的射杀 I mean, actually shoots him.
我们要射杀演员 We're shooting one of our actors?
那样我们得多花点钱 So we'll have to pay him more.
你知道肯定会有演员愿意干的 You know there are actors who will do it.
我们射杀了他 So we shoot him,
然后警察进来了 then the police run in --
真警察进来了 这就是新闻 The real police -- and it's news.
然后我们切换到新闻主持人 Then we cut to our news guy.
这时候我们的新闻节目开始了 That's when our news show starts.
我们制造新闻 We make the news,
然后我们播报新闻 then we report the news,
不会有人比我们还抢先播报 And no one's gonna report it before us
因为只有我们才知道会发生什么 Because we're the only ones who know what's going to happen.
这就是新世纪的电视 It's tv for a new century.
就是这样 观众才会看我们的节目 And that's why they're gonna watch us
而不会看别人的 and not the other guys.
怎么样啊 僵尸们 How about that, my zombies?!
所以他是个疯子 So he was crazy.
是啊 Yeah.
马特 Hey, matt.
波塔·尼西科 Berta Nissick.
很高兴认识你 Hi. Nice to meet you.
其实我们以前见过 Actually, we've met before.
我以前在《拖家带口》 I was the junior junior casting person
马特出演过这部戏的衍生剧
做过初级选角 On "Married with children."
你可能已经不记得了 Oh, you probably don't remember,
不过你在这部戏杀青的时候对我表示过 but you hit on me at the wrap party.
好吧 Okay.
应该会很有趣的 So, this should be fun.
我会跟你念对白 I'm gonna read with you.
如果你想让我做任何事 So if there's anything you want me to do
或者不想让我做任何事 or don't want me to do...
等下 什么 Wait. What?
什么 What?
我不会读剧本的 Uh I'm not reading.
什么 What?
我经纪人跟什么人说过了 No, my agent spoke to someone,
之前已经谈妥了 仅仅是见个面 and it was absolutely understood that it's just a meeting.
我们这边得到的消息不是这样 Well, that's not the information we got.
安德鲁和其他高管都在里面 Andrew and the execs are in there,
等你去读剧本呢 Waiting for you to read.
没这个可能 Well, that's not happening.
行 Okay.
给我点时间 Um, just give me a sec.
随便吧 Yeah, whatever.
我要打给经纪人 Yeah, I'm calling my agent.
好的 好的好的好的 Good. Good, good, good.
行 Okay. Good.
我是马特·勒布朗 Hey, it's Matt LeBlanc.
他在吗 Is he there?
能找到他吗 Can you reach him?
不行 我现在要找他 No, no. I need him now.
因为我他妈在NBC 'cause I'm at fucking NBC,
本来是要去见一面 about to go into a fucking meeting,
可他们认为我他妈要去读剧本 and they think I'm fucking reading,
我他妈才不会去 Which I am fucking not!
听着 你如果能联系上他 Listen, as soon as you hear from him,
让他打我手机 You have him call me on my cell.
勒布朗先生 Monsieur LeBlanc,
这可真是一团浆糊 what a clusterfuck.
我们是听说你要读剧本的 We were told you were going to read.
不 这整件事的基础就是我不会读剧本 No. The whole deal was I'm not gonna read.
可我们听说你要的 But then we heard that you were.
不 No.
这是怎么回事 How does this happen?
我也不知道 I don't know.
这事太糟糕了 It's mortifying.
我感到很糟糕 I am mortified.
我同意 I agree.
那我们怎么办呢 So, what do we do?
我也不知道 I don't know.
他们在等着呢 They're waiting.
你知道 如果这事我说了算 You know, if it were just up to me,
我分分钟就把这角色给你 I would give you the part in a heartbeat,
可做主的是那些高管 But it's the fucking suits.
这事太无聊了 It's becoming a pissing match.
你听我说 Okay, look,
你知道我很爱这个剧本 you know how much I love this thing.
但是 我是不会给他们读剧本的 But, no, I'm not reading.
现在情况是这样 In all fairness --
我其实都不该告诉你这个 And I probably shouldn't tell you this --
他们现在还有另一个特别想要的演员 There is another actor they're very keen on.
谁 Who?
我不能说 I can't say.
我能说吗 Can I?
