莱纳德 你在洗澡吗 Leonard, are you in the shower?
我听不清 我在洗澡 I can't hear you! I'm in the shower!
我问你是不是在洗澡 I asked if you were in the shower,
现在没意义了 but that's moot now!
什么 What?
没意义 就是基于现况变得不重要的意思 Moot! Rendered unimportant by recent events!
我听不清 我在洗澡 I can't hear you! I'm in the shower!
我不能闲谈了 I have to skip the chitchat.
紧急情况 Emergency.
什么紧急情况 What kind of emergency?
自己算吧 32盎司香蕉冰沙 You get mathematical-- 32-ounce banana smoothie,
16盎司的膀胱 16-ounce bladder.
你确定你要那么做吗 You might not want to do that.
我确定 I assure you I do.
谢尔顿 我不是自己在这 Sheldon, I'm not alone in here.
什么 What?!
你好 谢尔顿 Hello, Sheldon.
你在那干吗 What are you doing in there?
她不能在这 She can't be in here!
我们先来的 是你不能在这 We were in here first; you can't be in here.
根据室友协议 According to the roommate agreement,
第九段 B分段 paragraph nine, subsection B,
"洗手间隐私权 "The right to bathroom privacy
在遇不可抗力时中止" is suspended in the event of force majeure."
相信我 我现在正在经历 And believe me, I am experiencing
非常严重的不可抗力 a very majeure force.
拜托 你等不了2分钟吗 Come on, you can't wait two minutes?
莱纳德 让这可怜的人尿吧 Oh, Leonard, let the man pee.
佩妮 佩妮 佩妮 Penny? Penny? Penny?
干吗 What?
闪开 闪开 闪开 Move. Move. Move!
生活大爆炸 第四季第二十一集
莱纳德·霍夫斯塔德博士 Dr. Leonard Hofstadter,
你正式被控 you are officially charged
违反2项室友协议 with two violations of the roommate agreement.
你放弃宣读控告吗 Do you waive reading of the charges?
好吧 是 Yeah, fine.
等等 不 Hang on. No.
我的委托人不放弃宣读控告 My client does not waive reading of the charges.
酷 我有律师了 Cool. I've got a lawyer.
而且我还看过她的裸体 And I've seen her naked.
继续 Proceed.
很好 Very well.
"罪行一 "Count the first:
4月28日 左右 On or about the 28th day of April,
在紧急时刻 确切地说 the accused did knowingly and with malice aforethought
（比喻及其需要尿哗哗）
在"明知我的牙都被水淹了"的情况下 deny access to the shared bathroom in a time of emergency,
被告蓄意预谋拒绝我使用共用洗手间 to wit, my back teeth were floating.
罪行二 被告超过约定的 Count the second: the accused exceeded
浴室占用量 the agreed upon occupancy of the shower,
确切地说 一个人 除非我们被 to wit, one, unless we are under attack
可溶于水的外星人攻击" by water-soluble aliens."
我能看看室友协议吗 Can I see the roommate agreement?
它非常专业 Um, it's fairly technical.
我认为我能应付 I think I can handle it.
她们班的尖子生 剑桥大学 Top of her class, Cambridge University.
在三个国家有律师执业许可 Licensed to practice law in three countries
直接KO你 and your face.
好吧 根据我的粗略阅读 All right, based on a cursory reading,
看起来你没什么获胜的几率 谢尔顿 it doesn't look like you have much of a case, Sheldon.
不可能 不可能 Do so, do so.
恐怕是的 Oh, I'm afraid not.
第七部分这里 紧急情况下 Section seven here, on the right to enter the bathroom
进入洗手间的权利 没有明确约定 in emergency situations, is not specific
什么是紧急情况 as to what constitutes an emergency.
这太荒唐了 Oh, that's ridiculous!
洗手间紧急情况不言自明 A bathroom emergency is self-explanatory.
是吗 如果莱纳德忘记修剪鼻毛 Is it? If Leonard forgot to trim his nose hair,
他能在你洗澡的时候闯进去吗 could he barge in while you were showering?
