翻譯：NANA 別扭大菜
翻譯：小肚腩 謀賢良
校對：NANA小霸王
時間軸：濃子
后期：魚骨頭 總監：NANA小霸王
前情提要
你們當時還有另外一個在傳閱的劇本 You had a script that was going around back then.
大家都在談論那個 It was all anyone talked about.
我們不準備再在美國拍戲了 We are not looking to do another show here.
CBS臺也想摻進來 CBS wants in.
這就是三家電視臺了 That's three networks.
只有一家能拿到這個劇本 Well, only one is getting it.
這可有意思了 This is fun.
我們一整年的時間都感到完全無能為力 We have spent a year feeling absolutely powerless.
一旦我們對這些混蛋點了頭 As soon as we say yes to one of those fuckers,
我們又會回到那個境地 we're right back there.
可如果我們現在走了 But if we go now,
就在他們爭搶我們的這檔口 with all of them fighting over us,
這是這城里最好的一件事了 that's as good as it gets in this town.
我聽說馬特·勒布朗 I also heard about Matt LeBlanc
要去NBC拍那個試播集 getting that big pilot over at NBC.
什么 What?
我們是不是正式砍掉了《冰球小子》 Have we officially cancelled Pucks!?
沒有 Uh, no.
再接著拍六集 Pick it up for six more.
你討厭《冰球小子》的 You hate Pucks!
我更討厭NBC I hate NBC more.
你他媽開什么玩笑 Are you fucking kidding me?
他們不能這樣 我們都被砍了 They can't do that. We were cancelled.
非正式是什么意思 What does "Not officially" Mean?
簡直難以相信 Hard to believe that yesterday
昨天我們還堵在405號公路上 we were sitting in traffic on the 405.
是洛杉磯的號碼 It's an L.A. Number.
全美最繁忙公路
別接 Don't answer it.
老天 別接 Oh, dear God, don't answer it.
戲里戲外
次日一早
太荒謬了 Bloody ridiculous.
簡直扯淡 Utter bullshit.
來美國的原因 Reason for entering the country?
馬特·勒布朗 Matt LeBlanc.
證件已經扔了 我是來拍《冰球小子》的 I threw away my I.D. I'm here for Pucks!
我以為那個劇已經掛了 I thought that was dead.
是啊 又復活了 就好像耶穌 Yeah, well, it's risen. Like Jesus.
只不過耶穌不是一部沒人看的爛喜劇 If Jesus was a shitty sitcom no one watched.
操他媽 Motherfucker.
好吧 Okay.
你們想不想先說點什么 Anything you'd like to say first?
我們是在回來的飛機上寫了這個本子 We wrote this on the plane back.
寫的不太好 It's not very good.
是不太好 It's not.
那行 All righty then.
第一頁 Uh, page one.
“更衣室內” "Interior locker room."
真沒想到還會說出這幾個字 Words I thought I'd never say again.
“萊曼進入” "Lyman enters."
好消息是 Now the good news is
我去協調了一下 I shuffled some stuff around,
把你們以前的辦公室要回來了 and I got you your old office back.
真的呀 Really?
居然沒人搶 No one snatched it up.
還有呢 溫迪也還在 Even better, Wendy was still available.
你們就不用再跟新人磨合了 So you don't have to start with someone from scratch.
就這樣 痛苦的回憶又都涌上心頭 And with one word, it all comes rushing back.
馬特 我是桑佛·夏米羅 Matt, Sanford Shamiro.
什么事 Hey, what's up?
不知道你有沒有聽說關于拉里·彭策爾的消息 I don't know if you heard the news about Larry Penzel.
什么消息 What news?
恐怕不是什么好消息 I'm afraid it's not good.
那是啥 No?
拉里昨晚自殺了 Larry killed himself last night.
我去 Holy shit.
是啊 簡直不敢相信 I know. It's unbelievable.
阿琳今早給我打的電話 Arlene called me this morning.
據說他是在車庫上吊了 Evidently, he hanged himself in his garage.
我的天哪 Oh, my God.
讓人心碎 Heartbreaking.
