前情提要
歡迎收看第37天《箱子》 Welcome to day 37 of The Box.
-一周來了兩次 -我現在最喜歡的節目 - Twice in one week. - It's my new favorite show.
收視率不錯吧 Liking those numbers, huh?
豈止不錯 Liking them?
我上我老婆的時候都在想它 They're what I think about when I'm screwing my wife.
我真覺得我們應該把船的部分整個砍掉 I really think we need to cut this whole bit with the boat.
-不能這樣 -不行的 需要船的劇情 - No, you can't do that. - You can't. You need the boat bit.
親愛的 有時候得放手 Darling, sometimes you have to let the words go.
是嗎 Do we?
我那該死的窗戶呢 Where are we on my fucking window?
你是個演員 You're an actor.
裝作有窗戶的樣子就行了 Act like there's a window.
你是個制作人 You're a producer.
吃屎去吧 Go fuck yourself.
來吧 Let's do it.
不用再標記一下嗎 You don't need to mark it again?
不不 不用了 開始吧 No, no, no, I'm good. Let's go.
好 數到三 一二 Okay, on three. One, two--
等一下 是數到三那一下嗎 Wait, is it on three?
-有好消息嗎 -你知道有個人 - Good news? - You know that guy
搶了我在NBC試播集角色吧 who got my part in the NBC pilot?
安東尼·博納·史密斯 Anthony Powner Smith.
玩踢拳的時候出了意外 Just had a kickboxing accident.
癱瘓了 Paralyzed!
我的天哪 Oh, my God.
暫時性的 但是至少 Well, temporarily-- but long enough
他拍不了那個試播集了 that he can't do the pilot.
你不肯出家門 You won't leave your house.
早飯前就嗑藥磕嗨了 You're stoned before breakfast.
而且你看起來 And you look like...
我看起來怎么了 I look like what?
你看起來就好像我想象中 You look like what I imagine you'd look like
你沒有過離開密歇根的樣子 if you'd never left Michigan.
拉皮多斯先生 馬特·勒布朗 Mr. Lapidus, Matt LeBlanc,
他跟丹妮卡在那個 he's kind of having a sex thing with Danika.
幫我個忙 肯尼 Do me a favor, Kenny.
把直播切到丹妮卡的箱子 Switch the live feed to Danika's box.
你確定嗎 Are you sure?
當然 Absolutely.
我負全責 I take full responsibility.
漂亮 Ah, that's nice.
《戲里戲外》第五季第二集
-你看了嗎 -什么 - Have you seen this? - What?
馬特·勒布朗那段演出 看了 The Matt LeBlanc show? Oh, yeah.
難以置信 It's unbelievable.
他到底在想什么啊 What the hell was he thinking?
誰在想什么 What was who thinking?
你開玩笑吧 Are you kidding?
你居然還沒看過 How have you not seen it?
天 到處都是啊 Jesus, it's fucking everywhere!
艾略特·沙拉在一號線 Elliot Salad on one.
靠 Shit.
告訴他你找不到我 tell him you can't find me.
然后打給羅杰·里斯金 Then get me Roger Riskin!
海倫·拜什在一號線 Helen Basch on one.
靠 Shit.
告訴她我在開會 找到了嗎 Uh, tell her I'm in a meeting. Any luck?
打給了馬里布 打給了他的農場 I tried Malibu. I tried his ranch.
打給葡萄園 Try the vineyard.
都是轉到語音信箱 Voice mail.
靠 Fuck!
繼續打 Well, keep trying.
監控室 Booth.
他在 等一下 Yes, he is. Hold on.
海倫·拜什找你 Helen Basch for you.
喂 Hello.
你他媽的是在干什么呢 What kind of swirling vortex
你那破節目是怎么回事 of fuckup are you running over there?
不不不 這事怪不到我頭上 No, no, no, no, no, you're not putting this on me.
他的老二要干什么我可管不住 It's not my job to keep his dick in his pants.
但你管得住電視上放哪些鏡頭 It's your job not to put it on television.
監控是誰在看呢 Who's watching the fucking monitors?
相信我 那個蠢貨早滾蛋了 Believe me, that putz is long gone.
我當下就把他炒了 I canned his ass so fast.
那也是你把他放到監控室去的 Yeah, well, you're the one who put him in that booth.
-這鍋得你背 -胡扯 - This is on you. - Bullshit.
當初是誰逼著我雇馬特·勒布朗來著 Who made me hire LeBlanc in the first place?
你休想怪我 Oh, no, you don't.
