莱纳德 我不得不承认 Well, I must say, Leonard,
你一开始提出巨型层层叠的主意时 when I first heard your idea for Giant Jenga,
我是持怀疑态度的 I was skeptical.
这不能怪你 I can't blame you--
上次的迷你版扭扭乐就烂爆了 Tiny Twister was a complete bust.
但我这次错了 No, I was wrong.
顶着可能会 The looming threat of
被一堆木头压死的风险玩 being crushed under a pile of lumber
让游戏带感了不少 does add a certain spice.
连人都精神起来了 I've never felt so alive.
你好啊 艾利克斯 Oh, hello, Alex.
我去拿昨晚的录音给你 Uh, let me go get you last night's recordings.
什么录音 What recordings?
还记得你跟我说过 我会说梦话吗 Well, you remember when you told me I talk in my sleep?
然后我想到 梦话跟我平时说的话一样 Well, it occurred to me that, like most things I say,
含金量也应该超高的吧 it's probably pure gold.
所以我开始录音 So I started recording it all,
而现在艾利克斯得好好梳理下 and now Alex gets to comb through eight hours
我称为"谢家午夜论坛"的八小时长节目 of what I like to call "Sheldon After Dark."
-你好吗 莱纳德 -好啊 - Hey, Leonard. - Hey.
我在玩巨型层层叠呢 Just playing a little Giant Jenga here.
我知道啊 那顶安全帽就是我买的 Oh, I know-- I'm the one who had to buy him the helmet.
这周末你有什么安排吗 So, do you have any plans this weekend?
周六估计大多数时间得花在思考 Well, most of Saturday's gonna be figuring out
这玩具玩完后收哪里 where to put this game when we're done.
你呢 How about you?
我要去听基普·索恩博士的 Oh, I'm gonna go see Kip Thorne
亚原子时空讲座 give a lecture on subatomic space-time.
他会讲述对约翰·惠勒的量子泡沫看法 That's his take on John Wheeler's quantum foam.
应该会很精彩 That should be great.
有兴趣可以跟我一起去啊 Well, if you want, you can come with me.
我也想啊 可是我跟佩妮有约了 Ah, I'd love to, but I'm supposed to hang out with Penny.
带上她嘛 Well, bring her.
她对这类事情没什么兴趣 Well, she's not really into that kind of stuff.
那好吧 Yeah, okay.
那之后你对讲座内容有兴趣 Well, if you want to hear about the lecture,
我可以上班时跟你说 I can tell you all about it at work,
或者... 共进晚餐时跟你说哦 or, you know, over dinner sometime.
什么 What?
你弄倒啦 我赢了 Jenga, I win!
生活大爆炸 第六季 第十二集
拜托 才不可能呢 Oh, come on, that can't be true.
我真查过了 托尼老虎 I did the research-- Tony the Tiger,
青蛙 克朗奇船长 Dig'em the Frog, Cap'n Crunch,
巨嘴鸟山姆 吸餐鬼伯爵 Toucan Sam, Count Chocula,
崔克斯兔 卜卜米三兄弟 Trix the Rabbit, Snap, Crackle and Pop.
所有谷类早餐吉祥物都是男生 Not one cereal mascot is a girl.
谷物早餐界完全"基肠""露露"啊 It's a total breakfast sausage fest.
说完了吗 Are we done with this?
快了 红莓怪人 蓝莓鬼鬼 Almost-- Franken Berry, Boo Berry,
糖糖熊 蜜果圈圈蜂 Sugar Bear and the Honey Nut Cheerio bee,
他的名字是叫巴兹[嗡嗡声]吧 I believe his name is Buzz.
很好很好 Terrific.
发生了一件怪事 我不知道该怎么办 Something weird happened and I don't know what to do about it.
怎么了 What's going on?
谢尔顿的助理昨晚约我 Sheldon's assistant asked me on a date last night.
你怎么可以这么对我 How could you do that to me?
你明知道我泡她好一阵子了 You know I've been working it with Alex for weeks.
你怎么泡人家 你连说话都不敢 Working it? You can't even talk to her.
我用眼神跟她交流 I talk with my eyes.
