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翻譯: NANA
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前情提要
校對: NANA
你意識到了嗎 這就是你想拍的戲 You realize that's your show.
父親是個騙子 The father is a con man.
時間軸: 紙袋P
油嘴滑舌 專干壞事 Shifty. Conniving.
-兒子是個警察 -我有點喜歡 - The son is a cop. - I kind of like that.
后期: 魚骨頭
-我感覺我可以演一個警察 -不不不 - I could see me playing a cop. - Oh, no, no, no, no.
-你演父親 -不可能 - You're the father. - No fucking way.
我才不會演那個混蛋 I'm not playing that asshole.
總監： NANA
那個角色更好 It's the better part.
行 我演父親 Yeah. I'm the father.
默克才是壞人 It's Merc who's the villain here.
別生我的氣 生他的氣 Don't be mad at me. Be mad at him.
我對你們倆都很生氣 I think there's enough mad for both of you.
-電視購物臺 -天 - QVT... - Oh, Jesus.
想讓你代言一系列馬特·勒布朗背心 wants you to front a line of Matt LeBlanc vests.
-我需要做什么 -什么都不用做 - What do I have to do? - Nothing.
你就穿著背心站在那 You stand there in your vest.
接幾個電話 You take a few calls.
你就看著數字蹭蹭漲吧 You watch the tote board go up.
就像是電話慈善募捐 募捐給你 It's like a telethon, only you're the disease.
什么時候的事 How soon would this happen?
等那些小孩把紐扣都縫上就行了 As soon as the little children finish sewing the buttons on.
不是真的童工吧 It's not really kids making them, right?
不是 No!
《戲里戲外》第五季第六集
你們來做什么呢 Hey, what are you doing here?
來賣劇本 Uh, the pitch?
-我們是要過一遍... -對對 - We're supposed to go over-- - Yes, yes.
對 Yes.
節目如何了 How was the show?
我們暫停了 We had to stop tape.
你知道最邊上那個黑人女孩吧 You know the black girl on the end?
真菌感染了 只好退出 She got a fungal infection. Had to drop out.
-我的天 -是啊 - Oh, my God. - Yeah.
據估計是從蝙蝠身上感染的 They think she caught it from the bats.
還有蝙蝠 There were bats?
可不是嗎 Oh, yeah. I'm telling you.
這可不是什么幸運大轉盤 This shit ain't Wheel of Fortune.
等你準備好了我們就... Uh, so, whenever you're ready, we could, um...
好好 我準備好了 開始吧 Oh, yeah, yeah. I am ready. Go.
好的 Okay. Well...
我們準備一開始 We're gonna start by talking about how
討論電視行業內 right now, in the television landscape,
缺少一部有深度的父子關系節目 there's really nothing with a great, complicated
這個大背景 father-son relationship.
我的背心到了 Hey, my vests are here!
鸚鵡的注意力時限都比他長 Parakeets have a longer attention span.
是這周末我要在電視購物臺賣的 These are the ones I'm selling on QVT this weekend.
你第一次親眼看見 Is this the first time you're seeing these?
-對 -萬一你不喜歡呢 - Yep. - What if you don't like them?
我可以砍掉那些我非常非常討厭的 Well, I'm allowed to kill all the ones I really, really hate.
那你有點討厭的那些呢 And what about the ones you only sort of hate?
它們就可以成為正品馬特·勒布朗背心 They get to become genuine Matt LeBlanc vests.
還不錯 This isn't bad.
這質量也太粗糙了 It has a remarkably abrasive quality.
這也能算得上是布料嗎 Can this technically be called a fabric?
誰管呢 只要在電視上看著好看就行了 Who cares? It just has to look good on TV.
就跟你一樣 Much like you.
花紋看著挺真實的 The patterns are certainly lively.
我喜歡能穿出中風效果的衣服 I like a garment that can cause a seizure.
這些人知道什么好賣 Hey, these guys know what sells.
這些衣服是不是在散發什么 Are they giving off a sort of...
毒氣 ...toxic--
可能是包裝袋的問題 Well, it's probably just the bags.
可能是背心 Could be the vests.
有可能 Yep. Could be.
好吧 接著討論賣劇本 Right. So, back to the pitch?
這樣吧 到賣劇本的時候我會聽的 Ah. You know what? I'll hear it at the pitch.
吃晚飯吧 Want to grab dinner?
-我去換衣服 -行 - I'll go change. - Fine.
我們在大廳等你 We'll wait for you out in the hall.
只要不用聞那個味就行 Anything to get away from that smell.
這是對時尚的挑戰 加上煤氣泄漏 It's like a fashion statement and a gas leak.
然后他走進空車庫 And then he walks into the empty garage,
車庫里只有一張紙條 上面寫 and there's just a note, and it says,
謝謝 爸爸 "Thanks. Dad."
然后我們看見威廉臉上的失望 And we see the frustration on William's face.
