你们有人觉得蜘蛛侠的主题曲很闹心吗 Is anyone else troubled by the Spider-Man theme song?
那首怎么会让你闹心啊 Why would it trouble you?
那不是你第三喜爱的卡通主题曲吗 It's, like, your third favorite cartoon theme song.
的确是 就排在 It is, right behind
* 嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟 G型神探 * * Do do-do do-do, Inspector Gadget... *
以及 * 忍者神龟 * and... * Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles *
* 背有龟壳大英雄 * * Heroes in a half-shell *
* 忍者龟力量 * * Turtle power! *
但蜘蛛侠的歌词却唱 "蜘蛛侠 However, the Spider-Man lyrics posit that "Spider-Man,
蜘蛛侠 蜘蛛能做的他都能" Spider-Man does whatever a spider can."
那又如何 Yeah, so?
但我能想到一堆蜘蛛能做到 I can think of many things Spider-Man can't do
而他不能的事 that a spider can.
一 爬进你耳朵 死在里面 One: crawl in your ear and die.
二 不出示护照也能合法离开危地马拉 Two: legally leave Guatemala without a passport.
三 跟母蜘蛛做爱 Three: have sex with a spider.
我们能换一个话题吗 Can we change the subject?
人家铁汉怕怕蜘蛛 Spiders give me the jeebie-jeebies.
是铁汉"犹怕"蜘蛛 It's "heebie-jeebies."
有个"犹"字 感觉歧视犹太人 I know, but that sounds anti-Semitic.
我是在想 我们今晚可以来个小电影节 Anyway, I was thinking we could have a little film festival tonight.
主题 把系列搞臭的电影 The theme: movies that killed their franchises.
例如《大白鲨4》《印第安纳琼斯4》《超胆侠1》 Like Jaws 4, Indiana Jones 4, Daredevil 1.
还有《特工佳丽2 火爆特工》 Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous.
连我的宝贝桑德拉·布洛克都救不起 I mean, you know a movie's bad
你就知道这烂片有多烂了 when my homegirl Sandy B. can't save it.
佩妮今晚要工作 我参加 Penny's working tonight; I'm in.
我不行 我得跟伯纳黛特 Not me. I'm having dinner
还有她父母共进晚餐 with Bernadette and her parents.
有意思 我们都知道你多"爱"这档事 Fun. We know how much you love that.
太折磨我了 It's torture.
尤其是跟她爸相处 Especially with her dad.
我们没有任何共同点 We have nothing in common.
当我被逼着跟智商低我太多的人聊天时 You know what I like to do when I'm forced to speak
你知道我都怎么做吗 with those beneath my intellectual station?
我会提出一个有趣的话题 I bring up an interesting topic,
例如蜘蛛侠与蜘蛛的差别 like the difference between Spider-Man and spiders.
谢谢你啊 谢尔顿 Thanks, Sheldon.
我到时再跟我岳父试试 I'll try that with my father-in-law.
你不许用这话题 这是我的招 No, you can't use that one. That's mine.
试试用这个话题暖场吧 Uh, try this one for an ice-breaker.
尽管坊间许多谣传 事实上 Uh, despite popular lore, there is no place
无论从美国本土 阿拉斯加 还是夏威夷 in the continental United States, Alaska or Hawaii
你都不可能垂直挖出一条能贯穿地球 from which one can dig straight through the center of the earth
穿到中国的通道 and come up in China.
很好 谢谢啦 Great, thank you.
不行 这个你也不许用 Actually, you can't have that one either.
这也是个好话题 抱歉啦 It's too good. Sorry.
你呢 谢尔顿 What about you, Sheldon?
今晚有任何安排吗 Do you have any plans tonight?
很遗憾 我有呢 Sadly, yes.
艾米要拉我去参加一个丧礼 Amy's taking me to a memorial service.
是她一个有亚洲血统的同事丧礼 It's for one of her colleagues who is of Asian descent,
所以我聊天时就打算不经意地提到 so my planned conversational gambit is to casually remark that
无论他们从那人的坟挖多深下去 no matter how deep they dig his grave,
他永远也回不到中国 he'll never make his way back to China.
