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翻譯: NANA
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前情提要
校對: NANA
你不肯出門 You won't leave your house.
還沒吃早飯就嗑嗨了 You're stoned before breakfast.
而且你看起來 And you look like...
時間軸: 紙袋P
我看起來怎么了 I look like what?
你看起來就像我想象中 You look like what I imagine you'd look like
你從來沒離開密歇根的樣子 if you'd never left Michigan.
后期: 魚骨頭
我們關于安東尼·博納·史密斯 We had a vehement conversation
進行過熱烈的討論 about Anthony Powner Smith.
總監： NANA
誰知道呢 說不定會給你們驚喜 Who knows? He might surprise you.
跳踢踏舞還差不多 By tap-dancing.
-這就太過分了 -你這太過分了 - That is wildly offensive. - You're wildly offensive.
各位好 Hello, good people.
收視率高到上天 Numbers through the roof!
真的假的 No shit?
趕緊過來 你還要錄節目呢 Get your ass down there. You got a show to shoot!
再說吧 We'll see.
他還有要求 He has demands?
他在全美人民面前自慰 He masturbated in front of America.
美國人民說 And America said,
謝謝 "Thank you."
戲里戲外 第五季第三集
所以你要演這個 So you'd be playing this guy
當過幫派殺手的人 who used to be a hit man for the mob.
所以是類型片 So typecasting?
對 Yeah.
你剛出獄 You just got out of prison,
想要清白做人 and you're trying to stay clean,
但你沒錢 but you got no money.
-身無分文 -明白 - Totally broke. - Got it.
所以你唯一的選擇是搬去佛羅里達 So you're only option is to move in with your mother
跟你母親一起住在她的老年社區 in her retirement community in Florida.
類似《好家伙》和《魔繭》的結合 It's kind of Goodfellas meets Cocoon.
真有趣 Funny.
抱歉 我得接一下 前妻打來的 Sorry, I got to grab this. My ex-wife.
沒事 去吧 Oh, no, go-go-go.
說 Yo?
我看了你和箱子里那個女孩 So, uh, i saw your little show
的小小演出 with the girl in the box.
那事真是太糟糕了 Yeah, that was a shit-storm.
不過收視率上升了30% But hey, ratings are up 30%.
30% 30%.
我真為你開心 Aw, I'm happy for you.
你他媽是瘋了吧 Are you fuckin' crazy?
我們的一個孩子在學校看見 One of the kids at school saw it
然后告訴了邁克爾 and told Michael.
然后邁克爾也看了 So Michael watched it.
然后邁克爾又給艾登看了 Then Michael showed Aiden.
所以現在你兩個兒子都看到你手里握著老二 So now both your boys have seen you with your dick in your hand,
對著玻璃箱子里的某個露著下體的女孩 jerking off to some girl in a glass box
打飛機 with her cooch hanging out.
30% 30%.
我他媽才不要跟你吵這個 I'm not fuckin' doing this with you.
心理咨詢師說你必須得跟他們談 The therapist says you got to talk to them.
你去談不行嗎 Ah--can't you do it?
不 這是你搞出來的亂子 你來收拾 No. This is your mess. You clean it up.
你那段視頻之后也沒有收拾吧 Which I'm sure you didn't do after your little video.
行吧隨便 我得掛了 Fine. Whatever. I gotta go.
掛吧 Go.
你還好吧 You all right?
抱歉 Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry.
你剛剛說到 Um, so you were saying...
我完全不記得你剛剛說到哪了 I have no idea what you were saying, um...
再來一次 one more time.
朱莉和她的未婚夫戴夫 Julie and her fiance Dave
一直在芝加哥找... Have been looking in the Chicago area...
快點 換衣服 Come on. Get dressed.
我們去爬山 We're going on a hike.
不 我不去 No, I'm not.
你要去 Yes, you are.
這簡直荒謬 你必須走出家門 This is ridiculous. You've got to get out of here.
-我這正忙著呢 -什么 - I'm in the middle of something. - What?
這個笨女人和她老公在找房子 This stupid woman and her husband are looking for a house.
他們在牛樹林鎮的第一棟房子 The first house in Buffalo Grove--
你今天看這個看了幾個小時 How many hours have you been at this today?
幾點了 What time is it?
九點半 9:30.
