翻譯：NANA小霸王
校對：NANA小霸王
時間軸：濃子
后期：魚骨頭 總監：NANA小霸王
前情提要
你和海倫 You and helen?
她是夠瘋狂的 下面還有個納粹標志 She's a wild one, with that little swastika down there?
那是朵花 That's a flower.
他到處去告訴別人 He's going around telling people
我有個反猶太的陰門 I have some sort of anti-semitic twat?
我要殺了他 Oh, I'm gonna fucking kill him.
好吧 我都有點怕了 Okay, now I'm a little scared.
他才該怕 He should be scared.
簡直天才 Fucking brilliant.
真的 Really?
我很愿意演出 I would love to do this.
太好了 Great.
你們想讓我演你們的戲嗎 Do you want me in your show?
一把鑰匙 才兩個禮拜 A key? After two weeks?
這簡直 來得太猛了 It's just-- it's too much too fast.
你一定得告訴她你的感受 You have to tell her how you feel.
我知道她是你的朋友 I know she's your friend,
但我不確定她是為我們倆好 But I'm not sure she has our best interests at heart.
不是嗎 No?
明顯她愛著你呢 She's clearly in love with you.
貝佛利 Beverly?
瘋了吧 oh, that's crazy.
得了吧 你看她那發型 Oh, please. Look at her hair.
戲里戲外 第四季 第十二集
時間剛剛好 健身房如何 There's timing. How was the gym?
我旁邊的跑步機上有個蠢女人 This idiot woman on the treadmill next to me
從頭到尾都在電話上說個不停 was yakking on her phone the entire time.
有些人真的很討厭 I hate people.
就在她面前就有一個很大的標志 And there's a big bloody sign
上面寫得清清楚楚 請勿接打電話 right in front of her, saying, "No phones."
我無話可說 I rest my case.
然后我就盯著她 So I'm staring at her,
想用正義的眼神制服她 trying to blow her up with my mind,
然后我又看了看標志 and then I look up at the sign,
然后我又看著她 and then I look back to her,
然后我又看了看標志 她就一直說個不停 then up at the sign again, and she's just rattling on,
太不在意別人了 Totally oblivious.
我發誓 I swear,
我當時真的是強忍著沒有去搶她的手機 it was all I could do not to grab her fucking phone
給她扔了 and throw it across the gym.
你怎么不直接說呢 Why didn't you just say something?
我不想小題大做 Ah, I didn't want to make a big deal of it.
看這是誰 Ah, look who's here.
你看 Oh, look.
那是你女朋友 There's your girlfriend.
她才不是我的 She's not my--
-早啊 -早 - Morning. - Hi.
差點撞到我 Almost got me there.
差點 Almost.
我正好想要找你呢 Actually, you are just the person I wanted to see.
我昨天接到一個很奇怪的電話 I got the weirdest call
馬特·勒布朗的經紀人打來的 yesterday from Matt LeBlanc's agent,
說你們在《對立面》里給他安了個角色 saying you'd offered him a role in Opposite?
對 Oh, right.
我當時嚇一大跳 I was like, "What?"
真是抱歉 是我們的錯 So sorry, totally our fault.
馬特讀了劇本之后想拍這部戲 Matt read the script, wanted to do it.
我們不知道怎么拒絕他 We didn't know how to say no.
歡迎體會我的生活 Welcome to my world.
我們昨晚終于跟他攤牌了 We finally told him last night.
場面不太好看 It was not pretty.
下一次 最好是提前跟我打個招呼 Well, next time, I'd just appreciate a little heads-up.
那肯定的 Absolutely.
希望沒有下一次了 Hopefully there won't be a next time.
那什么 我們要去參加一個讀劇本的會 Anyway, uh, we are late for a table read.
得走了 We got to go.
拜拜 Bye-bye.
我喜歡她 I like her.
她真是挺好的 對吧 She's great, isn't she?
又差點撞到我 Almost got me again.
我知道 I know.
那是什么意思 What the hell was that?
什么 What?
什么 她差點就撞到我了 What? She practically ran me over.
不小心而已 It was an accident.
第一次可以說是不小心 Maybe the first time.
你說她是蓄意為之 You're saying it was deliberate?
我又不是高速公路上橫穿馬路的小動物 Well, it's not like I'm a squirrel crossing the highway.