我那个小表弟 You look like my little cousin
在尿布里拉屎时就这眼神 when he's dropping one in his diaper.
她都知道我有女朋友了 She knows I have a girlfriend.
真是太神奇了 It's so weird.
天啊 你居然还暗爽 Oh, my God. You're loving this.
暗爽到爆啊 To my bones.
我当然是不可能会对她下手啦 我爱佩妮 I mean, I'm not gonna do anything about it. I love Penny.
只是有个年轻貌美的女性 It's just nice to have a young, attractive woman
对我有意思也很不错嘛 sniffing around the goods.
我又恨你 又想当你 I both hate you and want to be you.
瑞恩·高斯林的事又重演了 This is Ryan Gosling all over again.
各位同志 Aw, gentlemen.
今早的聊天话题选项有什么呢 What is on the conversational menu this morning?
莱纳德抢了我的妞 他明明知道 Leonard stole my woman, and he knew full well
我只差六到八个月就要对她展开攻势了 I was only six to eight months away from making my move.
我才没抢走谁呢 I didn't steal anyone.
你的助理明摆着对他有意思 Your assistant is totally hitting on this jerk
他还暗爽 and he loves it.
这样可不行 Well, that's not acceptable.
我是她的老板 I'm her boss.
她只能关注以及满足我的需求 She needs to be solely focused on my needs,
不该被你苍白无力 not distracted by your pasty,
雌雄难辨的弱鸡阳气吸引 androgynous brand of sexuality.
我怎么雌雄难辨了 I'm androgynous?
拜托哦 你也不看看 Oh, please. Look at you
你那爱撅起的腊肠嘴 with your pouty bee-stung lips.
你们觉得我该怎么回应她 What do you guys think I should do?
我觉得你应该告诉她 你只爱佩妮 I say you tell Alex your heart belongs to Penny,
然后我借肩膀给她哭诉 I provide her a shoulder to cry on,
然后差不多半年后 我就能给她"来一发"了 and then roughly half a year later I give it to her good.
我要感谢你们能这么快就赶过来 I want to thank you all for coming on such short notice.
过去呢 我曾与在座各位 Uh, in the past, I've reached out
有过单独请益的时刻 to each of you individually,
但这次我觉得这次的情况 but I believe my present situation
需要你们一起共同集思广益 requires the collective wisdom of the group,
想必你们从纪念T恤上也能看得出 which as you can see from your commemorative T-shirts
我标注上了 I have dubbed
谢尔顿·库伯姐妹顾问团 Sheldon Cooper's Council of Ladies.
发生什么事了 What is happening?
我需要你们为一件敏感的职场关系给意见 I need your advice about a delicate workplace situation.
为了保护当事人隐私 Uh, to protect those involved,
我会替他们取假名 I'll be changing their names.
当事人有谁啊 Who's involved?
我的一个活在他绝顶聪明的 Well, a short, bespectacled colleague of mine
室友光环之下的四眼鸡矮子同事 who lives in the shadow of his brilliant roommate.
这叫他"里卡多·谢利沙力"吧 Let's call this colleague Ricardo Shilly-Shally.
你是在说莱纳德 You're talking about Leonard.
不不 谢利沙力有一头红发 No, no, Shilly-Shally has red hair
他曾在墨西哥海军短期服役过 and, uh, he briefly served in the Mexican Navy.
虽然他已经有一个女朋友 Anyway, despite the fact that he has a girlfriend,
谢利沙力是遭年轻女性 Shilly-Shally has been the recipient
对他做不适宜的职场调戏的受方 of inappropriate workplace flirtations from a young lady.
-攻方就是你的助理艾利克斯吧 -不对 - It's your assistant Alex, isn't it? - No.
才不是 是唐德莱娅·德拉·文蒂米利亚 Not... No. This is Tondelaya Della Ventimiglia.
等等 莱纳德跟艾利克斯到底是怎么回事 Wait, what the hell's going on with Leonard and Alex?
抱歉 谁在说莱纳德和艾利克斯啊 I'm sorry. Who's talking about Leonard and Alex?
好吧 是里卡多和唐德莱娅 Fine. Ricardo and Tondelaya.
其实我要说的重点不是里卡多和唐德莱娅 Okay, look, it's not really about Ricardo and Tondelaya.