你在這待得越久 The longer you stay here,
就越難走出家門 the harder it's gonna be to leave.
就像是流沙一樣 It's like quicksand.
你就這么坐著 從早到晚的 You sit here, hour after hour,
看電視 watching these shows,
-嗑藥 -我沒有嗑藥 - getting high-- - I'm not getting high.
從什么時候不嗑藥了 Since when?
從我大麻嗑光了那時候 Since I ran out of dope.
你現在一副縱欲過度后得病破產的樣子 You're like a white Billie Holiday.
并不好笑 It's not funny.
我買不起了 I can't afford any more.
這事我倒是考慮過 Well, I do have a thought about that.
你要給我買大麻 You're buying me dope?
并不 No.
如果你需要錢 If you need money,
這個方法可能有點走極端 and this is gonna sound a little extreme,
但你有沒有想過告海倫和電視臺 have you considered suing Helen and the network?
-我做不出來 -你聽我說 - I can't do that. - No, hear me out.
你的上司主動和你發生關系 Your employer initiated an affair with you,
然后她跟你分手的時候 and then, when she broke up with you,
又制造了不友好的工作環境 she created a hostile work environment,
逼你離職 而現在 forcing you to leave. And now,
你找不到工作了 you can't get hired.
我不知道 I don't know.
我覺得你勝面很大 I think you have a very strong case.
總感覺不合適 It just doesn't feel right.
打官司 I mean, a lawsuit?
而且感覺太麻煩了 Also, it seems like so much work.
確實 你整天看房地產節目確實太忙了 Yes, it would cut into your busy schedule as a real estate viewer.
那個 So...
你見過她嗎 ...you ever see her?
誰 海倫 Who? Helen?
有時候吧 開會的時候 Mm, sometimes. In meetings.
她沒有 She doesn't, um,
沒有問過我嗎 ever ask about me, does she?
大概是沒有 Probably not.
我只是好奇 I--I'm just curious.
她都這樣對你了 After everything she did to you?
她在山上把你扒光了 She literally stripped you naked, on a hill.
我知道 I know.
-你居然還想著她 -我知道 - That you're even thinking about her! - I know.
拜托你 Please.
走出房門 換換腦子 Get out of this house. Get out of your head.
-我會的 -什么時候 - I will. - When?
等我看完《不愛就賣》和《地產兄弟》 Right after Love It or List It and Property Brothers.
還有《炒房天團》 And Flip or Flop.
所以我要演這個 So I'd be playing this former hit man
只能搬去他媽的老年社區的前殺手 who has to move into his mother's retirement community.
就像是《好家伙》和《魔繭》的綜合 It's like a cross between Goodfellas and Cocoon.
起泡葡萄酒 Prosecco.
我們沒有點 Oh, we didn't order any--
是我們贈送的 Our compliments.
謝了 Thanks.
他們喜歡送我東西 They like to bring me stuff here.
為什么 Why?
所以劇情就是這些老年人 So the bit is all these old people
都想雇我殺對方 keep trying to hire me to kill each other.
然后他們比黑幫還要糟糕 And they're, like, worse than the mob.
真有意思 Oh, that's funny.
是嗎 Is it?
我怕的就是這一點 我... See, that's what I was afraid of. I--oh.
謝謝你 這是什么 Oh, thank you. And this is?
主廚的特色鵝肝醬 Chef's house-made goose liver pâté.
你嘗嘗就知道了 Wait until you try this.
幫我們謝謝主廚 Thank him for us, please.
祝胃口好 Bon appétit.
多配點面包吃會好一點 It helps if you eat a lot of bread with it.
你呢 What about you?
我討厭鵝肝醬 No, I fucking hate pâté.
我討厭鵝 I hate geese.
那怎么不早說 Why didn't you say something?
他們第一次端來的時候我抱怨過 I made a big fuss the first time they brought it.
現在他們每次都上這個 就吃吧 Now they bring it every time. Just eat it.
我為什么非得吃 Why do I have to eat it?
不吃不禮貌 It'd be rude.
那你吃啊 So you eat it.
佛羅里達殺手故事就算了 Okay, look, forget about the hit man in Florida.
你說得對 很爛 You're right. It sucks.
還有另一個 Here's another one.
另一個 Another one?
你叫我過來就是為了咨詢我的意見 Did you ask me here just to pick my brain about these?
