前情提要
她針對電視臺提出了性騷擾的控訴 She filed a sexual harassment suit against the network.
我猜你說的是卡羅 I assume you're talking about Carol.
你這完全是自找的 You totally brought this on yourself.
你把這么美好的一段感情 You took this wonderful relationship,
完完全全地搞砸了 and you absolutely wrecked it.
她曾經很在乎你 She really cared for you.
你是第一個 You were the first boss
真正讓她開心的老板 that actually made her happy.
敬還沒取名的馬特·勒布朗首播集 Here's to the untitled Matt LeBlanc pilot.
他肯定已經看過了吧 He's got to have read it by now.
他就像金魚一樣 He's like a goldfish.
一旦我們離開了他的視野 The minute we leave his field of vision,
他就忘記我們的存在了 he forgets we exist.
你們好啊 Hi, guys.
我剛接到了羅杰的電話 I just heard from Roger.
-然后呢 -他跟馬特聊過了 - And? - He spoke to Matt.
然后呢 And?
他放棄了 He's passing.
這什么時候的事 When did this happen?
就在他看完之后 Right after he read it.
科布沙拉 Cobb salad.
戲里戲外 第五季第七集
最終集
他放棄了 He passed?
是他求著我們給他寫這部破戲 He was the one who begged us to write his bloody show,
他還放棄了 and he passed?
-我知道 -那我們怎么辦 - I know. - So what do we do?
這還有什么好問的 So is that even a question?
當然要問 Yes, it is.
我們不能就這么放棄 We are not just giving up.
他顯然覺得劇本有些問題 Look, he obviously has some issues with the script.
試試搞清楚是什么問題 Maybe try and find out what they are.
我們要怎么樣搞清楚 And how are we supposed to do that?
他不回短信 不回郵件 He hasn't answered one text, one email.
-我們去找他 -不 不不不 - So we go and talk to him. - Oh, no. - No, no, no.
行 沒必要低個八度 All right. No need to drop an octave.
不 哪怕我們還剩余一點點尊嚴 No. So long as we still have an ounce of pride,
都不能哭著去找他 we're not gonna snivel over to him-- "Oh, Matt.
馬特 我們的作品為何不能入你的法眼 How did our work fall short of your expectations?
求求你 告訴我們你的需求 Please, tell us what your needs are,
我們會盡力滿足 so that we can fulfill them.
值得一試 It's worth a try.
你好 Hello.
有段時間沒見到你們了 Hey. Haven't seen you guys in a while.
我們今天不在名單上 Oh, no, we're not on the list today.
如果你們不在名單上的話... Oh, well, if you're not on the list...
那你能不能給馬特的助手克里斯蒂娜打個電話 Right. Maybe you could give Matt's assistant, Christina, a call.
當然 等一下 Sure, hang on.
別這樣 Don't "Hmm."
我們人都來了 他不會趕我們走的 We're here. He won't turn us away.
-他不會的 那太尷尬了 -等著看 - He's not. It's too awkward. - You'll see.
等著看 You'll see.
你又不是永遠正確 You know, you're not always right.
你是經常正確 但不是永遠... You're often right, but not alway--
我不喜歡這個談話 I'm not enjoying this conversation.
看看這是誰啊 Look who's here.
尊貴的林肯夫婦 It's their royal 'ighnesses.
來來 Come here.
抱歉 她說時間不是很合適 Sorry, she says it's not a good time for him.
這可真是出乎意料 No. I did not see that coming.
-誰的時間不合適 -他這會正要錄節目 - Not a good time for who? - Look, he's about to do a show.
也許他真的有事 Maybe he's actually got something--
說的是馬特嗎 This is Matt we're--
你能不能別維護他了 Would you please stop defending him?
他就是一坨屎 He's a little shit.
我一直很喜歡你 I always liked you.
我不是說他不是一坨屎 I'm not saying he's not a little shit.
-我只是給他一點... -別 - I'm just giving him the benefit of-- - Well, don't!
他自私自利又愛傷人 根本不配做人 He is a selfish, hurtful, poor excuse for a human being,
而且他很清楚我會當他面這樣說 and he knows I'll say it to his face.
這兩位貴客是跟我一起的 The highnesses are with me.
誰 Yeah?
