华仔 华仔 醒醒 Howie? Howie, wake up.
时候到了 It's time.
你羊水破了吗 Oh. Did your water break?
没有 No.
开始宫缩了吗 Are you feeling any contractions?
没有 No.
等等 那你要去哪里呢 Wait. Well, where are you going?
去医院啊 To the hospital.
今天是预产日 老娘想赶紧解决这破事 Today's my due date, and this crap needs to end now.
亲爱的 孩子不一定会在预产日出生 Honey, babies don't always come on their due date.
哈雷就晚了两周啊 Halley was two weeks late.
不过这孩子是男孩 But this baby's a boy.
男孩"出门"通常不需要准备那么久 They don't take as long to get ready.
你在干嘛 What are you doing?
我在用幽默缓解情况啊 I'm making the situation better with humor.
有缓解到吗 Are you?
那你要我用变魔术来缓解吗 Would you rather me make it better with magic?
-睡觉吧 -我变 - Go back to sleep. - Ta-da!
对了 我听说做爱能诱发分娩 You know, I hear that sex can induce labor.
为了家庭我愿付出一切 Anything for my family.
生
活
大
爆
炸
第十一季 第十六集
我知道今天是伯纳黛特的预产日 I believe today is Bernadette's due date.
你怎么知道 How do you know that?
简单 她最后一次月经的40周后 Easy. 40 weeks from the date of her last period.
那你怎么会知道她经期 And why do you know that?
我关心别人是我的错 "抱歉"啊 Well, excuse me for taking an interest in people.
随时都可能出生 So, any day now.
我也不知道了 Oh, I don't know.
今早去看了医生 We went to the doctor this morning,
医生说可能还得等一两周 and she said it could still be another week or two.
伯纳黛特人还好吗 How's Bernadette holding up?
还挺难的 It's pretty rough.
她很难受 She's having a hard time.
那你为什么在笑 Why are you smiling?
我昨晚做了两次爱 I had sex twice last night.
你这样是不对的 人家在卧床休养 That's not fair! She's on bed rest.
没办法逃走 She can't run away.
是她提议的 It was her idea.
她在哪读到性爱可以诱发分娩 She read that it can start labor.
这是真的吗 Is that true?
我本来也想上网搜搜 Well, I would have Googled it,
但我的手忙着脱裤子 but I was busy taking my pants off.
我没有要炫耀 但艾米上次生日 Yeah, not to brag, but Amy's last birthday
让我跟她的交媾次数达到了四次 brought my coital tally up to four.
我能确定你这个绝对不是炫耀 Whatever you're doing, it's not bragging.
-各位好 -你好啊 - Hey, guys. - ?Hey.
你来啦 我刚才正聊到你呢 ?Hey, I was just talking about you.
-我该问聊什么吗 -万万不该 - Oh, should I ask? - You should not.
我想要把我们的拨款提案给写完 I'm trying to get our grant proposal together.
你把那些机械制图弄完了吗 Any chance you've finished up those mechanical drawings?
抱歉 我本来昨晚应该画完的 Oh, sorry. I was gonna do it last night,
结果有事情耽搁了 but I got kind of busy.
是啊 有"事情" Yeah, you did.
他们在说什么 What are they talking about?
我给你个提示 I'll give you a hint.
是某件我跟你做过四次的事 It's something that we have done four times.
看爱情歌舞片《爱乐之城》吗 Watched La La Land?
什么 没有 才没有 What? No. No.
我才没有看四遍《爱乐之城》 I've not watched La La Land four times.
如果你们在我手机上发现它的原声带 If you find the soundtrack on my phone,
那只是因为我跟艾米的下载账号相关联 that's just 'cause our iTunes accounts are linked.
貌似在孩子出生前 Looks like I might have a little more time
我应该还有点空闲时间 before the baby gets here,
要不我们挑灯夜战做完它吧 so why don't we just stay late and get it done?
可我也不想你丢下伯纳黛特一个人啊 Well, I don't want you to leave Bernadette alone.
我们可以去她家陪她啊 Oh, we can hang out and keep her company.
-对啊 -看啊 看我的线上视频待看列表 - Yeah, absolutely. - See, see. Look at my Netflix queue.