不是啊 拜托 No, come on.
很久沒見了 I haven't seen you.
好吧 All right.
不過你既然都來了 But since I got you here...
你有一長串 You've got a list?
-也沒有那么多 -那到底是多少 - There's not that many. - How many's not that many?
就給我講講你最喜歡的 All right, just pitch me your absolute favorite.
你最為之興奮的是哪個 What's the one you're really excited about?
興奮 Well, really excited?
那這樣吧 Okay, let's try this.
仔細過一遍你的列表 Go through your list,
把所有最近剛離婚的故事去掉 eliminate every one where you're recently divorced.
明白 Gotcha.
-又或者“前”什么的 -好 - Or a "Former" Something. - Sure.
或者“勉強”同意做什么事的 Who "Reluctantly" agrees to do something.
尤其是“被迫搬去”和誰住的 Especially if you're "Forced to move in with" someone.
去掉所有帶有“不正常的” Oh, and nix anything with the words "Dysfunctional,"
“重組家庭” uh, "Instant family,"
或者“開始意識到” or "Comes to realize."
“開始意識到”有什么問題 What's wrong with "Comes to realize"?
因為不管意識到什么 Because whatever it is,
電視臺都會要求你在試播集結束的時候 the network will insist you "Come to realize" It
就要意識到 by the end of the pilot.
后面就拍不下去了 So then you've got no show.
好吧 等我想想 Right, okay. Give me a second.
至少試一試那個鵝肝醬 At least try the fucking pâté.
如何 Well?
我沒有真正嘗過小孩的屎 I've never actually tasted baby shit,
但我感覺應該差不多 but I have to assume.
行 搞定 Okay, done.
還剩什么 So what have you got left?
操 Fuck.
我不想演鬼 I don't want to do the one where I'm a ghost.
你是對的 Probably wise.
而且我剛意識到 And I just realized, it's a ghost
這個鬼有一個不正常的重組家庭 who has an instant family and they're dysfunctional. Jesus.
你現在狀況很特別 Look, you're in a unique position.
有一大筆錢可以想干嗎干嗎 You have a ton of fuck-you money
還有份不錯的常規工作 and a good day job.
你可以冒險 You can afford to take a risk.
你需要帶著別人意想不到的作品回歸 You need to come back with something no one's expecting.
演一部劇情片 Do a drama.
演一部黑色喜劇 Do a really dark comedy.
你要是想演一個跟老人混在一起的前殺手 If you're gonna play a former hit man
那就去拍 去殺 with a bunch of old people, fucking shoot some of them.
演一部電視讓別人覺得 Do a show that'll make people go,
靠 沒想過他還能演這個 "Shit, I didn't know he could do that."
好 Yes.
你們一定得參與 You guys got to do it.
要先來點酒嗎 Can I start you with something to drink?
我來杯冰茶 Iced tea for me.
調和威士忌 不加冰 Double scotch, neat.
好 Very good.
調和威士忌 A double scotch.
我老婆的病實在煩心 It's my wife's medical stuff.
她如何了 How's she doing?
現在說是她需要骨髓移植 Well, now they're saying she needs a bone marrow transplant.
我的天 Oh, my God.
結果發現我配型成功 Turns out, I'm a match.
算我走運 My luck.
貌似 Apparently,
會非常痛 it can be very painful.
真可憐 Oh, poor thing.
我是說我 I'm talking about me.
二次婚姻誰想遇到這事 This is not what you want from a second marriage.
為什么不能 Why can't you?
我們手上還有個節目要忙著搞黃呢 We're a little busy helping to destroy our current show.
你們都痛苦死了 And you're fucking miserable.
主廚贈送 From the chef.
三文魚韃靼附松露芝麻油 Tuna tartare with a light truffle sesame oil.
我狂拉了一禮拜 Gave me the squirts for a week.
我們為什么要在這吃 Why are we eating here?
拜托了 我們一起啊 Come on. We got to do this.
電視臺對于我們跳槽這件事 Yes, well, I'm not sure the network will be
恐怕不會太開心 very keen on us jumping ship.
別管電視臺 Don't worry about the network.
他們現在忙著讓我高興 They'll do anything to keep me happy.
我能保護你 I can protect you.
我來做你的金剛 I'll be your 500-pound gorilla.
就是這個味 That's what this smells like.