是我 有個小問題 It's me. Got a quick question.
門開著 It's open.
干嗎 What?
我的問題是 Uh, my question is,
這是像我希望的那么尷尬嗎 is this as awkward as I'm hoping?
是的 Ah, it is.
-如何 -如何 - How's it goin'? - How's it going?
從一到十 我覺得是什么鬼 Uh, on a scale of one to ten, I'd say it's what the fuck?
對 Right.
你的沉默真是震耳欲聾 The radio silence has been a bit deafening.
我現在要錄節目 Look, I got a show right now.
這事就不能再等會嗎 Could we maybe do this a little later?
沒關系 我讓他們等等 Well, that's okay. I'll tell 'em to hold.
玩得開心 Have fun.
聽我說 羅杰應該打電話 Uh, look, Roger was supposed to call
給那個誰 向她解釋的 what's-her-name and explain.
是 但我們聽到的就只是你放棄了 Yes, well, all we heard is that you're passing.
差不多就是這樣 Yeah, that's, well, pretty much it.
那到底是什么意思 什么叫你放棄了 What does that even mean, you're passing?
你是該死的共同作者 You're our bloody "Co-creator."
我不想重復同一句話 但是什么鬼 Not to repeat myself, but what the fuck?
你顯然對劇本有問題 Okay, obviously, you have a problem with the script.
顯然 Obviously.
你為什么不打給我們 Why didn't you just call us?
因為我想逃避這個 'Cause I wanted to avoid this.
行 現在大家都在場 Okay, well, we're here now,
大家都是成年人 我們可以承受 and we're grown-ups, so we can take it.
說真的 能別現在談這事嗎 Seriously, can we not do this now?
告訴我們你的問題在哪 No, let's. Just tell us what your issues are.
不夠好 It...wasn't great.
在405公路上開45分鐘車真是太值得了 Well, that was worth 45 minutes on the 405.
是哪方面不夠好 What about it wasn't great?
我也不知道 就是 不行 I don't know. It was just...nyeh.
我知道很難組織語言 隨便說 I know it's hard to articulate... Anything.
隨便一條具體建議都會非常有幫助 Any specifics you can give us will be really helpful.
好 Okay.
對話看起來非常勉強 The dialogue seemed forced.
你們之前在賣劇本的時候講的故事聽著不錯 The story sounded good when you pitched it,
但我讀過以后 覺得很假 but after I read it, it felt contrived.
我不能跟角色產生共鳴 I couldn't empathize with the characters.
迪克和他兒子之間的關系感覺不生動 The relationship between Dick and his son didn't feel organic.
沒有張力 There was no tension,
我不關心他們之間發生了什么 and I didn't care what happened to them.
看 所以我不想跟你們談這個 See, this is why I didn't want to do this.
好好 Okay, okay, well...
我知道你可能不想這樣做 I know it doesn't feel like it,
但其中有些問題是可以解決的 but some of those things are eminently solvable.
記得農場上那頭豬嗎 Yeah, remember that stupid pig? Up at the ranch?
到了某個時候 你得讓它死掉 At a certain point, you just got to let it die.
我是覺得還沒到那個時候 I'm saying we haven't reached that point.
我們的豬還在呼吸呢 Our pig is still breathing.
-我不知道 -你不知道什么 - I don't know. - What don't you know?
我 已經向前看了 I've, uh...kind of moved on.
那是什么意思 What does that mean?
我在做另一個戲了 I'm kind of doing another show.
-你什么 -什么 - You're what? - What?
怎么 Yeah?
我們準備好了 We're ready for you.
謝謝 Thanks.
我得走了 今晚很重要 I got to go. It's a big night.
我們要重新請回大羊駝 We're bringing the llama back.
你在做另一個戲是什么意思 What do you mean you're doing another show?
我演一個跟我媽一起住在佛州的殺手 Uh, yeah, the one where I'm a hit man in Florida with my mother.
你說你討厭那部戲 The one you said you hated?
劇本寫出來還挺不錯的 Well, the script came out pretty good,
電視臺又很上心 and the network's really hot on it.
所以你是很投入要做那部戲 So you're already committed to it?
算是吧 Kind of.
我們還尸骨未寒呢 Our bodies aren't even cold yet!