两部纪录片 There's two documentaries
还有电影《朋友也上床》[朋友有福利] and the movie Friends with Benefits,
我本来以为这也是纪录片 which I thought was a documentary
讲雇主提供健康保险 about employer health care plans.
妮妮 是我 Hey, Bernie, it's me.
我自己开门进来啦 I let myself in.
你来啦 Hey.
你这是在干嘛 What are you doing?
你不是应该卧床休养吗 I thought you were supposed to be on bed rest.
已经不用了 但我已经在这楼梯上 That's done, but I've been on stair rest
楼梯休养了足足45分钟了 for the last 45 minutes.
来 我扶你起来 Here, let me help you. ?Yeah.
你要是真想帮忙我 就带上橡胶手套 If you really want to help, put on a rubber glove,
手伸进来帮我把小孩拉出来 reach on up there and start pulling.
我知道你是在开玩笑 但我在农场长大 I know you're joking, but I grew up on a farm.
我真敢帮你 I'll do it.
我就想赶紧生了了事 Oh, I just want this to be over.
我的瑜伽老师怀孕的时候 You know, when my yoga instructor was pregnant,
她说有很多姿势 she told me there are tons of poses
帮助她开始分娩 that put her right into labor.
我乐意一试 I'll try,
但感觉就是柔软"姿势"害我走到这一步 but I feel like bendy poses are what got me into this mess.
我们先从平和的呼吸运动开始 Okay, we're gonna start with some nice breathing exercises.
抱歉 我满脑子都在想你的肚子有多平坦 Sorry. I can't think of anything except how flat your belly is.
谢谢夸奖 Oh, thank you.
去多穿点衣服 你个贱人 Go put on some more clothes, you bitch.
好的 我们蹲下去 Okay, we go down...
再站起来 and back up.
再站起来 And back up!
我有障碍的又不是听力 Yeah, hearing you is not the problem.
不许拍 Put that phone away!
笑一个 Smile.
相信我 有一个穴道[三阴交穴] I'm telling you, there's an acupressure point
就在你的脚踝上方 能帮助诱发宫缩 right above your ankle that can induce contractions.
行吧 但我警告你一下 All right, but just a warning.
我的脚有点水肿 My feet are a little swollen.
没事啦 伯纳黛特 Oh, please, Bernadette.
我敢肯定... 哎妈 I'm sure this-- okay.
怎么了 What?
没什么 你的脚踝很正常啊 一点都不像 Nothing. Your ankles look fine, and not at all
我刚打开了一盒羊角包的面团 like I just popped open a can of crescent rolls.
我母亲相信 如果你精神上没准备好 My mother believes that if you're not prepared mentally,
有可能会影响你的身体推迟开始分娩 it can delay your body from going into labor.
所以你什么意思 这是我自己的错吗 So what are you trying to say? It's my fault?
拉杰神经病啊 Raj is crazy.
你的脚踝才没那么恶心 Your ankles aren't that gross.
你好啊 Hello.
让我猜猜 你也是来帮忙催生的 Let me guess. You're here to try to get me to go into labor.
怎么可能 我连别人打喷嚏都恶心 Oh, please. I'm disgusted when people sneeze,
那还只是他们鼻子有东西跑出来 and that's just stuff coming out of their nose.
不是的 No.
我只是来坐在你身旁陪着你而已 I am here to sit with you and keep you company.
那真好 Oh, that's nice.
陪伴的方式是 跟你玩一个桌游史上 Yeah, by playing the most complicated board game
最复杂的一款游戏《北非战役》 ever invented: Campaign for North Africa.
我从网上买的 I bought it off eBay.
味道闻起来像辣椒 不过所有的配件都齐全 It smells a little like chili, but all the pieces are there.
快出生吧 宝贝 Come on, baby.
现在快出生救老妈 我就给你买小马 Get out here right now and I'll buy you a pony.
拨款委员会里有人是工程师吗 Are there any engineers on the grant committee?
我不知道啊 为什么 I don't know. Why?
我没有时间去想出 I didn't have time to figure out
三轮入加液压系统分路阀箱 the three-input hydraulic manifold,
所以这个图其实只是个通量电容器 so this diagram is really just a flux capacitor
源自电影《回到未来》 from Back to the Future.
抱歉这么急着要 I'm sorry this is on such short notice.