是挺惡心的 Yeah, it's gross.
你好 Hello?
你一定會為我感到驕傲的 You are gonna be so proud of me.
是嗎 Am I?
我出來了 I'm out!
不是吧 No?
就像是《肖申克的救贖》一樣 It's like a scene from Shawshank Redemption.
你真該看看我的樣子 You should see me.
我在大街上 I'm on a street!
散步 Taking a walk!
真棒 Good for you!
我買了甜甜圈 I got a donut.
不是吧 You did not?
然后呢 And?
甜甜圈真貴 Donuts are expensive.
我知道 I know.
因為甜甜圈很珍貴啊 It's because they're so rare.
不過挺好吃的 But it's good.
真高興我出來了 I'm glad I did it.
應該的 You should be.
這是一大步 It's a big step.
我可能還會去買杯果汁 I may get a juice.
也別太瘋狂啊 Well, don't go crazy.
好的 Okay.
你去忙吧 I'm gonna let you go.
不用 我在散步呢 You don't have to. I'm just walking.
說這話的意思是想掛電話了 記得嗎 It's a figure of speech when someone wants to hang up, remember?
你以前老這么跟我說 You used to use it on me all the time.
繼續走 March on.
我為你感到驕傲 I am very proud of you.
我也是 Me too.
謝謝你推我一把 Thanks for pushing me.
我需要有人推我 I needed the push.
好好吃甜甜圈吧 Enjoy your donut.
在吃呢 Oh, I am.
對新婚夫婦比爾和費恩來說 Buying a house in Woodbridge, Connecticut,
在康州木橋城買棟房子不是容易的事 hasn't been easy for newlyweds Bill and Fern.
他們對買什么樣的房子不能達成一致 They can't agree on what they want.
他們在紐黑文郊區探尋 They're looking in the New Haven sub--
兩球兩振 Two balls and two strikes.
而兩振之后 繼續著 And with the two strikes, continues to--
你好 Hello?
肖恩 Sean?
誰 Who?
什么 What?
卡羅 Carol?
靠 Oh, shit.
你才靠 "Oh, shit" To you.
抱 抱歉 I'm sor--I'm sorry.
我 I just, uh,
我想打給貝佛利來著 I-I was calling Beverly
估計是 and I guess
名字靠太近打錯了 Lincoln is next to Lapidus.
沒關系 That's okay.
你不小心撥出的電話我隨時都會接的 I'll take a butt-dial from you any day.
倒不是不小心打出來的 不過 Well, not exactly a butt-dial, but, uh, so,
抱歉打擾了 sorry to bother you.
再見 Take care.
喂 Hello.
你還好嗎 Are you okay?
我挺好的 Yeah. I'm great.
真的 Really?
不 我 Mm, mm-hmm, no, I'm...
我也不知道 ...I don't know.
想出來吃個飯嗎 You want to grab a bite?
我請你 Let me buy you dinner.
天啊 Oh, God.
不不不 No. No, no.
別啊 Ah, come on.
不 No.
說真的 Honest, uh-um...
你要是現在看見我 吃飯的胃口都沒了 ...if you saw me right now, you'd lose your appetite.
我 I'm...
現在一團糟 ...kind of a mess.
你確定嗎 Are you sure?
是 Yeah.
我真的 Yeah, I'm really--
我現在最好自己一個人待著 I'm better off by myself right now.
那你需要的時候打給我 Well, tell your butt I'm here if it needs me.
好 Mm-kay.
我聽媽咪告訴我 So I understand from Mommy
你們在電腦上看見我 that you guys saw me on the computer doing some
干一些傻事 pretty silly stuff.
我不知道為什么就沒個家長控制軟件 Now, I don't know why we don't have some kind of parental control thing
能讓你們看不到這種東西嗎 that would stop you from seeing stuff like that.
重點不是這個 Not the point.
要不你來 You want to do this?
不 你惹的事 No, this is you.
-快說 趕緊的 -說著呢 - Do it. Just do it. - I'm doing it.
反正吧 Anyway,
有時候你們明知道有些事不該做 you know how sometimes you guys do stuff
但你們還是要去做 對吧 you know you shouldn't do but you do it anyway?
有時候爸爸也會這樣 Well, sometimes daddies do that too.