他女兒發現的 小女孩才九歲 His daughter found him. She's only nine.
天 Jesus.
葬禮明天舉行 你想去嗎 Anyway the funeral's tomorrow if you want to go.
我應該去的吧 Well, I guess I should.
他從我開始掙錢起就幫我管錢了 He's been my money guy since I got money.
我待會把詳細信息短信給你 I'll text you the information.
真抱歉告訴你這個壞消息 And I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
難以接受 Very upsetting.
是啊 I know.
要我接電話嗎 You want me to get that?
是的 這事沒變 Yes, that hasn't changed!
肖恩和貝佛利的辦公室 Sean and Beverly's office.
艾琳·杰菲在一號線 Eileen Jaffee on one.
喂 Hello.
你們好啊 歡迎回來 Hi, guys. Welcome back.
你們收到我的籃子了嗎 Did you get my basket?
好像沒有 Uh, I don't think so.
溫迪 我們有沒有收到一個籃子 Wendy, did we get a basket?
什么 What?
一個籃子 A basket.
一個禮物籃 A gift basket.
艾琳·杰菲送來的 From Eileen Jaffee.
有 Yeah.
我們能看看嗎 Can we see it?
出來看吧 Not from there.
看樣子是收到了 Apparently we did get it.
太謝謝了 Thanks so much.
你們倆回來我太高興了 I'm just happy you guys are back.
趁這個機會 Anyway, while I've got you,
千萬別咬我 now don't bite my head off...
怎么 Yes?
《我們的對立面》 The opposite of us.
反正肯定咬不死你 I hope you can breathe through your neck.
我這邊還有三家電視臺爭得頭破血流 I still have three networks clamoring for it.
頭破血流 Clamoring.
他們從來不會爭得頭破血流 They never clamor.
就讓他們頭破血流去吧 Well, they can clamor all they like.
我只是不希望你們哪天回頭看 I just don't want you to look back someday
到時候恨自己 and kick yourselves.
這可是一大筆錢 There's a lot of money on the table here.
我只需要你們說一聲行 All I need is for you to say "Go."
說行 我會把這事辦成 Say "Go" And I will make it happen.
說吧 Just say it.
說行 Just say "Go".
停 No.
我的天 Oh, my God!
他說的是“停” He said "No".
不過聽起來很像是“行” It sounded so much like "Go".
我要尼斯沙拉 I'll have the nicoise salad.
給我來一份那個有洋薊的雞丁還是什么的 Yeah, give me the chopped chicken thing with the artichokes.
菜單上沒有的 It's not on the menu.
告訴大廚是我要點的菜 Just tell the chef it's for me.
很好 Very good.
你之前上哪去了 So have you been away?
好像變古銅色了 You look tan.
-是黃疸 -什么 - It's Jaundice. - What?
黃疸 我肝臟出了問題 Jaundice. There's something screwed up with my liver.
還不知道到底是什么 正在檢查 They don't know. They're running tests.
我的天 Oh, my God.
希望別太嚴重 Well, hopefully it's nothing serious.
我都黃了 I'm yellow.
是啊 Right.
不過這膚色挺襯你的 Well, on you it looks good.
那個 Anyway, uh...
謝謝你抽出時間來 Thank you so much for making the time.
從卡斯特走了以后我們還沒怎么聊過 We haven't really talked since Castor left.
你知不知道他抽屜里發現一把上膛的槍 Did you know they found a loaded gun in his drawer?
天哪 上了膛的槍 Jesus! A loaded gun?
還有一個蝕刻繪圖板 記得蝕刻繪圖板嗎 And an Etch a Sketch. Remember Etch a Sketch?
一種通過兩個旋鈕作畫的繪圖玩具
當然記得 Sure.
好在蝕刻繪圖板可殺不了人 Well, at least you can't kill someone with an Etch a Sketch.
搞不好可以 You probably can.
那個 我是想聊一聊這個職位 Anyway, I wanted to talk about the job.
我當時真不該拒絕的 I should never have turned it down.
我一直后悔來著 I've regretted it ever since.
那可不 I'll bet.