我給了你一串主持人名單 I gave you a whole list of hosts.
你給我的是一串訃告 You gave me a stack of obituaries.
也不都是死人 They weren't all dead.
行了 All right.
別互相甩鍋了 現在怎么辦 Enough with the finger-pointing. So now what?
炒他魷魚 Dump him.
你瘋了嗎 Are you crazy?
我們才不需要那個混蛋 We don't need that asshole.
這節目在41個國家都大受歡迎 This show's been a hit in 41 countries
都不是他主持 without him.
不 這是我現在唯一一個有戲的項目 No, it's the one thing I've got that's working.
-我不能搞砸了 -已經搞砸了 - I'm not screwing with it. - It's already screwed.
美國人民的眼睛已經閃瞎了 America can't unsee what they saw.
美國人民還看過茹比槍殺奧斯瓦爾德呢 America saw Ruby shoot Oswald.
他們會忘掉的 They'll get over it.
指針對刺殺肯尼迪兇手的謀殺事件
我只說一件事 Look, I'm just gonna say one thing,
而且我并不是在甩鍋 and I-I'm not pointing fingers.
我們當初要是選了阿特·弗萊明 This never would've happened
就不會發生這種事了 if we had gone with Art Fleming.
阿特·弗萊明都死20年了 Art Fleming's been dead for 20 years!
天 有這么久嗎 Jesus, is it that long?
讓我看什么呢 What am I looking at?
注意看 Just watch.
我的個 Oh...my...
不 No...oh.
不 No.
不不不 No, no, no.
他不會把 Please tell me he's not gonna take it--
他掏出來了 Oh, he took it out!
還有呢 There's more.
還 還有 Mo-more?
我的老天 Good Lord.
看他的動作 我都看到火花了 Look at him go. I swear I just saw a spark.
沒完呢 Not over.
不 N-no.
不 No.
這已經結束了吧 Ah! Tell me it's over.
他抖了嗎 Did he shake it yet?
-抖了 -那就結束了 - Just did. - It's over.
剛剛超過1500萬點擊 It just passed 15 million views.
比看節目的人還多 That's more than watch the fucking show.
已經比給雞辦猶太成人禮的視頻還火了 It's already bigger than that chicken getting bar mitzvahed.
那個是真的好笑 That really made me laugh.
他還戴猶太圓頂帽來著 He had a little yarmulke.
派蒂 再打給羅杰 Patty, call Roger again!
告訴他我知道那個混蛋 Tell him I know that little shit's
-并沒有在開會 -好 - not in a meeting! - Okay.
百事撤掉廣告了 福特正在考慮 Pepsi just pulled out, and Ford is waffling.
該死 God damn it.
今晚要不先暫時別播了 Maybe we should preempt tonight.
-那播什么 -播錄像吧 - And run what? - I'd run the tape.
羅杰據說還在開會 Roger's supposedly still in a meeting,
艾略特·沙拉在一號線 and Elliot Salad's on one.
又來了 Again.
艾略特 Elliot.
告訴我這個問題可以解決 Tell me we can fix this.
我們在想辦法 We're on it.
你聽說我們丟掉百事和福特了嗎 You hear that we lost Pepsi and Ford?
我聽說福特還在考慮 I heard Ford was waffling.
不考慮了 已經決定了 Well, whatever comes after waffling, they just did.
還有卡夫的美乃滋 Also Kraft Mayonnaise.
這倒說得通 Well, that makes sense.
引人聯想 It's visceral.
還接到了聯邦通信委員會的電話 Oh, and we just had a call from the FCC.
他們對這個游戲的節操表示質疑 They're raising questions about the integrity of the game.
我已經找了法務部 Well, I've got Legal making sure
確定他沒有違反什么規定 he didn't actually break any rules.
規定 The rules?
那些規定那么復雜 沒人搞得懂 Nobody understands those fucking rules.
這是個感知的問題 This is about perception.
看起來他已經打破了規定 It looks like he broke the rules.
看起來他把規定打破得滿箱子都是 It looks like he broke the rules all over that box!
海倫·拜什在一號線 Helen Basch on one.
她說趕緊接電話 不然她就帶著球棒過來 She says pick up or she's coming over with a bat.
操 Fuck.
時機不錯 Good timing.
我剛開完會 有什么事嗎 My meeting just ended. What can I do for you?
要不你發明個時間機器 How about you invent a time machine,
回到昨天 go back to yesterday,
管住你那該死的客戶的老二 and cock-block your fucking client?
-你看到了 -我看到了 - Saw it, did you? - I saw it.