當然略有不同因為你們做的事 I mean, it's a little different 'cause the stuff you do
最后不會上福克斯新聞 doesn't end up on Fox News,
因為那破主持人 'cause apparently Greta Van Susteren
沒有正經事可以報道了 doesn't have enough real stuff to fucking talk about.
不過重點在于 But the point is,
爸爸做的事仍然是錯的 that doesn't make what Daddy did okay.
而且我很內疚 And I feel bad.
我很內疚做了這件事 I feel bad that it happened,
也很內疚讓你們看見了 and I feel bad you had to see it.
你們肯定會感覺非常奇怪 I'm sure it was very, very weird for you,
看見那位裸體的女士和爸爸的陰莖 seeing that naked lady and Daddy's penis.
我們沒必要討論爸爸的陰莖 So we don't need to talk about Daddy's penis
因為重點在于 'cause the point is...
重點在于 我犯了個錯 ...The point is, I made a mistake.
犯了大錯 A big mistake.
但好在 But the good thing
人要吃一塹長一智 is that every time you make a mistake, you learn something.
而我學到的事情 我希望你們 And what I learned, and this is the one thing
都能記住 I want you to remember,
那就是當你們打算做壞事的時候 whenever you're about to do something that you know is bad,
永遠永遠 always, always, always
要找找有沒有攝像頭 look for the camera.
沒問題了吧 So we're good?
行 好 Okay. Good.
不 Oh, no.
-是的 -不 - Oh, yeah. - No.
-是的 -不不不 - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - No, no, no.
-你不用 -我知道 - You didn't have-- - I know.
別看我了 D'oh! Stop looking at me.
怎么了 你看著挺好的 Why, you look great.
瞎說 Bullshit.
你看著挺舒適的 Well, you look comfortable.
你真的不用 You really shouldn't have--
行吧行吧 我呢 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I...
買了你喜歡的烤雞 ...got the roast chicken that you like.
買了一些豆角 還有土豆 I got some of those green beans and that potato thing, with...
配著醬 ...sauce on the side.
我沒買討厭的甘藍 I got no fucking kale.
買了奶酪意面 I got the mac and cheese.
有松露的 Oh, with the truffles?
不過首先 But first,
來點開胃菜 a little amuse-bouche.
我的天 Oh, my God.
你帶卷紙了嗎 Did you bring papers?
我帶卷紙了嗎 Did I bring papers?
天哪 Oh, Jesus.
你說你一團糟的時候 我 When you said you were a mess, I--
我是一團糟 I am a mess.
親愛的 Aww, honey.
你在聞我的頭發嗎 Are you smelling my hair?
別聞我的頭發 Don't smell my hair.
我在盡力 I'm trying not to.
我昨晚回家把鞋子脫掉 So I get home last night and kick off my shoes,
往廚房走過去 and I start going into the kitchen.
然后我轉過身 Then, I turn around...
就看見我的貓咪 ...and there's Mr. Swizzleboots,
他把頭埋進我的鞋子 and he's got his head inside my shoe.
然后就只能看見他的小屁股 And all you can see is his little bum,
在那瘋狂搖尾巴 and his tail wagging like crazy.
看看看看看看看看看 Look-look-look-look-look-look- look-look-look-look-look-look.
鞋子里是誰啊 Who's in that shoe?
鞋子里是誰啊 鞋子里是誰啊 Who's in that shoe? Who's in that shoe?
鞋子里是誰啊 Who's in that shoe?
這就是所謂的第十九層地獄吧 So apparently, there is another level of hell.
從來沒這么討厭過一只貓 Never hated a cat more.
鞋子里是誰啊 Who's in that shoe?
你們大家 Oh, you guys.
是因為我做了香蕉面包給你們嗎 Is this because I made the banana bread?
其實是送給肖恩和貝佛利的 Actually, it's for Sean and Beverly.
馬特送的 From Matt?
讓我來做你們的金剛 "Let me be your 500-pound gorilla."
你們玩完那個巨型玩偶了嗎 Uh, whenever you're done playing with your plush toy,
可以開始工作了嗎 perhaps we could get back to work?
好的 我們說到哪了 All right, where were we?
我記得是說到 Uh, I believe we were up to,
鞋子里是誰啊 "Who's in that shoe?"
太好了 So good.
我想你了 I missed you.
還有你 And you.