然后我們鏡頭切到迪克 And then we cut to Dick
沿著海岸開車 driving down the coast...
開著一輛蘭博基尼 in the Lamborghini.
然后試播集就結束了 And that's the end of the pilot.
-很棒 -太棒了 - Great. - So great.
每一周都有能持續進行的元素 And there's definitely a procedural element each week.
有罪案 有獨立的故事 You've got crimes and cases and standalone stories.
但其核心是復雜的 But at its heart is this complicated,
破損的 極為扭曲的 damaged, wonderfully fucked up
父子關系 father-son relationship.
即使威廉完全知道 Even though William absolutely knows
他父親是一個邪惡 愛操縱人的垃圾 that his father is a devious, manipulative shit...
非常感謝 Thank you very much.
他卻是如此的聰明有魅力 ...he's so charming and clever
總是把他吸引回來 that he always draws him back in.
劇本基本上就是這樣子 And that's basically the show.
我覺得很有意思 I think it's really interesting.
很有意思 Very.
比我預想的要多一些喜劇元素 There's a lot more comedy than I was expecting.
其實是劇情加喜劇的 It's really more of a dramedy.
不一定非得如此嘛 Oh, well, it-it doesn't have to be.
這對我們是好事 Oh, no, that's actually good for us.
很好 Oh, good.
這年頭誰會寫劇情加喜劇 God knows if anyone can write dramedy.
有時候有趣 但不一定總這樣 They're funny, but not always.
我們覺得這對馬特來說是一個很好的項目 We think it's a great project for Matt.
-完全出人意料 -我完全同意 - Really unexpected. - I totally agree.
-我也很喜歡... -你漏了 - I also really like-- - You're leaking.
-什么 -你漏了 - What? - You're leaking.
進行更多的探索 還可以引入... ...explore that even more, and maybe bring in--
抱歉 我得去吸奶 Excuse me. I have to go pump.
她每次說這句話 Every time she says that,
我都覺得我再也不可能勃起了 I think I'll never get an erection again.
-好的 -我們沒問題 - Okay. - I think we're good.
我覺得我們可以往前推進 I say we move forward with this.
太好了 Oh, great!
太感謝了 Thank you so much. - Yess! - Great.
那個貝佛利 你能留下來幾分鐘嗎 Actually, Beverly... if you could hang for a minute.
我想跟你聊兩句 I'd love to have a quick chat.
當然 Absolutely.
感覺像是被叫去校長辦公室了 Feels like I've been called into the headmistress' office.
我需要你幫我傳達一個消息 I need you to convey a message for me.
好的 All right.
告訴你的朋友她犯了一個大錯 Tell your friend she's making a big mistake.
我猜你說的是卡羅 I assume you're talking about Carol,
最愛犯大錯的人非她莫屬了 as she is the queen of big mistakes.
你能稍微講詳細點嗎 Would you care to be more specific?
她針對電視臺提出了性侵犯的控告 She filed a sexual harassment suit against the network.
真的 Really?
顯然我"騷擾"了她 Apparently, I "Harassed" Her.
我覺得你可以去掉這個引號 I think you can drop the "Air quotes."
我在場 I was there.
你知道... 算了 You know-- no, never mind.
什么 What?
不行 No.
肖恩會殺了我的 Sean would kill me.
那一定要說了 Then definitely say it.
你這完全是自找的 You totally brought this on yourself.
你說什么 Excuse me?
你明明有一段非常好的感情 You took this wonderful relationship,
然后你把它徹底毀掉了 and you absolutely wrecked it.
她當時真的很在乎你 She really cared for you.
你是第一個能讓她開心的老板 You were the first boss that actually made her happy.
我覺得要是說有任何人涉足了我們的感情 Uh, I think if anyone got in the middle of our relationship--
拜托 Oh, please.
我知道你會愿意這樣想 I know you'd like to believe that,
但我從來沒有對卡羅和別的女性產生過興趣 but I have never, ever been interested in Carol or women.
別那個表情 Oh, don't give me the eyebrow.
你全部的依據就是我的發型 You are basing this entirely on a haircut, which is...
根本就是過時的刻板印象 it's so cliched and stereotypical.
-其實 卡羅當時是愛你的 -她說的 - It's--Carol loved you. - She said that?
原話不是這樣 不過我知道的 而你 Not in those words, but I know it's true, and you...
變得多疑又瘋狂 got paranoid and crazy,
傷透了她的心 and you broke her heart.
順便一提 By the way,
不止是發型的問題 it wasn't just the haircut.
意思是 Meaning?
有一種感覺 I got a vibe.
-一種感覺 -我感覺到了 - A vibe? - Yeah, I felt it.
抱歉 沒有感覺 Sorry, no vibe.
我懂的 我也結過婚 Look, I get it. I was married.
這確實是很大的一個轉變 It's a big leap.
沒有 沒有轉變 Nope. No leap.
