将军 Checkmate.
-又将? -显然 -again? -obviously,
你还不够格来玩三维国际象棋 You're not well suited for three-dimensional chess.
你的速度或许更适合玩三维糖果盒游戏 Perhaps three-dimensional candy land would be more your speed.
这盘重来 Just reset the board.
这么多层都得我让你 还真丢脸啊 It must be humbling to suck on so many different levels.
好 伙计们 Hey, guys.
-你拿了我的邮件了? -是 在这 -did you get my mail? -yeah, right here.
-内布拉斯加那边怎样? -比北达科他州强 -how was nebraska? -well, better than north dakota.
我猜这笑话只有在内布拉斯加州才会好笑 I guess that joke's only funny in nebraska.
就目前的数据来说 你还不能得出这结论 From the data at hand, you really can't draw that conclusion.
你所能唯一确定的是 All you can say with absolute certainty is that
这笑话在这儿不好笑 that joke is not funny here.
兄弟们 回来真好 Boy, it's good to be back.
-你家人怎么样? -这趟旅行简直不能再糟了 -how's your family? -it was the worst trip.
一个周末下来家里人全病了 Everyone got sick over the weekend.
-病了? -又来了 -sick? -here we go.
什么病? What kind of sick?
我猜 就是流感吧 The flu, I guess.
我不是要你猜 我要你确定 I don't need you to guess. I need you to know.
第一次出现症状是在什么时候 Now, when did the symptoms first appear?
大概是周五 Maybe friday.
周五 上午还是下午? Friday. was that morning or afternoon?
我...我不... I-i don't...
小姐 好好想想 是谁 在什么时候擦过鼻子? Think, woman. who blew their nose and when?
没事的 谢尔顿 Sheldon, relax.
她没有任何症状 我确定她不会传染 She doesn't have any symptoms. I'm sure she's not contagious.
拜托 Oh, please.
如果流感只有在症状出现后才会感染 If influenza was only contagious after symptoms appear,
那它早该在几千年前就消失了 It would have died out thousands of years ago.
在开始使用石器工具和创作洞穴壁画的年代 Somewhere between tool using and cave painting,
"能人"们肯定会想方设法 Homo habilis would have figured out
干掉流着鼻涕的家伙的 how to kill the guy with the runny nose.
潘妮 你要原谅谢尔顿 他有点病理恐惧 Penny, you'll have to excuse sheldon. he's a bit of a germaphobe.
没关系 我能理解 It's okay. I understand.
谢谢你的照顾 现在请你离开 Thanks for your consideration. now please leave.
你最好趁他还没拿来沙尔(消毒药水)来对着你喷的时候赶紧闪 You'd better go before he starts spraying you with lysol.
好的 谢谢你替我拿邮件 Okay. well, thank you for getting my mail.
小意思 欢迎回家 No problem. welcome home.
怎么了?! What?!
你在搞什么鬼东西 What the hell are you doing?
我在制作皮氏培养皿培养喉咙里的细菌 I'm making petri dishes to grow throat cultures.
用酸橙果冻? With lime jell-o?
我需要一个(生长物)培养基 I need a growth medium,
而某人却把杏仁酸奶给扫荡一空了 And someone polished off the apricot yogurt.
来 从我喉咙里取些唾液 Here, swab my throat.
我可不干 I don't think so.
如果我要走在它前面搞定它 If I'm going to get ahead of this thing,
就必须弄清楚我喉咙里是什么东西在生长 I need to find out what's growing in my throat.
谢尔顿 你没病 Sheldon, you are not sick.
这些行为有 但你没有 This is, but you are not.
我们根本不清楚她带进屋子来的 We have no idea what pathogen typhoid
是什么伤寒病原体 penny has introduced into our environment.
鉴于我从没去过内布拉斯加 For having never been to nebraska,
我十分肯定我没有携带玉米外壳抗体 I'm fairly certain that I have no corn-husking antibodies.
谢尔顿 你不觉得你反应过度了吗 Sheldon, don't you think you're overreacting?
当我倒在医院昏迷不醒 When I'm lying comatose in a hospital
要靠那些低智商来医治我的时候 relying on inferior minds to cure me,
这些果冻培养细菌连同我的笔记 These jell-o cultures and my accompanying notes
会让他们有机会最后一搏 Will give them a fighting chance.
-我回去睡觉了 -等等 -i'm going back to bed. -wait.
-把这个放到卫生间 -干吗 -put this in the bathroom. -what for?
我要测量我体液的摄取和排放情况 I need to measure my fluid intake and output
确保我肾功能没有衰竭 To make sure my kidneys aren't shutting down.