不相干 莱纳德不剪鼻毛 Irrelevant. Leonard doesn't trimis nose hair.
他认为因为他很矮 所有没人能看得到 He thinks because he's short nobody can see up there.
我的重点是 谢尔顿 法律准则是 My point is, Sheldon, the legal principle is,
合同中的意义不明确 ambiguity in a contract benefits
使未参与起草的一方受益 the party that did not draft it,
在本案中 是莱纳德 in this case, Leonard.
-第一条到此为止 -但是 - So much for count one. - But...
没有但是 谢尔顿 法律就是这样 There's no buts, Sheldon; that's how the law works.
完败 Schooled!
至于浴室容量问题 As for the shower capacity issue,
我引用附录J I cite addendum J.
"当谢尔顿第二个洗澡时 "When Sheldon showers second, any and all measures
必须采取各种方法保证有足够的热水" shall be taken to ensure an adequate supply of hot water."
我认为这取代了占用问题 I believe this supercedes the occupancy issue.
被取代了 Superceded!
这事没完 This isn't over.
别见怪 但是跟你淋浴做爱 No offense, but shower sex with you
是今天第二棒的事 is now the second best thing that's happened today.
披萨之夜吃希腊菜 Mmm, Greek food on pizza night?
这是自从我们在谢尔顿的语音邮箱里 This is the most delightfully cruel thing
留了史蒂芬·霍金的假留言以来 we've done to Sheldon since we left that fake message
对谢尔顿最残忍的事了 太愉悦了 from Stephen Hawking on his voice mail.
真的吗 Seriously?
我想跟你讨论一下你的黑洞理论 I wish to discuss your theories of black holes.
凌晨2点 在机场旁边的兰迪甜甜圈等我 Meet me at the Randy's Donut by the airport at 2:00 a.m.
你们吃的什么 What is that you're eating?
今晚是披萨之夜 Tonight is pizza night.
我要把这个问题交给我的律师回答 I'd like to refer that to my attorney.
根据我在这里看到的 According to what I see here,
周四晚上是Franconi披萨之夜 Thursday nights are Franconi's pizza night.
对 当Franconi倒闭时 Yes, and when Franconi's went out of business,
我们换成了Graziano's we switched to Graziano's.
有意思 That's interesting.
普丽娅 可以像他那样随便更换餐厅吗 Can you just switch restaurants like that, Priya?
问得好 霍华德 A good question, Howard.
其实是不可以的 Turns out you can't.
谢尔顿 根据你所制定的条例 According to the document you drew up, Sheldon,
选择一家新的外卖餐厅需进行 the selection of a new takeout restaurant requires
公开听证会和为期六十天的评议审核 public hearings and a 60-day comment period.
以上条件均符合吗 Were those criteria met?
没有 No.
万岁 万岁 万岁 Opa! Opa! Opa!
这是希腊菜吗 This is Greek food?
莱纳德 你讨厌吃希腊菜的啊 Leonard, you hate Greek food.
你比我更讨厌吃啊 Not as much as you.
好吧 我的适应能力很强 Fine. I'm nothing if not adaptable.
我给你买了羊肉串 I got you the lamb kabob.
谢谢 Thank you.
其实仔细想想 If you think about it,
希腊菜和意大利菜有很多相似之处 Greek food isn't that far from Italian food.
两种菜的调料差不多 They share a spice palette.
还有 希腊文明多么令人赞叹啊 And what a civilization is the Greeks'!
他们为我们带来了科学 民主 They gave us science, democracy,
和尝起来像汗味的烧焦小肉块 and little cubes of charred meat that taste like sweat.
佩妮 佩妮 佩妮 Penny? Penny? Penny?
怎么了 Hey. What's up?
那个刻薄的印度女人想逼我吃羊肉 The mean Indian lady tried to make me eat lamb.
恭喜你 比萨之夜将于你家进行 Congratulations. Pizza night will now be at your apartment.
去点一个吧 Order one.
抱歉 亲爱的 Oh, I'm sorry, honey,
我要和艾米 伯纳黛特共进晚餐 I'm meeting Amy and Bernadette for dinner.