不能 No.
-不能 -不能 - No? - No.
他昨天过来的 He came in yesterday,
他其实还行 但是很无趣 and he was fine in a totally boring way you'd expect
如果你知道我说的是谁 你就知道了 If you knew who I was talking about.
不过如果你今天不读剧本 But if you don't read today,
他们就会把这个角色给他 They're gonna give the part to him.
而且 他比你便宜多了 Plus, he's a lot cheaper than you.
便宜太多了 A lot.
拜托了 Please.
我恳求你 I beseech you.
不行 No.
我才不要让他们耍着玩 I'm not gonna eat their shit.
拜托了 Oh, come on!
我们时不时的都得让人耍一两次 We all have to eat shit now and then.
你就让他们耍 等到这部戏大红大紫 You just have to eat it until the show's a big hit --
他们就得让你耍了 Then they'll have to eat yours.
这就是所谓的娱乐圈 It's called "Show business."
不行 抱歉 No. I'm sorry.
祝你们进展顺利 Good luck with the project.
你就走了 So you just walked out?
到一定地步 Hey, at a certain point,
总有人要对这些混蛋说不 Someone has to say no to these assholes.
今天可太奇怪了 It's a very strange day
你的形象居然高大光辉了起来 when you're my hero.
那你知道另一个要抢走角色的人是谁吗 So, do we know who the other guy is who's getting the part?
不知道 Nah.
他们只是这么说 好让我去读剧本 They were just using that to get me to read.
很可能根本就没有另一个人 There probably isn't even another guy.
真的吗 Really?
这事情会这样 Here's what's gonna happen.
现在 他们内部会说 Right now, they're telling each other
他们从一开始根本就不想要我 they didn't want me in the first place.
然后他们会邀请 Then they'll offer it to
一个电影明星 比如尼古拉斯·凯奇 some big movie guy like nicolas cage,
人家根本就不会来演电视 Who you know isn't gonna do tv,
但是他会跟他们周旋一段时间 But he'll jerk them around for a while,
然后过来说他不会演电视 then come back and say he won't do tv.
然后他们会去找 Then they'll go to, like,
什么百老汇巨星 根本没人听说过 Some big broadway star who nobody's fucking heard of,
然后呢 他又不愿意离开纽约 And he won't want to leave new york,
这样他们更想要他了 Which only makes them want him more.
然后他们会提出去纽约拍摄 So they'll offer to shoot it in new york,
可是这时候 百老汇这人决定说 But then the broadway guy will decide
他又不想拍电视 He doesn't want to do tv.
然后 他们就会把角色给迪伦·麦克德莫特 Then they'll just give it to Dylan Mcdermott.
电影电视演员 九十年代较红
就是这样 所以我想回家 And that's why I want to go home.
是啊 不过目前你在这儿呢 Right. But in the meantime, you're here.
所以 敬我们仨 对这一整段 So...To the three of us in what was, on the whole,
相当屎的经历 A fairly shitty experience...
抱歉 sorry.
等着别动 Hold that thought.
你刚说到 相当屎的经历 You were up to "Shitty experience."
你好 Hello?
肖恩 你好 我是艾琳 Sean, hi. It's Eileen.
卡罗·兰斯是不是提出直接拍一季 不用试播 Did Carol Rance offer you a series pick-up, no pilot?
是的 Yes.
这种事你一定得告诉我 You've got to tell me these things.
金·萨利 听说了这事 Kim sally heard about it.
她想开同样的条件 不播的话还加付罚金 She's willing to match it and kick in a big penalty.
什么 What?
是艾琳 It's eileen.
福克斯那边愿意开出 Fox is willing to offer us
直接拍一整季 另加一大笔罚金 a series pick-up with a big penalty.
罚金就意味着我们必须去拍 The penalty being we would have to do it.
艾琳 我很抱歉 Eileen, I'm sorry.
我们拒绝了卡罗 We said no to Carol,
也必须拒绝金 and it's no to Kim.
这事没戏 It's not gonna happen.
简直难以置信 Unbelievable.
你好 Hello.
你好 亲爱的 Hi, sweetie.
我在外边吃饭呢 Hi. I'm out to dinner.
待会给你打回来行吗 Can I call you back?
不行 No.
不行 No?