我希望你現在能重新考慮一下我 Well, I hope now you'll reconsider me.
行 Okay.
我們需要一個強勢的人 I think we need someone strong.
既有活力又有經驗 Someone with energy, with experience.
-毫無疑問 -同時 - No question. - Also,
這家電視臺從來沒有讓女人擔任過這職位 this network has never had a woman in that job.
你不覺得這會... Don't you think it would...
你覺得海倫·拜什怎么樣 What about Helen Basch?
海倫當然很棒 Helen's great, obviously.
但我覺得... But I was thinking...
我知道 你說的是你 No, I know, you were saying you.
但海倫·拜什 那可是 But Helen Basch, come on.
她可是戰果輝煌 She's got a hell of a track record.
當然啦 Well, sure.
我們需要可以扭轉大局的人 We need someone who can turn this mess around.
而她有經驗 She's done it before.
可不是嘛 這主意太贊了 No, totally. It's a great idea.
我知道 I know.
我只是... I just, uh...
如果能請得動她 那是很了不起的 I'd be shocked if we could get her.
因為海倫·拜什怎么會愿意離開... I mean, why would Helen Basch want to leave...
因為老子給她狠狠地砸錢 'Cause I'll throw a shitload of money at her.
那肯定可以 That should do it.
海倫·拜什 Helen Basch.
我都興奮了 I'm excited.
我也是 Me too.
愛死了 Love it.
他說出"海倫·拜什"的瞬間 The minute he said "Helen Basch,"
我就知道 我玩完了 I knew, that's it, I'm dead.
那可是海倫·拜什 I mean, Helen Basch.
相信我 我被踢屁股走人了 Trust me, I am out on my ass.
說起來 你屁股挺翹 Which is looking very firm, by the way.
是嗎 Does it?
你這是只是逗我開心吧 Are you just being nice?
我是那種人嗎 Does that sound like me?
等著瞧吧 You'll see,
她一旦上任 if she takes the job,
絕對不會留下我 no way she's gonna keep me.
你當初也是這么說卡斯特的 Which is exactly what you said about Castor,
看后來不都挺好的嗎 and look how well that turned out.
沒錯 但這次不同 Yeah, well, this is different.
怎么可能 How so?
你別批判我 Okay, don't judge me.
已經覆水難收了 I think that ship sailed long ago.
我剛開始出來工作時 When I first started out,
在ABC電視臺的日間劇工作 I worked in daytime drama over at ABC.
然后我... And I, um...
和我老板好像有過一腿 I kind of had a thing with my boss.
真噠 你老板吶 Really? Your boss?
真看不出來你還是那種人 That's so unexpected and out of character.
好啦 All right.
所以你和你日間劇的老板 So you're having an affair with your boss
有過婚外情 多合適 in daytime drama, fittingly.
結果被他的蠢老婆發現了 Then his stupid wife found out.
他的蠢老婆就是... His stupid wife being...
你猜到了 You got it!
她氣瘋了 She went nuts.
逼他和我分手 Made him break up with me.
又逼他炒了我 Made him fire me.
也沒那么蠢嘛 So not so stupid.
在這行里我們抬頭不見低頭見的 I see her all the time now at industry things.
聽著就好玩 Ooh, that sounds like fun.
其實 也就還好 Know what, it's actually fine.
她表現的若無其事 She acts like nothing happened.
拜托老大 我毀了她的婚姻 But come on, I broke up her marriage.
她怎么可能讓我當她的副手 You think she's gonna want me as her number two?
她還沒答應下來呢 Well, she hasn't said yes yet.
希望還是有的 There's still hope.
以防萬一 我已經開始找工作了 Just in case, I've already started looking.
-真的 -當然 - Really? - Yeah!
我總得給自己留后路啊 I gotta cover my ass.
你真覺得我的屁屁好看嗎 You really think it looks good?
順便問一下 我們在哪呢 By the way, where are we?
你就瞧好吧 You'll see.
你在和那些已婚男士 So when you're having an affair
搞婚外情的時候 with these married men,
-有沒有感覺到一絲絲... -刺激 - is there any sense of... - Danger?