這是首播集的時節 Look, it's pilot season.
他們還跟別人有接觸 They had someone else they were talking to.
給我的時間有限 They put a clock on it.
你就沒有良心 And you didn't even have the decency,
一點點良心 來告訴我們 the human decency, to tell us?
因為我不想這樣 Because I didn't want to do this.
所以我們才請經紀人 That's what we have people for!
請人和做人之間 There is a huge difference between having people
有巨大的差別 and being people.
你對于后者實在是非常失敗 You have failed spectacularly at the second one.
說真的 能別現在討論這事嗎 Okay, seriously, can we not do this now?
-馬特 馬特 -你有沒有意識到 - Matt, Matt! Matt! Matt! - You realize--
謝謝 Thanks.
你有沒有意識到是你 You realize that you were the one
勸我們離開我們的劇組 who convinced us to leave our show?
那部戲有它的問題 但至少我們有一部戲 Yes, it had its problems, but at least we had a show.
我們現在一無所有 我們要去做什么 Now we have nothing. What are we supposed to do?
我不知道 回家去 I don't know. Go home.
你們一直都說討厭這里的 You always say you hate it here.
你現在要把我們趕出你的國家 So now you're throwing us out of your country?
那大猩猩怎么回事 What happened to the gorilla?
你可以留著 送給你們的 Oh, you can keep that. That was for you.
不是說那只真正的猩猩 No, not the actual gorilla.
你應該要做我們的大猩猩來著 You were supposed to be our gorilla.
你說你會保護我們 You said you'd protect us.
我是在保護你們 I am protecting you.
如果那個劇本上映了 If that script went on the air,
會害死你們的職業生涯 it would've killed your careers.
什么職業生涯 What careers?
你個兩面三刀的雜碎 You duplicitous lump of fuckery!
別裝得好像你是在保護我們似的 Don't try to pretend you're doing it for us.
-可以開始了 -不 - We're ready to start. - Oh, no.
再給他們兩分鐘 Let's give 'em another minute or two.
我也很想喜歡那個劇本 我希望它特別好 Look, I wanted to love it. I fucking wanted it to be great.
但它不是 But it's not.
最了不起的事情是 You know, the truly remarkable thing
我居然沒料到這一出 is that I didn't see any of this coming,
但其實自從我們到這之后 given that every shitty thing that's happened to us
遇到的所有糟心事都是因為你 since we got here comes back to you.
又開始了 Here we go.
從毀掉《萊曼校長和孩子們》 From ruining Lyman's Boys
到勸我們離開《對立面》 to getting us to leave Opposites
再到干我老婆 to fucking my wife!
這事唯一的一個好處就是 The one good thing that's come out of this
他終于能看清你的真面目了 is that finally he can see you for who you are.
你對朋友毫不忠誠 You have no loyalty.
別人對你來說是用完就扔 People are disposable to you.
你居然還演過一部叫《老友記》的戲 That you were on a show called Friends
簡直是太諷刺了 is so beyond ironic!
我告訴你 You know what?
你不需要演你父親 You don't need to play your father.
你就是你父親 You are your father.
好 Okay.
我最后挑選出這三套 I've narrowed it down to these three.
我需要一套衣服顯示出我很職業化 I want something that says, "I'm a professional,"
但同時又顯示 我是個受害者 but also, "I'm a victim."
不如選那套黑色 外加一支防強暴口哨 How about the black one and a rape whistle?
同時又得要夠性感 Also it should be hot enough
讓人相信是她主動追求我 that you'd believe she went after me,
但又不會性感到是我勾引了她 but not so hot that I might've seduced her.
還有 Oh, and...
我需要有點女同氣質的 I want something a little lesbian-y
但也要夠柔軟 讓人相信 but also soft enough that you'd believe
那是我第一次走下面 it was my first time down there.
行 Right.
我覺得你需要穿一部成長小說在身上 I think you're gonna have to wear a coming-of-age novel.
-什么 -你從一件裙子上要的太多了 - What? - You're asking the impossible. From a dress.
我從沒參加過取證 Look, I've never been to a deposition.
我猜會持續好幾個小時 I assume they last for hours.
就選一件舒服的 Just pick something that's comfortable
看不出汗漬的 and doesn't show sweat stains.
