看啊 开始放《土星3号》了 Oh, look, Saturn 3 is on.
我不想看《土星3号》 I don't want to watch Saturn 3.
《深空9号》比这好多了 Deep Space Nine is better.
《深空9号》怎么可能比得过《土星三号》 How is Deep Space Nine better than Saturn 3?
你算一算就知道9比3大6 Simple subtraction will tell you it's six better.
折衷一下吧 看《巴比伦5号》 Compromise. Watch Babylon 5.
你凭什么认为这是折衷的办法 In what sense is that a compromise?
5是在3和... 当我没说 Well, five is partway between three... Never mind.
不如这样吧 I'll tell you what.
我们石头剪刀布决定 How about we go rock-paper-scissors?
我看这样不行 Ooh, I don't think so.
大量的实例研究表明 Anecdotal evidence suggests
在石头剪刀布中 that in the game of rock-paper-scissors,
如果让互相熟悉的玩家进行一定局数的游戏 players familiar with each other will tie 75 to 80% of the time
那么其中有百分之75到80是打平的 due to the limited number of outcomes.
我推荐玩石头剪刀布蜥蜴史波克[星际旅行3里的人物] I suggest rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock.
什么 What?
非常简单的 It's very simple.
剪刀剪布 布包石头 Scissors cuts paper. Paper covers rock.
石头砸死蜥蜴 Rock crushes lizard.
蜥蜴毒死史波克 Lizard poisons Spock.
史波克踩碎剪刀 剪刀将蜥蜴斩首 Spock smashes scissors. Scissors decapitates lizard.
蜥蜴吃掉纸[同义布] 论文[同义布]证明史波克不存在 Lizard eats paper. Paper disproves Spock.
史波克把石头融化 Spock vaporizes rock.
最后和以前一样 石头敲坏剪刀 And as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
好 我明白了 Okay, I think I got it.
石头剪刀布蜥蜴史波克 Rock-paper-scissors- lizard-Spock!
孩子们好 Hello, boys.
这位兄台好 Ahoy, matey.
注意到我的眼罩了是吗 Noticed the eye patch, did you?
这是一个我最近正在研究的 It's all part of a technique I've been studying
勾搭女人的新技术 for picking up women.
只需使用一个显示屏 You employ a visual display
就可以为你设计出一套 designed to make yourself
与众不同夺人眼球的造型 distinctive and memorable.
是啊 就像是雄孔雀那漂亮的羽毛 Oh, yes, like the male peacock with brilliant plumage
或者像发情的狒狒那饱满的臀部 or the rutting baboon with engorged hindquarters.
或者就像是得了红眼病的犹太小男孩 Or in this case, the bar mitzvah boy with pinkeye.
随便你怎么笑我 但这真招的很有用 Mock me if you will, but it works.
你可以穿着奇装异服进入一个派对 You show up at a club in something distinctive,
搜索目标 然后向她发起消极攻势 scope out your target and toss out some negs.
什么是消极攻势 What are negs?
消极攻势就是给她一些消极的评价 A neg is a negative compliment
好让她不要凌驾于你之上 that throws a pretty woman off her game,
举个例子 一般我对大牙齿很没爱 like "Normally, I'm not turned on by big teeth,
但在你嘴里就显得很可爱 but on you, they work."
这样的台词我有一箩筐 谁想做我的泡妞搭档 I got a whole list of 'em. Who wants to be my wingman?
你不需要搭档 You're not gonna need wingman.
我看你是需要去看病 You're gonna need a paramedic.
霍华德 你的小摩托挡住我的车了 Howard, your scooter's blocking my car.
啊呀 你又得红眼病了? Aw, did you get pinkeye again?
首先 她注意到我的眼罩了 Step one: she notices the eye patch.
恕我直言 佩妮 May I say, Penny,
一般头发如此恶心的女人们 not a lot of women could look as hot as you do
是没你这么漂亮的 with such greasy hair?
快去把你那辆破摩托挪开 Yeah, just move your stupid scooter
否则我就去把它扔进垃圾箱 before I pick it up and throw it in the dumpster.
疼 Ow.
不好意思 在我还没看《克隆战争》这部电影之前 I'm sorry, but I'm not going to watch The Clone Wars TV series
我是不会去看《克隆战争》的电视剧的 until I've seen The e Clone Wars movie.