我只是希望你发表的时候我能去陪你呢 Hey, I just wish I could be there when you present it.
没事的 That's okay.
你花时间陪麦克才是正经事 It's more important that you spend time with Michael.
谁是麦克 Who's Michael?
你儿子啊 Uh, your son?
什么 才不是 No, it's not.
我儿子还没取名呢 My son doesn't have a name yet.
好吧 那就是伯纳黛特的儿子 Okay, well, then, Bernadette's son.
我真是要气死 I can't believe her.
她明知道我不想要孩子取她爸爸的名字 She knows I don't want to name the baby after her dad.
-那你想取什么名字 -我不知道啊 - What did you want to name him? - I don't know.
我们本来想等到看他长什么样子再决定 We were gonna wait until we saw what he looked like.
皱巴巴的光头婴儿 Well, it's a baby.
她老爸也是满脸皱纹的光头佬 Her dad's a wrinkly bald man.
你就算等也杀不出条血路啊 That wasn't gonna break your way.
我靠 Ah, come on!
跟你接下来五到八周的人生问好 Welcome to the next five to eight weeks of your life.
谢尔顿 我说了我不想玩你的游戏 Sheldon, I said I didn't want to play your game.
那你就别把它想成是游戏 Well, then don't think of it as a game.
把它想成是在传授你有关 Think of it as a source of information
二战中一场较不为人熟悉的战役的知识 about one of the lesser known campaigns of World War II.
你说得对 You're right.
还真是"好"了许多 That's so much better.
是啊 我说的没错吧 I know, right?
首先 我们得先来摇骰子决定天气 Okay, first, we need to roll to determine the weather.
是沙漠 天气不应该就是炎热吗 It's a desert. Isn't it gonna be hot?
是的 Yes.
麦克 是吗 你觉得我们要把孩子取麦克吗 Michael? Really, you think we're naming him Michael?
之后再谈 霍华德 Not now, Howard.
我在游戏中呢 I'm in the middle of a game.
你想得美 我们离游戏中期还有几百小时呢 You wish. You are hundreds of hours away from the middle.
我真没想到你居然想强取我们儿子的名字 I can't believe you're trying to hijack our son's name.
妮妮 Bernie?
我最快只能走这么快 冷静 This is as fast as I move! Calm down!
你就打算直接就取麦克吗 So you're just gonna name him Michael?
你打算什么时候告诉我 Were you even gonna tell me?
我跟你说过了 I told you.
什么时候 When?
好啦 我是跟艾米说过 Oh, right. That was Amy.
取麦克哪里不好了 是我爸的名字 What's wrong with Michael? It's my dad's name.
我不想我们孩子以你爸爸为名 I don't want to name our son after your father.
我本来不想说 但我爸要去世了 I didn't want to say this, but he's dying.
真的吗 He is?
总有一天啊 你看看他的饮食习惯 Eventually. I mean, you see the way the man eats.
所以是荷尔蒙作祟 Okay, is this the hormones,
还是你其实一直都是神经病 or have you always been a lunatic?
我也说不准了 I don't even know anymore.
妮妮 这是我们孩子的名字 Bernie, this is our kid's name.
我们应该双方都同意吧 I think we should both agree.
是啦 我们一起造的孩子 You're right. We both made this baby.
谢谢理解 Thank you.
而我怀着他 为他卧床休养四个月 And I carried it, had to stay in bed for four months,
牺牲我的身体与工作 sacrificed my body and my job,
而且他很快就要从我下面破"门"而出 and soon it's gonna burst its way out of me
就像广告里破墙的小人一样 like the Kool-Aid Man.
对啊 苦劳一人一半 Exactly. Fifty-fifty.
我好像害伯纳黛特有麻烦了 I think I got Bernadette in trouble.
或许我们该走了 Maybe we should go.
我不能走 I-I can't.
我跟她在玩《北非战役》呢 She and I are playing Campaign for North Africa.
她都不想玩这游戏 She doesn't want to play that. Hmm?
当年埃及人也不想 但名将隆美尔还是入侵了啊 Neither did the Egyptians, but that didn't stop Rommel.
我带中餐[中国人]来了 Hey! I brought Chinese.
而我带印度人来了 And I brought Indian.