行 Fine.
就一個問題 Just answer me this.
我不應該顯肚子 對吧 I don't want to show the baby bump, do I?
除非你打算解釋她是怎么把你肚子搞大的 Not unless you're prepared to explain how she knocked you up.
我超級怕的 I am so dreading this.
比衣服更重要的是 M-more important than the dress,
你有沒有想過你要說什么 have you thought about what you're gonna say?
我不知道 I don't know.
我就講講發生了什么事 I'm just gonna tell what happened.
對 但我覺得你應該準備好應對各種問題 Right, but I think you should be ready for the kinds of questions.
比如 Like?
-蘭斯小姐 -我們現在要練嗎 - Miss Rance. - Oh, so we're doing this now.
這是你第一次 Is this the first employer
跟上司發生關系嗎 that you've had a relationship with?
-他們又不知道 -海倫知道他們就知道 - They don't know that. - Helen knows, so they know.
請回答問題 Answer the question, please.
不是第一次 No, it's not the first.
你以前跟多少個上司發生過關系 How many of your former bosses have you had affairs with?
-我不記得了 -多少個 - I don't remember. - How many?
三個 四個 Three. Oh, four.
五個 五個 Five. Five.
所以你算是個老手了 So you were really an old hand at this.
幾乎算是一種固定模式 One could almost call it a pattern.
你為什么走來走去 沒人會走來走去 Why are you pacing? No one paces.
都坐在椅子里 They're just in chairs.
所以對這種事的后果 So the consequences
你不應該那么意外 should not have been surprising to you at all.
-是這樣吧 -你跟誰站在一邊呢 - Isn't that true? - Whose side are you on?
你必須做好準備 回答我的問題 You have to be ready for this. Answer the question.
問題是什么來著 W-W-what was the question?
是誰主動的 是你還是拜什女士 Who initiated the relationship, you or Mrs. Basch?
-算是雙方的 -雙方的 - It was kind of mutual. - Mutual?
-更多是她吧 -你試過阻止她嗎 - More her, I guess. - Did you try and stop her?
-大概有吧 -有嗎 - Uh, maybe? - Did you?
-沒有 -你有鼓勵她嗎 - No. - Did you encourage her?
-沒有 -這是你第一次 - No! - Is this the first time
跟女人在一起嗎 that you'd ever been with a woman?
-是 -是嗎 - Yes! - Was it?
曾經有一次 在戲劇營 Okay, once, at theater camp.
當時是《查理布朗你是好人》 It was at the cast party
的全員派對 for You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown.
她演露西 我演派蒂 She was Lucy, I was Patty,
我們當時都嗑藥嗑嗨了 and we were both really, really stoned.
-真的嗎 -靠 - Really? - Oh, fuck.
我會被生吞活剝的 I'm gonna fry.
他說的對 He's right.
不夠好 It's not good.
-我知道 -你讀到哪了 - I know. - How far are you?
反正是早就不想讀了 Further than I want to be.
我們怎么會沒有發現 How did we not realize?
就好像我們剛認識那會你穿的七分褲 It's like those capri pants you had when we first met.
你覺得你看起來超... You thought you looked so--
我們說好了不要再討論七分褲的 We agreed we'd never discuss the capri pants.
你的小腳踝 Your little ankles.
就好像長了毛的肯尼迪夫人 行行 Like a hairy Jackie Onassis. Fine.
我們會恢復過來的 We will recover from this.
我知道 I know.
我其實不知道 但我相信你是對的 Actually, I don't know, but I'm sure you're right.
你總是對的 You always are.
剛看到公園里那一幕 Just got to the scene in the park.
-別看了 -停不下來 - Stop. - I can't.
-你需要分心 -什么 - Well, if you need a distraction... - What?
抱歉 現在誰也安慰不了我 I'm sorry. Right now, I'm feeling rather inconsolable.
不過歡迎你來嘗試 Although you're welcome to try.
被我性感的肯尼迪夫人腳踝點燃了 Turned on by my hairy Jackie O ankles?
我現在滿腦子想著這事 They're all I can think about.
你起得很早啊 You're up early.
根本沒睡 Never went to sleep.
真的嗎 Seriously?
你似乎很想我 Clearly I was missed.
