前情提要
我他媽才不做游戲節目主持人 I'm not gonna be a fucking game show host.
這事可以給你掙一大筆錢 This could be serious money for you,
而現在 and right now,
你正需要這么一大筆錢 you need serious money.
我不必喜歡你 你也不必喜歡我 I don't have to like you. You don't have to like me.
-不擔心 -我挺激動的 - Not to worry. - I'm excited about this.
我知道 Yeah, I know you are.
我讀到的時候就覺得 When I read the thing, I was like,
天哪 他們在做我們那部戲 "Oh, my God, they're making our show."
不是 其實我和貝貝做的這部戲 No, actually, the show Bev and I are doing
和你我當時寫的那一部差很多 is vastly different from that thing you and I kicked around.
并沒有 Well, that's not true.
我不會讓私事影響了工作 I'm not going to let my personal issues get in the way.
為此我們非常非常感激 For which we are very, very appreciative.
話雖如此 我還是想做一個小小的改變 That said, there's one small change that I'd like to make.
很抱歉我遲到了 這太讓人激動了 I'm so sorry I'm late. This is exciting, isn't it?
我覺得讓蒂姆來負責這部戲比較好 I think it's best if Tim runs the show.
《戲里戲外》第五季第一集
《箱子》前情提要 Previously on The Box,
寇久用一百只倉鼠來攻擊杰西卡 it was payback time for Jessica
杰西卡決心要報復 when Kojo disadvantaged her with 100 hamsters.
那么多倉鼠 That's too many hamsters.
所有人都認為她會反擊 Everyone assumed she would retaliate,
但杰西卡在下一盤大棋 but Jessica had a bigger plan.
她和喬納森組成了聯盟 She and Jonathan formed an alliance
把積分合到一起 and pooled their points.
給科爾西的箱子里 They gave Kelsey
加了48小時吉爾伯特·高特弗里德 48 hours of Gilbert Gottfried in her box.
懲罰項目
吉爾伯特·高特弗里德 Gilbert Gottfried.
喜劇演員
亞比米勒說 "And Abimelech said,
你們看見什么了 'What did thou see?'"
與此同時 扎克降低了雷夫的屋頂 Meanwhile, Zach lowered Rafe's ceiling,
所以雷夫將扎克的箱子填滿干草作為報復 so Rafe paid Zach back by filling his box with hay.
這成為了壓死駱駝的最后一根稻草 It turned out to be the last straw,
在第36天 and on day 36,
扎克h被除名了 Zach was eliminated from the game.
現在只剩六名選手 With only six players left,
丹妮卡一路連勝 Danika went on a winning streak.
-太好了 -連續回答四個關鍵問題 - Yes! - Answering four primo questions in a row...
獲得了46分的領先 amassing a total of 46 advantages.
-回答正確 -太好了 - That is correct. - Yes, whoo!
她會用這些點數去報復喬納森嗎 Will she use them - to exact revenge on Jonathan?
還是會用來給自己買件奢侈品 Or will she spend them on a major luxury item for herself?
今晚我們在《箱子》中一探究竟 Find out tonight as we open up The Box.
17周的時間 17 weeks...
7個人
只有一個人能打敗 only one will beat
箱子 The Box.
待機 準備請馬特上場 Okay, standby to cue Matt.
請馬特上場 Cue Matt.
歡迎來到《箱子》第37天的節目 Welcome to day 37 of The Box.
我們直接開始 Let's get right to it
看看箱友們都在準備些什么 and see what our box-mates are up to.
我有種感覺 I have a feeling that
科爾西可能已經被逼到絕路了 Kelsey might just be at the end of her rope.
神向摩西說道 "And the Lord spoke to Moses saying,
讓以色列人 'Let the children of Israel
離開你的土地 go out of your land.'"
打擾一下 Sorry to interrupt.
科爾西 我得問問 Kelsey, gotta ask,
這是目前為止最糟糕的懲罰嗎 is this the worst disadvantage so far?
是的 毫無疑問 Oh, yeah. No question.
神會懲戒你的 God will smite you for that.
吉爾伯特 你感覺如何 So, Gilbert, how's it going for you?
這里完全是 Oh, it's a festival of joy
歡樂的海洋 and light in here.
你還挺享受的 Having a good time, are you?
