前情提要
你和海伦 You and helen?
她是够疯狂的 下面还有个纳粹标志 She's a wild one, with that little swastika down there?
那是朵花 That's a flower.
他到处去告诉别人 He's going around telling people
我有个反犹太的阴门 I have some sort of anti-semitic twat?
我要杀了他 Oh, I'm gonna fucking kill him.
翻译：NANA小霸王
好吧 我都有点怕了 Okay, now I'm a little scared.
他才该怕 He should be scared.
校对：NANA小霸王
简直天才 Fucking brilliant.
时间轴：浓子
真的 Really?
我很愿意演出 I would love to do this.
后期：鱼骨头 总监：NANA小霸王
太好了 Great.
你们想让我演你们的戏吗 Do you want me in your show?
一把钥匙 才两个礼拜 A key? After two weeks?
这简直 来得太猛了 It's just-- it's too much too fast.
你一定得告诉她你的感受 You have to tell her how you feel.
我知道她是你的朋友 I know she's your friend,
但我不确定她是为我们俩好 But I'm not sure she has our best interests at heart.
不是吗 No?
明显她爱着你呢 She's clearly in love with you.
贝佛利 Beverly?
疯了吧 oh, that's crazy.
得了吧 你看她那发型 Oh, please. Look at her hair.
戏里戏外 第四季 第十二集
时间刚刚好 健身房如何 There's timing. How was the gym?
我旁边的跑步机上有个蠢女人 This idiot woman on the treadmill next to me
从头到尾都在电话上说个不停 was yakking on her phone the entire time.
有些人真的很讨厌 I hate people.
就在她面前就有一个很大的标志 And there's a big bloody sign
上面写得清清楚楚 请勿接打电话 right in front of her, saying, "No phones."
我无话可说 I rest my case.
然后我就盯着她 So I'm staring at her,
想用正义的眼神制服她 trying to blow her up with my mind,
然后我又看了看标志 and then I look up at the sign,
然后我又看着她 and then I look back to her,
然后我又看了看标志 她就一直说个不停 then up at the sign again, and she's just rattling on,
太不在意别人了 Totally oblivious.
我发誓 I swear,
我当时真的是强忍着没有去抢她的手机 it was all I could do not to grab her fucking phone
给她扔了 and throw it across the gym.
你怎么不直接说呢 Why didn't you just say something?
我不想小题大做 Ah, I didn't want to make a big deal of it.
看这是谁 Ah, look who's here.
你看 Oh, look.
那是你女朋友 There's your girlfriend.
她才不是我的 She's not my--
-早啊 -早 - Morning. - Hi.
差点撞到我 Almost got me there.
差点 Almost.
我正好想要找你呢 Actually, you are just the person I wanted to see.
我昨天接到一个很奇怪的电话 I got the weirdest call
马特·勒布朗的经纪人打来的 yesterday from Matt LeBlanc's agent,
说你们在《对立面》里给他安了个角色 saying you'd offered him a role in Opposite?
对 Oh, right.
我当时吓一大跳 I was like, "What?"
真是抱歉 是我们的错 So sorry, totally our fault.
马特读了剧本之后想拍这部戏 Matt read the script, wanted to do it.
我们不知道怎么拒绝他 We didn't know how to say no.
欢迎体会我的生活 Welcome to my world.
我们昨晚终于跟他摊牌了 We finally told him last night.
场面不太好看 It was not pretty.
下一次 最好是提前跟我打个招呼 Well, next time, I'd just appreciate a little heads-up.
那肯定的 Absolutely.
希望没有下一次了 Hopefully there won't be a next time.
那什么 我们要去参加一个读剧本的会 Anyway, uh, we are late for a table read.
得走了 We got to go.
拜拜 Bye-bye.
我喜欢她 I like her.
她真是挺好的 对吧 She's great, isn't she?
又差点撞到我 Almost got me again.
我知道 I know.
那是什么意思 What the hell was that?
什么 What?
什么 她差点就撞到我了 What? She practically ran me over.
不小心而已 It was an accident.
第一次可以说是不小心 Maybe the first time.
你说她是蓄意为之 You're saying it was deliberate?
我又不是高速公路上横穿马路的小动物 Well, it's not like I'm a squirrel crossing the highway.
