《生活大爆炸》前情提要 Previously on The Big Bang Theory.
与我女友住同一屋檐下吗 Cohabitation with my girlfriend?
这可是件大事啊 That's a great deal to process.
只是同住五周而已 It's only for five weeks.
请让我用科学家角度说服你 Let me appeal to the scientist in you.
同住的时间是五周 Given the five-week end date,
这长度正好适合我们来实验彼此契合度 isn't it the perfect opportunity to consider this an experiment
并搜集数据不是吗 and collect data on our compatibility?
少用这种撩人的话来套路我 Don't try luring me in with sexy talk.
这么说吧 Okay.
电视剧《星际旅行：初代》 Star Trek: The Original Series.
进取号开始了一个五年期探索新世界的任务 The Enterprise was on a five-year mission to explore new worlds.
把这件事 Think of this as your
也想成是你个人的五周期任务嘛 personal five-week mission to do the same.
你想用撩人的话来套路我 就得像他这样 If you want to lure me in with sexy talk, that's how you do it.
那你们怎么不直接住去我家 Okay. Why don't you guys stay across the hall,
然后我跟莱纳德住这里 and we will live here?
好吧 我同意 Very well. I'm on board.
-真的吗 -真的 - Seriously? - Yes.
我接受这个五周的任务 I accept this five-week mission
跟我的女朋友分享同一居住空间 to share a living space with my girlfriend.
好兴奋啊 Oh. This is so exciting.
但跟《原初系列》一样 Well, now, don't be surprised if, like Star Trek,
三季就砍的话 也别太惊讶 it's canceled in three.
时至今日
我有点迷糊了 Okay, I'm confused.
《黑客军团》的黑客先生是哪位 Which one is Mr. Robot?
我给你个提示 I'll give you a hint.
我们在看的是《夜魔侠》 We're watching Daredevil.
麻烦你俩告诉艾米 Will you two please inform Amy
你们有多享受遵守严格的如厕时间表吗 how much you enjoy adhering to a strict bathroom schedule?
-不行 -不想 - Can't. - Won't.
-没有过 -也不会 - Didn't. - Don't.
我跟你说了 I told you,
你不能规定我们生活大小事都按表操课 you can't regulate every aspect of our lives.
你要是乖乖配合接受统治 我就能啦 I can if you'd just roll over and accept your fate.
抱歉把家丑闹到你们面前 I'm sorry for bringing this over here.
相信我 我们特理解你现在面临的问题 Believe me, we know what you're going through.
我们能给你的最实用建议就是 And I-I think the most helpful thing we can tell you is
绝不退缩 no backsies.
谢尔顿 我明白 Sheldon, I understand
你喜欢事情按你方式来 that you like things a certain way
我也愿意做出一些让步 and I'm willing to make some concessions,
但你同样也得愿意做出妥协啊 but you have to be open to compromise.
她说得对 这话在理 She's right. That's reasonable.
瞧瞧支持做出妥协的人是谁 Oh, look who's in favor of compromise,
不正是嫁给莱纳德·霍夫斯塔德的女人吗 the woman who married Leonard Hofstadter.
她才不是妥协好吗 Hey, she didn't compromise.
她只是放弃抵抗了 有区别好吗 She settled. There's a difference.
没错 宝贝你说得真对 Yeah. You tell him, babe.
♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪
♪ We built the Wall, We built the pyramids ♪
♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪
♪ That all started with a big bang ♪
生
活
大
爆
炸
第十季 第五集
♪ Bang! ♪
你跟伯纳黛特几点出发 What time do you and Bernadette head out?
我一到家就出发 As soon as I get home.
我们希望能在天黑前就到那里 We're hoping to make it before dark.
我从来没去过棕榈泉市 I've never been to Palm Springs.
你应该去看看 Oh, you should go.
那里超棒 像我个人就在 It's terrific. I-I really thrive anywhere
女人年纪与华氏度超过90的地方特别吃得开 the women and the temperature are over 90.
这个嘛... I don't know.
如果我想看老人汗流浃背 If I want to watch old people sweat,
我就跟我印度家人视频聊天就行啦 I can just FaceTime my family in India.
我觉得你跟伯纳黛特能出去玩玩挺好 It's nice you and Bernadette are getting away.
