被敌人包围 We're pinned down!
我们冲不出去了 We can't get through!
谢尔顿 快过来帮忙 Sheldon, get over here and help!
好 马上来 Okay, one second.
谢尔顿 你干嘛在原地上下蹦 Sheldon, why are you jumping up and down?
我试着开枪呢 I'm trying to shoot.
那你按开枪钮啊 Then use the shoot button,
不是按“演示跳跳虎的强项”钮 not the "wonderful thing about Tiggers" button!
结束了 团灭 That's it, we're dead.
申请再战 Okay, challenge them again.
战书已下 Doing it right now.
他们打不了 Oh, they can't.
明天有场重要的9到12岁儿童棒球大赛呢 There's an important Little League game tomorrow.
难怪能虐我们 人家是运动员 No wonder they beat us, they're jocks.
我这是怎么了 What happened to me?
我曾叱咤游戏界 I used to excel at these things.
小孩子向来比较会打电玩 Kids are always better at video games.
我讨厌这样 Well, I don't like it.
有句安慰的话不知该不该讲 你穿着还像小孩 Mm, if it makes you feel better, you still dress like a child.
不 不只是电玩 No, but it's not just video games.
我给手机更新了版本 我花了一周 I downloaded the new O.S. for my phone, took me a week
不再意外给人发送亲亲表情 to stop accidentally texting kissy faces to everyone.
所以我们的爱情是假的吗 Oh, so our love is not real?
我懂你的感觉 Well, I-I know how you feel.
我试着用过日本的全自动马桶 I tried one of those electronic Japanese toilets,
结果差点把我弹飞出厕所 practically shot myself across the room.
看来我不得不承认 I guess I just need to face it,
我不再是少年神童 I'm no longer a wunderkind.
我现在只是少根筋 不知中午吃啥儿童 Now I just wonder what's for lunch.
热狗 Hot dogs.
♪ 宇宙一度又烫又稠密 ♪ ♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪
♪ 140亿年前终于爆了炸... 等着瞧! ♪ ♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
♪ 地球开始降温 ♪ ♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
♪ 自养生物来起哄 穴居人发明工具 ♪ ♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪
♪ 我们建长城 我们建金字塔 ♪ ♪ We built the Wall ♪ ♪ We built the pyramids ♪
♪ 数学 自然科学 历史 揭开神秘 ♪ ♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪
♪ 一切由大爆炸开始 ♪ ♪ That all started with a big bang ♪
大
爆
炸
第十季 第二十二集
♪ Bang! ♪ By aBu 201705
生
活
我都不知道哺乳期可以喝酒 I didn't know you could drink while you're breastfeeding.
人家说啤酒里的酵母有助产奶 Yeah, they say the yeast in beer helps with milk production.
我敢说这是不实传闻 我查查 I'm pretty sure that's a myth, let me check.
查出来我不能喝 我就用这杯子打爆你头 Ruin it for me and I'll break this glass over your head.
敬自欺欺人一杯 To denial.
我去续杯 Oh, I'm gonna get another.
要吃的吗 You want food?
要 哺乳每天会消耗掉5000卡热量 Yeah, breastfeeding burns, like, 5,000 calories a day.
敢碰你手机试试 Do not touch that phone.
佩妮 Penny?
扎克 你好啊 Oh, Zack. Hey.
得多巧啊 能在这里碰到你 What are the odds of running into you here?
这是间酒吧 所以不需要多巧 Well, it's a bar, so pretty good.
有何新鲜事 Uh, what's new?
挺多的呢 Oh, tons of stuff.
后院种了人工草皮 订了婚 Put artificial grass in my backyard, got engaged,
疑似皮肤癌的痣后来发现只是记号笔印迹 had a scary mole that turned out to be Sharpie.
恭喜你啊 Well, congratulations.
我的皮肤科医生也这么说 That's what my dermatologist said.
是恭喜你订婚 太好了 No, on-on getting engaged, good for you.
谢谢 那你呢 Oh, thanks. How about you?
莱纳德最近好吗 Hey, how's Leonard?
