佩妮 好啊 Penny, hello.
谢尔顿 Hey, sheldon.
你咋样啊 What is shaking?
什么 I'm sorry?
这是口头语嘛 开场白 It's colloquial, a conversation opener.
你觉得今天天气好吗 So, do you find the weather satisfying?
我们本地的球队赢球了 Are you currently sharing in the triumph
你是否为之一振 of some local sports team?
你搞什么名堂 吓到我了 What's wrong with you? you're freaking me out.
我在跟你闲聊啊 I'm striking up a casual conversation with you.
咋样 S'up?
我求你别再说了 Please don't do that.
好吧 All right,
不过我觉得如果你要和某人 But I'm given to understand that
谈一个很尴尬的问题之前 when you have something awkward to discuss with someone,
最好跟他说几句不搭界的闲话 it's more palatable to preface it with banal chit chat.
就是说刚才那还不算尴尬事了? So, this wasn't the awkward part?
不算 No.
那好吧 Oh, all right.
咋了 S'up?
太好了 我说对了 Oh, good, I used that right.
说正事吧 你应该已经注意到了 莱纳德最近 Anyway, you're aware that leonard has entered into a new
和一个女人发生了一段带有性关系的感情 Romantic relationship which includes a sexual component?
现在我能感到尴尬了 Okay, feeling the awkward now.
她的名字是 斯蒂芬妮·巴内特医生 Her name is dr.Stephanie barnett and she is a highly
她是弗里蒙特纪念医院一名杰出的外科医生 Distinguished surgical resident at freemont memorial.
-莱纳德告诉过我了 -很好 Yeah, leonard told me. good.
但他可能没告诉你 What he may have left out is
这段感情对我来说非常重要 how important this relationship is to me.
对你 To you?
是的 在那些为数不多的和莱纳德约会过的女人中 Yes, see, of the handful of women leonard's been involved with,
只有她还算像个人 She's the only one I have ever found tolerable.
那我呢 Well, what about me?
这应该是不言自明的 The statement stands for itself.
你嘴好甜 Well, aren't you sweet?
而且你应该多和她接触一下 Anyway, should you have any interaction with her,
好让她别感觉到你是她的性竞争对手 It would be most helpful that she not see you as a sexual rival.
我看她没什么好担心的 Yeah, I think she's pretty safe.
你现在是这么说 但看看这样的情况 You say that now, but consider the following senario
漆黑的晚上 you're sitting in your apartment,
你孤身一人坐在家里 It's late, you're alone.
你的下丘脑里正游走着雌激素 Your hypothalamus is swimming in a soup of estrogen and
和孕激素 这时突然在你眼里 Progesterone and suddenly even
就算莱纳德也会是一名有生育能力的性对象 Leonard seems like a viable sexual candidate.
或者说 配对 Or a, uh, "hookup"
现在的都市青年好像都这么说的 As it's referred to by today's urban youth.
-真的吗 -是的 Really? yes.
如果万一发生这种情况 Now, should that happen,
我要求你找到一种压制自己性冲动的办法 I would ask you to find some way to suppress your libido.
只需要想你就可以了 I could think about you.
好 只要管用就行 Fine, whatever works.
和你交谈总是很愉快 谢尔顿 Always nice talking to you, sheldon.
再见[谢尔顿在刻意模仿黑人俚语] Uh, peace out!
今晚多么美好啊 Well, this is very pleasant.
很高兴你喜欢 Glad you're enjoying yourself.
你还说通心粉三个人吃不够呢 And you said there'd never be enough pasta for the three of us.
我错了 I stand corrected.
你们知道么 意大利的家庭主妇都有这样一种经验 You know, italian housewives have a rule of thumb.
只要抓一把直径为一英寸的通心粉放在锅里烧 A handful of dry pasta about an inch in diameter is
就足够所有人吃的了 因为它在加热之后会膨胀一倍 Sufficient for each person as it doubles in volume when cooked.
非常有趣 That's very interesting.
谢谢 Thank you.