她想在孩子出生前 Well, she wants us to spend more time together
多跟我享受点二人世界 before the baby comes.
那你为啥还来买漫画 So then what are you doing here buying comic books?
他也想在孩子出生前 Well, he wants us to spend more time together
多跟我享受点二人世界 before the baby comes.
跟别人同住 肯定会有争执 When you live with someone, there's gonna be conflict.
重点是要不断沟通交流 You just have to keep communicating.
我愿意啊 I'm open to that.
好 那首先我想说 Okay. Well, for starters,
把我们俩的牙刷放在同个牙刷桶上 there's nothing wrong with keeping our toothbrushes
没什么问题啊 in the same holder.
谢尔顿 你觉得呢 Sheldon, what do you say to that?
我们还是另觅新欢吧 I think we should see other people.
什么 What?!
我身为雄性生物 体内有让我想 Well, as a male, I have an evolutionary drive
将我基因传承下去的冲动 to perpetuate my DNA.
限制自己只有一个伴侣违反了我的天性 Restricting myself to a single partner is against my nature.
我们一年才"睡"一次 We sleep together once a year!
你还想有其他伴侣吗 You want other partners?
别怪我 要怪就怪你亲爱的生物学 Don't blame me. Blame your pal, biology.
他才是在背后控制这一切的变态 He's the pervert pulling the strings here.
你想找新欢是吗 那你就去啊 You wanna see other people? Go see other people.
最好找到一根香蕉 他俩就是在耍猴戏 I hope one of those people is a monkey, 'cause this is bananas.
随便你开玩笑 但争吵持续升温 You can make jokes, but if this keeps up,
-最后他又得搬回来了 -好吧 - he's gonna move back in here. - All right.
那就先把他俩分开 Well, let's just get them apart for a while
-让他们冷静冷静 -好 - so they can cool down. - Good.
在我们重新让他们见面之前 Then before we reintroduce them,
我们可以给他一件她的外套 we'll give him one of her sweaters
让他重新熟悉一下她的气味[养宠物] so he can get used to her scent again.
所以你开玩笑就可以吗 So it's okay for you to joke around?
不是啊 霍华德从太空回来时 No, that's actually what we did with him
我们就是这么让他重新接受霍华德 when Howard came back from space.
亲爱的 你还好吗 Honey, how ya feeling?
书上说怀孕到了这个阶段 The book says at this stage of the pregnancy
晨吐的症状应该会没了 morning sickness should be going away.
这算好消息吧 So that's good news, right?
现在唯一比你还让我讨厌的事物 就是那本书 The only thing I hate more than you right now is that book!
她总算出来了 There she is!
谁准备好要开启 Who's ready for a hot,
三小时的炎热沙漠车程了呢 three-hour car ride to the desert?
下一次就吐在你大腿上 Next vomit is gonna be in your lap.
对不起啦 I'm sorry.
我们也可以不去啊 We don't have to go.
这是我们最后一次 But it's our last chance to take a vacation
二人旅行的机会了 that's just the two of us.
我们就待家里怎么样 How 'bout we stay here?
不用告诉其他人啊 We don't even have to tell anyone.
就像个秘密家中度假 It'll be like a secret vacation at home.
对我们朋友有秘密 Keeping secrets from our friends--
听起来的确挺有意思 that does sound kinda fun.
听起来... Does it sound...
性感咩 sexy?
我大吐特吐的全过程你都听见了 You just heard me throwing up.
当然啦 You bet I did.
你的点好怪啊 You're so weird.
你知道怪的是什么吗 You know what's weird?
是你现在有多"性"奋 How turned on you are right now.
别人总是第一反应就指责我 You know, people are quick to accuse me
说我是难搞的室友 of being difficult to live with,
但事实上 艾米也一样龟毛 but the truth is, Amy is just as challenging.
一样龟毛 Just as challenging.
没错 Yes.
跟你一样 As you.
对的 Yes.
跟你一样龟毛吗 Just as challenging as you.
当我们一起睡时 When we're sleeping,
她会冲着我呼吸 she breathes on me.
有一晚 她鼻息大到我差点抓起托托 One night, it got so bad I almost grabbed Toto
冲进防龙卷风地窖里避难了[《绿野仙踪》] and headed for the storm cellar.