还那么聪明吗 Is he still smart?
还好 还那么聪明 他正在为 Yes, yes, he's working for the government
政府研发无限持续陀螺仪 on an infinite persistence gyroscope.
果然 我第一次说正确 Of course, the first time I say it right,
他人就刚好不在 he's not even here.
我可喜欢这小个子了 I love that little guy.
或许我们该找一天一起吃饭 Hey, we should all have dinner sometime.
可以啊 我再问一下莱纳德 Uh, yeah, sure, I'll check with Leonard.
太好了 那我也问下莎拉 Cool, I'll check with Sara.
莎拉[Siri] 调出我的日程表 Sara, pull up my calendar.
这功能从来没好使过 It never works for me.
我一直在想我们这次遭人羞辱的事 I've been thinking about our recent humiliation.
你得说得更详细才知道哪次 You're gonna have to be more specific.
被孩子们羞辱 At the hands of those teenagers.
还不够详细 More.
被少年们羞辱 Boy teenagers.
电玩啊 是啊 太惨了 Oh, the video game. Yeah, that was bad.
我开始去阅读一些有关认知活力的文章 I started doing some reading on cognitive vitality,
读到了一个有关“青春永驻”的研究领域 and I came across an area of research called "super-aging."
你们知道谁青春永驻吗 珍妮弗·洛佩兹 You know who's a super-ager? Jennifer Lopez.
她的不老秘方到底是什么啊 Like, what is her secret?
这情况还真罕见 Now, this is rare.
我不知道自己想先让你们俩哪个闭嘴 I don't know which one of you I want to stop talking first.
这理论是说如果你狠狠磨炼你的大脑 The theory is that if you really tax your brain,
脑神经纤维会变得更粗壮 the neurofibers will become thicker
神经胶质细胞更有光泽 and the glial cells more lustrous.
就像珍妮弗的秀发 Like JLo's hair.
两位 真的是不相上下啊 Boy, it is neck and neck right now.
那保持青春永驻跟 How is super-aging any different
做填字游戏有什么区别 than, like, doing crossword puzzles?
不再是做些简单的认知任务就行了 Well, it's not just doing simple cognitive tasks.
你得逼你的大脑走出原本的舒适区 You need to push your brain out of its comfort zone
再使其达到精神疲惫的状态 and reach mental exhaustion.
我天天开车载你上班 I drive you to work every day,
我的大脑估计得强壮得像绿巨人 my brain must look like the Hulk.
如果你真的想挑战自己极限 If you really want to challenge yourself,
你可以试着学印地语啊 you could learn to speak Hindi.
我八岁那年就学会了 Jab mein aat saal ka tha Maine seekha tha.
你能用英语说吗 Could you say that in English?
我其实从没学过印地语 I actually, I never learned Hindi.
你准备好出发了吗 Hey, you ready to go?
大概吧 Yeah, I guess.
怎么啦 What's the matter?
说实话 跟你的前男友吃晚饭感觉有点怪 Honestly? It's a little strange having dinner with your ex-boyfriend,
又不是我们有很多话可以聊 and it's not like we have a lot to talk about.
干嘛 他超喜欢你好吗 What? He loves you, okay?
他对你的工作很感兴趣 And he's interested in your work.
你可以聊你的无限远景... You could talk about the infinite perspective...
我发誓我真知道叫什么 I swear I know it.
没事啦 我们走吧 It'll be fine, let's just go.
而且他的未婚妻也会在 你懂吧 Well, and his fiancée will be there, so you know,
找不到话聊时 就可拟聊他们的婚礼 if the conversation lags, we can talk about their wedding.
干嘛啦 上次坐飞机 Come on, I spent an entire plane ride
我-听你聊了整路的《死侍2》预告片 with you talking about the trailer for Deadpool 2.
我就知道你在装睡 Ha! I knew you weren't asleep.
两位好呀 Hey, guys.
一你好 一你的未婚妻呢 Hi. Hi. Hey, where's your fiancée?