我想除了安德烈波切利和油管上那只盲狗以外 I think it's safe to say everyone but Andrea Bocelli
所有人都看過了 and that blind dog on YouTube saw it.
什么油管上的盲狗 What blind dog on YouTube?
我給你發鏈接 Oh, I'll send you the link.
它的叫聲配了盲人歌手的歌 It barks "Georgia on My Mind."
馬特現在也很難過 Look, Matt feels terrible.
他知道這是嚴重的行為失格 He knows this was a massive lapse of judgment.
他想跟你對話 做些解釋 He'd love to speak to you and explain.
行 把他拉進來 Fine, patch him in.
當然可以 沒問題 We can totally do that.
只不過 目前呢 Except, um, at the moment--
你都沒跟他說上話是吧 You haven't even talked to him, have you?
目前為止 我還沒有 As of right now, I believe I have not.
等你跟他說上話了 Well, when you do,
他最好能給我解釋出花來 he better have a fucking miracle of an explanation,
因為我需要一個不炒他的理由 because I need a really good reason not to fire his ass.
這事還有什么好討論的 Why are we still discussing this?
直接把他甩掉啊 Just get rid of him.
我得聽聽他的說法 Not till I hear his side of it.
誰在乎他說什么 Who cares about his side?
這要是別的什么游戲節目 If this were any other game show--
要是看到艾利克斯·崔貝克對著選手打飛機 what if you saw a video of Alex Trebek
你怎么辦 jerking off on some contestant?
我的臉上沒有什么東西 "What is not on my face," Alex?
沒有他這節目成不了 There's no show without him.
他是臺柱子 He's the show!
胡扯 Bullshit.
節目本身才比較重要 The show's the show.
看看《百萬富翁》 Look at Millionaire.
雷吉斯多少年前就離開了 Regis left years ago
節目還是很受歡迎 and it's still going strong.
根本沒人關心是誰在主持 Who knows who's hosting it now?
反正不是阿特·弗萊明 Not Art Fleming.
親愛的 我是貝絲 Hi, honey, it's Beth.
現在的狀況真是操蛋 So it's a clusterfuck.
什么 What?
你啊 昨晚 You, last night.
什么 What?
我現在把羅杰接進電話會議 You know, I'm gonna conference Roger in.
哥們 Hey, bud.
怎么了 What's going on?
我們出了點狀況 We've got a bit of a problem here.
什么出了狀況 With what?
你昨晚的那番演出 That little show you did last night?
你看我節目了 Ah, you watched my show?
基本上每個人都看你節目了 Oh, pretty much everyone watched your show.
-那個女孩 -哪個女孩 - The girl? - What girl?
二號箱子 Box number two?
沒穿褲子那個 Without the pants?
你怎么知道的 How do you know about that?
因為我正在看呢 Um, 'cause I'm looking at it right now.
-你正在看 -看在線直播 - You're looking at it? - From the feed.
-什么在線直播 -24小時在線直播 - What feed? - The 24-hour feed?
你知道每一期節目結束的時候你都會說 You know how at the end of every show, you say,
記得關注我們24小時在線直播 "Remember to follow us live online, 24 hours a day"?
是這個意思啊 That's what that means.
-對 -對 - Yup. - Yup.
靠 Oh, shit.
在什么地方 Where is it?
基本上到處都是了 Oh, it's pretty much everywhere.
你現在去廚房 If you go to your kitchen,
說不定你的微波爐都在播那一段 your microwave's probably showing it.
操 Fuck.
我去 Holy crap.
他干嗎呢 What's he doing?
看吧 Just watch.
在外太空都能看見那玩意 You could see that thing from space.
我的天 My God!
不用謝 You're welcome.
不 No.
羅莎來了 靠 Rosa just showed up. Shit.
羅莎 Rosa?
我請的家政 My maid.
又周二了嗎 Is it Tuesday again?
對 差不多每周這個時間就是了 Uh, yeah, it's been happening every week right around now.
靠 她下車了 Shit! She's getting out of the car.
這個家政是會殺人還是怎么的 Is this some kind of murdering maid?
有可能 我已經四周沒付她工資了 Probably. I haven't paid her in, like, four weeks.
-為什么 -因為我在攢錢買小馬 - Why? - 'Cause I've been saving up to buy a pony.
-我沒錢了 -真沒錢了嗎 - I'm broke! - That broke?
是 真沒錢了 Yes, that broke.
那你干嗎不辭掉她 Then why not just let her go?
我不想失去她 I don't want to lose her.