她不是真觉得有趣 只是礼节罢了 She doesn't mean it. she's just being nice.
斯蒂芬妮 Well, stephanie,
既然莱纳德现在不想谈话 Since leonard seems to be dropping the conversational ball,
那么就由我来顶替他 I guess I'll just have to pick it up.
你有没有现场目击过凶杀 Have you ever witnessed a violent crime?
-没 -好的 No. good.
你最喜欢什么水果 What's your favorite fruit?
草莓 Uh, strawberries.
严格来说不算水果 不过也不追究了 Hmm, technically not a fruit, but all right.
你的医学实习是在哪儿做的 Where did you do your medical internship?
劳伦斯纪念医院 在德州的加尔维斯敦 Uh, lawrence memorial in galveston, texas.
真的吗 我就是在那儿出生的 Really? that's where I was born!
不是吧 You're kidding!
在那所医院里 我度过了不少童年时光 I spent so much of my childhood at that hospital.
我十二岁的时候还坐直升机去哪儿呢 When I was 12, I got to ride there in a helicopter.
怎么了啊 Why, w-w-what happened?
辐射烧伤 Radiation burns.
我在造X射线轴向分层造影扫描机的时候发生了一点小意外 A little mishap while I was building my own cat scanner.
你居然尝试自己造一个X射线轴向分层造影扫描机? I'm sorry, you tried to build your own cat scanner?
我不是尝试 我是成功了 No, I didn't try, I succeeded.
而且我还用它观察了 In fact, I was briefly able to see
我姐姐的小豚鼠 雪球的内脏 the inside of my sister's guinea pig,
然后他就烧起来了 Snowball, before he caught fire.
所以我们家很流行一句话 It led to an interesting
豚鼠躲不过扫描机 "not a snowball's chance in a cat scanner."
谢尔顿 Uh, sheldon?
我离开一下 Excuse me.
我回来之后 为了好玩 When I come back,just for fun,
我们来聊聊架空历史 the subject will be alternative history.
主题是 Specifically,
如果林肯是来自于未来的机器人 How would the civil war have gone differently
那么南北战争的局势将会如何不同 If lincoln had been a robot sent from the future?
看啊 通心粉我们都吃不掉呢 Look at that, there's even pasta left over.
你到底知不知道这是一次约会 Do you understand that this was supposed to be a date?
明白啊 I do.
你明白么 老实说 Do you? because frankly,
自打我坐下后你就呆若木鸡 you've been in a foul mood since I sat down.
好吧 那我的问题是 你为什么要坐下 Okay, here's my question. why did you sit down?
帮你呀 To help.
如果你这次又失手了 Look, if you fail at this relationship,
历史证明你会的 and history suggests you will,
那么我们的先头登陆部队所需的 Then we risk losing the medical officer
军医很可能就没了 That our landing party has always needed.
什么先头登陆部队 What landing party?
你是寇克 我是史波克 沃罗威茨是史考特 You're kirk, I'm spock, wolowitz is scotty,
库萨帕里是那个总是被杀的 Koothrappali is the guy who always gets killed...
现在我们有了麦考伊[《星际迷航》里的人物] And now we've got mccoy.
所以 So,
我们都站在那看着术后X光片 We're all standing around looking at the post-op x ray
然后就是那个 and there it is,
众目睽睽之下 就在那人的胸腔里 Clear as day, right in the guy's chest cavity...
有我一只耳环 One of my earrings.
天呐 那你怎么办 Oh, my god, what did you do?
你觉得我还能怎么办 What do you think I did?
我偷偷把另一只耳环给摘了 I discreetly slipped off the other earring,
放在兜里逃离现场 Put it in my pocket and then got the hell out of there!
捉迷藏的奖品捏 I have a bone to pick with you, sir.
嗨 谢尔顿 Hi, sheldon.
嗨 斯蒂芬妮 Hi, stephanie.
不好意思我迟到了 I'm sorry I'm late,
但是你的同伴给我的邀请太难破译了 But yourompanion left the most indecipherable invitation.
什么邀请 What invitation?