你好啊老朋友 Hello, old friend.
這是有多棒 How great is this?
太他媽棒了 Pretty fucking great.
你有一個大紅的節目 You've got a hit show.
這怎么可能呢 How the hell did that happen?
我都煩死了 I hate it.
-你才不呢 -真的 - You do not. - I do.
他們把勒布朗當做他媽的土皇帝 They treat LeBlanc like he's a fucking king.
好像全是他一個人的功勞似的 Like he invented ratings.
我才是關鍵人物 Me, I'm a punch line.
我的老天 這節目是誰引進的 I mean, Jesus Christ, who brought them the show?
你也在場的 太惡心了 You were there. It's such bullshit.
去你的 Fuck you.
去你的 No. Fuck you.
我連工作都沒有 I don't have a job.
-你應該有工作的 -我應該有工作的 - You should have a job. - I should have a job.
還要嗎 More?
好 Ugh--yes.
至少你有在掙錢 At least you're making money.
錢全給了杰米和另外兩個 It all goes to Jamie and the other two.
還有那些破孩子 And all those fucking kids.
帶著愛意 Said with love.
肯定的 Always.
你媽如何了 How's your mother?
我就是好奇 I was just wondering.
她更刻薄了 She's meaner.
還能更刻薄嗎 Is that possible?
確實不科學 可偏偏就更刻薄了 Oh, science wouldn't have thought so, but somehow she is.
自從我爸死了 她又當爹又當媽 I think since my father died, she's doing the work of two.
怎么 What?
我想念那張臉 I miss that face.
我說了別看我 Ah, I said don't look at me.
你又不是我老板 Hey, you're not the boss of me.
你也不是我老板 And you are not the boss of me.
還是怪怪的 That's still weird.
我真的搞砸了 I really fucked this up.
你是我遇過最棒的事情 You were the best thing that ever happened to me.
可不是 Damn right.
別看了 Stop looking.
是艾琳 Uh, it's Eileen.
我們馬上過來 Uh, we'll be right there.
抓緊點 可別錯過了樂子 Make it quick. Don't want to miss the fun.
伏地魔當了野營教官能有多少樂子 If Voldemort were a camp counselor.
早上好 Morning.
大家好 如何 Hi, guys. How's it going?
-可怕 -簡直折磨 - Horrible. - Tortuous.
我剛接到一個電話 Okay, so I just got a call
馬特·勒布朗的經紀人羅杰·里斯金打來的 from Roger Riskin, Matt LeBlanc's agent.
他說馬特讓你們來寫他的下一部戲 He's saying Matt asked you to write his next show?
-是 馬特對我們很感興趣 -對 - Yeah, Matt's been after us. - Right.
我不知道該說什么 I didn't know what to say.
有事得告知我一聲啊 Got to keep me in the loop.
其實沒什么事 Well, there really is no loop.
我們決定留在這邊 We've decided to stick it out here.
-誰知道為什么來著 -我們投入了很多 - God knows why. - We've got so much invested.
我覺得這很明智 I think that's very smart.
關于《對立面》的消息炒的飛起 The buzz on Opposite is super hot,
現在又有安東尼·博納·史密斯這攤子事 and now with Anthony Powner Smith--
-什么 -你說什么 - Say what? - I'm sorry, what?
什么 What?
安東尼·博納·史密斯 Anthony Powner Smith?
對 Right?
怎么了 Is what?
出演《對立面》 In Opposite.
-不不不 -不可能 - No, no, no. - No, not likely.
好吧 Okay.
他會演的吧 Unless he is.
艾琳 你聽誰說的 Eileen, where are you getting this?
我可能得到了錯誤的消息 Look, I may be misinformed.
會不會是從你另一個客戶蒂姆那里聽來的 Would it be from your other client, Tim?
有可能吧 Maybe.
所以就不是錯誤的消息唄 So you're not misinformed?
不是 No.
好歹你告訴我們了 Well, at least you've kept us in the loop.
既然說到這了 不如我一次性說清楚 Uh, to that end, full disclosure,
我可能也已經簽了他 I may have signed him as well.
誰 Who?
安東尼·博納·史密斯 Anthony Powner Smith?
好像是的 I think so.
什么叫好像是 What do you mean you think so?
已經簽了 No, I did.
