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前情提要
校对: NANA
欢迎收看第37天《箱子》 Welcome to day 37 of The Box.
-一周来了两次 -我现在最喜欢的节目 - Twice in one week. - It's my new favorite show.
时间轴: 啾啾啾
收视率不错吧 Liking those numbers, huh?
岂止不错 Liking them?
我上我老婆的时候都在想它 They're what I think about when I'm screwing my wife.
后期: 鱼骨头
我真觉得我们应该把船的部分整个砍掉 I really think we need to cut this whole bit with the boat.
-不能这样 -不行的 需要船的剧情 - No, you can't do that. - You can't. You need the boat bit.
总监： NANA
亲爱的 有时候得放手 Darling, sometimes you have to let the words go.
是吗 Do we?
我那该死的窗户呢 Where are we on my fucking window?
你是个演员 You're an actor.
装作有窗户的样子就行了 Act like there's a window.
你是个制作人 You're a producer.
吃屎去吧 Go fuck yourself.
来吧 Let's do it.
不用再标记一下吗 You don't need to mark it again?
不不 不用了 开始吧 No, no, no, I'm good. Let's go.
好 数到三 一二 Okay, on three. One, two--
等一下 是数到三那一下吗 Wait, is it on three?
-有好消息吗 -你知道有个人 - Good news? - You know that guy
抢了我在NBC试播集角色吧 who got my part in the NBC pilot?
安东尼·博纳·史密斯 Anthony Powner Smith.
玩踢拳的时候出了意外 Just had a kickboxing accident.
瘫痪了 Paralyzed!
我的天哪 Oh, my God.
暂时性的 但是至少 Well, temporarily-- but long enough
他拍不了那个试播集了 that he can't do the pilot.
你不肯出家门 You won't leave your house.
早饭前就嗑药磕嗨了 You're stoned before breakfast.
而且你看起来 And you look like...
我看起来怎么了 I look like what?
你看起来就好像我想象中 You look like what I imagine you'd look like
你没有过离开密歇根的样子 if you'd never left Michigan.
拉皮多斯先生 马特·勒布朗 Mr. Lapidus, Matt LeBlanc,
他跟丹妮卡在那个 he's kind of having a sex thing with Danika.
帮我个忙 肯尼 Do me a favor, Kenny.
把直播切到丹妮卡的箱子 Switch the live feed to Danika's box.
你确定吗 Are you sure?
当然 Absolutely.
我负全责 I take full responsibility.
漂亮 Ah, that's nice.
《戏里戏外》第五季第二集
-你看了吗 -什么 - Have you seen this? - What?
马特·勒布朗那段演出 看了 The Matt LeBlanc show? Oh, yeah.
难以置信 It's unbelievable.
他到底在想什么啊 What the hell was he thinking?
谁在想什么 What was who thinking?
你开玩笑吧 Are you kidding?
你居然还没看过 How have you not seen it?
天 到处都是啊 Jesus, it's fucking everywhere!
艾略特·沙拉在一号线 Elliot Salad on one.
靠 Shit.
告诉他你找不到我 tell him you can't find me.
然后打给罗杰·里斯金 Then get me Roger Riskin!
海伦·拜什在一号线 Helen Basch on one.
靠 Shit.
告诉她我在开会 找到了吗 Uh, tell her I'm in a meeting. Any luck?
打给了马里布 打给了他的农场 I tried Malibu. I tried his ranch.
打给葡萄园 Try the vineyard.
都是转到语音信箱 Voice mail.
靠 Fuck!
继续打 Well, keep trying.
监控室 Booth.
他在 等一下 Yes, he is. Hold on.
海伦·拜什找你 Helen Basch for you.
喂 Hello.
你他妈的是在干什么呢 What kind of swirling vortex
你那破节目是怎么回事 of fuckup are you running over there?
不不不 这事怪不到我头上 No, no, no, no, no, you're not putting this on me.
他的老二要干什么我可管不住 It's not my job to keep his dick in his pants.
但你管得住电视上放哪些镜头 It's your job not to put it on television.
监控是谁在看呢 Who's watching the fucking monitors?
相信我 那个蠢货早滚蛋了 Believe me, that putz is long gone.
我当下就把他炒了 I canned his ass so fast.
那也是你把他放到监控室去的 Yeah, well, you're the one who put him in that booth.
-这锅得你背 -胡扯 - This is on you. - Bullshit.
当初是谁逼着我雇马特·勒布朗来着 Who made me hire LeBlanc in the first place?