沒這回事 Oh, please.
你注意到沒 她幾乎不拿正眼看我 And did you notice she hardly looked at me?
-沒有嗎 -沒有 - No? - No.
她只看著你 She only looked at you.
我是一直深受女同性戀群體歡迎的 Well, I've always had a way with the lesbians.
讀書的時候 At school,
他們都說我可以讓女人改變性向 they used to say I could turn a woman gay.
我看你還挺開心 我倒是覺得很郁悶 I'm glad you're enjoying this. I found it deeply troubling.
說到這個 Speaking of which...
我們總歸是要跟他見面的 I suppose we had to see him eventually.
演員嘛經常會選不上角色的 Look, actors don't get cast in parts all the time.
他是個成年人 He's a big boy.
過一段時間他就會接受 At a certain point, he's just gonna have to acc--
-好啊 -早 - Hey. - Morning.
看樣子這段時間還沒過 Clearly he has not reached that point.
我看是還沒 I would say not.
太糟糕了 Oh, so awful.
好的 Okay.
如果有其他消息再告訴我們 Well, let us know if you hear anything else.
好消息 Good news?
《目前為止》得停拍 Up Till Now had to shut down.
怎么了 What? Why?
演好朋友的那個人 The guy playing the best friend,
那個喜劇演員亞當·貝倫 the stand-up, Adam Bailen?
我記得是叫巴倫 I think it's Ballen.
不是 貝倫 No, Bailen.
你確定 Are you sure?
她說的是貝倫 She said Bailen.
我一直都叫的巴倫 All this time I've been saying Ballen.
這太尷尬了 That's embarrassing.
-他怎么了 -他死了 - What about him? - He's dead.
什么 What?
他昨晚從船上摔下來了 He fell off the back of a boat last night.
剛剛發現了他的尸體 They just found his body.
我的天 Oh, my god.
他在船上干什么 What was he doing on a boat?
夜游唄 Boating?
為什么 Why?
他那么年輕 He was so young.
又很有才華 特別搞笑 And so talented, really funny.
是啊 I know.
而且剛剛才減肥成功 And he had just lost all that weight.
太讓人難過了 Oh, it's heartbreaking.
我們現在得重新選角 So now we have to recast?
正是忙試播集的時候 It's the middle of pilot season.
真是太糟糕了 What a fucking nightmare.
馬特·勒布朗怎么樣 What about Matt LeBlanc?
反正他是有檔期 God knows he's available.
不會太老嗎 Not too old?
那誰有個年紀大的好朋友也行啊 Well, what's-his-name could have an old best friend.
不行 想想就倒胃口 Nah, sounds depressing.
-也是 -不過我還是很喜歡他的 - I guess. - I still like him, though.
我們可以想想別的節目 We should keep him in mind for something.
什么 What?
你還是很氣默克吧 You still pissed at Merc?
你想什么呢 為什么問這個 What do you think? Why?
有什么大好消息 So, what's the big news?
我們聊到你那個節目的候選主持人 Well, we were talking about possible hosts for your show.
是嗎 你們覺得我的新名單怎么樣 Yeah? You like my new list?
反正是比之前的要好了 Mm, it's definitely better,
因為名單上所有人都還健在 in that all of them are alive.
這事地道吧 You're welcome.
除了基恩·雷伯恩以外 Except for Gene Rayburn,
著名游戲節目主持人 99年去世
他是已經去世了 Who is, in fact, dead.
不是吧 Oh, man.
就沒一個讓我省心的 I can't catch a break.
沒關系 我們有個主意 That's fine, 'cause we actually have an idea
我們覺得非常不錯 that we are very excited about.
你們覺得不錯 那我肯定也覺得不錯 Well, if you're excited, I'm excited.
我是覺得不錯 Oh, I'm excited.
有一個演員 There's an actor.
很有魅力 也很幽默 He's charming. He's funny.
-還健在 -活得好好的 - And alive? - Very much so.
聽著不錯 Sounds perfect.
以前從沒有接過這種工作 He's never done anything like this before.
那是誰啊 我都急死了 So who is it? You're killing me here.
等一下 Oh, just you wait.
要不你來 Do you want to...?
我來 Yeah.
一定得我來說 This should really come from me.
馬特·勒布朗 Matt LeBlanc.