有道理 No, of course not.
操 Oh, fuck!
她來了 Here she comes.
我去把門反鎖 I'm gonna dead-bolt the door.
怎么回事 What's happening?
你好啊羅莎 Hey, Rosa.
你好 Hola.
我剛在找我的... Uh, I was just looking for my, um,
尊嚴 Dignity?
我 I...
天哪 Jesus.
就不能把那玩意撤下來嗎 Well, can't they just take the fucking thing down?
親愛的 這是互聯網 撤不掉的 Honey, it's the Internet. There is no down.
不是想批判你 但是 So, uh, not to judge, but...
你到底在想什么呢 what the hell were you thinking?
我不知道 I don't know.
我大概是在想 I guess I was thinking,
我真希望能穿透這扇玻璃 "I sure wish I could get through that glass."
你不明白這事有多嚴重 Y-you're not getting how serious this is.
我喝了幾瓶啤酒 她又很性感 Look, I had a few beers. She was hot.
說實在的 這事還能怎么發展 Realistically, how else was that gonna end?
可能發展到你丟工作 Well, it might end with you out of a job.
哪能啊 Oh, come on.
那邊現在都瘋了 They're freaking out over there.
這跟他們的破游戲又沒關系 It had nothing to do with their stupid game.
他們說看起來似乎 They're saying it looks like
你對某一位選手 you're giving one contestant
有所偏袒 preferential treatment.
行 Fine.
那我就對著所有人的箱子打飛機好吧 I'll whack off on all their boxes.
這話我可發不出去 Yeah, I'm not writing this down.
等一下 如果他們炒掉我 Wait a minute, if they fire me,
還是得付我錢的吧 they still have to pay me, right?
不 No.
我記得條約是要么賠錢要么合作的 I thought we had a pay-or-play deal.
涉及到一些行為約束 There's a morals clause.
行為約束 A morals clause?
你從沒告訴我有行為約束 You never told me there was a morals clause.
我沒想過這會有關系 I never thought it would matter.
這可是我啊 With me?
算了 You know what?
他們要是想炒掉我 那就去他們的 If they want to fire me, then fuck 'em.
你不能去他們的 You can't fuck 'em.
我當然可以去他們的 Oh, I can fuck 'em.
錢怎么辦 What about the money?
錢也去它的 Fuck the money.
錢才不能去它的 Never fuck the money!
你沒有這個資本 You can't afford to fuck the money.
你很清楚 You know that.
那現在怎么辦 So now what?
貝絲 Beth?
首先發一個聲明 Well, you start by releasing a statement
承擔全部責任 accepting full responsibility for your actions.
行 Fine.
你向電視臺 You apologize
和粉絲道歉 to the network and to your fans.
承認自己存在很嚴重的問題 You acknowledge you have a serious problem.
然后你說打算去做性癮戒斷 And then you say you're going into rehab for sexual addiction.
不 No!
別扯淡了 Look, this is bullshit.
我要打給電視臺 I'm calling the network.
別打給電視臺 Do not call the network.
我們來處理 We will handle it.
我要打給艾略特·沙拉 I'm calling Elliot Salad.
別打給艾略特·沙拉 Do not call Elliot Salad.
為什么不能打 他愛死我了 Why not? He loves me.
聽我的 Listen to me,
別打給艾略特·沙拉 do not call Elliot Salad.
我要打給艾略特·沙拉 I'm calling Elliot Salad.
我求你了 I'm begging you,
別打給艾略特·沙拉 do not call Elliot Salad!
你可阻止不了我打給艾略特·沙拉 You can't stop me from calling Elliot Salad.
我要打給艾略特·沙拉 I'm calling Elliot Salad.
馬特·勒布朗在一號線 Matt LeBlanc on one.
怎么了 Yeah?
我需要艾略特·沙拉的號碼 I need Elliot Salad's number.
我這怎么了 What happened to me?
我以前是重要人物 I was important.
我以前職業發展很好的 I had a career.
別人會給我買午餐 People brought me lunch.
他們會拍我馬屁 They kissed my ass.
現在呢 Now look at it.
就是個屁 It's just an ass.
要接電話嗎 Do you need to get that?
就比如說吧 It's like,
我還記得有一天 I remember this one particular day.
我在紐約參加廣告商見面會 I was in New York for the up-fronts.
第一次參加 It was my first one.
那時候真年輕 I was so young.