这应该能让气氛"轻松不少"啊 That should lighten the mood.
哥就是厉害 What can I say?
总能把丧事变喜事 I put the "fun" in funeral.
生活大爆炸 第六季 第十集
艾米 艾米 Amy. Amy.
忘了是要去丧礼 Oh, right, funeral.
艾米 Amy.
你来啦 谢尔顿 Hello, Sheldon.
我想打银影侠的领带都不行 I'm not allowed to wear my Silver Surfer neck tie,
你却可以穿浴袍啊 but you can wear a bathrobe?
我病得太厉害 去不了了 I think I'm too sick to go to the funeral.
你病啦 You're sick?
真可怜 You poor kid.
那我走啦 Well, see ya.
谢尔顿 你不留下来照顾我吗 Sheldon, aren't you gonna take care of me?
我吗 不啊 Me? No.
我是"博士生"不是"医生" No, I'm not that kind of doctor.
但是我们的恋爱合同中明确写道 But our relationship agreement clearly states
其中一人若是病了 另一方就得照顾对方 that when one of us is sick, the other must take care of them.
我明白你的疑惑 Oh, I see the confusion.
那个条款的用意是要 No, the intent behind that clause
强迫你在我生病的时候照顾我 was to force you to take care of me when I'm ill.
等你身体好点 就能理解箇中幽默了 When you're feeling better, you'll think that's funny.
算了 晚安吧 谢尔顿 Never mind. Good night, Sheldon.
艾米 艾米 艾米 Amy. Amy. Amy.
我曾白纸黑字地同意过 I made a commitment in writing
要在这样的情况下照顾你 to comfort you in times like this.
而且 你也是我女朋友 Additionally, you are my girlfriend,
我在乎你的幸福安康 and I care about your well-being.
谢尔顿 谢谢你 Thank you, Sheldon.
不客气 You're welcome.
那咱们速战速决吧 Now let's get this over with.
近来如何 So, how have you been?
还行 Fine.
不错 Good.
还行就不错了 Fine is good.
还享受退休生活吗 How you liking retirement?
还行啦 It's fine.
这让我想到 I'm sensing a theme.
您认真想过蜘蛛侠的主题曲内容吗 You ever really think about the Spider-Man theme song?
晚餐做得如何了 How's that dinner coming?
刚放进去烤 还得好一阵呢 I just put it in. It's gonna be a while.
我就爱吃生鸡肉 I like rare chicken.
咱们来大快朵颐吧 Let's do this.
会吃死人的 You could die.
吃鸡吃死 Death by chicken.
挺"鸟"的一种死法啊 That's a pretty "fowl" way to go.
再给你来瓶啤酒 亲爱的 Here's another beer, honey.
谢谢 Thank you.
罗斯滕科斯基太太 So, Mrs. Rostenkowski,
听说你去大峡谷国家公园玩了 you took that trip to the Grand Canyon.
好玩吗 How was it?
好玩 It was good.
才意识到原来您是健谈的那个 Had no idea you were the chatty one.
102.2华氏度[39度] 102.2.
跟半小时前一模一样 Exactly what it was half an hour ago.
好像你一点都不想好转一样 It's like you're not even trying to get better.
谢尔顿 流感哪能过半小时就好啊 Sheldon, you don't get over the flu in half an hour.
你这种态度怎么好 Well, not with that attitude.
我不得不说 I have to say,
我觉得你对病人的态度不够耐心 I'm finding your bedside manner a little lacking.
抱歉嘛 I'm sorry.
我只是想你能尽快好起来 I just want you to get better as soon as possible.
抱着这个目标 我要问你个问题 And with that goal in mind, let me ask you a question.
你相信安慰剂效应吗 Do you believe in the placebo effect?
病人虽然获得无效的治疗 但却"预料"或"相信"治疗有效 从而让其症状得到舒缓的现象
当然相信 Of course I do.
很多研究证明了其有效性 There have been many studies proving its validity.
很好 Great.
这可能看似是薄荷糖 Now, this may look like a Tic Tac...