開玩笑呢吧 That's a joke, right?
我有在笑嗎 Am I laughing?
不是吧 你們他媽逗我呢 Come on. Are you fucking kidding me?
你不喜歡他 Not a fan?
那個賤人絕不可能來主持我的節目 There's no way that cocksucker is hosting my show.
真的 Really?
我還以為你正兒八經想拍這個節目呢 See, I thought you wanted to get on the air.
肯定還有其他人選的 Look, there's got to be somebody else.
我不覺得 Mm, not for me.
你知道海倫這個人 You know Helen.
只要她腦子里有個什么主意 When she gets an idea in her head...
求你了 我求求你們 別這樣 Please, I am begging you, don't do this.
拜托 我們可是老相識了 Come on, we've got history.
我們互相都清楚以前那點事 Oh, I think we are all aware of our history.
我的天 Oh, jesus.
就是因為這個 因為她跟你說 Is that what this is? Because she told you about--
絕對不是 別把我想成那樣 Absolutely not. Give me some credit.
用我的納粹紋身發誓 I swear on my little swastika tattoo,
這可不是針對你 This is nothing personal.
你他媽開什么玩笑 默克·拉皮多斯 Are you fucking kidding me? Merc Lapidus?
真的 他說必須讓你來拍 I'm telling you, he said he can't do it without you.
-瞎扯 -我親自跟他通的話 - Bullshit. - I talked to the man myself.
我不管那么多 沒門 Well, I don't care. No fucking way.
我懂的 Look, I get it.
你顯然是不懂 如果你懂的話 Obviously, you don't, 'cause if you did--
你就不能暫時把你的小情小緒放到一邊去 Can you set aside your personal feelings for one minute?
-不能 -這是個生意上的決策 - No. - This is a business decision.
是你讓我給你弄個項目 You asked me to bring you a project.
這是一個非常優秀的項目 This is an amazing project.
那我應該再說清楚點 Okay, maybe I should have been more specific.
給我弄個項目 但制作人不能是一個 Bring me a project that isn't produced
愛撒謊 又壞 by a lying, evil,
又賤又不要臉的老混蛋 piece-of-shit, fuckface scumbag.
你們好 How are you?
我們愛你 We love you.
我也愛你們 Love you too.
我們知道你在吃飯 不過 Uh, we know you're eating, but--
行 可以 Yeah, sure.
三 二 一[日語] San...Ni...Ichi.
怎么樣 How we doing here?
-再來一張 -行 - Again? - Yeah.
三 二 一 San...Ni...Ichi.
行了吧 There you go.
好了 真棒 Okeydokey. This was great.
拜拜 Bye-bye.
快去吧 你好[日語] Go on. Konnichiwa.
他長肥了 He got fat.
你好歹聽一聽條件 At least listen to the deal.
我的老天 Jesus christ.
不只是錢 我給你要到了股份 It's not just money. I got you points.
你會占這個節目的很大部分股 You would own a big piece of the show.
我不在乎 我他媽才不當游戲節目主持人 I don't care. I'm not gonna be a fucking game-show host.
首先 這可不只是個游戲節目 First of all, it's more than just a game show.
這事很有機會能造成轟動 This has the potential to be an event.
這在荷蘭可是大事 Apparently it is huge in Holland.
在荷蘭什么都是大事 Everything's huge in Holland.
這傻逼國家就這么點大 The stupid country's, like, this big.
我的工作是給你建議 Look, my job is to advise you.
你想聽我的建議嗎 You want my advice?
別這么混蛋 Don't be a schmuck.
這事可以給你掙一大筆錢 This could be serious money for you,
你現在正需要這么一大筆錢 And right now you need serious money.
行 我也給你點建議 Okay, now, here's my advice for you.
我才不管 I don't give a shit.
我 我 I'll--I'll--
我大不了把海灘別墅賣了 也不去跟那個 I'll sell my beach house before I work with that--
動不動就抱這個抱那個的兩面三刀的禿頭 that hugging, two-faced, balding--
別說猶太人 別說猶太人 Don't say jewish. Don't say jewish.
-別說猶太人 -我沒打算說猶太人 - Don't say jewish. - I wasn't gonna say jewish.
行 行 我就是 Okay. Okay, I'm just--
盡我的責任 I'm just doing my job.