那一天 And...in that one day,
他們砍掉約翰·斯塔莫斯秀的時候我在現場 I was in the room when they canceled the John Stamos show;
我看見波姬小絲 I saw Brooke Shields
在我酒店大堂 in the lobby of my hotel;
那天晚上 and that night,
我在慶祝派對的洗手間 I blew Wilmer Valderrama
給威爾瑪·沃德拉瑪口來著 in the bathroom at the after party.
那一天真的太夢幻了 It was just the most magical day.
我當時想 And I thought,
我的天 "Oh, my God.
我的生活太棒了 Look at my life."
而現在呢 And now?
我的天 Oh, my God.
我的生活太慘了 Look at my life.
還有 By the way,
謝謝你把我表拿走 thank you again for taking my watch.
你戴著挺好看的 It looks really good on you.
而且我告訴你 And I'm telling you it's worth
這比四個禮拜的工資值多了 so much more than four weeks' pay.
你干得很漂亮 朋友 You did very well, my friend.
科爾西 葛雷莫有次說我 俊 Kelsey Grammer once called me "Fetching."
沒了 This is out.
馬特·勒布朗在一號線 Matt LeBlanc on one.
靠 Shit.
你好 Hello.
你好啊 艾略特 Hey, Elliot.
如何了 How's it going?
一般般吧 I've been better.
那個 Yeah, look...
我不知道該說什么 I don't know what to say.
真的很抱歉 I am so sorry.
我實在是太蠢了 It was beyond stupid.
這我不能反駁 I cannot disagree.
我發誓 如果我能退回到過去的話我會的 If I could undo it, I would. I swear.
我感覺很糟糕 I feel terrible.
那是應該的 Well, you should.
你腦子里裝的什么屎 What the hell was going through that brain of yours?
什么也沒裝 問題就在這 Nothing. That's the problem.
我就看見她在那 就 I just saw her, and she was there, and--
不過你對女人的品位我是很佩服的 Yeah, well, I gotta say, I can't fault your taste in women.
那姑娘是很不錯 That girl is something.
是的吧 I know, right?
而且她當時在做瑜伽 And she was doing yoga.
我明白 I hear you.
能把腳后跟別到耳朵后面去 There's something about a woman
這種女人相當吸引人 who can put her heels behind her ears.
謝謝 Thank you.
你說這怎么拒絕 I mean, how do you say no to that?
有意思的是 我看見你和那個女孩 Funny thing, looking at you with that girl in the box
讓我回想起自己身上發生過的事 took me back to something that happened to me
其實也差不多 which was not entirely dissimilar.
沒開玩笑吧 No kidding?
很多年前的事了 This is years ago.
就在時代廣場周邊 Just off Times Square.
內森餐廳附近 你記得內森餐廳嗎 Near Nathan's. You remember Nathan's?
記得 Sure.
我走在大街上 I was walking down the street.
看見電話亭里一個女的 And I saw this woman in a phone booth.
超級美 She was magnificent.
身材無敵 A body to die for.
年輕版的希德·查理斯 Like a young Cyd Charisse.
你記得希德·查理斯嗎 You remember Cyd Charisse?
當然 Totally.
《雨中曲》 Singing in the Rain?
-《篷車隊》 -《篷車隊》對對 - The Band Wagon-- - Band Wagon, sure.
反正那是個夏天夜晚 很熱 Anyway, it was a hot summer night,
關在那個電話亭里的人更是熱辣 even hotter in that phone booth with the door closed.
我站在那 So I'm standing there,
看著她 watching her,
我是在陰影下 kind of in the shadows.
我注意到她肩膀上 And I notice this one
一顆小汗珠 little bead of sweat
慢慢地流下來 slowly rolling down her bare shoulder.
然后她轉過身 And she turns,
和我四目相對 and her eyes catch mine.
瞬間火花四濺 It was this charged erotic moment.
就很像你和箱子里那個女孩 And much like you and your girl in the box,
然后導致了某種 it led to some, uh,
自我愉悅 self-pleasuring,
如果你能懂我的意思 if you catch my drift.
我懂 I'm catching it.
當然 Of course,
我的情況稍微有所不同 my situation was slightly different in that
因為她并不知道當時怎么回事 she had no idea what was happening.
她往下看 When she looked down
看見了我手上的動作 然后開始尖叫 and saw what I was doing, she let out a-a scream.
聲音非常大 It was so loud, you could hear it
隔著電話亭的門都能聽見 through the glass with the door closed.
不過對我來說已經夠了 But that's all I needed.
警察來的時候 By the time the cops came,
我已經完事 拉上褲鏈 走到46街了 I was done, zipped up, and halfway down 46th Street.