"我们去看电影了" "we're going to the movies."
啥电影 啥影院 啥时候 What movie? what theater? what time?
如果你想要我追踪不到你 If you were trying to make it impossible to locate you,
那你干得真是再好不过了 You couldn't have done a better job.
明显我可以的 Oh, clearly I could have.
我花了将近20分钟才从你电脑的网页 It took me nearly 20 minutes to go through the browser
浏览记录里查到你搜索过的电影时刻表 History on your computer to see what movie times you looked up.
在这等我 我给咱们找个座 Wait here, I'll find us seats.
不用 我们有位子 Uh, no, we have seats.
不是正确的位子 Not the right seats.
他干嘛呢 What is he doing?
他在找听觉最优点 He's finding the acoustic sweet spot.
他一直都这样吗 Does he always do this?
有时他也会带给玩具木琴 Sometimes he brings a toy xylophone.
真是太抱歉了 I am really sorry about this.
不会 还好啦 他挺可爱的 No, it's fine. you know, he's sweet.
不好意思 你们一直都坐对了地方 My apologies, you've been sitting in it all along.
莱纳德 你们能往里错一个位子吗 Leonard, you want to slide over one?
不能 您就坐这吧 No, just sit here.
好极了 就是这感觉 Oh, yeah, this is it.
莱纳德 Leonard.
莱纳德 莱纳德 Leonard? leonard?!
咋啦 谢尔顿 What, sheldon?
咋啦 谢尔顿 咋啦 谢尔顿 What, sheldon?! what, sheldon?!
告诉我你在这看到什么 Tell me what you see here.
这个钝器能用来杀人吗 The blunt instrument that will be the focus of my murder trial?
这是斯蒂芬妮的facebook网页 This is stephanie's facebook page.
你看 本来应该是"交往中"的 她写的是什么 Now, where it should say "in a relationship," what does it say?
"斯蒂芬妮 巴奈特单身" "stephanie barnett is single."
而且早些时候 Yeah, furthermore, earlier this evening,
她送了一只电子羊给一个叫麦克的人 She threw a digital sheep at some guy named mike.
谁是麦克 Who's mike?!
为什么他得到一只电子羊而不是你 Why does he get a digital sheep and not you?
这只不过是她的facebook网页罢了 It's just her facebook page and we've
而且我们只约会过几周 Only been going out a couple of weeks.
你还不明白么 You don't see it, do you?
我们就要失去她了 We're losing her.
好吧 我简而言之 Okay, I'm going to make this very simple for you.
你并不在这场恋爱里面 You are not in this relationship.
我在 I am.
也就是说 你对于我和斯蒂芬妮之间 Ergo, you have no say in anything
发生的事没有发言权 that happens between me and stephanie.
恕难从命 I'm afraid I can't allow that.
根据星际战舰总纲领104第一部分 Pursuant to starfleet general order 104 section a,
你不是合适的人选 我替你指挥 You are deemed unfit and I hereby relieve you of your command.
总纲领104 第一部分不适用于此情况 General order 104, section a does not apply in this situation.
给我个好的理由为什么不适用 Give me one good reason why not.
因为这不是《星际迷航》 Because this is not startrek
佩妮 Penny?
佩妮 佩妮 Penny? penny?!
咋啦 What?
这是香蕉面包 This is banana bread.
这是门把手 This is a door knob.
根据我的理解 主动赠送食物 It's my understanding that an unsolicited gift of food can
可以作为被邀请进屋聊天的敲门砖 Be a precursor to an impromptu invitation to come in and chat.
谢尔顿 想进来么 Sheldon, would you like to come in?
那就聊一会吧 I suppose I could spare a few minutes.
你被抢劫啦 Were you robbed?
没 No.
你怎么会这么肯定 How can you be sure?
谢尔顿 你想干嘛 Sheldon, what do you want?
我知道你并不会惊讶 I'm certain this will come as no surprise to you,
不过莱纳德又要失恋了 But leonard is failing in yet another relationship.
他和斯蒂芬妮出问题了吗 He's having problems with stephanie?