莱纳德也会冲着我呼吸 Leonard breathes on me, too.
这没什么 It's not a big deal.
她总是抱怨同事不好 She's always complaining about people at work.
莱纳德也是这样 Well, so does Leonard.
虽然很烦人 但也不像世界末日那样严重啊 It's kind of annoying, but it's not the end of the world.
你知道吗 我洗完澡出来 Do you know that when I get out of the shower,
她对我上下打量 好像人家只是一坨小鲜肉 she eyes me up and down like I'm a piece of meat?
莱纳德也这样 You know, so does Leonard.
就不能有一天我早上洗漱时 Can't I just get ready in the morning
他不举起他的傻逼拇指吗 without him giving me his goofy thumbs-up?
我懂 I know.
有时候我真希望她欣赏的是我的头脑 Sometimes I would just like to be appreciated for my mind.
同意 握爪 Agreed! Thank you!
好舒服 That feels great.
是吧 从你耳朵变出一个硬币来 Well, pulling a quarter out of your ear
并不是这双手唯一会的魔法 isn't the only magic these hands can do.
话说你脚趾间的是什么呀 In fact, wh-what's this between your toes?!
你能消停两分钟 Can you please stop
别再从我身上变钱出来吗 making money come out of me for two minutes?
是前门吗 Was that the front door?
听起来是的 It sounded like it.
我的天 有人进屋了 Oh, my God. Someone's in the house.
锁门 锁门 Lock the door, lock the door!
我们应该报警 We should call the police. Uh...
我的手机在楼下 I left my phone downstairs.
见鬼 我也一样 Damn, so did I.
等等 我的iPad在这里 我们怎么办 Wait, I have my iPad! What are we gonna do?
给警察发邮件吗 E-mail 911?
说这种话没用 That's not helpful!
你知道我在压力下都靠幽默缓解 You know I rely on humor in times of stress.
等你要开始幽默了再告诉我 因为刚才不好笑 Let me know when you start, because that wasn't funny!
是热水浴缸的声音吗 Is that the hot tub?
谁会用咱家的热水浴缸 Who would use our hot tub?
比起你想的答案 既令人安心 Well, the answer is both more and less disturbing
也让人更恶心 than you think.
是谁 Who is it?
斯图尔特 Stuart.
他听到我提及咱们要出门 He heard me talking about us going away.
看来他决定不请自来了 I guess he decided to invite himself over?
我们要跟他说点什么吗 Should we say something to him?
也许 说这个如何 Maybe. How 'bout,
"你看起来像块煮熟的鸡胸肉" "Hey, you look like a boiled chicken breast"?
我是说问他 "你在这里做什么" I meant like, "What are you doing here?"
不要 那样伤不到他的心 Nah, that's not gonna hurt his feelings.
为什么他这么难相处 Why is nothing easy with him?
关于谢尔顿有一点你要知道 Look, here's the thing you need to understand about Sheldon:
他烂透了 he's the worst.
我宁愿想成是难以相处 I prefer to think of it as high-maintenance.
我宁愿想自己身高有1米78 I prefer to think of myself as five-ten,
但我所有的裤子依然得裁短 but I still need to get all my pants hemmed.
我想我早该知道会有如此下场 I guess I should have known what I was getting myself into.
别难为自己 Don't beat yourself up.
你以前没和任何人同居过 You've never lived with anyone before.
-没错 -你的第一个同居对象 - That's true. - And you're starting out
就是谢尔顿·库珀 with Sheldon Cooper.
这就像第一次养宠物就养的是... That's like getting your first pet and having it be--
我不知道 I don't know...
什么宠物能毁掉你的人生 What's a kind of pet that ruins your life?
你这话没有安慰作用 You're not making me feel better.
佩妮和我刚开始同居时 Look, even when Penny and I started living together,
也是有学习过程的 there was a-a learning curve.
但我向你保证 会越来越好的 But I promise you, it does get easier.
他在浴室里放了个标牌 上面写着 He put a sign up in the bathroom that says,
"肥皂上没有艾米头发的天数" "Number of days without Amy's hair on the soap."
对 Yeah.
