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本字幕由人人影視字幕組翻譯 禁止用作任何商業盈利行為
翻譯&校對&總監：NANA
時間軸：濃子
后期：斯人
第三季 第九集
戲里戲外
前情提要
剛跟NBC通過電話 Just got off with nbc.
你猜咋的 Guess what.
你不用試鏡了 You don't have to audition.
不是開玩笑吧 No shit?
你只需要過去見個面 You just have to go in and meet.
我不用讀劇本吧 And I don't have to read?
你不用讀劇本 And you don't have to read.
那好 All right.
我覺得是時候停藥了 I'm thinking it's time to stop taking the meds.
你如果現在停藥 絕對是個錯誤 It would be a huge mistake to stop now.
我怎么強調都不為過 I cannot stress this enough.
這個劇本不會給你 This script isn't going to you.
也不會給福克斯 It isn't going to fox.
它要去的地方只能是我們帶回家的箱子 The only place it's going is in our suitcase home.
好吧 Okay.
不許背著我們去攛掇這事 You don't pursue it behind our backs.
結束了 It's over.
我的天 Oh, my god.
這個人發現了一個冠軍 This one found a winner.
我昨晚讀了 I read it last night.
我都不想拍試播集 I don't want to even shoot a pilot.
我想直接開拍一季 I want to go straight to series.
最快什么時候能開始 How soon can they start?
大家好啊 Hey, kids.
好 Hello.
這可真是個驚喜 This is a nice surprise.
這里就是變出魔術的地方 So, this is where the magic happens.
曾經是 Happened.
沒錯 right.
都沒人愿意看我們的把戲 Apparently, nobody wanted to see our tricks.
對了 趁著你們在 Anyway, while I've got you --
請不要抓狂 And don't bite my head off...
最好別是我想的那個事 This better not be going where I think it's going.
我只想跟你們談一談 I just want to have a conversation.
是嗎 Right.
那上一次的談話呢 And what happened to the conversation
上次說好我們絕對不會 where we agreed we would never,
再有這一次的談話 ever have this conversation?
那是在卡斯特看你們劇本之前 That was before Castor saw your script.
他“看”了 Oh. He "Saw" It!
我發誓 我沒拿給他看 I swear! I didn't show it to him!
你這種話一般都是撒謊 That's the octave you usually lie in.
真的 Honest.
他在我桌子上亂翻 He was snooping around my desk.
然后他看見了 He saw it and read it,
然后你猜怎么著 and -- hello! --
他喜歡死了 He loved it.
真的 Really?
喜歡死了 Loved it.
我給他看了那么多東西 Of all the things I've shown him,
這是唯一一部他想拍的 It's the only one he wants to do.
那確實是你給他看的 So you did show it to him.
那又怎么了 Oh, so what?
我沒辦法 I had to!
我的工作都快丟了 My job is on the line!
他什么都看不上 He hates everything.
可你這個 Your thing?
他根本都不想拍試播集 He doesn't even want to shoot a pilot.
他想直接就開拍一整季 He wants to go straight to series.
我感覺聽上去不錯啊 I like the sound of that.
我不覺得 I don't.
這意思不過是說我們能跨過地獄邊緣 That just means we get to skip limbo
直接進入地獄而已 and go straight to hell.
行 那要不這樣 Okay. How about this?
要不我們把劇本從你們那買過來 What if we just buy the show from you?
我們請別人來運作 We'll hire someone else to run it.
你們完全不用到場 You won't even have to be here.
不 不行 這是我們的劇 No. No, no. It's our show.
如果有人要運作這部戲 那得是我倆 If anyone's gonna run it, it'll be us.
你知道我是會很高興的 Well, you know I'd love that.
少說廢話 Forget it!
我們要回家 We're going home.
去干什么 To do what?
你回去了以后打算干什么 What are you gonna do when you get there?
去努力再上一部戲 Try to get another show on?
就算你弄上了 你也就拍個 And even if you do, you'll make,
六集的劇目 何況壓根就沒人看 what, six episodes of something no one will ever see?
英國嘛[英國電視劇一季六集] Well, England.
是的呀 Exactly.
那怎么辦 我們就該 So, are just supposed
忘掉過去十個月這場大災難 to ignore the disaster of the last 10 months?
我們好不容易才爬出這個坑 We finally got out of this one.
我才不要再回去那該死的片場 I am not going back into the burning building.
我不管 I don't care.
你們愛咋咋地 Let the fucking cat die.
你怎么想 Where are you?
我也不知道 I don't know.
也許換一部戲就會不一樣 Maybe it could be different with a different show.
我感覺就像在集市上玩套圈 I think it's like tossing those rings at the fun fair.
每次你都覺得你一定會套中 Each time, you're so sure you'll get it.
是啊 Right.
