《生活大爆炸》前情提要 Previously on The Big Bang Theory...
别哭了 我求你了 Please stop crying. I'm begging you.
我不知道还有什么招了 I don't know what else to do.
我的奶水都没了 My boobs are empty.
你要吃千层面吗 Do you want lasagna?
好啦 好啦 It's okay, it's okay.
我们造了什么孽啊 What have we done?
时至今日
这些...是怎么回事 What... what's all this?
因为你听起来今天挺辛苦的 Well, it sounded like you were having a rough day,
我就想让你回到一个美好的家嘛 so I wanted you to come home to something nice.
你真是太贴心了 Oh, that is so thoughtful.
你还记得我们去圣巴巴拉市品酒 Hey, do you remember when we went wine tasting in Santa Barbara
你说这是你喝过最好喝的玫瑰红吗 and you said that was the best rose you'd ever had?
我就记得我们开车去那边 Yeah, I remember us driving up there,
进了酿酒厂 然后... going to the winery and...
就断片了 that's it.
这酒就是你断片的原因啊 And this wine is why.
什么东西这么香 Hey, what smells so good?
我做了最爱吃的 披萨贝果 I made your favorite: pizza bagels!
玫瑰红酒加披萨贝果 Pink wine and pizza bagels?
感觉又重回8年级那会儿了 It's like eighth grade all over again.
有你真幸运 I am so lucky to have you.
小心 这个很烫 Well, now be careful, these are hot.
虽然我能解释这个的热力学 I-I could explain the thermodynamics
就是为什么起司看起来比披萨边烫 of why the cheese seems hotter than the crust,
但我决定把解释留在自己心里 but instead, I'm gonna keep it to myself.
你总是知道什么不该说 You always know what not to say.
我只是不敢相信你布置了这一切 I just, I can't believe you did all this.
是这样的 Well, you know,
相处久了很容易不拿对方当一回事 it's easy to take each other for granted and
我永远不想这样对你 因为... I never want to do that to you, because
你的爱 your love,
就像一条河 it's like a river.
平静又深邃 It's peaceful and deep.
你的灵魂 就像个秘密 Your soul is, it's like a secret
我永远也守不住 that I never could keep.
你居然还引用了超级男孩的歌词 You did not just quote an NSYNC song.
引用自你最爱的超级男孩歌曲 I quoted your favorite NSYNC song.
靠 我打太大一个嗝 Damn. I burped so hard,
我在游戏里都死了 I died in my game.
♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪
♪ We built the Wall We built the pyramids ♪
♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪
♪ That all started with a big bang ♪
♪ Bang! ♪ By aBU 201702
生
活
大
爆
炸
第十季 第十三集
莱纳德 我想问你好久 Leonard, I've been meaning to ask you:
你穿多大的鞋子 what size shoe do you wear?
怎么了 Why?
我在尝试对别人的生活感兴趣 I'm trying to take more of an interest in other people's lives.
那很好啊 我穿八号半的鞋 That's nice. I wear a size eight and a half.
脚好小啊 That's small.
说说你这周末有没有什么安排吧 So, tell me, do you have any plans for the weekend?
你会取笑我的答案吗 Are you gonna laugh at the answer?
除非你的答案是"去买婴儿鞋" Only if the answer is "Shopping for baby shoes."
如果你真想知道 If you must know,
佩妮公司奖给她去水疗度假村度周末 Penny won a spa weekend from work
她要带我去 and she's taking me.
这还真挺有趣呢 Oh, well you know, that is interesting.
忍不住想看你会感染哪些东西回家 I wonder what kind of infection you'll come home with.
我赌真菌感染 My money's on fungal.
女生们还在对面办女生之夜 They're still having girls' night across the hall.
那你来我这咱们办男生之夜啊 Oh, so, hang out with me and we'll have boys' night.
我们这年纪了 At our age,
为什么不称呼为爷们之夜 why don't we call it man's night?
因为我们刚把零花钱都拿去买漫画了 Because we just spent our allowance on comic books.
佩妮 你会别扭吗 就是你不住这了 Penny, is it weird that we're having girls' night here,
却在这里办女生之夜 but you don't live here anymore,
所以应该算是我的女生之夜这件事 so it's basically my girls' night?
我还没怎么想过这事 I hadn't really thought about it.
现在你想了这事而心里开始不舒服了吗 But now you're thinking about it and it bothers you?
我懂 I get that.
你跟谢尔顿同居的事情发展如何 Things going well with you and Sheldon living together?
好得不能再好 Better than ever.
他会问我今天如何 对我的生活有兴趣 He asks about my day, takes an interest in my life.