你休想怪我 Oh, no, you don't.
我给了你一串主持人名单 I gave you a whole list of hosts.
你给我的是一串讣告 You gave me a stack of obituaries.
也不都是死人 They weren't all dead.
行了 All right.
别互相甩锅了 现在怎么办 Enough with the finger-pointing. So now what?
炒他鱿鱼 Dump him.
你疯了吗 Are you crazy?
我们才不需要那个混蛋 We don't need that asshole.
这节目在41个国家都大受欢迎 This show's been a hit in 41 countries
都不是他主持 without him.
不 这是我现在唯一一个有戏的项目 No, it's the one thing I've got that's working.
-我不能搞砸了 -已经搞砸了 - I'm not screwing with it. - It's already screwed.
美国人民的眼睛已经闪瞎了 America can't unsee what they saw.
美国人民还看过茹比枪杀奥斯瓦尔德呢 America saw Ruby shoot Oswald.
指针对刺杀肯尼迪凶手的谋杀事件
他们会忘掉的 They'll get over it.
我只说一件事 Look, I'm just gonna say one thing,
而且我并不是在甩锅 and I-I'm not pointing fingers.
我们当初要是选了阿特·弗莱明 This never would've happened
就不会发生这种事了 if we had gone with Art Fleming.
阿特·弗莱明都死20年了 Art Fleming's been dead for 20 years!
天 有这么久吗 Jesus, is it that long?
让我看什么呢 What am I looking at?
注意看 Just watch.
我的个 Oh...my...
不 No...oh.
不 No.
不不不 No, no, no.
他不会把 Please tell me he's not gonna take it--
他掏出来了 Oh, he took it out!
还有呢 There's more.
还 还有 Mo-more?
我的老天 Good Lord.
看他的动作 我都看到火花了 Look at him go. I swear I just saw a spark.
没完呢 Not over.
不 N-no.
不 No.
这已经结束了吧 Ah! Tell me it's over.
他抖了吗 Did he shake it yet?
-抖了 -那就结束了 - Just did. - It's over.
刚刚超过1500万点击 It just passed 15 million views.
比看节目的人还多 That's more than watch the fucking show.
已经比给鸡办犹太成人礼的视频还火了 It's already bigger than that chicken getting bar mitzvahed.
那个是真的好笑 That really made me laugh.
他还戴犹太圆顶帽来着 He had a little yarmulke.
派蒂 再打给罗杰 Patty, call Roger again!
告诉他我知道那个混蛋 Tell him I know that little shit's
-并没有在开会 -好 - not in a meeting! - Okay.
百事撤掉广告了 福特正在考虑 Pepsi just pulled out, and Ford is waffling.
该死 God damn it.
今晚要不先暂时别播了 Maybe we should preempt tonight.
-那播什么 -播录像吧 - And run what? - I'd run the tape.
罗杰据说还在开会 Roger's supposedly still in a meeting,
艾略特·沙拉在一号线 and Elliot Salad's on one.
又来了 Again.
艾略特 Elliot.
告诉我这个问题可以解决 Tell me we can fix this.
我们在想办法 We're on it.
你听说我们丢掉百事和福特了吗 You hear that we lost Pepsi and Ford?
我听说福特还在考虑 I heard Ford was waffling.
不考虑了 已经决定了 Well, whatever comes after waffling, they just did.
还有卡夫的美乃滋 Also Kraft Mayonnaise.
这倒说得通 Well, that makes sense.
引人联想 It's visceral.
还接到了联邦通信委员会的电话 Oh, and we just had a call from the FCC.
他们对这个游戏的节操表示质疑 They're raising questions about the integrity of the game.
我已经找了法务部 Well, I've got Legal making sure
确定他没有违反什么规定 he didn't actually break any rules.
规定 The rules?
那些规定那么复杂 没人搞得懂 Nobody understands those fucking rules.
这是个感知的问题 This is about perception.
看起来他已经打破了规定 It looks like he broke the rules.
看起来他把规定打破得满箱子都是 It looks like he broke the rules all over that box!
海伦·拜什在一号线 Helen Basch on one.
她说赶紧接电话 不然她就带着球棒过来 She says pick up or she's coming over with a bat.
操 Fuck.
时机不错 Good timing.
我刚开完会 有什么事吗 My meeting just ended. What can I do for you?
要不你发明个时间机器 How about you invent a time machine,
回到昨天 go back to yesterday,
管住你那该死的客户的老二 and cock-block your fucking client?