我是想說悔改之意 I was gonna say remorse.
好了 我們到了 All right, this is it.
你覺得怎么樣 What do you think?
我恨這城市 I hate this city.
好吧 Okay.
大概在兩周前 我還見他了 I saw him, like, two weeks ago.
開稅務會的時候 We had a tax meeting.
他當時還挺好的 He seemed fine.
現在就是死人了 That is death in a nutshell.
讓人心碎 Heartbreaking.
我知道 Oh, I know.
來賓太少了 Shitty turnout.
蒂姆·艾倫呢 Where's Tim Allen?
均為老演員
菲利西亞·拉斯海德也沒來 Where's Phylicia Rashad?
他們認識他比我早多了 They were with him longer than me.
他們怎么不來 Why aren't they here?
顯然他們沒有你寬容大度 Obviously, they're not as forgiving as you.
什么意思 What's that mean?
你認真的嗎 今天沒看報紙嗎 Seriously, you didn't see the paper today?
怎么了 登我了 Why, am I in it?
不幸是登了 Unfortunately.
什么 What?
聯邦調查局在調查 The FBI's been investigating
他竊取客戶資產的事 him for stealing money from his clients.
拉里 Larry?
似乎是黛米·洛瓦托對他做了審計 Apparently Demi Lovato had him audited.
歌手 Let It Go原唱
所以才發現的 That's how they found out.
你逗我呢嗎 Are you shitting me?
不然你認為他為什么... Why do you think he, uh...
老天爺啊 Jesus Christ.
所以沒人來 That's why nobody's here.
說實話阿琳能來我都很驚訝 Frankly, I'm surprised Arlene came.
你在他那放了多少錢 How much did you have with him?
什么多少錢 是所有錢 What do you mean, how much? All of it.
糟糕 Oh, shit.
或許有剩下點 Maybe some of it's left.
點兒 Some of it?
之后我會打幾個電話 I'll make some calls after,
確認一下詳情 find out the specifics.
不然我現在就去打 Or I'll make some calls now.
太瘋狂了 This is crazy.
他原來說把我當家人一樣 He used to say he thought of me as family.
他還把他姐姐佐伊家產騙光了 He also wiped out his sister Zoey,
她還是正兒八經的家人呢 and she's actually family.
操 Fuck!
你沒在他那放錢嗎 Hey, don't you have your money with him?
沒有 六年前我就甩掉他了 Eh, I dumped Larry six years ago.
我就是有種不祥的預感 I just didn't have a good feeling.
多謝及時提醒 Thanks for the heads-up.
吹耳邊風多不專業 Wouldn't have been professional.
他在嗎 Is he in?
桑佛·夏米羅 Sanford Shamiro.
挨千刀的王八羔子 Motherfucking son of a bitch.
愿他安息 May he rest in peace.
你跟誰是一伙的 Whose side are you on?
今天我們大家都懷著復雜的情緒 We are all experiencing a range of emotions today.
為失去如此有才華有愛心的人 Sadness over the loss of someone
而感到悲傷 so gifted and loving.
也對他生前的選擇感到疑惑 Confusion over the choices that he made.
問他孩子們名下的賬戶余額 Ask him about the equity account in the boys' names.
他想知道孩子們名下的 He wants to know about the equity account
賬戶余額 in the boys' names.
-叫什么 -艾登和邁克爾 - Remind me. - Aiden and Michael.
艾登和邁克爾 Aiden and Michael.
沒了 也沒有了 No, that's gone too.
該死的 God damn it.
還有那個... How about the...
你來跟他說得了 I'm gonna put you on with him.
有一個固定收入管理賬戶 Okay, there's a fixed income management account.
我忘記公司名稱了 是三個字的 I forget the company, it's three letters.
對 就是這個 Yeah, that's it.
不是吧 Oh, come on.
沒了 Well, it's gone.
都他媽沒了 Just fucking gone.
不敢相信 Unbelievable.
你一直都不知道嗎 You had no idea the whole time?
對 當然了 對不起 Right, obviously. Sorry.