没这回事 Oh, please.
你注意到没 她几乎不拿正眼看我 And did you notice she hardly looked at me?
-没有吗 -没有 - No? - No.
她只看着你 She only looked at you.
我是一直深受女同性恋群体欢迎的 Well, I've always had a way with the lesbians.
读书的时候 At school,
他们都说我可以让女人改变性向 they used to say I could turn a woman gay.
我看你还挺开心 我倒是觉得很郁闷 I'm glad you're enjoying this. I found it deeply troubling.
说到这个 Speaking of which...
我们总归是要跟他见面的 I suppose we had to see him eventually.
演员嘛经常会选不上角色的 Look, actors don't get cast in parts all the time.
他是个成年人 He's a big boy.
过一段时间他就会接受 At a certain point, he's just gonna have to acc--
-好啊 -早 - Hey. - Morning.
看样子这段时间还没过 Clearly he has not reached that point.
我看是还没 I would say not.
太糟糕了 Oh, so awful.
好的 Okay.
如果有其他消息再告诉我们 Well, let us know if you hear anything else.
好消息 Good news?
《目前为止》得停拍 Up Till Now had to shut down.
怎么了 What? Why?
演好朋友的那个人 The guy playing the best friend,
那个喜剧演员亚当·贝伦 the stand-up, Adam Bailen?
我记得是叫巴伦 I think it's Ballen.
不是 贝伦 No, Bailen.
你确定 Are you sure?
她说的是贝伦 She said Bailen.
我一直都叫的巴伦 All this time I've been saying Ballen.
这太尴尬了 That's embarrassing.
-他怎么了 -他死了 - What about him? - He's dead.
什么 What?
他昨晚从船上摔下来了 He fell off the back of a boat last night.
刚刚发现了他的尸体 They just found his body.
我的天 Oh, my god.
他在船上干什么 What was he doing on a boat?
夜游呗 Boating?
为什么 Why?
他那么年轻 He was so young.
又很有才华 特别搞笑 And so talented, really funny.
是啊 I know.
而且刚刚才减肥成功 And he had just lost all that weight.
太让人难过了 Oh, it's heartbreaking.
我们现在得重新选角 So now we have to recast?
正是忙试播集的时候 It's the middle of pilot season.
真是太糟糕了 What a fucking nightmare.
马特·勒布朗怎么样 What about Matt LeBlanc?
反正他是有档期 God knows he's available.
不会太老吗 Not too old?
那谁有个年纪大的好朋友也行啊 Well, what's-his-name could have an old best friend.
不行 想想就倒胃口 Nah, sounds depressing.
-也是 -不过我还是很喜欢他的 - I guess. - I still like him, though.
我们可以想想别的节目 We should keep him in mind for something.
什么 What?
你还是很气默克吧 You still pissed at Merc?
你想什么呢 为什么问这个 What do you think? Why?
有什么大好消息 So, what's the big news?
我们聊到你那个节目的候选主持人 Well, we were talking about possible hosts for your show.
是吗 你们觉得我的新名单怎么样 Yeah? You like my new list?
反正是比之前的要好了 Mm, it's definitely better,
因为名单上所有人都还健在 in that all of them are alive.
这事地道吧 You're welcome.
除了基恩·雷伯恩以外 Except for Gene Rayburn,
著名游戏节目主持人 99年去世
他是已经去世了 Who is, in fact, dead.
不是吧 Oh, man.
就没一个让我省心的 I can't catch a break.
没关系 我们有个主意 That's fine, 'cause we actually have an idea
我们觉得非常不错 that we are very excited about.
你们觉得不错 那我肯定也觉得不错 Well, if you're excited, I'm excited.
我是觉得不错 Oh, I'm excited.
有一个演员 There's an actor.
很有魅力 也很幽默 He's charming. He's funny.
-还健在 -活得好好的 - And alive? - Very much so.
听着不错 Sounds perfect.
以前从没有接过这种工作 He's never done anything like this before.
那是谁啊 我都急死了 So who is it? You're killing me here.
等一下 Oh, just you wait.
要不你来 Do you want to...?
我来 Yeah.
一定得我来说 This should really come from me.
马特·勒布朗 Matt LeBlanc.