不過 相信我 But, believe me,
你一定不會帶回家一只毛絨長頸鹿的 You're not gonna walk away with a stuffed giraffe here.
你只能默默離開 You just have to walk away.
我想要一只長頸鹿 I want a giraffe.
我知道你想要的 I know you do.
在這個城里 And in this town,
如果你能贏回來一只長頸鹿 if you can win a giraffe...
對 不過這個城 Right, but this town --
對我倆沒什么好處 It's no good for us.
差點把我倆搭上了 It nearly did us in.
這倒是真話 That is true.
我們好不容易才能回到一個很好的關系 We've worked so hard to get back to a good place.
我們現在關系真的很好 And it's a very good place.
我們在家會好得多 We do so much better at home.
我同意 I agree.
謝謝你 Thank you.
那是長頸鹿嗎 Is that a giraffe?
有可能 It just may be.
我一直想打給你 I've been trying to get you.
完蛋 我電話關機了 Oh, shoot. My phone was off.
為什么 Why?
我在做脫毛 I was getting waxed.
如果電話響了 會嚇到幫我做脫毛的人 If it rings, it startles her,
然后就 and then -- blgggh!
怎么回事 What's going on?
卡斯特召集了一個大會議 Castor called a big meeting.
什么時候 For when?
-二十分鐘之前 -什么 - 20 minutes ago. - What?!
完全是臨時召開的 It was totally last minute.
所有人都到了 艾略特也在 Everyone's already in there, even Elliot.
艾略特也在 Elliot's here?!
我的老天 Jesus christ!
但不止是我們 But it's not just us.
所有公共電視臺都 All network tv is --
真抱歉 So sorry.
我不知道要開會 I didn't know.
請繼續 Keep going.
我說到哪了 Where was I?
所有公共臺電視臺都 Uh, "All network tv is..."
對 Right.
要掛了 ...Dying.
公共臺要掛了 Network tv is dying.
每一年 我們的收視率都在降低 Every year, our ratings get lower.
有線臺在殺死我們 Cable is killing us.
互聯網也在殺死我們 The internet is killing us.
我們砍掉的節目 收視率都不可思議的低 We're canceling shows at an unprecedented rate.
情況又如何呢 And what do we do?
我們火都快燒到眉毛了 卻還安穩地坐著 We sit around with our heads up our asses saying,
互相問“我什么也沒聞到 你呢” "I don't smell anything. Do you?"
我們播出的節目完全中規中矩 又陳腐不堪 We put out a product that's predictable and stale,
我們還不明白為什么沒有人在看 And we wonder why no one's watching.
你把情況說的這么糟糕 搞的我們這么郁悶 So now that you've depressed the shit out of us,
你的解決辦法又是什么呢 what would you do?
對 Okay.
我們得要看大局 We need to look at the big picture.
我們要做出勇敢的改變 We need to make bold moves,
改變陳規 change the paradigm.
現在最火的東西是什么 What's the hottest thing right now?
卡戴珊姐妹 Kardashians.
僵尸 Zombies!
挺接近的 Close.
我們為什么會對僵尸著迷 Why are we so obsessed with zombies?
他們很可怕 They're scary.
對 Right!
為什么 Why?
因為他們是僵尸 'cause they're zombies?
他們很可怕 是因為他們不可預測 They're scary 'cause they're unpredictable!
對 Yes!
你永遠也不知道他們什么時候會發動攻擊 You never know when they're going to attack.
這就是我想要的 That's what I want.
你想做一部僵尸劇 You want to do a zombie show?
實際上倒是有一些 You know, there are actually
很不錯的僵尸劇本 a couple of really strong zombie scripts.
不是 天哪 我不是說我們做僵尸劇 No! Christ! I'm not saying we do zombies.
我是說我們要變成僵尸 I'm saying we become zombies.
好吧 All righty.
我們要不可預測 讓人驚醒 要危險 We need to be unexpected, startling, dangerous!
你覺得我們應該怎么做到呢 And how do you propose we do that?
好的 All right.
第一件要做的事 Start by throwing away
就是丟掉“什么時候” the "When."
“節目什么時候播” 不重要 "When's the show on?" Doesn't matter.
我們生活的世界 We're living in a world where your tv
電視變成了電腦 is becoming your computer
電腦又變成了ipad is becoming your ipad
ipad又變成了手機 is becoming your phone.
節目什么時候播 根本無關緊要 When the show's on is irrelevant.
你不會問 You don't go,
那個視頻什么時候播 "When's that youtube video on?"
視頻隨時都可以播 It's just on.
所以 忘掉時間 So, forget the when.
忘掉晚間 忘掉時間段 Forget "Nights" And "Time slots"
忘掉引子 and "Lead-ins."
那大家應該怎么知道什么時候 So, how are people supposed to know when --
忘掉什么時候 Forget the when!