太令人心寒了 It's heartbreaking.
這么多年來你一直都那么信任他 You trusted him all those years.
直到今天中午十一點半 Up until about 11:30 today.
你肯定感覺自己被背叛了 You must feel so betrayed.
我也不知道我到底是什么感覺 I don't know what I feel.
就感覺 我也說不好 It's like, I don't know...
我從沒被強奸過 I've never been raped.
別盯著我看啊 我也沒被強奸過 Well, don't look at me. I've never been raped.
干什么 What?
說不定 你在寄宿學校的時候 I don't know... boarding school?
就感覺心里突然一下子沒底了 It's like the bottom just dropped out.
就感覺今天之后我的人生 Like my whole life after today is...
不知道自己該何去何從了 I don't know what I'm gonna do.
我知道這是廢話 I know it's a meaningless cliché,
但錢乃身外之物 but it is just money.
至少你還身體健康 兒女繞膝 You still have your health, your children.
你說的沒錯 No, you're right.
的確是廢話 It's a meaningless cliché.
他媽的怎么會變成這樣 How did this fucking happen?
我不該落此下場 I don't deserve this.
我可是個好人 I'm a good person.
我也不知道這和好人壞人本身有沒有關系 I don't know that it's about good or bad per se.
本來過著安安穩穩的小日子 You go along thinking everything's great.
當然 除了那個傻不拉幾的電視劇 I mean, not the stupid show.
-確實 -沒錯 - Sure. - Right.
然后有一天醒來 你一半的錢就沒了 Then you wake up one day, and half your money's gone.
就這么 沒了 Just... just gone.
等等 你剛說什么 Wait, I'm sorry. Say what?
咋了 What?
你是說"一半" You said half?
你一半的錢沒了 Half your money's gone?
是啊 Yeah.
你說的好像他把你所有錢都卷跑了 You made it sound like he took everything.
-你是不是也這么想的 -是啊 - Didn't you think? - I did, yeah.
既然不是所有錢 Well, if it's not everything...
他卷走了我3200萬 He stole $32 million from me.
-這真的是 -太瘋狂了 - No, that's a - It's insane.
-一大筆錢啊 -太難以置信了 - ridiculous amount of money, of course. - Unbelievable.
但你還有 But you still have...
3100萬多點 Uh, a little over 31.
咋了 What?
沒事 Nothing.
到底咋了 What?
我也不想毀了你現在悲痛欲絕的心情 I don't want to diminish what you're going through in any way...
但是 But?
但是感覺沒必要這么 But it does seem slightly less...
要死要活 dire.
我可是少了3200萬 I lost $32 million.
確實沒錯 Absolutely.
但好消息是 你還有3100萬 But the good news is you still have 31.
但壞消息是 我少了3200萬 But the bad news is I lost 32.
-好吧我懂了 -我覺得你沒懂 - Right, I get it. - I don't think you do.
我再重復一遍 To be clear,
我可是少了 I lost
他媽的3200萬 32 million fucking dollars.
-是啊 我知道數額巨大 -我是說 - Yeah, that's an unbelievable lot. - I mean,
-確實 -少這么多錢確實難以置信 - No. - it's inconceivable just...
但你還有3100萬呢 But you still have 31.
我對天發誓 I swear to God...
聽我說 Listen to me,
你確實經歷了極其可怕的損失 you have suffered a terrible, terrible loss.
你真這么認為 You think?
但你會好起來的 But you will be all right.
你真的會 You will!
你還是能過上好日子的 You can have a very nice life,
即使你只剩下了 even with as little
3100萬元 as $31 million.
我咋沒覺得會好起來 I... I don't see how.
就算你以后一分錢進賬都沒有了 Let's say you never make another dime.
你每年還有一百萬能過活呢 You can still live on a million dollars a year.
不 是你只要100萬就能活了 No, you could live on a million dollars a year.
那肯定是可以的 I'm sure I could.
一年100萬 So a million a year.
也就是說 我80歲之前就得死 That means I'd have to die before I'm 80.
這你就放心吧 I wouldn't worry about that.
