能帮忙把食物摆出来吗 Hey, can you help me put some of the food out?
好 我收拾完这些就帮你 Yeah. Let me finish packing this stuff up.
你也不是不知道谢尔顿在元旦后看到 You know how Sheldon is if he sees Christmas stuff
圣诞节摆饰还在会有啥反应 lying around after New Year's.
可是他都不住这里了 Yeah, but he doesn't live here anymore.
他也不住商场啊 可是他还是会 Well, he doesn't live at Walmart, but he still threw
因为复活节后店里还卖复活节糖果而暴怒 a tantrum when he saw Marshmallow Peeps after Easter.
而正是这位仁兄也抱怨过 And that's the same man who complains
复活节后买不到复活节糖呢 you can't find Marshmallow Peeps after Easter.
伯纳黛特说他们会晚到一会 Oh. It's Bernadette. She says they're running late.
"宝宝吐在了霍华德身上 "The baby threw up on Howard,
接着霍华德也吐到了霍华德身上" and then Howard threw up on Howard."
至少他没吐到宝宝身上 不幸中大幸啊 Well, he didn't throw up on the baby. That's a win.
-你们好 -好啊 - Hello. - Hi.
欢迎回来 德州老家如何啊 Hi! Welcome back. How was Texas?
也就是那样 德州德州孤星之州 Oh, you know. The Lone Star state.
这个州在点评网也只值一颗孤星 That should be its Yelp rating.
不是一趟太高兴的旅程 It was not a great trip.
现在回家就好啦 Well, you're home now.
对啊 回到家太开心了 Yeah. It is good to be home.
我的老天 那是榭寄生吗 I... Oh, good Lord! Is that mistletoe?
你们这些疯子家里没日历吗 Don't you maniacs own a calendar?
我叫他收起来了 他就是不听我的话 I told him to take it down. He would not listen to me.
♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪
♪ We built the Wall We built the pyramids ♪
♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪
♪ That all started with a big bang ♪
♪ Bang! ♪ By aBU 201702
生
活
大
爆
炸
第十季 第十二集
你们的飞行旅途还算愉快吧 Did you at least have a good flight down there?
挺好的 It was fine.
除了艾米给我的那杯味道怪怪的果汁 Other than the weird-tasting juice Amy gave me.
我一路都在睡觉 I slept the whole way.
所以是在德州发生了什么惨事 So, what happened in Texas that was so bad?
在我们下次开车去漫展之前 And before our next drive to Comic-Con,
你记得告诉我那果汁叫什么 I need the name of that juice.
当时我们正在去我妈妈家的路上 Well, we were on our way to my mother's house...
我们是怎么上的车 How did we get in the car?
等等 Hold on.
对啊 你是怎么把他弄上车的 How did you get him in the car?
我租了台推车 I rented one of those carts,
车门打开 把他推进去 pushed him toward the open door
剩下的就交给惯性了 and just let inertia take care of the rest.
我们去拜访你妈妈的时候 So, while we're at your mother's house,
正好可以顺便告诉她 我们同居了 it might be a good time to tell her that we're living together.
有这必要吗 Do we have to?
我实在不想听她那套基督教大道理 I really don't want to hear the religious lecture.
或许她不会说你呢 Maybe there won't be one.
肯定会有的 There's always one.
我姐交男朋友的时候 她就说了 She gave it to my sister about her boyfriend,
我哥交女朋友时也说了 my brother about his girlfriend,
我爸交女朋友时也说了 my father about his girlfriend.
她说我爸那次还骂了基督教徒不太该说的字眼 That one had some un-Christian words in it.
她挺喜欢我的 Well, she likes me.
有可能她对此不会有意见呢 You know, there's a chance she might be okay with it.
这很难说 Eh, I don't know.
毕竟我是她的宝贝儿子 I am her precious little boy.
而你摘了人家的花蕊 And you did take my flower.
男生也有"花蕊"吗 Do boys have flowers?
谁知道他底下是啥构造啊 Who knows what he has down there.
到家后... Anyway...
感谢主 赐给我们桌上的美食 Thank you, God, for the food we are about to receive
食物给我们身体补充营养 and for the nourishment of our bodies
保佑准备这些食物的人 and bless the hands that prepared it.
