有一种永生不死的水母 I was reading about this jellyfish that never dies.
它会从性成熟回复到幼虫无性阶段 Instead, it reverts to its asexual state
然后重新变性成熟 and then grows up again.
我家以为我们90岁的姥爷 We thought my 90-year-old grandfather
也转回了无性状态 had reverted to an asexual state,
直到他的牙买加裔看护员告上法庭 but the lawsuit from his Jamaican caregiver
证明了我们都错了 proved us all wrong.
我想说的是 永生不再是空想 My point is, immortality is not only a possibility,
能成为现实了 it is real.
除非你是个水母 Only if you're this jellyfish
然后周期性地回复到一大团 which periodically reverts to a mass of
未分化的原生质 undifferentiated protoplasm.
只要还能保留我的谷歌邮箱号 If I could keep my Gmail account,
我无所谓啊 I'd be okay with that.
早安啊 同志们 Hello, fellas.
还记得我们之前在寻思塔伯曼教授 Remember when we were trying to figure out what that smell
办公室飘出来的是什么味道吗 coming from Professor Tupperman's office was?
-然后呢 -原来就是塔伯曼的味儿 -Yeah? - Turns out it was Tupperman.
死在办公桌上都两周了 Dead at his desk for two weeks.
-天啊 -太惨了 - Oh, my God. - That's terrible.
系主任要求大家不要送花 In lieu of flowers, the department chair
改送除臭剂过去会更好哦 is asking that everyone donate a bottle of Febreze.
如果要换掉刚才的水母话题 If we're going to change the topic from jellyfish,
我可以接受改聊丰年虾 I'd be okay with brine shrimp
或者独轮脚踏车的历史 or the history of the unicycle.
有点同情心好吗 人家尸骨未寒呢 Show a little compassion-- a man died.
其实已经化成了一滩尸泥了 And turned into a puddle of goo.
我们大可以在这 Now, we can either sit around
缅怀烂成尸泥的教授 and cry over spilt professor, or...
也可以一同为一个 we can rejoice in the knowledge
空出来的终身教职庆祝一下 that a tenured position has just opened up.
我会选择后者 I choose to do the latter.
拜托 终身教职制度本来就十分荒谬 Excuse me, the whole tenure system is ridiculous.
一个终身有保障的工作 A guaranteed job for life
只会让那些人变得过于自满 怠惰 only encourages the faculty to become complacent.
如果真想要科学进步 If we really want science to advance,
人们应该在脑子里植入杀人晶片 people should have chips implanted in their skulls
只要一说蠢话 就炸烂他们的脑袋 that explode when they say something stupid.
我认为人们只有在自己 Well, I believe people do their best work
有保障的情况下才能做到最好 when they feel safe and secure.
要找我的话 只需到 If you need my nose, you'll find it firmly lodged
教职选举委员会的马屁处寻我即可 up the rectum of the tenure committee.
你们几个博士都要去当马屁精吗 You Ph.D's gonna go suck up like Kripke?
才不会 No.
我会去申请啦 I mean, I'll apply,
但是我才不去耍手段 搞阴谋 but I'm not gonna stoop to playing politics.
我也不会 Yeah, me neither.
重点应该是在工作成果上 It should be about the work.
而且如果我选不上 And if I can't get tenure,
我也希望是你或谢尔顿能选上 I'd like to see you or Sheldon get it.
拉杰 别在莱纳德面前 Raj, don't dangle false hope
乱说一些给他希望的话 in front of Leonard like that.
抱歉 Excuse me,
我跟你完全一样有资格有希望 好吗 but I think I'm just as qualified as you are.
生活大爆炸 第六季 第二十集
-"终身教职"就是终身有保障的工作吗 -没错 - So "tenured" means a job for life? - Yup.
就算你做的超烂 And you can't get fired
他们也不会炒你吗 even if you're bad at it?
不太可能 Mm, not really.
听起来就跟起司工厂店里的 Wow, sounds a lot like being a pretty waitress
正妹女服务员一样 at the Cheesecake Factory.
