前情提要
你意识到了吗 这就是你想拍的戏 You realize that's your show.
父亲是个骗子 The father is a con man.
油嘴滑舌 专干坏事 Shifty. Conniving.
-儿子是个警察 -我有点喜欢 - The son is a cop. - I kind of like that.
-我感觉我可以演一个警察 -不不不 - I could see me playing a cop. - Oh, no, no, no, no.
-你演父亲 -不可能 - You're the father. - No fucking way.
我才不会演那个混蛋 I'm not playing that asshole.
那个角色更好 It's the better part.
行 我演父亲 Yeah. I'm the father.
默克才是坏人 It's Merc who's the villain here.
别生我的气 生他的气 Don't be mad at me. Be mad at him.
我对你们俩都很生气 I think there's enough mad for both of you.
-电视购物台 -天 - QVT... - Oh, Jesus.
想让你代言一系列马特·勒布朗背心 wants you to front a line of Matt LeBlanc vests.
-我需要做什么 -什么都不用做 - What do I have to do? - Nothing.
你就穿着背心站在那 You stand there in your vest.
接几个电话 You take a few calls.
你就看着数字蹭蹭涨吧 You watch the tote board go up.
就像是电话慈善募捐 募捐给你 It's like a telethon, only you're the disease.
什么时候的事 How soon would this happen?
等那些小孩把纽扣都缝上就行了 As soon as the little children finish sewing the buttons on.
不是真的童工吧 It's not really kids making them, right?
不是 No!
《戏里戏外》第五季第六集
你们来做什么呢 Hey, what are you doing here?
来卖剧本 Uh, the pitch?
-我们是要过一遍... -对对 - We're supposed to go over-- - Yes, yes.
对 Yes.
节目如何了 How was the show?
我们暂停了 We had to stop tape.
你知道最边上那个黑人女孩吧 You know the black girl on the end?
真菌感染了 只好退出 She got a fungal infection. Had to drop out.
-我的天 -是啊 - Oh, my God. - Yeah.
据估计是从蝙蝠身上感染的 They think she caught it from the bats.
还有蝙蝠 There were bats?
可不是吗 Oh, yeah. I'm telling you.
这可不是什么幸运大转盘 This shit ain't Wheel of Fortune.
等你准备好了我们就... Uh, so, whenever you're ready, we could, um...
好好 我准备好了 开始吧 Oh, yeah, yeah. I am ready. Go.
好的 Okay. Well...
我们准备一开始 We're gonna start by talking about how
讨论电视行业内 right now, in the television landscape,
缺少一部有深度的父子关系节目 there's really nothing with a great, complicated
这个大背景 father-son relationship.
我的背心到了 Hey, my vests are here!
鹦鹉的注意力时限都比他长 Parakeets have a longer attention span.
是这周末我要在电视购物台卖的 These are the ones I'm selling on QVT this weekend.
你第一次亲眼看见 Is this the first time you're seeing these?
-对 -万一你不喜欢呢 - Yep. - What if you don't like them?
我可以砍掉那些我非常非常讨厌的 Well, I'm allowed to kill all the ones I really, really hate.
那你有点讨厌的那些呢 And what about the ones you only sort of hate?
它们就可以成为正品马特·勒布朗背心 They get to become genuine Matt LeBlanc vests.
还不错 This isn't bad.
这质量也太粗糙了 It has a remarkably abrasive quality.
这也能算得上是布料吗 Can this technically be called a fabric?
谁管呢 只要在电视上看着好看就行了 Who cares? It just has to look good on TV.
就跟你一样 Much like you.
花纹看着挺真实的 The patterns are certainly lively.
我喜欢能穿出中风效果的衣服 I like a garment that can cause a seizure.
这些人知道什么好卖 Hey, these guys know what sells.
这些衣服是不是在散发什么 Are they giving off a sort of...
毒气 ...toxic--
可能是包装袋的问题 Well, it's probably just the bags.
可能是背心 Could be the vests.
有可能 Yep. Could be.
好吧 接着讨论卖剧本 Right. So, back to the pitch?
这样吧 到卖剧本的时候我会听的 Ah. You know what? I'll hear it at the pitch.
吃晚饭吧 Want to grab dinner?
-我去换衣服 -行 - I'll go change. - Fine.
我们在大厅等你 We'll wait for you out in the hall.
只要不用闻那个味就行 Anything to get away from that smell.
这是对时尚的挑战 加上煤气泄漏 It's like a fashion statement and a gas leak.
然后他走进空车库 And then he walks into the empty garage,
车库里只有一张纸条 上面写 and there's just a note, and it says,
谢谢 爸爸 "Thanks. Dad."
然后我们看见威廉脸上的失望 And we see the frustration on William's face.
然后我们镜头切到迪克 And then we cut to Dick
沿着海岸开车 driving down the coast...