什么 什么時候 What -- what when?
我的意思是 What I mean is,
他們該怎么知道在播什么節目呢 how will they know what's on?
他們不知道 They won't.
這就是魅力所在 That's the beauty!
我們一定要逃出時間表的窠臼 We've got to escape the tyranny of the schedule.
完全把這些丟掉 Get rid of all of it!
天 Jesus.
沒想到還有這一出 Didn't see that coming.
從現在開始 From now on,
我們隨時隨地播放隨便什么節目 we program anything at any time.
喜劇 正劇 真人秀 Comedy, drama, reality
全他媽混雜起來 - mix it the fuck up.
也許有一天 Maybe one night,
四個小時全播放蜜蜂 four hours all about bees!
-蜜蜂 -蜜蜂 - Bees? - Bees!
第二天 大家就會說 The next day, people will be all,
你看了關于蜜蜂的那個玩意了嗎 "Did you see that fucking thing about the bees?"
酷斃了 The sheer balls of it!
給我解釋一下 Uh, help me out here.
這些蜜蜂做什么呢 What are the bees doing?
是有趣的蜜蜂嗎 Are they funny bees?
是殺人蜂嗎 Are they killer bees?
還是說有什么才藝 Do they have a talent?
我不知道 誰他媽在乎 I don't know. Who gives a shit?
他們是蜜蜂 他們就做蜜蜂會做的事 They're bees.They'll do whatever bees do.
重點是 The point is,
大家會打開我們電視臺 people are gonna tune in to find out
來看我們下一步會做什么 what the hell we're doing next.
讓你忍不住不看 It's total water cooler.
還有 所有節目都現場直播 Oh! And everything's live.
蜜蜂還直播 The bees are live?
說不準呢 那他媽該有多帶勁 Maybe! How fucking great would that be?
大家 我們一定得丟掉規矩 People, we got to throw away the rules.
誰說得先播完一個節目 Like, who says one show has to end
才能再播另一個 Before another one can start?
你怎么 等等 什么玩意 How do you -- wait. What now?
比如說 我們正在播一個廚藝節目 Okay, say you're in the middle of some cooking show.
一個女的在做菜 This woman's cooking and cooking,
然后突然之間 And all of a sudden,
我們某一部戲里的壞人 The bad guy from one of our dramas
跑進來拿著一把槍 把她挾持了 runs in with a fucking gun and holds her fucking hostage!
與此同時 她根本不知道到底發生什么了 Meanwhile, she has no idea what the fuck is happening!
這個廚藝節目的女的不知道 The actual woman from the cooking show doesn't know?
對 她完全不知道狀況 Right! She's like, "Aah! What the fuck is happening?!"
然后人們開始發微博 And people are tweeting and twittering --
你一定得看 快打開電視 打開電視 "You got to watch this! Turn it on! Turn it on!"
然后戲里的警察跑出來了 Then, one of the cops from the drama
跑到現場把他射殺 runs in and shoots him
我是說 正兒八經的射殺 I mean, actually shoots him.
我們要射殺演員 We're shooting one of our actors?
那樣我們得多花點錢 So we'll have to pay him more.
你知道肯定會有演員愿意干的 You know there are actors who will do it.
我們射殺了他 So we shoot him,
然后警察進來了 then the police run in --
真警察進來了 這就是新聞 The real police -- and it's news.
然后我們切換到新聞主持人 Then we cut to our news guy.
這時候我們的新聞節目開始了 That's when our news show starts.
我們制造新聞 We make the news,
然后我們播報新聞 then we report the news,
不會有人比我們還搶先播報 And no one's gonna report it before us
因為只有我們才知道會發生什么 Because we're the only ones who know what's going to happen.
這就是新世紀的電視 It's tv for a new century.
就是這樣 觀眾才會看我們的節目 And that's why they're gonna watch us
而不會看別人的 and not the other guys.
怎么樣啊 僵尸們 How about that, my zombies?!
所以他是個瘋子 So he was crazy.
是啊 Yeah.
馬特 Hey, matt.
波塔·尼西科 Berta Nissick.
很高興認識你 Hi. Nice to meet you.
其實我們以前見過 Actually, we've met before.
我以前在《拖家帶口》 I was the junior junior casting person
馬特出演過這部戲的衍生劇
做過初級選角 On "Married with children."
你可能已經不記得了 Oh, you probably don't remember,
不過你在這部戲殺青的時候對我表示過 but you hit on me at the wrap party.
好吧 Okay.
應該會很有趣的 So, this should be fun.
我會跟你念對白 I'm gonna read with you.
如果你想讓我做任何事 So if there's anything you want me to do
或者不想讓我做任何事 or don't want me to do...
等下 什么 Wait. What?
什么 What?
我不會讀劇本的 Uh I'm not reading.
什么 What?