-你看到了 -我看到了 - Saw it, did you? - I saw it.
我想除了安德烈波切利和油管上那只盲狗以外 I think it's safe to say everyone but Andrea Bocelli
所有人都看过了 and that blind dog on YouTube saw it.
什么油管上的盲狗 What blind dog on YouTube?
我给你发链接 Oh, I'll send you the link.
它的叫声配了盲人歌手的歌 It barks "Georgia on My Mind."
马特现在也很难过 Look, Matt feels terrible.
他知道这是严重的行为失格 He knows this was a massive lapse of judgment.
他想跟你对话 做些解释 He'd love to speak to you and explain.
行 把他拉进来 Fine, patch him in.
当然可以 没问题 We can totally do that.
只不过 目前呢 Except, um, at the moment--
你都没跟他说上话是吧 You haven't even talked to him, have you?
目前为止 我还没有 As of right now, I believe I have not.
等你跟他说上话了 Well, when you do,
他最好能给我解释出花来 he better have a fucking miracle of an explanation,
因为我需要一个不炒他的理由 because I need a really good reason not to fire his ass.
这事还有什么好讨论的 Why are we still discussing this?
直接把他甩掉啊 Just get rid of him.
我得听听他的说法 Not till I hear his side of it.
谁在乎他说什么 Who cares about his side?
这要是别的什么游戏节目 If this were any other game show--
要是看到艾利克斯·崔贝克对着选手打飞机 what if you saw a video of Alex Trebek
你怎么办 jerking off on some contestant?
我的脸上没有什么东西 "What is not on my face," Alex?
没有他这节目成不了 There's no show without him.
他是台柱子 He's the show!
胡扯 Bullshit.
节目本身才比较重要 The show's the show.
看看《百万富翁》 Look at Millionaire.
雷吉斯多少年前就离开了 Regis left years ago
节目还是很受欢迎 and it's still going strong.
根本没人关心是谁在主持 Who knows who's hosting it now?
反正不是阿特·弗莱明 Not Art Fleming.
亲爱的 我是贝丝 Hi, honey, it's Beth.
现在的状况真是操蛋 So it's a clusterfuck.
什么 What?
你啊 昨晚 You, last night.
什么 What?
我现在把罗杰接进电话会议 You know, I'm gonna conference Roger in.
哥们 Hey, bud.
怎么了 What's going on?
我们出了点状况 We've got a bit of a problem here.
什么出了状况 With what?
你昨晚的那番演出 That little show you did last night?
你看我节目了 Ah, you watched my show?
基本上每个人都看你节目了 Oh, pretty much everyone watched your show.
-那个女孩 -哪个女孩 - The girl? - What girl?
二号箱子 Box number two?
没穿裤子那个 Without the pants?
你怎么知道的 How do you know about that?
因为我正在看呢 Um, 'cause I'm looking at it right now.
-你正在看 -看在线直播 - You're looking at it? - From the feed.
-什么在线直播 -24小时在线直播 - What feed? - The 24-hour feed?
你知道每一期节目结束的时候你都会说 You know how at the end of every show, you say,
记得关注我们24小时在线直播 "Remember to follow us live online, 24 hours a day"?
是这个意思啊 That's what that means.
-对 -对 - Yup. - Yup.
靠 Oh, shit.
在什么地方 Where is it?
基本上到处都是了 Oh, it's pretty much everywhere.
你现在去厨房 If you go to your kitchen,
说不定你的微波炉都在播那一段 your microwave's probably showing it.
操 Fuck.
我去 Holy crap.
他干吗呢 What's he doing?
看吧 Just watch.
在外太空都能看见那玩意 You could see that thing from space.
我的天 My God!
不用谢 You're welcome.
不 No.
罗莎来了 靠 Rosa just showed up. Shit.
罗莎 Rosa?
我请的家政 My maid.
又周二了吗 Is it Tuesday again?
对 差不多每周这个时间就是了 Uh, yeah, it's been happening every week right around now.
靠 她下车了 Shit! She's getting out of the car.
这个家政是会杀人还是怎么的 Is this some kind of murdering maid?
有可能 我已经四周没付她工资了 Probably. I haven't paid her in, like, four weeks.
-为什么 -因为我在攒钱买小马 - Why? - 'Cause I've been saving up to buy a pony.
-我没钱了 -真没钱了吗 - I'm broke! - That broke?
是 真没钱了 Yes, that broke.
那你干吗不辞掉她 Then why not just let her go?