这是我用来和糕饼的! I mixed pancake batter in this!
不 这个实验皿一直是用来盛小便的 No, that measuring cup has always been for urine.
你有闲工夫把房间里的所有东西都贴上标签 You had time to make a label for everything in this apartment
即使标签笔都有标签 Including the label maker,
就不能抽出十秒钟把它标记上"小便皿"吗? But you didn't have ten seconds to make one that said "urine cup"?
这不在杯底嘛 It's right here on the bottom.
我猜我该给贝蒂妙厨写封道歉信了 I guess I owe the betty crocker company a letter of apology.
我的天呐 Oh, dear god.
里奥纳德 我病了! Leonard, I'm sick!
里奥纳德 我的加衬芯床罩掉了 我一弯腰鼻窦就疼 Leonard, my comforter fell down, and my sinuses hurt when I bend over.
里奥纳德 你在哪呢 -hey! -leonard, where are you?
我在工作 I'm at work.
早上六点半? At 6:30 in the morning?
还是星期天? On sunday?
-怎么会 -他们叫我帮忙 -why? -they asked me to come in.
我没听到电话响过啊 I didn't hear the phone ring.
他们发的短信 They texted me.
是这样 跟我预测的如出一辙 我病了 Well, as I predicted, I am sick.
我的体温从凌晨两点开始就呈指数曲线上升 My fever has been tracking up exponentially since 2:00 a.m.,
而且我痰中含血量惊人地高 And I am producing sputum at an alarming rate.
开玩笑吧? No kidding?
没有 不仅如此 No, not only that,
痰的颜色也已经从透明变成牛奶绿了 It has shifted from clear to milky green.
好吧 All right,
多休息 多喝点液体 Get some rest and drink plenty of fluids.
我还能喝什么 气体 固体 还是电离等离子体? What else would I drink, gases, solids, ionized plasma?
想喝什么随你便 Drink whatever you want.
-我想喝汤 -那就煲汤啊 -i want soup. -then make soup.
家里没有汤 We don't have soup.
谢尔顿 我在工作呢 I'm at work, sheldon.
那是狗叫吗 Is that a dog?
在实验室里? In the lab?
他们在训练狗操作离心机 They're training dogs to operate the centrifuge
以备他们需要狗去... For when they need dogs to...
为盲人科学家 Operate the centrifuge
操作离心机 我要挂了 For blind scientists. I have to go.
霍华德 电话响了! Howard, it's the phone!
我知道电话响了 妈 我耳朵不聋! I know it's the phone, ma, I hear the phone!
是谁在这么邪恶的时间来电话?! Well, who's calling at this ungodly hour?!
不知道! I don't know!
那就问问他们为什么在这么邪恶的时间来电话?! Well, ask them why they're calling at this ungodly hour!
我在跟你说话怎么问他们问题?! How can I ask them when I'm talking to you?!
你好 Hello.
霍华德 我是里奥纳德 牛奶绿色警报 It's leonard. code milky green.
天呐 不是真的吧 Dear lord, not milky green.
警报属实 伴有发烧症状 Affirmative. with fever.
谁来的电话? Who's on the phone?!
是里奥纳德! It's leonard!
他为什么来电话?! Why is he calling?!
谢尔顿病了! Sheldon's sick!
你还跟他一起玩呢?! Were you playing with him?!
看在上帝的份上 妈 我都二十六岁了! For god's sake, ma, I'm 26 years old!
不好意思 长大了先生! Excuse me, mr. grownup!
你早饭想吃什么?! What do you want for breakfast?!
巧克力牛奶和冰冻松饼 谢谢! Chocolate milk and eggos, please!
-听我说 -等下 有呼叫等待 -listen to me. -hang on. call waiting.
不 别...! No, don't...!
你好 Hello.
霍华德 我病了 Howard, I'm sick.
霍华德在睡觉呢 我是他妈! Howard's sleeping. this is his mother!
你为什么要在这么邪恶的时间来电话? Why are you calling at this ungodly hour?
我要喝汤 I need soup.
找你自己的妈妈去! Then call your own mother!
是谢尔顿 It was sheldon.
-我刚才阻止你来着 -是我的错 -i tried to stop you. -it's my own fault.
我忘了06年耳炎大事件之后 I forgot the protocol we put in place
我们定下的协议了 after the great ear infection of 06.
你打电话给库萨帕里 You call koothrappali.
在接下来的18到24小时里 我们要找地方躲起来 We need to find a place to lay low for the next 18 to 24 hours.
等一下 Stand by.
妈 我朋友能来家里坐坐吗? Ma, can my friends come over?