貝佛利·林肯在一號線 Beverly Lincoln on one.
不是什么大事 Um, totally not a big deal,
但是以后 貝佛利打過來的時候 But in the future, when Beverly calls,
你能不能別這么大聲沖我喊 Would you mind not shouting it over to me?
好的 Oh, okay.
真的不是什么大事 Like I say, not a big deal.
也別用對講系統 But maybe skip the intercom too.
就到我房間來 悄悄說 Just come in and quietly say,
是那個誰 "It's you-know-who."
那個誰 You-know-who.
好的 Got it.
還有 要不把她從我的聯系人列表里刪了 Also, let's maybe leave her off my phone sheet,
不然萬一別人看見 Just in case people are like,
懂吧 You know?
不過 Again...
不是什么大事 Not a big deal.
沒錯 Exactly.
對了 Um, by the way,
那個誰還在線上等著呢 You-know-who is still on hold.
哦對 好的 Right, yes.
謝謝 Thank you.
你好呀 Hey, you.
-你好 -真是抱歉 - Hello. - Sorry about that.
他才把我從一個會里叫出來 He had to pull me out of a meeting.
沒關系 It's all right.
有什么事 So, what's cooking?
我 有個問題 I, uh, just had a question.
-說吧 -你得說實話 - Shoot. - And be honest.
-我什么時候不說實話了 -就剛剛 - When am I not? - Right now.
行吧 怎么了 Oh, all right. What?
海倫是不是對我有什么意見 Does Helen have an issue with me?
什么 What?
海倫 沒有 Helen? No.
我昨天看她感覺怪怪的 I just got a very strange vibe from her yesterday.
你說海倫 From Helen?
太扯了 That's crazy.
海倫可喜歡你了 Helen loves you.
特別喜歡 Big, big fan.
真的嗎 Really?
因為我感覺她是想要撞死我 Because it seemed like she was trying to run me over.
海倫就是開個小玩笑 Oh, that's just Helen having a little fun.
立馬給我拿過來 And I want it on my desk first thing!
誰啊 Who was that?
那個蠢貨 什么名字來著 調研部的 That idiot, what's-his-name in research.
誰 斯圖爾特 Who, Stuart?
對 Yes.
我們要不干脆把他炒了吧 Should we just fire him?
也是 也是 Maybe. Maybe.
有智慧 Smart.
馬特 是布里塔 Matt, it's Britta.
我就花了五分鐘時間 你猜咋的 So it took me, like, five minutes, and guess what.
已經有一個對海灘別墅感興趣的買家了 I've already got a potential buyer for the beach house.
還挺快 That was fast.
我嘛 You know me.
是誰啊 Who is it?
我不能告訴你 Uh, I can't tell you.
真的 Seriously?
他們還讓我簽了個保密協議 Oh, they made me sign a confidentiality thing.
好吧 麥莉·塞勒斯 Okay. Miley Cyrus?
我不能告訴你 That would be telling you.
我理解 I get it.
金·凱瑞 Jim Carrey?
停 Stop.
比吉斯里還活著的那誰 Who's the Bee Gee that's still alive?
比吉斯樂隊名曲《還活著》Staying Alive
-巴里 -是他嗎 - Barry? - Is it him?
我不會跟你玩這套的 I am not playing this game.
好吧 你就告訴我一件事 All right, well, just tell me one thing.
這個人有沒有《回到未來》過 Has this person ever been back to the future?
總而言之 他們想要周五早上過來 Anyway, they want to come friday morning.
你到時候能消失嗎 Can you make yourself scarce?
我還得消失 那可是我的房子 I have to be scarce? It's my house.
首先 賣家不應該在場 Well, first of all, the seller should never be there.
再說了 他的人堅持要這樣 Plus, his people actually insisted on it.
所以是個男的唄 So it's a he?
我可沒這么說 I never said that.
-馬特·達蒙 -我不會告訴你的 - Matt Damon. - I'm not telling you.
-哈里森·福特 -我要掛了 - Harrison Ford. - I'm gonna hang up.
巨石強森 道恩 Dwayne "The rock" Johnson.
行了 Stop it.
周五早上行嗎 So Friday morning?
好 Yeah, fine.
他們知道我的要價一分錢不少吧 And they know I'm not taking a penny less than my asking.