-沒有感覺 沒有轉變 -行吧隨便你 - No vibe, no leap. - Fine. Whatever.
不過有必要說一句 But for what it's worth...
我覺得你的發型很性感 I think the haircut is pretty hot.
-是嗎 -說真的 - Yeah, right. - I'm telling you.
-很實用 -胡扯 很強硬 - It's functional. - Bullshit. It's strong.
我喜歡這發型襯托出你的臉 I like the way it frames your face.
你太客氣了 Well, that's-that's very kind.
我不是客氣 我覺得很性感 I'm not kind. I think it's sexy.
好 非常好的 Right. Very good. Nice...
聊天 chat.
你好 Hello.
多有趣啊 How fun was that?
很顯然我們對有趣這個詞的理解很不一樣 Obviously, we have different definitions of the word "Fun."
我在想我們可以以三個人的名義 I was thinking we should send something nice
給馬特送點禮物 to Matt from the three of us.
他喝香檳嗎 Does he drink champagne?
只要不是自來水 你送什么喝的他都高興 I'd say you're safe with any liquid that doesn't come from a tap.
為什么要送來著 And why are we sending this now?
恭喜 Just congratulations.
他公司的第一次動作 You know, his company's first time at bat,
就賣掉了東西 and they sold something.
他的公司 His company?
他的制作公司 His production company.
馬特有一家制作公司 Matt has a production company?
攝制勒布朗 Shooting LeBlancs.
不是很搞笑嗎 Isn't that hysterical?
我們對某些詞匯的理解很不一樣 Again, we have different definitions of the word--
你說 So when you say
他的制作公司賣掉了這個 his production company sold this--
對 他的公司要制作這部戲 Right. His company's producing it.
他是執行制作人 羅杰也是 He's an executive producer. So is Roger.
等一下 他的經紀人是這部戲的執行制作人 Wait, his agent is an executive producer on our show?
他是他的上司了 He's his manager now.
-他換了 -他換了 - He switched. - He switched?
所以他可能會是你們節目的執行制作人 So he could be an executive producer on your show.
你覺得他今早為什么參與賣劇本 Why do you think he was at the pitch this morning?
不知道 I don't know.
我怎么知道誰為什么在哪 Why are any of you anywhere?
還有他的合伙人伊萬·西姆金 Also his partner Evan Shimkin.
-誰的合伙人 -羅杰的 - Whose partner? - Roger's.
你們沒見過伊萬嗎 Have you not met Evan?
沒 我們都只見過你三次 No, we've only seen you three times.
羅杰和伊萬是合伙人 Roger and Evan are partners.
他們是里斯金西姆金公司 They're Riskin Shimkin.
那里斯金西姆金具體會在這部戲里做什么呢 And what exactly will "Riskin Shimkin" be doing on our show?
沒什么 別擔心 Nothing. Don't worry.
你不會看到他們的 You'll never see them.
但他們還會有收入 And they get paid for this?
他們肯定會有收入的 Well, they have to get paid.
所以他們什么也不做 So they do nothing...
-還有頭銜 -對 - and still get the title... - Yes.
-還有錢 -還有利潤分成 - and the money? - And points.
-分成 -對 - Points? - Right.
這些分成來自于 And these points come from?
你們 You.
為什么不從馬特的分成里來 Why can't they come from Matt's points?
是這樣的 但馬特的分成從你們的分成里來 Well, they do, but Matt's points come from your points.
那我們還剩了分成嗎 So do we have any points left?
當然 Absolutely.
只是沒那么多了 Just not as many.
難以置信 Unbelievable.
還有什么我們應該知道但不知道的事嗎 Anything else we should know but don't know?
應該沒了 I don't think so.
順便一提 馬特想進入共同編劇名單 FYI, Matt wants a shared "created by" credit.
CNM 順便一提 F-u, fyi!
我不喜歡被人這樣罵縮寫 I don't appreciate being spelled at like that.
他又沒有參與創作 He didn't create anything.
-沒有嗎 -沒有 - No? - No!
他買了辦公用品 他做了三明治 He bought office supplies. He made sandwiches.
他在白板上寫了幾個字 He wrote a few words on the board.
我們創造出這部戲 我們開發的 We created the show. We developed it.
我們制作了這些角色 We invented the characters.
他在今早之前都沒聽過劇本企劃 He never even heard the bloody pitch until this morning.
那我該怎么跟他們說 So what should I tell them?
-不行 -告訴他們不行 - No! No! - No! Tell them no!
他才不可能進入編劇名單 Yeah, he's not gonna get a "Created by" Credit.
沒付出還想有收獲 You don't get something for nothing.
你又不是伊萬·西姆金 Unless you're Evan Shimkin.
我剛接到艾琳的電話 So I just got a call from Eileen.
誰 -他們的經紀人 Who? - Their agent.
你剛跟她聊了45分鐘 You just spent 45 minutes with her.
所以呢 Yeah, so?
他們拒絕了編劇名單的事 They're saying no to the "Created by" Thing.