我經紀人跟什么人說過了 No, my agent spoke to someone,
之前已經談妥了 僅僅是見個面 and it was absolutely understood that it's just a meeting.
我們這邊得到的消息不是這樣 Well, that's not the information we got.
安德魯和其他高管都在里面 Andrew and the execs are in there,
等你去讀劇本呢 Waiting for you to read.
沒這個可能 Well, that's not happening.
行 Okay.
給我點時間 Um, just give me a sec.
隨便吧 Yeah, whatever.
我要打給經紀人 Yeah, I'm calling my agent.
好的 好的好的好的 Good. Good, good, good.
行 Okay. Good.
我是馬特·勒布朗 Hey, it's Matt LeBlanc.
他在嗎 Is he there?
能找到他嗎 Can you reach him?
不行 我現在要找他 No, no. I need him now.
因為我他媽在NBC 'cause I'm at fucking NBC,
本來是要去見一面 about to go into a fucking meeting,
可他們認為我他媽要去讀劇本 and they think I'm fucking reading,
我他媽才不會去 Which I am fucking not!
聽著 你如果能聯系上他 Listen, as soon as you hear from him,
讓他打我手機 You have him call me on my cell.
勒布朗先生 Monsieur LeBlanc,
這可真是一團漿糊 what a clusterfuck.
我們是聽說你要讀劇本的 We were told you were going to read.
不 這整件事的基礎就是我不會讀劇本 No. The whole deal was I'm not gonna read.
可我們聽說你要的 But then we heard that you were.
不 No.
這是怎么回事 How does this happen?
我也不知道 I don't know.
這事太糟糕了 It's mortifying.
我感到很糟糕 I am mortified.
我同意 I agree.
那我們怎么辦呢 So, what do we do?
我也不知道 I don't know.
他們在等著呢 They're waiting.
你知道 如果這事我說了算 You know, if it were just up to me,
我分分鐘就把這角色給你 I would give you the part in a heartbeat,
可做主的是那些高管 But it's the fucking suits.
這事太無聊了 It's becoming a pissing match.
你聽我說 Okay, look,
你知道我很愛這個劇本 you know how much I love this thing.
但是 我是不會給他們讀劇本的 But, no, I'm not reading.
現在情況是這樣 In all fairness --
我其實都不該告訴你這個 And I probably shouldn't tell you this --
他們現在還有另一個特別想要的演員 There is another actor they're very keen on.
誰 Who?
我不能說 I can't say.
我能說嗎 Can I?
不能 No.
-不能 -不能 - No? - No.
他昨天過來的 He came in yesterday,
他其實還行 但是很無趣 and he was fine in a totally boring way you'd expect
如果你知道我說的是誰 你就知道了 If you knew who I was talking about.
不過如果你今天不讀劇本 But if you don't read today,
他們就會把這個角色給他 They're gonna give the part to him.
而且 他比你便宜多了 Plus, he's a lot cheaper than you.
便宜太多了 A lot.
拜托了 Please.
我懇求你 I beseech you.
不行 No.
我才不要讓他們耍著玩 I'm not gonna eat their shit.
拜托了 Oh, come on!
我們時不時的都得讓人耍一兩次 We all have to eat shit now and then.
你就讓他們耍 等到這部戲大紅大紫 You just have to eat it until the show's a big hit --
他們就得讓你耍了 Then they'll have to eat yours.
這就是所謂的娛樂圈 It's called "Show business."
不行 抱歉 No. I'm sorry.
祝你們進展順利 Good luck with the project.
你就走了 So you just walked out?
到一定地步 Hey, at a certain point,
總有人要對這些混蛋說不 Someone has to say no to these assholes.
今天可太奇怪了 It's a very strange day
你的形象居然高大光輝了起來 when you're my hero.
那你知道另一個要搶走角色的人是誰嗎 So, do we know who the other guy is who's getting the part?
不知道 Nah.
他們只是這么說 好讓我去讀劇本 They were just using that to get me to read.
很可能根本就沒有另一個人 There probably isn't even another guy.
真的嗎 Really?
這事情會這樣 Here's what's gonna happen.
現在 他們內部會說 Right now, they're telling each other
他們從一開始根本就不想要我 they didn't want me in the first place.
然后他們會邀請 Then they'll offer it to
一個電影明星 比如尼古拉斯·凱奇 some big movie guy like nicolas cage,
人家根本就不會來演電視 Who you know isn't gonna do tv,
但是他會跟他們周旋一段時間 But he'll jerk them around for a while,
然后過來說他不會演電視 then come back and say he won't do tv.
然后他們會去找 Then they'll go to, like,
什么百老匯巨星 根本沒人聽說過 Some big broadway star who nobody's fucking heard of,
然后呢 他又不愿意離開紐約 And he won't want to leave new york,
這樣他們更想要他了 Which only makes them want him more.