你们来干嘛呀 What are you guys doing here?
谢尔顿发短信来说 Sheldon texted and said
博纳黛特叫我们一起过来 Bernadette wanted us all to come over.
这游戏最适合5到10个玩家一起玩 The game's best with five to ten players.
如果不叫麦克 那你想取什么名字 Okay, if it's not Michael, then what do you want to name him?
哈里 就像波特或者胡迪尼[魔术大师]的名字 Harry, like Potter or Houdini.
我以前有个男朋友就叫哈里 你不介意吧 It doesn't bother you that I have an old boyfriend named Harry?
好吧 Okay.
艾尔或者马克斯如何... How 'bout Al or Max or...
泰德或者凯文 Ted or Kevin?
都在此列 Same answer.
博纳黛特 该你了 Hey, Bernadette, it's your turn.
佩妮的空军 Penny's air force
正在扫荡你位于托布鲁克的供应线 is strafing your supply line in Tobruk.
我们正忙着呢 We're kind of busy.
好吧 不过你这样挺没礼貌啊 Oh. 'Kay. But you're being pretty rude.
大伙特地过来陪你一起玩桌游呢 Everyone did come over to play this game with you.
我一直觉得克里斯提安[天主教徒]不错 You know, I always thought Christian was a nice name.
我不知道 I don't know.
一听就有没割包皮过的非犹太风 Sounds a little too uncircumcised.
博纳黛特 该你了 Bernadette, it's your turn.
叫格雷格如何 What about Greg?
算了 我帮你掷骰子 All right, I'll just roll for you.
哇 这个不错 Ooh! That is a good one!
你部队的士气评分真是旺旺旺 Your troops' morale rating is pretty high.
莱纳德 作为守军 Now, Leonard, as the defender,
我们需要从伯纳黛特的士气评分中 we need to subtract your morale rating
减去你的士气评分 from Bernadette's to get a final
以获得本次袭击的最终士气评分 adjusted morale rating for the assault.
然后我再检查一下袭击的微分塔式 And I will just check the assault differential column.
哈哈 谁说战争即是地狱来着 Ooh! Who said war was hell?
我说的是个修辞反问句 Yeah, that's a rhetorical question.
威廉·谢尔曼美国内战时期联邦军著名将领
这句话是谢尔曼说的 Sherman said it.
叫谢尔曼如何 What about Sherman?
谢尔曼·沃罗威茨 Like, Sherman Wolowitz.
这孩子以后毕业舞会后只能带他妈去 Yeah, that's a kid who's gonna take his mother to prom.
霍华德 你不就带你妈当伴了吗 Hey, Howard, you did that, right?
她不是我的伴 她是来当监护人 I didn't take her. She chaperoned.
我们只跳了一支慢舞 We slow-danced once.
叫保罗如何 What about Paul?
帕罗 帕罗·沃洛维茨 Paul. Paul Wolowitz.
我喜欢这个名字 I like it.
就像库萨"帕"里 Ooh, like "Koothra-paul-I."
你把这名字毁了 Okay, you ruined it.
现在我们进入战术运输阶段 All right, that moves us on to the tactical shipping phase.
佩妮 你是我们的后勤指挥官 Penny, I believe, as logistics commander, that's you.
好的 我投降 Okay. I surrender.
想得美 佩妮 Nice try, Penny.
但是想让谢尔顿·库珀终止游戏 It takes more than everybody not enjoying it
光靠所有人的厌恶是不够的 to stop a game with Sheldon Cooper.
谢尔顿 我们正在讨论很重要的事 Sheldon, we're talking about something important here.
好吧 Fine.
如果你们选好了宝宝的名字 我们可以继续玩吗 If you pick a baby name, can we get back to playing?
好呀 Sure.
很好 开始吧 All right, here we go.
罗纳塔娜塔 Ranatanata.
你不能给他取名罗纳塔娜塔 You can't name him Ranatanata.
对哦 这是男孩 这名字不合适 Oh, right, it's a boy. That'd be ridiculous.
那就叫奥兹曼迪亚斯 What about Ozymandias?
你是胡乱编的还是中风发作了呀 Are you making these up or having a stroke?
奥兹曼迪亚斯来自于珀西·比希·雪莱的诗 Ozymandias is from a poem by Percy Bysshe Shelley.