艾略特·沙拉读了你们的剧本 Elliot Salad read your script.
他非常喜欢 He really liked it.
他说这是卡斯特说过的唯一一句人话 He said it was the one sane thing Castor said.
我都不能相信我们又在讨论这个话题了 I can't believe we're even having this conversation again.
这可是艾略特·沙拉 It's Elliot Salad!
我怎么能对艾略特·沙拉说不 How do I say no to Elliot Salad?
我不管 I don't care.
不就沙拉吗 就着面包说 反正要说 With croutons, but say it.
怎么了 What's happening?
怎么 What's...
艾略特·沙拉读了剧本 Elliot Salad read the script,
现在他也想拍了 And now he wants to do it.
-她说 -我听见了 - She said... - I heard.
让贝贝听 Put Bev on.
她想跟你说 换 She wants to talk to you. Switch.
真的假的 Seriously?
贝贝 你好 Bev, hi.
我们还没机会很好地认识对方 还不是很熟 We haven't really gotten to know each other that well...
压根不认识 Or at all.
是的 Okay, sure.
不过我能不能说 作为你们的经纪人 But can I just say, as your agent --
我们的经纪人 她是我们的经纪人 Our agent? She's our agent?
大概算是 Kind of.
那斯坦利呢 What about Stanley?
他没有意见 He's okay with it.
我怎么什么都不知道 It's like waking up from a coma.
贝贝 你听我说 Bev, listen to me.
现在有两家电视台在抢你们 You've got two networks competing for you.
这是大事 It's a big deal.
我不觉得 Not to me.
再让她接 换 Put her back on. Switch.
我的老天 Jesus christ.
给我放扬声器上 Just put me on speaker.
给你放扬声器了 You're on speaker.
行吧 All right.
你们要怎么样才肯留下 What will it take to get you to stay here?
说 我会给你实现 Name it. I will make it happen.
你们想让人每天下午 You want someone to bring you tea
给你们端茶送点心 and crumpets every afternoon?
我亲自来做 I will do it personally.
你 你们想要多下雨 You -- you need more rain?
我们也有造雨机器的 We got machines for that.
你们想要什么 What do you want?
朱迪·丹奇 Judi Dench?
也有办法能请到她 There are ways to get her here.
她给你开什么条件了 What's she offering you?
已经提到朱迪·丹奇了 Judi Dench, apparently.
哪个角色 For which part?
我估计哪个都行吧 I think in general.
行 把我也放扬声器上 All right. Put me on speaker, too.
卡罗 你好啊 我是艾琳 Carol, hi. It's Eileen.
亲爱的 Hi, sweetie.
金准备同样给出你开出的任何条件 Kim is prepared to match whatever you're offering,
你知道金的 And you know Kim.
是啊 我知道金 Yeah, I know Kim.
她给我当过四年助手 She was my assistant for four years.
我才不管她想要什么 I don't care what Kim wants.
艾略特想要做这件事 Elliot wants this to happen,
我们就要做这件事 so it is going to happen.
不 这事你们做不了 No, it's not going to happen.
那就挂了 Then hang up.
赶紧挂了 赶紧他妈挂了 Just hang up. Hang the fuck up.
我们要挂了 We're hanging up.
别挂 别挂 别挂 Don't hang up. Don't hang up! Don't hang up.
-拜 -别挂 - Bye. - Don't hang up!
把手机关了 Now turn them off.
破电话太讨人厌了 Enough with the fucking phones.
从现在开始 这顿饭不许接电话 行吧 Starting now, it's a no-phone dinner, yes?
同意 关了 Agreed. Done.
稍等 Hang on a sec.
怎么了 What's up?
-你坐下了吗 -对 - You sitting down? - Yeah.
他们又让步了 They blinked again.
-谁让步了 -NBC - Who blinked? - NBC.
啥意思 Meaning?
你进了 You got the show.
不得不说 我是完全不会想念这个地方的 Got to say, I am not going to miss this place.
我知道 Oh, I know.
我们待过那么多房间 Of all the rooms we've ever been in,
这大概是我最不喜欢的了 this may be my least favorite.
我们还去过安妮·弗兰克的房子 都比这好 And we've been in Anne Frank's house.
《安妮日记》主人公
看看看这是谁啊 Look who's here.