虽然我不太认同终身教职制度 While I disagree with the premise of tenure,
但如果他们给我这职位 if they gave it to me,
我也会继续对科学界做贡献 it wouldn't diminish my output.
我就跟太阳一样 You know, I'm like the sun.
发光发热 停不下来 Can't turn this off.
拉杰什与莱纳德也报名参选了吗 Are Rajesh and Leonard competing for it as well?
那他们知道自己一点机会都没有 Do they know they don't stand a chance
因为你超厉害吗 'cause you're so great?
说得好 Well put.
不得不说 虽然我总在纠结 You know, I must say I go back and forth
我们是男女朋友这件事 on this boyfriend-girlfriend thing,
但你崇拜我敬仰我的那些时刻 but those moments when you worship me
真的替你加分了超多 really keep you in the running.
终身教职的薪水会更高 It would be nice to have the increased income.
这样就可以不用管爸妈要钱了 Stop taking money from my parents.
花家里的钱总是会被父母管着 Money from family does come with strings attached.
何止啊 You have no idea.
他们买了辆新宝马给我当生日礼物 They buy me a new BMW for my birthday
但我能买座椅加热器吗 but can I get seat warmers?
不行 No.
"拉杰什 如果你想要屁屁热热 "Rajesh, if you want a warm butt,
你就得自己掏钱买" you're gonna have to pay for it yourself."
逼急了我就真去买 死老头 Well, maybe I will, old man!
我觉得酒喝得差不多了 I think that's enough wine for now.
我一直忍不住在脑海里幻想 I just keep thinking about how cool it would be
打给我妈告诉她 if I called my mom and told her
我在加州理工得到终身教职的画面 that I got tenure at Caltech.
她会为你骄傲吧 She'd be proud, huh?
绝对会非常骄傲 Oh, very.
假如她接我电话的话 Assuming she takes my call.
我最大担心的是 在拿到终身教职后 My primary concern with being granted tenure
还得跟超嫉妒我的室友同住一个屋檐下 is living with an insanely jealous roommate after the fact.
我可能睡觉都得放把枪在我枕头下 I might need to sleep with a gun under my pillow.
或放把电锯 Or a chainsaw.
也可以利用终身教职的高薪收入 Or you take advantage of your newfound economic stability
搬离这里 and move out...
买个房子 buy a house...
结个小婚 get married...
组织个小家庭 start a family.
或者是 Yeah, or...
放把电锯就行 the chainsaw.
我会光荣凯旋回归新德里 And I will return to New Delhi in triumph
骑着宝石装饰的白象登场 atop a bejeweled white elephant!
而且你们知道大象的背上会有什么吗 And you know what will be on that elephant's back?
座椅加热器 A seat warmer.
不好意思 父亲 就不载你 "No, Father, you may not have a ride!"
我去煮点咖啡 I'm gonna make some coffee.
你得拍谁的马屁 才能得到这份工作 So, who do you have to schmooze to get this deal?
我不会拍任何人的马屁 I'm not gonna schmooze anybody.
我的工作成果足以说明一切 I'm gonna let my work speak for itself.
那很棒 That's great.
这说明你很正直 That shows a lot of integrity.
谢谢 Thank you.
我就是一个天真的傻子 对吗 I'm a naive idiot, right?
很好 你懂我什么意思 Oh, good, you heard me.
如果你很想获得这份终身教职 You know, if you really want tenure,
或许你该去奉承那些有决定权的人 maybe you should cozy up to the people making the decision.
谢尔顿·库珀才不搞"奉承" Sheldon Cooper does not do "cozy."
是啊是啊 You don't say.
但了解谁在委员会 But I suppose it wouldn't hurt
对我也没什么害处 to know who's on the committee.
我看看 Let's see...
珍妮·戴维斯 Oh, Janine Davis.
天啊 Oh, dear.
有问题吗 Is that a problem?
你也一样 Yeah, even you.
你是个奴隶 You're a slave.
我是什么来着 I'm a what?
我不确定 有两种可能 I'm not sure; it could go either way.
你好 戴维斯夫人 Hey. Mrs. Davis.