我不想失去她 I don't want to lose her.
有道理 No, of course not.
操 Oh, fuck!
她来了 Here she comes.
我去把门反锁 I'm gonna dead-bolt the door.
怎么回事 What's happening?
你好啊罗莎 Hey, Rosa.
你好 Hola.
我刚在找我的... Uh, I was just looking for my, um,
尊严 Dignity?
我 I...
天哪 Jesus.
就不能把那玩意撤下来吗 Well, can't they just take the fucking thing down?
亲爱的 这是互联网 撤不掉的 Honey, it's the Internet. There is no down.
不是想批判你 但是 So, uh, not to judge, but...
你到底在想什么呢 what the hell were you thinking?
我不知道 I don't know.
我大概是在想 I guess I was thinking,
我真希望能穿透这扇玻璃 "I sure wish I could get through that glass."
你不明白这事有多严重 Y-you're not getting how serious this is.
我喝了几瓶啤酒 她又很性感 Look, I had a few beers. She was hot.
说实在的 这事还能怎么发展 Realistically, how else was that gonna end?
可能发展到你丢工作 Well, it might end with you out of a job.
哪能啊 Oh, come on.
那边现在都疯了 They're freaking out over there.
这跟他们的破游戏又没关系 It had nothing to do with their stupid game.
他们说看起来似乎 They're saying it looks like
你对某一位选手 you're giving one contestant
有所偏袒 preferential treatment.
行 Fine.
那我就对着所有人的箱子打飞机好吧 I'll whack off on all their boxes.
这话我可发不出去 Yeah, I'm not writing this down.
等一下 如果他们炒掉我 Wait a minute, if they fire me,
还是得付我钱的吧 they still have to pay me, right?
不 No.
我记得条约是要么赔钱要么合作的 I thought we had a pay-or-play deal.
涉及到一些行为约束 There's a morals clause.
行为约束 A morals clause?
你从没告诉我有行为约束 You never told me there was a morals clause.
我没想过这会有关系 I never thought it would matter.
这可是我啊 With me?
算了 You know what?
他们要是想炒掉我 那就去他们的 If they want to fire me, then fuck 'em.
你不能去他们的 You can't fuck 'em.
我当然可以去他们的 Oh, I can fuck 'em.
钱怎么办 What about the money?
钱也去它的 Fuck the money.
钱才不能去它的 Never fuck the money!
你没有这个资本 You can't afford to fuck the money.
你很清楚 You know that.
那现在怎么办 So now what?
贝丝 Beth?
首先发一个声明 Well, you start by releasing a statement
承担全部责任 accepting full responsibility for your actions.
行 Fine.
你向电视台 You apologize
和粉丝道歉 to the network and to your fans.
承认自己存在很严重的问题 You acknowledge you have a serious problem.
然后你说打算去做性瘾戒断 And then you say you're going into rehab for sexual addiction.
不 No!
别扯淡了 Look, this is bullshit.
我要打给电视台 I'm calling the network.
别打给电视台 Do not call the network.
我们来处理 We will handle it.
我要打给艾略特·沙拉 I'm calling Elliot Salad.
别打给艾略特·沙拉 Do not call Elliot Salad.
为什么不能打 他爱死我了 Why not? He loves me.
听我的 Listen to me,
别打给艾略特·沙拉 do not call Elliot Salad.
我要打给艾略特·沙拉 I'm calling Elliot Salad.
我求你了 I'm begging you,
别打给艾略特·沙拉 do not call Elliot Salad!
你可阻止不了我打给艾略特·沙拉 You can't stop me from calling Elliot Salad.
我要打给艾略特·沙拉 I'm calling Elliot Salad.
马特·勒布朗在一号线 Matt LeBlanc on one.
怎么了 Yeah?
我需要艾略特·沙拉的号码 I need Elliot Salad's number.
我这怎么了 What happened to me?
我以前是重要人物 I was important.
我以前职业发展很好的 I had a career.
别人会给我买午餐 People brought me lunch.
他们会拍我马屁 They kissed my ass.
现在呢 Now look at it.
就是个屁 It's just an ass.
要接电话吗 Do you need to get that?
就比如说吧 It's like,
我还记得有一天 I remember this one particular day.
我在纽约参加广告商见面会 I was in New York for the up-fronts.
第一次参加 It was my first one.
那时候真年轻 I was so young.