就跟我大学时的男友一样 He's like my boyfriend in college,
唯一差别是他是真人 别人都看得见他 except he's real, so people can see him.
我见他许多年了 I've been seeing him for years,
我到现在还没完全相信他是真人 I'm still not convinced he's real.
我能问你个问题吗 Hey, can I ask you a question?
你已经结婚蛮久了 You've been married for a while.
老公通常都会变得 Is it normal for the husband
仪式感尽失 啥都不在乎吗 to kind of completely stop giving a crap?
不妙 发生什么啦 Uh-oh, what's going on?
莱纳德以前会为我做很多事情 Well, Leonard used to do all these things,
比如给我买花 like bring me flowers
或者穿裤子 and wear pants.
没什么啊 华仔从来不穿裤子 It's okay, Howie never has on pants.
披萨店外送员现在都这么送过来 The Domino's guy brings the pizza like this now.
谢尔顿总是穿着裤子 Well, Sheldon always has his pants on.
辨认嫌疑犯的话 我都没法从膝盖认出他 I don't think I could pick his knees out of a lineup.
不只是穿不穿裤子的问题 Well, it's not just the pants.
只是自打我们结婚以后 Just, it's like since we got married,
他就不再对我花心思了 he doesn't really try anymore.
佩妮 Uh, Penny?
我不知道怎么跟你开口 I don't know how to say this,
但这是我第一次主办女生之夜 but this is my first girls' night
而你却扫了大伙儿的兴 and you're kind of bumming everybody out.
好了 终于把哈雷哄睡了 All right, got Halley to sleep.
我从婴儿监视器里听见了 Yeah, I heard you on the baby monitor.
真想不到你可以把《行尸走肉》的主题曲 Didn't think you could turn the theme from Walking Dead
改成摇篮曲 into a lullaby.
是啊 必须得让她喜欢上看电视 Yeah, got to get her hooked on TV,
不然以后她就会让我陪她去室外玩 or someday, she'll want me to play outside.
天啊 地板不平老吱吱响 Boy, that floor is so squeaky.
我还挺惊讶自己走出房间时没把她吵醒 I'm surprised I didn't wake her up walking out of the room.
你有没有试过修一修 Have you tried anything to fix it?
我铺了地毯 Well, I put the rug down.
但不管用 It didn't help.
我知道 蓝色粗毛地毯 你是怎么想的 I know. Blue shag. What were you thinking?
也试过拿钉子钉住地板 Did try nailing a couple of the boards down.
效果怎么样 Did that do anything?
就在地板上留了几个小洞 Yeah, it left little holes in the floor,
所以我才买地毯盖住啊 that's why I bought the rug.
如果你那么下 我八步之内就能赢你 If you do that, I'll win in eight moves.
我五步之内就能赢你 I'll win in five moves.
我一步之内就能赢你 I'll win in one move.
我输了 比赛很精彩 Oh, no. Good game.
佩妮 我在试图 Oh, Penny, I'm trying
对别人的生活感兴趣 to take an interest in other people.
你的女生之夜怎么样呀 Uh, how was your girls' night?
还行 Oh, it was fine.
你吃了什么呀 Did you have anything to eat?
薯片 Uh, chips.
喝了什么呀 Anything to drink?
喝了点红酒 Some wine.
就像对着窗帘打网球 都没点反弹 Well, I'm just playing tennis against the drapes here.
别搭理他 Just ignore him.
至少人家有兴趣问 At least he took an interest.
这话什么意思 What's that supposed to mean?
没意思 Nothing.
你这是闹哪出 Hey, what's going on with you?
我不想说这事 I don't want to talk about it.
别这样嘛 快告诉我 Well, hey, come on, just tell me.
好吧 Fine.
最近我有点觉得 Lately, I kind of feel like
你不拿我当回事了 you've been taking me for granted.
什么 此话怎讲 Wh-what? Where is this coming from?
莱纳德 她可能喝醉了 Leonard. She might be drunk.
毕竟她就吃了点薯片 All she had was chips.
自打我们结婚以后 你貌似就认为 It's just, since we got married you seem to think
不用对我花心思了 you don't have to try anymore.
简直是无稽之谈 That is ridiculous.
我就知道会这样 所以我才不想跟你谈 This is exactly why I didn't want to talk about it.
别别别 那我们就来谈一谈 No, No, no, no. Let's talk about it.
我才是那个打从第一天 I'm the one who's made all the effort
就对这份感情尽心尽力的人 in this relationship since day one.
麻烦告诉我 我还要做到什么程度 Please tell me what more I could do.