那肯定了 跟年輕版的凱西·貝茨 How could I not, being stuck in a box
美國實力派演員
一起關在一個箱子里 with young Kathy Bates?
好的 我們回頭再聊 All right, we'll check back in with you soon.
摩西說 "And Moses said..."
-丹妮卡 -嗨馬特 - Danika. - Hi, Matt.
46分勝點 So, 46 advantages.
目前為止節目里最大的領先 More than anyone in the game so far.
-恭喜我了 -每個人都非常想知道 - Yay me. - Everyone's dying to know.
你會用這些點數來對喬納森 Are you gonna use 'em to do something
做一些更糟糕的事嗎 even worse to Jonathan?
雖然我不知道還能糟糕到哪去 Although I don't know what that could possibly be.
還是說你會給自己買些好東西 Or are you gonna buy something incredible for yourself?
-我想... -等等 先別回答 - I think-Wait, wait, don't answer yet.
待會會揭曉答案 We'll find out when we come back.
廣告之后馬上回來 Right after this.
四號機 Camera four.
切出 And we're out.
-你簡直無敵了 -念臺詞而已 - You are killing it. - Just saying the words.
-超級有趣 -今晚的節目真棒 - It's so fun. - Such a good show tonight.
你覺得她會拿她的點數做什么 What do you think she's gonna do with her advantages?
我他媽不在乎 I don't fucking care.
看這是誰來了 Ah, and look who's here.
一周來了兩次 Hey, twice in one week.
開什么玩笑 我根本不舍得走開 Are you kidding? I can't stay away.
這是我現在最喜歡的節目了 It's my new favorite show.
收視率不錯吧 Liking those numbers, huh?
豈止不錯 Liking 'em?
我睡我老婆的時候都在想它 They're what I think about when I'm screwing my wife.
觀眾太熱情了 Whoa, what a great crowd!
我要給你們看個東西 I'm gonna show you all a little something
明天會鋪滿各大報刊亭 that's gonna be hitting the newsstands tomorrow.
猜猜這周的《人物》雜志封面是誰 Guess who's on the cover of this week's People magazine?
馬特·勒箱子 Matt Le Box!
過來 Come on over here.
干得漂亮 Very impressive.
你和瓊貝內排在一起 You're right up there with JonBent
還有一個減肥80磅的女的 and some girl who lost 80 pounds.
美國著名懸案受害小女孩
行了 吃屎去吧 All right, go fuck yourself.
《人物》雜志封面 Cover of People.
不錯 Not bad.
還有 你會進入他們 Also, by the way, you are going to be
全世界最美人物的名單 on their World's Most Beautiful List.
十年沒上過那個榜單了 Oh, haven't been on that in ten years.
你現在又美起來了 這位朋友 Well, you're beautiful again, my friend.
更重要的是 你有什么好消息要告訴我嗎 More important, what do you got for me?
你收到一份非常慷慨的報價 Well, you received a very generous offer
請你參加《名人換妻》 from Celebrity Wife Swap.
我才不參加《換妻》 I'm not doing Wife Swap.
《名人換妻》 Celebrity Wife Swap.
我連婚都沒結 I'm not even fucking married.
報價挺不錯的 It's a good offer.
-馬特 -我想演戲 - Hey, Matt! - Ugh, I'm talking about acting.
每個人都愛你 這點你知道 Look, everybody loves you. You know that.
但現在他們就是這么看你的 But this is how they see you now.
把我當一個游戲節目主持人 As a fucking game show host?
這活我才干了五分鐘 I've been doing this for five minutes.
-我演戲都演了... -我知道 - I've been an actor for -- - I know, I know.
電視臺那邊呢 艾略特·沙拉剛還告訴我 Well, what about the network? Elliot Salad just told me
他跟老婆上床的時候都想著我 I'm what he thinks about when he's inside his wife.
這肯定是件好事吧 That's gotta be good for 13 on air.
他們就想看到你呆在這個箱子里 Look, this is the box that they like you in.
那要是我不喜歡這個箱子呢 Well, what if I don't like this box?
別啊 這箱子挺不錯的 Ah, come on. It's a nice box.
滿箱子錢呢 It's a box full of money.
馬特 20秒 Matt, 20 seconds.
你就不能當做是重新定位自我嗎 Can't you just look at it as reinventing yourself?