她来不了 她有急事 Oh, she couldn't make it. She had an emergency.
不会吧 发生什么事了 Oh, no, what happened?
我没问 I didn't ask.
什么东西那么香 What smells so good?
拉杰在教我做牛角包 Raj is teaching me to make croissants.
这是你保持大脑青春永驻的方式之一吗 Is this part of your super-aging?
没错 一开始我觉得会很难 Yes. Yeah, it seemed daunting at first,
但之后发现 but then I realized,
这跟我小时候家里的化学实验装置一样 it's like the chemistry set I had as a kid.
区别在于 当你哥哥吃掉这个后 Only, when your brother eats this,
没人需要打电话给中毒控制中心 no one has to call Poison Control.
好了 Okay.
尝尝吧 Shall we?
天啊 Oh, my God.
既脆又酥 充满牛油香味 It's light, it's flaky, it's buttery.
你不用跟他滚床单 吃个牛角包就能高潮了 You don't need to have sex with him, just eat one of these.
是啊 确实很好吃 Yes, it is delicious.
不过 物理学家 面包师 爱人 Wha... Physicist, baker, lover,
世间哪有我做不到的事啊 what can't I do?
显然只做脑力劳动还不够 Well, clearly mental tasks are not enough.
也许你还得挑战一下运动技能 Maybe you need to challenge your motor skills.
我再说最后一遍 我不会跟你来挠痒痒大战 For the last time, I am not having a tickle fight with you.
你想来个真正的挑战吗 You want a real challenge,
试试阻止我继续吃牛角包啊 try keeping me from eating more of these.
你只是在利用食物掩饰内心 You're just using food
觉得自己不会有人爱 to mask the fear that you're fundamentally unlovable
注定孤独终老的恐惧 and therefore going to be alone forever.
我靠 他连这个也那么强 Damn it, he's good at that, too.
谢谢 Thanks.
为政府研发最高机密的项目 Wow, working on a top secret government project,
那真是太酷了 that is so cool. Aw.
你有保镖帮你吓跑间谍吗 Do you have a bodyguard to keep spies away?
我有谢尔顿 他能吓跑大部分人 I have Sheldon, that keeps most people away.
我想念那个小哥 I miss that guy.
他就像《大青蛙布偶秀》的瑞典厨师 He's like the Swedish Chef Muppet.
我听不懂他都在说些什么 但他很搞笑 I don't know what he's saying, but he's funny.
我倒是知道他在说些什么 他绝对不搞笑 Oh, I know what he's saying, and he's not, he's not funny.
佩妮 你最近怎么样 So, Penny, what's going on with you?
工作还顺利吗 How's the job?
还不错 我还在做医药销售 Uh, it's okay, I'm still in pharmaceutical sales.
她可棒了 She's doing amazing.
她能把有10％可能性 She can actually make a side effect,
会出现肝功能衰竭的副作用 like 10% chance of liver failure,
说成有90％可能性能令肝脏恢复正常 sound like a 90% chance of liver success.
说谎不是我这份工作值得骄傲的方面 Yeah, lying isn't my favorite part of the job.
事实上 很多方面我都不满意 Actually, I'm not crazy about a lot of it.
如果你不喜欢那份工作 Hey, if you're not happy there, I've been looking
我公司正想请个新的销售主管 for a new head of sales at my company.
我们不卖药 只卖菜单 And we don't sell drugs, just menus,
所以你唯一要说的谎是 so the only lie you'll be telling
我们用再生纸印菜单 is we print on recycled paper.
其实不是 We don't.
这工作邀请不错 Oh, that's a nice offer.
我们一定会合作无间 You know, we'd make a great team.
或者用我们菜单界的话来说 Or as we say in the menu business,
“你我做菜 永不孤单” I can't do this without "Me N U."
懂了 因为结尾就是“菜单” Right, 'cause it spells "menu."
多幽默啊 我有很多关于菜单的笑话 Yeah, right? It's funny. I got a lot of menu jokes,
但我最喜欢这个 but that's my favorite.