但你可以和我们一起啊 But you're welcome to tag along.
女生之夜吗 A girls' night?
我大概没有做好心理准备 Oh, I don't know if I'm up for an evening
整晚听你们讨论彩虹 独角兽和痛经 talking about rainbows, unicorns and menstrual cramps.
好吧 随你的便 Okay, suit yourself.
我们可能会说点普丽娅的坏话 We'll probably be trashing Priya a little.
副驾驶是我的 Shotgun.
好了 让我们为欢乐的女生之夜干杯 Okay, I'd like to propose a toast to a wonderful girls' night out.
友情提示: 我们会变得很疯狂的哦 Fair warning-- we can get ca-razy.
是呀 上周我们抽了雪茄 Yeah. Last week we smoked cigars
还假装自己是龙呢 and pretended to be dragons.
开什么玩笑 艾米 Really, Amy?
你也开始抽烟喝酒了吗 Tobacco and alcohol?
需要我来提醒你没有多少科学发现 Need I remind you not a lot of scientific discoveries were made
是在不苦逼的情况下做到的吗 by people having a good time?
你为什么要把他带来 太扫兴了 Why did you bring him? He's harshing my buzz.
我是因为同情他 I felt sorry for him.
普丽娅折磨他来着 Priya's giving him a hard time.
这么早就开始痛骂普丽娅了 爽 Ooh, the Priya bashing's starting early. Yay!
那个西装裤女又怎么了 Okay, what's up with those pantsuits?
求解释 I need some context.
西裤套装逊毙了 Pantsuits suck.
这下我们可以尽情地 And that opens her up
对她那套衣服嘲讽了 to justifiable ridicule for wearing them.
说得好 伯纳黛特 Good one, Bernadette.
疯狂吧 See? Ca-razy.
你身上有婴儿爽身粉的味道 You smell like baby powder.
是滑石粉 It's talc.
但由于滑石粉是婴儿爽身粉的原材料 But as that's a primary ingredient of baby powder,
你会搞错也是人之常情 I understand your confusion.
我一点都没搞错 Oh, I'm not confused at all.
你简直像个性感的婴儿 You're like a sexy toddler.
我不知道该怎么接话了 I don't know how to process that.
我知道 I do.
艾米和谢尔顿坐在树上 Amy and Sheldon sitting in a tree.
亲亲亲亲嘴 K-I-S-S-S-S-I-N-G.
"亲嘴"里面没有那么多"亲" That's too many S's for "kissing."
可如果他们亲了好久呢 Not if they're doing it for a long time.
谢尔顿...你以前亲过姑娘吗 Sheldon... have you ever kissed a girl?
我只吻过我的母亲 姐姐和奶奶 Other than my mother, my sister and my Mee-Maw, no.
但为了让大家了解到全部真相 But in the interest of full disclosure,
有一次在公交车上 I was once on a bus
我曾为一位因轻微中暑而晕厥的老修女 and had to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to an elderly nun
做过嘴对嘴人工呼吸 who passed out from heat exhaustion.
每年圣诞节我都会收到她的贺卡 Every year I get a Christmas card from her,
她会在签名里加很多X和O [拥抱与亲吻] signed with far too many X's and O's.
那根本不算 That doesn't count.
难道你一点都不好奇吗 Aren't you even a little curious?
对啊 你可是个科学家 Yeah, you're a scientist--
你的好奇心跑哪去了 where is the curiosity?
我能做试验品 I'm available for experimentation.
谢谢 Thank you.
没有必要 Not necessary.
我们已经掌握了关于接吻的所有细节 We know everything there is to know about kissing.
接吻需牵动34条面部肌肉 It requires 34 facial muscles
和112条姿势肌 and 112 postural muscles.
扯 扯 扯 Oh, blah, blah, blah.
亲爱的 给我点甜头尝尝 Give me some sugar, bestie.
令我感到庆幸的是 I'm certainly glad no one said
没人对阿兹特克人体祭祀感兴趣 they were curious about Aztec human sacrifice.