开着一辆兰博基尼 in the Lamborghini.
然后试播集就结束了 And that's the end of the pilot.
-很棒 -太棒了 - Great. - So great.
每一周都有能持续进行的元素 And there's definitely a procedural element each week.
有罪案 有独立的故事 You've got crimes and cases and standalone stories.
但其核心是复杂的 But at its heart is this complicated,
破损的 极为扭曲的 damaged, wonderfully fucked up
父子关系 father-son relationship.
即使威廉完全知道 Even though William absolutely knows
他父亲是一个邪恶 爱操纵人的垃圾 that his father is a devious, manipulative shit...
非常感谢 Thank you very much.
他却是如此的聪明有魅力 ...he's so charming and clever
总是把他吸引回来 that he always draws him back in.
剧本基本上就是这样子 And that's basically the show.
我觉得很有意思 I think it's really interesting.
很有意思 Very.
比我预想的要多一些喜剧元素 There's a lot more comedy than I was expecting.
其实是剧情加喜剧的 It's really more of a dramedy.
不一定非得如此嘛 Oh, well, it-it doesn't have to be.
这对我们是好事 Oh, no, that's actually good for us.
很好 Oh, good.
这年头谁会写剧情加喜剧 God knows if anyone can write dramedy.
有时候有趣 但不一定总这样 They're funny, but not always.
我们觉得这对马特来说是一个很好的项目 We think it's a great project for Matt.
-完全出人意料 -我完全同意 - Really unexpected. - I totally agree.
-我也很喜欢... -你漏了 - I also really like-- - You're leaking.
-什么 -你漏了 - What? - You're leaking.
进行更多的探索 还可以引入... ...explore that even more, and maybe bring in--
抱歉 我得去吸奶 Excuse me. I have to go pump.
她每次说这句话 Every time she says that,
我都觉得我再也不可能勃起了 I think I'll never get an erection again.
-好的 -我们没问题 - Okay. - I think we're good.
我觉得我们可以往前推进 I say we move forward with this.
太好了 Oh, great!
太感谢了 Thank you so much. - Yess! - Great.
那个贝佛利 你能留下来几分钟吗 Actually, Beverly... if you could hang for a minute.
我想跟你聊两句 I'd love to have a quick chat.
当然 Absolutely.
感觉像是被叫去校长办公室了 Feels like I've been called into the headmistress' office.
我需要你帮我传达一个消息 I need you to convey a message for me.
好的 All right.
告诉你的朋友她犯了一个大错 Tell your friend she's making a big mistake.
我猜你说的是卡罗 I assume you're talking about Carol,
最爱犯大错的人非她莫属了 as she is the queen of big mistakes.
你能稍微讲详细点吗 Would you care to be more specific?
她针对电视台提出了性侵犯的控告 She filed a sexual harassment suit against the network.
真的 Really?
显然我"骚扰"了她 Apparently, I "Harassed" Her.
我觉得你可以去掉这个引号 I think you can drop the "Air quotes."
我在场 I was there.
你知道... 算了 You know-- no, never mind.
什么 What?
不行 No.
肖恩会杀了我的 Sean would kill me.
那一定要说了 Then definitely say it.
你这完全是自找的 You totally brought this on yourself.
你说什么 Excuse me?
你明明有一段非常好的感情 You took this wonderful relationship,
然后你把它彻底毁掉了 and you absolutely wrecked it.
她当时真的很在乎你 She really cared for you.
你是第一个能让她开心的老板 You were the first boss that actually made her happy.
我觉得要是说有任何人涉足了我们的感情 Uh, I think if anyone got in the middle of our relationship--
拜托 Oh, please.
我知道你会愿意这样想 I know you'd like to believe that,
但我从来没有对卡罗和别的女性产生过兴趣 but I have never, ever been interested in Carol or women.
别那个表情 Oh, don't give me the eyebrow.
你全部的依据就是我的发型 You are basing this entirely on a haircut, which is...
根本就是过时的刻板印象 it's so cliched and stereotypical.
-其实 卡罗当时是爱你的 -她说的 - It's--Carol loved you. - She said that?
原话不是这样 不过我知道的 而你 Not in those words, but I know it's true, and you...
变得多疑又疯狂 got paranoid and crazy,
伤透了她的心 and you broke her heart.
顺便一提 By the way,
不止是发型的问题 it wasn't just the haircut.
意思是 Meaning?
有一种感觉 I got a vibe.
-一种感觉 -我感觉到了 - A vibe? - Yeah, I felt it.
抱歉 没有感觉 Sorry, no vibe.
我懂的 我也结过婚 Look, I get it. I was married.
这确实是很大的一个转变 It's a big leap.
没有 没有转变 Nope. No leap.
-没有感觉 没有转变 -行吧随便你 - No vibe, no leap. - Fine. Whatever.