我說的很清楚 I was very clear.
好的 Okay.
我會告訴你進展 I'll let you know how it goes.
好的 Great.
本尼迪克特·康伯巴奇 Benedict Cumberbatch.
不是 No.
這是個真人吧 That's a real person, right?
是的 Yeah.
拜 Bye.
怎么回事 What the hell?
你們干嗎呢 那是我們的車 Hi. What are you doing? Those are our cars.
實際上 這都是勒布朗先生的車 Actually, they're Mr. Leblanc's cars.
-太有才了 -嚴格來說是的 - Brilliant. - Yeah, well, okay, technically,
可他把車給我們了 But he gave them to us.
我估計嚴格來說他要把車收回去 Well, I guess technically he's taking them back.
簡直莫名其妙 Unbelievable.
也算不上吧 And yet in every way believable.
等一下 等一下 等一下 Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.
等我跟勒布朗先生說兩句 Just let me speak to Mr. Leblanc.
我肯定能說服他 I'm sure I can persuade him to--
你不是吧 Really?
車子 The cars?
你要把車子收回去 You're taking back the cars?
你這是在懲罰我們 Is this how you're gonna punish us?
你不覺得就算對你來說也太小氣了嗎 Doesn't this seem a little bit petty, even for you?
獨特的說服技巧 Nice persuading.
你太幼稚了 You're a baby!
沒關系 隨他吧 It's fine. Let it go.
我還就告訴你 把你的破車收回去吧 Oh, yeah, do you know what? Take your bloody cars!
誰在乎 收回去 Who cares? Take--take them!
走走走 Go! Go! Go!
你太陽眼鏡不是在車里嗎 Aren't your sunglasses in there?
哎我操 Oh, shit. Fuck!
等一下 等一下 Wait! Wait!
等一下 Wait!
你咋還在呢 You're still here.
我馬上就走 I'm leaving now.
你半個小時前就是這么說的 Uh, that's what you said half an hour ago.
淡定 我要走了 這是在道別 Calm down. I'm going. This is good-bye.
雪兒說告別的時候我就沒信過 Yeah, I didn't believe it when Cher said it,
老牌流行天后 曾數次宣布退出又復出
現在我也同樣不信 And I don't believe it now.
快走 Go.
行 Okay.
你干嗎呢 What are you doing?
我想出去的時候順便弄點咖啡喝 I'm just gonna get some coffee on the way out.
你要來點嗎 Do you want some?
你得趕緊走 You've got to get out of here.
我去 Oh, shit.
既然這樣 Oh, well.
不能既然這樣 從后面出去 Not "Oh, well." Go out the back.
放松 Relax.
我就想看看是誰 I just want to see who it is.
行 然后你能走嗎 All right. And then you'll go?
然后我就走 Then I'll go.
我是羅恩 It's Ron.
快進來吧 Come on in.
我根本不認識這人 I don't even recognize that guy.
他拍過什么 What's he been in?
拍過房子 Real estate.
他是房產經紀人 He's the agent.
我操 What the fuck?
對了 Oh, right.
你演過他的戲 You were on his show.
他的戲 His show?
行 你見到他了 Okay, you saw him.
快走吧 Now leave.
哥們 Dude!
你也是來看房子的 Are you looking at this place too?
不是 我住這 No. I live here.
不會吧 No way.
他們跟我說是個名人 They told me it was someone famous,
可我沒想過是你 But I never thought of you.
就是我 Well, it's me.
太扯了 This is crazy.
你能想象嗎 我要是買了你房子會怎樣 Can you imagine if I bought your house?
不能 I cannot.
你哪來的錢買這個房 How do you even have the money for this?
我也覺得 挺神奇的 I know, right? It's nuts.
我連著接了三部電影 I got three movies back-to-back.
-真的 -是一個系列 - Seriously? - It's this franchise.
根據一套三部曲改編的 They're based on this trilogy.
我還沒讀呢 整整三本書 I haven't read 'em, 'cause there's, like, three.
那是 Sure.
能帶我逛逛嗎 Anyway, how about a tour?
我其實正準備出門 Actually, I was just on my way out.
他是要出門 He was.
別啊 你得帶我看一圈 No, come on, man. You got to show me around.
行 Fine.
這是客廳 Living room.
我去 Holy shit.