对了 我们带谢尔顿去跳舞吧 Hey, I know-- let's take Sheldon dancing.
我超想看谢尔顿跳舞的样子 Ooh, I totally want to see Sheldon dance.
我敢说他会像只热锅上的蚂蚁 I bet he looks like a spider on a hot plate.
谢谢 不必了 但需要声明一下 No, thank you, but for the record,
我拥有精湛的舞技 I'm an excellent dancer.
我熟练掌握了伦巴 华尔兹和恰恰舞 Proficient in the Rumba, Waltz and Cha-cha.
真的吗 Really?
真不明白这有什么好奇怪的 I don't see why that's surprising.
我擅长的事太多了 I excel at so many things.
还吃过我做的酸面包吧 You've had my sourdough bread.
你上过舞蹈课吗 Did you take dance lessons?
虽然我不情愿 Against my will,
但在南方 未成年孩童 in the South, preadolescent children
都要强制上沙龙舞课程 are forced through a process called cotillion,
灌输他们必须的社交风度 which indoctrinates them with all the social graces
和舞蹈技能 以适应18世纪的维也纳 and dance skills needed to function in 18th century Vienna.
哦 我们一定一定要带你跳舞去 Oh, we are so taking you dancing.
不 你们更多的肯定是不想带 No, you most certainly are not.
你受过的沙龙舞训练怎么教你的 Well, what does your cotillion training say is expected
绅士收到三位淑女要求 of a gentleman when three ladies ask him
请他护送至舞会 你该怎么做 to escort them to a dance soiree?
我救过一位修女的命 I saved a nun's life,
上帝为何还要这样惩罚我 Why am I being punished?
带我们去能跳华尔兹的地方 Take us someplace we can waltz.
跳什么的地方 Where you can what?
华尔兹舞 这是奥地利的一种社交舞 Waltz. It's a social dance from Austria
精心设计的3/4拍节奏舞蹈 choreographed to a three-four time signature.
《蓝色多瑙河》[小约翰·施特劳斯]
[韩语]
哦 华尔兹舞啊 Oh, waltz.
出发 Here we go.
我吻了个女孩 感觉很不错 *I kissed a girl and I liked it
希望我男友并不介意 *I hope my boyfriend don't mind...
你秀逗了吗 What happened to you?
摇摆起来 宝贝 摇摆起来 Shake it baby, shake it!
热力四射啊 谢尔顿 Muy caliente, Sheldon!
能请你跳舞吗 Care to dance?
抱歉 我订婚了 Oh, I'm sorry, I'm engaged.
这位小姐呢 How about you?
随便吧 Oh, what the hell.
我们这么聪明的人 How come if we're the smart people,
怎么之前没夜夜笙歌呢 we don't do this every night?
16乘以14等于多少 What's 16 times 14?
我打出的嗝有股蔓越莓饮料味 My burps taste like cranberry juice.
这就是你的回答 And there's your answer.
想进来喝一杯[nightcap也作睡帽用]吗 Would you like to come in for a nightcap?
如果你指的是喝杯酒水 If you're referring to the beverage,
你知道我不喝这些的 you know I don't drink.
如果你指的是睡帽 If you're referring to the hat you don
同时还穿着睡衣举着蜡烛的话 那我已经有一顶了 while wearing a nightshirt and holding a candle, I have one.
我家有哟呼哦[软饮] I have Yoo-hoo.
这怎么忍心拒绝呢 It's hard to say no to Yoo-hoo.
这名字就太吸引人了 The name literally beckons.
别拘束 随意吧 Make yourself comfortable.
谢谢 Thank you.
有人在抽烟吗 Is someone smoking?
那是因为里奇呀 Oh, that's just Ricky.
你养了只抽烟的猴子 You own a smoking monkey?
别傻了 这只是我实验室里 Don't be silly. He's one of the animals
其中一只用来研究尼古丁上瘾的 in my department's nicotine addiction study.
那它在这干嘛 What's he doing here?
既然我要让它得肺气肿 I'm giving him emphysema.
至少能带它出来逛逛看看电视做补偿吧 The least I can do is let him hang out and watch Cable.