我刚洗过地毯! I just had the carpet steamed!
被否决了 That's a negatory.
但是今天电影展里会上演"决战猩球"全集 But there's a planet of the apes marathon at the nuart today.
5部电影 每部2小时 Five movies, two hours apiece..
算是个开始 It's a start.
有个疯子加流浪汉 在18号桌 Homeless, crazy guy at table 18.
不 只是疯子而已 No, just crazy.
谢尔顿 你在这里做什么? Sheldon, what are you doing here?
我病了 非常感谢 I'm sick. thank you very much.
怎么会是我传染给你的呢? 我没有病 How could you have gotten if from me? I'm not sick.
你是携带者 You're a carrier.
这里的所有人都在劫难逃 All these people here are doomed.
你们在劫难逃啦! You're doomed!
谢尔顿 你想要干什么? Sheldon, what do you want?
我想要喝汤 I want soup.
为什么你不...? Why didn't you...?
为什么你不在家弄汤喝? Why didn't you just have soup at home?
潘妮 我的智商是187 Penny, I have an iq of 187.
你不会想想 如果我在家有办法 Don't you imagine that if there were a way for me
喝汤的话 你觉得我会来这里么? To have had soup at home, I would have thought of it?
你可以叫外卖啊 You can have soup delivered.
这点我倒没想过 I did not think of that.
很明显 我已经处于发烧后的精神错乱状态了 Clearly, febrile delirium is setting in.
趁我还知道汤匙是做什么用 Please bring me some soup
请快给我上汤吧 While I still understand what a spoon is for.
你想要什么汤? What kind of soup do you want?
我母亲过去给我做的汤 里面有切开的豌豆 Well, my mother used to make me this split pea
切片的法兰克福香肠和一些自制的油煎面包块 With little frankfurter slices and these homemade croutons.
我们有鸡汤 玉米汤 和土豆葱汤 We have chicken, tortilla and potato leek.
有没有什么汤里是放切片的法兰克福香肠 Could I get any of those with little frankfurter slices
和自制的油煎面包块的? 没有 And homemade croutons? No.
那就给我个惊喜吧 Then surprise me.
你们觉得它是黄绿色还是树绿色? Would you call that "moss green" or "forest green"?
看看 每个人都选了黑猩猩 Look at this. everyone went chimp.
我要指出我之前提议选的是人猿 I'd like to point out that I voted for orangutan,
但是被你给否决了! But you shouted me down!
-潘妮 -你在哪呢? -hi, penny. -hey, where are you?
我在...工作 I'm... at work.
你的声音很奇怪 You sound funny.
我...我穿着反辐射工作服 Look. I'm... I'm in a radiation suit.
-有什么事吗? -我也在工作 -what's up? -i'm at work, too,
你绝对猜不到谁在这里用病菌感染着我整个工作区 And you'll never guess who's here infecting my entire station.
谢尔顿在芝士蛋糕店 Sheldon's at the cheesecake factory.
-告诉他让他回家 -他不走 -just tell him to go home. -he won't leave.
他怕他会晕倒在公车上 He's afraid he'll pass out on the bus,
然后有人会把他的器官割走 And someone will harvest his organs.
他已经有妄想症状了 不过他已经找到了地方呆着 He's paranoid, and he's established a nest.
你能过来接他吗? Can you please come get him?
当然可以 Yeah, I'd be happy to.
我的天啊 辐射室出现裂缝了! Oh, my god, there's a breach in the radiation unit!
整个城市要陷于危险中了! 我的天啊! The whole city is in jeopardy! oh, my god!
安全壳已经开始融化了 不能说了 拜! The containment vessel's melting. gotta go. bye!
我感到非常内疚 I feel really guilty.
你做了你该做的 You did what you had to do.
把你的脏爪子从我的爆米花上移开 Take your stinking paws off my popcorn,
你个恶心可恶的大猩猩! You damn dirty ape!
谢谢你带我回家 Thanks for bringing me home.
没关系 我今天不是很需要上班 It's okay. I didn't really need to work today.
反正我也没车和房子的贷款要缴 It's not like I have rent or car payments or anything.
好 那就好 Good, good.
好吧 祝你康复 Okay, well, you feel better.
等等! 你要去哪里? Wait! where are you going?
回家... 去写一些空头支票 Home... to write some bad checks.
你就这样扔下我不管? You're going to leave me?
谢尔顿 你已经长大了 你之前没生过病吗 Sheldon, you are a grown man. haven't you ever been sick before?
当然生过 不过有人照顾我啊 Of course, but not by myself.
真的? 从来没自己一人过? Really? never?