有了 比希·沃罗威茨 Oh, oh! Bysshe Wolowitz.
解决了 继续游戏吧 Solved. Back to the game.
呀呀 沙尘暴 Heyo! Sandstorm!
有些人会以地名为孩子命名 Some people name their kids after places.
位于华盛顿州的城市
比如瓦拉瓦拉·沃罗威茨 Like what, Walla Walla Wolowitz?
如果你觉得这比奥兹曼迪亚斯·沃罗威茨好 If you think that is better than Ozymandias Wolowitz,
那你一定是吸多了由我的部队 then you have been breathing in the poisonous gas
非法释放的有毒气体 that my troops illegally dispersed.
你还好吧 You okay?
我好像开始宫缩了 Uh, I think that was a contraction.
快生了吗 我们要去医院吗 Is it time? Do we need to go to the hospital?
不用 上次已经有过这样了 No. We've been through this before.
我的羊水还没有破呢 My water hasn't even broken yet.
别管你的羊水了 Never mind your water.
在分娩开始时 粘液栓可能会先行排出
你的宫颈粘液栓排出来了吗 Has your mucus plug popped out?
呕 才没有呢 Ew, no!
你说得对 如果排出来我们应该能听见 Oh, you're right. We probably would've heard that.
粘液栓又不是香槟瓶栓 It's not a champagne cork.
当然那样的话也挺喜庆的 Although that would be festive.
我们还是先去医院吧 You know what, maybe we should go.
你又感受到宫缩了吗 Did you have another contraction?
不 我只是担心谢尔顿又要提到 No. I'm just worried that Sheldon's gonna say
"粘液栓" "mucus plug" again.
我还担心它会弹到我的眼睛上呢 And I'm worried one's gonna hit me in the eye.
该走了 Yep, it's time.
我们是开两辆车去吗 Should we take two cars?
你们能留下来照顾哈雷吗 Uh, actually, could you stay here and watch Halley?
这样我们就不用等博纳黛特的父母了 That way we don't have to wait for Bernadette's parents.
你们走吧 我们会照顾她的 Yeah, you guys go. We'll take care of her.
你们什么都别担心 You have nothing to worry about.
那倒不尽然 潜水艇正在驶近苏伊士运河 Well, not nothing. There are U-boats approaching the Suez Canal.
我们逃不掉了 你们快走吧 It's too late for us. Go, go!
赶紧逃命 Save yourselves!
苏伊士 出生日 运河今夜逢吉时 Suez? Birth? It's a big night for canals.
你还好吧 How you feeling?
但我好期待见到我们的儿子 But I am really excited to meet our son.
我也是 我以为自己会吓死 Me, too. I thought I'd be super freaked out.
但我已经准备好了 But I'm ready for this.
除了你分娩时 Well, not the part where you're in labor
用力过猛把我的手指捏紫这部分 and you squeeze my fingers till they turn blue.
抱歉 I'm sorry.
你一定很痛吧 That must be really painful for you.
对啊 It is.
你知道上次我都... I mean, last time, I...
好吧 Okay,
我明白你的意思了 I see what you're doing.
这次宫缩好痛 It's a big one.
赶紧吸气 Just breathe. ?
好了 Okay.
好了 没事了 Okay, I'm good.
抱歉我想背着你偷偷取名字 I'm sorry I tried to sneak the name past you.
没关系 That's okay.
抱歉我上大学时"干"掉了太多的好名字 I'm sorry I used up so many good names in college.
我那时候很爱跟室友比较 I was really competitive with my roommate.
忘了这事吧 Forget about it.
求求你 Please.
也许我们把自己逼得太紧了 You know what, maybe we're putting too much pressure on this.
不管我们给他取什么名字 It doesn't matter what we name him.
他都会是个棒小伙儿 He's gonna be amazing.
你说得对 You're right.
这孩子有你的一半 有我的一半 This kid is part you and part me.
没错 他一定会聪明善良又有趣 Yeah. He's gonna be smart and kind and funny.
如果他能超过1米67 那就是神迹了 If he cracks five-foot-six, it'll be a miracle.
我一直很喜欢艾略特这个名 I've always liked the name Elliott.