定位成一個更垃圾的我 As a shittier version of me?
10秒回來 大家 We're back in ten, people.
切音樂 Cue music.
-丹妮卡 46分勝點 -沒錯 - So, Danika, 46 advantages. - Yep.
如果你真的想報復喬納森 If you really wanna get back at Jonathan,
你可以選擇 you've got...
蜂蜜加羽毛 Honey and feathers.
超級惡臭 Hideous stench.
還有 200只活青蛙 And finally, 200 live frogs
隨時準備下落 ready to drop.
它們之所以在圣經中作為瘟疫 是有理由的 There's a reason they were a plague in the Bible.
我相信吉爾伯特 I'm sure Gilbert
可以跟我們分享一二 could tell us something about that.
別打擾我 Don't interrupt me.
正到了有趣的時候 It's gettin' to the fun part.
羅得的老婆來現在情況不太妙 It's not looking good for Lot's wife.
圣經人物
或者你也可以給自己買個奢侈品 Or you could buy a luxury item for yourself.
46個勝點 可以買到 With 46 advantages, you could get...
床墊和枕頭 ooh, mattress and pillows...
一頓牛排晚餐 全套的 A steak dinner with all the fixings.
一個禮拜的電視 TV for a week
或者一次溫暖干凈的淋浴 or a warm, soapy shower.
那么丹妮卡 So, Danika.
會是什么呢 What's it gonna be?
淋浴 Shower!
我需要洗個澡 I need an answer.
馬特 我得選 Matt, I've gotta pick...
淋浴 the shower.
好的 46個勝點 All right, 46 advantages,
給丹妮卡一個溫暖干凈的淋浴 give Danika a warm, soapy shower.
好 切淋浴 All right, go ahead and cue the shower.
我他媽愛死這個節目了 I love this fucking show.
你好 Hello.
蒂姆 是我 貝佛利 Tim, it's Beverly.
我今天可能來不了了 I'm afraid I can't come in today.
肖恩死了 Sean is dead.
什么 我的天 What? Oh, my God.
是啊 沒辦法 I know. But what can you do?
老公死了肯定不能來上班了 You can't come to work when your husband's dead.
真的不可能有更好的理由了 There really is no excuse better than that.
肖恩死了 Sean is dead?
-死的透透的 -什么 - As a doornail. - What?
我也不知道什么時候能回來 So, who knows when I'll be back.
各種守寡事宜要辦 I've got all kinds of widow-y things to do,
還要應對喪夫的創傷 and then there's the trauma.
不管怎么想 In all likelihood,
你和我都不太可能 you and I will never, ever
再見面了 see each other again.
再見了蒂姆 Good-bye, Tim.
祝節目順利 Good luck with the show.
早安 Morning.
-怎么了 -沒事 - What? - No, nothing.
19頁有別的想法嗎 Any other thoughts on page 19?
19頁 19頁 19頁 沒有嗎 19? 19? 19? No?
20頁 Page 20.
我真的覺得得把有關船的劇情整個砍掉 I really think we need to cut this whole bit with the boat.
什么 不不 不能這樣 What? No! No, you can't do that.
不行的 需要船的劇情 No, you can't--you need the boat bit.
對 我知道你們的初稿里就有這個 Yes, I realize it was in your original draft,
但是親愛的 有時候得放手 but, darling, sometimes you have to let the words go.
是嗎 Do we?
如果把船的劇情砍掉 Look, if--if you cut the bit with the boat,
就全是說明部分了 it's all exposition.
船的劇情是這場戲里唯一好笑的部分 The boat bit's the only funny part of the scene.
我們不能僅僅因為好笑而保留某些東西 Hope we're not keeping things in just because they're funny.
這是喜劇 In... the comedy.
你倆太老派了 Oh, you two are so old-school.
喜劇現在不需要好笑了 Comedies don't have to be funny anymore.
有些大紅的喜劇根本一點都不好笑 Some of the biggest comedies aren't even remotely funny.
觀眾才不需要你們那些小笑話 Audiences don't need your little jokes
那些笑聲和幽默感 and your laughs and your humor anymore.
你只需要在30分鐘以后結束 You just have to end after 30 minutes.
就行了 你就是一部喜劇了 That's it, bang, you're a comedy.
船的劇情不能砍 We are not cutting the boat bit.