阿门 Amen.
准备这些食物的人是你 Given that your hands prepared it,
你这么祷告是不是有些假公济私 isn't that a little self-serving?
一开始是乱改祷告词 You start changing the words to the prayers,
很快你就会抱着吉他去教堂 把祷告词随便唱出来 next thing you know, you're in a church with a guitar.
谢谢您做饭 看起来很好吃 Thank you for cooking, it looks delicious.
给大家做饭是我的荣幸 Oh, it's my pleasure. Mm.
我很高兴你们能来 I'm so glad y'all could make it.
跟我说说 你们在纽约最近怎么样 So, tell me, what's going on back home?
霍华德跟伯纳黛特刚喜获千金 Well, uh, Howard and Bernadette had their baby.
太好了 Oh, that's wonderful!
他们是要按犹太习俗 还是正常的基督教习俗养啊 Now, have they decided to raise it Jewish or regular?
欢迎来到德州 Welcome to Texas.
他们还没决定呢 They haven't said.
其实呢 我们自己也有点好消息分享 Anyway, we, uh, we also have some exciting news to share.
等等 等等 我们乖乖安静吃饭吧 Oh, wait, wait... I... Shouldn't we just eat?
毕竟主可是从他忙碌的日程里抽空 You know, I mean, God did take time out of his busy schedule
祝福了这些邋遢乔汉堡呢 to bless these Sloppy Joes.
说啊 谢利 发生什么事了 Come on, Shelly, tell me your news.
好吧 出事了就怪你 All right. This is on you.
我跟艾米充满罪孽地婚前同居了 Amy and I are living together in sin,
就像纽约人那样 like a couple of New Yorkers.
你训斥我们时 容我去拿一套刀叉 Now, while you scold us, I'm going to get a knife and a fork.
乔可以邋遢 但谢尔顿不能邋遢 Joe may be sloppy, but Sheldon's not.
谢谢你告诉我这事 Well, thank you for letting me know,
但我感到十分高兴 and I, for one, am thrilled.
什么 What?
你不是该先入为主批评我们吗 What... Where's the judgment?
炼狱之火那套说辞呢 W-Where's the fire and brimstone?
还有你说我们会下地狱受折磨 Where's the part where you tell us we're going to Hell
然后我说你看看外面虫子的大小 and I say have you seen the size of the bugs outside?
我们早就在地狱了 We're already there!
的确 我是会比较希望 Obviously, I would prefer
你们婚前不要先同居 if you weren't living out of wedlock,
但考虑到你情况特殊 but given your special circumstances,
我对此甚是喜闻乐见 I'm very happy for you.
你说的"特殊情况"是指什么 And what "special circumstances" are those?
妈啊 好戏马上就要上演啦 Oh, boy, I think it's about to get bad.
谢利 我该怎么跟你说呢 Shelly, how do I put this?
你三岁就能记住 By your third birthday, you had memorized
超过一千种不同的火车了 over a thousand different kinds of trains,
而我从来没想到 and I never imagined
会有女人愿意"上"你这趟车 a woman getting aboard any of them.
什么 所以 你一直认为 What, so... You thought I was going to be alone
我会孤独终老吗 for the rest of my life?
不 孤独大半辈子而已 No! Just for the middle part.
因为等你老了 会有护士来照顾你 'Cause at the end I assumed there'd be nurses.
这也太侮辱人了 Well, this is highly insulting.
谢尔顿 别小题大做 Sheldon, don't overreact.
她最担心的孩子居然是我 I'm the child she was worried about?
我有一个哥哥和一个姐姐 I have a brother and sister
那两个人的智商瓦数加起来 whose combined intellectual wattage
都不够给玩具土豆钟供电 couldn't power a potato clock,
一种科学实验玩具钟 把土豆变成电池般为电子钟供电
而且还得是我帮他们指出土豆在哪 if I spotted them the potato.
叽里咕噜噼里啪啦 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
叽里咕噜噼里啪啦 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
什么 What?
当时我进房间了 Well, I was in my room,
听不见她们说了些什么 I couldn't hear what they were saying.
接下来我来说 I'll take over from here.