太了不起了 Remarkable.
你不担心二手烟吗 Aren't you worried about secondhand smoke?
有点 但真正的危险是 A little. The real danger is him biting
它趁我睡觉咬我的脸 my face off while I'm sleeping.
它是故意往我脸上吹的吗 Is he deliberately blowing smoke at me?
对 它就是一混蛋 Yeah. He's kind of an ass.
谢谢 Thank you.
能让我跟你倾诉下 May I share something with you
让我深受困扰的事吗 that's troubling me?
当然 Of course.
是什么让你这聪慧大脑烦恼呢 What's rattling around that big bulbous head of yours?
普丽娅基本上使 Priya has essentially nullified
我和莱纳德的室友协议无效化了 my roommate agreement with Leonard,
令我的生活无比难受 making life in the apartment very uncomfortable for me.
你想让我杀了她吗 没问题 And you want me to kill her? Done.
不是的 当然不是 No, of course not.
我既然能训练里奇吸烟 I trained Ricky how to smoke.
就能训练它发毒镖 I can train him to shoot a poison dart.
陪审团不会判我们有罪 因为他们都喜欢猴子 No jury would convict us 'cause people love monkeys.
我能理解 I understand
酒精煽动起了不知道是什么 the alcohol has stirred up whatever it is
反正能让女人变狂野 that makes girls go wild...
但我现在真的得跟聪明艾米谈话 but I really need to talk to smart Amy now.
失陪一下 Excuse me.
难道你还没意识到你的非凡智慧 Have you considered that your intelligence
可能就是导致你这一困境的罪魁 might be the very thing causing your dilemma?
没 No.
你以为当有入侵者侵入 What do you think Ricky over here would do
里奇的地盘 它会怎么做 if an interloper encroached on his territory?
面临挑战 猴子们会追赶 攻击 Well, when challenged, monkeys generally assert their dominance
还有露阴等办法 来维护自己的统治 through chasing, assault and a stylized penile display.
这个我可有点做不来 That's a little outside my comfort zone.
你太夸张了 You're being too literal.
我是说 它不会轻易屈服于规则 My point is, he would not meekly surrender to the rules,
你也不该屈服 and neither should you.
你是建议我使坏吗 Are you suggesting I play dirty?
对 使坏 Yes, dirty.
使坏 使坏 使坏 Dirty... dirty... dirty.
（[来吧 对我使坏吧]）
说到这 我想进行第二阶段行动了 Which brings me to our next order of business.
真"醉"人 Fascinating.
接下来我要做的事 我希望不会是 I hope you don't take what I'm about to do
你对刚才咱俩刚做的事的评语 as a comment on what we just did.
是谁说的你不应该被植入人类的脑细胞呢 Who's to say you shouldn't be dissecting our brains?
你还真是个混蛋 You really are an ass.
早安 谢尔顿 Morning, Sheldon.
很好 你们起来了 Oh, good, you're up.
我写了一份经过改良 I've written a new and improved
好让我占大便宜的新室友协议 roommate agreement that benefits me greatly.
我想让你把它签了 I'd like you to sign it.
我为什么要签 Why would I want to do that?
问得好 Excellent question.
你记得由天才演员弗兰克·乔辛客串 Do you remember what happened to the alien,
《星际迷航》里那集"最后的战役" played by talented character actor Frank Gorshin,
里面的外星人下场如何吧 in the Star Trek episode "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield"?
柯克船长激活自毁程序 Uh, Captain Kirk activated the self-destruct sequence
威胁要炸毁进取号 and threatened to blow up the Enterprise
除非他投降 否则一起同归于尽 and kill them both unless he gave in?
正确 Affirmative.
计算机 我是谢尔顿·库珀博士 Computer, this is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
激活自毁程序 Activate self-destruct sequence.
代号11A2B Code 1-1-A-2-B.
自毁程序已激活 Self-destruct sequence activated.
你打算怎么做 谢尔顿 What are you gonna do, Sheldon,
炸飞这间公寓吗 blow up the apartment?
我一开始是这么想的 但我的宝贝都在这 That was my first thought, but all my cool stuff is here.