那一天 And...in that one day,
他们砍掉约翰·斯塔莫斯秀的时候我在现场 I was in the room when they canceled the John Stamos show;
我看见波姬小丝 I saw Brooke Shields
在我酒店大堂 in the lobby of my hotel;
那天晚上 and that night,
我在庆祝派对的洗手间 I blew Wilmer Valderrama
给威尔玛·沃德拉玛口来着 in the bathroom at the after party.
那一天真的太梦幻了 It was just the most magical day.
我当时想 And I thought,
我的天 "Oh, my God.
我的生活太棒了 Look at my life."
而现在呢 And now?
我的天 Oh, my God.
我的生活太惨了 Look at my life.
还有 By the way,
谢谢你把我表拿走 thank you again for taking my watch.
你戴着挺好看的 It looks really good on you.
而且我告诉你 And I'm telling you it's worth
这比四个礼拜的工资值多了 so much more than four weeks' pay.
你干得很漂亮 朋友 You did very well, my friend.
科尔西 葛雷莫有次说我 俊 Kelsey Grammer once called me "Fetching."
没了 This is out.
马特·勒布朗在一号线 Matt LeBlanc on one.
靠 Shit.
你好 Hello.
你好啊 艾略特 Hey, Elliot.
如何了 How's it going?
一般般吧 I've been better.
那个 Yeah, look...
我不知道该说什么 I don't know what to say.
真的很抱歉 I am so sorry.
我实在是太蠢了 It was beyond stupid.
这我不能反驳 I cannot disagree.
我发誓 如果我能退回到过去的话我会的 If I could undo it, I would. I swear.
我感觉很糟糕 I feel terrible.
那是应该的 Well, you should.
你脑子里装的什么屎 What the hell was going through that brain of yours?
什么也没装 问题就在这 Nothing. That's the problem.
我就看见她在那 就 I just saw her, and she was there, and--
不过你对女人的品位我是很佩服的 Yeah, well, I gotta say, I can't fault your taste in women.
那姑娘是很不错 That girl is something.
是的吧 I know, right?
而且她当时在做瑜伽 And she was doing yoga.
我明白 I hear you.
能把脚后跟别到耳朵后面去 There's something about a woman
这种女人相当吸引人 who can put her heels behind her ears.
谢谢 Thank you.
你说这怎么拒绝 I mean, how do you say no to that?
有意思的是 我看见你和那个女孩 Funny thing, looking at you with that girl in the box
让我回想起自己身上发生过的事 took me back to something that happened to me
其实也差不多 which was not entirely dissimilar.
没开玩笑吧 No kidding?
很多年前的事了 This is years ago.
就在时代广场周边 Just off Times Square.
内森餐厅附近 你记得内森餐厅吗 Near Nathan's. You remember Nathan's?
记得 Sure.
我走在大街上 I was walking down the street.
看见电话亭里一个女的 And I saw this woman in a phone booth.
超级美 She was magnificent.
身材无敌 A body to die for.
年轻版的希德·查理斯 Like a young Cyd Charisse.
你记得希德·查理斯吗 You remember Cyd Charisse?
当然 Totally.
《雨中曲》 Singing in the Rain?
-《篷车队》 -《篷车队》对对 - The Band Wagon-- - Band Wagon, sure.
反正那是个夏天夜晚 很热 Anyway, it was a hot summer night,
关在那个电话亭里的人更是热辣 even hotter in that phone booth with the door closed.
我站在那 So I'm standing there,
看着她 watching her,
我是在阴影下 kind of in the shadows.
我注意到她肩膀上 And I notice this one
一颗小汗珠 little bead of sweat
慢慢地流下来 slowly rolling down her bare shoulder.
然后她转过身 And she turns,
和我四目相对 and her eyes catch mine.
瞬间火花四溅 It was this charged erotic moment.
就很像你和箱子里那个女孩 And much like you and your girl in the box,
然后导致了某种 it led to some, uh,
自我愉悦 self-pleasuring,
如果你能懂我的意思 if you catch my drift.
我懂 I'm catching it.
当然 Of course,
我的情况稍微有所不同 my situation was slightly different in that
因为她并不知道当时怎么回事 she had no idea what was happening.
她往下看 When she looked down
看见了我手上的动作 然后开始尖叫 and saw what I was doing, she let out a-a scream.
声音非常大 It was so loud, you could hear it
隔着电话亭的门都能听见 through the glass with the door closed.
不过对我来说已经够了 But that's all I needed.
警察来的时候 By the time the cops came,
我已经完事 拉上裤链 走到46街了 I was done, zipped up, and halfway down 46th Street.