他躲房间里很久了 He's been in there a long time.
我该去和他谈谈吗 Should I go talk to him?
他是生我的气 应该是我去和他谈 He's upset with me. I should be the one who talks to him.
你准备去吗 Are you going to?
门都没有 Oh, heck no.
谢尔顿 你这是干什么 Sheldon, what... what are you doing?
做一个不适应社会的怪胎 Just being the un-socialized eccentric
反正我妈一直是这么看我的 my mother always thought I was.
现在你明白我为什么不去和他谈了吧 You startin' to see why I didn't go in there?
谢尔顿 如果你想证明我是错的 Sheldon, if you're trying to prove me wrong,
你头上的白色三角裤可不会让我改变看法 the tighty-whities on your head ain't changing my mind.
我们就这么无视脚蹼了 好吧 We're ignoring the fins... Okay.
而且我不明白你为什么站在她那边 Yeah. And I don't understand why you're taking her side.
你是我女朋友 By being my girlfriend,
那表示她也觉得你是个怪胎 she's saying you're a weirdo, too.
我觉得你妈不是那个意思 I don't think that's what she's saying.
现然后呢 And...?
他妈就是那个意思 That's exactly what she was saying.
你能相信吗 我妈居然认为我们都是怪胎 Can you believe my mother thinks we're both strange?
简直难以置信 Absolutely not!
声音太大太心虚了 That's... too loud.
简直难以置信 Absolutely not.
闹了那么一出 谢尔顿和我 Well, after that, Sheldon and I
出门待了一阵子 got out of the house for a while.
我们先往我脚上涂了黄油 把脚蹼拿下来 Well, first we buttered my feet to get the swim fins off,
然后再出门 and then we went out.
你妈让你难过了我很遗憾 You know, I'm sorry your mother made you feel bad.
但归根结底 她错了 But, you know, at the end of the day, she was wrong,
因为你没有孤独一生 because you're not alone.
你说得对 You're right.
我有莱纳德 霍华德 拉杰 I have Leonard and Howard and Raj,
斯图尔特 佩妮 Stuart, Penny,
莱纳德他妈 伯纳黛特 威尔·惠顿 Leonard's mom, Bernadette, Wil Wheaton...
刚往你的大宽脚上涂黄油的女人排在哪 What about the woman who just buttered your big flat feet?
我是按认识的时间顺序说的 I was going chronologically.
你在库萨帕里他爸 You're right between Koothrappali's father
和独眼龙瓶装水男奥马尔之间 and Omar, the one-eyed Sparkletts guy.
别让这件事把咱们接下来的行程也毁了 Well, let's try to not let it ruin the rest of our trip.
我就知道我们从一开始 I knew we should've never mentioned
就不该把同居这件事告诉她 us living together in the first place.
她早晚会发现的 She was gonna find out eventually.
我不这么认为 Disagree.
人类1859年就知道进化论了 We've known about evolution since 1859.
她至今还相信诺亚和他的神奇动物园破船 She still believes in Noah and his amazing zoo boat.
如果你当时听我的话 This could have all been avoided
事情就不会变成这样了 if you'd only listened to me.
谢尔顿 Sheldon,
我知道你妈不会介意咱俩同居 I knew your mother was fine with us living together
因为我早就告诉她了 because I already told her we were.
你为什么会那么做 Why would you do that?
因为这是颗定时炸弹 This was a potential issue,
所以我提前下手解除 so I got out ahead of it
帮你把问题处理掉了 and I managed the situation for you.
你"帮我把问题处理掉了" You "managed the situation."
没错 That's right.
所以我妈认为我没能力找到伴侣 So my mother thought I was incapable of finding a mate,
而我的伴侣认为我没能力掌控我自己的生活 and my mate thinks I'm incapable of running my own life.
不是全部生活都不行 Not your whole life!
科学那部分你没问题 I mean, science. You got that.
整理装袜子的抽屉 你世界第一 Organizing your sock drawer, you're the king.
但理解他人感受这部分 But understanding how other people are feeling,
这是你的弱点 that's a weak spot for you.
在这点上我已经进步很多了 I have gotten much better at that.
是吗 那我现在是什么感觉 Have you? How am I feeling right now?