好 那算了 或许我该带艾米 Okay. You know what? Maybe I'll take Amy with me
这周末跟我一起去水疗度假村 to the spa this weekend instead.
行啊 去吧 Fine, go ahead.
艾米有空 Amy is free.
她本来周六要上竖琴课 She had a harp lesson on Saturday,
但后来取消了 but it got canceled...
天啊 一旦对别人感兴趣 Boy, when you take an interest in people,
你真是打开了废话的话匣子 you really uncork a geyser of nonsense.
好的 谢谢老爸 Okay. Thanks, Daddy.
他说全面修复像这样旧地板的唯一办法 He said the only way to really fix an old floor like that
就是全拆了换新的 is to tear it up and replace the whole thing.
-听起来得花不少钱呢 -且慢 - That sounds expensive. - Hang on.
我不是质疑她父亲 No offense to her father,
但他毕竟不是麻省理工毕业的工程师 but he's not an MIT-trained engineer.
你的强项就是动脑和动手啊 Thinking and building is what you do.
麻省理工的校训是"手脑并用" MIT's motto is "Mind and hand,"
恰好也是我寂寞青少年时期的自慰箴言 which just so happens was also my motto as a lonely teenager.
来嘛 我们只需发散创新思维 Oh, come on. We just need to be more creative.
假设你的双脚完全不用碰到地板呢 What if you didn't step on the floor at all?
比如说 假设你... Like, what if you...
从天花板拴根绳子荡过去 swung on a rope from the ceiling?
不行 No.
好吧 Okay. Um...
那好 假设你安装一个皮带轮装置 Okay. What if you rig up a pulley system
穿上套索缓缓穿过房间呢 and move yourself across the room in a harness?
不行 No.
我有个主意 I have one.
假设你用一个巨型弹弓 What if you got a giant slingshot
然后冲着墙壁用力弹进去 and flung yourself into the wall?
-你是在说笑话吗 -等等 - Is that supposed to be funny? - Hold on.
没错 是挺好笑的 Yeah, that's funny.
好了 我们要出发了 All right, we're heading out.
我们到了酒店就打给你 I'll call you when we get to the hotel.
如果有那种小瓶子装的洗发水 And if they have any of those tiny bottles of shampoo?
我会带回家 让你展示给我看 I will bring them home so you can show me
哥斯拉怎么洗澡 how Godzilla takes a shower.
-好好玩 -谢谢 - Have fun. - Thanks.
可以走了吧 Are you ready?
再见 谢尔顿 Bye, Sheldon.
算了 我觉得这样不好 You know what? I feel uncomfortable
当众在这种时候秀恩爱 engaging in a public display of affection
他们俩还在闹别扭呢 while their relationship is strained.
尽管秀吧 我无所谓 Go ahead, it's fine.
-再见 -再见 - Bye. - Bye.
-够了 -赶紧走 - Okay! - Let's go!
-再见 -再见 - Bye. - Bye.
我会想你的 I'll miss you.
我也会想你的 Yeah, I'll miss you, too.
我的思念绝对胜过你 I'll miss you more.
如果你的思念等于X Well, if X equals the amount that you'll miss me,
我的思念就等于X+1 then I'll miss you X plus one.
如果你的思念等于X+1 If you miss me X plus one, I'll miss you
我的思念就等于（X+1） 然后... open paren X plus one, close paren to the second...
谢了 Thank you.
给你 Here.
你很难过 所以我帮你泡了茶 You're sad, so I made you tea.
谢谢 Thanks.
按你喜欢的口味泡的哟 And it's just the way you like it.
-伯爵茶 -是的 - Earl Grey? - Yes.
-加了蜂蜜 -是的 - Honey? - Yes.
-不甜的杏仁 -老天爷 - Unsweetened almond- - Good Lord!
我不辞辛苦泡了茶 哪来那么多废话 I made you tea. Just drink it!
抱歉 谢谢你 Sorry, thank you.
我们做点什么让你开心的事吧 Well, what can we do to cheer you up?
我不知道该做什么 I really don't know.
你想玩层层叠吗 You want to play Jenga?
或者车票之旅[桌游] Or, uh, Ticket to Ride?
《炉石传说》 Hearthstone?
什么游戏是你输了以后最开心的 I-- what would you be the happiest losing at?
我不想玩游戏 谢尔顿 I don't want to play a game, Sheldon.
我可记得你以前特别喜欢跟我一起玩游戏呢 Wow, and I remember when you loved playing games with me.
看来你敷衍了事的感情不止跟佩妮这段 Maybe Penny isn't the only relationship you're phoning in.
不是我不再对她花心思 It's not that I'd stopped trying,
是感情本来就是这样 it's just how relationships progress.