但它其实药效强大 还特别设计成 ...but it is really a powerful medication specifically designed
能治疗疾病的同时 帮你清新口气 to cure your illness as well as freshen your breath.
谢尔顿 这一点帮助都没有 Sheldon, this isn't helping.
你何不就让我睡一会呢 Why don't you just let me get some rest.
你怎么能睡觉呢 How can you sleep?
为了让你感觉好点 我还有好多事要做呢 I'm not done making you feel better.
我还得在你额头放一块冷毛巾 I still have to put a cold rag on your head,
唱歌给你听 帮你在胸口擦伤风膏 sing to you and apply VapoRub to your chest.
你要帮我在胸口擦东西 Y-You want to rub something on my chest?
是啊 Yes.
整个胸口都得擦 All over it.
或许我们应该从那个开始 Maybe we should start with that.
现在你才是个尽责的病人 Now you're being a responsible patient.
你可能会有些刺激感 Now, you may notice some tingling.
不刺激还不要呢 Oh, I'm counting on it.
好了 开动吧 Okay, dig in.
慢着 Hold up.
主 求你降褔我们 Bless us, O Lord for these Thy gifts
並降褔你惠赐的这次晚餐 which we are about to receive from Thy bounty
我们的主基督 阿门 through Christ our Lord. Amen.
把我想说的话抢了 Took the words right out of my mouth.
爸 你最近有去钓鱼吗 So, Dad, have you done any fishing lately?
下周末去 I'm going next weekend.
你喜欢钓鱼啊 Oh, you like to fish?
是啊 Yes.
也是 我能从你声音听出来 Sure. I can hear it in your voice.
如果他不喜欢 就不会去了 Oh, if he didn't like it, he wouldn't go.
我还真没想到这点 You know, I hadn't thought of that.
救我 Help me.
爸 有时间你可以带霍华德一起去啊 Hey, Dad, maybe you could take Howard fishing sometime.
让你们俩有机会更了解对方 Give you guys a chance to get to know each other better.
不 不用了 No, no.
我们已经够了解对方了 We know each other well enough.
他整个晚上都在叨叨个不停 He's been talking my ear off all night.
华仔 我觉得你会喜欢的 Howie, I think you'd have fun.
好吧 你可以跟着去 Fine, you can tag along.
太棒了 Terrific.
我最爱的两个男人一起去钓鱼 My two favorite fellas gone fishin'.
等一下 小妮妮 Well, hang on a second, Bernie.
下周我们有事 Next weekend, we have that thing.
什么事 Whathing?
就是那件事啊 You know, the thing.
那件事啊 Oh, that thing.
没了 我取消了 No, I cancelled that thing.
行 就这么定了吧 All right, it's settled.
-你和我一起去钓鱼 -真好 - You and I are going fishing. - Great.
谢谢你落井下石 Thanks for the help.
我从来没去钓过鱼 I've never even been fishing.
场面肯定会很糟糕 This is gonna be a disaster.
如果不想在干某事时看起来笨手笨脚 If you don't want to look foolish doing something,
你就应该多多练习 you should practice.
你知道在邀请你们来我家之前 Do you know how many beef Wellingtons I made by myself
我做了多少次惠灵顿牛排吗 before I invited you guys over?
给你们个提示 I'll give you a hint.
你们可以从这里 这里 You can see them here, here...
还有这里看出来 and here.
拉杰说得对 Raj is probably right.
你应该找人给你些建议 You should get someone to give you some pointers.
你们俩有谁知道怎么钓鱼吗 Do either of you guys know how to fish?
不知道 No.
不过如果你真钓到鱼 But if you catch anything,
我知道怎么用香蕉叶子包着蒸 I know how to steam it in banana leaves.
拜托 我们肯定有认识 Come on, we must know somebody
懂这种爷们事情的人 who can do manly stuff like this.
干嘛 What's up?
第一步 虫子 Step 1: worms.
恶心死了 Ew!
打住 "恶心死了"这句话 Okay, right there, "ew" is one of the things
你绝对不能再你岳父面前说 you're not gonna want to say in front of your father-in-law.
一样娘的还有"真讨厌"和"快拿开"这两句 It's right up there with "icky" and "get it away."