现在见不到电话亭了 You don't see phone booths anymore.
他们把这叫做进步 And they call that progress.
可不 Right.
总之吧 节目的事 Anyway, the show.
我们就 没事了 So...we're okay?
让我们想一想 Well, let us think about it.
讨论一下再说 We'll discuss.
不过我很高兴你打给我了 But I'm really glad you called.
我也是 Me too.
太谢谢你了 Thank you so much.
艾略特·沙拉在一号线 Elliot Salad on one.
把他炒掉 Fire him.
你确定 You sure?
那人不适合主持家庭节目 Yeah, that guy should not be hosting a family show.
让人起鸡皮疙瘩 Gives me the creeps.
坏消息 哥们 Bad news, bud.
什么 What?
我刚跟艾略特·沙拉通了电话 I just talked to Elliot Salad.
他说要想想 He-he said he was gonna think about it.
那个 他想过了 Well, he...thought about it.
操 Fuck!
干得漂亮 Well done.
-太棒了 谢谢 -谢谢你过来 - That was great, thank you. - Thank you so much for coming in.
我很喜欢她 I liked her a lot.
她有些地方干的非常漂亮 She made some very smart choices.
我觉得她有点臀臀的 I thought she was a bit rumpy.
什么意思 As in?
-臀部太大 -臀部太大 - Too much rump. - Too much rump.
跟我换个位置 Switch seats with me.
下一个是谁 Who's next?
安东尼·博纳·史密斯 Uh, Anthony Powner Smith.
-不不不不 -怎么了 - No. No, no, no, no. - What?
我们已经讨论过这事了 We had this conversation.
-有吗 -明明就有 - Did we? - You know we did.
就是你带烤苹果酥来的那天 It was the day you brought in your apple crumble.
我记得烤苹果酥 I remember the crumble.
你肯定能想起来 I'm sure you'll recall,
在你打发肉桂奶油的时候 as you were whipping your cinnamon cream,
我们热烈地讨论过安东尼·博纳·史密斯 we had a vehement conversation about Anthony Powner Smith.
我们非常明白地说过不要让他来 We were absolutely explicit about not bringing him in.
他是非常棒的演员 He's a brilliant actor.
-当然了 -是的 - Absolutely. - Yes.
毫无疑问 并且 No question, and...
瘫痪了 棒棒地瘫痪了 paralyzed, brilliantly paralyzed.
你们对雇佣残疾人有意见 那我很抱歉 Well, I'm sorry if you two have issues with hiring the disabled.
-跟残疾这事没关系 -不是的 - Nothing to do with him being disabled. - No, no, no,
我们这部戏的重点 the whole conceit of our show
就在于每个人都扮演两个完全不同的角色 is that everyone plays two very different parts.
要是他两个角色都坐着轮椅 If he's in a wheelchair for both of them,
那很难体现出他的多面性 that hardly makes him chameleon-like.
肯定会安排两个不同的轮椅 Well, they'd obviously be different chairs.
只占用你们五分钟的宝贵时间 Look, it's five minutes out of your oh-so-busy lives.
说不定他会给你们惊喜呢 Who knows? He might surprise you.
跳个踢踏舞什么的 By tap-dancing.
这就太过分了 That is wildly offensive.
你这太过分了 You're wildly offensive.
那我要让他进来吗 So, um, should I bring him in?
-当然 -人都来了 我们也不能 - Absolutely. - Well, he's here now. Well, we can't not,
安东尼 Anthony?
大家好啊 Hello, good people.
-你好 -欢迎 感谢你过来 - Hello, ah. - Welcome. Thank you so much for coming in.
等一下 有点问题 Hang on. Bit of a snag.
我是想说 我 I was going to say, I--
差一点 Almost.
要设计好路线 It's all about the trajectory.
我们能帮上忙吗 Can we help?
不不 我能行 No, no, I've got it.
只是 Um, it's-- just, uh--
经常这样 Happens all the time.
你确定吗 You sure? We--
别别 我能搞定 Oh, no, no, I can totally do it.
行了 等下 Ah. There we go-- No, hang on.
我越弄越糟了 I made it a little worse here.
我真是操了 Bloody fucker!
这个椅子好像热的时候会膨胀 This chair seems to expand in the heat.
主要是门框太窄了 Well, it is a very narrow doorframe.
-相当窄 -模特都能卡住 - It's ridiculously narrow. - Runway models would get stuck there.
你确定我们帮不上忙吗 Are you sure we can't help?