太棒了 This is awesome.
是啊 Yep.
-我肯定不會對這里做改動 -好的 - I would not change one thing. - Okay.
這就像九十年代博物館似的 This is like a fucking '90s museum.
什么 What?
好像時間在這里停滯了 It's like time stopped in here.
我爸媽就買過這種椅子 My parents had these chairs.
對了 所有的家具 Uh, by the way, all the furnishings
都包含在售價之內 are included in the sale price.
我的天 Oh, my god.
那是你嗎 Was that you?
是啊 Yeah.
天哪 Jesus.
鋼琴居然是白的 That piano is white!
-你彈琴嗎 -不彈 - You play? - No.
-想聽我彈嗎 -不想 - You want to hear me play? - No.
行 接著往后 接著往后 All right, tour's moving. Tour is moving!
抱歉 Sorry.
太棒了 Nice.
這就是七十尺大海灘 And this is what 70 feet of ocean frontage looks like.
約21.3米
太美了 Oh, look at this.
你年輕時候肯定開過不少瘋狂派對 I'll bet you had some wild parties back in the day.
是啊 Yeah.
有我 林肯 還有圣經里的一些人 It was me, Abe Lincoln, and some guys from the bible.
接著往后走 Tour's moving!
那個誰在二號線 You-know-who on two.
什么 What?
謝謝你 彼得 Thank you, Peter.
幫你關門嗎 Oh, eh, door closed?
好的 關了合適 Yeah, sure, why not?
-親愛的 -我得跟你談談 - Hi, honey. - I need to speak with you.
怎么了 What's up?
當面談 No, in person.
要不今天下午去爬山 Want to go for a hike this afternoon
或者去喝點什么 or maybe grab a drink?
我也想 但是太忙了 I wish. I am so swamped.
試播季呢 Pilot season.
行吧 那方便的話我也可以直接過來 All right, well, I could come over there if it's easier.
到這來 別別 Here? No. No.
瘋了 我到你這來 That's crazy. I'll come to you.
要不就在你們攝影棚后面 How about behind your stage?
我們攝影棚后面 Behind our stage?
就垃圾堆那個地方 Where the dumpsters are?
你說真的 Are you serious?
我馬上過來 I'm on my way.
好了 就是這樣 All right, that's it.
房子就這樣 行了吧 That's the house. There you go.
拜拜 Bye-bye.
等一下 我能問你一下嗎 Hey, wait a second. Can I ask you something?
不能 No.
什么 What?
我從這幾部電影里掙了些錢 Okay, so I got all this money from these movies,
然后我的財務建議我做點投資 And my guy is telling me I got to buy something,
但是 But...
我對房地產一無所知 I don't know shit about real estate.
不知道你想問什么 Haven't heard a question yet.
對 然后我看了一些房子 Oh, okay, so I've seen a bunch of different places,
然后這里是最酷的 and this is definitely the coolest.
還是沒聽到問題 Still no fucking question.
好的 Oh, okay.
我知道這是你的房子 So I-I realize it's yours,
但是 But just, like...
從投資的角度來說 Investment-wise...
如果你不是非得賣掉的話 你會買這套房嗎 If you didn't have to sell it, would you buy this place?
什么叫如果我不是非得賣掉 What do you mean, if I didn't have to sell it?
誰告訴你我非得賣掉這套房 Who told you I have to sell it?
我可能說過點什么 I may have said something.
我不是非得賣掉 I don't have to sell it.
我記得布里塔說 我可能是聽錯了 I thought Britta said-- yeah, I probably misheard.
我他媽根本就不是非得賣掉 I don't have to fucking sell it at all.
親愛的 別 Look, honey, don't--
行了 凡是賤人的 Okay, all right, anyone who's an asshole,
都請滾出我的家 Get out of my house.
滾出我家 Get out of my house.
滾出我家 Out of my house.
拿上你的葡萄柚蠟燭 Take your fucking grapefruit candles
滾出我家 and get out of my house.
所以我們不喜歡賣家參與看房 And this is why we don't like the seller at a showing!
-就把那臺鋼琴賣我如何 -滾出我家 - What about just the piano? - Out of my house!
你好 Hello.
干得漂亮 Good work.
你什么毛病 What is wrong with you?
什么 What?