蒂姆又選了他來演我們的戲 And Tim cast him in our show,
明知道知道我們什么想法 knowing full well how we feel?
這事已經定了嗎 Is it a done deal?
我相信他的經紀人能告訴你答案 I'm sure his agent will be able to tell you.
是 已經定了 No, it's a done deal.
非常好 Oh, brilliant.
是這樣 我... Okay, here's what I--
剛好趕上 Ah, just in time.
趁熱吃 Get 'em while they're hot.
這什么 What's this?
周五是法拉費日 你們不知道嗎 It's Falafel Friday, didn't you know?
不知道 有太多事我們不知道了 No, but clearly there's so much we don't know.
安東尼·博納·史密斯 Anthony Powner Smith.
他媽的安東尼·博納·史密斯 Anthony bloody-fucking Powner Smith.
這樣 All right, look,
不如我們吃完果餡餅再討論 why don't we have this conversation after the flan?
不行 Uh, don't think so
因為吃完果餡餅我們也完了 because there's not gonna be any "After the flan."
我們不干了 We're done.
我們先退一步 Oh-okay. Let-let's just take a step back.
退什么退 摔死得了 Only if you're at the edge of a cliff.
要是我再多花一分鐘 If I have to spend one more minute
看你那張 looking at your-- your-your...
-飄飄然 -飄飄然 - Smug. - ...smug...
-自以為是 -自以為是的 - Self-satisfied. - ...self-satisfied...
黃鼠狼臉 Weasel-faced.
-我知道 -行行 - I've got it. - Oh-okay, okay.
你是個一點幽默感也沒有的作者 You are nothing but a humor-deficient poser,
字里行間只能用你的 filling in the huge gaps in your talent
傲慢和可麗餅來填滿 with arrogance and crepes.
-也別... -你是個很糟糕的作家 - Okay, let-let's not-- - You are a terrible writer.
你的寫作直覺全都大錯特錯 Your every instinct is dead wrong.
你的幽默感就像是 像是 You're about as funny as--as--
帽子里長的腫瘤 a tumor in a silly hat.
抱歉 我通常不會大庭廣眾之下羞辱人 I'm sorry, I don't normally believe in public shaming,
今天忍不住了 什么法拉費周五 but what the hell? It's Falafel Friday!
你干嗎呢 What are you doing?
靠 我不該吃的 Oh, shit, shouldn't. I--
我不知道他在說什么 I don't know what he's talking--
很好 Oh, great, right.
現在又開始假裝 Now he's doing that thing where he pretends
他不耐煩了 he's lost interest in the conversation.
上大學的時候這招就不管用 Well, it didn't work at university
今天也照樣行不通 and it's not going to fly today.
你好 Hello!
真討厭 Oh, bollocks!
這是我第一次喜歡你的廚藝 You know, I've never enjoyed your cooking more.
什么 What?
天啊 真抱歉 Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry.
沒事 不疼 That's okay. They're really light.
加了蛋白 That's the egg whites.
好了 現在就是這樣 All right, so, there we are.
對其他人 很抱歉我們要拋棄你們了 To the rest of you, I am so sorry we're abandoning you.
沒有人應該面對這個噩夢 除了阿曼達 Nobody deserves this walking nightmare, except obviously Amanda.
不吃麩質 Giving up gluten
又不是什么了不起的成就 is not like you've discovered a new vaccine or a new planet.
不就是面粉而已 It's just fucking wheat.
冷靜點 Calm down.
-跑題了 -對 - Getting off point. - Right.
走出這個地方讓我很傷心 You know, it breaks my heart to walk out of here,
因為我知道這原本可以是一部好戲 because I know this could have been a really great show.
但我不能忍受看著你們 But I just can't bear standing by and watching you
一點點毀掉它 ruin it bit by bit.
還有 安東尼·博納·史密斯 By the way, Anthony Powner Smith?
我們都建好布景了 We've already built the fucking set.
全是樓梯 It's all stairs!
對哦 Oh, right.
等一下 Hang on.
你的保鮮盒是要不回來了 Good luck getting your Tupperware back.
你根本就不喜歡法拉費 You don't even like falafel.
我知道 但這些真的好吃 I know, but these are really good.
你看見我另一只襪子了嗎 Have you seen my other sock?
哪一只 Which one?
右腳的還是左腳的 The right or the left?