現在見不到電話亭了 You don't see phone booths anymore.
他們把這叫做進步 And they call that progress.
可不 Right.
總之吧 節目的事 Anyway, the show.
我們就 沒事了 So...we're okay?
讓我們想一想 Well, let us think about it.
討論一下再說 We'll discuss.
不過我很高興你打給我了 But I'm really glad you called.
我也是 Me too.
太謝謝你了 Thank you so much.
艾略特·沙拉在一號線 Elliot Salad on one.
把他炒掉 Fire him.
你確定 You sure?
那人不適合主持家庭節目 Yeah, that guy should not be hosting a family show.
讓人起雞皮疙瘩 Gives me the creeps.
壞消息 哥們 Bad news, bud.
什么 What?
我剛跟艾略特·沙拉通了電話 I just talked to Elliot Salad.
他說要想想 He-he said he was gonna think about it.
那個 他想過了 Well, he...thought about it.
操 Fuck!
干得漂亮 Well done.
-太棒了 謝謝 -謝謝你過來 - That was great, thank you. - Thank you so much for coming in.
我很喜歡她 I liked her a lot.
她有些地方干的非常漂亮 She made some very smart choices.
我覺得她有點臀臀的 I thought she was a bit rumpy.
什么意思 As in?
-臀部太大 -臀部太大 - Too much rump. - Too much rump.
跟我換個位置 Switch seats with me.
下一個是誰 Who's next?
安東尼·博納·史密斯 Uh, Anthony Powner Smith.
-不不不不 -怎么了 - No. No, no, no, no. - What?
我們已經討論過這事了 We had this conversation.
-有嗎 -明明就有 - Did we? - You know we did.
就是你帶烤蘋果酥來的那天 It was the day you brought in your apple crumble.
我記得烤蘋果酥 I remember the crumble.
你肯定能想起來 I'm sure you'll recall,
在你打發肉桂奶油的時候 as you were whipping your cinnamon cream,
我們熱烈地討論過安東尼·博納·史密斯 we had a vehement conversation about Anthony Powner Smith.
我們非常明白地說過不要讓他來 We were absolutely explicit about not bringing him in.
他是非常棒的演員 He's a brilliant actor.
-當然了 -是的 - Absolutely. - Yes.
毫無疑問 并且 No question, and...
癱瘓了 棒棒地癱瘓了 paralyzed, brilliantly paralyzed.
你們對雇傭殘疾人有意見 那我很抱歉 Well, I'm sorry if you two have issues with hiring the disabled.
-跟殘疾這事沒關系 -不是的 - Nothing to do with him being disabled. - No, no, no,
我們這部戲的重點 the whole conceit of our show
就在于每個人都扮演兩個完全不同的角色 is that everyone plays two very different parts.
要是他兩個角色都坐著輪椅 If he's in a wheelchair for both of them,
那很難體現出他的多面性 that hardly makes him chameleon-like.
肯定會安排兩個不同的輪椅 Well, they'd obviously be different chairs.
只占用你們五分鐘的寶貴時間 Look, it's five minutes out of your oh-so-busy lives.
說不定他會給你們驚喜呢 Who knows? He might surprise you.
跳個踢踏舞什么的 By tap-dancing.
這就太過分了 That is wildly offensive.
你這太過分了 You're wildly offensive.
那我要讓他進來嗎 So, um, should I bring him in?
-當然 -人都來了 我們也不能 - Absolutely. - Well, he's here now. Well, we can't not,
安東尼 Anthony?
大家好啊 Hello, good people.
-你好 -歡迎 感謝你過來 - Hello, ah. - Welcome. Thank you so much for coming in.
等一下 有點問題 Hang on. Bit of a snag.
我是想說 我 I was going to say, I--
差一點 Almost.
要設計好路線 It's all about the trajectory.
我們能幫上忙嗎 Can we help?
不不 我能行 No, no, I've got it.
只是 Um, it's-- just, uh--
經常這樣 Happens all the time.
你確定嗎 You sure? We--
別別 我能搞定 Oh, no, no, I can totally do it.
行了 等下 Ah. There we go-- No, hang on.
我越弄越糟了 I made it a little worse here.
我真是操了 Bloody fucker!
這個椅子好像熱的時候會膨脹 This chair seems to expand in the heat.
主要是門框太窄了 Well, it is a very narrow doorframe.
-相當窄 -模特都能卡住 - It's ridiculously narrow. - Runway models would get stuck there.
你確定我們幫不上忙嗎 Are you sure we can't help?