好啦 道具都在这儿了 All right, this is everything.
你想要学哪样 What do you want to learn?
其实都无所谓 只要能挑战自我就行了 It really doesn't matter, as long as it's challenging.
好吧 不如我教你几招 Okay, well, how about, oh, I teach you
近景魔术 some close-up... magic.
霍华德 我是想让自己难受 Howard, I'm trying to make myself uncomfortable,
不是想祸害其他人 not everyone else.
你想学点考验体能的 So you wanted to learn something physical
却来找霍华德·沃罗威茨吗 and you came to Howard Wolowitz?
马戏艺术对于体能和心理素质都有很高的要求 Hey, the circus arts are very physically and mentally demanding.
你试过玩抛接球吗 Have you ever tried to juggle?
试过 我现在就在挣扎 Yes, I'm juggling my love for you
该“抛”弃对你的爱 还是“接”住对你的嫌弃 and my embarrassment of you right now.
挺难的 不是吗 And it's hard, isn't it?
关键技巧在于 So the key is,
当一个球升到最高点时 the moment one ball is at the top of its arc,
你再抛出下一个 you toss the next one.
好 我应该学会了 Hmm? Okay, I think I got that.
且慢 Uh, h-hold on.
抛接球界有句老话 There's a, an old saying in juggling.
是“我注定孤独终老“吗 Is it "I'm going to die alone"?
非也 是“万丈高楼平地起 欢喜抛接一颗起” No, it's "if you want to have fun, start with one."
你那句我们心里明白 但不会说出来 Yours we think, but we do not say.
好了 你先抛接几次 All right, just toss it up and catch it a few times,
熟悉一下感觉 get comfortable with it.
好的 Okay.
出于安全考量 问一下 Just to be on the safe side,
我会不会得“抛接肘”这类的运动伤害 am I in any danger of getting juggler's elbow?
不会 No.
你确定吗 我开始感觉到刺痛了 Are you sure? 'Cause I'm feeling a twinge.
你看 刚才不算太糟吧 See, that wasn't so bad.
他还付了饭钱呢 He even picked up the check.
是啊 Yeah.
不过他计算小费该给多少时 Although, when he was trying to figure out the tip,
我看到他算到耳朵都冒烟了 I'm pretty sure I saw smoke coming out of his ears.
你不是真的考虑去他公司上班吧 You're not really considering working for him, are you?
有可能啊 那职位挺适合的 Well, maybe, I mean, it seems kind of perfect.
我有销售经验 I have sales experience,
还当过服务员 所以也有餐厅相关经验 and I've been a waitress, so I have restaurant experience,
而且如果是由他来计算我的圣诞奖金 and if he's figuring out my Christmas bonus,
说不定我们能买艘船呢 we could buy a boat.
你不觉得为前任打工 Don't you think it might be a little weird
有点怪吗 to work for someone you used to date?
你和谢尔顿共事 你说呢 You work with Sheldon, you tell me.
是的 超级怪 Yeah, it's weird.
我和扎克一起工作 你真的会吃醋吗 Okay, are you seriously jealous of me working with Zack?
我才不是吃醋呢 我只是觉得 No, no, I-I'm not jealous, I just think
你现在明明干得不错 you have got a good thing going where you are right now,
收入也很不错 and you make great money
也没和同事睡成一片 and you haven't slept with any of your coworkers.
那你是宁愿我做一份不开心的工作了 Great, so you want me to stay at a job I'm not happy at?
你没事吧 You okay?
你的表情就和扎克算不出小费时一样 You kind of look like Zack trying to figure out that tip.
我当然不希望你工作不开心 Of course I don't want you to be unhappy,
但我更希望你更明智一点 but I also want you to be smart,
为前男友打工显然不是明智之举 and working for an ex-boyfriend isn't very smart.
你不用停 慢慢减速 我自己跳车 You don't have to stop, just slow down, I'll jump out.
艾米 快看 我在骑独轮车 Amy, look, I'm on a unicycle!
你是怎么从牛角包跳到独轮车上的 How did you get from croissants to a unicycle?