不过有必要说一句 But for what it's worth...
我觉得你的发型很性感 I think the haircut is pretty hot.
-是吗 -说真的 - Yeah, right. - I'm telling you.
-很实用 -胡扯 很强硬 - It's functional. - Bullshit. It's strong.
我喜欢这发型衬托出你的脸 I like the way it frames your face.
你太客气了 Well, that's-that's very kind.
我不是客气 我觉得很性感 I'm not kind. I think it's sexy.
好 非常好的 Right. Very good. Nice...
聊天 chat.
你好 Hello.
多有趣啊 How fun was that?
很显然我们对有趣这个词的理解很不一样 Obviously, we have different definitions of the word "Fun."
我在想我们可以以三个人的名义 I was thinking we should send something nice
给马特送点礼物 to Matt from the three of us.
他喝香槟吗 Does he drink champagne?
只要不是自来水 你送什么喝的他都高兴 I'd say you're safe with any liquid that doesn't come from a tap.
为什么要送来着 And why are we sending this now?
恭喜 Just congratulations.
他公司的第一次动作 You know, his company's first time at bat,
就卖掉了东西 and they sold something.
他的公司 His company?
他的制作公司 His production company.
马特有一家制作公司 Matt has a production company?
摄制勒布朗 Shooting LeBlancs.
不是很搞笑吗 Isn't that hysterical?
我们对某些词汇的理解很不一样 Again, we have different definitions of the word--
你说 So when you say
他的制作公司卖掉了这个 his production company sold this--
对 他的公司要制作这部戏 Right. His company's producing it.
他是执行制作人 罗杰也是 He's an executive producer. So is Roger.
等一下 他的经纪人是这部戏的执行制作人 Wait, his agent is an executive producer on our show?
他是他的上司了 He's his manager now.
-他换了 -他换了 - He switched. - He switched?
所以他可能会是你们节目的执行制作人 So he could be an executive producer on your show.
你觉得他今早为什么参与卖剧本 Why do you think he was at the pitch this morning?
不知道 I don't know.
我怎么知道谁为什么在哪 Why are any of you anywhere?
还有他的合伙人伊万·西姆金 Also his partner Evan Shimkin.
-谁的合伙人 -罗杰的 - Whose partner? - Roger's.
你们没见过伊万吗 Have you not met Evan?
没 我们都只见过你三次 No, we've only seen you three times.
罗杰和伊万是合伙人 Roger and Evan are partners.
他们是里斯金西姆金公司 They're Riskin Shimkin.
那里斯金西姆金具体会在这部戏里做什么呢 And what exactly will "Riskin Shimkin" be doing on our show?
没什么 别担心 Nothing. Don't worry.
你不会看到他们的 You'll never see them.
但他们还会有收入 And they get paid for this?
他们肯定会有收入的 Well, they have to get paid.
所以他们什么也不做 So they do nothing...
-还有头衔 -对 - and still get the title... - Yes.
-还有钱 -还有利润分成 - and the money? - And points.
-分成 -对 - Points? - Right.
这些分成来自于 And these points come from?
你们 You.
为什么不从马特的分成里来 Why can't they come from Matt's points?
是这样的 但马特的分成从你们的分成里来 Well, they do, but Matt's points come from your points.
那我们还剩了分成吗 So do we have any points left?
当然 Absolutely.
只是没那么多了 Just not as many.
难以置信 Unbelievable.
还有什么我们应该知道但不知道的事吗 Anything else we should know but don't know?
应该没了 I don't think so.
顺便一提 马特想进入共同编剧名单 FYI, Matt wants a shared "created by" credit.
CNM 顺便一提 F-u, fyi!
我不喜欢被人这样骂缩写 I don't appreciate being spelled at like that.
他又没有参与创作 He didn't create anything.
-没有吗 -没有 - No? - No!
他买了办公用品 他做了三明治 He bought office supplies. He made sandwiches.
他在白板上写了几个字 He wrote a few words on the board.
我们创造出这部戏 我们开发的 We created the show. We developed it.
我们制作了这些角色 We invented the characters.
他在今早之前都没听过剧本企划 He never even heard the bloody pitch until this morning.
那我该怎么跟他们说 So what should I tell them?
-不行 -告诉他们不行 - No! No! - No! Tell them no!
他才不可能进入编剧名单 Yeah, he's not gonna get a "Created by" Credit.
没付出还想有收获 You don't get something for nothing.
你又不是伊万·西姆金 Unless you're Evan Shimkin.
我刚接到艾琳的电话 So I just got a call from Eileen.
谁 -他们的经纪人 Who? - Their agent.
你刚跟她聊了45分钟 You just spent 45 minutes with her.
所以呢 Yeah, so?
他们拒绝了编剧名单的事 They're saying no to the "Created by" Thing.
什么 What?
不可能 Bullshit.