-不 我能搞定 -別著急 - No, I've got it! - No, no rush.
毫無進展 We're-we're going nowhere.
也沒有那么困難嘛 That wasn't so hard, was it?
你的手是流血了嗎 Is your hand bleeding?
一點點 沒事 Hardly. It's fine.
別擔心 No worries.
歡迎 So welcome.
-很高興你能過來 -很榮幸 - So thrilled you could come in. - Wow, what a treat.
-很喜歡你 -我超喜歡 - Huge fans. - Especially me.
你們太客氣了 Oh, you're very kind.
這個劇本非常棒 Say, uh, it's a wonderful script.
謝謝你 Oh, thank you.
相當搞笑 It's very, very funny.
兩個角色都很 Both, uh--both roles so...
有意思 so tasty.
對了 Uh, by the way,
如果你們會擔心 if there is any concern
輪椅的事 about the chair--
-什么 輪椅 沒有 -沒有沒有 - What? The chair? No. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
我可以保證到準備開拍的時候 I can assure you that I will be out of it
我肯定已經好了 by the time we're ready to shoot.
那太棒了 不過 Uh, that's wonderful, but, um,
只有三周時間了 that is in only three weeks.
這 這比我收到的消息 That's-that's a little
要快那么一點點 sooner than I was told.
不過我到時候肯定已經好了 But I'm sure I'll be fine by then.
好吧那 Right, well, uh.
那我們 我們來讀劇本 Shall we-- shall we read a little?
-好的 -請吧 - Yes. - Please.
我們可以從雷吉開始 Maybe we can start with Reg,
跟他女兒那個場景 the scene with his daughter?
-那就雷吉吧 -選得好 - Reg it is. - Great choice.
我會跟你配合 準備好了嗎 I'll be reading with you. Ready?
開始吧 Let's do it.
爸爸 從上面下來 "Dad, get down from there."
怎么了 What?
想道個別 Just wanted to say good-bye.
然后我想看著你離開 And then I wanted to watch you leave.
混蛋 Dick.
我會想念這些對話的 I'm gonna miss these little talks.
這事沒成很遺憾 Shame this didn't work out.
但也算是有過美好時光 But hey, we had a good run.
你還記得你就想要個窗戶嗎 You remember when all you wanted was a window?
我不需要窗戶 I don't need a window.
我可以把你扔過墻 I could throw you through a wall.
倒是動手啊 Please, do it.
你的職業生涯就缺這個了 That's just what your career needs.
最后一根稻草 One more nail.
不知道你有沒有好奇 In case you were wondering,
每個箱子里都有攝像機 there's a camera on every one of those boxes.
你覺得是誰決定對準你的 Who do you think decided to stay on you?
你才沒種這樣干 You don't have the ball to do that.
沒有嗎 No?
那你毀了你自己的節目 Well, then you killed your own fucking show.
我覺得我們會沒事的 Well, I think we're gonna be all right.
我聽說我們很有希望 I just got word we're very close
能簽下霍霍 曼德爾 to signing Mr. Howie Mandel.
那太棒了 Yeah? Great.
是啊 That's right.
是時候交出指揮棒了 It's time to pass the old baton.
他可能不會去碰 He probably won't touch it,
不過這不能怪他 but who can blame him?
還有 Oh, by the way,
需要更多箱子的話告訴我 let me know if you need any more boxes.
最后再看著他從門里出去 And then watching him try to get out the door at the end.
是我這輩子最漫長的45分鐘 Longest 45 minutes of my life.
就好像看霍金穿針 Like watching Stephen Hawking thread a needle.
這么巧 Look.
我走了 Well, I'm out of here.
我們一整天都在給你打電話 We've been trying to call you all day.
我只能把電話關掉 Yeah, I had to turn my phone off.
我的天 到處都是 Oh, my God, it's everywhere.
還用說 You think?
我們編劇室里都叫它馬特·自慰郎 In the room, we've been calling it "Mattstergate."
-就 -只是 - Just... - It's just a...
-一兩次而已 -文字游戲 - Once or twice. - A bit of wordplay.
他們把我炒了 Well, they fired me.
-什么 不是吧 -我的天 - What? No. - Oh, my God.
進來 我不想讓別人看見我 Get in. I don't want anyone to see me.
那你倒是把頂篷升起來 Might want to put up your top, then.
天氣這么好 It's nice out.
趕緊上來 Just get in.
我們去哪 Uh, where are we going?
隨便去哪 反正不在這 Anywhere but here.
恐怕我們最后還要回編劇室 I'm afraid we're due back in the room.