什么事啊 Yeah? What?
馬特 我們準備好開拍了 Matt, we're ready to shoot.
好吧 我們他媽去拍電視劇吧 Fine, let's do this fucking thing.
你確定你沒問題嗎 Are you sure you're up for this?
有啥問題 Why not?
我覺得你已經醉迷糊了 I'd say you're significantly drunk.
你就從沒見我醉過 You've never seen me drunk.
你吐在我身上過 You vomited on me.
我咋不記得有這回事 I don't recall that.
為啥我們現在才 How are we only now
剛發現別人會覺得這有種族歧視 finding out people think this is racist?
這個劇名拿給研究部都半年時間了 Research has had this title for six months.
萊特和王 諧音為"對與錯"
我還是覺得起得很巧妙 I still think it's clever.
顯然美國百姓不認同你的看法 Apparently America disagrees with you.
只有46% Only 46%.
我插一句 為啥這有種族歧視 I'm sorry, why is it racist?
我們又沒有起名叫《白和王》 I mean, it's not like we called it "White and Wong".
諧音白與錯
我還是挺喜歡那個名字的 I still like that one.
可能我不知道啥叫種族歧視 Maybe I don't know what racist is.
天啊 你們聽說了嗎 Oh, my God, have you guys heard?
你從哪跑過來的 Where did you run from?
我辦公室 重大消息 我快斷氣了 My office. It's news. I'm breathless.
我們剛雇了海倫·拜什 We just hired Helen Basch.
確定嗎 Definitely?
上面說下周就來就職了 Yeah, it says starting next week.
"衰敗電視臺雇得重要人物" "A major get for the failing network."
天啊 海倫·拜什 Oh, my God, Helen Basch.
她據說是特別棒 She's supposed to be fantastic.
真要這樣嗎 Seriously?
咋了 What?
你不會這打算帶這個去片場吧 You're not really bringing that onto the stage?
為啥不能 Why not?
你真是一丁點職業精神也沒有 You reek of professionalism.
3200萬 32 million!
我帶他去看獸醫 So I took him to the vet,
然后醫生說是癌癥 and, you know, they said it's cancer.
花了三千塊錢 還是奄奄一息 So $3,000 later, you know, he's still dying, so...
剛開始他們認為是貓艾滋 At first they think it's feline AIDS,
真要這樣 那也很不錯了 which, you know, would have been a blessing.
但得的是癌癥 救不活了 But it's cancer, so that's it.
準備彩排 Rehearsal up!
馬特有點 Listen, Matt is a little...
我覺得他肯定還要接著喝 And I suspect he's not gonna get any less so.
沒錯 No.
所以我們最好跳過彩排 So we should probably skip the rehearsal
盡快直接拍攝 and shoot this as soon as we can.
給我們幾分鐘進行布光 Okay, just give us a few minutes to finish lighting, okay?
我的錯 My bad.
你們他媽是在開玩笑的吧 Are you fucking kidding me?
咋了 What?
他這個樣子我們還能拍嗎 We're really gonna shoot with him like this?
他會沒事的 He'll be fine.
真的嗎 Oh, yeah?
你聞到他那大飲料杯了嗎 Have you smelled his big gulp?
差不多裝了一斤七兩酒 It's like 30 ounces of rehab.
他這樣也是情有可原 There are extenuating circumstances.
我知道他所有錢都沒了 Look, I get that he lost all his money.
是一半 Half.
一半 Half?
謝謝 Thank you.
但是 還是沒得商量 But you know what, there's still no excuse.
怎么能這個樣子跑來工作 You don't show up for work like this.
我干這一行干了有十 I have been in this business for almost four...
實在很長時間了 forever.
但我從來沒見過這么不專業的 And I have never seen this kind of behavior.
這么說吧 I'll tell you,
要是《凱莉女孩》里哪個演員敢這樣 if an actor showed up like this on Kelly Girl...
什么 On what?
難道就沒人他媽的記得我的劇嗎 Does no one remember my fucking show?
我記得 I do.