我想根据乔治·卢卡斯拍片的顺序 I prefer to let George Lucas disappoint me
来欣赏他的烂作 in the order he intended.
但我现在就想看这个 Well, I want to watch it now.
那我认为我们又迎来了一个典型的 Then I believe we've arrived at another quintessential
石头剪刀布蜥蜴史波克游戏时刻 rock-paper-scissors- lizard-Spock moment.
随便你看什么 Watch whatever you want.
你有一套啊 I saw what you did there.
怎么说 What'd I do?
喂 霍华德 Hello. Hey, Howard.
怎么了 What's wrong?
好好 我们马上就来 Okay. Okay, we'll be right there.
什么事 What happened?
霍华德说他在火星漫步者实验室 碰到了点麻烦 Howard's at the Mars Rover lab. He says he's in trouble.
安全等级5 Defcon 5.
安全等级5? Defcon 5?
那就没必要这么急了 Well, there's no need to rush.
什么 What?
等级5是和平时期的协议 没危险 Defcon 5 means "no danger."
等级1才是紧急情况 Defcon 1 is a crisis.
5怎么可能没1差 How can 5 not be worse than 1?
就是啊 《星际旅行5》 比1差 Yeah, Star Trek V worse than I.
首先 你比较的是质量 Okay, first of all, that's a comparison of quality,
而不是紧急程度 not intensity.
第二 《星际旅行1》和《星际旅行5》相比 Secondly, Star Trek I is orders-of-magnitude worse
简直就是老鼠比大象 than Star Trek V.
你在开什么玩笑 《星际旅行5》已经成为 Are you joking? Star Trek V is the standard
劣质品测量的标杆 against which all badness is measured.
不 不 No, no.
《星际旅行5》差就差在 Star Trek V has specific failures
编剧和导演 in writing and direction,
而《星际旅行1》完全就是一无是处 while Star Trek I fails across the board:
艺术指导 服装 音乐 音响效果 art direction, costuming, music, sound editing.
就当我没说什么安全等级好吗 我们快走 Can we just forget I said Defcon and go?
《星际旅行5》 Star Trek V.
至少你也应该承认 All right, will you at least stipulate
《星际旅行4：抢救未来》毫无疑问是最好的吧 that Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home is inarguably the best?
我给你5个字 I have three words for you:
《天汗的愤怒》[星际之旅2] Wrath of Khan.
感谢上帝你们来了 Oh, thank God, you're here.
有什么急事 What's the emergency?
火星漫步者被卡在沟里了 I got the Mars Rover stuck in a ditch.
哪里 Where?
贝克斯菲尔德城外一条人迹罕至的公路 On a dusty highway just outside Bakersfield.
要不然还能在哪 当然是火星! Where do you think? On Mars!
霍华德 出什么事了 Howard, is everything okay?
宝贝 我马上进去 Yeah, baby, I'll be right in.
你把一个姑娘带到火星探测器的控制室? You brought a girl to the Mars Rover control room?
我在一个酒吧碰到她的 她是个医生 Yeah, I picked her up in the bar. She's a doctor.
只要一剂免费的钡剂[灌肠用] One free barium enema,
我妈根本不会在乎她是不是犹太人 and my mother won't care she's not Jewish.
等一下 Wait a minute.
那么说眼罩及人格侮辱这招管用了? So the eye patch and e insults worked?
不 那里还有三个人也带着眼罩 No, there were three other guys with eye patches.
彻底的失败 It was a fiasco.
管用的是这句话: What did work was, "How'd you like to visit
"愿不愿意去个秘密政府部门看看?" a secret government facility?"
那你要我们现在做什么呢 So what exactly do you want us to do?
你和拉杰帮我把火星探测器从沟里拖出来 I need you and Raj to help me get the Rover out of the ditch
而你要在任何人发现斯蒂芬妮之前 and I need you to get Stephanie out
帮我把她带走 before somebody notices she's here.
实际上我偷偷带她进来的 She doesn't exactly have clearance.
真的么? 难道他们不让从下等酒馆来的 Really? They don't let strange women from honky-tonks come in
陌生女人来玩在遥远星球上 and play with $200 million government projects
2亿美金的政府项目么? on distant planets?