开玩笑呢吧 That's a joke, right?
我有在笑吗 Am I laughing?
不是吧 你们他妈逗我呢 Come on. Are you fucking kidding me?
你不喜欢他 Not a fan?
那个贱人绝不可能来主持我的节目 There's no way that cocksucker is hosting my show.
真的 Really?
我还以为你正儿八经想拍这个节目呢 See, I thought you wanted to get on the air.
肯定还有其他人选的 Look, there's got to be somebody else.
我不觉得 Mm, not for me.
你知道海伦这个人 You know Helen.
只要她脑子里有个什么主意 When she gets an idea in her head...
求你了 我求求你们 别这样 Please, I am begging you, don't do this.
拜托 我们可是老相识了 Come on, we've got history.
我们互相都清楚以前那点事 Oh, I think we are all aware of our history.
我的天 Oh, jesus.
就是因为这个 因为她跟你说 Is that what this is? Because she told you about--
绝对不是 别把我想成那样 Absolutely not. Give me some credit.
用我的纳粹纹身发誓 I swear on my little swastika tattoo,
这可不是针对你 This is nothing personal.
你他妈开什么玩笑 默克·拉皮多斯 Are you fucking kidding me? Merc Lapidus?
真的 他说必须让你来拍 I'm telling you, he said he can't do it without you.
-瞎扯 -我亲自跟他通的话 - Bullshit. - I talked to the man myself.
我不管那么多 没门 Well, I don't care. No fucking way.
我懂的 Look, I get it.
你显然是不懂 如果你懂的话 Obviously, you don't, 'cause if you did--
你就不能暂时把你的小情小绪放到一边去 Can you set aside your personal feelings for one minute?
-不能 -这是个生意上的决策 - No. - This is a business decision.
是你让我给你弄个项目 You asked me to bring you a project.
这是一个非常优秀的项目 This is an amazing project.
那我应该再说清楚点 Okay, maybe I should have been more specific.
给我弄个项目 但制作人不能是一个 Bring me a project that isn't produced
爱撒谎 又坏 by a lying, evil,
又贱又不要脸的老混蛋 piece-of-shit, fuckface scumbag.
你们好 How are you?
我们爱你 We love you.
我也爱你们 Love you too.
我们知道你在吃饭 不过 Uh, we know you're eating, but--
行 可以 Yeah, sure.
三 二 一[日语] San...Ni...Ichi.
怎么样 How we doing here?
-再来一张 -行 - Again? - Yeah.
三 二 一 San...Ni...Ichi.
行了吧 There you go.
好了 真棒 Okeydokey. This was great.
拜拜 Bye-bye.
快去吧 你好[日语] Go on. Konnichiwa.
他长肥了 He got fat.
你好歹听一听条件 At least listen to the deal.
我的老天 Jesus christ.
不只是钱 我给你要到了股份 It's not just money. I got you points.
你会占这个节目的很大部分股 You would own a big piece of the show.
我不在乎 我他妈才不当游戏节目主持人 I don't care. I'm not gonna be a fucking game-show host.
首先 这可不只是个游戏节目 First of all, it's more than just a game show.
这事很有机会能造成轰动 This has the potential to be an event.
这在荷兰可是大事 Apparently it is huge in Holland.
在荷兰什么都是大事 Everything's huge in Holland.
这傻逼国家就这么点大 The stupid country's, like, this big.
我的工作是给你建议 Look, my job is to advise you.
你想听我的建议吗 You want my advice?
别这么混蛋 Don't be a schmuck.
这事可以给你挣一大笔钱 This could be serious money for you,
你现在正需要这么一大笔钱 And right now you need serious money.
行 我也给你点建议 Okay, now, here's my advice for you.
我才不管 I don't give a shit.
我 我 I'll--I'll--
我大不了把海滩别墅卖了 也不去跟那个 I'll sell my beach house before I work with that--
动不动就抱这个抱那个的两面三刀的秃头 that hugging, two-faced, balding--
别说犹太人 别说犹太人 Don't say jewish. Don't say jewish.
-别说犹太人 -我没打算说犹太人 - Don't say jewish. - I wasn't gonna say jewish.
行 行 我就是 Okay. Okay, I'm just--
尽我的责任 I'm just doing my job.