我抛接球时伤到自己了 I hurt myself juggling.
你从哪里找来这玩意的 Where did you get it?
霍华德说可以暂时借给我 Howard said I could borrow it,
博纳黛特让我永远别还了 Bernadette said forever.
你试过不靠绳子自己骑吗 Have you tried letting go of the rope?
你疯了吗 我骑的可是独轮车 What, are you crazy? I'm on a unicycle.
好吧 那你慢慢玩 All right, well, have fun.
等等 我需要有人帮我下来 Wait, I need help getting down.
你想要我怎么做 Well, what do you want me to do?
先把我们的床垫拖出来放在这里 Drag out our mattress and put it over here,
然后去走廊对面把他们的床垫拖过来 then go across the hall, get their mattress
放在上面 and put it over here.
但在做这些事之前 But before you do any of that,
快帮我挠一下鼻子 scratch my nose.
所以你说了她很蠢 So you told her she was being dumb?
不 我说她做的不是明智之举 No, I told her she was being not smart.
这太蠢了 Which was dumb.
你为什么要和他一起吃晚饭呢 Why did you even go to dinner with the guy?
我们才刚说过啊 我蠢呗 We covered this, I'm dumb.
就算他是我的前男友 又如何呢 So he's my ex-boyfriend, who cares?
真不敢相信莱纳德如此缺乏安全感 I can't believe Leonard would be so insecure.
真的吗 Really?
我觉得这事非常好理解呀 I have no trouble believing that at all.
扎克都已经订婚了 And Zack's engaged.
莱纳德根本没理由担心 Leonard has no reason to feel threatened.
我俩说的是同一个莱纳德吧 We're talking about the same Leonard, right?
你觉得她为扎克工作没问题吗 So you think it's fine if she works for Zack?
我不知道 也许吧 I don't know, maybe.
他的确是比莱纳德好看多了 Well, he is much more attractive than Leonard.
没错 Yes,
但她的历任老板中这样的人也不少 but that's gonna be true of a lot of guys she works for.
可她以前还跟扎克一起睡过 Yeah, but she also used to sleep with Zack.
就像我刚才说的... Again...
我就不会让霍华德和他的前任一起工作 I would never let Howard work with an ex.
什么 你不相信他吗 What, you wouldn't trust him?
我是不相信他的前任 I wouldn't trust her.
我家华仔可是一条苗条性感的犹太小灰狗 He's thin and sexy like a Jewish greyhound.
是是是 那还真是最性感的一种狗呢 Yeah, that-that is the sexiest dog.
我想华仔也不会接受 And I'd like to think Howie wouldn't take a job
会让我不爽的工作 I was uncomfortable with.
一因为他很怕你吗 一怕得要死 'Cause he's scared of you? Terrified.
没错 Yeah.
我支持莱纳德 这样是不对的 You know what? I'm with Leonard, this isn't cool.
谢谢 Thank you.
我不同意 I disagree.
佩妮是一个独立而坚强的新女性 Penny is a strong, independent woman.
你越想掌控她 她反抗越强烈 The more you try to control her, the more she'll push back.
所以你觉得没问题吗 So you think it's okay?
不 她命中注定要抛弃你 Oh, no, she's gonna leave you for someone,
还不如早死早超生 might as well get it over with.
你在干什么呀 What are you doing?
我准备把这些东西都还给霍华德 I'm returning this stuff to Howard.
博纳黛特要我保证如果你不想玩了 Well, Bernadette made me promise if you didn't want it,
就把它送给流浪的小丑 we'd give it to a homeless clown.
你怎么不继续学独轮车了 What happened to learning the unicycle?
我不想学了 太蠢了 Oh, I stopped that, it was dumb.
独轮 两轮 三轮 月经周期[轮] Uni, bi, tri, menstrual,
带轮的东西都很蠢 all cycles are dumb.
你还说抛接球也很蠢呢 You said juggling was dumb, too.
的确蠢啊 Well, it is.