我知道我很坏 她可能给我一巴掌 Yes, I was bad. Maybe she'll spank me.
我们能回到问题上来了么? Can we please move on?
霍华德 时间不早了 Hey, Howard, you know, it's getting late,
我到底还开不开得上车? so do I get to drive this thing or what?
对不起 出了点紧急情况 Yeah. No. I'm sorry, but something's come up.
我是说火星漫步者 火星漫步者 Kind of a Mars Rover... Mars Rover
呼叫霍华德 can Howard come over...
的状况 situation.
我朋友莱纳德会带你回家的 So my friend Leonard is gonna take you home.
走吧 好朋友莱纳德 Oh, okay. Let's go, friend Leonard.
回头打电话给你 I'll call ya.
你也是像霍华德一样的科学家么? Yeah. So are you a scientist like Howard?
没有科学家像霍华德那样 No one's a scientist like Howard.
我妈肯定会很喜欢她 My mother is so gonna love her.
多好啊 没准她们可以一起搭车 How nice. Maybe they can carpool
去联邦监狱看你 when they visit you in federal prison.
对不起 打断你的话了 I'm sorry. I totally interrupted you.
啊? 我们刚才说到哪了? What, what, what were you saying?
说霍华德是个非常好的人 Just said Howard's a terrific guy.
他很有幽默感 He's got a great sense of humor.
他很爱他的妈妈 He loves his mother...
非常 a lot.
大家都说爱得有点过了 People say "too much."
你真是个忠实的好朋友 I really like that you're such a loyal friend.
没错 Yeah, I am loyal.
如果从全局来看的话 You know, if you look at the big picture.
仅仅是出于好奇 Out of curiosity,
他有很吸引你么? did he ever have a shot with you?
你疯了么 Are you insane?
他带着个眼罩 The guy was wearing an eye patch.
那你为什么... Then why did you...?
他说我可以在火星上开车 He said that I cou drive a car on Mars.
哦了 Got it.
我以后还能再见你吗 So, can I see you again?
你这就见不到我了 闭眼 You're not gonna see me now.
不错 Cool.
有什么发现么 Anything?
事实上我在查邮件 Actually, I was just checking my e-mail.
不过漫步者没有消息返回 But, uh, no, the Rover is not responding.
我有个很恰当的比喻 I believe the appropriate metaphor here
一艘没有推进设备的 involves a river of excrement
美国土著的轮船 and a Native American water vessel
驶进了便便河 without any means of propulsion.
拜托 Hang on.
肯定会有办法的 There's got to be other options.
你可以给美国汽车协会打电话 You could try calling Triple-A.
不过根据美国国家航空航天管理局最近的日程安排 But based on NASA's latest timetable,
他们35年后才会到那 they won't get there for 35 years.
而且他们到的时候 Plus I understand you have to be standing
你必须在现场 带着你的会员卡 next to the vehicle with your card when they arrive.
惨咯 Oh, snap.
按什么? [snap也有按钮的意思] Snap what?
好吧 看来我们得进行B计划了 Okay, I guess we have to turn to Plan B.
什么是B计划 What's Plan B?
格式化所有硬盘 清除监控录像 Erase all the hard drives, scrap the surveillance tapes,
擦掉我们留下的所有指纹后逃跑 wipe our fingerprints off every surface and run.
为什么这不是A计划 Why wasn'that Plan A?
美国国家航空航天管理局发言人指出由于数据的损失 A NASA spokesman states that due to the loss of data,
他们可能无法找出火星漫步者 发生故障的原因 they will most likely be unable to determine the cause of the Mars Rover's malfunction.
人类对于火星的探索 这种令人失望的结果 This is not the first time an exploratory mission to Mars
已经不是第一次了 has ended in disappointment.
幸亏我们选了B计划 Thank God for Plan B.
霍华德 你不是说过你在研究火星漫步者么 Howard, didn't you say you worked on the Mars Rover?
没有 你搞错了 No, you're mistaken.
我第一次见你那天 你说如果我和你约会 Yeah, when we first met, you said that if I went out with you,
我就能在火星上开车 I could drive a car on Mars.
我不知道你在说什么 I don't know what you're talking about.