贝佛利·林肯在一号线 Beverly Lincoln on one.
不是什么大事 Um, totally not a big deal,
但是以后 贝佛利打过来的时候 But in the future, when Beverly calls,
你能不能别这么大声冲我喊 Would you mind not shouting it over to me?
好的 Oh, okay.
真的不是什么大事 Like I say, not a big deal.
也别用对讲系统 But maybe skip the intercom too.
就到我房间来 悄悄说 Just come in and quietly say,
是那个谁 "It's you-know-who."
那个谁 You-know-who.
好的 Got it.
还有 要不把她从我的联系人列表里删了 Also, let's maybe leave her off my phone sheet,
不然万一别人看见 Just in case people are like,
懂吧 You know?
不过 Again...
不是什么大事 Not a big deal.
没错 Exactly.
对了 Um, by the way,
那个谁还在线上等着呢 You-know-who is still on hold.
哦对 好的 Right, yes.
谢谢 Thank you.
你好呀 Hey, you.
-你好 -真是抱歉 - Hello. - Sorry about that.
他才把我从一个会里叫出来 He had to pull me out of a meeting.
没关系 It's all right.
有什么事 So, what's cooking?
我 有个问题 I, uh, just had a question.
-说吧 -你得说实话 - Shoot. - And be honest.
-我什么时候不说实话了 -就刚刚 - When am I not? - Right now.
行吧 怎么了 Oh, all right. What?
海伦是不是对我有什么意见 Does Helen have an issue with me?
什么 What?
海伦 没有 Helen? No.
我昨天看她感觉怪怪的 I just got a very strange vibe from her yesterday.
你说海伦 From Helen?
太扯了 That's crazy.
海伦可喜欢你了 Helen loves you.
特别喜欢 Big, big fan.
真的吗 Really?
因为我感觉她是想要撞死我 Because it seemed like she was trying to run me over.
海伦就是开个小玩笑 Oh, that's just Helen having a little fun.
立马给我拿过来 And I want it on my desk first thing!
谁啊 Who was that?
那个蠢货 什么名字来着 调研部的 That idiot, what's-his-name in research.
谁 斯图尔特 Who, Stuart?
对 Yes.
我们要不干脆把他炒了吧 Should we just fire him?
也是 也是 Maybe. Maybe.
有智慧 Smart.
马特 是布里塔 Matt, it's Britta.
我就花了五分钟时间 你猜咋的 So it took me, like, five minutes, and guess what.
已经有一个对海滩别墅感兴趣的买家了 I've already got a potential buyer for the beach house.
还挺快 That was fast.
我嘛 You know me.
是谁啊 Who is it?
我不能告诉你 Uh, I can't tell you.
真的 Seriously?
他们还让我签了个保密协议 Oh, they made me sign a confidentiality thing.
好吧 麦莉·塞勒斯 Okay. Miley Cyrus?
我不能告诉你 That would be telling you.
我理解 I get it.
金·凯瑞 Jim Carrey?
停 Stop.
比吉斯里还活着的那谁 Who's the Bee Gee that's still alive?
比吉斯乐队名曲《还活着》Staying Alive
-巴里 -是他吗 - Barry? - Is it him?
我不会跟你玩这套的 I am not playing this game.
好吧 你就告诉我一件事 All right, well, just tell me one thing.
这个人有没有《回到未来》过 Has this person ever been back to the future?
总而言之 他们想要周五早上过来 Anyway, they want to come friday morning.
你到时候能消失吗 Can you make yourself scarce?
我还得消失 那可是我的房子 I have to be scarce? It's my house.
首先 卖家不应该在场 Well, first of all, the seller should never be there.
再说了 他的人坚持要这样 Plus, his people actually insisted on it.
所以是个男的呗 So it's a he?
我可没这么说 I never said that.
-马特·达蒙 -我不会告诉你的 - Matt Damon. - I'm not telling you.
-哈里森·福特 -我要挂了 - Harrison Ford. - I'm gonna hang up.
巨石强森 道恩 Dwayne "The rock" Johnson.
行了 Stop it.
周五早上行吗 So Friday morning?
好 Yeah, fine.
他们知道我的要价一分钱不少吧 And they know I'm not taking a penny less than my asking.