而是唐德莱娅的博士老板 It is really about her boss,
他不知道该如何处理这种情况 who doesn't quite know how to handle this situation
所以需要你们给出主意 and could use your advice,
这有些反常 因为爱因斯坦·冯·集思广益博士 which is surprising because Dr. Einstein Von Brainstorm...
向来很会处理这种情况 He's usually pretty smart about these things.
我要杀了她 I'm gonna kill her.
我相信你没什么好担心的 I'm sure you've got nothing to worry about.
莱纳德绝对不会背叛你 Leonard would never cheat on you.
她说得对 She's right.
但只要你开口 我有满满 But say the word-- I got a lab
一实验室不怕死的毒瘾疯猴 随时听候差遣 full of cocaine-addicted monkeys with nothing to lose.
可以扔一个进她的汽车后座 One of them could end up in the backseat of her car.
或是她的浴室 Or her shower.
女士们 女士们 拜托 Ladies, ladies, please.
我们不是来这里讨论佩妮的 好吗 We're not here to talk about Penny, okay?
我们是来讨论我的 We're here to talk about me.
我是说爱因斯坦·冯·集思... 我靠 Uh, I mean Einstein Von Brainst... Oh, darn it!
好吧 说溜嘴了 All right, I guess the cat's out of the bag.
那我就来解释下发生了什么事吧 Let me explain what's going on--
里卡多其实是莱纳德... Ricardo is really Leonard...
我们知道发生了什么事 谢尔顿 We know what's going on, Sheldon!
那我应该怎么做 Well, what should I do?
艾利克斯是你的员工 Well, Alex is your employee.
如果她做出一些让莱纳德觉得不舒服的事 If she's doing something that's making Leonard uncomfortable,
那你应该跟她谈谈 you should talk to her.
不 他才没有不舒服呢 Oh, no, he's not uncomfortable at all.
他暗爽死了好吗 No, he's loving it.
对啊 他趾高气昂地好像自己有两米那么高 Yeah, he's strutting around like he's five-foot-six.
什么 他很暗爽 What... He's loving it?
谢尔顿 你得马上跟艾利克斯谈谈 Sheldon, you need to talk to Alex right away.
谈谈 就只有这种建议啊 Talk to her? That's all you've got?
"谢尔顿·库伯姐妹顾问团"的名字这么牛气 With a cool name like Sheldon Cooper's Council of Ladies,
我本来期望很高呢 I really expected more.
把T恤还我 Give me back the T-shirts.
艾利克斯 Alex...
查下我的日程表 check my schedule.
今天下午我有什么安排 What does my afternoon look like?
我记得好像没有任何安排 I think it's pretty wide open.
慢着 四点有安排 Oh, wait. Here's something at 4:00.
"跟艾利克斯谈谈" "Give Alex a talking to"?
这安排真是悄无声息出人意料啊 Well, that snuck up on us, didn't it?
有什么问题吗 Is there a problem?
那其实不叫问题 Let's not call it a problem.
我们应该称其为"机会" Let's call it an opportunity.
一个解决严重问题的机会 To solve a serious problem.
我做错什么了 What did I do?
你不知道吗 可怜的小宝贝 You don't know? Oh, you poor dear.
你的卵巢把太多愚蠢分泌物 Your ovaries are squirting so much goofy juice
都送到你脑子 害你人都傻了 into your brains you don't even know which way is up.
你对霍夫斯塔德博士做出 You made an inappropriate sexual advance
-不恰当的性企图 -什么 - towards Dr. Hofstadter. - What?
我没有对任何人做任何性企图 I didn't make a sexual advance on anybody.
别这么快就开始激动辩解 Now, there's no need to get defensive.
我对你的情况表示同情 I'm not unsympathetic to your plight.
我的父亲过去常说 女人就像 My father used to say that a woman
德州温暖天气中的鸡蛋沙拉三明治 is like an egg salad sandwich on a warm Texas day.
什么意思 What?
鸡蛋[卵子]满满 诱惑短短[容易坏] Full of eggs and only appealing for a short time.
这次谈话让我觉得很不舒服 This conversation is making me uncomfortable.