什么 我上哪猜去啊 What the... How should I know?
兴奋 痒痒 好歹把第一个字告诉我 Excited? Itchy? Give me the first letter.
你和我是情侣 You and I are in a relationship.
你不足的地方我帮你补足 I help you with your shortcomings,
我不足的地方你帮我补足 and you help me with mine.
如果我背着你联系你老妈 How would you feel if I contacted
你会是什么感觉 your mother behind your back?
高兴啊 想不到你居然对我家人感兴趣 Delighted that you showed any interest in my family at all?
"高兴" "Delighted"?
怪不得我猜一百年也猜不着啊 What... Not if I guessed for a hundred years.
-大伙 -我们来了 - Hi. - Hey, guys.
幸福小家庭到了 Hi. There's the little family!
-大家好 -大家好 - Hello. - Hello.
还有他们的夏尔巴仆人 And their Sherpas.
宝宝睡着了 The baby's asleep,
我们把她放到你们房间里行吗 can we put her in your room?
-当然 去吧 -需要帮忙吗 - Yeah. Go ahead. - Do you need help?
不用 我自己来 No. I got it.
窈窕奶爸 飞天保姆 跟我来 Doubtfire, Poppins, follow me.
抱歉来晚了 Sorry we're late.
没关系 艾米和谢尔顿正在说 Oh, it's no problem, Amy and Sheldon were just telling us
他们去德州的事 about their trip to Texas.
没关系 Yeah. Here.
我粗略地给你们讲一遍 I'll catch you up.
我们是怎么上的车 How did we get in the car?
打住 Stop.
他们把同居的事告诉了玛丽 Okay. They told Mary they were living together,
一阵唇枪舌战后 谢尔顿心灵很受伤 there was a fight, he got his feelings hurt,
于是他把内裤套在了头上 then he put underwear on his head...
他自己故意套的 On purpose,
而不是像高中时那样被恶霸故意套上 not the way it used to happen in high school.
我是故意表现怪异 I was acting odd intentionally.
真的吗 所以你可以控制你的怪异程度吗 Really? So you can control it?
好了 接下来发生了什么 Okay. Then what happened?
接下来就没什么了 Well, there's really not much left to tell.
我觉得我妈一贯把我当小孩子看 I decided that my mother views me as a child
是因为我从来没经历过青春叛逆期 because I never went through a rebellious phase,
于是我去打了耳洞 so, I got an earring.
我妈非逼着我把耳环取下来 My mother made me take it out.
艾米用酒精帮我消了毒 Amy put alcohol on it.
就是这样 And here we are.
我们错过了什么精彩好戏 What did we miss?
我就算想解释也解释不清 I couldn't explain it if I tried.
告诉我 谢尔顿戴耳环好看吗 So tell me, how did Sheldon look with an earring?
就像一个会帮同伴接网线的宅男海盗一样 Like the pirate who helps the other pirates connect to the internet?
你和莱纳德做了些什么 So what did you and Leonard do?
老实说 我们俩也是吵得不可开交 Actually, we got in a pretty nasty fight.
可能是有史以来吵得最厉害的一次 It might've been the worst one we've ever had.
天啊 到底是怎么了 Oh, my God, what happened?
我俩疯狂迷上了看《卢克·凯奇》这部剧 Well, we had started binge-watching Luke Cage together,
就像是我俩的专属节目 and it was kind of our thing, and then,
结果我发现她背着我多看了两集 I find out that she watched two episodes without me.
感觉就像我期盼已久的圣诞礼物居然只是袜子 It's like I was excited for a present and got socks.
我不明白这怎么会导致 I don't understand how that turns into
你们俩吵了史上最厉害的一次 the worst fight of your life.
我不明白袜子有什么不好的 I don't understand what's wrong with socks.
老实说 我们之前因为圣诞树 To be fair, we may have been on edge
就处于爆发的边缘了 because of the Christmas tree.
圣诞树又怎么了 What happened with the tree?
你扮小精灵还挺可爱的 You do make a cute elf.
是吗 Oh, yeah?
你还说斯波克的耳朵只适合参加动漫展呢 And you thought Spock ears were only good for Comic-Con.