这一路上我都参与了 I've been part of this every step of the way.
你觉得那些本子和笔是谁买的 Who do you think bought the fucking pads and pens?
我只是传达她的意思 I'm just telling you what she said.
这整个故事都是基于我和我父亲 The whole thing is based on me and my father.
这还不能进入编剧名单 Doesn't get any more "Created by" Than that.
我明白你的意思 I hear you.
顶回去 Yeah, well, push back.
告诉他们这事是底线 去他们的 Tell 'em it's a deal breaker. Fuck them.
喂 Hello?
我刚跟罗杰通了电话 So I just got off with Roger.
-然后呢 -这事是底线 - And? - Yeah, it's a deal breaker.
-什么 不行 -什么 - What? No! - What?
马特觉得因为这部戏是基于他和他父亲 Matt feels that because the show's based on him and his father--
简直荒谬 That's ridiculous.
就好像《荒野猎人》里那头熊也应该分一杯羹 That's like saying the bear should have a piece of The Revenant.
当然 Absolutely.
他这是在耍浑 I mean, he's just being piggy.
只有这一件事不能如他的愿 This is the one thing he doesn't get.
他们来了我的农场 They came up to my ranch.
这整件事我一直都在场 I was in the room with them the whole time.
-剧本企划也是一起卖的 -我懂 - We were all pitching stuff. - I get it.
他们凭什么拒绝 And who the fuck are they to say no?
他们做过什么 What have they done?
一部失败的喜剧和一部半途而废的戏 One failed series and a thing they walked away from?
他不过是个吃老本的90年代明星 He's a '90s TV star coasting on fumes
那部戏都停播13年了 from a show that's been off for 13 years!
他是个游戏节目主持人 He's a game show host!
在电视上卖马甲 Selling waistcoats on television!
他还想指手画脚要这要那 And he gets to dictate all the demands?
他们太混蛋了 我要告诉他们 They're being assholes, and I'm gonna tell 'em.
-别告诉他们 -我要告诉他们 - Do not tell them. - I'm gonna tell 'em.
-我现在就要告诉他们 -不 - I'm gonna tell 'em right now. - No.
听我说 别把事搞复杂了 Listen to me. Don't poison the water.
我会想出办法的 这是我的工作 I will sort this out. That's what I do.
我来跟罗杰沟通 Let me get into it with Roger.
你们友好点 我来解决 You make nice. I'll solve this.
-太讨厌了 -我一直都说他很讨厌 - I hate this! I hate it! - I always said he was a monster.
简直太他妈扯淡了 It's fucking bullshit.
你好啊 Greetings!
-我们来庆祝一下 -好 - Let's celebrate this thing. - Yeah.
庆祝一下 Let's do it.
我能看见你 I can see you in there.
我有百吉饼 I have bagels.
罂粟籽百吉饼 Poppy seed bagels.
我还有其他的犹太零食 I have several other Semitic treats.
我从没说过我讨厌犹太人 I never said I didn't like Jews!
犹太零食 不是反犹零食 Semitic. Not anti-Semitic.
行 就这样了 All right, that's it.
我发了够多道歉信息了 I've left enough apology messages.
我不会再道歉了 I'm not gonna say it again.
我留下吃的给你 I'm leaving the food.
对了 里面有个巧克力巴布卡面包 By the way, there's a chocolate babka
能让你改变信仰 that will make you convert.
我跟海伦谈起过你 Oh, and I spoke to Helen about you.
她说什么 What did she say?
-你也早安啊 -说 - Good morning to you. - Talk.
她跟我说了诉讼的事 She told me about the lawsuit.
我觉得干得很漂亮 I'm very impressed.
我需要钱 Yeah, well, I need the money.
还有吗 What else?
她觉得你在犯一个大错 Just that she thinks you're making a big mistake.
为什么 因为以后就没人会雇我了吗 Why? 'Cause no one will ever hire me again?
等一下 现在也没人要雇我 Oh, wait. No one's hiring me now!
听我说 Look.
-我知道这很艰难 -不重要了 - I know it's been hard. - It doesn't matter.
-意思是 -意思是我受够了 - Meaning? - Meaning I'm done.
我要回密歇根 I'm going back to Michigan.
去做什么 To do what?
去把这破孩子生下来 To have the damn baby.
所以你还是打算生下这个"破孩子" So you're still planning on having "The damn baby"?
对 Yup.
那默克呢 What about Merc?
去他的默克 Fuck Merc.
所以你打算自己一个人做这件事 So you're doing this by yourself?
我妈会帮忙的 My mother'll help.
你知道吗 And you know what?
这个孩子不会炒掉我 This baby won't fire me.
这个孩子不会背着我出轨 This baby won't cheat on me.
这个孩子会爱我 This baby will love me.
无条件哎我 Unconditionally.
只是暂时的 For now.