不止你 我也是 妹妹 Yeah, you and me both, sister.
现在 Now,
请你明白 please understand...
你的行为 我并不觉得是你的错 I don't hold you responsible for your behavior
因为从进化的角度看 because, see, from an evolutionary standpoint,
你不过是自身繁殖欲望的奴隶 you're a slave to your desire to reproduce.
但在工作时间 But during the work day,
当你觉得自己有求欢的意图时 when you feel possessed by amorous intent,
我能否建议你 may I suggest that you suppress it
通过翻阅这本性传播疾病的绘本 by leafing through this illustrated book
来抑制住你的欲望 of sexually transmitted diseases?
我们看一下 就这页 Let's see here. Oh, yes.
你看看这张小恶心图片 Check out this oozy doozy.
我要走了 I have to go.
这位仁兄也是 So does this fellow,
但他走不了 他那里就跟热汤那样烧得慌 but he can't without it burning like hot soup.
嗨 美女 Hey, pretty lady.
你看起来格外开心啊 Oh, you seem extra happy.
应该是吧 Uh, I guess I am.
有什么特别的原因吗 Any particular reason why?
不知道 就是今天过得还不错 Mm, I don't know, just having a good day.
早上谢尔顿在去上班的路上睡着了 This morning Sheldon fell asleep on the way to work,
所以我有机会听广播 so I got to listen to the radio--
好疯狂的一早 that was pretty crazy.
还有别的吗 Anything else?
我在网上发现一个小测试 I found this quiz online called
名叫"测测你是星际迷航中的谁" "Which Star Trek Character Are You?"
我测了四次 终于测到柯克船长[角色] and it only took me four tries to get Captain Kirk.
很好啊 That's great.
的确如此 Oh. It. Was.
很高兴你今天过得这么开心 Well, I'm glad you're having such a great day.
还有一件让我更开心的事就是 And the one thing that could make it even better
晚上要跟我特别的姑娘约会 is an evening with my special girl.
哪一个啊 Oh, and who's that?
这话什么意思 What do you mean?
我不知道特别的姑娘 是指我还是艾利克斯 Oh, I just didn't know if you meant me or Alex.
为什么会指艾利克斯 Um, why would I mean Alex?
因为我知道她对你有意思 Because I know she hit on you
而且我还知道你很暗爽 and I know you liked it!
哪里...有 What...?
别跟老娘装傻 里卡多·谢利沙力 Don't play dumb with me, Ricardo Shilly-Shally!
我是不是漏了什么事 I'm missing something.
你是不是跟佩妮说了艾利克斯的事 Did you say something to Penny about Alex?
没错 而且还得到了"很多帮助"呢 Oh, yes. Yeah, and a fat lot of good it did me.
"帮助"就是她光顾着生你的气了 All she did was get mad at you.
你为什么要这样做 Why would you do that?
我需要关于女人的建议 I needed advice about a woman.
我本来可以问你的 I would have asked you,
但要说过去几年证明了什么 but if the last few years have proven anything,
那就是你连子宫和独轮车都分不清 it's that you can't tell a uterus from a unicycle.
至少我知道随便对女生透露 At least I know not to blab to a girl
有人追她男友是不对的 about somebody flirting with her boyfriend.
知道这个太好了 Good to know.
你再多说点这类的金玉良言 Yeah, a few more helpful hints like that,
就可以名正言顺地加入姐妹顾问团了 you may find yourself on the Council of Ladies.
你好 Hello.
这样啊 I see.
几点 Uh, what time?
好的 Very well, then.
是学校的人事部打来的 That was the Human Resources Department at the university.
我的助理艾利克斯居然投诉了我 Apparently, my assistant Alex has filed a complaint
说我在办公场所有不当行为 accusing me of inappropriate behavior in the workplace.
老天啊 你做了什么 Oh, my God, what did you do?
我回忆一下 Hmm, let me think.
没什么啊 我超萌超有爱的 Nothing. I'm a delight.
人事部 Human Resources Department.
请进 Come in.
你好 Hello.
是你啊 库珀博士 请坐吧 Ah, Dr. Cooper, have a seat.
谢谢 Thank you.