我找到了一个农场 Hey, hey, I just found a farm
允许顾客自己砍圣诞树 where they let you chop down your own tree.
那我就会像是尖耳朵的大力士保罗·班扬 Oh cool, I'll be like a pointy-eared Paul Bunyan.
这个想法太蠢了 Stupid idea.
真正蠢的是一名物理学家 No, what's stupid is a physicist
居然不知道在挥斧头的时候 who doesn't understand when you swing an axe
你不能放手 you don't let go.
我第十次澄清 我的连指手套打滑了 For the tenth time, my mittens were slippery!
外面有21度 你不需要戴连指手套 It's 70 degrees, you didn't need mittens.
你明知道我很容易起水泡 You know how easily I blister.
是是是 怕撞又容易破皮 Yes, yes, you bruise, you peel.
感觉就像嫁给了一颗老水果 It's like I'm married to an old piece of fruit.
我们可以继续吵架 整晚都别想好 Look, we could keep fighting and let it ruin our night,
也可以停止争吵 试着挽救今晚 or-or we can stop and try to salvage the evening.
-好吧 -谢谢合作 - Fine. - Thank you.
莱纳德 Leonard?
怎么了 Yeah.
挡风玻璃上有东西 There's something on the windshield.
需要休息一下吗 You need a break?
我不需要休息 Do not need a break.
想休息就说 没啥丢脸的 There's no shame in asking for a break.
我想休息了我就会说 If I need a break, I'll ask for a break!
莱纳德 Leonard?
怎么了 Yeah?
你身上有棵树 There's a tree on you.
你想今晚来装饰它吗 You want to decorate it tonight?
用汽油跟火柴吗 当然好 Yeah, with gasoline and a match? Sure.
我希望那生物把我们杀了 I hope it kills us both.
对了 如果以后有人问起 By the way, if anyone asks,
电梯间里从很久以前就一直有棵树 the elevator shaft always had a tree in it.
伯纳黛特 如果我表达出对你的孩子有兴趣 So Bernadette, if I express interest in your baby
你能发誓不逼我摸她吗 will you promise not to make me touch it?
好的 Sure.
跟宝宝的生活还好吗 Hey, how's life with your baby?
不是吧 你打算以后都不碰他们宝宝吗 Really? You're never gonna touch their baby?
我至今也从没碰过斯图尔特 To this day I've never touched Stuart.
很好很愉快 谢尔顿 谢谢关心 It's been wonderful, Sheldon, thanks for asking.
别哭了 我求你了 Oh, please stop crying, I'm begging you!
我不知道还有什么招了 I don't know what else to do!
我的奶水都没了 你要吃千层面吗 My boobs are empty. Do you want lasagna?
嘘 嘘 好啦 好啦 Shh, shh, shh, it's okay, it's okay.
我们犯了大错啊 What have we done?
我找到超级英雄婴儿湿巾啦 Hey, I found superhero baby wipes,
能完美收拾坏人 the perfect way to clean up crime...
以及宝宝屁屁 and tushies.
我花了两个小时才把她哄睡 It took me two hours to get her down.
你歇着 这回我来 Oh, you-you relax, I'll take this shift.
在印度的时候 我小弟弟一哭成这德行 You know, in India when my baby brother cried like that,
仆人们就会把他带到很远的地方去 the servants would just take him far away
这样我们就听不见了 so we couldn't hear it.
不总是这样 有时候是我们走远 Not always, sometimes we'd leave.
他把孩子哄好了 Hey, he got her to stop.
真够快的 That was so fast.
他真会哄这孩子 Oh, he's really good with her.
对 他有天赋 Yeah, he has a gift.
怎么啦 What's the matter?
没事 这是喜极而泣 Nothing, these are happy tears.
那就好 Oh, good.
才不是 你个蠢货 No they're not, you bozo!
凭啥斯图尔特就能让她不哭 我却不行 How come Stuart can get her to stop crying, but I can't?
那可是斯图尔特啊 I mean, it's Stuart.
也许她是装死 好让他走开 Maybe she's playing possum until he goes away.
不好笑 Not funny.
她太累了 你说得很好笑 She's tired, that was funny.