霍夫斯塔德博士 Dr. Hofstadter.
我只是想下来 Just thought I'd come down
为穿泳装而锻炼身材 and start getting ready for swimsuit season.
那很好啊 Good for you.
你显然不需要 Not that you need it.
我猜你穿泳装一定很迷人 I bet you look great in a swimsuit.
谢谢 Thank you.
我得了一种病 我爸称其为"家具疾病" I've got what my father used to call "furniture disease."
我的胸部都下垂得要掉进我的抽屉里了 My chest is falling into my drawers.
我不是很熟悉这个机器 I'm not, uh, familiar with this model.
我要怎么开始 How do I make it start?
按"开始" You push start.
好的 Right.
这台可能坏了 This one might be broken.
-你得动起来 -懂了 - You have to move. - Got it.
好了 There.
太棒了 Oh, yeah!
我感觉到我在运动了 Yeah, now I'm feeling it.
这真是来劲儿啊 Oh, this is great.
我愿意一辈子都做这个 I could do this for the rest of my life.
说到 Hey, speaking...
一辈子都可以做的事情 speaking of things you do for the rest of your life...
听说你在终身教职选举委员会 是吗 uh, did I read that you're on that-that tenure committee?
是的 Yep.
我得弄个家庭健身房了 I got to get a home gym.
我知道有很多 Well, I'm sure you have a lot of
优秀的申请者 我只是 good applicants, I just
想来跟你打声招呼 wanted to say hi and...
告诉你我会 let you know that I'll be...
参加这次... throwing my hat in the...
竞选 ...ring.
-好的 我会留意你的 -好 - All right, I'll keep an eye out for that. - Yeah.
霍夫斯塔德 Hey, Hofstadter.
真有意思 这么久我还是第一次在这里 Funny seeing you here for the first time in...
见到你 ever.
走开啦 Go... away.
珍妮 我们一起锻炼吧 Janine the Machine, let's do this!
巴里 Hey, Barry.
快瞧瞧 Well, look at that.
我消耗了整整一卡路里 Burned a whole calorie.
你早早来这里锻炼是想消耗掉 I guess you got here early
那个我给你做的香焦面包的热量吧 to burn off that banana bread I baked you.
对啊 真的很好吃 谢谢 Yeah, it was delicious. Thank you.
不客气 我很乐意 No, my pleasure.
如果你喜欢香蕉面包 Oh, if you... if you like banana bread...
我有个很棒的做法 I've got a-a great recipe.
秘诀在... The trick is in... in fresh ground...
我发电邮告诉你好了 I'll e-mail it to you.
好了 我热好身了 All right, I'm warm.
准备好加快速度吗 Ready to kick it up a notch?
开始吧 Let's go.
我的有氧运动做够了 That's enough cardio for me.
在我去练举重前 I'm just... gonna stretch out
我先拉拉筋 before I hit the weights.
你没事吧 You okay?
快叫人来 Call someone!
早上好 戴维斯夫人 Good day, Mrs. Davis.
我是拉杰什·库萨帕里博士 This is Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali
来自天体物理学部门 from the astrophysics department.
别紧张 Don't be alarmed,
我不是真的在外太空 I'm not really in space.
总之 Anyhoo...
我想借此机会 I'd like to take this opportunity
向您介绍下我自己 to tell you about myself,
所以坐好 放松 好好看 so sit back, relax and enjoy
接来下这90分钟的影片 the following 90-minute video.
不是吧 Oh, come on.
我出生于新德里 Born in New Delhi,
是一名妇科医生的第三个儿子 the third son of an itinerant gynecologist,
我自幼聪颖 有"神童"之称 I showed early signs of genius.
在五岁的时候 我发现一个天体 At the age of five, I discovered a celestial object
后来发现原来是"月亮" which later turned out to be the moon.
戴维斯夫人 戴维斯夫人 Mrs. Davis? Mrs. Davis?
戴维斯夫人 Mrs. Davis?
天啊 他们真是无所不在 God, they're everywhere.
进来吧 Come in.
库珀博士 你有何事 Dr. Cooper, how can I help you?