我说的很清楚 I was very clear.
好的 Okay.
我会告诉你进展 I'll let you know how it goes.
好的 Great.
本尼迪克特·康伯巴奇 Benedict Cumberbatch.
不是 No.
这是个真人吧 That's a real person, right?
是的 Yeah.
拜 Bye.
怎么回事 What the hell?
你们干吗呢 那是我们的车 Hi. What are you doing? Those are our cars.
实际上 这都是勒布朗先生的车 Actually, they're Mr. Leblanc's cars.
-太有才了 -严格来说是的 - Brilliant. - Yeah, well, okay, technically,
可他把车给我们了 But he gave them to us.
我估计严格来说他要把车收回去 Well, I guess technically he's taking them back.
简直莫名其妙 Unbelievable.
也算不上吧 And yet in every way believable.
等一下 等一下 等一下 Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.
等我跟勒布朗先生说两句 Just let me speak to Mr. Leblanc.
我肯定能说服他 I'm sure I can persuade him to--
你不是吧 Really?
车子 The cars?
你要把车子收回去 You're taking back the cars?
你这是在惩罚我们 Is this how you're gonna punish us?
你不觉得就算对你来说也太小气了吗 Doesn't this seem a little bit petty, even for you?
独特的说服技巧 Nice persuading.
你太幼稚了 You're a baby!
没关系 随他吧 It's fine. Let it go.
我还就告诉你 把你的破车收回去吧 Oh, yeah, do you know what? Take your bloody cars!
谁在乎 收回去 Who cares? Take--take them!
走走走 Go! Go! Go!
你太阳眼镜不是在车里吗 Aren't your sunglasses in there?
哎我操 Oh, shit. Fuck!
等一下 等一下 Wait! Wait!
等一下 Wait!
你咋还在呢 You're still here.
我马上就走 I'm leaving now.
你半个小时前就是这么说的 Uh, that's what you said half an hour ago.
淡定 我要走了 这是在道别 Calm down. I'm going. This is good-bye.
雪儿说告别的时候我就没信过 Yeah, I didn't believe it when Cher said it,
老牌流行天后 曾数次宣布退出又复出
现在我也同样不信 And I don't believe it now.
快走 Go.
行 Okay.
你干吗呢 What are you doing?
我想出去的时候顺便弄点咖啡喝 I'm just gonna get some coffee on the way out.
你要来点吗 Do you want some?
你得赶紧走 You've got to get out of here.
我去 Oh, shit.
既然这样 Oh, well.
不能既然这样 从后面出去 Not "Oh, well." Go out the back.
放松 Relax.
我就想看看是谁 I just want to see who it is.
行 然后你能走吗 All right. And then you'll go?
然后我就走 Then I'll go.
我是罗恩 It's Ron.
快进来吧 Come on in.
我根本不认识这人 I don't even recognize that guy.
他拍过什么 What's he been in?
拍过房子 Real estate.
他是房产经纪人 He's the agent.
我操 What the fuck?
对了 Oh, right.
你演过他的戏 You were on his show.
他的戏 His show?
行 你见到他了 Okay, you saw him.
快走吧 Now leave.
哥们 Dude!
你也是来看房子的 Are you looking at this place too?
不是 我住这 No. I live here.
不会吧 No way.
他们跟我说是个名人 They told me it was someone famous,
可我没想过是你 But I never thought of you.
就是我 Well, it's me.
太扯了 This is crazy.
你能想象吗 我要是买了你房子会怎样 Can you imagine if I bought your house?
不能 I cannot.
你哪来的钱买这个房 How do you even have the money for this?
我也觉得 挺神奇的 I know, right? It's nuts.
我连着接了三部电影 I got three movies back-to-back.
-真的 -是一个系列 - Seriously? - It's this franchise.
根据一套三部曲改编的 They're based on this trilogy.
我还没读呢 整整三本书 I haven't read 'em, 'cause there's, like, three.
那是 Sure.
能带我逛逛吗 Anyway, how about a tour?
我其实正准备出门 Actually, I was just on my way out.
他是要出门 He was.
别啊 你得带我看一圈 No, come on, man. You got to show me around.
行 Fine.
这是客厅 Living room.