-不 我能搞定 -别着急 - No, I've got it! - No, no rush.
毫无进展 We're-we're going nowhere.
也没有那么困难嘛 That wasn't so hard, was it?
你的手是流血了吗 Is your hand bleeding?
一点点 没事 Hardly. It's fine.
别担心 No worries.
欢迎 So welcome.
-很高兴你能过来 -很荣幸 - So thrilled you could come in. - Wow, what a treat.
-很喜欢你 -我超喜欢 - Huge fans. - Especially me.
你们太客气了 Oh, you're very kind.
这个剧本非常棒 Say, uh, it's a wonderful script.
谢谢你 Oh, thank you.
相当搞笑 It's very, very funny.
两个角色都很 Both, uh--both roles so...
有意思 so tasty.
对了 Uh, by the way,
如果你们会担心 if there is any concern
轮椅的事 about the chair--
-什么 轮椅 没有 -没有没有 - What? The chair? No. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
我可以保证到准备开拍的时候 I can assure you that I will be out of it
我肯定已经好了 by the time we're ready to shoot.
那太棒了 不过 Uh, that's wonderful, but, um,
只有三周时间了 that is in only three weeks.
这 这比我收到的消息 That's-that's a little
要快那么一点点 sooner than I was told.
不过我到时候肯定已经好了 But I'm sure I'll be fine by then.
好吧那 Right, well, uh.
那我们 我们来读剧本 Shall we-- shall we read a little?
-好的 -请吧 - Yes. - Please.
我们可以从雷吉开始 Maybe we can start with Reg,
跟他女儿那个场景 the scene with his daughter?
-那就雷吉吧 -选得好 - Reg it is. - Great choice.
我会跟你配合 准备好了吗 I'll be reading with you. Ready?
开始吧 Let's do it.
爸爸 从上面下来 "Dad, get down from there."
怎么了 What?
想道个别 Just wanted to say good-bye.
然后我想看着你离开 And then I wanted to watch you leave.
混蛋 Dick.
我会想念这些对话的 I'm gonna miss these little talks.
这事没成很遗憾 Shame this didn't work out.
但也算是有过美好时光 But hey, we had a good run.
你还记得你就想要个窗户吗 You remember when all you wanted was a window?
我不需要窗户 I don't need a window.
我可以把你扔过墙 I could throw you through a wall.
倒是动手啊 Please, do it.
你的职业生涯就缺这个了 That's just what your career needs.
最后一根稻草 One more nail.
不知道你有没有好奇 In case you were wondering,
每个箱子里都有摄像机 there's a camera on every one of those boxes.
你觉得是谁决定对准你的 Who do you think decided to stay on you?
你才没种这样干 You don't have the ball to do that.
没有吗 No?
那你毁了你自己的节目 Well, then you killed your own fucking show.
我觉得我们会没事的 Well, I think we're gonna be all right.
我听说我们很有希望 I just got word we're very close
能签下霍霍 曼德尔 to signing Mr. Howie Mandel.
那太棒了 Yeah? Great.
是啊 That's right.
是时候交出指挥棒了 It's time to pass the old baton.
他可能不会去碰 He probably won't touch it,
不过这不能怪他 but who can blame him?
还有 Oh, by the way,
需要更多箱子的话告诉我 let me know if you need any more boxes.
最后再看着他从门里出去 And then watching him try to get out the door at the end.
是我这辈子最漫长的45分钟 Longest 45 minutes of my life.
就好像看霍金穿针 Like watching Stephen Hawking thread a needle.
这么巧 Look.
我走了 Well, I'm out of here.
我们一整天都在给你打电话 We've been trying to call you all day.
我只能把电话关掉 Yeah, I had to turn my phone off.
我的天 到处都是 Oh, my God, it's everywhere.
还用说 You think?
我们编剧室里都叫它马特·自慰郎 In the room, we've been calling it "Mattstergate."
-就 -只是 - Just... - It's just a...
-一两次而已 -文字游戏 - Once or twice. - A bit of wordplay.
他们把我炒了 Well, they fired me.
-什么 不是吧 -我的天 - What? No. - Oh, my God.
进来 我不想让别人看见我 Get in. I don't want anyone to see me.
那你倒是把顶篷升起来 Might want to put up your top, then.
天气这么好 It's nice out.
赶紧上来 Just get in.
我们去哪 Uh, where are we going?
随便去哪 反正不在这 Anywhere but here.
恐怕我们最后还要回编剧室 I'm afraid we're due back in the room.