我的记录是六天 My record was six.
你是不是也觉得 看着他 Is it me, or is there something fun
漂在那里 挺有意思的 about watching him just float there?
也许这就是人们养鱼的原因 Maybe this is why people get fish tanks.
谁打开了门廊的灯 Who just turned the porch lights on?
还有其他人吗 Is someone else here?
他们肯定忘了关热水浴缸 They must have left the tub on.
幸好我来了 Good thing I stopped by.
你在这里做什么 What are you doing here?!
你又在这里做什么 What are you doing here?!
也许霍华德和伯纳黛特说了我可以来 Maybe Howard and Bernadette said I could be here!
他们说了吗 Did they?
回答问题 你在这里做什么 Answer the question! What are you doing here?!
我今晚没事做 I had nothing else to do tonight.
过去几个月 The last couple of months,
我知道他们不在家时便会来这里 I come here when I know they're not home.
什么 What?!
有次我在灌木丛被他们听到 They heard me in the bushes once,
但他们以为是浣熊 but they thought it was a raccoon.
我就跟你说浣熊不会说"噢哦" I told you raccoons don't say "Uh-oh."
有一晚 莱纳德的鼻息声太大 You know, one night, Leonard's nose whistled so loud,
我发誓就像睡在火车轨上一样 I swear it was like sleeping on a train track.
-你有注意到一直是降A调吗 -是吗 - Have you noticed it's always an A-flat? - Is it?
就像他的鼻窦炎就在车里一样 It's like his sinuses are right here in the car.
如果我们只是漫无目的地瞎晃悠 If we're just going to drive around aimlessly,
至少你可以送我去吃冰淇淋吧 the least you could do is take me for ice cream.
好 我带你去吃冰淇淋 Yeah, I'll take you for ice cream.
瞧 为什么艾米不能这么听话呢 Well, see, why can't Amy be that subservient?
才交媾了一次 心态就变得像女权主义者了 She has coitus one time, suddenly she's Gloria Steinem.
总之 我想冰淇淋店应该是 Anyway, I suppose an ice cream parlor
结交其他女生的好地方 will be a good place to meet other women.
拜托 你极不情愿地 Oh, please, you're barely interested
和一个女人发生肉体关系 in a physical relationship with one person.
你为什么还要给其他女人带去困惑和失望呢 Why would you want to confuse and disappoint others?
和艾米的关系 唤醒了我内在的性野兽 Being with Amy has awoken the sexual creature within.
现在我看到街上的漂亮姑娘 我就会 When I see a pretty gal walking down the street, I think,
像其他男人一样想着"哎哟美女" "Hubba hubba" like any other guy.
你用说这话的嘴亲你的妈妈吗 You kiss your mother with that mouth?
完全没问题 'Cause it's fine.
给你 Here you go.
谢谢 Thank you.
我们要干杯吗 Shall we toast?
敬霍华德和伯纳黛特 To Howard and Bernadette,
还有他们从未要我交还的钥匙 and the house key they never asked me to return.
你说你拿回来了 You said you got it back.
很明显我说谎了 Well, clearly, I lied.
你的公寓怎么样 So how's your apartment?
不怎么样 没电了 Not great. The electricity's out.
你为什么不找人修呢 So why don't you get it fixed?
我打了电话 他们说 "先交电费" I called, and they're like, "Pay your bill!"
如果你需要地方住 可以随时去我家 Of you ever need somewhere to crash, there's always my place.
不 我不想打扰你 Oh, no. I don't want to be an inconvenience.
你有那些女性朋友 You've got all your lady friends, and...
事实上 我现在单身了 Actually, I'm single now.
什么 What?!
这是什么时候的事 When did that happen?
没事 这是选择的结果 It's okay. It's by choice.
她们的选择 所以不好 Well, their choice, and it's not okay.
抱歉 我不知道 Oh. Sorry. I didn't know.
没人知道 我觉得太丢人 所以谁都没说 Nobody does. I was embarrassed so I didn't say anything.
他为什么没告诉我们 Why wouldn't he tell us?
我们是差劲的朋友吗 Are we bad friends?
他泡着咱家的热水浴缸喝着咱家的酒 He's in our hot tub drinking our wine.