你也好 我挺好的 Yes, hello. I'm fine. Um...
我认为你对我的印象不怎么好 I understand you may have a bad impression of me,
所以我给你买了个礼物 so I bought you a gift.
库珀博士 这就多余了 Uh, Dr. Cooper, that's not necessary.
太晚了 It's too late.
准备好爱上我吧 Get ready to like me.
《根》 Roots?
根据亚历克斯·哈利的小说《根》改编的电视迷你剧
讲述美国黑奴的悲惨历史 The tragic history of slavery in America.
可供你全家细细品味 Fun for the whole family.
你为何会觉得这种"礼物"会很合适 Why would you think this is an appropriate gift?
你是黑人 不是吗 You are black, right?
此次会面到此为止 This meeting has come to an end.
因为你想马上开始看这部剧 Because you want to start watching it right now.
明白明白 Copy that.
我看看 Let's see.
下一个要拜访的教职委员会委员是 Up next on the tenure committee is...
吴教授 Professor Wu.
准备好收我的"成龙全集大礼包"吧 Well, get ready for the complete works of Jackie Chan.
先生们 Gentlemen.
-你去哪了 -医务室 - Where have you been? - Nurse's office.
哮喘犯了吗 Asthma attack?
哮喘 心脏病 反正来了一发 Asthma, heart-- some kind of attack.
我没事 I'm fine, though.
你们要去塔伯曼教授的追悼会吗 You guys going to Professor Tupperman's memorial?
-不知道 -可能不会去 - I don't know. - Probably not.
和他不熟 Barely knew him.
是啊 你们可不想让其他人发现 Yeah, you wouldn't want to look like
你们在拍教职委员会委员们的马屁 you guys are brown-nosing the tenure committee,
他们可都会在场哦 who will all be there.
我正等着你们这反应呢 "丁满"姿态 Oh, yeah, that's what I was hoping for-- meerkats.
也就是狐獴 迪士尼电影角色
很不幸地告诉你 这周四的约会要泡汤了 I won't be able to make our date night this Thursday, so...
真是不好意思 bad news for you.
你这次的理由最好合理点 You better have a good excuse this time,
因为"要修整棉花棒 让掏耳朵更舒适" because "trimming Q-tips to fit your ears right"
明显是胡扯 is obvious nonsense.
首先 你说这种话出来 First of all, when you say things like that,
大家会以为你是疯子 people think you're crazy.
第二 我取消这次约会是因为 Second, the reason I'm cancelling is because
我要参加塔伯曼教授的追悼会 I have to attend a memorial service for Professor Tupperman.
听起来就很浪费时间又无趣 It sounds like a long and tedious evening.
的确是 Eh, it will be.
说实在的 要是我想度过一个漫长无趣的夜晚 Honestly, if I must endure a long and tedious evening,
我宁愿选择和你约会 I'd rather it be with you on date night.
但我别无选择 But I have no choice.
教职选举委员会的人会出席 The tenure committee's going to be there.
这样的话 或许我也该去 Well, in that case, perhaps I should come along.
想想看的话 Well, now that I think about it,
你倒是可以帮上忙 that would be most helpful.
当然了 Of course it would.
我对学术界的人际关系非常精通 I'm well-versed in academic politics,
而且作为德高望重的科学家 and as a respected scientist,
我可以给你加分 让你成为候选人 I can only raise your stock as a candidate.
我的意思是你可以当我的司机 Actually, I meant you could drive me.
但如果你觉得开心 刚才你说的也包括在内 But if it makes you happy, that other stuff, too.
今天有趣事发生吗 Do anything interesting today?
没有 Oh, not really.
我和艾米去逛了街 I was out shopping with Amy.
她让我陪她选参加追悼会要穿的衣服 She wanted me to help her find something for this memorial thing.
等一下 谢尔顿会去吗 Wait-- Sheldon's going to be there?
我们发过誓都不去的 We all promised we weren't going to go.
-真是个混球 -就是啊 - Oh, what a jerk. - I know.
我还想自己去 不被他们发现呢 I was hoping to go without anyone finding out.