什么 What?
不可能 Bullshit.
這一路上我都參與了 I've been part of this every step of the way.
你覺得那些本子和筆是誰買的 Who do you think bought the fucking pads and pens?
我只是傳達她的意思 I'm just telling you what she said.
這整個故事都是基于我和我父親 The whole thing is based on me and my father.
這還不能進入編劇名單 Doesn't get any more "Created by" Than that.
我明白你的意思 I hear you.
頂回去 Yeah, well, push back.
告訴他們這事是底線 去他們的 Tell 'em it's a deal breaker. Fuck them.
喂 Hello?
我剛跟羅杰通了電話 So I just got off with Roger.
-然后呢 -這事是底線 - And? - Yeah, it's a deal breaker.
-什么 不行 -什么 - What? No! - What?
馬特覺得因為這部戲是基于他和他父親 Matt feels that because the show's based on him and his father--
簡直荒謬 That's ridiculous.
就好像《荒野獵人》里那頭熊也應該分一杯羹 That's like saying the bear should have a piece of The Revenant.
當然 Absolutely.
他這是在耍渾 I mean, he's just being piggy.
只有這一件事不能如他的愿 This is the one thing he doesn't get.
他們來了我的農場 They came up to my ranch.
這整件事我一直都在場 I was in the room with them the whole time.
-劇本企劃也是一起賣的 -我懂 - We were all pitching stuff. - I get it.
他們憑什么拒絕 And who the fuck are they to say no?
他們做過什么 What have they done?
一部失敗的喜劇和一部半途而廢的戲 One failed series and a thing they walked away from?
他不過是個吃老本的90年代明星 He's a '90s TV star coasting on fumes
那部戲都停播13年了 from a show that's been off for 13 years!
他是個游戲節目主持人 He's a game show host!
在電視上賣馬甲 Selling waistcoats on television!
他還想指手畫腳要這要那 And he gets to dictate all the demands?
他們太混蛋了 我要告訴他們 They're being assholes, and I'm gonna tell 'em.
-別告訴他們 -我要告訴他們 - Do not tell them. - I'm gonna tell 'em.
-我現在就要告訴他們 -不 - I'm gonna tell 'em right now. - No.
聽我說 別把事搞復雜了 Listen to me. Don't poison the water.
我會想出辦法的 這是我的工作 I will sort this out. That's what I do.
我來跟羅杰溝通 Let me get into it with Roger.
你們友好點 我來解決 You make nice. I'll solve this.
-太討厭了 -我一直都說他很討厭 - I hate this! I hate it! - I always said he was a monster.
簡直太他媽扯淡了 It's fucking bullshit.
你好啊 Greetings!
-我們來慶祝一下 -好 - Let's celebrate this thing. - Yeah.
慶祝一下 Let's do it.
我能看見你 I can see you in there.
我有百吉餅 I have bagels.
罌粟籽百吉餅 Poppy seed bagels.
我還有其他的猶太零食 I have several other Semitic treats.
我從沒說過我討厭猶太人 I never said I didn't like Jews!
猶太零食 不是反猶零食 Semitic. Not anti-Semitic.
行 就這樣了 All right, that's it.
我發了夠多道歉信息了 I've left enough apology messages.
我不會再道歉了 I'm not gonna say it again.
我留下吃的給你 I'm leaving the food.
對了 里面有個巧克力巴布卡面包 By the way, there's a chocolate babka
能讓你改變信仰 that will make you convert.
我跟海倫談起過你 Oh, and I spoke to Helen about you.
她說什么 What did she say?
-你也早安啊 -說 - Good morning to you. - Talk.
她跟我說了訴訟的事 She told me about the lawsuit.
我覺得干得很漂亮 I'm very impressed.
我需要錢 Yeah, well, I need the money.
還有嗎 What else?
她覺得你在犯一個大錯 Just that she thinks you're making a big mistake.
為什么 因為以后就沒人會雇我了嗎 Why? 'Cause no one will ever hire me again?
等一下 現在也沒人要雇我 Oh, wait. No one's hiring me now!
聽我說 Look.
-我知道這很艱難 -不重要了 - I know it's been hard. - It doesn't matter.
-意思是 -意思是我受夠了 - Meaning? - Meaning I'm done.
我要回密歇根 I'm going back to Michigan.
去做什么 To do what?
去把這破孩子生下來 To have the damn baby.
所以你還是打算生下這個"破孩子" So you're still planning on having "The damn baby"?
對 Yup.
那默克呢 What about Merc?
去他的默克 Fuck Merc.
所以你打算自己一個人做這件事 So you're doing this by yourself?
我媽會幫忙的 My mother'll help.
你知道嗎 And you know what?
這個孩子不會炒掉我 This baby won't fire me.
這個孩子不會背著我出軌 This baby won't cheat on me.
這個孩子會愛我 This baby will love me.
無條件哎我 Unconditionally.