我們車子也在這 And our car's here.
我被炒魷魚了 全互聯網都在看我老二 I just got fired and my dick's online.
好吧 你贏了 Yeah, right, you win.
你知道 等我死了 You realize, when I die,
別人記得我的就會是這個 this is what they're gonna remember me for?
最后的最后 After everything else,
偏偏就會是這一件事 it'll be this one stupid thing.
我知道 I know.
這對你干過的其他那些蠢事 It doesn't seem fair to all
感覺挺不公平的 the other stupid things you've done.
我說真的 I'm serious.
這事下半輩子都會陰魂不散 This is gonna follow me for the rest of my life.
這可不一定 過段時間就好了 You don't know. Give it time.
人忘性大 People forget.
他們現在都還在討論珍妮·杰克遜露點 They're still talking about Janet Jackson's nipple.
那都沒涉及到對別人噴射什么東西 And that didn't squirt anything at anybody.
你毀了我多少頓飯 You have ruined so many meals for me.
簡直扯淡 It's such bullshit.
還有人犯了罪 There are people who've committed real crimes
都沒進監獄的呢 and aren't in jail.
你也沒進監獄啊 Uh, you realize you're not in jail either?
可我也回不了家 Well, I can't go home.
那因為你房門口都是狗仔 Because you have paparazzi in front of your house.
所有房子 Houses.
開始了 Ugh, it's on.
你不用看的 You-you don't have to watch it.
這是我出鏡的最后一集 Well, it's the last one I'm on.
我應該看看 I should see it.
晚上好 我是默克·拉皮多斯 Good evening, I'm Merc Lapidus,
《箱子》的制作人 executive producer of The Box.
我操 Fuck me.
接下來這一集 The episode you're about to see
是在那次事件發生之前錄制的 was filmed last night before the unfortunate incident
這個事件相信你們都有所耳聞 I'm sure you're all aware of.
人渣 Scumbag.
我們考慮過推遲今晚的播出 We considered postponing tonight's broadcast,
但我們覺得那樣對參賽者 but we felt it wouldn't be fair to the contestants
或這節目的數百萬粉絲來說很不公平 or the millions of fans of the game.
禿死你 Be balder!
對看到了某些畫面而受到冒犯的觀眾們 We apologize to anyone who may have been offended
我們向你們道歉 by the images you saw today.
那些畫面不能代表本節目 They don't reflect the spirit of good, clean fun
-干凈善良的本質 -干凈善良 - that this game represents. - "Good, clean."
那些人在箱子里拉屎 They shit in those boxes.
我們會從這次遺憾的事件中慢慢恢復 I hope you continue to join us as we move forward
希望大家能繼續陪我們前行 from this regrettable event.
現在不多廢話 And now, without further ado,
請大家觀賞《箱子》 enjoy The Box.
七個人 Seven people...
艾略特·沙拉在一號線 Elliot Salad on one.
我靠 Holy shit.
你在看隔夜數據嗎 Are you looking at these overnights?
真的 我靠 Seriously, holy shit!
自從911過后就沒見過這么高的收視率了 We haven't seen numbers like this since 9/11.
所以現在呢 So now what?
毫無疑問 Oh, there's no question.
讓他回來 He's back in?
他從未離開 He was never out.
電話 Phone!
你坐穩了嗎 You sitting down?
坐穩了 Sort of.
收視率高到上天 Numbers through the roof!
真的 No shit?
一切都原諒了 你又上崗了 All is forgiven. You're back.
并且還要再加播一天 In fact, they're adding another night!
真的 Seriously?
真的 Yup!
趕緊過來 Get your ass down there.
你還要錄節目呢 You got a show to shoot.
再說吧 We'll see.
他還有要求 He has demands?
我能怎么辦 What can I say?
他很清楚自己給節目帶來的附加值 He appreciates the added value he now brings to the show.
他在全美人民面前打飛機 He masturbated in front of America.
而美國人民說 And America said,
謝謝 "Thank you."
他想要什么 What does he want?
他想要什么 He wants what?
保證13集節目的播出 A guaranteed series with 13 on the air.
我的個天 Jesus Christ.
他想有工作 He wants to act.
他還想要別的事 Oh, and he wants one other thing.
你想見我 You wanted to see me?
對 Yup.
就這樣 只是想見見你 That's it. Just wanted to see you.
你知道 You know,
對著陽光 in the light.
我們打開《箱子》 As we open up The Box...
誰有玻璃水 Anybody got any Windex?
馬特 Hey, Matt!
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