是炸鱼和薯条 It's fish and chips.
英国传统外带食物
我的老天 操 Bloody hell. Fuck me.
过来啊你俩 Come here, you.
真的吗 还这样 Really? Still?
过来 Come here.
这感觉太怪了 Ah, you know, this is so weird.
我刚刚还在想你们俩呢 I was just thinking about you two.
为什么 Why?
我们得多在一起拍电视啊 We got to make some more tv together.
你为什么这么说 Why would you say that?
我告诉你们问题在哪 I'll tell you what your problem is --
你们需要我这样的人来解决那些干扰 You need someone like me to run interference,
把那些蠢蛋挡在门外 Keep the idiots out of your hair.
这大概是我这么长时间来最高兴的瞬间了 This may be my favorite moment so far.
我告诉你 必须得有人来保护你们 I'm telling you -- someone's got to protect you
不受电视台那些混蛋的欺负 from those assholes at the network.
我们遇见你那会你在哪呢 Where were you when we met you?
很不幸 Unfortunately,
我们明天就要回伦敦了 We're heading back to london tomorrow.
那《冰球小子》怎么办 Well, what about "Pucks"?
完蛋 Over.
不会吧 我喜欢那部戏 No! I loved that show.
有吗 Did you?
反正勒布朗那个混蛋算是失业了 Well, at least that cocksucker LeBlanc's out of a job.
这也算是件好事 That's one good thing.
事实上 要让你失望了 Actually, sorry to disappoint you,
他要在NBC一个试播集里演出 but he's starring in a big NBC pilot.
真的吗 Really?
一部正剧 Some drama.
应该是他们热炒的新剧 Supposed to be their hot new thing.
好事啊 Good for him.
好 厨房收拾好了 All right, kitchen's done.
接下来呢 What next?
电动牙刷和美国插头 Electric toothbrush with american plug?
带走 Chuck it.
这就带走 Consider it chucked.
天哪 Oh, god.
车这么早就到了 The car's here already?
我过来告别的 I came to say goodbye.
还有呢 And...
没有了 And nothing.
我只是想在你们走之前跟你们拥抱一下 I just wanted to give you a hug before you go.
我很难过 I'm sad.
我知道 I know.
我会想你们的 I'm gonna miss you so much.
我也会想你的 I'm gonna miss you, too.
我真的会 I really am.
苏珊·萨兰登读了你们的剧本 Susan Sarandon read your script.
-什么 -什么 - What? - What?
天 我本来没打算说的 Oh, god. I wasn't gonna say it.
它自己冒出来的 It just popped out.
放开我 Let go of me.
别生气 Don't be mad.
她读了剧本 非常想演 She read it and really wants to do it.
苏珊·萨兰登 我喜欢苏珊·萨兰登 Susan Sarandon. I love Susan Sarandon.
她也喜欢这个角色 And she loves the part.
她从没拍过连续剧 She's never done a series.
她说这就是她一直等的剧本 She said this is what she's been waiting for.
拜托 苏珊·萨兰登 Come on. Susan sarandon.
行了吧 Oh, please!
你明知道等他们跟我们谈妥了 You know by the time they're done with us,
苏珊·萨兰登又不会演了 It's not going to be Susan Sarandon.
她只是今天说苏珊·萨兰登 She's just saying susan sarandon today.
看 一根胡萝卜 Ooh, look -- a carrot.
等我们同意了 But once we're in,
又会说 “真抱歉 苏珊不能演了” it's, "Oh, sorry."Susan can't do it.
可你知道能请到谁吗 But you know who we can get?
一个很差劲的人 "Someone shitty
根本就不适合这个角色 who's totally wrong for the part."
你看 最后会变成 You watch -- it'll end up being...
这个杯子 This cup.
有一天她会打给我们 “请等卡罗接电话” She'll ring us up one day. "Hold for carol."
她会说 And she'll be all...
“亲爱的们 你们猜怎么着 "You guys, guess what --
“这个杯子想拍你们的电视剧 "The cup wants to do your show.
“这可是大事 This is huge.
“这个杯子什么戏都不接的” The cup turns down everything!"
然后我们会说 一个杯子 and we'll be, "Uh, the cup?"