那場戲需要一點古靈精怪 The scene needs the whimsy.
好吧 真可怕 All right, scary.
沒必要發這么大火 No need to get fractious.
干脆這樣 You know what?
我們午飯后再來決定 We can decide this after lunch.
我們...不 等等 We--no, wait, wait, wait, wait.
有個驚喜給你們 I have a surprise.
我做了拿手的越南面條 I made my famous Vietnamese noodles.
那場仗打的 At least something good
也不是毫無收獲 came out of your little war.
我記得你說今天午飯可以出去吃的 I thought you said we could take off for lunch today.
我知道 可后來又得到一些靈感 I know, but then I got inspired.
提醒我誰對花生過敏來著 Now, remind me who's allergic to peanuts?
現在就差 The only thing missing
-窗戶上再裝上欄桿了 is the bars on the windows.
聞著是挺香的 It does smell delicious.
我真心希望你是在開玩笑 I hope you're joking.
按現在的要求 我們都不需要好笑了 In this new way where we don't have to be funny.
看見了嗎 你就跟著感覺走 See? You follow it in the air,
它自然會帶你到該去的地方 and then it shows you where it lands.
就像在真球場里打球一樣 It's just like playing on a real course.
你知道什么更像真球場嗎 You know what's even more like a real course?
-真的球場 -可用這種方式 - A real course. - Yeah, but this way
你可以在世界上任何地方打球 you can play anywhere in the world.
只要在地下室待著就行 As long as you're downstairs in your basement.
那我們現在是在哪 So where are we now?
蘇格蘭 圣安德魯斯 Uh, St. Andrews in Scotland.
我兄弟住的地方離那里開車只要十分鐘 Oh, my brother actually lives ten minutes from there.
是嗎 Oh, yeah?
我們打完球順道去一下吧 Maybe after the game we can swing by.
你在蘇格蘭真討厭 You're kind of an asshole in Scotland.
我靠 Holy shit.
我腦子里想著蒂姆的頭 I was picturing Tim's head.
我不知道你為什么還要跟那個混蛋一起工作 I don't know why you're still workin' with that douchenozzle.
我們沒得選 沒得選 We have no choice. We don't.
那還是我們的戲 要考慮財務問題 It's still our show. We have a financial stake.
我們不能讓他把那部戲徹底毀了 We can't let him destroy it completely.
可你每晚都在那 But you're there, like, every night.
因為那個賤人沒有生活 Because the twat has no life.
是你說為了錢來做這部戲 Look, you're the one who said to go for the money.
所以就別抱怨了 Well, so stop complaining.
我沒有在抱怨 I'm not complaining.
-我在打高爾夫 -那就打 - I'm golfing. - So golf.
我還是覺得你們太軟弱了 I still think you're wusses.
我的天 Jesus.
又想著蒂姆呢 Tim again?
其實是你 Actually, that was you that time.
來了 Coming.
如果穆罕默德不朝山來 So, if Mohammed won't come to the mountain,
那山就朝穆罕默德來 the mountain will come to Mohammed.
還帶著面包圈 With bagels.
有罌粟的嗎 Did you get poppy?
沒有 山只買到了芝麻和原味 No, the mountain could only get sesame and plain.
穆罕默德很生氣 Mm, Mohammed is pissed.
就算在你的廚房里 Even in your kitchen,
我對這種對話也感到不太舒服 I'm not comfortable with this conversation.
然后 So...
你怎么樣 how are you?
挺好的 Great.
真的 I am.
真好 你買了蝦蔥奶酪 Oh, good, you got the chive cream cheese.
還有半磅煙熏三文魚 Oh, and there's, uh, half a pound of nova.
不是很喜歡熏魚 Not really a smoked fish person.
真的 Really?
我還以為你會喜歡 Mm. I just assumed.
-怎么 -就 你是那個 - What? - You know, being...
-什么 -猶太人 - What? - Jewish.
不是嗎 No?
你以為我是猶太人 You thought I was Jewish?
因為 你姓蘭斯嘛 Well, you know, Rance.
而且又是 And, I don't know,
演藝圈的 show business.
總之我并不是猶太人 Yeah, no, I'm not Jewish.
沒必要這種語氣啊 Well, you don't have to say it like that.
-我是猶太人 -你是猶太人 - I'm Jewish. - You're Jewish?