然后他們會提出去紐約拍攝 So they'll offer to shoot it in new york,
可是這時候 百老匯這人決定說 But then the broadway guy will decide
他又不想拍電視 He doesn't want to do tv.
然后 他們就會把角色給迪倫·麥克德莫特 Then they'll just give it to Dylan Mcdermott.
電影電視演員 九十年代較紅
就是這樣 所以我想回家 And that's why I want to go home.
是啊 不過目前你在這兒呢 Right. But in the meantime, you're here.
所以 敬我們仨 對這一整段 So...To the three of us in what was, on the whole,
相當屎的經歷 A fairly shitty experience...
抱歉 sorry.
等著別動 Hold that thought.
你剛說到 相當屎的經歷 You were up to "Shitty experience."
你好 Hello?
肖恩 你好 我是艾琳 Sean, hi. It's Eileen.
卡羅·蘭斯是不是提出直接拍一季 不用試播 Did Carol Rance offer you a series pick-up, no pilot?
是的 Yes.
這種事你一定得告訴我 You've got to tell me these things.
金·薩利 聽說了這事 Kim sally heard about it.
她想開同樣的條件 不播的話還加付罰金 She's willing to match it and kick in a big penalty.
什么 What?
是艾琳 It's eileen.
福克斯那邊愿意開出 Fox is willing to offer us
直接拍一整季 另加一大筆罰金 a series pick-up with a big penalty.
罰金就意味著我們必須去拍 The penalty being we would have to do it.
艾琳 我很抱歉 Eileen, I'm sorry.
我們拒絕了卡羅 We said no to Carol,
也必須拒絕金 and it's no to Kim.
這事沒戲 It's not gonna happen.
簡直難以置信 Unbelievable.
你好 Hello.
你好 親愛的 Hi, sweetie.
我在外邊吃飯呢 Hi. I'm out to dinner.
待會給你打回來行嗎 Can I call you back?
不行 No.
不行 No?
艾略特·沙拉讀了你們的劇本 Elliot Salad read your script.
他非常喜歡 He really liked it.
他說這是卡斯特說過的唯一一句人話 He said it was the one sane thing Castor said.
我都不能相信我們又在討論這個話題了 I can't believe we're even having this conversation again.
這可是艾略特·沙拉 It's Elliot Salad!
我怎么能對艾略特·沙拉說不 How do I say no to Elliot Salad?
我不管 I don't care.
不就沙拉嗎 就著面包說 反正要說 With croutons, but say it.
怎么了 What's happening?
怎么 What's...
艾略特·沙拉讀了劇本 Elliot Salad read the script,
現在他也想拍了 And now he wants to do it.
-她說 -我聽見了 - She said... - I heard.
讓貝貝聽 Put Bev on.
她想跟你說 換 She wants to talk to you. Switch.
真的假的 Seriously?
貝貝 你好 Bev, hi.
我們還沒機會很好地認識對方 還不是很熟 We haven't really gotten to know each other that well...
壓根不認識 Or at all.
是的 Okay, sure.
不過我能不能說 作為你們的經紀人 But can I just say, as your agent --
我們的經紀人 她是我們的經紀人 Our agent? She's our agent?
大概算是 Kind of.
那斯坦利呢 What about Stanley?
他沒有意見 He's okay with it.
我怎么什么都不知道 It's like waking up from a coma.
貝貝 你聽我說 Bev, listen to me.
現在有兩家電視臺在搶你們 You've got two networks competing for you.
這是大事 It's a big deal.
我不覺得 Not to me.
再讓她接 換 Put her back on. Switch.
我的老天 Jesus christ.
給我放揚聲器上 Just put me on speaker.
給你放揚聲器了 You're on speaker.
行吧 All right.
你們要怎么樣才肯留下 What will it take to get you to stay here?
說 我會給你實現 Name it. I will make it happen.
你們想讓人每天下午 You want someone to bring you tea
給你們端茶送點心 and crumpets every afternoon?
我親自來做 I will do it personally.
你 你們想要多下雨 You -- you need more rain?
我們也有造雨機器的 We got machines for that.
你們想要什么 What do you want?
朱迪·丹奇 Judi Dench?
也有辦法能請到她 There are ways to get her here.
她給你開什么條件了 What's she offering you?
已經提到朱迪·丹奇了 Judi Dench, apparently.
哪個角色 For which part?
我估計哪個都行吧 I think in general.
行 把我也放揚聲器上 All right. Put me on speaker, too.
卡羅 你好啊 我是艾琳 Carol, hi. It's Eileen.
親愛的 Hi, sweetie.
金準備同樣給出你開出的任何條件 Kim is prepared to match whatever you're offering,
你知道金的 And you know Kim.
是啊 我知道金 Yeah, I know Kim.