她在网上赠送给随机男性虚拟牲口 She's sending virtual livestock to random men on the internet.
我需要数据 才能保证他们在一起 If I have any hope of keeping them together, I need data.
特别是 Specifically,
我要确切地知道莱纳德做了什么 I need to know exactly what leonard did that
让你"性"趣昂然 Caused you to pop an emotional cap in his buttocks.
什么 What?
还是 都市俚语 Again, urban slang.
我看我用得越来越溜了 In which, I believe I'm gaining remarkable fluency.
"往下来"和"找低处"[俚语中有口交之意]如何 So, what is the "down" and the "low"?
别担心 这完全是保密的 And don't worry, this is all entirely confidential, so,
你可以自由谈论 其性事的缺陷 You feel free to include any and all shortcomings in the bedroom.
我们从未上过床 We never got to the bedroom.
原因是 Because?
好了 知道吗 Oh, okay, all right, you know what?
我告诉你怎么回事 I'll tell you what happened.
我们当时年少 十分相爱 We were young, we were very much in love,
但我们只能通过 But we could only communicate through a
我湖边屋的时光穿梭邮箱交流[《看不见的恋人》中情节] Time-traveling mailbox at my lake house.
你让我看那电影还不够 It's not enough that you made me watch that movie,
你还用它嘲笑我 But now you mock me with it?
绅士们 我有个关于约会和恋爱的问题 Gentlemen, I have a question about dating and relationships.
你说你已经和他谈过那个了[暗指性] You told me you were going to have the talk with him.
我还等着有人和我谈那个呢 I've been waiting for someone to have the talk with me.
更重要的是 More to the point,
想办法让莱纳德和斯蒂芬妮继续交往下去 It's about finding a way to keep leonard and stephanie together.
我认为你做不到 Oh, I don't think you can.
为什么不行 Well, why not?
看看莱纳德的记录 Look at leonard's record.
与乔伊斯·金交往二十七天 27 days with joyce kim.
然后她逃跑回了朝鲜 During which she defected to north korea.
与莱斯利·温克尔嘿咻两次 Two booty calls with leslie winkle.
因此得了个昵称"光速莱纳德" For which she awarded him the nickname "speed of light leonard."
三次与佩妮共进晚餐 And the three hour dinner with penny.
如他们没坐下来点蛋奶酥的话 Which would have been two and a half if
就只能算是两次半 They ordered the souffle when they sat down.
根据几何级数 Based on the geometric progression,
他和斯蒂芬妮 His relationship with stephanie
在20分钟后就该完蛋了 should have ended after 20 minutes.
我懂如何计算 Yes, I'm aware of the math.
Y等于27天除以12的商 Y equals 27 days over 12 to the nth.
问题仍未解决 The issue remains.
我们如何能避免他不可避免的失败 How do we circumvent his inevitable rejection?
如你想确保他在斯蒂芬妮的考虑之列 Well, if you want to guarantee his appeal to stephanie,
最有把握的是宰了这星球上所有别的男性 Your best bet would be to kill all the other men on the planet.
我告诉你什么不该做 I'll tell you what you shouldn't do.
别怂恿他用那广告上说的 Don't shpritz him with that body spray from the
女人闻到就会宽衣解带的香体喷雾 Commercial where the women undress when they smell it.
一点都没用 That doesn't work at all.
不管你洒了多少 No matter how much you put on.
这就是你们的本事 So, that's all you've got?
天启式的种族灭绝和"别轻信古龙水" Apocalyptic genocide and "go easy on the cologne"?
-对啊 -是的 Yeah. yes.
佩妮 Penny.
佩妮 Penny?
什么事 What?
佩妮 Penny?
西葫芦面包 Zucchini bread.
谢谢 Oh, thank you.
我能进去吗 May I come in?
不行 No.
我懂了 I see.
显然 Apparently,
我之前关于 My earlier inquiry regarding
你和莱纳德的问题越界了 you and leonard crossed some sort of line.
我道歉 I apologize.
谢谢你 Well, thank you.