反正跟這一只非常像 Well, very, very similar to this one.
沒看見 Have not seen it.
來點嗎 You want some?
昨晚的事打算這么尷尬地沉默過去嗎 So are you gonna be weird about last night?
差不多吧 Oh, probably.
你不打算嗎 You're not?
不 昨晚很好 Nope. It was perfect.
很舒爽 It was delicious.
我倆在一起的感覺很好 It was us.
我知道 I know.
但是 But--
不不不不 別說但是 No-no-no-no-no-no-no. Shh. Uh-uh, no buts.
我不能再來一遍 I can't do this again.
太多過去了 There's just too much history.
歷史都是過去 古老的過去 太多了 Ehh, like old history, like ancient history, like there's togas.
我們現在狀況不一樣了 We are in a different place now.
在這呢 Hello.
我只是覺得現在 I just think right now--
行行 不不不 好 好 Okay-okay, no-no-no-no. Got it. Got it.
我聽明白了 I hear you.
不逼你 Not pushing.
我就這么說吧 Let me just say this.
你知道我昨晚本來打算做什么嗎 You know what I was gonna do last night?
做速凍餐吃 Eat a Lean Cuisine,
看三集《創智贏家》重播 and watch, like, three reruns of Shark Tank,
吃一顆安眠藥然后睡過去 take an Ambien, and pass out.
然后電話響了 And then the phone rang...
就像個他媽的奇跡 ...like a fucking miracle.
我聽到你聲音的時候 When I heard your voice,
你也知道我從來不信什么命運的屁話 and you know I don't believe in any of that fate crap,
但是真的 but come on.
你想一想 I'm just saying.
但是我們慢慢來 But we'll take it slow.
好嗎 Okay?
你想怎么樣 I will take it
發展這段關系 any way you want
我都配合你 to give it to me.
我們話不多說 看看箱子里的伙伴們如何了 So let's get right to it and see what our box-mates are up to.
雷夫 Hey, Rafe.
你瘋了嗎 Losing your mind?
我看這人才是瘋了 I'd rather lose my mime.
至少他很安靜 對吧杰西卡 Well, at least it's quiet. Right, Jessica?
我也希望安靜點 Quiet would be nice.
雷夫 現在后悔把所有點數 So Rafe, any regrets about spending all your points
都用來給丹妮卡... ...to put Danika...
穿上相撲裝了嗎 ...in that sumo suit?
我昨天給你打電話了 你沒接 I tried calling last night. You didn't pick up.
我電話有問題 Something was messed up with my phone.
我跟修手機的打電話 打了一個小時 I was on with the IT guy for an hour.
最可怕的四個字 Three scariest words in the English language:
打開設置 "Go to settings."
我想你了 Well, I missed you.
喬納森的未來可能會出現一只大羊駝 Up next, there may be a llama in Jonathan's future.
廣告之后揭曉答案 We'll find out right after this.
切出 And we're out!
兩分鐘 大家 兩分鐘 Two minutes, everybody! Two minutes!
你們在這做什么 Hey, what are you doing here?
想合作拍戲嗎 Want to do a show?
說真的 Seriously?
把我們算上 Sign us up.
行 但這是最后一次 All right, but this is the last time.
什么時候開始 我有個好主意 When can we start? I got a really good idea.
真的嗎 Really?
對 我演一個車禍里死掉的人 Yeah, I'm this guy who gets killed in a car accident,
然后重生為狗 and I come back as a dog.
然后我老婆收養了我 And my wife adopts me
因為她感覺到一種親切感 because she senses this connection.
然后我跟她和她的新老公住在一起 And I'm living with her and her new husband.
然后呢 觀眾看我 Okay, now, the audience
是我的樣子 sees me as me.
但戲里的人看我是狗的樣子 But everyone on the show sees me as a dog.
然后我必須得 And I have to, like...
在外拉屎 ...crap outside and,
然后其他狗往我身上騎 and other dogs are humping me.
-等等 等等 -可能會挺有趣的 - Let-let's-let's, let's, uh... - That could be fun.
-想一想 有可能 -肯定會... - ...think about it, maybe. - It certainly--
-馬特 開始了 -好 - Matt, we're back. --Okay.
一定會很棒的 This is gonna be great.
不不不 No, no--no, ah.
我的老天 我們這是干了什么 Dear God, what have we done?