也別這種語氣 對我是猶太人 Or like that. Yes, I'm Jewish.
我怎么會不知道呢 How did I not know this?
你看著不像猶太人 You don't look Jewish,
我這可是在夸你 and I mean that as a compliment.
你還是別說了 You should probably stop.
-肖恩是猶太人嗎 -不是 - Is Sean Jewish? - No.
因為他倒是長得有點像 'Cause he actually looks a little...
-宋飛 -我真的覺得還是 - Seinfeld-y. - I really think we should
美國著名喜劇演員
別再聊長得像不像猶太人這碼子事了 move away from the whole "Looks Jewish" Arena.
收到 Gotcha.
-但是 -別說了 - It's just the-- - No.
好吧 Okay.
不要先烤一下嗎 Aren't you gonna toast it first?
-不要 -還是說只有猶太人這樣 - No. - Or is that just a Semitic thing?
我餓了 I'm hungry.
你已經嗑過藥了嗎 Are you stoned already?
沒 怎么了 No. Why?
還不到9點15呢 It's not even 9:15.
怎么了 What?
我今天又不用去哪 It's not like I have to be somewhere.
我知道這是段比較痛苦的時間 但是 Okay, I realize this is - a difficult time, but--
我沒事 I'm fine.
你能不能別說沒事了 Will you stop saying you're "Fine"?
你明明就有事 You are not fine.
你連家門都不出 You won't leave your house,
還沒吃早飯就磕過藥了 you're stoned before breakfast,
而且你看起來 and you look like...
怎么了 What?
我看起來怎么了 I look like what?
你看起來就好像我想象中 You look like what I imagine you'd look like
你如果從來沒有離開密歇根的土樣 if you'd never left Michigan.
我很抱歉 可你得好好聽一聽 Look, I'm sorry, but you need to hear it.
你得出門 You have to get out.
你不能每天什么事都不干 You can't just spend every day doing nothing.
-我不是什么都沒干 -那你昨天做什么了 - I don't do nothing. - What did you do yesterday?
我起床了 I woke up.
你把起床算成自己做的事 You're counting waking up as something you did?
我起床就不錯了 I didn't have to!
我就是覺得你不能讓這事打敗你 All I'm saying is you can't let this defeat you.
-你得 -什么 - You've got to-- - What?
找份工作 Get a job?
我在這兒已經人人避而遠之了 I am poison in this town.
誰知道海倫說了我些什么 God knows what Helen's saying about me.
誰還會給我寫推薦信 So who's gonna give me a recommendation?
卡斯特 我都不知道 Castor? I don't even know
他放出來沒有 if they've released him yet.
可你花了那么多年來建立人際關系 But all those years of building "Relationships."
肯定會有人能幫你的 Surely someone can help you.
你在電視臺那些朋友呢 You had friends at the network.
你開玩笑嗎 Are you kidding?
麥拉都把我推掉了 Myra blew me off.
你是不是總這個語氣 Have you always said that?
20頁還有別的問題嗎 Anything else on page 20?
20頁 20頁 Page 20? Page 20?
看 是電視上的喬伊 Oh, look, it's TV's Joey.
失陪一下 Excuse us.
我一直在給你們打電話 你們都不接 I keep calling you guys. You're not picking up.
蒂姆不允許在屋里用電話 Tim doesn't allow phones in the room.
不允許 天啊你們也太慫了 Allow? Jesus, you're pussies.
每個人的電話都關機 Actually, with everyone's phone going off,
我們根本不能完成任何工作 we'd never get any work done.
還慫 And we're pussies.
反正吧 Anyway, so...
我拿到今晚麥當娜的票 Uh, I just got tickets for Madonna tonight.
要來嗎 Wanna come?
-麥當娜 真的嗎 -免費的喔 - Madonna, really? - They're free.
-什么時間 -而且這是她的座位 - What time? - And they're her seats,
所以可能很不錯 so they're probably really good.
-誰的座位 -麥當娜啊 - Whose seats? - Madonna's.
你是怎么拿到麥當娜的座位的 How'd you get Madonna's seats?
-她打給我了 -你認識麥當娜 - She called me. - You know Madonna?
我是認識麥當娜 我為什么不能認識麥當娜 Yeah, I know Madonna. Why can't I know Madonna?