反正艾米要去 你想我也去吗 Well, since Amy's going, do you want me there?
给你加油打气 You know, to support you?
你真好 但参加追悼会的都会是些 That's nice, but it-it's just gonna be
无聊的老男人 a room full of boring old men
不知道你去能帮上什么忙 and I'm not sure how much help you'd be.
好吧 Okay.
你先想想 我系个鞋带 I'm just gonna tie my shoe while you think about that.
好吧 不 谢谢 Oh, yeah. No. Thanks,
你会帮上大忙的 that would be great help.
你知道你会把有些人迷"死"的吧 You realize you might kill some of them.
那你们就都能获得终身教职了 Oh, then you all can get tenure.
别这样 老爸 Come on, Daddy.
其他科学家都有座椅加热器 All the other scientists have seat warmers.
真是丢人 This is so humiliating.
我必须获得终身教职 I've got to get tenure.
好吧 一人让一步 Okay, l-let's meet halfway.
那我请清洁工的次数改为两周一次如何 How about I cut my cleaning lady down to twice a week?
看来我们的家要变成猪圈了 Looks like we're both going to be living like animals.
我们再练习一下该有的悲伤情绪 Let's go over our emotional responses one last time.
好的 Okay.
塔伯曼教授去世了 Professor Tupperman is dead,
-这让我们 -好伤心 - and that makes us...? - Sad.
虽然今晚来了这么多人 The fact that there are so many people
但我们不能不开心或不舒服 here tonight doesn't make us cranky and claustrophobic.
而是 It makes us...?
好开心 Glad.
给戴维斯女士《根》影集的这种行为 Giving Mrs. Davis the box set of Roots was...?
好无礼 Bad.
-但是 -不行 - However... - No.
好吧 好无礼 Fine. Bad.
真是难以置信 Unbelievable.
你居然有脸 You have some nerve showing up here
跑这儿来找教职委员会的人闲聊 just to schmooze with the tenure committee.
-你不也来了吗 -拜托 - You're here. - Excuse me.
我是来给特百惠教授致哀的 I'm here to pay my respects to Professor... Tupperware,
特百惠是知名塑料保鲜盒公司 音似塔伯曼
不管他叫什么吧 or whatever his name is.
我也是 So am I.
他的离世让我 好伤心呢 His passing makes me feel... bad.
瞧瞧 谢尔顿 Well, well, well, Sheldon,
真没想到会碰到你啊 fancy meeting you here.
我猜格兰岱尔市的火车玩具商店 I guess the train store in Glendale
根本就没举办沙龙舞会 wasn't having a cotillion after all.
你 你也说过不来的 And you-- you said you weren't coming here, either.
我口音重着呢 你根本听不懂我的话 I have a thick accent. You don't know what I said.
我想知道为什么连佩妮也来了 I'd like to know why Penny's here.
我是来支持我家男人的 和你一样 I'm here to support my man, just like you.
你打算做些什么 What are you going to do?
记下人们要喝什么 然后端错的去吗 Take people's drink orders and get them wrong?
行动 Do it.
什么 她行动了没有啊 What? Did she do it yet?
她计划色诱教职选举委员会成员 She plans on flirting with members of the tenure committee
让莱纳德有更大机会入选 to further Leonard's cause.
真会耍阴招 Well, that's a fine how-do-you-do.
别傻站着 赶紧把咪咪秀出来 Don't just stand there. Take your breasts out.
狐獴大混战 Ooh, meerkat fight!
你们都在浪费时间 You're all wasting your time.
谢尔顿最有资格获得这一职位 Sheldon is the most qualified for the job,
再大的反地心引力胸部 and no amount of gravity-defying bosom's
也不能改变这一点 going to change that.
说真的 你有用胶带吗 Seriously, is that tape?
咪咪怎么会这样坚挺呢 Like, how are they staying up like that?
事业线就是让别人没事业 Way to hit them with both barrels.
你们两个真是不知羞耻 You two should be ashamed of yourselves.
利用女人的性感来争取自己事业的上位 Using women to advance your cause with sexuality,
还有不管艾米准备做什么 and whatever Amy plans on doing.