我对我妈的感情 I can't think of anything more conditional
有太多附加条件了 than how I feel about my mother.
你妈对这事没意见吗 And your mother's okay with this?
我不知道 我们不交流 I don't know. We're not talking.
找找冰箱 Check the freezer.
找什么 What am I looking for?
大麻 Dope.
去年圣诞毒贩子免费送了我一些 Last Christmas, my dealer gave me a free ounce,
我藏起来了 so I hid it,
不过当时我已经嗑嗨了 所以 but I was stoned when I did it, so.
懂的 Got it.
找到了吗 Anything?
冷冻豌豆 Frozen peas,
可能是一块鸡胸 还有冰块 looks like it could've been a chicken breast, and ice cubes.
靠 Shit!
找找那幅画后面 Try behind that painting.
至于吗 Seriously?
又不是从纳粹眼前藏珠宝 It's not like you were hiding diamonds from the Nazis.
你要是在这里指手画脚 You know, if you're here to judge,
就带着你的楚巴卡走吧 you can just take your Chewbacca and go.
是巧克力巴布卡 Chocolate babka.
听起来倒是不错 That actually sounds good.
你应该知道 你这个孩子不像试播电视 You realize... you're not having a pilot baby
效果不好可以直接砍掉 that you can simply cancel if it doesn't test well.
这个孩子会一直继续下去 This baby is gonna run,
不管情况好不好 whether it's good or not.
我知道 I know!
你以为我没有仔细想过吗 You think I haven't given this a lot of thought?
那我们为什么要在这里找你的存货 Then why are we still searching for your stash?
不是所有人都说大麻对身体不好 Not everyone says it's bad for you.
我搜过 I Googled it.
目前还不是很清楚 There's a gray area.
生孩子别这么不清不楚的 You don't want to have a baby in a gray area.
生孩子也不能 You also don't want to have a baby...
压力太大 when you're stressed.
而我现在压力非常大 And I am very, very stressed!
-喂 -你们好 - Hello? - Hi, guys.
-你好艾琳 -艾琳 - Hi, Eileen. - Eileen.
你们的口音我真是听一整天也听不腻 Ugh, I could just listen to those accents all day.
真有意思 对我们来说你才是有口音 You know, it's funny, because to us, you're the one with the--
我在想 So, I was thinking.
我们明天中午约个饭吧 We should set up a little lunch tomorrow,
就我们三个人 一起坐下来 just the three of us, so we can go over
讨论一下关于马特和罗杰的事 where we are with Matt and Roger.
还有那位搭档 伊万·西姆金 And our partner, Evan Shimkin.
没错 Exactly.
关于那事目前到底怎么样了 And where are we exactly?
我跟他们说 你们听我说 Well, I just said to them, "Guys, listen.
这两位可是备受期望的获奖作家 These are two highly regarded, award-winning writers.
这部戏的主意是他们提出来的 They had the original idea for this show.
他们创造了那些角色 开发出这个故事 They created the characters, they developed the story,
他们觉得他们完全应该 and they feel strongly that they have earned
独享创作者名单 a sole 'created by' credit."
-然后呢 -他们不肯退步 - And? - Yeah, they're not budging.
真是太棒了 Brilliant.
这全是马特的主意 And this is all coming from Matt?
当然 Absolutely.
-该死的马特 -那我们怎么办 - Fucking Matt. - So what do we do?
我觉得我们只能认了 I think we've just got to bite the bullet.
-就这样算了 -差不多 - So is that it? - Pretty much.
那我们就不需要约一起吃饭了 So then we don't need to have lunch.
很好 Great!
太美了 God, it's beautiful.
我会想念这一切的 I'm gonna miss this.
看它多美啊 Just look at it.
我们密歇根没有这样的风景 We sure don't have this in Michigan.
不是有个什么大湖吗 Isn't there some big lake or something?
很垃圾的 Yeah, it's bullshit.
就像是想造海结果没造好 It's like someone tried to make an ocean and got it wrong.
那你干吗还要去呢 Then why are you going there?
这是积极的生活选择 It's a positive life choice.
我们能换个话题吗 我不想讨论我 Can we change the subject? I don't want to talk about me.
有生之年居然能听到这句话 Words I thought I'd never hear.
你最近怎么样了 So, what's up with you?
戏拍得如何 How's the show?
你真的关心吗 You really care?
我们总得聊点什么 We got to talk about something.
他还坚持那个编剧署名权 Well, he's still insisting on "Created by" Credit.
那又怎么样 让给他啊 So? Give it to him.
为什么 他什么都没做 For what? He didn't do anything.
那又怎么样 又没人会看名单 So? No one reads the credits.
而且很可能你们的戏反正也会死 And chances are your show's gonna die anyway.
你的激素上来了 Oh, loving those hormones.
你知道有多少戏能撑过第一年吗 You know how many shows make it past the first year?