我去 Holy shit.
太棒了 This is awesome.
是啊 Yep.
-我肯定不会对这里做改动 -好的 - I would not change one thing. - Okay.
这就像九十年代博物馆似的 This is like a fucking '90s museum.
什么 What?
好像时间在这里停滞了 It's like time stopped in here.
我爸妈就买过这种椅子 My parents had these chairs.
对了 所有的家具 Uh, by the way, all the furnishings
都包含在售价之内 are included in the sale price.
我的天 Oh, my god.
那是你吗 Was that you?
是啊 Yeah.
天哪 Jesus.
钢琴居然是白的 That piano is white!
-你弹琴吗 -不弹 - You play? - No.
-想听我弹吗 -不想 - You want to hear me play? - No.
行 接着往后 接着往后 All right, tour's moving. Tour is moving!
抱歉 Sorry.
太棒了 Nice.
这就是七十尺大海滩 And this is what 70 feet of ocean frontage looks like.
约21.3米
太美了 Oh, look at this.
你年轻时候肯定开过不少疯狂派对 I'll bet you had some wild parties back in the day.
是啊 Yeah.
有我 林肯 还有圣经里的一些人 It was me, Abe Lincoln, and some guys from the bible.
接着往后走 Tour's moving!
那个谁在二号线 You-know-who on two.
什么 What?
谢谢你 彼得 Thank you, Peter.
帮你关门吗 Oh, eh, door closed?
好的 关了合适 Yeah, sure, why not?
-亲爱的 -我得跟你谈谈 - Hi, honey. - I need to speak with you.
怎么了 What's up?
当面谈 No, in person.
要不今天下午去爬山 Want to go for a hike this afternoon
或者去喝点什么 or maybe grab a drink?
我也想 但是太忙了 I wish. I am so swamped.
试播季呢 Pilot season.
行吧 那方便的话我也可以直接过来 All right, well, I could come over there if it's easier.
到这来 别别 Here? No. No.
疯了 我到你这来 That's crazy. I'll come to you.
要不就在你们摄影棚后面 How about behind your stage?
我们摄影棚后面 Behind our stage?
就垃圾堆那个地方 Where the dumpsters are?
你说真的 Are you serious?
我马上过来 I'm on my way.
好了 就是这样 All right, that's it.
房子就这样 行了吧 That's the house. There you go.
拜拜 Bye-bye.
等一下 我能问你一下吗 Hey, wait a second. Can I ask you something?
不能 No.
什么 What?
我从这几部电影里挣了些钱 Okay, so I got all this money from these movies,
然后我的财务建议我做点投资 And my guy is telling me I got to buy something,
但是 But...
我对房地产一无所知 I don't know shit about real estate.
不知道你想问什么 Haven't heard a question yet.
对 然后我看了一些房子 Oh, okay, so I've seen a bunch of different places,
然后这里是最酷的 and this is definitely the coolest.
还是没听到问题 Still no fucking question.
好的 Oh, okay.
我知道这是你的房子 So I-I realize it's yours,
但是 But just, like...
从投资的角度来说 Investment-wise...
如果你不是非得卖掉的话 你会买这套房吗 If you didn't have to sell it, would you buy this place?
什么叫如果我不是非得卖掉 What do you mean, if I didn't have to sell it?
谁告诉你我非得卖掉这套房 Who told you I have to sell it?
我可能说过点什么 I may have said something.
我不是非得卖掉 I don't have to sell it.
我记得布里塔说 我可能是听错了 I thought Britta said-- yeah, I probably misheard.
我他妈根本就不是非得卖掉 I don't have to fucking sell it at all.
亲爱的 别 Look, honey, don't--
行了 凡是贱人的 Okay, all right, anyone who's an asshole,
都请滚出我的家 Get out of my house.
滚出我家 Get out of my house.
滚出我家 Out of my house.
拿上你的葡萄柚蜡烛 Take your fucking grapefruit candles
滚出我家 and get out of my house.
所以我们不喜欢卖家参与看房 And this is why we don't like the seller at a showing!
-就把那台钢琴卖我如何 -滚出我家 - What about just the piano? - Out of my house!
你好 Hello.
干得漂亮 Good work.
你什么毛病 What is wrong with you?