然后她会说 “真的假的 And she'll say, "Seriously?
“你们不认识这个杯子 "You don't know the cup?
“演过 《我的酱碟去哪了》 From 'where's my saucer?'
“还有 《我与勺子》” and 'me and the spoon.'"
然后突然之间 我们就开始拍一部戏 yeah, and suddenly, we'll be doing a show
主角是一只该死的杯子 starring a fucking cup,
而且你明明就知道 who you just know
这杯子会把这戏变成杯子的风格 is gonna want to make lots of very cuppy changes
因为它想把这变成一出杯子戏 because it needs to make it its own.
苏珊说没说她为什么喜欢这部戏 Did Susan say what she liked about it?
嘿 过来告个别 Hey. Came to say goodbye.
就这样而已 And that's all?
看见没有 You see?
这才像是来告别的 This is what saying goodbye looks like.
就仅仅是告别而已 It's just saying goodbye --
没有什么企图 也没有最后一搏的想法 No hidden agendas, no last-ditch efforts.
苏珊·萨兰登想演我们的戏 Susan Sarandon wants to do our show!
《冰球小子》 "Pucks"?
不是 另一个剧本 No, that other script.
我跟她合作过 Ooh. I worked with her.
她超级棒的 She's amazing.
如果你们能拉到苏珊·萨兰登 If you could get Susan Sarandon...
我们有她 We've got her.
你们回家应该也挺好的 Probably good you're going home.
我去 车来了 Shit. That's the car.
我们还忘掉什么了没 What are we forgetting?
好 Oh, good.
真高兴在你们走之前赶上了 I'm so glad I caught you before you left.
同志们 Hi, guys.
我有好消息 I've got big news.
CBS台也想掺进来 CBS wants in.
这就是三家电视台了 That's three networks.
只有一家能拿到这个剧本 Well, only one is getting it.
CBS保证给一个黄金时段 CBS is guaranteeing them a killer time slot.
你们已经没有黄金时段了 You don't have a killer time slot.
这挺值的 That's worth a lot.
我拉到了苏珊·萨兰登 I got them Susan Sarandon.
苏珊·萨兰登才不会拍电视剧 Susan Sarandon's not doing television.
谢谢你了 Thank you.
她现在排着三部电影呢 She's got three movies lined up.
歌蒂·韩怎么样 What about Goldie Hawn?
她很棒的 Ooh! She's great.
她是个客户 She's a client.
别给我选演员了 Stop casting.
福克斯的金·萨利 Kim Sally from Fox.
嗨亲爱的 Hi, honey.
我正跟他们在一起呢 I'm actually with them now.
没跟我在一起 Not with me.
卡罗·兰斯也正好在这儿 I've also got Carol Rance here.
金也想过来 Kim wants to come over, too.
不行 No!
这可有意思了 This is fun.
别着急 Don't worry.
如果有任何变化我会再打过来的 I'll call back if anything changes.
不会发生任何变化的 Nothing is going to change.
你们不接电话吗 Aren't you going to get that?
我们从不用那部电话的 We never use that phone.
是这房子自己带的 It came with the house.
我们在这儿这么长时间了从没响过 It's never rung the whole time we've been here.
我们连电话号码都不知道 We don't even know the number.
抱歉 I'm sorry.
我没办法不接电话 I can not not answer a phone.
你好 Hello.
你好 我这里是CBS电视台 Hi. I'm calling from CBS.
莱斯·木维斯想找一下肖恩和贝佛利 I have Les Moonves for Sean and Beverly.
肖恩和贝佛利就在这儿呢 Uh, Sean and Beverly are right here.
莱斯这边接通了 You're on with Les.
你好 请问是肖恩和贝佛利吗 Hi. Is this sean and beverly?
我是莱斯·木 Uh, it's Les moon--
我们还要赶飞机呢 We have a plane to catch.
你疯了吗 Are you crazy?
我要打回去 就说刚刚断线了 I'll call him back and say we were disconnected.
我要打给苏珊·萨兰登 I'm calling Susan Sarandon.
我们怎么能走呢 How can we leave?
所有人都想要我们 Everybody wants us.
就说这样我们才应该走 Which is why we should leave.
现在是最好的时机 It's the perfect time.
什么 What?