又是安眠藥又是紅酒 我還活著就不錯了 Between the Ambien and the Chardonnay, be happy I'm alive.
你在干什么呢 What are you doing?
寫作 Writing.
親愛的 放棄吧 Darling, let it go.
他就說過一句真話 It's the one thing he said that's true,
讓那頭豬死掉吧 "Let the pig die."
是新的 It's something new.
真的嗎 Really?
我能看嗎 Can I see?
不 還太早了 Uh, no, it's too soon.
好吧 All right.
不不 No. No.
行 你準備好了告訴我 Fine. Whenever you're ready.
現在 現在看 Now. Read it now.
天 Oh, my.
寫自己熟悉的主題 Write what you know.
哪部分 Which bit?
很好 Oh, good.
太棒了 This is exciting.
是嗎 Yes?
我非常開心 I am very happy.
好 Good.
我要去睡了 該你了 I'm going to sleep. Your turn.
我的天 Oh, my God.
感受一下我的手有多濕 Feel how wet my hands are.
-不了 -真的 感受一下 - That's okay. - Seriously, feel them.
真的 我知道濕是什么感覺 Seriously, I know what wet feels like.
抱歉 我不想把衣服弄臟了 Sorry. I don't want to mess up my suit.
沒關系 我就是來支持你和你的汗腺的 That's fine. I'm here for you and your glands.
我為什么要來經歷這些破事 Why am I putting myself through this?
就告訴你自己這都是為了寶寶 Just keep telling yourself it's for the baby.
為了寶寶的房子 It's for the baby's house.
為了寶寶的大學學費 It's for the baby's college fund.
是是是 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-而且為了你能再有錢買大麻 -對 - And it's so you can buy dope again. - Yes.
希望還有錢能剩下 Hopefully, there'll be a little left over
給寶寶請心理醫生 for the baby's therapist.
天啊天啊天啊 Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
-什么 -樓梯 別看 我說了別看 - What? - The stairs. Don't look. I said don't look!
冷靜 深呼吸 Calm down. Take a breath.
-她在看嗎 -你剛讓我別看 - Is she looking? - You just said don't look!
她為什么在 Why is she here?
他們說她不會在的 They said she wasn't gonna be here.
顯然他們錯了 Well, obviously, they were wrong.
靠 我要吐了 Fuck. I'm gonna throw up.
你別吐 You are not gonna throw up.
看著我 Focus on me.
假裝我們在聊天 Act like we're talking.
蘋果醬 蘋果醬 Applesauce. Applesauce.
-蘋果醬 -什么 - Applesauce. - What?
-說 -蘋果醬 - Just say it. - Applesauce.
蘋果醬 蘋果醬 Applesauce. Applesauce.
她快走到電梯了 堅持住 She's almost at the lift. Hang in there.
我真的要吐了 I really think I'm gonna throw up.
-真的真的嗎 -蘋果醬 - Really really? - Applesauce.
洗手間 Uh, the ladies' room?
站起來 We're standing up.
呼吸 Breathe.
這就對了 很好 There we go. Very good.
我們繼續走 繼續走 We're walking. We're walking.
她還在嗎 Is she still there?
我不知道 我沒看 I don't know. I'm not looking.
-我要看 -別看 - I'm gonna look. - Do not look.
我看了 I'm looking.
靠 她看見我看了 Shit! She saw me looking.
告訴你別看了 Told you not to look!
天啊 Oh, God.
天啊 天啊 Oh, God. Oh, God.
-你還想吐嗎 -可能吧 - Do you still need to throw up? - Maybe.
不 我沒事了 No. I'm okay.
我靠 H-h-h-holy shit!
聽我說 Listen to me.
最糟糕的部分已經結束了 The worst is over.
你看見她了 她看見你了 You saw her. She saw you.
你沒有哭出來 You didn't burst into tears...
也沒有冒火 ...or burst into flames.
你比自己以為的要堅強 You are stronger than you think you are.
我們需要談談 We need to talk.
你在里面還好嗎 Are you all right in there?
很好 Fine!
我走了 I'm gonna go.
別 留下 No! Stay.
好 Okay.
你好嗎 So how are you?
非常不舒服 Wildly uncomfortable.
那是應該的 As you should be.
那 So, uh...