拿条虫子起来 Now pick one up.
真的假的 Really?
你钓鱼的时候就得这么做 You're gonna have to do it when you're fishing.
好吧 Okay.
你在等什么啊 What are you waiting for?
不知道 等它们自然死亡了再下手抓嘛 I don't know, for them to die of natural causes.
快点挑一条虫子 然后把它弄到鱼钩上 Just pick up a worm and put him on this hook.
好啦 Fine.
好了 There.
虽然我不是专家 I'm no expert,
但这鱼钩得穿过虫子才行吧 but I think the hook has to go through the worm.
好吧 Fine.
抱歉啦 虫子先生 Sorry, Mr. Worm.
舍尔曼 虫子舍尔曼先生 Sherm. Sherm the Worm.
别给它取名字 Hey, don't name him.
麻利地把鱼钩插穿它脸就对了 Just jab a hook in his face.
你行的 哥们 You got this, buddy.
是啊 加把油 霍华德 钩穿那条虫 Yeah, come on, Howard. Hook that worm.
你行的 You can do it.
不错啊 That's great.
拉拉队加油 你们仨真够"男性雄风" Cheerleading-- way to man things up.
"随后实验对照组显示了 "And the control group displayed
基因变异体的大幅减少 significantly fewer genetic abnormalities.
但由于实验环境的设计 But, because of flaws in the experimental design
和喂食环节的缺陷 relating to environment and diet,
它们最终都与世长辞了" they lived inconclusively ever after."
剧终 The end.
故事真好听 That was great.
再帮我擦擦胸口吧 Rub my chest again.
不行 No.
我得让你睡会儿 I need to get you down for a nap.
不知怎么 那伤风膏让你像打了鸡血一样 For some reason, that VapoRub gets you all fired up.
可怜的小家伙怎么样了 How's the poor thing?
我还撑着呢 谢谢你的关心 Oh, I'm hanging in there. Thanks for asking.
艾米 我给你带了点 Okay, Amy, I brought you some drugs
我们实验室正在研发的药 we were working on in the lab.
这种对鼻塞很有用 This is proving really good for congestion,
但有很小的可能 but there's a slight chance
让你的眼泪有强酸的灼烧感 it can make your tears burn like acid,
吃了药 就求上天保佑吧 so if you take it-- happy thoughts.
我去帮你放一缸能放松身心的水吧 Uh, I'm going to draw you a soothing bath.
你的水温计在哪 Where's your bath thermometer?
我没有水温计 I don't have a bath thermometer.
好吧 那我就帮你放一缸 Fine. Then I'm going to draw you
让神经紧绷的水温不明水吧 a nerve-wracking bath of indeterminate temperature.
这种药的化痰功能很强 This is a really good expectorant.
不过有些试药员报告说 Although some test subjects reported
她们听到音乐时会忍不住分泌乳汁 lactating uncontrollably when they heard music.
好了 是这么回事 Okay, okay, here's the deal.
我不需要你的药 我没病 I don't need your medicine. I'm not sick.
我不太明白 I don't understand.
我两天前就好多了 I got better two days ago.
但谢尔顿把我照顾得太好了 我舍不得 It's just been so nice having Sheldon take care of me.
所以你就一直骗他啊 So you've just been lying to him?
看我鼻子的东西 See the stuff in my nose?
那是胶水 Rubber cement.
我不是想批评你啦 I don't mean to be judgy,
但这种事不是只有疯子才会做吗 but this is the kind of thing lunatics do.
好吧 All right.
我跟他坦白 I'll tell him.
艾米 你有力气自己洗澡吗 Amy, would you be strong enough to bathe yourself,
还是你需要我帮忙 or do you need my help?
我明天再坦白 I'll tell him tomorrow.
老娘想好好洗个澡 Mama needs a bath.
现在我们假设奇迹降临 Now, let's assume, by some miracle,
你真的钓上来一条鱼 you actually catch a fish.
你得知道怎样清理内脏 You're going to have to know how to gut it.
所以你要做的就是 So, what you're going to do
拿起刀 is you're going to take your knife,
从它的肚皮上切下去 slice him right up the belly.