我们车子也在这 And our car's here.
我被炒鱿鱼了 全互联网都在看我老二 I just got fired and my dick's online.
好吧 你赢了 Yeah, right, you win.
你知道 等我死了 You realize, when I die,
别人记得我的就会是这个 this is what they're gonna remember me for?
最后的最后 After everything else,
偏偏就会是这一件事 it'll be this one stupid thing.
我知道 I know.
这对你干过的其他那些蠢事 It doesn't seem fair to all
感觉挺不公平的 the other stupid things you've done.
我说真的 I'm serious.
这事下半辈子都会阴魂不散 This is gonna follow me for the rest of my life.
这可不一定 过段时间就好了 You don't know. Give it time.
人忘性大 People forget.
他们现在都还在讨论珍妮·杰克逊露点 They're still talking about Janet Jackson's nipple.
那都没涉及到对别人喷射什么东西 And that didn't squirt anything at anybody.
你毁了我多少顿饭 You have ruined so many meals for me.
简直扯淡 It's such bullshit.
还有人犯了罪 There are people who've committed real crimes
都没进监狱的呢 and aren't in jail.
你也没进监狱啊 Uh, you realize you're not in jail either?
可我也回不了家 Well, I can't go home.
那因为你房门口都是狗仔 Because you have paparazzi in front of your house.
所有房子 Houses.
开始了 Ugh, it's on.
你不用看的 You-you don't have to watch it.
这是我出镜的最后一集 Well, it's the last one I'm on.
我应该看看 I should see it.
晚上好 我是默克·拉皮多斯 Good evening, I'm Merc Lapidus,
《箱子》的制作人 executive producer of The Box.
我操 Fuck me.
接下来这一集 The episode you're about to see
是在那次事件发生之前录制的 was filmed last night before the unfortunate incident
这个事件相信你们都有所耳闻 I'm sure you're all aware of.
人渣 Scumbag.
我们考虑过推迟今晚的播出 We considered postponing tonight's broadcast,
但我们觉得那样对参赛者 but we felt it wouldn't be fair to the contestants
或这节目的数百万粉丝来说很不公平 or the millions of fans of the game.
秃死你 Be balder!
对看到了某些画面而受到冒犯的观众们 We apologize to anyone who may have been offended
我们向你们道歉 by the images you saw today.
那些画面不能代表本节目 They don't reflect the spirit of good, clean fun
-干净善良的本质 -干净善良 - that this game represents. - "Good, clean."
那些人在箱子里拉屎 They shit in those boxes.
我们会从这次遗憾的事件中慢慢恢复 I hope you continue to join us as we move forward
希望大家能继续陪我们前行 from this regrettable event.
现在不多废话 And now, without further ado,
请大家观赏《箱子》 enjoy The Box.
七个人 Seven people...
艾略特·沙拉在一号线 Elliot Salad on one.
我靠 Holy shit.
你在看隔夜数据吗 Are you looking at these overnights?
真的 我靠 Seriously, holy shit!
自从911过后就没见过这么高的收视率了 We haven't seen numbers like this since 9/11.
所以现在呢 So now what?
毫无疑问 Oh, there's no question.
让他回来 He's back in?
他从未离开 He was never out.
电话 Phone!
你坐稳了吗 You sitting down?
坐稳了 Sort of.
收视率高到上天 Numbers through the roof!
真的 No shit?
一切都原谅了 你又上岗了 All is forgiven. You're back.
并且还要再加播一天 In fact, they're adding another night!
真的 Seriously?
真的 Yup!
赶紧过来 Get your ass down there.
你还要录节目呢 You got a show to shoot.
再说吧 We'll see.
他还有要求 He has demands?
我能怎么办 What can I say?
他很清楚自己给节目带来的附加值 He appreciates the added value he now brings to the show.
他在全美人民面前打飞机 He masturbated in front of America.
而美国人民说 And America said,
谢谢 "Thank you."
他想要什么 What does he want?
他想要什么 He wants what?
保证13集节目的播出 A guaranteed series with 13 on the air.
我的个天 Jesus Christ.
他想有工作 He wants to act.
他还想要别的事 Oh, and he wants one other thing.
你想见我 You wanted to see me?
对 Yup.
就这样 只是想见见你 That's it. Just wanted to see you.
你知道 You know,
对着阳光 in the light.
我们打开《箱子》 As we open up The Box...
谁有玻璃水 Anybody got any Windex?
马特 Hey, Matt!