在那些戏中 你知道又有多少 And out of those, you know how many
能挣钱吗 真挣钱的那种 actually make money-- I mean real money?
就好像买彩票一样 It's like buying lottery tickets.
先拿一大笔制作费 Just get a big producer fee up front
如果他们砍掉这戏 再拿一笔罚款 and a nice penalty if they cut the order short.
要署名就让他署好了 Let him have his fucking credit.
把戏做出来 Just make your show.
你还真是擅长这些 You're very good at this.
等我去了密歇根 这些都没有屁用 Lot of good it's gonna do me in stupid Michigan.
那你为什么... Then why--
你开始显肚子了 You know, you're really starting to show.
我吃了一整个巴布卡 I ate the whole babka.
来仔细看看 Take a close look at this.
看看这精巧的手艺 Just look at the craftsmanship.
马特·勒布朗背心的每一针都是手工缝制 Every single stitch on this Matt LeBlanc vest is done by hand.
如果这不是一件精美织造的衣物 Hey, I wouldn't put my name on it
马特·勒布朗背心 独家发售
我不会用自己的名字来命名的 if it weren't a beautifully constructed garment.
而它真的是非常优质 来看看细节 And it really, really is. Just look at the detail.
如果你在《箱子》中看到我 If you watch me on The Box...
谁又不看呢 And who doesn't?
那你知道我喜欢上好的马甲 Then you know I love a well-made vest.
骗子 Wanker.
当我设计它们的时候 When I was designing them,
这一点非常重要 that was very important to me--
你在看什么呢 What are you watching?
不 No!
他现在又是设计师了 Apparently, he's a designer now.
他设计了这一些 He designed these.
他说这些衣料对他耳语 He said these fabrics "Speak" To him.
他真的说了这句话 He actually said those words.
我的天 别这样 Oh, my God, don't do this to yourself.
你在跟谁说话呢 Who are you talking to?
-你干吗呢 -还在呢 - What are you doing? - Still here.
-你准备好了就可以开始 -不不不 - Whenever you're ready. - No, no, no.
如果你要... 别这样 听我的 If you are about to do what I think you're-- no, listen to me.
不 卡罗给了很有说服力的理由让我们放手 No, Carol made a really compelling argument for letting this go.
别做会... Do not do something--
从阳光加州有一位观众打进来 We have a caller on the line from sunny California.
肖恩 谢谢你和马特·勒布朗 Hello, Sean, and thank you
一起购物 for shopping with Matt LeBlanc today.
令人激动 It's a thrill.
这是你第一次在这里购物吗 Is this your first time shopping with us?
是的 It sure is.
我很激动能买到马特·勒布朗原创设计 I'm just so excited to own a Matt LeBlanc original.
这口音真是太迷人了 Don't you just love that accent?
英国人为什么听起来总这么聪明 Why do English people always sound so smart?
并不总是 Not always.
我认识一些蠢的英国人 I know some dumb English people.
肖恩 马特·勒布朗马甲的哪一点 So, Sean, what is it about these fabulous Matt LeBlanc vests
吸引了你的眼球 that caught your eye this afternoon?
简直闪瞎了 Well, they're just smashing.
告诉我一下 马特 So, tell me, uh, Matt,
你说这些都是你自己设计的 you say you designed these all yourself?
当然了 Well, of course you did.
你从不会对你没有做过的事抢功劳 You would never take credit for anything you didn't do.
肖恩 So, Sean,
你今天想穿上这些美衣中的哪一件 which of these beauties do you want to get in on today?
太难抉择了 Oh, it's so difficult to decide.
我希望我能亲手摸一下 I just wish I could touch them.
它们看起来都很糙 They all look so deliciously abrasive.
它们确实都很抗造 Yeah. They are pretty rugged.
肯定的 我个人觉得 I bet they are. If you ask me,
最棒的马甲莫过于能 there's nothing like a waistcoat that could take...
从汽车上刮下漆来 ...the paint off a car.
确实是很爷们 They're definitely manly,
自信 又非常典雅 confident, and very, very classy.
当然了 臭都臭得很有品 Of course they are. They reek of class.
说到这里 给我讲讲气味 Speaking of which, tell me about the smell.
气味 The smell?
这些马甲看起来好像有一种 Yeah, they look like they give off a nice...
-甲醛香 -我的天 - formaldehyde-y scent. - Oh, my God!
我们来接下一个电话吧 Ah, why don't we just take another call?
我看行 I think that's a good idea.
-最后一个小问题 -别 - One last quick question. - No--
马特 刚刚你说到 Matt, uh, you were saying, um, earlier
关于工匠手艺 about the craftsmanship.
没有错 That's right.
每一件马特·勒布朗马甲 Each of these Matt LeBlanc vests
都是手工精细缝制 are meticulously hand-stitched.