馬特要演那部殺手的戲 Matt's doing that hit man thing.
怎么回事 What happened there?
沒必要討論那個 Oh, it's not worth going into.
好 Okay.
肖恩和我開始寫一部新戲 Sean and I started something new.
給我們 For us?
-有可能 -很好 很好 - Possibly. - Good. Good.
我不想這么早就開始推銷 但我覺得... I don't want to pre-sell it, but I think you'll--
-你們來真的 -抱歉 - Seriously? - Sorry.
所以 So...
你想談談嗎 You wanted to talk?
我應該走嗎 Should I go or...
走 Yeah. Go.
我沒關系 I'm good.
你確定 You sure?
好 All right.
我就在外面 I'll be right outside.
有什么事就大聲喊 Holler if you need me.
行 聽我說 Okay, look.
不 你聽我說 No, you look.
我們兩個人都參與了這件事 Two of us went into this thing,
但只有一個人還有工作 but only one of us still has a job.
只有一個人能繼續生活下去 Only one of us got to go on with her life
假裝什么事也沒有發生過 like nothing ever happened.
-等等 噓 -你才噓 Wait. Shh, shh. No, you shh, shh, shh!
我不應該遇到這種事 I didn't deserve this.
你說得對 You're right.
沒錯 Yeah, I am.
所有這些糟心事都怪我 All the shit that went down, that's on me.
對 Yep.
我腦袋壞掉了 I got nuts.
我整個人就好像一個神經病 I was like a sick fucking...
混蛋 fuck.
我說真的 我回頭看的時候感覺... I swear to God, I look back, and I'm like...
我開始看心理醫生了 I finally started seeing this shrink.
-晚了 -可能是 - Little late. - Probably.
反正她看著挺聰明的 我也不知道 Anyway, she seems smart. I don't know.
我們主要討論你 Mostly, we talk about you.
很好 Good.
她都不能相信我干的某些破事 Even she couldn't believe some of the shit I pulled.
她說我陷入愛情的時候就會這樣做 She says that's what I do when I'm in love.
是一種什么拋棄情結 It's some kind of abandonment thing
-跟我爸的各種破事有關 -等等 - and all kinds of crap with my father. - Wait.
你陷入愛情了 You were in love?
拜托 Oh, come on.
真的嗎 Really?
你知道的 You knew that.
-不知道 -你知道的 - Nope. - Yeah, you did.
你從來沒說過 You never said it.
-但你知道的 我不知道 - But you knew it. - I did not.
拜托 我當然愛你了 Come on. Of course I love you.
愛過 愛過 Loved. Loved.
行吧 Fine.
愛 Love.
真的嗎 Really?
我超他媽想你的 I miss you so fucking much.
我也想你 I miss you too.
打擾一下 你們能繼續說話嗎 Excuse me? Um, can you keep talking?
你們要是都在聽著 'Cause I'm never gonna be able to pee
我沒辦法尿出來 if you're both listening.
抱歉 Sorry.
好點嗎 Better?
謝謝 Thank you.
我一直在想你 I think about you all the time.
我也想你 I think about you too.
我的天 Oh, my God.
我都沒辦法在自己床上睡覺了 I can't even sleep in my bed anymore.
太壓抑了 It's too depressing.
我好開心 That makes me so happy.
然后又出了那部該死的電影《卡羅》 And then that fucking movie Carol came out.
搞笑呢嗎 I mean, seriously?
那兩個女的 那么性感 Those two women, and it's so hot,
電影還叫《卡羅》 and it's called Carol?
我簡直要死了 It fucking killed me.
我覺得那部電影有點慢 I thought it was kind of slow.
是有點慢 It was slow.
是啊 Yeah.
有件你的T恤我一直沒還給你 I never gave you back one of your T-shirts.
還有你的味道 It still smells like you.
很惡心嗎 Oh, like in a gross way?
不惡心 No, not in a gross way.
哪一件 Which one?
藍色那件 The blue James Perse.
天 Oh, Jesus.
我一直在找那件衣服 I've been looking all over for that.
-你想要回去嗎 -不 - You want it back? - No.
-你確定 -對 - You sure? - Yeah.
如果你想要的話 I mean, if you want it--
-等一下 -怎么 - Wait. - What?