我們在垃圾堆里見面 We are meeting in rubbish.
垃圾堆還配不上高貴的你了 When did you get so fancy?
有什么事嗎 What is going on?
沒事 Nothing.
好吧 我那天不是說 Okay, you know when I said
海倫對你沒什么意見嗎 Helen doesn't have an issue with you?
-對 -海倫對你有意見 - Right. - Helen has an issue with you.
我就說 Thank you.
有什么意見 So, what?
你會笑的 Oh, you're gonna laugh.
我肯定不會 I bet I don't.
很扯的 It's so crazy, but...
她腦子里有個想法 She's got this idea
覺得你可能 You might be...
-什么 -愛上我了 - What? - In love with me.
愛上你了 In love with you?
你也不用這樣吧 Well, you don't have to say it like that.
我的天 My god.
我還想到底什么事呢 Of all the things I imagined.
-瘋了 -我知道 - It's mad. - I know.
我也是這么說的 That's what I told her.
那她有沒有擔心你也愛上我了 So is she worried you're in love with me?
沒有 No.
這個怎么就不可能了 Well, why is that so unlikely?
按照她的幻想 我愛上你了 In this fantasy world of hers, I'm in love with you,
可是你沒有愛上我 But you're not in love with me?
對 Nope.
那 Well...
有點不禮貌吧 That's a bit rude.
我估計她是覺得這樣更可能 I guess she's thinking it's more likely that...
哪樣 這樣可以 那樣就不可以 What, that it would go this way, but not this way?
我也不知道 I don't know.
是你自己要剪個女同性戀的發型 You're the one with the lesbian haircut.
你自己還找了個女同性戀對象呢 You're the one with the lesbian girlfriend.
你在呢 Ooh, there he is!
我可不是在呢 I sure am.
快來 Come here.
真抱歉遲到了 Sorry I'm late.
沒有關系 Eh, it's fine.
剛一直在跟荷蘭那邊通話 I was stuck on the phone with stupid Holland.
他們不管說什么 I swear, everything they say
聽著都像是在清喉嚨 sounds like they're clearing their throats.
最近如何 So, how you doing?
學的挺像 Good one.
說真的 No, seriously,
拉里·彭策爾這事 你應對得如何 How you doing after that Larry Penzel thing?
那個偷錢的混蛋 That stealing fuck.
我聽說你也遭了一筆錢 I heard you got hit pretty bad too.
跟你沒法比 Well, not like you.
有人說三千二 Somebody said 32.
錢嗎 身外之物 Eh, it's just money.
那可不是 健康才是最重要的 Absolutely. As long as you got your health.
我可告訴你 And I got to tell you,
丟了一個蛋蛋之后 You lose a ball,
我的優先順序就不一樣了 you get your priorities straight.
我是不會懂了 兩個蛋蛋都還在 Wouldn't know. I've still got both.
幸好 只丟了一個 Well, thankfully, it only takes one.
不過還是有兩個的好 Still, I'd rather have two.
你呢 What about you?
離婚那事怎么樣了 How's the divorce coming?
不就離婚嗎 It's a divorce.
多離幾次就習慣了 They get a little easier each time.
我聽說她把你也甩了 I heard she dumped you too.
是啊 不過我是一分錢沒花 Yeah, yeah. But it didn't cost me a penny.
我倆居然在一塊做節目了 Look at us, making a show together.
那可不是 Look at us.
我覺得 You know, I got to say,
我們倆既然能坐在一起分吃同一塊蛋糕 the fact that we can sit here and break bread--
我覺得很能說明我們兩個人 I think that says a lot about us.
對了 我們能上點吃的嗎 By the way, can we get some bread over here?
我就喜歡這個行業 You see, that's what I love about this business.
到了關鍵時刻 When push comes to shove,
這些破事全部放在一邊 好好拍節目 you put all the crap aside to make great TV.
我不必喜歡你 你也不必喜歡我 I don't have to like you. You don't have to like me.
-不擔心這事 -確實 - Not to worry. - Exactly.
我們都是專業人士 We are professionals.
是的 Yup.
兩個老不要臉的 Like two old whores.
沒錯 人擋殺人佛擋殺佛 Right. Who won't we fuck?
我對這事還挺激動的 Oh, I'm excited about this.
我知道 I know you are.
你 愛上卡羅 You, in love with Carol?