那我们又可以平等交谈了 So, have you and I returned to a social equilibrium?
-是的 -很好 Yes. great.
新的话题 New topic.
你现在在你月经周期里的哪一天 Where are you in your menstrual cycle?
什么 What?!
我在网上做了些调查 I've been doing some research online,
显然灵长目雌性 and apparently female primates,
猿 黑猩猩 你们 You know, uh, apes, chimpanzees, you.
她们觉得她们的配偶 They find their mate more desirable
被另一个雌性追求时 更有吸引力 When he's being courted by another female.
当竞争的雌性在排卵期 Now, This effect is intensified when the rival female
分泌激素时 这种效果更强烈 Is secreting the pheromones associated with ovulation.
这又回到我最初的问题 Which brings me back to my question.
你在... Where are you in your--
很显然 我早来了14天 Clearly, I'm 14 days too early.
我是说要是能治疗黄热病和疟疾 All I'm saying is if they can cure yellow fever and malaria,
为何不能治乳糖不耐症 Why can't they do something about lactose intolerance?
莱纳德 撒手别想了 Leonard, you're going to have to let this go.
你吃点乳酪就放屁 You had a little cheese dip, you farted.
我觉得很可爱 I thought it was cute.
斯蒂芬妮 Oh, hi, stephanie.
再来点红酒 Wanna more wine?
好的 反正我今晚又不开车去哪 Yeah, I'm not driving anywhere tonight.
你在干什么 What are you doing?
我特别想吃白芦笋 I have a craving for white asparagus
但显然未能如愿 That apparently is destined to go unsatisfied.
失陪一下 Excuse me.
你到底怎么了 What the hell is wrong with you?
我在帮你留住斯蒂芬妮 I'm helping you with stephanie.
通过像便秘的驼鹿一样叫唤 By making constipated moose sounds?
当我没打开这瓶盖 而你打开了 When I fail to open this jar and you succeed,
这样你就像个男子汉 It will establish you as the "alpha" male.
你知道吗 You see...
当女性看到你在展示力量时 When a female witnesses an exhibition of physical domination,
她会产生荷尔蒙催产素 She produces the hormone oxytocin.
之后如果你们俩交往的话 If the two of you then engage in intercourse,
它会在大脑促生生物化学反应 This will create the biochemical reaction in the brain
让人们想当然地以为自己陷入爱河 Which lay people naively interpret as "falling in love."
那我给你脸一拳管用吗 Would it work if I just punched you in the face?
当然可以 但还是让我们看看这个行吗 Yes, actually it would, but let's see how the lid goes.
莱纳德 我不够强壮 还是你来吧 I'm not strong enough, leonard, you'll have to do it.
看在上帝的份上 Oh, for god's sakes.
开吧 已经松动了 Go ahead, it's pre-loosened.
需要帮助吗 Do you want some help with that?
不要 不要 我能搞定 No, no, no, I got it.
没错 没错 他能搞定 这不足为奇 No, yeah, yeah, he's got it, and that's not surprising.
很久以前 当我陷入爱河的时候 This is something I long ago came to
我是可以打开的 Peace with in my role as the beta male.
快开 Open it.
-天呢 你还好吗 -我不好 - Oh, my god, are you okay? - no, I'm not.
流血了 I'm bleeding.
像个角斗士一样 Like a gladiator!
你得缝几针 Oh, honey, you're going to need stitches.
缝几针 用针缝吗 Stitches? with a needle?
对 就几针 Well, yeah, I mean, just a few.
好的 稍等一下 Oh, okay, yeah, hang on a sec.
顺便一提 我正在那解冻牛排呢 Fyi, I was defrosting a steak in there.
斯蒂芬尼缝得可真漂亮 What a beautiful job stephanie did.
我会用床垫缝纫法 I might have gone with a mattress suture
而不会用毯边锁缝纫法 instead of a blanket stitch,
但她缝成这样 你也只能认了 But you can't argue with her results.
没留伤疤真是太可惜了 It's a shame it won't scar.