什么 What?
我们在垃圾堆里见面 We are meeting in rubbish.
垃圾堆还配不上高贵的你了 When did you get so fancy?
有什么事吗 What is going on?
没事 Nothing.
好吧 我那天不是说 Okay, you know when I said
海伦对你没什么意见吗 Helen doesn't have an issue with you?
-对 -海伦对你有意见 - Right. - Helen has an issue with you.
我就说 Thank you.
有什么意见 So, what?
你会笑的 Oh, you're gonna laugh.
我肯定不会 I bet I don't.
很扯的 It's so crazy, but...
她脑子里有个想法 She's got this idea
觉得你可能 You might be...
-什么 -爱上我了 - What? - In love with me.
爱上你了 In love with you?
你也不用这样吧 Well, you don't have to say it like that.
我的天 My god.
我还想到底什么事呢 Of all the things I imagined.
-疯了 -我知道 - It's mad. - I know.
我也是这么说的 That's what I told her.
那她有没有担心你也爱上我了 So is she worried you're in love with me?
没有 No.
这个怎么就不可能了 Well, why is that so unlikely?
按照她的幻想 我爱上你了 In this fantasy world of hers, I'm in love with you,
可是你没有爱上我 But you're not in love with me?
对 Nope.
那 Well...
有点不礼貌吧 That's a bit rude.
我估计她是觉得这样更可能 I guess she's thinking it's more likely that...
哪样 这样可以 那样就不可以 What, that it would go this way, but not this way?
我也不知道 I don't know.
是你自己要剪个女同性恋的发型 You're the one with the lesbian haircut.
你自己还找了个女同性恋对象呢 You're the one with the lesbian girlfriend.
你在呢 Ooh, there he is!
我可不是在呢 I sure am.
快来 Come here.
真抱歉迟到了 Sorry I'm late.
没有关系 Eh, it's fine.
刚一直在跟荷兰那边通话 I was stuck on the phone with stupid Holland.
他们不管说什么 I swear, everything they say
听着都像是在清喉咙 sounds like they're clearing their throats.
最近如何 So, how you doing?
学的挺像 Good one.
说真的 No, seriously,
拉里·彭策尔这事 你应对得如何 How you doing after that Larry Penzel thing?
那个偷钱的混蛋 That stealing fuck.
我听说你也遭了一笔钱 I heard you got hit pretty bad too.
跟你没法比 Well, not like you.
有人说三千二 Somebody said 32.
钱吗 身外之物 Eh, it's just money.
那可不是 健康才是最重要的 Absolutely. As long as you got your health.
我可告诉你 And I got to tell you,
丢了一个蛋蛋之后 You lose a ball,
我的优先顺序就不一样了 you get your priorities straight.
我是不会懂了 两个蛋蛋都还在 Wouldn't know. I've still got both.
幸好 只丢了一个 Well, thankfully, it only takes one.
不过还是有两个的好 Still, I'd rather have two.
你呢 What about you?
离婚那事怎么样了 How's the divorce coming?
不就离婚吗 It's a divorce.
多离几次就习惯了 They get a little easier each time.
我听说她把你也甩了 I heard she dumped you too.
是啊 不过我是一分钱没花 Yeah, yeah. But it didn't cost me a penny.
我俩居然在一块做节目了 Look at us, making a show together.
那可不是 Look at us.
我觉得 You know, I got to say,
我们俩既然能坐在一起分吃同一块蛋糕 the fact that we can sit here and break bread--
我觉得很能说明我们两个人 I think that says a lot about us.
对了 我们能上点吃的吗 By the way, can we get some bread over here?
我就喜欢这个行业 You see, that's what I love about this business.
到了关键时刻 When push comes to shove,
这些破事全部放在一边 好好拍节目 you put all the crap aside to make great TV.
我不必喜欢你 你也不必喜欢我 I don't have to like you. You don't have to like me.
-不担心这事 -确实 - Not to worry. - Exactly.
我们都是专业人士 We are professionals.
是的 Yup.
两个老不要脸的 Like two old whores.
没错 人挡杀人佛挡杀佛 Right. Who won't we fuck?
我对这事还挺激动的 Oh, I'm excited about this.
我知道 I know you are.