我需要薄荷糖 Oh, I need a mint.
-你好得很 -真的嗎 - You're fine. - Really?
-我沒有嘔吐物的味道嗎 -沒有 - I'm not vomit-y? - No.
我有薄荷糖 I have a mint!
-謝謝 -沒事 - Thank you. - That's okay!
我想要再有一次機會 I want another chance.
-不 -不 不會像... - No. - No, it wouldn't be like--
不行 No. I can't.
你把我毀了 You wrecked me.
我非常抱歉 I'm so fuckin' sorry.
如果我能撤回所有事 Look, if I could undo everything--
如果你能有可能 but if there's any way
允許我向你表明 you'll let me show you
我不是一定會變成那樣 that I don't have to be that person--
去他的 Oh, fuck it.
好 All right.
但是如果 如果我們再次打開這扇門 But if-- if we open this door again--
拜托了 Oh, please!
我們打開這扇門吧 Let's open the door.
打開這扇門 Open the door!
沒說你 Not you!
-如果 -好 - If. - Right.
我們要慢慢來 We are gonna take it slow.
絕對的 Absolutely.
慢慢來 Slow.
別搞什么 要同居了 None of this, "We're moving in.
要一起養狗了 We're getting a dog."
肯定的 慢慢來 Totally. Slow.
慢慢來 Slow.
我們都不用睡到一起 等到... We don't even have to sleep together until--
我倒也不是這個意思 Well, I'm not saying that.
所以我們要開始了嗎 So this is happening?
慢慢來 Slowly.
但是要開始了 But happening?
但是要開始了 But happening.
以及 Also...
還有一件事你應該知道 there's one other thing you should know.
我們有孩子了 We're having a baby!
-我們剛說了 -那又怎么樣 - We just said-- - Oh, so what?
恭喜 Congratulations.
一個月后
進來 Coming!
先看一眼 Always look first.
瘋子才不會敲門 Maniacs seldom knock.
永遠要先看一眼 Always look.
這是給你們的 This is for you.
知道這是什么嗎 You know what it is?
-不想跟你玩這套 -別啊 - We're not doing this. - Come on.
-這是什么 -不 - What is it? - No.
有燈光看得比較清楚 Maybe in the light.
現在呢 How about now?
-是什么蛇嗎 -不是 - Some kind of snake thing? - No.
奶油先生巧克力冰淇淋 A chocolate Mr. Whippy.
我都不知道那是什么 I don't know who that is. No.
-不是蛇玩具 -不是 - And it's not a snake thing? - No.
我怕的就是這個 See, this is what I was afraid of.
我跟克里斯蒂娜說了 I told Christina,
他們肯定不知道這是什么 "They're not gonna know what it is,"
你們肯定不敢相信這花了多少錢 and you can't believe what it fuckin' cost to make.
很好 我希望你浪費了一大筆錢 Good. I hope you wasted a lot of money.
是一坨大便 It's a turd.
你給我們做了一坨大便 You made us a turd?
對 Yeah.
就好像那只大猩猩 It's like the gorilla,
不過我不是大猩猩 only I'm not a gorilla.
原來我是一坨屎 Turns out I'm a piece of shit.
不需要用一坨布藝屎來告訴我們 Didn't need an upholstered poo to tell us that.
我是一坨屎 我很抱歉 I'm a piece of shit, and I'm sorry.
你就是一坨抱歉的屎 You are a sorry piece of shit.
我知道 我知道 I know. I know!
我一直在想你們說的那些話 I can't stop thinking about that thing you said
關于我像我父親一樣 我很討厭這樣 about me being like my father, and I fuckin' hate it.
觸動了你的神經 是吧 Touched a nerve, did we?
我父親拋棄了我們 而我做了什么 My father walked out on us, and what did I do?
我他媽拋棄了你們 I fuckin' walked out on you.
我不知道你們是不是打算要回家了 I didn't know if you were headed back home or not,
但我一定要在你們走之前見見你們 but I had to see you before you go.
還有句話我要說 And for whatever it's worth...
你們說得對 you were right.
這 And this...
就是我的感受 is how I feel.
就這個 There you go.
我很抱歉 I'm sorry.
-你看了我們的新劇本 -那又怎么樣 - You read our new script. - Ah, so what?