只是暫時的 For now.
我對我媽的感情 I can't think of anything more conditional
有太多附加條件了 than how I feel about my mother.
你媽對這事沒意見嗎 And your mother's okay with this?
我不知道 我們不交流 I don't know. We're not talking.
找找冰箱 Check the freezer.
找什么 What am I looking for?
大麻 Dope.
去年圣誕毒販子免費送了我一些 Last Christmas, my dealer gave me a free ounce,
我藏起來了 so I hid it,
不過當時我已經嗑嗨了 所以 but I was stoned when I did it, so.
懂的 Got it.
找到了嗎 Anything?
冷凍豌豆 Frozen peas,
可能是一塊雞胸 還有冰塊 looks like it could've been a chicken breast, and ice cubes.
靠 Shit!
找找那幅畫后面 Try behind that painting.
至于嗎 Seriously?
又不是從納粹眼前藏珠寶 It's not like you were hiding diamonds from the Nazis.
你要是在這里指手畫腳 You know, if you're here to judge,
就帶著你的楚巴卡走吧 you can just take your Chewbacca and go.
是巧克力巴布卡 Chocolate babka.
聽起來倒是不錯 That actually sounds good.
你應該知道 你這個孩子不像試播電視 You realize... you're not having a pilot baby
效果不好可以直接砍掉 that you can simply cancel if it doesn't test well.
這個孩子會一直繼續下去 This baby is gonna run,
不管情況好不好 whether it's good or not.
我知道 I know!
你以為我沒有仔細想過嗎 You think I haven't given this a lot of thought?
那我們為什么要在這里找你的存貨 Then why are we still searching for your stash?
不是所有人都說大麻對身體不好 Not everyone says it's bad for you.
我搜過 I Googled it.
目前還不是很清楚 There's a gray area.
生孩子別這么不清不楚的 You don't want to have a baby in a gray area.
生孩子也不能 You also don't want to have a baby...
壓力太大 when you're stressed.
而我現在壓力非常大 And I am very, very stressed!
-喂 -你們好 - Hello? - Hi, guys.
-你好艾琳 -艾琳 - Hi, Eileen. - Eileen.
你們的口音我真是聽一整天也聽不膩 Ugh, I could just listen to those accents all day.
真有意思 對我們來說你才是有口音 You know, it's funny, because to us, you're the one with the--
我在想 So, I was thinking.
我們明天中午約個飯吧 We should set up a little lunch tomorrow,
就我們三個人 一起坐下來 just the three of us, so we can go over
討論一下關于馬特和羅杰的事 where we are with Matt and Roger.
還有那位搭檔 伊萬·西姆金 And our partner, Evan Shimkin.
沒錯 Exactly.
關于那事目前到底怎么樣了 And where are we exactly?
我跟他們說 你們聽我說 Well, I just said to them, "Guys, listen.
這兩位可是備受期望的獲獎作家 These are two highly regarded, award-winning writers.
這部戲的主意是他們提出來的 They had the original idea for this show.
他們創造了那些角色 開發出這個故事 They created the characters, they developed the story,
他們覺得他們完全應該 and they feel strongly that they have earned
獨享創作者名單 a sole 'created by' credit."
-然后呢 -他們不肯退步 - And? - Yeah, they're not budging.
真是太棒了 Brilliant.
這全是馬特的主意 And this is all coming from Matt?
當然 Absolutely.
-該死的馬特 -那我們怎么辦 - Fucking Matt. - So what do we do?
我覺得我們只能認了 I think we've just got to bite the bullet.
-就這樣算了 -差不多 - So is that it? - Pretty much.
那我們就不需要約一起吃飯了 So then we don't need to have lunch.
很好 Great!
太美了 God, it's beautiful.
我會想念這一切的 I'm gonna miss this.
看它多美啊 Just look at it.
我們密歇根沒有這樣的風景 We sure don't have this in Michigan.
不是有個什么大湖嗎 Isn't there some big lake or something?
很垃圾的 Yeah, it's bullshit.
就像是想造海結果沒造好 It's like someone tried to make an ocean and got it wrong.
那你干嗎還要去呢 Then why are you going there?
這是積極的生活選擇 It's a positive life choice.
我們能換個話題嗎 我不想討論我 Can we change the subject? I don't want to talk about me.
有生之年居然能聽到這句話 Words I thought I'd never hear.
你最近怎么樣了 So, what's up with you?
戲拍得如何 How's the show?
你真的關心嗎 You really care?
我們總得聊點什么 We got to talk about something.
他還堅持那個編劇署名權 Well, he's still insisting on "Created by" Credit.
那又怎么樣 讓給他啊 So? Give it to him.
為什么 他什么都沒做 For what? He didn't do anything.
那又怎么樣 又沒人會看名單 So? No one reads the credits.
而且很可能你們的戲反正也會死 And chances are your show's gonna die anyway.
你的激素上來了 Oh, loving those hormones.