要我停下来吗 You want me to stop?
-不 我没事 你继续 -好 - No, I'm fine. Keep going. - All right.
千万别切得太深 Now, you don't want to cut too deep into its guts,
不然血会溅得你满脸都是 or the blood will just squirt all over your face.
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
你们这群阿宅是怎么回事 What is with you guys?
不是我们的错啊 It's not our fault.
我们的老爸又没和我们做过这些事 Our dads never did anything like this with us.
从来没有过吗 What, never?
我爸爸是个人类学家 My dad was an anthropologist.
我们唯一的父子活动 The only father-son time he spent
都献给那个有两千年历史的 was with a 2,000-year-old
伊特鲁里亚男孩的尸骸了 skeleton of an Etruscan boy.
我可讨厌那小子了 I hated that kid.
我爸只会带我去他的妇科办公室 Mine just took me to his gynecology office.
我甚至无聊到 I got so bored,
把阴道润滑剂涂在鞋底 I'd put vaginal lubricant on the bottom of my shoes
然后幻想我是在滑冰 and pretend I was ice-skating.
我小时候美好的父子时光 Yeah, well, my quality father-son time
都用来盯着窗外 was spending my adolescence looking out the window
等我爸会不会回心转意回家来了 waiting for my dad to come back someday.
好吧 霍华德赢了 Yeah, okay, Howard wins.
也许我们在长大的过程中 You know, maybe we didn't have opportunities like this
没有这样的机会 但现在 when we were growing up, but right now,
有位父亲真的要带你去钓鱼了 there's a dad that wants to take you on a fishing trip.
你说得对 You're right.
-我得好好学 -很好 - I should do this. - Great.
拿着 Here you go.
你现在要做的是 What you're going to do
把你的手指伸进它的喉咙 is you're going to stick your thumb down its throat,
抓住内脏往外拉 grab the guts and pull.
我要动手啦 Here we go.
瞧 这是鱼妈妈 快看她产的卵 Oh, look, it's a female. You can see all the eggs.
* 在阳光下漫步 * * I'm walking on sunshine *
* 感觉多么爽快 * * And don't it feel good *
* 感觉多么惬意 * * And don't it feel good *
谢尔顿 你可算回来了 Oh, Sheldon, am I glad you're back.
我又严重了 Taking a turn for the worst.
我觉得你得再帮我洗个澡 I think I'm going to need another bath.
听你这么说真是意外 I'm surprised to hear that.
那天我担心你怎么一直没有好转 See, the other day, I was concerned that you weren't recovering,
所以趁你睡觉时 so while you were sleeping,
取了你的唾液样本 到实验室进行细菌培养 I took a cheek swab and had it cultured in the lab.
是吗 Oh?
结果出来了 I got the results back.
你有出现如下症状吗 Have you developed any of the following symptoms?
鼻子变长 A growing nose,
或是裤子区域有温热感觉 or perhaps a warm sensation in the trouser region?
也就是大家熟知的 Also known as full-blown
"撒谎撒谎 裤裆烧光" "Liar, liar, pants on fire."
好啦 好啦 All right, all right.
但最开始我真的病了 But I really was sick at the beginning.
只是有你照顾我的感觉真是太好了 It's just been so nice having you take care of me.
你骗我 我会伤心的 艾米 It hurts that you would lie to me, Amy.
我以为我们的关系是建立在信任 I thought our relationship was based on trust
以及倾向于对我有利的相互欣赏之上 and a mutual admiration that skews in my favor.
我很抱歉我这么做了 I feel terrible I did this.
尽管这么说我也不好受 It pains me to say it,
但我觉得惩罚是必须的 but I think some form of penalty is in order,
以防日后再出现这样的行为 so as to discourage this type of behavior in the future.
这无可厚非 那你想怎么惩罚我 I suppose that's fair. What do you suggest?
在理想世界里 我会把你关在 In a perfect world, I'd lock you
广场上的围笼里 in a stockade in the public square.
那可能需要申请准证 That probably requires a permit.