我的天 Oh, my God.
你們一定得讓我演這個人 You got to let me play this guy.
你沒有羞恥心嗎 Have you no shame?
我簡直了 I can't even!
這得是更大的一坨屎才行 This needs to be a much bigger piece of shit!
我真的為之前的事感到很難過 真心的 Look, I really do feel bad about what happened. Honest.
像你說我們要打算回家的時候那么真心嗎 Honest like when you said you thought we were going home?
你明明知道我們要拍這部新戲 Even when you already knew we were doing the new show?
那是之前的事了 That was then.
就在30秒之前 It was 30 seconds ago!
有些事該忘就忘 You got to let some stuff go.
-我們沒得談了 -別啊 - We're done here. - Come on!
這才是我們早就應該拍的戲 This is the show we should've done all along!
你怎么還有臉這么想 How could you possibly think,
發生了這些種種事情 given everything that's happened--
你這個樣子對待我們 You have treated us so horrendously,
你還期望我們重新接受你 and then you expect us to just take you back?
我們之間不就是這樣嗎 But that's kind of our thing.
這又不是什么好事 It's not a good thing.
你就是我們從沒遭遇過的暴力男友 You're the abusive boyfriend we never had.
冷靜 Calm down.
人不總是分分合合的嗎 People break up and get back together all the time.
-蠢人才是 -你們就有 - Stupid people. - You guys did.
我們愛彼此 We love each other.
你就不認為這里有愛嗎 And you don't think there's love here?
沒有 No!
拜托 Come on!
一點點愛 A little love.
一點點 A little.
一點點 A little...
你真的覺得 Do you honestly believe
你就這么撒撒嬌 that you can just bat your eyes
施展一下你的魅力 and turn on your theoretical Matt LeBlanc charm
我們就像你上過的那些傻姑娘一樣暈過去了 and we'll swoon like those idiot girls you screw?
-一點點 -沒有 - A little? - No!
-沒有 -沒有 - No? - No.
你可以用這些大便來哄我們 You can try to woo us with all the plushy turds you like.
但你搞的這些屎騙不了我們了 I'm afraid your shit no longer impresses us.
你這是假笑 That's your fake laugh.
看 你們是有多了解我 See, you guys know me so well!
你們希望我參加試鏡嗎 Look, do you want me to read for it?
我可以去試鏡 I'll read for it.
但我現在就告訴你們 But I'll tell you right now,
你們找不到比我更好的人了 you're not gonna do any better.
是嗎 Oh, really?
你會對那個已經選中的人感到驚訝的 You'd be surprised at who's already been cast.
我知道 我聽說了 I know. I heard.
但是這個角色 But for this part?
我就是那個人 I am that guy.
你們寫的時候就很清楚 And you knew it when you wrote it.
我知道你們很生氣 I know you're pissed.
換我也會很生氣的 I'd be pissed at me too.
我是很混蛋 I was a dick.
但不要用你們的戲來出氣 But don't punish your show for it.
你正在做的那部戲呢 What about the show you're already doing?
去它的 Fuck it.
所以你又打算對那個編劇 So you're willing to do to that writer
做你剛剛對我們道歉的事 what you've just apologized to us for?
這不一樣 This is different.
我跟你們之間有過往 I have a history with you.
有愛 There's love here.
我告訴你們 這是愛 I'm telling you. Love!
不會是你的制作公司 It wouldn't be your production company.
你也不能當制作人 You wouldn't even be a producer.
誰想當制作人 Who wants to be a producer?
也不會是里斯金和蝦姆金 Neither would Riskin and Shrimpkin or
-或者蝦姆金 -沒關系 - Shrimkin or-- - That's fine.
我都沒見過蝦姆金 I never even met Shrimpkin.
-是西姆金 -隨便吧 - It's Shimkin! - Whatever.
你們怎么想 So? What do you say?
太好了 Yes!
看見沒 一點點愛 See? A little love.
-一點點愛 -不 - A little love. - No.
一點點愛 拜托 A little love. Come on.
-不不不 -進來 - No, no, no. - Comin' in.
不不不不不 No, no, no, no, no. No!
把他弄開 Get him off me.
兩個月后
-不不不 -不 - No, no, no. - No.
停下 Stop it.
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