有一次 我15岁 Well, once, when I was 15,
暑假的时候在德国的海德尔堡学院 Spending the summer at the heidelberg institute in germany.
出国留学? Studying abroad?
不是 被邀请当客座教授 No. visiting professor.
总之 当地的烹饪方法用的香肠比我习惯的多了一些 Anyway, the local cuisine was a little more sausage-based
结果就是肚子里上演了陆军联合闪电战 Than I'm used to, and the result was an internal blitzkrieg,
我的大肠扮演的是捷克斯洛伐克 With my lower intestine playing the part of czechoslovakia.
当时没有人在那里照顾你么? And there was no one there to take care of you?
我妈要飞回德克萨斯帮我爸爸的忙 My mom had to fly back to texas to help my dad,
因为房子的煤渣砖又塌方了 Because the house had slipped off the cinder blocks again.
-又? -当时是狂风季节 -again? -it was tornado season.
那是个临时工棚 And it was an aluminum house.
当时学院公寓里的管家不会讲英文 The housekeeper in the faculty residence didn't speak any english.
当我终于让她相信我生病了的时候 When I finally managed to convince her I was sick,
她说 "mochtest du eine darmspfilung?" She said,"mochtest du eine darmspfilung?"
那是什么意思? What does that mean?
根据之后发生的事 我认为意思是 Based on what happened next, I assume it means,
"你想要灌肠吗?" "would you like an enema?"
好吧 亲爱的 我来照顾你吧 Okay, sweetie. I'll take care of you.
你需要我做什么 What do you need?
我妈妈常给我用海绵擦身 My mom used to give me sponge baths.
基本规则 禁止用海绵擦身 Ok ground rules. No sponge baths,
还有绝对禁止灌肠 And definitely no enemas.
同意 Agreed.
开始了 Here we go.
2个半小时的猩猩大战 老天啊 Ten-and-a-half hours of ape-y goodness.
晕 我的眼镜 Damn it, my glasses.
兄弟们 我处于"半瞎"状态 你们可以帮我找找么? Okay, I'm blind here, guys. can you help me find them?
-对不起 -好 -sorry. -okay.
找到了 Found them.
好极了 Oh, great.
对不起 你没有备用的吗 I'm sorry. don't you have a spare?
有啊 可是在家里 Yeah, at home.
如果你现在走 If you leave now,
你可以赶在大猩猩把查尔顿·赫斯顿的屎掏出来之前回来 You can be back before the gorillas rip the crap out of charlton heston.
不过谢尔顿要是在家的话 你就将永远被困在 Unless sheldon's there, in which case, you'll be trapped forever
他那喋喋不休的 超神经质的鼻涕网中 In his whiny, hyper-neurotic snot web.
潘妮吗 Hi. penny?
我想问下 谢尔顿还在店里吗 I was just wondering, is sheldon still at the restaurant?
好的 你真是个大好人 我得挂了 Okay, that was very nice of you. okay, I gotta go.
切尔诺贝利事件升级了 挂了 再见 Got kind of a full-blown chernobyl thing here. gotta go, bye.
他在家 我完了 He's home. I'm screwed.
要看十个半小时的模糊猩猩 Ten-and-a-half hours of ape-y blurriness.
做个激光手术怎么样? How about lasik?
你想让我去做眼部手术? You want me to get eye surgery?
你是宁可回家跟谢尔顿斗智斗勇 Would you rather go home and deal with sheldon,
还是在你的角膜上用激光切个奇怪的槽 Or have a stranger carve out your corneas with a laser beam?
-怎么着? -我正在想 -well? -i'm thinking.
好了 很好很舒适 Okay, nice and cozy.
好吧 一会见 Okay? I'll see you later.
等等 Wait.
你能不能把这个擦在我胸上? Will you please rub this on my chest?
谢尔顿 你自己不能干吗 Sheldon, can't you do that yourself?
维克斯达姆膏会弄得我手上闻起来很奇怪 Vaporub makes my hands smell funny.
-可是 谢尔顿... -求你了 求你了 求你了 -but, sheldon... -please, please, please?
真是被你打败了 I can't believe I'm doing this.
不 不 逆时针涂 要不我胸毛就该打结了 No, no. counterclockwise, or my chest hair mats.
对不起 Sorry.
你能唱"乖乖猫"给我听吗 Can you sing "soft kitty"?
什么 What?
我妈妈在我病的时候总唱给我听 My mom used to sing it to me when I was sick.
-对不起亲爱的 我不会唱 -我可以教你 -oh, sorry, honey. I don't know it. -i'll teach you.