你知道有多少戲能撐過第一年嗎 You know how many shows make it past the first year?
在那些戲中 你知道又有多少 And out of those, you know how many
能掙錢嗎 真掙錢的那種 actually make money-- I mean real money?
就好像買彩票一樣 It's like buying lottery tickets.
先拿一大筆制作費 Just get a big producer fee up front
如果他們砍掉這戲 再拿一筆罰款 and a nice penalty if they cut the order short.
要署名就讓他署好了 Let him have his fucking credit.
把戲做出來 Just make your show.
你還真是擅長這些 You're very good at this.
等我去了密歇根 這些都沒有屁用 Lot of good it's gonna do me in stupid Michigan.
那你為什么... Then why--
你開始顯肚子了 You know, you're really starting to show.
我吃了一整個巴布卡 I ate the whole babka.
來仔細看看 Take a close look at this.
看看這精巧的手藝 Just look at the craftsmanship.
馬特·勒布朗背心的每一針都是手工縫制 Every single stitch on this Matt LeBlanc vest is done by hand.
如果這不是一件精美織造的衣物 Hey, I wouldn't put my name on it
馬特·勒布朗背心 獨家發售
我不會用自己的名字來命名的 if it weren't a beautifully constructed garment.
而它真的是非常優質 來看看細節 And it really, really is. Just look at the detail.
如果你在《箱子》中看到我 If you watch me on The Box...
誰又不看呢 And who doesn't?
那你知道我喜歡上好的馬甲 Then you know I love a well-made vest.
騙子 Wanker.
當我設計它們的時候 When I was designing them,
這一點非常重要 that was very important to me--
你在看什么呢 What are you watching?
不 No!
他現在又是設計師了 Apparently, he's a designer now.
他設計了這一些 He designed these.
他說這些衣料對他耳語 He said these fabrics "Speak" To him.
他真的說了這句話 He actually said those words.
我的天 別這樣 Oh, my God, don't do this to yourself.
你在跟誰說話呢 Who are you talking to?
-你干嗎呢 -還在呢 - What are you doing? - Still here.
-你準備好了就可以開始 -不不不 - Whenever you're ready. - No, no, no.
如果你要... 別這樣 聽我的 If you are about to do what I think you're-- no, listen to me.
不 卡羅給了很有說服力的理由讓我們放手 No, Carol made a really compelling argument for letting this go.
別做會... Do not do something--
從陽光加州有一位觀眾打進來 We have a caller on the line from sunny California.
肖恩 謝謝你和馬特·勒布朗 Hello, Sean, and thank you
一起購物 for shopping with Matt LeBlanc today.
令人激動 It's a thrill.
這是你第一次在這里購物嗎 Is this your first time shopping with us?
是的 It sure is.
我很激動能買到馬特·勒布朗原創設計 I'm just so excited to own a Matt LeBlanc original.
這口音真是太迷人了 Don't you just love that accent?
英國人為什么聽起來總這么聰明 Why do English people always sound so smart?
并不總是 Not always.
我認識一些蠢的英國人 I know some dumb English people.
肖恩 馬特·勒布朗馬甲的哪一點 So, Sean, what is it about these fabulous Matt LeBlanc vests
吸引了你的眼球 that caught your eye this afternoon?
簡直閃瞎了 Well, they're just smashing.
告訴我一下 馬特 So, tell me, uh, Matt,
你說這些都是你自己設計的 you say you designed these all yourself?
當然了 Well, of course you did.
你從不會對你沒有做過的事搶功勞 You would never take credit for anything you didn't do.
肖恩 So, Sean,
你今天想穿上這些美衣中的哪一件 which of these beauties do you want to get in on today?
太難抉擇了 Oh, it's so difficult to decide.
我希望我能親手摸一下 I just wish I could touch them.
它們看起來都很糙 They all look so deliciously abrasive.
它們確實都很抗造 Yeah. They are pretty rugged.
肯定的 我個人覺得 I bet they are. If you ask me,
最棒的馬甲莫過于能 there's nothing like a waistcoat that could take...
從汽車上刮下漆來 ...the paint off a car.
確實是很爺們 They're definitely manly,
自信 又非常典雅 confident, and very, very classy.
當然了 臭都臭得很有品 Of course they are. They reek of class.
說到這里 給我講講氣味 Speaking of which, tell me about the smell.
氣味 The smell?
這些馬甲看起來好像有一種 Yeah, they look like they give off a nice...
-甲醛香 -我的天 - formaldehyde-y scent. - Oh, my God!
我們來接下一個電話吧 Ah, why don't we just take another call?
我看行 I think that's a good idea.
-最后一個小問題 -別 - One last quick question. - No--
馬特 剛剛你說到 Matt, uh, you were saying, um, earlier
關于工匠手藝 about the craftsmanship.
沒有錯 That's right.
每一件馬特·勒布朗馬甲 Each of these Matt LeBlanc vests
都是手工精細縫制 are meticulously hand-stitched.