战伤可是古时男子汉的荣誉徽章 The war wound is a time-honored badge of masculinity.
你什么时候能安静一会 I can't remember a time when you weren't talking.
言归正传 Just for the record,
我费心费力把你打造成男子汉 My efforts to establish you as the alpha
你这么痛哭流涕可没啥帮助 Male were not aided by you bursting into tears.
我没痛哭流涕 只是眼睛湿润了一下而已 I did not burst into tears, my eyes just got a little watery.
湿润了一下 Watery?
她用针刺我的手 She stuck a needle into my hand!
我的小泪孩怎么样了 Hey, how's my big cry baby?
我没哭 I didn't cry.
好吧 我只是在逗你 Okay, I'm just teasing you.
不过 你确实哭了 But, yeah, you did.
好的 没问题了 Okay, it's all good.
我们送你回家 扶你上床怎么样 What do you say we get you home and put you to bed?
那你还在那过夜吗 Oh, are you still going to spend the night?
不行 我想你需要休息 Uh, no, I think that you probably need to rest.
她说得对 你呕吐的时候 She's right. as long as you're vomiting,
交媾是禁忌的 coitus is contra-indicated.
谢谢你 库珀博士 Thank you, dr. cooper.
言重了 霍夫斯塔德博士 You're welcome, dr. hofstadter.
好吧 我去拿你的出院单 Okay, I'm going to go get your discharge papers.
怎么了 What?
你就像只可爱至极的小鸟 Well, you seem like a perfectly pleasant person.
我真不明白为什么你那么不招女人待见呢 I can't understand why women have such a hard time loving you.
能替我打开吗 Hey, can you open this for me?
我能看你的缝针吗 Can I see your stitches?
可以 Sure.
终于明白为什么 Answering the question once and for all
沃罗威茨会退出医学院了 Why wolowitz bailed out of medical school.
莱纳德 可喜可贺啊 Leonard, congratulations.
为啥 What for?
你在facebook里的资料更新了 Your facebook status update.
莱纳德·霍夫斯塔德恋爱了 Leonard hofstadter is "in a relationship."
什么 不对 这不对 What? no. no, that's not right.
伙计 在她更新前 你就更新你的了 Oh, man, did you switch your status before she did?
以我专业人士的眼光来看 真是饥不择食啊 Speaking as an expert, way to look needy.
动真格的吗 Seriously?
才两周 你就先表白了 You went first, after only two weeks?
真是有胆 That's bold...
这不是有胆 这是个误会 It's not bold, it's a mistake.
我没更新我的资料 I didn't change my status.
那是谁干的 Well, then who did?
我别无选择 他都在人家面前哭了 I had no choice. he cried in front of her.
你侵入了我在facebook里的账户 You hacked my facebook account?
这算不上侵入 Oh, it's hardly hacking
做什么你都用这个密码 when you use the same password for everything,
卡尔-艾尔[就是超人] "kal-el."
你疯了吗 Are you insane?
她现在会以为我是没人要的 Now she's going to think I'm desperate.
你毁了我们的关系 You've destroyed this relationship!
你知道最糟糕的是什么吗 And you want to know what the worst part is?
你根本不知道自己哪里做错了 因为你 You don't even understand what you did wrong because you
自以为在任何方面你都是专家 Can't conceive of something that you are not an expert in!
在那方面 我不是 In which I am not an expert.
不要说话 Don't even!
我一个字都不想听 I don't want to hear another word out of you.
怎么了 莱西 蒂米掉到井里了吗[《灵犬莱西》里情节] What's wrong, lassie? timmy fall down the well?
她也更新了自己在facebook里的资料 She just updated her facebook status.
斯蒂芬尼·巴内特和莱纳德·霍夫斯塔德 "stephanie barnett is in a relationship
相恋了 with leonard hofstadter."
真的吗 Really?
瞧瞧这个 Oh, look at that.
我有女友了 I have a girlfriend.
容许我再说一句 If I am permitted to speak again,
谢尔顿·库珀博士:为胜利而生 dr. sheldon cooper for the win.