大家不好意思 Will you all excuse me?
莱纳德正悄悄给我打手势 Leonard is subtly signaling
示意我要和我私下谈谈 that he'd like to talk to me in private.
不会啊 我记得很清楚 No. Yeah, I remember specifically.
你最开始问我是不是从火星来的 You started by asking if I was from Mars
理由是我的屁股真的很翘 because my ass was out of this world.
是挺像我的风格 不过不是 Well, that does sound like me, but no.
有问题灭 Is there some problem?
对 Yeah.
我得出去一小会 Listen, I have to kinda sneak out for a while.
好吧 拜拜 All right, good-bye.
等下 No, wait!
如果有人问你我去哪了 你就说不知道 If anyone asks you where I went, you don't know.
你要去哪 Where ARE you going?
我不能告诉你 I can't tell you that.
谁会问我 Who would ask me?
那个我也不能说 I can't tell you that, either.
你叫我进来通知我 So you brought me in here to inform me
你不能告诉我你去哪 that you can't tell me where you're going
也不能告诉我谁会问起你去哪儿 and you can't tell me who might ask?
是的 是我考虑不周到 Yeah, I really didn't think this through.
莱纳德 等下 Leonard, a moment.
怎么了 What?
如有人...当然 还不确定是谁 If someone-- and of course, we don't know who this would be--
问你去哪了 我该怎么回答 does ask where you've gone, what should I say?
我不知道 就说我去办公室了 I don't know. Just tell 'em I went to the office.
-你要去办公室 -不 Are you going to the office? No.
那我怎么能理直气壮地说 Then how can I say it convincingly?
就说"莱纳德去办公室了" Just say, "Leonard went to the office."
好的 莱纳德去办公室了 All right. Leonard went to the office.
那是... 不 不是这样 What is...? No, not like that!
就说"莱纳德去办公室了" Just, "Leonard went to the office."
你要只告诉我你要去办公室 This would have worked out a lot better
就好办多了 if you'd just told me you were going to the office.
我要去办公室了 I'm going to the office.
看到没 为什么我不信你 See? Why don't I believe you?
我要出去会 I'm going out for a while.
好的 Okay.
没人想知道他去哪了吗 Doesn't anyone want to know where he's going?
好的 他去哪了 Okay, where is he going?
莱纳德去办公室了 Leonard is going to the office.
今天工作如何 So how was work today?
忙碌 Busy.
切除了个阑尾 胆囊 I removed an appendix, a gall bladder
还有一尺半的肠子 and about a foot and a half of bowel.
希望是三个不同的老兄 I'm hoping that's three different guys.
不是 就一个人 No, just the one.
他没活下来 He didn't make it.
你今天过得怎么样 So, how was your day?
我是个物理学家 所以... Oh, you know, I'm a physicist, so...
我思考 I thought about stuff.
就这些 That's it?
其中的一些我记下来了 Well, I wrote some of it down.
吃饱了吗 Are you done eating?
-饱了 -很好 Uh, yeah. Oh, good.
早知道你在等着 If I knew you were waiting,
面条不嚼我就咽了 I would've swallowed that lasagna whole.
斯蒂芬妮·巴奈特医生家 You've reached Dr. Stephanie Barnett.
请留言 Leave a message.
斯蒂芬妮 Hey, Steph,
又是我 霍华德 it's me again, Howard.
如你周五有空 Listen, if you're free Friday,
可来我家吃点东西 maybe we could have a little something to eat at my place.
我妈做的牛腩特别好吃 My mom cooks a hell of a brisket.
通知我 Let me know.
我是霍华德 It's Howard.
我吃过她做的牛腩 入口即化 I've had her brisket. Melts in your mouth.
或许我们该去卧室 Maybe we should think about going to the bedroom.
好主意 That's a good idea.
那有床 我非常... There's a bed in there, and I'm very...
非常 非常喜欢床 very, very pro-bed.
斯蒂芬妮·巴奈特医生家 You've reached Dr. Stephanie Barnett.
请留言 Leave a message.
又是我 Hey, it's me again.
只是想通知你 Just want to let you know
周五晚餐人多起来了 the head count for dinner Friday has gone up.