我知道肯定沒有人會看這部劇 Look, I realize nobody's ever gonna see these shows,
但至少假裝認真對待一下好不好 but can we at least pretend this matters.
我為了這部破劇放棄了一集試播劇 I had to give up a pilot for this shit.
他好歹要做個榜樣吧 The least he can do is set an example.
職業道德懂不懂 It's called a fucking work ethic.
有什么問題么 What's going on?
哎喲 親 Hi, boo.
我們正提到你呢 We were just talking about you.
我正在說這么多年來 I was saying in all the years I've been doing this,
我還沒見過你這種職業道德的人呢 I've never seen a work ethic like yours.
話說回來 拉里·彭策爾的事我也很難過 Anyway, sorry about the Larry Penzel thing.
天哪 Jesus.
別提了 Ugh, tell me.
拉里以前也給我管過幾年的錢 You know, Larry was my money guy for years.
以前 Was?
我早就把他辭了 Oh, I got out a while ago.
我也不知道 就是有種不祥的預感 I don't know, I just had a feeling.
我了個槽 God damn it!
就只有我一個人什么預感都沒有么 Am I the only one who didn't have a feeling?
我了個大槽 Jesus fucking Christ.
我該怎么辦 What am I supposed to do?
我有三份該死的贍養費要付 I got three goddamn alimonies to pay.
這比我的蛋蛋得了癌癥那會兒還糟糕 This is worse than when I had ball cancer.
我估計聽了這個能讓你好受一點 Well, if it makes you feel any better,
馬特·勒布朗損失了三千兩百萬 Matt LeBlanc lost 32 million.
我只想說 May I just say...
化悲憤為食欲 不能解決問題 Eating your feelings is not the answer.
我的悲憤早沒了 Oh, I finished my feelings a long time ago.
我現在吃的都是你們的悲憤 I'm eating your feelings now.
我知道你現在聽不進去 Look, um, I know you don't wanna hear this,
但你依舊是個有錢人 but you are still a very wealthy man.
我不想聽 I don't wanna hear it.
我很抱歉 但你還有三十 I'm sorry, but you still have thirty...
別說31 不許說31 Don't say 31. Don't say 31.
我問你 Let me ask you something.
你有沒有想過每口少咬一點 Have you ever considered the option of smaller bites?
我問你 Let me ask you a question.
如果你們損失了一半的財產會怎么樣 What if you lost half your money?
這完全不是一碼事 It's totally different.
為啥 你們身家多少 Why? How much do you guys have?
我不想說 I'd rather not say.
我都告訴你們了 就給我個大概數字 Told you how much I have. Come on, just ballpark.
-不要 -你們用的是英鎊 - No. - It's in pounds.
我又不會知道到底是多少 I won't even know what it means.
只能說比三千一百萬少太多了 Let's just say it's a lot less than 31 million.
這個我知道 Well, I figured that.
那是多少 一千萬 So, like, what, 10?
一千萬 怎么可能 10? No!
-五百萬 -不關你的事 - 5? - It's none of your business!
我是說你倆的加一起 I'm talking combined.
你倆身家加一起都沒有五百萬 The two of you combined have less than 5?
我們不可能告訴你的 We're not telling you.
好吧 差不多了就叫停 四百萬 Okay, stop me when I'm close. 4.
三百萬 3?
-二百萬 -別說了 - 2? - Stop.
好吧 那你們身家是兩百萬 Okay, so you have 2.
不 別說了 No, just stop.
拜托 你們好歹也得有兩百萬的身家吧 Come on, you gotta have at least 2.
你們有一部很紅的戲啊 You had a hit show.
在英國 In England.
好歹也是個國家啊 It's still a country.
我的天 還不到兩百萬 Christ, less than 2?
一百萬 1?
天哪 不到一百萬 Oh, my God, less than 1?
臥槽 Fuck
-你們需要錢嗎 -我們不差錢 - Do you need money? - No, we don't need money.
我很擔心你們 I am very concerned for you.
謝謝你的好意 我們沒事 Thank you. We're fine.
這怎么能沒事 You're not fine.
你們都沒有錢 You got no money.
你們需要安全感 You need security.