我今天叫你来是因为你的助理 I called you in today because your assistant
艾利克斯·詹森投诉了你 Alex Jensen has lodged a complaint against you.
我听说了 So I've been told.
但我不明白她有什么可抱怨的 But I can't understand what she has to complain about.
她处在见证我改写科学界历史的最前线 I mean, she has a front-row seat as I make scientific history.
我的迷你冰箱里随时备有奶酪棒 There's string cheese in my mini-fridge,
大家都可以享用 and that's for anyone.
而且就在昨天 Yeah, and just yesterday
我向她展示染上妇科病的生殖器图片 I led her away from a life of sexual promiscuity
指引她走出了淫乱的歧途 by making her look at pictures of disease-ridden genitalia.
取消下一位的面谈 Cancel my next appointment.
这位估计得耗点时间 This is gonna take a while.
库珀博士 Dr. Cooper,
你对你的下属 you said things to your employee
说了在职场上不应该说的话 that you just cannot say in the workplace.
比如什么 Like what?
据詹森女士说 Well, according to Ms. Jensen,
你说她是自己生理需求的奴隶 you said that she was a slave to her biological urges
并且称呼她为"鸡蛋沙拉三明治" and called her an "egg salad sandwich."
虽然我不知道那是什么比喻 I don't even know what that means,
但我告诉你 说那种话是不行的 but I'm gonna go ahead and tell you you can't say it.
我明白怎么会有误会了 Oh! I see the confusion here.
艾利克斯以为我在针对她 不是这样的 No, no, Alex thought I was singling her out. No.
我的意思是所有女人 I meant that all women
都是自己生理需求的奴隶 are slaves to their biological urges, you know?
你也一样 Even you.
你是个奴隶 You're a slave.
我是什么来着 I'm a what?
我的意思是 Well, y-you... I-I'm just saying, you know,
在女性生理周期的某一时刻 at a certain point in a woman's menstrual cycle...
停停停 Whuh-ah!
这也是你不能谈论的 库珀博士 You can't talk about that, either, Dr. Cooper.
你的语言非常不恰当 Your language is entirely inappropriate,
我建议立刻给我闭嘴 and I'm gonna advise that you shut your mouth right now.
我真不明白被指责的怎么会是我 I d... I don't see why I'm the one being persecuted here.
霍夫斯塔德博士 每抓到一个听众 Dr. Hofstadter-- he was bragging about
他就要炫耀自己有多风靡女性万千 his sexual desirability to anyone who would listen.
还有霍华德·沃罗威茨 You know, and Howard Wolowitz--
他花了两年时间 利用学校的资源 he spent two years using university resources
制造了一个六乳性爱机器人 building a six-breasted sex robot.
我还在部门的圣诞派对里 And at the office Christmas party,
听到拉杰什·库萨帕里 I heard Rajesh Koothrappali
好几次称你为"棕糖美妞" refer to you several times as "brown sugar."
霍夫斯塔德 Hofstadter...
沃罗威茨 Wolowitz...
最后一个是拉杰什·库萨帕里 and the last one was Rajesh Koothrappali?
是的 Yes.
对 但我得为他澄清一下 No, yeah, but in his defense,
他不是对你有种族歧视 that wasn't racist.
他也是棕皮肤人种 He's also brown.
* 抱歉艾利克斯喜欢我 * * Sorry Alex hit on me *
* 喜欢我 * * Hit on me *
* 抱歉艾利克斯喜欢我 * * Sorry Alex hit on me *
* 我不知道自己很讨喜 * * I'd no idea I'm cute *
可恶 你确实讨喜 Oh, damn it, you are.
原谅我吧 Please forgive me.
我应该早点告诉你艾利克斯的事 I should have told you about Alex.
我不在乎她 I don't care about Alex.
好吧 我在乎 Fine, I care.
好吧 我讨厌那小贱人 Okay, I hate that bitch.
但你竟然那么暗爽 太让我难过了 But what really hurt is that you liked it so much.
我需要担心你变心吗 I mean, do I need to be worried?
当然不用啦 担心什么啊 Of course not. No. Why?
因为她又漂亮又聪明 Because...she is pretty and smart,
你们要是谈论工作的东西 她不必跑回家 and when you talk about work, she doesn't have to go home
翻翻字典才能理解你在说什么 and look up words in the dictionary to understand what you said.