她給我當過四年助手 She was my assistant for four years.
我才不管她想要什么 I don't care what Kim wants.
艾略特想要做這件事 Elliot wants this to happen,
我們就要做這件事 so it is going to happen.
不 這事你們做不了 No, it's not going to happen.
那就掛了 Then hang up.
趕緊掛了 趕緊他媽掛了 Just hang up. Hang the fuck up.
我們要掛了 We're hanging up.
別掛 別掛 別掛 Don't hang up. Don't hang up! Don't hang up.
-拜 -別掛 - Bye. - Don't hang up!
把手機關了 Now turn them off.
破電話太討人厭了 Enough with the fucking phones.
從現在開始 這頓飯不許接電話 行吧 Starting now, it's a no-phone dinner, yes?
同意 關了 Agreed. Done.
稍等 Hang on a sec.
怎么了 What's up?
-你坐下了嗎 -對 - You sitting down? - Yeah.
他們又讓步了 They blinked again.
-誰讓步了 -NBC - Who blinked? - NBC.
啥意思 Meaning?
你進了 You got the show.
不得不說 我是完全不會想念這個地方的 Got to say, I am not going to miss this place.
我知道 Oh, I know.
我們待過那么多房間 Of all the rooms we've ever been in,
這大概是我最不喜歡的了 this may be my least favorite.
我們還去過安妮·弗蘭克的房子 都比這好 And we've been in Anne Frank's house.
《安妮日記》主人公
看看看這是誰啊 Look who's here.
是炸魚和薯條 It's fish and chips.
英國傳統外帶食物
我的老天 操 Bloody hell. Fuck me.
過來啊你倆 Come here, you.
真的嗎 還這樣 Really? Still?
過來 Come here.
這感覺太怪了 Ah, you know, this is so weird.
我剛剛還在想你們倆呢 I was just thinking about you two.
為什么 Why?
我們得多在一起拍電視啊 We got to make some more tv together.
你為什么這么說 Why would you say that?
我告訴你們問題在哪 I'll tell you what your problem is --
你們需要我這樣的人來解決那些干擾 You need someone like me to run interference,
把那些蠢蛋擋在門外 Keep the idiots out of your hair.
這大概是我這么長時間來最高興的瞬間了 This may be my favorite moment so far.
我告訴你 必須得有人來保護你們 I'm telling you -- someone's got to protect you
不受電視臺那些混蛋的欺負 from those assholes at the network.
我們遇見你那會你在哪呢 Where were you when we met you?
很不幸 Unfortunately,
我們明天就要回倫敦了 We're heading back to london tomorrow.
那《冰球小子》怎么辦 Well, what about "Pucks"?
完蛋 Over.
不會吧 我喜歡那部戲 No! I loved that show.
有嗎 Did you?
反正勒布朗那個混蛋算是失業了 Well, at least that cocksucker LeBlanc's out of a job.
這也算是件好事 That's one good thing.
事實上 要讓你失望了 Actually, sorry to disappoint you,
他要在NBC一個試播集里演出 but he's starring in a big NBC pilot.
真的嗎 Really?
一部正劇 Some drama.
應該是他們熱炒的新劇 Supposed to be their hot new thing.
好事啊 Good for him.
好 廚房收拾好了 All right, kitchen's done.
接下來呢 What next?
電動牙刷和美國插頭 Electric toothbrush with american plug?
帶走 Chuck it.
這就帶走 Consider it chucked.
天哪 Oh, god.
車這么早就到了 The car's here already?
我過來告別的 I came to say goodbye.
還有呢 And...
沒有了 And nothing.
我只是想在你們走之前跟你們擁抱一下 I just wanted to give you a hug before you go.
我很難過 I'm sad.
我知道 I know.
我會想你們的 I'm gonna miss you so much.
我也會想你的 I'm gonna miss you, too.
我真的會 I really am.
蘇珊·薩蘭登讀了你們的劇本 Susan Sarandon read your script.
-什么 -什么 - What? - What?
天 我本來沒打算說的 Oh, god. I wasn't gonna say it.
它自己冒出來的 It just popped out.
放開我 Let go of me.
別生氣 Don't be mad.
她讀了劇本 非常想演 She read it and really wants to do it.
蘇珊·薩蘭登 我喜歡蘇珊·薩蘭登 Susan Sarandon. I love Susan Sarandon.
她也喜歡這個角色 And she loves the part.
她從沒拍過連續劇 She's never done a series.
她說這就是她一直等的劇本 She said this is what she's been waiting for.
拜托 蘇珊·薩蘭登 Come on. Susan sarandon.
行了吧 Oh, please!
你明知道等他們跟我們談妥了 You know by the time they're done with us,
蘇珊·薩蘭登又不會演了 It's not going to be Susan Sarandon.