抱歉 不能用 那是我儿子的名字 Sorry, can't have it. That's my boy name.
我先说的 I said it first.
这又不是先喊先得 It's not like calling dibs.
这就是先喊先得 Yes, it is. It's exactly like that.
艾略特是我的了 Dibs on Elliott.
我只是说 我们很有可能先用上 I-I'm just saying, we might get there first.
你俩一年才睡一次 You only have sex once a year.
我有可能今晚就滚床单呢 I'll probably have sex tonight.
好吧 艾略特给你吧 Fine, you can have Elliott.
你什么时候连我们孩子的名都想好了 When did you pick out our kids' names?
还记得你搬进大楼的那天吗 Remember that day you moved into the building?
记得呀 Yes.
相隔了一段不会吓到人的时间后想的 A non-creepy amount of time after that.
我喜欢艾略特这个名字 Yeah, I like the name Elliott.
虽然不在我的备选名单上 但我喜欢它 That wasn't on my list, but I like it.
我们听过你的名字了 全都荒诞至极 We've heard your names. They're ridiculous.
我叫地里扑的表亲都比那些强 And I have a cousin named Dilip.
我才不会把好名字告诉他们呢 Well, I wasn't going to give them any of the good names.
我要留着自己用 I'm saving those for us.
真的吗 你还想过咱们孩子的名字 Really? You've thought about our kids?
当然 我俩一定会生出最出色的孩子 Of course. I think you and I will have exceptional children.
我也这么想 Well, I think so, too.
你俩想要几个孩子呀 How many kids do you guys want?
-两个 -十五个 - Two. - 15.
-什么 -别担心 - What? - Don't worry.
我又不要求你一个人生完 I don't expect you to bear them all.
我们可以租用一个合适的子宫 I'm sure we can find a suitable uterus to rent.
-才怪 -别想 - No! - Uh-uh!
我们才没有指你呢 We weren't thinking about you.
绝对没有 Of course not.
我要去厨房了 I am going to the kitchen.
要给你们带吃的吗 Can I get anybody anything?
佩妮 来杯牛奶 Penny, nice glass of milk
再加复合维他命如何 and a multivitamin?
同志们 Guys.
同志们 快醒醒 Guys, wake up.
悲惨的消息 Terrible news.
我的天 怎么了 Oh, my God. What, what, what?
是宝宝出事了吗 Is it the baby?
不 不是 我们算错了 No. No, no, we miscalculated
尚未分配的装甲部队数 our unassigned armor class units.
我们得重新开始玩了 We need to start over.
什么 What?
不 不是从头开始 Oh, no, no, no, not from the beginning.
只是从坦克行动开始 Just from when the tanks started moving.
那已经是5小时之前的事了 That was five hours ago.
不 那是2小时之前的事 Mm, no. No, that was two hours ago.
只是感觉像过了5小时 It only feels like five.
几点了 What time is it?
快两点半了 It's almost 2:30.
你们不觉得他们该打电话来了吗 Don't you think we should've heard something?
我想他们没事的 I'm sure they're fine.
我要打给他们 I'm calling them.
嘿 你们还好吧 Hey, everything okay?
很好 宝宝大概一个小时前出生了 Yeah! The baby was born about an hour ago.
老兄 你为什么没打给我 Dude, why didn't you call me?!
如果在见到我儿子的第一个瞬间 The only way I would see my son for the first time
我就想到"得给拉杰打电话" and immediately think "I need to call Raj"
那一定是因为他是棕色皮肤 is if he came out brown.
色素形成是需要一些时间的 You know, it can take some time for pigment to form.
你的警报还没有解除 You're still not out of the woods.
-恭喜啦 -名字想好了吗 - Congratulations! - Yeah. Hey, what'd you name him?
尼尔·麦克 Neil Michael.
取自于阿姆斯特朗[登月第一人] Neil for Armstrong,
盖曼[幻想小说家]和戴蒙德[著名歌手] Gaiman, and Diamond.
叫麦克是因为妮妮那里得缝6针 Michael because Bernie had to get six stitches.
尼尔 这名字好可爱 Neil-- that's cute.
但是我们叫他麦克 But we're calling him Michael!
我没法和她争 I'm not gonna fight her.
这孩子头大如瓜 That kid's head was the size of a cantaloupe.