-怎么認識的 -認識三十來年了 - How? - For, like, 30 years.
從她還宛如處女的時候就認識了 Since she was like a virgin.
在工廠認識的 I met her at The Factory.
-什么工廠 -安迪沃霍的工廠 - What Factory? - Andy Warhol's Factory?
由安迪沃霍主持 大量藝術家聚集的地方
你認識安迪沃霍 You knew Andy Warhol?
我為什么不能認識安迪沃霍 Yeah, why can't I know Andy Warhol?
金發女郎樂隊介紹的 Blondie introduced us.
美國老牌搖滾樂隊
行了行了 別再說了 All right, that-- just--just stop it.
我跟你們說 你們倆 I'm telling you, you guys are
是我認識的最無趣的人 the least interesting people I know.
到底來不來吧 So you wanna come or not?
他才不會放我們走 There's no way he's letting us out.
開始了 慫包 慫包 慫包 Here, pussy, pussy, pussy.
打擾一下 蒂姆 Excuse me, Tim. Hello.
我想問一下今晚 Uh, I was wondering if there was any chance
能不能早點走 of getting out a little early tonight.
-可以 -我們就剩五頁了 - Yes. - We've only got, like, five pages left.
當然 應該沒問題 Eh, sure enough. Should be able to do it.
要取決于你倆站在那抱怨多久 Depending on how long you two stand out there yammering.
這張臉真欠揍 He's got a face for punching.
你好啊 How you doing?
然后雷吉可以說 And then Reg could say...
"要怎么樣才能有人給我個餅干" "What does a guy have to do to get a cookie around here?"
"該死的餅干" 還是就 "餅干" "Damn cookie" Or just "Cookie"?
我覺得不需要"該死的" I don't think you need the "Damn."
"要怎么樣才能有人給我個餅干" "What does a guy have to do to get a cookie around here?"
"才能有人給我個該死的餅干" "To get a damn cookie around..."
"才能有人給我個餅干" "To get a cookie..."
我說真的 手指頭都摳進桌子了 I swear to God, my fingers are digging into the table.
指甲里現在嵌了木頭 There is wood under my nails.
算 算了吧 還是就加個"該死的" You--you know what? Let's just - stick with the "Damn."
好的 -沒問題 -好多了 Yes. - Definitely. - Much better.
-就這樣 -對 - Do that. - Yep, yep.
然后卡爾森太太說 Uh, so then Mrs. Carlson says--
等一下 會不會太長了 Hang on. Is it too long?
是太長了吧 It's too long, right?
這樣如何 How about just,
"我想要餅干 我的餅干呢" "I want a cookie. Where's my cookie?"
如何 Yeah?
挺有趣的 然后 That is funny. So then--
或者加個語氣詞 Or maybe with a handle.
在前面加個"老天" Put "My God" In front of it.
"老天 要怎么樣 "My God, what does a man have to do
才能有人給我個該死的餅干" to get a damn cookie around here?"
完美 Perfect.
-搞定了 -完美 過關了 - You've got it. - Perfect! Sold.
好好好 Okay, okay, okay, okay.
然后 卡爾森太太說 So then, Mrs. Carlson says--
抱歉 還有比餅干更好笑的內容嗎 Sorry. Is there something funnier than "Cookie"?
我覺得已經夠好笑了 Oh, I think it's funny enough.
畢竟 用你的話來說 是部喜劇 It is, as you say...A comedy.
也許換成某種特定的餅干呢 Uh, maybe a particular kind of cookie?
奧利奧 巧克力餅干 Oreos? Tollhouse?
-幫我想想 -趣多多 - H--help me here. - Chips Ahoy?
以下均為餅干品牌
-麥洛馬 -海卓克 - Mallomar? - Hydrox?
-米蘭薄荷 -香草薄餅 - Mint Milano? - Nilla Wafer?
-米蘭薄荷 -女童子軍餅干 - Mint Milano? - Girl Scout Cookie?
-月亮派 -牛頓酥 - Moon Pie? - Fig Newton?
-姜餅 -米蘭薄荷 - Ginger Snap? - Mint Milano?
誰說軟餅來著 軟餅挺有意思 Did someone say "Fudgy"? Fudgy's funny.
軟餅是挺有意思 "Fudgy" Is funny.
-軟餅才沒意思呢 沒意思 - "Fudgy's" Not funny. - No.