你 爱上卡罗 You, in love with Carol?
是的啊 I know.
简直扯淡 That's insane.
用手套 Use the mitts.
我没事 I'm fine.
她怎么会这么想 And she got this idea from where?
不为别的 因为我的发型 My haircut, among other things.
什么 What?
我没觉得啊 I don't see it.
还有侮辱人的 你想听吗 Oh, and you want to hear something particularly galling?
当然 Always.
在这个想象之中 Apparently, in this scenario,
卡罗并没有爱上我 Carol is not in love with me.
看起来应该是个好事 That would seem to be a good thing.
可是我都爱上她了 Not if I'm in love with her.
可你没有啊 But you're not.
我不是那个意思 That's not the point.
所以你希望她爱上你 So you want her to be in love with you?
有来有回才行啊 It would just be polite.
反正我明天打算去见海伦 Anyway, I'll go and see Helen tomorrow
把这事说清楚 and straighten it out.
千万别 Oh, dear god, no.
我得澄清一下 I have to clear the air,
让她别担心 let her know she needn't worry.
她又为什么要相信你呢 And why on earth would she believe you?
我告诉你 这事你越描越黑 I'm telling you, you will only make this worse.
你弄得好健康啊 Oh, look, you've made it healthy.
几乎是一份沙拉了 Yeah. Virtually a salad now.
请别去找海伦谈话 Please do not talk to Helen.
那该怎么办 就让她相信 So what, I should just go on letting her believe--
是的 别管这事了 Yes. Leave it alone.
我们现在跟她处的挺好的 Look, we have a really good thing with her.
她喜欢这部戏 也喜欢我们 She loves the show. She loves us.
至少在你那高尔夫职业选手的发型搞出事之前 At least she did until you and your golf-pro haircut
她是喜欢我们的 got involved.
还有 保证你会离卡罗远点 And promise me you will stay away from carol.
她是我的朋友 She's my friend.
得了吧 Oh, please.
你当时准备回伦敦的时候 You were prepared to go back to London
压根就没想到过她 and not give her another thought.
我求你了 I'm begging you.
你可千万别去搅合两个女同的感情 The last thing you need is to get between two lesbians...
也可能是一个半 谁知道卡罗到底算啥 Or one and a half lesbians or whatever Carol is right now.
这是来取回我们的床 Here to repossess our bed?
对了 床 Oh, right, the bed.
我要把床收回去 I want my bed.
我的天 Oh, my god.
你是喝了多少酒 How drunk are you?
你可别说是开车过来的 Please tell me you didn't drive here.
我就是开车过来的 I'm pretty sure I did.
你来干什么啊 What are you doing here?
我来是说操你大爷 I'm here to say fuck you.
操你大爷 也操你大爷 Fuck you, and fuck you.
你不觉得你已经操过我们很多次了吗 Don't you think you've fucked us enough?
我没打算提那事 I wasn't even going there.
我跟你说 You know what?
够了 Enough.
你是一个演员 You're an actor.
你这肯定不是第一次 I'm sure this isn't the first time
没有拿到某个角色了 you've missed out on a part.
多亏了你们 我现在得去 Well, thanks to you, now I'm gonna be a...
怎么 What?
主持游戏节目 A game-show host.
-什么节目 -游戏节目 - A what? - A game-show host.
你说什么呢 What are you talking about?
而且你知道我是跟谁一起拍吗 And you want to know who I'm doing it with?
默克·拉皮多斯 Merc Lapidus.
-默克·拉皮多斯 -不是吧 - Merc Lapidus? - You're not.
没错 Yep.
就好像是给希特勒打工 It's like going to work for Hitler,
可他不会像希特勒一样挂掉 Except he lives at the end.
听起来是挺可怕的 That does sound dreadful.
非常可怕 It is dreadful.
太他妈可怕了 It's fucking dreadful.
你必须得去 And you have to do it?
是啊 Yeah.
我必须得去 I have to do it.
我没得选了 I'm out of choices.
过来 Come here.
真抱歉我把车收回去了 Sorry I took your cars.
我们也不能开着抱歉上班呐 Can't get to work in a sorry.
我会把车弄回来的 I'll bring them back.
谢谢 Thank you.
我就是 I'm just...
太累了 So tired.