-你会那样做啊 -才不会 - You do that? - No.
等一下 你是没有安全感吗 Hang on. Are you feeling insecure?
那可是我专属的事 Because that's my thing,
要是你把这个活抢走了 and if you take it away,
那我们的关系之中 我就贡献不出东西了 I don't know what I'm bringing to this relationship.
对 莱纳德 我没安全感 Yes, Leonard, I am insecure.
-开心吗 -不 - Happy? - No,
不开心 I'm not happy.
-那你干嘛笑 -对不起嘛 - Why are you smiling? - I'm sorry.
我从没想过你会有这种感觉 I just never think of you having feelings like that.
-我有的 -为什么呢 - Well, I do. - Why?
我和艾利克斯绝对没可能 Nothing is ever going to happen between me and Alex.
很好 Good.
过来 Come here.
-告诉你个秘密吧 -什么 - I'll tell you a secret? - What's that?
有这么多姑娘追我 With all these women chasing me,
我觉得自己好像柯克船长 I kind of do feel like Captain Kirk.
-我也能说个秘密吗 -当然 - Can I tell you a secret? - Sure.
继续说什么柯克船长吧 Keep talking about Captain Kirk,
估计我们撑得过今天撑不过明天 and we're all gonna stop.
信息 已收到[模仿柯克船长] Message... received.
不好意思 Ah, excuse me.
你好 Hello.
我是霍夫斯塔德博士 This is Dr. Hofstadter.
好的 Okay.
知道了 谢谢 All right, thank you.
奇了怪了 That's weird.
人事部叫我过去一趟 I'm getting called in to Human Resources.
你做了什么了 What did you do?
我不知道 I don't know.
人事部刚刚叫我过去一趟 I just got called in to Human Resources.
-为什么 -不知道 - Why? - I don't know.
真是太奇怪了 That is so strange.
人事部叫我明天过去一趟 Human Resources wants to talk to me tomorrow.
你能不能停下"孤菊自舔"两分钟啊 Could you stop licking your ass for two minutes?
老子现在有麻烦 I have a problem here.
你真觉得现在是喝酒的好时机吗 Do you really think you should be drinking right now?
不然我等会怎么回答人事部小姐的问题 How else am I supposed to talk to the Human Resources lady?
不知道 看心理医生怎么样 I don't know. Seek professional help?
我有啊 酒类专卖店的人说 I did. The guy at the liquor store said
这玩意配咖啡口感不错 this stuff tastes great in coffee.
等下 你也被召来了吗 Wait, you got called in, too?
出什么事了 What is going on?
谢尔顿把我们都拉来陪葬了 Sheldon threw us all under the bus.
我感觉自己像是见校长的坏学生 I feel like I've been called down to the principal's office.
不过我可不介意被"棕糖美妞"打屁屁 Although I wouldn't mind if Brown Sugar suspended me.
还是在性爱秋千上打哦 From a sex swing!
喝酒可能是个错误决定 This may have been a mistake.
放轻松 没事的 Relax. Everything's gonna be fine.
要知道在我碰到伯纳黛特前 You know, before I met Bernadette
我是这里三天两头报到的常客 I was in here every other day.
友情提示下 Uh, little tip:
进去前先把"我喜欢大屁妞"的铃声调成静音 turn off your "I Like Big Butts" ringtone before you go in.
这都是你的错 Well, this is all your fault.
怎么成我的错了 How is this my fault?
如果你没和谢尔顿的助理鬼混 If you weren't screwing around with Sheldon's assistant,
根本不会发生现在这种破事 none of this would be happening.
我才没跟任何人鬼混 I wasn't screwing around with anyone.
是哦 没有 Oh, of course not.
那你是想说 她在"闻你的货时" She was just sniffing around your goods
只是单纯在找松露而已吗[靠猪的嗅觉找] because she was hunting for truffles.
沃罗威茨先生 好久不见 Ah, Mr. Wolowitz, it's been a while.
你好 洁宁 Hey, Janine.
汤姆和孩子们好吗 How are Tom and the kids?
很好 Fine.