那些斯里蘭卡小孩真是不得了 It is amazing what those little Sri Lankan children
小小的手指能干得這么漂亮 can do with their tiny, tiny fingers.
肖恩 謝謝你和我們一起購物 Okay, Sean, thanks for shopping with us today.
-喂喂 -請享用你帥氣的... - Hello? Hello? - Enjoy your handsome...
-喂喂 -馬特·勒布朗馬甲 - Hello? Hello? - Matt LeBlanc vest.
喂 Hello?
門開著 It's open.
看 是從英國來的肖恩 Oh, look, it's Sean from England.
我想說 May I just say...
我多喝了幾瓶啤酒 I'd had more than a few beers.
我相信你懂的 Something I believe you can relate to.
這種時候 我們會做一些會后悔的事 And sometimes, when that happens, we do things we regret,
我知道你也懂的 which is something I know you can relate to.
目前為止最爛的道歉 So far, worst fucking apology ever.
好吧 我是個混蛋 Right. I'm an asshole.
好點了 Better.
-你老婆逼你來的 -不是 - Your wife put you up to this? - No, no.
不過她確實讓我意識到署名這件事 But she did make me see that this whole credit thing
其實并不重要 really doesn't matter.
胡扯 Bullshit.
不不 我意識到這對你很重要 No, no, I realize it matters to you.
不止是我 Not just me.
你知道外面有多少戲在播嗎 You know how many fuckin' shows are on right now?
你想泯然于其中嗎 You want to get lost in all that?
你告訴我馬特·勒布朗要演一部什么父子劇 You tell me Matt LeBlanc's gonna be in some father-son thing,
誰在乎 who gives a crap?
但告訴我馬特·勒布朗創作了一部 But tell me Matt LeBlanc created a show
關于他的混蛋罪犯父親的戲 about his piece-of-shit con man father,
而勒布朗要演那個混蛋罪犯父親 and LeBlanc's playing his piece-of-shit con man father?
我肯定會錄下來看的 I'd set my DVR for that.
那就一定得是部好戲 Then it's got to be good.
但那是你的問題了 But that's your fucking problem.
我把眼球都吸引了過來 I'm gettin' the eyeballs to the set.
-對 -就好像那些破馬甲 - Right. - It's like those stupid vests.
馬特·勒布朗穿了件馬甲 那又如何 Show me Matt LeBlanc wearing a vest, so what?
告訴我馬特·勒布朗設計了那些馬甲 Tell me Matt LeBlanc designed that vest,
然后你猜怎么的 then you know what?
那些破馬甲就賣光了 You sell out all those fuckin' vests.
不是吧 You did not.
每一件讓人發癢的臭馬甲都賣了 Every single itchy, stinky one.
我的天 恭喜你 Oh, my God. Congratulations.
真是讓人又高興又害怕 That is positively terrifying.
也不是全部 我留了一件 Well, not all of them. I saved one.
我的老天 那是什么 Dear God, what is that?
我的懲罰 My penance.
我都能聞見你走進來 I could smell you coming in.
我知道 我感覺就快被毒死了 I know. I feel like Karen Silkwood.
我覺得現在說我已經得了癌癥也不為過 I think it's safe to assume I already have cancer.
請把它放在車庫里 Please put it out in the garage.
也許會慢慢溶化 Maybe it'll dissipate.
看起來好像美洲大陸吐了 That thing looks like America threw up.
-你跟他把事情說清楚了 -說清楚了 - So you sorted it out with him? - It's sorted.
-他沒事吧 -他沒事 - And he's all right? - He's all right.
-你也沒事吧 -我沒事 - And you're all right? - I'm all right.
我只是需要洗個澡 I just need a shower.
然后就開始狂寫劇本吧 Then let's bloody write something.
-行 -你剪頭發了 - Fine. - Did you get a haircut?
免費的 It was free.
就知道我該一起去的 I knew I should've gone.
三周后
-看吶 -我是個作家 - look at this. - I'm a writer.
讀到的東西可不一定是真的 If you can believe everything you read.
很酷 我很喜歡 Well, it's very, very cool and very appreciated.
-你在干嗎 -我在讀 - What are you doing? - Reading it.
-別在這讀 現在別急 -不不不 - No, not here. Not now. - No, no, no.
別這樣啊 我很激動的 Well, come on. I'm excited.
等回家再說 Wait till you get home.
到時候可以認真看 也不會沾上披薩醬汁 When you can concentrate and not get pizza sauce all over it.
行吧 Fine.
等我回家了也可以撒披薩醬汁 I can get pizza sauce on it at home just as easy.
所以今晚會是那樣的 So it's gonna be that kind of night.
必須的 Totally that kind of night.
我們可以慶祝 We got to celebrate this thing.
祝賀還沒取名的馬特·勒布朗首播集 Here's to the untitled Matt LeBlanc pilot.