我想一次性拿住3个东西 If I wanted to hold three things at once,
穿条多口袋裤子就好啦 I'd wear cargo pants.
谢尔顿 有没有这种可能 Sheldon, is it possible that
每当事情变困难时 when things get really difficult,
你就放弃了 you just give up?
你在说我是半途而度的人吗 Are you calling me a quitter?
如果你凭良心... Well, if you honestly...
对话到底为止 This conversation is over.
他的妈妈警告过我 His mother warned me.
每个人都警告过我 Everybody warned me.
说起来 他自己都警告过我 Actually, he warned me.
你想聊聊吗 You want to talk?
这貌似不是我的强项 That doesn't seem to be where I shine.
不如让我给你点个赞吧 How about I just give you one of these?
我们可以坐下来理性地谈一谈 Look, we can have a reasonable conversation
我保证不生气 and I won't get mad.
我在爱爱后不喜欢这手势 现在也不喜欢 I don't like it after sex, and I don't like it now.
一好吧 抱歉 一好 Yeah, sorry. Yeah.
过来吧 All right, just come here.
我知道和扎克一起工作很奇怪 Look, I get me working with Zack is weird
我也不希望你心里不爽 and I don't want you to be uncomfortable.
谢谢 Well, thanks.
我也不想让你干不喜欢的工作 And I don't want you to be stuck at a job you don't like.
那我们怎么办呢 Then what do we do?
虽然我不高兴 但如果你真的想要这份工作 Well, I don't love it, but if you really want to take this job,
我会试着接受这件事 I'll find a way to deal with it.
我知道你会试 但这会让你很郁闷 No, I know you'll try, but it'll make you miserable,
然后我也会很郁闷 所以... which will make me miserable, and...
我还是不要换工作了 I'm just gonna stay where I'm at for now.
不不不 你做得不开心 No, no, no, no, you're-you're unhappy there
反而会怪是我让你留下的 and then you're gonna blame me for making you stay,
别管我 我忍就是了 and it's fine, I'll just-- I'll suck it up.
你真的不用这么做 没关系 You don't need to do that, it's okay.
现在我不好受了 Yeah, see, now I feel terrible,
好像我太自私 拖了你的后腿 like I'm being selfish and holding you back.
怎么了 说话啊 What? Say something.
这手势的确挺让人不爽的 Yeah, that is pretty annoying.
我给你泡了茶 I made you tea.
谢谢 Thank you.
抱歉我说你半途而废 I'm sorry I called you a quitter.
没事 我已经不生气了 It's okay, I stopped being upset about that.
对 我知道我没坚持生气挺能证明你的观点 And no, the irony is not lost on me.
你在看什么 What are you reading?
这文章说诺贝尔获奖者 This article says the peak age for making
取得大发现的巅峰年纪是40岁 a Nobel Prize-winning discovery is 40.
那又怎样 So?
我没多少时间了 So I'm running out of time.
太荒唐了 你是个超级有才气的人 That's ridiculous, you're a brilliant man.
你人生的大好年华还在眼前 The best years of your life are still ahead of you.
你必须这么说 你爱我 Oh, you have to say that, you're sweet on me.
如果你真的为事业担心 Well, if you're really worried about your career,
也许你应该考虑少花些时间 maybe you should consider spending a little less time
在电玩和漫画书上 with video games and comic books.
你不是爱我的吗 I thought you were sweet on me.
好吧 假设你这辈子没有赢得诺贝尔奖 Okay, fine, let's say you never win a Nobel Prize.
假设你这辈子一直在做踏实的科学研究 Let's say you spend your life doing solid scientific research
你身边全是朋友和爱你的人 surrounded by friends and loved ones
他们欣赏你 who appreciate you,
不是因为你的成就 not for what you've accomplished
而是因为你这个人 but for who you are as a man.
不也就不枉此生了吗 Wouldn't that be a life well-lived?
你真可爱 You're so cute.
我要去学踩高跷 I'm gonna go learn how to walk on stilts.
那么多警告 全当耳边风 So many warnings.
你确定吗 Okay, are you sure about this?