乖乖猫 暖暖猫 Soft kitty, warm kitty,
小小毛绒球 Little ball of fur
快乐猫 瞌睡猫 Happy kitty, sleepy kitty,
呜 呜 呜(猫的叫声) Purr, purr, purr
该你了 Now you.
乖乖猫 Soft kitty,
暖暖猫 Warm kitty...
小小毛绒球 Little ball of fur
手别停 Keep rubbing.
小小毛绒球 Little ball of fur
你看到什么了? 我看不到 What do you see? I can't.
客厅好像没人 The living room appears to be empty.
他肯定在他卧室 He must be in his bedroom.
我的备用眼镜在我卧室的柜子上 My spare glasses are in my bedroom, on my dresser,
就挨着我的蝙蝠侠发光器 Next to my bat signal.
我又不进去 I'm not going in there.
-拉杰? -没门 伙计 -raj? -no way, jose.
可是我没法去拿啊 我什么都看不到 But I can't do it. I can't see anything.
那没关系 有无线迷你摄像头和蓝牙耳机 It's all right. wireless minicam and bluetooth headset.
我们就是你的眼睛 We'll be your eyes.
好吧 Fine.
还有个玩意儿 One more thing.
这是个次音速冲击传感器 This is a subsonic impact sensor.
如果谢尔顿下床并开始走路 If sheldon gets out of bed and starts to walk,
这个器件会记录下来并把信号发回笔记本 This device will register it and send a signal to the laptop.
由此 根据这间公寓的地理结构 At that point, based on the geography of the apartment
和病猫谢尔顿的步行速度 And the ambulatory speed of a sick sheldon,
你有7秒钟的时间出来 带眼镜或者不戴眼镜 You'll have 7 seconds to get out, glasses or no glasses.
我的脚步声不会干扰它判断吗? Won't my footsteps set it off?
不会 你只能用你的手和膝盖走路 No. you'll be on your hands and knees.
你要把这个传感器放到离谢尔顿尽可能近的地方 You'll need to get the sensor as close as you can to sheldon's room.
我用手和膝盖走路我怎么带着这个玩意? How do I carry it if I'm on my hands and knees?
低一点 Stay low.
左转 Bear left.
-现在直给 -什么 -now keep true. -what?
-意思是"一直走" -说"一直走"不就得了 -it means "go straight." -then just say, "go straight."
你报方位的时候 You don't say, "go straight."
不说"一直走" 是说"直给" When you're giving bearings, you say, "keep true."
好吧 All right.
我把头给撞了 I just hit my head.
因为你没"直给" Because you didn't keep true.
好啦 右转 Okay, turn right.
图像受损了 The picture's breaking up.
把你的脑袋往右斜 Angle your head to the right.
再来点儿 Now, a little more.
再来点儿 Little more.
好了 现在直给吧 That's it. now, just keep true.
你离谢尔顿的屋子已经很近了 可以部署传感器了 You're close enough to sheldon's room. deploy the sensor.
现在把它打开 Now, turn it on.
它没开着吗? It wasn't on?
那我干嘛还要爬着进来 Then why did I have to crawl?
是 我想你可以不用 No, I guess you didn't.
好了 打开了 Okay, it's on.
好 从现在开始 你就得爬着走了 Good. from this point forward, you will have to crawl.
明白 I know.
等等 传感器探测到了什么 把头转回去 Hang on, the sensor's picking up something. turn your head back.
你真不是个东西 You rat bastard.
看 传感器能用的吧 Told you the sensor would work.
你成心让我在这陪着谢尔顿活受罪 You deliberately stuck me with sheldon.
没办法 我也是不得以啊 你也看到谢尔顿什么样了 Come on, I had to. you see what he's like?
潘妮 我饿了 Penny, I'm hungry.
好的 亲爱的 有好消息 里奥纳德回来了 It's okay, sweetie. good news! leonard's home!
交给你了 祝你好运 再见 Here you go. good luck. bye.
里奥纳德 我饿了 Leonard! I'm hungry!
潘妮 把我带上吧 Penny, take me with you!
我想吃烤芝士三明治 I want grilled cheese.
你觉得潘妮会过来照顾咱们吗 Do you think penny will come here and take care of us?
我觉得潘妮再也不会到这来了 I don't think penny's ever coming here again.
我鼻塞得厉害 I'm very congested.
怎么? Yeah? so?
你能不能帮我去厨房 Could you go to the kitchen
拿一个标有"分泌粘液"的胶头滴管 And get me the turkey baster labeled "mucous"?
我一站起来 我就会吐的 If I stand, I'll vomit.
在水槽下面 黄色的特百惠碗 Under the sink, yellow tupper ware bowl.