可以不允许我 I could not be allowed
参加下一部《星际迷航》电影的首映啊 to go to the opening of the next Star Trek movie.
这惩罚也太重了 Oh, that seems overly harsh.
你只是向人性弱点屈服 You gave in to a human weakness.
你又没杀人 You didn't kill a man.
这惩罚可能有点传统 You know, it's a tad old-school,
但我哥溜进我爸的卡车 but my father was not one to spare the rod
偷喝他的驾车威士忌时 when my brother would sneak into his truck
我爸奉行的是"不打不成材" and drink his driving whiskey.
你是说 你要打我屁屁吗 Are you saying you want to spank me?
我也不想啊 I don't want to.
但我别无选择了啊 But it looks like you left me no choice.
的确是 That's true.
我是个非常"淘气"的坏女孩 I've been a very bad girl.
走起 走起 咱们去钓鱼 Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to fish we go.
你穿成这样啊 That's what you're wearing?
不行吗 No good?
体育用品店的人说 The guy at the sporting goods store
钓鱼就要穿这个 said these are what fishermen wear.
在卡通片里差不多 Maybe in cartoons.
真希望在上传照片 Wish I had known that before I posted
到网上前就知道这点 all those pictures on Facebook.
好了 出发吧 All right, let's hit the road.
大早上去猎几只鸭子也不错 I wouldn't mind shooting some ducks in the morning.
等等 咱们还要猎东西吗 Wait, now we're shooting things?
我喜欢用大口径的子弹 I like using a big shell.
虽然之后没法吃 You can't eat them afterwards,
但打爆它们很有趣 but it's fun watching them blow up.
先生 您邀请我一起去 Sir, I'm flattered
我真是受宠若惊 that you invited me,
我真的很想让您接受我 and I really want you to like me,
但是 but...
我想这趟行程不是什么好主意 I don't think this trip is the way to do it.
而且如果上面满是鸭子残骸 And I can't return these things
我也退不了这身行头 if there's chunks of duck all over them.
那你为什么同意一起去 So, why'd you agree to come?
因为伯纳黛特逼我去 'Cause Bernadette made me.
我也尝试不去 I tried to back out, too.
我老婆也逼我去 My wife said I had to go.
真的吗 您老婆也逼你做事吗 Really? Your wife makes you do stuff?
您可是吓人的大个儿警察 You're a big, scary cop.
你是个宇航员 You're an astronaut,
不也一样被老婆牵着鼻子走 and your wife makes you do things,
而且她只是个小不点 and she's only four feet tall.
那我们现在怎么办 So, what do we do now?
她们是要我们出去玩一整个周末呢 They expect us to go away for the weekend.
棕榈泉附近有家印式赌场 There's an Indian casino near Palm Springs.
双骰会玩吗 You know how to shoot craps?
不会 但我对骰子游戏也略知一二 No, but I'm not a stranger to dice games.
我是希伯来圣地庙学校的"快艇骰"冠军 I was the Temple Beth-El Hebrew School Yahtzee champion.
恭喜恭喜[希伯来语] Mazel tov.
我会教你怎么玩 I'll teach you how to play.
真的吗 Really?
谢谢 先生 Thank you, sir.
叫我麦克吧 Call me Mike.
好的 Okay.
老天 我们真是娶了 Oh, boy, we're just married to
两个蛋疼女回家啊 麦克 a couple of ballbusters, huh, Mike?
你说的可是我的老婆和女儿 That's my wife and daughter you're talking about.
她们是贤良淑德的典范 Great couple of gals.
那又有点过了 I wouldn't go that far.
准备好接受惩罚了吗 Are you prepared to receive your punishment?
等等 One second.
我要放音乐 I want to put on some music.
为什么 Why?
你教训我乖乖听话时 I don't want to disturb the people next door
我不想动静太大扰邻 while you discipline me.
那好吧 Very well, then.
趴我膝盖上 开始了 Get over my knee. Let's begin.
天啊 Oh, my.
正经点 Excuse me.
你不应该觉得享受才对 You're not supposed to be enjoying this.
那你要不要再打大力点 Then maybe you should spank me harder.
也许我会哦 Maybe I will.