当然确定 我只希望你开心 Absolutely. I just want you to be happy.
最好我的无私能令你有点小性奋 And maybe a little turned on about how selfless I'm being.
佩妮 什么事 Penny, what's up?
我考虑过了 Hey, uh, so I've been thinking about it
我想接受这份工作 and I want to take the job.
坏消息 Oh, bad news.
我未婚妻发现我给前女友 When my fiancée found out that I was offering a job
提供工作 她说这样做很蠢 to my ex-girlfriend, she said it was a stupid idea
还扔鞋子砸我 and threw a shoe at me.
那么没工作吗 Oh, so there's no job?
没 唯一有的是我额头上的包 Nope, just a little bump on my forehead.
好吧 还是谢谢了 Okay, thanks anyway.
拜 Bye.
他未婚妻觉得 Well, his fiancée thought
一起工作是件愚蠢的事 the idea of us working together was stupid.
你是对的 我错了 You were right, I was wrong.
你不打算说什么吗 Aren't you gonna say anything?
无需多言 我只想做这个手势 Not if I want to be doing this later.
我不知道你在家 Hey, I didn't know you were home.
你去哪里了 Where you been?
我去见你妈妈了 I went to see your mom.
说真的 你去了哪里 Seriously, where were you?
我刚说了 你妈妈家 I just told you, your mom's.
为什么 Why?
因为你极度鄙视我的魔术 Well, since you find my magic tricks so embarrassing,
我想知道 I got to wondering
你小时候有什么酷爱好 what cool hobbies you had as a kid.
她说了什么 What'd she say?
你妈没说什么 She didn't say much of anything.
但她说了很多 But she said a lot!
伯纳黛特 还记得我吗 Hi, Bernadette, remember me?
首先 她不是这样说话的 First of all, that's not what she sounds like,
人家来自南卡罗来纳州 she's from South Carolina.
真不敢相信你嘲笑了我这么多年 I can't believe you made fun of me
你自己却是个深柜腹语者 all these years while you were a closeted ventriloquist.
不是我自愿想成为腹语者 Okay, it's not like I wanted to be a ventriloquist.
我当时参加选美 我需要一项才艺 I was in beauty pageants and I needed a talent
不能光靠散播谣言 besides spreading rumors
说其他参赛者怀孕了 that the other contestants were pregnant.
既然你很享受 Well, since you enjoyed
扔掉我的东西 getting rid of all my stuff, you know,
也许我们应该把这位小姑娘扔进碎木机 maybe we should throw this little lady in the wood chipper.
不 No!
这位小姑娘有名字的 And the little lady has a name.
叫什么 Which is?
黛咪·乔·圣·克劳 Tammy Jo St. Cloud.
“黛咪·乔·圣·克劳” "Tammy Jo St. Cloud."
而我玩抛接球就被笑是死宅 Oh, and I'm a dork for juggling.
对不起 你不是死宅男 Sorry, you're not a dork.
你是小丑 You're a clown.
黛咪·乔 别这样说 Tammy Jo, don't say that,
他会感到难受的 you'll make him feel bad.
看他 Look at him,
他凭什么自我感觉良好 what reason he got to feel good?
好了 非常好笑 All right, very funny.
别听她的 Don't listen to her,
她被关在盒子里25年了 she's been in a box for, like, 25 years.
对 我被关之前他的发型还很流行呢 Yeah, back when his haircut was fashionable.
够了 把她拿开 That's enough, put her away.
老爹爹 Oh, big daddy,
你想得美 I don't think so.
你娶了妮妮小姐 就是娶了我 You marry Miss Bernie, you marry me.
我们现在是一家人了 We all family now.
好了 你吓着我了 All right, you're freaking me out.
别这样 Don't be that way.
只要你不介意少许的木片毛刺 If you don't mind a few splinters,
咱们就一妻一妾这样过吧 we can have us a ménage à trois.
我成功了 I'm doing it.
我好高 我成功了 I'm tall and I'm doing it!
真扫兴 Ah, man.