是的啊 I know.
簡直扯淡 That's insane.
用手套 Use the mitts.
我沒事 I'm fine.
她怎么會這么想 And she got this idea from where?
不為別的 因為我的發型 My haircut, among other things.
什么 What?
我沒覺得啊 I don't see it.
還有侮辱人的 你想聽嗎 Oh, and you want to hear something particularly galling?
當然 Always.
在這個想象之中 Apparently, in this scenario,
卡羅并沒有愛上我 Carol is not in love with me.
看起來應該是個好事 That would seem to be a good thing.
可是我都愛上她了 Not if I'm in love with her.
可你沒有啊 But you're not.
我不是那個意思 That's not the point.
所以你希望她愛上你 So you want her to be in love with you?
有來有回才行啊 It would just be polite.
反正我明天打算去見海倫 Anyway, I'll go and see Helen tomorrow
把這事說清楚 and straighten it out.
千萬別 Oh, dear god, no.
我得澄清一下 I have to clear the air,
讓她別擔心 let her know she needn't worry.
她又為什么要相信你呢 And why on earth would she believe you?
我告訴你 這事你越描越黑 I'm telling you, you will only make this worse.
你弄得好健康啊 Oh, look, you've made it healthy.
幾乎是一份沙拉了 Yeah. Virtually a salad now.
請別去找海倫談話 Please do not talk to Helen.
那該怎么辦 就讓她相信 So what, I should just go on letting her believe--
是的 別管這事了 Yes. Leave it alone.
我們現在跟她處的挺好的 Look, we have a really good thing with her.
她喜歡這部戲 也喜歡我們 She loves the show. She loves us.
至少在你那高爾夫職業選手的發型搞出事之前 At least she did until you and your golf-pro haircut
她是喜歡我們的 got involved.
還有 保證你會離卡羅遠點 And promise me you will stay away from carol.
她是我的朋友 She's my friend.
得了吧 Oh, please.
你當時準備回倫敦的時候 You were prepared to go back to London
壓根就沒想到過她 and not give her another thought.
我求你了 I'm begging you.
你可千萬別去攪合兩個女同的感情 The last thing you need is to get between two lesbians...
也可能是一個半 誰知道卡羅到底算啥 Or one and a half lesbians or whatever Carol is right now.
這是來取回我們的床 Here to repossess our bed?
對了 床 Oh, right, the bed.
我要把床收回去 I want my bed.
我的天 Oh, my god.
你是喝了多少酒 How drunk are you?
你可別說是開車過來的 Please tell me you didn't drive here.
我就是開車過來的 I'm pretty sure I did.
你來干什么啊 What are you doing here?
我來是說操你大爺 I'm here to say fuck you.
操你大爺 也操你大爺 Fuck you, and fuck you.
你不覺得你已經操過我們很多次了嗎 Don't you think you've fucked us enough?
我沒打算提那事 I wasn't even going there.
我跟你說 You know what?
夠了 Enough.
你是一個演員 You're an actor.
你這肯定不是第一次 I'm sure this isn't the first time
沒有拿到某個角色了 you've missed out on a part.
多虧了你們 我現在得去 Well, thanks to you, now I'm gonna be a...
怎么 What?
主持游戲節目 A game-show host.
-什么節目 -游戲節目 - A what? - A game-show host.
你說什么呢 What are you talking about?
而且你知道我是跟誰一起拍嗎 And you want to know who I'm doing it with?
默克·拉皮多斯 Merc Lapidus.
-默克·拉皮多斯 -不是吧 - Merc Lapidus? - You're not.
沒錯 Yep.
就好像是給希特勒打工 It's like going to work for Hitler,
可他不會像希特勒一樣掛掉 Except he lives at the end.
聽起來是挺可怕的 That does sound dreadful.
非常可怕 It is dreadful.
太他媽可怕了 It's fucking dreadful.
你必須得去 And you have to do it?
是啊 Yeah.
我必須得去 I have to do it.
我沒得選了 I'm out of choices.
過來 Come here.
真抱歉我把車收回去了 Sorry I took your cars.
我們也不能開著抱歉上班吶 Can't get to work in a sorry.
我會把車弄回來的 I'll bring them back.
謝謝 Thank you.
我就是 I'm just...
太累了 So tired.