那些斯里兰卡小孩真是不得了 It is amazing what those little Sri Lankan children
小小的手指能干得这么漂亮 can do with their tiny, tiny fingers.
肖恩 谢谢你和我们一起购物 Okay, Sean, thanks for shopping with us today.
-喂喂 -请享用你帅气的... - Hello? Hello? - Enjoy your handsome...
-喂喂 -马特·勒布朗马甲 - Hello? Hello? - Matt LeBlanc vest.
喂 Hello?
门开着 It's open.
看 是从英国来的肖恩 Oh, look, it's Sean from England.
我想说 May I just say...
我多喝了几瓶啤酒 I'd had more than a few beers.
我相信你懂的 Something I believe you can relate to.
这种时候 我们会做一些会后悔的事 And sometimes, when that happens, we do things we regret,
我知道你也懂的 which is something I know you can relate to.
目前为止最烂的道歉 So far, worst fucking apology ever.
好吧 我是个混蛋 Right. I'm an asshole.
好点了 Better.
-你老婆逼你来的 -不是 - Your wife put you up to this? - No, no.
不过她确实让我意识到署名这件事 But she did make me see that this whole credit thing
其实并不重要 really doesn't matter.
胡扯 Bullshit.
不不 我意识到这对你很重要 No, no, I realize it matters to you.
不止是我 Not just me.
你知道外面有多少戏在播吗 You know how many fuckin' shows are on right now?
你想泯然于其中吗 You want to get lost in all that?
你告诉我马特·勒布朗要演一部什么父子剧 You tell me Matt LeBlanc's gonna be in some father-son thing,
谁在乎 who gives a crap?
但告诉我马特·勒布朗创作了一部 But tell me Matt LeBlanc created a show
关于他的混蛋罪犯父亲的戏 about his piece-of-shit con man father,
而勒布朗要演那个混蛋罪犯父亲 and LeBlanc's playing his piece-of-shit con man father?
我肯定会录下来看的 I'd set my DVR for that.
那就一定得是部好戏 Then it's got to be good.
但那是你的问题了 But that's your fucking problem.
我把眼球都吸引了过来 I'm gettin' the eyeballs to the set.
-对 -就好像那些破马甲 - Right. - It's like those stupid vests.
马特·勒布朗穿了件马甲 那又如何 Show me Matt LeBlanc wearing a vest, so what?
告诉我马特·勒布朗设计了那些马甲 Tell me Matt LeBlanc designed that vest,
然后你猜怎么的 then you know what?
那些破马甲就卖光了 You sell out all those fuckin' vests.
不是吧 You did not.
每一件让人发痒的臭马甲都卖了 Every single itchy, stinky one.
我的天 恭喜你 Oh, my God. Congratulations.
真是让人又高兴又害怕 That is positively terrifying.
也不是全部 我留了一件 Well, not all of them. I saved one.
我的老天 那是什么 Dear God, what is that?
我的惩罚 My penance.
我都能闻见你走进来 I could smell you coming in.
我知道 我感觉就快被毒死了 I know. I feel like Karen Silkwood.
我觉得现在说我已经得了癌症也不为过 I think it's safe to assume I already have cancer.
请把它放在车库里 Please put it out in the garage.
也许会慢慢溶化 Maybe it'll dissipate.
看起来好像美洲大陆吐了 That thing looks like America threw up.
-你跟他把事情说清楚了 -说清楚了 - So you sorted it out with him? - It's sorted.
-他没事吧 -他没事 - And he's all right? - He's all right.
-你也没事吧 -我没事 - And you're all right? - I'm all right.
我只是需要洗个澡 I just need a shower.
然后就开始狂写剧本吧 Then let's bloody write something.
-行 -你剪头发了 - Fine. - Did you get a haircut?
免费的 It was free.
就知道我该一起去的 I knew I should've gone.
三周后
-看呐 -我是个作家 - look at this. - I'm a writer.
读到的东西可不一定是真的 If you can believe everything you read.
很酷 我很喜欢 Well, it's very, very cool and very appreciated.
-你在干吗 -我在读 - What are you doing? - Reading it.
-别在这读 现在别急 -不不不 - No, not here. Not now. - No, no, no.
别这样啊 我很激动的 Well, come on. I'm excited.
等回家再说 Wait till you get home.
到时候可以认真看 也不会沾上披萨酱汁 When you can concentrate and not get pizza sauce all over it.
行吧 Fine.
等我回家了也可以撒披萨酱汁 I can get pizza sauce on it at home just as easy.
所以今晚会是那样的 So it's gonna be that kind of night.
必须的 Totally that kind of night.
我们可以庆祝 We got to celebrate this thing.
祝贺还没取名的马特·勒布朗首播集 Here's to the untitled Matt LeBlanc pilot.
-好记 -谢谢 - Catchy. - Thank you.