你一定是霍夫斯塔德博士吧 You must be Dr. Hofstadter.
是 但我想这是个天大的误会 Yes, but I think this is all a big misunderstanding.
你也误会我了 Yeah, yeah, me, too.
我什么都没干 I didn't do anything.
你怎么说话满嘴酒气 Is that alcohol on your breath?
霍华德造了个性爱机器人 Howard built a sex robot.
没有这回事 That is not true.
我就只是造了个机器人而已 All I did was build a robot.
你那个机器人有六个胸吗 Did it have six breasts?
抱歉 我是个尊重男女平等的人 I'm sorry, I'm a feminist--
我不会特别注意 I don't notice things like
机器人有多少乳房这种事 how many breasts a robot has.
大家好 Well, hello.
你来干嘛 What are you doing here?
我是来找戴维斯夫人的 Actually, I came to speak to Mrs. Davis.
我现在有点忙 And I'm a little busy right now.
我是来投诉的 But I came to file a complaint.
有人在工作场所通过用不当的 Yeah, somebody has made me feel uncomfortable in the workplace
和带性字眼的言语骚扰我 让我觉得不适 by using language of an inappropriate and sexual nature.
是谁呢 And who was that?
就你啊 你这色色的婆娘 You, you dirty birdie.
我回想了下你昨天跟我说过的话 I-I thought about the things you said to me yesterday,
我意识到那是对我深深的冒犯 and I realized I'm deeply offended.
现在乖乖去给本大爷拿投诉表来 Now, be a dear and get me one of those complaint forms.
够了 That's it.
所有人 马上进我办公室 All of you, in my office now!
多亏你的"教导" 我不至于傻到问 And thanks to you, I know better than to ask
你是不是来"大姨妈"了 if you're menstruating.
而看你这狂躁样 不问也知道 And based on your behavior, I don't have to.
经过训示后 我才明白 It has been pointed out to me that...
我对你说的某些话 some of the things I said to you
可能会被理解成 无礼 could be construed as... offensive,
我愿意向你表达 and I would like to offer you
我最真诚的歉意 my sincerest apology.
-谢谢 库珀博士 -另外 - Thank you, Dr. Cooper. - Yeah, additionally,
跟你说下 校方要求我 you should know that the university has mandated
参加在线性骚扰研讨班 that I take an online sexual harassment seminar
这样以后不会再发生类似的事情 so this sort of thing doesn't happen in the future.
-好的 -现在 - Okay. - Yeah. Now,
遗憾的是 我的时间太过宝贵 unfortunately, uh, my time is much too valuable
不能浪费在这种屁事上面 to waste on nonsense like this,
所以 我需要你替我考过这个测试 so... um, I'm gonna need you to take it for me.
还有 你最好给我得个A Oh, and, uh, you'd better ace it--
因为校方还挺生气的 they're pretty mad.
我一直在想你和艾利克斯的事 So, hey, I was thinking about that stuff with Alex.
拜托你别再为这个烦心了 Oh, would you stop worrying about that?
我也没办法 但我想着 I can't help it. But, look, I figured
我可以不作为 一直觉得没安全感 I could sit around and feel insecure,
或者也可以做出行动 or I could do something about it.
所以我拿了学校的课程表 So I got a course catalog at school
看下了科学类课程 and looked at some of the science classes.
太好了 That's great.
一点也不好 那些课都闷死了 No, it isn't-- they are extremely boring.
你怎么撑到现在还没有自杀 I mean, how do you not kill yourself, like, every day?
话说回来 我觉得我没必要做科学家 Anyway, I decided I don't need to be a scientist,
我只要看起来像就行 I could just look like one.
所以我买了这个 So I bought these.
眼镜 Glasses?
我不觉得这会有什么帮助... I really don't think that's gonna change--
我的天啊 oh, my God,
你看起来真是聪明绝顶兼性感撩人 you look so smart and hot!
我知道 瞧好啦 I know, right? Watch this.
分子 Molecules.
跟我来吧 Okay, come with me.
-去哪里 -我的卧室 - Where are we going? - To my bedroom,
这样我可以扒光你除了眼镜外的一切衣物 so I can take everything off but those glasses...
靴子也留着好了 and maybe the boots.