她只是今天說蘇珊·薩蘭登 She's just saying susan sarandon today.
看 一根胡蘿卜 Ooh, look -- a carrot.
等我們同意了 But once we're in,
又會說 “真抱歉 蘇珊不能演了” it's, "Oh, sorry."Susan can't do it.
可你知道能請到誰嗎 But you know who we can get?
一個很差勁的人 "Someone shitty
根本就不適合這個角色 who's totally wrong for the part."
你看 最后會變成 You watch -- it'll end up being...
這個杯子 This cup.
有一天她會打給我們 “請等卡羅接電話” She'll ring us up one day. "Hold for carol."
她會說 And she'll be all...
“親愛的們 你們猜怎么著 "You guys, guess what --
“這個杯子想拍你們的電視劇 "The cup wants to do your show.
“這可是大事 This is huge.
“這個杯子什么戲都不接的” The cup turns down everything!"
然后我們會說 一個杯子 and we'll be, "Uh, the cup?"
然后她會說 “真的假的 And she'll say, "Seriously?
“你們不認識這個杯子 "You don't know the cup?
“演過 《我的醬碟去哪了》 From 'where's my saucer?'
“還有 《我與勺子》” and 'me and the spoon.'"
然后突然之間 我們就開始拍一部戲 yeah, and suddenly, we'll be doing a show
主角是一只該死的杯子 starring a fucking cup,
而且你明明就知道 who you just know
這杯子會把這戲變成杯子的風格 is gonna want to make lots of very cuppy changes
因為它想把這變成一出杯子戲 because it needs to make it its own.
蘇珊說沒說她為什么喜歡這部戲 Did Susan say what she liked about it?
嘿 過來告個別 Hey. Came to say goodbye.
就這樣而已 And that's all?
看見沒有 You see?
這才像是來告別的 This is what saying goodbye looks like.
就僅僅是告別而已 It's just saying goodbye --
沒有什么企圖 也沒有最后一搏的想法 No hidden agendas, no last-ditch efforts.
蘇珊·薩蘭登想演我們的戲 Susan Sarandon wants to do our show!
《冰球小子》 "Pucks"?
不是 另一個劇本 No, that other script.
我跟她合作過 Ooh. I worked with her.
她超級棒的 She's amazing.
如果你們能拉到蘇珊·薩蘭登 If you could get Susan Sarandon...
我們有她 We've got her.
你們回家應該也挺好的 Probably good you're going home.
我去 車來了 Shit. That's the car.
我們還忘掉什么了沒 What are we forgetting?
好 Oh, good.
真高興在你們走之前趕上了 I'm so glad I caught you before you left.
同志們 Hi, guys.
我有好消息 I've got big news.
CBS臺也想摻進來 CBS wants in.
這就是三家電視臺了 That's three networks.
只有一家能拿到這個劇本 Well, only one is getting it.
CBS保證給一個黃金時段 CBS is guaranteeing them a killer time slot.
你們已經沒有黃金時段了 You don't have a killer time slot.
這挺值的 That's worth a lot.
我拉到了蘇珊·薩蘭登 I got them Susan Sarandon.
蘇珊·薩蘭登才不會拍電視劇 Susan Sarandon's not doing television.
謝謝你了 Thank you.
她現在排著三部電影呢 She's got three movies lined up.
歌蒂·韓怎么樣 What about Goldie Hawn?
她很棒的 Ooh! She's great.
她是個客戶 She's a client.
別給我選演員了 Stop casting.
福克斯的金·薩利 Kim Sally from Fox.
嗨親愛的 Hi, honey.
我正跟他們在一起呢 I'm actually with them now.
沒跟我在一起 Not with me.
卡羅·蘭斯也正好在這兒 I've also got Carol Rance here.
金也想過來 Kim wants to come over, too.
不行 No!
這可有意思了 This is fun.
別著急 Don't worry.
如果有任何變化我會再打過來的 I'll call back if anything changes.
不會發生任何變化的 Nothing is going to change.
你們不接電話嗎 Aren't you going to get that?
我們從不用那部電話的 We never use that phone.
是這房子自己帶的 It came with the house.
我們在這兒這么長時間了從沒響過 It's never rung the whole time we've been here.
我們連電話號碼都不知道 We don't even know the number.
抱歉 I'm sorry.
我沒辦法不接電話 I can not not answer a phone.
你好 Hello.
你好 我這里是CBS電視臺 Hi. I'm calling from CBS.
萊斯·木維斯想找一下肖恩和貝佛利 I have Les Moonves for Sean and Beverly.
肖恩和貝佛利就在這兒呢 Uh, Sean and Beverly are right here.
萊斯這邊接通了 You're on with Les.
你好 請問是肖恩和貝佛利嗎 Hi. Is this sean and beverly?