一开始迷恋 忘情投入 They start with infatuation,
但久而久之 激情会蜕变成更为舒服的相处模式 but over time mellow into something more comfortable.
你说得对 Yeah, you're right.
就像我人生初识勾股定理一样 It's like when I first encountered the Pythagorean Theorem.
我被斜边边长的平方等于 You know, I was blown away that the square of the hypotenuse
对边边长平方和迷得神魂颠倒 was the sum of the squares of the opposite sides.
但现在我对它的感觉只是 切 Yeah, but now I'm just like "Eh."
这些格子代表了整个房间 Okay, this grid represents the room.
我们只需找出哪些格子会吱吱响 All we need to do is plot out where each squeak is
从而发现一条通向摇篮的安静之路 and we can find a quiet path to the crib.
这看起来好像《龙与地下城》的地图 It looks like a map from Dungeons & Dragons.
不同的是摇篮里装的是满级的造粪小怪兽 Except the creature in the crib is a level-nine poop monster.
你负责检查吱吱声 Okay, uh, you check for squeaks,
我负责记录 and I will mark them down.
好的 Okay.
A3号格子 开始测试 Space A-3, here we go.
响得厉害 记下来 It's squeaking. Mark it.
你的女儿要在你成长过的房间里茁壮长大 It's nice to think that you grew up in this room
想想真是挺温馨的 and now your daughter's going to as well.
我希望她在这享受到的性爱与我一样多 I hope she has the same amount of sex in it I did.
也就是没有 下一个格子 None. Next square.
你为什么要在空中抖动双手 Why do you bounce with your hands in the air like that?
这是我们犹太人的习俗 It's a tradition of my people.
* 如果我是个大土豪 * * If I were a rich man *
以后别再唱《物质女孩》了 "Material Girl" needs to be retired.
你下次唱K就该唱这歌 That is your karaoke song.
你想玩我发明的驾驶游戏吗 Would you like to play a driving game I invented?
是有关我和佩妮失败的感情吗 Is it about the failing state of my relationship with Penny?
算了 Never mind.
佩妮为了躲开你才去水疗度假村 You know, Penny went to this spa to be away from you.
你确定你应该去找她吗 Are you sure you should be going there?
我不想再等两天才解决这件事 I don't want to wait two days for us to work this out.
很好 Very well.
你俩当初结婚就是一时冲动 You got married spur of the moment.
离婚的方式如出一辙也没啥不可 I don't see why your divorce should be any different.
我真想靠边停车一脚踢你出去 I would pull this car over and kick you out,
可如果佩妮甩了我 你就是我的唯一依靠了 but... if Penny dumps me, you're all I got.
你上一次做按摩是什么时候 When was the last time you got a massage?
两周前谢尔顿曾经站在我背上 Sheldon walked on my back two weeks ago,
但那是因为他枕头上有蜘蛛 but that was just 'cause there was a spider on his pillow
他想躲开 and he was trying to get away.
莱纳德也曾经站在我背上过 Leonard stood on me once, too,
他当时是为了站高点看新年玫瑰花车大游行 but he was just trying to see the Rose Parade.
我不太了解这里的规矩 I don't know the protocol,
你按摩时会裸体吗 are you gonna be naked for your massage?
会啊 Well. Yeah.
那我可能穿太多衣服了 Then this is probably too many clothes.
你来干什么 What are you doing here?
我是来道歉的 I came here to apologize.
莱纳德 我很感激你这么做 Okay. Leonard, I really appreciate that,
但我需要一点自己的时间 but I need a little time to myself.
我搞不懂了 Okay. I don't get it.
明明是你叫我要努力的 You said make an effort.
现在我来努力了啊 Here I am, making an effort.
艾米 你好呀 Hello, Amy. It's nice to see you.
你也好呀 Nice to see you, too.
这就是怎么让努力 看起来不会太用力 And that's how you make effort look effortless.
好了 麻烦你先回去 All right. Can you please just go
我们明天再说好吗 and we'll talk about this tomorrow?
我不懂你到底想要什么 I don't understand what you want!
我自己也想知道 I'm trying to figure it out!
知道吗 如果你希望 You know what? If you'd like,
我可以很快草拟一个《感情协议》 I could whip up a quick Relationship Agreement.
反正我在水疗度假村 Well, I'm at a spa,
不妨做一些放松的事 might as well do something relaxing.
谢尔顿 让他们单独聊聊 Sheldon, why don't we give them some privacy?
好的 Very well.
等一下 我们看看迷你酒柜有什么东西 Hey. Later, we'll check out the minibar?
我让你见识下哥斯拉是怎么喝醉的 I'll show you how Godzilla gets drunk.