你是在暗示我的女朋友 Are you implying that my girlfriend
-没有性感可利用吗 -对 - has no sexuality to exploit? - Yes!
-好吧 刚暗示得不够清楚 -谢尔顿 - Okay, because that was not clear. - Sheldon!
怎么了 他刚才说得不够清楚 What? That was ambiguous.
那么现在我说清楚了 Well, now it's biguous.
你能怎么拿我怎么样 What are you gonna do about it?
你可以说些拿他老妈开涮的黄段子 You could talk some smack about his mother.
好主意 他会很生气的 Well, yes, of course, he wouldn't like that at all.
昨晚 Last night,
我有释放性需求的感觉时 I was feeling in need of sexual release
恰好想到你的母亲 when I happened to come across your mother.
好了 Okay, okay.
各位 我们这是做什么呢 Guys, what are we doing here?
我不知道你在做什么 I don't know what you're doing,
我是准备暗示 but I was about to insinuate
我和拉杰的妈发生了关系 让她赚了一块钱 that I had coitus with Raj's mother for a dollar.
你想干嘛随便你 Oh, you do what you want,
我可不想因为终身职位而失去朋友 but I don't want to lose my friends over tenure.
朋友是一辈子的 Friends are forever.
-终身职位也是 -快走 - So is tenure. - Walk!
我打算回家 I'm just gonna go home
让我工作成果说明一切 and let my work speak for itself.
你说的对 我也不屑于这样做[在我身下] You're right. This is beneath me.
和你老妈昨晚一样 Like your mother was last night.
你怎么说 谢尔顿 How about it, Sheldon?
你觉得我应该怎么做 What do you think I should do?
你的学术成就永远是卓越的 Well, you'll always be an academic success,
但是 but...
我真心怀疑 I seriously question
你还能不能交上更多其他的朋友 whether you'll make any more friends.
我不要更多 不过走吧 I don't want any more, but let's go.
开什么玩笑 Are you kidding?
我巴不得为你照看孩子 I would "wove" to baby-sit for you.
我可不能这样麻烦你 I could not ask you to do that.
说什么呢 孩子们可"耐"我了 Nonsense. Children "Wove" Me.
我有某种妙招能让他们笑哇笑哇 Something about me just makes them "waugh" and "waugh."
不 我们可不能输给那个混蛋 No. We cannot lose to that jerk.
我不管了 Yeah, screw it.
我要进去 I'm going in.
你给我等等 You... Wait. Hold on.
我确定"我不管了 我要进去" I believe "screw it, I'm going in" is what
正是我昨晚对你妈说的话 I said to your mother last night.
别担心 我不是真的说了 Don't worry, I didn't really say that.
我觉得性行为 I-I find the concept
荒唐而且令人不愉快 of coitus ridiculous and off-putting.
应该在我还有机会的时候秀下咪咪的 Should have taken my breasts out while I had the chance.
戴维斯夫人 Mrs. Davis?
我知道你在里面 I know you're in there.
我在停车场看到了你的车了 I saw your car in the parking lot.
什么事 What?
我刚得知你推荐我 I just found out that you recommended myself,
霍夫斯塔德博士与库萨帕里博士 Dr. Hofstadter and Dr. Koothrappali
进入了终身职位最终候选人名单 to be on the short list for tenure.
尽管你们怪里怪气 Well, despite your quirks,
但你们三个在各自工作领域里的成就 the three of you are very accomplished
是毋庸质疑的 in your respective fields.
我不知道你说"怪里怪气"是什么意思 但是 I don't know what you mean by "quirks," But, um...
我想表达我的谢意 ...I do want to express my gratitude.
你不会又带礼物来吧 You didn't bring another gift, did you?
没有 No, no.
我已经学到教训了 No, I learned my lesson.
我知道那是不礼貌的 I understand that was inappropriate.
很好 Good.
总之 谢谢你 Anyway, thank you.
不客气 You're welcome.
我就当这事没发生吧 I'm gonna pretend that didn't happen.
好极了 大妹子 Yeah, right on, sister.