-好記 -謝謝 - Catchy. - Thank you.
沒你成不了 Couldn't have done it without you.
再來一瓶 We get one more bottle?
-不是吧 -我的天 - Oh, no. - Oh, my God.
別啊 當做甜點 Ah, come on. For--for dessert.
史上最爛戒酒互助會 Worst AA meeting ever.
我想說 Can I just say--
你又要發言了 You're not making another speech.
我又要發言了 I'm making another speech.
我們還不知道這事會怎么發展 Look, we don't know what's gonna happen with this.
你說得對 沾上醬汁了 You're right. There's sauce on it.
我們還不知道這事會怎么發展 We don't know what's going to happen...
但有一件事我是清楚的 這個 But the one thing I do know is that this--
就這 this, right here?
是這其中最棒的部分 This is the best part of all of this.
說得好 Hear, hear.
你也來 You too?
別了吧 Oh, let's not.
我有兩個兄弟 I have two brothers.
-兩個非常糟糕的 -非常糟糕 - Two horrible-- - Horrible, horrible.
小的那個 The little one?
完了嗎 Finished?
但我做夢也沒想過 But I never dreamt that I would find someone
我還會遇到有人 who actually feels
比他們兩個還像親兄弟的 more like a brother than either of them.
不不不 你不 你不必... No, no, no, you don't-- you don't have to--
不不不 你不必... No, no, no, you don't-- no, you don't--
不 你不 你不必那樣的 no, you don't-- you don't need to do that.
真的 你真的不必 You really-- no, you really don't.
你不必 不必 No, you don't. You don't.
來嘛 行吧 Oh, yeah, come on. All right, then.
雖然有時候你是個討厭鬼 Even if sometimes you are a douche nozzle.
敬討厭鬼 To douche nozzles.
我記得我們離開了餐廳 I know we left the restaurant.
但是不記得回家了 I just don't remember getting here.
他確實知道怎么享受 He does know how to have a good time.
三瓶葡萄酒不礙事 Three bottles of wine doesn't hurt.
三瓶 喝了五瓶 Three? Try five.
-不是吧 -是的 - No. - Yes.
-我們喝了五瓶葡萄酒 -我的天 - We had five bottles of wine. - Oh, my God.
我流的汗都是紅酒 I'm actually sweating a nice Brunello.
對他來說 這就是個普通周四 And you know, for him, this is just, like, Thursday.
你一直在看什么 What do you keep looking at?
是有點傻 但是我想說不定他今晚就會看 I know it's stupid, but I thought maybe he'd read it tonight.
最好等他清醒了再看 Better he reads it when he's not shit-faced.
第二天
別看了 Stop looking.
他發了郵件自然會響的 It'll ding when he writes.
說不定根本沒洗 These may still be dirty.
要不給他發短信 Should we text him?
那樣顯得我們很心急 It just makes us seem so needy.
我們是很心急 We are needy.
我知道 可那太丟人了 I know. But it's too pathetic.
這些是臟的 These are dirty.
他現在肯定已經看過了 He's got to have read it by now.
你又不知道 Well, you don't know.
他就像條金魚 He's like a goldfish.
一旦我們離開了他的視線 The minute we leave his field of vision,
他就忘記了我們的存在 he forgets we exist.
那要不發條短信催一下 So maybe a text to nudge him a bit?
-不 -不 - No. - No?
不 No.
當天晚上
-我要發短信 -行吧 發 - I'm texting. - Fine, text.
要不就問 “如何” How about, "Thoughts?"
不經意的一個詞 You know, nonchalant, one word.
“如何” 問號 "Thoughts," Question mark.
或者 “如何” 逗號 Or maybe, "Thoughts," Comma,
“你個不考慮別人的混蛋” 問號 "You inconsiderate fucker," Question mark.
語氣有點太強烈了吧 That's a little more emphatic than I was going for.
我覺得沒毛病 I have no problem with that.
一天后
讀個破劇本需要多久
也許他出車禍了 Maybe he was in an accident.
他說不定死了 He could be dead for all we know.
最好是死了 He'd better be.
兩天后
喂 Hello?
你們好啊 Hi, guys.
我剛接到了羅杰的電話 I just heard from Roger.
然后呢 And?
他跟馬特通話了 He spoke to Matt.
然后呢 And?
他要放棄 He's passing.
-他要什么 -誰要什么 - He's what? - Who's what?
-馬特 -要放棄 - Matt. - Is passing?
對 Right.
他不能放棄 He can't pass.
他是共同編劇 He co-created it.
我知道 I know.
那 那就這樣了 他就這么放棄了 So, so, so that's it? He's, he's, he's just passing?
往好的方面看 Well, there is an upside.
他想把編劇署名去掉 He wants his name off it,
所以現在你們獨享署名權了 so now you can have sole credit.
這是什么時候的事 When did this happen?
就在他看過之后 Right after he read it.
科布沙拉 Cobb salad.