那倒数完了之后会怎么样 So what happens when it counts down?
除非莱纳德在接下来的41秒里 Unless Leonard signs the new agreement
把这份新协议签了 in the next 41 seconds,
否则它就会给你远在印度的父母发一封电邮 this computer will send an e-mail to your parents in India
揭发你跟一个比棉花糖霜还白的男人 saying that you're in a secret relationship
莱纳德·霍夫斯塔德 with the whiter-than-Marshmallow-Fluff
搞地下情 Leonard Hofstadter.
天啊 Oh, my God.
这有什么大不了的 What's the big deal?
相信我 这是大事 Trust me, it's a big deal.
他们迟早会知道我的 对吧 They're gonna find out about me eventually, right?
对 当然 但不是今天 Yeah, of course, just not today.
还剩20秒 20 seconds.
你觉得我拿不出手 Are you ashamed of me?
当然不是 Of course not.
那为什么不能告诉你父母 Then why can't we tell your parents?
拜托 别逼我 Please, don't push this.
他一直都这样 不是吗 还剩15秒 He does that all the time, doesn't he? 15.
好吧 谢尔顿 你赢了 关了它 Okay, fine, Sheldon, you win. Turn it off.
不 他在虚张声势呢 No, he's bluffing.
-我从来不虚张声势 还剩10秒 -你这是敲诈 - I never bluff. Ten. - It's blackmail!
-还剩10秒 -我们投降了 - Nine. - We give up.
-还剩8秒 -这太荒谬了 - Eight. - This is ridiculous.
这台电脑早就充满电了 It's a laptop with a full charge.
说实话 你到底看上他哪点 Honestly, what do you see in him?
照他说的做 不然咱们就分手 Give him what he wants or we're done.
-还剩3秒 -说真的 - Three. - Really?
-最后两秒 -好 我签 - Two. - Okay, I'll sign it!
自毁程序中断 Self-destruct sequence aborted.
你也许在剑桥上过学 You may have gone to Cambridge,
但哥可是星舰学院的荣誉毕业生 but I'm an honorary graduate of Starfleet Academy.
早上好 艾米 Good morning, Amy.
这句问候语肯定是反语 It most assuredly is not.
你是不是口渴 头疼 Are you experiencing dehydration, headache,
恶心 还有羞愧呢 nausea and shame?
是 Yes.
我还发现我的事业线里 I also found a Korean man's business card
藏着一张韩国男人的名片 tucked into my cleavage.
昨晚发生什么事了 What happened last night?
啊哈 记忆障碍 Ah, memory impairment;
干完每瓶伏尔加之后 都会免费得到这个奖赏 the free prize at the bottom of every vodka bottle.
谢尔顿 Sheldon?
好吧 All right.
昨晚 鉴于我在家的问题 Last night you gave me some excellent advice
你给了我一些很好的建议 regarding my problem here at home,
你亲完我 然后断断续续干呕了40分钟 you kissed me and then vomited on and off for 40 minutes,
之后你就昏倒在厕所地板上 following which you passed out on your bathroom floor.
我折了块毛巾 垫在你头下作为枕头 I then folded a towel under your head as a pillow,
还给你烤箱调到正确的时间 set your oven clock to the correct time
因为它太让我抓狂了 because it was driving me crazy...
然后我就走了 ...and I left.
好吧 Okay.
真不知道接下来咱俩该怎么办 Don't really know where we go from here.
我建议把我们的关系 I suggest we treat our relationship
看作是一台当机的电脑 as if it were a crashed computer
还原到上一次我们都觉得可行的点 and restore it to the last point we both agree it worked.
很好 谢谢你 Terrific. Thank you.
没有薄荷糖卖了 They were out of menthols!
快从我背上滚下来 Get off my back!
跟坏脾气的灵长动物一起生活真不容易呀 Not easy living with a temperamental little primate.
说啊 普丽娅 你就直说是我让你觉得羞愧吧 Come on, Priya, just admit I embarrass you!
姐们儿 我懂的 You're preaching to the choir, sister.