我们给整间房做了地图标记 So what we did was map out the entire room
确定了所有吱吱声的所在 to identify every squeak.
看着 一旦你掌握了就很简单了 Watch. It's easy, once you get the hang of it.
跨步 Step.
跳上脚凳 Hop onto ottoman.
不要只穿着袜子跳 我差点摔断脖子 Don't do that in socks, I almost broke my neck.
然后坐下 Then simply sit,
旋转 站起 spin, stand,
跨一大步 stretch...
也许要把裤子松一松 Maybe unloosen your pants.
然后 并腿 And... step,
抓床 略微转身 grab, tiny pivot,
用力一拉 到了 pull, and you're there.
易如反掌 小菜... Easy, peasy, mac and...
你懂我意思 You get the idea.
你们真指望我在黑暗中 You actually expect me to do this
抱着宝宝这样做吗 while holding a baby in the dark?
稍等 Hold on...
我觉得她没有被感动到 I don't think she was impressed.
我有更大的问题 Bigger problems.
感觉这有东西炸了 I felt something pop.
我的水里有黄瓜 There's a cucumber in my water.
他们知道这事吗 Do they know it's there?
还是我该跟谁反映 Um, sh-should I tell somebody?
是故意放进去的 It's there on purpose.
使味道更清爽 It's refreshing.
有意思 Interesting.
世上最无趣的液体 The world's most boring liquid
世上最无趣的蔬菜 and the world's most boring vegetable.
两者放在一起 我去 But you put 'em together, and bleh.
太好了 你们来了 你们还在吵架吗 Oh! Good, you're here. Are you still fighting?
如果你们离婚了 我可以在两家过两次圣诞吗 If you get divorced, do I get two Christmases?
我们不会离婚 We're not getting divorced.
听着 我们意识到 Listen, we realized, that, uh...
作为夫妻 我们面临了新的挑战 we're facing some new challenges as a married couple.
对 有一些事情 Yeah. And there are a few things
我们得处理好 we need to stay on top of.
所以我们觉得这样做也许有帮助 So we thought it would useful--
真不敢相信我会说这样的话 and I can't believe I am about to say this--
请帮我们拟一份《感情协议》好吗 Would you please help us make a Relationship Agreement?
但要为我们量身定制 But one that's tailored to us.
明白吗 我们不需要标明各自上厕所的时间 Okay? We don't need a bathroom schedule.
不过限制下他从厕所发短信给我 Although a rule about him texting me from in there
也许对浪漫有帮助 might help with the romance.
你同意吗 What do you say?
我能有机会撰写合同吗 I get to write a contract?
哎呀我滴妈 "甲方"再不开始就太"甲"啦 I say, let's get this party of the first part started!
你觉得这很好笑吗 Do you really think that's funny?
这是我们的协议内容 他说笑话我必须笑 It's in our agreement. I have to laugh.
如果你们觉得草稿可以接受 If you find this draft acceptable,
那我相信你们新的《感情协议》 then I believe your new Relationship Agreement
可以签字了 is ready to be signed.
第8条 B项 Article 8, subsection B:
莱纳德穿着内裤玩游戏的时间 Leonard will restrict video-gaming in underpants
必须是佩妮不在家的时候 to hours Penny is not home.
内裤包括平角裤 三角裤 丁字裤 兜裆裤 This includes boxers, briefs, thongs, G-strings
和其他所有令人注意到 or anything else that calls attention
他苍白小大腿的裤子 to his pasty little thighs.
真有必要这样说吗 Does it really need to say that?
我免费帮你们写协议 让我爽爽总应该吧 I did this for free, let me get a little something.
第10条 C项 Article 10, subsection C:
如有质疑 佩妮不能在 If questioned, Penny may not say
有事的情况下说"没事" that everything is fine if it isn't.
其他无法接受的回答包括"没什么" Other unacceptable responses include: "It's nothing,"
"别担心" "我说了没什么 "Don't worry about it," And "I said it's nothing,
别担心" don't worry about it."
我觉得挺好的 I think this all looks good.
我也是 Me, too.
太好了 来 Oh, well. Great, then. Here.
这里签名 写日期 You sign here, date here.
佩妮 在这里签上名字的首字母 And, Penny, if you could initial here to indicate
表示无论莱纳德这货现在是否破损 你都接受 that you're accepting Leonard in "as is" condition.
我还记得签我们的第一份《恋爱协议》 I remember signing our first Relationship Agreement.
你似乎忘了"不准忆当年"的条款 You seem to be forgetting the "No nostalgia" clause.
对 明白 Right, right. Got it.