我是萊斯·木 Uh, it's Les moon--
我們還要趕飛機呢 We have a plane to catch.
你瘋了嗎 Are you crazy?
我要打回去 就說剛剛斷線了 I'll call him back and say we were disconnected.
我要打給蘇珊·薩蘭登 I'm calling Susan Sarandon.
我們怎么能走呢 How can we leave?
所有人都想要我們 Everybody wants us.
就說這樣我們才應該走 Which is why we should leave.
現在是最好的時機 It's the perfect time.
什么 What?
我們一整年的時間都感到完全無能為力 We have spent a year feeling absolutely powerless.
一旦我們對這些混蛋點了頭 As soon as we say yes to one of those fuckers,
我們又會回到那個境地 we're right back there,
可如果我們現在走了 but if we go now,
就在他們爭搶我們的這檔口 with all of them fighting over us,
這是這城里最好的一件事了 that's as good as it gets in this town.
這就是那只長頸鹿 This is the giraffe.
你們的車到了 Hey, your car's here.
我該怎么跟他說 What should I tell him?
我們要走 We're leaving.
真的嗎 Really?
我們是不是該 Should we, uh...
去他們的 Fuck 'em.
走吧 Get out of here.
沙拉先生 Mr. Salad!
我都不知道你還在這里 I didn't know you were in town.
現在還愿意抱我 So I'm still getting hugs?
怎么不呢 Why not?
我印象中 上一次我們見面 As I recall, last time we spoke,
你讓我回去用卡斯特·索托的老二 You told me I could go fuck myself
操我自己 with Castor Sotto's dick.
你把我炒了 Ah, you fired me.
我有點受傷嘛 I was a little hurt.
這都已經過去了 Water under the bridge.
好運 Anyway, uh, be well.
我聽說馬特·勒布朗 I heard about matt leblanc
要在NBC拍那個試播集 getting that big pilot over at NBC.
什么 What?
你不知道嗎 What? You didn't know?
據說他們圍繞這個劇集安排了一整晚的節目 Supposedly, they're building a whole night around it.
你開玩笑吧 Are you kidding?
我覺得啊 I got to say --
我都有點驚訝 你居然允許這種事發生 I was kind of surprised you'd let that happen.
雖然已經跟我無關了 I mean, not my business anymore,
但這事多難看啊 but how's that look?
他給你們搞砸了 He bombs with you guys,
然后又去對面演一部大紅劇 Then gets a big hit across the street?
為這事還有人被炒掉呢 People get fired for that.
對方是NBC And it's NBC?
天 Jesus.
抱歉 我就不該提這事 Sorry I even mentioned it.
艾略特 Elliot, hi.
我們有正式取消《冰球小子》嗎 Have we officially canceled "Pucks"?
沒有 Uh, no.
你確定 You sure?
文件還在我桌子上呢 The paperwork's still here on my desk.
再接著拍六集 Pick it up for six more.
等下 Wait.
你想再復播《冰球小子》 You want to pick up "Pucks"?
立馬 Today.
可是 你討厭《冰球小子》的 But...You hate "Pucks."
我更討厭NBC I hate NBC more.
勒布朗先生 Monsieur LeBlanc!
真讓人激動 How exciting.
我們的冒險開始了 Our little adventure begins.
我知道 I know.
很棒 Very cool.
你在這出戲里一定會非常棒的 You are going to be so wonderful in this.
我都能聞到你的艾美獎了 I can already smell your Emmy.
不是 那是我的味兒 No, that was me.
稍等一下 我經紀人 Ugh. Hang on a second -- agent.
我現在不能說話 Hey, uh, can't talk right now.
對 我已經到了 Yeah, I'm already here.
你他媽開什么玩笑 Are you fucking kidding me?
他們不能這樣 They can't do that.
我們都被砍了 We were canceled.
非正式是什么意思 What does "Not officially" Mean?
簡直瞎扯 That's bullshit.
行 那這邊的事怎么辦 Okay, so what does that mean about this?
我不管 我要拍 I don't care. I'm doing it.
他們不能阻止我 They can't stop me.
多棒啊 How wonderful is this?
濕漉漉的 It's wet!
還記得濕漉漉的感覺嗎 Remember wet?
還很滑呢 Mm, and slippery, too.
我想念這濕滑易跌倒的每一寸土地 I've missed every precarious inch of it.
簡直難以相信 昨天 Hard to believe that, yesterday,
我們還堵在405號公路上 we were sitting in traffic on the 405.
就像是從一個狂熱的夢中醒來 Oh, it's like waking up from some fever dream.
我們醒來了 我們回來了 We're awake, and we're here.
還有 我愛你 And I love you.
我也愛你 Love you, too.
是洛杉磯的號碼 It's an L.A. Number.
別接 Don't answer it.
老天 別接 Oh, dear god, don't answer it.