我姨妈贝蒂和舅舅艾略特从棕榈泉来 My Aunt Betty and Uncle Elliot are coming in from Palm Springs.
如有人问起 Oh, and if anybody should ask,
你母亲是犹太人 you're half-Jewish on your mother's side.
打给我 Okay, call me.
我是霍华德 It's Howard.
你不觉得该打电话告诉他你没兴趣吗 Don't you think we should tell him you're not interested?
你现在想让我停下并打电话给他 Do you want me to stop and call him back right now?
我的神啊 不 Dear God, no!
莱纳德 Oh, Leonard...
斯蒂芬妮·巴奈特医生家 You've reached Dr. Stephanie Barnett.
请留言 Leave a message.
又是我 霍华德 Hey, it's me again. Howard.
我表兄妹从劳德尔堡 飞来见你 Listen, my cousins from Fort Lauderdale are flying in to meet you
所以我们必须到 饭店吃晚餐了 so that means we're gonna have to move the dinner to a restaurant.
告诉她我们去橄榄花园饭店 Tell her we're going to the Olive Garden!
我有报纸上的优惠券 I have a coupon from the paper.
我们不会去橄榄花园饭店 老妈 We're not going to the Olive Garden, Mom!
大人物和他的红龙虾 Oh, Mr. Bigshot with his Red Lobster.
我们商讨好细节再打电话给你 I'll call you back when we firm up the details.
我是霍华德 It's Howard.
新T恤 New shirts?
对 一些 Yeah, a couple.
-不错 -谢谢 Nice. Thank you.
和哪个女孩约会呢 So, who's the girl?
抱歉 I'm sorry?
上次你买新T恤时我们在约会 Well, last time you bought a new shirt was when we were dating.
这么说我们那会是在约会了 So what we did was in fact dating?
是啊 我们是约会过 Well, yeah, we did have a date.
千真万确 谢谢 Exactly. Thank you.
帮我个忙 下次见到库萨帕里的时候把刚才的话告诉他 Do me a favor. Tell Koothrappali that next time you see him.
她是谁 So, who is she?
她是个医生 Oh, she's a doctor.
不错 Oh, nice.
是真的医生 还是像你这种充数的 A doctor doctor, or a you kind of doctor?
真的医生 Doctor doctor.
外科住院医 Surgical resident.
聪明 漂亮 Smart, pretty.
问你个事 Let me ask you something.
如你的朋友认为他在和某人约会 If your friend thinks he's dating someone,
但实际上却没有 然而你又在和这个人约会 but he's not because, in fact, you're dating her,
这样的话我算不算一个坏人 does that make you a bad person?
看情况了 Well, that depends.
什么情况 On what?
那朋友是沃罗威茨吗 Is that friend Wolowitz?
没错 Yeah.
去他的 你是好人 Screw him. You're fine.
你确定吗 Are you sure?
你和她上床了吗 Well, have you slept with her yet?
你个小坏蛋 You dog!
真有两下子 Good for you.
这改变什么了吗 Does that change things?
没有 No.
那你为什么问呢 So why'd you ask?
就是爱听闲事 回见 I'm nosy. See ya.
霍华德 开门 Howard, get the door!
有人敲门 你就这么应答吗 Really? Is that what you do when someone knocks?!
太感谢了 我不知道你会这样 Thank you. I had no idea!
伙计 什么风把你吹到寒舍了 Hey, buddy. What brings you to my little slice of hell?
是谁 Who is it?!
莱纳德 It's Leonard!
你们得去外面玩 You're gonna have to play outside!
我没穿见客的衣服 I'm not dressed to receive!
没人在乎的 妈 No one cares, Ma!
什么事 So, what's up?
我得和你谈点事 Listen, I need to talk to you about something.
稍等一下下 Momentito.
你好啊 Yello.
斯蒂芬妮 Oh, Stephanie,
感谢你回电 我还担心呢 thanks for calling me back. I was worried...
不用 我理解 No, I understand.
没问题 做朋友挺好的 Sure, we can be friends. Absolutely.
感谢回电 Thanks for calling.
你也过得愉快 Yeah, you have a nice day, too.
你个死人 You are dead to me.
好吧 谁吃剩下的这个水饺 Okay, who gets the extra dumpling?