你們已經不年輕了 You're not that young.
比你年輕 Younger than you.
真的 貴庚幾何 Really? How old are you?
不關你的事 None of your business.
四十多了 More than 40?
行了 你醉了 All right, you're drunk,
談話結束 and this conversation is over.
我是醉了 但是談話繼續 Yes, I am, and, no, it's not.
你們都沒有積蓄 You... you got no savings.
你們70歲以后還想好好活嗎 You want the lights to still go on when you're 70?
你們需要有危機感 You should be worried.
危機感 Very worried.
怎么了 What?
我們需要有危機感嗎 Should we be worried?
不需要 No!
你確定要接受一個 You're taking financial advice from a man
醉得七葷八素的家伙的理財建議 who is literally sloshing while he walks.
話是這么說 Still...
親愛的 三千一百萬都喂不飽這家伙 Sweetheart, 31 million isn't enough for him.
連一百萬都沒有才叫吃不飽 You know what isn't enough? Less than 1.
我們是不是應該考慮那件事 Maybe we should think about doing the other thing.
-親愛的 別 -哪件事 - Darling, don't... - what other thing?
那本炙手可熱的劇本 That script everyone wants.
這還用想嗎 How is that even a question?
你能別管我們的事嗎 Will you please stay out of this?
去唄 一大筆進賬啊 No, do it. Cash in.
別跟著我們 Stop following us.
你以為世道永遠都會是這樣嗎 You think it's always gonna be like this?
是 電視劇作家 Oh, sure, television writers.
等你們老了 When you get old,
才是大把撈錢的時候 that's when the big bucks start rolling in.
別讓他動搖你 Don't let him do this.
我們從來都沒擔心過錢的事情 We have never worried about money.
所以你們才窮 Which is why you don't have any.
我們很傻很天真么 Are we being stupid?
-是的 -不是 - Yes! - No!
再多錢也不值得我們受這份罪 No money is worth going through this again.
我拿不準 I don't know.
走慢點兒 Slow down!
你怎么還在 Why are you still here?
行 我就再說一件事 All right, I'll say one thing,
然后就閉嘴 and then I'll drop it.
你才不會 I bet you don't.
嗨 馬特 Hi, Matt.
你 You... uh...
假設你們再也賣不出劇本了 let's say you never sell another show.
一本也寫不出來了 You don't make any more after this.
你拿什么過日子 How you gonna live?
你要怎么辦 What are you gonna do?
回老家 開間小店 Go home, open a little shop...
賣點笑話 Selling jokes?
笑話 笑話便宜賣了 Jokes. I've got jokes.
要笑話么 先生 一個笑話一便士 Joke, sir? Penny for a joke.
都是屁話 Bloody hell!
我認真的 I'm serious.
我爺爺一直到葬禮前兩天 My grandfather was still driving a laundry truck
都還在開洗衣卡車 two days before his funeral.
你總想有一天要退休的吧 You wanna retire someday?
現在就得掙錢 You gotta make your money now.
那就掙錢 但不是在這里掙 Okay, money, fine. But not here.
這里就是你掙大錢的地方 Here is where you make the money.
你是怎么回事 What's the matter?
太艱難了 It was too hard?
他們亂改你們的劇本 They changed your little show?
他們不尊重你們的才華 They don't respect your talent?
就是這樣他們才會付你們那么多錢 That's why they pay you so much!
你閉嘴 Stop talking.
你剛是不是舔我了 他舔我 Did you just lick me? He licked me!
-淡定 -你是個惡魔 - Calm down. - You're a monster!
有時候惡魔才是對的 Yeah, well, sometimes the monster is right.
別犯傻了 Don't be stupid.
打給你的經紀人 Call your agent.
賣劇本 掙大錢 Sell your show. Make the money.
我很抱歉 I'm sorry.
但是惡魔說的對 The monster is right.
肖恩·林肯在一號線 Sean Lincoln on one.
你好 親愛的 Hi, honey.
行 It's... Go.
太棒啦 Oh, my God!
爺爺那段我瞎編的 I made up the part about my grandfather.