大家都比我这个妈妈称职 Everyone's a better mom than me.
别总把错往身上揽 Oh, don't take it so personally,
也许只是你家孩子特别熊呢 maybe your baby's just a jerk.
后来怎么了 Wait, so how does the story end?
到底是因为你家孩子熊 Is the baby a jerk
还是因为伯纳黛特不是个称职的妈 or is Bernadette a bad mother?
-谢尔顿 -怎么了 - Sheldon! - W-What?
剧情还有反转吗 Is there another twist coming?
难道说孩子根本不是他们的 Is the baby not theirs at all?
别搭理他 Ignore him.
你怎么让孩子不哭的 How did you get the baby to stop crying?
就是跟她聊天 Oh, I just talked to her.
总有人跟我说 一听我说话就想睡觉 I've been told the sound of my voice puts people to sleep.
你这可怜的人儿 肯定累坏了 You poor things, you must be exhausted.
哭得太凶了 确实睡不好 It has been hard to sleep with all the crying.
她怎么能恨我 How can she hate me?
我可是用胸部在哺育她 I make her food in my chest!
简直跟恨冻酸奶机一样嘛 It's like hating a frozen yogurt machine.
她并不恨你 别这么说了 She doesn't hate you, stop saying that.
现在连你也恨我了 Now you hate me too!
我不恨你 Shh, I don't hate you.
网上说 高达八成的产妇 It says here that up to 80% of new mothers
都患过产后抑郁症 experience baby blues.
最好的办法就是 And that the best thing to do
让她们相信 她们做得很好 is reassure them that they're doing a good job.
伯纳黛特 Bernadette,
你做得很棒了 you are doing a good job.
谢谢你 谢尔顿 我现在感觉好点了 Thank you, Sheldon, I'm feeling better now.
你该谢的是互联网 Thank you, Internet.
我就跟你说 只要找对了视频 I'm telling you, with the right YouTube video,
我都可以给霍华德做绝育 I can give Howard a vasectomy.
后来情况有好转吗 So things started to turn around?
有 最后我终于知道怎么让孩子睡觉了 Yeah, eventually I figured out how to get the baby to sleep.
别跟我说你是用艾米的神奇果汁 Please tell me you didn't use Amy's magic juice.
妮妮 Bernie?
她睡着了 She's asleep.
太好了 Great.
可你在哪啊 And where are you?
下面 Down here.
新招啊 This is new.
我不知道该怎么办了 I didn't know what else to do.
但成功了 It worked.
我想说 这真是不按套路走的想法 Well, I'd say that's thinking outside the box,
但... 你都套进去了 but... come on.
别让我笑出来 Don't make me laugh.
需要我扶你出来吗 Do you need help getting out?
以后我就住这了 I think I live here now.
挺好的 It's fine.
我去睡会觉行吗 Is it okay if I get some sleep?
行 去吧 Yeah, go ahead.
干得好 妈咪 Good job, Mommy.
我为你骄傲 I'm proud of you.
也不要让我哭 Don't make me cry, either.
晚安 Good night.
我爱你们 I love both my girls.
我们也爱你 We love you, too.
真不敢相信你能躺进婴儿摇篮 I can't believe you fit in the crib.
我还能用洗手池泡澡呢 I could take a bath in the sink.
我不做 但是我做得到 I don't, but I can.
你假期过得怎么样 So how were your holidays?
多谢关心 Oh, thank you for asking.
我去看了我奶奶 Uh, I, uh, went to visit my grandmother.
她住在贝克斯菲尔德 She's in Bakersfield.
通常是我兄弟姐妹去 Uh, usually my brother and sister go...
要不要这样 Oh, come on!
玩得很开心 谢谢你们 That was fun, thank you.
对 谢谢 Yeah, thanks.
小事一桩 上班见了 伙计们 Our pleasure. See you guys at work.
早早儿地到啊 Be there bright and early.
我不去 放产假 Not me, paternity leave.
一个小婴儿让他老婆的生殖器受苦受难 A small human wreaks havoc on his wife's genitals
而他居然能休假 and he gets time off.
还是带薪的哦 废柴 With pay, sucka!
差点忘了宝宝 新手上路 Forgot the baby, still new to this.