没你成不了 Couldn't have done it without you.
再来一瓶 We get one more bottle?
-不是吧 -我的天 - Oh, no. - Oh, my God.
别啊 当做甜点 Ah, come on. For--for dessert.
史上最烂戒酒互助会 Worst AA meeting ever.
我想说 Can I just say--
你又要发言了 You're not making another speech.
我又要发言了 I'm making another speech.
我们还不知道这事会怎么发展 Look, we don't know what's gonna happen with this.
你说得对 沾上酱汁了 You're right. There's sauce on it.
我们还不知道这事会怎么发展 We don't know what's going to happen...
但有一件事我是清楚的 这个 But the one thing I do know is that this--
就这 this, right here?
是这其中最棒的部分 This is the best part of all of this.
说得好 Hear, hear.
你也来 You too?
别了吧 Oh, let's not.
我有两个兄弟 I have two brothers.
-两个非常糟糕的 -非常糟糕 - Two horrible-- - Horrible, horrible.
小的那个 The little one?
完了吗 Finished?
但我做梦也没想过 But I never dreamt that I would find someone
我还会遇到有人 who actually feels
比他们两个还像亲兄弟的 more like a brother than either of them.
不不不 你不 你不必... No, no, no, you don't-- you don't have to--
不不不 你不必... No, no, no, you don't-- no, you don't--
不 你不 你不必那样的 no, you don't-- you don't need to do that.
真的 你真的不必 You really-- no, you really don't.
你不必 不必 No, you don't. You don't.
来嘛 行吧 Oh, yeah, come on. All right, then.
虽然有时候你是个讨厌鬼 Even if sometimes you are a douche nozzle.
敬讨厌鬼 To douche nozzles.
我记得我们离开了餐厅 I know we left the restaurant.
但是不记得回家了 I just don't remember getting here.
他确实知道怎么享受 He does know how to have a good time.
三瓶葡萄酒不碍事 Three bottles of wine doesn't hurt.
三瓶 喝了五瓶 Three? Try five.
-不是吧 -是的 - No. - Yes.
-我们喝了五瓶葡萄酒 -我的天 - We had five bottles of wine. - Oh, my God.
我流的汗都是红酒 I'm actually sweating a nice Brunello.
对他来说 这就是个普通周四 And you know, for him, this is just, like, Thursday.
你一直在看什么 What do you keep looking at?
是有点傻 但是我想说不定他今晚就会看 I know it's stupid, but I thought maybe he'd read it tonight.
最好等他清醒了再看 Better he reads it when he's not shit-faced.
第二天
别看了 Stop looking.
他发了邮件自然会响的 It'll ding when he writes.
说不定根本没洗 These may still be dirty.
要不给他发短信 Should we text him?
那样显得我们很心急 It just makes us seem so needy.
我们是很心急 We are needy.
我知道 可那太丢人了 I know. But it's too pathetic.
这些是脏的 These are dirty.
他现在肯定已经看过了 He's got to have read it by now.
你又不知道 Well, you don't know.
他就像条金鱼 He's like a goldfish.
一旦我们离开了他的视线 The minute we leave his field of vision,
他就忘记了我们的存在 he forgets we exist.
那要不发条短信催一下 So maybe a text to nudge him a bit?
-不 -不 - No. - No?
不 No.
当天晚上
-我要发短信 -行吧 发 - I'm texting. - Fine, text.
要不就问 “如何” How about, "Thoughts?"
不经意的一个词 You know, nonchalant, one word.
“如何” 问号 "Thoughts," Question mark.
或者 “如何” 逗号 Or maybe, "Thoughts," Comma,
“你个不考虑别人的混蛋” 问号 "You inconsiderate fucker," Question mark.
语气有点太强烈了吧 That's a little more emphatic than I was going for.
我觉得没毛病 I have no problem with that.
一天后
读个破剧本需要多久
也许他出车祸了 Maybe he was in an accident.
他说不定死了 He could be dead for all we know.
最好是死了 He'd better be.
两天后
喂 Hello?
你们好啊 Hi, guys.
我刚接到了罗杰的电话 I just heard from Roger.
然后呢 And?
他跟马特通话了 He spoke to Matt.
然后呢 And?
他要放弃 He's passing.
-他要什么 -谁要什么 - He's what? - Who's what?
-马特 -要放弃 - Matt. - Is passing?
对 Right.
他不能放弃 He can't pass.
他是共同编剧 He co-created it.
我知道 I know.
那 那就这样了 他就这么放弃了 So, so, so that's it? He's, he's, he's just passing?
往好的方面看 Well, there is an upside.
他想把编剧署名去掉 He wants his name off it,
所以现在你们独享署名权了 so now you can have sole credit.
这是什么时候的事 When did this happen?
就在他看过之后 Right after he read it.
科布沙拉 Cobb salad.
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