他活该当单身狗 Yeah, he deserves to be alone.
所以你现在重回泡妞阵营了 So you're back out on the dating scene now?
对 差不多吧 Yeah, yeah, a little.
肯定有意思 顺利吗 Oh, that must be fun. How's that going?
我沦落到跟你共浴 糟透了 I'm in a hot tub with you, so pretty bad.
或许我该向他的如厕时间表低头 Maybe I should just give in to his stupid bathroom schedule.
不 别这样 No, don't do that.
-你不是低头了吗 -正是 - But you did! - Exactly!
我不想你重蹈覆辙 Learn from my mistakes!
早晨7:18 无论我身在何处 No matter where I am at 7:18 A.M.,
都急需找个厕所 there better be a toilet nearby.
按他的规章制度来 日子就简单很多 It's just so much easier to give him what he wants.
的确 可想想你的成就 Oh, true, but think of how much you've accomplished.
是谁让他不再给零钱消毒的 Who got him to stop Purelling his pocket change?
我 Me.
是谁让他可以往前座置物[手套]柜里 And who got him to put things other than gloves
放进除了手套之外的东西 in the glove compartment?
我 Me.
放的是棒球手套 It was mittens.
是谁让他尝了火鸡肉热狗 And who got him to try a turkey dog?
那应该是库萨帕里 That was actually Koothrappali,
但是我让他吐我手上了 but I did let him spit it out in my hand.
就是 那你怎么能现在放弃呢 Look, how can you stop now?
简直就像好不容易等到匹诺曹 That's like walking out of Pinocchio
要变成小男孩时离开了他 right before he becomes a real boy.
你说得对 You know, you're right.
我也是这段感情中的当事人 I'm in this relationship, too.
我应该为自己出头 I need to stand up for myself.
当然了 Of course you do.
他要是不喜欢 让他自己搬回来 And if he doesn't like it, he can move back here.
想搬回来也行 就是得先找到好开锁匠 Oh. He can try. He'd just need a good locksmith.
你准备搭讪哪个 Well, who you gonna hit on?
排我们前面的那个姑娘买了草莓味 The girl in front of us got strawberry.
你的最爱 That's your favorite.
不行 如果我们都喜欢草莓味 No. No, if we both like it,
那我下半辈子就会每每打开冰箱 I'll spend the rest of my life opening the freezer and going,
哀嚎着"草莓味没了" "Aw, no strawberry."
那店员小姐呢 What about the girl behind the counter?
她一整天都在挖挖挖 Hmm? Well, she spends her whole day scooping.
一边胳膊可能会比另一边粗 One arm's probably bigger than the other.
有没有这个可能 你压根就不想另觅新欢 Is it possible you might not actually want to meet someone?
你真是明智 You are truly wise.
谢谢 Thank you.
我本来想说你有着长者的智慧 I'd say wise beyond your years,
-可你年纪也慢慢接近了 -够了 - but you're getting up there. - All right.
说吧 你到底是怎么回事 Come on. What is really going on with you?
佩妮 我要给你讲一个 Penny, I am going to tell you a story
我从来没跟任何人说过的故事 that I've never told anyone.
好吧 All right.
当时我十三岁 I was 13 years old,
正值大学休春假 and on spring break from college.
没共鸣 继续说 Not relating. Go on.
我提早回家 I came home early
因为他们已经没有能教我的数学了 because they ran out of math to teach me.
我懂 他们也没有能教我的数学 Oh, now I'm with ya. Okay.
我妈妈当时去参加圣经研读班了 My mother was at bible study.
我走进房子 本以为没人在家 I walked in the house expecting to find it empty,
却听到我父母的卧室里有声音传出来 and I heard a sound coming from my parents' bedroom.
当我打开卧室门 When I opened the door,
看到了我父亲和另一个女人在"结合" I saw my father having relations with another woman.
-太糟糕了 -我知道 - Oh, that's awful! - I know.
所以从此以后我开任何门 It's also why I never open a door
都需要先敲三次 without knocking three times.
第一下是按传统礼貌 I mean, the first one's traditional,
二和三都是给里面的人穿裤子的时间 but two and three are for people to get their pants on.
后来你跟你爸怎么样了 Well, what happened with your dad?