石头剪刀布蜥蜴史波克 Rock-paper-scissors- lizard-Spock.
好吧 我们其中之一不能再出史波克了 Okay, one of us is going to have to stop putting up Spock.
-那怎么决定 -石头剪刀布蜥蜴史波克 How do we decide that? Rock-paper-scissors- lizard-Spock.
大伙好啊 Oh, hey, guys.
你好 Hello.
你好 霍华德 Hi, Howard.
霍华德 Howard?
谢尔顿 Sheldon.
霍华德开始使用 校园法则了 而他唯一的目的 Howard is employing a schoolyard paradigm in which you are,
就是想表明你已经亡故了 for all intents and purposes, deceased.
他打算 通过不与你说话 以及在你说话时 He intends to act on this by not speaking to you,
假装没听见来对你采取措施 feigning an inability to hear you when you speak
另外 还拒绝承认你的存在 and otherwise refusing to acknowledge your existence.
这也太荒谬了 That's just ridiculous.
你为何要配合他 Why are you cooperating with him?
规则不是我定的 莱纳德 I don't make the rules, Leonard.
霍华德 别这样 我不是有意为之的 Howard, come on. I didn't plan on this.
事情就这么自然而然的发生了 These things just happen.
通常不会发生在我身上 但还是发生了 Usually not to me, but they do happen.
有没有人感到有一股冷风 Did someone just feel a cold breeze?
我想这个隐喻是对死亡的引伸 I believe this is an extension of the death metaphor.
那股冷风就是所谓的灵的外质 The cold breeze is the so-called ectoplasmic issue
一个脱离肉体的游魂 of a disembodied soul passing by.
不管了 我要吃剩下的一个了 You know, screw it. I'm just gonna eat the dumpling.
你好 斯蒂芬妮 Hey. Oh, hi, Steph.
进来吧 来的不是时候吗 Come on in. Is this a bad time?
对 不过我也看不出你什么时候来合适 Yeah, but I don't see a better one on the horizon, so...
如果她不是死人之妇的话就好了 Oh, if it isn't Mrs. Dead to Me.
你好 霍华德 Hello, Howard.
谢尔顿 Sheldon?
对不起 你违反了你的隐喻 I'm sorry, you violated the terms of your metaphor
承认了她的存在 我不玩了 by acknowledging her existence. I'm out.
他不听我解释 He just won't listen to me.
好吧 我想那就只有我们三个了 Okay, I guess it'll just be the three of us then.
利萨会很失望的 是呀 Lisa's gonna be disappointed. Yeah.
利萨 Lisa?
对 我室友 Yeah, my roommate.
她刚刚经历了一段糟糕的恋情 She just went throh a really bad breakup
我想她可能想见见像你这样识趣的人 and I thought she might like to meet somebody fun like you.
莱纳德 斯蒂芬妮 你们又活过来了 这真是奇迹 Leonard, Stephanie, you're alive! It's a miracle.
利萨 不管怎样 我就想再说一次 So, anyway, Lisa, I just wanted to tell you again
我那晚过得很开心 how much I enjoyed the other night,
还有就是 这样结束了 我也很遗憾 and again, I'm sorry for how it ended.
不过 如果这周五的情况你能让我知道的话 But again, if you could let me know about Friday.
我妈要知道有多少人 My mother needs a head count
这样她就知道该买多大的胸肉了 so she can know how big a brisket to get.
霍华德 霍华德 快看这个 Howard, Howard, look at this.
记得回我话 Anyway, call me.
科学家一直都在关注火星上是否存在生命 我是霍华德 The possibility of life on Mars has long fascinated scientists It's Howard.
看来其他人也在关注 and laypersons alike.
火星漫步者怎样进入裂缝还尚未得知 It's unclear how the Mars Rover got into the crevice,
但有一件事是确定的 but one thing's certain:
火星漫游者发送回来的数据 The data which it has sent back contain
第一次清楚地表明 the first clear indications
火星上真有可能存在生命 that there may have been life on Mars.
这个科学发现 对全人类来说都有巨大的意义 It's a scientific discovery that has staggering implications for all mankind.
遗憾的是 我们永远也不会知道这归功于谁 Unfortunately, we'll never know who's responsible.
真他妈的混蛋 Son of a bitch.