我们一整年的时间都感到完全无能为力 We have spent a year feeling absolutely powerless.
一旦我们对这些混蛋点了头 As soon as we say yes to one of those fuckers,
我们又会回到那个境地 we're right back there,
可如果我们现在走了 but if we go now,
就在他们争抢我们的这档口 with all of them fighting over us,
这是这城里最好的一件事了 that's as good as it gets in this town.
这就是那只长颈鹿 This is the giraffe.
你们的车到了 Hey, your car's here.
我该怎么跟他说 What should I tell him?
我们要走 We're leaving.
真的吗 Really?
我们是不是该 Should we, uh...
去他们的 Fuck 'em.
走吧 Get out of here.
沙拉先生 Mr. Salad!
我都不知道你还在这里 I didn't know you were in town.
现在还愿意抱我 So I'm still getting hugs?
怎么不呢 Why not?
我印象中 上一次我们见面 As I recall, last time we spoke,
你让我回去用卡斯特·索托的老二 You told me I could go fuck myself
操我自己 with Castor Sotto's dick.
你把我炒了 Ah, you fired me.
我有点受伤嘛 I was a little hurt.
这都已经过去了 Water under the bridge.
好运 Anyway, uh, be well.
我听说马特·勒布朗 I heard about matt leblanc
要在NBC拍那个试播集 getting that big pilot over at NBC.
什么 What?
你不知道吗 What? You didn't know?
据说他们围绕这个剧集安排了一整晚的节目 Supposedly, they're building a whole night around it.
你开玩笑吧 Are you kidding?
我觉得啊 I got to say --
我都有点惊讶 你居然允许这种事发生 I was kind of surprised you'd let that happen.
虽然已经跟我无关了 I mean, not my business anymore,
但这事多难看啊 but how's that look?
他给你们搞砸了 He bombs with you guys,
然后又去对面演一部大红剧 Then gets a big hit across the street?
为这事还有人被炒掉呢 People get fired for that.
对方是NBC And it's NBC?
天 Jesus.
抱歉 我就不该提这事 Sorry I even mentioned it.
艾略特 Elliot, hi.
我们有正式取消《冰球小子》吗 Have we officially canceled "Pucks"?
没有 Uh, no.
你确定 You sure?
文件还在我桌子上呢 The paperwork's still here on my desk.
再接着拍六集 Pick it up for six more.
等下 Wait.
你想再复播《冰球小子》 You want to pick up "Pucks"?
立马 Today.
可是 你讨厌《冰球小子》的 But...You hate "Pucks."
我更讨厌NBC I hate NBC more.
勒布朗先生 Monsieur LeBlanc!
真让人激动 How exciting.
我们的冒险开始了 Our little adventure begins.
我知道 I know.
很棒 Very cool.
你在这出戏里一定会非常棒的 You are going to be so wonderful in this.
我都能闻到你的艾美奖了 I can already smell your Emmy.
不是 那是我的味儿 No, that was me.
稍等一下 我经纪人 Ugh. Hang on a second -- agent.
我现在不能说话 Hey, uh, can't talk right now.
对 我已经到了 Yeah, I'm already here.
你他妈开什么玩笑 Are you fucking kidding me?
他们不能这样 They can't do that.
我们都被砍了 We were canceled.
非正式是什么意思 What does "Not officially" Mean?
简直瞎扯 That's bullshit.
行 那这边的事怎么办 Okay, so what does that mean about this?
我不管 我要拍 I don't care. I'm doing it.
他们不能阻止我 They can't stop me.
多棒啊 How wonderful is this?
湿漉漉的 It's wet!
还记得湿漉漉的感觉吗 Remember wet?
还很滑呢 Mm, and slippery, too.
我想念这湿滑易跌倒的每一寸土地 I've missed every precarious inch of it.
简直难以相信 昨天 Hard to believe that, yesterday,
我们还堵在405号公路上 we were sitting in traffic on the 405.
就像是从一个狂热的梦中醒来 Oh, it's like waking up from some fever dream.
我们醒来了 我们回来了 We're awake, and we're here.
还有 我爱你 And I love you.
我也爱你 Love you, too.
是洛杉矶的号码 It's an L.A. Number.
别接 Don't answer it.
老天 别接 Oh, dear god, don't answer it.