我们对视了一下 我跑回我的房间 We locked eyes, I ran to my room,
以后再也没有说过这件事 and we never, ever spoke of it.
可怜的小家伙 You poor thing.
自从我和艾米住同居后 Since Amy and I have been living together,
就一直像我父母以前那样争吵 we've been bickering like my parents used to.
你是怕会做出跟你爸爸一样的事 And you're afraid you're gonna do something like your dad did?
对 我需要现在就给她打预防针 Yes. I need to prepare her now
-省得她日后痛苦 -日后 - to save her from pain down the road. - Down the road?
谢尔顿 她只是想跟你用一个牙刷桶 Sheldon, she wanted to share a toothbrush holder with you,
而你却跑到冰淇淋店里想把妹 and now you're at an ice cream parlor trying to pick up women!
什么事被你这种口气一说 都显得很蠢 Well, anything can sound silly when you put it in that tone.
宝贝 与其担心未来有可能给她造成的痛苦 Honey, instead of worrying about pain you might cause in the future,
何不现在去弥补你当下给她的伤害呢 how about trying to fix the pain you're causing her right now?
你说得很对 I'm sure you're right.
我也应该跟你道歉 I suppose I should apologize to you, as well.
怎么说 Okay.
我这样直接把你剔除在外 去找其他姑娘 That must have hurt watching me look for other women
你肯定心痛不已吧 without ever even considering you.
请你一定要理解 我一直把你 Please understand that I think of you
当我保姆看 as more of a nanny.
赶紧把冰淇淋吃完 我送你回家睡觉 Just finish your ice cream so I can get you home to bed.
不知道伯纳黛特的宝宝 I wonder if this is what it feels like
现在是不是这种感觉 to be Bernadette's baby.
不知道 伯纳黛特的宝宝可还没有一个 I don't know. Bernadette's baby doesn't have a Jacuzzi jet
可以正中爽点的按摩浴缸 hitting just the right spot.
我的秘密爽点专用喷头 不是给他的 Those jets are for my secret spot, not his!
你在里头都干了些什么 What do you do in there?!
干的事叫放松 It's called relaxing,
你只需要知道这些就可以了 and that's all you need to know.
已经很晚了 Well, it's getting late.
我们该回家了吧 Maybe we should head home.
你说得对 Yeah, you're probably right.
你不走吗 You coming?
走 但等我一小会儿 Yeah, just give me a minute.
为什么 Why?
就是你穿着泳裤来泡 对吧 Well, you know how you're wearing a bathing suit?
对啊 Yeah?
而我跟你恰好相反 I kind of went the other way.
你们两个混球 自己买浴缸去 You jackasses just bought yourselves a hot tub!
你觉得如何 What do you think?
这个位置还不错 It's a nice enough spot.
如果我要为我自己出头 You know, if I'm going to start standing up for myself,
这种事刚好是... this is exactly the kind of thing...
-我们回来了 -欢迎 欢迎 - We're back! - Oh, hi! Hi!
你们好 Hello.
你们怎么样 How you guys doing?
挺好的 We're doing good.
我想谢尔顿有话要对艾米讲 I think Sheldon has something he would like to say to Amy.
我要为我今天的行为道歉 其实... I wanted to apologize for my behavior today. It...
完全没必要那样 It was unnecessary.
怎么位子这么热乎 This is warm.
还有 我愿意放弃如厕时间表 Oh, and also, I am willing to forego the bathroom schedule.
真的吗 Oh. Really?
为什么她有这福利 我们俩就没有 Why does she get that?! We never got that!
你是想让他回来住吗 Do you want him back?
真为你们高兴 I'm very happy for you.
艾米 你应该知道 Amy, you should know
我其实压根没想去认识其他女性 I was never really interested in seeing other women.
为了证明我对我们有多认真 And to prove how serious I am about us,
我愿意将我们的关系更拉近一层 I'm willing to take our relationship to the next level.
艾米·菲拉·福勒 Amy Farrah Fowler,
你愿意与我共用一个牙刷桶吗 will you share this toothbrush holder with me?
我愿意 I would love to.
我们有必要来看这一幕吗 Did we really need to be here for this?
我可能是疯了 可是好感动哦 Call me crazy, but I found it moving.