"要怎么樣 "What does a man have to do
才能有人給我個該死的軟餅" to get a damn fudgy around here?"
我喜歡 I love it.
如果不這么寫那就是腦子有病 We are crazy if we don't go with that.
-是嗎 -是的 - Yeah? - Yes.
繼續 Ah, moving on.
給我遞個蘇打餅干好嗎 Hand me one of those crackers, would you?
你說蘇打餅干 Did you say "Crackers"?
而不是餅干 有意思 Instead of "Cookie"? That's interesting.
什么 不不不不不 What? No, no, no, no, no, no.
不 我只是讓貝貝 No, I was just asking Bev for--
不不 你說得對 No, no, no, you're-- you're right.
我喜歡 餅干太普通了 I like--uh, "Cookie's" So expected,
可是哪種蘇打餅干呢 but what kind of cracker?
樂之 Ritz?
-翠士餅 -鹽精蘇打 - Triscuit? - Saltine?
-翠士餅 -燕麥薄餅 - Triscuit? - Wheat Thin?
-奶薄餅 -翠士餅 - Cheez-it? - Triscuit?
你看見了 You saw--
我沒有 我沒 I did not--I wasn't--
那不是 不是 that wasn't--that was n--
我沒有 你 I did not-- You--you--you w--
你聽見了 我只是讓... you heard me. I was just asking...
今天的節目就是這樣 That's our show.
請記住24小時在線關注我們 Remember to follow us live online 24 hours a day,
明天晚上繼續回來 and be back here tomorrow night...
-六 -關注到底誰可以 - Six. - when we'll be one step closer to finding out
-擊敗箱子 -杰西卡 - who will beat The Box. - Jessica.
大家晚安 Good night!
結束了 感謝各位觀眾 Show's over. Thank you very much, folks!
-干得漂亮 馬特 -我們愛你馬特 - Good job, Matt! - We love you, Matt!
吉爾伯特 聽著 Hey, Gilbert, listen.
謝謝你來參加 Thanks so much for doing this.
我的個天啊 Jesus Christ,
里面聞著就像是下體的下體那么臭 it smells like a vagina's vagina in there.
你得讓這些人洗澡 You gotta let these people bathe.
那一個洗成澡了 That one got to take a shower.
那下次把我放到她的箱子里 Well, next time, put me in her box.
我的想法非常純潔 And I mean that in the biblical sense.
聽見了沒 我跟你打招呼呢 You hear me? I said, "Hey."
我聽見了 I heard you.
我那該死的窗戶呢 Yeah, where are we on my fucking window?
沒戲 我跟你說過了 Uh, nowhere. Because like I told you,
不可能給你弄個該死的窗戶 you're not gettin' a fucking window.
誰都沒窗戶 No one has a window.
我都沒窗戶 I don't have a window.
你憑什么要有窗戶 Why should you get a window?
因為我是這個破節目里的明星 Because I'm the star of the fucking show.
是嗎 愛德還是《愛德先生》里的明星呢 Yeah? Well, Mr. Ed was the star
一部以馬為主角的喜劇
那他也得在谷倉里拉屎 of Mr. Ed, but he still had to shit in a barn.
稱呼而已 沒什么意義 The title's overrated.
還記得我干你老婆的時候嗎 Remember when I screwed your wife?
記得 Yeah.
那就好 只是提醒一下你 That's it. Just wanted you to remember.
你永遠也不會有窗戶的 You are so never getting a window.
我會有窗戶的 Oh, I'm gettin' a window.
這樣吧 你是個演員 You know what? You're an actor.
裝作有窗戶的樣子就行了 Act like there's a window.
這樣吧 你是個制作人 You know what? You're a producer.
吃屎去吧 Go fuck yourself.
你知不知道要做出完美可麗餅 Did you know that the secret
秘訣就是 to making the perfect crepe
提前一晚把面糊冷藏起來 is to chill the batter the night before.
我有個建議 Here's a notion,
不如我們一邊工作 why don't we keep working
一邊吃可麗餅 while we eat our crepes.
什么 不要 What? No.
至少花一點時間好好品嘗啊 We should at least take a moment to savor them.
多花一點點時間 Well, slightly more than a moment,
可別忘了 我還給阿曼達 because don't forget, I've gotta do
做了無麩質的 a gluten free batch for Amanda.
天啊 阿曼達 吃麩質又怎么樣 Jesus, Amanda, eat the gluten.
-那才是精華 -對 - It's the best part. - Right.
那個 Hi, see...
是這樣的 目前看來 Here's the thing. It seems like
我們今晚終于有機會 we have a chance to get out of here
能在合適的時間下班 at a reasonable hour tonight, for once.
我們抓住機會吧 I say, we grab it.
就因為你倆有個什么安排 Just because you two have some kind of plans.
不止我倆 Not just us.
我們所有人過去六個禮拜 We have all worked every night
每晚都加班了 for the last six weeks.
我所謂的加班可不是簡單的加班 I'm using "Worked" In the broadest sense,
不止包括我們的節目 還有你的烹飪節目 including not only our show, but your cooking show
還幫你選貓 and helping you to pick out a cat,
雖然我們都喜歡那些吃的 and while we all appreciate the food
也很喜歡小鞋鞋 and we love Mr. Swizzleboots,
但我敢肯定 每個人也都很想 I'm sure, everybody here would also love
回家陪陪家人 to get home to their families.
我們只要求休息一晚 We're just asking for one night off.
不知道該說點什么了 Not quite sure what to say.
我還以為可麗餅會是個特別的招待 Just thought the crepes would be a special treat,
但是 我們也不是非得吃 but...we--we don't have to have 'em.
要是大家都不想吃就算了 Not if people don't want them.
我們想吃的 來吃可麗餅吧 No, we do. Let's have the crepes.
你們只是這么一說 Well, now you're just saying it.
不不 我們很想吃 No, no, we really do.
-聞著很香 -我們來吃可麗餅吧 - They smell delicious. - Let's have the crepes.
香的就是麩質 That's the gluten.
至于休息一晚的事 And as far as taking a night off,
也可以吧 I suppose we could,
如果大家都想回家 I mean, if people would rather go home than
而不是干好工作 get the job done.
抱歉 Sorry.
我不想顯得過分職業化 I don't mean to be overly professional,
可我覺得應該工作優先 but I think the work has to come first.
誰要吃蘋果餡的 誰要奶酪的 Now, who's having apples and who's having cheese?
-我要蘋果的 -奶酪的 - Oh, uh, apples for me. - Cheese.
我對奶酪過敏 I'm allergic to cheese.
是我們 我們還卡在可麗餅地獄 It's us. We're still in crepe hell.
我們永遠走不掉了 We're never getting out of here.
我不要蘋果的 No apples on mine.
-誰 -拉皮多斯先生 - Yeah? - Oh, Mr. Lapidus.
很抱歉這么晚打來 I'm sorry to call so late,
不過我們這出了點狀況 but, um, we kind of have a situation here.
馬特·勒布朗在舞臺上 Uh, Matt LeBlanc is down on the stage.
-現在 -對 他... - Now? - Yeah, he's, um...
他現在在那個 well, he's kind of having a sex thing
跟丹妮卡 with, uh--with Danika.
等一下等一下 Hang on, hang on.
我看看監控 Let me turn on my feed.
我了個去 Holy shit.
別著急 畫面還沒播放出去 Don't worry, none of it has gone out.
我只要不接入丹妮卡的鏡頭 So long as I stay off Danika's camera,
別人就看不見 不過我覺得應該告訴你一聲 nobody can see it, but I thought you should know.
不不不不 很高興你打來了 No, no, no, no, I'm glad you called.
你做得對 You--you did the right thing.
幫我個忙 肯尼 Do me a favor, Kenny.
把直播切到丹妮卡的箱子 Switch the live feed to Danika's box.
不 我是說如果不播丹妮卡的鏡頭就... No, I'm saying, if you stay off of Danika's camera, then--
不不 我懂的 切過去 No, no, no, no, I hear you. Just--just switch it.
沒關系 It's fine.
你確定 Are you sure?
當然 我負全責 Absolutely. I take full responsibility.
切過去 就這么播 Just switch it, and let it run.
我...好吧 I--okay, okay.
再幫我個忙 Oh, and do me a favor.
鏡頭對著馬特放大 Zoom in on Matt.
對 漂亮 Yeah, that's nice.
謝謝你打給我 肯尼 Thanks for calling, Kenny.
晚安 You have a good night.
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